The self-management workshop: helping people take control of their lives and their work : a trainer's guide

title:

TheSelf-managementWorkshop:HelpingPeopleTakeControlofTheirLivesandTheirWork:aTrainer'sGuideTrainer'sWorkshopSeries

author: Weiss,DonaldH.publisher: AMACOMBooks

isbn10|asin: 0814404537printisbn13: 9780814404539ebookisbn13: 9780814424346

language: Englishsubject Timemanagement,Teamsintheworkplace.

publicationdate: 1999lcc: HD69.T54W4531999ebddc: 658.4/036

subject: Timemanagement,Teamsintheworkplace.

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TheSelf-ManagementWorkshopHelpingPeopleTakeControlofTheirLivesandTheir

Work:ATrainer'sGuide

DonaldH.Weiss

Pageii

Thispublicationisdesignedtoprovideaccurateandauthoritativeinformationinregardtothesubjectmattercovered.Itissoldwiththeunderstandingthatthepublisherisnotengagedinrenderinglegal,accounting,orotherprofessionalservice.Iflegaladviceorotherexpertassistanceisrequired,theservicesofacompetentprofessionalpersonshouldbesought.

LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationData

Weiss,DonaldH.Theself-managementworkshop/DonaldH.Weiss.p.cm.Includesbibliographicalreferencesandindex.ISBN0-8144-0453-71.Timemanagement.2.Teamsintheworkplace.I.Title.HD69.T54W531999658.4¢036dc219929236CIP

©1999DonaldH.Weiss.Allrightsreserved.PrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica.

Thispublicationmaynotbereproduced,storedinaretrievalsystem,ortransmittedinwholeorinpart,inanyformorbyanymeans,electronic,mechanical,photocopying,recording,orotherwise,withoutthepriorwrittenpermissionofAMACOM,animprintofAMAPublications,adivisionofAmericanManagementAssociation,1601Broadway,NewYork,NY10019.

Printingnumber

10987654321

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CONTENTS

Acknowledgments xiii

Introduction:HowandWhytoTrainPeopleforSelf-Management

1

StylesandLengthsofWorkshops 2

ExerciseFormat 3

SourcesfortheExercises 4

SectionIGettingStarted

5

1TrainingforSelf-Management

7

Self-ManagementandSelf-ManagementCompetencies 8

SixCompetenciesofSelf-ManagedPeople 8

Overhead.PortraitofaSelf-ManagedPerson

TrainingforSelf-Management 12

ExperientialLearningandSelf-Management 15

TheEIAGModel 16

Overhead.TheEIAGModel

TwoExperientialLearningTools 22

Sample.ManagingUnderPressure:"BeingMyself"SkillPractice

Handout.GivingandGettingFeedback

Pagevi

2AssessingSelf-ManagementSkills

29

AdministeringSelf-Assessments 30

Self-Assessment.AreYouReadyforSelf-Management?

InterpretationGuide

Self-Assessment.Wholeness

InterpretationGuide

Self-Assessment.Self-Confidence

InterpretationGuide

Self-Assessment.Self-Awareness

InterpretationGuide

Self-Assessment.Drive

InterpretationGuide

Self-Assessment.Self-Respect/Self-Esteem

InterpretationGuide

Self-Assessment.RespectforOthers

InterpretationGuide

AssessmentScoringGuide

SectionIIThePyramidofControl

57

Self-ManagementCompetenciesandtheEightStepsto 58

theTop

Overhead.ThePyramidofControl

3SortOutYourValues(Step1)

61

Exercise3.1.WhereAmIonMyJourney? 62

Self-Assessment.WhatDrivesYou?WorkandPersonalGoals

Self-Assessment.WhatAmIDoingtoAchieveMyGoals?

Self-Assessment.WhatCanIDotoChangeWhatI'mDoing?

Worksheet.TopFivePersonalValues

Worksheet.TopFiveWork-RelatedValues

Exercise3.2.TheMillionDollarInheritance 73

Handout.Instructions

4OrganizeYourValuesintoLifeDimensions(Step2)

77

Exercise4.1.TheImportantDimensionsofMyLife 77

Overhead.SampleDimensionsModel

Worksheet.DimensionsModel

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5WriteaVisionStatement(Step3)

83

Exercise5.1.Eulogy:WritingaVisionStatementforYourLife

84


Exercise5.2.TheVisionforMyLife:AFormalStatement

87

Sample.VisionStatement

Worksheet.MyVisionStatement

6PrioritizeYourLifeDimensions(Step4)

91

Exercise6.1.PrioritizingDimensions 92


Sample.SettingPriorities

Worksheet.SettingPriorities

7GoalSetting(Step5)

99

Exercise7.1.WritingGoalStatements 100

Sample.GoalStatementswithTargets

Sample.GoalStatementswithMeansandConditions


8PrioritizeGoalsandPerformanceRanges(Step6)

109

Exercise8.1.PrioritizingYourGoals 110

Overhead.ActionPlans

Handout.CriteriaforPrioritizingGoals

Handout.DecisionCriteria

Overhead.AssigningPriorities

Exercise8.2.SettingPerformanceStandardsasPerformanceRanges

118

Overhead.PerformanceRanges

Overhead.AchievementoverTime

9WriteanActionPlan(Step7)

123

Exercise9.1.DesignanActionPlan,Part1 123

Overhead.FindingObjectivesinaWell-FormulatedGoalStatement

Handout.ActionPlan,Part1

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Exercise9.2.CompletetheActionPlan,Part2 129

Overhead.AnActionPlan

Overhead.DayCalendar

Worksheet.CompleteActionPlan

10EvaluateProgressandTakeCorrectiveAction(Step8)

135

Exercise10.1.DefinitionsofSuccessasObservableorQuantifiableTargets

135


Exercise10.2.TimeMeasures 138

Sample.GanttChartStructure

Exercise10.3.MeansandConditions 141

Follow-UpActivity:TakingCorrectiveAction 143

Handout.ElaborationonQuestionstoAnswerforTakingCorrectiveAction

Worksheet.QuestionstoAnswerforTakingCorrectiveAction

SectionIIIPuttingTogethertheSelf-ManagementPuzzle:Self-ManagementExercises

147

PortraitofaSelf-ManagedPerson 147

SkillsthatMakePeopleCompetent 148

ParticipationinExercises 151

11Self-Awareness

153

Exercise11.1.TruthsIHoldtoBeSelf-Evident 153


Worksheet.TruthsIHoldtoBeSelf-Evident

Exercise11.2.LookingintotheEIAGGlass 158


Worksheet.ReactionGuide

StoryCardsandGameCards

Exercise11.3.WhoAmI?AnIceBreaker 167

Exercise11.4.UsingtheJOHARIWindowtoImproveSelf-Awareness

170

Overhead.TheJOHARIWindow

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Worksheet.JOHARIWindowSelf-RatingSheet

Sample.JOHARIWindowModels

Follow-UpActivitiesforIncreasingSelf-Awareness 180

Handout.InstructionsforWritinganActionPlan

Sample.ActionPlan

Handout.KnowingYourselfBetter

12Self-Confidence

185

Exercise12.1.ExpressingSelf-ConfidencethroughAssertiveness

186

Self-Assessment.HowDoIRespondtoSituations?

ScoringandInterpretationGuide

Handout.BehaviorsandFeelingsAssociatedwiththeLevelsofSelf-Confidence

Handout.Self-ConfidenceBehaviors

Handout.InstructionsforTeammateintheBarrel

Scripts.TeammateintheBarrel

FeedbackGuide.TeammateintheBarrel

Sample.Observer'sGuideforTeammateintheBarrel

Observer'sGuide.TeammateintheBarrel

Exercise12.2.ManagingtheChallengestoMySelf-Confidence

209

Handout.InstructionsforStrengths,Challenges,andBarriersChart

Worksheet.Strengths,Challenges,andBarriersChart

Handout.InstructionsfortheSelf-ConfidenceActionPlanner

Handout.DiscussionQuestionsfortheSelf-ConfidenceActionPlanner

Sample.Self-ConfidenceActionPlanner

Worksheet.Self-ConfidenceActionPlanner

Exercise12.3.BuildingSelf-ConfidenceFollow-UpActivity

218


Overhead.TheEIAGModel

13Self-Esteem/Self-Respect

223

Exercise13.1.WhatILikeandDon'tLikeaboutMyself

223


Worksheet.WhatILikeandDon'tLikeaboutMyself

InterpretationGuide

Pagex

Exercise13.2.WhatIFearinSocialSituations 231

Worksheet.AttackonMyFears

Sample.Self-Esteem/Self-RespectActionPlanner

Worksheet.Self-Esteem/Self-RespectActionPlanner

Exercise13.3.WhatMakesMeMe 237

Follow-UpActivitiesforIncreasingSelf-Esteem/Self-Respect

240


14Drive

243

Exercise14.1.TheWellnessFactor 243

Handout.InstructionsforCompilingFitnessProfiles

Exercise14.2.MakingUseofYourCreativeEnergy,Part1

247

Worksheet.NineDots

Overhead.Solution1:NineDotswithFourLines

Overhead.Solution2:NineDotswithThreeLines

Exercise14.3.MakingUseofYourCreativeEnergy,Part2

252

Exercise14.4.ManagingEmotions 254

Handout.EmotionalIntelligenceSummary


ExperienceCards

Follow-UpActivitiesforIncreasingDrive 267


15RespectforOthers

269

Exercise15.1.ReadingFeelingsandEmotions:ANonverbalExercise

269

Overhead.TheGapbetweenUs


InterpretationGuide

DiscussionCards.ControversialTopics

Pagexi

Exercise15.2.ListeningforContent,ListeningforFeelings

287


InterpretationGuide

Exercise15.3.PreventingDisagreementsfromBecomingConflicts

294


Observer'sGuide

SituationCards.PreventingConflictSkillPractice

Exercise15.4.Acceptance/Affirmation 305


Handout.Self-DisclosureStatements

Exercise15.5.Trust 311

Worksheet.TrustStatementsforParticipantsWhoWorkTogether

Worksheet.TrustStatementsforParticipantsWhoDon'tWorkTogether

Follow-UpActivitiesforDevelopingTrust 317


SectionIVSelf-ManagedTeams

319

OrganizationofSectionIV 320

Self-ManagedIndividualsandSelf-ManagedTeams 320

16ValuesofSelf-ManagedTeams

323

Exercise16.1.IdentifyingValuesofSMTs 323

Worksheet.ValuesofSMTs

Worksheet.ValuesDefinitions/Actions:Team1




Exercise16.2.The"I"intheWord"Team" 334


Worksheet.The"I"intheWord"Team"

Follow-UpActivitiesforBuildingaStrongerSMT 338


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17SixCommonTeamExperiencesThatTurnValuesintoAction

341

Exercise17.1.SixCommonExperiencesofTeams 341

Overhead.ObjectivesoftheExercise

Overhead.MethodsYouWillUseintheExercise

Overhead.RolesYouWillPlay

Worksheet.BirthdayCakeActivity

Handout.InstructionsfortheBirthdayCakeActivity

Observer'sGuide

Overhead.SolutiontoCuttingtheBirthdayCake

Follow-UpActivitiesforManagingtheSixCommonExperiencesofTeams

357


Checklist.ManagingtheSixCommonExperiencesofTeams

18RolesandRoleManagement

361

Exercise18.1.RolesWePlay 362

Handout.FourKeyAspectsofTeamRoles

Handout.TaskActionRoles

Handout.ProcessActionRoles

Handout.InstructionsforCompletingtheTeam

Role(s)Grid

Worksheet.TeamRole(s)Grid

Exercise18.2.CreatingOrganizationalSynergy 373

Overhead.SynergisticOrganization

Worksheet.WhatWeNeedfromtheOrganization

Follow-UpActivitiesforManagingTeamandOrganizationalRoles

379


Index 381

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTSAsIalwaysnote,I,likeNewton,standontheshouldersofgiants.ManypeoplehavetaughtmewhatIknow,manybookshaveinformedmyabilitytoprovidetrainingtootherpeople,andmanycolleagues(especiallyHenryGarcia,DonGerman,ForrestAdams,andBillBeane)havehelpedmerefinemytools.Mostimportantly,participantsinmyworkshopshavetaughtmemuchthatIknowaboutpeople,abouttheirneeds,theirinterests,andtheirvalues.IhopeIhaverepresentedthemwellinthisbook.

Specifically,Ineedtothankmywife,Sara,forherpatiencesittingalonewhileIworkedatmycomputerorwasontheroaddeliveringaworkshop.IalsoneedtothankAdrienneHickeyfortakingachanceonpublishingabooklikethis,andJacquieFlynn,mymostwonderfuleditorwhohashelpedmetightenandrefineandexplaineverythinginthistext.

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INTRODUCTION:HOWANDWHYTOTRAINPEOPLEFORSELF-MANAGEMENTThemanagementmantraof''empowerment"ringshollowbecausemostmanagersthemselvesarenotasempoweredastheywouldliketobe,andveryfewmanagersreallywanttheiremployeestomakedecisionsandactonthem(whichiswhatempowermentmeans)withoutfirstconsultingwithmanagement.Onereasonisthatmanagersareafraidtheiremployeeswillmakemistakesthatwillgetthemanagersintroublewithhighermanagementorwiththeboardofdirectors.That'sareasonablefearaspeoplearen'tusuallypreparedtobeempowered,evenifmanagerstrulybelieveinthemantra.Ittakesself-managementtofulfilltheresponsibilitiesofempowermentaswellastobaskinitsprivileges.

Self-managementtheabilitytomakeyourowndecisions,tocontrolyourownactionsandachievepersonalgoals,andtobeapositiveinfluenceinyourenvironmentdoesn'tcomenaturally.Peopleneedtrainingintheskillsthatwillmakethemcompetentforself-management.Thisbookisdesignedforyou,atrainer,todeliverworkshopsinwhichpeoplecanlearnhowcompetenttheyalreadyareinself-managementandhowmuchtheystillneedtolearn.Theassessmentsandexerciseswillbeparticularlyusefulinateam-basedenvironment,whethertheteamsarenowsemiautonomous(inwhichamanageristheleader)ortheyarealreadyself-managed(self-managedteams,inwhichnooneintheteamisamanager).Toempowerpeopleistohelpthemtobecomeself-managed.

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StylesandLengthsofWorkshops

YouknowbetterthanIwhatkindoflearningenvironmentwillworkbestinyourorganization.Theseexercisescanbeusedwithtotalimmersionaconcentratedworkshopcompressedintoseveraldaysorspacedlearningoneortwohour,oneortwodaysessionsspacedoverseveralweeks.Youcanselectthematerialstofityourneeds.Youwillprobablyfinditusefultoofferemployeesinyourorganizationtheself-assessmentsinChapter2andthenaskthemtohelpyoudesigninteractiveworkshopsthatconcentrateonareasinwhichpeoplesaytheyneedimprovement.Inaddition,itisn'tnecessarytouseeveryexerciseinthisbooktohelppeopledevelopself-managementskills.

One-dayorpartial-dayworkshopsworkwellifaseriesisofferedoveraperiodofseveralweeks(spacedlearning),withfollow-upassignmentsonwhichtraineesworkbetweensessions.Aone-dayworkshopwouldfocusonseveralaspectsofself-management,whereasapartial-dayworkshopwoulddealwithonlyoneaspectorinvolveonlyoneexercise.Theoutlineforashortworkshopmightbe:

1.Introductionandexpectations

2.Learningobjectivesandoutcomesforthesession

3.Self-assessmentwithregardtoaspecificcompetency(SectionI)

4.Exerciserelatedtothatcompetency(SectionII)

5.Wrap-upandfollow-upassignment

Acomprehensive,multidayworkshop,involvingallormostoftheexercisesinthisbook,shouldalsobedividedintospacedsessionsbetweenwhichtraineeswouldworkontheirownimprovementplans.Apossibleoutlinemightlooklikethis:

Week1,Day1

1.Introductionandexpectations

2.Learningobjectivesandoutcomesfortheentireprogram

3.LearningobjectivesandoutcomesforDay1

4.Self-assessmentofthewholeperson(SectionI)anddiscussion

5.Goalsettingandactionplanning(SectionII)

6.Self-assessmentwithregardtoaspecificself-managementcompetency(SectionI)

7.Exercisewithregardtotheself-managementcompetency(SectionIII)

8.Wrap-upforDay1

Week1,Day2

1.LearningobjectivesandoutcomesforDay2


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8.Wrap-upofthetwodaysandafollow-upassignment

YoucouldthenbringtheparticipantsbackfortwosessionsinthefollowingweekortwoweekslaterandrepeattheformatforDay2.

Regardlessofhowyoutimelineorsequencetheworkshops,theirstyleshouldalwaysbeinteractive,employingasmanyself-discoverymethodsaspossible.Thestyleoftheworkshopisamodelforself-management.Chapter1,TrainingforSelf-Management,willexplainhowtomakeyourworkshopsfitthatmodel.

ExerciseFormat

Thedesignofeachexercisealsoencouragesself-managementandself-discovery.Eachexercisegenerallyfollowsthestructurebelow.Whenanexerciseisdividedintoparts,Iprovideinstructionsanddiscussionquestionsineachdivision.

Instructor'sNotes(withsomeexplanationofthepurposeandstructureoftheactivities)

LearningObjectivesandOutcomes(expressedbehaviorallyrather

thaninmeasurableterms)

Self-managementSkillsInvolved

Requirements

Time

Materials

Equipment

Preparation

RoomSetup

LectureNotes

InstructionstoParticipants

DiscussionQuestions

Eachexercisealsocomesequippedwithhandoutsthatmaybereproducedforuseinyourworkshops.Donotreproducethemforresalewithoutwrittenpermissionfromtheauthor.Someexercisesinvolveoverheadvisuals,andthemastersarealsoincludedinthebook.

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Finally,youmaytailortheseexercisesinanywayappropriatetoyourorganization'sneeds.However,Istronglyrecommendthatyounotlosesightoftheirpurpose:toencourageself-discoveryandself-management.

SourcesfortheExercises

Ihaveusedtheexercisesreproducedinthisbookinonesettingoranotherformorethantwentyyears.Someofthemhavebeenusedbyothertrainersaswell,andafewofthemcomefromthegreatlibrarycalledword-of-mouth.Iknowhowtheyworkinaliveenvironment,andIalsoknowwellenoughtoofferthiscaution:Noteverygroupwillrespondtoanexerciseinexactlythesamewayasothergroups.That'swhywhenIlistdiscussionquestions,Ialsolisttypicalanswers.Thereisneveroneperfectanswerforanydiscussionquestion.

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SECTIONIGETTINGSTARTED

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1TrainingforSelf-ManagementByreadingthischapter,youwillbeableto:

Explainthebasicconceptsofself-management.

Identifyanddescribethesixself-managementcompetencies.

Applythebasicprinciplesofexperientiallearningtothetrainingforself-management.

Peoplelearnself-managementskillsonlybyandthroughexperiencesthatallowthemtodotheskillsnecessaryforlearninghowtogetcontrolovertheirlives.Foryoutofacilitateself-managementskillworkshops,youneedtoexplainself-managementandself-managementcompetenciestoyourstudents,andapplyexperientiallearningmethods.

Usingthischapter'smaterialsaslecturenoteswillhelpyouexplaintheconceptsandskillsinvolvedinself-management.Whentalkingaboutthesixself-managementcompetencies,makethepresentationinteractivebyaskingtheparticipantstodefine,explain,ordescribewhatthewordswholeness,self-confidence,self-awareness,drive,self-respect/self-esteem,andrespectforothersmeantothem.However,Iadvisethat,ifyouplantoassigntheself-assessmentsinChapter2,donotcommunicateanyofthesematerialsinclassuntiltheparticipantshavecompletedtheassessments,lestyou"program"themastohowtorespond.

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Self-ManagementandSelf-ManagementCompetencies

Self-managementconsistsofthepersonalpowertocontrolwhathappensinourownmentalandphysicalspaces,ourabilitytocontrolwhatwedoandhowwedoit;it'sourcompetenceandcommitmenttomanageourownlives.Initssimplestsense,self-managementmeanssatisfyingbasicneedsforfood,clothing,andshelter.Inabroadersense,self-managementistheabilitytomanipulateourselvesandthethingsorprocessesintheworldinwhichwelive,tosatisfyourwants,needs,andrequirements,andtofulfillourloftiestambitions.

Managementofanykindimpliesmorethantheexerciseofpower;itimpliescontrol.Wecancontrolormanagethings,processes,andeventsinourlivesevenifitappearsasifwedon't.Wechoosetheprocessesinwhichwe'reengaged,and,evenifwefeelwecan'tescapethem,wehaveactuallychosennottotry.Choosingtomanagewhat'sinourspanofcontrolisthefirststeptowardself-management.

Ittakesadisciplinedandsystematicapproachtodevelopourpersonalpower.Wealsoneedavisionforourlivesthatfocusesourself-managementcompetenciesonthepursuitofpersonal,lifelonggoalsandobjectives.Disciplineandself-managementcompetencies,ifexercised,engenderfreedom,butself-managementimpliesresponsiblefreedom,takingownershipofourlives,ourwork,andtheconsequencesforouractions.Itrequireslearningtoadaptthosecompetenciestothelifeweenvisionforourselves.

SixCompetenciesofSelf-ManagedPeople

Everyonehasthecapacityforbecomingself-managed,whichinvolvessixcompetenciesthatcanbelearnedthroughtrainingandpractice:wholeness,self-confidence,self-awareness,drive,self-respect/self-esteem,andrespectforothers.Wholeness,thebilitytoseeourselvesaswholepersons,supportstheotherfivebehaviorsets.

Ontheotherhand,insofaraswecan'tlearn"wholeness,"becomingwholedependsonthestrengthoftheothercompetencies.

Eachofthesixtermsdescribestheoutwardsignsoroutcomesoflargesetsofskillsrelatedtohowpeopletakein,organize,andactuponinformationaboutthemselvesandabouttheworldaroundthem.Oneaspectofbeingwhole,forexample,callsforclearlyseeingandmanagingthevariousprocessesandconnectionsofourlives.Eachofthedescriptionswecalltraits,therefore,areendproductsofessentialabilitiesto"becomesomething."Contrarily,to"loseconfidence"orto''loseself-esteem"meanstolose,forsomereason,theabilitytotakein,organize,andactuponinformationinthewaywedidpreviously.Thewordsdosignifytraits,buttheyalsosignifytheprocessesbywhichthetraitsmanifestthemselves.

Wholeness

Thewholeperson(seetheillustrationentitled"PortraitofaSelf-ManagedPerson")providesthebackgroundandsupportformanagingourselvesforintegratingtheexperiences,thoughts,feelings,emotions,values,andactionsthatgo

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intomakinguswhoweare.Atthesametime,themorecompetentwebecomeatintegratingthoseaspectsofourlives,themoresecureourwholenessbecomes.

Wholenessalsomeanspullingtogethertwoverydifferentapproachestolifeingeneralandtoproblemsolvingorplanninginparticular,distinctionsthatareveryimportanttoaself-managementworkshop.Manyexercisesoractivitiesrequireanalytic,linear(leftbrain)thinking,usefulforthestep-by-stepprocessesweusefororganizinglifeandwork.However,thatkindofthinkingtakesplaceonlywithinthebiggercontextofthevisionforourwholelives;itmanagesthedetailswithinthatcontext.

Manyofthosesameexercisesoractivitiesrequiredealingwithemotions,values,creativity,flashesofinsight,andsubjectivedecisions(rightbrainactivities).Aself-managementgoalconsistsofusingbothtypesofthinkingtodevelop"wholebrain"livinginwhichweintegrateboththelinear,analyticsideofourlivesandthenonlinear,subjectiveside.

Self-Confidence

Developingalifevision,withlong-termgoalsandobjectives,engendersasenseofsecurity,self-confidence,andbeliefinoneself.Self-confidencerequirestheabilityto:

Actonprinciple.Thismeansestablishingasetofvalues(amoralcode)andlivinginaccordancewiththem.Italsomeansdecidingwhatwewantforourselvesanddeterminingthatitisright,thatitgivesmeaningtoourlives,andaddsvaluetothelivesofotherpeopleandtotheworldinwhichwelive.

Acquireknowledgeanddecidethatourbeliefsareaccurateandthattheyareusefulforourselvesandforotherpeople.

Developabilitiesandtranslatewhatweknowintowhatwedo,beingcreativeorinnovativeaswellasskilled.

Developstrongopinionsandfeelapassionorintensityaboutwhatwebelieve,want,orneed.

Acceptdisagreementandnegativefeedbackwithoutdefensivenessoraneedtoexplainourselves;disagreewithotherpeopleandgivenegativefeedback;beinfluencedbyotherpeoplewhenweseevalueintheirpointsofview.

Feelandexpressrealisticoptimism,havingthepatienceandtheinsighttofollowtheleadofotherpeopleaswellashavingpatiencewitheventsoverwhichwehavenocontrol.

Takeresponsibilityandbeaccountableforgettingresults.

Self-Awareness

Completingself-assessmentshonestlyandcompletelyraisesourself-awareness.Acceptingfeedbackfromotherpeopleraisesittoahigherlevel.Self-awarenessisessentialtoself-managementinasmuchasitpreventsusfrombeingsmugandself-satisfied.Self-awarenesscomesfromtheabilitytolookintoourselvesandtobecomeself-critical,thoughtfullyintrospective,andto:

Developaknowledgeofourlimitationsaswellasourstrengths,andtoacknowledgethoselimitations.

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Beunsatisfiedwithourpresentsituationanditslimitations(thatis,bewillingtomovebeyondwhereweareevenifwe'rehappywithit),andseethingsbothaswhattheyareandwhattheycouldbe.

Lookfornewdirectionsinwhichtolearnandgrow,toseekoutnewanddifferentwaysforinformingourselves,forexpressingourselves,fordoingwhatwedo,andforperceivingandrelatingtotheworldaroundus.

Becomeflexibleandadaptable,formingnewopinionsandwaysofdoingthingswhencircumstancesdemandthem.

Drive

Driveisthepassiontogettowherewewanttogo(nottowherelifemighttakeus)andtobefocusedonachievingourgoals(tobemotivated).Drivemeansthatwe:

Developtheenergyandstamina(throughdiet,exercise,andappropriateformsofrest)todowhatweneedtodo,tobeself-starting,andtobestrong-willedortenaciousaboutthevisionforourlives.

Showenthusiasmforourlivesandforwhatwe'redoing.

Displayvigorofthoughtaswellasdeed;develop"sticktoitiveness,"stayingthecoursewhenwebelieveit'srightandontarget.

Developthedaringtotakerisksandtomakethemostofourindependenceandourneedtoseekoutnewopportunitiesforself-expression,forcreativeexpression,andforinnovationinbothourworkandournonworklifeactivities.

Takeleadershiproleswhenneeded,influencingotherstofollow.

Revitalizeourselvesregularlythroughouteachday,renewingourownsourcesofenergythroughproperdosesofrest,nutrition,exercise,and

relaxation.

Self-Respect/Self-Esteem

Self-respectorself-esteemweusethewordsinterchangeablyallowsustocareaboutbothaspectsofwhowearemindandbodyprovisioningbothofthem,strengtheningthemratherthandeprivingthem,abusingthem,ordiminishingthem.Itrequiresthatwe:

Recognizethatweareasvaluableaseveryoneelse.

Findtheinnersecuritywemusthaveinordertogiveourselvespermissiontoneedotherpeopletohelpusfulfillourdreamsasmuchastheyneedus.

RespectforOthers

Respectisthemagicbulletthatmakescooperationpossible.Developingtheskillsrelatedtorespectforothersrequiresthatwe:

Recognizethedignityofotherpeopleandavoidjudgingthem.

Careforandaboutpeople;acceptthemastheyare.

Recognizeotherpeople'sknowledge,skills,creativity;beopentotheirideas,thoughts,orfeelings,andcontributionstoourlives.

Recognizeotherpeople'sneedsandaspirations.

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Openourselvesuptootherpeoplelisteningtothem,acceptingandactingupontheiropinionsorsuggestionsandlearnfromandbeinfluencedbythem.

Givepeoplehelpful,honestfeedbackandactasapositiverolemodelforthem.

Cooperateandcollaboratewithotherpeople.

Bedependableandcredibleandcontributeaccurateinformationtootherpeople.

Communicateopenlyandhonestly,whichrequiresbeingavailableandaccessibletoothers,andtransferringinformationtothem.

Seekgroupconsensuswhenappropriate,supportinggroupdecisionsandactingonthem.

Beunsatisfiedwiththestatusquoforothersaswellasforourselves;encouragethemtofindnewanddifferentwaysforaddingvaluetotheirlivesandtotheworldaroundthem.

TrainingforSelf-Management

Thewordtrainingsuggeststhatanexpertofsomesortcanteachsomeonehowtodosomething.So,thequestionbecomes,"Whoisanexpertwhenitcomestoself-management?"Toanswerthisquestion,wehavetodistinguishbetweenlearninghowtobeself-managed(form)andtheuniquenessofwhatitmeanstobeself-managed(substance).

Asafacilitatoryoudealonlyintheprocessofbecomingself-managed(form).Youprovideexplanationsastohowtodosomethingandopportunitiestodoit.Thesubstanceofself-managementcomesfromwithinthepeopledevelopingtheirskills,andthesubstanceofwhatgivesonepersoncontroloverhislifemaynotgiveanother

personcontroloverhers.

Forexample,engineersuseanalyticmethodsandlinearthinkinginmostofwhattheydo,whereasartistsuseexpressivemethodsfordoingwhattheydo.Engineersmightfindexpressivemethodsdifficulttograsporapply,andartistsmightfindanalyticmethodsandlinearthinkingtoodifficult.Thosedifferencesexplainwhyhardandfastrulesaredifficulttocomeby.

TeachingversusLearning

Wereallydon'tteachself-managementskills.Rather,wehelppeoplelearnthem.Lookathowachildlearnstorideatwo-wheelbicycle.Theoperativewordhereislearn.

Achildlearnstorideabicyclebyfirstridingwithtrainingwheels.Thenyouremovethetrainingwheelsandholdontothebackoftheseatforabit,butbeforethechildcanlearnhowtobalanceandcontrolthebike,youmustletgoandletherstruggletostayupright.Shewillfall,getbruisedandscraped,butshewilllearnhowtoridethebike.

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Thechildlearnshowtoridethebike;youdon'tteachhimhowtodoit.Sure,youhelphimlearn,whichmakesyoua"learninghelper."(Somepeoplelikethephraseperformanceimprovementcoach.)Helpingsomeonetolearnisdifferentfromthetraditionalnotionof"teachingortraining."Helpingsomeonetolearnisgivingsomeoneinformationhemayormaynoteveruseorshowingsomeonehowtodosomethinghemayormaynoteverdo(ordoaswellasyoucan).

Fastforwardtotheadult-learningclassroom.Aprecoursereadingorcomputer-basedtraining(CBT)orotherassignmentisthe"trainingwheels."Anin-classlectureordemonstrationis"holdingonforabit."Exercisesandskillpracticesare"lettinggo."Bytailoringpracticestosituations,problems,orchallengesfromtheirownworld("real-time,as-needed"training),studentslearntoridetheir''bikes"crosscountryandthroughroughterrain.Herestudentsworktoperfecttheskillstheyneedtoimprovetheirjobperformance;insteadofroleplaying,theyengageinskillpractice.Thedifferencebetweenroleplayingandskillpracticeisthedifferencebetweenmakingbelieveyou'reridingthebikeandactuallyridingit.

Asalearninghelper,youpresentideasaboutself-managementtopeople.Youprovidethemwithopportunitiestoassesstheirknowledgeandskills,andopportunitiestoapplytheknowledgeorpracticetheskills.Yougivethembothpositiveandnegativefeedbackorreinforcement.Ifthat'steaching,thenyouteachinthatsense,butit'suptothestudentstolearn.Yet,teachingcangoonwithoutlearning(andviceversa).

Anoldparablesaysgiveastarvingpersonafish,youfeedhimforjustoneday,butteachhimhowtofishandyoufeedhimforalifetime.However,self-managementworkshopsassumethatteachingthepersonhowtofishdoesnotfeedhimforalifetime.Instead,itgiveshimjusttheopportunitytodoso.Whetherornottheperson

takesadvantageoftheopportunityisamatterofpersonalchoice.Choosingfromamongpersonalgoalsandexercisingself-managementdetermineswhetherornotthepersonwilleverusetheknowledgeandtheskillhehasforfishing.

Nomatterwhat(orif)thestudentslearn,it'suptothemtouseornottousetheirnewlyacquiredknowledgeorskills.And,inanyorganization,it'suptothestudents'managerstoprovidethemwiththeopportunities,thechallenges,andthereinforcementforapplyingtheirnewlyacquiredknowledgeortheirskills.Otherwise,alltheteachingyoudowillcometonaught,andnolearningwillhavereallytakenplace.

TheLearningProcess

Textbooksdescribethreebasicmethodsoflearning:auditory(listening,hearing),visual(seeing,takingin),kinesthetic(feeling,handling).Peoplelearnthroughoneofthosemodalitiesorthroughsomecombinationofthem.Somepeopleenjoylisteningtolecturesandabsorbmuchmorefromthemthanothers.WhenIwasauniversityprofessor,Iconductedstudiesonself-directedlearningandfoundthatbusinessmajorslearnmoreeffectivelythisway;theyprefertolearnfromlecturestieddirectlytoareadingortocribnotes.

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Fineartsmajors,ontheotherhand,areveryvisual.Theyhavetoseethingsorvisualizeprocessestobetterunderstand;lectureswithoutvisualaidsareforthemtediousandboring.Stillothersneedtoimmersethemselvesindoingthings;fineartsmajorshavethatincommonwithmath,engineering,andsciencemajors.Liberalartsstudents,Englishmajorsespecially,useallthreemethodsandprefertoworkontheirown(fullyself-directed).Alearningenvironmentforteachingself-managementskillsshouldmaximizeallthreelearningmodalities.

Youcanexplainandshowsubjectmatterthestuffoflearningbutthestudentshavetodothingswiththestufftheytakeinortheyloseit.Youcantestforknowledgethroughwrittenororalexams.Theycanapplytheirknowledgethroughcasestudies(withwrittenanswersorbydiscussionwithothers)ortheycanusetheknowledgetounderstandsomethingelsethattheyhear,see,ortouch.Theycanmakethings,thewaywriters,painters,andengineersdo.Ortheycanactonknowledgeininterpersonalrelations,astheydowhentheyworkatself-disclosureortakeinfeedbackordeliverclearandaccuratemessages,andsoon.Thedoingreinforcesthelearningandhelpsretainitforfuturereference.

Justasthechildhastoridetobecomeexpertatbikeriding,studentsofself-managementhavetoapplytheskillstheylearnbydoingtheminordertodeveloporgrow.Theycanlearnaboutself-managementbyreadingaboutit,astheydoiftheyreadmybookSecretsoftheWildGoose,orbylisteningtolectures.Theycanlearnhowtoapplytheknowledgetheyacquirebycompletingexercises.However,theyaren'tyetself-managementexperts.Theirexpertisecomesfromexperienceandpractice.Expertisewithself-managementcompetenciesandskillscomesfromusingself-assessmentsandfeedbackfromotherstoenhanceorincreaseself-awarenessandfrompracticethatyoucanfacilitatethroughexperiential(orexperienced-based)learning.

Self-Assessments

Yourstudentsaretheonlyexpertswhenitcomestotheirownself-management.Youcantalkabouttheskills,youcanmodelthem,butonlytheparticipantscanintegratethemintotheirownexperienceandmaketheskillsworkforthem.That'sexpertise.

Self-assessmentsandfeedbackassessmentshelppeopleidentifywhattheythink,feel,ordo.AMyers-Briggsassessment,forexample,examineshowyoutakeininformationandprocessit(intuitively,perceptually,judgmentally,etc.);youthencompareyourresponsestotheassessmentdesigners'definitionsofthosemethods.Onceyou'veidentifiedhowyouacquireandprocessinformation,youcanusethatmodeltokeepondoingthesamethingsorforchangingyourpersonalmethods.

Howonepersonacquiresorprocessesinformationmayormaynotbeusefulinformationtootherpeople.Forexample,supposeIknowthatyou'reanintuitiveperson(right-brained)ratherthanafact-gatheringperson(left-brained).Thatinformationmayencouragemetoletyouprocessinformationinawaythatmakesyoufeelcomfortable,but,ontheotherhand,ifyourequirethatIneverexpectyoutogatherfactsbeforecompletinganassignmentbecauseyou're"anintuitiveperson,

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notafactgatherer,"youmissthepointofself-assessment.Anassessmentprovidestheinsightthatintuitionhelpsyoutolearn.Knowingthatyou'reintuitivemaybeinteresting,butinmanywork-relatedsituationsintuitionmaynotbeanappropriatesubstituteforfactgathering(or,viceversa).

Theself-managementself-assessmentsinChapter2willhelpyourstudentsunderstandhowtheirbehaviorfitsordoesn'tfitwiththedefinitionofself-management.Twoassumptionsarenecessary:

1.Yourstudentsmustacceptthedefinitionofself-managementandthatitwillworkforthem.

2.Yourstudentsmustassumethatthebehaviortraitsandskillsofself-managementarevaluabletothemforgettingcontrolovertheirlivesorwork.

Now,yourstudentscanbecomeexpertsabouttheirowndegreeofself-managementandtowhatextenttheypracticeself-managementskills.

Youalsocanconverttheself-assessmentsintofeedbackfromotherpeoplebyrewordingtheinstructionsandtheitemsinaself-assessment,whichIdiscussinChapter2.Adaptingself-assessmentsintootherpeople'sassessmentsofself-managementskillscouldbeuseful,especiallyas360-degreefeedback,whichincludesthewaymanydifferentpeopleseethepersonbeingassessed.Theextenttowhichtheirperceptionsandthesubject'sperceptionagree,themorereadilythesubjectcanconcludethatherperceptionsofherself-managementskillsarereliable.

Theassessmentsandadaptationsforothers'perceptionsarelearningtools,notpersonalityprofiles.Theysimplyhelppeopleuncoverinformationabouttheirself-managementskills.Ifthesubjectslikewhattheassessmentssayaboutthem,theycantakestepstoperpetuate

whattheylikeaboutthemselves.Iftheydon'tlikewhattheyreadabouttheirself-managementskills,theycantakestepstochange.Theynowhavesubstanceonwhichtoworkandthattheycantransformintoagreaterdegreeofself-management.

ExperientialLearningandSelf-Management

Sinceself-managementskillscan'tbelearnedfrombooksorfromacomputer,self-managementtraining,especiallywheninterpersonalrelationsareinvolved,worksbestinaclassroom-orgroup-based,facilitated(instructor-led)program.First,peoplecan'tlearnmuchaboutthemselvesbymerelylookinginamirror.Self-assessmentsarehelpful,notdefinitive.Whattheyseeandwhatotherpeopleseeusuallydeviatesconsiderably.Theyneedfeedbackfromothersaboutwhattheythinkorfeelbeforetheycangetacompleteimageofthemselves.

Second,sinceself-managedpeopleliveandworkinaworldwithotherpeople,theyneedtopracticeinterpersonalrelationsskills.Forapersontounderstandrelationshipsandtolearnhowtomanagethemselvesinthoserelationships,theyhavetoexperiencethemandpracticewhattodowhentheyrunintoavarietyofchallengingsituations.Justreadingaboutthemwon'tdo.Peoplehaveto

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manipulatetheinformationandpracticetheinstructionstheyreceivetomakeself-managementskillsworkforthem.

Third,tohavesuccessfullearningexperiences,yourstudentswillneedotherpeopletoexplainhowtheyrespondtowhatthestudentssayordoandwhytheyrespondedthatway.Feedbackfrompeersaswellasfeedbackfromtheclassroomleadercarryagreatdealofweight.

Inexperience-basedlearning,thesubjectmatterexpertsaretheparticipantsinsofarasonlytheycantellyouwhattheythinkorfeelaboutanythingthataffectsthem,theirthoughtsorfeelings(thesubstanceofself-management).Inaninteractiveexercise,studentstesttheirself-managementskills,suchasassertivecommunication.Theyalsotestyourrecommendationsforwhatiseffectiveorineffective.Onlybypracticingandtestingcanapersonbecomeanexpert.

AllthisreflectstheaphorismattributedtoConfucius:"Tellme,andIhear;showme,andIsee;letmedo,andIunderstand."Confuciusunderstoodthatforustolearnhowtodosomething,wemustdoit,whichwouldmakehimthefirstadvocateofexperientiallearning.Sincemanagingourselves,especiallyinourinterpersonalrelations,requiresbehavioralskillsandarethingswedoforandtoourselvesandforandwithotherpeople,self-managementskillsarebestlearnedthroughexperienceinagroupsetting.Doingmayinvolvesomefallingoffthebike,sometrial-and-error,somemistakesormisjudgments,somestruggle,butallthatexperiencereinforcesthelearningandhelpsusinternalizewhatwe'relearning,especiallywhenitcomestolearningaboutourownemotionsorfeelings,which,alongwithknowledge,arethecritical"stuff"ofself-management.

TheEIAGModel

TheExperience,Interpretation,Analysis,andGeneralization(EIAG)Model(whichimplementstheConfucianvisionatseverallevelscognitive,affective,andmoral)describestheimplicitstructureoftheexercisesinaself-managementworkshop.ThisrelativelyoldmodelconsistsoflearningthroughacircularprocessofExperience,Interpretation,Analysis,andGeneralization(seetheaccompanyingillustration).Thegoalofthislearningmodelistohelppeoplefullyunderstandhow(andhowwell)theycontroltheirlives.

ExperienceandDescription

Steponeofanyexperientiallearningmodelrequiresthatthestudentslearnbydoing,whichincludeshavinganexperienceanddescribingthatexperienceinthemostobjectivetermspossible.Lookingatanyexperienceisarecollection,andpeoplecanonlyrememberandinterprettheexperienceintermsoftheirvalues,feelings,emotions,andattitudes;therefore,it'simportantforstudentstoseparatethecontent,thebareexperience,fromtheiremotions,feelings,values,andattitudes.BertrandRussell,theBritishphilosopherandessayist,saidthatthemostobjectiveexpressionofanexperienceisnomorethanareportofsensedata:Forexample,"Red,here,now."Gettingclosetothatformofexpressionhelpsstudents

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lookattheexperienceasitwasratherthanastheinterpretationtheyapplytotheexperience.

Forexample,astudentsays,"Theemployeeaskedmetojustifymydecision."Thisreflectsthecognitiveaspectoftheexperience.InthewordsofJoeFriday,theTVdetectiveofyesteryear,"Justthefacts,Ma'am."

Interpretation

Afterdescribingtheexperienceasobjectivelyastheycan,studentslookatwhattheythinkofandhowtheyfeelaboutwhathappened.Inthissecondstepofthemodel,it'simportantforstudentstosurfacetheirvalues,feelings,emotions,andattitudes,whichdefineandcolorexperience.Thedefinitionsandshadingsoftentakeontheformofbiases,which,especiallyifkeptbelowthesurface,caninterferewithpeople'sabilitytomanagethemselvesandtherelationshipstheyhavewithothers.Thestudentsask:"WhatdidIlikeaboutit?""Whatdidn'tIlike?""Whatworked?"''Whatdidn'twork?"

Whenstudentsinterpretwhathappened,they,nototherpeopleorthings,becomethesubjectinthesentencesoftheirreports.Theydescribethemselves.Insteadofsaying,"Shemademeangry,"theysay,"Ididn'tlikeitwhensheaskedmetojustifymydecision.Ifeltangry."

"Ididn'tlike...""Ifelt..."Thesewordsexpresstheaffective(emotional/feeling)aspectoftheexperience.Thestudent'saffect."Takingownershipoftheexperience"meansrecognizingthattheirreportoftheirexperiencerefersonlytohowtheyseeit.

Analysis

Afterastudentdescribeswhathappenedobjectivelyandexpresseshisinterpretation,hethenanalyzestheexperience."Here'sthefact:She

questionedmydecision.Here'showIfeelaboutthat:Ididn'tlikeitwhensheaskedmetojustifymydecision."

Inthisthirdstep,studentsquestionwhytheyrespondedastheydid.Thestudentsanalyzewhathappened."IgotangrybecauseIthoughtthatwhenshequestionedmydecisions,shequestionedmyauthority.WhydidIthinkthat?Whydon'tIlikehavingmydecisionsormyauthorityquestioned?Whydidshequestionmydecision?Havepeoplequestionedmydecisionsorauthoritybefore?Ifso,howdidIreactandwhy?"Answerstothosequestionsleadtoabetterunderstandingofthesituation.Answerstothosequestionswhenthey'rediscussedwithatrustedgroup,including,inourcase,theemployeewhoquestionedthestudent'sdecision,leadstofullerunderstandingofhow(andhowwell)heorshecontrolshisorherlife.Thatis,ofcourse,thegoalofthislearningmodel.

Generalization

Theanswerstoanalyticquestionshelpthestudentstolookforwardandtotalkaboutwhattheyplantodointhefuture:adesiredbehavior.Thefictitiousstudent

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mightsay,"KnowingwhatInowknowaboutmyself,knowinghowandwhyIreactthewayIdowhensomeonequestionsmydecisionsorauthority,whatcanIdotochangethoseineffectivereactionsortorepeatthosethatareusefulorproductive?WhatwouldIdodifferentlyandwhatcouldIexpectfromthechange?"Follow-upactivities,withclearlyidentifiedgoalsandstepsforaccomplishingthem,provideamethodforapplyingwhatthestudentslearnfromtheexperience.

DemandsoftheEIAGModelontheInstructor

Someinstructorsfindthismodeldifficulttoapply.They'vebeentrainedtotellandtoshow,ratherthantoleadortofacilitate.EIAGmethodsdemand:

Patience.Youhavetoletthestudentslearnfromtheirexperiences,justasyouletachildlearnhowtorideabikebylettinghimorherrideit.Whenwell-intentionedteachersexplaineverythingtheyknow,theyjumpinbeforethestudentscanlearnfromwhattheydo,evenifwhattheydoiswrong.

Restraintespeciallyrestraintfromteachingtoomuch.Notjumpingintakesaneffortonthefacilitator'spart.Youcan'ttellsomeoneelsewhattheyhavelearned,althoughyoucanasktherightquestionsthathelpthestudentsexplainthemselves.

Supportforlearningfrommistakes.Childrenlearningtorideabikefall.Adultlearnershaveto"fall"also.Theywon'tdoeverythingright,andthey'llfindthatoutbygettingfeedbackfromtheirclassmates.Whatevercorrectiveactiontheytakemustcomefrom"falling."

Permissionforthestudentstoofferinformation,feedback,andsuggestionstooneanother.You,thefacilitator,arenottheonlyobserverintheclass.Theotherobservers,adults,haveexperience,knowledge,andskillstheycancallontohelpotherpeoplelearn.Thatmakeslearningacooperativeorcollaborativeendeavorratherthana

commandandcontrolexercise.

DemandsoftheEIAGModelonStudents

Moststudentsaren'treadyforthismethod.Itmakesextraordinarydemandsonthem.First,they'reaccustomedthroughyearsofclassroomexperiencetobeingtaught.They'vebeentrainedtobeteacher-dependent,passivelearners.Seeingandhearinghavebeenenoughforthem,whetherornottheyreallylearnorunderstandanything.EIAGmethodsdemandthewillingnessanddedicationto:

Prepareforclass.

Participateinclassactivities,exercises,anddiscussions.

Takerisksinasafeenvironment.

Activelylearnratherthanpassivelytakeininformation.

Followupandtakebacktothejobwhattheyhavelearnedintheclassroom.

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Second,andmostimportant,theymustlearntotrustyouandtheirclassmatesbeforetheycan"baretheirsouls"(ifthelearningcomestothat).Peoplearenotaccustomedtoandareoftenafraidofopeninguptostrangers,eveniftheyworkwiththosestrangerseveryday.Theyfearrevealingtheirweaknessesandflawstothemselves;itcanreduceself-confidenceandself-respect/self-esteemifnotimmediatelyfollowedupwithhelpforimprovement.Theyfearrevealingtheirweaknessesandflawstootherpeople;theyfearthattheothersmightusethatinformationagainstthem.SinceexperientiallearningandtheEIAGModelassumethatgrowthoccurswhenpeoplemovefromfearanddistrusttoincreasingtrust,it'sessentialtocreateasafeenvironment.

Aguidingprincipleofgrouplearninginvolvesasystemsapproachthatwecanapplytoallformalandinformalsocialsystems:TheTORITheory.1Thelettersareanacronymfortrust,openness,realization,andinterdependence.Trusttearsdownanddrainsdefensesoftheirpower.Someofthemoreobviousdefensesare:

Depersonalization.Somepeoplefinditdifficulttotalkaboutthemselvesortotakeownershipoftheirexperiences.It'seasierforthemtotalkabout"you,""them,"and"they"ratherthanabout"I"and''me."Theywilloftenattacktheexercisewhentheirownshortcomingsorerrorsaredisclosed.Thefavoriteattack:"It'sonlyanexercise;it'snotreal.Thingslikethatneverhappeninreality."You,thefacilitator,havetokeepthemfocusedonthemselves.

Actingonthebasisofroleprescriptionsratherthanonprinciple.Everyonegrowsupwithscriptsprovidedbyparentsandotherauthorityfigureswhattodoandhowtodoitingivensituations.Forexample,notgivingconstructivefeedback,especiallyifit'snegative,isoftenexcusedaspoliteness.AsintheDisneymovieBambi,we'vebeentaught"Ifyouain'tgotnothin'nicetosay,don'tsaynothin'at

all."However,inself-managementworkshops,that'snotmuchhelptothepeoplewhoneedit.Youneedtoencourageself-disclosureandhonest,direct,andhelpfulfeedback.

Hidingbehindfacades.Acommonresponsetonegativefeedbackis"Iwasonlyplayingarole.That'snottherealme."Iftheexerciseisproperlyconstructed,thepersonbeingobservedisbeinghimselforherself,andwhatpeopleseeiswhatheorshereallyis.Youhavetoencouragepeopletoseeexercisesasopportunitiestolearnandtogrowandthatfeedbackisagifttobeacceptedatfacevalue.

Operatingoutofhiddenagendasorcovertstrategies.Peopleinintactgroups(e.g.,adepartmentorateam)bringintotheworkshopaxestogrindorbonestopick.It'sacommonoccurrenceforateamleadertocomeintotheworkshopwiththeintentthatyouwill"fixwhat'swrongwitheveryoneelse."Youasleaderhavetohideyourtruefeelingsandavoidbeingputinthebarrel.Sometimesit'sdifficulttodo,butyouhavetosurfacetheseagendasorstrategieswhenthey

1J.R.Gibb,"DefensiveCommunication,"TheJournalofCommunication11,no.3(1961),141148;seealso"TORITheoryandPractice,"inThe1972AnnualHandbookforGroupFacilitators,ed.J.WilliamPfeifferandJohnE.Jones(LaJolla,Calif.:UniversityAssociates,1972),157162.

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begintobecomenoticeable(aswhenpeopleseethatthepersonhidinganagendaisnotfullyparticipating).

Followingtherules.Somepeoplepreventtheirowngrowthbyhidingbehindorganizationalrulesorexpectations.Insteadofsteppingoutsideoftheirorganizationalroles(e.g.,teamleader),theyusethemasexcuses.Peoplewilloftensay,"Ican'tchangebecausecompanypolicysays..."Youhavetohelpthesestudentsseethatcompanypolicyisn'tanissuewhereself-managementisconcerned.Theyneedonlygivethemselvespermissiontochange.

Doingonlywhatyou'retoldorbeingpersuadedtodosomethingotherthanyouwouldonyourown."Youmademeloveyou"makesforgoodsonglyrics,butnobodymakesyoudoanything.Eveniftheyputaguntoyourhead,youchoosetodoastheysayratherthanbeshottodeath.Nevertheless,studentsoftenappealto"theymademedoit"whenthey'reconfrontedwithnegativefeedbackabouttheirownbehavior.Youhavetohelpthemunderstandhowtheythemselvesaremakingtheirownchoices.

Eithertheneedtocontrolortheneedtobedependent.Thismaybelast,butit'samongthemostcommonofdefenses,especiallywheremanagersandtheiremployeesorteamleadersandtheirteamsareinthesameworkshop.Managersandteamleadersoftendominatediscussionsandgivetherightanswers.Anyonepredisposedtocontrollingmightdothesame.Whenseveralcontrolfreaksareinthesamediscussiongroup,conflictswillinevitablyarise.Youcanusethosemomentstoexplorewhathappened,whatthestudentsfeltaboutwhathappened,whytheyfeltthatway,andwhattheycandoaboutitinthefuture,thatis,applytheEIAGModel.

Alargenumberofpeoplehavedependencyneedstomeet.Employeesandteammembers,oftenfromacculturation,turntotheirmanagersorteamleadersforinstructionsorfortherightanswers.Youneedtobe

awareofwhenthishappens,and,again,explorethesituationbyapplyingtheEIAGModel.

WhenyouapplytheTORITheorytolearningself-managementskills,youhelpyourstudentsreplacethosedefenseswith:

Personal,self-determiningactionsbasedonprinciple.Usepositivereinforcementtoencouragestudentstosayordowhattheythemselvesbelieveisrightandtotakeresponsibilityforwhattheysayordo,

Greaterspontaneityandnonrolebehavior.Useexercisesorpracticesandpositivereinforcementtoencouragestudentstoreacttothemomentandfromtheirmindsandfeelings.Thegreatstageandscreenperformersarewonderfullistenerswhoreactratherthanact.

Openness,transparency,andcandor.Encouragethroughmodelingandpositivereinforcementwhatyouwantfromthestudents.Ifyouhidebehindrules,facades,orordersfromabove,theywilltoo.

Assertive,self-actualizingbehavior.Youhavetoencouragethroughmodeling,exercises,practices,andpositivereinforcementtherealityofwholenessthateveryoneisentitledtofulfillinghisorherownneedsanddreams.

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Mutuallysatisfyinginterdependence.Youhavetoencouragethroughmodeling,exercises,practices,andpositivereinforcementthatself-managedpeoplearesocialbeingswhoenjoytheirrelationshipswithotherpeople.The1998baseballsluggers,SammySosaandMarkMcGwire,demonstrated,bysupportingandcheeringeachotheron,thepowerofmutual,satisfying,interdependenceinspiteofthefacttheywerecompetitorsforthesametrophy.

Insum,yourgoalistoencouragestudentstodoontheirownwhatisnecessarytodevelopthebehaviorstheywant.Behaviorchangesinself-managementworkshopsresultfromdisplayingpersonalfeelings,actingonanimpulse,orfrommakingachoice.Roleplayingandskillpracticescanhelpyourstudentsmaketheleapfromdefensiveprotectionstoself-management.

TwoExperientialLearningTools

RolePlaying

Whenworkingwithself-managementskillsandinterpersonalrelationships,roleplayingsimulatesexperiencesthatallowpeopletotryoutbehaviorstoseehowtheyandotherpeoplefeelaboutthem.Asfacilitator,youcreatetheentirescenarioandhavethestudentsactouttherolesthatfulfillthescenario.Theexperiencehasvalueonlyifthestudentsexaminetheactivityimmediatelyaftertheroleplay.Theyhavetotalkabouttheirexperiences,processthembytalkingaboutandanalyzingtheirreactionsortheirresponses,andgeneralizeastohowtoactinfuture,similarsituations.

Manypeopledetestroleplaying,andIdon'tblamethem.Theverynameexplainstheweaknessofthemethod:playingatarole,playacting.Inaroleplay,youexplaintothestudentsinvolvedwhattodoandhowtodoitinasimulatedsituation.Thenyouaskthemtoactasiftheyarereallyinthatsituation.Insomesituationsforexample,ina

simulationoragameinwhichthestudentslearnsuchskillsasproblemsolving,decisionmaking,howtorunadepartment,andothertechnicalskillspretendingworkswellforadults.However,inintenselypersonalactivities,"let'spretend"doesn'tworktoowell;adultsneedalittlemorerealitythanthat.OnewaytotakethepretendingoutofroleplayingistousewhatIcallCopyingaModel.

CopyingaModelisaskillpracticeanddiffersfrompureroleplayinginthatthefacilitatordoesn'ttellthestudentwhattosayordo.Instead,youhaveaskillpracticeafteralectureordiscussionofaspecificdesirablebehaviororareactiontoasituation.Thestudentslearnabouttheskill,andifyouhaveawayofdemonstratingit(e.g.,onavideotape),theyseehowitisusedinasimulatedsituation(apositivemodel).Positivemodelingcanbecontrastedbyanegativemodel,butcaremustbetakennottoletthenegativeonehavealargeaffectonthelearningandoverwhelmthelesson(asmanyfun-filledtrainingfilmsdo).Therestofthelearningprocessisasrealasacquiringanymotorskill,forexample,assemblinganautomobilegenerator.

Youcreateasituationthatcouldhappenanywhereatanytime.Youcanalsogivepeoplerolestoplay,butnotwhentheyarepracticingtheskill.Asthestudentspractice,theyarethemselves,notacharacterinaplay,anddecidehowtorespondtothe

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situation.Theythentrytoduplicateormimicwhatthepositivemodeldidorsaid.Thisisnotplayingatarole;rather,it'slearninghowtoapplyaskilltoarealsituation.

Interpretationandanalysisthenfollowtheexperientiallearningtoexplorehowthepersonpracticingfeltaboutthenewlearnedbehaviorandwhatmadeiteffective(assuming,ofcourse,thatitwas).Thepersonpracticingalsogetsfeedbackfromthegroupastohowwellhecopiedthemodelandhoweveryonerespondedtoit.

BeingMyself

Inthisformofskillpractice,youdon'ttellthepersonpracticingtheskillhowtobehave.Youdon'tevendemonstrateormodeldesiredbehaviors.Rather,youcreateasituationandaskthestudenttodecidehowtorespondandtoactaccordingly.Yougiveotherpeoplerolestoplay,butnotthepersonpracticing.Youwanthimtobehimselfatalltimes.

Self-discoverylearningcomesintoplaymostdramaticallyinBeingMyself.Hereapersonisplacedinasituationtowhichsherespondsassheordinarilywould.Thediscussionthenexplorestheperson'sreactionsandself-managementskills.Asinallsuchactivities,interpretation,feedback,andanalysisthenfollowstheexperientiallearning.Thegroupthenexploreshoweveryonereactstowhatthepersonpracticingsaidordid.Theydiscusswhatseemedtobeeffectiveandwhatseemedtobelesseffective.Thatkindoffeedbackgivesthepersonpracticinganopportunitytobuildonherownstrengths.Moreimportantly,whenshegetsfeedback,shealsogetssuggestionsastohowmakeheractionsmoreeffective(i.e.,achievemutuallysatisfyingexperienceswithotherpeople).Shethenhasgatheredenoughinformationaboutherbehaviortomakedecisionsastohowtoactinthefuture.

ThatoutcomeisthegoalofallactivitiesandexercisesdesignedwiththeEIAGModelinmindtoforcestudentstoexaminetheirownproblemsorchallengesandtolookforanswers.Studentscometogetheringroupactivitiesandaskeachotherforanswers.Theydigaroundintheirownmindsandfeelingsforthesubstanceofself-management.Allthisbeforeyouanswertheirquestions.Then,youranswersshouldbeconcise,precise,andaccurate.Bynotdominatingtheskillpractices,youdon'tdivertthestudentsawayfrompeerorteamlearning.

ThematerialpresentedinManagingUnderPressure2isanexampleofa"BeingMyself"skillpractice.Init,theparticipantsconfrontacontrivedsituationfromtheirownperspectiveandwithwhateverself-managementskillstheyhave.Theresultsincludelearninghowtheycommunicatewithothers,howtheymanagetheirbodylanguage,andhowtheyhelporsupportotherpeople.

Exercisesorpracticesprovidetheexperience.Thefeedbackthestudentsgetfromoneanotheraswellasfromyouenhancestheirdescriptionsoftheexperience,theirinterpretations,andtheiranalyses.Theobjectiveofthisstyleoflearningisforthestudentstointernalizewhattheydoandthefeedbacktheyget.Learningisfasterandlonger-lastingthisway.

2AdaptedfromaskillpracticeusedinCiticorp's"ManagingPeople"workshop,whichIusedwhenIwasaProgramManagerfortheCiticorpExecutiveDevelopmentCenter.

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ManagingUnderPressure:Sample"BeingMyself"SkillPractice

INSTRUCTOR'SNOTES

Thissampleconsistsofaboilerplatedesignthatyoucanusefordevelopinganexerciseappropriatetoyourownenvironment.Thespecificsofthescenarioandtherolespeopleplayareentirelyuptoyou.

Irecommendthatyouworkwithteamsoffivetosevenpeopleinbreakoutrooms,eachteaminapairofadjoiningrooms.

1.Thepracticeroom,theparticipants'office.Thisroomshouldbefurnishedwithasmalltable(roundorsquare)andachairforeachmemberoftheteam.Recordingandplaybackequipmentshouldbesetupinthisroom.Thisroomiswheretheskillpracticeactuallytakesplace,withonepersonatatimeactingashimselforherselfinthesituationdescribedinthescenarioyoudesign.Thisisalsotheroominwhichthegroupwillprocess(debrief)theexperience.Inahotelsetting,iftwo-roomsuitesarenotavailable,thehotelmeetingmanagerusuallywillagreetomoveoutsleeping-roomfurnitureforthispurpose.

2.Theholdingroom.Teammembersusethisroomwhennotpracticingatthemomenttodiscusswhattheyindividuallywilldotocreatepressureonthepersonpracticing.Furnitureisamatterofchoice.Inahotelsetting,thesleepingroomfurniturecanstayinplace.

IntactTeam

Ifyou'reworkingwithanintactteam,don'tbringreallife

issuesintotheclassroomandgetwrappedupinthemuntilafterthestudentshavehadachancetoexaminethewaytheythemselvesbehave.Simulateapressuresituationfirstsostudentscanseetheirownresponsestostressandgetfeedbackfromothersabouthowtheirbehavioraffectedthem.Theobjectisforthemtoplanbetterwaysofdealingwiththoseissuesbackonthejob.

FacilitatedTeams

Ifyouhavethetrainedpersonnelavailable,assignonepersontofacilitatetheactivitiesforeachteam.Thatpersonoperatestheequipmentduringthepracticeandpromotes(notdominates)discussion.Shecangivefeedback,butonlyifshethinksnooneelsecanorwillgivethefeedbackshecanoffer.Theteamselectsatimekeepertomanagethefairandequitablediscussionofeachperson'spractice,inwhatevermanneryoudesignit,andascribetorecordtheteam'sconclusionsandtoreportthoseconclusionstothewholeclass.

Self-ManagedTeams

Mostadultgroupmanageanyactivityyoudesignverywellwithoutintervention.However,youshouldfloataroundthebreakoutroomsregularlytoensurethattheparticipantsaredoingtheexercisethewaydesignedit.Thedownside:Participantssometimescomeawayfeelingtheydidn'tgetprofessionalhelp.

Ialsorecommendvideotapingeachpracticeandplayingitbacktodebriefthatperson'spractice.Thatway,eachpersonseeswhatheorshedidaswellashearsaboutitfromotherpeople.Often,thepersoncallsoutthefeedbackotherswouldhavegivenhimorherasheseesitforhimselfor

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herself."Oh,Lord.LookhowI'mwavingmyhand.It'sobviouswhyyousaidIwasdismissivewhenwetalked."Besuretoinstructtheteamsonhowtousethevideoequipment(ifitisused).

Self-AssessmentInstruments

Youcoulduseaself-assessmentinstrument(e.g.,360-degreefeedbackoraMyers-BriggsoraDISCinstrument)inconjunctionwiththeexercise,butit'snotrequired.Three-hundred-and-sixty-degreefeedbackcorrelatedtobehaviorunderpressureshouldbediscussedpriortotheexercise.Ontheotherhand,useaMyers-BriggsorDISCinstrumentaftertheexercisetopreventinterferingwithself-discoverylearning.Peopletendtouselabelssuchas,"You'rea[something],"insteadoffocusingonwhatthepersonactuallysaysordoes.

LearningObjectiveandOutcomes

Oneessentialskillofself-managementisself-awareness,andbytheendofthisexerciseparticipantswillbeabletoapplytheirexperienceandfeedbackto:

Howtheycommunicatewithothers,especiallyhowtheylisten

Howtheymanagebodylanguageandhowtheirmannerismsaffectotherpeople

Howtheyhelpothersimprovetheirabilitytoevaluatetheirownvalues,attitudes,andbehaviors,andhowtheyaffectotherpeople

Requirements

Time: Fivetosixhours,dependingonthesizeofthegroups

Materials: Copiesofthescenarioyoudesign

GivingandGettingFeedbackhandout

Equipment: Videorecordersandplaybackequipment(wherefeasible)Audiorecorders(ifvideoisnotfeasible)

Preparation:WritescenarioandrolestoplayCopymaterials

RoomSetup:

Breakoutroomsforeachteamoffivetosevenparticpants.Foreachteam,usetwoadjoiningrooms,ifpossible,preferablywithadoorbetweenthem.

Scenario

Youneedtocreatesituationsandrolesforeachoftheteammemberstoplaywhenthey'renotpracticing.Suggestreal-worldactivitiesthatreflectbutdon'tresembletoocloselyanythinginthestudent'simmediateworkplace.Therolesshouldcreatepressureandproduceafunexperienceatthesametime.

Forexample,thepersonpracticingamanagerhastoleavetheofficeintenminutesinordertocatchaplane,andheisalreadybehindschedule.Alltheotherparticipantsneedtotalktothisperson(themanager)abouttheirownissues,whichareasimportanttothemasleavingistothemanager.Hehastodealwitheachoneoftheminthattenminutes.

Hereisthestructureoftheactivity.

1.Eachpersongetsuptoandnomorethantwelveminutes"inthebox."Sinceit'sheroffice,shedecideswhathappensandwhen.

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2.Afterallthemembersoftheteamcompletetheirpractices,everyoneontheteamgathersinthepracticeroomtowatchthetapesandgiveoneanotherfeedbackaboutwhathappenedduringthepractice.

3.Inaself-managedteam,withnooutsidefacilitator,onepersonisassignedtobethetimekeeper,anotherpersonisassignedtobetheequipmentoperator.

4.Eachpersonhasuptotwentyminutestogetfeedback;therefore,itwillnotbepossibletowatchanyoneperson'sentirepracticeonthevideotape,justhighlights.

Aftereveryonehashadanopportunitytobethemanager,youdebrieftheactivityasagroup.Thepowerofthisexercisecomesfromtalkingabouttheexperience,describingwhatparticipantsexperienced,explaininghowtheyfeltaboutitandwhytheyfeltthatway,andgivingconstructivesuggestionstooneanotherforhowtohandleasimilarsituationinthefuture.Youenhancethatpowerwhenyouvideotapetheactivitybecausethevideogivesparticipantstheopportunitytoseethemselvesinaction.Coupledwithfeedbackfromtherestofthegroup,viewingaplaybackpuncheshometherealityofotherpeople'sperceptions.Butthedebriefingprocessdoesn'tworkunlesseveryonefollowsthegroundrulesandtalksabouttheirownexperiencesduringtheexercise.

FeedbackGuidelines

Usethehandout,GivingandGettingFeedback,asyourguideforhowtodiscusseachperson'spracticesession.


Inclassroomtraining,wecan'tbringeverydaypressurestobearonyou.Sowewillcreatepressure;perhapsmoreinashorterperiodoftimethanyouwouldexperienceonthejob.That'sokaybecausewearelookingforhowyourespondtopressure.That'stheobjectiveoftheexercise;nottomimicyourworkplace.

Eachofyouwillhaveanopportunitytopracticebeingyourselfasamanagerinthesituation.Youwillgetonlyanoverviewofthesituation.Yourjobistorespondtoandmanagewhateverhappensasithappens.

Eachofyouisalsoassignedaroletoplaywhenyou'renotthemanagerthatexplainswhyyouwanttoseethemanager.Thatscript,whichyouwillkeepsecretfromtheothers,formsthebasisforwhatyoudointhesituation.Forexample,youmaybetoldthatyouareanadministrativeassistantthatworkedlatethenightbeforetoprepareareportforthemanagertousethismorninginameetingwithhisboss.Nowyouwanttheafternoonoff.However,youwon'tstopthere.

Youwillhaveextrainstructionsforbeingcreativeanddemandingorchallengingwhenyou'renotbeingyourselfasthemanager.Youwillalsokeeptheseinstructionssecret.Youshoulduseyourimaginationstocreateasmuchpressureaspossibleintheshortestperiodoftime.Youmaymakeyoursituationasobviousorasobscureasyouwish,especiallyifpresentingaseriouspersonalproblem.It'simportanttotheexercisethateachpersonthinksthatherproblemorissueisimportantenoughtoreceivethemanager'sattentionnow,especiallyanyonewhomayhaveinformationthataffectsthemanager'smeetingwiththeboss.

Eventhoughthesituationiscontrivedandseemsunrealtoyou,ifthepressureisreal,thepersonpracticingwillreactasheordinarilywouldactwhenstressedthisway.Themorepressureyoucreate,nomatterhowunreal,thebetter.Theobjectisforyoutostudyyour

personalreactionstopressure.Fromthisyouseewhatworksforyou,whatworksforothers,andwhatyoumightcarrybackwithyoutothejob.Youwillalsoseeorgetfeedbackaboutbehaviorsyouwillwanttochangebecausetheyareineffective.

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2AssessingSelf-ManagementSkillsSelf-managementinvolvessixcompetencies:wholeness,self-awareness,self-confidence,self-respect/self-esteem,drive,andrespectforothers.Theskillsassociatedwiththesecompetenciesgivepeopletheabilitytocontroleventsthatfulfillaself-determined,personalvision.Inpopularjargon,self-managedpeopleempowerthemselvestoactualizetheirpotential.

Thattypeofpersonalpowerrequires(1)theconsciousefforttocontrolhowwerespondtotheexperiencesthatflowintoandthroughourlives,and(2)theabilityandthewilltoactonthedecisionswemake.Sincethemodernworkplacecallsuponmanagerstoempoweremployees,it'sessentialthatboththemanagersandtheemployeesreportingtothemhaveself-managementskills.However,toooftenpeopleonlyassumethattheyhavetheskillstheyneedandareoverwhelmedbytheresponsibilitiesandauthoritytheyget.

Eachself-managementcompetencydescribestheoutwardbehaviorsortraitsofalargesetofskillsrelatedtohowwetakein,organizeorprocess,andactuponinformationaboutourselvesandabouttheworldaroundus.Wholeness,forexample,callsforclearlyseeingandmanagingthevariousprocessesandconnectionsofourlives.Asatrait,it'stheendproductofessentialabilitiesto"becomingsomething."Thecompetenciesofself-confidenceandself-esteeminvolvetheabilitytoprocessandacceptourownbeliefsandactionsastrue,good,orright.Theexpressions"loseself-confidence"or"loseself-esteem"meantolose,forsomereason,

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thesensethattheinformationwetakein,organize,orprocess,andtheactionswetakearetrue,good,orright.Sowhilethewordsusedtoidentifyself-managementcompetenciessignifytraits,theyalsosignifytheprocessesbywhichthetraitsmanifestthemselves.

Onewayforpeopletodeterminehowwelltheyexhibitthosetraitsorcompetenciesisforthemtocompletethesetofself-assessmentsinthischapterandcomparetheirresultswiththeinterpretations.Thefirstself-assessmentexaminesaperson'sreadinesstodevelopself-managementskills.1Afterthat,theassessmentshelpapersonidentifythedegreetowhichheorshemayalreadyexercisethoseskills.

AdministeringSelf-Assessments

PreclassAssignments

Wheneverpossible,youshouldmakeapreclassassignmentthatthestudentscompletetheself-assessmentinstrumentsthatfitwithyourworkshop,thechoiceofwhichdependsonthescopeoftheworkshop.Ifyouintendtocoveralltheskills,distributealltheinstruments;ifyouarecoveringtheskillsofonlyonecompetency,forexample,self-confidence,distributeonlytheonethatrelatestothatworkshoptopic.Havethestudentsbringthecompletedinstrumentstoclass,whereyoudiscusstheresultsasearlyinthesessionaspossible.Preclassassignmentssaveagreatdealoftimeandpreventtheclassfrombecomingboggeddowninpencilandpaperexercises.

Youcanattachthescoringandinterpretativematerialstotheassessments,oryoucanwithholdtheinterpretationsuntilyoudiscusstheminclass.Theadvantageinthefirstmethodisthatstudentscometoclasspreparedtodiscusstheissuestheassessmentsraiseforthem.Thedisadvantageisthatyouprovidetoomuchinformationtothestudentsaboutskillsonwhichtheywon'tworkuntillateintheworkshop.Theadvantageofthesecondmethodisthatyoucancontrol

theflowofdiscussionsuntilyouarereadytoraisethespecificissuesofanyoneassessment.Thedisadvantageisthatstudentscometoclassfeelingatalossastowheretheyareintheprocessofdevelopingself-managementskills.Attachingtheinterpretationsof''AreYouReadyforSelf-Management?"whenyoudistributetheassessmentsaspreclassmaterialscanhelpyouovercomeeitherdisadvantage,sinceithelpspeopleseewheretheystandastotheirownlevelofself-management.

In-ClassActivity

Ifprecourseassignmentsaren'tpossible,youcanadministertheassessmentsinclass.Althoughtheytakeuptimewithpencilandpaperactivities(therebyslowingdownandinterruptingtheflowofinteraction),theassessmentsaren'tlong,andIrecommenddistributingonlyoneassessmentatatime.

Ifyou'recoveringmorethanonecompetencyintheworkshop,youcandistributetheself-assessmentforeachcompetencyattheappropriatetimeintheworkshop

1OriginallypublishedinDonaldH.Weiss,SecretsoftheWildGoose:TheSelf-ManagementWayforIncreasingYourPersonalPowerandInspiringProductiveTeamwork(NewYork:AMACOM,1998).

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anddiscusstheresultsimmediately.Ifyouaredealingwithonlyonecompetency,distributeonlythatself-assessmentatthebeginningofthesessionanddiscusstheresultsimmediately.

Youshouldcompletetheinstrumentsyourselfbeforeusingthem.Thatputsyouonanequalfootingwiththestudents,andyouwillbetterunderstandtheirreactionstocertainitemsandtheresultsofcomparingtheirresultstotheinterpretations.

InstructingParticipants

Itisveryimportanttoexplainthreecaveatswhenaskingstudentstocompletetheself-assessments.

1.Theseinstrumentsweredesignedforthesolepurposeofindicatingtotheparticipantscompletingtheself-assessmentswhatself-managementskillstheyalreadyhaveorwhichskillstheymaywanttoimprove.

2.Noonebutthepersoncompletingtheinstrumentwilleverseetheresults,unlesshepersonallydecidestodisclosethem.Heshouldthereforebehonestwithhimselfandcomfortablewithhisanswers,eveniftheydon'tmatchtheinterpretationsthatfolloweachself-assessment.

3.Peopleoftenfeelconflictedabouttheirlives,themselves,andtheirgoals.Indeed,aperson'sself-managementskillscanbeinfluencedbytransitorysituations.Illnessorapersonalorprofessionalsetbackcandisturbaperson'sequilibriumandaffectherresponses.Whendiscussingtheresultswiththeclass,pointoutthattheirscoresaren'twritteninconcrete,thattheirscoresmightbedifferentunderdifferentcircumstancesandthatlowscoreswillprobablyberaisedbythetraining.Theyshouldlookattheiranswerstoindividualitemsinanyandalloftheassessmentstorecognizetheirstrengthsaswellastheareasinneedofimprovement.Ifcompletingmorethanone

assessment,theyshouldalsolookatthetotalpackageofanswerstogetamorecompleteimageofthemselves.

ScoringtheSelf-ManagementPerson

Whenyouassignalltheassessments(ordistributethemallinclass),youcanusetheAssessmentScoringGuideonpage54,asawaytopulltogetheralltheinsightsthestudentshavegainedfromtheirindividualassessments.

InterpretingAssessments

Ifapersonrespondspositivelytomostoftheassessmentitems,herself-managementskillsarerelativelysecure.Ifsherespondsnegativelyorwithseriousdoubttomostoftheitems,sheshouldconsidermethodsincludedinthisbooktoimprovethoseskills.Onlyifpeoplekidthemselveswilltheyscoreperfectlyontheinstruments.

Perfectorhighscoresaren'tfreepassesoutofclass.Self-perceptionsarebaselinedata;thescoresonlytellpeoplehowtheyseethemselves;otherpeoplemayseethemdifferently,andtheyneedtoknowandcomparethetwodifferentperceptions.Peoplewithhighscoresneedtopracticetheskillsassessedbytheinstrumentsinorder

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toconsciouslyseethemselvesinasocialsetting.Theymaythenseethattheydon'thavetheskillstheythinktheydo.

Peoplewithabysmalscoresdon'tgetafreepassoutoftheclass,either,especiallyiftheyscorelowonself-confidenceorself-respect/self-esteem.Theyneedtheclassforseveralreasons.First,theyhavetheopportunitytoseethemselvesinadifferentlightaswellastheopportunitytolearnnewskills.Redoingtheassessmentsonwhichtheyscoredlowrevealsanewanddifferentsetofperceptions.Second,theyhaveanopportunitytowatchotherpeople,whoseskillsarebetterthantheirsandtousethosepeopleasrolemodels.Third,theyaregivenopportunitiestodevelopfollow-upplansforworkingonthoseskills.Inshort,whetherscoresarehighorlow,anyoneregisteredforthecourseshouldstayinit.

One-to-OneDiscussions

Designyourworkshoptoallowtimeforone-to-onediscussionswithpeoplewhoscorelowonanyoftheassessments.Inthisdiscussion,youshould:

1.Reviewthescores.

2.Lookatspecificitemswithnegativeorlow-scoreresponses.

3.Discussfactorsthepersonthinkscouldhavecontributedtothelowscores.

4.Discusspersonalgoalsfortheworkshop.

5.Discusspersonalgoalsforfollowingupontheworkshop(backhomeplanning).

Don'ttrytoplaypsychologist(unlessyouareaprofessionaltherapist).It'sbetterforthestudentthatyouasktherightquestionsandlistenwell.Asking"Whatdoyouthinkisresponsibleforthisscore?"

producesamuchmoreeffectiveandpersonallyusefulanswerthansaying"Youscoredthislowbecauseyou'reexperiencingdifficultiesonthejob."Infact,mostprofessionaltherapistswouldaskthequestionratherthanoffertheanswer.

HandlingDisagreementwithScoreInterpretations

Whenfacilitatorsarguewithstudents,theyloseeveniftheywintheargument.Probingoffersthebestapproachtodisagreement.

Withwhatdoyoudisagree?

Whatleadsyoutothinkthebook'sinterpretationiswrongorofftarget?

Howdoyouinterpretthescores?

Inyouropinion,howisyourinterpretationmoreeffectivethanthebook's?

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Onceyougettheanswersyouneed,withoutagreeingwiththestudent'sopinion,comment,"That'saninterestingwayoflookingatit."Thenredirect.Forexample,ask"Whatdotherestofyouthinkofthebook'sinterpretationandwhat[thestudent]said?"Youcanthensummarizetheresultsofthediscussionwithremarkssuchas"Theseareallinterestinginterpretations.Whicheverviewpointyouadopt,makesurethatitleadsyoutomakingimprovementsinyourself-managementskills."

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InterpretationGuideforSelf-Assessment:AreYouReadyforSelf-Management?

Thisinstrumentidentifiesthebehaviorsorcharacteristicsweexpecttofindinself-managedpeople.Thehigheryourscore,thegreaterlikelihoodthatyouarepreparedtoassumeresponsibilitiesofself-management.Intheworkshop,youcanusethisinformationasabaselineforevaluatingyourself-perceptionsinrelationtothefeedbackyougetfromotherpeople.Thatevaluationwilldooneoftwothings:(1)reinforceyourperceptionsofyourself-managementreadiness,or(2)pointoutareasinwhichotherpeopleseeyoudifferentlythanyouseeyourself.Eitherway,theworkshopwillgiveyouopportunitiestopracticetheskillsyouhaveaswellasimproveontheskillsyouneed.

25 IfyourespondedYestoall25items,you'reeithersuperself-managedoryouweren'thonestwithyourself.Ifyourself-perceptionsareindeedaccurate,youcanpracticeself-managedskillsandmodelthemforthepeopleinyourtraininggroup.Ontheotherhand,feedbackfromotherpeoplecouldhelpyouseeareasinwhichyouneedimprovementthatyoudidn'trecognizeexist.

2024You'rereadytotakeontheresponsibilitiesofself-management,butintheworkshop,workonthoseitemstowhichyourespondedNo.usethisinformationforsettingobjectivestoimproveonyourlevelofself-management.

1519Youhavesomeworktodobeforeyou'recompletelyreadyforself-management.Usethisinformationforsettingobjectivestoimproveonyourlevelofself-management.

1114Youneedconsiderablehelp(trainingorcoaching)beforeyoucanbecomeself-managed.Itwouldprobablyserveyouwell

tohaveaone-to-onediscussionwithyourfacilitatororothercounselortotalkaboutobjectivestoimproveonyourlevelofself-management.Then,duringtheexercisesintheworkshop,focusonactivitiesthatwillhelpyoumeetthoseobjectives.

010 Allisnotlostorhopeless,butwerecommendyoudon'tjoinorletyourselfbeplacedonaself-managedteam.Youneedalotofhelpbeforetakingontheresponsibilitiesrequired.Theworkshopwillhelp,andyoushouldmakeanappointmentforadiscussionofyourresultswiththefacilitatororsomeothercounselor.

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InterpretationGuideforSelf-Assessment:Wholeness

10Tenpointssuggestsagoodstarttowardself-management:abroadoutlookonlife.Oryou'rekiddingyourself.Onlyyoucanknowwhichisthecase.Intheworkshop,listencarefullytofeedback.Otherpeoplemayseeyoudifferentlythanyouseeyourself.

69Thisscoreindicatesthatyouhaveatendencytocompartmentalizeyourlifeanddealwitheventsineachcompartmentseparately.Thisbifurcationcanleadtodifficultiesineitheroneortheotheraspectofyourlife.ThisbecomesveryimportantifyouansweredYestoitems2and3.Keepingdifferentaspectsofyourlifeseparateoftencanbeusefulformanagingstress,aslongasyoudon'tcarrycompartmentalizingtoextremes.

Thewholepersongoestowork,andthewholepersongoeshome.Youhaveaworklife,withalltheintellectualandemotionalissuesitinvolves.Youhavealifeoutsideofwork,withalltheintellectualandemotionalissuesitinvolves.Youcan'tleaveoneatthedoorstepoftheotherwithoutcreatingseriouscrises.

Anyvirtuecarriedtoextremescanbecomeavice.It'sdifficulttolockoutofyourworklifethatyourchildisseriouslyill.Likewise,it'sdifficulttoblockoutofyourhomelifethatthefutureofyourcareerdependsoncompletingaprojectbyaspecificdeadline.Wholenessdependsonyourabilitytoharmonizethedemandsmadeofyou.

05Youprobablyhavenoticedlongbeforethisthatyou'renotsatisfiedorentirelyhappywithyourlifeasitisandwantto

changewhat'shappeninginit.Youwoulddowelltodiscussyoursituationwiththefacilitatororothercounselortofindwaystopullthedifferentaspectsofyourlifetogether.

QuestionMarks

Questionmarkssuggestthatyouneedtolookatwhatyou'redoingwithyourlifeandhowyou'redoingittoeliminatethefuzzinessyoufeel.Theyindicatethatyoudon'tfeelconfidentthatwhatyoudoinoneaspectofyourlifefitswithotheraspects.Takeforexamplenumber4("MyworkreflectsthevaluesIholdtobeimportantinmylife").Questioninghowyourworkvaluesgibewithyourvaluesoutsideofworkcanleadtoliving,literally,adoublelife.Goingtochurch,synagogue,ormosqueontheSabbath,professingthevaluesofhonestyandvirtue,andthengoingtoworkonMondayandcheatingyourcustomersisonlyoneillustrationofhowpeoplestressthemselvesbyfuzzinessinwhat'sgoodorright.Togetcontroloverthatstruggle,youhavetodecidetocomedownononesideofthesituationortheotherandnottrytostraddlethefence.

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Instructor'sNotes:TheImportanceofWholeness

Afteryoudiscusstheinterpretationsoftheanswerswiththestudents,youcanusethismaterialforashortlectureorsummationofthediscussion.

Wholeness,representedintheillustration,"PortraitofaSelf-ManagedPerson"(seepage10),providesbackgroundandsupportformanagingourselvesforintegratingexperiences,thoughts,feelings,emotions,values,andactionsthatgointomakinguswhoweare.Atthesametime,themorecompetentwebecomeatintegration,thegreaterextenttowhichwepracticetheskillsofself-management,themoresecureourwholenessbecomes.

Wholenessalsomeanspullingtogethertwoverydifferentapproachestolifeingeneralandtoproblemsolvingorplanninginparticular.Linearthinking,thestep-by-stepandanalyticmethodsweusefororganizinglifeandwork(called"leftbrain"becausethat'swhereanalyticthoughtgoeson)takesplaceonlywithinaholistic,nonlinearcontextofthevisionforourwholelifeandmanagesthedetailswithinthatcontext.Thecontextofourlife'svisionisfilledwithemotionalvalues,creativity,flashesofinsight,andsubjectivedecisions(eventsthatgooninthe"rightbrain").Well-formulatedplansforourlivesorourbusinessesprovidethedetailsthatmakevisioncometolife.Theobjectiveofdevelopingtheskillsassociatedwiththewholenesscompetencyistointegrateboththelinear,analyticsideofourlivesandthenonlinear,subjectiveside.

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InterpretationGuideforSelf-Assessment:Self-Confidence

15 IfyouansweredYestoeachandeveryitem,youhaveahighdegreeofself-confidence,whichsuggeststhatyouhaveavisionforyourlife,withlong-termgoalsandobjectivesthatbringyouasenseofsecurityandself-confidence.Avisionforyourlifeprovidesyouwitharecipeforbelievinginyourself.Yourhighscorecouldalsomeanthatyou'rekiddingyourselfandneedfeedbackfromyourclassmatesintheworkshoptohelpyouseeyourselfthroughtheireyes.

1114Someself-confidenceisbetterthannoneundersomecircumstances.Youneed,however,toworkonthoseitemsaboutwhichyouareunsureorhavesaid,''No,Iamnotthis."Intheworkshop,setobjectivesforbecomingmoreself-confidentandidentifystepsforgettingthere.

510 Youneedtoworkatliftingyourself-confidence.Alackofself-confidenceintheworkplaceorinyourlifeingeneralwillleadtostagnationanddepression.Setanappointmentwiththefacilitatororothercounselortodiscusswhatyoucandotoraiseyourself-confidence.

04 Youneedagreatdealofhelp,someofwhichyoucangetfromtheworkshop.However,youshouldhaveaone-to-onediscussionwiththefacilitatororothercounselortofocusyourthinkingonwaystoimproveyourself-confidence.

Items9,10,11,13,and15tieyourself-perceptionstoyourrelationshipswithothers.AnsweringNotoanycombinationoftheseitemscouldmeanyoucarryagoodthingtoanextreme:Youhavetoomuchself-confidence,andyoumaycomeacrossasbeingwhatpeoplerefertoas"toofullofyourself."It'simportanttocheck

yourperceptionswithreactionsofotherpeopletoyou.

AnsweringYestoitems4through8reflectsonbothyourself-confidenceandyourpotentialforleadership.Whenyouexerciseself-managementskills,youfeelconfidentinwhatyouthinkordo,andyoubelievethatwhatyoudoaddsvaluetootherpeople'slivesaswellasyourown.Ontheotherhand,ifyouansweredNotoitems4through8,thinkabouttheminconjunctionwithyourexperiencewithotherpeople.Hastheirfeedbackagreedwithyourownopinions?

IfyouansweredNoorplacedaquestionmarktoanaggregateoffouritems,thisreflectsareasonableamountofself-doubt.AnsweringNooraquestionmarktoanaggregateoffivetoeightitemssuggestsashakiness,andansweringNooraquestionmarktoanaggregateofeightormoreitemsreflectsalargeamountofself-doubtthatcallsforcloserexamination.

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Instructor'sNotes:TheImportanceofSelf-Confidence


Successfulpeoplebelieveinthemselvesandintheirabilities.BrianTracey,amotivationspeaker,hasamantra:"Somethingwonderfulisgoingtohappentometoday."Theself-managementmantrais,"I'mgoingtomakesomethingwonderfulhappentoday."

Manycompetentpeoplefailorgetstuckinpersonalandprofessionalrutsbecausetheylackself-confidence,whichshowsupinbehaviorsthatpushpeopleaway.Askparticipantsifotherpeoplelooktothemforleadership?Dotheyseekouttheiradvice?Iftheyconsiderthemselvestobeknowledgeableandcompetent,yetnotaleaderorastand-outpersonintheirgroup,theirinabilitytoinfluenceotherpeopleortogaintheirrespectmaybearesultoflackofself-confidence.Otherpeoplemayseethatinthewaytheyconductthemselvesintheircompany.Somepeoplewholackself-confidencemayretreatandhidefromleadershiproles;otherpeoplecompensatefortheirlackofself-confidencebycomingontoostrongasfullofthemselves.

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InterpretationGuideforSelf-Assessment:Self-Awareness

10IfyouansweredYestoeachitemeitheryou'reanextraordinaryperson,oryoumightbekiddingyourself.Feedbackduringtheworkshopmayhelpyourecognizeareasinwhichyouareashumanaseveryoneelse,especiallywithregardtoitems2through5.

59Youarereasonablyself-awareandwillingtoidentifyareasinwhichyouneedimprovement.Activitiesandfeedbackintheworkshopwillhelpyouincreaseyourself-awareness.

04Unlessyouaretrulynotawareofwhoandwhatyouare,thisscoreadmitsoftoomuchmodesty.However,youmightaskthefacilitatororothercounselortodiscussyourresultswithyouandsetsomegoalsforincreasingyourself-awareness.

IfyouansweredYestoitems1and3butNoor?toitems2,4,and5,youareawareofyourself,butyoumaynothavetheself-confidencetoadmittootherpeoplethatyouhavelimitationsorfeelingsandemotions-andwhattheyare.Yourhesitationorinabilitytoself-discloseaffectsyourhonestrelationshipswithotherpeople.Skillfulself-managementincludestheabilitytoexpressyourlimitations,feelings,oremotionsandtodisclosethemtootherswithoutalossofself-confidence.

Otheraspectsofself-awarenessleadyoutosearchforandenjoynewideas,skills,anddirectionsinlife.Yesanswerstoitems6through10indicatethatyouareawarethatwhateveryourplaceorstationinlife,thatdoesn'tsignalanendpoint.It'sastageofdevelopment.Likewise,itshowsawillingnesstomoveforwardinyourwork.ANoor?tooneormoreoftheseitemsmaysuggestanunwillingness(forwhateverreason)toriskchange.Onlyby

practicingself-awarenesscanyoumoveforwardtowardachievingnewordifferentgoals.

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Instructor'sNotes:TheImportanceofSelf-Awareness


Self-awarenesscomesfromongoing,honestself-assessment;itpreventsusfrombeingsmugandself-satisfied.Self-awarenessinvolvestheabilitytolookintoourselves,tobecomeself-critical,thoughtfullyintrospective.Introspectionleadstoidentifyingwhatwelikeaboutourlives,butmoreimportantlyithelpsustobecomeunsatisfiedwithpresentcircumstancesandlimitations.Nomatterhowwellourlivesaregoing,theyprobablycanbebetter.

Atthesametime,wecancarrythevirtueofself-consciousnesstoextremes,untilitbecomesaliability.Ifweoverdointrospection,ifwedwellonourlimitations,wecanundermineourself-confidenceandourabilitytosucceedinwhatwedo.Likewise,aconstantoutpouringofmeaculpacanbecomingcloyingandinappropriate.Frequentlyputtingourselvesdownorfrequentlycriticizingourownactions(orourlackofknowledgeorlackofskill),willcauseotherpeopletosoonagreewithus.

Knowtowhomitissafetodiscloselimitations.Therealityisthatsomepeoplemayuseourowndisclosurestohurtus.It'sacompetitiveworld,andsomepeoplewilldoanythingtogetaleguponothersanywaytheycan.Toidentifywhenitissafeorunsafetodiscloselimitationsorweaknessesrequiresthatweknowourenvironmentwell,thatwerecognizewhohassomethingtogainfromourweaknesses,suchaspeoplecompetingforthesamepromotionorpeoplewhohavetheauthoritytodownsizetheorganization.Nogeneralrulecoversallpossibilities,butthebetterweknowthepeople

aroundus,themorelikelywearetoprotectourowninterestsbykeepingappropriatelyquietaboutself-doubtsandunsureness.

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InterpretationGuideforSelf-Assessment:Drive

10YouhaveenoughdriveforeveryoneifyouansweredYestoalltheitems.Ontheotherhand,ifthisisanaccurateassessment,youmayoverwhelmotherpeoplewithyourenergy.Feedbackfromotherpeopleintheworkshopcanhelpyouseeifthat'sthecase.

69DependingontheitemsyoumarkedwithaNoor?,youhavelittleconcernaboutyourowndrive.However,youmaybeexperiencingsomefrustrationastohowmuchyoucangetdoneoraccomplishedinashortperiodoftime.Setobjectivesduringtheworkshopforincreasingyourdrive.

05Lethargy,procrastination,andexhaustionmarkthefeelingsofpeoplewithoutdrive.Theydon'tgetmuchdoneinthecourseoftheday,andsometimes,theydon'tcare.Youneedtolookatyourselfinthislight:WhatdoIcareaboutandhowmuchdoIwantit?Withoutdrive,youwon'tachieveyourgoals.Youmightaskthefacilitatororothercounselortodiscussyourresultswithyouandsetsomegoalsforincreasingyourdrive.

ANoor?answertoeitheritem1or10(concerningenergy,stamina,andvitality)coupledwithYesanswerstotheotheritemsindicatethatwhatyoudomaynotfulfillyourdesires.Youneedenergyandstaminatodowhatyouneedtodoandwanttodo;alackofenergy,stamina,andvitalityunderminesaperson'sdriveandcreatesfrustrationandanger.Additionally,aNoor?answertoanyoftheitems2through9,coupledwithoneormoreitemstowhichyouansweredYes,suggestthatyourlevelofdriveisnotashighasitshouldbeifyouwanttobestrong.

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Instructor'sNotes:TheImportanceofDrive


Driveisthepassiontogettowherewewanttogo(nottowherelifemighttakeus)andtofocusonachievingourgoals(tobemotivated).Driverequirestheenergyandstamina,the"sticktoitiveness"forstayingthecoursewhenwebelieveit'srightontarget,tomeetthechallengesofeverydayliving,aswellastoachievethegoalssetinthevisionforourlives.Thedesireandcommitmenttoachieveourownandourorganization'sgoalsareembodiedinthatslogan,"I'mgoingtomakesomethingwonderfulhappentoday."

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InterpretationGuideforSelf-Assessment:Self-Respect/Self-Esteem

10Ascoreoftenindicatesthatyouhaveaveryhighlevelofself-esteem,butaswithanyvirtue,youmustbecarefulnottoallowittoturnintoavice.Intheworkshop,getfeedbackfromotherpeopleastohowyoucomeacrosstothem.Youcouldappeartobeveryself-centered.

69Thesescoresprettymuchreflectanormallevelofself-esteem.Youneedtocheckwithothersintheworkshoptoseehowyouappeartothem.

05Thelackofself-esteemindicatedbythesescoresisofsomeconcern.Youmightaskthefacilitatororothercounselortodiscussyourresultswithyouandsetsomegoalsforincreasingyourself-respect/self-esteem.

AnsweringNoor?toanyofitems1,8,9,and10makesayestoanyotherstatementsuspect.Unlessyoufeelasvaluableasanyoneelseortakeprideinwhatyouachieve(1,9,and10),youmayfinditdifficulttosustainasenseofself-esteem.Ifyoudon'tallowyourselfroomtomakemistakes(8),youcouldbeatuponyourselfformakingthemratherthanlearningfromthem.

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Instructor'sNotes:TheImportanceofSelf-Respect/Self-Esteem


Withoutself-respectorself-esteem,wemaygivetheappearanceofself-confidenceandinnersecurity,buttheappearanceisafacade.Ourself-confidenceandourself-respect/self-esteemarecomplementary;onesupportstheother.Themoreself-confidentwebecomeaboutourcapabilities,knowledge,orskills,themoreself-esteemwedevelop,andviceversa.Thekeytokeepingself-respect/self-esteeminharmonywithotherself-managementskillsiswellsummedupbyauthorAlbertTerhune:''Winwithoutboasting.Losewithoutexcuse."2

Ifwedon'tcareaboutourselves,whowill?Self-respectallowsustocareaboutbothaspectsofwhoweareourmindsandbodiesprovisioningbothofthem:strengtheningratherthandepriving,abusingthem,ordiminishingthem.Takethisself-assessmentincontextwithalltheothers,becausemanyoftheothercompetenciesrevealourlevelofself-respect/self-esteem.

2QuotedinArthurF.Lenehan,ed.,Leadership...withaHumanTouch(Caldwell,N.J.:TheEconomicsPress,1998),2.

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InterpretationGuideforSelf-Assessment:RespectforOthers

20 AYesanswertoalltwentyitemsindicatesmoreawarenessofandrespectforothersthanmostpeopleexhibit.Howaccuratedoyouthinkthisscorereallyis?Listentofeedbackfrompeopleintheworkshop.Youmaynothaveasclearaperceptionofyourselfasyouthink.

1519DependinguponwhatyouansweredNoor?to,youprobablyexhibitasmuchrespectforotherpeopleasanyoneelse.Setobjectivesduringtheworkshoptoworkonthoseitemsyourejectedorconsideredtobefuzzy.

1014Youmaybetreatingpeopleasyouwouldnotliketobetreated,andyoumaynotevenknowit.Seekfeedbackfrompeopleintheworkshopastohowtheyfeelaboutworkingwithyou.Dotheyfeelthatyourespectthem?Ifso,yourscoremaynotreflecttherealyou.Setobjectivesforgettingaclearerpictureofyourselfor,ifnecessary,forworkingtowardgivingmorerespecttoothers.

09 Takethesescoresinthecontextofyourrelationships.Ifyoufindyourselfalonealot,thesescoresmightbequiteaccurate.Youmightaskthefacilitatororothercounselortodiscussyourresultswithyouandsetsomegoalsforincreasingyourself-awareness.

ANoora?answertoanyoneitemdoesn'tmeanthatyoudon'trespectotherpeople.Instead,lookattheaggregateofanswerstothislonglistofitems.IfthemajorityofyouranswersareYes,youprobablygetalongandworkwellwithmostpeople.IfthemajorityofyouranswersareNoorquestionsmarks,youmaywanttoreassessyourrelationshipswithothers.Self-managedpeoplelearn

fromotherpeople,theysupportthem,theycollaboratewiththem,andtheyvaluetheirlives.

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Instructor'sNotes:TheImportanceofRespectforOthers


Respectisthemagicbulletthatmakescooperationpossible.Nomatterhowhighlywescoreontheotherskills,intheworkplacealackofrespectforothersdestroysourcareersaswellasanypossibleteamwork.Likewise,alackofrespectforotherpeopleunderminesourownself-confidenceandself-respectbecausepeoplewon'tcarefororaboutus,whichreflectsbacktoourlackofrespectforthem.TwoversionsoftheGoldenRule,takentogether,provideawell-definedpathincreasingourabilitytotreatotherswithrespect.

Dountoothersasyouwouldhaveothersdountoyou.

Donotuntoothersanythingyouwouldnothavethemdountoyou.

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Instructor'sNotes

AfteryoudiscusstheinterpretationoftheScoringGuidefortheSelf-ManagedPersonwiththestudents,youcanusethismaterialforashortlectureorsummationofthediscussion.

Ourstrengthasself-managedpersonsdependsonintegratingalltheskillswe'vejustassessed.Bybuildingonwherewearestrongest,wecanimprovethequalityofourself-management.Byusingourstrengths,wecanalsoincreaseourskillsinareasinwhichweneedimprovement.Butwecannotdespairifweneverachievetheidealoftotalself-management.

Self-managementisamatterofdegree,notoneofperfection.Infact,self-managedpeoplerealizethatthey'llhaveupdaysanddowndays.They'llachievemaximumeffectivenesssometimes,andthey'llbarelyreachtheirminimumexpectationsonotherdays.Infact,theyknowthey'llbecomericherforthefailurestheyexperience.Wequicklyforgetoursuccesses,butwelearnfromourmistakes.

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SECTIONIITHEPYRAMIDOFCONTROLThepyramidofcontrol,ametaphor,describesanaction(seetheaccompanyingoverheadillustration).Thebase(actions)supportsthewholestructure,andthestructuregivesthebaseitspurposeanddirection(visionandactionplanning).Thepyramidrepresentsthepowerofself-managementtoachievethegoalsofyourpersonalvisionsforyourlivesandyourwork.

Thepowerofthepyramidisattheapexwheregoalsdirect(inasense,"pull")howyouliveyourlife(objectivesandactivities).Theprocessofgettingcontrolfollowsthispattern:

PeakofthePyramid

Thevisionforyourlife.Thisisthe"top"towhichyouaspire.Workingwithvalues,hopes,anddesires,youdothefollowingatthislevelofthepyramid:

Createthevision.

Organizeyourlifeintointeractive,sometimesinterdependent,dimensionsthatwillsatisfythedemandsofyourvisionforyourlife.

Prioritizethedimensions.

Setgoalsthatsatisfythedemandsofthedimensions.

Prioritizethegoals.

MidsectionofthePyramid

Actionplanning.Hereyoudescribetheintermediatestepstowardreachingthetop.You:

Identifyobjectives/milestonesforhowtoachievegoals.

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Prioritizetheobjectives.

Designactionplanstoachievethoseobjectives(whattodotoachieveobjectives).

BaseofPyramid

Action.Thebaseisthearenawhereyourlifetakesplaceandconsistsof:

Doingwhatisnecessaryforachievingobjectives

Livingyourdailylifeinaccordancewithyourvisionforyourlife

Evaluatingyourprogresstowardgoalsandtakingcorrectiveactionwherenecessary

Self-ManagementCompetenciesandtheEightStepstotheTop

Chapter2providesself-assessmentinstrumentsthatbytheircontentidentifytheskillsassociatedwithself-management.Identificationisonlyabeginning.Applicationbringstheskillstolife,anditgivesapersonmorecontroloverhispersonallife,theworkhedoes,andthemanagementofanorganization.Theeightstepstothetop,anothermetaphor,consistsofapplyingtheskillsineightactivitiesthatmakeincreasingself-managementpossible.

Step1:Sortoutyourvalues.

Step2:Organizeyourvaluesintolifedimensions.

Step3:Writeavisionstatement.

Step4:Prioritizeyourlifedimensions.

Step5:Goalsetting.

Step6:Prioritizegoalsandperformanceranges.

Step7:Writeanactionplan(objectivesandactivities).

Step8:Evaluateprogressandtakecorrectiveaction.

Thechaptersofthissectionareessentiallya"script"thatlaysouttheeightbasicstepsyoucanusetogetmorecontroloveryourlife.Developthismaterialtosuityourtrainingsituation.Youcanusethesubheadingsasthecontentsofhandouts,and/oroverheads,35mm,orcomputerizedslides.Usetheexampleshereorcreateyourown.Whateveryoudo,besuretoprovidethestudentswithillustrationsofwhattodoorwhattosayorwrite.

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3SortOutYourValues(Step1)Avisionforlifeisconstructedfromthevaluesthatareimportanttous.That'swhywebeginwithexercisesthathelpidentifythosevalues.Self-managementbeginsbydecidingwhichactivitiesandreturnsorpayoffsgiveourlivesvalue.Forexample,"beingloved"isapersonalvalue,whereas"havingmanagerialauthority"isabusinessvalue,and"havingasuccessfulcareer"combinesbothpersonalandbusinessvalues.Identifyingthosevaluescreatesalifevisionthateachindividualsetsforhimselforherselfthatnotonlyconsistsofthevaluesheorsheholdsmostdearbutthatalsodescribesthewholepersonheorshewantstobe.Thevisionthenformsthebroadoutlineandthemotivationforbecomingthatperson.

Thelong,three-partactivityWhereAmIonMyJourney?isdesignedtohelpparticipantsevaluatehowwelltheircurrentsituationalignswiththevaluestheyfindmostimportantandwhattodotochangedirectiontoreachtheirgoals.Part1consistsofatoolforidentifyingandrankingtwenty-fivespecificlifevalues,theself-assessmentcalled"WhatDrivesYou?"concerningworkandpersonalgoals.Part2consistsoftheself-assessmentcalled,"WhatAmIDoingtoAchieveMyGoals?"and"WhatCanIDotoChangeWhatI'mDoing?"istheplanningguidethatmakesupPart3.1

1AdaptedfromSecretsoftheWildGoose:TheSelf-ManagementWayforIncreasingYourPersonalPowerandInspiringProductiveTeamwork(NewYork:AMACOM,1998);ManagingStress(NewYork:AMACOM1987);SuccessfulDelegation(Watertown,Mass.:AmericanManagementAssociation,1978,1987),allbyDonaldH.Weiss.

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Exercise3.1WhereAmIonMyJourney?

Instructor'sNotes

Youcanuseclasstimetohaveparticipantscompletethisactivity,ifyouhavethatmuchtimeavailable.However,independencesuggestsyouusethisexerciseasoneofthreepossibleactivities:

Aprecourseassignmenttobebroughtintoclassfordiscussion

AnEveningLearningOpportunity(ELO),whichiswhatmyfriendandassociateSidNachmancallsanafter-classassignmentbetweendailysessionsofaworkshop

Afollow-uptooltoaseminaraspartofparticipants'planningforthefuture

Inanyofthoseactivitiestheparticipantscantaketheirtimetogiveseriousconsiderationtotheiranswers.Ifyouassignallthreepartsoftheexerciseasafollow-upactivity,goovertheinstructionsforeachpartoftheassignmentbeforeleavingthetopic.Ifyouaredoingthisexerciseinclass,readtheinstructionsbeforestartingeachpart.

LearningObjectivesandOutcomes

Bycompletingthisexerciseparticipantswillbeableto:

Identifytheirmostimportantpersonalandwork-relatedvalues.

Describewheretheyareinrelationtofulfillingtheirmostimportantvalues.

Createapreliminaryplanforchangingwhattheyaredoinginordertobetterfulfilltheirmostimportantvalues.

Self-ManagementSkillsInvolved

Honesty

Openness

Requirements

Time: Twoormorehours

Materials: Self-Assessment:WhatDrivesYou?WorkandPersonalGoalsSelf-Assessment:WhatAmIDoingtoAchieveMyGoals?Self-Assessment:WhatCanIDotoChangeWhatI'mDoing?

Preparation:Photocopytheself-assessmenthandouts.

RoomSetup:

Ifexerciseisusedinclass,anyindividualseatingarrangementwilldo.

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DiscussionPointsafterCompletingPart1

Whatfollowsarejustbasicquestions;thereareno''bookanswers."Thediscussionmustbespontaneous(i.e.,notprogrammedtoreachspecificanswers)anddirectlytiedtotheparticipants'valuesifitistohelpthemunderstandtheirownpersonalandwork-relatedissues.Youneednotrequireeveryonetoanswereachquestion.Instead,letasmallgroupofvolunteersanswerthem.Follow-upquestionscouldinclude,"Whatmakesthatgoalimportanttoyou?"Youmayalsoredirectwith,forexample,"That'sveryinteresting.Whatdotherestofyouthinkofthatanswer?"

1.Relativetotheentirelist,wheredidyourankyourtopfivepersonalvalues?

2.Relativetotheentirelist,wheredidyourankyourtopfivework-relatedvalues?

3.Whichofyourpersonalvaluesdoyoufindamongyourwork-relatedvaluesaswell?

4.Howdoyourwork-relatedvaluesandyourpersonalvaluesmesh?Dotheyconflictwitheachother?


Youcouldturnthisintoasmallgroupdiscussion,especiallyifparticipantsseemreluctanttotalkabouttheirevaluationsinalargegroup.

Formsmallgroupsofuptofourpeople.

Givethegroupsuptotwentyminutestocompletethediscussion.

Havethegroupselectatimekeepertoalloweachpersonuptofiveminutestoexplainhisorheranswerstothesequestions:

1.Whatareyoudoingmosteffectivelywithrespecttothetopfivepersonalvalues?

2.Whatareyoudoingleasteffectively?

3.Whatareyoudoingmosteffectivelytorealizeyourtopfivework-relatedvalues?

4.Whatareyoudoingleasteffectively?


1.Whatdidyoudecideyouhavetododifferentlyandwhy?

2.Whatdoyouthinkyoucandoimmediatelytobeginmakingthechangestoyourlifeneededtomaximizeyourvalues?

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Self-Assessment:WhatCanIDotoChangeWhatI'mDoing?

LEARNINGOBJECTIVE

BydoingthispartoftheexerciseyouwillbegindevelopingachangeplanthathelpsyouachievethepayoffsyouidentifiedinPart1.

EXPLANATION

Thefrustrationthatfollowsfromunfulfilledgoalsoftenleadstodepression,alossofself-respect/self-esteemandself-confidence,andstressinducedbyasenseof"failure."Onlydoingsomethingcanchangethesituation,butit'samistaketofollowtheoldadage,"Dosomething,evenifit'swrong."Instead,reviewingtheactionsyoudescribedinPart2ofthisexercisewillhelpyoutakedirectedaction,doingsomethingwithapurposeandwithaplan.

INSTRUCTIONS

Enterthetopfivepersonalandtopfivework-relatedvaluesfromyourlistinPart1ontheworksheet.Determinehowmucheffortyouareputtingintomaximizingthosevaluesbycomparinghowmuchattentionyoupaytothemnowwithhowmuchattentionyouarepayingtoothervalues.Forexample,ifloveisahighpersonalvalueandyou'renotdoinganythingthatallowsyoutolovesomeoneelse,you'reprobablyputtingtimeandeffortintosomethingofalesservaluetoyou.Ifgrowthisahighwork-relatedvalue,andyouspendonlyafractionofthetimeonitthatyouspendpursuingaestheticpleasure,you'reputtingyourselfatadisadvantagewithregardtoyourownvalues.

Consideralsothepossibilitythat,afterdoingthefirsttwopartsofthisexercise,youmaywanttochangeyourperceptionsofwhat

youvaluemostorleast(oranythinginbetween).Youmaywanttoadmittoyourselfthatoneoranotherofthetwenty-fivegoalsarenotasimportanttoyouasyouthought,andthatperhapsoneoranotherofthemismoreimportanttoyouthanyouoriginallybelieved.AreviewofthelistandyourrankingsinPart1wouldthereforebeinorder.

Usetheworksheettolistimmediateactionstepsthatcanhelpyoualignwhatyouaredoingwithyourimportantgoals.

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Exercise3.2TheMillionDollarInheritance

Instructor'sNotes

WhereasExercise3.1isverylongandcouldbedoneonthestudents'owntime,TheMillionDollarInheritanceisanin-classexercisethatisquick,fun,andrevealing.Theobjectiveistoidentifytheparticipants'mostimportantvalues.Thestudentsthenusethesevaluestoproduceavisionfortheirlives.Afterdistributingtheinstructions,readthemaloudandthenconductadiscussionasdescribedinthefollowingtext.

LearningObjectiveandOutcome

Bytheendofthisexerciseparticipantswillhaveidentifiedtheirmostimportantvalues.


Opennesstothinkinginanewway

Self-disclosure

Requirements

Time: Thirtyminutes

Materials: InstructionsforTheMillionDollarInheritanceExercisehandoutPencilandpaper

Preparation:Photocopythehandout.

RoomSetup:

Whereverthetrainingisdone.Instep2,participantsshouldbearrangedinpairs.Ifyouhaveanoddnumberofstudents,arrangeonegroupinatriad.

DiscussionItemsaftertheExercise

Haveeachpersonintheclasstellyouthefirstitemonhisorherlist,andwritetheitemsonaboardorchartthateveryonecanread.Inanextremelylargegroup,youcanmodifythisstepbyaskingforasamplingoffirstitems,whichyouthenchart.

Explorewhattheresultsseemtoindicatebyaskingwhatthelistsmeantotheparticipantsandhowtheyreflectpeople'shighestvalues.

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LectureNotestoSumUpDiscussion

Thefirstitemmostpeoplelistusuallyreflectstheirhighestvalue.Ifthefirstitemis''Distributethemoneyamongmyfamily,"itputsfamilyatthehighestpoint.Ifthefirstitemis"Paycashfora$500,000.00house,"itputsmaterialgoodshighestonthelist.Ifthefirstitemis"Donatethemoneytocharity,"itputssocialvaluesatthetopofthelist.Byidentifyingthesevalues,theparticipantscannowdevelopavisionfortheirlives.

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4OrganizeYourValuesintoLifeDimensions(Step2)Peopleexperienceagreatdealofconfusionandfrustrationintheirlivesinpartbecauseexperienceisagreatdeallikeapicturepuzzlewithoutacompletedpictureforguidance.Theyhavedifficultysortingoutthepiecesintotheproperpatterns(e.g.,backgroundimagesandforegroundimages).Youcanhelpyourstudentssortoutthepieceswithexercisesdesignedtoprovidesomepatterns(dimensions)forcreatingtheirowntemporarilycompletedpicture.That'stheadvantageofpuzzlingoutalifeoverpuzzlingoutaportrait;alife'snotover'tilit'sover.

Exercise4.1TheImportantDimensionsofMyLife

Instructor'sNotes

Beforecompletingthisexercise,participantsmusthavecompletedthefirstpartofExercise3.1,"WhatDrivesYou?".Ifyouhaven'tadministeredExercise3.1,dosonow.

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Bytheendofthisexerciseparticipantswill:

Havecategorizedtheirmostimportantpersonalandwork-relatedvaluesintoseveralorallofthesevendimensionsofalife.

Beabletoexplaintherelationshipsbetweenthedimensionsoftheirlivesandhowtheyinteract(ifatall)withoneanother.


Honesty

Opennesstolookingatone'slifeinanewordifferentway

Requirements

Time: Thirtyminutes

Materials: Resultsof"WhatDrivesYou?"assessmentfromChapter3SampleDimensionsModeloverheadDimensionsModelworksheet

Equipment: Overheadprojectorandscreen

Preparation:CreateanoverheadoftheSampleDimensionsModel.PhotocopytheDimensionsModelworksheet.

RoomSetup:

Anyindividualseatingarrangementwillwork.

LectureNotes

Althoughyoumaythinkofyourlifeasacontinuouslineofevents

takingyoufrombirthtodeath,lifeitselfdoesn'ttakeastraightorlinearpathleadingdirectlyfromonepointtoanotherthatyoucanplotonalinegraph.Rather,alifelookslikeakaleidoscopeinwhichcurrentsofcolorsswirltogethertoformawholeexperience.Youcanuseyourpoweroflinearthinkingtofreezetheswirlintocategoriesordimensionsthatyoucanisolatefromoneanother,butonlyforthepurposeofthinkingaboutthem.Intruth,theycan'treallybeuntangled.

Someeventcurrentsflowparalleltooneanother(e.g.,avolunteeractivityandyourjob).

Someeventcurrentsinteract(workandfamilyrelationships).

Someeventcurrentsaredependentonsomethingelse(e.g.,yourabilitytopossessthematerialthingsyouwantmaydependontheincomeyouearn).

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Ontheirown,yourvaluesorgoalsseemtohavenodiscerniblepatternorconnectiontooneanother.Youhavecareer-orientedvaluesorgoals,suchasearningalargeincomeorenteringintomanagement.Youhavefamily-orientedvaluesorgoals,suchashavingalargenumberofchildrenandbeingagoodparent.Youalsohavevaluesorgoalsthatarestrictlypersonalandinvolvenooneelse,suchasbeingamoralperson,beingspiritual,andbeinghealthy.Thepyramidofcontrolhelpsyouorganizeyourvaluesorgoalsintointeractive,sometimesinterdependent,pathsforfulfillingthem.Eachpathordimensionisanaspectofanyone'slife,mostcommonlyreferredtoasthesevenlistedalphabeticallybelow.1

1.Career(theworkyouwanttodoandwhereyouwanttodoit)

2.Community(yourrolesandthedegreeofinfluenceyouwant)

3.Family(whichreferstobothyourfamilyororiginandyouracquiredfamilyorfamilies)

4.Financial(incomefromallpossiblesourcesandhowyouspendyourincome)

5.Materialgoods(thingsyouwantforyourselfand/oryourfamily)

6.Personalvalues(morality,spirituality,health,etc.)

7.Socialrelations(friends,acquaintances,neighbors,etc.)

Youcanandshouldaddcategoriestothelist.Oftenpeopleaddspecificjob-relatedaspectsoftheirlives,suchasthedepartmenttheymanage.Sometimes,however,youwillfindthatwhatyouaddisactuallyasubsetofoneofthecategoriesalreadylisted,whichyoucanbreakoutasaseparatedimensionifyouwishtoconcentrateonitoremphasizeit.Examples:A"spiritual"dimensionisasubsetofpersonalvaluesthatyoucanbreakoutifyoufeelit'sanextremelyimportantpartofyourlife.Youcandividecareerintocurrentjob,

careeraspirations,andotheraspectsofyourworklife.Youcanseparatefinancesintowagesorsalary,incomefrominvestments,andexpensesofvariouskinds.Youcanalsoisolatematerialgoodsintohome,vehicles,andsoon.Itisimportantthatyourecognizetheconnectionsamongthedifferentdimensionsofyourliferegardlessofhowyouseparatethemforthepurposeofplanning.

Onewaytodothatistocategorizeyourmostimportantpersonalandwork-relatedvaluesorgoalsintoseveralorallofthesevendimensionsofalife.Thisnextexercisewillhelpyoudothat.

[Facilitator:PutuptheSampleDimensionsModeloverheadanddistributetheDimensionsModelworksheetnow.]

1FromSecretsoftheWildGoose:TheSelf-ManagementWayforIncreasingYourPersonalPowerandInspiringProductiveTeamwork(NewYork:AMACOM,1998)andGetOrganized:HowtoControlYourLifeThroughSelf-Management(NewYork:AMACOM,1986),bothbyDonaldH.Weiss.

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UsingtheDimensionsModelworksheet,categorizethevaluesinyour"WhatDrivesYou?"assessmentintothesevendimensionsofyourlife.Concentrateonthetopfivepersonalandtopfivework-relatedvalues,butdividetheothersaswell(iftimeallows).

TheSampleDimensionsModeloverheadgivesyouanideaofhowtocompletetheDimensionsModel.Undereachdimension,Ihaveincludedtheexampleinthehandoutandothervaluesorgoalstakenfrommyownanalysisofwhatdrivesmeandthatareveryimportanttome.Youdothesamenow.

DiscussionQuestions

1.Intowhatcategoriesdidthemostimportantofyourvaluesfall?

Typicalanswers:Career,Family,Financial,Personal.(Notnecessarilyinrankorder.)

2.Howdothosedimensionsrelatetooneanother?Forexample,doanyofthedimensionsdependonyoursuccessinanotherdimension?

Typicalanswers:Myfamilygoalsdependonmypersonalvalues.Materialgoodsdependonfinancial.

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5WriteaVisionStatement(Step3)Inanyself-managementworkshop,theparticipantsmustcompleteavisionstatementforthemselvesthatencompassesallseven(ormore)dimensionsoftheirlives.Theycanuseanynumberoftoolsforwritingavisionstatement.ThesampleVisionStatementillustratesaformalapproachthatdescribesseveraldimensionsasdistinctfromoneanother.Yourstudentscanfollowtheformatinthisexample.Somepeoplecallthisformal,linearmethodofwritingvisionstatementstooconfiningandprefertothinkmoregloballyandtowritestatementsinaformoffreeassociation;forthosepeople,apopularmethodcalledEulogy:WritingaVisionStatementforYourLifegivesthemthefreedomtheyneed(aslongastheycoverallsevendimensions).

Atthesametimewritingaeulogycanhelpanyonebegintheprocessofcreatingalife'svision.Manypeople,oncethey'vewrittentheireulogies,writeformalvisionstatements,asinExercise5.2,TheVisionforMyLife:AFormalStatement.

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Exercise5.1Eulogy:WritingaVisionStatementforYourLife



Beabletoexplainhowtheywanttolivetheirlives.

Beabletoexplainhowtheywantpeopletoseethepersontheyareorwillbecome.

Havewrittenanarrativevisionstatementtheycanuseasisorthattheycanusetoproduceamoreformallystructuredstatement.


Opennesstolookingatone'slifeinanewordifferentway

Self-disclosure

Requirements

Time: Notlessthansixtyminutes(YoucouldmakeExercise5.1anEveningLearningOpportunityanELOwhichisrecommendedonlyifyouendthedayatthispointandschedulewritingtheformalvisionstatementearlythenextmorning.IfyouaremakingthisanELO,telltheparticipantstobringtheireulogiesbackwiththemthenextmorning.)

Materials: InstructionsfortheEulogyExercisehandoutPencilandpaper

Preparation:Photocopythehandouts.

RoomSetup:

Classroomstyle.Instep2,arrangestudentsinpairs.Ifyouhaveanoddnumberofstudents,arrangeonegroupinatriad.

[Facilitator:Distributetheexerciseinstructionsandreadthemaloud.]

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LectureNotesafterExerciseEnds

Youreulogypointsoutwhatdimensionsinyourlifeyouthinkaremostimportanttoyouatthistime.Italsodescribesthewaysinwhichyouwanttofulfillthevaluesyouconsiderimportantineachofthosedimensions.Pinituponawallinfrontofyoutorefertowheneveryoucan.Afterall,it'syoureulogy.Nevertheless,don'tbeafraidtomakechangesinitovertime.What'simportanttoyounowmaynotbeasimportanttoyoufiveyearsfromnow.Remember,inthewordsofYogiBerra,thefamousbaseballcatcherandcoach,''Itain'tover'tilit'sover."

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Exercise5.2TheVisionforMyLife:AFormalStatement


Bytheendofthisexerciseparticipantswillhaveastructuredvisionstatementdefiningthedimensionsintheirlivestheymostwanttofulfill.


Usingstructuredmethodsforcreatingavisionstatement

Opennesstodiscussioninaclassroomenvironment

Requirements

Time: Notlessthanthirtyminutes

Materials: SampleVisionStatementMyVisionStatementworksheet

Preparation: Photocopythesampleandworksheet.

RoomSetup: Classroomstyle

LectureNotes

[Facilitator:DistributetheSampleVisionStatementandtheworksheet.]

InstructionstotheParticipants

UsingtheSampleVisionStatementandyoureulogyasaguide,writeavisionstatementforyourlife.Youcanomitanydimensionyouwantoradddimensionsifyouwish.Useextrapaperifneeded,butbesure

toablethedimensionsinwhichyou'reworking.

DiscussionaftertheExercise

1.Askforvolunteerstoreadtheirvisionstatements.

2.Askallparticipantstodiscusshowthevisionstatementcouldproducegoalconflicts,inwhichgoalscompeteforimmediateaction.Forexample,careerdemandscompetingwithfamilydemands.

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SampleVisionStatement

Career:Iwanttobesuccessfulatmylife'swork,inmycareer,inmyjob.IwanttolearnallIcanabouttheworldinwhichIlive.

CommunityRelations:Bylivingamoral,principledlife,Iwantmylifetosetanexampleandbeinfluentialinmycommunity.

Family:Iwantmylifetobefilledwithlove,meforothersandothersforme.Iwantafamily(spouseandchildren,aswellasparentsandsiblings)toholdandtoholdme.

Financial:Iwanttoearnenoughmoneythroughregularincomeandinvestmentstomakemeandmyfamilycomfortableandsecure.

MaterialGoods:Iwanttohouse,clothe,andprovidethingsformeandmyfamilythatareconsideredimportanttoa"goodlife."

PersonalValues:Iwanttoliveamoral,principled,physicallyfitlifeandbeaninfluentialmodeltomyfamilyandmycoworkers.

SocialRelations:IwantfriendswhoselivesItreasureandwhotreasuremine.

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6PrioritizeYourLifeDimensions(Step4)Sortingourlivesintodimensionsaddsanadvantageforplanningwewouldn'totherwisehave:Ifwelayoutthedimensionsandthegoalswewanttoachieveinthemsidebyside,wecaneasilyrecognizewheregoalsconflictwithoneanother.However,thoseconflictsdon'tdemandthatweeliminateoneoranother;rather,settingprioritiespermitsustoachieveasmanyofthegoalsinthedifferentdimensionsaswecan.

Chapter6containsexercisesdesignedtohelpparticipantsmanagegoalconflictsbysettingimmediatepriorities,lookingdowntheroadfiveyearsfromnow,anddowntheroadtwenty-fiveyearsfromnow.Thesethreeseparaterankingswillallowthestudentstoemphasizeonesetofgoalsatonetimeanddifferentsetsofgoalsatothertimes,thusallowingforconflictsandresolutionswithoutabandoningoneoranother.

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Exercise6.1PrioritizingDimensions



Beabletoexplainhowthedimensionsoftheirlivesmaycreategoalconflicts.

Beabletoexplainhowtoharmonizeconflictswhentheyarise.

Havecreatedatableinwhichtheirdimensionsareprioritizedfortheimmediatefuture,forfiveyearsfromnow,andfortwenty-fiveyearsfromnow.


Opennesstolookingatone'slifeinnewordifferentways

Opennesstotalkingaboutone'svisioninaclassroomsetting

Requirements

Time: Notmorethanthirtyminutes

Materials: InstructionsforPrioritizingDimensionshandoutSampleSettingPrioritiesworksheetSettingPrioritiesworksheet

Equipment: None

Preparation: Photocopythehandout,sample,andworksheet.

RoomSetup: Anyclassroomstyle

LectureNotes

People'sgoalsbumpupagainsteachotherandconflictwhentwoormorelifegoalscompeteforimmediateattention.Whydoesthishappen?Becausepeopletrytobalanceorjuggletoomanydimensionsatonetime.

Sometimesgoaljugglersdothatoutofthemistakenbeliefthateverythingintheirlivesalwayshasequalvalue.Howeverseriouslywetakeallthedimensionsofourlivesandbelievethattheyallrequireattention,wedon'tneedtoassignequalvaluetoeachofthematanyonemomentinourlives.Sometimeswemayfinditimportanttofocusmoreononedimensionthanonothers.Forexample,youngcouples,startinginamarriageorcommittedrelationship,findthemselvesatoddsbecausetheyhaven'tprioritizedthedimensionstheyshouldattendtoforthemselvesindividuallyandthedimensionstheyneedtoconsiderasacouple.

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Ratherthanbalanceorjuggledimensions,harmonizethem.Thatmeans,makethedifferentdimensionsworktogethertobenefityouinthelongrun.Exercise6.1,PrioritizingDimensions,isdesignedtohelpyourankthedimensionsthatyoumentionedintheformalvisionstatementyouwroteinExercise5.2.Youwillrankthemintermsof:(1)theirimportancetoyourightnow;(2)theimportanceyouwouldlikethemtohavefiveyearsfromnow;and(3)theirimportancetoyouasyouwouldlikethemtohavetwenty-fiveyearsfromnow.Thesethreeseparaterankingswillallowyoutoemphasizeonesetofgoalsatonetimeanddifferentsetsofgoalsatothertimes,thusallowingforconflictsandresolutionswithoutabandoningoneoranother.TheSettingPrioritiesSamplewillhelpyouunderstandtheprocess.

Theillustrationisfromayoung,single,recentcollegegraduatewhoislookingatthedimensionsofherlifenow,infiveyears,andintwenty-fiveyears.NoticetheemphasisonCareerandFinancial.Theydefinitelygotogetheratthispointintheperson'slife.Likewise,PersonalValuesstayimportantandharmonizewithallothervaluesthroughouttheperson'slife.Family,Community,andMaterialGoodsdon'tmeanasmuchtoherasdoesSocial,whichisanotherarrangementyoumightexpectfromheratthisstageofherlife.

Lookhowtheprioritieschangeovertime.Infiveyears,FinancialandPersonalValuesarestillofequallyhighimportance.ButnowFamilyhasjoinedthisloftypriority,anddiscussionrevealedthatthepersonwantedtogetmarriedandstartafamilyatthistime.Thosethreenumberonedimensionscanworktogetherverywell.Notice,however,thatCareerhasdroppeddownanotch,probablybecauseFamilyandCareertendtoconflictatthisstage.Atthesametime,thedimensionMaterialGoodshasjumpedseverallevelsofimportance,whichisnotatalluncommonamongyoungcouples.Socialalsodropsatthistime,butlookatthethirdcolumn.

Aftertwenty-fiveyears,thispersondoesn'tthinkthatshewillbeasconcernedaboutCareerasshewasearlier.FamilyandPersonalValuesstilltopthelistofpriorities,butnowCommunityhasclimbedtothenumbertwoslot,alongwithFinancial.MaterialGoodswillnotbeasimportanttothispersonbythenasitwastwentyyearsearlier.

[Facilitator:Distributetheinstructions,sampleworksheet,andworksheet.Readtheexerciseinstructionsaloud.Thenrefertothefollowingnotesforthediscussionandafterwards.]

LectureNotesforafterDiscussion

Twoormoredimensionsmayhavethesameranking,butwhentheydo,theymayconflict.Rankingallyourdimensionsasonesuggestsyoucouldhavemanygoalconflictsthatpullyouindifferentdirections.Toharmonizecompetingdimensions,lookfirstattherelationshipsamongthem.

HowdoesyourCareerdimensioninteractwithyourFamilydimension?If,forexample,yourfamilyrelationshipsaretakingabackseattoyourcurrentcareerdemands,dependingonthecurrentstageofyourcareer,thatwouldbenaturalandunderstandable.Ifyou'rejuststartingout,asinthecaseofayoungcouple,recognizing

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thatyourfamilywillbenefitinthelongtermbywhatyoudonowintheCareerdimensionhelpsyouharmonizethatdisparity.Whenotherpeopleareinvolved,asinthecaseofconflictbetweenCareerandFamily,it'sessentialthatyouinvolvethoseotherpeopleinexaminingtheconflictsandthestepsthatmustbetakentoharmonizethosedimensions.

Somuchforlookingatyourrankingsnow.Beawarethatemphasizingoneaspectofyourlifemorethantheothersoveralongperiodoftimeandinspiteoflifechangescancreateanuntenabledissonanceinyourlife.That'swhyyouwanttolookatthedimension'simportancefiveyearsfromnowaswellasrightnow.Youneedtoaskyourselfifyoushouldbeasdeeplyengagedin,forexample,Careeractivitiesfiveyearsfromnowasyouarenow.Ifyouthinkyoushould,considertheadjustmentsthatyouandthesignificantothersinyourlifehavetomaketoaccommodatethatemphasis.Anotherexample:Whatifyouplantohavetwochildreninthefive-yearperiod?HowshouldyourankthepriorityofCareerattheendofthattime?YoumaywanttodeemphasizeCareerandemphasizeFamily.

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7GoalSetting(Step5)Oncetheparticipantsdividetheirlivesintodimensionsandseetherelationshipsbetweenthem,theycandecideonhowtheyshouldfulfillthevaluesineachofthosedimensions.Exercise7.1isdesignedtohelpthemsetgoalsanddesignactionplansforgettingtowheretheywanttogo.

Beforethestudentscancompletetheexercise,however,youhavetopreparethemwitharatherextensivelecturebecauseveryfewpeoplehavetraininginandexperiencewithwritingwell-formulatedgoalstatements.Althoughpeopletalkaboutdevelopingactionplans,theyrefermainlytooneoftwoactivities:(1)writingalistofgoals,or(2)writingalistofthingstodo.However,anactionplanconsistsofgoals,objectives,andactivitiesallexpressedasstatements(goalstatements,objectivestatements,activitystatements).Acompleteplanalsoidentifiestheresourcesneededforexecutingtheplanandthebarriersthatcanbeforeseenthatcouldpreventapersonfromachievinghisorhergoals.Theexistenceofaplandoesn'tensuresuccess,butitdoeshelp.

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Exercise7.1WritingGoalStatements


Bytheendofthisexerciseparticipantswillhave:

Learnedhowtowritewell-formulatedgoalstatements.

Producedwell-formulatedgoalstatementsforthemselvesinwhateverdimension(s)theywanttousetobeginactionplanning.


Linearthinking

Opennesstodiscussgoalsandobjectivesinaclassroomenvironment

Requirements

Time: Notmorethansixtyminutes

Materials: SampleGoalStatementsWithTargets

SampleGoalStatementsWithMeansandConditions

InstructionsforWritingGoalStatementshandout

Pencilandpaper

Preparation: Copythesamplesandhandout.

RoomSetup:

Anyclassroomstyle

LectureNotes

Agoalisanendpoint,whatyouwanttoaccomplish.Agoalstatement

describestheendpoint,whenyouhopetoaccomplishit,and,ingeneral,howyouwanttogetthere.Whenyougetthere,activitytowardthegoalcomestoanend.Youmoveontoachievinganewordifferentgoal.Tosimplifythelanguage,usethewordsgoalandgoalstatementsinterchangeably.Let'slookfirstathowtodevelopwell-formulatedgoalstatements.

CriteriaofWell-FormulatedGoalStatements

Thevaluesthatconstituteeachdimensionofyourlifearejustwordsuntilyoudosomethingtofulfillthem,thatis,usethemtodirectthegoalsyouwanttoachieve.You

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beginbyaskingyourselfhowyoumightfulfillanimportantvalue;forexample,''HowcanIfulfillthevalueofhavingmanagerialauthority?"Oneanswermightbe,"Earnapromotiontomanagement."Thisansweristhefirststepinwritingawell-formulatedgoalstatement.

Awell-formulatedgoalstatementisspecific,measurable,observable,realistic,andtimebound(thoughinelegant,theacronymisSMORT).

Specific

Goalsmustbespecifictobeuseful."Earnapromotiontomanagementinthreeyearsbysucceedingastheteamleader,attendingmanagementclasses,receivinghighratingsonmyperformancereviews."Notonlyisthatexamplespecific,it'salsosimple.ItobeystheKISSprinciple:KeepitSimpleandStraightforward.Eliminatingambiguityhelpsidentifytheprioritiesyouwanttoachieveandreducesgoalconflicts.

MeasurableorObservable

Asforbeingmeasurableorobservable,somepeoplesaythatinmanagement,ifyoucan'tmeasureit,itneverhappened.Iwon'tgothatfar,butIwillsaythatunlessyoucanobservearesult,youcan'tmeasureit.Ifyoucan'tobserveit,youcan'tknowifyoueverreachedourtarget.However,someobservableeventsarenotmeasurableoratleastnoteasilymeasured.Youcanobservethatapersonisangryorthatsheishappy,butyouwouldhavetohavespecialdevicestomeasurethedegreeofangerorhappiness.Supposingapersonachieveshisgoalorgetsapromotiontomanager.Thepromotionisobservable,andtheraisethatcomeswiththepromotionismeasurable,whereasthepromotionitselfisnot.

Realistic

Anoteaboutrealistic.Theword'sstandarddefinition,inWebster'sCollegiateDictionary(10thEdition),saysthattoberealisticmeanstorefertofactsandtorejecttheimpracticalandthevisionary.Rejectingtheimpracticalmeansthatarealisticgoalisachievable.Ifagoalisrealistic,apersonshouldbecapableofachievingit;contrarily,ifitisn'trealistic,itisn'tachievable.Atthesametime,thestandarddefinitionofachievableistobecapableofsuccessfulcompletion,whichistosaythatanachievablegoalisrealistic.

"Rejectingthevisionary,"however,isanotherstory.Idon'tknowwhyWebster'sdefinitionincludesthatnotion.Goalscanandshouldreflectoneimportantsenseofthewordvisionary:havingorbeingmarkedbyforesightorimagination,invention.

Targets

Foragoalstatementtoreflectarealistictarget,thetargetshould:

Fitwithpreviousexperience.

Fitwithinacceptedboundsofknowledge.

Recognizepersonalphysical,emotional,andpsychologicallimits.

Recognizelimitsplacedonyoubytheworldinwhichyoulive.

Realismisamatterofdegree.Themoreagoalfallsoutsidetheparameterslistedabove,themoreyouriskachievability.Thatdoesn'tmeanyoucanneverachieveagoalthatdoesn'tfitwithpreviousexperienceorfitwithintheacceptedboundsof

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knowledge.Bynomeans.Nodiscovery,nonewhorizons,nonewparadigmswouldeverexistifweusethecriteriathatdefine"realistic"tostraightjacketourmindsandspirit.So-called"stretchgoals"areaminimalrecognitionthatyoumusttrytoexceedtheprobableinordertoachievethepossible.

ThreeElementsofWell-FormulatedGoalStatements

Whenwritingawell-formulatedgoalstatement,youneedthreeelements:(1)atarget,(2)atimeframeinwhichthetargetistobereached,and(3)meansandconditionsthatwillhelpyoureachthetarget.Let'sexaminethegoalstatement:"Earnapromotiontomanagementinthreeyearsbysucceedingastheteamleader,attendingmanagementclasses,receivinghighratingsonmyperformancereviews."

Targets

Toguaranteeexpressingagoalstatement'stargetwithameasurableorobservableevent,useanactiveverbandobjectthattogetherdescribeanendpoint.Expressthetargetasadescriptionorasadescriptionandaquantity."Earnapromotiontomanagement."That'sthedescriptivetargetofthegoalthatstateswhatyouwanttoaccomplish;theresultisobservable.Gettingpromotedistheobservableoutcomethatdetermineswhetherornotyouachievedthegoal.

Sinceagoalisanendpoint,whenyoureachthetarget,allactivitytowarditceases."Earnapromotion,""Earnasalary,""Increaseproductivityby12percent.''Onceyou'repromotedtomanager,orearn$50,000,orincreaseproductivityby12percent,youhavetostartanotheractiveprocessbysettinganothergoal.

Expressatargetbothdescriptivelyandquantifiably.Aquantifiabletargetstatesbothwhatyouwanttoaccomplishandhowmuchvaluethattargethas.Forexample,"Earnasalaryof$50,000."Inthis

example,"earnasalary"isthewhat,$50,000isthehowmuch.Anotherexample:"Increaseproductivityby12percent."Increaseproductivity=thewhat;12percent=thehowmuch.

[Facilitator:DistributeSampleGoalStatementsWithTargetsnow.]

TimeFrames

Themostobviousquantifiableexpressionofagoal,thetimeinwhichyouwishtoachieveit,isalsothesecondelementofawell-formulatedgoalstatement.Thetargetofagoalpullsyoutowardthefuture.Thetimeframethatyousetforachievingit,pushesyou.Everygoalstatementshouldthereforeincludearealistictimeframe,withastartdateandanenddate,thatyouuseasonemeasureamongothersofsuccess.

Likewisetosatisfythecriterionofachievability,youneedsomeideaofbywhenyouwillachieveit.Adeadlineprovidesameasurableoutcomethat,likeatarget,hastoberealistictobeachievable."Becomeamillionaireinoneyear"mayberealisticforsomeone,butitisn'trealisticformostpeople."Earnapromotiontomanagementinthreeyears"mayberealisticformostpeoplewhoaspiretomovefromalinepositiontomanagement.Itdependsonconditions.

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MeansandConditions

Let'sexaminethegoal-statementwe'veusedtoillustratethethirdelementofawell-formulatedgoalstatement:"Earnapromotiontomanagementinthreeyearsbysucceedingastheteamleader,attendingmanagementclasses,receivinghighratingsonmyperformancereviews."IntheSampleGoalStatementsWithMeansandConditionsweseehowthestatementsetstheplanningprocessinmotion.Ineffect,thelistofthemeansorconditionsisanoutlineofstepsthatyouneedtoachievebeforeyoucanreachyourtarget.Thetargetguideshowyoudecideonthestepsforreachingit.Inthecaseoftheillustration,thosethreeconditionshavetobemetbeforethepersonreacheshisorhergoal.

Thatdoesn'tmeanyoucan'tchangethestatementtomeetnewconditions.Nothinginwritingiseverwritteninstoneunlessyoumakeitso.

[Facilitator:DistributeSampleGoalStatementsWithMeansandConditionsnow.]

WriteDownGoals

Whenworkingonachievinggreaterself-management,youhavetowritedownyourgoals.It'salsoagoodideatotellsomeoneaboutthem.Writtengoalsbecomeadocumentyoucanusetocontractwithyourselftofulfill.Tellingsomeoneaboutthemgivesyouanallywithwhomyoucanconsultorcallupontocollaboratewithyouwhenyouneedsupport.

[Facilitator:Openthefloortodiscussion.]

HandlingDiscussionIssues

Issue:Somepeoplemaynotseevalueinwritingdowngoalstatements.Theyoftendon'tliketoplantheirlives.Acommon

response:"I'dratherbespontaneous."

PossibleResponse:Long-rangeplanningdoesn'tpreventspontaneity.Infact,ithelpskeepyoufocusedonthebroadoutlinesofyourlifewhilelettingyoufreelyexplorethedetails.

Issue:Somepeoplemaynotseethevalueinwritingcomplete,well-formulatedgoalstatements.

PossibleResponse:Unexpectedeventscansidetrackyoufromyourgoals.Bylayingdownatimeframeandbyidentifyingmeansandconditions,youcanstayfocusedonwhatyouhavetodoregardlessofwhateverelsemayhappen.

[Facilitator:Distributetheexerciseinstructionsandreadthemaloud.]

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DiscussionQuestions

1.Whatisthevaluetoyouofwritingdownyourgoalstatements?

Typicalanswer:IhaveabetterideaofwhatIreallywanttoachieve.

2.Whatisthevaluetoyouofwritingmeansandconditionsaswellastargetandtimeframe?

Typicalanswer:ItgivesmesomeideaofhowtogettowhereIwanttogo.

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SampleGoalStatementsWithTargets

Example1"Earnasalaryof$50,000."

Earnasalary=thewhat

$50,000=thehowmuch

Example2"Increaseproductivityby12percent."

Increaseproductivity=thewhat12%=thehowmuch

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SampleGoalStatementsWithMeansandConditions

Target TimeFrame

MeansandConditions

Earnapromotiontomanagement

Inthreeyears

1.Bysucceedingastheteamleader

2.Attendingmanagementclasses

3.Receivinghighratingsonmyperformancereviews

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8PrioritizeGoalsandPerformanceRanges(Step6)Mostpeoplearen'tverypatient.Theywanteverything,andtheywantitnow.So,goalconflictshappenbecausetheydon'tprioritizetheirgoalsandpursuethoseofrelativeimmediacyorimportance.Theresultisfrustration,whichsometimesleadstofeelingsofdespairresultingfromfailure.

TheexercisesinChapter8aredesignedtohelptheparticipantscreateactionplansthatavoidgoalconflictsandthefeelingofdespairtheyengender.Thefirstpartofactionplanningistoprioritizegoalsandsetperformancerangesthatallowstudentstofeelgoodaboutwhateverprogresstheymaketowardtheirgoals.Thischapterdealsonlywithprioritizinggoals;Chapter9dealswithobjectivesandactivities.Thetwochaptersshouldthereforebetakentogether.

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Exercise8.1PrioritizingYourGoals


Bytheendofthisexerciseparticipantswillbeableto:

Assignprioritiestotheirgoals.

Useonewell-formulatedgoalstatementasthestartingpointofanactionplan.


Linearthinking

Opennesstodiscussingactionplansinaclassroomenvironment

Requirements


Materials: ActionPlansoverheadCriteriaforPrioritizingGoalshandoutDecisionCriteriahandoutAssigningPrioritiesoverheadPencilandpaper


Preparation: Photocopythehandouts.Makeoverheads.

RoomSetup: Anyclassroomarrangement

LectureNotes

[Facilitator:PutupActionPlansoverheadnow.]

ActionPlans

Inbrief,anactionplanisaroadmap,completewithadestination,milestones,andthingstodotogetyouthroughthemilestonestotheultimateendpoint.TheActionPlansoverheadprovidesaschematicofactionplansdesignedtofulfillavisionforone'slifeorwork.Thevisiongivesabroadpictureofwhatyouwantandwhyyouwantit.Fromthereyouseparateyourvisionsintodimensionsbroadaspectsofyourlifeorwork:forexample,career,community,family,financial,personalvalues,

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orsocialrelations.Ineachofthosedimensionsyousetgoalsforyourselfandconceiveofthestepsormilestonesandactivitiesitwilltaketogettothosegoals.Youidentifytheresourcesyou'llneed,and,insomecases,you'llanticipatebarriersorobstaclesforreachingyourmilestones.Ifpossible,you'llsetupaplanforovercomingorgettingaroundthebarriersaswell.

PrioritizingGoals

Settinggoalsisthefirstandmostimportantstepindesigninganactionplanfordevelopingsatisfactorydimensionsinyourlifeandwork.Ontheotherhand,noteverygoalisequallyasimportantorasimmediateaseveryothergoal.Timingandcircumstancesoftendictatewhatyouwantorshouldachieveatanygiventime.And,sometimesyoucan'tachieveonegoalunlessyouachieveothersfirst.Threecriteria,summarizedinthetableintheCriteriaforPrioritizingGoalshandout,willhelpyoudecidehowvitalgoalsare.

[Facilitator:DistributeCriteriaforPrioritizingGoalshandoutnow.]

Whenprioritizing,considerthreekeypoints.Whatisimportanttoyou,whatisimmediateorurgent,andwhatdependsonotherthingstohappen.

Importance

Agoalisimportanttoyouwhenyouthinkit'sagoodthingtoachieve,thatit'sdesirable,thatitsoutcomeis"good."Agoalthatsays"Staydebt-freebypayingallbills,"forexample,becomesimportantonlyifyouthinkit'sgoodtodoso.Goalsimportanttosomeoneelse,sayyourboss,becomeimportanttoyouonlyifyouthinkit'sdesirableorgoodthatyouwantthemtoo.

"Good"and"desirable"(valuewords)signalemotionalaspectsof

decisionsyoumake,eveniftheyaredefinedinmeasurableorobservableterms.Numericaloutcomesare"good"onlyifyousaytheyare.

Immediacy

Agoalgainsimmediacywhenitbecomesurgenttoachieveit.Intheexample,ifinordertoremaindebt-freeitisurgentthatyouearnaspecificlevelofincome,thenthatincomegoalbecomesimmediateaswellasimportant.Goalsimportanttoyourbossmayneverbecomeimportanttoyou,buttheycanachieveahighlevelofimmediacyiffailingtoachieveyourboss'sgoalswillinterferewithyouachievingyours.

Dependency

Agoalbecomesahighprioritywhenanotherhigh-prioritygoaldependsonyouachievingthefirstone,evenifyoudon'tconsideritallthatimportantorimmediatetoyou.Theboss'sgoalsmaynotseemimportantorimmediatetoyou,butbuildingacareerisoneofyourhigh-priorityitems.Sinceyourbossispartiallyresponsiblefordetermininghowyourcareerprogresses,youmaywanttotakeonhisorhergoals,helphimorherachievethem,inordertoservethegreaterpurposeyouhavesetforyourself.

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DecisionCriteria

Todecideifagoalisimportant,immediate,oressentialforsomethingelsetohappen,youneedtoanswerthreesetsofquestions.

[Facilitator:DistributetheDecisionCriteriahandoutnow.]

Importance

Thefirstquestionyoumustaskandansweris,"JusthowbadlydoIwantthis?"Then,ask:

IfIorothersaroundmedon'taccomplishthisgoal,

Whatwouldhappen?

Whowouldbeaffectedandhow?

WhatconsequencesofinactionpositiveornegativecouldaffectmyothergoalsorthoseofotherpeopleortheorganizationstowhichIbelongorinwhichIwork?

IfIorothersaroundmedon'taccomplishthisgoal,andifnothingbadorofconsequencewouldhappen,whyworkforit?

Doesthisgoalfitwithorcomplementothergoals?Ifnot,whypursueit?

Ifachievingthisgoalproducesdesirableresults,whynotputeverythingnecessaryintodoingitanddoingitright?

Immediacy

Newgoalspresentthemselveswithchangingcircumstances,andwhentheydo,youneedtoexaminethemforhowurgenttheyreallyare.

IfIorothersaroundmedon'taccomplishthisgoalnow,

Whatwouldhappen?

Whowouldbeaffectedandhow?

WhatconsequencesofinactionpositiveornegativecouldaffectmyothergoalsorthoseofotherpeopleortheorganizationstowhichIbelongorinwhichIwork?

IfIorothersaroundmedon'taccomplishthisgoalnow,andifnothingbadorofconsequencewouldhappen,whyworkforit?

Ifachievingthisgoalnowproducesdesirableresults,whynotputeverythingnecessaryintodoingitanddoingitright?

Dependency

Whenyousetagoalthatdoesn'tseemimportantorimmediateatthemoment,youneedtodetermineifothergoalsdependonitfortheirfulfillment.Ask:

Whatothergoalsdependontheachievementofthisgoal?

Whichgoalshavetobereachedfirstbeforethisgoalcanbeachieved?

Whatisthepriceofinaction?

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AssigningPrioritiestoGoals

Agoalthatisimportantandurgenttoyouortosomeoneelsewithwhomyouarecloselyrelated(e.g.,yourboss),oronwhichothergoalsdepend,isanAgoal.Itshouldgetyourgreatestamountofimmediateattention.

AgoalthatisimportantbutnoturgentisaBgoal.AgoalthatisurgentbutnotimportantisalsoaBgoal.

Agoalthatisneitherimportantnorurgent,andonwhichnothingelsedepends,isaCgoal.ACgoalcouldbestruckfromthelistandnoonewouldmissitunlessithassignificanceasalong-termgoal,oneyouplantoachievesomeday.

InstructionsforPrioritizingYourGoals

Thisexerciseisthefirststepincreatinganappropriate,realisticroadmapforyourself.Writeatleastthreegoalstatements.Theycanbeinonedimensionorinseveraldifferentdimensions.Usethethreecriteria(importance,immediacy,dependency)todeterminewhichofthegoalshasthehighestpriorityforyouatthistime.UsethecapitallettersA,B,andCinthefollowingmanner:

[Facilitator:PutuptheAssigningPrioritiesoverheadnow.]

Aindicatesagoalthatisbothimportantandurgenttoyou.Ifotherhigh-prioritygoalsaredependentonachievingthisgoal,youcoulddesignatethegoalA+.

Bindicatesagoalthatis,toyou,importantbutnoturgentorurgentbutnotimportant.YoucanrecognizethegoalasaBpriorityifitisimportantorurgentandachievingothergoalsdependsonit.

Cindicatesgoalsthatareneitherurgentnorimportanttoyou.However,youmaynotbeabletosimplydiscardorignoreaCgoal.

Other,longer-termgoalsmaydependonachievingaCgoal.

IfyouassigntheletterAtotwoormoregoals,makealistofreasonswhytheyarebothimportantandimmediate.

GroupDiscussion

1.Whatdidprioritizinggoalsdotohelpyousortoutwhatyouaretryingtoachieve?

Typicalanswer:IthelpedmetoseewhatisreallyimportanttodonowandwhatIcanputoff.

2.Howdidprioritizinggoalshelpyouresolvegoalconflicts?

Typicalanswer:Byputtingoffsomegoalsuntillater,IcanconcentrateongoalsIneedtoachievenow.

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Exercise8.2SettingPerformanceStandardsasPerformanceRanges


Bytheendofthisexerciseparticipantswillbeabletoestablishperformancerangesfortheirgoals.


Opennesstoanewordifferentwayofsettinggoals

Opennesstodiscussinggoalsinaclassroomenvironment

Requirements

Time: Notmorethanfifteenminutes

Materials: PerformanceRangesoverheadAchievementOverTimeoverheadPencilandpaper


Preparation: Makeoverheads.

RoomSetup: Anyclassroomarrangement

Interactive

Aftertheparticipantsselectoneormoregoalstatementsanddividetheirtargetsintoperformanceranges,thegroupdiscussionshouldfocusonhowsettingperformancerangeshelpedreducedsomeoftheanxietyassociatedwithachievingimportantgoals.

LectureNotes

Peopleoftensetthemselvesuptofailbyreachingbeyondtheirgrasp

orbynotrecognizingtheirownlimitations(e.g.,insufficienttrainingorexperience).

Youcanheadoffsuchobstaclesbyestablishingperformancerangesforyourgoalsratherthansettingoneinflexibleperformancestandardforeachofthem.Decideinadvancewhatwouldbetheoptimalstandardforagoal,whatwouldbetheleastyouwouldaccept,andwhatwouldberealistic(i.e.,thepointbetweenthetwothatyou

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couldhonestlybelieveyoucouldachieve).Ifyougetnootherbenefitfromsettingperformancerangeslikethese,youwillfindyouranxietyorstresslevelsgoingdown.ThePerformanceRangesoverheadillustratesthematter.

[Facilitator:PutupPerformanceRangesoverheadnow.]

Theoverheadsuggestsgettingtowhereyouwanttogo,startingfromgroundzero:noeducation,training,orskillsforachievingyourgoals.Asyoulearnorgainskillsovertime,youcanreachhigherandhighertowardyourgoals.Atthesametime,themodelonlyfigurativelyrepresentsaperson'sefforts.Progresstowardachievingagoalusuallyinvolvessetbacksandlittlefailures.Littleornothingeverhappensinastraightarc,thewayitappearsintheoverhead.

[Facilitator:PutupAchievementOverTimeoverheadnow.]

TheAchievementOverTimeoverheadappliestheperformancerangemodeltoanactualgoal.HereyoucanseewhatImeanbythefactthatlittleornothingeverhappensinastraightarc.Assumingthatyouarestartingatgroundzero,theminimallyacceptablegoalreflectsearlylearningstages.Therealisticgoaliswhatyoubelievethatyoucanachievewithtrainingandpracticeorexperience.Theoptimalgoaliswhatyou'dliketoachieveovertime.Acceptingtheseperformancelevelshelpsyouaccomplishwhatyou'recapableofwithoutfeelingterriblethatyouhaven'tachievedthehighestpossiblelevelimmediately.

Reducingstressoranxietylevelsisadouble-edgedsword.Eliminatingallformsofstressoranxietycanleadtocomplacency,yettoomuchstressoranxietycanleadtoapathy.Theresultofbothcomplacencyandapathyisthesame:nottryingtoreachtheoptimallevelofperformance.Bothcomplacencyandapathyencouragepeopletosettlefortheminimumacceptableperformance.

Atthesametime,forthosewhotrulywanttoachievethemostandthebest,stretchingfortheoptimum(reachingforthestars)issuretolandthemwheretheywanttobe(onthemoon).


Selectonegoalstatementanddividethetargetintominimumacceptable,optimal,andrealisticpossibilities.Startbyidentifyingtheoptimaltargetfirst(e.g.,''Earnapromotionintomanagementinoneyear"),thentheminimallyacceptable(threeyears),andthentherealistic(twoyears).

DiscussionQuestion

Ifyouexperiencedanyanxietyatallaboutachievingaspecificgoal,howdidsettingperformancerangeshelpyouresolvethosefeelings?

TypicalAnswerIcouldseethatarangeoftargetsispossible,ratherthanone,maybeunrealistic,goal.

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9WriteanActionPlan(Step7)Thelackofaplanistheenemyofaction.Thelackofactionistheenemyofaplan.

TheexercisesinChapter9providethetoolsnecessaryfortheparticipantstocompletetheiractionplans.TheexplanationandpracticeinExercise9.1willresultinlayingoutthestepsorapathtowardaccomplishingagoal.TheexplanationandpracticeinExercise9.2willresultinidentifyingwhatthingshavetobedonetocompleteeachstepandreachthegoal.

Exercise9.1DesignanActionPlan,Part1



Beabletoexplainhowtodesignobjectives(milestones)thatleadtoagoal'starget.

Havealistofstepstowardachievingaspecificgoal.

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Opennesstoanewordifferentwayoflookingatlifeplanning

Opennesstodiscussinggoalsandactionplansinaclassroomenvironment

Requirements


Materials: FindingObjectivesinaWell-FormulatedGoalStatementoverhead

ActionPlan,Part1worksheet

Pencilandpaper


Preparation: Maketheoverhead.

Photocopytheworksheet.


LectureNotes

Maybeyoudon'thavetoplaneverythingyoudo.Spontaneityhasgreatmerits.However,especiallyinbusiness,failingtoplancanleadtodisaster.Visioningandgoalsettingsetyouinmotion.Thedirectionsinwhichyoumovedependonplanningonhowtogettowhereyouwanttogoandhowtofulfillourvision.

Abasicactionplandescribestheobjectives,alsoreferredtoasmilestones,necessaryforachievingyourgoals(arrivingatdestinations)andoutlinesthestepsyou'lltaketomaketheobjectives

happen.

Objectives(Milestones)

Objectiveshavebeencalledminigoalsbecauseinallrespects,saveone,theyresemblegoalstatements.Awell-formulatedobjectivestatementconsistsof:

Aspecific,measurableorobservable,realistictarget

Atimeframe(astartdateandanenddate)

Conditionsormeansbywhichthetargetwillbeachieved

Theonlydifferencebetweenagoalstatementandanobjectivestatementisthatagoalstatementdescribesanendpointthat,whenreached,putsanendtoallsteps

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towardit,andanobjectivestatementdescribesameanstowardanend(agoal'starget).It'sonlyastepintheplanforachievingagoal.Infact,thedependenceofagoalontheobjectivecangivetheobjectiveaveryhighpriority.

[Facilitator:PutuptheFindingObjectivesinaWell-FormulatedGoalStatementoverheadnow.]

Youfindobjectivesinthethirdpartofawell-formulatedgoalstatement,inthemeansandconditions.Let'staketheexample:"Earnapromotiontomanagementintwoyearsbyfinishingmydegree,leadingthecross-functionalteamtoitsgoals,receivingthehighestpossibleperformanceappraisals."Thegoalgivestheactionplanitsdirection.Oneroutetowardpromotioninthiscasehasthetarget"finishingmydegree."That'soneobjectiveintheprocesstowardearningthepromotion.Thenextobjectivehasthetargetof"leadingthecross-functionalteamtoitsgoals."Thetargetinthethirdobjectiveis"receivingthehighestpossibleperformanceappraisals.''Youneedonlyaddthetimeframesandthemeansorconditionsforachievingtheobjectives'targets,aswedidintheoverhead.Onceyouidentifytheobjectivesormilestonesrequiredforreachingyourgoals,youcanplantheactionsnecessaryforreachingthemilestones.

Mostpeopleleaveoutthislinkbetweengoalsandaction.Onceyouseeyourdestinationandthinkaboutwhatittakestogetthere,insteadofleapingrightfromgoalstoalistofactivities(thingstodo)toachievethem,youmustidentifythestepsforgettingthere(milestonesoroutcomes)thatkeepyouontrackandgiveyouayardstickformeasuringyourprogressasyougo.

Resources

Mostplanssucceedorcrashonthestatusofresourcesforachievingobjectives.Anythingoranyonecontributingtooraddingvalueto

yourworkandyourlifeisaresourceorameansforachievingobjectives:Contacts(workplaceassociates,prospects,clients,customers,vendors,family,friends),equipment,capitalgoods,cash,facilities,orotherassets.Whenplanning,makealistofresourcesyoumayneedanddonothave,aswellasthoseyoudohave.Youmaycomeupwithaneedforadditionalresourceslater,butyouhaveastartingplaceandcanplanforacquiringresourcesyouneedbutdon'thave.

ObstaclesorBarriers

Theabsenceorlackofresourcesisonlyonekindofbarrier.Othersincludelackofmanagementsupport,defectivematerials,inadequateplanning,andotherconditionsinthewayofachievingobjectivesorthatremovevaluefromyourobjectives.Whenplanning,thinkaboutthepossiblebarrierstogettingtowhereyouwanttogo.

Toidentifybarriersandtodecidewhattodowhenanobstaclegetsinthewayofprogresstowardgoals,play"whatif...?"anduse"worstcase"scenarios.Example:

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"WhatifsuppliesIneedarenotavailable?"Thenturnthebarrierintoagoal."Suppliesreplenishedbytomorrowatacostof$2,500.00."Continueactionplanningbylistingwhatyouhavetodotoovercomethebarrierandmeetobjectives.


[Facilitator:DistributetheActionPlan,Part1worksheetnow.]

Selectagoalstatementand,usinganymethodyouwant(PassBackward,PassForward),completePart1oftheActionPlan.

DiscussionQuestions

1.Howwillplanningtoachievegoalsinthismannerhelpyouachieveyourgoals?

Typicalanswer:I'llgetallmy"ducksinarow."

2.Ifyouexperiencedanyanxietyatallaboutachievingaspecificgoal,howdidsettingupalistofstepshelpyouresolvethosefeelings?

Typicalanswer:IknowwhatIhavetodoandIcanaltertheplanifIneedto.

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Exercise9.2CompletetheActionPlan,Part2



Beabletodescribetheirentireactionplanforachievingaspecificgoal.

Haveacomplete"roadmap"towardaspecificgoal.


Opennesstoanewordifferentwayoflookingatone'slife

Opennesstodiscussingactionplansinaclassroomenvironment

Requirements


Materials: AnActionPlanoverheadDayCalendaroverheadTheCompleteActionPlanworksheetPencilandpaper


Preparation: Maketheoverheads.Photocopytheworksheet.


LectureNotes

Whereasobjectivesarestepsinthedirectionofreachingagoal,activitiesarethethingsyoudotoachieveobjectivesortoovercome

barriers.Bywritinganactionplandesignedtoproducedesiredresults,youanticipatewhatyouhavetodo.Atthesametime,nolistofactivitiesissetinconcrete.Regardlessofwhenyouplantodosomething,youcanalwayschangedatesandtimes.

Whenplanningactivities,tiethemtothegoalsandobjectivesyouneedtoachieve.Focusyourselfbyasking,"WhatgoalsorobjectivesdoIwanttoachieve?"Thendecideonwhatyouhavetodotoreachthegoal(s)orobjective(s)you'vetabbedforattention.Asyouapplyyourplantoyourdailyactivities,dothesamething.Ask"Onwhatgoal(s)orobjective(s)doIwanttoworktoday?"Thendecideonactivitiesforthedaythatwillhelpyouachievetheresultsyouwanttoachieve.Let'slookatsomeexamples.

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[Facilitator:PutupAnActionPlanoverheadnow.]

Inthisfirstoverhead,wehaveanactionplanrelatedtogettingthatpromotionintwoyears.TheactivitieslistedunderObjective1arethingsyouhavetodotogetthedegree.Thestatementsareincompletesincetheydon'thaveanytimeframes.However,inthenextoverhead,whichcontainsoneday'scalendar,youseesomeoftheactivitiesrelatedtotheobjective'starget,"Earnadegree."

[Facilitator:PutuptheDayCalendaroverheadnow.]

Asyoucanseeintheoverhead,activitieshavetargets:"Attendstatsclass,"forexample.Thetargetistheoutcomeyouwantfromyoureffort.Outcomescanbequantifiedornot,dependingonwhatyouaredoing.Actionscanalsohavethreespecifickindsofoutcomes,astheydointheoverhead:

1.InformationOnly.Intheactivityofattendingclass,theoutcome,orwhatwouldbeaccomplishedintheactivity,wouldbeinformationonly.

2.Productive,thatis,producingatangibleoutcome.Theactivity"Meetwiththeprofessortodecideondegreeplan"wouldhaveaproductiveoutcomebecausedecisionswouldbemade.

3.Mixed,acombinationofbothInformationandProductivity.Goingtothelibrarytoresearchmaterialsforatermpaperwouldresultingettinginformationandbeingproductive.

Or,anactivitycanhavenooutcomeatall.Wecouldstretchapointbysayingthatgoingtodinnerwithyourspouseisproductive,or,perhaps,mixed,butforthemostpart,wecouldjustletitbeavisit,withnomaterialoutcomeofanykind.

[Facilitator:DistributetheCompleteActionPlanworksheetandreadaloudtheinstructions.]

DiscussionQuestions

1.Howwillplanningtoachievegoalsinthismannerhelpyouachieveyourgoals?

Typicalanswer:Iwillhavemoredirectionwiththeplan,anditwillevenprovidesomemotivationtogetupandgetgoing.

2.Ifyouexperiencedanyanxietyatallaboutachievingaspecificgoal,howdidsettingupa"roadmap"helpyouresolvethosefeelings?

Typicalanswer:IfeelasifIhavemorecontrolnow.

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10EvaluateProgressandTakeCorrectiveAction(Step8)TheexercisesinChapter10willprovideparticipantswithsimpletoolsformeasuringprogresstowardgoals.TheparticipantswillneedtocompletetheexercisesinChapter9toapplythetoolsinthischaptertotheiractualrequirements.

Exercise10.1DefinitionsofSuccessasObservableorQuantifiableTargets


Bytheendofthisexerciseparticipantswillhaveidentifiedtheobservabletoquantifiablemeasuresofsuccessintheiractionplans(otherthantimeframes).


Linearthinking

Opennesstomonitoringone'sownefforts

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Requirements

Time: Fifteenminutes

Materials: Pencil,paper,andparticipants'previouslywrittenactionplansInstructionsforDefinitionsofSuccessasObservableorQuantifiableTargetsExercisehandout


RoomSetup:

Anyclassroomstyle

LectureNotes

Howdoyoudefinesuccess?Noonedoubtsthatanyanswerisdebatable.Wealth.Position.Status.Happiness.Whatdrivesyoumaynotdrivethepersonsittingnexttoyou.

Howdoyoumeasuresuccess?Intermsoftheamountofwealthyouhave?Intermsoftherolesyouplayinyourcommunities?Intermsofthenumberofpeopleyoumanage?Intermsofthedegreeofsatisfactionyouexpress?Whatworksforyoumaynotworkforsomeoneelse.

Bythedefinitionofself-management,anyansweriscorrectaslongasitexpressesyourvalues,yourvisionforyourlife,yourgoals,andyouractionplans.And,allthosevaluesvision,goals,andactionplansaresubjecttomodification,change,orreplacement.It'snottheplanthatmatters,asDwightEisenhowerreportedlyhadsaid.It'stheplanningprocess.

[Facilitator:Distributetheinstructionshandout.]

DiscussionQuestions

1.Whatisyourdefinitionofsuccess?

2.Howwelldoesthatdefinitionfitwithyourvisionforyourlifeorwork?

LectureNotes:SummaryoftheExercise

Measuresarebuiltintowell-formulatedstatementsthatincludeobservableorquantifiabletargets,timeframes,andthemeansandconditionsbywhichyoureachyourtargets.Whenyoufulfillthevisionforyourlife,satisfythegoalsyousetforyourself,andmeetthetermsofyouractionplans,youcancallyourselfsuccessful.

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Exercise10.2TimeMeasures


Bytheendofthisexerciseparticipantswillhaveidentifiedthetimemeasuresofsuccessintheiractionplans.


Linearthinking

Opennesstomonitoringone'sownefforts

Requirements


Materials: Pencil,paper,andparticipants'previouslywrittenactionplansSampleGanttChartStructurehandout


RoomSetup:

Anyclassroomstyle

LectureNotes

SimpleToolsforMeasuringSuccess

Youdon'tneedelegantformulaeandelaboratechartstodetermineyourdegreeofself-managementandyourlevelsofsuccess.ThechartofyourownactionplanandaGanttChartshouldsufficeformostpersonalplans.

Checklists

Useyouractionplansascheckliststotrackprogresstowardgoals.Justcheckoffeachactivityyoucomplete,eachobjectiveormilestoneyoureach,andeachgoalyouachieve.

GanttCharts

Meetingorexceedingyourdeadlinesisoneobservablewaytomeasureyourprogress.Ifyou'renotsatisfyingthetimeframesinyourwell-formulatedactionplanstatements(goals,objectives,activities),youcangetyourselfbackontrack.

[Facilitator:DistributetheSampleGanttChartStructurehandoutnow.]

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Ifyoulayoutachartofyouractionplans,liketheoneinthesampleGanttChart,youcandeterminehowandwhentoachievevariouspartsofyouractionplan.Youreproduceyouractionplansinthelefthandcolumn,anddividethetimelinewhateverwayyouwant(inthehandout,thetimelineisdividedintofourequalpartsonlyforillustrativepurposes).Forlong-termgoals,youcouldseparatethetimeintoyears.Forveryshort-termgoals,youcanseparatethetimelineintodays.Thexsrepresentplannedstartandstopdates.

Astartdateisasimportantasanenddate.Inthegoalstatement,''Getpromotedtomanagerintwoyearsby..."youhaveclearlydeterminedtheduration(twoyears),whichprovidesyouwithaspecificenddateonlyifyousaytwoyearsfromaspecificstartdate.Forexample,"startingtoday."Placeanxinthecolumnthatrepresentsthestartdateandanotherxinthecolumnthatrepresentstheenddate.

Onceyoulayoutthechart,youhaveawaytodeterminewhetherornotyouareatleastonschedule,ifnotontarget.ComparewhereyouarewithwhatyouplannedandmarkedintheGanttChartanddecidewhetherornotyouaresatisfyingthedemandsofyouractionplan.(Somepeopleuseacolorcode,markingtheplaninonecoloranddrawingactualprogresswithanoverlyinglineinadifferentcolor.)Ifyouaren'tonyourplannedschedule,youcantakestepstobringyourselfintosynchwithyourplans.


Usingyourpreviouslywrittenactionplans,identifythetimeframesinallyourwell-formulatedstatements.Allgoalstatementsandobjectivestatementsshouldincludetentativestartandenddates,andanyactivitystatementsthatdescribeimmediateactionsshouldhavetentativetimestartsandendsaswell.

DiscussionQuestions

1.Whatisthegreatestvalueofsettingbothstartandenddatesortimes?

Typicalanswer:NotonlydoIhaveadeadline,IknowwhenIshouldstarttogivemyselfthemaximumamountoftimeIneed.

2.Howdoesatimemeasurehelpyoumeasuresuccess?

Typicalanswer:Adeadlineisatargettoachieve.

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Exercise10.3MeansandConditions



Saywhetherornottheiractionplanstatementswillhelpthemlayoutthestepsforachievingsuccess.

Explainhowidentifyingmeansandconditionsinanactionplanhelpstoachievesuccess.


Evaluatingorassessingone'swork

Opennesstomakingchangesinone'swork

Requirements


Materials: Pencil,paper,andparticipants'previouslywrittenactionplans

RoomSetup:

Anyclassroomstyle

LectureNotes

Thissimpleexerciseisawaytocheckifyourgoalstatementsandobjectivestatementscontainalltheinformationyouneedforidentifyingwhetherornotyoucanuseyourplanstosucceedinreachingyourgoals.


Usingyourpreviouslywrittenactionplans,underlinethemeansandconditionsyouhaveincludedinallyourwell-formulatedgoalandobjectivestatements.Themeansandconditionslistedingoalstatementswillhelpyouplanyourstepsorobjectives,thoselistedinobjectivestatementswillhelpyouplanyouractivities.Ifanystatementseemsincomplete,addtheappropriatemeansandconditionstoit.

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DiscussionQuestions

1.Whatisthevalueoflistingmeansandconditions?

Typicalanswer:ItprovidessomedirectionastohowtogettowhereIwanttogo.

2.Howdomeansandconditionscontributetoyourabilitytomeasureyoursuccess?

Typicalanswer:Youknowwhattolookforasarealisticoutcome.

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Follow-UpActivity:TakingCorrectiveAction

Instructor'sNotes

Thepurposeofthisactivityistogivetheparticipantsatoolforhelpingthemfollowuponwhattheydointheworkshop.It'simportantthattheyhaveawayofadjustingifthepreliminaryplanstheytakeawayfromtheclassdon'tworkoutjustright.


Bydoingthisactivity,participantswilltakestepsto:

Evaluateorassesstheiractionplans.

Takecorrectiveactionwhenneeded.


Evaluatingorassessingone'sgoalsandwork

Opennesstomakingchangesinone'sgoalsorwork

Requirements

Time: Fiveminutesforinstructionplusdiscussiontime

Materials: ElaborationonQuestionstoAnswerforTakingCorrectiveActionhandout

QuestionstoAnswerforTakingCorrectiveActionworksheet

Preparation:Photocopythehandoutandworksheet.

DistributethehandoutoftheElaborationonQuestionstoAnswerforTakingCorrectiveAction,anduseittoexplainhowparticipants

shouldapplythequestionstoevaluatetheirprogressanddetermineifcorrectiveactionisneeded,andtopromptdiscussion.ThendistributetheQuestionstoAnswerforTakingCorrectiveActionworksheetandinstructtheparticipantstotakeithomeforuselater.

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SECTIONIIIPUTTINGTOGETHERTHESELF-MANAGEMENTPUZZLE:SELF-MANAGEMENTEXERCISESBytheendofthissectionyouwillbeabletofacilitateseventeenexercisesthatwillhelpsolvethepuzzleofcreatingwholenessandthatwillincreasepeople'sself-managementskillsinthesixcompetencies,eachofwhichhasachapterofitsown(Chapters1115).

1.Wholeness

2.Self-awareness

3.Self-confidence

4.Self-respect/self-esteem

5.Drive

6.Respectforothers

PortraitofaSelf-ManagedPerson

Theportraitofaself-managedpersoninChapter1deliberatelyoversimplifiestheimageconveyedtofacilitateunderstandingtheself-assessmentsrelatedtoself-management.Inrealityeachcompetencyself-awareness,self-confidence,self-respect/self-esteem,drive,respectforothersisitselfapuzzleformedbyasetofspecificskills.Wholenessreflectsthesynergyrevealedwhenweputtogetherallthepiecesofthepuzzleoftheportraitoftheself-managedperson.

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SkillsThatMakePeopleCompetent

Tobecompetent,accordingtothe10thEditionofMerriamWebster'sCollegiateDictionary,means,inpart,tohave"requisiteoradequateabilityorqualities";tohave"thecapacitytofunctionordevelopinaparticularway"inshort,tohaveskills.Eachself-managementcompetencyconsistsofacomplexsetofskillsthatallowapersontofunctioninaparticularway.Developingandfine-tuningthoseskillsiswhatImeanbyputtingthepiecesoftheself-managementpuzzletogether.

Theexercisesinthissectionaredesignedtoencourageparticipantstosolveproblemsormakediscoveriesaboutthemselvesorotherpeople.You'llfindagreatdealofsatisfactionandenjoymentfromtheworkshopitselfwhenyouwatchtheparticipantssatisfytherequirementsyousetforthem.Amongthemanywaysofdeliberatelycreatingproblems,twoinparticularrequirespecialattention.

1.Sometimesyoudon'texplaintheexercise'slearningobjectivesuntiltheendoryouprovidedeliberatelyvagueorambiguousinstructions.Youwanttheparticipantstoworkoutthestepstheyhavetotaketosolvetheexercise'sproblems,otherwisetheycan'tlearnhowtosolveasimilarprobleminreallife,whichispreciselyoneofthelearningobjectives.Youwanttheparticipantstofindoutthelearningobjectivesontheirownortoworkoutthedetailsoftheirinstructionsbythemselves.ItgoesbacktothechildlearningtorideabicyclethatIdescribedinChapter1;unlessthechildactuallyridesthebikewithouttrainingwheels,sheneverwilllearnhowtorideonherown.

2.Sometimesapersonmightlackapiecetoapuzzleorabitofinformationheneeds.Heneedstofindoutifanyoneelsehasthatpieceorbitofinformation,buttheinstructionsdidn'ttellhimthat.Thisdeliberatelackofresourcesteachespeopletogettooneplace

fromanotherthewayaturtledoesstickinghisneckout.

Theexercisesinthissectionhighlighteachofthecompetenciesofself-management.Eachcomplexexerciseinvolvesoneormoreoftheskillsthathelppeopleputtogetherthepuzzle,andeveryexerciseinvolvesskillsrelatedtoSelf-AwarenessandSelf-Confidence.ThesectionentitledSelf-ManagementSkillsInvolvedliststheskillsessentialforimprovingtheself-managementcompetencyforwhichtheexercisesaredesigned.Exercise11.1,forexample,isdesignedtoincreaseSelf-Awareness.Unlesstheparticipantscommittotheskillsofrisktaking,trust,openness,andhonesty,theycan'tself-disclosetoothersoracceptfeedbackaboutthemselvesfromotherpeople.Theyalsohavetodecidewhatbeliefstheyholdtobeself-evidentasopposedtothosetheyfeelaneedforevidenceorrequireadegreeofproof,andwhatvaluesorattitudesunderliethoseself-evidenttruths.Recognizingthatvaluesandattitudesoftendrivebeliefs,andnotevidenceorproof,isnecessaryforSelf-Awareness.Alistofskillswillappearinalltheexercises.Otherskillsinclude:

Goalsetting,decisionmakingandactionplanning

Managingambiguityandavailableresources

Acceptingdefeat,learningfrommistakes

Dealingwithfrustration

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SkillsRelatedtoSelf-Awareness

AnyoneoftheexerciseswillhelpbuildSelf-Awareness.Eachofthemrequirestheparticipantstofocusonboththedemandsoftheexerciseandhowtheyreacttotheactivitiesinit.Iftheydon'tstayfocusedontheexercise'sdemands,theywillmissoutonhowitanditsmessagesrelatetotheirlives.Timegoalsforcetheparticipantstokeepfocusedwhilemovingathighspeed.Themistakestheymakeaddtotheirstorehouseofself-awarenessbycallingattentiontomethodstheyordinarily(andoftenunconsciously)usetosolveproblemsortorelatetootherpeople.

Thesegamesorexercisesaresimpleenoughtobetransparent;theparticipantscaneasilyseetheprinciplesormethodsinvolved.Yet,they'recomplicatedenoughtoforcetheparticipantstothinkaboutwhatthemoralcouldpossiblybe.Theyalsoforcetheparticipantstopracticetheself-awarenessskillsrequiredforlooking"inside"attheirownthoughts,beliefs,feelings,oremotionstogainahigherdegreeofself-awarenessthantheyhadbeforetheycametoclass.

SkillsRelatedtoSelf-Confidence

Justbycommittingthemselvestotakepartinaself-managementgameorexercisepeopletakearisk.Butaproperlydesignedandmanagedself-managementworkshopprovidesasafeenvironmentforriskygamesorexercises,especiallywhentheriskinvolvesself-disclosure:revealingwhattheyreallythink,believe,orfeel.Formostpeopleself-disclosureisverypainful.

Self-managementexercisesinvolvepersonalriskwhen,throughself-disclosureorthroughdoingorsayingthingsspontaneously,theyexposetheirweaknessesorlackofskillsandopenthemselvesuptonegativefeedback(whichtheyoftenseeascriticism).Whenweputourselvesatrisk,weexpressourself-confidence.Atthesametime,

wealsothreatenourself-confidencebychallengingourselvestostretchoutofourcomfortzonesandriskrepeatedfailure.Ifweneverwinat,say,computersolitaire,we'llsoonstopplayingit.Ifweneverwinatwork.orinourlives,we'llquitthattoo.Thesegamesandexercisesreinforceself-confidencebyensuringthatevenlosingorfailingproducesapersonal"win"gaininganinsight,learninganewidea,reinforcingaconcept,ordevelopingaskillofpersonalvalue.

GoalSetting,DecisionMaking,andActionPlanning

Inmanysituationsintheseminar,participantswillhavetochooseamongoneormoreoutcomes.Choosingfromamongalternativegoalsoractionsexercisesthedecision-makingskillsofself-management,skillsthatapplyineachofthecompetencies.

Decisionsdecisionsmadeornotmadedrivethewayourlivesevolve.Wecanmakeeducatedguessesaboutprobabilities,buteveryprobabilitycarrieswithitthepossibilityofbeingwrong.Participantsinthesegamesorexerciseshavepersonallearninggoalsorchangegoals,andtheylookforwaysthroughtheiractivitiesinthegamesorexercisesformeetingthem.Theywon'tknowwhichchoiceisrightuntil

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aftertheymakeitandseehowitpansout.Theytherebylearnthroughthegamesoractivitiesthemselves:(1)howtomakechoices,(2)whymakingthemisimportant,(3)howtoaccepttheconsequencesthatcomefrommakingthem,and(4)whattodowhenthechoicesaremistakes.

ManagingAmbiguityandAvailableResources

Agameorexercisespelledoutinvividdetailblocksself-discovery.Theseexercisesdon'tprovidetheparticipantswithdetailedscriptsofwhattodoorhowtodoitinanygivensituation,acircumstancethatleavesroomfortheparticipantstofigureoutsomeofthedetails.Forexample,onepersoninagameorexercisemayhaveawantorneedthatsheintentionallydoesn'texplainordoesn'texplainverywell.Theotherpersonworkingtodeveloptheskilloftryingtounderstandwhatpeoplewantorneedhastofigureoutwaystogettheinformationheneedswithoutexplicitinstructionsfromthefacilitator.

Inanothergameorexercise,participantsmaynothavealltheresources,forexample,piecesofequipmentorkindsofinformation,theyneedforperformingtheirrolesintheactivity.Theymayhavetoturntootherpeopletogetwhattheywant,eventhoughtheyweren'tspecificallyinstructedtodoso.

Participantswhoresistthislevelofambiguityorlackofresourcesareprobablytheonesingreatestneedofthetypeoftrainingyou'redoing.Empathizewiththeirdifficulty,butencouragethemtostickwithitandlearnfromwhattheydo.

DealingwithFrustration

Ambiguityandalackofresources,negativeconditionsthatthegamesandexerciseoftendeliberatelycreate,produceacertainleveloffrustration.Thetraininggamesorexerciseshelpparticipantslearnhowtodealwithfrustration,torecognizethattheyneedtomanage

thosethingstheycangrasporcontrolandacceptthosethingstheycan'torfindawaytochangetherules.That'swhat''thinkingoutsidethebox"or"changingtheparadigm"means.

AcceptingDefeat,LearningfromMistakes

Contrarytothecommonpracticethatgamesorexercisesshouldteachpeoplehowtoachieve"win-win"solutionstoeveryinterpersonalproblem,youcanusetheseself-managementgamesorexercisestohelpparticipantsdealwithdefeatormistakesaswellaswithsuccess.Noneofthesegamesinvolvescompetition,butpeopleviewmakingmistakesorfailingas"losing,"andlosingisapartoflife.Makingmistakes,especiallyoverlookingtheobvious,isthemostfrequentsourceofpeople'ssenseoffailure.Thatanoversightcouldcostuseverythingcreatesthefearthatwecanneverrecoverfromit,whichisn'tnecessarilytrue.Whatistrue:

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Welearnmorefromwhatdoesn'tworkthanwedofromwhatdoes(becauseweusuallytakeforgrantedwhatdoesworkandmoveon).Weallhavetolearnhowtolivewithourmistakesandhowtousethemtoouradvantage.

Theseself-managementgamesandexerciseshelppeoplemakemistakesandsurvivethem.Inasmuchastheworkshopisasafeplace,designedtohelppeopledealwithdifficultsituations,whentheydoorsaysomethingtoputoffotherpeople,theygethelpfulfeedback.Theycanevenelecttorepeatthesituationto"getitright."Thechallengeistofollowthroughonthechangestheydiscovertheyneedtomake.

ParticipationinExercises

Mostpeoplecomingtoaself-managementworkshophaveself-selectedtoattend.Theyengageinthegamesandexerciseswithenthusiasmandwithadesiretolearnmoreaboutthemselvesandhowtogetmorecontrolovertheirlivesorwork.Theyhavefunwithwhatthey'reaskedtodoandwithoneanother,andlaughterduringtheactivityandfeedbacksessionsisoftenagoodsignofeagernessandsatisfaction.However,peoplewhohavebeensentbytheirorganizationforremediationandpeopleingreatneedoftheself-managementtrainingyou'reofferingdon'talwaysfeelgoodaboutwhatthey'redoing.

ParticipantResistance

Peoplewhodidn'tself-selectoftendon'tunderstandwhythey'reintheworkshop.Whenthey'vebeensenttotheclass,theythinkthatsomething'swrongwiththemthatneedsfixing.Onewaytoencouragethesepeopletoparticipatefullyistoreassurethemthatcomingtotheclassdoesn'timplyfixing;rather,everyoneneedsimprovement.Whenthesepeoplefeelthey"ain'tbroke,"youcanturnaroundtheirthinkingwiththeadage:Ifitain'tbroke,makeitbetter.

Anotherwaytohelpthemfeelgoodaboutbeingintheclassistoenlisttheirhelpinhelpingothers,especiallyhelpingotherstofeelcomfortablegivingfeedback.Emphasizethatfeedbackisjustanotherperson'sopinionsorfeelings;onlyifyouagreewiththefeedbackdoyouhavetodoanythingaboutit.

Manypeopleresistgamesorexercisesthatinvolvefrustration,awareness,risktaking,ambiguity,failureordefeat,andchallengestotheirself-confidence.And,peopleoftenskipoverconsciouslysettinggoalsandplanningtheirnextsteps.It'satestamenttoyourskillsasafacilitatorifyoucangeteveryoneonboardwiththegameorexercise.

Createapositive,funatmosphere.Peoplearemorelikelytotakeriskswhenthey'reenjoyingthemselves.

Offerpositivereinforcementwhensomeonedoesorsayssomethingtoself-discloseortomanageadifficultsituation.Sometrainersoffersimple,tangiblerewards,suchasacandybar.

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Payextraattentiontoanyonewhoappearstoresistanactivity.Findoutwhatbothersthepersonaboutitanddowhatyoucantoallayhisorherfears.Focusonthepositiveoutcomesoftheactivityratherthanonthespecificsofit.

"Buddy"participants.Sometimesworkingtogetherwithsomeoneheknowsandtrustshelpsaresistantpersonfeelbetterabouttheworkshop.

Whenapersonresistswhatsheseesas"actingapart,"asinaroleplayorskillpractice,asalastresort,letthepersoncomeintotheactivityinanalternativeway,forexample,totalkaboutthesituationratherthantoengageinit.Giveherachancetowatchhowthegameorexerciseunfoldsandfeelcomfortableaboutcomingonboardtofeeltheoutcomesfromtotalengagement.

Preventaresistingpersonfrompullingotherpeopleintotheresistance.Ifresistancebecomesarealissuefortheotherparticipants,facilitateadiscussionofthegoalsofthegamesoractivities,thebenefitstotheparticipants,and,particularly,thesafetyoftheenvironment.Acardinalruleofanyself-managementworkshop:Whatgoesonhere,stayshere;noonewilltelltalesoutofschool.

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11Self-AwarenessBytheendofChapter11youwillbeabletofacilitatefourexercisesthathelppeoplebecomemoreawareofwhotheyareandwhattheyhavetoofferotherpeople.

Exercise11.1TruthsIHoldtoBeSelf-Evident



Listatleastfivebeliefstheyholdtobeself-evident(i.e.,thattheyacceptwithoutprooforreasoning)andexplainthevaluesorattitudesthatunderliesthosebeliefs.

Listatleastfiveormorebeliefsaboutwhatittakestoensuretheircommitmenttoagroup'sgoalortask.

Separatetheintrinsicfromtheextrinsicvaluesintheirlives.

Buildontheirownintrinsicvaluestoimproveself-awareness.

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Decisionmaking

Risktakingandtrust

Openness,honesty

Requirements

Time: Approximatelyforty-fivetosixtyminutes

Materials: InstructionsforTruthsIHoldtoBeSelf-EvidenthandoutTruthsIHoldtoBeSelf-Evidentworksheet


RoomSetup:

Anyarrangementthatmeetsyourneeds

LectureNotes

Beliefsthatyouholdasself-evidentlytruethatis,notneedingevidenceorprooftosupportthemconsistofavarietyofvaluesorattitudesyoumayormaynotknowyou'veassumed.Avalueisanybelieforfeelingyouconsidertobeworthwhileordesirable.Forexample,"Personalwealthdefinessuccess."Anattitudeisareadinesstoactonavalue,asinthewillingnesstodoanythingtobecomewealthy.

Mostvaluesandattitudesareassumptionsforwhichyouhavenoobjectivereasontobelieveare"good,""bad,"acceptable,"or"unacceptable."Instead,overtime,applyingthesevalueshasworkedforyouandotherpeoplehaveusuallyaccommodatedourneedtofulfillthem.Aswithotherassumptions,youtakethemforgrantedand

rarelyifeverexaminethem."Personalwealth"asadefinitionofsuccessseemstohaveabasisinexperience,but,thedefinitionisnotacceptedinsomesocialsystems.Othersocialsystemsdefinesuccessinlesspecuniaryterms.

Somevaluesarerelatedtofactorsoutsideofyourself,suchasmaterialthings,andarecalledextrinsicvalues.Manyofthemmaybeoutofyourimmediateordirectcontrol,suchasthetangiblerewardsofferedbyyourbusiness.Believingthatyourbusinessshouldgivetangiblerewardsforexemplaryworkandshoulddistributethemequitablyisbasedonextrinsicvalues.

Somevaluesarerelatedtoyourownfeelingsorbeliefsaboutyourselfandarecalledintrinsicvalues.Thesearealwaysinyourimmediateordirectcontrol,suchfeelingsofself-satisfaction.Believingthatfeelingself-satisfactionfordoingexemplaryworkisatleastasimportantasreceivingtangiblerewardsisbasedonintrinsicvalues.Oneobjectiveofself-managementistoliveinaccordancewithyourintrinsicvalues(principles)andtorewardyourselfbyfulfillingthegoalsthatsatisfythosevalues.

Sayingthatlivinginaccordancewithyourintrinsicvaluesdoesn'tmeanthatextrinsicvaluesarebadorthatyoushouldalwaysrejecttheminfavorofintrinsicvalues.Onthecontrary,dailyexistencedependsonmanyextrinsicvalues,forexample,

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compensationforwork.Loveforothersisawonderfulintrinsicvalue,butifyouneverreceivelovefromothers(anextrinsicvalue),you'llbecomeemotionallystarvedandincapableofloving.Whereintrinsicandextrinsicvaluescompeteforfulfillment,youneedtolearnhowtoharmonizeonesetofneedsorgoalswithothersinyourlifeandinthelivesofotherpeople.

[Facilitator:Readinstructionsaloudafteryoudistributethehandoutandworksheet.]

ProcessingQuestions

Askthesequestionsaftertheparticipantshavecompletedtheiranalyses.

1.Whataboutyourbeliefsandunderlyingassumptionsdidyoudiscover?

Mostpeoplerecognizeforthefirsttimethatwhattheythinkisself-evidentlytrueisusuallybasedonvaluesandattitudesthatthey'vedevelopedthroughouttheirlivesorthathavebeenimposedonthemby,forexample,theorganizationinwhichtheywork.

2.Howdidthisanalysisofyourmostcherishedbeliefshelpyoubecomemoreawareofhowyouformyourbeliefs?

Typicalanswer:"I'llbemorelikelytoexaminemyvaluesandattitudesbeforeadvancinganopinion,andI'llwanttoknowmoreaboutotherpeople'svaluesandattitudes.Unlesswedothat,wecouldgetintodisputeswecan'tresolve."

3.Howcouldthetypeofanalysisyoujustdidhelpyougetmorecontroloveryourlifeandwork?

Typicalanswer:"I'llbemoreawareofwhatIbelievetobetruefornootherreasonthanIwantittobetrue,andIwon'tbeasdisappointed

whentherestoftheworlddoesn'tagreewithme."

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Exercise11.2LookingintotheEIAGGlass


BytheendofthisexerciseparticipantswillbeabletousetheEIAGModelto:

Assesstheirownactionsinstaged,specificsituations.

Makedecisionsastowhytheyfeel,think,andactastheydointhosesituations.

Decideonchangestheywanttomakeinhowtheyfeel,think,andactinsuchsituations.

Reminder:TheEIAGModelwasdescribedinChapter1.TheinitiallettersofExperience,Interpretation,Analysis,andGeneralizationformtheacronym.ReviewChapter1beforeconductingthisexercise.


Decisionmaking

Risktakingandtrust

Openness,honesty

Requirements

Time: Approximatelysixtytoninetyminutes

Materials: InstructionsforLookingIntotheEIAGGlasshandout

ReactionGuideworksheet

Storycards

Gamecards

Equipment: None,unlessascenarioorcaseyouwriterequiresanoverheadprojectororvideotapeplayer/monitor

Preparation:Photocopyeachstoryandeachgameonseparate5-by-7-inchcards.

Makestacksoftwelvecardseach(sixstorycardsandsixgamecards)andshufflethemtomaketheorderinwhichtheyareselectedrandom.

Photocopythehandoutandworksheet.

Note:Eachstorycardorgamecardconsistsofinstructionstotheindividualwhogetsittodoorsaysomethingthatwillsetthetoneoftheconversationforthegroup.Forexample,astory,suchas"ToSaveaLife"tellsastorydesignedtoevokespecific

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emotions.Thepersonreceivingthecardtellsthestorytowhicheveryoneelseresponds;thediscussionthenexamineshowthepeoplereactedandwhy.Ontheotherhand,agamecardisdesignedtointerferewiththeconversationandcreateadistraction.Theotherpeoplewillreacttothegameanddiscusstheirresponses.

RoomSetup:Smallgroupsofnomorethansixpeople

LectureNotes


Here'sanexampleoftakingstepstochangeinappropriatebehavior.Someoneinterruptsme,andIgetangryandsaysomethingrudeinreturn.TheotherpersonandIgetintoanargumentthatinvolvesalotofnamecalling.ThefeedbackIgetfromthegroupisthatbyrespondingrudely,Inegativelyescalatedthesituation.Icouldhaverespondedwithsomethingtotheeffect,"Ireallydowanttohearwhatyouthink,butI'dappreciatethechancetofinishmythoughtbeforeyouspeak.Please."ThefirststepIhavetotakeistounderstandwhyIrespondedasrudelyastheotherperson.ThenIhavetofigureoutstepsformanagingmyfeelingsinsuchasituation,soIdon'tescalatethesituation.

Ontheotherhand,let'ssayIdidmanagemyfeelingswhenIwasinterruptedandIdidsaysomethingtotheeffect,"Ireallydowanttohearwhatyouthink,butI'dappreciatethechancetofinishmythoughtbeforeyouspeak.Please."Sincethat'sapositiveandappropriateresponse,insimilarsituations,IwanttoremindmyselfofhowImanagedmyfeelingsthistimeandfollowthesamestepsthenasIdidnow.

[Facilitator:Distributetheexerciseinstructionsandworksheetandthenreadtheinstructionsaloud.]

ProcessingQuestions

1.Howdidthisexercisehelpyouexaminehowyoureacttosituations?

Typicalanswer:IwasabletounderstandwhyIreacttosomesituationsthewayIdoandtakestepstochangemyreactionstosimilarsituations.

2.Whatdidyoulearnaboutyourresponsesthatyoudidn'trealizeaboutyourselfbefore?

Typicalanswer:ThatItendtojumptoconclusionsaboutpeoplewithoutthinkingthroughwhathappenedandwhy.

3.Howwouldyouapplythemethodsinthisexercisetoeverydayexperiences?

Typicalanswer:IfIfeelmyselfreactinghostilely,I'llstopmyselftolookatthesituationbeforeIrespond.EvenifIhavetoasktheotherpersonforamomenttogathermythoughts,I'lldoit.

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LectureNotesaftertheExercise

Practiceexaminingyourreactionsduringsituationsinwhichyoufeelanger,frustration,stress,anxiety,ordepression.Thinkaboutwhatyouexperienced,whatyouinterpretedthatexperiencetomeantoyou,andwhyyoufeltthatway.Itcanhelpyoumanageyourselfandthesituationmoreeffectively.It'sessential,however,thatyoumemorizethisrule:''Imaynotbeabletochangetheworldaroundme,butIcanchangehowIreacttoit."It'samatterofchoice.Youcandecidehowyouwillactinthefuture,nomatterwhatyourpersonalhistoryhasbeen,becauseyouhavetoreactin"thehereandnow"notin"whatisdeadandgone."

Achievingself-awarenesscallsforrecognizingnotonlywhatyouthink(cognitiveaspectsofyourreactions)butalsohowyoufeel(emotionalaspectsofyourreactions).Awholepersonexperiencesbothcognitiveandemotionalaspectsoflife.It'simportant,therefore,toknowwhatyouremotionsare,andthemethodswe'veusedherewillhelpyouidentifythem.Thosemethodswillalsohelpyoumanageyouremotions.Usingthesemethodstofindoutwhyotherpeoplereactastheydotosituationsinwhichyou'reinvolvedwillhelpyourecognizetheiremotions,helpyoutoempathizewiththem.Bymanagingyouremotions,youencouragethemtomanagetheirsaswell,resultinginmorepositiveandproductiverelationships.

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StoryCards

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StoryCards(continued)

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GameCards

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GameCards(continued)

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Exercise11.3WhoAmI?AnIceBreaker

Instructor'sNotes

IrecommendthisnarrativeastheLectureNotesforawrap-upoftheexercise.

Typicallypeopledescribethemselvesonarelativelysuperficiallevelandintermsofrolestheyplay.Forexample,mostpeoplewhohavechildrenrefertothemselvessimplyas"aparent"ratherthansay,"Iamaparentofaboyandagirlwhoaretheappleofmyeye."Thefirstanswersaysthespeakerhappenstobeaparent,whichmayseemessentialbutisreallyincidental,anyonecanbeaparent(unlesssufferingfromaphysicaldisabilitythatpreventschildbearingorchildproducing).Thesecondansweridentifiesthespeakerasaparentandexplainshowshefeelsaboutherchildren.

Inbusiness-relatedexamples,asupervisormightsay,"I'masupervisor"ratherthandescribewhathedoesinthatrole.Asystemsanalystmayidentifyherselfbytitlealso.Andsoon.Now,thequestionremainstobeanswered,whatdoesallthatmean?

Whenpeoplemeet,they'rereluctanttotelleachotherwhattheyknowaboutthemselves.Whileit'simportanttokeepthingstoourselves,it'salsoimportanttoletpeopleseeenoughofusthattheycanunderstandwhoandwhatweareandwhatmakesustick.Unlesspeopledisclosetheirvalues,attitudes,andfeelings,theymakeitdifficultorimpossibleforotherpeopletounderstandthemorhelpthemsatisfytheirneeds.Bydisclosing,wepreventconflictsamongdifferentpeople'svalues,attitudes,andfeelings,whileensuringthatwecanmeetourownneedswhenlivingandworkingwithotherpeople.


Bytheendofthisexerciseparticipantswillbeabletoexplainhowtheypresentthemselvestootherpeople;whethertheyproject:

Positiveimagesornegativeimages

Peripheral(sometimesaccidental)characteristicsortraits,suchastheirjob,oressentialcharacteristicsortraitsthatdistinguishthemasindividuals

Everythingaboutthemselvesthattheycanorshould,oralimitedaspectofthemselves(hidingmuchaboutthemselves)


Risktaking,self-disclosure

Openness,honesty

Trust

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Requirements

Time: Approximatelyforty-fiveminutes

Materials: Posterboards(22inchesby28inches)sufficientforeachparticipanttoreceiveaposter,markersindifferentcolors,maskingtape,anddouble-sidedtape

Equipment: Polaroidcameraandfilmsufficientfortakingonephotographofeachparticipant

Preparation:Holdtheposterboardsvertically(portrait),andmarkeachonewiththequestionWhoAmI?centeredacrossthetop.DrawasquareattheupperleftcornerlargeenoughtoframeaPolaroidpicture.

RoomSetup:

Whateverfitsyourneeds,preferablyroundtableswithgroupsofsixpeople

InstructionstoFacilitator

1.Aseachparticipantenterstheroom,haveanassistant(orifyoudon'thaveanassistant,recruitthefirstparticipant)stophimorher,takeasnapshotoftheperson,andhandittothepersontouseafteritdevelops.

2.Putastackofposters,arollofdouble-sidedtape,andarollofmaskingtapewherepeoplecanaccessthemeasily.

3.Encourageeveryonetobeseatedquicklyanywhereintheroom(unlessyouaredoingteambuildingwithintactteamsandwantteammemberstosittogether).

4.Conducttheexercise.

LectureNotes


1.Everyonetakeuponeposterboardandsomedouble-sidedtape.

2.Holdyourposterboardvertically(portrait)andusethedouble-sidedtapetoattachyoursnapshotintheboxatthetopoftheposterboard.

3.Makeabulletedlistthatintroduceswhoyouaretootherpeople;listoneitemperbullet.

4.Afterwritingyourlist,usemaskingtapetohangyourposteronthewallvertically.

5.Walkaroundtheroomandreadeveryposter.

6.Returntoyourseat.

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ProcessingQuestions

1.Howdoesintroducingyourselfwithoneword,forexample,"father,"orashortphrase,forexample,"shippingsupervisor,"helpotherpeopleunderstandwhoyouare?

Typicalanswer:Onewordandshortphrasesdon'treallyhelpatallbecausethosewordscanmeanalotofdifferentthingstodifferentpeople,oreveniftheymeanthesamething,theydon'tsayanythingaboutwhatyouthinkorfeelaboutyourself.

2.Whatdidtheexercisetellyouabouthowyouandotherpeoplepresentthemselves?

Typicalanswer:We'resomewhatsuperficialorunwillingtotalkaboutourselvestootherpeoplewhenwemeetthem.Wedon'ttrustpeopleenoughwhenwefirstmeetthemtotellthemmoreaboutourselvesthantheobviousthings,likeI'maparentorasupervisor.

3.Whatcanwedotobemoreopenwhenwefirstmeetotherpeople?

Typicalanswer:Weneedtobemorewillingtoopenuptopeople,totrustthemenoughtogivethemsomeinsightintowhoweare,whatwethinkandwhatwefeel.

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Exercise11.4UsingtheJOHARIWindowtoImproveSelf-Awareness

Instructor'sNotes

Thisexerciseworksbestwithintactteamsorwithworkshopgroupswhohavebeeninteractingwithoneanotherforatleastonedayduringwhichtheparticipantswillhavehadanopportunitytoobserveoneanother'sbehavior.


BytheendofthisexerciseparticipantswillbeabletousetheJOHARIWindowto:

Describetheirownbehaviorasopenorclosed.

Usegivingorreceivingfeedbacktoencourageopennessinthemselvesandinothers.

Identifywhatinhibitsorfacilitatestheexchangeoffeedback.


Risktakingandtrust

Decisionmaking

Openness,honesty

Communication,especiallygivingandreceivingfeedback

Requirements

Time: Approximatelytwoandahalfhours

Materials:Flipchart,multicoloredmarkers,maskingtape

CopiesofGivingandGettingFeedbackhandout

fromChapter1(page27)

TheJOHARIWindowoverhead

JOHARIWindowSelf-RatingSheetworksheet

SampleJOHARIWindowModelshandout

Paperandpencils

RulersorsomeotherstraightedgesfordrawingverticalandhorizontallinesintheJOHARIWindowmodelhandout

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Equipment: OverheadprojectororcomputertodisplayJOHARIWindowmodelsonscreen(optional)

Preparation:Maketheoverhead.

Photocopytheworksheetandhandout.

RoomSetup:

Roundtableseachwithchairsforfiveorsixpeopleorasetupthatallowsforface-to-facediscussion

LectureNotes

Whenpeopleworktogether,theymustconfronteachotherwithissuesorconcernsabouthowtheworkisgettingdoneorhowtheyfeelabouttheirrelationship.Althoughthewordconfrontationhasrecentlyacquiredsomenegativeconnotations,itmeansonlytodealwithsomematterface-to-face;therefore,confrontingcanbefriendlyorconstructive,oritcanbeangryanddestructive.It'snotamatteronlyofwhatyousaybutalsoofhowyousayit.Whenyoufollowtheguidelinesforgivingandgettingfeedback,youcreateanopennessthatfacilitatesfriendly,constructiveconfrontation.

[Facilitator:DistributetheGivingandGettingFeedbackhandoutanduseitasaguidefortalkingaboutfeedbackanditsguidelines.]

Onewaytoimprovetheopennesswithwhichyoudealwithotherpeopleandtheydealwithyouistoexamineourwillingnesstodiscloseourthoughtsandfeelings.TheJOHARIWindowwilldojustthat.

[Facilitator:PutuptheJOHARIWindowoverheadnow.]

Thismodelofself-awareness,self-disclosure,andfeedbackwasfirstdevelopedbytwopsychologistsJosephLuftandHarryIngham.Thus

thenameJOHARI[pronouncedjoe-harry]Window.Theycreatedthewindowasabasiccommunicationtoolthroughwhichyougiveandreceiveinformationaboutyourselfwhilereceivinginformationaboutyouorotherpeople.Youcandrawthewindowpanesinanyshapethatreflectsyourabilitytodiscloseinformationaboutyourselfortoacceptinformationaboutyourselffromotherpeople.Themoreyouknowaboutyourselfandthemoreotherpeopleknowaboutyou,thelargerthepanecalledtheArena.LuftandInghamcalledthisexpandingawindowpane.Atthesametime,theBlindSpotandtheFacadegetsmaller;theycalledthiscontracting.I'llexplaintheexpanding,contractingprocessafterweexaminethewindowalittlemoreclosely.

Lookatthewindowintwodimensions:self-orientationandgrouporientation.WhenyoulookatthewindowfromlefttorightorrighttoleftthedirectionlabeledSelfthewindowpanesconsistofthingsapersonknowsordoesn'tknowabouthimselforherselfandaboutotherpeople'sperceptionsoforfeelingstowardhimorher.Forapersontoexpandthisself-orientationdimension,heorshemustchangetheamountofinformationheorsherevealsorknowsaboutotherpeople'sfeelings.

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Togetinformationaboutotherpeople'sfeelings,heorshehastoaskforandacceptfeedback.Thewaythepersonseestheworldexpandsorcontractstotheextentheorshereceivesusefulinformationaboutotherpeopleandtheirfeedbackabouthimorher.

WhenyoulookatthewindowfromtoptobottomorbottomtotopthedirectionlabeledGroupthewindowpanesconsistofthingsotherpeopleknowaboutapersonandabouthisorherperceptionsoforfeelingstowardthem,orthingsthattheydon'tknowabouthimorher.ThisGroup-orienteddimensionexpandsorcontractsrelativetotheamountofusefulinformationapersonoffersabouthimselforherselfandthefeedbackheorshegivestootherpeopleabouthowheorsheseesorfeelsaboutthem.Thisdimensionofself-disclosureandofgivingfeedbackistheworldinwhichapersonincludesotherpeopleinhisorherworld.Therefore,howmuchapersondisclosesorhowmuchfeedbackheorshegivesaffectshowotherpeople'sArenasexpandorcontract.

TheArenaisthepublicwindow.Everyonecanseeintoit.TheFaçade,orHiddenArea,isthewindowpaneyoucontrol,lettingpeopleseethroughitonlyasmuchasyou'rewillingtoletthem.TheBlindSpotisapublicwindowtowhichonlyyouaren'tprivy.Otherpeoplecanseethroughit,andunlessyouaskthemtohelpyoulookthroughittoo,youneverwill.

Thelastwindowpaneisprobablythemostimportantofallandrequiresthemostpersonalefforttoaccess:TheUnknown.Youdon'thavedirectaccesstothisinformation,butneitherdoesanyoneelseunlessyouaskthemtoobserveyoucloselyandgiveyoufeedbackaboutwhattheyseeorhear.

Ittakesagreatdealoftrustonyourparttoaskforfeedbackabouthowwhatyousayordoandhowyousayitanddoitaffectsotherpeople.Italsotakesagreatwillingnessontheirparttogivethat

feedback.However,themorefeedbacktheygiveyou,thegreateryourinsightintohowyoucomeacrosstoothersandthegreaterthegainsforthem;bothyouandtheyenlargeourrespectiveArenawindowpaneswhileshrinkingyourrespectiveFaçades.Thegreatertheflowofinformationfrompersontoperson,thegreatertheinsightforeveryoneregardlessoftheinformation'scontent.

LuftandIngham,Freudianpsychologists,addedanappendagetotheUnknownintheirmodelthatwedon'tshow:TheUnconscious.Thisistheareaforeverclosedtoyou(andprobablytoeveryoneelse)unlessyouundergointensive,long-termpsychotherapy.ThisworkshopisnottheplacefordealingwithTheUnconscious.

Thepanesofthewindowshift,grow,orshrinkrelativetotheamountofinformationthatpassesthroughthem.Theamountofinformationeveryonegetsandgivesincreasestotheextentthatmembersofyourgroupexperiencemutualtrustandwillingnesstoexchangefeedbackortodisclosetheirthoughtsandfeelings.Thelessthetrustorwillingnesstobeopen,thelesstheinformationflows,thesmallertheArenapane,thelargertheBlindSpot,thelargertheFaçade,andthelargertheUnknown.So,nowit'stimetocompletetheJOHARIWindowSelf-RatingSheet.

[Facilitator:DistributetheJOHARIWindowSelf-Ratingsheetsnow.]

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1.OnyourSelf-RatingSheet,thescalefromonetonineacrossthetopofthewindowdescribestheextenttowhichyouaskforfeedback.

2.Thinkbackoveryourlastfewgroupmeetings,includingthegroupactivitiesinthisworkshop,anddecidewhetherornotyouwerecuriousenoughabouthowyouwereperceivedbyotherstoaskforfeedbackfromthegroupmembers.

3.Findapointonthehorizontalscalethatdescribestheextenttowhichyouactuallyaskedforfeedbackduringgroupmeetings.Donotratethenumberoftimesyoufeltlikeaskingforfeedbackbutratherthenumberoftimesyouactuallyaskedforit.

4.Afteryou'velocatedapointonthescale,drawaverticallinefromthatpointstraightdowntothebottomofthewindow.Useastraightedge.

5.(Aftersteps3and4arecompleted....)Nowthinkbacktogroupsettingsinwhichyouactuallydisclosedinformationaboutyourthoughtsorfeelings,whetherthosethoughtsorfeelingswereaboutyouoraboutotherpeople.Notthetimesyoufeltlikedisclosingyourthoughtsorfeelingsbutrathertheactualtimesyoudid.

6.Locateapointintheverticalscale,fromonetonine,atyourleftofthewindow.

7.Withastraightedgedrawahorizontallinefromthepointontheleftstraightacrosstotheright.

8.Marktheupperleftpane,A(forArena),theupperrightpaneBS(forBlindSpot),thelowerleftpaneF(forFaçade),andthelowerrightpaneU(forUnknown).

9.Let'sinterpretthesegridstogetherbeforewedothegroupactivities.

Interpretations

1.Theloweryouratedyourwillingnesstoaskforfeedback,thesmallerthehorizontaldimensionofthepanecalledtheArena.Youknowlessaboutyourselfatthispointbecauseyoudon'tknowmuchabouthowotherpeopleseeyou,regardlessofwhetheryouthinktheirperceptionsareaccurateorfeelingsjustified,that'showyoucomeacrosstothem;theirperceptionsorfeelingsarestillinformationaboutyouthatyouneedtoknow.AsaresultthepanecalledtheBlindSpotislargerthanyouwouldprobablylikeittobe.Seeingyourselfasothersseeyouincreasesyourself-awareness.

2.Theloweryouratedyourwillingnesstogivefeedback,thesmallertheverticaldimensionoftheArena,andthelargeristheFaçadedimension.ThatalsoenlargestheUnknowndimensionbecauseyouknowlessaboutyourselfthanisideal,andotherpeopleknowlessaboutyouthanisbest.Theresultofallthisisthatyourself-awarenesssuffersandyourrelationshipswithotherpeoplewillsufferaswell.Forexample,whenyouprovideinformationtothe

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group,youmayseeyourselfasbeinghelpful;theotherpeoplemayseeyouasoverwhelming.Theymaythereforeresistyoureffortstoprovideinformationinthefuture.Youneedtoknowwhattheotherpeoplearethinkingorfeelinginordertodealwiththemappropriately.

3.Let'slookatfourdifferentpossibleshapesoftheJOHARIWindowdescribedbytrainingexpertPhillipC.Hansonmanyyearsago.1Compareyourwindowtothese.

[Facilitator:DistributeSampleJOHARIWindowsModelshandoutnow.]

IdealWindow:ThearrowsaroundtheArenaarelong,suggestingthatyou'requitetrusting,willingtoself-disclose,respectfulofotherpeopleandtheiropinions,andwillingtoacceptfeedback.Youencourageafreediscussionofallissues,includinghowpeoplethinkorfeel.

Interviewer:Thehorizontalarrowislong,buttheverticalarrowtotherightoftheArenaisshort,suggestingyou'rewillingtoacceptfeedbackandself-disclosurefromothers,butyou'renotwillingtogiveit.Youprobablyaskalotofquestionsbutfendoffattemptstodrawyouout.

Bull-in-the-China-Shop:Thehorizontalarrowisshort,buttheverticalarrowislong,suggestingthatyou'reonlytoowillingtotellotherpeoplewhatyouthinkorfeelbutyou'renotopentolisteningtowhattheythinkorfeel.

Turtle:WithbotharrowsaroundtheArenashort,you'vepulledbackintoashellandaren'twillingtogiveortogetfeedback.Self-disclosure,eitheryourownorotherpeople's,ispainfultoyou.

InstructionstoParticipants:GroupActivity1ComparingWindows

1.Inyoursmallgroupdiscussthewindowsyouhavedrawnforyourself.Thisactivitybyitselfisapartoftheself-disclosureprocessthatreducesthesizeofyourFaçadewhileincreasingthesizeoftheArena.

2.Askforfeedbackfromthegroupmembersastohowtheyseeyouandaskfortheirratingsofyouinthefourwindowpanes.Marktheirinterpretationsonyourownchart.ThisactivitybyitselfreducesthesizeofyourBlindSpotwhileincreasingthesizeoftheArena.

3.Taketwentyminutestocompletethispartoftheexercise.

[Facilitator:Allowanadditionaltenminutesifneeded;don'trushthediscussions.]

1PhillipC.Hanson,''TheJOHARIWindow:AModelforSolicitingandGivingFeedback,"inJohnE.JonesandJ.WilliamPfeiffer,editors,1973AnnualHandbookforGroupFacilitators(LaJolla,CA:UniversityAssociates,1973),pp.114119.

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InstructionstoParticipants:GroupActivity2Inhibiting/FacilitatingFeedback

1.Inyoursmallgroupidentifywhatmadeiteasyordifficultintheactivitytoaskforortogivefeedback.

2.Makeatwo-columnchart.Ontheleft,listtheinhibitingfactors.Ontheright,listthefacilitatingfactors.

3.Whatcanyoudotoincreasetheinfluenceoffacilitatingfactorsandreducetheeffectsofinhibitingfactors?

4.Youhavefifteenminutestocompletethisactivity.

5.Electaspokespersontoexplainyourdecisionstothewholeclass.

Instructor'sNotes

Typically,especiallywhenthereismorethanonesmallgroup,theparticipantscomeupwithcomprehensivelistsofinhibitorsandfacilitators.However,theaccompanyingtableprovidessomepossibleanswers.

Inhibitors Facilitators

Notknowingoneanotherverywell

Thesafeenvironmentoftheworkshop

Nottrustingoneanotherverymuch Understandingwhattheexercise

issupposedtoaccomplish

FearthatwhatIsaywillbeusedagainstme Trustingthepeopleinmygroup

FearthatwhatIsaywillbeleakedbackonthe

BelievingthatwhatIsaytothisgroupwillstaywithit

job

Embarrassment Believingthattheexercisewillhelpmebemoreopenandhonest

Fearofgettingnegativefeedback

FearthatI'llbeseenastoocriticalofotherpeople

Gettinggoodorusefulfeedbackfromotherpeople

Reluctancetosayanythingbadaboutotherpeople

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Themostimportantwaytoreducetheinhibitingfactorsandincreasethefacilitatingfactorsistoincreasetrustlevels,whichcanonlycomethroughexperiencewithoneanother.Opennessmeansnotonlydisclosinginformationbutalsoacceptingthatinformationwithasenseofconfidentiality;itbelongsonlytothepersonwhotoldusandtous.Opennessalsorequiresthatwebewillingtoconfrontoneanotherwithourperceptionsandfeelingswithoutattemptingtodooneanotherharmortowinacontest.

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Follow-UpActivitiesforIncreasingSelf-Awareness



Evaluateorassesshowotherpeopleseethem.



Evaluatingorassessingone'sownbehavior

Opennesstofeedbackfromotherpeople

Opennesstomakingchangesinone'sbehavior

Requirements

Time: Fiveminutesforinstructionplusdiscussiontime

Materials: InstructionsforWritinganActionPlanhandoutSampleActionPlanhandoutKnowingYourselfBetterhandout

Preparation: Photocopythehandouts.

LectureNotes

[Facilitator:DistributetheInstructionsforWritinganActionPlan,theSampleActionPlan,andtheKnowingYourselfBetterhandouts.]

Whatyoujustdidisonlyabeginning.Inordertoincreaseself-awareness,youneedtopracticetheskillsinvolved,whichmayincludechangingthewayyousayanddothings.Mostimportantly,itwillincludegettingfeedbackfromotherpeopleastohowwhatyou

sayordoaffectsthem.Ifyouthenagreethattheirfeedbackhasmeritandwarrantschange,youneedtoapproachthatchangesystematically.

Beforeyoucanmakeachangeofanykind,youneedtoknowwhatpresentconditionsyouwanttochangebasedonfeedbackyougetfromotherpeople:mannerismswhentalking,toneofvoice,facialexpressions,failingtolistentootherpeople,

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takingcontrolofgroupactivities,andsoon.Feedbackfromotherpeople,asdescribedintheJOHARIWindowexercise,isonewaytogetyour"baseline"information.ThenyouneedtosetachangegoalanddevelopanactionplanforchangebyfollowingtheoutlineinthehandoutInstructionsforWritinganActionPlan.

Inadditiontofeedbackfromotherpeople,usethevarietyofothertechniquesforgettingfeedbackabouthowyouappeartootherpeoplelistedinthehandoutKnowingYourselfBetter.

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SampleActionPlan

CurrentConditions:WhatdoIwanttochangeandwhydoIwanttochangeit?

PeopletellmeIappeartobeaggressivewhenIstaemyopinions.I'mtoointenseandIdon'tseemtolistenwhenotherpeopletalk.Asaresultpeoplepushbackagainstmyideas.Idon'twanttogivethatimpression,andI'dratherwedidn'tstruggleoveropinions.

ChangeGoal:WhatshouldmybehaviorbelikeafterIhaveaffectedachange?

Assoonaspossible,IwanttopresentmyopinionsinamoreacceptablefashionbyprefacingwhatIsaywithphraseslike"Inmyopinion,""Ithinkthat,"andbyaskingforfeedbackfromotherpeopleaboutwhattheythinkorfeelaboutmyopinions.

Milestones:HowwillImeasuremyprogress?

AtmeetingsIwillexpressmyopinionsasstatedabove,andafterthemeetings,IwillaskpeopletogivemefeedbackastohowIcameacrosstothem.WhenIgetfeedbackthattellsmethatI'mnotasintimidatingasIhavebeen,andthatIseemmorereceptivetootherpeople'sopinions,IwillknowI'mmakingprogress.

ResourcesNeeded:Whatwillhelpmemakethechange?

(Includeinyourplanningalistofresourcesyoualreadyhaveavailabletoyouandanyyoumightneedthatyoudon'thaveatthistime.)IneedataperecorderwithwhichtorecordthewayItalkwhenIpresentanidea.ThatwayIcanplayitbacktohearthewordsIusedandmytoneofvoice.

Barriers:Whatcangetinthewayofmakingthechange?

Noonetogivemefeedback.

ActionSteps:WhatdoIhavetodotoeffectthechange?

Practiceusingtheappropriatephrases.

Practicepresentingideaswithlessintensity.

Usemynewskillsinmeetings.

Askforfeedbackregularly,notjustinmeetingsbutalsofromfriendsandrelatives.

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12Self-ConfidenceBytheendofthischapteryouwillbeabletofacilitatetwoexercisesforhelpingparticipantstoincreasetheirself-confidenceby:

Identifyingbehaviorsgenerallyassociatedwithself-confidenceandwiththelackofit

Recognizinghowtheirownbehaviorsexhibitself-confidenceorthelackofit

Takingstepstobuildontheirstrengthsandminimizetheirweaknesses

Typicallypeopletalkabout''feeling"self-confident,whichisanaccurateformofself-expression,butself-confidencetakesbehavioralformsaswell.Thefirstofthesetwoexercisescallsattentiontothosebehaviorsthatdemonstrateandsupportthefeelingsofself-confidencetoboththeindividualandtoothersobservinghimorher.

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Exercise12.1ExpressingSelf-ConfidencethroughAssertiveness

Instructor'sNotes

Thistwo-partexerciseiscomplexandtouchesonsensitivepersonalissues.Itworksbestwithanintactteamorwithworkshopgroupsthathavebeeninteractingwithoneanotherforatleastonedayduringwhichtheparticipantswillhavehadanopportunitytobuildlevelsoftrust.Yourexpertisewithpersonalbehaviorstylesalsowillplayanimportantrole.However,becarefulnottoimportotherbehaviorstyleconcepts,forexample,theDISCmodelorMyers-Briggs,intothisexercise.Theydescribehowapersontakesinandprocessesinformationinmorewaysthanstudentswillbeabletodigestinthisexercise.Stayfocusedontheonecompetency:Self-Confidence.



Identifytheirownlevelofself-confidenceinavarietyofdifferentsituations.

Relatefeedbackfromotherpeopleabouthowself-confidenttheyappeartothosepeopleandtotheirself-perceptions.

Applyanactionplantoincreasetheirlevelsofself-confidence.


Risktakingandtrust

Decisionmaking

Openness,honesty

Respectforothers


Requirements

Time: Threehoursorlonger


Paperandpencils

Self-Assessment:HowDoIRespondtoSituations?


BehaviorsandFeelingsAssociatedwiththeLevelsofSelf-Confidencehandout

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Self-ConfidenceBehaviorshandout

InstructionsforTeammateintheBarrelhandout

TeammateintheBarrelScripts

FeedbackGuideforTeammateintheBarrel

SampleObserver'sGuideforTeammateintheBarrel

Observer'sGuideforTeammateintheBarrel

Nametentsornametagsforthesecondpartoftheexercise

Equipment: Overheadprojectororpowerpoint(optional)andscreen

Preparation:Photocopytheself-assessmentanditsscoringandinterpretationguide,thehandouts,andtheTeammateintheBarrelscripts,feedbackguide,sampleobserver'sguide,andobserver'sguide;makeenoughcopiesofthefeedbackguideandobserver'sguideforeachpersonontheteamtogivefeedbackandtoobserveallmembersoftheteam.

Makenametentsornametags:ElectricalEngineer,MechanicalEngineer,ProductionCoordinator,Buyer,Observer1(andObserver2forsix-personteams)

RoomSetup:

Allowforpeopletotalktooneanotherfacetoface.Teamsshouldbenomorethansixpeople.Bestarrangementifavailable:breakoutrooms,

withroundtables,chairsforfiveorsixpeople.Ifbreakoutroomsarenotavailable,separatetheteamsasmuchaspossibleinthemainmeetingroom.

LectureNotesPriortoSelf-AssessmentActivity

[Facilitator:Distributetheself-assessmentanditsaccompanyingscoringguide.Thenreadaloudthefollowing,whichincludesmoreinformationthanisonthehandout.]


Workingbyyourself,readthedescriptionofeachsituation.Thenconsiderthepossibleresponsesthatfollowanddecidewhichresponseistheclosesttotheoneyouwouldmake.Theword"Agree"intheassessmentmeans"Iwouldsaythis."Putacheckmarkaftertheresponsesa,b,c,anddineachofthesesituations:agreecompletely(column1),agreeundersomecircumstances(column2),disagreecompletely(column3).Youmustagreewithatleastoneresponse(i.e.,youcannotdisagreecompletelywithallresponses).

Thisisnotatest.Therearenorightorwronganswers.Thesearewaysapersonmightrespondtothesituation.Behonestwithyourselfastowhichwayyouwouldrespond.

Whenyouhavefinishedcheckingyourresponses,followtheinstructionstothehandoutforscoringandinterpretingtheself-test.Youhavetwentyminutestocompletethisindividualactivity.

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LectureNotesPriortoGroupActivity

[Facilitator:DistributetheBehaviorsandFeelingsAssociatedWiththeLevelsofSelf-Confidencehandoutnow.]

Thechartinthehandoutdescribesbehaviorsassociatedwiththelevelsofself-confidence,orthelackofit,asassertive,aggressive,passive,orlaissez-fairebehavior."You"referstoanyonewhosebehaviorfitsthedescription.Thesebehaviorsandtheresponsetothemarethemainmethodsbywhichpeopleidentifyanotherperson'slevelofself-confidence.Inthismanner,thechartprovidesuswithabehavioral,empiricaldefinitionofself-confidence.

Asyoureadthischart,noticethatanypersonmightexhibitbehaviorsinoneleveloranotherdependingonthesituation.Apersonmightbehaveaggressivelyinonesituation,aswhendealingwithcoworkers,butpassivelyinanother,aswhendealingwithhisorherspouse.Differentconditionsevokedifferentresponsesnotonlyfrompersontopersonbutalsofromthesamepersonatdifferenttimes,differentplaces,andunderdifferentcircumstances.Byextension,anyindividualmayfeelahighdegreeofself-confidenceinsomesituations,aswhen,forexample,heorshehasexpertiseinasubjectoraskillinatechnique,andmayfeelalowlevelofself-confidenceinothers,aswhen,forexample,heorshehaslittleexperienceinsocialrelationships.Asaresultofthisvariationinbehaviors,itisn'tappropriatetolabelapersonasassertive,aggressive,andsoforth,butratheronlythebehaviorthepersonexhibitsatanyonetime.

[Facilitator:Allowtimeforparticipantstoreadthehandoutandtodiscussquestionsraised.]

Self-ConfidenceasAssertivenessorasAggression

[Facilitator:DistributetheSelf-ConfidenceBehaviorshandoutnow.]

Self-confidencecantaketwodifferentbehavioralformsfromtwodifferentendsofaspectrum:asassertivebehaviorandasaggressivebehavior.Mostself-confidentbehaviortypicallyfallssomewherebetweenthetwoextremes.

Assertiveness

Assertivebehaviorleadstohonest,mutuallyrespectful,supportive,andcreativerelationshipsbyassumingthesevalues.

[Facilitator:ReadaloudthesectionoftheSelf-ConfidenceBehaviorshandoutrelatingtoassertiveness.]

Whenyou'reassertive,youuse"I-Language,"whichmakesitclearthatyouhavetakenownershipofyourbeliefsorfeelings."Ithink...""Ifeel...""Iwish...''"Inmyopinion..."Theseprefacessaythatyou'rereportingsomethingaboutyourself,notimposingyourbeliefsorfeelingsonanyoneelse,leavingroomfordifferencesof

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opinionsorjudgments,andyouareopentodiscussionordialogue."I"statementsconveythemind,heart,andspiritofassertiveness.

Youdon'thavetobeanexpertorskilledorthebestandthebrightesttohaveself-confidence.Assertivenesswhenyouarestandingonunfamiliargroundorhavelittleexperienceinsimilarsituationsisn'tnecessarilybravado.Itcomesfromtheself-confidencefoundinbeingsecureinyourselfandprovidesastrongbasisforrationalrisktaking.

Aggression

Aggressivebehaviorincontrastpreventsalloftheabove.Mostaggressivebehaviorintheworkplacereflectsanoverabundanceofself-confidenceratherthanalackofit.Thisbehaviormayormaynotreflectanyspecialknowledgeorskill;itusuallyreflectsvaluesandattitudesdevelopedovermanyyears.It'sbehaviorthathasworkedandhasproducedresults.Aswiselysaidbytheoldmaxim:Anyvirtuecanbecarriedtoextremes,andanyvirtuecarriedtoextremescanbecomeavice.

[Facilitator:ReadaloudthesectionoftheSelf-ConfidenceBehaviorshandoutrelatingtoaggression.]

Ifthefeedbackpeoplegiveyousaysthattheyseeyouasaggressive,theymean,inpart,thatyourlanguagegivesyouaway.Whenaggressivepeopleuse"I-Language,"itusuallyemphasizestheselfishnessorself-centerednessintheirbehavior,aswhentheysaythingssuchas"Iwant..."Moretothepoint,"You-Language"marksaggressiveness."Youare...''"Youdid...""Youshould...""Youshouldn't...""Yououghtto...""Yououghtnot..."Controloverotherpeopleistheendgame.Youneedtotakenoticeofthewayyoutalkwithpeoplebeforeyoucangetcontroloftheonethingyoushouldorcouldtrulycontrol:yourself.

Noneofthisnegatestherealpossibilitythataspecificperson's

aggressivenesshasitsrootsinsomepastexperienceoffeelingvulnerable,orofnotbeingassertive,orofoverreactingtosomepastnegativeemotionalexperience,threeexperiencesthatcouldgeneratealackofself-confidenceandproduceacompensatoryreaction.However,fewofushavesufficienttrainingtoseethroughafaçadeofaggressiontothehurtpersoninside.Wecandealonlywiththeoverbearingbehaviorasweexperienceit.

LowSelf-Confidence:PassivityorNonassertiveness

Passivebehavioroverarelativelyextendedperiodoftimeusuallyreflectshowapersonperceivesherself(alowlevelofself-esteemorbeliefinoneself),whichthenaffectsherlevelofself-confidence,herwillingnesstotakerisksortoassertherself.Themostcommonoutcomefromthislackofself-confidenceissocialityintheextreme,whichincludesbeinga"yesman."(However,anaggressivepersonmayoftenusethemaskof"yes-man"behaviortomanipulatepeople,abehaviormanypsychologistslabel"passive-aggressive.")Anothercommonpassiveresponseiswithdrawingintoashell.Dishonest,insincererelationsresultfromthefirstpassivepattern,socialityintheextreme.Thelackofopennessinthesecondpassivepattern,withdrawal,producesrelativelyfew,ifany,relationships.

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[Facilitator:ReadaloudthesectionoftheSelf-ConfidenceBehaviorshandoutrelatingtopassivitynow.]

Ifyougetfeedbackfrompeoplethattheyhearyouusealotof"You-Language,"whattheyheariscompliantandnonjudgmentallanguagethatmarkspassivity:"Youwant...""Youneed...""Youwish..."Tothemitseemsthatwhat"I''want,need,orwishisnotimportant.

Whatthey'lltellyouintheirfeedbackisthattheythinkyoudon'trevealyourneeds.Itseemstothemyoufearthatthey'lltakeadvantageofyou.Ontheotherhand,theyhearyouaskingtoknowabouttheirneeds,thatitseemsthatifyoudon'thelpsatisfytheirwishes,they'llnotlikeyou.

Peoplemightseethiskindofpassivebehaviorasa"lose-win"situationinwhichyou,ifyouexhibitpassivebehavior,alwayslose.However,ifthat'swhatyouthinkyouwantorneed,thenforyouatthatmoment,ifyouhaveourfriendshipneedsmet,orifyou'releftalone,youwillbelieveandfeelthatyouwintoo.Overtime,passivebehaviorhasbeenreinforcedbecauseithasachievedtheresultsyouwant.However,tobesuccessfulinachievingourgoalsthroughpassivebehaviormustbeaconsciouschoiceonyourpart.

LowSelf-Confidence:Laissez-FaireorWillinglyGivingUpControl

"Beinglaidback"oftencharacterizesthebehaviorwecalllaissez-faire,Frenchfor"leavealone"or"donothing."Laissez-fairebehaviorrepeatedoveraperiodoftimereflectsalowlevelofself-confidence,eventhoughthepersonmayrationalizehisorheractionswith,"Itrusteveryonetodotheirjobsanddothemwell."Intheextreme,thisbehaviorusuallysignifiespassivebehavior,withdrawingfromresponsibilityoraccountability.

Whenexhibitedbymanagers,thisstylemayseemlikeassertive,

democratic,orparticipativebehavior.Thedifferencebetweenlaissez-faireanddemocraticbehaviorsemergesfromthecontext,especiallyifthepersonyouneedorrelyonisn'tthereforyouwhenyouneedhim.Democraticbehaviorisparticipative,andthedemocratparticipatestoo.Notsothelaissez-fairepersonwithlowself-confidence,althoughheisnotlockedupinaproductiveshell.

Contrasttwodifferentmanagers'responsestothissituation.Topmanagementwantsyourengineeringunittodesignanewvalveforapumpthathasbeengivingcustomersproblems.Alaissez-fairemanagerwouldsay,"Topmanagementwantsyoutodesignthevalve"andleaveitatthat.Youflounderfromthelackofdirection,theprojectmissesitsstandardsordeadline,andthemanagerletsyoutaketheheat.Ontheotherhand,thedemocraticorassertivemanagerwouldsay,"Topmanagementwantsustodesignthevalve.Let'stakealookatwhatthatrequires."If,then,youdon'thappentomeetthestandardsordeadline,themanagertellstopmanagement,"Mypeoplegaveittheirbestshotbutwillneedmoretime."

Peoplecanspotthelaissez-fairequalityinourbehaviorbydishonestyaboutfeelings.They'llhearyousaythingslike"Ireallywantyoutosucceed,"butdo

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nothingtohelpthemwhentheyneedhelp.Insincereaboutroles,you'llsaythingsyouneverdo.

[Facilitator:ReadaloudthesectionoftheSelf-ConfidenceBehaviorshandoutrelatingtolaissez-fairebehaviornow.]

Iffeedbackfromotherpeoplesuggeststhatourbehaviorislaissezfaire,thatresultsfromconfusionaboutyouandwhatyouwant.Youprobablywilluseamixof"I-Language"and"You-Language,"whichconfusesmostpeople;itappearsthatyouhaveahighlevelofself-confidence,wheninfactyoudon't.Whenyousaysomethinglike,''Ithinkyoushouldtakecareofthisonyourown,"howshouldtheotherpersoninterpretwhatyoumean?Itmaysignalarealdesireforthepersontotaketheresponsibilityawayfromyou,ifyoushouldhaveatleastashareinthatresponsibility.Manymanagerspushresponsibilityoffontootherpeopleeventhough,intheend,theyareresponsibleforanythingtheirworkunitdoes.

"You'recompetentandcapable"maysignalyourconcernthatyouaren't."Dowhatyouwantorwhatyouthinkright"maysignalyourinabilityorreluctancetomakeadecision.Youseemtocareabouttheotherperson,but,infact,youarereallyprotectingyourself.Ifanythingtheotherpersondecidesordoesshouldbackfireorfail,you'relikelytosay,"Ihadnothingtodowithit.Itwasallyouridea."

Ifyou'regettingfeedbackthatyourbehaviorisanythinglikewe'vedescribed,youneedtomakeaseriousefforttoturnitaround.Youneedtosetgoalsthatwillleadyoutotakeresponsibilityforwhathappensaround,tomakeaccountableforyourownactions.Onewayyoucanbegintodothatistomonitorwhatyousaytopeoplethatyouwilldoandthenbesuretodothat.Anotherwayistoensurethatwhatyousaytopeopleissincere,thatyoutrulybelievewhatyousay.

LectureNotesPriortotheTeammateintheBarrelGroupActivity


Inthisportionoftheexercise,youwillallparticipateinonewayoranotherwithinyourteamhereintheworkshop.Herearethescenarioandtheinstructions.

[Facilitator:DistributeInstructionsforTeammateintheBarrelhandoutnow.Thenreadtheinstructionsaloudandanswerquestionsabouttheexercise.]

Facilitator'sNotes

1.Distributeexercisematerials.

2.Sendteamstotheirbreakoutrooms(ifavailable)orhavethemassembleindifferentpartsofthemainmeetingroom.

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3.Takeeachteammemberasidebeforetheexercisebeginsforspecialcoachingonhowtocreatepressuresontheteammateinthebarrel.Examples:

TelltheElectricalEngineertoshoutorpoundthetablewhenaccusingthepersonofslackingoff,doanythingwithinreasontobeaggressive.

CoachtheMechanicalEngineertobepleasanttotheteammateinthebarrelbuttogetbetweenpeopleandtheteammateinthebarrel.Atthesametime,heorsheshouldnotberudeoroffensivetoanyone.

TelltheBuyertophysicallypullbackfromthegroup,sittingafootortwooutsidetheteam'scircle,nottoofferanyopinionsorsolutionstoproblems,buttoofferdisparagingremarksabouteveryone.

CoachtheProductionControllertobeveryrudeandjudgmental,disparagingeverythingeveryoneelsehastosay.

ProcessingQuestionsafterBothPartsoftheExercise

1.Howclosedidyourscorescometotheperceptionsotherpeoplehadofhowyouhandledthesituationwhenyouwereinthebarrel?

Typicalanswer:Thereweremanydifferences.

2.Whatdoyouthinkaccountsforthegapsinopinions?

Typicalanswer:Idon'tseemyselfthewayotherpeopleseeme,andIthinkIhandlepressuresituationsbetterthanIdo.

3.Ifyouarenotsatisfiedwiththeresultsofyourself-testorthefeedbackfromtheexercise,andthinkyouhaveroomforimprovement,whatstepsshouldyoutakeimmediatelytoachievebetterresultsinthefuture?

Therearenotypicalanswershere;peoplerespondintermsoftheresultstheyreceivedintheirfeedback.

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Giveyourselftwopointsforeachdanswerwithwhichyouagreecompletely(column1),onepointforeachanswerwithwhichyoumightagreesometimes(column2),twopointseachtimeyoudisagreecompletelywithanswersa,b,orc(column3).Totalthescoresforeachanswer:a,b,c,d.

Responsestodareassertiveresponses,whichsuggestself-confidence.Thetotalscoretoresponsedindicatesadegreeofassertivenessandself-confidence.

Score Interpretation

60 You'reanexceptionalperson,veryassertiveandextremelyself-confident.

5059 You'reaboveaverageinassertivenessandself-confidence.

4049 You'rereasonablyassertiveandself-confident.

3039 You'reaboutaverageinassertivenessandself-confidence.

2029 You'rebelowaverageinassertivenessandself-confidence.

below20

Youshouldcarefullystudyhowtobecomemoreassertiveandraiseyourlevelofself-confidence.

Responsesa,b,andcare,respectively,passive,laissez-faire,andaggressive.Agreementundersomecircumstances(column2)withthesethreeresponsessuggestsoneofthefollowing:

Youarelikelytofallbackonthisbehaviorwhenyou'reunderpressure.

Youcan'tdecideonyourpropercourseofactioninthosecircumstances.

Thatthebetterpartofvaloristodoastheresponsesuggests.

Regardlessofthereason,noneofthethreeresponsesisassertiveorreflectsagreatdealofself-confidence.Ascoreof15ormoreforresponsesa,b,andcdemonstratesacertainlackofself-confidencethatyoumaywanttobeefupbycomingtogripswithyourreasonsfornotchoosingtheassertiveresponse.

Disagreeingcompletelywithd,especiallywhenviewedinrelationtotheresponseswithwhichyoudidagreeinsomeway,alsosuggestsacertainlackofself-confidence.Contrarily,completedisagreementwithresponsesa,b,andc,especiallyifyouagreecompletelywithresponsed,strengthensyouropinionconcerningyourpositiveassertivenessandself-confidence.

MarkyourscoreswithanXontheappropriateplaces.Forexample,ifyouscoredveryhighonassertiveness,forexample,50,placeanXonthehorizontalaxisfartotheleftoftheverticalaxis.IfyouscoredverylowonLaissez-faire,placeanXontheverticalaxisclosetothejunctionoftheverticalandhorizontalaxes.DothesameforPassiveandforAggressive.

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TeammateintheBarrelScripts

(continues)

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TeammateintheBarrelScripts(continued)

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TeammateintheBarrelScripts(continued)

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Exercise12.2ManagingtheChallengestoMySelf-Confidence

Instructor'sNotes

Thisexerciseisdividedintofourparts:twoindividualactivitiesandtwogroupactivities.Becauseitmaybetoolongtouseinashortworkshop,IhaveaddedExercise12.3,BuildingSelf-Confidence,asaalternativetoExercise12.2.

Note:Thisexerciseworksbestwithanintactteamorwithworkshopgroupsthathavebeeninteractingwithoneanotherforatleastonedayduringwhichtheparticipantswillhavehadanopportunitytobuildlevelsoftrust.



Identifythevarietyofdifferentchallenges(needstochange)thataffecttheirself-confidencenegatively.

Takefeedbackfromotherpeopleastothestrengthstheyseeandsuggestionsforchange.

Applyanactionplantoincreasetheirlevelsofself-confidence.


Risktakingandtrust

Decisionmaking

Openness,honesty

Respectforothers


Requirements

Time: Approximatelyninetyminutes


InstructionsforStrengths,Challenges,andBarriersCharthandout

Strengths,Challenges,andBarriersChartworksheet

InstructionsforSelf-ConfidenceActionPlannerhandout

SampleSelf-ConfidenceActionPlanner

Self-ConfidenceActionPlannerworksheet

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Preparation:Photocopythehandouts,worksheet,andsample.

RoomSetup:

Allowforpeopletotalktooneanotherfacetoface.Teamsshouldbenomorethansixpeople.

LectureNotes

Self-confidenceislearnedbehavior,usuallyexpressedasassertiveness.Youbuildself-confidencebyrecognizingyourstrengths,acknowledgingwhataboutyourselfyoucannotchange,andconfrontingthechallengestoyourself-confidence.Themoreyoufeelsecureinyourselfandyourabilitytomanageyourstrengthsandusethemformeetingyourchallengesheadon,thegreaterwillbeyourself-confidence.Aswithanythingelseinself-management,increasingself-confidencetakesplanning.

[Facilitator:DistributeInstructionsforStrengths,Challenges,andBarriersCharthandoutandStrengths,Challenges,andBarriersChartworksheetnow.]

Thefirstpartofthisexerciseasksyoutoidentifyyourstrengths,tomakealistofqualitiesorcharacteristicsyouthinkareeffectiveinhelpingyoumanageyourlife.Astrengthmaybeassimpleas''Iamanadult,"asimportantas,"IbelieveIhaverightstomybeliefs,values,andopinions,"orassophisticatedas"IhaveadesiretosucceedinwhatIdo."Strengthsarethesourceofself-confidence,andthebasisonwhichyoucanmanagethechangesyouneedtomake.

However,youmaynotbeasawareofallyourstrengthsasyouthinkyouare.Infact,peopletypicallyunderplaytheirstrengths,shortchangethemselveswithrespecttotheirrights,anddenythemselvestheabilitytosatisfytheirneedsorwants.Youneedfeedbackfromotherpeoplethathelpsyouseeyourselfthroughtheir

eyes.Gettingfeedbackaboutyourstrengthsshouldbequiteaneye-openerforyou.

Second,theexercisewillalsoaskyoutomakealistofallthequalitiesorcharacteristicsthattheythinkgetinthewayofyourself-confidencebutaboutwhichyoucandonothing.Let'ssay,youthinkyourheightworksagainstyou,andyouwishyoucouldbetaller.Shortofsurgicallyreplacingbonesinyourlegs,youcan'tdoanythingaboutthat.Or,sayyouthinkyourgenderworksagainstyou,andyouwishyoucouldbetheothergender.Again,shortofsurgery,youcan'tdoanythingaboutthat,either.Whenyoucandonothingaboutrealities,youhavetoacceptthemandworkaroundthem.

Third,theexerciseasksyoutolistthechallengestoyourself-confidence,thethingsinyourlifeoraboutyourselfyouwouldliketochangeandthatyoucanchange.Forexample,ifyoucanchangethem,youmightfeelmoreself-confident.Infact,changingthosethingswillinthemselvesbeactsofbuildingself-confidence.However,asinanyotherplanningsituation,youmustlookfortheobstaclesorbarriersthatcanstandinyourway.

Oneexampleofachallengeis"MyinabilitytoassertmyselfwithmybosswhenIknowhe'swrong."IfIwanttochangethat,abarrierthatcouldgetinthewayofdoingsomethingaboutthisis"myboss'stemperandmyfearofconfrontation."I

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mightnotbeabletodoanythingaboutmyboss'stemper,butIcandosomethingaboutmyfearofconfrontation.So,whatdoIhavetodoformyselftoovercomethatbarrier?

Thefirststepwouldbetosetagoalforovercomingthebarrier.What'sthetargetforchange?Forexample,Imightsay,"Bytheendoftheweek,IwillpresentashortreporttomybossonthesubjectonwhichIdisagreeandinwhichIbuildastrongcase."Buildingastrongcaseisoneobjectivetowardthatend,andwritingthereportisthesecondobjective.Confidenceinmycasecontributestoconfidenceinmyself,andputtingitinwritingreinforcesthatconfidence.Theonlythinglefttodoistoaccepttheresponsibilitytomakethatpresentation.

[Facilitator:DistributetheInstructionsforSelf-ConfidenceActionPlannerhandout,theSampleSelf-ConfidenceActionPlanner,andtheSelf-ConfidenceActionPlannerworksheetnow.]

Manypeoplefindthatthelackofaplanistheenemyofaction,andthelackofactionistheenemyofaplan.Completinganactionplantofaceuptoourchallengesboostsourself-confidence.Notallplansworktotheirfullest,butatleastweknowwhatwemightorcoulddo.Wehaveaplacefromwhichtostart.

Wehavetoconsidertheresourcesatourdisposaltohelpusovercomeourchallenges.Webeginwiththestrengthswecanexertinmeetingthischallenge.Weidentifytheresourcesweneedforovercomingourchallengesbutdonothave,suchasawillingnesstoconfrontotherpeople.Thelackofaresourceisalsoabarrier.Ifwedon'tthinkabouttheresourcesweneedorthebarriersweneedtoovercome,ourplancan'thelpuspreventobstaclesfrombarringourefforts.

Noteverychallengeinlifehasequalimportancewitheveryotherchallenge.Infact,somechallengesmaynothaveenoughpayoffto

makeitworthwhiletoattackthemnow.If,forexample,thedisagreementwithmybossisoveratrivialmatter,suchaswhocleansthecoffeepotintheevening,wouldriskingaconfrontationoverthatbeasbeneficialasdealingwithamajorsalescampaignwithwhichIdisagree.Wehavetodecidewhichofourchallengeswillprovideussufficientpayoffandwhichwillnot.

Talkingwithotherpeoplecanhelpusrisetoourchallenge.Ifothersthinkourplanisagoodone,theirpositivefeedbackboostsourself-confidence.Ifpeoplethinkwecandootherthingstorisetoourchallenge,andweaccepttheirsuggestions,theirsupportgivesachargetoourself-confidence.Thewholefeedbackprocesstendstoliftpeople'sfeelingsaboutthemselves.

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SampleSelf-ConfidenceActionPlanner

CHALLENGE

ChangeGoal:

Bytheendoftheweek,IwillpresentashortreporttomybossonthesubjectonwhichIdisagreeandinwhichIbuildastrongcase.

Milestones:

1.Buildastrongcase.

2.Writethereport.

3.Accepttheresponsibilitytomakethepresentation.

ResourcesNeeded(bothavailableandnotavailable)thatwillhelpmemakethechange:

1.Salesreportsforlastyearatthistime

2.Dataconcerningmarketchangesthisyear

3.Spreadsheet

Barriers(Whatcangetinthewayofmakingthechange):Dataconcerningmarketchangesthisyearmaynotbeuptotheminute.Therefore,providemostrecentdataavailable.

ActionSteps(WhatIhavetodotoeffectthechange):

1.Gatherthedata.

2.Enterdataintospreadsheets.

3.Developthereport.

4.Passtomycolleagueforreview.

5.Makechangesifnecessary.

6.Practicethepresentationwithmycolleagueandgetfeedback.

7.Makeanappointmentwiththechief.

8.Makethepresentation.

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Exercise12.3BuildingSelf-ConfidenceFollow-UpActivity

Instructor'sNotes

Inashortworkshop,insteadofhavingtheparticipantsworkthroughthedetailedandlongExercise12.3,ManagingtheChallengestoMySelf-Confidence,usethisfollow-upactivityasawayforparticipantstoincreasetheirself-confidenceontheirown.


Bydoingtheseactivitiesparticipantswilltakestepsto:

Identifyandreinforcetheirstrengths.

Identifyareasinwhichtheyneedtoimproveinordertoincreaseself-confidence.

Getfeedbackfromotherpeopleabouttheirperceptionsoftheparticipants'self-confidence.

UsetheEIAGModelforchangingareasinneedofimprovementandmakingwantedchanges.


Risktakingandtrust

Decisionmaking

Openness,honesty

Respectforothers


Requirements

Time: Thirtyminutestoprepareparticipantsforthetake-homeassignment

Materials: InstructionsforBuildingSelf-Confidencehandout

TheEIAGModeloverhead



Maketheoverhead.

RoomSetup:

Anyclassroomarrangement

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LectureNotes

[Facilitator:DistributetheInstructionsforBuildingSelf-Confidencehandoutnow.IfyouhavenotreadChapter1andtheexplanationoftheEIAGModel,readitnoworreviewitifyouneedto.]

Peopledoavarietyofthingstoincreasetheirself-confidence.Mostcommonlytheyfindotherpeopletheytrustandwhoarewillingtohelpthembygivingthemfeedback.ThisincludeswhatIcall"thepersoninthemirror"yourreflectionofyourself.Getfeedbackfromwatchingyourselftalktothemirror:yourfacialexpressions,yourhandgestures.Dothesameassessmentbylisteningtoyourselftalkingonataperecording.Feedbackisn'tcriticism,it'sinformationabouthowweappeartootherpeoplethatwecanusetomakeeffectivebehaviorchangesthatincreaseself-confidence.

[Facilitator:Ifyouhaven'tprovidedtheparticipantswiththeElAGModelbefore,dosonow.USEtheElAGModeloverhead.]

AnothereffectivedeviceisanassessmentmethodcalledEIAG.Theacronymstandsfor:

Experience

Interpretation

Analysis

Generalization

Whenyouundergoanexperiencethatleavesyouunsettledastowhatyousaidordid,howyousaiditordidit,youassesswhathappened.Startbydescribingtheexperiencetoyourselfasobjectivelyaspossible.Thisdescribeswhathappened.Forexample,"MycolleaguesaidIfailedtosupportherduringherpresentation."

Theninterpretthatexperiencebyaskingyourselfhowyoufeltaboutit.Thisdescribeshowyoufeelaboutthatkindofexperienceandislikelytoreflectyourvaluesoryourattitudeswhensomethinglikethathappens."Whenshesaidthat,Ibecameangry."

Next,analyzewhathappenedbyanswering"Why?"questions.Determiningwhyyoufeelasyoudohelpsexplainyourvaluesorattitudes."IgetangrywhensomeoneaccusesmeofsomethingIdon'tthinkIdid."

Finally,generalizetodecideonhowtomakeachangeinhowyoureactundersuchcircumstances.Youmightsay,forexample,"Inthefuture,beforeIgetangry,IwillaskwhatIdidtoleadthepersontothinkIwasunsupportive."

[Facilitator:ReadInstructionsforBuildingSelf-Confidencealoud.]

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13Self-Esteem/Self-RespectBytheendofthischapter,youwillbeabletofacilitatethreeexercisesforhelpingtheparticipantsincreasetheirself-esteem/self-respectby:

Identifyingbehaviorsgenerallyassociatedwithself-esteem/self-respect

Recognizinghowtheirownbehaviorsexhibitself-esteem/self-respect

Takingstepsforbuildingontheirstrengthsandimprovingtheirself-esteem/self-respect

Exercise13.1WhatIlikeandDon'tLikeaboutMyself

Instructor'sNotes

Thistwo-partexerciseworksbestwithanintactteamorwithworkshopgroupsthathavebeeninteractingwithoneanotherforatleastonedayduringwhichtheparticipantswillhavehadanopportunitytobuildlevelsoftrust.

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Identifytheperceptionsandfeelingsthatindicatetheirlevelofself-esteem/self-respect.

Relatefeedbackfromotherpeopleabouthowtheyappeartothosepeople.

Applyanactionplantoincreasingtheirlevelsofself-esteem/self-respect.

Buildself-esteem/selfrespect.


Risktakingandtrust

Decisionmaking

Openness,honesty


Requirements

Time: Approximatelyonehour

Materials: Flipchart,multicoloredmarkers,maskingtape

Paperandpencils

InstructionsforWhatILikeandDon'tLikeAboutMyselfhandout

WhatILikeandDon'tLikeAboutMyselfworksheet

InterpretationGuideforWhatILikeandDon't

LikeAboutMyself

Preparation:Photocopythehandout,worksheet,andinterpretationguide.

RoomSetup:

Allowforpeopletotalktooneanotherfacetoface.Teamsshouldbenomorethanfourtosixpeople.

LectureNotes

Self-esteemandself-respect,whichinthecontextofself-managementaresynonymous,arefeelingsaboutourselvesthatareexhibitedinbehaviors,suchaswhenweacceptnegativefeedbackoradmitmistakeswemake.Whatconstitutesself-esteem/self-respectvariesfrompersontoperson,andfromtimetotimeforeachperson.Experiences,skills,knowledge,aptitudes,interest,groupmembership,ourownresponsestoeverything,allthesethingsaffecthowwefeelaboutourselves.

Frequently,asadults,westillremaindependentonotherpeople'sperceptionsandfeelingsaboutustomaintainoursenseofimportanceorworth.Howothersreacttousmakesusfeelgoodorbadaboutourselves.

Lowself-esteem/self-respectcomesfrommanydifferentsources.Self-esteemandself-respectcanbeaffectedbynegativechildhoodexperiences,alackofpositive

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reinforcementthroughoutourgrowingyears,beingdeprivedofloveandaffection,alackofcaringonthepartofsignificantothers,ourphysical,intellectual,orpsychologicallimitations,andourownfailures.

Feelingsaboutourselvescanalsochangewithtimeandexperience.Highlevelsofself-esteem/self-respectcanbeloweredbybadexperiences.Lowlevelscanberaisedbygoodexperiencesorbydeliberateexercise.Intheend,however,howwefeelaboutourselvesdependsonus.

Theonlypersonwhoreallymatterstomeisme.Wecan'tpleaseeveryone,andweshouldn'teventry.Wecanpleaseourselves,andthatmeansdefiningwhoweareanddecidingwhetherornotthat'swhowewanttobe.

[Facilitator:Distributetheinstructions,worksheet,andinterpretationguideforWhatILikeandDon'tLikeAboutMyselfnow.Readtheinstructionsaloud.]

InstructionstoParticipants:IndividualExercise

Thisexercisewillhelpyouidentifytheperceptionsandfeelingsthatindicateyourlevelofself-esteem/self-respect.

1.InthehandoutWhatILikeandDon'tLikeAboutMyselfworksheet,putacheckmarkatthenumberofeachitemwithwhichyouagree.Itismostlikelythatifyoucheckanitemintheonecolumn,youwillnotcheckitscontraryoroppositeintheothercolumn.Forexample,ifyoucheck''Ifeeloptimisticaboutmyfuture,"youwon'tcheck"Iusuallyfeelpessimistic."

2.Adduptothreeitemsyouthinkshouldbeincludedonthelists.

3.Rateeachitemyoucheckedonascalefromonetofive,wherefive

meansthemosttoyouwithregardtohowyoufeelaboutyourself.Forexample,ifyouratetheitem"Ibelieveinmyselfasaperson"asafive,youaresayingthatbeliefinyourselfcontributestoyourfeelingsofself-esteem/self-respect.Ifyouratetheitem"Iusuallyfeelpessimistic"asafive,youaresayingthatyourfeelingsofpessimismcontributestoyourlackofself-esteem/self-respect.

4.Totaltheratingsineachcolumn.

5.Readtheinterpretationsthatfollowthetables.

6.Youhavethirtyminutestocompletethisindividualactivity.

InstructionstoParticipants:GroupActivity

1.Asagroup,discusstheitemsinbothlistsofthetable.

2.Explainwhyyouthinktheitemsinthefirstcolumnthatyouratedwithfivearesoimportantorsovaluable.

3.Explainwhyyouthinktheitemsinthesecondcolumnthatyouratedwithafivearesounimportant.

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4.Electascribe/reporter.

5.Asagroup,defineself-esteem/self-respect.

6.Listthreeormoreinsightsorconclusionsthatyou,asagroup,havedrawnfromthisexercise.

7.Therearenorightorwronganswerstoanythinginthisexercise.

8.Youhavethirtyminutestocompletethisgroupfeedbackactivity.

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InterpretationGuideforWhatIlikeandDon'tlikeaboutMyself

WhatILike WhatIDon'tLike

Extremelyhighlevelofself-esteem/self-respect

210225(ormore)

Below98

Highlevelofself-esteem/self-respect

170209 98118

Moderatelyhighlevelofself-esteem/self-respect

140169 119139

Moderatelylowlevelofself-esteem/self-respect

119139 140169

Lowlevelofself-esteem/self-respect

98118 170209

Extremelylowlevelofself-esteem/self-respect

Below98 210225(ormore)

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Exercise13.2WhatIFearinSocialSituations

Instructor'sNotes

Fearcontributestoloweringself-esteem/self-respect,andfearsshowedupinExercise13.1insuchchecklistitemsas"Idon'tlikespeakinginpublicorinagroup."Thecausesoffearsaretoonumeroustomentionandprobablyoutofplaceunlesstheexerciseisledbyaclinicalpsychologist.

Sincetheissuesinthisexercisemaybeverysensitive,peoplemaynotwanttoexploretoofarbeyondconcernssuchas"fearofpublicspeaking."Don'tpushanyonetogodeeperthanheorshewantstogo.Explainthattheexerciseintheworkshopispracticeforwhattheparticipantscandoontheirown,forthemselves,asfollow-uptotheworkshop.

Notealsothatthisexerciseworksbestwithanintactteamorwithworkshopgroupsthathavebeeninteractingwithoneanotherforatleastonedayduringwhichtheparticipantswillhavehadanopportunitytobuildlevelsoftrust.



Identifysomeofthefearsthatcontributetoloweringtheirself-esteem/self-respect.

Identifyareasinneedofchangetoeliminateorreducethenegativeeffectsoffearontheirself-esteem/self-respect.

Takefeedbackfromotherpeopleastothestrengthsothersseeinthemandsuggestionsforchange.

Createandapplyanactionplantoincreasingtheirlevelsofself-

esteem/self-respect.


Risktakingandtrust

Decisionmaking

Openness,honesty

Respectforothers


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Requirements


Materials: AttackonMyFearsworksheet

SampleSelf-Esteem/Self-RespectActionPlanner

Self-Esteem/Self-RespectActionPlannerworksheet

Preparation:Photocopytheworksheetsandsample.

RoomSetup:

Allowforpeopletotalktooneanotherfacetoface.Teamsshouldbenomorethanfourpeople.

LectureNotes

Fearisastrangeemotion,withbothupsidesanddownsides.Sometimesfeargeneratesflight,othertimesitgeneratesfight.Whatfrightenssomepeopleexhilaratesothers.Fearcausesalossofself-esteemandself-confidence,andalowlevelofself-esteemandself-confidencecausesfear.Asdegreesalongacontinuumfromordinaryfearsatoneendtocowardiceattheother,fearscanfurtherourlife'splansordestroythem.Howfearsaffectusandhowwemanagethemdeterminesourabilitytosucceed.

Alifewithoutordinaryfearswouldbeverydangerousandshort.Fearskeeppeoplefromtakingtotallyirrationalriskswiththeirownandotherpeople'slives.Theypreventcrime,theypreventaccidents,andtheypreventpeoplefromkillingthemselves.That'stheupsideofordinaryfears.But,obviously,sincecrimes,accidents,andsuicideshappen,fearisn'talimitingfactorineveryone'slife.

Ordinaryfearsarethereforeavirtue,butanyvirtuecarriedto

extremescanbecomeavice.Thedownsidesoffearsarethattheypopupatthewrongtime,atthewrongplace,orforthewrongreasonandthattheycanincapacitateus.Insocialsituations,theycanruinourcareer,ourfamily,andfriendships.

[Facilitator:DistributeAttackonMyFearsworksheetnowandreadaloudthefollowinginstructions.]

InstructionstoParticipants:IndividualActivity

Thisexerciseisdesignedtohelpyouidentifyyoursocialfearsandfindwaystomanagethem

1.IntheAttackonMyFearshandout,identifywhatthreethingsinsocialsituationsyoufearmost.Forexample,youmightwrite,"Afraidofspeakingupatameeting."

2.Afteridentifyingafear,andbeforelistinganotherone,brieflyexplainwhatyouthinkwouldhappeninthatsituation.Tofollowthroughontheexample,youmightwrite,"Imightsaysomethingeveryonethinksisstupid."

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3.Afterexplainingwhatyouthinkwillhappeninthatsituation,explainwhyyoufeelthatway.Pertainingtotheexample,youmightsay,"IthinkIhavetheleastexpertiseinthegroup."

4.Youhavetwentyminutestocompletethisactivity.

5.Whenyou'refinished,youwillhaveabaselineofinformationyoucanusefordevelopinganactionplanformanagingthosefears.


1.Electatimekeeper/scribewhowillkeepthegrouponschedule,whowilltakenotesattheendoftheexercise,andwhowillreporttotheclasswhattheteamlearnedfromtheexercise.

2.Afterparticipantshavefinisheddescribingtheirthreemostsignificantfears,eachpersoninthegroupwilltakeaturnexplainingthefearheorshethinksismostimportanttomanage.Forexample,saysomeonelisted"Ifearspeakingupinthegroup"asherfirstfearandthethirdoneas"IfearbeingquestionedaboutwhatIknow,"andshethinksthethirdoneismoredebilitatingandmorethreateningtohercareerthanthefirstone,discussthatfearwiththegroup.

3.Discussionsshouldfocusnotonthefearitself,butratheronwhythepersonfeelsthatwayandwhateveryonethinksheorshecandotoovercomethefear.Relatedtotheexampleagain,saythepersonclaimssheisafraidpeoplewillfindoutthatsheisn'tasexpertastheothersinthegroup.Inthiscase,youmighttalkabout(1)whatthepersondoesfeelexpertaboutthatcancontributetoorinfluencethegroup,and(2)whatthepersoncandotoletotherpeopleknowaboutit.

4.Helpthepersonidentifyawell-designedactionplan,liketheoneintheSampleActionPlanner,fordealingwiththatfear.

5.Afterallteammembershavehadachancetotalkabouttheirmostimportantfears,discusswhattheteamlearnedfromthisactivity,threeormoreinsightsyourscribewillwriteonaflipchartandpresenttotheclass.

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SampleSelf-Esteem/Self-RespectActionPlanner

MostImportantFear:

ChangeGoal:Bytheendofonemonth,Iwillexpressatleastoneopinionineveryweeklymeeting.

Milestones:

1.SpeakupatthefirstmeetingafterthisworkshopandaskforfeedbackfrompeoplewhoknowwhatI'mtryingtoaccomplish.Iexpecttofeelverytenseatthismeeting.

2.SpeakupatthesecondmeetingandaskforfeedbackfrompeoplewhoknowwhatI'mtryingtoaccomplish.Ishouldfeelmorecomfortablethistime.

3.Speakupatthethirdmeetingandgetmyfeedbackfromvisualorverbalcues.IshouldfeelevenmorecomfortablenowthanIdidinthepreviousmeeting.

4.Speakupatthefourthmeetingandgetmyfeedbackfromvisualorverbalcues.ishouldbeveryrelaxedbynow.

ResourcesNeeded(bothavailableandnotavailable):Appropriateinformationaroundwhichtoformopinions.

Barriers:Myownfear.

ActionSteps:

1.TalkwithmyofficemateaboutwhatI'mattemptingtodotoovercomemyfearofspeakingupinthegroup.

2.Attendthefirstmeetingaftertheworkshopandsitnexttomyofficemate.

3.Imayhavetoforcemyselftospeakup,andnomatterhowI

presentmyopinion,pressonuntilI'mthroughdoingit.

Howhasdesigningthisplananddiscussingitwithmyteammatesaffectedmyself-esteem/self-respect?

Atthemoment,IstillfeelqueasyaboutwhatIintendtodo,buttalkingitoverwithotherpeopleandhearingthattheytoohavesomeproblemsexpressingthemselvesinagrouphashelpedmefeelbetteraboutmyself.TheythinkIcandoit,andthatencouragesmetothinkIcanalso.

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Exercise13.3WhatMakesMeMe

Instructor'sNotes

Mostpeopledon'tliketobrag,butastheysayinTexas,''Everyonehasbraggin'rights."Additionally,mostpeoplehavedifficultyacceptingcompliments.Theygetthis"Awshucks"lookontheirfacesordismissthecomplimentwith,"It'snothing,really."Thisexerciseisdesignedtohelpstudentsaccepttheirpositivequalitiesandtoacceptcomplimentsfromothers,bothofwhichhelptobuildself-esteem/self-respect.

Thisexerciseworksbestwithanintactteamorwithworkshopgroupsthathavebeeninteractingwithoneanotherforatleastonedayduringwhichtheparticipantswillhavehadanopportunitytobuildlevelsoftrust.



Identifysomeofthepersonalqualitiesthatcontributetotheirself-esteem/self-respect.

Takefeedbackfromotherpeopleastothestrengthstheysee.


Decisionmaking

Trust


Requirements


Materials:Paperandpencils

Flipchartandmulticoloredmarkers

RoomSetup:


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LectureNotes

SomethingOprahWinfrey,TVandmoviepersonality,saidfitsnicelywithourtheme."Themoreyoupraiseandcelebrateyourlife,themorethereisinlifetocelebrate.Themoreyoucomplain,themoreyoufindfault,themoremiseryandfaultyouwillhavetofind."1

Peopleoftenfailtocelebratewhatisgoodandadmirableaboutthemselves.Theyalsotendtothrowawaycompliments.

Someonesaystoawoman,"That'sabeautifuldressyou'rewearing."Andshe'slikelytoanswer,"Thisoldthing?"

Someonemighttellaperson,"IthinkyourpresentationtotheExecutiveCommitteewasgreat."Heislikelytoanswer,"Well,Ihadalotofhelpfrommyassistant."

Peoplefinditdifficultjusttosaythankyouortoacknowledgethecompliments.Thosecivilitiesseemtrivial,butthey'renot.Theyreflectaformofmodestythatmayornotbegenuine.Thankyouandacknowledgment,ontheotherhand,expresswhatwereallyfeelwhenwe'recomplimentedpleasedthatwe'vebeenrecognizedforsomethinggoodoradmirableinourselves.

Failuretorecognizewhatisgoodandadmirableinourselvesbreedsanongoingattackonwhatisinfactgoodandadmirable.Everyonehas,astheysayinTexas,"Braggin'rights."

Thatdoesn'tmeanthatweshouldgoaboutbraggingtoeveryoneabouteverythingwedo,butweshouldtakethetimetobragmostofalltoourselves.Whentheopportunitypresentsitself,weshouldalsomakethemostofcomplimentswereceive.Asimple"Thankyou,I'mgladyounoticed"makestheotherpersonfeelgood,too.

Webaseourlife'ssuccessonthebacksoflittlesuccesses.Webuildouroverallstrengthonthebacksofsmallerstrengths.Outofthisself-

acknowledgment,webuildourself-esteem/self-respect.


1.Makealistofpositivestatementsaboutsomepersonalcharacteristic,trait,orskillthatyouthinkrepresentsyouinthebestpossiblelight.Bragalittle.Don'tusewordssuchas"IthinkIam..."or"IfeelIcan..."

2.Usesentencesthatbeginwith"Iam..."and"Ican..."Forexample,youmightsay,"IfeelgoodaboutthefactthatI'mopentootherpeople'sopinions.''Or,"Iamverycreativeinmywork."

3.Writeasmanyofthesesentencesasyoucaninfiveminutes.

1InQuotationsfromWomenonLife,RosalieMaggio,compiler(Paramus,N.J.:Prentice-Hall,1997)64.

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1.Eachpersongetsaturnatreadinghisorherlist.

2.Anyoneinthegroupmayaddanythingcomplimentaryheorshethinksthepersonmayhaveleftout.

3.Afterallteammembershavediscussedtheirlists,electsomeonetowritetheoutcomesofthenextdiscussion.

4.Asagroup,identifythreeormorethingsyoulearnedfromthisexercise.

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Follow-UpActivitiesforIncreasingSelf-Esteem/Self-Respect

Instructor'sNotes

ProvidetheparticipantswiththisopportunityaftertheyhavecompletedeitherExercise13.1or13.2orboth.



Identifyandreinforcetheirstrengths.

Practiceexpressingtheirself-esteem/self-respect.


Risktakingandtrust

Decisionmaking

Openness,honesty

Communication,especiallygivingfeedbackinavarietyofways

Requirements

Time: Thirtyminutestoprepareparticipantsforthetake-homeassignment

Materials: InstructionsforFollow-UpActivitiesforBuildinghandoutSelf-Esteem/Self-Respecthandout


RoomSetup:

None

LectureNotes

[Facilitator:DistributeInstructionsforFollow-UpActivitiesforBuildingSelf-Esteem/Self-Respectnow.]

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Sometimes,whenwefeellowestaboutourselves,whenourself-esteem/self-respectisinthedumpster,ithelpstoreadinspirationalbooksandquotes.However,aswithanythingelsethatpeopletoutasaquickfixforaproblem,bewareoftheglibandeasysolutions.Readthesebooks,but,inthewordsofwriterEttyHillesum,"Lifecannotbecapturedinafewaxioms...forlifeisfullofendlessnuancesandcannotbecapturedinjustafewformulae."2

Readinginspirationalbookscanhelpustoencourageself-esteem/self-respect,especiallyiftheyprovideuswithideasthatwecanconvertintoapersonalmotto,athoughtthatwecanuseasabannerthatreflectswhoweareorwhatwewanttoaccomplishinourlives.

[Facilitator:ReadaloudInstructionsforFollow-UpActivitiesforBuildingSelf-Esteem/Self-Respectnow.]

2EttyHillesuminQuotationsfromWomenonLife,RosalieMaggio,compiler(Paramus,N.J.:Prentice-Hall,1997)32.

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14DriveBytheendofthischapter,youwillbeabletofacilitatethreeexercisesthatwillhelptheparticipantsfindthesourcesofenergywithinthemselvesthattheyneedtobecomeself-managed.

Exercise14.1TheWellnessFactor


Bytheendofthisexerciseparticipantswillbeabletoidentifywaysofmaintainingtheirphysicalfitness.


Decisionmaking

Listeningtosuggestionsfromotherpeople

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Requirements

Time: Approximatelysixtyminutes

Materials: Paperandpencils


InstructionsforCompilingFitnessProfileshandout


RoomSetup:


LectureNotes

"EnergyisbeautyaFerrariwithanemptytankdoesn'trun."1TheAmericandesignerElsaPerettisumsuptheideaofdrivewiththatonestatement.Andyoucanthinkofenergyinseveralforms,especiallyasphysicalenergy,emotionalenergy,andcreativeenergy.Self-managedpeoplederivetheirdrivefromallthreeformsofenergy.

Physicalenergyisthegasinthetank.BenjaminFranklin'shomily,"Earlytobed,earlytorise,makes[aperson]healthy,wealthy,andwise,"offersgoodadvice.Agoodnight'ssleep,anappropriatemethodforrelaxinginthemiddleofastressfulsituation,aregularlyscheduledtime-outfromtherigorsoftheday,week,month,oryearalltheserenewyourenergy.Likewise,awell-balanceddietwithpropernutritionkeepsthebodygoingstrong.Feelingaliveisasimportantasbeingalive.

Emotionalenergycomesfromhavingapassionforlife,forourcareers,forourfamilies,andfortheworldaroundus.It'sourambition

ourresolutiontosucceed.Self-managementisinitselfapassionforlife.Itstrengthensourwillingnesstoconstantlystretchbeyondourselvesinthepresentinordertorealizeasatisfyingfuture.

Creativeenergyexpressesthephysicalandemotionalzealwithwhichwemanageourlives.Doingsomethingdifferently.Doingsomethingnew.Exploringtheunknown.Takingrationalrisks.Facingthefutureenthusiastically,withthedesiretocreatechange,notmerelytomanageit.Thefutureiswhatwecreate,notsomethingthathappenstous.

DriveisthefuelthatturnsusintoaFerrari.


Listyourownsuggestionsforstayingphysicallyandemotionallyfit:fitnessprofiles.Afteryoucompleteyourfitnessprofiles,listentooneanother'ssuggestions,adding

1ElsaPeretti(1940),quotedinQuotableBusiness:Over2,500Funny,Irreverent,andInsightfulQuotationsAboutCorporateLife,LouisE.Boone,compiler(NewYork:RandomHouse1992),132.

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theirsuggestionstoyourswhereyoumighthavemissedsomethingyounowthinkwillinfacthelpenhanceyourfitnessprofiles.

Afterdiscussingyourprofilesforfifteenminutes,rateyourselfonascaleofonetofive,whereonemeansneverdoandfivemeansalwaysdo,astohowmuchofyoursandotherpeople'ssuggestionsyouactuallypractice.Somepeoplediscoverthattheyrarelyfollowtheirownadvice,frequentlyratingtheirownsuggestionslessthanfive.Theyalsofindthattheydothingstoenhancetheirownfitnesswithoutevenrealizingit,whentheyrateotherpeople'ssuggestionsfromthreetofive.

Inthefinalpartoftheexercise,eachteamwilllistthethreemostimportantsuggestionsforenhancingphysicalfitnessandthreemostimportantsuggestionsforenhancingemotionalfitness.Theoutcomewillbealistofsuggestionsallofyouconsidertobethemostvaluablemethodsforenhancingyourdrivetowardsuccess.

[Facilitator:DistributeInstructionsforCompilingFitnessProfilesnow.]

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Exercise14.2MakingUseofYourCreativeEnergy,Part1

Instructor'sNotes

Thisisatwo-partexercise:anindividualactivityandalargegroupactivity.Theexercisesthemselvesaretraditionaltraininggamesthatsomepeopleinyourworkshopswillhavedonebefore.Theprocessingquestionsaftertheactivitiesaremoreimportantthantheactivitiesthemselves;however,treattheactivitiesseriouslyandencourageparticipantstothinkofthemaschallenginganddifficult.



Beabletotakenewapproachestooldproblems.

Havediscoveredtheimportanceoflookingintotheirownmindstosolveproblems.

Haveseenthevalueofgroupeffortinsolvingproblems.


Creativedecisionmaking

Communication

Requirements

Time: Approximatelytenminutes(includingprocessingquestions)

Materials: NineDotsworksheet

Solution1:NineDotsWithFourLinesoverhead

Solution2:NineDotsWithThreeLinesoverhead

Paperandpencils



Preparation:PhotocopytheNineDotsworksheet.

Makeoverheadsofsolutions1and2.

RoomSetup:

Allowforpeopletotalkfacetoface.Teamsshouldbenomorethansixpeople.

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LectureNotes

[Facilitator:DistributetheNineDotsworksheetandthenreadaloudthefollowinginstructions.]

InstructionstoParticipants:IndividualActivity2

1.Thereareninedotsonthehandout.

2.WhenItellyoutostart,withoutliftingyourpenorpencilfromyourpaper,connectallninedotswithfourstraightlines.WaituntilItellyoutostart.

3.Whohasseenordonethispuzzlebefore?

4.[Ifpeopleraisetheirhands,andseveralprobablywill...]Sinceyou'vealreadypracticedthisusingfourstraightlines,yourjobistoconnectthedotswiththreestraightlines,andyou,too,maynotliftyourpenorpencilfromyourpaper.WaituntilItellyoutostart.

5.Youhavefiveminutestocompletethisactivity.

[Facilitator:Youmayextendthetimeforthisactivityifparticipantsneedit.Afterparticipantshavecompletedtheactivity,putuptheoverheadsshowingsolutions1and2.]

ProcessingQuestions

1.Whatweresomeoftheproblemsyouhadinsolvingthispuzzle?

Typicalanswer:Icouldn'tseeanythingotherthanninedots,whenItriedtoconnectthem,Ikeptcomingbacktoarectangle.

2.Whatdidittaketosolvethepuzzle?

Typicalanswer:Lookingattheninedotsasindependentofoneanotherandconnectingtheminnewordifferentways.

3.Howdoesthispuzzlereflectsituationsinordinarylife?

Typicalanswer:Ioftenseethingsoneway,thewayI'mmostaccustomedtoseeingthem.

4.Howcanweconnectthedotswithjustonestroke?

Typicalanswers:Useawidepaintbrushorfoldthepapersothatthedotsarepartiallysuperimposedononeanother.

LectureNotes:Wrap-Up

Theonlywaytoputthelietotheexpression''There'snothingnewunderthesun"istolookatoldthingsorsituationsinnovelways.Thatisprobablythemostimportantlessonofthisactivityandthefollowingone.

2AdaptedfromMoreGamesTrainersPlay,EdwardE.ScannellandJohnW.Newstrom,editors(NewYork:McGrawHill,1983)229231.

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Exercise14.3MakingUseofYourCreativeEnergy,Part2

Instructor'sNotes

Inthisexercise,studentsrecognizethatbrainstorminginagroupincreasestheenergyforcreativity.Theyplayoffeachothers'ideasandinsomecasescompetewithoneanotherfor"themostcreative"idea.Somepeoplefeelintimidatedbythegroupandsaynothing,fearingthatpeoplewilllaughattheirideasorshootthemdown.Somepeoplefeeltheyhavenothingtocontribute,everyoneelse'sideasarebetterthantheirs.Thepurposeoftheexerciseistoshowpeoplehowtodrawononeanother'sopinionsorideastotakenovelapproachestooldexperiencesandthatinagroupanyone'sideasoropinionsareasgoodasanyoneelse's.



Explainthevalueoflookingatoldthingsinnewwaysorinwaysnotoriginallyintended.

Identifythewaysworkingtogetherasagroupencouragescreativity.

Identifybarrierstobeingcreative,especiallyinagroup.

Identifymethodsforovercomingthosebarriers.


Creativity

Willingnesstolistentootherpeople

Willingnesstoexpressone'sopiniontootherpeople

Requirements

Time: Approximatelyfifteenminutes

Materials: Oneemptycoffeecan


Preparation:Acquireanemptycoffeecan.

RoomSetup:

Whateverarrangementmeetsyourneeds:classroom,theater,orgroupsofsix

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[Facilitator:Setthecoffeecanonatablevisibletoeveryone.Asinanylargegroupdiscussion,somepeoplewillnotmakeacontribution;makenoteofthesepeopleastheactivityprogressesandcallonthemtomakeatleastonecontribution.]

LectureNotes


1.Takefiveminutestobrainstormpossibleusesofanemptycoffeecan,exceptasacoffeecan.

2.Justcallouttheideasastheycometomindanddon'tstoptoevaluatethem.

3.Everyonemustmakeatleastonesuggestion.

4.Ineedtwovolunteerstowritetheanswersaspeoplecallthemout.

[Facilitator:Ifnoonevolunteers,youactasscribebutpaycarefulattentiontowhoisnotcontributing.]

ProcessingQuestions

1.Howdidworkinginalargegroupencouragecreativity?

Typicalanswer:Ifeltenergizedbyeveryoneshoutingoutideaswithoutstoppingtoevaluatethem.

2.Whatweresomeofthebarrierstomakingsuggestions?(Ifanyonedidn'tcontribute,seeifyoucandrawouttheperson[people]toanswerthisquestion.)

Typicalanswersmightincludetimepressure,sizeofthegroup,someoneelseblurtingoutmysuggestionbeforeIcould,betterideasthanminewerealreadyexpressed,Iwasafraidpeoplewouldlaughatmysuggestion,andsoforth.

3.Whatcanyoudotominimizetheeffectsofthosefactorsonyourcreativity?

Typicalanswer:Recognizethatinagroupanyone'sideasoropinionsarejustasgoodasanyoneelse's.

4.Whatdidyoulearnfromthisactivity?

Typicalanswer:Theimportanceoflookingatthingsfrommorethanoneperspective.

LectureNotes:Wrap-Up

Creativityisoftenseenasapersonalvirtue.However,sometimesinagroup,youcanenhanceindividualcreativity.Evenundertimeconstraints,newornovelwaysoflookingatoldthingscanbegeneratedandsomemaybereallyexcitingoruseful.Today,moresothanhistorically,creativityforsolvingproblemscomesfromteamworkratherthanfromisolation.

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Exercise14.4ManagingEmotions

Instructor'sNotes

Duringtheexercise,circulatearoundthetablestoensurethateveryoneisfollowingtheinstructions,butdonotinterveneunlessthegroupisofftrack.Processtheactivitybydiscussingtheresultsoftheactivityreportedbythegroups.



Applythepracticeofrecognizingtheirownemotionstoeverydayevents.

Describestepsformanagingtheirownemotions.


Opennessandhonesty

Communication

Requirements


Materials: EmotionalIntelligenceSummaryhandout

InstructionsforManagingEmotionsExercisehandout

ExperienceCards(onesetoftwenty-five3-by-5-inchcardsforeachgroupoffive)

Flipchartsandmulticoloredmarkers


Maketwenty-fiveExperienceCardsfromthelistprovided(onesetoftwenty-five3-by-5-inchcardsforeachgroupoffive)bywritingorprintingoneexperienceoneachcard.Youmayphotocopythetwenty-fiveexperiencespresentedhere,oryoumaycreateyourownExperienceCardsifyouwishbysummarizingemotionallychargedeventsinyourownlifeorinthelivesofpeopleyouknow.

RoomSetup:

Teamsofnomorethanfivepeopleatroundtablesorotherarrangementwhereparticipantscanfaceoneanother

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LectureNotes

Cicero,theRomancommentator,saidthat"[Peopleresolve]manymoreproblemsbyhate,love,lust,rage,sorrow,joy,hope,fear,illusion,orsomesimilaremotion,thanbyreasonorauthorityoranylegalstandards,orlegalprecedents,orlaw."3Inshort,accordingtoCicero,eventhoughpeopledomakerationaldecisions,theymorefrequentlymakedecisionsonthebasisofemotions.

Cicerothereforeagreedwiththinkerswhoarguethatwearriveatconclusionsormakedecisionsthatleadtoactionthroughbothemotionandreason,ormorelikelythrougheitheremotionorreason.Whichdecisionsarebetter?Emotionalonesorrationalones?AncientslikePlatoarguedthatreasonmusttakecontrolofemotions.ModernslikeSigmundFreud,ontheotherhand,calledreason,especiallyintheformofconscience,aconstraintonourlivesthat"makescowardsofusall."Andsomepeoplecanbeaslavetoeitheremotionsorreason.Regardlessofthebasisonwhichwemakeourdecisions,emotionscaneitherenhanceorinhibitdrive.Itfallsuponself-managedpeopletomanagehowtheiremotionsaffecttheenergywithwhichtheyattackthechallengesoftheirlives.

Moderationinallthings,anancientGreekvirtue,servestheself-managedpersonwell,butitisonlyoneaspectoftheself-managementofemotions.Self-managedpeopleapplytheintelligenceofinformedemotionstoalifeinwhichneitherreasonnoremotionsrule.Instead,bothreasonandemotionsgettheirfairshareoffulfillment.Therefore,wehavetofocusontoolsthatpreventemotionalextremesfromenslavingourlives.Wehavetodeveloptoolsthathelpusavoidextremesbytemperingreasonwithemotionsandmanagingemotionsthroughintelligence.

Manycontemporarythinkersagreethatrationaldecisionsareasdependentonfeelingsoremotionsastheyareonthought.What

makessensetoussatisfiesanemotionalneed.Feelingsgivedirectionandmeaningtoourthoughts.Theyhelpussortthroughideasandopinionstofindthosemostmeaningfultous,andtheideaswefindmostmeaningfulorusefularethosethatfitwithhowwefeelaboutorviewtheworld(ourparadigms).

Thought,ontheotherhand,canpreventextremesofemotionfromblockingcreativityandinnovation.Whenwestoptothinkaboutourfeelingsconcerningeventsorideas,wecangetpastthesubjectivityinherentinemotionstoamoreobjectiveperceptiontowhathashappenedortheideaswehearorread.Thoughtandfeelingsoremotionscanthereforeworktogether,andonlyintheextremesdotheyconflict.

[Facilitator:DistributeEmotionalIntelligenceSummaryhandoutnow.]

Thesevenbasicoruniversalemotionsareanger,fear,happiness,love,surprise,disgust,andsadness.Theyeachhavetheirownfunctioninmanagingoursurvivalandsuitingusforsociallife.However,when,forexample,angerbecomesrageorfearbecomescowardiceouremotionsdothemselves,andus,in.Fiveguidelineshelpustodevelopemotionalself-management.

3MarcusTulliusCicero,DeOratore,ii,178.QuotedinTheGreatThoughts,GeorgeSeldes,compiler(NewYork:BallantineBooks,1985),80.

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1.Self-managedpeopleuseself-awarenesstorecognizetheirfeelingsastheyhappenanddonotletthemgetoutofcontrol.Theylookatwhatishappeningorhasimmediatelyjusthappenedandanalyzetheirfeelingstowardthoseevents.Theyaskquestionssuchas,"WhatdidIfeel?WhydidIfeelthatway?Whatresultsdidmyfeelingsproduce?Iftheresultswereundesirable,whatcanIdotopreventthosefeelingsfromdisruptingmylifeandmyrelationshipsinthefuture?"

2.Moderationactuallymeansappropriateness.Self-managedpeoplefeelandexpresstheiremotionsappropriately.Anger,forexample,frequentlydisruptsaperson'slifeorrelationships.Onewaytodecidehowtoreactistocomparewhateverishappeningtotheworstpossiblethingthatcouldhappen.Unlesswhatoccurredisinfacttheworstpossiblethingthatcouldhappen,wehaveabasisformoderatingourfeelings.Lettingemotionsgetoutofhandnotonlyproducesbadfeelingsfromotherstowardus,theyproducebadfeelingsaboutourselvesintheformofshameorguilt.Byfeelingandexpressingouremotionsappropriately,wecanbouncebackfromuncomfortableemotionsanddealwiththecircumstancesaroundthemmoreeffectively.

3.Asinallotheraspectsofself-management,usingrationalthoughttosetgoalsandtodevelopactionplanshelpstostructureouremotionallifeandtoshortcircuitimpulsiveactions.Ourgoalsandplansgiveusabasisfordecidingwhat'simportanttous.Ouremotionsmarshalourenergiestowardaccomplishingourpriorities.Thoseachievementsthenprovidethereasontocelebrate,whereasnotachievingthosegoalsprovidesareasonforfeelingsad.

4.Recognizing,beingsensitiveto,andunderstandingotherpeople'sfeelingsandemotionsempathizingmakesitpossibleforustoacceptthemasindividualswhiledealingwithwhattheysayordo.Empathyisessentialforrespectingothers.Unlesswerecognizeotherpeople's

feelingsforwhattheyareandempathizewithwhatthepeopleexperience,wereacttotheexpressionsoftheirfeelingsratherthanmanageourownfeelings,andself-managementrequiresthatwemanageourownfeelings.

5.Self-managementandrespectforothersalsoimpliesthatwemanagerelationships.Self-managedpeoplefindwaystoevokepositiveemotionsinothersevenundercircumstancesthatarelessthanidealorpositive.Let'stake,forexample,toomanyerrorsinworkproducedormisseddeadlines;theyusuallyprovokenegativeemotions.Ventingunmanagedangerorbadfeelingsevokesangerorbadfeelingsfromtheotherperson.Self-managedpeoplemanagetherelationshipbyexpressingtheirangerinacircumstancelikethisthroughtheproductiveuseofwordsandtoneofvoice.Afirm"Theseerrorsareunacceptable,andIknowyoucandobetter"getsmoregoodaccomplishedthandoesshoutingornamecalling.

Theactivitythatfollowswillhelpparticipantsidentify(notmeasure)theiremotionalself-managementandprovideopportunitiestoengageinemotionallearning.

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Facilitator'sInstructions

PhotocopyorotherwisereproduceeachitemoftheExperienceCards(a,b,c,d,ande)ontwenty-fiveseparate3-by-5-inchcards,oneitempercard.Makeenoughcopiestodistributealltwenty-fivecardstoeachgroupinyourworkshop.Ifyouseparateyourworkshopstudentsintofoursmallgroups,youwillneedfoursetsoftwenty-fivecards.

Afteryouhavecreatedthenumberofsetsrequired,separatethecardsintostacksoflikeitems,thatis,a'swiththea's,b'swiththeb's,c'swiththec's,d'swiththed's,ande'swiththee's.Keepingeachstackseparate,shufflethecardstochangetheirorder.Placeeachstackfacedown.MarkthebackofthetopcardofeachstackTOPCARDandbindeachstackwitharubberband.

Placealltwenty-fivecards(a's,b's,c's,d's,e's)inanenvelope.Ifyouhavefourgroups,youshouldhavefourenvelopeswithtwenty-fivecardsineachenvelope.DistributeoneenvelopetoeachgroupalongwiththeInstructionsforManagingEmotionsExercise.

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ExperienceCards

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ExperienceCards(continued)

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Follow-UpActivitiesforIncreasingDrive



Increaseorimprovetheirenergylevelsanddrive.



Evaluatingorassessingone'sownbehavior

Opennesstomakingchangesinone'sbehavior

Requirements

Time: Thirtyminutestoprepareparticipantsfortake-homeactivity

Materials: InstructionsforFollow-UpActivitiesforIncreasingDrivehandout


RoomSetup:

None

LectureNotes

Driverequiresrefuelingandconstantmaintenance,likeafineautomobile.Therefore,wecanalwaysmaintainourdriveorenergiesifweworkatit.Thehandout,InstructionsforFollow-UpActivitiesforIncreasingDrive,providesyouwithalistofthingsyoucandotokeepyourenginerunningandpurring.

[Facilitator:DistributeInstructionsforFollow-UpActivitiesfor

IncreasingDrive.]

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15RespectforOthersBytheendofthischapter,youwillbeabletofacilitatefiveexercisesthatencourageanddeveloprespectforotherpeople'sthoughts,beliefs,values,andfeelings.

Exercise15.1ReadingFeelingsandEmotions:ANonverbalExercise

Instructor'sNotes

Inthisexercise,eachparticipantselectsacontroversialtopicoutofastackofthirtytopiccardsandtalksaboutitforfromtwotofiveminutes,whileoneotherpersonlistensandwatcheshowthespeakerexpresseshisorherfeelingsoremotions.Thepairdoesn'tdebateorarguethetopic.Rather,theparticipantsgiveeachotherfeedbackaboutwhattheyheardorsawduringtheexercise.Thelistenergivesfeedbacktothespeakeraboutwhatheorsheexperienced,thespeakerevaluatestheaccuracyofthefeedback,andthespeakergivesfeedbackabouthowheorsheperceivedthelistener'sreactionstowhatthespeakersaid.

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Thisexerciseworksbestwitharelativelysmallclass,andtheworkshopshouldbelimitedtonomorethantwentypeople(tenpairs).Dowhatyoucantohaveanevennumberofpeopleintheclassifyouhavemorethantwentypeople.Itisdifficulttodothisexerciseintriads.

Thethirtycontroversialdiscussiontopics,althoughsensitive,onlyonrareoccasionshaveprovokedmorethanaheatedpresentationbythespeaker,inasmuchasthelistenerisinstructednottoarguethepointofviewthespeakerexpresses.Ifanargumentdoesbreakout,remindtheoffendingpairthatdebateisn'tthepurposeoftheexercise.Infact,adebatedemonstratesthatsomeonedoesn'trespectanotherperson'srighttohisorheropinionsandfeelings.

Likewise,onlyonrareoccasionshassomeonewishednottoexpresshimselforherselfonatopic.Encourageopennessbutexpectthatsomepeoplemightholdbacktheirtruefeelings(''sandbag")whentalkingaboutagiventopic.Bytellingtheparticipantsthattheycandrawuptothreecardstofindatopiconwhichthey'rewillingtospeak,you'llencouragethemtogreateropenness.

Thelistenercould,andprobablywill,recognizethathisorherpartnersandbaggedfeelings.Heorsheshouldbeencouragedtosaysomethingsuchas,"Iheardwhatyousaid,butIthinkyoureallydidn'texpressyourtruefeelingsaboutthis."That'spartofreadingfeelingsoremotions.

EveryonereceivesInstructionsfortheReadingFeelingsandEmotionsExercise,andtheInterpretationGuide.Whenyoudistributethehandouts,readtheinstructionsaloudbecausetheyarecomplex.Theparticipantswillneedtorefertothemduringtheexercise.



Recognizecommonnonverbalorquasi-verbalexpressionsofemotionintonesorqualityofvoice,facialexpressions,andbodylanguageorgestures.

Mirrorfeelingsoremotionsandaskforconfirmationoftheinterpretations.


Awarenessofotherpeople'sself-expression

Opennessandhonesty

Communication

Requirements

Time: Approximatelythirtytoforty-fiveminutes

Materials:TheGapBetweenUsoverhead

InstructionsfortheReadingFeelingsandEmotionsExercisehandout

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InterpretationGuidehandout

ControversialDiscussionTopicscards

Flipchartandmarkers


Preparation:Readthelistofcontroversialdiscussiontopics.

Ifyoufeeluncomfortablewithanyofthetopicsinyourworkshop,replaceitwithonewithwhichyouaremorecomfortable.Thenewtopicshouldevokefeelingsoremotions.

PrepareTheGapBetweenUsoverhead.

Photocopythehandoutandtheinterpretationguide.

Printoutorphotocopythethirtycontroversialdiscussiontopics,onetopicper3-by-5-inchcard.Prepareenoughsetstogiveeachpairofparticipantsacompletesetofthirtycards.

Dividetheclassintopairsandseparatethepairsfarenoughapartsothattheydon'tinterferewithoneanother.

RoomSetup:

Anywaythatisappropriatetoyoursessionthatwillallowyoutodividethegroupintopairs

LectureNotes

Peopledon'talwaysusewordstotelluswhattheythinkorfeel.Rather,theyfrequentlycommunicatetousthroughfacialexpressions,

toneorqualityofvoice,andbodylanguageorgestures.Respectforothersincludestrulylisteningtowhattheysay,notonlywiththeirwordsbutalsowithquasi-verbalandnonverbalcuesmanypeoplemiss.

Words,verbalexpressions,denotethecontentofwhatapersonthinksandcanrefertofeelingsoremotions,aswhensomeonesays,"I'mangry."Ontheotherhand,nonverbalssuchasfacialexpressions,bodylanguageorgestures,andquasi-verbalssuchastoneorqualityofvoice,conveyfeelingsoremotions,evenifthewordsdon'texplicitlyidentifythem.

Self-managedpeopleshowrespectforthepersonspeakingbylisteningcarefullytovoicetonesandqualityandbypayingattentiontoeverythingtheotherpersonisdoingasheorshespeaks.Theyknowthatcommunicationinvolvestwolevelsofactivityandworktoensurethatthecommunicationprocessiscomplete.Thetwolevelsofactivityare:

1.Contentandfeelingsoremotionsexpressedbythespeaker(intent)

2.Contentandfeelingsoremotionsunderstoodbythelistener(interpretation)

Whensomeonespeaks,heorsheintendstoconveytwodifferentkindsofmeaning:thecontentofthemessagespoken,andthefeelingsoremotionsthataccompanythecontent.Ontheotherhand,whenwelistentothatpersonspeak,wemighthear

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onlythecontent(forexample,"Theshirtisblue.")whilemissingtheemotionalloadingthatthespeakerintends,if,forexample,thespeakerdoesn'tlikeblueshirts.Theresultisagapincommunicationbetweenusandthespeakerthatcould,ifthematterisserious,leadtoadisagreement,perhapsevenaconflict.

Self-managedpeopletrytodistinguishbetweencontentandfeelingsinordertofullyunderstandwhattheotherpersonintendstocommunicate.Thatclosesagapbetweenwhataspeakerintendsormeansandhowweinterpretwhatheorshesaid.

[Facilitator:PutupTheGapBetweenUsoverheadnow.]

Agapalwaysexistsbetweenpeoplewhentheytrytocommunicate.Whatweintendormeanandwhatthepersonunderstandsorinterpretsustomeancanneverbeexactlythesame.Tonarrowthegapbetweenpeopleisthepurposeofimprovingthewayinwhichwecommunicate,thatis,thewayinwhichwetellpeoplewhatwethinkorfeelandthewayinwhichwelistentopeople.Givingandreceivingfeedbackservestonarrowthatgap.

Infact,theeffectiveuseoffeedbackclosesthatgapmorethananythingelsecan.Themosteffectiveformoffeedbackistoparaphrasewhatthepersonhassaidandmirrorthefeelingsaswell.SupposeI'mtalkingaboutraisingtheageofretirementtoseventy,inordertoprotecttheSocialSecurityfund.Youhearmesay,"Ithinktheidea'sstupid"whileIshakemyheadinapparentdisbelief.Youcouldparaphrasethatandmirrormyfeelingsbysaying,"Youdon'tliketheplantoraisetheretirementage,doyou?"That'sfairlyobvious,butyougetthemessage.

[Facilitator:Analternativeistoasksomeonetomakeacommentaboutsomecontroversialissueandyoudemonstrateormodeltheprocessbyparaphrasingandmirroringit.Thenhaveotherpeople

dothesamething.]

Self-managedpeoplearesensitivetootherpeople'sfeelingsandrecognizethateveryonehasanequalrighttohavethem.Statementssuchas,"Now,don'tbeangry"arepatronizingatbest.ThemoreoftenyoupracticethesuggestionsinReadingFeelingsandEmotions,themoreadeptatsensingfeelingsyouwillbecome.

[Facilitator:DistributetheInstructionsfortheReadingFeelingsandEmotionsExercisehandout,theInterpretationGuide,andthesetsofdiscussioncardsnow.Readtheinstructionsaloudbecausetheyarecomplex.Theparticipantswillneedtorefertothemduringtheexercise.]

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(continues)

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(continues)

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ControversialDiscussionTopics

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ControversialDiscussionTopics(continued)

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Exercise15.2ListeningforContent,ListeningforFeelings

Instructor'sNotes

WhereasExercise15.1isverycomplex,requiringparticipantstolistenforcuesfromtoneorqualityofvoiceandtowatchforcuesfromfacialexpressions,bodylanguage,orgestures,Exercise15.2issimplerinonerespectandmoredifficultinanotherrespect.

It'ssimplerinsofarastheparticipantshavetolistentothewordsandhowthewordsareexpressed,whereasinthepreviousexercise,theyhadtointerpretmanymorecues.It'smoredifficult,insofarasyou'reaskingthemtomakeinterpretationsbasedsolelyonwordsandhowthey'reexpressed,whichiswhatpeoplehavetodowhentheyconverseonthetelephoneorlistentotheradio.

Inthisexerciseeachparticipantselectsacontroversialtopicoutofastackofthirtytopiccardsandtalksaboutitforfromtwotofiveminutes,whileanotherpersonlistenstothewordsandhowthespeakerverballyorquasi-verballyexpresseshisorherfeelingsoremotions.Thepairdoesn'tdebateorarguethetopic.Rather,theparticipantsgiveeachotherfeedbackaboutwhattheyheardwhiletheotherpersonwasspeaking.Thelistenergivesfeedbacktothespeakeraboutwhatheorsheexperienced,thespeakerevaluatestheaccuracyofthefeedback,andthespeakergivesfeedbackabouthowheorsheperceivedthelistener'sreactionstowhatthespeakersaid.

Thisexerciseworksbestwitharelativelysmallclass,andtheworkshopshouldbelimitedtonomorethantwentypeople(tenpairs).Dowhatyoucantohaveanevennumberofpeopleintheclassifyouhavemorethantwentypeople.Itisdifficulttodothisexerciseintriads.

Thethirtycontroversialdiscussiontopics,althoughsensitive,onlyonrareoccasionshaveprovokedmorethanaheatedpresentationbythespeakerbecausethelistenerisinstructednottoarguethepointofviewexpressed.Ifanargumentdoesbreakout,remindtheoffendingpairthatdebateisn'tthepurposeoftheexercise.Infact,adebatedemonstratesthatsomeonedoesn'trespectanotherperson'srighttohisorheropinionsandfeelings.

Likewise,onlyonrareoccasionshassomeonewishednottoexpresshimselforherselfonatopic.Encourageopennessbutexpectthatpeoplemightholdbacktheirtruefeelings(''sandbag")aboutagiventopic.Bytellingthegroupthattheycandrawuptothreecardstofindatopiconwhichthey'rewillingtospeak,you'llencouragethemtogreateropenness.

Ontheotherhand,thelistenercouldrecognizethathisorherpartnersandbaggedfeelings.Heorsheshouldbeencouragedtosaysomethingsuchas,"Iheardwhatyousaid,butIthinkyoureallydidn'texpressyourtruefeelingsaboutthis."That'spartoflisteningforcontentandforfeelings.

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Distinguishbetweencontentandfeelingwhenotherpeoplearetalkingbylisteningforverbalandquasi-verbalcues.

Givefeedbackthatacknowledgesbothcontentandfeelings.


Awarenessofotherpeople'sfeelings

Opennessandhonesty

Communication

Requirements


Materials: InstructionsforListeningforContent,ListeningforFeelingsExercisehandout

InterpretationGuidehandout

ControversialDiscussionTopicscardsfromExercise15.1

TheGapBetweenUsoverheadfromExercise15.1

Flipchartandmarkers


Preparation:Readthelistofcontroversialdiscussiontopics.

Ifyoufeeluncomfortablewithanytopicinyourworkshop,replaceitwithonewithwhichyouare

morecomfortablebutthatshouldevokefeelingsoremotions.

Photocopythehandoutandtheinterpretationguide.

PrintoutorphotocopythirtycontroversialdiscussiontopicsfromExercise15.1,onetopicper3-by-5-inchcard.Prepareenoughsetstogiveeachpairofparticipantsacompletesetofthirtycards.

Dividetheclassintopairsandseparatethepairsfarenoughapartsothattheydon'tinterferewithoneanother.

RoomSetup:

Anywaythatisappropriatetoyoursessionthatwillallowyoutodividethegroupintopairs.Seateachpairshouldertoshoulder,facinginoppositedirections.

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LectureNotes

Whencomputerizedvoicemailanswersourcall,itgivesusinformationandinstructionsinamonotone,andwecan'ttellifthevoiceishappyorangrythatwecalled.Afteritputsusonimpersonal,terminalhold,wecurseitandslamdownthehandset.Somuchforinterpersonalcommunicationwithacomputer.

[Facilitator:Asanalternativetothelecture,askanddiscuss:Whatarethedifferencesbetweencomputerizedvoicemailandapersonansweringthephone?]

Whenpeople,ratherthanmachines,talk,theycommunicatetwomessagesatthesametime:whattheythinkandwhattheyfeel.Wecallthefirstthecontentmessage,andthesecondthefeelingmessageor,simply,contentandfeeling.Thecontentisconveyedbythewordsthemselves."Thisobjectisblue."Saidinastraightforwardmanner,matter-of-fact,that'smerelytheobjectivedescriptionofathing'scolor.

Nowsaythesamething,butemphasizedifferentwords."Thisobjectisblue."Thistime,becauseoftheemphasis,thesentenceconveystwomessages.One,theobjectisblue,andtwo,surprise,oranger,orhappinessdependingonthecontext.Whateveritconveys,it'slettingusknowaboutafeelingconcerningtheobject'scolor.

[Facilitator:Asanalternativetothelecture,askanddiscuss:Whatdoesthatemphasisconvey?]

Feelingsarespokenbywhatwecallquasiverbals,aswellasbywords.Infact,alongwithnonverbals,quasiverbalsmakeupmostofourcommunication.Nonverbalsalsoincludefacialexpressions,bodylanguageandgestures,butwe'reconcernedinthisexercisewithonlythefeelingsoremotionsconveyedbywords,toneofvoice,andqualitiesofvoice.Whenwe'reconversingonthetelephoneor

listeningtotheradio,onlythevocalsconveythefeelingsoremotions.

Thewordswechoosemayconveyafeeling.Forexample,"Thatobject'sanuglyshadeofblue"notonlysaystheobjectisblue,ittellsyouIdon'tlikeitasclearlyasifIhadsaid,"Idon'tlikethatshadeofblue."

ToneorqualityofvoicecantellyouhowIfeel.Icanexpressthesamefeelingbysaying"Thatobject'sblue"withatoneofdisgustinmyvoice.

Or,IcantellyouhowIfeelwithanoise."Thatobject'sblue.Ugh!"

[Facilitator:IfyouhaveusedExercise15.1inthisworkshop,youcanomitthispartofthelectureorusethefollowingadaptation.]

Self-managedpeopleshowrespectforthepersonspeakingbylisteningcarefullyandpayingattentiontohowtheotherpersonistalking.Theyknowthatcommunicationinvolvestwolevelsofactivityandworktoensurethatthecommunicationprocessiscomplete.Thetwolevelsofactivityare:

1.Contentandfeelingsoremotionsexpressedbythespeaker(intent)

2.Contentandfeelingsoremotionsunderstoodbythelistener(interpretation)

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Whensomeonespeaks,heorsheintendstoconveytwodifferentkindsofmeaning:thecontentofthemessagespoken,andthefeelingsoremotionsthataccompanythecontent.Ontheotherhand,whenwelistentothatpersonspeak,wemighthearonlythecontent(forexample,"Theshirtisblue.")whilemissingtheemotionalloadingthatthespeakerintends,if,forexample,thespeakerdoesn'tlikeblueshirts.Theresultisagapincommunicationbetweenusandthespeakerthatcould,ifthematterisserious,leadtoadisagreement,perhapsevenaconflict.

Self-managedpeopletrytodistinguishbetweencontentsandfeelingsinordertofullyunderstandwhattheotherpersonintendstocommunicate.Thatclosesagapbetweenwhataspeakerintendsormeansandhowweinterpretwhatheorshesaid.

[Facilitator:PutupTheGapBetweenUsoverhead(page273)now.]

Agapalwaysexistsbetweenpeoplewhentheytrytocommunicate.Whatweintendormeanandwhatthepersonunderstandsorinterpretsustomeancanneverbeexactlythesame.Tonarrowthegapbetweenpeopleisthepurposeofimprovingthewayinwhichwecommunicate,thatis,thewayinwhichwetellpeoplewhatwethinkorfeelandthewayinwhichwelistentopeople.Givingandreceivingfeedbackservestonarrowthatgap.

Infact,theeffectiveuseoffeedbackclosesthatgapmorethananythingelsecan.Paraphrasingcontentandmirroringfeelingsoremotionsarethemosteffectiveformsoffeedback.SupposeI'mtalkingaboutraisingtheageofretirementtoseventyasawaytoprotecttheSocialSecurityfund.Youhearmesay,"Ithinktheidea'sstupid."Youcouldparaphrasethecontentand,byrespondingtomytoneofvoice,mirrormyfeelingsbysaying,"Youdon'tliketheplantoraisetheretirementage,doyou?"That'sfairlyobvious,butyouget

themessage.

[Facilitator:Asksomeonetomakeacommentaboutsomecontroversialissueandyoudemonstrateormodeltheprocessbyparaphrasingandmirroringit.Thenhaveotherpeopledothesamething.]


Inthisexerciseyouwillpracticereadingpeople'sfeelingsfromwhattheysay.Theprocessispopularlycalledactivelistening.Itacknowledgestheotherperson,acknowledgesthatwhatheorshehassaidisimportanttoyou,anddemonstratesthatyouareinfactlistening.

[Facilitator:DistributetheInstructionsfortheListeningforContent,ListeningforFeelingExercisehandoutandtheInterpretationGuidenow.Readtheinstructionsaloudbecausetheyarecomplex.Theparticipantswillneedtorefertothemduringtheexercise.Thendistributethesetsofdiscussioncards.UsethedeckofcardsfromExercise15.1.]

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Exercise15.3PreventingDisagreementsfromBecomingConflicts

Instructor'sNotes

Thisexerciserequiresthattwopeopletalktoeachotheraboutaninterpersonalrelationsproblemandthengetfeedbackfromotherpeopleintheirimmediategroupaboutwhattheydidorsaidandhoweffectiveorineffectivetheywereinresolvingthedisagreement.

1.Dividethegroupintoteamsofnomorethansixpeople.

2.Divideeachteamintopairsinwhicheachpersonwillhaveaproblemtosolve.Ifoneteamhasanoddnumberofpeople,onepersonwillworkontwoproblems.

3.DistributeanObserver'sGuidetoeachperson.

4.Distributeenvelopesofalltheproblemscriptstoeachteam.

5.Distributeinstructionstoeachperson.

6.Providetheexplanationbeforetheexercise.

7.Discusstheconclusionsdrawnbytheteams.



Useactivelisteningforpreventingdisagreementsfrombecomingconflicts.

Useproblem-solvingmethodsforusingdisagreementsasopportunitiesforcreativeproblemsolving.


Listeningskills

Opennessandhonesty

Problem-solvingskills

Requirements


Materials:InstructionsforPreventingDisagreementsFromBecomingConflictshandout

PreventingConflictSkillPracticeSituationCards

Observer'sGuidehandout

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Photocopyeachpairofsituationscriptsonseparatecardsandplaceeachpairinaseparateenvelope.MakeenoughcopiessoeachteamhasalltheSkillPracticescripts.

Photocopyenoughobserver'sguidestoallowallparticipantstogetfeedbackfromtheirteammates.

RoomSetup:

Uptosixpeopleatroundtablesorotherface-to-facearrangement

LectureNotes

Ifnecessityisthemotherofinvention,disagreementisitsfather.Inotherwords,disagreementsaregoodopportunitiesforcreativeproblemsolving.Ontheotherhand,disagreementsalsobreedconflict,situationsinwhichatleastonepersonbelievesthathisrighttosatisfyhisneedsorinterestsisbeingtrampled.Self-managedpeoplerecognizethateveryonehastherighttosatisfyhisorherneedsorinterests;theyalsorecognizewhenconflictsituationsmightariseoutofdisagreements.Theythentakeappropriatestepstopreventpeoplefromtramplingontheirneedsorinterestsandfromtramplingonanyoneelse's.

Self-awarenessisessentialtopreventingconflict.Self-managedpeoplemustknowandfullyunderstandtheirownpositionsandinterests.Theymustalsoknow,understand,andrespectotherpeople'spositionsandinterestsaswell,andtheonlywaytodothatisthrougheffectivecommunication,especiallythrougheffectivelistening(alsoknowasactivelistening).

Withactivelisteningweacknowledgetheotherperson,we

acknowledgethatwhatheorshehassaidisimportanttous,andwedemonstratethatweareinfactlistening.

[Facilitator:DistributetheInstructionsforPreventingDisagreementsFromBecomingConflictsnowandreadaloudthefollowinginstructions.]


Here'swhatyoudoasalistener:

1.Clearyourmindaswellasyourenvironmentofdistractionsbyremovingpapers,books,orothermaterialsfromthetable.

2.Concentrateonwhatthepersonissaying,notonhowyou'llrespondtoit.

3.Askquestionsforclarification,suchas"Whatdidyoumeanbythat?"

4.Acknowledgeandparaphrasewhatthepersonsaystoensurethatyouunderstanditproperly.Forexample,youcouldsay,"IfIunderstandyou,youthinkthataffirmativeactionhasn'tworkedatall."Thenaskaconfirmingquestion,suchas,"Isthatright?"

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5.Acknowledgeandmirrororreflectthefeelingsyouthinkthepersonisexpressing.Forexample,youcouldsay,"Fromyourtoneofvoice,itseemsthatyou'reangryabouttheeffectsofaffirmativeaction."Thenaskaconfirmingquestion,suchas,"DoIunderstandhowyoufeel?"

Byusingthisprocess,younarrowthecommunicationgapthatalwaysexistsbetweentwopeople.

[Facilitator:Ifyouhaven'tdiscussed"TheGap"inExercises15.1and15.2,refertothediscussioninExercise15.1andpresentithere.]

It'sthegapinunderstandingbetweenpeoplethatleadstoconflict.Thelesspeopleknowaboutandunderstandeachother,themorelikelytheywillescalatedisagreementintoconflict.Onlywhenyounarrowthegap,canyouthenengageinproblemsolving.

Inthisexercise,youwillattempttoresolvedisagreementsbyengaginginproblem-solvingactivities.Resolvingdisagreementsandproblemsolving,asaformofnegotiation,includethesethreesteps:

1.Identifytherealproblem.First,identifytheindicatorsorsymptomsoftheproblem,givingeachpersonachancetoairhisorherpositionandinterests.Beforeanythingelseconstructivecanhappen,eachperson,inturn,answers:"WhatdoIwant,whydoIwantit,whatmakesmethinkI'mnotgettingit,andwhatdoIfeelaboutthesituation?"Onlythencanyoutraceindicatorsorsymptomstotheircauses.Eachpersonexplains:"ThisiswhatIthinkpreventsmefromsatisfyingmyneedsorinterests."

2.Resolvethedisagreement.Beforeamutuallysatisfactorysolutioncanbefound,eachpersonmustanswer:"WhatdoIthinkIhavetohaveinordertosatisfymyneedorinterest."Thenyoucanidentifythepointsonwhichyoubothcanagree.Eachpersonhasto

understandtheotherperson'spointofviewandlookforwaysinwhicheachoverlapstheother.Youalsohavetodiscussdifferencesbetweenyoursuggestedsolutions.Eachpersonhastounderstandtheotherperson'spointofviewandlookforwaysinwhicheachdivergesfromtheother.Thenyoucanusethepointsofagreementtodiscusswaysofgettingpastthedifferences.Togetheryoufindwaysofsatisfyingeachother'sneedsorinterests,whichmayinvolvedesigninganothersolutionthatmutuallysatisfiesthemboth.

3.Designanactionplanformakingsuretheresolutiontothedisagreementdoesinfactsatisfybothpeople'sneedsandinterests.Togetheryoudesignanactionplanforsatisfyingyourmutualneedsandinterests.Theplanshouldincludestepsformonitoringwhathappensandensuringthatbothofyoudoinfactsatisfyyourneedsandinterests.

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Here'stherub.Bothpartiesmustwanttoworkwitheachothertoarriveatasolutionsatisfactorytoboth.Respectforothers,then,isessentialforpreventingdisruptioninyourlife.

Whenyougetyoursituationcards,youwillreadthemtoyourselvesandnottellanyoneelsewhatyourscripttellsyoutodoorsay.

[Facilitator:DistributethesituationscriptsandObserver'sGuidehandoutnow.]

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PreventingConflictSkillPracticeSituationCards

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PreventingConflictSkillPracticeSituationCards(continued)

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PreventingConflictSkillPracticeSituationCards(continued)

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Exercise15.4Acceptance/Affirmation

Instructor'sNotes

Thisexerciseisdesignedtohelptheparticipantscommunicatewithoutmakingvaluejudgmentsaboutwhatanotherpersonsays,toacceptpeopleatfacevaluewithoutjudgingtheirworth,andtounderstandthattheythinkorfeelratherthantodisputeorarguewiththem.



Listennonjudgmentallytoanotherpersonwiththeobjectiveoflearningmoreabouthimorher.

Paraphrasewhattheotherpersonissayingtoensureunderstanding.

Askforclarificationofsomethingtheydonotunderstand.

Askforelaborationwhentheywantorneedmoreinformation.

Askforfeelingsbehindstatementstofullyunderstandtheotherperson'spointofview.


Opennessandhonesty

Self-disclosure

Communication,especiallylisteningskills

Requirements


Materials: InstructionsforAcceptance/AffirmationExercisehandout

Self-DisclosureStatementshandout



RoomSetup:

Anyarrangementthatallowspairsofpeopletofaceeachother

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LectureNotes

''Gettingtoknowyou."ThatonephrasefromOscarHammerstein'ssonglyricsfromTheKingandIsumsuptheentirebasisforrespectforothers.Themoreweknowaboutaperson,themoreweunderstandwhathethinksorfeelsandwhyhethinksorfeelsashedoes.Togettoknowsomeonemeanstolistentoandwatchthatpersonwithoutformingvaluejudgmentsabouther.Itmeansaffirmingandacceptingthepersonwithoutreservation,affirmingandacceptingherasanotherhumanbeingevenifwedon'tapproveofwhatthepersonsaysordoes.

Nothingrequiresustolikeeverythingthatapersondoes,ortolikeapersonaswewouldafriend."Idon'tlikewhatyou'vedone"sayssomethingmuchdifferentthan"Idon'tacceptyouasaperson."Whenwegettoknowsomeone,it'seasiertoaccepthimbecauseweunderstandwhyheactsthewayhedoes.Whenweknowwhatlifeexperiencesthepersonhashad,wehaveabetterunderstandingofhiscurrentactions.Thisisasimportantintheworkplaceasitisinthehome.

[Facilitator:Askparticipantstoexplainthedifferencesbetweenthetwostatements:"Idon'tlikewhatyou'vedone"and"Idon'tacceptyouasaperson."Discusstheimplicationsofthetwostatementsforpreventingconflict.]

Sometimes,whensomeonedoessomethingofwhichwedon'tapprove,wefinditdifficulttorespectthatperson.But,justlikemembersofafamily,wecan'talwayspickthepeoplewithwhomwehavetowork.Wehavetofindawaytogetaroundourfeelingsinordertogetourjobdoneandtoworkcloselywithcoworkers,nomatterwhat.Onewaytodothatis,again,toaccepttheoffenderasaperson,nomatterwhatshesaysordoes.That,too,requireslookingbeyondthebehaviorwedon'tlikeorrespecttothepersonasawhole.

Wecan'tgettoknowotherpeopleunlesswealsoletotherpeoplegettoknowus,whichrequiresself-disclosureaswellasawillingnesstoletpeopleseeorobservewhatwedo.Self-disclosureandlisteningtoself-disclosureadvancetheentireprocessofgettingtoknowoneanotherquicklyandtothepoint.

Self-disclosuremeansdoingsomethingrarelydoneatwork:talkingaboutourselves,ourthoughts,ourfeelings,ourvalues.It'srarelydonebecausemostpeopledon'tliketodothat,afraidthatpeoplewillusewhattheysayagainstthem.Officepoliticiansoftenabusetheconfidentialprivilegeonwhichself-disclosurerelies.

[Facilitator:Useanillustrationfromyourownexperience,orusethefollowingcase.]

Inanillustrativecase,ataFortune100company,onewomantoldacoworkeraboutdifficultiesshewashavingwithherex-husband,thestressitcausedher.Althoughthetroubledwomancapablyhandledherwork,thecoworkerthenusedthatinformationtoprompttheirbosstoletherreplacethewomanonanimportant

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project.Still,nottalkingaboutourselvestootherpeoplepreventsthemfromknowingwhowereallyareandacceptingusforwhoweare,wartsandall.

Noneofthissuggeststhatwehavetotelleveryoneaboutourselves.Intimaciesbetweenusandoursignificantothers,forexample,areprivate,andfewreasonablepeoplewanttoknowaboutthoseanyway.Nordoesitmeanansweringeveryquestionpeoplemightaskus.Someonemightwanttoknowthoseintimatedetails,andwe'rewithinourrightstosay,"I'msorrybutthatinformationisbetweenusalone."Weareentitledtokeepstuffaboutourselvestoourselves.Nordoesitsuggestthatwehavetherighttoknoweverythingwewanttoknowaboutotherpeople.Pryingintoanyone'spersonallifeworksbothways.They,too,havetherighttoprivacy.

Peopleatworkcometogetherasstrangers.Theextenttowhichcoworkersshareinformationaboutthemselves,however,determinestheirabilitytoworktogethereffectively.Theyshouldexchangeideasabouttheirwork,theirvalueswithregardtotheworktheydo,theimportancetothemoftheirrolesintheorganization,andtheirthoughtsandfeelingsabouttheunit'sgoals.Theyshouldexchangetheirthoughtsandfeelingsaboutwhat'simportanttothem,personallyaswellasprofessionally,whatkindofrewardsprovideincentives,thekindsofsupporttheylookforfromotherpeople.Unlessweknowwhatotherpeoplethink,feel,orvalue,we'reboundtorunacrosstheirships'bowslikeawarningshotfromacannon.Thatshotcouldtriggeranunnecessaryconflictwithwhichnoonewantstodeal.

[Facilitator:Useanillustrationfromyourownexperience,orusethefollowingcase.]

Twocoworkers,assignedtoworkonaproject,struggledwithoneanotherforweeksuntilathirdpartysuggestedtheytalkabouthowtheyindividuallyapproachedaproject.Itturnedoutthatoneperson

tookabroad,visualapproachtothework.Theothertookastructured,linearapproachtothework.Oncetheyunderstoodoneanother,theycouldagreeonanapproachthatworkedforbothofthem.

Likewise,theextenttowhichpeopleshareinformationaboutthemselvesdeterminesthedegreetowhichtheyacceptandaffirmoneanother.Ifdiversitymeansanythingatall,itmeansdifferences,anddifferencescanbreedcontemptunlesspeoplepracticeacceptingandaffirmingoneanother.Nooneeversaidself-managementiseasy.

[Facilitator:Useanillustrationfromyourownexperienceorcontinuewiththecase.]

Intheexampleofthetwocoworkerswithtwodifferentapproachestowork,theybothfeltangerandresentmenttowardeachotherwhilestrugglingforcontroloftheproject.Behindeachother'sbacks,theytalkedtootherpeopleindisparagingwaysabouteachother.Aftertheytalkedouttheirdifferencesandresolvedtheproblem,theangerandresentmentevaporatedandtheylearnedtorespecteachotherasindividuals.Theresultwasaprojectthatincorporatedthebestofbothapproaches.

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Thisactivityisanexerciseinself-disclosureandacceptanceandaffirmationinwhichyouworkwithanotherpersontodotwothings:(1)discloseinformationaboutyourselftoanotherperson,and(2)listentoanotherpersonwithoutinterpretingwhatthatpersonsaidorformingavaluejudgmentaboutthatperson.

[Facilitator:DistributetheAcceptance/AffirmationInstructionsandSelf-DisclosureStatementsnow.Readtheinstructionsaloud.]

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Exercise15.5Trust

Instructor'sNotes

Thereareactuallytwoexerciseshere:(1)anexerciseforintactworkgroupsorteams,and(2)anexerciseforpeoplewhodon'tknoweachotherverywell.Thetwoexercisesaredistinguishednotbytheinstructionsbutbythematerialsusedinthediscussionsbetweenpeople.Therefore,TrustStatementsforParticipantsWhoWorkTogetherandTrustStatementsforParticipantsWhoDon'tWorkTogetheraredifferentandshouldnotbeusedwithanygroupotherthantheonespecifiedinthetitle.

Separatetheparticipantsintopairs.Inaworkshopwherepeopleordinarilyworktogether,havetheparticipantsfindpartnerswhomtheydon'tknowverywelloratall.Inaworkshopwherepeopledon'tworktogether,savethisexerciseuntilaftertheyhavehadsomeexperienceswitheachotherintheworkshop.



Testtheirwillingnesstotrustpeople.

Expresstheirtrustforatleastonepersontheydon'tknowallthatwell.


Opennessandhonesty

Trust

Communication

Requirements


Materials: TrustStatementsforParticipantsWhoWorkTogetherworksheet

TrustStatementsforParticipantsWhoDon'tWorkTogetherworksheet


Preparation:Photocopytheappropriateworksheetforeachparticipantinyourworkshop.

RoomSetup:

Anyarrangementthatallowspairsofparticipantstotalkwitheachother

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LectureNotes

Ifwedon'ttrustpeople,howcanwe:

Dependonpeopletodotheirjobs?

Relyonpeopletosupportourefforts?

Expectpeopletotellusthetruth?

Expectpeopletotrustus?

Trustisanessentialelementofrespectforothers.Self-managedpeopletrustotherpeople.It'srisky,butit'sworthit.AccordingtoRosalieMaggio,inherbookQuotationsFromWomenonLife,themovieactressGeenaDavisissupposedtohavesaid:"Ifyourisknothing,thenyouriskeverything."1Davismaynothavebeentalkingabouttrustingotherpeople,butshemightaswellhavebeen.

Eachandeverythinginourlivesinvolvesotherpeopleinsomeway.Wehavetotrustthemtodowhattheyaresupposedtogoinourrelationshipwiththem,andwecan'ttakeresponsibilityforseeingtoitthattheydoit.Thevendorsorcustomerswithwhomwedeal,ourcoworkers,thepeoplereportingtous,andthepeopletowhomwereportfamilymembers,governmentofficials,socialleaders,thewholeworldaroundushaveresponsibilitiesformaintainingsocialorderandcommerce.Unlesswetaketheriskoftrustingotherpeople,weputourselvesinthepositionofthemaincharacterinthemovie"ConspiracyTheory,"andinthatwayweriskeverything.

[Facilitator:Ifyouhaven'tseenthatmovie,Isuggestyouviewittoexplainittoparticipantswhohaven'tseenit;or,haveastudentintheclassexplainit;or,justomitthereferencetoit.]

Thisdoesn'tmeantotrustwithoutquestion.Onlyinfantsdothat.Peopleearnourdistrustbywhattheydoandsay.Otherwisetheyneed

notearnourtrustuntiltheydosomethingtoprovethey'renottrustworthy.Justlikeanythingelseinself-management,weneedtopracticetrustingpeople.That'swhatthisexerciseisallabout.

[Facilitator:Distributetheappropriateworksheetandthenreadaloudoneofthetwofollowingexplanations.Explanation1shouldbeprovidedtopeopleworkingtogetherintheworkshopforthefirstandonlytime.Explanation2shouldbeprovidedtopeoplewhoworktogetherregularly.]

Explanation1

Assumethatthetruststatementsreferonlytoyourrelationshipinthisworkshop.Twopossibleoutcomescanhappen.Youwillreinforceexistingtrustlevelsoryou

1RosalieMaggio,compiler,QuotationsfromWomenonLife(Paramus,NJ:Prentice-Hall,1997)82.

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willuncoverareasinwhichtrustlevelscanbeimproved.Sincetheexerciseisdesignedforthepurposeofhelpingyoubuildtrust,acceptwhatyourpartnersaysasaformofinstructivefeedback,notascriticism.Ifyoufeelangerorresentmentwhenyourpartnersayssomethingsuchas"Ididn'tcheckthatItrustyoutotakethisworkshopseriouslybecauseyou'realwayscrackingjokes,"askyourselfwhyyoufeelthewayyoudo.Don'tattacktheotherperson.Instead,askhimorherwhatheorshethinksyoushoulddotorepairtherelationship.Thistypeofdiscussionispracticeforbuildinggreatertrustinotherrelationships.

Explanation2

Duringthisexerciseoneofthreethings,orallofthem,canhappen.One,youwillreinforcethetrustlevelbetweenyouandyourpartner.Two,youwilluncoverareasinwhichtrustlevelscanbeimproved.Three,youwilluncoverareasofdistrustormistrustthatneedadditionalattentionafteryouleavetheworkshop.

Sincetheexerciseisdesignedforthepurposeofhelpingyoubuildtrust,acceptwhatyourpartnersaysasaformofinstructivefeedback,notascriticism.Ifyoufeelangerorresentmentwhenyourpartnersayssomethingsuchas"Ididn'tcheckthatItrustyoutotakethisworkshopseriouslybecauseyou'realwayscrackingjokes,"askyourselfwhyyoufeelthewayyoudo.Don'tattacktheotherperson.Instead,askhimorherwhatheorshethinksyoushoulddotorepairtherelationship.Thistypeofdiscussionispracticeforbuildinggreatertrustinotherrelationships.

ProcessingQuestions

1.Explainwhyyouweretruthfuloruntruthfulintalkingwithyourpartnerabouttrust.

Typicalanswers:IwastruthfulbecauseIthoughtthatitwouldhelpus

makeourrelationshipstronger.IwasuntruthfulbecauseIdidn'tthinkmypartnercouldaccepthowIfeltwithoutgettingangry.

2.Whatdidyourealizeaboutyourselfwithregardtotrustinganotherperson?

Typicalanswer:I'mlesstrustingthanIthought.

3.Howtruthfuldoyouthinkyourpartnerwaswithyouandwhatgaveyouthatimpression?

Typicalanswers:Ithoughtmypartnerwastruthfulbecausesomeofthethingsshesaidhurtalittle.Ithoughtmypartnerwasn'tastruthfulashecouldbebecauseIfelthewastoocomplimentary,anditmademeuncomfortable.

4.Whatconclusionsdoyoudrawfromtheexerciseaboutthevalueorimportanceoftrustingotherpeople?

Typicalanswer:Ifwedon'ttrusteachotheratwork,whomcanwetrust?

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Facilitator'sNotes

Ifanargumentbreaksoutduringoneofthesediscussions,whichtodatehasnothappened,mediatebyaskingthepersonbecomingangryorresentfulwhyheorshefeelsthewayheorshedoes.Youmightgetoneormoreofthefollowingpossibleanswers:

Theotherperson'stoneofvoiceseemedsarcasticorantagonistic.

Theotherpersonusedoffensivelanguage.

Whattheotherpersonsaidhurtmyfeelings.

Ifeelbadaboutwhattheotherpersonsaid,butIcan'tacceptresponsibility.

Discusstheresponsewithbothparties,andinthecasewherethe"otherperson's"toneofvoiceorlanguagewasinfactoffensive,discusshowthosethingscreatedistrustormistrust.Inthecasewherethepersongettingupsetownsuptohurtfeelingsorinabilitytoacceptresponsibility,discusshowthosethingsalsocreatedistrustormistrust.

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Follow-UpActivitiesforDevelopingTrust



Evaluateorassesstheirwillingnessandabilitytotrustotherpeople.

Takecorrectiveactiontoimprovetrustlevelswhenneeded.


Evaluatingorassessingone'sownfeelingsoftrust

Opennesstofeedbackfromotherpeople

Opennesstomakingchangesinone'sownbehavior

Requirements

Time: Thirtyminutestoprepareparticipantsforfollow-upactivity

Materials: InstructionsforFollow-UpActivitiesforDevelopingTrusthandout


RoomSetup:

None

[Facilitator:DistributeInstructionsforFollow-UpActivitiesforDevelopingTrust.]

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SECTIONIVSELFMANAGEDTEAMS''Abracadabra"isamagicword."Self-managedteam"isnot.Yet,inthecommonwisdomofmanagement,self-managedteamresonatesasifitweremagic.Corporateculturesoften,inmyexperience,replacesoundmanagementwithhocuspocus.Theyformteams,tellthemtoworkindependently,butdon'tprepareortrainpeopletofunctionasteammatesandtheysuperimposeateamleaderonateamthatisself-managedinnameonly.

Dubbingateam"self-managed"doesn'tmakeitso,andgenuineself-managementdoesn'tguaranteeeffectiveness.Successfulself-managedteams(SMTs)aredrivenbywillingself-managedpeopletrainedtoworkinsuchateam,andtheymusthavethecompany'sfullsupport.

SemiautonomousteamsoftenmasqueradeasSMTs.Theseworkgroups,whicharen'tinthemselvesineffective,reporttoasupervisororteamleaderappointedbymanagement,theemployeesperformseparatefunctionsandfrequentlygettogethertosolveproblems,makedecisions,andcarryactionplanstomanagementforapproval.Insteadoftheautonomyrequiredformakingateamself-managed,theteam'sheadhasfinalauthorityoverdecisionsandactions.

Theteam'sleaderalsotransmitsmandatesfromuppermanagement,andseestoitthattheteamcarriesoutobjectivesanddoesworkdesignedbymanagement.Theleaderassignswork,monitorsprogress,handsoutrewards.Thus,theleaderdifferslittlefromatraditionalfirst-linemanagerinacommandandcontrolorganization.Whilethisarrangementcanbeefficient,itdoesn'tdriveproblem-solvingdecisionstowheretheybelong:wheretheworkisdone.

Incontrast,anSMTgetsdirectionorobjectivesandamandateforautonomyfrommanagement;that'stherealmeaningofempowerment.Insteadofanappointedleader,theteam,ifitsodecides,electsitsleader,anditdistributesresponsibilitiesthathavepreviouslybeentheprovinceofmanagerstoeachoftheteam'smembers.

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Theteammayaskonepersontomanagethebudget,anothertocommunicatetogroupsexternaltotheteam,andsoon.HowanSMTorganizesitselfanddesignsitsworkareteamdecisions,notmanagementfiats.

Totakeonandfollowthroughonthatkindofresponsibilityrequiresthatteammembersuseself-managementskills.Self-managementtrainingisthereforeessentialforpeopletounderstandwhatanSMTis,whatvaluesitmusthave,thegenericactivitiesthatgointomakingateamsuccessful,andthespecificactivitiesofgroupdecisionmakingandproblemsolving.

OrganizationofSectionIV

TheexercisesinChapter16dealwiththevalues,attitudes,andactivitiestheorganizationanditsSMTsmustaccepttomakeSMTseffective.Alleffectiveorhigh-performanceteamsarecreatedtoachievespecific,well-definedgoalsthatoneindividualworkingalone,oranygroupofindividualsworkingindependentlyofoneanothercannotachieve.SynergysodefinedhasauniqueapplicationinSMTs:NoonepersonmanagesorleadsanSMT,yeteveryonemanagesorleadsitinhisorherownwayandinhisorherowncapacity.Thatmeanseveryonetakesresponsibilityforhisorherindividualassignmentsandforthetasksandprocessesoftheteam.Withoutvaluestolivebynoonetakesresponsibilityforanything.

Chapter17providesactivitiesthathelpteamsworkthroughthesixcommonexperiencesallteamshaveduringtheirlifetimes:Introducing,StageSetting,Probing/Testing,Creating,Producing,andMaintaining.TheuniquenessofanSMToccursafterinitialformation.Managementcreatestheteamandprovidesdirection.Together,managementandtheteammemberssetthestagethatguideshowtheSMTwillfunction.Fromtheretheteamtakesoverallthe

responsibilitiesformanagingtheteam'sexperiences.

TheexercisesinChapter18helpteammembersapplyself-managementvaluesandattitudesintheserviceofadopting,clarifying,andmanagingtheroleseachpersonplaysintheteam.Theteammembersalsocoordinatetherelationshipsbetweenindividualsandbetweentheteamandorganizationalstructures.Asynergisticwhole,representedbytheintersectionoftheinterlockingcirclesofaVennDiagram,emerges.

Self-ManagedIndividualsandSelf-ManagedTeams

Teamtrainingbooksfillbookstoreandlibraryshelves;wereallydon'tneedanotherone.Instead,theseexercisesfocusonuniqueissuesrelatedtoself-managementintheserviceofateam.TheyalsoassumethattheparticipantsareeitheralreadyinSMTsorareabouttobeorganizedintoone.ThistrainingworkswellwithSMTsexperiencingdifficultiesorbarrierstoproductivityortoteammemberrelations,aswellaswithnewlyformedgroups.

Thistrainingalsoworksbestiftheparticipantshavebeenthroughself-managementtraining.Theyknowtheconceptsandskillsinvolvedinself-

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management,andtheycanapplywhattheyknowandcandoasindividualstowhathastobedonetomaketheirSMTsworkwellasagroup(beeffective)aswellasgetthejobdone(beefficient).Whereastheexercisesinthepreviouschapters,evenwhenorganizedasteamactivities,focusedontheindividual,theseexercisesfocusonthedynamicsoftheteam.Theshiftinlearningobjectiveschangesfromself-managementtothemanagementofateam.Thefollowingexercisestakethesamevaluesandskillsinvolvedinself-managementcompetenciesandapplythemtomanagingaworkgroupthathasnomanagerinvolvedinitsdailypursuits.

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16ValuesofSelf-ManagedTeamsByreadingthischapter,youwillbeabletofacilitatetwoexercisesthatwillhelpparticipantsapplyself-managementcompetenciesandvaluestotheactivitiesofSMTs.

Exercise16.1IdentifyingValuesofSMTs

Instructor'sNotes

Exercise16.1isdesignedtohelpparticipantsidentifyteamvaluesandtorelatetheirself-managementcompetenciestomanagingtheteam.Itisalsodesignedtoencouragepeopleto(1)workindependently,(2)workinsmallsubgroups,and(3)workforthebenefitofthewholeteam.Tothoseends,dividethegroupintofourteamswithfromtwotofourpeopleineachsubgroup.ConductPart1beforereferringtoPart2.ConductPart2andPart3asonecontinuousexercise.

Eachsubgrouporteamwilldrawitsownconclusionsaboutthevaluesofteams.Usetheirreportstothewholegroupabouttheiragreed-uponbeneficialvaluesorvaluedactivitiesasthebasisofthediscussion.Forexample,afterateam

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reportsout,youcouldask,"Whydidyourteamthinkthataflatorganizationisofvaluetotheteam?"Or,"Thisteamsaidaflatorganizationisofvaluetotheteam.Whatdotherestofyouthinkaboutthat?"

ThesubgroupsshouldhaveanextrahandoutfromParts2and3oftheexercisetouseforpreparing"mastercopies"oftheteams'conclusionsthatyoucancollectaftertheyarecompletedbyeachsubgroup;reproducethemastercopiesfordistributiontoalltheparticipants.Thatwayeveryonehascopiesofwhateveryoneelsehassaid.

DuringthediscussionsafterPart1andParts2and3oftheexercise,tietheactivitybacktoactualconditionswheretheparticipantswork.Forexample,ask,"Howdoyouseethesevaluesorvaluedactivitiesreflectedinyourdailyoperations?"


Bytheendofthisexerciseparticipantswillbeabletoidentify:

ThepersonalandorganizationalvaluesthatmakeSMTssuccessful

Therelationshipbetweenself-managementcompetenciesandthevaluesofsuccessfulSMTs


Theabilitytoidentifyone'sownvalues

Communication,especiallytheabilitytoexchangeideaswithotherpeople

Theabilitytoacceptotherpeople'sopinionsorvalues

Requirements


Materials: ValuesofSelf-ManagedTeamsworksheet

ValueDefinitions/ActionsworksheetsforTeams1,2,3,and4

Flipchartwithassortedmarkers

Preparation:Photocopytheworksheets.

RoomSetup:

-shapeorotherarrangementforintactteamsthatwillencouragediscussion

LectureNotes

Wemeasureateam'sefficiencybyitsresultsthemostreadilyaccessiblemeasureofanSMT'sperformance.However,focusingonlyonresultsneglectsthesocialside

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ofanSMT'slife,theaspectsofSMTperformancethatmeasuretheteam'seffectiveness(vision,assumptions,values,interpersonalrelations,paradigms,attitudes).Inpopularjargon,wedistinguishbetweenwhathastobedone(taskdynamics)andhowthingsgetdone(processdynamics).Whetherwetalkabouttaskdynamicsorprocessdynamics,valuesandattitudesdrivethelifeofanSMT.

Avalueisabelieforfeelingpeopleconsidertobeworthwhileordesirable;anattitudeisareadinesstoactonavalue.Inourcontext,thepersonalandorganizationalvaluesandattitudesofanSMTmakeituniqueinrelationtootherworkplaceorganizations.SMTsfostersynergytheabilitytoachievespecific,well-definedgoalsthatoneindividualworkingalone,oranygroupofindividualsworkingindependentlyofoneanothercannotachievebyremovingartificialbarriersbetweenmanagementandnonmanagement("they"or"them").Self-managementvaluesandattitudescombine"I"and''you"into"us,"thewholethatmakestheresultsgreaterthanthesumofitsparts.

[Facilitator:Openadiscussionbyasking,"Whataresomeofthevaluesofeverydaylife?"AnswerscouldincludeTheTenCommandments,theSermonontheMount,theWayofTaoism,andtheDeclarationofIndependence.]

Valuesformacodeofespousedvaluesthatoftenliehiddenfromotherpeople'sperceptionsorthat,whenspokenorwritten,aredeclaimedloudlybutaren'tvisibleinbehavior.ForanSMTtosucceedthemembersmustnotonly"talkthevaluestalk,"theymustalso"walkthevalueswalk."InanSMT,doasIdoisasimportantasdoasIsay.

Inthisactivity,wehavetwoquestionstoanswer:(1)WhatarethepersonalandorganizationalvaluesthatdriveSMTs?(2)Whataretheactionsorbehaviorstowhichwemustcommittomakeespousedvaluesconcrete?

[Facilitator:Separateyourteamintosubgroupsoffromtwotofourpeople.DistributetheValuesofSMTsworksheetandreadtheinstructionsaloud.Allowmoretimeforgroupactivityifneeded.Useyourowndiscretionfortheamountoftimetoextend.]

DiscussionafterPart1oftheExercise

1.Eachsubgroupreadsitslistofwords.

2.Asateamreadsitslist,theothersubgroupscheckitemstheydidnotlist.

3.Ask,"Whatisthevalueofbreakingdownintosmallergroupsandthencomparingresults?"

TypicalAnswer:Peoplefeelfreertotalkinasmallgroup,andthesmallgroupscanthencontributetoalargergroupanswer?"

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4.Ask,"Whataccountsforthedifferencesbetweenthegroupsandhowsignificantisthefactofdifferences?"

TypicalAnswer:Peoplehavedifferentideasorvalues,andbycomparingthedifferences,andresolvingthem,youcanproduceahigherqualityoutcomeorresult.

InstructionstoParticipants,Part2

[Facilitator:DistributetheValuesDefinitions/Actionsworksheetstoeachteam.]

1.InthehandoutValueDefinitions/Actionseachteamhaseightorninewordsorphrasestodefine.

2.Asagroup,definethoseterms.

3.Makeyourdefinitionssufficientlycomprehensivetoincludeboththeindividualandtheorganization.

4.Youhavethirtyminutestocompletethispartoftheexercise.

5.Electascribe/reporterwhosedutieswillinclude:

Makingamastercopyofthedefinitionsofthewordsorphrases

Writingthedefinitionsonyourflipchart

Reportingyourteam'sfindingstotheassembledgroup

InstructionstoParticipants,Part3

1.Asateam,useyourhandouttolistfiveormorebehaviorsoractionsyoubelievearenecessaryformakingeachofthesevaluesconcreteorvisible.Forexample,sayyoudefine"flexibility"asawillingnesstodotheteam'sworkdifferently.Abehaviormightbe,"Researchandidentifyalternativemethodsforsolvingoldproblems."

2.Designyourliststoincludebothindividualandorganizational

actions,anddistinguishthem.Followingthroughontheexample,youcouldrefertoindividualsbysaying,"Eachpersonmakesanefforttoresearchnewmethods"andrefertotheorganizationbysaying,"Theorganizationshouldmakeadditionalresourcesavailable."

3.Youhavetenminutesforthispartoftheexercise.

4.Thescribe/reporterwillhavethefollowingduties:

Addthegroup'sactiondecisionstothemastercopyofthehandout.

Writetheactionlistsontheflipchartandreporttothewholegroup.

Handinthemastercopyofthehandouttobeduplicatedfordistributiontoalltheparticipants.

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DiscussionafterPart3

1.WhatbeneficialvaluesoractivitiesdoyoufindonthejobthathelpyouworkasanSMT?

Typicalanswersvarywiththeorganization,butsomeanswerscommonlyrelatetowhattheorganizationdoestoundermineself-management,creatingsemiautonomousteamsandnotSMTs.Groupscomplainthattoomanybeneficialvaluesareespousedandnotimplemented.

2.Whatcanyouortheorganizationdotoincreasethedegreetowhicheveryone"walksthewalk"?

Typicalanswersrelatetothekindofanswersgiventoquestion1.

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Exercise16.2The"I"intheWord"Team"

Instructor'sNotes

Divideintactteamsintosubgroupsoftwotofourpeople.Theexerciseisdesignedtohelpeveryonejoininthediscussionandtoensurethateveryonecanidentifyhisorherownneedsaswellastosuggesthowtheteamcanhelphimorherbeamoreproductiveteammember.



Explainthevaluesinvolvedintherelationshipbetween"I"and"Team."

Explaintherelationshipbetween"I"and"Team."

Identifytheirneedswithregardtoteammembership.


Theabilitytoidentifyone'sownneeds

Theabilitytoconsiderone'sownneedsasimportantasanyoneelse's

Communication,especiallytheabilitytolistentootherpeopleexpresstheirownneeds

Theabilitytoempathizewithotherpeople'sfeelingsabouttheirownneeds

Requirements


Materials: Instructionsforthe"I"intheWord"Team"Exercisehandout

The"I"intheWord''Team"worksheet

Flipchartwithassortedmarkers


RoomSetup:

-shapeorotherarrangementforintactteamsthatwillencouragediscussion

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LectureNotes

Thecommonwisdomofteamsisboundupintheslogan,"ThereisnoIinthewordteam."Ibegtodiffer.Withoutagroupof"I's"poolingtheirresourcesandstrengths,thereisnoteam.

Yes,theindividualfrequentlysacrificeshisorherownneedsandalwaysconsiderstheneedsofthegroup,butthegroupignorestheneedsorinterestsoftheindividualatitsownperil.AnSMT,composedofself-managedpeople,considersindividuals'rights,needs,andinterestsaswellastheteam's.Otherwise,noonewouldwanttoworkinone.

Inthisexercise,youwilllookat:(1)thevalueofeachindividualmember,(2)therelationshipoftheindividualtotheteam,and(3)therelationshipoftheorganizationtotheteam.

[Facilitator:DistributeThe"I"intheWord"Team"Instructionshandoutandworksheetnow.Readaloudtheinstructionsfortheindividualactivityandthegroupactivity.]

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Follow-UpActivitiesforBuildingaStrongerSMT

Instructor'sNotes

EncourageSMTstodoregularprogresschecksastohowtheyarefunctioningasateam,toassesshowwelltheteamandtheorganizationare"walkingthetalk,"andtoreevaluatewhatindividualsneedfromtheteamandwhattheteamneedsfromitsmembers.



Identifyandreinforcetheirteamstrengths.

Worktoimproveareasinwhichtheteamneedstotakecorrectiveaction.


Risktakingandtrust

Decisionmaking

Openness,honestywithoneselfandwithoneanother

Communication,especiallygivingfeedbacktoteammates

Requirements

Time: Fiveminutestoreadinstructionsplusdiscussiontime

Materials: InstructionsforFollow-UpActivitiesforBuildingaStrongerSMThandout


Room Anyarrangementinwhichtheteammeets(e.g.,a

Setup: conferencetable)

[Facilitator:DistributetheInstructionsforFollow-UpActivitiesforBuildingaStrongerSMThandoutandreadthemaloud.]

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17SixCommonTeamExperiencesThatTurnValuesintoActionByreadingthischapter,youwillbeabletofacilitateanexercisethatwillhelpteammembersgraspthesixcommonexperiencesteamshaveandhowanSMTmanagesthoseexperiences.

Exercise17.1SixCommonExperiencesofTeams

Instructor'sNotes

Theexerciseworksbestifyousayverylittleinsettinguptheactivities.Themoretheparticipantsdrawtheirownconclusions,thebetter.ThesixexperiencesareIntroducing,StageSetting,Probing/Testing,Creating,Producing,Maintaining.Theself-managementskillsinvolvedalsoreflectthevaluesanSMTmustapplyinordertobeeffective.

Dividetheteamorclassintosubgroupsofthreeorfourpeopleeach.WalktheparticipantsthroughthesixexperiencesasdescribedinInstructionstoParticipants,and,

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sincetheactivitiesaredesignedasself-discoveryexercises,offerfewornoexplanationsuntilaftertheentireexerciseiscompleted.



Explainthesixcommonexperiencesofteamsthatturnvaluesintoaction.

ExplainuniquesituationsthatoccurwhenSMTsundergothoseexperiences.


Theabilitytorecognizeone'sownstrengthsandthecontributionsonecanmaketotheteam

Communication,theabilitytoexchangeinformationaboutoneselfandtheabilitytocontributetoandtoinfluenceteamproblem-solvingactivities

Theabilityandthewillingnesstolearnmoreaboutotherpeople,toaccepttheircontributionstoteamproblem-solvingactivities,andtobeinfluencedbyotherpeoplewhenappropriate

Requirements

Time: Approximatelytwohours(lengthdependsondiscussiontimeallowed)

Materials: ObjectivesoftheExerciseoverhead

MethodsYouWillUseintheExerciseoverhead

RolesYouWillPlayoverhead

Taskenvelopeswiththebirthdaycakeworksheet,

theInstructionsfortheBirthdayCakeActivityhandout,andtheObserver'sGuidefortheBirthdayCakeActivityhandout

SolutiontoCuttingtheBirthdayCakeoverhead

Flipchartwithlinedpaperandmulticoloredmarkers


Preparation:Preparetheoverheads.

Photocopythehandoutsandworksheet.

Stufftaskenvelopeswiththebirthdaycakeworksheet,theInstructionsfortheBirthdayCakeActivityhandout,andtheObserver'sGuidefortheBirthdayCakeActivityhandout.

RoomSetup:

Roundtablesforgroupsofthreeorfourpeople

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LectureNotes:Introducing(FiveMinutes)

[Facilitator:Theseinstructionsaretobeprovidedwithoutahandout.]


1.Raiseyourhandifyouaresittingatatablewhereyouknowhalformoreoftheotherpeople.

2.Thoseofyousittingattableswithpeopleyouknow,changeplacesandsitwithpeoplewhomyoudon'tknowatall,knowonlyslightly,orwouldliketoknowbetter.

3.Introduceyourselvestooneanotherfollowingthisoutline.

Nameandtitle

Mostimportantjobactivity

Expectationsfromthisworkshop

Anythingelseaboutyourselfyouwouldlikeyourpartnerstoknow

LectureNotesaftertheActivityIsOver

ThisistheexperiencecalledIntroducing.Wheneveranewteamformsornewpeoplecomeintotheteam,yougothroughthisexperience.

DiscussionQuestions

1.WhatdoesthisactivitytellyouabouttheIntroducingexperienceofteams?

Typicalanswer:It'simportanttoknowsomethingaboutthepeoplewithwhomyouwork,especiallyifyourteamisjustbeginningtoform.

2.Whatdifferencewoulditmakeifanewgroupdoesn'tgettimeandopportunitytolearnaboutoneanother,evenatthissuperficiallevel?

Typicalanswer:Wecouldn'tcommunicateverywellwitheachother.

3.Whathappenswhenanewpersonentersthegroup?

Typicalanswer:Here'sanotherperson,andwe'dbettertakesometimetogettoknowher,giveherachancetofindoutaboutus,butsometimeswedon'tdoitordon'tdoitwellenough.

4.Whataresomeoftheexpectationsyouhaveoftheworkshop?

[Facilitator:Letpeopleanswerasyouwritetheanswersonaflipchart.]

LectureNotes:SettingtheStage(TwoMinutes)

[Facilitator:Theoverallpurposeofthisexerciseistoundergothesixcommonexperiencesofteams,notjusttohearaboutthem.PutuptheObjectivesoftheExerciseoverheadnow,butdonotgointoanydetailabouttheexperiences.]

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Youhavejustundergoneoneofsixexperiencesofteams.Introducingisanimportantactivitythathelpsfacilitateteamcommunication.Intheoverhead,theIntroducingexperienceislistedfirst,butaswediscussed,introducingtakesplaceeverytimesomeonenewenterstheteam.Aswecontinuetheexercise,herearetheoutcomestoexpect:Introducing,StageSetting,Probing/Testing,Creating,Producing,Maintaining.

[Facilitator:PutupMethodsYouWillUseintheExerciseoverheadnow.]

IntheIntroducingpartoftheexercise,you'vealreadyusedtwoofthemethodsthatyouwilluseduringtheexercise.Youtalkedwithoneotherpersoninasmallgroupdiscussionandwe'veheldalargegroupdiscussionaboutwhatyoudid.Inafewminutesyou'llbeengagedinagroupproblem-solvingdiscussionandmakedecisionsasagroup.

[Facilitator:PutupRolesYouWillPlayoverheadnow.]

Evenifyou'veworkedtogetherbefore,becausewe'verestructuredyourteamintosubgroups,youareactingasanewlyformedteam.Theremainderoftherolesarelistedontheoverhead:Membersofanewlyformedteam,Problemsolvers,Decisionmakers,Evaluatorsofexperience,Planners.

LectureNotesaftertheActivityIsCompleted

Talkingaboutobjectives,roles,andmethodsaswejustdidillustratestheexperiencecalledSettingtheStage.Inthisstage,asanSMT,youshouldalsodesignanddevelopobjectives,methods,withoutthecontrolsfromoutsidemanagementthatmyinstructionsandmaterialsrepresented.

DiscussionQuestions

1.HowwouldyoufeelifIhadn'texplainedtheobjectivesandmethodsofthisexerciseandtherolesyouwillplay?

TypicalAnswer:Atatotallossastowhatwearedoingandwhatisexpected.

2.Duringyourintroductionstooneanother,youdiscussedyourexpectationsforthisworkshop.Howdidtalkingaboutyourexpectationshelpsetthestagefortheworkshop?

TypicalAnswer:Inowhaveanideaofwhatatleastoneotherpersonthoughthe/shewouldgetoutofbeinghere,andatleastoneotherpersonhasanideaaboutwhatIwant.Maybewecanhelpeachothermeetthoseexpectations.

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3.If,bytheendofthisworkshop,wewon'thavemetthoseexpectations,howdoyouthinkyouwillfeel?

Typicalanswer:Especiallysincewetoldyouourexpectations,we'dfeelletdownifyoudon'thelpusmeetthem.

LectureNotes:Probing/Testing(TenMinutes)

[Facilitator:Theseinstructionsaretobeprovidedwithoutahandout.]

InstructiontoParticipants

1.Electatimekeeperanddividethetenminutesequallyamongeachperson.

2.Everyoneatthetablewilldescribeonethingabouthimselforherself(skills,knowledge,aptitudes,etc.)heorshedoesn'tthinkanyoneatthetablewouldknow.Forexample,ifyouthinkthatnooneknowsyouhaveahobby,suchaswoodworkingorcamping,orthatyoureallydoliketocrunchnumbers,that'swhatyoutalkabout.Nothingobvious,suchas''Ihavehazeleyes."

3.Whenlisteningtoapersontelltheonething,donotinterrupt.Writeitdownifyouwish.

4.Whenheorshehasfinished,youmayaskquestionstoclarifysomethingyoudon'tunderstandoraskthepersontoexpandonorelaborateonsomethingheorshehassaid.

LectureNotesaftertheActivityIsCompleted

ThisexperienceiscalledProbing/Testing.WhereasIntroducingscratchesthesurfaceofgettingtoknowpeople,Probing/Testingpushestheenvelopeofsuperficialworkrelationships.

DiscussionQuestions(NoMoreThanFiveMinutes)

1.Whatdidyoulearnaboutthepeopleatyourtablethatyouthinkisvaluableinformationaboutthem?

Typicalanswers:[Variesfromgrouptogroup.Peopleusuallytalkabouthobbiesorskillsthatotherpeoplemightnothavehadanopportunitytoseeorpreviouslyhearabout.]

2.Howwillthatinformationhelpyouandtheteamworktogethermoreeffectively?

Typicalanswer:Themoreweknowaboutoneanother,especiallyaboutoneanother'spreferences,theirvalues,andhowtheyliketoworkordon'tliketowork,thebetterwecanworktogether.

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Instructor'sNotes:Creating,Producing,andMaintaining

Distributetaskenvelopestoeachtableandhavetheparticipantsplacetheminthemiddleofthetable.Donotoffertheenvelopeforonlyonepersontohandle.Eachgroupwillhavetoself-selectifitwantsonepersontomanagetheprocess.

Inthispartoftheexercise,theteamswillhaveaproblemtosolveandtaskstoperform:dividingabirthdaycakeamongfourteenpeopleusingonlyfourstraightcutswithaknife.Thatistheonlyinstructiontheparticipantswillreceive.Theyhavetomakethedecisionsastohowtodoit,especiallywhetherthepieceswillbeofequalsizeandiftheycancutthecakehorizontally.

Assimpleastheactivityseems,manypeopledonotsolvethisproblem.Evengroupsofengineershavedifficultywithitbecausetheyfailtomakethedecisionsabove.Insomeclasses,noonesolvestheproblem.

Participantslearntheimportanceoflisteningtooneanother'ssuggestions.Theyalsoseethatproducingisacomplexprocess,evenwithaproblemasapparentlysimpleasthis.

LectureNotes:Creating,Producing,andMaintaining(Forty-FiveMinutes)


1.Eachteamhasatasktoperform.

2.Eachteamhasasealedenvelopeinthemiddleofthetable.

3.Opentheenvelopandreadtheteam'smissionasdescribedontheBirthdayCakeActivityworksheet.Donotcontinuewiththetaskuntilcompletingthenextstep,whichI'llexplainwhenyou'reready.

[Facilitator:Allownomorethanthreeminutesfortheteamstoreadthemissionstatement.]

4.TurntotheadditionalinstructionsattachedtotheBirthdayCake.

[Facilitator:Readaloudfromtheinstructionshandout.]

DiscussionNotesaftertheWholeExerciseIsCompleted

Thelastpartoftheexerciseconsistedofthreeexperiences:Creating,Producing,andMaintaining.Bydecidingonamethodorgroupofmethodsforcompletingthetask,youengagedincreatingactivities.Bycompletingthetask,youengagedinproducing.Aftercuttingupthecake,whenyoudecidedonwhatwaseffectiveorwhatwasn'teffectiveforsolvingtheactivity'sproblem,youengagedinonetypeof

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maintainingactivity.Whenyouagreedonwhatyoucandointhefuturetobemoreeffectiveatsolvingproblems,youengagedinanothermaintainingactivity.Intheexerciseasawhole,youengagedinallsixcommonexperiencesofteams:Introducing,StageSetting,Testing/Probing,Creating,Producing,andMaintaining.

[Facilitator:YoucanusetheoverheadObjectivesoftheExerciseasaguideforthisdiscussion.It'sadvisableforyoutoasktheparticipantstoidentifytheactivitiesthatmarkeachoftheexperiences,takingeachexperienceoneatatime.Bestanswersshouldincludethefollowing.]

Introducing.Gettingtoknowoneanotheratasuperficiallevel,whenanewgroupformsorwhennewpeopleenterthegroup.

StageSetting.Findingoutwhythegrouphasbeenformed,settinggoalsforthegroup,lookingatmethodsandresources,identifyingindividualroles;writingagroupcharterorconstitution.

Probing/Testing.Gettingtoknowoneanotherbetter:strengths,weaknesses,interests,values,attitudes,personalresources.

Creating.Designingoutputs,designinggroupprocesses,designingmethods.

Producing.Doingtheworkofthegroup.

Maintaining.Seeingtoitthatthegroup'sresourcesareavailableandaccessible,reporting,communicatinginternallyandexternally,planningforthefuture,buildingrelationshipswithgroupsoutsidetheteam.

LectureNotestoUseAsaWrap-UptotheWholeExercise

Everyteamexperiencestheseactivitiesthroughoutitslifetime.Theymaynotexperiencetheminthesequencewejustfollowed,andthey

maynotexperienceoneormoreoftheactivities.It'slikelythatifateamdoesn'tundergoanyonegivenexperience,theteamwillfacemanydifficulties,oftencalledStorms,disagreementsorconflictsthatifleftunresolvedcandestroytheteam'seffectivenessortheteamitself.

Stormscanoccuratanytimeinthelifeofateam.Theycanalsooccurduringanyoneofthesesixexperiences.DisagreementsorconflictscanoccurevenduringIntroducingactivities.

[Facilitator:Describeyourownexperienceofsuchaconflict,butifyouhaven'tone,usethefollowing.]

Forexample,inanewlyformedcross-functionalteaminadivisionofamultinationalfinancialcorporation,mostofthepeoplehadneverworkedtogetheranddidn'tknoweachotherverywell.Duringthefirstmeeting,twopeoplewhopreviouslyhadhaddifficultieswitheachotherbegananargumentthatledtooneofthetwo,whoseskillswereessentialtotheteam'ssuccess,walkingoutandrefusingto

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workwiththeteamunlesstheotherpersonwascutloose.Thedivisionheadhadtostepinandmediatethesituationtoeveryone'ssatisfaction.

Now,ifthesesixexperiencesarecommontoallteams,whatdoesitmatteriftheteamsareself-managed?

[Facilitator:AsktheparticipantstodistinguishbetweenSMTsandotherteams,especiallysemiautonomousteams.Iftheyhavetroubledoingso,offerthefollowingexplanationtakenfromChapter18.Ifyouhavealreadyprovidedtheclasswiththisexplanation,usethenotesasareminder.Ifyouhaven'tusedthisexplanationbefore,youcanprovidethewholelecture.]

Semiautonomousteamsdominateenvironmentswhereteamsexist.Inmanyoftheseworkgroups,theemployeesperformindependentfunctionsandgettogethertosolveproblems,makedecisions,andcarryoutactionplans.However,theteamreportstoasupervisororteamleaderappointedbymanagementtooverseetheprocess.Insteadofautonomyinthebroadestsense,theteam'sheadhasfinalauthorityoverdecisionsandactions.

Theteam'sleaderalsocarriesmandatesfromuppermanagementtotheteam,seeingtoitthattheteamcarriesoutobjectivesanddoesworkdesignedbymanagement.Theleaderassignsordelegatesthework,monitorsprogress,andhandsoutrewards.Inshort,theteam'sleaderdifferslittlefromthetraditionalfirst-linemanagerinacommandandcontrolorganization.

Ontheotherhand,agenuineSMTgetsitsdirectionandamandateforautonomyfromuppermanagement;that'stherealmeaningof"empowerment."Insteadofanappointedleader,theteam,ifitsodecides,electsitsleader,andtheteamassignsresponsibilitiesthathavepreviouslybeentheprovinceofmanagerstoeachoftheteam's

members.Forexample,theteammayassignbudgetmanagementtooneperson,orassigntheresponsibilityforcommunicatingtogroupsexternaltotheteamtoanotherperson,andsoon.HowanSMTorganizesitselfanddesignsitsworkareteamdecisions,notmanagementfiats.

Let'stakeeachexperienceandtalkabouthowanSMTmighthavetomanageit.

[Facilitator:Ifyourparticipantshavedifficultycomingupwithanswerssimilartothese,helpthemout.]

Introducing

WhenanewSMTforms,someonefrommanagementsetsuptheinitialmeeting.However,aftertheinitialmeeting,whenaddingorreplacingmembers,anSMTdoesitsowninterviewing,selecting,andhiring.Theythereforegothroughalltheritualintroducingprocessesofinductingnewmembers.IfthecompanyformsanSMToutofanestablishedworkgroup,theinitialintroducingisnotneededatallbecauseeveryonealreadyknowseveryoneelse.

StageSetting

Inasemiautonomousteam,managementdesignstheteam'sobjectivesandworktobeperformed.Theworkisassignedordelegated,andtheteamtakesallitsdirection,form,andexpectationsfrommanagement.WhenanewSMTforms,someonefrommanagementsetsthestageorcontributestotheexperienceby

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explainingitsexpectations.Managementthenturnstheteamloosetodevelopitsownstructureandteamexpectations.Often,theteamwritesacharterorconstitutiontoidentifymembers'expectationsofoneanother.

Probing/Testing

Asemiautonomousteamengagesinverylittleprobing/testingbecausemanagementgivestheteamitsgoals,methods,andstructure.Whatprobing/testingdoesgoonfocusesonlyoninterpersonalrelationships.MembersofanSMTprobeandtestnotonlyforinterpersonalrelationshipsbutalsoforhowtheworkcangetdonemosteffectivelyandbywhom.Theyprobeandtestforhowbesttogettheworkdoneandhowbesttomanagetheteam'sprocesses.

Creating

Inasemiautonomousteam,usually,managementnotonlycreatesthegoals,italsocreatestheobjectives(milestones)andthemethodsforachievingthem.Ifmanagementgivestheteamthemissiontodesigntheoutputs,theteammaydoso,buttypicallythedesignisgiventotheteam.InanSMT,managementwillcreategoals(givedirection),butitwillgivetheteamtheautonomytosetobjectivesandmethodsforachievingthem.Mostfrequently,thedesignofworkandoutputsistheteam'sresponsibility.

Producing

Asemiautonomousteamdoeswhatmanagementasksittodo.AnSMTdoessoalso,butasaresultofteamdecisionsastohowtogetitdone.

Maintaining

Asemiautonomousteammayoftensolveitsownproblemsandmakedecisionsabouthowtosupporttheteam,butthentheteammustseek

theapprovalfrommanagementbeforemovingforward.ManagementgivesanSMTtheauthoritytoactonitsowndecisionsastohowtosupporttheteam,and,whennecessary,reorganizeit.

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Follow-UpActivitiesforManagingtheSixCommonExperiencesofTeams

Instructor'sNotes

Providetheparticipantswiththisopportunityaftertheyhavecompletedthewholeexercise.



Identifyandreinforcetheirteamstrengths.

Takecorrectiveactiontomanageexperiencesthatrequireattention,forexample,improvetheleveltowhichpeopleprobe/test.


Risktakingandtrust

Decisionmaking

Openness,honestywithoneselfandwithone'steammates

Communication,especiallygivingotherpeoplefeedback

Requirements


Materials: InstructionsforManagingtheSixCommonExperiencesofTeamshandout

ChecklistforManagingtheSixCommonExperiencesofTeamshandout


RoomSetup:

Anyarrangementinwhichtheteamworks(e.g.,conferencetable)

[Facilitator:Distributetheinstructionsandchecklisthandouts.Thenreadtheinstructionsaloud.]

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ChecklistforManagingtheSixCommonExperiencesofTeams

Experience PossibleActivities

Introducing Interviewing,selecting,andhiring

Inductingandintroducingnewmembers

SettingtheStage

Developstructure

Identifyanddiscussteamexpectations

Writeacharterorconstitution

Probing/TestingDiscussinterpersonalrelationships

Discusshowtheworkgetsdoneandcorrectiveactionsneeded

Discusswhoisdoingwhatandwhatchangesmighthavetobemade

Discusshowbesttomanagetheteam'sprocesses

Creating Setobjectivesandmethodsforachievinggoals

Designofworkandoutputs

Producing Identifyteamproductionrequirements

Identifyresourcesneeded

Dothework

Testeffectivenessofhowtheworkisdoneandresultsachieved

Maintaining Evaluateeffectivenessoftheworkdoneandresults

achieved

Takecorrectiveaction

Evaluatewhatresourcestheteamhasandwhattheyneed

Acquireresourcesneededanddistributetoteammembers

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18RolesandRoleManagementBytheendofthischapter,youwillbeabletofacilitatetwoexercisesthatwillhelpparticipantsidentifytherolestheyplayinanSMTandtheroletheorganizationmustplaytosupportSMTs.TheseexercisesarebestsuitedforintactSMTsandnotforgeneralaudiences.Ifyoudoworkwithagenericaudience,youmaywanttheparticipantstorefertotheirexperiencesandrole(s)ontheirteamintheworkshop.Theexercisesworkverywelltogetherasasetthatleadstothevisualmodelillustratingtheinterdependenceofteammembers,SMTs,andtheorganizationusedinExercise18.2.

Insomecases,yourworkshopmayinvolveworkersfromabusiness'ssitebutwhoworkindifferent,interactiveteams.Mixingtheminworkshopteamswillallowthemtheopportunitytoclarifyrolesacrossteamlinesandtoimproveinteractionbetweentheirteams.

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Exercise18.1RolesWePlay

Instructor'sNotes

Thepurposeofthisexerciseistohelptheparticipantsidentifytherolestheyplayandtherolesotherpeopleexpectthemtoplay.It'simportanttoseparatetheparticipantsintoteamsoffourtosixpeople,preferablyallonthesameworkteamoronthesamecross-functionalteam.

Whenlecturing,maketheexperienceinteractive,encouragingpeopletodiscussactionrolesandtosupplyillustrations.Whentalkingaboutroleexpectations,askpeopletoexplainwhatrolestheyexpectanotherpersonontheteamtoplay.


Bytheendofthisexerciseparticipantswillbeabletoexplainandapply:

Thefourkeyaspectsofarole:RoleConcept,RoleExpectations,RoleAcceptance,andRoleBehavior(orPerformance)

RolesandresponsibilitiesintheirSMT

Teamexpectationsofeachofitsmembers

Individualmemberexpectationsofotherteammembers


Theabilitytoidentifytheteamrolesapersonshouldplayaswellasthoseheorshedoesplay

Thewillingnesstoacceptfeedbackfromotherpeopleevenifitdoesn'tagreewithourperceptionsofourselvesandtheteamrolesweplay

Communication,theabilitytogiveotherpeoplefeedbackabouttheteamrolestheyplay

Thewillingnesstoacceptotherpeople'sperceptionsoftheteamrolestheyplay

Requirements

Time: Ninetyminutestotwohours

Materials:FourKeyAspectsofTeamRoleshandout

TaskActionRoleshandout

ProcessActionRoleshandout

InstructionsforCompletingtheTeamRole(s)Gridhandout

TeamRole(s)Gridworksheet

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Preparation:Photocopythehandoutsandworksheet.

RoomSetup:

Groupswithnofewerthanfourpeople,preferablyatroundtables

LectureNotes

In1961psychologistGordonAllport,talkingaboutpersonalitydevelopment,describedbehaviorasrolesweplayinourrelationshipswithotherpeople.Wecandescribeourbehavioronworkteamsthesameway.

Weeachhaveatleastoneroleweplayinourgroup.Sometimeswedon'tevenknowwe'replayingtheroleorroles,we''justdowhatwehavetodo"withoutanalyzingordiscussingwhatwedo.Peopletakeforgrantedthatwewilldoourjobsanddothemwell.However,notconsciouslymanagingtherolesweplaywillleadtoproblemswhenotherpeopledon'texpectyoutoplaythoserolesorexpectyoutoplaydifferentrolesthanyouthinkyoushouldplay.

[Facilitator:DistributetheFourKeyAspectsofTeamRoleshandoutnow.]

Teamrolesinvolvethetasksamemberperformsandhowthemembercontributestoproducingdesiredoutcomes;thesearecalledtaskroles.Teamrolesalsoinvolvethethingsamemberdoestohelptheteammanagehowpeopleworktogetherandhowproblemsaresolvedordecisionsmade;thesearecalledprocessroles.

Wecanfurthersubdividerolesintothreetypes:

1.SkillRoles.Individualmemberswithspecificskillsnooneelsehasareexpectedtoapplytheseskillsforthebenefitoftheteam.Theseareusuallytaskrolesthatcontributetoproducingtheteam'soutcomes;

however,someprocessrolesalsorequireskills,suchasfacilitationskills.

2.KnowledgeRoles.Individualmemberswithspecializedknowledgenooneelsehasareexpectedtouseandsharethatknowledgeforthebenefitoftheteam.Again,theseareusuallytaskroles,butsomeprocessrolesalsorequirespecialknowledge,suchasmethodsforresolvingconflicts.

3.ActionRoles.Everyoneisexpectedtoperformoneormorerolestoassurethefulfillmentofthegroup'smissionandgoals;thissetofrolesalsoincludeleadershiproles.Bothprocessandtaskrolescanbeactionroles.

Ifwedon'tclarifyroles,confusioncaninterferewiththegroup'sprogressorsuccess.IfweadaptGordonAllport'sideastotheworksituation,wecanthenfindwaystoavoidbarrierstoteamfunctioning.Allportdividedrolesintofourdistinctaspects:1

1AdaptedfromGordonW.Allport,PatternandGrowthInPersonality(NewYork:Holt,RinehartandWinston,1961).

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1.RoleConcept.Whatyouthinkyourroleorrolesontheteamshouldbe.*

2.RoleExpectations.Whatotherpeoplethinkyourroleorrolesontheteamshouldbe.

3.RoleAcceptance.Whatteamroleorrolesyou'rewillingtoaccept.

4.RolePerformance.Whatteam-orientedbehaviorsyouthinkyoualreadyperform.**

Now,wecanapplythesefouraspectsofrolestoanygroupofpeopleworkingtogether.However,onlyinanSMTdoesitmatterthateveryoneontheteamcarefullyandconsciouslyidentifyandassumeteamperformanceroles.Ifrolestheteamneedsareabsent,theteamwillfailatbesttheteamwillbeefficientbutitwillnotbeeffective.

Efficientteamsgettheresultstheyarerequiredtoproduce,theydotheteam'sjobcorrectly.Theyaretask-oriented.WhenanSMTmanagesitstaskdynamics(theaggregateoftaskroles)properly,theteamisefficient,nodoubt,andwillfulfillitsmission.However,toensurethattheteamiseffective,wehavetomanagetheteam'srelationshipsalso.

Managingtherelationshipsoftheteammembershowitsolvesproblems,makesdecisions,includesallthemembers,andothersuchmattersmakesateameffective.Itdoestherightjobtherightwayforcreatingandmaintainingteamcohesion.Thisrequiresmanagingtheprocessdynamicsoftheteam(theaggregateofallrelationshiproles).

Sinceeveryteamneedstoensurethattasksgetdoneandthattheteamworkseffectively,tothesatisfactionofeveryoneinvolved,inanSMT,alltheteammembershavetounderstandandapplyallofthedynamicsoftheteamandtherolesthateachofitsmembersmustplay.Thereisnomanagerorappointedleadertowatchoverthose

dynamics.

[Facilitator:DistributetheTaskActionRoleshandoutnow.]

TheTaskActionRoleshandoutconsistsofatablethatliststhetaskactionrolesmostteamslooktotheirmemberstoperform.InanSMT,it'sadvisablenotonlytoknowwhattolookforbutalsotoconsciouslyensurethatthoserolesareplayed.

[Facilitator:Makethispartofthelectureinteractivebyusingthehandoutasaguidetodiscussthedefinitionsofthetaskactionroles,theirimportancetotheparticipants'teams,whoshouldplaysuchroles,when,where,andhow.Drawthediscussionoftaskactionrolestoaclosewiththefollowing.]

Insmallteams,some,ifnotall,themembershavetoplaymultipleroles.Sometimespeople'spreferencesmakeiteasyfortheteamtoassignroles;somepeopleenjoyseeingtoadministrativedetails,otherpeopleenjoycomingupwithnewways

*AllportcalledthisRoleConception,butIthinkthat'sanawkward1960sphrase.**AllportcalledthisRoleBehavior,butIthinkthat'sanotherawkward1960sphrase.

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ofdoingthingsthatmaketheteammoreefficient,andsoon.Keepinmind,however,thatifnooneassumesanyonespecificroleinthetable,theteam'sefficiencycouldsuffer.Ifnoonewantstotakeontheunassumedroles,theteammustdeviseawaytodelegatetherolestoteammembers,evenifitmeansdrawingstrawsforthem.

Now,somepeoplemighthavesomespecificskillthattheycancontributetomeetingthedemandsoftheteam'sprocessdynamics,suchastheroleoffacilitator.Somepeoplemighthavespecificknowledgetheycansharewiththegroupastohowthegroupmightworktogetherwell,suchasknowledgeofgroupdynamics.Everyone,however,isalsoexpectedtoplayoneormoreProcessActionRoles,includingleadershiproles,inorderfortheteamtoworkeffectivelyaswellasefficiently.That'swhatwediscusswiththeProcessActionRoleshandout.

[Facilitator:DistributetheProcessActionRoleshandoutandmakethispartofthelectureinteractivebyusingthehandoutasaguidetodiscussthedefinitionsoftheprocessactionroles,theirimportancetotheparticipants'teams,whoshouldplaysuchroles,when,where,andhow.]

Somuchfortalkingaboutroles,nowit'stimetoadoptthisinformationastoolsformakingourteamsmoreeffectiveaswellasmoreefficient.Remember,asanSMTonlyteammemberscanmanagetheseteamdynamics.

[Facilitator:DistributetheInstructionsforCompletingtheTeamRole(s)GridandtheTeamRole(s)Gridworksheetnow.]


1.Usingyouractionroleshandoutstoguideyou,writeyourroleconceptinthetopboxoftheTeamRole(s)Grid.Thatis,whatdoyou

thinkyourroleorrolesontheteamshouldbe?

2.Usingtheactionrolehandouts,writewhatyouexpectfromotherteammembersinthesecondbox.Thoseareyourroleexpectations,whatroleorrolesyouthinkotherpeopleontheteamshouldplay.Bespecific.

3.Youhavefifteenminutestocompletethesetwosteps.

InstructionstoParticipants:GroupActivity1

1.Wheneveryoneonyourteamhasstoppedwriting,eachpersontakesaturnexplaininghisorherroleconceptandroleexpectations.

2.Discusstheroleconceptsandroleexpectationsandfollowtheseguidelines.

Don'targueaboutaroleconcept.

Whentalkingaboutexpectationsofteammembers,ifyoudisagreewithaperson'sroleconcept,sayso,anddescribeyourexpectation(s).Explainyourreasonsfordisagreeing.

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Remember:Otherpeoplehavetherighttorejectyourexpectationsofthemasmuchasyouhavetherighttorejecttheirexpectationsofyou.

Discussdifferencesofopinionwithregardtobothessentialandnonessentialrolesontheteam,andreachagreementbyconsensus.Majorityvotingisnotallowed.

Aspeopletellyoutheirexpectationsofyou(orofteammembersingeneral),writenotesinthethirdbox.ThisboxwillconsistofRoleExpectationsalso,butthistime,whatotherpeoplethinkyourroleorrolesontheteamshouldbe.

3.Youhavethirtyminutesforthispartoftheexercise.


1.Afterthegeneraldiscussionwiththeteam,inthefourthbox,writetheexpectationsotherpeoplehavethatyou'rewillingtoaccept.ThisRoleAcceptanceiscrucialtoteamsuccess,andifotherteammembershaveexpectationsofyouthatyouthinkyoucannotordonotwanttofulfill,youhavetodiscussthoseexpectationswiththeteamandarriveatamutuallyacceptableresolution.

2.Inthefifthbox,writetheexpectationsyouthinkyoualreadymeetwellandthoseinwhichyouthinkyouneedtoimprove.ThisisRolePerformance.Youmayfindout,aftertellingtheteamwhatyouthinkyoudowell,thatyoumaynotbedoingwhatyouthinkyoudo.

3.Youhavefifteenminutestocompletethispartoftheexercise.


1.EachpersontakesaturnexplaininghisorherpositiononRole

AcceptanceandRolePerformance.

2.Intheturn,discusseachperson'sRoleAcceptanceandRolePerformanceandfollowthesameguidelinesasinthepreviousgroupactivity.

Ifyoudisagreewithaperson'sinterpretations,saysoandexplainyourreasonsfordisagreeing.Bespecific.Focusonbehaviorsandwhytheyareimportanttotheteam.

Remember:Otherpeoplehavetherighttorejectyourexpectationsofthemasmuchasyouhavetherighttorejecttheirexpectationsofyou.

Discussdifferencesofopinionwithregardtoessentialandnonessentialrolesontheteamandreachagreementbyconsensus.Majorityvotingisnotallowed.

3.Youhavethirtyminutesforthispartoftheexercise.

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DiscussionQuestions

1.Howcomfortableoruncomfortablewereyoudiscussingtheseissuesandwhatmadeitcomfortableoruncomfortableforyou?

Typicalanswers:(1)Veryuncomfortable,becausewedon'tusuallytalkaboutthesethings,anditseemsstrangetodoso.(2)Comfortable,becausewhilewedon'ttalkaboutthesethingsoftenenough,wedotrytoworkthroughdifferencesofopinions.Thestructuresyougaveuswillhelpclarifytherolesweplay.

2.Whatdidyoulearnaboutthevalueorimportanceofdiscussingteamroles?

Typicalanswer:Ifwedon'tdiscussteamroles,wecangettiedupinunnecessary,sometimestrivial,squabblesaboutwho'ssupposedtodowhat.

3.Whatusedoyouneedtomakeuseoftheinformationfromthisdiscussion?

Typicalanswer:Weshouldperiodicallystopandtakealookattheactionrolesinthehandoutandseewho'sdoingwhatandwhatrolesstillneedtobeassumedbymembersoftheteam.

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Exercise18.2CreatingOrganizationalSynergy

Instructor'sNotes

DonotusethisexerciseunlessatsometimepreviouslyyouhavefacilitatedtheexercisecalledThe''I"intheWord"Team"withtheparticipantsofthisworkshop.Thatwaytheyworkthroughwhattheyneedfromtheteam,whattheteamneedsfromthem,andwhattheycandoontheirownbeforelookingatwhattheteamneedsfromtheorganization.

Separatetheparticipantsintoteamsoffiveorsixpeople,preferablythoseonthesameworkteamoronthesamecross-functionalteam.


Bytheendofthisexerciseparticipantswillbeabletoexplain:

Whattheirteamneedsfromtheorganizationtobesuccessful

Whattheorganizationisproviding,butnotadequately

Whattheorganizationisprovidingeffectively

Whattheorganizationisnotprovidingatallandshould


Theabilitytorecognizewhattheparticipantortheteamneedsfromtheorganization,bothwhattheyhaveandwhattheystillrequire

Thewillingnesstospeakupforoneselfandfortheteam

Communication,especiallytheabilitytogivefeedbacktothemanagementoftheorganization

Requirements


Materials: SynergisticOrganizationoverhead

WhatWeNeedFromtheOrganizationworksheet

Equipment: Flipchart,multicoloredmarkers

Overheadprojectorandscreen

Preparation: Preparetheoverhead.

Photocopytheworksheet.

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Optional:Producepreprintedcharts(seeWhatWeNeedFromtheOrganizationworksheet).Youcouldenlargethistopostersizeflipchartsforthegroupactivity.

RoomSetup:

Groupswithnofewerthanfivepeople,preferablyatroundtables

LectureNotes

Synergisticorganizationsdependontherelationshipsthatexistbetweentheindividualmembersandtheteam,andbetweentheteamandtheorganization.Onlythencanalltheelementsworktogethertofocussufficientenergyoncommongoals.

[Facilitator:PutuptheSynergisticOrganizationoverheadanddistributetheWhatWeNeedFromtheOrganizationworksheetnow.]

Theoverheadrepresentsasynergisticorganization.Onlywhenwhattheindividual,theteam,andtheorganizationbringtothetablecorrelatewithoneanother,asdepictedbytheoverlappingcircles,canthewholeachievethesynergyexpectedfromcombiningtheparts.Wheneveryoneispullingthesamedirection,wegetresultsthatnotonlysatisfythecustomerbutthatsatisfyusandtheorganizationaswell.

Inasynergisticorganization,goalsflowfromthestrategiesofmanagementtotheteams.Teamgoalsflowtoindividualgoals.Whensoaligned,actiontowardaccomplishingthosegoalsproducesaunityofeffortthatcanonlyleadtopositiveresults.Ontheotherhand,ifthegoalsoftheorganization,thegoalsoftheteam,andindividualgoalsaren'taligned,everyonepullsindifferentdirectionsandthewhole

becomeslessthanthesumofitsparts.It'sasifwetookoneofthecirclesinthediagramandmoveditofftotheside,therebydeprivingthewholeofanessentialpart.

[Facilitator:Drawonyourownexperiencesforillustrations.Ifyoulackagoodexampleofanorganizationthatlackssynergy,usethefollowing.]

Amajor,globalfinancialinstitutionhadatrainingunitthatofferedcoursesbasedonwhatitsownleadershipthoughtwouldbegoodformanagerstotake.Inthediagram,theywouldberepresentedbythecirclelabeledteam.Thetrainingunitconductednoorganizationwidetrainingneedsanalysesanddidnothingtoalignitscoursecontentandproductivitygoalswiththoseofthelargerorganization.Thetrainingunitmeasuredsuccessbythenumberofpeoplewhohadenrolledinitscourses,and,eventhen,thetargetsthetrainingunitsetwerebasedonincreasingenrollmentsbywhatevermeanspossible,notinrelationtochangesinthelargerorganization.Theresult:Thetrainingofferedfailedtoincreaseorganizationalsynergy,andwhenitcametimetodownsize,becausethetrainingunitreallydidn'tfitwithorganizationalgoals,itwasamongthefirstunitstobecut.

Inpreviousexercises,wehavelookedatwhatyouneedfromtheteam,whattheteamneedsfromyou,andwhatyoucandoonyourown.Inthisexercise,wewilladdtheorganizationtothepicture.

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1.UsingthecategoriesinthediagramandthehandoutWhatWeNeedFromtheOrganization,inthefirstcolumnlistfivespecific,actionablethingsthattheorganizationneedstodotosupportanSMT.Includethingstheorganizationdoesandthingsthatitdoesn'tdobutyouthinkitshould.

2.Inthesecondcolumn,oppositetheitemthattheorganizationshoulddo,placeaplussign(+)forwhattheorganizationdoesanddoeswell.

3.Forwhattheorganizationdoesbutyouthinkitcoulddomoreordomoreeffectively,placeaplussign(+)overaminussign().

[Facilitator:Onaflipchart,write+/.]

4.Forthethingsyouthinktheorganizationshoulddobutdoesn'tdoatall,placeaminussign().

5.Youhavefifteenminutestocompletethispartoftheactivity.


Iftherearetwoormoregroupsintheworkshop:

1.Electascribewhowillwritethegroupdecisionsaboutwhattheteamneedsfromtheorganizationonaflipchart.

2.Comparelistsandratings.

3.MakeacomprehensivelistofthingstheorganizationshoulddotosupportanSMTandratetheitems.

4.Cometoaconsensusarounddisagreementsastowhattoincludeonthelist.

5.Cometoaconsensusarounddisagreementsastotheratingsoftheitems.

6.Puttheteamlistsandratingsonflipcharts.

7.Youhavethirtyminutestocompletethispartoftheactivity.

[Facilitator:Allowmoretimeifneeded.]

8.Reporttothewholegroup.


Iftherearetwoormoregroupsintheworkshop:

1.Inyoursmallgroup,goaroundtheroomtotheotherflipcharts.

2.Discussinyoursmallgroupanyitemonachartthatyourgroupdidnotincludeinitsownchart.

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3.Ifyouagreethatanyitemyoudidn'tincludeshouldbeincluded,returntoyourchartandaddtheitemoritemsyouagreedonandratethemplus,minus,orplusoverminus.

4.Youhavetenminutestodothis.

DiscussionQuestions

1.Howdidthisexercisehelpyouevaluateyourorganization'sroleinsupportinganSMT?

Typicalanswer:Itmadeustakethetimeandefforttothinkthroughsomeoftheteamproblemsandtoidentifythosethingsweneedfromtheorganizationthatwemightnotbegetting.Italsohelpedusrecognizewhatwearegettingfromtheorganizationanddidn'trecognizesufficiently.

2.Howdoyoufeelabouttheorganization'ssupportofSMTs?

Typicalanswer:[Answerswillvarybyorganization.Iftheteamsaregettingwhattheyneed,they'llfeelsupported,ifnot,they'llfeelletdown.]

3.Whichofthosethingsthatyouthinktheorganizationshoulddobutisnotdoingornotdoingaseffectivelyasyouthinkitshouldaremostimportantandneedimmediateattention?

Typicalanswer:[Answerwillvarybyorganizationdependingonanswerstotheexercise.]

4.Forthosethingsyouthinktheorganizationshoulddobutarenotdoingornotdoingaseffectivelyasyouthinkitshould,whatisyournextstep?

Typicalanswer:Passtheinformationwejustgatheredtomanagement.

5.Howcanyoubestcommunicateyourideastotheorganization?

Typicalanswer:Wehaveaformalcommunicationsysteminwhichourteamrepresentsitselftomanagement.Weneedtomakebetteruseofit.

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Follow-UpActivitiesforManagingTeamandOrganizationalRoles



Identifyandreinforcetheirteamstrengths,particularlyinrelationtoactionroles.

Takecorrectiveactiontomanageteamrolesthatrequireattention,forexample,ensurethatatleastonepersontakesaresponsibilitynooneelsewants.

Identifyandreinforceorganizationalsynergies.

Takecorrectiveactionwhenevertheyidentifyareasinneedofimprovement,forexample,aunit'sgoalsdonotproperlyalignwithorganizationalgoals.


Risktakingandtrust

Decisionmaking

Openness,honestywithoneselfandwithone'steammates

Communication,especiallygivingfeedbacktootherpeopleandtotheorganization

Requirements


Materials: InstructionsforFollow-UpActivitiesforManagingTeamandOrganizationalRoleshandout


RoomSetup:

Anyarrangementinwhichtheteamworks(e.g.,conferencetable)

[Facilitator:DistributeandreadfromtheInstructionsforFollow-UpActivitiesforManagingTeamandOrganizationalRoleshandout.]

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Page381

INDEX

A

Achievementovertime,119121

Acknowledgment,significanceof,238,240,295296

Actionplan

completethe,Part2,129133

defined,110,149150

designan,Part1,123128

goals,prioritizing,109113

inpyramidofcontrol,58

sample,183

self-confidenceand,214217

self-esteem/self-respect,235236

writingguidelines,123133,182

Actionroles,defined,363

Activelistening,290

Activities,goaldirected,129130

Aggression,188189,198,199

Allport,Gordon,363

Ambiguity,150

Analysis,inEIAGModel,17,23,219

Assertiveness,21,188189,198,199

Assignments,preclasss,30

AttackonMyFearsactivity,232,234

Autonomy,319,348

Awarenessofothers,inexercises,270,272,288,317,324,373

B

Barriers

toachievingobjectives,123124

chart,212213

toself-confidence,209211

BeingMyselfskillpractice,2326

Beliefsystem,154

BirthdayCakeactivity,346,353356

Buddyparticipants,152

C

Checklists

ManagingtheSixCommonExperiencesofTeams,359

totrackprogress,138

Cicero,255

Communicationskills,inexercises,170,186,209,218,224,231,237,247,252,254,270,288,305,311,324,334,338,373,379

Competencies

actionplan,123133

actionplanningand,149150

decision-making,149150

defined,148

drive,11,29

goalsetting,99107,149

implicationsof,generally,29

organizingvaluesintolifedimensions,7782

prioritizinggoalsandperformanceranges,109121

prioritizinglifedimensions,9197

progressevaluationandcorrectiveaction,135145

respectforothers,1112,29

self-assessmentsand,3033

self-awareness,9,11,29,149

self-confidence,9,29,149

self-management,812,

self-respect/self-esteem,11,29

Page382

(cont.)

Competencies

sortingoutvalues,6375

visionstatement,8389

wholeness,89,29

Conflict.

SeealsoDisagreements

preventionexercises,294304

preventionskillpracticesituationcards,302304

resolution,assessmentscores,3233

Confrontation,defined,171

Control

givingup,190191,197,199

issuesof,8,21

pyramidof,seePyramidofcontrol

CopyingaModelskillpractice,22

Creating,inself-managedteams,346347,349,359

Creativeenergy,244

Creativity,252253

D

Daycalendar,132

Decision-makingskills,149150,158,170,186,209,218,224,231,237,243,247,379

Defeat,accepting,150151

Democraticbehavior,190

Dependency

ingoals,111,112

needs,21

Depersonalization,20

Disagreements.

SeealsoConflict

conflictpreventionstrategies,294304

resolutionsto,298

onself-managedteams,347

DISCmodel,25,186

Discussions.

Seealsospecificexercises

concerninglow-scoringself-assessments,3233

topics,controversial,cardsfor,279286

Drive

defined,11,29

increasing,follow-upactivitiesfor,267268

MakingUseofYourCreativeEnergy,Part1,247251


ManagingEmotions,254266

self-assessment,4547

WellnessFactor,The,243246

E

EIAG,seeExperience,Interpretation,Analysis,andGeneralizationModel

Emotionalenergy,244

EmotionalIntelligenceSummary,258

Emotions

developmentguidelines,256

managementof,254266

nonverbalexpression,271

readingexercises,269286

sevenbasic,256

Empathy,256,334

Empowerment,significanceof,1

Eulogy,asavisionstatement,8486

EveningLearningOpportunity(ELO),62

Exercises,participationin,151152

Exercises,bytitle.

SeealsoFollow-upactivities

Acceptance/Affirmation,305310

CompletetheActionPlan,Part2,129133

CreatingOrganizationalSynergy,373378

DefinitionsofSuccessasObservableorQuantifiableTargets,135137

DesignanActionPlan,Part1,123128

Eulogy:WritingaVisionStatementforYourLife,8486

ExpressingSelf-ConfidenceThroughAssertiveness,186208

IdentifyingValuesofSMTs,323333

ImportantDimensionsinMyLife,The,7782

"I"intheWord"Team,"The,334337

ListeningforContent,ListeningforFeelings,287293

LookingIntotheEIAGGlass,158166



ManagingtheChallengestoMySelf-Confidence,209217

ManagingEmotions,254266

MeansandConditions,141142

MillionDollarInheritance,The,7375

PreventingDisagreementFromBecomingConflicts,294304

PrioritizingDimensions,9297

PrioritizingYourGoals,110117

ReadingFeelingsandEmotions:ANonverbalExercise,269286

RolesWePlay,361372

SettingPerformanceStandardsasPerformanceRanges,118121

SixCommonExperiencesofTeams,341356

TimeMeasures,138140

Trust,311318

TruthsIHoldtoBeSelf-Evident,153157

UsingtheJOHARIWindowtoImproveSelf-Awareness,170179

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VisionforMyLife:AFormalStatement,The,8789

WellnessFactor,The,243246

WhatIFearinSocialSituations,231236

WhatILikeandDon'tLikeAboutMyself,223230

WhatMakesMeMe,237239

WhereAmIonMyJourney?,6272

WhoAmI?AnIceBreaker,167169

WritingGoalStatements,100107

Experience,inEIAGModel,1617,219

Experience,Interpretation,Analysis,andGeneralization(EIAG)Model,1619,219,221

Experience-basedlearning,seeExperientiallearning

Experiencecards,forManagingEmotionsexercise,260266

Experientiallearning

BeingMyselfskillpractice,2326

defined,16

roleplaying,2223

F

Facilitator

instructionsfor,seespecificexercises

roleinEIAGModel,1920

Fear(s)

inexperientiallearning,20

self-esteem/self-respectand,231236

Feedback.

Seealsospecificexercises

evaluationof,180

inexperientiallearning,16,23

facilitator'srole,19

functionof,generally,180181,211,218

givingandgetting,guidelinesfor,2728

negative,20

self-assessmentsand,14

trustand,170

Feelings,seeEmotions

Follow-upactivities

buildingself-confidence,218221

drive,increasing,267268

roles,teamandorganizational,managing,379380

self-awareness,increasing,180184

self-confidence,218221

self-esteem/self-respect,increasing,240242

self-managedteams,managingsixcommonexperiencesof,357359

takingcorrectiveaction,143145

trust,developing,317318

Franklin,Benjamin,244

Freud,Sigmund,255

Frustration,dealingwith,150

G

Gamecards,forassessingactions,165166

Ganttcharts,138139

GapBetweenUs,The,270273,290

Generalization,inEIAGModel,17,19,219

Goals

conflictwith,91,92

minigoals,124

prioritizing,109121

setting,9,99107,149150

specific,101

synergisticorganizations,374

Goalstatements

findingobjectivesin,127

meansandconditionsin,103,141142

timeframesin,102

well-formulated,100103

writing,100107

H

Harmony,inprioritizingdimensions,92

Hiddenagendas,20

Hillesum,Etty,241

Honesty,62,78,158,167,170,186,209,218,224,231,254,270,288,294,305,311,338,379

I

''I-Language,"188189,191,198199

Immediacy,goalsand,111,112

Importance,ingoalsetting,111,112

Informedemotions,255

Ingham,Harry,171172

Instructionsforexercises,seespecificexercises

Instructor'snotes,seespecificexercises

Interdependence,inTORITheory,20

Interpretation,inEIAGModel,17,23,219

Introducing,self-managedteams,343,348,359

J

JOHARIWindow,170179

K

Knowledgeroles,defined,363

L

Laissez-fairebehavior,190191,198,200

Leadership

driveand,11

self-managedteams,319,348

Learning

experiential,1516,2223

processoverview,14

teachingdistinguishedfrom,1213

Learningobjectivesandoutcomes,seespecificexercises

Lecturenotes,seespecificexercises

Lifedimensions

prioritizing,9197

values,organizing,7782

Limitations,self-awarenessof,9

Linearthinking,38,78,100,110,135,138

Listeningskills,243,252,294,305

Luft,Joseph,171172

Page384

M

Maggio,Rosalie,312

Maintaining,self-managedteams,346347,349,359

ManagingUnderPressureskillpractice,23

Meansandconditions,ingoalstatements,103,106,141142

Measurablegoals,101,135

Milestones,124125

Minigoals,124

Mirroring,290,296

Mistakes,learningfrom,19,150151

Modeling,22

Moderation,emotionsand,255

Myers-Briggsassessment,14,25,186

N

Nachman,Sid,62

Needs,generally

identificationof,21,334

fromorganizations,378

Negativeemotions,255256

Negativemodeling,22

Ninedotsactivity,249251

Nonassertiveness,189190,198,200

Nonverbalexercises


ReadingFeelingsandEmotions,269286

O

Objectives,inactionplanning,124125

Objectivestatement,goalstatementdistinguishedfrom,124125

One-dayworkshops,2

Openness

inexercises,62,73,78,84,87,92,100,110,118,135,138,139,158,167,170,176,186,209,218,224,231,254,267,270,288,294,305,311,317,338,379

inTORITheory,20

Organizationalsynergy,creating,373378

Outlines,forworkshops,23

P

Partial-dayworkshops,2

Participantresistance,dealingwith,151152

Passive-aggressivebehavior,189190

Passivity,189190,198,200

Peretti,Elsa,244

Performanceimprovementcoach,13

Performanceranges,prioritizing,109,118121

Plato,255

Positiveemotions,255256

Positivemodeling,12,22

Priorities,seePrioritizing

Prioritizing

dimensions,9297

goals,109113,115117

Probing/testing,self-managedteams,345,349,359

Problem-solvingskills,294,296

ProcessActionRoles,365,370

Producing,self-managedteams,345347,349,359

Pyramidofcontrol

generally,5758

self-managementcompetencies,stepstoward,58145.

SeealsoCompetencies

R

Realization,inTORITheory,20

Reinforcement,21

Resistance,guidelinesfor,151152

Respectforothers,1112,27

acceptance/affirmation,305310

inexercises,186,209,218,231


PreventingDisagreementfromBecomingConflicts,294304

ReadingFeelingsandEmotions:ANonverbalExercise,269286


Trust,311318

Risktaking,inexercises,11,158,167,170,186,209,218,224,231,338,379

RoleAcceptance,364,372

RoleConcept,364,372

RoleExpectations,364,372

RolePerformance,364,372

Rolemanagement

creatingorganizationalsynergy,373378

follow-upactivities,379380

ProcessActionRoles,370

RolesWePlay,363368

TaskActionRoles,369

TeamRole(s)Grid,371372

Roleplaying,2223,152

Russell,Bertrand,16

S

SecretsoftheWildGoose(Weiss),14

Self-actualization,21

Self-assessments

administration,typesof,3031

discussionof,3233

drive,4547

HowDoIRespondtoSituations?,193197

interpretationof,3132

overview,1415

readinessforself-management,3435

respectforothers,5153

scoring,31,5455

self-awareness,4244



WhatAmIDoingtoAchieveMyGoals?,61,6869

WhatCanIDotoChangeWhatI'mDoing?,61,7072

WhatDrivesYou?,61,6467,80

wholeness,3638

Self-awareness

defined,9,11,29

emotionsand,255


Page385

LookingIntotheEIAGGlass,158166


skillsrelatedto,149

TruthsIHoldtoBeSelf-Evident,153157

UsingtheJOHARIWindowtoImproveSelf-Awareness,170179

WhoAmI?AnIceBreaker,167169

Self-confidence

actionplanner,214217

behaviorsandfeelingsassociatedwith,198200

building,follow-upactivity,218221

challengesto,managing,209217

defined,9,29

expressing,throughassertiveness,186208

low,190191,200


skillsrelatedto,149

TeammateintheBarrel,201208

Self-consciousness,44

Self-disclosure,73,84,167,306307,310

Self-discovery,23,150

Self-esteem/self-respect

actionplanner,235236

defined,11,29



WhatIFearinSocialSituations,231234

WhatILikeandDon'tLikeAboutMyself,223230

WhatMakesMeMe,237239

Self-managedperson,competenciesof,812,147151

Self-managedteams(SMTs)

BirthdayCakeactivity,353356

defined,319

follow-upactivitiesfor,338339,357359,379380

identifyingvalues,323333

"I"intheWord"Team,"The,334337

leadership,319

rolemanagement,361380

andself-managedindividuals,320321

SixCommonExperiencesof,341359

valueexercises,generally,323339

Self-management,generally

defined,1

exercises,seeSelf-managementexercises

trainingfor,723

Self-managementexercises,generally

drive,243268

respectforothers,269318

self-awareness,153184



Self-respect,seeSelf-esteem/self-respect

Settingthestage,self-managedteams,343345,348349,359

Situationcards,preventingconflictskillpractice,302304

Skillroles,defined,363

SMTs,seeSelf-managedteams

Spontaneity,significanceof,21,103,124

Storycards,forassessingactions,163164

Strengths,generally

self-awarenessof,9

self-confidenceand,210

inself-managedteams,342

Strengths,challenges,andbarrierschart,212213

Stressreduction,119

Student'srole,inEIAGModel,1922

Success

definitionsof,asobservableorquantifiabletargets,135137

measuring,toolsfor,136137

Synergisticorganizations,373374,377

T

Targets

goal-directedactivities,130

ingoalstatements,101102,105

TaskActionRoles,364,369

Teaching,learningdistinguishedfrom,1213

TeammateintheBarrelactivity

feedback,206

instructions,201202

lecturenotespriorto,191

observer'sguide,207208

scripts,203205

Teamrole(s)

grid,371372

keyaspects,368

processaction,370

taskaction,369

Teams,commonexperiences,341356

creating,346347,349

introducing,343,348

maintaining,346347,349

probing/testing,345,349

producing,346347,349

settingthestage,343345,348349

Terhune,Albert,50

Timeframes,ingoalstatements,102

TORITheory,2021

Tracey,Brian,41

Training

defined,12

EIAGModel,1622

experientiallearning,1516,2223

learningprocess,14

self-assessments,1415

self-managedteams,320321

teachingversuslearning,1213

Documents

The self-management workshop: helping people take control of their lives and their work : a trainer's guide