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8
February 1999
Issue
1135
KEEP THE CAT FREE EST 1949 T h e S t u d e n t s ' N e w s p a p e r at Impe r i a l C o l l e g e
Dobson on Health at IC The candid Secretary of State for Health,
Frank D o b s o n , de l ivered a n even-handed,
self-effacing speech to a particularly we l l
a t tended mee t i ng of the ICU Labour Soci
ety on Thursday 28 January. F rom the out
set he warned the receptive aud i ence that
his publ ic speak ing w a s so sopor i f i c that it
had been k n o w n to send h i m to s leep
whi le he was mak ing the speeches . M a i n
taining this light-hearted tone he quo ted
h o w one national paper had characterised
his i n c o n g r u e n c e w i th t h e re-vamped
Labour Party: "He is to N e w Labour what
the N o r w e i g i a n entry is t h e Furov is ion
s o n g contest."
M r D o b s o n used his t ime to focus o n
the current stability a n d future prospects o f
the NHS, in t roduc ing the top ic by descr ib
ing the va lues u n d e r p i n n i n g "the most
popular institution in Britain by a very c o n
siderable distance". Descr ib ing its "quality
and equality", h e con tended that its success
a n d i n c o m p a r a b l e c o n v e n i e n c e w e r e
der ived f rom it b e i n g purely tax-funded,
and went o n to state the Gove rnmen t ' s
responsibil ity to the system "is to try to
m a k e sure the th ings that are w r o n g w i th
the Health Service - and there are th ings
By Andrew Ofori
wrong with it - are put
righl and it is placed
in a posi t ion w h e r e it
can c o p e w i th the
var ious cha l l enges
and changes of the
c o m i n g century."
The Health Sec
retary then l aunched
an attack o n h o w |
" p o i n t y - h e a d e d "
e c o n o m i s t s t e m p e r
his best i n ten t ions
w i th cons ide ra t i ons
such as the popu la
t ion ' s i n c reas ing 1
longevity, n e w phar
maceut i ca l s , a n d ||
i nnova t i on in treat- I
ment ; factors wh i ch j
they v i ew as sources �
of excess pressure on Photo: Jonas Dobson d e e p In thought
the N H S of the
future. H e insisted that the demograph i cs
o f the popu la t ion indicated there can only
be an ease in the current strain o n the sys
tem.
"To put the NHS
in a posi t ion w h e r e it
can c o p e wi th admit
tedly n e w challenges,"
was h o w M r D o b s o n
assessed his current
role. To this end there
w o u l d n e e d to b e
more money invested
in the system, and a
consequen t improve
m e n t in e q u i p m e n t
and the wo rk i ng envi
ronment . A b o v e all
D o b s o n ca l led for a
vast d e v e l o p m e n t in
w o r k i n g pract ice ,
f i n d i n g the n e w s
m e d i a t o o o f t en
engrossedin the pun i
tive measures m e t e d
to those w h o are at
fault, he e x p o u n d e d the virtues of ensur
ing a h igh quality service f r om the outset.
The required standard of educa t ion and
tra ining cou ld be ach ieved "by the sys
temat ic spread of best practice and the
mon i to r ing o f that best practice."
The Cabinet Minister ended his speech
by o p e n i n g the f loor to quest ions, where
u p o n he was subjec ted to a forthright and
salient sess ion of ques t ion ing . In answer
to the claim that the NHS survives o n a vast
a m o u n t of over t ime put in by doctors, M r
D o b s o n ag reed that the system is ma in
tained by the hard work of all NHS staff. He
remarked that he in fact had an appoint
men t wi th the Pr ime Min is ter later that
day w h e r e he w o u l d discuss a pay increase
for med ica l staff next week . He also pre
sented the o p p o s i n g v iew, c la iming he
often spoke to members of the medical fra
ternity w h o c o m p l a i n e d that there co l
l eagues d id not w o r k hard e n o u g h , to
wh i ch he w o u l d reply "you k n o w w h o they
are, y o u d o s o m e t h i n g about it."
The Secretary o f State later f o u n d it
necessa ry t o qua l i f y his s tance o n the
selective adminis t rat ion of drugs, in par
ticular the cont rovers i a l V iagra . H e
r e m i n d e d p e o p l e that "it's the Nat ional
Hea l th Serv ice not the Na t iona l Recre
ational Service."
Chelsea Lose at Harlington C h e l s e a s u f f e r e d a d e m o r a l i s i n g loss
recently, but o n this o c c a s i o n it w a s not
at the h a n d s o f A r sena l . Wh i l e t h e Pre
miersh ip t e a m w a s t ra in ing at Har l i ng ton
o n 28 January , the i r c h a n g i n g r o o m s
w e r e ra ided a n d six un fo r t una t e m e m
bers o f the t e a m lost v a luab l e posses
s ions .
H a r l i n g t o n , t h e Imper i a l C o l l e g e
U n i o n Sports G r o u n d , h o u s e s Imperia l
Co l l ege and C h e l s e a FC c h a n g i n g r o o m s
in a s ing le b u i l d i n g , w i th Che l sea ' s fac i l
ities b e i n g c o r d o n e d o f f f r o m t h e c o l
lege's sec t ion . The part ies a lso run these
facilities separately; C h e l s e a prov ide their
o w n securi ty in the f o r m o f t w o guards ,
but as stated by M i c k Reyno lds , Har l ing-
ton ' s H e a d G r o u n d s m a n , t h e t h i e v e s
clearly "got past t h e m easi ly . " U n i m
pressed w i th such inept secur i ty he c o n
t i n u e d : " s o m e o n e just w a l k e d in a n d
By Andrew Ofori
C h e l s e a ' s G l a n f r a n c o Z o l a Is far f r o m
p l ea sed w i th t h e loss
h e l p e d themse lves . "
The d iscovery w a s m a d e w h e n the
players w e r e c h a n g i n g after s h o w e r s -
a n d v a r i o u s m e m b e r s o f the t e a m
no t i ced s o m e of their pe rsona l a ef fects
had d i s appea r ed . I our w a t c h e s w i th a
total va lue of £18,000, a wrist brace let
wor th £1,000 and a signif icant a m o u n t of
cash w e r e miss ing. The thieves' haul was
be l i e ved to total a r o u n d £20,000.
The Pol ice have m o u n t e d a n ex ten
sive invest igat ion invo lv ing the CID. A
Sco t l and Yard s p o k e s m a n r e f u s e d to
ident i fy the spec i f i c v ict ims, a n d mere l y
c o m m e n t e d "It appea r s to have b e e n a
fairly straight forward theft wh i l e the play
ers w e r e out t ra in ing. " C h e l s e a have
u p g r a d e d securi ty measu re s at Ha r l i ng
t o n , w i t h staff l o c k i n g all d o o r s a n d
patro l l ing corr idors, but as M r Reyno lds
put it "unfortunately it's a little bit t oo late."
Inside.. m
Letters 6
Columns 8
Film 12
Sabb Interviews 14
Music 16
Arts 20
Clubscene 22
Games 24
Sport 26
Crossword 28
2 News 8 February 1999
Chem Eng Revue Review O n T u e s d a y 2 February t h e C h e m i c a l
E n g i n e e r i n g S o c i e t y h e l d its A n n u a l
revue In dB ' s . A la rge c r o w d o f a p p r o x
imate ly 100 w e r e in a t t e n d a n c e to wi t
ness a great n igh t o f e n t e r t a i n m e n t .
T h e e v e n i n g s t a r t ed w h e n m e m
bers o f t h e th i rd year t r ea ted t h e a u d i
e n c e to a ske t ch en t i t l ed " A l a n J o n e s -
Beat this for p u n s per m i n u t e " . This w a s
a del ightful ly well-written sketch w i th the
i n n u e n d o s f l o w i n g th i ck a n d fast. Nex t
up w e r e t h e first yea r b l o k e s in d r ag , or
the V ice Girls, a s they pre fer t o b e ca l l ed .
The g r o u p d id t w o s o n g s ; W a n n a b e a n d
2 b e c o m e 1. H o w e v e r t h e lyrics w e r e
s l ight l y d o c t o r e d to sui t t he i r f i l thy
m i n d s . W e l l d o n e to A k i r a K i r t o n
(minger spice) , Trev D h r u p h a l s h a h (hairy
sp i c e ) , Barry E d m o n d s t o n e ( w o l f i e
sp ice ) , H o w a r d Buck l ey (toff sp i ce ) a n d
N i ck Hol t ( c a m p sp i ce ) . The next act
c a m e f r o m the s e c o n d years , w h o d i d
a r end i t i on o f B l ind Date , w h e r e t h r e e
b l o k e s r e ve l l ed in t h e o p p o r t u n i t y t o
pa rody the i r lec turers .
Chr is W o o d r o o f e p r o d u c e d a real
treat for t h e nex t s k e t c h ; " P r o f e s s o r
W o o d r o o f e ' s H ie ra rchy o f Love " . A p p a r
ent ly this is b a s e d o n a d e s i g n tech-
By Padraig McCluskey
n i q u e t h e third years use . H e l p e d by his
ab l e assistant h e p r o c e e d e d to desc r ibe
t h e f ive leve ls o f love , f r o m c h o o s i n g
w h i c h type o f re lat ionship is best for y o u
t h r o u g h to h o w to sepa ra te f r o m you r
l o v e d o n e . This ske t ch w a s m y per
s o n a l f avour i t e , a n d i n d e e d had every
b o d y in t h e a u d i e n c e in s t i t ches .
R e u b e n Conno l l y (President) and Sanel la
H o d z i c (DSO) f r o m the City a n d G u i l d s
Execut ive a r r i ved o n s tage next to i l lus
t ra te a l i gh t-hea r t ed a p p r o a c h to
s q u e e z i n g m o n e y out o f the City a n d
Gu i l d s . This w a s f o l l o w e d by a short
s p e e c h by M r C o n n o l l y , p r a i s i n g t h e
C h e m i c a l E n g i n e e r i n g Soc ie ty for the i r
ha rd w o r k over the past 50 years w h i c h
has l ead t h e m to the i r cur rent s t r o n g
p o s i t i o n .
A f te r t h e interval t h e o l d hacks (4th
years) m a d e their a p p e a r a n c e s tage left,
p r e s e n t i n g " W h o s e d e g r e e is it any
way?" This sketch t o o k the format of the
s imi lar ly t i t led C h a n n e l 4 p r o g r a m m e .
The last s ke t ch o f the e v e n i n g w a s
w r i t t e n a n d p e r f o r m e d by t w o n e w
m e m b e r s o f staff; C la i re A d j i m a n a n d
O m a r Matar . Professor S t ephen Richard
s o n a n d the H e a d o f D e p a r t m e n t , Pro
fessor J ohn Perk ins , ab ly ass i s ted t h e m .
This s ke t ch a l so c e n t r e d o n a s e l e c t i o n
p rocess . This i n t e r v i ew w a s b a s e d o n
the s e l e c t i o n o f r e sea r ch c a n d i d a t e s .
A l t h o u g h this w a s not as s ide sp l i t t i ng
as s o m e o f the o the r ske t ches , the g e n
eral c o n s e n s u s w a s that it w a s at least
g o o d to s ee the staf f m a k i n g a n ef for t .
The e v e n i n g w a s a great su c ce s s ,
espec i a l l y as so m a n y p e o p l e m a d e t h e
ef for t to c o m e a n d s u p p o r t it. Spec i a l
t h a n k s mus t g o to t h o s e w h o w r o t e
a n d p e r f o r m e d the ske t ches a n d all t h e
m e m b e r s o f staff w h o t o o k t h e t r o u b l e
to a t t end .
Debt Decreases Your Health: Official Disturb ing n e w research to be p u b l i s h e d
in The Psychologist s h o w s that s tuden ts
are tw ice as likely to suffer f r o m ill hea l th
and r e d u c e d menta l we l l-be ing as their
contemporar ies w h o are not at university.
The study by Dr Ron Roberts , a psycho l
ogist at the University of Westminster , has
con f i rmed w h a t most s t u d e n t s ' a l r e a d y
feel - that there is a clear l ink b e t w e e n ris
ing levels o f debt a m o n g s tudents a n d
the comparat i ve ly lower levels o f hea l th .
In 'Student F inance a n d M e n t a l Hea l th ' ,
a paper co-authored w i th c o l l e a g u e s Dr
John G o l d i n g a n d Dr T o n y T o w e l l , Dr
Roberts presents the results o f t h e s tudy
carried out at t w o L o n d o n univers i t ies
(one o ld a n d the o ther new) .
Unsurpris ingly, Dr Roberts f o u n d that
s tudents ' g e n e r a l hea l th , a s s e s s e d o n
the basis o f phys ica l vitality a n d p s y c h o
logical a n d soc ia l f u n c t i o n i n g , w a s " sub
stantially wo r se than that o f y o u n g peop le
of the equiva lent a g e a n d sex in the g e n
eral p o p u l a t i o n " . H e l inked this to s tu
dents ' w o r k i n g for l onge r hours in order
to m a k e e n d s . m e e t . It w a s f o u n d that
those s tudents surveyed c o n s i d e r i n g t h e
a b a n d o n m e n t o f their s tud ies w e r e g e n
erally l ikely to suffer f r o m poore r hea l th ,
both physical ly a n d menta l ly .
The study also revea led that s tudents
By Sunil Rao
in debt w e r e m o r e l ikely than others to
k n o w other s tudents w h o we re invo lved
in prost i tut ion, d r u g dea l i ng and cr iminal
activities in order to bolster their f inancia l
s tate . Dr Rober ts c o n c l u d e s that " s tu
den ts w e r e o n average twice as likely to
be in p o o r hea l th w h e n c o m p a r e d to
[sic] non-students o f the s a m e sex a n d
a g e " .
This study c o m e s as the G o v e r n m e n t
a n n o u n c e d o n 29 January that tu i t ion
fees w o u l d g o up in l ine wi th inf lat ion to
a m a x i m u m o f £1,025 for the a c a d e m i c
year 1999/2000. F igures f r o m the Un i
versi t ies a n d Co l l eges A d m i s s i o n s Ser
v ice (UCAS) a lso reveal that the n u m b e r
o f app l i ca t ions f r o m mature students has
fal len sharply for the s e c o n d year runn ing
f o l l ow ing the int roduct ion o f tuit ion fees.
Baroness B lackstone, the Educat ion
a n d E m p l o y m e n t M in i s t e r , has
a n n o u n c e d a n e w s c h e m e d e s i g n e d to
he lp part-time students. From the a u t u m n
o f next year, part-time s tudents in h igher
e d u c a t i o n o n a l ow i n c o m e wil l be ent i
t led to loans o f at least £500. Wi th over
2 8 % o f current s tudents b e i n g part-time,
30 mi l l ion p o u n d s have b e e n a l located to
support the n e w loan s c h e m e over its first
two years.
A l a r m i n g levels o f s tudent pover ty
w e r e h igh l i gh ted in a T imes H ighe r Edu
ca t ion S u p p l e m e n t pol l r e vea l i ng that
three-quarters o f non-first year s tudents
have cut back o n b u y i n g c lo thes , s h o e s
or f o o d . A l m o s t a quar ter ha ve cut back
on book-buy ing , m o r e than four in t en
s tudents w o r k d u r i n g term-time (more
than half o f t hese w o r k in bars); wha t ' s
wo r r y i ng is that over 3 0 % o f these w o r k
m o r e than the off ic ia l r e c o m m e n d a t i o n
o f a m a x i m u m o f f i f teen hours a w e e k .
Research prev ious ly p u b l i s h e d by Glas
g o w C a l e d o n i a n and Paisley Univers i t ies
a n d the Scot t i sh L o w Pay Un i t h a d
d e m o n s t r a t e d that the l o n g hours a n d
l o w pay w e r e hav ing a ser ious impac t o n
the a c a d e m i c p e r f o r m a n c e o f s tudents .
This has a lso b e e n c o n f i r m e d in research
by L indsey B o w e s and Sue M o o n o f the
Univers i ty o f Centra l Eng land .
A s p o k e s w o m a n for t h e C o m m i t t e e
o f V ice-Chancel lors and Pr incipals c o m
m e n t e d that it was " each s tudent ' s per
sona l respons ib i l i ty " to strike the right
b a l a n c e b e t w e e n part-t ime w o r k a n d
studies . "Harsh ip f unds are ava i lable . Stu
dents in f inancia l di f f icult ies s h o u l d s e e k
adv i ce f r o m the suppor t serv ices" .
issue 1135
8 February 1999
Editor: Ed Sexton
Assistant Editor & Fi lms: Dav id Roberts
N e w s Editor: A n d r e w O f o r l
M u s i c Editors: D e n n i s Pat r i ckson
& J ason R a m a n a t h a n
Arts Editor: H e l e n a C o c h e m e
G a m e s Editor: Gary Smi th
C l u b s c e n e : G u r m i n d e r M u r w a h a
& Joel Lewis
Sports Editor: G u s Paul
P h o t o g r a p h i c Editor: W i l l i am Lo renz
In brief...
Election Update
The U n i o n b r e a t h e d a s igh o f rel ief this
w e e k as all n o m i n a t i o n s w e r e f i l l ed . As
Fel ix w e n t to press , f ou r n e w c a n d i
d a t e s h a d pu t the i r n a m e s f o r w a r d ;
o n e i n d i v i d u a l , S C C t r e a su r e r Kev in
Bu t che r , has e v e n o p t e d to s t and for
t h e n e w l y f o r m e d D e p u t y P res ident
( E d u c a t i o n a n d W e l f a r e ) , a n d has t h e
r e q u i r e d t w e n t y s e c o n d e r s .
T h e r e a re t w o m o r e c a n d i d a t e s
for t h e post o f D P ( F i nance a n d Ser
v ices) : Ian C l i f f o rd , t h e C G C U treasurer,
w h o has e i g h t e e n s e c o n d e r s ; a n d Paul
H i c k m a n o f D r a m S o c , w h o is fu l ly sec
o n d e d . D u n c a n F ie ld, a l so o f D ramsoc ,
is s t a n d i n g f o r D P ( C l u b s a n d Soc i
et ies ) a n d at t h e t i m e o f w r i t i n g had
f o u r s e c o n d e r s .
Papers c a m e d o w n at 6 p m last Fri
day, at w h i c h p o i n t c a m p a i g n i n g was
o f f i c i a l l y a l l o w e d to b e g i n . H u s t i n g s
w i l l t a ke p l a c e next M o n d a y , Tuesday
a n d W e d n e s d a y at t h e t h r e e m a i n
c a m p u s e s .
Mountbatten Festival
F r o m W e d n e s d a y 10 February to Sun
day 14 February , res t r i c t ions w i l l app ly
to K e n s i n g t o n G o r e , P r i n ce C o n s o r t
R o a d a n d t h e n o r t h e r n e n d s of
Q u e e n ' s G a t e a n d E x h i b i t i o n R o a d ,
d u e to t h e a n n u a l M o u n t b a t t e n Festi
val o f M u s i c . T h e M e t have m a d e it
c lear that a n y b i cyc l es left u n a t t e n d e d
o r l o c k e d - u p in th i s a r e a w i l l b e
r e m o v e d .
Felix, Beit Quad , Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB Internal tel: 58072 Internal fax: 48072 External tel & fax: 0171 594 8072 URL: www.su.ic.ac.uk/Felix E-mail: [email protected]
Printed at M C P Litho Limited, Units B2 & B3, Hatton Square, 16 -16a Baldwins Gardens, London LC1N 7RJ Felix is a registered newspaper : ISSN 1040 - 0711
Felix is p roduced for and on behalf of Imperial Col lege Un ion Publication Board. Copyright © Feiix 1998. Photographic copyrights remain with photographers.
8 February 1999 News 3
Rag Pulls Out All The Stops Rag W e e k '99 has p r o v e d to b e o n e of
the most successfu l in ICU Rag history. A
total o f nearly £5000 has b e e n ra ised for
this year 's char i t ies, t hanks to a p l e t ho r a
o f events w h i c h t o o k p lace over t h e last
t w o weeks .
Hav ing k i cked o f f w i t h t h e S p o n
so red N u d e k a m i k a z e Pa rachute J u m p
a n d Variety S h o w ear l ier In t h e w e e k
(see Felix 1134), the f u n d r a i s l n g really
moved into gear w i th Wednesday ' s Street
Co l l ec t ion . In excess o f £800 w a s c o l
l ec ted d u r i n g t h e day , t h a n k s to t h e
man i c efforts o f the C a n o e a n d M o u n
t a i n e e r i n g C l u b s . A f u r t he r £200 w a s
a d d e d to the total v i a Thursday ' s h y p n o
t ism show , g i ven by f o r m e r Felix Editor
turned profess iona l hypnot ist Mar t in Tay
lor - the highl ight of w h i c h w a s w h e n o n e
poor girl w a s c o n v i n c e d that s h e had to
kiss a r andom m a n in the a u d i e n c e every
t im e she hea rd t h e w o r d " p e a n u t s " .
O n e o f the mos t success fu l events ,
however , w a s the f i e l d C u p , w h i c h t o o k
p lace on Saturday 30 January. O r g a n i s e d
by City & Gu i lds U n i o n , t h e C u p is bas i
cally a pub-crawl a r o u n d t h e local a rea .
Teams o f four s lowly w o r k e d the i r w a y
a r o u n d t h e g r u e l l i n g t h i r t e e n s t o p
course , w i n n i n g po in ts for tasks c o m
pleted in each pub , w i th b o n u s points for
fancy dress, masco t s a n d ' t reasure ' c o l
lected, fortunately, amidst the large-scale
c o l l e c t i o n o f S o u t h K e n m e m o r a b i l i a
(road s igns , traffic c o n e s , po l i c e e q u i p
ment and C C U mascots ) , t h e t e a m s d i d
n't forget t h e real r e a son o f Rag - ra is ing
m o n e y for charity - and near ly £1000 w a s
m a d e o n the day.
N o n e t h e l e s s , c o m p e t i t i o n fo r t h e
ma in prizes w a s very f ierce, w i th several
t e a m s h a r a n g u i n g t h e marsha l s we l l
into the n ight . Eventually, howeve r , t h e
w i n n e r s w e r e a n n o u n c e d by C & G U
Pres ident R e u b e n Conno l l y . The 'best
mascot ' pr ize w e n t to the 'F r idgefe l la ' s '
w h o , for b izar re r e a s o n s w h i c h they
re fused to m a k e clear, d e c i d e d to carry
a f r idge a r o u n d for t h e en t i re day -
even b r i n g i n g it into t h e U n i o n bar to
receive its p r i ze . The 'bes t f ancy dress '
award w e n t to 'Dr ink .Feck .Arse&Gi r l s '
w h o c a m e dressed as the cast o f Father
Ted ( comp le te w i th pet br ick a n d dog-
collars). The day 's t w o b igges t p r izes -
the mos t m o n e y ra i sed , a n d t h e C u p
i tse l f-went to 'Coconu ts don ' t migrate ' ,
w h o raised an Impress ive £166.51 dur
ing the day.
Rag W e e k c u l m i n a t e d last M o n d a y
wi th ano the r C&G o r g a n i s e d event , the
Slave A u c t i o n . A p p r o x i m a t e l y t w e n t y
' lots ' w e r e o n of fer (most ly U n i o n o f f i
cers o f s o m e sort), se l l i ng 24 hou r s o f
their t im e in return for d o n a t i o n s to
charity. A l t h o u g h t h e s h o w started o f f
s lowly, w i th t h e first f e w s laves b e i n g
so ld for £10 - £20, t h i ngs h o t t e d u p
af ter ICU D e p u t y P r e s i d e n t M a r i e
By David Roberts N i c h o l a o u w a s d r a g g e d o n t o the stage,
to face a stiff b i d d i n g war b e t w e e n her
b o y f r i e n d a n d he r f oo tba l l t e a m . The
footba l l e rs even tua l l y w o n t h r o u g h , b id
d i n g £52.50 for M a r i e to s p e n d her 24
hours c l e a n i n g the i r boo ts . B i d d i n g then
got into gear , w i th Felix Editor Ed Sexton,
C & G U D S O Sane l l a H o d z i c , ICU A c c o m
m o d a t i o n O f f i c e r N a t a s h a N e w t o n , a n d
C & G U Treasurer Ian C l i f ford all g o i n g for
In excess o f £50.
The star i t em , howeve r , w a s a ' job
lot ' w h i c h i n c l u d e d ICU Pres ident Dave
He l la rd , C & G U Pres ident R e u b e n C o n
nol ly, Phil B u c k m a n a n d Mat t T ibber . A
large g r o u p o f s tuden t s f o r m e d a c o n
sor t ium a n d o f f e red in excess of £200 for
a p e r f o r m a n c e o f the Full M o n t y - br ing
ing the g r a n d tota l ra ised by the Auc t i on
up to near ly £900. O n M o n d a y e v e n i n g ,
t h e g r o u p du l y o b l i g e d , a n d their s h o w
w a s r e ce i v ed w i th a mix ture o f l aughter
a n d a p p l a u s e f r o m t h e a s s e m b l e d aud i
e n c e .
A d d e d toge the r , t hese events have
p r o d u c e d a g r a n d total o f approx imate l y
£5000 for the four Rag char i t ies - Shelter,
Imperial Cancer Research , Avert a n d Trin
ity H o s p i c e . A l t h o u g h this f igure pa les in
c o m p a r i s o n w i t h that ra i sed by o ther
univers i t ies a n d e v e n the IC M e d i c s , it
r epresen ts the first s tep t owa rds these
levels, a n d m o r e than trebles the a m o u n t
raised last year. A great dea l of praise has
b e e n g iven to Rag Chair Sarah Coburn for
her efforts in ensu r ing that Rag Week was
a success , w h o a d d s her o w n no te of
app rec i a t i on , "A b i g t hank y o u to every
b o d y w h o t o o k part in , or h e l p e d w i th ,
any rag even t " .
HAIR SALON
C U T tic. B 1 , ( ) W D R Y
B Y O U R T O P S T Y L I S T S
&20 L A O I E S
&17 M E N Normal Price £35
ACCESS VISA MASTERCARD CASH CHEQUES
' S t i l l t h e b e s t s t u d e n t o f f e r ! '
15a Harrington Road
South Kensington
London SW7 3ES
(I Minute walk from
South Kensington Tube)
Telephone 0171 823 8968
News 8 February 1999
Machines that conceive of blue bananas The City & G u i l d s C e n t e n a r y L e c t u r e
s e r i e s g o t o f f t o a h i g h l y s u c c e s s f u l
start last w e e k , t h a n k s t o a ta lk f r o m
o n e o f IC's f o r e m o s t r e s e a r c h e n g i
n e e r s , Igor A l e x a n d e r . T h e l e c t u r e
se r i e s is d e s i g n e d to c o m m e m o r a t e
t h e c e n t e n a r y o f C & G U n i o n , a n d w i l l
h i g h l i g h t s o m e o f t h e m a j o r e n g i
n e e r i n g a c h i e v e m e n t s o f t h e last 100
years .
P r o f e s s o r A l e x a n d e r is o n e o f t h e
f o r e m o s t w o r l d a u t h o r i t i e s o n ar t i f i c ia l
i n t e l l i g e n c e , f r e q u e n t l y q u o t e d b o t h
o n TV a n d r ad i o , a n d c o m b i n e s th i s
w i t h t h e ro l e o f Pro-Rector . H i s ta lk ,
e n t i t l e d ' E n g i n e e r i n g in N a t u r e ( a n d
t h o s e w h o c r a c k e d it) ' f o c u s e d o n t h e
d e v e l o p m e n t o f A l o v e r t h e last f o r t y
years , a n d his c h a n g i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p
w i t h his s u b j e c t . H e w e n t t o u n i v e r s i t y
in S o u t h A f r i c a b e f o r e t h e days o f c o m
pu te r s a n d e v e n t r ans i s to r s , a n d t h u s ,
o n g r a d u a t i o n , h e e n v i s i o n e d a l i f e
t i m e s p e n t d e s i g n i n g v a l v e a m p s .
Th is al l c h a n g e d a f te r h e h e a r d a
lec tu re o n c o m m u n i c a t i o n g i v e n by IC
P ro fesso r G l e n Che r r y , " w h i c h t a u g h t
m e that e n g i n e e r i n g p r i n c i p l e s c o u l d
b e a p p l i e d t o t h e s t u d y o f s o c i e t y " .
F r o m t h i s - s e e m i n g l y i n n o c u o u s -
b e g i n n i n g , h e s t a r t e d t o " e x a m i n e
By David Roberts
:y:':"/'L:'.>-':::
Photo: Courtesy of Imperial College
w h a t is m e a n t by e m o t i o n s a n d e x p e
r i e n c e " , a n d h o w , o n a m o r e p rac t i ca l
l e ve l , th i s c an b e a p p l i e d to r o b o t a n d
a n d r o i d d e s i g n .
In t h e ea r l y s ix t i e s , h e f o l l o w e d
c l o s e l y in t h e f o o t s t e p s o f MIT expe r t
W a r r e n M c C u l l o c h , w h o f irst d e v e l
o p e d t h e c o n c e p t o f c y b e r n e t i c s . But
t h e s e e a r l y c o n c e p t s w e r e n o t f o l
l o w e d t h r o u g h , t h a n k s to t h e "cu l t o f
t h e o m n i p o t e n t p r o g r a m m e r " - y o u n g
d e s i g n e r s w h o b e l i e v e d that t h e p r o
g r a m m e r c o u l d o v e r c o m e eve ry o b s t a
c le ( rather t h a n t h e m a c h i n e h a v i n g to
' l e a r n ' h o w to d e a l w i t h t h e m ) . T h u s ,
it w a s n o t u n t i l t w e n t y y e a r s a f t e r
M c C u l l o c h , in 1 9 6 3 , tha t A l e x a n d e r
d e s i g n e d t h e f i rst d i g i t a l n e u r o n e ,
w h i c h h a d t h e a b i l i t y t o g e n e r a l i s e
resu l ts a n d t u r n t h e m in to l e a r n i n g . By
a d d i n g s u c h n e u r o n e s t o g e t h e r h e
d e v e l o p e d s y s t e m s o f pa t t e rn r e c o g
n i t i o n , w h i c h , w h e n e m b e d d e d in
c o m p l e x f e e d b a c k l o o p s , g e n e r a t e s a
s i m p l e n e u r a l n e t w o r k .
T h e s e s y s t e m s h a v e n o w d e v e l
o p e d i n t o a p r o g r a m m e w i t h t h e a b i l
ity to i d e n t i f y s h a p e s a n d c o l o u r s ,
w h i c h a l l o w s a n a m a z i n g p e r c e p t i v e
ab i l i t y . P ro f A l e x a n d e r d e m o n s t r a t e d
th is w i t h a p i c t u r e o f a M a r t i a n l a n d
s c a p e ; g i v e n s o m e bas ic k n o w l e d g e o f
f e a t u r e s o n Earth, it c an d e t e c t rocks
a n d h i l l s i d e , a n d c a n t rack d o w n m o r e
i n t e r e s t i n g f ea tu res . M o r e impress i ve l y
s t i l l , it h a s t h e a b i l i t y t o ' v i s u a l i s e '
o b j e c t s it h a s n e v e r s e e n - w h i c h he
d e m o n s t r a t e d by a s k i n g t h e c o m p u t e r
to i m a g i n e a b l u e b a n a n a w i t h red
spo t s . Th is , h e be l i e ves , is t h e first s tep
o n t h e r o a d t o a ' c o n s c i o u s ' c o m p u t e r
- w h i c h , if h i s b o o k is t o b e b e l i e v e d ,
h e h a s d o n e , in t h e s h a p e o f a
m a c h i n e c a l l e d ' M a g n u s ' .
T h u s t h e r e w a s o n e m e s s a g e
w h i c h P r o f e s s o r A l e x a n d e r w a n t e d to
Impart o n his a u d i e n c e , " to be a n e n g i
n e e r is t o u n d e r s t a n d t h i n g s - e v e n
t h o s e tha t h a p p e n in n a t u r e " .
Staying in London over Easter? Student accommodation is available in Evelyn Gardens
from 27 March to 24 April 1999.
For information and an application form call into: The Conference Office
Watts Way Prince's Gardens
(next to Basics Pizzeria) [email protected] 0171 594 9511 / 7
Rooms are limited so apply now to avoid disappointment!!
global opportunity
What is Investment B a n k i n g al l about?
g ive y o u a c o m p r e h e n s i v e i n s igh t in to w h o our c l i e n t s
f r o m the ve r y b e s t in the indus t r y , not to b e m i s s e d '
We w e l c o m e s t u d e n t s (both u n d e r g r a d u a t e a n d
dr i ven a n d w a n t to a c h i e v e , a n d w h o w a n t to a l i gn the i r
a s p i r a t i o n s a n d sk i l l s in g l oba l i n v e s t m e n t b a n k i n g .
International s tudents (in pa r t i cu la r f r o m E u r o p e
and A s i a Pac i f i c ) m a y be i n t e r e s t e d in f i n d i n g ou t a b o u t
p o s s i b l e o p p o r t u n i t i e s in t h e 5 7 c o u n t r i e s a l r eady
� '�>.<V:.«', ; � ' " ; , - . : :r . ' : : i o M i . . . .
Please c o n t a c t the F inance S o c i e t y f o r
further detai ls .
"I'm a lways
concerned about
how w e can do
or cheaper.
joined 1,1 M»r<,h itsit
C o r
snci kfrsnl out
Lee
D © u t s c h 6 Bsnk
6 ^ Iwiiniiir Letters, Valentines & Small Ads 8 February 1999
'Valentines Messages They'll be more messages and a Valentines feature in
next week's Felix. If you've got a message of your own
which you'd like us to print, email [email protected]. or drop it
into Ihe office before Wednesday evening,
To Michelle Physics II Lots of love on 1'dentines "Day
J/our Secret Jldmirer
' Qareth N
still cries at a good film still kisses with saliva
thinking about you Martyn
Dearest C &ven though you re very smelly
and sometimes have a big pot belly I will love you all the same
you can guess my Udonis like name
I love my |
brick 1
Tim you dig my hole
xxx
I fioping I can be yours
love 8
Selective Reporting
Whilst w e apprec i a t e that sports reports
are on l y r e ce i ved by Felix o n a W e d n e s
day night, and may be 'ed i ted for length ' ,
w e d idn ' t real ise that m e a n t e d i t e d ou t
o f ex i s tence .
W e g o to every effort after m a t c h e s
to write reports that i n fo rm and enter ta in
p e o p l e a b o u t IC sport . So w h y is it that
in last w e e k ' s i ssue o f Felix at least t w o
p a g e s w e r e d e d i c a t e d to f i lms , arts,
mus i c a n d g a m e s whi ls t sport r e ce i ved
just over a page , i g n o r i n g a report wr i t
ten by IC Ladies I h o c k e y ent ire ly .
This is not t h e on l y t ime that spor ts
t eams have b e e n d e n i e d c o v e r a g e in
fe l ix . W e use v a l u a b l e d r i n k i n g t i m e ,
us ing all o f our literary skill to wr i te t h e s e
reports, the least y o u c o u l d d o is print
t h e m .
Lots o f love
Ladies 1st XI H o c k e y
Sports reports, as with every other article
In Felix outside this letters page, may be
edited for length, breadth or content.
It Is difficult to judge how much
space to reserve for sport (usually the last
pages to be finished) - a problem that
obviously doesn't occur with the review
pages. Perhaps a mutually satisfactory
solution would be for sports teams to let
Felix know before Wednesday If they
are playing and If they are likely to sub
mit a report (and If so, of what length).
Alternatively, If anyone wants to be a
Felix sport reporter...
Lots of love and Happy Valentines
Ed
Fire in Princes Garden
' n Sir,
Despi te c o l l e g e secur i ty e n f o r c i n g roll
. alls d u r i n g fire dril ls for the halls o f res
idence , a n d m a k i n g no a t t empt to c o n
duct s u c h roll calls d u r i n g ac tua l a larms,
I have b e c o m e e v e n m o r e a l a r m e d by a
recent inc iden t that o c c u r r e d .
Science and Maths
Tutors Required
Sc i ence a n d M a t h s tu tors r equ i r ed In
f o n d o n a n d t h e H o m e C o u n t i e s .
Graduates only
Top rates.
Tel 0181 349 2148
(Top Tutors Agency)
At 1.20pm o n W e d n e s d a y 27th Jan
uary I w a s re tu rn ing to my r o o m in a
Pr inces G a r d e n Hall w h e n I no t i ced that
o n e o f the k i tchens w a s full o f s m o k e
a n d the o v e n ins ide w a s still ful ly o n . M y
gi r l f r iend a n d I immed i a t e l y ac ted by try
i n g to alert the p e o p l e in the n e i g h
b o u r i n g rooms , tu rn ing the oven of f and
t e l e p h o n i n g S o u t h s i d e Secur i ty . The
Secur i ty Of f i ce r s u g g e s t e d that the fire
d o o r s s h o u l d be o p e n e d so to clear the
s m o k e , desp i te t h e m constant ly r e m i n d
ing us not to p r o p o p e n fire doors . O n
r ea l i s i ng that th is w o u l d set o f f the
a la rms h e eventua l l y sa id that he w o u l d
c o m e over to dea l w i th this d a n g e r o u s
s i tua t ion . After w a i t i n g for 20 m inu tes
Secur i ty had not t u rned up .
I have s u b s e q u e n t l y f o u n d out that
another student w a s respons ib le for leav
ing the o v e n o n after he had f in i shed
c o o k i n g a n d had left t h e bu i l d i ng . This
had caused a fat fi l led grill tray, inside the
oven , to gene ra te the s m o k e and po t en
tially p r o d u c e a fire.
I be l i e ve that this w a s a potent ia l ly
se r ious inc iden t that w a s s e c o n d s away
f r o m d e v e l o p i n g into s o m e t h i n g ser i
ous . I w o u l d the re fo re very m u c h like a
r e s p o n s e f r o m Sou ths ide Security as to
w h a t they fee l is a se r ious threat to our
we l l b e i n g in Halls a n d an a n s w e r as to
why they d id not respond to a ser ious fire
w a r n i n g .
Yours faithful ly,
A c o n c e r n e d res ident .
Well, security, we are waiting...
A concerned Ed
Owning Up, Are We?
I w o u l d like to write to c la im responsibi l ty
for the letter (Who's Afra id o f the QT) last
w e e k a b o u t t h e Estates D e p a r t m e n t .
The letter w a s a n o n y m o u s d u e to the
fact that I fo rgot to s ign it. So, it w a s m e
... T im Wr ight .
T im Wr ight
( C o m p u t i n g 4 & C a v i n g Club)
ICU Bunac Soc \
Bunac wi l l have an i n fo rma t i on stall in
the U n i o n foyer, this and every Friday
12 :15-1 :45
contac t A n g e l a Parkin
City & Guilds College
Union Bar Night!
6pm Tuesday 9 February, Union Bar
Grab an Exec m e m b e r for a f ree pint!
Right to Reply IC School of M e d i c i n e Un ion President
Wade Gayed w o u l d like to explain the
events surrounding the ICSMSU Rag Dash,
wh i ch has created so m u c h contropversy
in recent weeks .
"The pan ic a n d upset w h i c h w a s
caused by my act ions deep ly upsets me ,
and M i k e Smith and myself appo log i se
unreservedly for any harm w e may have
done . However , on the Friday even ing
[immediately after the eventl, w e were led
to bel ieve that the Circle Line Pub Crawl
and the Invasion of f o n d o n - our two key
events - were in danger , and were put
under pressure to take act ion. It saddens
m e that s o m e students don't think they
were be ing suppor ted - I'm always there
for every medical student, and at the t ime
I was led to believe that I was acting in the
interests of the students. We ensured that
Rag Week could continue, and the student
reaction a l lowed the rest of Rag to g o
ahead without further incident.
Silwood Party
19 February, 5 pm - 6am
Psych trance party with
2am bar & music 'til 6am
from two top DJ's.
Tickets £3
Phone 01344 294220
Deadline for letters is
12noon Wednesday.
Let ters m a y b e e d i t e d fo r l e n g t h ,
b u t w i l l n o t b e a l t e r e d in a n y o t h e r
w a y . f e t t e r s n e e d n o t b e s i g n e d ,
bu t a s w i p e c a rd m u s t b e s h o w n
when submitting
anonymous letters.
The Week Ahead
Monday
Games Meeting 12.30pm
Film Meeting 1pm
News Meeting 12pm
Clubscene 12pm
Phoenix Meeting 12pm
Friday
News Meeting 1.20pm
Music Meeting 1.30pm
THE MOST SUCCESSFUL NIGHT AT IMPERIAL
A SPECTACULAR NIGHT OF FOOD, SONG & DANCE
F R I D A Y 1 2 t h F E B R U A R Y 1 9 9 9
GREAT HALL, SHERFIELD BUILDING.
IMPERIAL COLLEGE
B R O U G H T T O Y O U BY:
i C U IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION
Tickets available NO £12-Full ticket (Foo £7 - Food Fair and A1
Columns 8 February 1999
Voice from America
As I h a v e m e n t i o n e d b e f o r e , m y
d e d i c a t i o n to y o u , d e a r r e a d e r ,
is a b s o l u t e . C o n s e q u e n t l y I f i n d
myse l f s t r a n d e d o n t h e s l o p e s o f s o m e
C o l o r a d o sk i r eso r t , b u t I'm g r i t t i n g
m y t e e t h a n d m a k i n g t h e b e s t o f it. I
sha l l not b o r e y o u w i t h t h e de ta i l s , bu t
o b v i o u s l y th i s c o l u m n w i l l c o n c e n t r a t e
o n o u r c h u m s o n t h e w r o n g s i d e o f
t h e p o n d . H a v i n g n e v e r b e e n t h i s far
w e s t b e f o r e , a f e w t h i n g s h a v e s t r u c k
m e . Firstly, y o u , as I d i d , m a y t h i n k that
all th i s " H a v e a n i c e day " m a l a r k e y is
a t a d d i s i n g e n u o u s . N o t t r u e , t h e y
rea l ly d o m e a n it.
M u c h as it p a i n s m e to a d m i t it,
t h e leve l o f c u s t o m e r s e r v i c e r e c e i v e d
o v e r h e r e w o u l d n o t b e f o u n d in
Bl ighty. It is a l m o s t e m b a r r a s s i n g w h e n
p e o p l e m o v e H e a v e n a n d Earth to rec
tify p r o b l e m s fo r w h i c h t h e y a r e in n o
w a y w h a t s o e v e r r e s p o n s i b l e . G o d
b l ess ' e m ! A t r ip to t h e S ta tes w o u l d
not b e c o m p l e t e w i t h o u t a p e r u s a l o f
the i r p h e n o m e n a l p l e t h o r a o f TV c h a n
ne l s . N e v e r in t h e f i e l d o f l i gh t e n t e r
t a i n m e n t h a s s o m u c h b e e n p r o d u c e d
by s o m a n y fo r s o l i t t le s o b a d l y . It is
t t ue to say tha t a l l t h e g o o d US t e l e
v i s i o n is a l r e a d y o v e r h e r e , a n d If t h e
r e m a i n d e r o f f e r s a v i s i o n o f o u r o w n
b rave n e w w o r l d o f d i g i t a l t e l e v i s i o n ,
i n c l u d e m e o u t . M i n o r n i g g l e s a s i d e ,
it a m i g h t y f i n e c o u n t r y ( h ad t o say
that , b e c a u s e a h u g e b l o k e h a s j us t
e n t e r e d t h e c a b l e car...)
O f c o u r s e , as y o u w o u l d i m a g i n e ,
it is i m p o s s i b l e to a v o i d t h e I m p e a c h
m e n t t r i a l . T h o u g h its g l o b a l c o v e r
a g e o f n e w s has t r a d i t i o n a l l y b e e n o n
a par w i t h E x c h a n g e & M a r t , C N N is
c o v e r i n g
a b s o l u t e l y n o t h i n g
bu t , a n d c o n s e
q u e n t l y it c a n
b e g i n to b e c o m e a
t r i f l e t e d i o u s .
Ra re l y a r e s u c h
p r o t r a c t e d w a r s o f
a t t r i t i o n r i v e t i n g
t e l e v i s i o n , bu t th i s
is s e t t i ng n e w s t an
d a r d s in t e d i u m , a
po i n t w h i c h s e e m s
to b e b e i n g
a c k n o w l e d g e d by
m a n y c o m m e n t a t o r s ; t h e n u t s a n d
bo l ts o f t h e S e n a t e tr ia l a r e so d u l l , it
b e c o m e s n e c e s s a r y to ta lk u p a n y n e w
r e v e l a t i o n , h o w e v e r n e b u l o u s , t o a
po i n t o f f r e n z y . By c o m p a r i s o n , M u r
ray Wa lke r a n d Peter S n o w a re m o d e l s
o f res t ra in t .
At t h e e n d o f t h e day, th i s is ha rd l y
s u r p r i s i n g , s i n c e e v e r y o n e a l r e a d y
k n o w s t h e o u t c o m e . D o y o u g e t
e x c i t e d by a b y-e l e c t l on in B a r n s l e y
or K e n s i n g t o n a n d C h e l s e a ? P r ec i se l y .
C l i n t o n w i l l no t b e i m p e a c h e d u n l e s s
111
"...Clinton will not be
impeached unless
some new revelation
emerges about him
engaging in sexual
congress with farmyard
animals..."
s o m e n e w r e v e l a t i o n e m e r g e s a b o u t
h i m e n g a g i n g in s e x u a l c o n g r e s s w i t h
f a r m y a r d a n i m a l s ( t h o u g h w i t h t h e
p u l c h r i t u d i n o u s M s L e w i n s k y a l r e a d y
i m p l i c a t e d , it c a n n o t b e ru l ed ou t c o m
p le te l y ) . T h e R e p u b l i c a n s c a n d i c t a t e
e v e r y a s p e c t
o f t h e t r i a l ,
b e c a u s e o f
t h e i r S e n a t e
ma jo r i t y ,
t h u s a f f o r d
i n g t h e
o p p o r t u n i t y
t o h e a p t h e
m a x i m u m
a m o u n t o f
e m b a r r a s s
m e n t o n t h e
P r e s i d e n t .
But, w h e n al l
t h e m u d has
b e e n s l u n g ,
t h e y w i l l n o t
b e a b l e t o
s e c u r e t h e
two- th i rds
ma jo r i t y n e c
e s s a r y t o
b o o t h i m
o u t . T h e y a re
p l a y i n g a
r i sky g a m e : t h e m o r e t h e y a t tack , t h e
m o r e t h e A m e r i c a n p e o p l e s t a n d
b e h i n d t h e i r P r e s i d e n t in a n act o f
a m a z i n g loya l ty .
If t h a t w e r e n o t d a n g e r o u s
e n o u g h , D a n ' P o t a t o e ' Q u a y l e is m a k
i n g n o i s e s a b o u t s e e k i n g t h e R e p u b
l i c a n P r e s i d e n t i a l n o m i n a t i o n . T h e
C o n s e r v a t i v e s h a v e b e e n a c c u s e d o f
l o s i n g e l e m e n t s o f the i r po l i t i ca l savvy,
bu t s u c h u n f o r t u n a t e s l i ps p a l e i n to
i n s i g n i f i c a n c e
a g a i n s t w h a t c o u l d
b e o n e o f t h e m o s t
d i s a s t r o u s m o v e s
in W e s t e r n po l i t i ca l
h i s to ry . D e s p i t e a l l
t h i s , as l o n g as
C l i n t o n c o n t i n u e s
to w e a r t h e t e f l o n
o v e r c o a t , b o t h h e
a n d t h e D e m o c r a t s
a r e s a f e . A s f o r
C N N , I w i l l b e
f o r c e d t o w a t c h
Q V C at th i s ra te .
etc. ) , s u c h a c t i o n s a re p e r f e c t l y l e g a l
a n d are ca r r i ed ou t in a c c o r d a n c e w i t h
al l t h e r e l e van t g u i d e l i n e s . T h e a r t i c l e
m e n t i o n s that t h e e m p l o y e e has b e e n
i m p r i s o n e d , bu t it d o e s n o t exp l i c i t l y
say w h e t h e r h e is ' f o r m e r ' by v i r t u e o f
Simon Baker t h i s
T h i s
s e e m
p o i n t ,
g i v e n
c a s e ,
m a y
a s i l l y
b u t
t h e
: 0 :;:
Voice of Reason
IC Incompetents
h e a r f r o m m y f r i e n d s o n IC D i s
torter that a f o r m e r m e m b e r o f staff
f r o m R P M S h a s b e e n c a u g h t w i t h
the i r f i n g e r s in t h e t i l l , r e s u l t i n g in a 12
m o n t h s o j o u r n at H e r M a j e s t y ' s p l e a
s u r e . T h a n k f u l l y , f r a u d is fa i r ly ra re at
I m p e r i a l : t h o u g h m o n e y is m i s a p p r o
p r i a t e d o n a g r a n d s ca l e ( f l o w e r b e d s
w a y e m p l o y
e e s a re h a n
d l e d by
C o l l e g e , it is
a v e r y l e g i t i
m a t e q u e s
t i o n . It h a s
l o n g b e e n
sa id t h e o n l y
w a y IC w o u l d
d i s m i s s a
m e m b e r o f
s ta f f is i f t h e y
b u r n t d o w n
S h e r f i e l d a n d
m a s s a c r e d
t h e G o v e r n
i n g b o d y .
M o s t
p e o p l e at
I m p e r i a l ,
w h o h a v e b e e n h e r e fo r a f e w yea r s ,
c o u l d ratt le o f f a list o f p e o p l e w h o s e
c o n t i n u i n g e m p l o y m e n t is s o u r c e o f
g r e a t m y s t e r y . W h y s h o u l d t h i s be?
C lea r l y , t h e o c c u p a t i o n o f p o s i t i o n s
by i n c o m p e t e n t staf f d o e s n o b o d y a n y
f a v o u r s , a s i d e f r o m t h e i n d i v i d u a l s
t h e m s e l v e s . D o w e h a v e f e a r s o m e l y
p o w e r f u l t r ade u n i o n s ? N o t real ly . T h e
c a u s e o f t h e p r o b l e m is t h e P e r s o n n e l
d i v i s i o n . T h o u g h the
d i r e c t o r , M a r i o n
K i m b e r l y , is h i g h l y
r e g a r d e d , th i s h e a v
i l y-s ta f f ed d e p a r t
m e n t s e e m s
d e t e r m i n e d to f rus
trate t h e act iv i t ies o f
e v e r y d e p a r t m e n t
w h e n d e a l i n g w i t h
p r o b l e m e m p l o y
ees . This o f t e n l eads
o n e to s u s p e c t tha t
Imper ia l is r u n n i n g a
c h a r i t y , p r o v i d i n g
g a i n f u l e m p l o y m e n t
for p e o p l e t h e rest o f t h e w o r l d w o u l d
no t t o u c h w i t h a b a r g e p o l e . Q u i t e
w h y a n y o n e w o u l d j o i n a t r a d e u n i o n
h e r e is a mys te r y : s a ve t h o s e u n i o n
s u b s a n d let P e r s o n n e l p e o p l e k e e p
y o u in a j o b fo r l i f e .
Th i s m a y s e e m l o b e a n i r r e l e
v a n c e to s t u d e n t s , bu t w e al l s u f f e r
f r o m t h e c o n t i n u e d p r e s e n c e o f t en th-
rate staf f . N e e d l e s s to say, they ' l l b e
f a l l i n g o u t t h e i r p r a m s in S h e r f i e l d
h a v i n g r e a d w h a t I h a v e jus t w r i t t e n ,
s a y i n g that it is m o n s t r o u s l y u n f a i r o f
m e to d e c r y o u r h a r d w o r k i n g s ta f f in
th i s m a n n e r . I s h o u l d no t h a v e to t a ck
o n that m o s t o f o u r staf f a re g o o d a n d
s o m e a r e t ru l y o u t s t a n d i n g , b e t h e y
a c a d e m i c o r o t h e r w i s e , b u t t h e
i n e v i t a b l e h y s t e r i c a l r e s p o n s e v i n d i
ca tes m y p o i n t . T h e y a c k n o w l e d g e the
p r o b l e m but h a v e n o d e s i r e to rect i fy
t h e s i t u a t i o n .
N o w I a m b a c k o n th i s s c e p t r e d
i s le , I c o u l d n ' t h e l p n o t i c i n g t h e let ter
in last w e e k ' s f e l i x f r o m ' A n o n ' . N o r
m a l l y I d o n o t b o t h e r to c o m m e n t o n
l e t te rs w r i t t e n by p e o p l e s o g u t l e s s to
a t t a c h t h e i r n a m e to t h e v i e w s , but I'll
m a k e a n e x c e p t i o n h e r e . That s o m e
o n e s h o u l d w r i t e a le t ter a b o u t u n a c
c e p t a b l e s ta f f b e h a v i o u r jus t as I have
t a c k l e d t h e s a m e i s s u e a l m o s t i m p l i e s
a put-up j o b , bu t I c an a s s u r e y o u that
I d i d n ' t w r i t e it - I c a n s p e l l . N o n e o f
us, o f c o u r s e , a re a l w a y s s w e e t n e s s
p e r s o n i f i e d in o u r d e a l i n g s w i t h ou r
f e l l o w m a n , b u t t h e a n s w e r A n o n
r e c e i v e d to a p e r f e c t l y c iv i l r e s p o n s e
b e g g a r s be l i e f . It is a s t o u n d i n g that w e
h a v e s u c h a r u d e , o b s t r u c t i v e p e r s o n
o n t h e p a y r o l l , a n d it is s u r e l y o n l y a
m a t t e r o f t i m e b e f o r e t h i s p e r s o n
rea l l y pu t s h is or h e r f o o t in it a n d
a n n o y s s o m e o n e rea l ly i m p o r t a n t ; s tu
d e n t s , natura l ly , a re t h e l owes t f o r m of
l i fe a n d as s u c h c a n b e t r e a t e d l ike
dirt, or so it says h e r e in t h e s ta f f m a n
u a l . W h i l e I'm n o t h o l d i n g m y b r e a t h ,
s o m e p r e v i o u s i n c i d e n t s o f s t a f f
b e h a v i n g b a d l y h a v e b e e n i n v e s t i
g a t e d by t h e d i r e c to r r e s p o n s i b l e after
t h e y h a v e b e e n m e n t i o n e d in th i s
h u m b l e c o l u m n , s o w e sha l l h a ve to
w a i t a n d s e e . W h a t say y o u , Ian?
"... Imperial is running
a charity, providing
gainful employment
for people the rest of
the world would not
touch with a barge
pole..."
Cash for
Courtyards
Si p e a k i n g o f Ian
C a l d w e l l , h e
has t a k e n a lot
o f st ick, m a i n l y f r o m
m e , a b o u t t h e
l a r g e s s e o f Es ta tes
in m a t t e r s h o r t i c u l
t u r a l . H e a n d y o u
w i l l d o u b t l e s s be
r e l i e v e d to h e a r that
a b u i l d i n g h a s jus t o p e n e d that m a k e s
t h e pa l a t i a l B M S a n d a t t e n d a n t l a n d
s c a p i n g s e e m l i ke a N i s s e n hut o n an
a l l o t m e n t . Po r t cu l l i s H o u s e , t h e n e w
o f f i c e b l o c k fo r M P s , has e m e r g e d as
t h e m o s t e x p e n s i v e b u i l d i n g in Br i ta in
in t e r m s o f cos t p e r use r . O f t h e £250
m i l l i o n t o t a l c o s t , £200, 000 w e n t o n
p l an t s fo r c o u r t y a r d r e s t au r an t , w i t h a
f u r t h e r £1.2 m i l l i o n o n p a v i n g . The
s c u r r i l o u s r u m o u r s tha t Estates a c t e d
as c o n s u l t a n t s to t h e p r o j e c t a re
e n t i r e l y f a l s e .
8 February 1999 Columns 9
Malaysian Focus All Eyes Turn to Kuala Lumpur As Celebration Ends
On e o f t h e major e v e n t s d u r i n g
the Eid-u-Fitr c e l eb ra t i on w h i c h
was w i d e l y h i g h l i g h t e d by t h e
Malays ian local m e d i a w a s that 40,000 vis
itors tu rned up at the P r ime Min is te r ' s
off icial r es idence , Sri Pe rdana , for the
annua l o p e n h o u s e feast . The P M , Dr.
Maha th i r h imse l f w a s q u o t e d to have
b e e n "rather su rpr i sed " at t h e k ind o f
recept ion rece ived a n d stated that it w a s
a s h o w o f suppor t for t h e present gov
e rnment , desp i t e m o n t h s o f e c o n o m i c
uncer ta in ty a n d pol i t i ca l unres t . Inter
estingly e n o u g h , abou t a mi le away f r o m
Sri P e rdana , t h o u s a n d s o f M a l a y s i a n s
a l so g a t h e r e d for a s im i l a r o c c a s i o n
hos ted by Dr. W a n A z i z a h , the w i f e o f
inca rce ra ted o p p o s i t i o n a n d so-cal led
r e f o r m m o v e m e n t l e a d e r , A n w a r
Ibrahim.
Fo l l ow ing a w e e k ' s b reak d u e to t h e
M u s l i m c e l e b r a t i o n , Dr. M a h a t h i r
r e s u m e d w o r k by m e e t i n g Eu ropean a n d
A m e r i c a n f u n d m a n a g e r s in K u a l a
Lumpur . It w a s s p e c u l a t e d b e f o r e h a n d
that the M a l a y s i a n p r e m i e r w o u l d
NlkBHafiz
a n n o u n c e the l ift ing o f
t h e c ap i t a l c o n t r o l
m e a s u r e s Imp le
m e n t e d last S e p t e m
ber d u e to pressures
by f o r e i g n i nves to r s .
T h e I m p l e m e n t a t i o n o f s u c h con t ro l s
m e a n t that t hese investors w e r e u n a b l e
t o w i t h d r a w the i r m o n e y or capi ta l f r o m
the Malays ian markets for o n e year. How
ever , t h e P M d id not h e e d to these pres
s u r e s a n d i n s t e a d o n l y d e c l a r e d t h e
possibi l i ty o f i m p o s i n g a n exit tax in order
to e n s u r e a m o d e r a t e o u t f l o w of capital
c o m e S e p t e m b e r 1999.
The a n n o u n c e m e n t o f a raise in tol l
rates by the g o v e r n m e n t after the C h i
n e s e N e w Year was , unders tandably , not
w a r m l y a c c e p t e d by Ma lays i ans in g e n
era l . D u r i n g t h e s e hard t i m e s o f e c o
n o m i c d o w n t u r n a n d i n f l a t i on at 5.3
percent , f r equen t h i g h w a y users had to
e n d u r e a n inc rease o f a lmos t 40 per
cent . The oppos i t ion parties and non-gov
e r n m e n t organ isa t ions
(NGOs ) quickly f o r m e d
iiminniii mi i a n a l l iance , the Coali-
� M ^ — t ion for Anti-Toll (CAT)
™ to p ro tes t ove r th is
un t ime l y act. This w a s
s u c c e e d e d wi th sporad ic demons t ra t ions
b e i n g h e l d at tol l p l azas all o ve r t h e
count ry . As a result , t h e g o v e r n m e n t
b a c k e d d o w n a n d r e d u c e d t h e rates.
The P M a lso d e c i d e d that 20 h i g h w a y
projects are to b e de f e r r ed as the s a m e
t h i n g sha l l h a p p e n a g a i n a n d a g a i n ,
"once a h i g h w a y is built a n d tol ls are
i m p o s e d , t h e n t he r e a re pro tes ts a n d
p e o p l e d o not wan t to pay".
In t h e latest d e v e l o p m e n t o f t h e
A n w a r Ibrahim saga , the a c c u s e d w a s
o rde red by the H igh Court Judge , A u g u s
t ine Paul to d e f e n d h imse l f after ru l ing
that the state p r o s e c u t i o n d i d have a
c a se over the c o r r u p t i o n o f p o w e r
charges . The trial wil l r e s u m e o n 8 Feb
ruary a l l ow ing o n e w e e k for the d e f e n s e
lawyers to p repa re for w h a t mus t be the
mos t an t i c ipa ted s e g m e n t o f the trial.
Anwar h imse l f c h o s e to be in the wi tness
box w h i l e his d e f e n s e t e a m d i s c l osed
that Dr . M a h a t h i r a n d a f e w o t h e r
Ma lays ian VIPs wi l l a lso be s u m m o n e d to
testify. A m i d this d e c i s i o n by the court ,
f resh d e m o n s t r a t i o n s ca l l ing for re fo rms
b roke out in the cen t re o f t h e Ma lays i an
capita l after a lmos t 3 m o n t h s of relative
p e a c e a n d qu ie t . T h e w e e k be fo re , the
Cab ine t r evea l ed that a n i n d e p e n d e n t
c o m m i s s i o n cons i s t i ng o f a fo rmer Attor
ney-Genera l , 2 re t i red j u d g e s a n d a n
o r t h o p a e d i c s u r g e o n w a s to b e estab
l i s h e d to p r o b e in to t h e b e a t i n g s
e n d u r e d by A n w a r I b r ah im w h i l e in
po l i ce cus tody . This f o l l o w e d a report by
a p o l i c e i n v e s t i g a t i n g b o d y that c o n
c l u d e d s o m e o f t h e injur ies sus ta ined by
the ex-deputy p remie r wh i l e in de ten t ion
w a s the result o f b e i n g b e a t e n by the
po l i ce . Mys te r ious ly , the ident i t ies o f the
p o l i c e m a n or p o l i c e m e n invo l ved w e r e
u n k n o w n unti l n o w .
Fifty Years On This year Felix celebrates its golden anniversary. In the first of a
series of articles, Ed Sexton looks at how it all began.
Th e first i s sue o f Fel ix a p p e a r e d in
the c o r r i d o r s o f Impe r i a l C o l l e g e
o n t h e m o r n i n g o f F r i d a y 9
D e c e m b e r , 1949 . C o s t i n g 3 o l d p e n c e
( abou t t h e s a m e as t h e c a k e s o n sa l e
in t h e N e w L o u n g e , a c c o r d i n g to a let
ter f e a t u r e d in that i s sue ) , it a p p e a r s t o
have b e e n w e l l r e c e i v e d by t h e c o l
l e g e , w i t h all 600 c o p i e s b e i n g s o l d
b e f o r e 1 0 a m . S o m e c o p i e s w e r e e v e n
s o l d o n t h e b l a c k m a r k e t , f o r 4 p e n c e ,
p r o m p t i n g t h e e d i t o r s t o i n c r e a s e t h e
c o p y n u m b e r t o 1000 f o r t h e s e c o n d
i s sue in 1950.
The f irst i s s u e c o n s i s t e d o f th i r
t e e n t y p e d p a g e s a n d a h a n d - d r a w n
cove r p a g e . T h e r e a s o n f o r f o u n d i n g
Fel ix w a s s u m m e d u p b y t h e f irst e d i
tor , o n e E M H u g h e s , as f o l l o w s :
"The n e e d h a s b e e n fe l t f o r s o m e
t i m e for a f r e q u e n t l y p u b l i s h e d j o u r n a l
t o c o m m e n t u p o n t h e a f f a i r s o f t h e
C o l l e g e wh i l s t t h e y are still t o p i c a l , a n d
to b r i n g to t h e a t t e n t i o n o f its m e m
bers t h e ac t i v i t i es o f C l u b s a n d S o c i
e t i e s o f w h i c h p e o p l e at p r e s e n t k n o w
l itt le, a n d k n o w i n g l i t t le, t e n d to c a r e
e v e n less . "
N o c h a n g e
t h e r e , t h e n .
At t h e t i m e
I m p e r i a l a l r e a d y
h a d o n e s t u d e n t
p u b l i c a t i o n
P h o e n i x . F o u n d e d
by H G W e l l s in
1886 , P h o e n i x w a s
i n t e n d e d to b e a
m a g a z i n e fo r c l u b s
a n d s o c i e t i e s . Its
s o m e w h a t
e p h e m e r a l a p p e a r
a n c e , h o w e v e r , w a s
o n e o f t h e r e a s o n s
for t h e f o r m a t i o n o f
Fel ix:
"This is a f u n c
t i o n w h i c h c l e a r l y
c a n n o t b e p e r
f o r m e d by T H E
P H O E N I X , p a r t i c u
la r l y s i n c e t h a t
e s t i m a b l e b i r d is
n o w to a p p e a r o n l y
t w i c e a year , a n d so
Fe l ix h a s c o m e to BVgMY FORTNIGHT
m e e t t h e n e e d . W e
d o n o t i n t e n d to
e n c r o a c h u p o n t h e
l i t e ra r y f i e l d c o v
e r e d by THE
PHOEN IX ; rather d o
w e i n t e n d to b e
c o m p l e m e n t a r y t o
that j o u r n a l , e v e n if
no t a lways c o m p l i
m e n t a r y . " O h , t h e
wi t .
Fe l ix r a p i d l y
t o o k m u c h o f
P h o e n i x ' s r a i s o n
d 'e t re , bu t P h o e n i x
st i l l c o n t i n u e s
u n d e r t h e g u i s e o f
Imper ia l ' s arts m a g
a z i n e , n o w p r o
d u c e d o n a n
a n n u a l b a s i s ( in
fact , t h e e d i t o r s a re
l o o k i n g for c o n t r i
b u t i o n s n o w :
p h o e n i x @ i c . a c . u k ) .
A s a l w a y s ,
f i n a n c e s w e r e h i g h
o n t h e U n i o n ' s a g e n d a , a n d c a s h f l o w
p r o b l e m s fo r c l u b ac t i v i t i e s w e r e no t
u n h e a r d o f . T h e a l t r u i s t i c H u g h e s
d e c i d e d that " any p ro f i t s m a d e by t h e
p a p e r a re to b e d e v o t e d to Spor ts Day,
s i n c e it a p p e a r s tha t t h e U n i o n is n o w
s o i m p e c u n i o u s tha t it m a y b e u n a b l e
to s u b s i d i s e c o a c h e s a n d t ea s o n that
i m p o r t a n t o c c a s i o n . " ICU's b e v e r a g e s
a l so c a m e in for c r i t i c i sm o n t h e letters
p a g e ; "Sir, In a m i l d sort o f w a y I w o u l d
l i ke t o r eg i s t e r a b i t te r p ro tes t a b o u t
t h e U n i o n b e e r . P e r h a p s o n e o f ou r
o w n t a m e e n t o m o l o g i s t s c o u l d rec
o m m e n d to ou r so c a l l e d B r e w e r s a
m o r e v i r i l e t y p e o f Gna t . " Ful l t o t h e
b r i m w i t h a i l i n g p u n s , t h e let ter w a s
s i g n e d " U l c e r a t e d " .
F ina l l y , w h a t o f t h e n a m e , n o w
ha l f a c e n t u r y o ld ? T h e o n l y r e f e r e n c e
to its o r i g in is c o n t a i n e d in a s o m e w h a t
c ryp t i c r e m a r k in t h e e d i t o r i a l ; "A d e b t
o f g ra t i tude is o w e d to F C Ewels for his
s u g g e s t i o n o f a t i t l e . H e s h a l l b e
r e w a r d e d w i t h a s a u c e r o f mi lk . " M o r e
l ike ly , I s u s p e c t , h e r e c e i v e d a p in t o f
b e e r .
10 Columns 8 February 1999
No t h i n g t as tes g o o d u n l e s s it c o n t a i n s fat or
s u g a r . I k n o w th i s is n o t v e r y po l i t i c a l l y co r
rect , bu t I h o n e s t l y can ' t t h i n k o f a s i n g l e
e x c e p t i o n . Y o u m a y h a v e n o t i c e d tha t m o s t o f t h e
r e c i pes I've f e a t u r e d In th i s c o l u m n h a v e c o n t a i n e d
a g e n e r o u s h e l p i n g o f c r e a m , o i l , bu t te r , or al l t h r e e .
I'm o n e o f t h o s e a n n o y i n g p e o p l e w h o c a n ea t
e n o r m o u s q u a n t i t i e s o f f o o d , w i t h o u t p u t t i n g o n
w e i g h t . M y c o o k i n g t e n d s t o w a r d s m a x i m u m f lavour ,
w h a t e v e r t h e d a m a g e . If y o u ' r e m o r e c a l o r i e c o n
s c i o u s t h a n I a m , I'm a f r a i d th i s w e e k ' s r e c i p e s a r e
par t i cu la r l y f a t t e n i n g .
Fruit Cake
Ca k e is t h e u l t i m a t e e x a m p l e o f
t h e Joy tha t is fat a n d s u g a r
c o m b i n e d . Th i s is t h e n i c e s t
fruit c ake r e c i p e I've f o u n d . It's rea l ly K^r*§m^>
mois t , bu t n o t u n p l e a s a n t l y s w e e t . E ven if y o u ' r e n o t
n o r m a l l y k e e n o n f ru i t c a k e , y o u m i g h t f i n d y o u l ike
this o n e . If y o u a l r eady have t h e s p i c e s etc, y o u c o u l d
m a k e th is fo r o n l y a f e w p o u n d s , w e l l w i t h i n e v e n
t h e t i gh tes t b u d g e t .
8 o z But ter
8 o z Sof t b r o w n s u g a r
2 tbs T r eac l e
4 Eggs
12 o z F lour
1 t sp B a k i n g p o w d e r
1 t sp G r o u n d c l o v e s
1 t sp C i n n a m o n
1 t sp N u t m e g
4 o z G r o u n d A l m o n d s
8 o z C u r r e n t s
8 o z Ra is ins
8 o z Su l t anas
2.5 fl o z M i l k
J u i ce o f a n o r a n g e
G r e a s e a 20 c m r o u n d c a k e t i n , a n d l i ne w i t h
g r e a s e p r o o f pape r . C r e a m the but te r (I a lways s o f t e n
it by h e a t i n g in t h e m i c r o w a v e fo r 10 s e c o n d s ) , t h e n
bea t in t h e suga r . Stir in t h e t r eac l e , t h e n g i ve every
t h i n g a g o o d m ix . A d d t h e e g g s o n e at a t i m e .
Mushroom Sauce
Cooks Corner
dJ
Break e a c h e g g in to a c u p a n d bea t w i t h a fork, t h e n
f o l d i n t o t h e m i x t u r e w i t h a t a b l e s p o o n o f f l ou r . Fo ld
in the r e m a i n i n g f lour , c o m b i n e d w i t h the sp i c e s a n d
b a k i n g p o w d e r . Finally, a d d the fruit, mi lk a n d o r a n g e
j u i c e .
B a k e at 160°C or g a s m a r k 3 for two-and-a-half
h o u r s . Rest a p i e c e o f fo i l o ve r t h e t in for t h e last
h o u r , t o p r e v e n t a th i ck crust . M a k e s u r e that t h e
c a k e is left t o c o o l c o m p l e t e l y b e f o r e c u t t i n g . W a r m
c a k e is rea l l y c r u m b l y , a n d not nea r l y as g o o d .
�Mk <-Sk
Hr*
I I P -^^w
Mu s h r o o m s a re o n e o f m y
f a v o u r i t e i n g r e d i e n t s .
T h e y ' r e b e s t c o o k e d in
s o m e k i n d o f s a u c e . T h e bes t t h i n g
a b o u t m u s h r o o m s is that t h e y s o a k
u p l o a d s o f bu t t e r , t a k i n g o n a f an t a s t i c m e l l o w
f l a vou r that g o e s w e l l w i t h pre t ty m u c h a n y t h i n g . I
rare ly b u y m u s h r o o m s f r o m t h e m a r k e t . T h e s u p e r
m a r k e t s t o c k is a l w a y s m u c h be t t e r qua l i t y , w e l l
w o r t h t h e ex t r a e x p e n s e .
To m a k e a b a s i c s a u c e , start by m e l t i n g a g e n
e r o u s k n o b o f b u t t e r ( a b o u t 50g ) s l o w l y in a s m a l l
p a n . S l ice 5 m e d i u m m u s h r o o m s th in l y . H e a t g e n
tly for a b o u t 5 m i n u t e s unt i l t h e y t u r n a m e d i u m
b r o w n c o l o u r , l o s i n g t h e s o f t n e s s o f r a w m u s h
r o o m s . A d d a c o u p l e o f t a b l e s p o o n s o f d o u b l e
c r e a m , m ix w e l l t h e n tu rn u p t h e heat . C o o k unt i l t he
m u s h r o o m s start t o g o a l i t t le b r o w n a n d cr ispy .
T h e s a u c e is g rea t as part o f a b r eak f a s t fry-up.
I n o r m a l l y c h o p a b i g s p r i g o f p a r s l e y a n d a d d it at
t h e e n d . It a l so m a k e s a g o o d a c c o m p a n i m e n t to a
s teak , a n d is just f an t a s t i c w i t h a p o r k c h o p . W h e n
s e r v e d w i t h m e a t , I o f t e n s t i ck in a c o u p l e o f t e a
s p o o n s o f p e p p e r c o r n m u s t a r d t o a d d s o m e b o d y .
A ve r y d i f f e r e n t s a u c e c a n b e m a d e w i t h the
a d d i t i o n o f o l i v e o i l , t h y m e , ga r l i c , a n d b a l s a m i c
v i n e g a r . Fry a c o u p l e o f c l o v e s o f c r u s h e d gar l i c g e n
tly w i th a t e a s p o o n o f t h y m e , in t h e o l i ve o i l . A d d the
m u s h r o o m s a n d c o o k a s b e f o r e . A h e a d o f a d d i n g
t h e c r e a m , c h u c k in a t a b l e s p o o n o f b a l s a m i c v i ne
gar , a n d b u b b l e for a m i n u t e .
Next week: Bangers and Mash
Presidential Talk-Back A n i s sue a lways o n s t u d e n t ' s m i n d s is
m o n e y a n d tha t ' s w h y I'm d e v o t i n g
my c o l u m n to it for a s e c o n d t i m e . The
A c c e s s f u n d is r e o p e n e d a g a i n f o r
a p p l i c a t i o n s . 246 a w a r d s h a v e a l r e a d y
b e e n m a d e t o t a l l i ng £144 300 that ' s a n
a v e r a g e o f a r o u n d £590 p e r s t u d e n t .
T h e r e is sti l l £150 000 left in t h e kit ty
for t h e rest o f t h e year , t h o u g h - by m y
c a l c u l a t i o n tha t ' s e n o u g h f o r a n o t h e r
254 s t u d e n t s t o g a i n e q u i v a l e n t
awa rds . If y o u ' r e in a d e s p e r a t e f i n a n
cia l s i t u a t i o n at t h e m o m e n t , w h y n o t
let t h e G o v e r n m e n t h e l p y o u o u t , it 's
m o n e y f o r t h e t a k i n g - t h e C o l l e g e
a n d t h e U n i o n h a s n o t h i n g to g a i n by
not d i s h i n g o u t e v e r y p e n n y . A l l y o u
n e e d t o d o is p i c k u p a f o r m f r o m
r o o m 334 in t h e She r f i e l d B u i l d i n g a n d
h a v e t h e m f i l l e d o u t by t h e 2 2 n d
M a r c h .
T h e o t h e r f i n a n c i a l s i d e o f b e i n g a
s t u d e n t tha t h a s hit t h e f irst y e a r s is
t u i t i o n f e e s . T w o s t u d e n t s in O x f o r d
h a v e hit t h e h e a d l i n e s r e c e n t l y by
David Hellard, r e f u s i n g to pay the i r
t u i t i o n f e e s o n p r i n
c i p l e .
S i n ce t h e n t h e y
h a v e b a c k e d d o w n ,
b e i n g t h r e a t e n e d
w i t h e v e r y t h i n g t h e jjj
C o l l e g e c o u l d t h r o w JJJ
at t h e m . In Imper i a l �
t h e s i t u a t i o n is �
s o m e w h a t d i f f e r en t ; �
w e t o o h a v e v a r i o u s �
s t u d e n t s t ha t �
haven ' t p a i d yet , but H
t h e w a y t h e s tuden ts H
h a v e a c t e d a n d t h e �
r e s p o n s e f r o m t h e H
C o l l e g e h a s b e e n ^
compa ra t i v e l y re l axed . I w a s in the C o l
l e g e W e l f a r e C o m m i t t e e t oday a n d the
w h o l e i s sue w a s b r o u g h t u p . T h e C o l
l e g e s t a t e d t h e cu r r en t s i t u a t i o n a n d
a s k e d w h a t t h e r e s p o n s e w a s o n t h e
s t u d e n t s i d e , s o m e t h i n g w h i c h I c o u l d
no t g i v e , no t h a v i n g s p o k e n to a s in-
ICU President
g l e first y ea r a b o u t
it. T h e r e h a s b e e n
n o f e e d b a c k o n the
w a y t h e c o l l e c t i n g
h a s b e e n a d m i n i s
t e r e d or w h e t h e r
b e i n g a b l e to pay by
i n s t a l m e n t h a s s u f f i
c i e n t l y e a s e d t h e
b u r d e n , s o o n e c a n
o n l y a s s u m e that it
has run as s m o o t h l y
a s I h o p e d . A s e v e r
if y o u have any f e e d
b a c k o n t h i s i s s u e
:.. e m a i l m e i p r e s l -
: d e n t @ i c . a c . u k ) .
N e x t w e e k t h e
s e c o n d i n s t a l m e n t o f t u i t i o n f e e s a re
to b e pa id i n . I'm su re by n o w s o m e
s t u d e n t s w o u l d h a v e s p e n t a l l o f the i r
m o n e y for t h e yea r i n c l u d i n g that t h e y
o w e in tu i t i on f ees . If y o u ' r e in th is sit
u a t i o n , it m i g h t b e w o r t h t h i n k i n g
a b o u t a p p l y i n g t o t h e a b o v e , that ' s
w h a t it's t h e r e for .
To e n d w i t h I h a v e a p e r s o n a l p l e a
t o e v e r y s t u d e n t o u t t h e r e . A s y o u ' r e
p r o b a b l y al l a w a r e , t h e 14th is V a l e n
t i n e s day , w h e r e e ve r y s i n g l e p e r s o n
h a s t o p u t u p w i t h b e i n g p u b l i c l y to ld
that n o - o n e l o v e s t h e m or f i n d s out
that that mys t e r y a d m i r e r is t h e p e r s o n
y o u t h o u g h t it w a s a n d n e v e r l i ked
a n y w a y . Each y e a r I h a ve a c o m p e t i
t i on w i t h m y s is ter t o s e e w h o rece ives
t h e m o s t ca rds , t h e loser b e i n g subject
t o w e e k s o f p a t r o n i s i n g p h o n e cal ls,
t h e w i n n e r t h e l o v e o f m y m u m . Last
y ea r I h a d to f a c e t h e h u m i l i a t i o n o f
b e i n g t h r a s h e d 4-0; a f te r f o u r yea r s o f
v i c to ry th i s hit h a r d a n d I have to m a k e
a g o o d c o m e b a c k th is y ea r or risk
e m o t i o n a l d a m a g e . Bas i ca l l y if y o u
h a v e a n y s p a r e c a rds , p l e a s e d o n a t e
t h e m to s u c h a w o r t h y c a u s e as my
o w n , e i t h e r t h r o u g h t h e i n t e r n a l ma i l ,
o r j us t d r o p t h e m i n t o t h e U n i o n .
M a n y T h a n k s .
S February 1999 Science 11
The Future's Bright,
The Future's Orange
and Red and
Ever noticed how a butterfly's wings shine
with a multitude of colours? Very soon, you'll
be wearing clothes that do the same.
Emma Freeman tells all...
biology a n d
physics"
� can th ink o f f e w th ings w o r s e t han
I b e i n g s u r r o u n d e d by f l y ing insects in
I an e n c l o s e d space . This is w h e r e m y
vegetar ian v i ews c o m e uns tuck as I have
f e w qua lms a b o u t de l i v e r i ng
all manner o f dea th by drown- "A f a r e C O l l a b O -
i n g , s w i p i n g , c r u s h i n g or
spray ing any insect w h o dares r a t i o n D e i W O S n
to r o a m u n i n v i t e d in m y
h o m e . I w a s h o w e v e r pe r
s u a d e d to l o o k u p o n butter
fl ies, and dare I say it, m o t h s ,
in a sl ightly m o r e f a vou rab l e
light d u e to s o m e w o r k g o i n g o n d o w n
in Exeter.
Two physic ists at Exeter Un ivers i ty
have reason to be l i e ve that butter f l ies
may o n e day be r e s p o n s i b l e for anti-
counter fe i t ing dev ices in credit cards a n d
bank notes , w ide-ang le l iqu id crystal d is
plays or, if it takes your fancy, a n e w trend
for i r idescent c lo th ing . Peter Vukus i c a n d
Professor Roy S a m b l e s have Init iated a
rare co l l abora t ion b e t w e e n b i o l o g y a n d
phys ics , t w o sec t i ons o f t h e sc i en t i f i c
c o m m u n i t y w h o are scarce ly s e e n in the
same vicinity toge ther , let a l o n e por
ing over the s a m e lab b o o k .
The pair are l o o k i n g at butter
fl ies and moths , w h o s e w i n g s p ro
d u c e t h e m o s t s t r i k i ng , i n t e n s e
i r idescent co lou rs f o u n d a n y w h e r e
e lse in nature . In s t u d y i n g th is iri
descen t p roper ty Vukus i c a n d S a m
bles h o p e to d i s cove r t h e secre ts
that lie b e h i n d the i r abi l i ty to p ro
duce such str iking co lours . They t hen �
h o p e to b e ab l e to r e p r o d u c e t h e s e
ef fects artif icially u n d e r UV, inf rared |j
and radar w a v e l e n g t h s o f l ight.
The i r idescent nature o f m o t h s
a n d butterf l ies has m u c h t h e s a m e
effect as car head l i gh t s have w h e n
they sh ine o n t o a patch of e n g i n e oil
o n a wet road . In t h e s a m e w a y that
the co lours in the oi l c h a n g e as y o u
cross the road, a butterfly can appear J M j i L
in d i f ferent co lou rs , d e p e n d i n g o n I
the ang le f r o m w h i c h y o u l o o k at it.
The i r i descence that w e s ee is jP
a p roduc t o f the l ight rays re f lec ted
w h e n l ight hits a f i lm that has a mirror
like sur face . W h e n the i n c o m i n g l ight
hits t h e t o p sur face o f the f i lm, s o m e o f
it is re f l ec ted . The rest carr ies o n travel
l ing t h r o u g h the mater ia l
unti l it reaches the lower
sur face , w h e r e m o r e light
rays a re r e f l e c t e d . The
c o l o u r s t h e m s e l v e s
d e p e n d o n h o w far the
l ight has h a d to travel
wi th in the f i lm and to what
extent the dens i ty o f the
f i lm af fects t h e l ight 's s p e e d and direc
t i on . The co lours c h a n g e as the object or
obse rve r c h a n g e s pos i t i on in re lat ion to
t h e l ight.
This ind ica tes that the i r idescent
c o l o u r s p r o d u c e d by but ter f l ies are a
c o n s e q u e n c e o f the physical structure of
the i r w i n g s . Vukus i c a n d Samb les have
t he r e fo r e b e e n l o o k i n g at w i n g struc
tu re u s i n g e l e c t r o n m i c r o s c o p y . T h e y
"Christmas tree" structures on the
Morpho butterfly
b e g a n
by l o o k i n g at
m o t h s , w h o s e
�wings, l ike bu t
te r f l i es ' , a re a f t
m o s a i c of * \
scales, ; %
a r r a n g e d in a I
roof-tile pattern. It a rose that ins ide each
scale lay a c o m p l e x g e o m e t r i c f r ame
work . Cut ic les of chit in w e r e a r r anged in
layers, concer t inaed with layers o f air. This
m e a n s that w h e n sunl ight strikes a scale ,
it b e c o m e s f i l t e red t h r o u g h a w h o l e
ser ies of chi t in layers, e a c h ac t i ng as a
mirror-like f i lm. They p r o d u c e a mu l t i
t ude of ref lect ions. The layers di f fer in
th i ckness a n d d i s tance a w a y f r o m o n e
a n o t h e r a n d so var ies t h e se r i e s o f
co lours w e see o n the m o t h s w i n g s .
O n d i s cove r i ng this, Peter Vukus i c
w e n t o n to l ook at the w i n g s o f butter
fl ies. O u t of all o f t hose h e has s tud i ed ,
it is t h e M o r p h o s p e c i e s o f but te r f l y
w h i c h has captured his interest the most.
M o r p h o is a t ropica l spec i e s w i th electr ic
I b l ue w i n g s . W h e n Peter l o o k e d at
\ individual scales f rom this butterfly, he
� f o u n d that they w e r e m a d e up o f a
| ser ies of long i tud ina l r idges, f o o k i n g
at the r idges m o r e c lose ly h e s a w
that e a c h w a s m a d e up o f mu l t ip le
ref lect ive sur faces . M o r e speci f ica l ly ,
they were in the fo rm of what he n o w
cal ls "Chr i s tmas t r e e "
structures. "The overall The "Ch r i s tmas
t rees " sit o n the sur face effect is a stun o f a sca le , a r r a n g e d in
rows. Each o f their t iny
b ranches inter feres w i th
i n c o m i n g l ight f r om the
top and b o t t o m surfaces,
re f lec t ing a ser ies of c o l o u r e d rays.
The scatter o f t hese rays is cons ide r
ab ly i n c r e a s e d by the o v e r l a p p i n g
nature o f the scales on the butterf ly 's
w i n g w h i c h diffract the light rays. The
overal l e f fect is a s t u n n i n g meta l l i c
b l ue butterf ly w h i c h is v is ib le f r om as
m a n y pos i t ions as poss ib le .
V u k u s i c
*m a n d S a m b l e s have g o n e o n
to inves t igate the opt ica l p rop
erties o f butterf ly sca les u s i ng lasers. The
lasers d e t e r m i n e exact ly h o w m u c h light
is ref lected by a s ing le sca le and h o w this
is d i spe r sed . So far they have f o u n d that
s o m e sca les are c apab l e o f re f lec t ing as
m u c h as 7 5 % o f the l ight they rece ive in
the v i s i b l e b l u e s p e c t r u m . This is a n
a m a z i n g a m o u n t c o n s i d e r i n g that each
2j - V. I I
Mllllli
ning metallic
blue "
Sca les o f t h e M o r p h o butterf ly
w i n g sca le is m a d e up of a s imp l e car
bohydrate material w h i c h has arisen f rom
a s ing le ce l l . This w o r k is p rog ress i ng
fur ther by inves t iga t ing the opt ica l p rop
ert ies o f s t ructures in butterf ly w i n g s in
s p e c t r u m s o f l ight w h i c h i n c l u d e the
inf rared a n d ultraviolet wave l eng ths .
The t e a m in Exeter have a l ready
d e v e l o p e d a t h e o r y so that t hey can
ma thema t i c a l l y m o d e l the "Chr istmas
t ree " a rch i tec ture f o u n d on
t h e M o r p h o but ter f l y . As
they ga the r m o r e i n fo rma
t ion they p lan to d e v e l o p a
c o m p u l e r m o d e l w h i c h can
predict the opt ica l r e sponse
of var ious physical structures
a c r o s s a b r o a d r a n g e o f
w a v e l e n g t h s .
W i th this k ind of i n fo rma t i on , it
s h o u l d be poss i b l e to es tab l i sh s o m e
rules for m i m i c k i n g butterf ly ref lectors in
a variety o f ways . So w h e n y o u f ind your
self p a y i n g w i th your i r idescent credit
card for s o m e i r idescent hair spray, to go
w i t h y o u r i r i d e s c e n t c l u b b i n g t op ,
r e m e m b e r w h e r e y o u saw it first.
12
Reviews
Film 8 February 1999
Very Bad Things * * * * Starring : Cameron Diaz, Christian Slater, Jon Favreau, Leland Orser, Jeremy Piven, Daniel Stern
Director: Peter Berg
De s p i t e t h e fact tha t t h e y ' v e
neve r b e e n in a n y t h i n g that
c o u l d ac tua l l y b e b r a n d e d w i t h
t h e ad jec t i ve ' g o o d ' , b o t h o f Very Bad
Things stars ha ve m a n a g e d to bu i l d
t h e m s e l v e s e x t r a o r d i n a r y f a n b a s e s
a r o u n d t h e g l o b e .
C a m e r o n D i az has b e c o m e a ma jor
H o l l y w o o d p layer t h a n k s to a m a z i n g
looks c o m b i n e d w i th a n as tu te c h o i c e
o f ro les ( e s c h e w i n g t h e t r ad i t i ona l l ine
o f b l o n d e b i m b o s a n d r o m - c o m h e r o
ines), plus an u n e x p e c t e d level o f talent.
Chr is t ian Slater, h o w e v e r , has t a k e n a
m o r e off-beat r ou t e t o s t a r d o m . In t h e
late-eight ies h e w a s a t e e n a g e p in-up,
but in t h e n i n e t i e s h e h a s s t o r m e d
t h r o u g h a n ec l ec t i c mix o f m o v i e s , f o l
l owed by increasingly o u t r a g e o u s stories
o f d r u g a b u s e - s o m e h o w m a n a g i n g to
keep that t r a d e m a r k r o g u i s h gr in intact.
Thus , wh i l s t D i a z m a y b e o n less
fami l iar terr i tory in t h e m o v i e - s h e ' s
just t o o nice to p lay a c o n v i n c i n g rich-
bi tch - Slater is in h is e l e m e n t . H e l eads
a g r o u p o f f i ve la te-twent ies b l o k e s t o
Las Vegas , w h e r e t hey p lan to s t age t h e
greatest b a c h e l o r party ever , t o ce l e
brate. It turns w i ld , and amids t a mass ive
A bunch of pissed, leering goodfor-nothlng blokes. It's all strangely familiar.
dr ink a n d d r u g fue l l ed b inge a prost i tute
is a cc iden ta l l y m u r d e r e d . Slater m o v e s
into gear, s p o u t i n g pop-psycho logy and
r is ing t o every ( inc reas ing ly brutal ) act
w h i c h his e s c a p e p lan requ i res . M e a n
w h i l e , o f cou r se , his f r i ends are fa l l i ng
to p i e ces . Hys te r ia a n d ful l-on n e r v o u s
b r e a k d o w n c o u p l e d w i th guilt a n d pan i c
s o o n l ead t o lethal w r a n g l e s , a n d , o f
course , an h i l a r ious f ina le . J u x t a p o s e d
aga ins t t h e s e horr i f ic a c t i ons a r c D i az ' s
s u b l i m e l y s c r e w y a t t e m p t s to e n s u r e
t h e w e d d i n g g o e s to p l a n . W h i c h it
d o e s . Sort of.
In e s s e n c e , Very Bad Things is Shal
low Crave w i t h l aughs . If that s o u n d s
l ike a pret ty s ick c o n c e p t t h e n that 's
b e c a u s e it is. R e m e m b e r t h e s c e n e in
Shallow Crave w h e r e Ewan M c G r e g o r
a n d C h r i s t o p h e r E cc l e s tone g o to the
DIY s h o p to buy a s p a d e , a s a w a n d a
h a m m e r ? That s c e n e is m i r r o r e d here ,
o n l y th i s t i m e t h e y b u y c h a i n s a w s ,
b r e a t h i n g a p p a r a t u s a n d a lot o f suit
cases. W h i c h they put the d i s m e m b e r e d
to r sos in . Yet it 's h i l a r ious - s o m e h o w
wr i te r/d i rec to r Be rg m a n a g e s to create
a w o r l d d e t a c h e d f r o m reality, w h e r e
y o u k n o w that t h e s e even t s a ren ' t real
- a n d t h u s s o m e o n e s t a n d i n g in a bath
cu t t i ng u p a c o r p s e w i th a c h a i n s a w is
funny . O d d .
To en joy Very Bad Things you ' l l have
to be o f a ce r ta in d i s p o s i t i o n , w i t h the
abi l i ty to l a u g h at u n d e n i a b l y nasty acts.
Yet if y o u c an y o u ' l l f i n d y o u r s e l f heav
ily r e w a r d e d , w i th f i n e p e r f o r m a n c e s
f r o m t w o o f H o l l y w o o d ' s mos t l ikable
stars, s o m e grea t e n s e m b l e m o m e n t s
a n d a se r i e s o f bri l l iant twists in t h e last
t e n m i n u t e s , in w h i c h near ly every char
acter r ece i ves the i r c o m e u p p a n c e . D
Dave
Shakespeare in Love * * * * * Starring : Gwyneth Paltrow, Joseph Fiennes, Geoffrey Rush, Ben Affleck, Judi Dench, Colin Firth, Simon Callow
Director: John Madden
Golden Globe Award already In the bag. Oscar to come?
Yo u ' v e p r o b a b l y h e a r d a l l t h e
h y p e a b o u t Shakespeare in Love
a l r e ady , s o it n e e d s n o i n t r o d u c
t ion - e x c e p t to say it 's b r i l l i an t a n d
g o a n d s e e it n o w ! T h e r e s i m p l y i sn ' t
a n y t h i n g b a d to say a b o u t th i s f i l m at
a l l .
The f i l m has b e e n s o w e l l t h o u g h t
o u t a n d t h e s c r i p t c l e v e r l y p u t
t o g e t h e r , w i t h t h e s a m e b l e n d o f in-
j o k e s , p e r i o d de ta i l a n d w i t tha t m a d e
wr i t e r T o m S t o p p a r d ' s o t h e r S h a k e
s p e a r e a n p a r o d i e s (Rosencrantz and
Guildenstern Are Dead a n d The Fif
teen Minute Hamlet) s o s u c c e s s f u l
o n b o t h s t a g e a n d s c r e e n . If y o u h a v e
a w o r k i n g k n o w l e d g e o f ' R o m e o a n d
Ju l ie t ' by t h e b a r d h i m s e l f t h e n m o s t
o f the p u n s w i l l w o r k for y o u , but e v e n
if y o u h a v e n ' t it d o e s n ' t m a t t e r .
Set in L o n d o n in 1 5 9 3 , J o s e p h
F i e n n e s is b e l i e v a b l e as S h a k e s p e a r e .
H e s e e m s t o p o s s e s s al l t h e w i t a n d
i n t e l l i g e n c e p r e s e n t in S h a k e s p e a r e ' s
w o r k . A n d as fo r G w y n e t h P a l t r o w as
t h e love ly V i o l a D e Lesseps , w e l l , y o u ' l l
h a v e t o m a k e u p y o u r o w n m i n d .
D o n ' t g o t h i n k i n g th i s a c t r e s s c an ' t
d o a n E n g l i s h a c c e n t b e c a u s e s h e has
s h o w n t h e w h o l e w o r l d in th is f i lm s h e
is a br i l l i an t p e r f o r m e r a n d t h e u l t i
m a t e ' E n g l i s h R o s e ' .
S h a k e s p e a r e a n d V i o l a m e e t w h e n
s h e a u d i t i o n s for a part in h is n e w
p lay ' R o m e o a n d E the l t h e P i ra te ' s
D a u g h t e r ' . T h e o n l y s n a g is w o m e n
a r e n ' t a l l o w e d t o p e r f o r m o n the
s t a g e . H e d i s c o v e r s he r t r u e iden t i t y
a n d q u i c k l y t a k e s h e r to b e his n e w
M u s e w h o i n s p i r e s h i m to t u r n his
p l a y i n t o a t r a g i c l o v e s t o r y c a l l e d
' R o m e o a n d J u l i e t ' . A s a l w a y s , t h e
c o u r s e o f t r ue l o v e is n e v e r easy . V io l a
is b e t r o t h e d t o s o m e o n e e l s e a n d
t h e rest y o u w i l l h a v e to f i n d ou t for
y o u r s e l f .
A l m o s t eve ry f i ve m i n u t e s a r e c o g
n i s a b l e f a c e t u r n s u p i n c l u d i n g m e m
bers o f t h e 'Fast S h o w ' , M a r t i n C l u n e s ,
a n d G e o f f r e y R u s h (star o f Shine a n d
Elizabeth). M a k i n g a star a p p e a r a n c e
is D a m e Jud i D e n c h as Q u e e n E l i za
b e t h . The r e s e m b l a n c e b e t w e e n t h e s e
t w o w o m e n is so s t a r t l i ng tha t D e n c h
c o u l d h a v e b e e n E l i z a b e t h in a f o r m e r
l i f e .
A l t h o u g h t h i s f i l m is d r e a d f u l l y
r o m a n t i c , it isn ' t a ' c h i c k f l i ck ' - just the
bes t f i l m o f 1999 so far.D Helen
8 February 1999 Film 13
Reviews
A Bugs Life * � * Starring : Dave Foley, Kevin Spacey, Phyllis Diller, David Hyde Pierce, Mike McShane
Director: John Lasseter, Andrew Stanton
So, this is the D i s n e y v e r s i o n o f
Antz. O r s h o u l d I s ay t h e o r i g i n a l
v e r s i on , t o r t h o s e o f y o u w h o
d o n ' t k n o w t h e story b e h i n d t h e s e
t w o f i lms, I'll fill y o u i n . D i s n e y c a m e
up w i th t h e i d e a o f a c o m p u t e r - g e n e r
a t ed f l ick a b o u t an ts a n d D r e a m w o r k s
s to le the i d e a a n d m a d e it b i g g e r a n d
bet ter . It's very d i f f i cu l t no t t o c o m
pare t h e s e t w o f i lms , as t h e y are s o
s imi lar .
to r t h o s e o f y o u w h o haven ' t s e e n
AntzXhis f i lm wi l l b e spec t acu l a r w i t h its
bri l l iant a n i m a t i o n a n d cu t e s tory l i ne .
M i n d y o u , as w i t h all D i s n e y f i l m s t h e
trai lers e x p o s e d al l t h e bes t bi ts . If y o u
l i s ten ca re fu l l y y o u w i l l h e a r t h e v o i c e s
o f Kev in Spacey , Dav id H y d e P i e r ce
(a.k.a. N i l e s f r o m Frasier), Phyl l is D i l le r
a n d J ohn R a t z e n b e r g e r ( f r o m Cheers).
The s tory l ine is t h e s a m e as w i t h
Antz. Flik (Foley) is a n i n d i v i d u a l w i t h
fantast ic i deas a b o u t h o w to i m p r o v e
the c o l o n y o n An t Is land but h a v i n g
ideas is not ' n o r m a l ' w h e n y o u ' r e a n
ant. H e is c o n s i d e r e d a l itt le o d d by
a lmos t e v e r y o n e a n d h is i d e a s ge t h i m
in to t r o u b l e . So m u c h t r o u b l e in fact
that he is sent away for he lp to save t h e
t r ^ b ^ a E N J r ^ ifi-fifr-«r
CGI ten times more powerful than that used on Toy Story. Wow.
c o l o n y f r o m t h e g r a s s h o p p e r s . A f te r
s e e i n g th is f i lm y o u wi l l neve r l o o k at
a g r a s s h o p p e r in t h e s a m e l ight a g a i n .
H e f i n d s w h a t h e t h i n k s is a t r o o p o f
war r io r s but they turn ou t to be a c i rcus
g r o u p . H o w e v e r , d o n ' t wor ry , as in all
g o o d D i s n e y f i lms t h e g o o d g u y w i n s
a n d ge t s the g i r l .
W h e r e a s A n t z w a s ful l o f ' a d u l t '
j o k e s this has a sense of h u m o u r a i m e d
at c h i l d r e n . It's de f i n i t e l y not a f i l m for
all a g e g r o u p s to e n j o y but g o a n d s e e
it anyway . Q
Helen
Your Friends & Neighbours * * * Starring : Amy Brenneman, Nastassja Kinski, Jason Patric, Ben Stiller
Director: Neil LaBute
The re are ce r ta in d i r e c to r s w h o
clearly aren ' t t o o h a p p y w i t h the i r
lot in life, f i l l ing every m o v i e they
make wi th dea th , d e p r e s s i o n a n d suf
fer ing - and Nei l LaBute is o n e such
m a n .
His d e b u t m o v i e . In t h e C o m p a n y o f
M e n , s aw t w o heart less o f f i ce wo rke r s
dat ing, t hen d u m p i n g a frail d e a f girl just
because they w a n t e d to hurt s o m e o n e ,
and Your Fr iends & N e i g h b o u r s p resents
m o r e o f t h e s a m e . C o n s e q u e n t l y , t h e
cast consists o f Patric's soc ia l evil incar
nate ; a w i f e w h o w o n ' t b e t o u c h e d
(Brennerman) ; a quar re l l ing c o u p l e w h o
are chea t ing o n e a c h other (Stiller a n d
Keener ) ; a h u s b a n d w h o prac t i ces his
o w n brand o f self-loving (Aaron Eckhart);
and a dr ippy lesb ian (Kinski).
A m e r i c a n ind ie m o v i e s o f this k ind -
deliberately l ow budget and lo-fi - live and
d ie o n t h e s t rength o f the i r cast, a n d it's
here that Your Friends s hows its dep th . All
CGI ten times more powerful than that used on Toy Story. Wow.
o f t h e six pr inc ip le actors a re o n t o p
f o r m , but its Patric w h o storms th rough
w i th a g rands t and ing pe r fo rmance , f i l led
w i th tales of date-rape and ' revenge ' sex.
Like I sa id, LaBute is not a happy m a n .
F i l led w i t h g a g s w h i c h you ' l l f ee l
u n c o m f o r t a b l e l a u g h i n g at, e n d l e s s l y
quotable d ia logue and a wa rped sense of
f u n , your take o n the m o v i e wi l l u l t i
mate ly d e p e n d o n your o w n v i ews (and
exper ience ) of sex. [ J
Dave
Competition winners will be announced next week.
The X-Files In the face o f a ba r rage o f TV to m o v i e
adap ta t i ons that have p r o v e d just h o w
easy it is to m a k e a bad f i lm, The X-Files
Movie is a r e f r e s h i n g c h a n g e w h i c h
stays very t rue to its roots. Consequen t l y
the f i lm plays very m u c h in the style o f
an e x t e n d e d e p i s o d e o f the hit scr ies .
The i n c r eased b u d g e t is obv ious , but
sens ib ly ut i l ised, a n d the m u c h vaun ted
plot e x p o s e s s imp l y leave e ven m o r e
u n a n s w e r e d q u e s t i o n s . M o s t i m p o r
tantly, M u l d e r a n d Scully don ' t 'get it o n '
(as Barry Wh i t e w o u l d say).
The di f f icul t bit of any TV to m o v i e
t rans i t ion is h o w to cater for bo th the
long-term fan a n d the n e w c o m e r , and
its he re that The X-Files really s u c c e e d s .
A c o u p l e o f en te r t a i n i ng 'he l lo , this is
w h o w e are ' s c e n e s get that out o f the
way early o n , a n d f r o m there on it's
pla in sa i l ing into a truly breath-taking
f ina le .
The Avengers To be hones t , I d idn ' t actual ly th ink The
Avengerswas that b a d . There arc s o m e
n ice ideas o n s h o w ; the cast aren' t at all
bad ; a n d (surpr is ingly) it s t ruggles to
retain the spirit o f the or iginal . However ,
I'm not o n e to wa l k in the face o f p u b
lic o p i n i o n on s u c h matters , and it's
u n d e n i a b l y t rue that The Avengers is a
mess . Edi ted to bits, it s imp ly makes no
sense in p laces , a n d is utter i n d u l g e n c e
in o thers (Eddie Izzard and Shaun Ryder
in a m in i , c h a s i n g L i m a T h u r m a n and
Ralph F iennes wi th radio-control wasps) .
It's on ly r e d e e m i n g fea ture is the sight
o f Sean C o n n e r y in a giant teddy-bear
c o s t u m e .
Species 2 S o m e t i m e back in July I w e n t to the c in
e m a w i th a g r o u p o f f r i ends to see The
Wedding Singer. O n e of the trailers was
for Species 2. If w a s so b a d w e started
to l augh . W e w e r e still l a u g h i n g after
three m o r e trailers. W e still cou ldn ' t stop
l a u g h i n g w h e n the m o v i e itself b e g a n
to roll . W e on l y s t o p p e d l a u g h i n g w h e n
a very well-built usher to ld us that if w e
d idn ' t shut up h e ' d t h r o w us out. As far
as I'm c o n c e r n e d , that 's not a g o o d
s ign . Even m y b l ind-desperate f r iends -
the o n e s w h o l iked Showgirls - d idn ' t
l ike Species 2. Be w a r n e d . D
Dave
14 Sabbatical Interviews 8 February 1999
£ 5 0 K of taxpayers' Dave Hellard ICU President
Dave Hellard: the
Man the Vlyth.
the Legend
The questr r crerv
, ter h )uld as!
slop towards the ballot
box is who is David Hel
lard and why should ! vote
for h im ' i know 1 have I
am rot the traditional
l nion "st iff and I thint
that worries s m peM
e 'ai :
Union official who finds
himself with no-where tc
�i< n< i
dent.
i;: ent? Simply, i work in the
Union, I live in the Union
and 1 live fo r 'he Union I
ha*.- spent m, time ir
t ana around ike Union
\
previous contenders,
merely CV seeking point
pimps, I see problems, I
see issues and it's time
someone stood for the
right reasons, to make a
change.
viev .ear students
wilt be coming to univer
sity with even less mone\
than ever before. Th
i nion in turn will be relied
upon even mote rvavil
The money it provides
through jobs and funding,
combined with the
easy access to cheap
living could hi the differ
ence between the stu
dents being anle o a't' in)
to come to Imperial ot
not. "IK aadi d pressure
of money on students will
also see a need tor out
coun
even wuk r n ai h nc
This iswhr i m i
pit sident to maintain ihe
high s'undares all ad, su
by the Union a re tc
assur
ha. r w : r r o r .race - v.;
be m a
i iMiil. in ih I nior
live in the Union and 1 live,
for the Union It s
time lot the sti ..
den's to mat e /
their marl /
Desp i t e a m a n i f e s t o w h i c h d idn ' t a c tu
ally c o m m i t U n i o n P res ident Dave H e l
lard t o a n y t h i n g , he still f ee l s he has
a c h i e v e d a lot d u r i n g t h e last s e v e n
m o n t h s . H e be l i e ves h e has s w i t c h e d
the f o c u s o n t o the day-to-day i s sues
w h i c h real ly a f fect s t uden t s - l ike Lon
d o n Transpor t , t he l ibrary a n d heal th-
c e n t r e , a n d d i s c o u n t s .
C o n s e q u e n t l y , h e ' d l ike
his year in o f f i ce to be
r e m e m b e r e d as " t he
yea r t h e U n i o n c a m e
b a c k to t h e s t u d e n t s " .
A l o n g s i d e this, h e ' d
a l so l ike t o b e r e m e m b e r e d for se t t i ng
s o m e l o n g e r t e rm projects in m o t i o n -
like t h e e x p a n s i o n into Beit Q u a d a n d
the p r o p o s e d U n i o n Job Shop (both d u e
to beg in in S u m m e r 2000). Dave has also
put a lot o f e m p h a s i s o n S tudent D e v e l
o p m e n t , a n d h o p e s to set up a "Student
D e v e l o p m e n t W e e k " for next year.
N o n e t h e l e s s , h e admi t s that h e has
m a n a g e d to a c h i e v e far less this year
t han h e had init ial ly h o p e d , " p r o b l e m s
w i t h c lubs , the C C U ' s a n d U L U s e e m to
eat up m y t i m e " . The w o r k l o a d has a l so
c o m e as s o m e t h i n g o f a s h o c k to the
sys t em , " the level o f adm in i s t r a t i on is
h u g e , a n d , for the m o s t part, t h a n k
less" .
"the year the
Union came back
to the students"
O n t h e o t h e r h a n d , Dave s e e s o n e
o f t h e b igges t p lus po in t s o f the j o b as
t h e o p p o r t u n i t y for lots o f pub l i c speak
i n g a n d m e e t i n g p e o p l e . I ndeed this
m a y p rove to b e on l y t h e first s tep on
t h e road t o p o w e r - a l t h o u g h Dave has
d e c i d e d that h e hates "Polit ics w i th a b ig
P", h e is l o o k i n g to w o r k in t h e Fore ign
O f f i c e or w i t h the U N
" a n d I w o u l d n ' t m i n d
b e i n g an A m b a s s a d o r " .
So w h a t m a k e s a
g o o d Pres ident? A c c o r d
i n g to Dave , y o u s imp l y
can ' t tell w h o w o u l d d o
t h e j o b w e l l , " y o u just ha ve to l isten to
w h a t t h e y p r o m i s e to d o , a n d h o p e
they f o c u s o n t h e i s sues " . H e admi t s
that h e is far f r o m per fec t " you n e e d
s o m e o n e w h o ' s m o r e r e spons ib l e t han
m e in t h e w a y t h e y a d m i n i s t e r t h e
U n i o n , but w h o w o n ' t let cons t i tu t iona l
j a r g o n ge t in t h e w a y o f d o i n g the j o b
p rope r l y " .
A n d w o u l d h e d o the j o b aga in?
Dave is a f e r ven t be l i eve r in t h e b e n e
fits o f a l l o w i n g sabba t i ca l s to run for a
s e c o n d t e r m , but w o u l d n ' t w a n t to d o
it h imse l f . "I w o u l d n ' t b e ful ly i n vo l ved ,
a n d I'd get e v e n m o r e ego t i s t i c t han I
a m n o w . I've h a d m y c h a n c e - its t i m e
to let s o m e o n e e l se have the i r g o . "
Marie Nicholaou Deputy President
(Clubs & Societies) On l y a m o n t h into her ( sho r t ened ) sab
bat ica l t e r m , ti is d i f f i cu l t t o g a u g e t h e
p e r f o r m a n c e o f ICU 's n e w e s t s a b b ,
M a r i e N i c h o l a o u . N o n e t h e l e s s , s h e
c la ims her t i m e has b e e n
in h i g h d e m a n d , d e a l i n g
w i th t h e H e a l t h & Safe ty
i s sues w h i c h s h e v i e w s
as i n c r e d i b l y i m p o r t a n t .
Key to th i s has b e e n t h e
po ten t i a l d a n g e r s o f t h e
We igh t s G y m a n d p r o b l e m s o f n o i s e In
S o u t h s i d e b a s e m e n t s - b o t h o f w h i c h
she h o p e s w i l l s o o n r e a c h sa t i s f a c to r y
o u t c o m e s .
Ma r i e , h o w e v e r , readi ly a d m i t s that
s h e has n o g r a n d p l an for he r s e v e n
m o n t h s in o f f i ce . "If I'd h a d s o m e g o o d
i d e a s I w o u l d h a v e r un fo r t h e fu l l
twe l v e m o n t h s . . . l h a ven ' t h a d e n o u g h
t i m e to f o r m u l a t e a g r a n d p l a n " . Thus ,
s h e is c o n c e r n e d m o r e w i t h d e a l i n g
"I haven't had
time to formulate
a grand plan"
w i t h t h e next cr is is t h a n l e a v i n g a n y
l a s t i n g i m p r e s s i o n o n t h e U n i o n . In
yea r s t o c o m e s h e s i m p l y h o p e s that
s h e is r e m e m b e r e d for " t r y ing to h e l p
all spor t s - a n d t ry ing not
to b e t o o b i a s e d t owa rds
m y o w n . . . But I've
f a i l e d " .
L ike D a v e , M a r i e
s e e s t h e o p p o r t u n i t y to
m e e t n e w p e o p l e eve ry
day as o n e o f t h e b i g g e s t p lus po in t s
o f t h e j o b . O n t h e o t h e r h a n d , t h e
w o r s t part l ies in t h e a d m i n w h i c h r u n
n i n g 150 c l ubs r e q u i r e d , "I haven ' t writ
t e n a n y t h i n g for f o u r years , a n d n o w
I've g o t to wr i t e all t h e s e reports . . . I ' ve
f o r g o t t e n h o w . "
So w h a t m a k e s a n idea l D P (C&S)?
" You n e e d s o m e o n e pa t i en t a n d t o l
e ran t w h o has a n o p e n m i n d o n eve ry
i s s u e " .
t ime. But a lot can hap-
pcn.'=~¥wf**€Ould rneet
s o m e o n e , get marr ied ,
put a deposit on a house
and have a kid on the
way in that time. What I
want to do for six months
is Improve your clubs and
..: .'ties With the recent
introduct ion of medical
he South
Kensington campus, it is
mote important than ever
to provide lor ail our stu-
oi nts and their broad
ts and
our clubs and
) unite
t - l i i r i
clubs and their member
(you the students) Ih
support they need to sue
ceed.
It is very easy to lose
your way at Imperial and
graduate with a degree
having not been involved
in anyth ing other than
s tudy ing. What you do
whi le you are here wil l
"Set you apart from other
graduates who arc chas
ing your 10. it is one.
;nccts better
i you can say
. been part
h a v e b i .nvolved With '
a group oi people who
s h a r e a c o m m >n inteiest
There ai man',
neg lec ted issues thai
need to be resolved ai
the m o m e n t , and six
months of wi rk to (.arch
up on I Ic alth and s if I
is one of the a rea ; that
must be addr> ssi d immi
diutolv
I am curri ntl\ captain
of the
Club and ! will be at it" loi
a l e w years t ) come i
wou ld like to mat posi
tive changes to tin u *
clubs are tun whin I am
here. Vote for me - I
8 February 1999 Sabbatical Interviews 15
money well spent! Chris Ince Deputy President
(Finance & Services) |
.-: i:Si ilfTie 1
: ;o: ; :^ci'iveiy
H k f
U O : iiiff sCluhs Conimi'jee
i
rs and this vi a
: t r~airrefcim
" ... : : ;. u .
hi mportant th.e\ are tt
i union Onk uth gr od
finances is it possible for all
i >ur (lubs and sot ieties to
unction aropi rk \lso i
us important that the Union
" radi r .oa 'T This allows u%
Having sat on both
council and exec this year
I am well aware of Ihe way
the union operates as well.
Overall I feel I am wel l
qualified to do this job and
would also like to do it.
i | | 8 l | i f e . : .
p we want
p R ' : : iticial train-
finances are run properly
I hope that m> c \pc-
rience within if
will allow n � to uUkkh
grasp
nn-go n-M.-.:.n 'hiswill
then allow me Co �
with the ether .ssobajHSt '
tre r ter yyr.'fiS'.'
� err.1. .-.<�'.<
Chr is Ince w a s e l e c t ed last J une o n a
m a n i f e s t o w h i c h p r o m i s e d a t h o r o u g h
r e v i e w o f U n i o n s u b s i d y l eve l s ,
i n c r e a s e d t r a i n i n g for t r easu re r s a n d
prope r r u n n i n g o f c lub f i nances - all o f
w h i c h are n o w in p rogress . Desp i t e t h e
fact that p rob lems con t inue to s t ream in,
Chr is be l i eves that the t r a in ing w a s very
w o r t h w h i l e , "it w a s w o r t h
g i v i n g t r a i n i n g to t h e
m e d i c s , e v e n if t h e y
i g n o r e d it. I just w i sh I'd
t a k e n a list o f w h o w a s
the re " .
T h e rea l ly b i g i s sues
this year, as far as Chr is is c o n c e r n e d ,
h a ve b e e n t h e Beit E x p a n s i o n a n d
m i n i b u s e s . Both o f these issues have
� s e e n a great dea l o f p rogress (wi th the
U n i o n d o i n g surpr i s ing ly we l l In Beit),
but it wi l l t ake a l o n g t i m e for the results
to filter t h r o u g h . "That's o n e of the b i g
p r o b l e m s w i th this j o b -1 k n o w I w o n ' t
b e h e r e t o s e e t h e o u t c o m e o f m y
ac t ions " .
Chr is a l so has t o accep t that a b i g
part o f his j o b invo lves d a m a g e l imi ta
t i on . M o r e o v e r , e ve r y th ing b e l o w £500
is bas ica l ly d e l e g a t e d d o w n , s o h o w
ever c o n s c i e n t i o u s h e is, " t h e r e w i l l
a lways be a b ig m e s s " . I ndeed Chr is
sees this as the worst part o f his job , "the
"if I could do
the job again
would do"
M e d S c h o o l is a c o m p l e t e mess. . . l can ' t
b e e x p e c t e d t o p e r f o r m mi rac l e s for
t h o s e w h o d o n ' t p lay by t h e ru les .
N o n e t h e l e s s , h e is still p l e a s e d w i t h
h o w th ings have g o n e this year - par
t icular ly his w o r k i n g r e l a t i onsh ip w i th
P res ident He l l a rd , "At the b e g i n n i n g o f
t h e year I w a s c o n c e r n e d that s o m e o n e
w h o w a s n ' t i n vo l ved w i t h
t h e U n i o n had t h e p o t e n
tial to m a k e h u g e mistakes.
But h e ' s ac tua l l y d o n e
real ly w e l l " .
So w o u l d Chr is s tand
for e l e c t i o n a g a i n , g i v e n
the c h a n c e ? "If I c o u l d s tand aga in I
w o u l d d o . W h e n t h e n e w rec tor is
a p p o i n t e d w e s h o u l d p u s h really hard
for t h e r ight fo r t w o yea r sabbat i ca l s " .
M o r e o v e r t he r e is o n e impor tan t les
s o n w h i c h Chr i s has learnt , " i f I w a s
start ing t h e year over , I w o u l d n ' t rely o n
a de t a i l ed c h a i n o f c o m m a n d - I'd get
de t a i l ed i n f o r m a t i o n t o e v e r y o n e per
sona l l y " .
A s k e d w h a t m a k e s a g o o d DP (F&S),
the a n s w e r is s i m p l e , "It's the o n e ro le
w h e r e y o u n e e d s o m e o n e really c apa
ble, yet to lerant , w h o c an say m o r e t han
just ' N o ' . "
A n d w h a t ' s t h e best t h i n g a b o u t
t h e job? "That p s e u d o s e n s e o f p o w e r " .
Ed Sexton Felix Editor Ed Sexton 's man i f e s to p r o m i s e d th ree
things: greater publicity, a higher standard
of writing and reps at every campus . Whilst
he has had great success with the first
two, Ed admits to hav ing
had more trouble with the
latter, "I made half an effort,
but there didn't s e e m to be
any interest". However , Ed
is very happy wi th the
improvements made in the
reviews sections this year, particularly in arts
and games . A b o v e all else, he 'd like to be
remembered for be ing "relaxed, approach
able and considerate o f both sides of the
argument" .
Alongside this, Ed also believes that the
relationship with the U n i o n has c h a n g e d
this year. "Felix has b e c o m e m u c h m o r e
pro-Union - we' l l still attack t h e m w h e n
necessary, but in general we ' re both o n the
same side".
So would he d o the job again? "No, but
not because I'm not enjoying it - it's just not
someth ing you want to d o for m o r e than
"relaxed,
approachable
and considerate"
thirteen months" . There are things he 'd like
to d o differently If he started the year over.
A n important lesson is that peop le will only
d o th ings if you speak to t h e m personally,
face-to-face, "so I'd spend
more t ime out of the office,
rather than constantly emaiL
ing and p h o n i n g peop le " .
Moreover , given the oppor
tunity Ed believes he w o u l d
have tried far harder to keep
Felix c o m i n g out on Friday's.
O n e th ing the year has taught Ed is the
myriad of abilities wh i ch the ideal Felix ed i
tor needs to embody . "You need to have
the technical knowledge ; a genu ine like of
student interests,- the ability to see the dif
ference be tween what s o m e o n e writes
and w h o they are; and you have to be able
to write 400 words at six in the morn ing ,
hav ing b e e n awake for 24 hours".
A n d what 's the best th ing about the
job? "Walking a round on M o n d a y after
n o o n s and see ing thousands of students
leaf ing th rough their copy of Felix."
JRjT ° r Felix
Mfr dt-prt d i ji
W <r he t ditot but on
ih s ud r s who vol-
their time to
make it the professional
publication it is. My firsi
priority as iclix Editor will
r o e to encourage more
students to become
invoked through
ased publicity, espe-
r pally at the start of the
Autumn term. As Imper
ial's campuses continue
to merge, it is increas
ingly important that stu
dents from all parts of
the college coniribule to
the newspaper. To this
end Felix will have a rep
resentative at each of the
m a i n campuses, w h b : :
would be in regular con
tact lor news and infor
mation.
be issues relevant to stu
dents. However, Felix
should also entertain the
readership: The diverse
features and review sec
tions will stay, but I feel
the layout needs clarifi
cation to make them
more accessible.
I w a n ; to improve
the quality of writing
throughout lelix, specif-
i all he ' ' i-,' j o d
snoits pages artir t. s c an
he well written whilst
retaining their wit and
will protect its editorial
i n torn Ire i >t> r i tl
influences It will
not take an\ pat- "
ticular political stance,"
but will reflect the opin
ions of all students at the
college.
I or I elix to maintain
and improve upon its
current high standards,
it is vital thai it has some
one committed and
organised in Ihe posilion
of editor, I asl year, I suc
cessfully co-edited
Phoenix, imperial's arts
magazine, as well as run
ning my own society
with its own column in „
lelix. <\s News Ldiior, I '
tiatrw I, I am < "
r -.- � �
our suppor I .an
� " ! '���'��: C..
1 6 /~f* ^ Singles
tiv. If you
io --il fh> n a m e - o i N i v : N:,n<i f i n d
t l i f c k title, i cou ld have a $ l ib l a f§v | i i
i n e e d their I 1,1 |i I' i'
h i ' 1'vuiti'K .i ,on i i h v , , lui mis .hi
p r o d u c e - i t ' s t h e sort o f s tu f f that
ItPlT Ai,Ad>Au : : i �:. Oh, a n d
|er : e 's : : anothef : th i r i t . ) - Ihe b-side W&?
j j l p e t u a i s ing le is a dul l , uninsj �;
treats. M o r e trassw. .More nunky . M o r e
e.n>i?'.'. : v p l o y
| o | o f o r (he beau t i fu l r b e f o r rock, bai-
>il h >
Whistler - Don't Jump In Front Of My
I t h i nk I've g o t a f e t i s h for f e m a l e
. i i e m I'-'fh i|
;ivn «>od roviei � ; in thb h o p e t ha i
t b I V m a y m l e V m e o n e ' d a y a n d he
Sleater-Klnney - A Quaner To Three/
icistrdlbs wha t ' s
l ight a n d flirty a s w e l l as p u n k y a n d
track, oveif-.: � ' , ea i y voca ls
. up a g tin ( i «il if you 'n fun on
� .. , , . . . . . : ; ,
: ii mm .: o i w o r k to d o thai s a< i u m u -
Music 8 February 1999
Albums
3 COLOURS RED
Chr is M c C o r m a c k smi l es gent l y at
t h e pass ing f lasher .
Kn o w n to Q M a g a z i n e readers as
' the u n r e m a r k a b l e 3 C o l o u r s
Red ' this four-piece p u n k rock
b a n d re lease their s e c o n d a l b u m Revolt
today . M o s t o f y o u wi l l have hea rd o f
t h e m thanks to thei r recent Top 20 hit
a n d b r eak th rough s ing le Beautiful Day
Howeve r , this s o n g is unrepresen ta t i ve
of the a l b u m , w h o s e tracks are far
r e m o v e d f r om the str ing-laden rock ba l
lad.
they f o r m e d in 1995, b a s e d o n the
s o n g w r i t i n g par tnersh ip of s inger and
bassist Pete Vuckov i c a n d guitarist Chris
M c C o r m a c k . The pair used to write songs
toge ther v ia post be fo re they had e ven
met and they happ i l y boast that they
had f o r m e d a prol i f ic par tnersh ip be fo re
e ven se t t ing eyes o n e a c h other . O n
real is ing their songwr i t i ng potent ia l they
enl is ted guitarist Ben Ha rd ing a n d d r u m
mer Keith Baxter to f o rm a b a n d . They
called themse lves 3 Co lours Red after the
cr i t ical ly a c c l a i m e d F rench f i l m . T h e y
re leased This Is My Hollywood i n d e p e n
dent ly in 1996 a n d s o o n attracted record
label at tent ion, eventual ly s i gn ing to Cre
at ion by the e n d o f the year.
Neve r-end ing tours a n d the re lease
of four s ingles and an a l b u m s o o n m a d e
t h e m k n o w n across the country but their
mus i c w a s never access ib l e or or ig ina l
e n o u g h for m a i n s t r e a m success . They
tr ied harder for their next a l b u m , realis
i ng that s o m e s l o w e r , m o r e m e l o d i c
s o n g s w o u l d m a k e a w e l c o m e b reak
f r o m the non-stop hur r i cane o f rock a n d
punk . They gave us the s ing le Paralyse
last O c t o b e r w h i c h the band descr ibes as
' l ike n o t h i n g w e ' v e d o n e be fo re , th ink
Pan te ra a n d The Pixies w i th a G e o r g e
H a r r i s o n m e l o d y . ' Q u i t e a n ac cu ra t e
desc r i p t i on , excep t for the Harr ison bit.
O h , a n d the m e l o d y bit as we l l . Un for
tunately , the track is the s a m e as all their
p rev ious s o n g s - l oud guitars a n d drums ,
g r u n g e v o i c e - just w i th d i f ferent wo rds .
W h i c h is w h a t can be said for the
majority o f s o n g s o n this a l b u m , o n e ter
rible s o n g seamless ly rol l ing into another.
H o w e v e r , t h e r e a re a c o u p l e that
d e m a n d a s e c o n d l isten.
first o f f is Back To The City w h i c h
mixes J o h n n y Rotten voca ls w i th comica l
early '80's e lectr ic rock, not as bad as if
s e e m s actual ly . T h e n w e have a rare
s l o w s o n g in This is My Time w h i c h is a
s t a n d a r d o r c h e s t r a l l y - e n h a n c e d rock
a n t h e m , desp i t e it start ing like S p a n d a u
Ballet.
That leaves us finally w i th current s in
g le Beautiful Day. It's hard to tell whe the r
this s o n g wil l he lp or h inder t h e m . Whilst
it wi l l o p e n t h e m up to a ma ins t r eam
aud i ence , it cou ld ruin their image as the
hard boys o f rock. 3 Co lours Red are
that rarest o f th ings , a b a n d that m a n
a g e s to o c c a s i o n a l l y c rea te p o w e r f u l
up l i f t ing s o n g s but equal ly as many crap
ones , u n a b l e to separa te the g o o d f r o m
the b a d . A bit l ike their record c o m p a n y
C rea t i on , w h o for every Oas i s they a lso
s ign a 3 Co lou r s Red . H
EdJ
DESERT EAGLE DISCS The Eagle Has Landed
Iw a s h a n d e d this CD, c o m p l e t e w i th
the n o w ob l iga tory Parental Adv i sory
sticker w i th a r o u g h out l ine o f the
s o u n d : 'Wel l , it's sort o f R'n'B.' Right-oh
then . . . I'm probab l y not the best a m b a s
sador for the n e w R'n'B ( because d idn ' t
the re u s e d to be an o ld one? Y ' know ,
l ike Jools Ho l l and a n d his Rhy thm a n d
B lues O r ches t r a play), c o n s i d e r i n g that
my m u s i c co l l ec t ion is wha t mos t p e o
ple w o u l d t e rm 'guitar mus i c ' w i th the
o d d sp lash o f 01 ' B lue Eyes and a he lp
ing o f Korn .
We l l , he r e w e g o . The ma in m u s i
c ians in the g r o u p are Syze-Up a n d Shari
J . Jules (okay so far) a n d y o u might have
hea rd o f Syze-Up be fo re if you ' r e f ami l
iar w i th Puff Daddy ' s Bad Boy label . He
has re leased a f e w remixes o n it a n d has
also w o r k e d w i th several stateside artists.
Right, that 's e n o u g h o f w h o they are - on
to the sh iny CD . That 's w h y I l ike CDs -
y o u can m a k e pretty patterns on the
ce i l i ng w i th t h e m u s i n g a s imp l e desk
l amp a n d your h a n d .
The ch ie f t h ing that I (a nov ice to the
w o r l d s o f R'n'B, rap a n d h ip-hop , o f
w h i c h I a m rel iably I n fo rmed that this is
an ama lgam) not i ced is that all the s o n g s
c o m e f r o m the s a m e f o r m u l a . They start
w i th a rock-steady rhythm sect ion (no fills
if p o s s i b l e , p l ease ) , f o l l o w e d by a n
e n e m a i n d u c i n g bass, a s a m p l e or two
and lyrics with plenty of not so v ague sex
ual r e f e r ences a n d m e t a p h o r s . W h i l e
th is is not necessa r i l y a b a d t h i n g , I
expec t s o m e t h i n g a little m o r e var ied
f r o m m y mus i c . H a v i n g sa id that, t he
a l b u m as a w h o l e is a very m e l l o w affair
laced wi th the a f o r e m e n t i o n e d e l emen t s
to g o o d effect .
This is a spec ia l type o f m u s i c and I
shal l a t tempt to set the s c e n e in w h i c h
it may be l i s tened to. You c o m e h o m e
after b e i n g out (a c lub , the pub , wha t
ever) and It's late. You might be w i th
s o m e f r i ends or a laydee or a b loke , but
I have e x p e r i e n c e w i th the fo rmer so
we ' l l stick w i th that. You g o to the s tereo
a n d put s o m e t u n e s o n . That 's t h e style,
it's b a c k g r o u n d , inc identa l mus i c or, for
wan t of a better phrase , it's s h a g g i n g
mus i c . Tha i ' s w h a t D.E.D. is a first class
c h o i c e for but it doesn ' t f l ick my swi tch ,
f loat m y boat , y ' k n o w . A n d The Lovers is
the s a m e s o n g as Would You kill For Me?
but w i t h o u t the n a u g h t y swea r ing . You
can't f oo l m e -1 k n o w . E l
Christian
8 February 1999 Music
Albums
DREAM CITY FILM CLUB In The Cold Light Of Morning,
Despite the fluffy name, one
band member still Insists on
looking like a menace.
This a l b u m is d e p r e s s i n g . If
y o u ' r e l o o k i n g for s o m e t h i n g to
perk y o u up in the m o r n i n g , to
lift y o u up w h e n you ' r e f e e l i ng low,
don ' t l o o k here . This is m o r e l ikely to
s e n d y o u scut t l ing t o a dark corner
w h e r e y o u wi l l w a n t to w a l l o w in a pit o f
your o w n despa i r a n d insecur i t ies . The
m u s i c in gene ra l has G o t h s t a m p e d all
over it. It's dark, pervy a n d m o r o s e .
H a v i n g sa id that, D r e a m City f i lm
Club have let up a little s ince their epony
m o u s first a l b u m . That w a s a harsh and
d e p r a v e d l o o k at m o d e r n life, desc r i bed
in t h e press as ' a d i s co rdan t b l ob o f
s o n i c g r e a s e ' a n d ' a f i l thy s o r e o f a
record , ' as we l l as 'pretty f u c k i n g horr i
ble, all to ld , ' by the N M E . For this, their
s e c o n d a l b u m , there is less emphas i s o n
g r a t i n g r a w n e s s a n d m o r e o f the i r
m e l o d i e s a n d sens i t i v i t i e s c a n s h i n e
t h r o u g h .
The a l b u m o p e n s w i th the beau t i
ful ly p o i g n a n t Killer Blow. It's qu ie t a n d
t h o u g h t f u l , a n d h e n c e total ly uncha rac
teristic o f the rest o f the a l b u m . M o s t o f
t h e s o n g s are l oud a n d raucous , w i th an
e m p h a s i s o n s o u n d i n g like a live record
ing . Bizarrely, Track 9 Country Paranoia
has exact ly the s a m e intro as Killer Blow.
M a y b e they c o u l d on l y t h i nk up o n e
quie t bit a n d so had to use it a g a i n .
Ker rang ! M a g a z i n e v o t e d Billy Chic
s ing le o f the w e e k a n d it's easy to s ee
w h y w i th its p u n c h y p o w e r c h o r d s a n d
hard rhy thm d r u m m i n g .
S inger M i c h a e l J. Sheehy ' s v o i c e is
surpr is ingly d y n a m i c a n d aptly su i ted for
this style o f mus i c . H e o f t en sails f r o m a
pathet ic w h i n e to a full o n c r o o n . S o m e
t i m e s it can- s o u n d l e e r i n g a n d c o n
t e m p t u o u s , at o ther t imes frail . Gues t
vocal ist V ictor ia Ben j am in a d d s a p leas
antly cont ras t ing t o n e o n severa l tracks.
There are s o m e great s o n g s here ,
but not e n o u g h . D C f C c o u l d b e a great
b a n d if they just s t o p p e d t ry ing to be so
d a m n g r im the w h o l e t ime . EJ
Tom
SLY AND ROBBIE Drum And Bass Strip To The Bone By Howie B
Sly and Robbie - back again.
Apparent ly , Sly and Robb i e have
r e l e a s e d a r i d i c u l o u s l y l a rge
n u m b e r o f a l b u m s over the last
f e w years a n d apart f r o m thei r c lassic
s ing le Fire, all this p rogress s e e m s to
have pas sed m e by. Howeve r , prior to
the re lease o f their latest o f f e r i ng Strip
to the Bone, I w a s eager ly awa i t i ng the
tunes to b e o f f e r e d . The r eason for this
can be g u e s s e d f r o m t h e title, for it w a s
s u p p o s e d to be a d r u m a n d bass remix
a l b u m o f the d u o ' s w o r k by mus i c m a n
ext raord ina i re H o w i e B.
The s o u n d o f Strip to the Bone is,
howeve r , far f r o m w h a t I expec t ed to
hear . Rather t h a n the sc r ip ted d r u m
a n d bass, Strip to the Bone has a def in i te
d u b s o u n d to it. Still, this w a s p robab l y
t h e mos t l ikely o u t c o m e w h e n it is c o n
s i d e r e d that t h e a l b u m w a s m a d e In
Jama ica , w i th Sly a n d Robb i e supp l y i ng
the i r r emix ch i e f w i th , as H o w i e h imse l f
put it, 'extra s t r ong w e e d . ' The bass Is
not ent i re ly m i s s i ng but the pace is s l ow
- o n e cou ld say it's perfect for sitting back
a n d ch i l l ing out w i th a jo int to . N o sur
pr ises there , t h e n .
A s for m y favour i te tracks, the tunes
o n the a l b u m w o r k to c o m p l i m e n t e a c h
other a n d as s u c h , track titles are m e r e
formal i t ies as the mus i c w a s h e s t h r o u g h
the a t m o s p h e r e . The a l b u m a lso turns
out t o b e great m u s i c to g o to s l eep to,
- m o r e p roo f that this is far f r o m d r u m
a n d bass.
So, all In all, the s o u n d o f Strip to the
Bone isn't really Sly and Robb i e a n d it
isn't really H o w i e B. But I s u p p o s e that 's
wha t s h o u l d b e e x p e c t e d w h e n transat
lantic mus i c g iants w i th such cont ras t ing
styles meet . Not bril l iant, but def in i te ly
w o r t h a l isten. El
James
17
singles
� A's usual growling m pme style arl weird blipping sound effects are on full
. ;��:<:� :: :
brighten up these miserable winter tlfflj
Certainly Garbage but definitely not rub-
�pldr on\er tune that certainly has vour oo t. f-vk
:
Uninspired sound with typical female led
�r.u.'ii-'� os : .' ;w. m.j.\ but not fri hee material either -
�at conrtmiiis throughout the tra|§
|ff>pired trai K that has you listening fm
�IKor Ivirul Do la Soul Ihis isa lunk\
i i:GM.h< m i
ten lor 'host- in a lurassiY S state of
V'JU h.;u snow Ira'd this song before
ihO".iub/!'iOV.r<!iy \XX,KX<-.. �'! 1 vii'-i:, ilrv
'�V.'..
Kiggei Uiggor \V. .rid and I nllla was m a �l lb �
I leaw guitar dnvci sound with some
-very, Ska Inspired without retaining the li/i nf groups hie \Aadness 'Ihc slow .tiacksare ledloi- . � .
� M
18 Music 8 February 1999
BILLY MAHONIE The Warehouse, Hackney
Stop the press, the legendary
Shoegazers to reform!
Tha Bomb!
r Half a p a g e aga in . . .we l l it's b e e n a hect i c
jJLtK v\eek and the t im e just isn't the re . This
ffHB w e e k I'm br ing in y o u a Blackstreet spe-
cial, w i th their third a l b u m s o o n to d r o p
w e ha\e a l ook at their c lassic s e c o n d a l b u m . Q u i c k
p iece of news r ega rd ing the funky fou r some . . . t hey are
only three. Vtark M i d d l e t o n has left the c r ew to p u r s u e
a solo career, j o i n i ng o ld m e m e b e r s David Holl ister and
Levi Little w'ho are s e e k i n g o p p o r t u n t i e s e l s e w h e r e .
What is it w i th this g roup? G r o u p m e m b e r s s e e m to be
d r o p p i n g l ike f l i es , t he r e s n o n e w s o n w h e t h e r a
rep lacement is g o i n g to be b r o u g h t in. . . we ' l l k e e p y o u
upda ted o n the s i tua t ion .
Milen
CLASSIGxlbum
BLACKSTREET: ANOTHER LEVEL
Teddy "Street" Riley, h e r a l d e d c o m p o s e r / p roduce r/
s inger and leader o f p l a t i num sou l supe r g r o u p Black-
street, p o w e r c roone r and g r o u p co-founder C h a u n c e y
"Black" Hann iba l , and the t a l en t ed n e w m e m b e r s Eric
Wi l l iams a n d M a r k M i d d l e t o n , t o o k R&B to ano the r
level in 96 a n d far b e y o n d .
Introduced by the funkda f i ed , fee l g o o d lead s ing le No
Diggity, p r o d u c e d by Riley and Wi l l i am Stewart, and fea
tur ing a phat rap intro by Dr. Drc , this impress i ve n e w
a l b u m e l e v a t e d t h e so c a l l e d u r b a n m u s i c s c e n e ,
e x p a n d i n g t h e s o u l f u l p a r a m e t e r s in t h e p r o c e s s .
"Another Level is a re f l ec t ion o f w h e r e Blackstreet has
OK OK, I'm sure there are a n u m b e r o f y o u out
there w h o are w o n d e r i n g w h e r e the hell in
the thr iv ing vast e x p a n s e o f u rban f aeces
k n o w n as L o n d o n is the H a c k n e y W a r e h o u s e . The
m o r e street w i se a m o n g s t y o u , the o n e s w i th o n e ear
surgica l ly a t tached to the g r o u n d , wi l l be fret t ing your
b rows for not hav ing hea rd of this v e n u e . Wel l t he
truth is, it's not a p e r m a n e n t v e n u e a n d has only just
o p e n e d for this night. It is in fact a teal w a r e h o u s e and
also the h o m e to Billy M a h o n i e ' s guitarist/bassist
Hywe l l . To be accurate there is no tradit ional f ront
m a n as Billy M a h o n i e have n o s inger , but m o r e of that
later.
The g ig was the most u n d e r g r o u n d o n e I've ever
b e e n to, firstly it w a s invite on ly a n d s e c o n d l y the
v e n u e was a f r e e z i n g w a r e h o u s e w i th no bar and o n e
f eeb l e por tab le heater on the constant v e rge of co l
lapse. The c r o w d w a s main ly ind ie types f r o m all parts,
p r e d o m i n a n t l y France a n d Japan a n d the a t m o s p h e r e
s o o n started to l iven.
Billy M a h o n i e take their n a m e f r o m o n e o f the
characters out o f 'Flatliners', y ou k n o w the mov ie w h e r e
a b u n c h of co l l ege s tudents expe r imen t w i th near-
dea th by g o i n g ' f lat l ine ' . They are a four p i ece , w i th
Gav in on guitar, Kev on bass H o w a r d on d r u m s a n d
Hywell alternating be tween guitar and bass.They f o rmed
at e n d of '97 a n d have re leased t w o s ing les s ince t h e n ,
Hoon and Whistling Sam. N o n e of Billy M a h o n i e ' s mate
rial has had a w i d e d is t r ibut ion b e c a u s e they 've only
re leased it t h r o u g h smal l ind ie labels. If y o u can' t get
b e e n , w h e r e w e ' r e at a n d w h e r e w e ' r e g o i n g , "
exp l a ined Teddy, a c c l a imed architect o f the historic 80s
R&B/hip-hop revolut ion still global ly revered as ' N e w Jack
Swing . '
Bu i ld ing o n the cert i f ied p la t inum founda t i on fo rged by
Blackstreet 's debu t 1994 self-titled, mi l l i on sel ler CD ,
w h i c h s p a w n e d the top char ted hits Bootie Call, Before
I Let Co, Joy, and Tonight's Ihe Night, the p o w e r of
A n o t h e r Level is u n d e n i a b l e . The j e e p ready a n d rad io
fr iendly No Diggitywas the perfect funky b e g i n n i n g for
the red hot quar te t s c o l d ch l l l i n ' a l b u m . P r imar i l y
r e c o r d e d at Teddy ' s state o f the art fu tu re R e c o r d i n g
s tud io in Vi rg in ia Beach, V i rg in ia (where he a n d his f a m
ily a lso res ide) .
"We w o r k e d hard to give the a l b u m d e p t h , s u b s t a n c e
a n d m a x i m u m Blackstreet f lavor," assures Riley, w h o s e
insp i red mus i c i ansh ip , p r o d u c t i o n a n d overal l creat ive
g e n i u s is indel ib ly impr in t ed t h r o u g h o u t the s i z z l i n g
ho ld of t h e m y o u s h o u l d c h e c k o u t Moonlight Madness
o n Ride 's Carnival of Light LP w h e r e the psychede l i c
semi- ins t rumenta l m i m i c s Billy M a h o n i e ' s guitar crazi-
ness . Billy M a h o n i e a re total ly ins t rumenta l a n d this
aspect re in fo rces the interp lay b e t w e e n the guitars.
The re i n f l uences vary b road l y f r o m dEUS a n d early
M o g w a i to M i l e s Davis a n d DJ S h a d o w .
There w a s a mixture o f styles to the s o u n d s they
p r o d u c e d , r ang ing f r o m m e l l o w jang ly ind ie to m a s h e d
up psychede l i c m e a n d e r i n g t h r o u g h a s e a o f th rashed
out d i scordant guitar c h o p p i n g . The t e n d e n c y towards
the latter was on the a g e n d a . Hywel l was the most ener
getic, t h rash ing h imse l f a r o u n d w h i l e th rash ing his gu i
tar a r o u n d a n d at t h e s a m e t i m e d r o p p e d his p ick a n d
retr ieved it f r o m the t a n g l e d m e s s o f w i res o n the f loor
in t h e b l ink o f an eye .
For the fu ture Billy M a h o n i e have a debu t a l b u m
l ined up a n d wi l l b e in t h e s t u d i o d u r i n g February
r e c o r d i n g w i th p r o d u c e r H e a d for T o o Pure. They w e r e
dese rved l y m e n t i o n e d in t h e N M E ' s t op 20 bands to
w a t c h for in 1999 a n d they wi l l b e p lay ing aga in f r o m
the e n d o f February. C h e c k out future issues o f Felix for
dates a n d v e n u e s . H
Jason
a lbum. Ou ts t and ing tracks f rom the a l b u m
in c l uded : Good Lovin', a scint i l lat ing slow-
j a m seduct i ve l y de l i v e red by C h a u n c e y ,
w h o equa l l y exce ls o n the R&B Beaut i fu l
Let's Stay In Love, Never Gonna Let You
Go, a tour-de-force romant i c a n t h e m , sparked by Ma rks
exp los i ve , sca le d e f y i n g t eno r ; The Fix," a totally add i c
tive, h ead k n o d d i n ' B lackstreet but te track; / Can't Get
You Out Of My Mind, un fo rge t t ab l y p o w e r e d by Eric's
lush leads a n d B lackst reet ' s mult i- layered h a r m o n y ;
a n d Can't Buy Me Love, a se r ious sou l r e m a k e o f the
Beat les '60s classic.
The depa r tu re o f Levi (Little) a n d Dav id (Holl ister) w a s
u n e x p e c t e d a n d l o o k e d as if c o u l d b e a little unset t l ing.
W h e n M a r k a n d Eric s t e p p e d in eve r yone out there
i m m e d i a t e l y rea l i zed the c h a n g e w a s just a b l ess ing in
d i sgu i se . Their s o u n d b e c a m e s t ronger , t ighter and
m o r e d iverse, Eric a n d M a r k b o t h s a n g inc red ib le lead
voca ls and h a r m o n i e s .
Its no acc ident that Blackstreet 's s e c o n d l ong player was
tit led Another Level. T e d d y i l luminates : " f r om s t ronger
leads, to hyper h a r m o n y , to m o r e live ins t ruments , to
e n d i n g the a l b u m o n a spir i tual h igh no te ( "God Is
Real"), " h e c o n c l u d e s , " this is the off-the-hook a l b u m
w e w a n t e d the first o n e to be . " There 's no d o u b t that
this a l b u m is a pure classic ski l lz.
8 February 1999 IC Radio 19
SMe I
Mailibo - H?le
WHeri I Argoe,„ - Mlewik
EVeryywEVery i«e - Placet*
Bee-flebuw) - Blor
EsglisK country Gardes - DaWy WarKsls
oiiSfan'dby - SHed7
I'll S«sw Yso Miiie - Ul-frassoW
SMe 2
Biatfca - Kent
ArsuW The world - DaC-fPunk
rtafigRal Express - DWiite comedy
SHsrley Walls - oobewia*
WHere are we iisw - Ge»ie
To EarfH u»'fH L?Ve - Gay Dad
Back TsgefHer - Baby Bird
ICR Chart 1. Divine C o m e d y - Nat iona l Express
2. Ho le - Ma l i bu
3. Idlewild - W h e n I A rgue I See Shapes
4. Levellers - O n e Way 99
5. P lacebo - Every You Every M e
6. O o b e r m a n - Shorley Wall
7. G e n e - As G o o d As It Gets
8. Plutonik - Sitting on Top of the Wor ld
9. Gay Dad - To Earth With Love
T 10. Babybird - Back Together
= 11. Ga rbage - W h e n I G r o w U p
t 12. Mercury Rev - Delta Sun Bott leneck
i 13. Language Lab - Burn ing Disaster
14. P r ince-1999
5. The Jellys - L e m o n a d e Girl
16. M u s e - M u s c l e M u s e u m
17. Umajets - W h e n I Wake U p
18. Unk le - Be There
9. Loop D a Loop - Haze l
= 20. Meta l l i ca - Whiskey in the Jar
This week we profile Ross McKenzie's lunchtime show. Record the 'Nick
ers and Pants' Show on Wednesday lunchtlme for next week's feature.
So, what do you do at IC Radio then?
I present the M o n d a y a n d f r iday l u n c h t i m e s h o w s a n d a g o o d Job t o o 'cause
I'm d a m n e d g o o d at it.
What makes the lunchtime slot so attractive?
It's a c h a n c e to s e n d out s o m e m a i n s t r e a m t u n e s a n d c h e e s y j o k e s w h e n p e o
ple in Sou ths ide are e i ther c o o k i n g or ge t t i ng out o f b e d . I've built m y illustri
ous career o n the subt le yet d a r i n g art o f day t ime b roadcas t i ng , Fo l l ow ing in
the hoof-prints o f o ther such bas t ions o f qual i ty as A n n e D i a m o n d a n d Richard
& Judy. Luncht ime is a great oppor tun i t y to c o m p e t e wi th the larger stat ions wi th
a similar a p p r o a c h but u s i n g the advan t age o f that S tudent Radio e d g e . M a n .
Eh, yeah, fine. Where's the Ross McKenzle lunchtime show going Just now?
Kent.
What? Kent the stereotyplcally anal English county?
Eh, no the hip y o u n g Swed i sh b a n d w i th the s a m e n a m e as t h e stereotypica l ly
ana l Engl ish county . But I'd a lways be up for d o i n g a r o a d s h o w event in Kent.
Or a n y w h e r e e lse for that matter .
So what makes a good lunchtime show?
Conf idence , g o o d music , a u d i e n c e participation a n d regular features. A n d a g o o d
presenter o f course .
What regular features have you got then?
There 's ' N a m e that Crisp' m y fantast ic exc i t ing a n d p a t e n t e d g a m e s h o w w i th
s t u n n i n g pr izes to be w o n . There 's a lso a w e a t h e r bu l le t in w i t h A lbert Hal l . Eh,
I usual ly resurrect s o m e c l i ched 'guess the link b e t w e e n t h e s e th ree records '
type of t h i n g as we l l . Cut t ing-edge b r o a d c a s t i n g y o u k n o w .
Yes I imagine It is....
O h yeah I'm p l a n n i n g o n d o i n g m y ent i re s h o w f r o m the IC Rad io toi lets s o o n .
I don ' t th ink it's ever b e e n d o n e b e f o r e a n d g i m m i c k s usua l ly g o d o w n fairly
we l l . It's g o o d to have a l augh o n c e in a wh i l e .
Any ambitions for your show?
Yeah I'd like to broadcas t it to m o r e t han th ree hung-over s tudents and a c o u
ple o f p i g e o n s o n e day, just to s ee h o w it'd g o d o w n . O n e o f the d o w n s ides
o f b e i n g at IC is the soc ia l apathy . I'd love to k n o w h o w it'd fee l to broadcast
on Radio 1, k n o w i n g that 3 mi l l i on p e o p l e a re l i s ten ing to w h a t you ' r e d o i n g .
Any final messages for the readers of Felix and even the odd 1C Radio listener?
Yeah there 's lots o f f u n k i n c s s a n d soc ia l f ibre to b e f o u n d o n IC Rad io w h i c h I
th ink most IC s tudents cou ld d o w i th . I h o p e that if y o u can l isten in to the s h o w
t h e n you' l l f ind it a g o o d s tuden t a l ternat ive to what ' s o n e l s e w h e r e . Cheers .
WEEKLY SCHEDULE
Broadcasting 24 hours a day to Southside and on 999am
r-" Q u a l i t y t ime
I
he con be arsed to
Ross & his AM
M Odyssey
Fame beckons after
' his feature in Felix
WLm rgazine not cat
food)
Jon C's
Lunchtime Show The man with the
hair returns after his
weeks absence to
deliver a consistent
ly quality show.
� ��. :; ;
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y y
�'...[ Ji!i-.,.l'....'f ;�;.�::(.:�:, f
' top fen at fen to '
so they d ropped
them and now just
ramble on about
anything that takes
their fancy.
thursday friday
Steve Metal The Neel Appeal
Count ing down IC
Radio's top 1 0 live
and exclusive on IC
Radio. one?
Nanj Ross & his A M
The dreaded Nan} Odyssey � ii-jy '� M.-n.'-.v J r y i ; Award nominated
the darkest depths irrelevant chat and
.��.��<;'; the odd quality
record.
20 Arts 8 February 1999
AFRICA BY AFRICA: A PHOTOGRAPHIC VIEW
Barbican Art Gallery
This s h o w e x p l o r e s t h e w o r k o f
African pho tographers f r o m the past
70 years. The first d isplay dates back
to the 1930s, por t ray ing n u m e r o u s f a m
ilies. M o s t o f the i m a g e s represent tra
di t ional aspec ts o f Af r i can l i fe; t he ins ide
o f h o u s e s , w o m e n in typica l c o s t u m e s
and coup l e s d ressed up for spec ia l o c c a
s i ons . The next s e c t i o n p r e s e n t s a n
incred ib le a m o u n t o f portraits by M a m a
Casset, A z a g l o a n d Keita. A z a g l o p l aces
h is m o d e l s o u t d o o r s , u s i n g m e n a n d
w o m e n a l ike . Keita, o n t h e o the r h a n d ,
c o m e s up w i t h a br i l
liant self-portrait, a lways
p ic tur ing g roups or sub
jec t s l y ing d o w n . H is
funniest p iece has to be
t h e t w o b a b i e s (p ic
tured left). These p h o
tos are t o u c h i n g a n d
very m o v i n g . The next
b i g r o o m f o c u s e s o n
w o r k f r o m South Afr ica .
M o s t o f t h e m are taken
f r o m Drum m a g a z i n e
w h i c h had an i m m e n s e
Impact a n d i n f l u e n c e
o n life in the country .
W e get to see a y o u n g
a n d char i smat i c N e l s o n M a n d e l a , lots of
d a n c i n g a n d s i n g i n g in j a z z c lubs as wel l
as a rare, early p h o t o g r a p h of the great
est A f r i can s inger , M i r i a m M a k e b a . The
70s are typ i f ied as g l a m o r o u s party ing,
revea l ing the in f luence o f Pop culture on
Af r i ca . S a m u e l Fosso 's ser ies captures
the spirit o f this turbulent decade . He has
t a k e n seve ra l t r e m e n d o u s l y i n t e n s e ,
h u m o r o u s a n d or ig ina l self-portraits. H e
is d r e s sed d i f ferent ly in every s ing le pic
ture - it l ooks l ike a f a sh ion shoo t really.
The exh ib i t ion s e e m s to skip the 80s and
w e land ins tead in the m o d e r n i s m a n d
w i l dness o f the 90s. Both sec t ions are
o u t s t a n d i n g . First, A p a g y a creates a set
of s tud io portraits against d i f ferent back
drops , e v en p rov id i ng the gal lery w i th
o n e . W e the re fo re get an idea of the
ef fects c rea ted by p h o t o g r a p h y f r o m a
very basic p i e ce o f e q u i p m e n t . The last
part o f the exh ib i t i on is d e d i c a t e d to
c o n t e m p o r a r y South Afr ican p h o t o g r a
phers , w i th a t r e m e n d o u s variety o f w o r k
o n display. M o f o k e n g ' s ser ies has a very
myst ic a n d h a u n t i n g f e e l i n g to it. Tsha-
b a n g u s h o w s the harder
s ide o f life in the t o w n
sh ips . Finally, M t h e t h w a
in jects a lot o f c o l o u r
into his pho tos , result
ing in a splendidly happy
a n d opt imis t i c ou t l ook .
This s h o w is very
i n s p i r i n g . It d i s c l o s e s
m a n y facets o f A f r i ca -
the contrast ing hardsh ip
and en joyment . W e a lso
d i s c o v e r that s o m e
art ists a re p u s h i n g
b o u n d a r i e s , p r o d u c i n g
ve ry o r i g i n a l a n d c re
ative work . It is a great
s h a m e that t h e s e artists d o n ' t get m o r e
a t t en t i on in ou r W e s t e r n cu l ture . The
e x h i b i t i o n is d e f i n i t e l y w o r t h s e e i n g ,
espec ia l l y if y o u d o n ' t k n o w m u c h about
A f r i can artists. You wi l l d i scover a wor ld
full o f poetry .
D.
Unt i l 28th M a r c h
Neares t t u b e ; Ba rb ican
A d m i s s i o n : £6, c o n c e s s i o n s £4
CINDERELLA
Wimbledon Theatre
As a m a t u r e , s e r i o u s a n d ultra-
soph i s t i ca ted thea t r egoe r , I w a s
m o r e t han s l ight ly a p p r e h e n s i v e
about s e e i n g the glittery ch i ld ren ' s spec
tacle that is Cinderella. We l l , okay , the re
was o n e attract ion - o n e o f m y all-time
he roes Kriss A k a b u s i w a s in it, w h i c h
m o r e than m a d e up for the sad lack o f
cx-Ne ighbours characters in the cast.
I se r ious l y d o u b t e d t h e e n t e r t a i n
ment va lue of s h o u t i n g at g r o w n m e n
and w o m e n to look b e h i n d t h e m , a n d
wh i l e t ry ing to f e n d of f inquis i t i ve p r o d s
a n d severa l a t t empts at c o n v e r s a t i o n by
a ho rde of smal l ch i ld ren , I s q u e e z e d
myse l f into the pint-sized chair . I w a s
howeve r d e t e r m i n e d to k e e p a n o p e n
m ind , even after the me lod rama t i c d r u m
roll a n d styl ised in t roductory s o n g boast
ing the merits o f Cadbury 's , a n d h o w we l l
a bar of Cadbury ' s w o u l d g o wi th the per
formance , a n d w o u l d w e like to g o to the
foyer a n d get - y o u g u e s s e d it - s o m e
Cadbury 's .
O n c e the play got started t h o u g h , I
was cap t i va ted . The sets w e r e cons i s
tently b r ea th t ak ing , a n d per fec t ly f a n
tast ica l , w h i l e t h e c o s t u m e s w e r e
extravagant, invent ive a n d , in the case o f
the t w o ugly sisters, o f t en r id icu lous a n d
hi lar ious .
A s a p e r s o n w i t h w h a t c o u l d b e
desc r i bed as a s o m e w h a t juven i l e sense
s c e n e abou t cats. There w e r e in fact per
haps a f e w t o o m a n y 'adul t ' j okes that
w o u l d have passed over the kids' heads ,
but still se rved to enter ta in .
of h u m o u r , I f o u n d myse l f c reas ing up at
the gags ( a l though don ' t expec t e v en a
hint o f subtlety) . A n exce l lent ventr i lo
quis t , w o v e n in to the p lot o n a very
v a g u e pretext , e a r n e d his p r e s e n c e if
on ly o n the s t rength o f a s ing le , f unny
As w i th all p a n t o m i m e s , the ch i ldren
in the a u d i e n c e w e r e an impor tan t part
o f the s h o w , g i v i ng us all an excuse to
i n d u l g e ourse l ves as we l l as t h e m . A n d
they d idn ' t let us d o w n . They r e s p o n d e d
w i th exper t i se at all the right m o m e n t s ,
a n d c h i r p e d up w i t h e n d e a r i n g c o m
m e n t s at all t h e w r o n g m o m e n t s . They
t h e m s e l v e s p r o v i d e d a rich s o u r c e o f
en t e r t a i nmen t w h e n Bradley Wa l sh as
Buttons en t i ced s o m e y o u n g 'volunteets '
to p e r f o r m a var iety o f e m b a r r a s s i n g
act iv i t ies o n s tage .
Incidentally, Kriss d idn ' t let m e d o w n
e i ther - he w a s witty, and o f cou rse very
en thus ias t i c . His c o m p l e t e lack of any
s i n g i n g abi l i ty w a s clever ly m a s k e d , a n d
his role in ' Reco rd Breakers ' w a s m i l ked
to t h e fu l l , p r o v i d i n g the subject for a
range o f j okes .
O n the w h o l e , the mus i c w a s a little
corny a n d not very or ig ina l , u s i ng s o n g s
l i f ted f r o m severa l we l l-known mus ica ls .
There w e r e h o w e v e r s o m e m e m o r a b l e
t u n e s as w e l l as s o m e exce l lent dances .
The h u n t i n g s c e n e in part icular s tands
out as a lively, we l l c h o r e o g r a p h e d a n d
fever ish ly d ramat i c p i e ce o f work .
O v e r a l l , t h e pe r f e c t p a n t o m i m e ,
w o n d e r f u l l y c ap tu r i ng the fantasy of the
fairy tale a n d a lso o f Chr is tmas (if a little
be latedly ) . A great l augh . But you ' l l have
to wait unt i l next year to s ee It... Sorry!
Judy
8 February 1999 Arts 21
PATRICK CAULFIELD
Hayward Gallery
Cau l f ie ld ' s still-lives a re a cont rad i c
t i o n . H is p l ana r a n d g r a p h i c
i m a g e s are r em in i s cen t o f c o m i c
strip cells, s w a m p e d in br ight , u n i f o r m
and intense colours. Each f o rm is de f i ned
by p r o n o u n c e d b l a ck c o n t o u r s ,
m u c h like the l e ad ing o f s ta ined
g lass w i n d o w s ( inc identa l ly , a lso
the subject o f a picture) . Yet this
radical s imp l i f i ca t ion is aptly c o m
p e n s a t e d for by p r o m i n e n t per
spect ive gu ide l i nes , w h i c h e x p a n d
the d i m e n s i o n s o f p e r c e p t i o n .
" M y subject matter has no spe
cific geograph i ca l s i tuat ion, it cou ld
be a n y w h e r e in the w o r l d . That 's
w h y I use certa in image ry rather
repet i t ive ly , s u c h as pots . G r e e k
pots p i c k e d up f r o m the s e a b e d
c o u l d have b e e n m a d e last w e e k ,
they are o f a similar f o rm , retain the
s a m e f u n c t i o n a n d are e q u a l l y
c o m p e l l i n g but w i t h o u t a date -
this is the ant i thes is of the Pepsi-
C o l a bot t le . "
His p ic tures are l ight-hearted a n d
decora t i ve , o f t en d e p i c t i n g inter iors and
l andscapes . H e a lso injects ins ight a n d
h u m o u r into his work , p a r o d y i n g Stubbs
w i th a horse prof i le a n d in te rpre t ing a
De lac ro ix c o m p o s i t i o n . H e a lso jux ta
poses cont ras t ing t e c h n i q u e s to great
ef fect , c l ash ing the a lmost abstract w i th
excess ive p h o t o g r a p h i c rea l ism. A f inely
de ta i l ed rose or w i n e g l a s s is the
focus o f the c o m p o s i t i o n amids t a
g e o m e t r i c backd rop .
This major ret rospect ive h i g h
l ights Cau l f i e l d ' s d is t inc t i ve style,
h o w e v e r the fo rma t o f his w o r k
rema ins , pe rhaps d i sappo in t ing l y ,
static t h r o u g h o u t his d i s t i ngu i shed
career , a l t h o u g h in m o r e r e cen t
pa in t ings h e admi t ted l y i n t roduces
the conce p t of texture to o the rw i se
r igorous ly s m o o t h canvases . Cauld-
f ie ld en joys t eas ing the v i ewer w i th
t r o m p e I'oeil r e p r e s e n t a t i o n s o f
matter - an invitat ion to an o b s c u r e
w o r l d o f fantasy i ssued f rom the
quo t i d i an .
Nea res t t u b e : W a t e r l o o / E m b a n k m e n t
A d m i s s i o n : £6, c o n c e s s i o n s £4
O p e n i n g hou r s : dai ly 10am - 6 p m (Tues
day a n d W e d n e s d a y unti l 8pm)
Helena
Unt i l 11th Apri l
PICASSO AND PHOTOGRAPHY: THE DARK MIRROR
Barbican Art Gallery
This exci t ing exhib i t ion - a c o n d e n s e d
vers ion o f s h o w s f r o m the M u s e e
P i casso in Paris - e x p l o r e s P a b l o
Picasso's re l a t ionsh ip w i th p h o t o g r a p h y .
The d isplay o p e n s w i th a f e w classical
Span i sh pa i n t e r s ; t h e i n f l u e n c e o f El
Greco is highly not iceab le , f r o m then o n ,
w e fo l l ow Picasso's work , b e g i n n i n g w i th
his p repara t ion a n d research for the rev
o lut ionary Les Demoiselles d'Avignon.
He p repa red ske t ches f r o m p h o t o s of
West Af r i can w o m e n t aken at t h e b e g i n
n i n g o f the century . This sec
t ion is very beaut i fu l - it's fas
c i n a t i n g t o d i s c o v e r t h e
m a k i n g o f such an inf luent ia l
p a i n t i n g . His t i m e at t h e
5| Bateau-Lavoir s tud io in Mont-
X mar t re d u r i n g 1905-1909 is
t h e n d e p i c t e d , i n c l u d i n g
m a n y p ic tures o f his f r i ends .
The next co l l ec t ion takes us
to H o r t a d e Ebro in Spa in
w h e r e he pa inted the Houses
on the Hill. Aga in , w e wi tness
the s tep by step c rea t ion o f
the p iece , as h e uses p h o
t o g r a p h y as his m a i n in f lu
e n c e a n d he lp . The f o l l o w i n g
r o o m s h o w s a f e w images o f
his o w n art, w i th an instal la
t ion o f pap ie rs co l les .
P i casso c a p t u r e s t h e
m o o d a n d spirit o f his t ime
t h r o u g h p h o t o g r a p h y . H e
t o o k great portraits o f s o m e of t h e mos t
p r o m i n e n t artists o f the 1910s: the poe ts
M a x Jacob a n d Apo l l i na i r e (in hospi ta l
w i t h his w a r in jur ies ) as w e l l as t h e
pa in t e r s f e D o u a n i e r R o u s s e a u a n d
M a r i e Laurenc in (a rare c o n t e m p o r a r y
f e m a l e artists). H e e v e n m a n a g e d to
record his co l l abora t ion w i th Stravinsky
o n the ballet Parade in 1917, for w h i c h
h e p a i n t e d t h e deco r . The e x h i b i t i o n
t h e n f o cuses m o r e o n o ther p h o t o g r a
phers ' take o n his art a n d his partnership
w i th s o m e o f t h e m . First, w e see D o r a
M a a r ' s ser ies d e p i c t i n g the c rea t ion o f
Guernica in 1937. Each p h o t o is t aken at
a d i f ferent s tage and the re fo re cons t i
tu tes a p r e c i o u s d o c u m e n t a t i o n o f
Picasso's artistic techn ique . Other f a m o u s
p h o t o g r a p h e r s i n c l u d e D o i s n e a u a n d
Brassai. Both obse r ved h i m in the inti
macy of his art. Brassai 's p ic tures s h o w
his i nven t i ve p a p e r s c u l p
tures of the 1940s. The f inal
r o o m s concen t ra te on the
last 20 years o f the artist 's
creative life. First, w e exp lore
his co l l abora t ion w i th A n d r e
V i l le rs . P i casso u s e d h is
paper cut-outs a p p r o a c h o n
Vil lers ' p h o t o g r a p h s , g i v i ng
rise to s o m e t r e m e n d o u s l y
i nnova t i ve p i e c e s . Par t i cu
larly m e m o r a b l e w a s t h e
cleverly s u p e r i m p o s e d pre
sentat ion of pa lm and mask
s i lhouet tes . The last r o o m is
yet ano the r or ig inal c reat ion
- light or space images us ing
l ight bu lb s , w i t h P i casso
d r a w i n g a n d the p h o t o g r a
pher G jon Mi l l c ap tu r ing the
m o v e m e n t s .
Photography was always
a major e l emen t in Picasso's
artistic career and pe rsona l
l i fe . W e get a d e l i g h t f u l
ins ight into his capt i va t ing
wor ld , so I strongly r e c o m m e n d this to all
P icasso lovers.
Unt i l 28th M a r c h
Neares t t u b e : Ba rb ican
A d m i s s i o n : £6, c o n c e s s i o n s £4
22 Clubscene 8 February 1999
n Specimen A Review + Competition Winners!
Review: Specimen A @ IC Union
Last Friday s a w t h e s e c o n d g i g by Spec
i m e n A at our u n i o n , a n d w h a t a success
it was . Their u n i q u e b rand o f aggress i ve
punk, a n d P rod igy-sound ing t u n e s h a d
the ' f loor p a c k e d o u t (it h a d to b e really,
s ince it w a s a sell out ) .
But a l t h o u g h IC has s e e n S p e c i m e n
A play tw i ce , not m a n y p e o p l e k n o w
w h o they are. C l u b s c e n e m a n a g e d to
get an in te rv iew w i th t h e m b e f o r e t h e
g ig .
So w h o are they? We l l , S p e c i m e n A
are a c o u p l e o f l ikely lads (brothers a c tu
ally) w h o wr i te , p r o d u c e a n d play the
k ind o f mus i c that t hey w a n t to . Pretty
g o o d w h e n y o u t ake in to a c c o u n t that
they are on l y 18 a n d 20 years o l d .
Their debu t a l b u m , ca l led Pulse, w a s
wr i t ten in a year a n d fuses t o g e t h e r sev
eral gen res o f m u s i c : h i p h o p , d r u m a n d
bass, heavy t e c h n o , a n d t rance - a rather
s imp le sys tem o f p r o d u c i n g tracks that
t hey l ike t h e s o u n d of. AI the m o m e n t ,
they are just bu i l d ing up their reputat ion,
so by p l ay ing a f e w g igs (a tour is d u e
soon ) , a n d a bit o f rad io play wi l l set
t h e m o n the road to s t a rdom. A l t h o u g h
t h e c o m p a r i s o n s to the Prod igy wi l l be
m a d e , the guys are l o o k i n g to get away
f r o m that type o f mus i c - they wan t to be
k n o w n for their o w n brand of "aggressive
punk " a n d not as rip-offs o f Flint et a l .
This year, they w o u l d love to d o Glas
tonbury , or s o m e other festival a n d per
haps even support s o m e o n e (Cypress Hill
w a s a n a m e m e n t i o n e d a f e w t imes ) o n
tour , thus bu i l d i ng up their prof i le a n d
g e t t i n g s o m e m u c h n e e d e d publ ic i ty .
A n d w i th their great live shows , i nc lud
i n g d r u m m e r s , guitarists, dance rs (their
roadie ! ) , S p e c i m e n A are g o i n g for a
"visually act ive, live s o u n d w i th p lenty of
voca ls and lots o f synths". Ideal for a fes
tival s u c h as G las tonbury .
They are a lso ge t t ing lots o f suppor t
f r o m fami ly a n d f r iends . Their d a d has
b e e n o n seve ra l w o r l d t ou r s b e f o r e
( Spec imen A d id not m e n t i o n w h o w i th
or w h a t h e d id ) , but t h e e x p e r i e n c e
coun ts . Their d a d a lso h a p p e n s to m a n
a g e t h e m , whilst m u m is a mus i c teacher
(runs in the family?) and helps o n the cos
t u m e front . For e a c h s h o w , S p e c i m e n A
br ing a h u g e a m o u n t of e q u i p m e n t , a n d
it's all theirs , so bank loans a n d all that
rubb i sh is really a p r o b l e m , all t hey have
to d o is p r o d u c e the g o o d s . Recent ly ,
they s i g n e d to the record g iants B M G ,
w h o wi l l re lease Pulse a n d the first s in
g le in the next c o u p l e o f m o n t h s , s h o w
ing that S p e c i m e n A arc a b a n d to be
t aken ser iously .
Obv i ous l y this year wi l l be cruc ia l ,
they n e e d publicity, a n d they can't a f ford
to let t h e a l b u m f lop - not that it s h o u l d ,
g i v en the back ing o f B M G . If eve ry th ing
g o e s to p lan , S p e c i m e n A wi l l be a r o u n d
for s o m e t im e - a n d w e s a w t h e m first!
John '00' Fleming Competition Winners
Congra tu l a t i ons to the f o l l o w i n g , w h o
co r rec t l y a n s w e r e d last w e e k ' s c o m -
pe t i on q u e s t i o n . W inne r s wi l l b e receiv
ing a c o p y o f John 's n e w mix a l b u m in
the post very s o o n :
L. Watson
E. Newsome
J. Lewis
C. Tzineris
A. Gibson
M a n y thanks a l so to Jod ie a n d M a r k at
Phuture Trax for all their he lp , and g iv ing
us C D s to g ive away .
G u r m
Return to the Source The Rocket, Holloway Road, N7.
Saturdays, £8/£9/£12,
10pm-6am, capacity -1,200.
Dress code - none.
"It's all a load of t ree-hugging h ippy crap",
as Ca r tman f r o m South Park w o u l d say.
That is Return to the Source for y o u . You
ser ious ly h a v e to b e in to th i s sort o f
th ing to en joy this n ight . A n d I wasn ' t ,
and p robab l y never have b e e n , e v e n in
my m o r e o p e n - m i n d e d t rave l l ing days.
That's 'cos (and I'll b e b lunt ) the m u s i c
w a s a b s o l u t e l y sh i t . W h e r e w a s t h e
swir l ing, d reamy, psychede l i c t rance usu
ally assoc i a ted w i th RTFS (just c h e c k out
s o m e o f their a l b u m s for this)? That's
w h a t RTFS rea l ly is a b o u t . O r m a y b e
they've m o v e d on to n e w a n d shitter pas
tures. The only w a y to desc t lbe the mus i c
in the m a i n a r e n a is as m i n d - n u m b i n g .
This stuff really m a d e your brain hurt - the
dance m u s i c equ iva len t o f thrash me ta l .
To der ive any e n j o y m e n t f r o m this , let
a l o n e b e i n g a b l e to d a n c e to it, y o u
w o u l d have to have taken e n o u g h s p e e d
to kill a horse . There w a s just n o t h i n g to
it - no m e l o d y to s p e a k of, n o t h i n g to
latch o n t o . Just d e a f e n i n g kick d r u m s
a n d a lot of sway ing b o d i e s . I th ink this
mus i c w o u l d have pissed m e off even o n
a p a r a d i s e b e a c h in G o a . A n d w h a t
m a k e s this e v en m o r e o f a s h a m e is
that the v e n u e , The Rocket, is qui te g o o d
a n d to b e fair to RTFS they d id deco ra t e
it we l l . I th ink it's a s tudent u n i o n by day,
so it's a bit angu la r a n d func t iona l in
places, but it d o e s the job as a major c lub
v e n u e . The RTTS p e o p l e are a lso great.
Ve ry ch i l l ed-out , f r i end ly , h a p p y , a n d
mos t certa in ly not scary. But c l u b b i n g is
not just a b o u t t hese th ings - it's pr imar
ily a b o u t the mus ic , and o n this f u n d a
m e n t a l c r i te r ion RTTS fa i l ed mise rab l y
last Saturday. But I'm not g o i n g to say
never g o there , b e c a u s e m a y b e I caught
RTTS o n a b a d n ight . It w a s a d r u m m i n g
festival o n the night, so every fucker and
his w i fe had a b o n g o d r u m on t h e m . A n d
I m e a n even/one . I actual ly felt qu i te
n a k e d w i t h o u t - I s h o u l d have t a k e n
m i n e a l o n g w i th m e . T h e n m a y b e I'd
have got m o r e into it. But I d o u b t it. You
s ee b o n g o d r u m s are great w h e n there
is on ly a f e w of t h e m b e i n g p layed by
h igh ly sk i l led pe r fo rmers , as an a c c o m
pan imen t to the mus ic . That's w h e n they
a d d an extra d i m e n s i o n to a c lub n ight .
But this was b o n g o d r u m hel l . O n e r o o m
w a s e ven who l l y d e d i c a t e d to t h e little
cy l indr ica l fe l las . Imag ine w e l l over a
h u n d r e d tone-dea f , u n t a l e n t e d , a n d
u n c o o r d i n a t e d crust ies try ing to play (!)
the i r d r u m s in t im e w i th e a c h o the r .
Obv i ous l y they fa i l ed , but m o r e i m p o r
tantly they drove a n y o n e foo l i sh e n o u g h
to stay in the r o o m , c o m p l e t e l y m a d .
A n d what ' s m o r e they used up a w h o l e
r o o m w h i c h c o u l d have b e e n f i l led w i th
t h e h y p n o t i c Goa- t r ancc that RTTS is
f a m o u s for.
However , don't just take my w o r d for
all o f this. Listen to o n e o f their a l b u m s
a n d if y o u like w h a t y o u hear t h e n g ive
the c lub n ight a g o . But r e m e m b e r not
to take your b o n g o d r u m w i th y o u . After
a l l , c l u b s a r c for d a n c i n g in , not for
p o u n d i n g away incessant ly o n a n n o y
ing ins t ruments .
Dog on a String
Rooba rb
8 February 1999 Clubscene 23
Album of the Week
Coldcut
'Let us Replay"
This w e e k ' s a l b u m o f the w e e k c o m e s
in the f o r m o f Co ldcut ' s "let us replay",
and what a f i n e a l b u m it is t o o . It's a
we i rd a n d w o n d e r f u l a l b u m , a n d is the
cu lm ina t ion o f a w o r l d tour o f l ive
shows ( n o n e o f this pre-recorded o n
DAT b o l l o c k s ) in c i t ies s u c h as
Barce lona a n d Tokyo . So what ' s t h e
a l b u m about ? Wel l basical ly, it's l oads
of p rogress i ve h o u s e t u n e s all o n o n e
CD; but Co ldcu t have had a n i n f l u e n c e
w i th e a c h t rack in s o m e f o r m o r a n o t h
er (e.g. remix ing ) . All t h e t u n e s are
great a n d are by we l l- respected artists
such as Carl C ra ig . There are ch i l l ed
out tracks, voca l tracks e .g . t h e a cous t i c
warb l ings o f M i s s S e l e n a Sa l iva a n d t h e
S y cophan t s o n ' the Tale o f V i g i n i a
Ep i tome' a n d ' N o a h ' s Toi let) - don ' t ask
m e what that 's all a b o u t ! The re are t w o
CDs on the a l b u m . The first f ea tu res a
d o z e n or so s u p e r b p rog , h o u s e tracks,
whilst the s e c o n d fea tures a n o t h e r six
or so w h i c h y o u can play o n you r PC or
on a n o r m a l C D player. Bo th C D s f e a
ture s o m e tracks r e c o r d e d l ive f r o m
s o m e po in t o f Co ldcu t ' s tour . Don ' t let
the p a c k a g i n g put y o u o f f e i ther - it
may appea r to b e a h a p p y ha rdco re
type a l b u m , but it's not . It is great a n d
any p rogress i ve h o u s e f ans ou t t he r e
shou ld get their h a n d s o n a c o p y o f this
a l b u m . O u t n o w o n N i n j a Records .
� � � � �
Iblza Compilation Albums
Cafe Del Mar
Volumes 1-3
Every s u m m e r , w h e n t h o u s a n d s o f us
head of f o n our ho l idays , t h e record
c o m p a n i e s ' rub their co l l ec t i ve h a n d s
together , a n d fill t he s h o p s u p w i th t h e
' p roduced- in- t en-minu tes- to-make-a-
fast-buck 1 CDs . T h e s e CD 's (and the re
are loads o f t h e m ) are t h e current hits
that have b e e n o n the d a n c e f loors in
G reece , Spa in etc . Basically, t hey have
b e e n c h u c k e d t o g e t h e r a n d ' m i x e d ' (?)
by DJ Turn tab les (or wha t e ve r the i r
n a m e s are) in less t i m e than it takes for
you to pul l o n your ho l iday , in the h o p e
that as a ' r eminder ' o f you r ho ls , you ' l l
buy the C D . O b v i o u s l y if y o u w a n t to
but t h e m t h e n f ine , but the re are lots
of t h e m a n d c h o o s i n g t h e right o n e
can o f t en be a pa in in the arse s ince
they're g o i n g to have t racks o n t h e m
w h i c h y o u wi l l hate .
The b igges t g r o u p o f CD 's that c o m e
out are the o n e s that m e n t i o n Ib lza in
their n a m e s , but o n e g r o u p o f C D s that
are def in i te ly w o r t h c h e c k i n g out , is the
Cafe Del M a r ser ies . The re are th ree o f
t h e m in this part icular ser ies , a n d Jose
Albums + Singles Padi l la h imse l f (the f a m o u s DJ o f the
Ca fe De l Mar ) has c h o s e n the tracks.
All the mus i c o n the CDs are t aken f r om
the 1992-1996 pe r i od a n d the classic
balear ic tunes that have s h a p e d Ibiza
into what it is today. In short , these are
t unes that have m a d e Ibiza. All Ihe
o r i g i na l s are he re , i n c l u d i n g
S m o k e b e l c h II by the Sab res o f
Paradise, A g u a , a n d Jose Padi l la the list
g o e s o n a n d o n . The tunes span the
s p e c t r u m of the classic Ibizan hits. The
m e l o d i e s , soft-vocal a n d ins t rumenta l
tunes are o n , as we l l as those tunes
w i th a sl ight beat a n d the s o u n d of
w a v e s c rash ing o n t o the b e a c h , for
t hose of y o u w h o loved Ibiza a f e w ,
years a g o , t hen y o u c o u l d d o a lot
w o r s e than to check out this co l l e c t i on .
Alr ight, it is a f e w years o ld n o w , but if
y o u want a trip d o w n m e m o r y lane,
t h e n check out these .
O u t o n React Records
(www.mus ic-network .com/reac t )
� � � �
Single of the Week
Monica
'Inside' (Masters at Work remixes)
O u r s ingle o f the w e e k - and what a t u n c
it is - is a supe rb track by M o n i c a w h i c h
fea tures t h e M A W d o i n g the r em ix ing .
It's a cross b e t w e e n R&B a n d garage ,
s i n ce it doesn ' t s e e m to be in e i ther
g e n r e , a n d it's t h e k ind o f t u n e y o u
c o u l d s m o o c h the n ight away to . A soft
bass line and Mon ica ' s sweet voice make
the voca l mix a rguab ly the best mix, but
there is a stack o f mixes to c h o o s e f rom,
i n c l u d i n g dubs , a n d a h o u s e mix. M o n
ica's vo i ce is great and the M A W d o a
s u p e r b j o b of g i v i ng us a b o u t half a
d o z e n vers ions thanks to their mixes, giv
ing plenty o f var iat ions. Great voca ls ,
great t u n e - supe rb . O u t in M a r c h .
� � � �
Faith Evans
All night long'
The q u e e n o f R&B o n c e aga in d e m o n
strates w h y she is just that. A l l night l ong
is a w o n d e r f u l track 1, w h i c h fea tures t h e
a w e s o m e vo i ce o f Faith, as we l l as t u n e
w h i c h has a great rhy thm to it. But y o u
are s imply lost in Evans' wonde r fu l vocals
a n d that 's w h a t really m a k e s the track.
The s ing le c o m e s w i th th ree mixes , the
a l b u m vers ion (which is the best mix), a n
Instrumenta l (alright if y o u like the soft
tune ) a n d a n a c e p p e l l a (great if y o u just
wan t to hear Faith!). The t une features
Puff Daddy and the train spotters m igh t
p ick up o n t h e fact that the track takes
excerpts f r o m 'I hear mus i c in the street'.
O u t s o o n t h r o u g h B M G .
� � � �
Donna Dee
'Hooked'
A c lose runner for s ing le o f the week , it's
a g a r a g e t u n e by o n e o f t h e hottest
p roduce rs abou t o n the garage scene at
the m o m e n t . 1998 s a w the re lease of
D o n n a ' s s u p e r b " S p e l l b o u n d " a l b u m ,
a n d in M a r c h o f this year, she ' l l re lease
the H o o k e d cut ( f rom the a l b u m ) . The
t u n e fea tures a very s imp le , catchy beat
a n d sof t v o c a l s , m a k i n g it a n idea l
ga r age t une . S ince it's kick up a s torm
o n the dancef loors , a lot of peop l e s e e m
to ag ree . The C D c o m e s w i th th ree
mixes , the best o f w h i c h is by the Ruff
Dr iverz.
� � � �
Grant Nelson Feat. Jean McClaln
'Step 2 Me'
A g o o d sou l fu l , g a r a g e t u n e fea tur ing
the voca l talents of Jean M c C l a i n . Aga in ,
it's a g o o d , s imp l e track - n o fancy break
d o w n s or any th i ng . G o o d voca ls , s i m
ple, ca tchy t une . The track c o m e s w i th
four m ixes , but un fo r tuna te l y they all
s o u n d exact ly the s a m e , w i th m in ima l
c h a n g e l e a v i ng t h e var ia t ion a bit th in .
O u t in M a r c h .
� � �
Blackout
'Gotta have hope'
Mul t ip l y is a r eco rd labe l w i th a history
of p r o d u c i n g great tracks - apart f r om
this one . This has to b e o n e of the worst
t u n e s I h a ve ever h e a r d , a n d wha t ' s
m o r e p lenty o f p e o p l e a g r e e (ask the
Chemis t r y s tuden t s in the Evans lab!).
The track is s imp l y crap. It kicks o f f w i th
a beat that is f ine e n o u g h , but w h i c h is
t hen m u r d e r e d as a w o m a n starts to ran
d o m l y s c r e a m "got ta have h o p e " . No t
con t en t w i th that, t h e p r o d u c e r s t hen
in t roduce the t h e m e f r om '2001 A Space
Odyssey ' , a g a i n , c o m p l e t e l y randomly ,
! b e f o r e the w o m a n , o n c e a g a i n , starts
| s c r e a m i n g a g a i n . The C D c o m e s w i th
j t h r e e m ixes , o n e a l l e g e d l y by J u d g e
I Jules, t h o u g h tragica l ly you r ears are
! sub j e c t ed to exact ly the s a m e t u n e as
the o ther t w o mixes . A n awfu l track,
w h i c h y o u s h o u l d a v o i d . It's on ly use is
as a p resen t for s o m e o n e y o u really
hate .
Gurm
24 Games 8 February 1999
The x-Wing Collector Series -
X-Wing, Tie Fighter, X-Wing Vs Tie Fighter (PC) LucasArts
O u r be l o ved G a m e s Editor l ikes to dress
up as Darth Vader - in fact he's rarely hap
pier than w h e n clad in t ight b lack leather,
w i th an e n c l o s i n g black m a s k c o v e r i n g
his v isage, whi ls t m a n h a n d l i n g a n e n o r
m o u s t h r o b b i n g w e a p o n . But e n o u g h o f
that...
A n y o n e w h o ' s b e e n in a c o m p u t e r
g a m e s s h o p in the last f ive years (in fact
a lmost a n y o n e ' o f a cer ta in a g e ' w h o
hasn't actual ly b e e n d e a d for t h e last
f ive years) wi l l b e fami l iar w i th t h e X-
W i n g ser ies. In fact t he r e m a y b e t h o s e
o f y o u ou t t h e r e t h i n k i n g " H a n g o n ,
these g a m e s have b e e n ou t for at least
three years - w h y the hel l a re they b e i n g
rev i ewed now? " No t to put t o o f i ne a
po in t o n it, the last c o u p l e o f w e e k s
have b e e n rather f a l l ow for PC g a m e r s .
M o s t o f the major re leases have b e e n
saved for the sp r ing s c h e d u l e s , w h i c h
m e a n s that w e have to fill in w i th c o m
pilat ions a n d a certa in a m o u n t o f goss ip ,
for tunate ly , a c o u p l e o f the g a m e s pub-
!kh£>rs i mderstand this a n d have re leased
s o m e rather g o o d c o m p i l a t i o n s to he lp
us poor PC G a m e r s surv ive. B l i zzard are
o n e (see last issue), a n d Lucasarts (bless
(heft co t ton socks) are a n o t h e r .
Lucasarts have re-packaged a n d re-
i e ieased all o f their Star Wars g a m e s in
the last m o n t h or so . This m a y not be
itirely u n c o n n e c t e d w i th t h e f l o o d o f
interest b e i n g g e n e r a t e d by the
trai ler for Ep i sode 1 w h i c h was
s h o w i n g at s e l e c t e d c i n e m a s
recently. M o s t of the g a m e s have
b e e n re l eased at b u d g e t (or at
least cheaper ) prices, and in o n e
or t w o cases re-jigged to take
a d v a n t a g e o f m i n o r innova t ions
such as 3D cards a n d DirectX. In
o n e case s o m e add i t iona l (and
exc l u s i v e ) m i s s i o n s have b e e n put
t o g e t h e r so le ly for this re lease .
At this po int I'd better dec la re an
interest -1 a m a Star Wars fan . As a kid I
had the f igures a n d m a n y o f the sh ips .
I'd have t h e m still had my m o t h e r not
so ld t h e m for a meas l y f ive q u i d . Wh i l e
I'm not total ly b l ind to the faults in the
f i lms (the unnecessar i l y l o n g d i a l oguey
bits, Leia's haircuts, Luke Skywalker full-
stop) , I shal l be a m o n g s t t hose q u e u i n g
r o u n d the b lock In the s u m m e r , a tenner
in m y d a m p , sweaty pa l m . I'm l o o k i n g
f o rwa rd to it, and I'm not a s h a m e d . O h
yes , the g a m e s . Right, t h e f l ight s ims, X-
w i n g , T ie f i g h t e r a n d X-Wing vs Tie
f ighter , co l lec
t ive ly k n o w n
as the X-Wing
Tri logy.
X - W i n g
has b e e n
k n o c k i n g
abou t for qu i te
s o m e t i m e
n o w . It has the
d i s t i n c t i o n o f
b e i n g the first
g a m e I actually
w e n t out a n d
b o u g h t w i th m y o w n m o n e y . It's best
s u m m e d up as the best bits f r o m the
f i lms - n a m e l y the f ights . You are (natu
rally) a rebel starfighter pilot, a n d
get to fly all the sh ips f r o m the
f i lms - X-Wing, Y-Wing, A-Wing
and B-Wing. Broadly speak ing the
m i s s i o n s f o l l o w t h e f i lms , a n d
yes, y o u d o get the c h a n c e to fly
a l o n g t h e equa to r i a l t r e n c h o f
the Dea th Star - if you ' re g o o d
e n o u g h . For this re lease it's b e e n
c l e a n e d up a bit, t he g raph i cs in
particular b e i n g u p g r a d e d to take advan
t a g e o f cu r r en t t e c h n o l o g y . It a l so
i nc ludes the t w o e x p a n s i o n packs, a n d
may we l l be your on ly c h a n c e o f ge t t i ng
t h e m . However , desp i te the upgrade , it's
n o w de f i n i t e l y s h o w i n g its a g e .
Tie f i g h t e r w a s X-Wing's s e q u e l ,
a l though it's more o f a c o m p a n i o n p iece .
O n e o f the b igges t cr i t ic isms leve l led at
X-Wing was that, part icular ly o n t h e f inal
miss ions, it b e c a m e wel l n igh imposs ib le .
Tie Fighter addressed this by hav ing three
d i f f i cu l ty se t t ings , e n s u r i n g that e v e n
non-enti t ies like m e c o u l d s ee the c los
ing cu tscenes . It w a s in every w a y bet
ter t han X-Wing, p lus y o u get the a d d e d
b o n u s o f f l y i n g
for t h e e m p i r e .
The story l ine has
a l so b e e n
i m p r o v e d , w i t h
a n intr iguing sub
plot d e a l i n g w i th
a f i f th c o l u m n
w i t h i n t h e
e m p i r e . This has
a l so b e e n
u p g r a d e d
( a l though not as
m u c h as X-Wing)
and inc ludes the expans ion pack. It is the
m o s t e n j o y a b l e o f t h e g a m e s in th is
pack , a l t h o u g h no t by m u c h .
O n e feature that both X-Wing and Tie
Fighter l a cked w a s the abi l i ty to b l o w
your f r i ends into a t h o u s a n d p ieces in a
decen t mul t ip layer env i r onmen t . X-Wing
vs Tie Fighter w a s Lucasarts a t tempt to
a d d r e s s th i s p r o b l e m . You c an fly as
e i ther Imper ia l or Rebe l pi lots a n d in
either co-operat ive or head-to-head play.
The g raph i c s are the best o f the three
games , a n d the fl ight control is excel lent.
H o w e v e r , the g a m e lacked a cohe ren t
set o f miss ions, a n d so fucasarts re leased
Balance of Power, a series of pre-planned
s ing le player m i s s i ons . It w a s on ly partly
s u c c e s s f u l , a n d ove ra l l , X-wing vs Tie
F ighter w a s not qu i t e as g o o d as Tie
F ighter . For s o m e r e a s o n , Lucasar ts
haven ' t i n c l u d e d Ba lance o f Power in
this pack (or if they have, they 've h i d d e n
it wel l ) , ins tead p l u m p i n g for s o m e extra
"exc lus ive " m i ss ions .
All in all, this is pretty m u c h an essen
tial p u r c h a s e if y o u haven' t a l ready got
the g a m e s . If y o u have, t h e n y o u have
to m a k e the c h o i c e as to w h e t h e r or not
the add i t iona l upgrades are wor th splash
ing ou t e v e n m o r e m o n e y . The g a m e s
are still a j oy to play of course , and these
u p g r a d e s wi l l h e l p fill out t h e wait for X-
W i n g : A l l i ance . They' l l a lso run o n lower
s p e c m a c h i n e s t han R o g u e S q u a d r o n ,
a n d are (I th ink) genera l l y better g a m e s .
Danny
Oh No Not More Previews - LucasArts' X-Wing Alliance If X-Wing and Tie f ighter set the standards
for the s p a c e f ighter s imu la to r s c e n e , X-
W i n g Vs Tie Fighter d r o p p e d t h e ba t ton ,
fell over, a n d t h e n w a n d e r e d o f f for a kip
beh ind the h igh j u m p pit. LucasArts t r ied
to sort out their p rob l em chi ld wi th a n e w
pair of runn ing shoes (Balance o f Power),
but in a c lass ic case of t o o little t o o late,
t h e D e c e n t - F r eespace t e a m s n e a k e d
in to the lead .
LucasArts has not g i v en up that eas
ily a n d thei r p lans to sprint back into the
l ead w i t h the latest r e l ease X-Wing
A l l i a n c e a re a l m o s t c o m p l e t e . Rather
than star t ing of f a fully f l e d g e d Rebe l
pi lot, y o u start as a lowly character f r o m
the family 's Transport bus iness. Here you
start by f l y ing transport a n d escort mis
s ions to protect the transports f r om rivals
a n d their f r i ends in the e m p i r e . The path
to g r ea tness p rog resses to the secret
A l l i a n c e t r a i n i n g g r o u n d s b e f o r e y o u
final ly m a k e it just in t i me for the battle
aga inst the s e c o n d deathstar .
Y o u m i g h t h a v e
r ea l i s ed that th i s pa th
i nvo l ves f l y i ng s o m e
n e w craft . T r anspo r t s
s u c h as the Co r r e l l i an
t r anspo r t s a n d t h e
f a m o u s M i l l e n i u m Fal
c o n (Yes for o n c e y o u
t o o c an b e Ha r r i son
Ford).
The g r a p h i c s a n d
s o u n d s i n c e X Vs Tie
h a v e b e e n s l ight l y
c h a r g e d up , but w h a t
wi l l d e c i d e w h e t h e r it m a n a g e s to blast
the o p p o s i t i o n into the co ld v a c u u m o f
space is the s ing le player g a m e play. X
vs Tie was a de l ight to play over a net
w o r k w i th a g r o u p o f f r iends but w a s a
c o m p l e t e pa in to play in s ing le pe r son
m o d e . The story a n d fifty m iss ions wi l l
he lp, and so w e wait. . .and wait . .and wait.
iCU Your Union - Run for You IMPERIAL (OLLLGL UNION
26 Sport 8 February 1999
AMERICAN FOOTBALL
NFL SEASON REVIEW 1998-9 by Chiron Mukherjee
The Supe rbow l , the largest a n n u a l spo r t i ng even t in t h e
wor ld , c a p p e d o f f o n e o f t h e mos t exc i t i ng s e a s o n s o f
NFL footbal l in recent years . A s is so o f t e n the case ,
Supe rbow l 33, p layed in M i a m i , w a s a d i s a p p o i n t i n g
anti-climax. The Denve r B roncos , t h e re ta in ing c h a m
p ions a n d s t r ong favour i tes , c o m f o r t a b l y d e f e a t e d t h e
surprise NFC C h a m p i o n s , the A t l an ta Fa lcons .
Denve r star ted the s e a s o n in t r e m e n d o u s f o r m .
They just kept w i n n i n g a n d Terrel l Davis, t he r u n n i n g
back, just kept rush ing . For mos t o f t h e s e a s o n t h e talk
was abou t w h e t h e r Denve r c o u l d m a t c h t h e 7 2 M i a m i
Do lph ins as t h e o n l y t e a m s to w i n eve ry m a t c h o f t h e
season . They b e c a m e on ly the th i rd t e a m in the history
of the NFL to g o 13-0 (13 w ins , 0 losses) a n d a thr i l l ing
match w a s in an t i c ipa t i on o n t h e p e n u l t i m a t e w e e k o f
the regular s e a s o n at . . . M i a m i . H o w e v e r , in t h e m a t c h
be fo re this ( the 14th g a m e ) D e n v e r surpr is ing ly lost t o
the N e w York G iants . They d id lose t o M i a m i as we l l ,
and for a w h i l e Denve r lost the i r t i m e in the spot l ight .
But, they des t royed all o p p o s i t i o n in t h e p layof fs , beat
ing the N e w York Jets in t h e AFC C h a m p i o n s h i p m a t c h ,
and w i n n i n g the i r s e c o n d success i v e S u p e r b o w l . The
m a i n factor for the i r s u c c e s s w a s t h e f o r m o f Terrel l
Davis. M a n y be l ieve he c o u l d b e c o m e the greatest run
n ing back ever, a n d h e c o n f i r m e d this by w i n n i n g t h e
league M V P awa rd (basical ly Player o f the Year). For
a lmost the w h o l e s e a s o n Davis w a s in sight o f the
record for yards rushed in o n e s e a s o n (held by Eric Dick-
erson ). A l t h o u g h h e m i s s e d th is , h e d i d b e c o m e on l y
the four th player to rush for 2000 yards in o n e s e a s o n
(the o the r s a re D i c k e r s o n , O.J. S i m p s o n a n d Barry
Sanders (last yea r ) ) , w i th a n i nc r ed ib l e a ve r age o f f ive
Denve r QB J o h n Elway s h o w s o f f t h e
S u p e r b o w l t r ophy
yards per carry. The other b ig story re la t ing Denve r w a s
their veteran qua r t e rback john Elway, o n e of the all-time
greats. A l t h o u g h he was injured for parts of the season ,
a n d w a s not in his best f o r m w h e n fit, his p r e s e n c e as
a ta l i sman w a s impor tan t . His d isplay in the S u p e r b o w l
e a r n e d h i m the M V P awa rd w i th over 300 yards pass
ing , o n e t h r o w n t o u c h d o w n a n d o n e persona l t o u c h
d o w n . It w a s felt that h e w a s g o i n g to retire at the e n d
of this s e a s o n (as it a p p e a r e d last s e a s o n too ) but after
his m a t c h w i n n i n g p e r f o r m a n c e , it is increas ing ly likely
that h e wi l l
The A t l an ta Fa lcons, c o u l d not have b e e n a m o r e
un l ike ly c h o i c e as S u p e r b o w l c o n t e n d e r s t w o seasons
a g o , a n d e v e n this s e a s o n n o o n e c o u l d have pre
d i c t ed the i r success . This s e a s o n s o u n d s like a typical
co rny H o l l y w o o d sports m o v i e . A t e a m that has b e e n
the j oke t e a m in the l e a g u e s i nce their f o rma t i on , w i th
a t e a m full o f plucky rejects (Chris ' chandel ier ' Chandler ,
the i r pro-bowl qua r t e rback has p layed for 6 NFL teams ;
J amal A n d e r s o n , the 2 n d best r u n n i n g back in the
l eague w a s a 7th r o u n d draft pick) a n d under ra ted pro
fess iona l s d e f i e d the o d d s t o beat the San Franciso
49ers tw ice . They a lso beat the M i n n e s o t a V ik ings, the
best t e a m in t h e l e a g u e w i th on l y o n e prev ious defeat ,
in M i n n e s o t a , f r o m b e h i n d . Their h e a d c o a c h (Dan
Reeves) u n d e r g o e s a q u a d r u p l e heart bypass ope r a
t ion after a g a m e a n d c o m e s back on ly a f e w w e e k s
later. D a n Reeves c o a c h e d t h e D e n v e r B roncos to
th ree S u p e r b o w l de fea t s in the 1980s, a n d f i red M i k e
S h a n a h a n (the current D e n v e r coach ) for i n subo rd ina
t ion , b e f o r e b e i n g s a cked h i m s e l f h e l p e d by pressure
f r om John Elway. The char ismat ic 'Dirty Birds', as the Fal
c o n s call t hemse l ves , l o o k e d set to a 'surpr ise ' v ictory
in this story. H o w e v e r , t h e plot t o o k an 18-rated twist
w h e n the n ight b e f o r e Supe r Sunday , E u g e n e ' the
Prophet ' R o b i n s o n , the At l an ta safety, u p s t a n d i n g f a m
ily Chr is t ian m a n a n d the w i n n e r o f an awa rd for the
most mora l footba l l player only a f e w hours earlier, was
arrested for so l i c i t ing an u n d e r c o v e r p o l i c e w o m a n for
oral sex (D 'oh l ) . O n the S u p e r b o w l , t he Falcons per
f o r m e d we l l b e l o w their capabi l i ty a n d Rob in son m a d e
the error wh i ch gave Denver an 80-yard t o u c h d o w n that
e f fect ive ly s ea l ed the m a t c h b e f o r e half-time.
FENCING
GO ON MO, SHOW US YOUR ARSE The saga of the splitting breeches
O u r first m a t c h in over t w o m o n t h s a n d
a l ow tu rnout led to a w o r r y i n g travel to
S o u t h a m p t o n . O u r s a b r e a n d e p e e
teams only cons i s ted of M o " M r A n i m a l "
M a n s o o r i a n d Rob "B ig D a d d y " N u e r n
berg respect ively, thus m e a n i n g that w e
w o u l d requi re t w o non-specia l is ts bat
t l ing it out in these w e a p o n s a n d a s tun
n i n g p e r f o r m a n c e in the fo i l . A n d they
de l i ve red .
W e started w i th t h e sabre , w i t h t h e
o p e n i n g f ight w i t n e s s i n g s o m e o f the
worst sabre r e f e r e e i n g s e e n for a l o n g
t ime (well d o n e Dave ) - fo r tuna te l y M r .
An ima l still w o n , a n d w e n t o n to w i n all
his f ights in h is u s u a l f a s h i o n ! D a v e
" C a p ' n Fyll" H u g h e s a n d H e n r y " M a d
D o g " M c M o r t o n d id we l l for t h e foi l ists
they we re bo th w i n n i n g t w o out o f th ree
f ights. Sabre s co re : IC 7 - 2 S o u t h a m p
ton .
Next w a s the fo i l , w i t h our ta lents o f
Dave "Karaoke APK" Dav idge , a l o n g w i th
Cap 'n Fyll a n d M a d D o g . All in all, they
d idn ' t d o t o o badly, utterly d e s t r o y i n g
the i r o p p o s i t i o n a n d not d r o p p i n g a
f ight. The on ly mer i t i ng t h i n g w a s that
M a d D o g d i d n ' t e v e n ge t a po in t
a w a r d e d aga inst h i m - not bad for N o .
4 in t h e count ry . Foil s co re : IC 9 - 0
S o u t h a m p t o n .
By th is po in t the ma t ch w a s a l ready
w o n , so w e d e c i d e d that the ta lents o f
M r A n i m a l w e r e NEEDED in the e p e e to
a d d to ou r skill t he re . H e started o f f
f enc i ng against their best epee is t French-
boy (c lose f r iend o f Jailba.it). F r enchboy
w o n (his o n l y f ight - M r . A n i m a l w a s
o b v i o u s l y g i v i n g an o l d i n t e rna t i ona l
team-mate a chance ) , but t h e n Mr . A n i
mal w a s sl ight ly b e a t e n qu i te by all the i r
e p e e t e a m . B ig D a d d y and C a p ' n Fyll
fared m u c h better, w i n n i n g all their f ights
w i t h c o n s u m m a t e e a s e . G o o d s h o w
boys . Epee score : IC 6 - 3 S o u t h a m p t o n .
I h o p e the ladies wi l l b e insp i red by this
g l o r i ous ICU victory, a n d e m u l a t e this
success . M a n y thanks to T im for d r i v ing
(we all love you! ) , Ka raoke APK for p ro
v i d i n g t h e pos t-match in-fl ight en te r
t a i nmen t , a n d M r A n i m a l s ' b r e e c h e s for
h o l d i n g out for the w h o l e ma t ch .
ICUFC 22-5 S o u t h a m p t o n
OFVA
RED ROSE
GORILLAS,
1
RDS,
LY BEARS,
& MICE
8 February 1999 Sport & Diversions 27
FOOTBALL RUGBY
IC IV 3 - 0 UCL V (Sat 23 rd Jan)
Well, wha t c an w e say? R e d u c e d to t e n
m e n f o l l o w i n g a h o r r e n d o u s c h a l l e n g e
on o n e o f ou r stars, S t e p h e n Dewar , this
g a m e w a s p e r h a p s the c r o w n i n g po in t
of our U L U season so far. Brave S t e p h e n
was rushed to hospi ta l , a n d thankfu l l y as
no th ing w a s b r o k e n , h e s h o u l d b e b a c k
play ing in a f e w w e e k s t i m e .
O u r j u n g l e skills f l o w e r e d u n d e r the
gr im sky as our fou r th w i n o n t h e trot
acce le ra ted us into th i rd p l ace , just o n e
spot o f f a u t o m a t i c p r o m o t i o n . Spec i f i
cally, the t o u c h o f the e lephant/ las tadon
was not in our ranks today . N ick , Bo la ,
Dave, J o h n a n d Elliot h a d al l b e e n
b lessed w i t h t h e skil l o f t h e r a c o o n , a n d
our ever-solid d e f e n c e w i t h t h e cons i s
tency o f a yak. The first goa l w a s born- a
vivid, joyful c o m b i n a t i o n t e rm ina ted w i th
a cl inical f i n i sh .
The s t a m i n a o f the m o u n t a i n billy-
goat t h e n set w e l l in , r e p l a c e d at t i m e s
wi th the steal th o f the l e o p a r d a n d the
low c u n n i n g o f the fox. O u r t e a m su rged
forward l ike a h e r d o f bu f f a l o a n d over
c a m e the Shen l ey S c u m . A n d t h e n the
s e c o n d g o a l w a s c rea ted . . . and a lso a
th i rd. . .From t h e r e w e h e l d fast l ike a
b a b o o n c o l o n y a n d w a i t e d pat ient ly for
the f inal wh is t l e , w i th u n s h a k e a b l e c o n
f idence . For the record , t w o o f t h e goa l s
we re s c o r e d by A i d e n , a n d t h e o the r by
John, a n d thus t h e spirit o f P h a e d o n ,
the m igh ty m o n g o o s e , l ives o n . Thanks
chief.
KCL III 2 -1 IC IV (Wed 27th Jan)
W h e n these t w o t e a m s me t last t e r m
Kings w o n by three goa ls to o n e , I wro te ,
albeit t h r o u g h gr i t ted t ee th , that " they
we re just that little bit t o o s t r o n g for us".
H o w e v e r in this r e m a t c h w e m o r e than
m a t c h e d the King 's d o g g e r s in every
t rue aspec t o f foo tba l l , apart f r o m those
little necess i t i es o f luck, g o o d for tunate ,
a n d o f course , a " h o m e " s tudent re feree
w h o gave every important dec is ion to his
t e a m .
M a n for m a n , eve ry s ing le o n e o f
our players w a s m o r e skilful, m o r e deter
m i n e d a n d m o r e c o m m i t t e d that their
coun te rpa r t s . K ings are comfo r t ab l y at
the top o f the d iv is ion, so w e can see no
reason w h y w e can't g o the rest of the
s e a s o n u n d e f e a t e d , a n d thus f in ish the
s e a s o n p r o m o t e d as e i ther runners-up,
or pe rhaps , C h a m p i o n s . A n d a lso theres
BUSA; lets beat Read ing , a n d pray w e get
d r a w n away to Bath- h o w I'd l augh , h o w
t h e o ld boys w o u l d love it! -1 w o n d e r if
the i r U n i o n is as sh*te as it u s e d to be. . .
Back to the g a m e , IC d o m i n a t e d ,
w e had loads o f chances , s o m e badly
m i s s e d , o the r s w e l l s a ved . K ings s c o r e d
after o n e o f their players hand led and w e
al l s t o p p e d . A g a i n w e d o m i n a t e d
d e s e r v e d ge t t i ng a equa l i se r w i th f ive
m inu tes to g o (Fred c ross ing to the back-
p e g a n d their d e f e n d e r b u n g l i n g the
bal l h o m e u n d e r m u c h pressure ) . But
t h e n in t h e last m i n u t e a streaky cross
f o u n d its w a y to an u n m a r k e d striker 20
yards out . H e s m a s h e d it o n t o the cross
bar, d o w n to our star d e f e n d e r Elliot,
w h o , in try ing to m a k e a full c l ea rance
w a s so un lucky to s ee the ball r e b o u n d
o f f the b e m u s e d striker's chest into the
g o a l . Laugh?, w e near ly c r ied .
O n separa te no te , it w a s in teres t ing
to s ee th ree u n i o n sabbat ica ls o n that
W e d n e s d a y a f t e rn oon , t w o p lay ing foot
ball a n d o n e wa t ch ing . O n e rule for one ,
o n e for ano ther ? -nice, ICU.
IC I 5 - 20 Aberystwyth
The W e l s h p e o p l e c a m e to Ha r l i ng ton
a n d they w e r e ve ry fat. Abe rys twy th is
t h e b igges t p ie factory in Wa l e s a n d
s h e e p are the m a i n i ng red i en t . The
We lsh had two secret w e a p o n s . As kick-
off a p p r o a c h e d , 2 m e m b e r s o f the t e a m
r e m o v e d their hats to reveal their g inge r
hair. Lucki ly it d idn ' t rain. As the g a m e
p r o g r e s s e d , it b e c a m e c lear that t h e
ent i re t e a m w e r e re la ted a n d h a d a
s h e e p i s h l ook to t h e m . Desp i t e their
o b v i o u s de fo rmi t i es , their d e f e n c e c o n
ta ined n o " l eeks " (Ok, n o w y o u p u s h i n g
it - Sports Ed). Pe rhaps the h igh l igh t o f
the g a m e w a s Ma t t " t hese shor ts can ' t
con ta in m y arse" Cockay s t a m p i n g o n
W e l s h m a n ' s " r a reb i t " , a n d t h e n p ro
c e e d i n g to f lop over for a try. U n f o r t u
nately whi lst w e w e r e try ing to w o r k out
the fami ly t ree, the C y m r u suppo r t e r s
s co red a f e w tries. Br ing o n d e v o l u t i o n ,
w e don ' t wan t t h e m anyway .
IC II 5 - 29 Chichester II
W e f a ced a n u n k n o w n c h a l l e n g e but it
w a s qu i te a p leasant day. Pete b rough t
his v i d e o c a m e r a to f i lm s o m e ha rd
core a c t i on , but un fo r tuna te l y w e w e r e
o n the r e ce i v i ng e n d . W e got a severe
brus ing instead, yet w e he ld our ends for
the first half. Their nat ional standard and
i m m e n s e s i z e m a d e us r ed , raw a n d
sore . O u r rear g u a r d ac t ion he ld d igni ty
for mos t o f the first half. Howeve r , after
s o m e p layfu l b e h a v i o u r a n d p u n i s h i n g
pene t r a t i on by t h e o p p o s i t i o n w e gave
w a y a n d y i e l d e d to the i r a d v a n c e s .
Score at th is t i m e 5 - 0 .
Af te r ha l f t i m e r e f r e s h m e n t , w e
p o u n d e d a h e a d e v e n t h o u g h w e w e r e
cons t an t l y a c h i n g . T h a n k s to Bul ly 's
t e chn ique w e had our balls constant ly at
the i r fee t .
M e a n w h i l e G o o d O l d J im "super-speed"
Soppe r s c o r e d a try that w a s the h i g h
light o f the m a t c h .
IC III 4 -2 Nothampton Exiles
There are s o m e certa int ies in l ife - the
crea t ion , Birth, Dea th a n d a 3XV t e a m
f o r m i n g 5mins b e f o r e t h e m a t c h ! What
was unusua l was that the pul l o f this first
BUSA cup knockou t ma t ch had attracted
reserves a n d lots o f t h e m !
O u r oppos i t i on we re , frankly, He r cu l ean !
Not o n e was under 6'2" or 17 stone. We,
o n the o ther h a n d , t o a m a n , l i the, sl ight
a n d smart . The m a t c h star ted a n d after
s o m e c lumsy play by the o p p o s i t o n , w e
had a s c r u m - w e had little c h a n c e a n d
w e r e dr i ven back. W e s o o n w o r k e d to
the w e a k n e s s e s of t hese s te ro id m o n
sters, d a m a g e broke t h r o u g h eventually,
a n d t h e n w i t h character is t ic co-ord ina
t i o n , l i n k e d w i t h t h e en t i r e b a c k
l ine . . . l ead ing to G u t m o u n d d i v i ng over
for ur o n l y 4 po in t s . The rest o f the
g a m e w a s s i m p l e to- ing a n d fro-ing,
unt i l , just b e f o r e t h e f inal wh is t le , the
ex i les s c o r e d the i r t w o po in ts .
The result w a s a t e s t amen t to inte l l igent
p lay o u t w i t t i n g fat-bags w i t h f oo tba l l
IQ's! Utter c rap really as w e w e r e shat
o n but m o r e f u n t h a n s a y i ng " w e got
d i c k e d o n 44 - OH"
Around IC M o n 8 Tues 9 Wed 10 Thurs 11 Fri 12 Sat 13 Sun 14
C A G : T o o l s fo r Se l f
Rel iance, B a s e m e n t o f
Beit Q u a d 6 p m
Env i ronmenta l Soc ie ty-
Physics LT2 6 p m
ICU C i n e m a
The Predator 6 p m
Snake Eyes 8 .30pm
ICU C i n e m a
O u t o f Sight 6 p m
The Nego t i a to r8 .30pm
STA V a l e n t i n e ' s Q u i z
N igh t - DaV inc i ' s 8 p m
C A G : S o u p Run , Base
m e n t K i t c h e n , W e e k s
Hal l 8 p m
Siv J a n s s o n : f i t e ra tu re
o n Fi lm, Centra l Library
Level 2 5 .30pm
C l u b XS, ICU, FREE
9pm-1am
E n g l a n d v F rance in
DaVinc i ' s
ICU C i n e m a
The Negot ia tor 6 p m
O u t o f Sight 8 .45pm
C A G : S o u p Run, Base
m e n t K i t c h e n , W e e k s
Hall 8 p m
V a l e n t i n e ' s Cock t a i l
N ight , DaV inc i ' s
5-11 p m
The Electric Cafe in dB 's
B U N A C stall in ICU foyer
12.15-1.45pm
Va len t ine ' s Shaft - ICU
£1 9pm-2am
28 Sport 8 February 1999
HOCKEY FOOTBALL
BUSA CUP SHOCKER!
Brunei I 0 - 2 IC I
Just in case n o o n e k n o w s , B rune i w o n
t h e w h o l e c o m p e t i t i o n J a s t y ea r a n d
w e r e f a v o u r i t e s to w i n a g a i n . Un t i l
W e d n e s d a y that w a s w h e n they c a m e
across the m igh t y IC first XI.
Led by our cap ta in Jamie , p l ay ing in o d d
boots , IC put toge the r a p e r f o r m a n c e
that wi l l be ta lked a b o u t for years to
c o m e . Regard less o f t h e fact that t h e
keeper , Eric, w a s u r ina t ing in the goa l
and var ious t e a m m e m b e r s w e r e clearly
unp rep a r e d five m i n s b e f o r e kick-off. IC
c a m e t h r o u g h w i th a h e r o i c ef fort .
In the first half B rune i e n j o y e d s o m e
g o o d p o s s e s s i o n but l a c k e d ideas o f
f ew to break d o w n t h e IC back l ine o f
Phil, So-so, chr is a n d Rich.
In the s e c o n d half IC w e r e b e g i n n i n g to
get a lot m o r e o f t h e ball a n d c a m e
c lose to t a k i n g t h e lead t h r o u g h N a k
and War ren . W e final ly b roke the d e a d
lock, Dave l a tched o n to a l o o s e ball in
midf ie ld a n d e x p l o d e d t h r o u g h the back
four to s m a s h the ball h o m e .
Clearly a n n o y e d by this, Brunei started to
th row cau t ion to the w i n d a n d this gave
IC a n oppo r tun i t y t o b r eak " M a n U t d "
style.
A l ex d o u b l e d our lead w i th a b o u t 15
minu tes left. Jamie slotted a ball t h rough
to h i m a n d A lex f i n i shed it o f f Span ish
style.
B rune i , w h o w e r e n o w livid w i th the
w h o l e s i tua t ion , t h r e w fo rward every
t h i n g they h a d but IC w e r e d e t e r m i n e d
not to c r u m b l e a n d he ld out for a we l l
d e s e r v e d v i c t o r y .
SCOREBOARD
IC I 6 - 1 QMW I (ULU CUP)
W e started o f f in a spor t ing ly b a d style
g i f t i n g t h e m (wi th t h e h e l p o f t h e
umpi res ) an early 1 - 0 l ead . This g e n
e rous habit o f g i v i ng t h e m the ball r eg
ularly c o n t i n u e d for the next 20 m i n s
until 11 + d e c i d e d to humi l ia te the o p p o
sition keeper by scor ing f r om an obscu re
ang le . S o m e of the u m p i r i n g w a s poor ,
but in the e n d skill p reva i l ed . After 11 +
s c o r e d , B lue u n d e r p a n t s put a n o t h e r
goa l in, m a k i n g it 2 - 1 at half t i m e .
The s e c o n d half started as the first
half had f i n i shed w i th IC s c o r i n g t w o
m o r e qual i ty goa ls , o n e by Pink G a s h
ICI118-0 Essex 2nd XI
C o m e o n !
The boys t o o k to the f ie ld of d reams
u n a w a r e o f t h e c h a l l e n g e that awa i t ed
t h e m . W i t h 8 i n t e r n a t i o n a l s a n d 11
nat ional l e ague I players Essex University
lis we re a t e a m to be reckoned wi th . But
r e c k o n w i t h t h e m w e d id - a n d over
c a m e thei r skill a n d f i tness w i th 18 qua l
ity goa l s ( even o n e f r om capta in Jean
C l a u d e w h o is shit!) Br ing o n M i l t o n
Keynes !
IC III plenty - 0 ICSM III
H O C K E Y
IC I 6-1 Q M W I
IC I 7 -1 St Bart's (friendly)
Id II 1 8 - 0 Essex 2nd XI
Id III ' p l e n t y ' - 0 ICSM III
IC Ladies 1 1 - 0 Bart's
IC Lad ies II "wa lkove r " St G e o r g e ' s
FOOTBALL
Brune i 2 - 0 ICI
IC III 7 - 0 u n k n o w n
IC IV 1-2 u n k n o w n
RUGBY
IC I 5 - 2 0 Aberwys twy th
IC II 5 - 29 Ch iches te r II
ICIII 4 - 2 or 0 - 44 N o r t h a m p t o n
a n d ano the r by B lue U n d e r p a n t s . W i th
pressure on l y c o m i n g w h e n red h e l m e t
d e c i d e d to play foo tba l l w i t h h i m s e l f
w e m a n a g e d to push up m o r e a n d by
the e n d of the g a m e it w a s 6 - 1 w i th
B lue U n d e r p a n t s c o m p l e t i n g his hat-
trick f rom the penalty spot and Bigger Tit
t ies a l so s c o r i n g . Al l in all a c rap
p e r f o r m a n c e but our c u p run c o n t i n
ues .
Ti tanic batt le. The cont roversy b e t w e e n
the m e d i c s a n d t h e real m e n o f the c o l
l e g e c o n t i n u e d today . The Ills d o m i
n a t e d f r o m t h e off. Steve C r a m w a s o n
g o o d f o r m a n d s p u n m a n y yarns for
the suppor te r . W e k n o w the results and
so d o they . Sadly the ICSM boys cou ld
n't take a j o k e a n d ran h o m e to their
m u m m i e s b e f o r e the f inal whis t le . Roll
o n the next g a m e . D i sco .
Across Down
CRYPTIC CROSSWORD by Gnat C h u m
7 Twit c augh t i tem in auc t i on . (4)
8 Dear N a n , Raf w r o t e he re a n d there .
(4,3,3)
10 Star in rat sk ies . (8)
11 O r g a n i s e s Instruct ions. (6)
12 Battered A b e b u m p e d into ex. w e
hear . (6)
13 Ten poses in b a l l r o o m rout ines . (3-5)
15 Loan Stalinists faulty S A M sites? (13)
18 Wor r i ed , f i n d i n g a id ' s g o n e . (8)
20 M i n u t e spot s q u e e z e d for US a d m i
ral. (6)
22 H i g h exp los i ve arse t akes t h e d e a d
away. (6)
24 Hard to p in d o w n , that is a b o u t fifty-
fifty o n A m e r i c a n four . (8)
25 f i qu id has o n e of a pair? Like rubber?
(5-5)
26 Q u i e t pe r i od o f first l ight up Langly
Lane. (4)
1 Leg-spin art is wr i t ten o n the wall?
(10)
2 S o m e t h i n g su i tab le c o u l d b e right
up yours? (6)
3 In s ign o n m a i n road turn there ' s a
l o g o . (8)
4 Al gets in b l o o d y m e s s aplenty . (6)
5,21 A d m i s s i o n o f su i c i de by m e a n s o f
m y d i o d e lit fist! (1,3,2,2,6)
6 M e d i o c r e spec tac l e . (4)
9 R e c o g n i s i n g f r o m l o n g c a g e d w ink .
(13)
14 C h a r g e d in a g o o d f r ame o f mind?
(10)
16 Sunday b e c o m e s less we t w i th var i
o u s c o n s e q u e n c e s ? (8)
17 C h i n a has me ta l for coat? (3-5)
19 Rest in first s ea . (6)
21 See 5.
23 M a d e p r o c e s s e d cheese ? (4)
The winner of last week's crossword is Nick Helllwell.
Please come into the office to claim your prize.
Answers to 1134
Across : 1. Scraper 5. Subsets 9. U n c o i l
i ng 10. Enter l l . T e t c 12. Scaredy-cat
14. B l owe r 15. E a r l d o m 16. Bu f f a l o
18. I amb i c 20. O v e r s t a t e s 21 . Psst
24. Sci-fi 25. It inerant 26. M e g a t o n
27. Sanctus
Down: 1. Shunt 2. Recital 3. Pail 4.
Re inco rpo ra t i on 5. Sugar Ref iner ies 6.
B r e a d c r u m b 7. Ent iced 8. Stratum 13.
Sweatshir t 16. B l o s s o m 17. F lexing
19. Instant 23. f e a n
Stretch yourself this summer... with the Unilever Summer
Programme (USP)
Have you thought about what you'd like to do
after graduation? If you're not quite sure about
the sort of career you want to embark upon, you
might be interested in gaining valuable business
experience this summer with Unilever.
The programme gives you the opportunity to spend 8 to
10 weeks over the summer working on genuine business
projects alongside our managers. You'll not only develop
key business skills but also enhance your all-round
employability through one-to-one mentoring and
attending skills training sessions run by management
development specialists.
Vacancies exist in the following functions: Commercial,
Information Management, Brand Management,
Customer Management, Personnel & Employee Relations
(any degree discipline). Product Development (chemistry
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(any science or engineering degree). Salary is £1,000 per
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To be eligible, you must be in your penultimate year of
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To apply, call our Hotline 0541 543550 for a brochure and
application form. Closing date for applications is Friday
26 Feb 1999 and interviews will take place in mid April.
Whatdo I.C when they leave college?
T O H N SEARS
Mechanical Engineering 1988 -1992
Having spent a year travelling the world, I joined Van
den Bergh Foods as a technical trainee - making
margarine!! My first one and a half years were
essentially training posts, allowing me to finish my
MPDS and gain Chartered Status with the IMechE.
Jobs ranged from project engineer in a refinery
(edible oil), to Quality Engineer in a margarine factory
in Germany, to Commissioning Engineer installing a
£2.2m packing line in the main factory.
My first management position was in Worksop, as
the Project Support Manager for setting up the
Chicken Tonight factory. This was a £4m project which
we had 7 months to install and commission a brand
new factory, recruit and train a workforce to run the
factory and get the product to the shelves. My next
post was as Process Development Manager - a natural
progression from the previous job, enabling me to
help sort out any problems incurred on the Chicken
Tonight Line.
I am now the Internal Logistics Manager for the
Margarine factory (where I started out). I control all
goods leaving and entering the site and the palletising
of the cases of margarine onto pallets. I have 30
people who work for me, dispatch approximately
1,000,000 tubs of margarine a day, and receive the
materials to make that each day. I am responsible
for ongoing improvements within my area including
many large projects such as Automatic Guided Vehicle
implementation and installation of computer systems
such as SAP. The factory where I work was voted the
best factory in the UK last year - not bad for a food
factory.
So, I have been with Unilever for 5 years, had 6
different jobs, worked on 3 different sites and have
doubled my starting salary. What next? I joined
Unilever to go abroad and expect my next posting
to be in a technical function
outside the UK.
N A T A S H A DEWAR.
Chemical Engineering 1992 -1996
After the mi lkround I joined the Unilever Corporate
Manufacturing and Engineering Group (CMEG)
based in Port Sunlight, near Liverpool. In my first ten
months I was responsible for the movement of a new
Integrated Process Design software tool from
development into production use at our offices in Port
Sunlight and Hol land. As part of my training, I also
attended Hazard and Operability studies of toothpaste
plants, and visited fabricators.
I then moved to Birds Eye Wall's in Lowestoft, East
Anglia. I spent 6 months in their technical support
centre, doing glamorous site projects including
designing a new leading edge effluent treatment
plant, utilities targeting and monitoring, and pea
freezer development. I moved into the beefburger
factory for 4 months and was a Shift Manager,
responsible for 3 operating lines and 40 people,
doing 12 hour day and night shifts. It was a change
of lifestyle but great fun and I learnt loads.
I then spent a 4 month placement working as the
Assistant Brand Manager for Vaseline Intensive Care
and Dove deodorant at Elida Faberge in Kingston,
London. I looked at multil ingual packs for Europe,
was responsible for the promotion of Vaseline deo,
and was involved in advert production which included
going to the shoot at Pinewood studios! This was my
first taste of a non-technical role and it was very
different to what I was used to, great fun and lots of
showbiz parties. At the end of last year I returned to
the Unilever Corporate Manufacturing and Supply
Chain Technolgy (MAST) Group in Port Sunlight in
my first management position, working on shampoo
and ice-cream projects for Unilever's emerging
markets all over the world and value engineering
studies in many operating companies.
The variety of experiences that Unilever has offered
me have been very enjoyable as well as challenging.
A l l the people I have met along the way have
been very supportive and I think the company
offers exciting future opportunities.
Grads do...
S l / l O t i CsAgTER. KARL X>Wki\£
Chemical Engineering 1979 -1983
My "gut feel" was that I would fit in with Unilever's
culture: so I accepted their offer of a place on the Wirral,
with Van den Bergh Foods, on their management trainee
scheme which I undertook for 1 year. After a further 2
years as a Shift Manufacturing Manager responsible for
98 employees operating 20 production lines in the
Margarine factory, I was transferred to a sister factory at
Purfleet, near London. Here my initial responsibilities
included being a member of the project team that
reconfigured the edible fat spreads manufacturing
capabilities to meet the changing needs of the business.
The task took 3.5 years and £16m to complete and
consisted of the specification, design, and commissioning
of new plant and equipment together with the
associated PLC and Management Information systems.
On completion the site was (and remains) Unilever's
largest edible fats factory in the world. Then I became
one of the two Plant Managers running the day to day
operation of the factory which was operating 7 days per
week, throughout the year, with 220 people in their area
of responsibility.
In 19921 transferred to The Netherlands to work in a
group responsible for the identification of Best Practice in
edible fats manufacture and the transfer of this
knowledge world-wide to all relevant Unilever operating
companies. In 19961 returned to Port Sunlight in the UK
and now run the Supply Chain Strategy Team within
Unilever's corporate supply chain group. The group's
mission is to transfer Leading Practice in Manufacturing
and Supply Chain to Unilever's businesses.
Graduates joining Unilever to work within the supply
chain will have a key role to play in realising the
significant potential for value creation that exists within
this area. Efficient design and operation of the supply
chain has a major impact on the meeting of customer
and consumer needs and therefore
on business performance. The ^^^^^^^^^^
Mechanical Engineering 1991 -1995
I had never thought that 'company culture'
mattered that much to me until I really had to make
a decision. That was how I came to join Unilever
through the Milk Round and started working for
Birds Eye Wall's in 1995 as a technical trainee.
My first job was as a Project Manager in a
Beefburger factory, and this role soon progressed
to Shift Manager. At this point, the BSE scare
destroyed the Beefburger market and
management of the factory became a very day-to
day role. Some of my focus was to commission
the 'Birds Eye Meatfree' production line which I
continued to run - operationally co-ordinating a
team of 5 Shift Managers.
After 1 year, I moved to a Sales role in Head Office,
followed by a Logistics job, re-engineering a
business process and developing a materials
requirement planning tool for Ice Cream
packaging. After 4 months I moved to my current
role in Ice Cream Manufacturing at Gloucester,
where I am the Operations Projects Manager for
Europe's largest Ice Cream factory. I have mostly
been involved with implementing an annualised
hours system, engineering improvement work and
Total Productivity Management. I am now
responsible for the installation and commissioning
of £6 million worth of new production line.
One of the best things I find about Unilever is the
people, at all levels. The people I work with in the
factory are all excellent, and a complete cross
section of society. The senior members of the
business are very genuine and great to work for.
My peer group are all great friends stretching
across all the Unilever companies, which facilitates
an excellent social life. I spent my summer holiday
this year visiting a friend who works
for Unilever Vietnam, which was
fantastic! . ^
U NI LEAVER
Take up the Challenge If y o u a re a p e n u l t i m a t e year s t u d e n t
s t u d y i n g f o r a sc i ence or e n g i n e e r i n g
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U n i l e v e r C h a l l e n g e f r o m 2 2 t o 2 5 M a r c h
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T h e c o u r s e wil l c o m p r i s e a series o f t e a m
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� take a leadership role
� maximise your contribution in
a team
� receive feedback on your own
personal abilities
� discuss the role of leadership in
today's business world
� hopefully have some fun!
T h e c o u r s e wil l c u l m i n a t e in a re lax ing
i n f o r m a l d i n n e r o n t h e f ina l e v e n i n g .
Travel expenses wil l be pa id a n d f o o d
a n d a c c o m m o d a t i o n p r o v i d e d . Fo r a n
a p p l i c a t i o n f o r m , c o n t a c t H e l e n
H u t c h i n s o n o n 0171 -822 5 7 4 8 or ema i l
h e l e n . h u t c h i n s o n @ un i l e ve r . com.
T h e d e a d l i n e is 1 9 F e b r u a r y 1 9 9 9 .
Unilever
Research opportunities for PhD Scientists
If you join us as a PhD scientist, you will
be part of a truly international research
community, working on products designed
for local consumers across the world.
Within 2 years you will be expected to lead
a project team, comprising scientists,
market researchers and manufacturing and
packaging specialists. Visit our website -
www.research.unilever.com or phone our
hotline 0044 (0) 151 641 3797, leaving your
name and address.
Some interesting
facts about
Unilever
Worldwide sales in 1997
of over £29 billion
300 local operating units
in 88 countries
with sales in over 60 more
Employs nearly 270,000
people worldwide
Invests c.£550 million
in R&D every year
Spends some £3.6 million
every year marketing
more than 1,000 brands,
many of them household names