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The Three Stages of Law School

During the first year of Law School you watch "The Paper Chase", decide to name your firsttwo children "Miranda" and "Palsgraff", toast the Parole Evidence Rule, have a T-shirt printedthat says "Nemo est Haeres Viventis," and answer your friends' and relatives' complicatedlegal questions with, "Wait till I get through the first semester."

During the second year of Law School you forego textbooks, stock up on Casenote LegalBriefs, tell first year students "It will get better," watch Perry Mason and criticize his lawyer-ing, and answer your friends' and relatives' complicated legal questions with, "Wait till I takethe bar exam".

During the third year of Law School you spend your days attending Bar Review champagneluncheons, playing tennis, taking seminars and spending your nights d'reaming of $30,000 ayear jobs and thinking of ways to exaggerate accomplishments on your resume. You answeryour friends' and relatives' complicated legal questions with, "Wait till I go into practice —then I can charge you for my advice."

Vicki Lindgren

10

POLICE DEPARTMENTCounty of Nassau

NOTIFICATION OF RIGHTSPRIOR TO CUSTODIAL INTERROGATION

Before asking you any questions you should un-derstand you have the right to remain silent end that anystatements you make may be used against you In court. Also,you have the right to telk to a lawyer before answering anyquestions or to have a lawyer present at any time.

IT you cannot afford to hire a lawyer, one will befurnished you, if you wish, and you have the right to keepsilent until you have had a chance to talk with a lawyer.

Do you understand?

Now that you understand, are you willing to an-swer questions before talking with a lawyer or having one

NOTIFICATION OF RIGHTS

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND WAIVERCUSTODIAL INTERROGATION-WRITTEN STATEMENTS

I have been told by the (Detective-Police Officer)that I have the right to remain silent and that any statementsI make may be used against me in court. I have been toldthat I have the right to talk with a lawyer before answeringany questions or to have a lawyer present at any time. Fur-ther, I have been advised that if I cannot afford to hire alawyer, one will be furnished me and I heve the right to keepsilent until I have had the chance to talk with a lawyer.

I understand my rights and make the followingstatement freely and voluntarily, I am willing to give thisstetement without talking with a lawyer or having onepresent.

PDCN 233

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11

14

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Let me have 5 bucks on "Salty Dog" in the eighth!i

16 Who possessed the fox?

K*P.

These books may not do much for my mindbut they're great for my body.

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No, I'm sorry. We don't have "Hustler" back here. Try the basement.

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17

Mark this as plaintiff's exhibit "a" for identification.

I have to leave. I forget what classthis is.

May I leave the room?

Is tie* [

t~ 111lUw bcttOOL?

Rrra

18

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n your new book you say that UFO's are headquartered on LIWhy not Hoboken?

Do you know why they're smiling?

20

This is how you do a Chimel search. You'll love it here. The food is great.

No-you can't cite H&R Block.

Ethics?

21

RESWhat It Says

HARRIS V. BALKTower A

Hofstra UniversityHempstead, N.Y. 11551

EDUCATION

Legal

Pre-legal

EXPERIENCE

REFERENCES

HOFSTRA UNIVERSITY SCHOOL OF LAW, J.D. Degree expected June, 1980.—participated in student government.—writer for student newspaper.—photography for Hofstra Law yearbook, Pocket Part.

HOFSTRA UNIVERSITY, B.A. in Sociology, June, 1977.

—assisted in public relations for school,—organized resident student's activities.

LAW CLERK, June, 1979-Present.

KINGSFIELD & MASON, ESQS.400 Front Street, Hempstead, New York—client contact.—prepared cases for trial.—compiled and evaluated research materials for cases.—assisted in settlement of case.—prepared memoranda for counsel.—assisted during trial.—assisted counsel in management of office affairs.—investigative work.

Available upon request.

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Law Review students need not apply. I got my jobPlacement.

22

UMESWhat It Means

EDUCATION

Legal

Pre-legal

EXPERIENCE

REFERENCES

HARRIS V. BALKTower A

Hofstra UniversityHempstead, N.Y. 11551

HOFSTRA UNIVERSITY SCHOOL OF LAW, J.D. Degree expected June, 1980—voted in student elections.—wrote letter to Conscience.—had senior photo taken for Pocket Park

HOFSTRA UNIVERSITY, B.A. in Sociology, June 1977.

—handed out flyers for concert,—pulled false alarm in Tower A.

LAW CLERK, June, 1979-Present

KINGSFIELD & MASON, ESQS.400 Front Street, Hempstead, New York—answered phones at law firm.—put files in order.—Xeroxed and alphabetized cases.—mailed out check to other attorney.—left phone messages for boss.—brought boss his lunch at court.—sat on boss' lap.—looked up phone number in directory.

Available upon request.

by ... Joyce Lipton

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through Hofstra Law I got my job through the N.Y. Times.

23

24

Here?

Out on bail.

:

I don't have to take the Bar Exam?

ilifi

I'm Dickens, he's Fenster.

Intrigued by class discussion.25

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No, this is not a counterfeit bill.

I hope I get Leon for Con. Law. I keep telling you Mike, there's no such thing as Disco Law!

26

Is this Ed's Bookstore? Dean who?

Thanks for the $20.00. The answer is ...

Will you type this letter tomy mom?

27

28

Do I hear two dollars for my contracts outline?

Who says all cops are dumb?

Didn't I see you at Platos last night? Hey mom, I got a lawyer

Does my hair look alright?

It seems to me .

I haven't worn this suit since Moot Court.

iH

You want to run for Commissioner of news stands?

Jordache has the look that's right.

No, the tape record-ers are not for sale.

29

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One must maintain one's reputation as abastard.

Now where was I?

I'll be the X's, you be the O's Let's see what Twerski's COIF has to say.

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Why am I stuck here whencan be nude sunbathing.

30

—

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1 flight up-

Stairway to heaven. They asked for a resume. I want the adultery and cruel and inhumancases. Give the others abandonment.

They paved paradise and put up a parking lot.

So it's not a cadillac.

31

Hi, I'm here to rip you off

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Lou Ferrigno, eat your heart out

Stimulating reading material.So, when's the movie starting?

33

Swallowing the evidence.

The other bar review courses don't serve champagne! JOSEPHSON isirctflRsiESMAI vcic WORKSHOPS

34

knew we should have served a better lunch.

Me? Never.

35

My three sons. What makes you think I'm from the Mid-west?

How much for Blackacre?36

I m just a country lawyer.

Did the bell ring yet? Johnny Carson wants me as a guest host?

JH

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Prof. Kadane does not like this comma.

37

LAWYERING AND OTHER

NON-SEQUITURS

I'm a third year student (or a third year lawyer as Professor Eugene (the Wyp) Wypyski would say).This dissertation is lovingly dedicated to law school, law professors and lawyering in general.

This summer, I sat in a law library in 93 degree weather, with dirt and dust on my fingers frombooks that I was using for my research project when suddenly it hit me. First off I was sitting there do-ing research and writing a brief that no one else wanted to do. Secondly, I didn't even know what I waslooking for so how would I know when I found it??? Anyway, as I was saying—it hit me that I didn'tknow what the hell I was doing, and not only didn't I know what I was doing but Hofstra was about tolet me loose on Western Civilization with me not knowing what I was doing (oh boy!!).

Of course by now you are probably wondering how I got through three years of law school and fourlegal jobs not knowing what I was doing. Well, allow me to tell you how. Being true to the "Thinkinglike a lawyer" doctrine, I will clearly delineate the issues and my analysis that led me to the ultimateconclusion based primarily on necessarily assumed facts. It all goes back to first year. My first contactwith Hofstra Law was by an assignment to read and prepare a case known as Times v Sullivan. It totallyconfused me. To help matters, Hofstra allowed a confused first year student to come to an orientationto have the case explained. The orientation was led by none other than the famous Aaron Twerski. Sothere I was, a one day lawyer with brains of mush (shades of Paper Chase) being exposed to this mad-man rabbi, playing with his yarlmuka, running up and down the stairs raving frantically "WHERE'S THETORT." All that I could think of was Custer's famous last words—Get me the hell outta here.

My next contact was through Prof. Malachy Mahon (I wonder if you pronounce the h?). For those ofyou who have never had Malachy T. Mahon, allow me to tell you about him. Mahon has admitted thathe taught Prof. Kingsfield how to be tough. Mahon has never in the history of Hofstra Law ever said"Good-morning class". In fact he has never said Good-morning anything. What he does say is "Ques-tions, questions—next case." Anyway, Prof. Mahon succeeded in throughly convincing me that I musthave bought the wrong book. There could have been no way two semi-intelligent human beings couldget two totally different analysis of the same case. To this day I still believe that he razored the case sowe wouldn't know what he was talking about. Mahon then proceeded to go through the next year spew-ing forth such gems as "learning is culmative" and "If A was joking and B didn't know that A was jok-ing and C was an innocent by-stander and D didn't give a damn—was there a valid contract?" (no wedidn't forget about the peppercorn). The next professor was Larry Kessler. He cruised into theclassroom with a blonde on either arm, citing in bluebook format that he was the criminal law prof. Ittook him until the middle of November to finally tell us why we punish people. All I now ask is ifsomeone could please tell me who this lady "Regina" is and why is she always suing someone???

38

Lastly, there was Prof. Diamond. To him I give credit. He's the only man alive who can totally borehimself. My travels then led me to second year. I really don't have much to say about second year, as Iwent through those 9 months in a coma. Finally my third year. It took me 2 weeks to decide whether Iwas going to buy my books and another month or so to get the cellophane off them. I must say that byyour third year you've got the system down to a science. You realize that if you study your brain willrebel. You find yourself learning more and more about less and less until you know everything aboutnothing. You also learn how to digest Gilberts, Sum & Substance, Marino and BarBri in two days, andget a B in the course (first year people eat your heart out).

So fellow students, faculty, cretins and others, this is my farewell to Hofstra Law. I enjoyed my threeyear term. I enjoyed the football games, the basketball games, the parties, the poker games, the tennisand even an occasional glance at a book. So until we all meet in court or at the 10 year class reunion,whichever comes first, Happy Advocating and God Bless

— Charles Walker

39

Those who are the lifeblood of a law firmor a law school are often those who are in thebackground and never get appropriaterecognition; they are the people who performthe necessary tasks, without which allproduction would grind to a halt.

We proudly dedicate this yearbook to thoseknown as the staff. The secretaries, thelibrarians, the audio-visual technician, theadmissions office personnel and the place-ment office.

40

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4 5 6 1 80 I I 12 13 14 U

STAFF•iB

41

LawFellows

LawReview

MootCourtBoard

Women'sLaw

Journal

42

AdmissionsCommittee

AGORA

BALSA

Conscience

43

Hofstra Law Revue

£'• ' 1

Fall 1979