The Solution NewsSince 1991

May/June 2011 Happy, Joyous and Always Free!! Recovery Growth Renewal

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Lifestyles College of Development1705 S. Federal Hwy Suite A5

Delray Beach, Fl 33483

Lifestyles College of Development's mission is to provide you with the educational tools to develop hope, inspi-ration, and courage to find your passion and reach your goals with SKILLS FOR LIFE. We are here to teach youthe "How To," not the "Why Not." Traditionally you learn WHY NOT to have certain behaviors. We will educate youon HOW TO change certain behaviors as you develop your lifestyle with pride. The common struggle is knowingwhat to do, but not knowing HOW TO do it. At Lifestyles College of Development, you will participate in an activelearning model that teaches you HOW TO be successful by using the same techniques that taught you compli-cated tasks such as riding a bike and driving. Just as these skills are now second nature to you, so will becomethe skills for life. As alumni of Lifestyles College of Development, you will be equipped with the skills to beginthe life that you have always wanted. Why wait? Become who you really are and start your life TODAY. LifestylesCollege of Development is a Department of Children and Family Services (DCF) Florida state licensed facility inpartial hospitalization (PHP), intensive outpatient (IOP), and outpatient (OP) treatment. We serve the housewife,the business professional, the student, the employee, the employer, those transitioning from inpatient facilities,and those who would like to develop a healthy lifestyle but do not meet medical necessity for inpatient treatment.

561.450.6320 or call us Toll Free 1-855-SKILLS 4 LIFE lifestylescollegeofdevelopment.com

Page 4 - Dave’s Page: Not A Glum Lot!

Page 5 - Stress and Laughter

Page 6 - Oreo Personality Test

Page 7 - Rebecca B.: Me and My Shadow

Page 8 - Hotlines and Helplines

Page 9 - Watershed Page

Page 10 - Events

Page 11 - Negative People

Page 12 - You Might Be An Alcoholic If.....

Page 14 - Vintage Anti-Drug Comics

Page 17 - How I Could Be A Better Man

Page 18 - Lexophiles and Oxymorons

Page 20 - Different Planets

Page 22 - Two Sets of Prints

Page 24 - The Age Page

Page 25 - Ocean Walk Recovery

Page 26 - Parting Shots Page

Page 27 - Riddles That Make You Smile

The Solution News Contents3

A serious and good philosophical work couldbe written consisting entirely of jokes. -LudwigWittgenstein

Police Blotter, Bath Police DepartmentBath, Maine

July 21Call reported a person staggering down thestreet with a canoe on his head. When policeresponded, no person could be found.

July 23Sgt. Seeviour responded to a report of the theftof Chinese food from a freezer in theWhitefield area. The complainant was in herresidence at the time but did not see or hearanyone. The estimated replacement value forthe crab rangoon and egg rolls is $40.00.

Recently the problems of the world contin-ued in the middle east and as the economy con-tinues to struggle, crime rates rise, natural dis-aters and our continuing wars take up the head-lines and information overload in Americatoday, it is easy to get caught up in the fear and

negativity that is so prevalent. With all this neg-ative energy being shot at us by every form ofmedia every day, it is not surprising that thesocial ills of alcoholism, drug addiction, depres-sion and high anxiety are so predominant..

Which brings me to the preceding items fromthe Bath, Maine newspaper. We are so fortunateto have been delivered from the terminal illnessof alcoholism and drug addiction; from the darkand negative energy of active addiction to thebright light and sunny days of recovery.

One of the things that impressed me so muchabout the fellowship in my early days was theability of our members to laugh at themselvesand to “lighten up”. In fact it is said that the onlyrule in AA is Rule 62 which tells us not to takeourselves too seriously. I can certainly relate tothe guy staggering down Main Street in Bath,Maine with a canoe on his head. The vision ofbreaking into someone’s house and eating theirChinese food is not far from my own reality inmy drinking days either. These items are funnyto those of us who have developed the ability tolaugh at our own silliness

This is not to minimize the devastation andpain caused to others by our addiction and thissubtle distinction must always be made so thatthose who are unfamiliar with our programdon’t feel we are making light of the pain wehave caused. But for many of us the ability tolaugh and enjoy our sober lives is the rewardthat we gain by changing our lives and doing thehard work work necessary to attain and preserveour recovery.

Our book says, “But we are not a glum lot. Ifnewcomers could see no fun or joy in our exis-tence, they wouldn’t want it. We absolutelyinsist on enjoying life. We try not to indulge in

cynicism over the state of the nations, nor do wecarry the world’s troubles on our shoulders.When we see a man sinking into the mire that isalcoholism, we give him first aid and place whatwe have at his disposal. For his sake, we dorecount and almost relive the horrors of our past.But those of us who have tried to shoulder theentire burden and trouble of others find we aresoon overcome by them. So we think cheerful-ness and laughter make for usefulness. Out-siders are sometimes shocked when we burstinto merriment over a seemingly tragic experi-ence out of the past. But why shouldn’t welaugh? We have recovered and been given thepower to help others”( Big Book Page 132)

Over the years I have developed a few sim-ple barometers and guideposts to measure thequality of my recovery. I usually know that I amoff track if the guitar and fishing rod begin togather dust. Another measure that is very reli-able is my sense of humor. When I lose it Iinevitable lose my serenity and find myself“grinding” through the days rather than goingwith the flow and staying in the moment. Bylaughing at myself I am able to retain a certainlevel of humility and successfully avoid return-ing to staggering down Main Street with a canoeon my head.

I decided to combat the negativity by doinga whole issue on Humor. Over the years theseHumor pages have become a very popular fea-ture of The Solution News so I thought thatdevoting a whole issue on this topic would pro-vide a few smiles and maybe even some laugh-er to your days on the sometimes bumpy road torecovery. For much more recovery humor got to:

solutionnews.org

Not A Glum Lot 4

Dave’s Page

Research has shown that the health benefits oflaughter are far-ranging. While more studiesneed to be done, studies so far have shown thatlaughter can help relieve pain, bring greaterhappiness, and even increase immunity.Positive psychology names the propensity forlaughter and sense of humor as one of the 24main signature strengths one can possess, andlaughter yoga clubs are springing up across thecountry. Read on for more findings about thehealth benefits of laughter, and see how toincorporate more humor and fun into your life.

Stress Management Benefits of Laughter:

* Hormones: Laughter reduces the level ofstress hormones like cortisol, epinephrine(adrenaline), dopamine and growth hormone. Italso increases the level of health-enhancing hor-mones like endorphins, and neurotransmitters.Laughter increases the number of antibody pro-ducing cells and enhances the effectiveness of Tcells. All this means a stronger immune system,as well as fewer physical effects of stress.

* Physical Release: Have you ever felt likeyou "have to laugh or I'll cry"? Have you expe-rienced the cleansed feeling after a good laugh?Laughter provides a physical and emotionalrelease.

* Internal Workout: A good belly laughexercises the diaphragm, contracts the abs andeven works out the shoulders, leaving musclesmore relaxed afterward. It even provides a goodworkout for the heart.

* Distraction: Laughter brings the focusaway from anger, guilt, stress and negativeemotions in a more beneficial way than othermere distractions.

* Perspective: Studies show that our responseto stressful events can be altered by whether we

view something as a 'threat' or a 'challenge'.Humor can give us a more lighthearted perspec-tive and help us view events as 'challenges',thereby making them less threatening and morepositive.

* Social Benefits of Laughter: Laughter con-nects us with others. Just as with smiling andkindness, most people find that laughter is con-

tagious, so if you bring more laughter into yourlife, you can most likely help others around youto laugh more, and realize these benefits aswell. By elevating the mood of those aroundyou, you can reduce their stress levels, and per-haps improve the quality of social interactionyou experience with them, reducing your stresslevel even more!

How To Use Laughter:

Laughter is one of my all-time favorite stressmanagement strategies because it's free, con-venient, and beneficial in so many ways. Youcan get more laughter in your life with the fol-lowing strategies:

* T.V. and Movies: There's no shortage oflaughter opportunities from the entertainment,both at the theater and in the aisles of the videostores, as well as at home with T.V. comedies.

While wasting your time watching somethingmarginally funny may actually frustrate you,watching truly hilarious movies and shows is aneasy way to get laughter into your life whenev-er you need it.

* Laugh With Friends: Going to a movie orcomedy club with friends is a great way to getmore laughter in your life. The contagiouseffects of laughter may mean you'll laugh morethan you otherwise would have during the show,plus you'll have jokes to reference at later times.Having friends over for a party or game night isalso a great setup for laughter and other goodfeelings.

* Find Humor In Your Life: Instead of com-plaining about life's frustrations, try to laughabout them. If something is so frustrating ordepressing it's ridiculous, realize that you could'look back on it and laugh.' Think of how it willsound as a story you could tell to your friends,and then see if you can laugh about it now. Withthis attitude, you may also find yourself beingmore lighthearted and silly, giving yourself andthose around you more to laugh about.Approach life in a more mirthful way and you'llfind you're less stressed about negative events,and you'll achieve the health benefits of laugh-ter.

* 'Fake It Until You Make It': Just as stud-ies show the positive effects of smiling occurwhether the smile is fake or real, faked laughteralso provides the benefits mentioned above. Thebody can't distinguish between 'fake' laughterthat you just start doing on purpose, and 'real'laughter that comes from true humor--the phys-ical benefits are exactly the same, and the for-mer usually leads to the latter anyway. So smilemore, and fake laughter; you'll still achieve pos-itive effects, and the fake merriment may lead toreal smiles and laughter.

5Th

Stress Management and Health Benefits of LaughterBy Elizabeth Scott, M.S.

Psychologists have discovered that themanner in which people eat Oreo cookiesprovides great insight into their person-alities. Choose which method bestdescribes your favorite method of eatingOreos:

1. The whole thing all at once.

2. One bite at a time.

3. Slow and methodical nibbles examiningthe results of each bite afterwards.

4. In little feverous nibbles.

5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...).

6. Twisted apart, the inside, then thecookie.

7. Twisted apart, the inside, and toss thecookie.8. Just the cookie, not the inside.

9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.

10. I don't have a favorite way because Idon't like Oreos.

Your Personality:1. The whole thing. This means you con-sume life with abandon, you are fun to bewith, exciting, carefree with some hint ofrecklessness. You are totally irresponsi-ble. No one should trust you with theirchildren.

2. One bite at a time. You are lucky to beone of the 5.4 billion other people who

eat their Oreos this very same way. Justlike them, you lack imagination, but that'sokay, not to worry, you're normal.

3. Slow and methodical. You follow therules. You're very tidy and orderly.You're very meticulous in every detailwith every thing you do to the point of

being anal retentive and irritating to oth-ers. Stay out of the fast lane if you'reonly going to go the speed limit.

4. Feverous nibbles. Your boss likes youbecause you get your work done quickly.You always have a million things to do andnever enough time to do them. Mentalbreakdowns and suicides run in your fam-ily. Valium and Ritalin would do you good.

5. Dunked. Every one likes you becauseyou are always up beat. You like to sugarcoat unpleasant experiences and rational-ize bad situations into good ones. You are

in total denial about the shambles you calla life. You have a propensity towards nar-cotic addiction.

6. Twisted apart, the inside, and then thecookie. You have a highly curious nature.You take pleasure in breaking thingsapart to find out how they work, thoughnot always able to put them back togeth-er, so you destroy all the evidence ofyour activities. You deny your involvementwhen things go wrong. You are a compul-sive liar and exhibit deviant, if not crimi-nal, behavior.

7. Twisted apart, the inside, and thentoss the cookie. You are good at businessand take risk that pay off. You take whatyou want and throw the rest away. Youare greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feel-ings for others. You should be ashamedof yourself. But that's ok, you don't care,you got yours.

8. Just the cookie, not the inside. Youenjoy pain.

9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.Stay away from small furry animals andseek professional medical help - immedi-ately.

10. I don't have a favorite way, I don'tlike Oreo cookies. You probably comefrom a rich family, and like to wear nicethings, and go to up-scale restaurants.You are particular and fussy about thethings you buy, own, and wear. Thingshave to be just right. You like to be pam-pered. You are a prim. Nobody likes you.

Oreo Personality Test6

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Rebecca B.Me and My Shadow

“Rebeccahhhhhhhh! Rebeccahhhhhhhh!” my mom yelled out the front door.“Whaaaaaaaaaat?” I yelled back. “COME HOME!” was her reply. “Comin’!!” Iyelled back.

You see growing up in my neighborhood in Homewood, (which was a sub-urb of Birmingham), Alabama – this was a normal daily ritual played out by par-ents and kids everywhere. You could forget about having one of your friends tryto impersonate you when responding to this call because, almost magically to uskids, each parent knew exactly if it was their kid’s voice or not. But what madethis particular day different from the rest, were a set of circumstances now set inmotion…that could never be reversed.

It was around 1974 and I was 9 years old. I had a very big imagination andit never failed but to help keep me entertained, even when no one else wasaround. I didn’t have an imaginary friend per say, but the dreams that came intomy mind felt like it. For name’s sake we will call this powerful force – MyShadow. It didn’t matter where I went or what was going on, my shadow wasalways with me, taking even the smallest and most insignificant of things andturning them into grand adventures to be had! Yes, me and my shadow hadalready had many adventures, but today I would come face to face with findingthat my shadow could get me into some kind of trouble!

Let me back up a bit and tell you the whole story:

I LOVED television. In my opinion it was the greatest thing invented – sec-ond only to a kickball or a skateboard. I had an entire line up of television thatI watched, all of which provided me and my shadow endless hours of imagina-tion enjoyment. Some of my all time favorite shows included: Bewitched and IDream of Jeannie. Oh but for the countless hours I tried to make things happenby wiggling my nose, making up spells or crossing my arms and bowing myhead forward quickly with eyes closed, like they did. But it was to no avail – Inever made one thing move, or disappear or turn into a dog, nope not ONEthing. But then a new show came out and to my shadow and I, it appeared tooffer the first REAL possibility of actually bringing out of the TV somethingcool and making it happen!

Yep, once a week you could be certain to find me sitting in our living room,glued to the television set and waiting for one of my most favorite shows tobegin – The Six Million Dollar Man! That show could light me and my shadowup for a whole week of adventures until it would again be time to watch the nextgreat adventure of! There were a few reasons that I recall in why I liked it somuch and they were: (1) I had had a crush on Lee Majors growing up watchingI Dream of Jeanee (2) He had the abilities that the average person didn’t havebecause he was bionic (3) Due to his abilities, he got to have incredible adven-tures. For the first time I realized that THIS was actually possible! ~ It was alsoat this moment that my shadow began working on a solution.

Arriving to school it was one of my favorite days – hearing test day. I lovedit so much because on the days of testing groups of kids would be in and out ofthe room, so rather than our regular work we got to do more fun things like art.My maiden name,(Tackett), always meant that I was in one of the last groups togo for our testing, which was perfectly fine with me – more time to play. On thisday however, it was also more time for “my shadow” to continue seeking out theperfect solution to make us bionic so that we could begin the incredible adven-tures we so desperately wanted to go on…and then it happened. An idea camethat actually was the perfect solution!

“Rebecca Tackett” the woman at the door called, “come on honey, it is yourturn to get tested”. My heart was just about to pound out of my chest with theinsurmountable level of excitement and anticipation of pulling off the greatestplan my shadow had EVER come up with ~ fake the hearing test. Oh yes, youheard it right…fake it. You see my shadow remembered something that day thatI had forgotten all about, a devise that could transform my life from that of a nor-mal run of the mill kid, to a super kid with incredible power. A devise called ahearing aid! How could I have overlooked this potential the previous year? Ilaughed at the oversight and chalked it up to the immaturity of a first grader.

Now, I was mear minutes away from becoming…BIONIC! All that stood beforeme was the challenge of pulling off the greatest dramatic role of my entire life.

The upcoming challenge, although daunting, wasn’t such a feat in my mind.I mean I had a track record of enthralling theatrical performances to include:Running a fever, (with the actual spike in temperature); Stomach aches; Nausea(including the vomit) and of course the creme de la crème ~ the self inducedasthma attack. So although hearing loss was uncharted territory, I quicklydeduced that it would only require a fine balance of just enough hearing loss forthe “bionic ear”, but not so much that I would have to go to a special school oranything.

I entered the room and was seated inside the booth. The man performing thetesting instructed me to put the head phones on my head and that every time Iheard a beep, to lift my hand into the air to indicate which ear I was hearing thesound in. “Easy enough”, I thought to myself. Initially there were extremelyfaint sounds going back and forth between my right and left ears – all of whichmy shadow and I knew to ignore, and so I stared blankly at the wall. Ever soslowly the sound increased and for a good while I continued to sit and stare. Myshadow however realized that for this to be authentic it would be imperative toappear not too bad off. So with the next beep, (which was in my right ear), I tilt-ed my head ever so slightly to the right – as to indicate straining to capture whatI thought I might have heard. The sound continued to get louder and I then beganto lift my arm to indicate what I heard as directed, but to add that extra splash ofdrama, on some of the beeps I would begin to raise my arm…hesitate…thenraise it the rest of the way, as to indicate my uncertainty.

When the test was over the man was very nice to me and gave me a suckerand I was escorted back to my classroom. I was absolutely filled with jubilationbecause the adventure had begun. Soon after this my mom took me to a hearingspecialist – to which my shadow and I put on the same performance, but witheven more confidence. I could just feel how close I was to obtaining that magi-cal bionic hearing. My shadow and I layed in the bed endless hours thinking ofall the ways it could be used. We could hear what my mom and dad said, evenif the doors were closed. We could hear what the teacher and principle was say-ing when I was in trouble for something. We could even crawl up into a tall treeand perhaps hear blocks or even MILES away!

One day my mom sat me down and explained to me that I was going to haveto go into the hospital so that they could perhaps find what was causing my prob-lems. OH! This was to good to be true!! I was admitted and all the tests wererun. I was then released to come home and we were awaiting the outcome. Thisbrings me back to the beginning of my story. On that day when my mom yelledout for me, I was about a block away. She had called me out of habit and I hadanswered out of habit. She of course coming to the shocking realization that myhearing was not impaired and with every step home, I was overcome with therealization that I had just blown my cover. Approaching the yard I saw my moth-er…I didn’t even know a face could get that red or that certain veins even exist-ed in the face.

Well needless to say, you can probably figure out what happened next.Let’s just say my mom wasn’t a subscriber to the new line of thinkingwhere you didn’t discipline your kids. I on the other hand found myself,when all was said an done, sitting in my room, just me and my shadowwith all hopes of bionic hearing gone and realizing that perhaps I hadtaken things a bit too far.

As I lay on my bed that night I thought, “Next time I won’t go so far”.As a recovering alcoholic of course, the next time was rarely different, butalmost a sure fire guarantee to be an adventure of some sort! My shadowhas been tamed a good bit today, but I can honestly say that given enoughroom and left unchecked, who knows what could happen!

Rebecca B. (BeccainBham@aol.com)

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Hotlines and Helplines

TherapistsAre you looking for a place where the concept of "team" has deepermeaning? We are looking for caring, insightful therapists who are com-mitted to the highest quality care for our patients and who have thedesire to support those who are struggling with addiction. Our facili-ties offer our patients comfortable and safe surroundings to begin theirjourney of recovery. The Watershed is Joint Commission accreditedand fully licensed by the State of Florida. Our therapists provide indi-vidual and group counseling to patients in our inpatient treatment pro-gram. The therapist is able to develop a relationship with the patientthat begins in detox and lasts throughout the entire length of stay. Thetherapist functions within the limits of their licensure, registrationand/or certification. Graduation from an accredited college or univer-sity with a Masters Degree in a health-related discipline; licensedand/or accredited applicants preferred. Experience with chemicaldependency and/or dual diagnosis programs preferred. The Watershedwelcomes recovering individuals to apply! Recovering individualsmust have a minimum of 1 full year of abstinence from drugs/alcoholto eligible for employment. Call-Back Representatives

We are currently seeking hard working, customer service orientedindividuals with excellent communication skills to become membersof our team. The Call-Back Representatives will work collaborative-ly with the Admissions Coordinators in order to admit new patientsinto our treatment facilities. This position involves making follow-upcalls to individuals who have previously called The Watershed seek-ing treatment but were never admitted into our facility. Our goal is toreach out to those who may have avoided treatment in the past andassist them with their struggles of addiction, by offering our treatmentservices. This position is full-time with some weekends involved &located in our Delray Beach, corporate building.A year or more of 12-step recovery experience is very beneficial to anyone working in thisposition. Prior call-center and/or healthcare experience are a plus!

Alumni CoordinatorsThe Watershed’s newest department is that of the Alumni coordinators!Coordinators main focus is in making contact with ALL of Watershed’salumni dating back to it’s doors opening in 1998! Through this effort anyalumni who may have encountered relapse and needs help can be givena means to get back into their recovery and those who are maintainingrecovery can be orientated to our current program which offers a varietyof services, activities and opportunities to our alumni & theirfamilies.Work hours currently are: Mon.-Fri. 10am to 6pm at our officein Delray Beach. Six months or more of active 12-step recovery is need-ed and being an alumnus of The Watershed is preferred. Having basiccomputer & phone skills is a plus.

The Watershed is a Drug Free Workplace and an Equal Opportunity Employer. For more information, please visit:www.thewatershed.com. To apply, please go to www.thewatershed.jobs.

Watershed alumni – you don’t want to miss this!!!!

Are you a graduate of The Watershed Treatment Programs? Do you have an interest in personal growth in your recovery? Would you like to be ableto help others, even as you were helped? If the answer to any or all of these questions is “YES”, then we want to hear from you! The Watershed hasa unique one of a kind ALUMNI PROGRAM that is quite literally filled with events, activities & services for you!! It is a place to find support, fel-lowship and numerous ways for you to be able to reach out and help others. We currently have almost 4,100 registered alumni members around thecountry and we want YOU to be a part of this community! We also have an Alumni Family Outreach Program for YOUR family members to offerthem the same connection and support with each other that now numbers 4,400!!!We hope that whether you are an alumni or a family member ofan alumni, that you will join our social web site called Lives in Recovery. To register just go to www.livesinrecovery.com today! You will find aplace to register under “ALUMNI” and a place to register under “FAMILY”. On this site, you will be able to chat, create groups and meetings, uploadvideos, create photo albums, find local meetings, be up to date on events, access the Alumni or Family Magazines, the monthly Alumni or FamilyNewsletter, the Life Saver’s Club Newsletter, and SO MUCH MORE! We hope that you will get involved with alumni if you aren’t already. (YOURVOICE IS NEEDED!!) We have the Alumni Speaker Meetings EVERY SATURDAY from 10:30am to 12 noon at BOTH the BOCA and BOYN-TON facilities. If you are a new alumnus with less than 90 days in recovery, we have special support meeting just for you and we WANT YOU TOCOME! It is called the ALUMNI SUPPORT meeting and is held at THE WATERSHED APARTMENTS in Lake Worth, FL on THURSDAY nights,from 5:30 to 6:45pm under the tent by the pool. There, you can gain important information related to your early recovery and upon reaching 90 daysget your MEDALLION on Anniversary Saturday the last Saturday of the month! (IF YOU ATTEND ALUMNI SUPPORT MEETINGS YOU MAYATTEND SATURDAY SPEAKER MEETINGS) For directions or further information or questions, contact Rebecca Balko at the contact informa-tion listed below. Last but not least…if you are an alumnus and have in interest in working in the field of Addiction Recovery and/or in our AlumniDepartment, The Watershed wants to hear from you! If you are interested in seeking employment you can either contact Rebecca Balko or go direct-ly to our web site at www.thewatershed.com. Just go to Human Resources & place an “on line” application. *You need to have 1yr. clean and soberfor most positions* We look forward to hearing from you! You can contact Rebecca Balko at: Rbalko@thewatershed.com (or write) 200 CongressPark Dr. Suite 101 Delray Beach, FL 33445 (PHONE: 877-416-9566 ext.88204)

9

Behavioral Health TechsAre you a caring, compassionate individual? Are you able to providesupervision and support for others in a thoughtful, respectful manner?If you have these qualities we encourage you to apply for a position asa Behavioral Health Technician, (BHT). Our BHT's are directlyinvolved in providing quality care for patients as part of the overallteam and are responsible for conducting meetings and providing struc-ture for our patients during their treatment experience. As a BHT youare the frontline staff member, having frequent interactions with thepatients throughout their stay. As a result you are in a position to havea positive impact on the patient's view toward recovery. The averageday for a BHT involves a variety of activities; there isn't a lot of timespent in one place since our patient's care is conducted in differentareas of the facility. The BHT should have a clear sense of personalboundaries and be able to enforce clearly established guidelines.People with their own personal recovery experience are encouraged toapply! Must have a minimum of 12 months of sobriety.

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Events

6th Annual

“RECOVERY ROCKS”OASIS OF THE SEAS

7 Night Eastern Caribbean CruiseOctober 8-15, 2011

Visit www.royalcaribbean.com for a virtual tour.Join us for an unforgettable cruise to Nassau, St. Thomas, and St Maarten

on the incredible Oasis Of The Seas where the ship IS the destination!!!Spiritual Lectures by Msgr. Ron Beshara, Author of “Treasuring The Treasure: Exporing Spirituality”

Secure your room and receive a $50 per cabin onboard credit by contacting Donna Campbell with Eileen’s Travel at(561) 655-2234. Ask for RCI specials for further discounts.

*Stateroom Category. Rates are per person based on double occupancy and INCLUDE all meals, gratuity, entertain-ment, taxes and fees. Rates sublect to availability abd cab change without notice.

It’s all about having fun in recovery!

Interior Cabin$1093.19 (N)*

Central Park$1283.19 (CV)*

Boardwalk$1343.19 (B1)*

Ocean Balcony$1093.19(D5)*

ATTENTION!! Meeting Slots are available: smoking, non-smok-ing, most time slots available for more information call Kathy K.(561) 926-0330, OUR CLUB, 219 S.Dixie, Lake Worth

11

This is something to think about when negative people aredoing their best to rain on your parade. Remember this storythe next time someone who knows nothing and cares less,tries to make your life miserable.

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled fora trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip tothe hairdresser, who responded: Rome? Why would anyonewant to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to goto Rome. So, how are you getting there?

We're taking Continental, was the reply. We got a great rate!

Continental? exclaimed the hairdresser. That's a terrible air-line. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, andthey're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?

We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's TiberRiver called Teste.

Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it'sgonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really adump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, theservice surly, and they're overpriced. So, whatcha' doingwhen you get there?

We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see thePope.

That's rich, laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other

people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy,good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it.A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. Thehairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

It was wonderful explained the woman, not only were we ontime in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was over-booked and they bumped us up to first class. The food andwine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old stew-ard who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great!They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it'sa jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too were over-booked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite atno extra charge!

Well, muttered the hairdresser that's all well and good, butI know you didn't get to see the Pope.

Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured theVatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder andexplained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors andif I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait thePope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minuteslater, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand,I knelt down, and he spoke a few words to me.

Oh, really! What'd he say?

He said: Where'd you get the crappy hairdo?

NEGATIVE PEOPLE TRY TO BRING OTHERS DOWN

12Thanksgiving Trivia Questions

YYou Might Be An Alcoholic If ....For some reason, there's salt on the rimof your basketball hoop.

You are lying in bed and it feels likeyou're on a merry-go-round.

You sound like you're speaking a differ-ent language and get irritated when oth-ers don't understand you.

You wake up in the morning and fall offthe hood of your car.

If you only have two brain cells left andthey're not talking to each other.

The parking lot seems to have movedwhen you were in the bar.

You can focus better with one eye closed.

You bought your current pick-up truckbecause it has a cool place to hide a sixpack.

The back of your head keeps getting hitby the toilet seat.

For the money you spent on Thunderbird,you could've bought the car.

Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elu-sive 5th food group.

You have a reserved parking space at theliquor store.

Thanks to you, Jack Daniel's stock is up15 1/4 since Friday.

Worried friends call to make sure youreturned the goat.

You drink long enough to realize "DrinkCanada Dry" is a slogan and not a person-al challenge.

You think the nutritional information onthe back of a beer can is proof that youshould be able to buy it with food stamps

When hangovers become an attractivealternative lifestyle.

You fall off the floor...

Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer.

When vomiting becomes a relief.

Having a hard time staying on the sidewalk - left, right, stumble, fall.

You wake up in the bedroom, your under-wear is in the bathroom.

You're now the proud inventor of the"Slim Jim": Ultra Slim Fast shakes madewith Jim Beam.

Absolut wants to run an ad featuring apicture of your liver in the shape of abottle.

Yet again, dry cleaner employees greetyou with, "Hey, it's VomitMan!"

The doorman asks for your ID just to seehow long it'll take you to find your pants.

Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out ofyour abdominal cavity into a pan of fryingonions.

Barney, that dinosaur is damned funny!

You think, Four Basic Food Groups areCaffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, andWomen/Men.

Every night you're beginning to find yourroomate's cat more attractive

You lose arguments with inanimateobjects.

You have to hold onto the lawn to keepfrom falling off the earth.

Your doctor finds traces of blood in youralcohol stream.

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case -coincidence?? - I think not!

Two hands and just one mouth... - nowTHAT'S a drinking problem!

"Norm!" is what they say when you enterthe bar.

When you can focus better with one eyeclosed

The parking lot seems to have movedwhile you were in the bar

Every woman/man you see has an exacttwin.

You wake up to find Windows 95 installedon your machine.

If you keep asking your wife "where arethe kids?", but you don't really have awife and you're talking to the refridger-ator.

You discover in the morning liquid clean-ing supplies have disappeared.

Your twin sons are named Barley andHops.

Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories asa burger, screw dinner!

Beer: it's not just for breakfast any-more.

Job interfering with your drinking

You know for certain that putting yourfoot on the floor does not stop the roomfrom spinning.

The producers of the television program"Cops" still send you Christmas cards

The glass keeps missing your mouth.

When you go to donate blood and theyask what proof?

Vampires get woozy after biting you.

The only drinking problem is not having adrink right now.

At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my nameis... uh..."

Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence ofincohol.

13

Recovery Bulletin Board

“We all marvel at the

beauty of the butterfly, but rarely do we

consider what it went through to

become that butterfly.”

-Maya Angelou

14

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15

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16

17Jack Kean How I Could Be A Better Man

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I sat down in the aptly named waiting room at the doctor'soffice and my attention was drawn to a seductively posedwoman on the cover of a slick magazine. Disregarding Over 55and similar publications I immediately grabbed the aforemen-tioned magazine. After fully appreciating the cover photo myattention was drawn to a verylarge teaser for 14 pages guaran-teed to make me a better man.While I'm not totally convincedthat I need to become a betterman, others may have a contraryopinion. Was it possible that anyof these 14 pages could apply tome? I quickly thumbed to the sec-tion in question and began learningwhat it would take to become abetter man.

The first article was titled,"How To Disarm A Gunman."Excuse me? Here it is the twenty-first century and the measure ofa man is whether he can disarm agunman? I don't think so. After a career in law enforcement letme assure you that attempting to disarm a gunman ought to bedarn near the last thing on earth you want to do. If this issomething that comes up in your life on a regular basis trust meyou are doing something wrong.

"How To Fire Someone" was the second winning entry. Ohyeah, this is great stuff. First I disarm the guy then I fire himfor good measure, or vice versa. One of the intriguing sugges-tions made here was to get someone else to do it. Gettingsomeone else to do the dirty work hardly seems the path tobecoming a better man.

The next article I perused was, "How To Get Ketchup OutOf A Bottle." I'm not kidding. Clearly this is one of the greatchallenges of mankind and a requirement for being a betterman. Who came up with this stuff? Then there was, "How ToStart A Fire Without Matches." Hey, a better man carries

matches; we invented them so wewouldn't have to make fire with astick.

"How To Replace A Toilet," and"How To Do a 180 Degree Turn"were other helpful pieces. I neverthought that the ability to replacea toilet was the true measure of aman, unless he happened to be aplumber. Where will I practicemaking these 180-degree turnsand how often are they really nec-essary?

Then there were great articlesabout carving a turkey and remov-ing stains. Darn we men have to beversatile. "Hi honey, I just dis-

armed a gunman, fired my secretary and got some ketchup outof a bottle. Unfortunately it got on my new shirt so now I'll getthat stain out and be back in a jif to carve that turkey."

Other suggestions contained in the 14 pages included notattending church drunk and never re-heating anything contain-ing tuna. There was also the required reminder to put down thetoilet seat. That seems to be a major problem for the fair sex.

Darn we men have to be so versatile, it's not just huntingand fishing and football anymore.

(More from Jack Kean at http://www.keanwriter.com/)

LEXOPHILES(LOVERS OF WORDS)

18

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudal-ism, it's your Count that votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repos-sessed.

8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'llshow you A-flat miner.

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fullyrecovered.

12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resultedin Linoleum Blownapart.

13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN downunder.

15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

16. A calendar's days are numbered.

17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taintmine.

18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

19. He had a photographic memory which was neverdeveloped.

20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: asmall medium at large.

22. Those who get too big for their britches will beexposed in the end.

23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen amall.

24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, shethought she'd dye.

26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony ofde feet.

50. Act naturally49. Found missing48. Resident alien47. Advanced BASIC46. Genuine imitation45. Airline Food44. Good grief43. Same difference42. Almost exactly41. Government organization40. Sanitary landfill39. Alone together38. Legally drunk37. Silent scream36. British fashion35. Living dead34. Small crowd33. Business ethics32. Soft rock31. Butt Head30. Military Intelligence29. Software documentation28. New York culture27. New classic26. Sweet sorrow25. Childproof24. "Now, then ..."23. Synthetic natural gas22. Christian Scientists21. Passive aggression20. Taped live19. Clearly misunderstood18. Peace force17. Extinct Life16. Temporary tax increase15. Computer jock14. Plastic glasses13. Terribly pleased12. Computer security11. Political science10. Tight slacks9. Definite maybe8. Pretty ugly7. Twelve-ounce pound cake6. Diet ice cream5. Rap music4. Working vacation3. Exact estimate2. Religious tolerance

And the #1 Oxymoron......

1. Microsoft Works

50 TOPOXYMORONS

19

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Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman namedElaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have apretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner,and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see eachother regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeinganybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thoughtoccurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud:"Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing eachother for exactly six months?"

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems likea very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if itbothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confinedby our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him intosome kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.And Elaine is thinking: But hey, I'm not so sure I want this

kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little morespace, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want usto keep going the way we are moving steadily toward...I mean,where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing eachother at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward mar-riage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am Iready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know thisperson?

And Roger is thinking: ...so that means it was...let'ssee...February when we started going out, which was right afterI had the car at the dealer's, which means...lemme check theodometer ...Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face.Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wantsmore from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment;maybe he has sensed--even before I sensed it--that I was feel-ing some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's soreluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid ofbeing rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at thetransmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's stillnot shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on thecold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degreesout, and this thing is shifting like a darn garbage truck, and Ipaid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him.I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, butI can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, thosescumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: Myabe I'm just too idealistic, wait-ing for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'msitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoybeing with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seemsto truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of myself-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'llgive them a damn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick itright up their-

"Roger," Elaine Says aloud."What?" says Roger, startled."Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes

beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have...Oh,my, I feel so..."

(She breaks down sobbing.)"What?" says Roger."I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no

knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, andthere's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Roger."You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says."No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the right answer."It's just that...It's that I...I need some time," Elaine says.(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as

he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comesup with one that he thinks might work.)

"Yes," he says.(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)"Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says."What way?" says Roger."That way about time," says Elaine."Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes caus-ing him to become very nervous about what she might say next,especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

"Thank you, Roger," she says."Thank you," says Roger.Then he takes her home and she lies on her bed, a conflict-

ed, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Rogergets back to his place, he opens a bag or Doritos, turns on theTV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of atennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of.A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that some-thing major was going on back there in the car, but he's prettysure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so hefigures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is alsoRoger's policy regarding world hunger.)

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhapstwo of them, and they will talk about this situation for sixstraight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze every-thing she said and everything he said, going over it time andtime again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture fornuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, forweeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions,but never getting bored with it either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with amutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving,frown, and say: "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

A Relationship Seen From Different Planets

20

21

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22

Two Sets Of PrintsFootprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed a dream.

I was walking along the beach with my Lord.

Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my

life.

For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints

in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my

Lord.

When the last scene of my life shot before me

I looked back at the footprints in the sand.

There was only one set of footprints.

I realized that this was at the lowest and sad-

dest times of my life.

This always bothered me and I questioned the

Lord about my dilemma.

"Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You,

You would walk and talk with me all the way.

But I'm aware that during the most troublesome

times of my life

there is only one set of footprints.

I just don't understand why,

when I need You most, You leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and

will never leave you,never, ever,

during your trials and testings.

When you saw only one set of footprints,

It was then that I carried you."

Butt Prints In The SandOne night I had a wondrous dream,

One set of footprints there was seen,

The footprints of my precious Lord,

But mine were not along the shore.

But then some stranger prints appeared…

And I asked the Lord, “What have we here?”

Those prints are large and round and neat,

But Lord, they are too big for feet.

“My child,” He said in somber tones,

For miles I carried you alone.

I challenged you to walk in faith,

But you refused and made me wait.”

“You disobeyed, you would not grow,

The walk of faith you would not know..

So I got tired, I got fed up,

And there I dropped you on your butt.”

“Because in life there comes a time

When one must fight, and one must climb,

When one must rise and take a stand,

Or leave their butt prints in the sand.”

. Author Unknown

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24

The Age Page

Darn Right I Want That Senior Discount

First let’s review all the benefits of becoming eligible for senior discounts.Close to the top is laughing at your kids because the curse is coming true. Atsome point when your children lived at home you must have said, “When yougrow up and have kids I hope they act just like you.” Well, they are and wejust barely hide our smiles. The next important benefit of getting older isthat it really beats the alternative. Sleeping late; no rush hour traffic; andtravel, pretty much completes my list, though feel free to make your own addi-tions. Getting a senior discount on pancakes should not make anyone’s list.

It is true that I once wrote the definitive article on senior discounts (whichI unfortunately can’t find on my computer) and assumed that nothing moreshould or could be said on the subject. However, I was driving down the roadin my little RV while listening to satellite radio when a talk show host startedcomplaining about senior citizens getting a discount. With all the possible top-ics of interest from global warming to oil spills how this subject made it on theair is beyond me.

“Just because you are old doesn’t mean you should get stuff for free or ata discount,” he bellowed in the radio. After a few minutes of this harangue Ipushed a button and heard someone discussing whether Nancy Pelosi’s planereally needed an entertainment center. I wonder if Nancy asks for the seniordiscount at Wendy’s. Oh well, back to the topic at hand.

Let’s get real here; senior discounts are not going to change your life style.A free cup of coffee with your gravy biscuit at Chik-fil-A is nice, but won’tmake it possible for you to take an Alaska cruise or pay for a tummy tuck.Seeing a movie for $6 instead of $8.50 is a fine thing but it won’t save enoughto get those new golf clubs. In other words, as perks go senior discounts aremore like using the executive washroom than having a live-in maid.

Still and all I want those discounts and feel it is my duty to support busi-nesses which have learned the secret of our spending habits. Whether ourincomes are $1,000 a month or $10,000 a month it’s now ours to spend. Myobjective is to spend every cent that comes in every month (not that hard todo all things considered). We seniors have scrimped and saved just about allwe are going to scrimp and save. If this were a beer commercial I’d say, “It’sMiller time.”

But let’s get back to discounts for a moment. With a little effort you canget folks to send you e-mail discounts on a regular basis. Right now on my com-puter there are discounts for Quiznos Subs, Bugaboo Creek Steakhouse,Barnes & Noble, Red Lobster, Romano’s Macaroni Grill, and LonghornSteakHouse. None of these are senior discounts but we do have the time totake advantage of their offerings.

I remember asking for the senior discount and having cashiers make a jokeabout me not looking old enough. They don’t do that anymore. Now they arejust as likely to give me the discount automatically. Wonder why that is?

The bottom line is that it doesn’t hurt to ask for a senior discount. Manyplaces have them but don’t advertise the fact.

Why isn’t the senior discount for pancakes a great deal? Because while itis true that you pay less; you also get less. Wow! Eat some pancakes for meanyway and enjoy.

by Jack Kean

Signs of Growing Old1. You're asleep, but others worry thatyou're dead.2. Your back goes out more than you do.3. You quit trying to hold your stomachin, no matter who walks into the room.4. You buy a compass for the dash ofyour car/truck.5. You are proud of your lawn mower.6. Your best friend is dating someonehalf their age, and isn't breaking anylaws.7. Your arms are almost too short toread the newspaper.8. You sing along with the elevatormusic.9. You would rather go to work than stayhome sick.10. You enjoy hearing about other peo-ple's operations.11. You no longer think of speed limits asa challenge.12. People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "DidI wake you?"13. You answer a question with, "BecauseI said so."14. You send money to PBS.15. The end of your tie doesn't comeanywhere near the top of your pants.16. You take a metal detector to thebeach.17. You know what the word "equity"means.18. You can't remember the last timeyou laid on the floor to watch television.

19. Your ears are hairier than your head.

20. You talk about "good grass" andyou're referring to someone's lawn.

21. You get into a heated argumentabout pension plans.

22. You got cable for The WeatherChannel.

23. You can go bowling without drinking.

24. You have a party and the neighborsdon't even realize it.

25. People send you this list.

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Ocean Walk Recovery’s goal is to provide a supportive environ-ment to bridge the gap between stopping active using, going toDetox or Treatment, if needed, and returning to living a full life. Wehave 23 years of experience with helping thousands of Addictsand Alcoholics getting and staying Clean and Sober. We can helpyou or your loved one as well. We will provide healthy support,training and direction for living day to day, through the concerns,fears, all the ups and downs of re-entering the work force and fam-ily relationships. Ocean Walk Recovery is a place where men maylearn to live peacefully with themselves while staying Alcohol andDrug Free. In a peaceful recovery setting, our goal is to help res-idents develop new healthy relationships with other men, who arealso new in recovery, as well as men from our community whoalready have many years of recovery.

Ocean Walk Recovery has a ZERO tolerance policy regarding anydrugs or alcohol, which includes any over-the-counter item likemouthwash, cold medicines, after shave, food items like vanilla oranything that contains any mood altering substance.

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THIRD STEP PRAYERused by Dr. Bob

I’m sorry about the mess I’vemade of my life.

I want to turn away from all thewrong things I’ve ever done andall the wrong things I’ve everbeen. Please forgive me for it all.

I know You have the power tochange my life and can turn meinto a winner. Thank You God forgetting my attention long enoughto interest me in trying it Yourway. God, please take over themanagement of my life andeverything about me. I ammaking this conscious deci-sion to turn my will and mylife over to Your care and ask-ing you to please take over allparts of my life.

Please, God, move into myheart. However You do it isYour business but makeyourself real inside me and fillmy awful emptiness. Fill mewith your love and Holy Spiritand make me know Your willfor me. And now, God, helpYourself to me and keep ondoing it. I’m not sure I wantYou to, but do it anyhow.

I rejoice that I am now a partof Your people, that myuncertainty is gone forever,and that You now have con-trol of my will and my life.Thank You I praise Yourname. Amen

Ocean Walk RecoverySober Supportive Housing

David Mitchell

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Lantana, Florida 334623/10 mile South of Lantana Rd. A Close Walk To The Ocean

The 9th Step Promises

We are going to know a newFreedom and a new happi-ness. We will not Regret thePast nor wish to shut the dooron it. We will comprehend theword Serenity and we willknow Peace. No matter howfar down the scale we havegone, we will see how ourExperience can BenefitOthers. That feeling ofUselessness and Self-pitywill disappear. We will loseinterest in Selfish Things andgain Interest in our Fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.Our whole Attitude andOutlook upon Life willchange. Fear of People andof Economic Insecurity willleave us. We will Intuitivelyknow how to HandleSituations which used to baf-fle us. We will suddenly real-ize that God is doing for uswhat we could not do for our-selves.

Are these extravagantPromises?

We think not.

They are being Fulfilledamong us - sometimes quick-ly, sometimes slowly. Theywill always Materialize if wework for them.___________________

Ocean Walk RecoverySober Supportive Housing

David Mitchell

561-929-6900511 South Broadway

Lantana, Florida 334623/10 mile South of Lantana Rd. A Close Walk To The Ocean

26

Parting Shots

27

Most riddles are a form of lateral-thinking puzzle. To get them, you have to move laterally in your mind, away from theexpected line of thought. This is especially true of funny riddles. What did the others do when the cannibal was late fordinner? They gave him the cold shoulder, of course.

Then there are the riddles that aren't really jokes, but they make you smile when you hear the answer. If a plane crash-es on the border of the U.S. and Canada, in which country do they bury the survivors? They don't bury survivors, of course.Laughter is good for the brain. Okay, I am waiting for the research on that, but it will be proven someday.

Oh, and no political jokes here. By the way, do you know what's wrong with political jokes? They get elected! Okay, maybejust that one. Here are a few more riddles that will make you smile.

Riddles1. What did the instructor at the school for Kamikazepilots tell his students?

2. Is it legal for a man to marry his widow's sister inthe state of California?

3. How many times can you subtract 5 from 25?

4. What two things can never be eaten for breakfast?

5. What did the fish say when he ran into a concretewall?

6. Imagine you are in a sinking boat and surrounded bysharks. How do you survive?

7. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the

Answers1. Watch this closely. I'm only going to do this once.

2. Probably not, since he's dead.

3. Just once, because after you subtract anything fromit, it's not 25 anymore.

4. Lunch and Dinner.

5. "Damn."

6. Just quit imagining!

7. Mount EverestFind Article, of course.

Riddles That Make You Smile