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the swaying dog was created to make all of your dreams come true.
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issue #1
the swaying dog
this zine is
a zine abou
t nothing.
i stole the idea off jerry seinfeld.
... he loves it.
jerry loving it.
contents...
1. get
2. what
3. you’re
4. fucking
given
6. yuss
i know, i know, it’s a big promise to make and
fucking difficult to back up. but, you know,
ello friend
make all of your dreams come true.
it
wait - with bated breath and sweaty paws-
until you’ve turned the last leaf of this bad boy.
if you like it, good. you deserve cake. but if
you don’t...if the fruits of my labour leave you
frothing at the mouth like a naughty otter herderd
into a cage, then it’s ok. you’re completely
entitled to your retarded opinion.
mcfly.
. i’ll sweat it out, overdose on optimism and
now i’ve said it i’m just going to have to run with
welcome to the first iss
ue of
the swaying dog - it’s pretty much going to
help
me!
what?
what is
it?
ok go on.
how’d you
do it?
dick.
I feel like
a penguin.
A penguin of
all things!
oh you’re a
mental you
are. good
and proper.
actually
that’s pretty
awesome.
well played.
in the
the news media is a selfish beast. for
too long we’ve been forced to read about rookie
reporters, balding football stars & multi-million
dollar whores whoring themselves to other whores,
man arrested for walking pet owl in daylighthttp://www.thisisdevon.co.uk/twit
http://www.stuff.co.nz/oddstuff/5846543/B
rits-outraged-at-Queens-mooning-in-Brisbane
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world
-us-canada-16920866
australian flashes the queen.
allowing these gems to slip under the radar...
-too-t/story-11664957-detail/story.html
five killer whales named as plaintiffs in US lawsuit
this issue’s street art shout out goes to lister. i put a lot of thought into it, deliberated over oneor ten beers and strolled down many of east london’s streets with a forlorn look on my face. but i’m happy with my decision. this little treat of michaeljackson slash warewolf was the nail in the coffin. too soon? nah. just plain dominating? fuck yes son. too soon? nah. just plain dominating? fuck yes son.
# street art shout out #
wesome for poker
etter than blueblockers
uts out need for snap-on outdoor lens
ffortlessly festive
ive times better than a monocleood for robberies and petty crimes
elps distract from baldness
would think you're awesome
ust keeps giving
oot in full daylight without fear of retinal
identification
inimises sun's harsh glare
othing says pussy magnet like
transition lenses
ffers more freedom and flexibility
than regular eyewear
an alphabet of reasons why you should buy...
issing mingas slightly less repulsive
oubt they’ll be stolen any time soon
upil protection regardless of location
uick fix for sunlight woes
ed eye a thing of the past
ake a nap and no one will notice
ndeniably awesome
ulnerable yet suave look
andering eye capability enhanced
-ray vision an added bonus
(i can’t back this up)
ou could make your own holster for them
its near the eyes easily concealed
transition lenses
i know you’re
jealous.
un = 0; you = 1
top five jords (joined words).
tranma (tranny granny).
facon (fake bacon)
cankle (when calf meets ankle)
steakon & eggs (steak, bacon & eggs)tank (topless skank)
1.2.3.4.5.
1.2.3.4.5.
top five race horse names
hello newman
cunning stunt
panty raid
no speed no feed
tit’n your girdle
top five moustaches.
franz-josef I
what else can I say apart from the fact you just gotta respect the fuzz this austro-hungarian walrus rocked.
samuel l. jackson
bad mother
freddy mercury
your man freddy didn’t need a mo - he was already more than a little bit awesome. but he grew one anyway. why? because he could. well played.
dr fu manchu
w.h.a.t.a.m.o.
charlie chaplin
hitler was a twat and chaplin had the walnuts to tell the americans the craic...while simultaneously donnning a toothbrush the fuhrer could only dream of. wicked.
paul gygi
my mate max and i had a challenge. we smoked a few beers, drank a few ciggies and got our dirty dirty mitts on various magazines. my job was to find a sentence for a max to base a photograph on, and he had to find me words to include in a paragraph.
game on boss.
the challenge
dear pete,
my boyfriend leaves
food in his beard
and takes the
whole ‘saving it
whole ‘saving it
for later’ joke too
seriously. i love
him but he’s a pig
of a man.
what can i do?
- sandi
sandi,
your boyfriend’s a
legend.
- pete
dear pete,
how do I ask my girlfriend her twin sister should join us in bed?
- johnny
johnny,johnny,
tell her you’ve already slept with her sister so the next logical step would be to have an orgy with have an orgy with her, her sister and her mum. back yourself.
- pete
dear pete
dear pete,
i love sleeping with girls but can’t stand their morning after back chat. thoughts?
- mike - mike
mike,
i recommend the trusty tap’n’gap. sleep with her, ask for a beer, drink the beer, and
then hot-foot it
out of the closest
window once she’s
asleep. this handy
number got me a
motherload of STDs
but it was totally
worth it.worth it.
- pete
dear pete,
i’m a 29 year old
virgin. for the
love of fucking god
help me.
- - chad
chad,
what kind of
piss-poor excuse of
a name is chad?
no wonder you can’t
get the pussy.
- - pete
where
did yo
u find
me?
help trace the footprints of the swaying dog
www.theswayingdog.co.uk
me dressed as sloth from the goonies.
