Executive

Editor-in-chief and content editor Udoka Okafor

Contributors

Udoka Okafor, Temitayo Ishola, Desola Adereti, Oreoluwa Seweje, Oyinkansola Romiluyi, Mark Kowgier, Tunri Bisi-Afolabi, Sending Icebergs.

Contributing Team

My blankets

are still laying in failure

with impressions of the motion

of you getting up and leaving

this morning.

Mornings… By Sending Icebergs

Rape is regarded as one of the most heinous crimes that exist in our society today. It not only affects the victim’s psychological, physical, and emotional state afterwards, but it also represents one of the highest and most pervasive invasions of one’s privacy. Rape is a crime that rides on the notion of power, one in which the predators prey on the vulnerable.

Society is always inclined to alienate rapists and render them faceless. Many people still insist that rape is of the victim’s own volition because they decided to stay out late, walk

across a dark alley, and many other ridiculous claims. Society paints this unrealistic and generally accepted picture of a hooded or faceless man, hiding, and waiting to attack his victim.

While I do not disagree that some rape cases occur this way, I certainly disagree that this should be the general picture painted for the crime of rape. Many of the rape crimes that occur are by the victim’s family members, friends, and an authority figure that the victim knows and interacts with. So why does

Unmasking The Rapist In Society By Udoka Okafor

society paint this unrepresentative picture of the rapist?

Society has this almost forceful need to alienate and ostracize rapists and by so doing, make them outsiders. We identify them as crazy and we render them almost faceless and eventually blameless because, society ends up blaming the victims for their predicament.

By doing so, society is reinforcing their denial in the reality of sexual violence. They are unwilling to accept the actual reality, which is; stranger rape forms just a minor statistical percentage of rapes that occur in society.

Alienating the rapist is simply a myth that we must overcome to further break the bonds that bound us to the rape culture and the idea in most people’s mind that, rape is an inevitable reality. The more we free ourselves from this complex entanglement in the rape culture, the closer we get, in eliminating the rape culture itself.

There she stood, torn between two realitiesShe flashes back momentarily to that instanceThe moment that changed everythingThe moment that left her lingeringBetween the devil and the red sea

His vicious image can never be shaken awayCracks on the wall by her hammering headDrops and stains of blood dripping slowlyAs he inserted his way into her body, her essenceImprinting himself unwelcomingly and forever in her reality

The Devil And The Red Sea

By Desola Adereti & Udoka Okafor

Now she has to choose between virtue and sanityWhat she has built versus what she has struggled hard to maintainShe has to choose between two things she puts great value onShe has tried, with everything within her To gravitate towards one but her conscience won’t let her

She is forced to choose with no choicesLike a child torn between food and toys; starvation and funHer knees trembled violently and weakened beneath her Forcing her to the ground, the ground where it all beganHer face swollen from her endless sea of tears

Her mind is clouded with pain and turmoilShe is drowning in the wanderings of her subconscious How did this situation suddenly become her quandary?Pleasing everyone was second nature to her, her survivalEven though it be at the expense of her own happiness

Her situation has become her masterControlling her thoughts, consciousness and realityShe sits helpless and stares at the cracks on the wallThe cracks so full of life, memories, and choices to be madeAs his face flashes by her mind, she closes her eyes to her darkness

Now she has to choose between her daunting memoriesShe has to choose between stigma and her lucidity She has to choose between the seed of her rape or her normalcy of a lifeThose eyes that would forever remind her of the nameless and faceless manA life of purity birthed by the actions of a monster, her monster

And now she stood despairingly between her choicesShe is suddenly between the devil and the red seaBetween these monsters, her monstersBetween her sanityBetween, her realities!

Today, our current society can be said to be engrossed with cultures from the past. We not only adulate it, but we also imitate these cultures. In the future, what will be said to be the culture of this decade? Would we be said to be the decade of no creativity, because most of our ideas are merely improvements and con t inua t ions o f ideas o f our predecessors?

Think about it, what is considered “cool” or “hip” in fashion is just a slight alteration of trendy attires of past decades. Even the “hipsters”, who capitalize on acting in a matter contrary to societal norms, are usually seen adorned in outfits that were popular in the decades such as the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s. Since the early 2000’s, we have been seeing the return of high-waist bottoms, sheer shirts, crop tops, high-top sneakers, ankle-length dresses and skirts, and neon colours.

Unl ike prev ious decades , the generation of new music genres is scant in this decade. All that’s been done is merely a re-popularization of accumulation of genres f rom prev ious t imes . For example Psychedelic Rock – a genre of music that

aims to evoke the feeling of altered consciousness – that came about in the 60’s by the likes of Allen Ginsberg and Aldous Huxley has become more and more popular in this decade through bands like Portugal. The Man. Similarly, soul music like that of the great Etta James is also being popularized by the likes of Beyoncé. The idea of boy bands from the 90’s has also seeped its way into this decade. A number of fresh inventions have indeed been created in this generation - but they are inventions that cause this decade to appear as if our ingenuity has been renounced to technology. Our inventions have taken over our music – the beats and rhythms are no longer made with instruments but are now computer generated, and also the advent of auto-tune, which allows voices of music artists to be altered. The invention of social media has taken over face-to-face human interactions. These inventions are leaving society in a total disconnect. We have become impersonal people, preferring to be divided by the barrier of technology than united by the actualization of physical association.  

The Techno Culture Of This Generation By Temitayo Ishola

Whilst listening to eat a peach, an album by Darrelle London, I was transported into a musical realm of gleeful oblivion. The tune and melody were so happy, carrying along with it words and

Exclusive Interview with Darrelle London Done by Udoka Okafor

experiences that mean something. Darrelle is the definition of optimistic innocence and pragmatic risk taking, giving up a career in law for one in music. She represents everyone and anyone who ever believed in themselves and in the power of their dreams. That kind of bravery, toppled with her degree of talent, is the very essence that goes a long way to shape greatness.

Interview!

1)  Can you tell me a little bit about yourself, your hobbies, likes and dislikes, and guilty pleasures?

I’ve been watching a lot of movies lately, especially over the holidays. I loved Life of Pi and Django Unchained. I also have an addiction to watching documentaries on Netflix. As for guilty pleasures, probably any TLC show, and potato chips. I have no will power.

2) Your music is very gleeful and playful, would you say that your music is a translation of who you are? So are you as gleeful and playful as your music?

I don’t know why that side of me tends to come out in my music. I like to laugh, and I like to make fun of situations. I think that’s where the playfulness comes into my songwriting. Not everything has to be serious. Dating and relationships can be awkward, and awkwardness can be funny.

3) Would you say that the success of your music career and Perez Hilton’s supportive articles are mutually inclusive? Is he a big part of the success in your music career?

Having that endorsement from Perez on his site has been my biggest break. His audience is global, so it has really helped to build the fan base. I’m very grateful for his support.

4) You gave up law school to pursue your music career, and even though you seem to be succeeding in your music career, do you have any regrets?

I have had moments when I wondered why I’m crazy enough to be doing this. Those moments usually occurred during shows in basement cafeterias of colleges, thousands of miles from home, when no one was listening to my set. But the amazing, surreal moments have been so beyond rewarding, that I’ve never actually regretted my decision to pursue this path. Moments like playing at Lilith Fair, working with Chantal Kreviazuk, and hearing my song, Fine, on the radio are among my favorites. I also love getting to know my supporters and feeling connected with them through my songs.

5) Your album, ‘eat a peach’, is very addictive, have you gotten generally positive reviews about it?

Thank you, I’m so glad you like it! I’ve received very kind reviews, and a couple not-so-kind ones. But I pay much more attention to what my fans think of it, and they’ve been beautifully supportive. I don’t try to make music that everyone will like. If my songs aren’t your cup of tea, that’s totally fine! I would prefer to make music that some people hate but others love, rather than music that everyone feels lukewarm about.

6) Who is/are your role model(s)? Who/What inspired you to start your love for music?

My first influence was probably Alanis Morissette. I love how her lyrics are so raw and honest, and even conversational. Jagged Little Pill influenced me before I even knew what all the dirty words meant.

7) Your career must be really exhausting sometimes, especially in the aspect of separating your public life from your private life, how do you get through it all?

I don’t feel a struggle between the public vs private realms. I live my life, I like to share moments on Twitter and Facebook, and tell the rest of my personal stories in my songs. I love my fans so much, I’m a pretty open book.

8) My magazine is called ‘The Social Journal” and it is set to discuss societal issues through the eyes of youths. We would express our thoughts through words, poems, stories, art and so much more. Do you like the idea that the magazine portrays?

Love it! I look forward to seeing it develop.

9) What advice would you give to young and aspiring artistes- actors/actresses, artists, and writers- out there?

If you feel like you were meant to pursue your craft, then do it with as much focus as possible. Nothing comes easily. But you only live once, so pursue your passion!

I scurried out of the chemical lab as quickly as I had rushed in that morning. Exhausted and f a m i s h e d a f t e r t h e h i g h l y r e p e t i t i v e protocols, I stopped by a nearby food kiosk and, as always, bought a s t r a w b e r r y - v a n i l l a yogurt parfait... such guileless bliss. With nothing to do for the next one hour or so, I decided to visit not just any library. A haven, not just for aficionados of knowledge and the

occasional biblioklepts, but an enchanting, tranquil realm with splendiferous Victorian architecture and ebullient gardens that glowed with the reds, oranges, yellows, and all manner of hues that the fall season brought. I paced about the building, searching for a spot that would satisfy me. Finding one near a large window, I laid my belongings down and began to feast on the little snack I had duly treated myself to. What simple joy! When the tired cup had surrendered almost all of its sweet-tasting treasure to me, I laid back and gazed out the clear, glass window and allowed myself be. Since a practicing room was nearby, this little musing scene of mine was soon enveloped by beautiful, classical music. How wonderful it was to listen to the soft, structured tunes played by someone I couldn’t see, talk to, or might never know. It was as if, without knowing or meeting me, this anonymous pianist agreed to be a part of the beauty of the afternoon and whisk my thoughts away from immediate reality. The aureate sun now just turned its gleam towards the window I was facing, its warmth and light blessing my face with an undeserving glow. The gentle fall breeze caused the trees to sway lazily to a side and they, refusing to be uprooted, went back to their haughty positions in a tardigrade fashion.What a delightful recess I had, full of subtle brilliance and repose. But I’m afraid I must return to the franticness and aridness of my chemistry lab lest my lab professor would consider me tardy. Goodbye, Sweet Moment! I hope to experience thee again

A Little Break By Oyinkansola Romiluyi

Sometimes I like to pretend I matter.

Since when did my deskgo from love letter standto last hope standto a work desk.

Maybe if I wrote bettermaybe if I believed I had valuethings would be different.

It’d be nice to thinkif I flicked my wrist one waya butterflies wings would be ripped offand a tornado would hit the coastand we’d still be in love

but you roll your eyeslike I turn notepad pages

You’re sick of meand I’m sick of waiting on lifeto spontaneously combust againinto a second big bang of motion

and so that’s our deathsickness and fatigue

we are old dogssame bedssame chewed ideas

same oldsame old.

Another notepad fetal positioned into oblivion in the center of my fist.I make a conscious effort to not save the Earth and recycle.

This speakers volumes from my quiet work desk.

By Sending Icebergs

I have purposefully not given this piece a title because I can’t seem to find the words required to describe the sheer brilliance of this human or alien or a combination of both. If for some reason, the picture does not ring a bell, then you are not living on earth. The saying “Living under a rock” would have been used but the brilliance of this man is such that the rocks of the earth know his name. “Lionel Messi” the Barcelona fans chant in the stadium in awe of the greatest human to ever play the game. Others may say Abedi Pele or Diego Maradona, however those two played in the dark ages where the rules were not advanced and, training techniques were not as developed as they are today. Don’t get me wrong, those two were truly great in their time but I would never rank them with this malien (man-alien). The

only other person that comes close to him is, Zindene Zidane, but that is a story for another day.

Currently campaigning for his fourth consecutive Ballon d'Or title, Messi is a man that is drastically changing the record books of football. Breaking several records this year he currently leads the polls for the individual award. He’s 25. He’s scored 281 professional goals, played for Argentina 70 times, won 21 trophies and holds 20 world records. Lists of his achievements are posted below.

Individual Records

Club (FC Barcelona)

~ The first player to score and assist in every trophy competition (6 in total) in one season.

By Oreoluwa Seweje

~ The 2nd club player (after Pedro) to score in 6 official competitions in one season.~ Leading Barça scorer in Spanish Supacopa with 8 goals.~ Scored 35 La Liga home goals to set new club and Liga records.~ With 14 La Liga hat-tricks, sets a new record surpassing César’s 13.~ 2nd Barcelona player to win Pichichi twice. (Shares record with Quini).~ Converted 10 penalties in La Liga to equal record set by Ronald Koeman (1989-1990).~ Scored in 10 consecutive Liga games (in which he played) to equal Martin (1942/43) and Ronaldo (1996/97).~ Equaled record set by Eto’o (2007-08) to score in 7 consecutive La Liga Away games.~ At age 24, becomes La Liga’s youngest player to score 150 goals to set club and Liga records.~ With 214 games, beats Cocu’s record (205 games) to become foreign player with most La Liga games for the club.~ First player to score 8 hat-tricks in a single La Liga season.~ 15th October 2011: Surpasses Kubala’s 2nd place club record of 194 goals. (With a brace vs. Racing Santander at Camp Nou.)~ 29th October 2011: Scores the club’s fastest La Liga hat-trick in 17 minutes. (vs. Mallorca at Camp Nou.)~ 19th February 2012: Becomes the club’s youngest player to play 200 La Liga games. (With 4 goals vs. Valencia at Camp Nou.)~ 20th March 2012: Becomes the club’s top competition scorer when he surpasses César Rodríguez Álvarez (232). (vs. Granada at Camp Nou.)~ 25th May 2012: Holds the club’s goal scoring record (in competitions only) of 253 goals.~ 25th May 2012: Holds the club record for most goals scored in a single season – 73.

Spanish La Liga and Copa del Rey

~ Leading scorer in Spanish Supacopa competition with 8 goals. (Previously held by Raúl with 7 goals.)~ 10th April 2012: Breaks Isidro Lángara Galarraga’s 78 year old record (60 goals during 1933–34), to become Spain’s top scorer in one season. (vs. Getafe at Camp Nou.)~ Marca’s Pichichi Winner with 50 Liga goals.~ Top La Liga Goal Scorer (50) in 2011/2012 season.~ First player to score 50 La Liga goals in a single season, breaking Ronaldo’s 2010/2011 record of 40 goals.~ Set a new record for La Liga goals scored in home games – 35 in the season.~ Second player (after Hugo Sánchez) to score 35+ goals in all competitions for 4 consecutive seasons.~ At age 24, becomes La Liga’s youngest player to score 150 goals.~ First player to score 8 hat-tricks in a single season.~ 25th May 2012: Finishes season with 53 goals scored in La Liga (50) and Copa del Rey (3).

UEFA Champions League

~ All-time Top CL Scorer with 14 goals. (He shares the highest score with AC Milan’s José Altafini who scored 14 in 1962/63).~ Top CL scorer for the past 4 years, and has set a new record for consecutive seasons at the top. (He previously shared the record of 3 consecutive years with Gerd Müller [1973, 74, 75] and Jean-Perre Papin [1990, 91, 92].)~ 7th March 2012: Becomes the first player in CL to score 5 goals in one match. (vs. Bayer Leverkusen at Camp Nou.)

~ The youngest player to pass the 50 goal mark in CL history.~ Top scorer in the CL knockout stage with 26 goals. (Previous record of 18 goals was jointly held by Raúl and Shevchenko.)~ Scores his 2nd and 3rd CL hat-tricks to share record (with Filippo Inzaghi and Michael Owen) for highest total of CL hat-tricks.~ 4th player (follows Jari Litmanen, Hernán Crespo and Thierry Henry) to score in 7 Away games in a row.

Europe

Awarded during this season, for last season’s performance~ 25th August 2011: 2011 UEFA Best Player in Europe.

This Season~ 2nd May 2012: Breaks Gerd Müller’s 39 year old record (67 goals set in 1972/73) to become Europe’s leading goal-scorer in one season. (A hat-trick vs. Málaga at Camp Nou.)~ 5th May 2012: His 2nd match goal surpasses Dudu Georgescu’s 35 year record (47 league goals for Dinamo Bucharest in the 1976/77 Romanian champs), to become the European Top League scorer in one season, with a total of 50 goals. (4 goals scored vs. Espanyol at Camp Nou.)~ 25th May 2012: Scores his 73rd goal for a new European record in one season. (Copa del Rey Final vs. Athletic Bilbao.)~ European Golden Shoe with 50 goals. (His 2nd Golden Shoe Trophy.)~ First player to achieve 100 points in the European Golden Shoe. (50 goals x Factor 2 for top leagues weighting.)

FIFA Club World Cup

~ December 2011: Man of the Match in Final. (vs. Santos FC.)

~ December 2011: Golden Ball Trophy. (2 goals scored.)

World Stage

Awarded during this season, for last season’s performance~ 9th January 2012: 2011 FIFA Ballon D’Or for World Player of the Year.

This Season~ With his 3rd consecutive Ballon D’Or, he became one of only 2 players to have won it 3 times in a row. (The other player is Michel Platini, and he won in the era when only European players were eligible for the award.)~ 4th player to win 3 Ballons D’Or. (after Johan Cruyff, Michel Platini and Marco van Basten.)~ 5th May 2012: A new World record of 72 goals in a 1st division season by breaking Archie Stark’s (Bethlehem Steel Club) 85 year old tally of 70 goals which Stark set in the American Soccer League in the 1924/25 season. (A poker bag vs. Espanyol at Camp Nou.)~ 25th May 2012: A new World Record of 73 goals in a first division season. (1 goal scored vs. Athletic Bilbao in Copa del Rey Final.)

Personal Bests and Distinctions (Other than those mentioned above)

~ 1st November 2011: Scored his 200th goal for FC Barcelona. (A hat-trick vs. Viktoria Plzeň in Champions League.)~ 26th December 2011: French publication, L’Équipe, named Messi “2011 Champion of Champions”, beating tennis #1 Novak Djokovic and Formula 1 champion Sebastian Vettel. Messi became only the 5th football player to win the award, and the first to win it out of a World Cup Year.~ Appeared in Time Magazine’s 100 Top Influential People List.

~ Time Magazine also named Messi as one of the 32 candidates for this year’s “Person of the Year Award”.~ Played more matches (60 in total) than in any of his previous seasons.~ A new personal record of 28 assists in one season. (This would have been 38 if awarded according to the Wikipedia definition of an assist.)~ Scored in 6 consecutive home games (twice over the season) to better his previous record of 5 games in a row.~ 5th May 2012: Scores his 250th goal for FC Barcelona. (A poker bag vs. Espanyol at Camp Nou.)

Team Honors

~ 17th August 2011: Spanish Supacopa Trophy. (vs. Real Madrid.)~ 26th August 2011: UEFA Super Cup Trophy. (vs. FC Porto.)~ 18th December 2011: FIFA Club World Cup Trophy. (vs. Santos FC.)~ 25th May 2012: Copa del Rey Trophy. (vs. Athletic Bilbao.)~ Semi-final Stage of UEFA Champions League.~ 2nd Place in Spanish La Liga.

I told you he was amazing! This year alone he has racked up 80+ goals and 30+ assists. He is on the verge of breaking another record for most goals in a calendar year. At age 25, except he decides to retire at the end of this season, those records are not going to be broken for a long time to come. I do not think there is another athlete that excels in what they do as well as Lionel Messi. He is not one of the G.O.A.T (Greatest of all time); he is the greatest of all time. I am blessed to have been born in this age and era where I can witness his brilliance, technique, passion, work rate, vision, determination and skill. Like a friend said, “People lived in the

Newton era. People also lived in Einstein’s era. I am living in Messi's Time! True piece of GENIUS!” Donald Asapokhai.

In the game of football, legendary is a man who stays above others for the entire 90 minutes, legendary is a person who makes the best of opportunities given to him; legendary is a star that shines above other stars, legendary is a man who makes complicated things look so easy, legendary is a player that can carry a team on his back even when others are failing. To be legendary you must be humble, hardworking and extremely good at your job. It would be a major mistake for anyone to say Messi is legendary, for, Legend is Messi!

“A picture is a poem

without words”-

Quintus Horatius

Flaccus

Art Diary By Oyinkansola Romiluyi

Les Misérables is a good movie! The reason

why I am being so blunt about this is because

this movie has sparked a lot of very polar

criticisms; everyone seems to have an

opinion. The reason for this probably stems

from the fact that Les Misérables is a classic,

it has become a part of our pop culture and so

the movie had a standard that it had to reach

and I believe that it not only reached the

standard but surpassed it as well.

The director of the movie, Tom Hooper, did

an impeccable job in bringing out the rawness

in the movie. The movie was incredibly raw,

beginning with the fact that the actors where

told to sing live on the set. While some

people had really strong reservations about

Movie Critic: Les Misérables By Udoka Okafor

this, I felt that it made the movie more natural

but more importantly, it made the actors more

relatable to, by their audience. Also, another

aspect of rawness that I enjoyed in the movie

was the emotional rawness. One could feel

every laughter, every tear, the passion of the

soldiers, everything!

Now, I simply have to commend the cast that

I thought did a good job. Let’s start with Anne

Hathaway, the actress who played Fantine;

she gave everything into her role. Not only,

did she loose weight and cut her hair for the

movie, she also acted as though the pain of

her character was also her own, I simply have

to commend her for that.

Another

p e r s o n

t h a t I

s i m p l y

en joyed

w a s

H u g h

Jackman,

the actor

w h o

p l a y e d

the role

of Jean

Valjean the Frenchman released from prison

after 19 years. It is hard not to like Hugh

Jackman, not just because the movie is

centered around his character, but also

because of the passion that he put into the role

that he played. In every scene, he managed to

capture and recapture my heart over and over

again.

T h e

l a s t

person

I a m

g o i n g

t o

commend is Samantha Barks, the actress who

played the role of Eponine. Her singing and

acting were of course impeccable, but what I

like about her is what she brought to the role

of Eponine. She acted the part with such

g r a b b i n g o b s e s s i o n a n d e m o t i o n a l

entrenchment- I soon of course learnt that she

is a Broadway and Eponine veteran. I simply

have to commend her. Other actors did a great

job of course but a critic of this movie would

not be complete if I had not mentioned these

three actors.

To sum up the critic, Les Misérables was a

heart-drenching movie that tells the tale of a

story of love, sacrifice, passion, pain, and

war. Les Misérables summed itself up to

perfection in the end, not just because of the

impeccable acting and directing all round, but

also because of the imperfections in the

movie and the vulnerability of the actors, and

the professional actors becoming profession

singers. I mean, don’t we just love when that

happens?

If Beauty had a sister she would be named after you.If Perfection had a limit it would be placed just after you.If diamonds left their beautiful, raw essence and manifested on earth, they would rest gracefully on every curve of your waist. Woman your smile is like a sunrise in a nation at war.Woman you are the Bonnie to his Clyde.Like royalty from Venus you are,Beautiful in every wayWoman, Queen of the earth you are.Woman if I could put a value on your worthI would say impossible

When I became A Woman By Tunrie Bisi-Afolabi

Because your worth is incompatibleWith any scientific calculation or numeric evaluation the world could offerWoman I would love to say your worth is infinityBut it isn’t -It’s beyond it.You are drenched in an undying praise and pride.When I became a woman, I learnt to love the way I was loved by him.When I became a woman I learnt to put away superficial thingsWhen I became a woman I inundated myself in wisdom and stopped finding solace in empty promises.When I became a woman, I learnt to weep for I am not ashamed of my tearsTears are only water, and; flowers, trees, and fruit cannot grow without water. But there must be sunlight also…When I became a woman I learnt to rejoice, rejoice like no other, rejoice like I had so much to be thankful for, rejoice like there was no injustice in the worldAnd most of all rejoice like every day was my last!

Dear Santa.

I never know how to start things. Not just letters but also: phone calls, video chats, school dances, art homework, and conversations on the bus. I’m fine with “Hello” or “Dear Susy.” but after that I usually have no idea. Ms. Pembleton taught us the rules for letters but the rules don't say how you should start, at least I don't remember that rule. I'm pretty sure this is the wrong way to start, but I'm not handing this in to Ms. P and Dad isn't going to "look it over " and then do it himself. I'm doing this alone.

I haven't even told anybody that I'm writing this letter to you. I didn't even tell my secret best friend because I know that even though we're best friends, (secretly!) she would still say I'm too old to be writing to Santa. And then I know I'd get mad and call her a Giant Cunt, which is really really bad. We both looked it up on the Internet. Shyne said it is the worst word.

So I'm not going to lie to you. Shyne taught me that that's the perfect way to start a really good lie! But you’re probably the only person in the world who that trick doesn't work on. You’re the only one who knows the real truth.

You know I haven't been good this year. You know what I've done.

And I'm not sorry. Or I mean I'm not going to say that I'm sorry Santa because that would be "awfully convenient" like Mom says. And I didn't even do anything bad to you so it would be kind of dumb to say I'm sorry to you. I don't think I've ever been bad to you. I write you every year, and you always eat my cheese and pickle sandwich with the orange pop I leave out for you. I figure you probably get really tired of cookies and milk.

You're probably the only person I know in the whole world who I haven't been bad to. Because I can't. The exact millisecond that I’d write your name in the bathroom stall, or lie to the younger kids and tell them you're not real you'd know. It’d pop up in a new window on your screen maybe, with a flashing red border or a little jingle alert sound. I always imagine you watch us on some sort of combination of the Internet, movies, TV, and instant replay. I don’t even know why I think you’d be the one watching it anyways, I’m sure that you have better things to do than watch highlights of all of the children in the world, all day. That’s just crazy.

So maybe some elf with tired red eyes just hands off a list to you, and beside my name is ‘Naughty’. If it’s just a list then there’s no room for the story of what happened. Even if you did watch what happened on your Magic Screen, I don’t think it would look fair. I mean to say I know it would make me look bad, like really really bad. I maybe a bad kid, but I know I’m not really really bad.

To Santa From ME By Mark Kowgier

So here is the truth. This is what happened.

It was all my idea. It was supposed to be a secret; I was going to surprise everyone. It was going to be amazing: in the last hour in the last day of school in the only time of the year where the class goes crazy and loud and the teacher doesn’t care I was going to get everyone’s attention. I was thinking of maybe standing on my desk or even asking Ms. P for help but I wouldn’t want to give away the surprise. So that’d be the perfect time for a real stinker of a lie and say that someone had put a bag of poop in one of the cabinets in the back. That would get people’s attention. Everyone listens to a good lie.

I like Ms. P because she’s like me. She gets mad. And it’s not like she hits us or anything, she always apologizes milliseconds after she yells, saying that she has been very busy lately and so she really needed our help today, and she felt she wasn’t getting back the respect that she... blahblingblong.

That’s where Ms. P and I are different. She tells the truth and I lie. And after she went through this speech a few times I realized that telling the truth is really stupid. What she was really saying was that some days she was tired and stressed. I used to be so surprised whenever she’d scream at the class because she normally seemed so relaxed compared to everyone else in this stupid school. But now I could see a breakdown coming from a million miles away. I was able to guess in the first minute of class if today was going to be a screaming day.

Nearly every day Ms. P would walk into class smiling, saying Hi, setting things up. Sometimes she’d sing. No one would notice, especially not me. We were all busy talking or playing on our phones or sleeping.

But now I noticed it. I sat quiet and watched her getting ready. It wasn’t clear at first but some days... some days were just a little off. Some days she would come in completely quiet, distracted. Some days she’d sit and close her eyes and drink coffee like she was waiting for us to disappear. Some days she would search through piles of papers on her desk looking for something. Some days she’d find it and other days, she’d give up. Even worse, some days she’d knock over her coffee and spill it. Some days on her papers.

That was the real test. She’d always laugh when that happened, or when she dropped her binder and student artwork would go all over the floor, or when she’d have her epic battles with the projection screen that never wanted to stay down. Always laughing, but some days if you were listening for it you could hear a difference in her laugh. Sometimes you couldn’t even hear it, you had to feel it. Her laugh always made you feel a little more relaxed. Some days though, her laugh made you feel a little more tense.

Those were the days she might scream.

It was just a matter of time. It was just a matter of something to set her off. She would always keep trying to smile, and fly around the room the way she normally does, and it would work fine most of the day. But something would get her. And if, near the end of the day nothing had tipped her over the edge, and I started to hear her relaxing again, then I knew. It was going to have to be me.

Okay I know that sounds bad Santa, I know I’m not supposed to make teachers scream. But its just that the one time she did make it through one of those days, the one day where she was tense but nothing set her off, I saw her after school. After everybody left I looked back through the small rectangle window in our door and I saw her lying down on our desks staring at the ceiling. Like she was dead.

At least when she yelled people noticed. They didn’t walk away laughing with their friends while their teacher was lying down, alone, dying.

I know how much trouble you can get in when you Lose Your Marbles. You start saying bad things really loudly, yelling at someone who really deserves a punch in the face but you know that punching is really bad and will get you in really big trouble like getting kicked out of school and so you just scream and scream because screams are just words, and words aren’t even real.

But even the trouble and the fights aren’t as bad as not saying anything. I can never just not say anything and smile. Everybody who smiles is as big a liar as I am.

The surprise wasn’t supposed to make her scream. I’d already helped plenty of screams happen that year. Little things like taking important papers off her desk when she was helping someone. Or sending out anonymous mass-texts to the class when she was reading her favorite story to us.

She never used bad words like I do. Her screaming wasn’t even loud, it was just different. She was different. It was like she was a superhero and I had finally made her use her power.

I told all of this to Shyne one morning on our walk to school. That was the only time we could talk to each other. Shyne says its very important to keep our friendship a secret or else it loses the Magic.

I normally don’t tell anyone anything. I don’t even really ever talk to people at school. I know if I do they’ll probably just call me the Scream Freak and then I’ll get really mad and call them the

really bad words. Even with Shyne I usually lie to her because she lies to me. She taught me that sometimes the best lies are the ones that have some truth mixed into it so that people have a fact they can focus on while they ignore the other parts that don’t quite add up. I don’t even remember what I was bullshiting about, but I decided that’d be my fact: that I had been making Ms. P scream.

As soon as I said it she stopped walking.

“I knew it was you! You fucking turd burglar. You little shit disturber.”

I couldn’t tell if she was joke swearing at me or really calling me those things. So I lied.

She didn’t believe me,

“That shit is fucked up kid. I have never, ever heard of someone doing something like that. Okay maybe with that retarded grandma Supply, but you’re supposed to mess with Supply Teachers... and French Teachers... and Music teachers if they’re trying to tell you what to do. Fuck.

“Fucking Little Scream Monster is looking for a friend! You want to scream with her in a perfect duet! You finally have a real friend.”

I Lost My Marbles. I called her a Rotten Lying Sack of Testicle (we learned that word in Science) and ran to school before I could say anything worse. She was chasing me, yelling that she was going to punch me in the nuts. She may have been bigger than me but I was still faster.

Ms. P was singing when I came in the room. I was there early. The room was empty.

She smiled and asked how was I doing?

I screamed at her,

“I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND”.

She stopped cleaning off the board for a second. She turned around and looked at me in the eyes,

“You’re right”.

She started to sing again.

To tribute just once in my life Not to that which holds me afloat Nor to that which keeps me strong But rather to that which spends everywaking moment, trying to make me fall

As I drown in its success of my failureAs I grasp on to the very semblance that ismyself. A shadow of me that remains on shore As I scream and struggle for every breath of mymortality, I revere that which submerges me

Every push away from the pull of the force issimply critical to my continual existence as I struggle and fight for my survival it seems as though I grow stronger every passingmoment, or maybe the force that drowns me simply recedes

And with every push the pull becomes weaker with every struggle, I am uplifted from the force’s immersionthe more I fight, the more I survive and I don’t let myselfto allow for a single moment to pass without a scuffle for my existence except once, just once I let myself slip into its vigorous immersion

I simply stopped fighting, but just for a second I let my mind slip into a realm of compelling thoughts Thoughts about the irrationality of this struggle and the tranquility that would simply consume me if I stopjust for a second, and the product was all but riveting

So then I began to struggle again and it was as though I was thrown up by the force with an easily embrace And as I lay on the shore with my mind still engulfed by the sea of my shortcomings, my despair, my failures, my realitiesI began little by little to let go of all the elements that encapsulate within me

It was in that moment that I realized that I am who I am nownot because of the good tidings and the few pleasurable momentsBut, everyday when I am enclosed in my continual embracing pain,the struggle and fight for escape, from that which slowly consumes and becomes my reality, is why I am as strong as I am, so just once, an ode, a tribute to my pain.

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A Tribute To My Pain By Udoka Okafor