FREE - TAKE ONE THE REGULAR JOE FREE - TAKE ONE

Jay KernerPublisher/Reluctant Techie

There are a lot of ways to separate the haves from the have-nots, and most folks know which side they fall on.

As the middle class continues to disap-pear, the chasm between those on top and those on the bottom gets wider and wider.

The almighty dollar continues to be the most obvious measuring stick.

They say money isn’t everything, and we agree, but in most cases it will sure buy you a leg up.

In the 1969 movie, The Graduate, Dustin Hoffman’s character gets one word of advice from a friend of his parents: “Plastics.”

That may have been the perfect harbinger of the future for those times, but I have a better one for today: computers.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Everybody has one.The schools hand out tablets in place of textbooks, and the computers in

most of our phones are more powerful than the giant main-frames of just a few years ago. We get it. They’re everywhere.

Except they’re not.Don’t believe me? Go to the public library and see the line of people wait-

ing to use their machines. Over there is a lady working on a resume. Next to her is a guy checking on his Veteran’s benefits. Then a lady looking at pictures of her grandkids. The need for access is as varied as the people looking for it.

As recently as ten years ago, it still didn’t make that big of a difference in your daily life, but not so anymore. If you don’t have a computer and the abil-ity to get online, you are at a serious disadvantage in today’s world.

And the technology is expanding at a breakneck pace. Newer! Faster! Bells and Whistles! The unit you bought last year (and

will be paying on for the next few) is already outdated (according to the manu-facturer). That’s why everything seems to have a version something-point-something, so you’ll know how far behind you are and feel the pressure to upgrade.

The industry Titans spend billions to lure you to their camp instead of the other. Most folks swear allegiance to a particular logo and stick with it, wheth-er the multi-colored rectangle or the slice of the fruit that took down both Adam and Sleeping Beauty.

But what if (heaven forbid) you don’t have a computer? What if you’re a bit behind on the tech-curve?

It’s hard to know for sure why you need one, and the world it can open for you, till you actually get your hands on one.

A few months ago we started doing some advertising for a local company called Laptop Liquidators. These guys buy, literally, pallets of used computers, mostly stuff returned from leases to schools and big business.

They get these units, normally just 2 or 3 years old, eliminate all the old files, update the operating systems and make them available at a tiny fraction of their original selling price.

We got a desktop unit from them a couple months ago and hooked it up for an older friend that doesn’t get out as much as he used to.

We’d been encouraging him to buy one, but he’s as stubborn as our state’s animal mascot, and I finally realized it wouldn’t happen till I took the bull by the horns.

Laptop Liquidators hooked me up and weeks later, he’s now connecting with old friends on Facebook and assaulting me with dumb jokes of the day.

I’ve been on his machine myself and realized it was noticeably faster than the one we use to put out this paper.

That’s when we came up with an idea. We put our heads together with Laptop Liquidators and worked out a new deal. Instead of paying cash for their advertising, we’re now getting a computer a month to give away. Not the newest or shiniest, but plenty good and fast, particularly for those new to using them.

Want one? Need one? Drop us a line. Just a short one. Tell us what it might mean to you or your family.

We’ll give a complete system away every month, as long as Laptop Liqui-dators wants to work with us on the project.

And as long as you promise not to forward us your cute cat videos.

Anybody Want A Nice Used Computer?

Dr. Jimmy Albright, archae-ologist and professor at Missouri Western State University, shares the stories and images from his many explorations of the beautiful and enchanting land of Greece, as well as his visits to Turkey. The program, which will take place on Tuesday, March 10, at 6 p.m., will include the opportunity to see ancient artifacts from both Greece and Turkey.

The digital portion of the presentation will feature images of the archaeological ruins of the Greeks who produced majestic monuments, elegant temples, and magnificently designed cities, includ-ing the ruins of Ephesus in Turkey. It will also include images of the Greek Islands of Mykonos, Santorini, Crete, and Patmos.

Dr. Albright will have handouts on Greece and information on a group trip he will be escorting in October for anyone who is interested in seeing the wonders of the ancient world for themselves. The program will be held at the St. Joseph Museum, 3406 Frederick Avenue, at 6 p.m.

The event is open to the public and admission is free. No reservations required. Please call the St. Joseph Museum at 816.232.8471 for more informa-tion or e-mail sjm@stjosephmuseum.org.

Dear Joe,The talented dancers of Ailey II are renowned for captivating audiences and translating their strength and agility into powerful performances.Under the direction of Troy Powell,You will experience thrilling new works of ballet as never seen in Saint Joseph, MO.Saturday, March 7 Missouri Theatre 8:00 PM Performing Arts Association: 816-279-1225

Dear Joe, Please join us for the Helen Davis5th Annual 5K Run-Walk with the Huskies.The event will start & finish at Phil Welch

Stadium. The race will proceed through the South-west Parkway System over the old trail bridge (Belt Highway) & return to Phil Welch. Enjoy scenic spring-time views of the beautiful Fairview golf course and parkway. Prepare to achieve your per-sonal best on this fun, 3.1 mile course. Chip timing for all registered participants provided by RaceDay Timing Solutions.

You may register at www.enter2run.com. Early registration (prior to April 15th) ensures a t-shirt. Extra event shirts are available for $12 to those participating in the free 1 mile walk & other activities.

If you would like to contribute & support our cause but you are unable to run or walk you may donate at www.enter2run.com or mail checks to Helen Davis PTO. All levels of sup-port are appreciated! Volunteers are welcome, please call for details.

Dear Joe,Learn the Basics of Making Soup Soup’s on at the St. Joseph

Public Library when Dawn Forsberg, owner of “It Dawned on Me” café and frequent contributor to the St. Joseph News-Press food pages, offers Soup 101, a program to help you create a variety of delicious soups using basic stocks. Ms. Forsberg will be explain-ing techniques for making cream base soups, bisques and stews. She will dem-onstrate and discuss the economics be-

hind bean soups

using both canned and dried beans. Ms. Forsberg will also make a minestrone soup and explain how a large batch of base soup can go on to be made into several different soups.

Come and join us on Wednesday, March 11th at 6:30 p.m. at the Downtown Library, 927 Felix Street, for the hour long program. Recipes will be on hand. No reservations necessary. Please call 232-7729 with any questions.

Support for this program is underwritten by the St. Joseph Public Library Foundation. Log on to sjpl.lib.mo.us for information about other library services and programs. Patrons with disabilities who wish to attend the program should contact the ADA coordinator at 232-4038.

Dear Joes,

Contact The Regular Joe816-617-5850

email@theregularjoepaper.comP.O. Box 1304 St. Joseph, Mo. 64502

Read us onlinewww.theregularjoepaper.com

Motorcycle Enthusiasts…An old school bobber is usu-

ally perched outside of a motor-cycle shop in St. Joe, Chop Shop Customs. Maybe you’ve stopped by and seen how Justin can take an old barn find motorcycle and turn it into an eye-catching, vin-tage-looking, old school, custom bike.

Chop Shop Customs’ man-tra is “keeping expenses to our customers down so that they can afford to keep their bike on the road, or be able to afford a custom built motorcycle that they’ve always dreamed of.” Not only do they build custom motorcycles, they can get you parts for your bike at the lowest price in town. Right now they are running incredible sales…18 weekly “Tax Refund” sales at phenomenal prices. Just to give you an example here are a few of their upcoming sales:

Forward Controls installed only $300.HID’s Headlight conversion only $100.Handlebar conversion only $150.Solo seats installed only $100Oil Filter Relocation with lifetime Billet Filter only $299.

These “Tax Refund” sales change weekly and will be running through the end of June. You can see their weekly sales ads posted at www.Facebook.com/ChopShop88, updated for you every Monday morning. You’ll get a free wash and detail with every “Tax Refund” sale that you get.

Imagine being able to get those “eye-catching” customs added to your bike at a price that you can afford! Or a complete custom bobber or cafe for around $2,000! How would you feel being seen, heard, or even being able to excitedly show off the custom bike of your dreams?

The buzz is out and because of the quality work and incredible prices, their customers are spreading the word.

Not only do they have new parts available for you, they have new old stock, and hard to find parts for 1960’s to 1980’s models.

Like all of us, you work hard for your money. Take your motorcycle to Chop Shop Customs because they’ll help you keep that hard earned money in your pocket.

We clean them.We don’t cut corners,

At Merry Maids, we know precisely, meticulously, immediately, always the kind of clean you mean. You will receive the highest level of professional care. From the consultation to the expert cleaning and the follow-up, be completely satisfi ed every step of the way. Guaranteed.

merrymaids.com

Ready for a professional clean? Call us today.

St. Joseph

816-279-8855stjoemmaids@stjoelive.com

$30 Off$10 OFFeach of your first three cleanings.New or former customers only. Can't be combined with any other offer or discount. Additional restrictionsmay apply. Offers are non-transferable. Cash value 1/100 of 1 cent.

“Rolling Works of Art” from Chop Shop Customs

St. Joseph’s 29th annual St. Patrick’s day parade has been scheduled for Saturday, March 14.

The parade will start at noon at Noyes boulevard and Frederick, and proceed down Frederick to Felix street. The event is sponsored by the St. Joseph division of the Ancient Order of Hibernians.

Entry fees for the parade are $50. Tim Garvey, Hibernian presi-dent, said a portion of the proceeds would go to the Second Harvest Food Bank. Fighting hunger is one of the priorities of the Hibernians nationally, a recognition of the Irish

famine of the mid-19th century. The Delaney family will serve as grand mar-

shals for the parade. Entries must have an Irish theme. Prizes will be awarded for best fam-

ily, best commercial and best bar floats. Further information and entry forms available from Mr. Garvey, 351-

1993, or Bob Fitzpatrick, 364-1581.

St. Patrick’s Day Parade March 14th

Jay Kerner

Anyone acquainted with my wife (the Queen) knows about her love of skin care products. Par-ticularly lotions.She applies it liberally in both her morning and evening ministrations, and the hands get periodic reapplications throughout the day.Now if that sounds like a complaint of any kind, well… perish the thought!A lifetime of this routine has left her exterior surfac-es (CAUTION: EXPLICIT DETAILS AHEAD!)…pretty much head to toe, the approximate tone and texture of the proverbial baby’s bottom. (What? TMI?)Anyway, let’s just say the girl’s picky about her lo-tion.Over the years, she’s found several that have made her rotation. Some she likes for the smell. Others, for the feel.She’s got some for her feet and others for her face.I once foolishly thought I’d buy her a jar of one of her favorites for Mother’s Day or some other occa-sion. The lady behind the counter of the department store rang it up, and I honestly just about choked. I quickly did some mental arithmetic, and was faced with the options of buying my wife some lotion or putting gas in my car for the next couple of months. Seriously! I couldn’t believe it.That’s when I exercised one of the secret methods we employ to keep our marriage in shape, well into our fourth decade; I turned a blind eye to it.I decided I don’t want to know what she spends on lotion, and I don’t need to. And it goes without say-

ing that she doesn’t need to know about… well… every little thing I do either.This would probably be a good time to bring up her love of samplers. Any bottle with a pump and a “try me” sticker draws her like a moth to the flame.But while they easily entice her to sample, they rarely convince her to buy.Like I say, she has a pretty good assortment already. That’s why I was surprised about a month ago, when I first heard her gushing about a new lotion she’d found at Hy-Vee.It didn’t really register, until I heard, “Gosh, I really love this lotion!” for maybe the fifth or sixth time. We’re always on the lookout for things to turn our readers on to, and when I mentioned the idea to the Queen she was all about it.I found the website on the bottle, and did a little on-line digging. The more I learned, the more I liked about Artisan Thoughtful Body Care.First they have a really large selection of lotions and cremes, all formulated with the highest quality, natural ingredients by an area scientist. We love that stuff!But as important as what’s in it, is what’s not. We actually learned some disturbing things about common additives in an awful lot of mass-marketed products. Like industrial chem-icals and suspected carcinogen stuff! Yikes!Needless to say, Artisan prod-

ucts have none of that. The list of things they are free of, includes all the ones you would want or care about.There’s also a bunch of science info that was frankly above my pay grade. I’m sure it would be compelling to our friends among the pocket protec-tor crowd, but the Queen’s endorsement was plenty good enough for me. It’s also surprisingly inexpensive, or at least it seemed so to me, after seeing what she paid for oth-ers.So far she’s turned on her friends at work and her other girlfriends as she encounters them.If you, or someone you care about is a “lotion freak” like the Queen, hit the sampler at Hy-Vee or Apothecary Pharmacy. They both stock the main sellers in the Artisan line. For other options and specialty products, go to their website, at www.artisanlotions.com.

The Queen Loves Lotion

Jimmy “Hambone” Hamilton

You would think anyone married as many times as yours truly would know something about wedding dresses. But, no.

Bridal gowns fall into the dangerous territory that I think of as “feminine mystique.”

This begins sometime around 5th grade, when the genders are separated for health class.

While the boys spend their time mocking decades-old film-strips, the girls are clearly getting different information. They all have that sneaky smile of se-cret knowledge, coming back for fifth hour. It’s just a guess, but I’m pretty sure they’re in there learning about wedding dresses.

When we started this St. Joe Bride series, we made a list of the various components for the event and thought we’d focus on a different one each is-sue. Last month we went through our bride’s choice of Paradox Theater for her event.

Once the date and place were set, she turned her full attention to the re-lentless pursuit of “the dress.”

That’s because for each bride there appears to be only one perfect nuptial garment, sewn by angels in heaven, to each bride’s exacting specifications, then hidden away somewhere on planet earth. It is now her solemn duty, to scour ev-ery wedding magazine ever produced, and every online resource in her search. All with the dead-solid knowledge that “she’ll know it when she sees it.”

To the ignorant male mind, eggshell, linen, and bone are exactly the same color and all would be described as “white.”

Women, on the other hand, can discern any of the 4,687 variations and know instinctively which one works perfectly with her complexion and her wedding’s “color scheme.”

Now you have to determine your neckline, your hemline, your sleeves or not, your back or not, and countless other style details. Then you have your lace, your appliques, your beads and pearls and what-have-you.

Our St. Joe Bride knew what she wanted but hadn’t pulled the trigger yet.She found it on the manufacturer’s website but the closest retailer carrying

that line was in southern Overland Park. She called them with the item number and they quoted her a price that was more than I’ve ever paid for a good used car. They also pressured her for a fitting appointment and pushed for a deposit, sight unseen.

Her parents, who were writing the check, encouraged her to do a little more research first.

For our part at The Regular Joe, we were prepared to ignore the dress if she didn’t get it locally. (You’ll never hear us sending you out of town to spend your money.)

Humoring her folks, she went online and found one local option: The Bridal Boutique, in the Anderson Ford complex at Belt and Beck. She and her mother went to take a look and let me tag along.

We went on a Tuesday. Good move. I found out that something like 90% of all wedding dress transactions take place on Saturdays when the place is typi-cally packed.

We meet local owner, Leigh Ann Swarts. This is a family business, and she took over the store from her grandmother, who started it in 1980.

She showed our bride a number of dresses that looked to my admittedly

male eyes as exactly the same dress she described, but sadly, none of them was “the one.” It looked like the whole thing was an exercise in futility, until Leigh Ann casually mentioned that if she was absolutely set on that particular dress from that particular designer, that she could make some calls to other stores in her network of contacts.

It took about 6 hours.Our bride called me later that evening with the news that her dress had

been found. It was hiding in a boutique in Minneapolis, where it had been pa-tiently waiting for her to find it. She was so excited!

Then she told me the price and I knew Mom and Dad would be excited, too!

If you wouldn’t think there would be that much difference in the mark-up on an item like that... well, you’re clearly not hip to the realities of the wedding world.

There can be a huge difference!Here’s a tip: if they feel the need to immediately ply you with champagne

when you walk through the door, you might be a little wary.Our St. Joe Bride shopped local and found the dress of her dreams. She

got exactly what she wanted, saved her folks some bucks, and secured the professional local service for fittings etc., that takes the uncertainty out of the whole thing.

Ultimately, you can wear your mother’s dress or rent one. You can wear a gunny sack or shop online and take your chances.

Or you can take your wish list to Leigh Ann at Bridal Boutique and let her help you find the one perfect dress made just for you.

Nothing Less Than the Perfect Dress another local bride tries on wedding dresses.

Brian J. Myers

Events Will Highlight Apple Blossom Week-end

The first rite of spring, Apple Blossom Week-end, will be filled with many fun events.

APPLE BLOSSOM PARADEThe main attraction will once again be the

Apple Blossom Parade that will be held on Satur-day, May 2nd beginning at 9:30 am. Once again, the parade will begin at Noyes and Frederick. The parade will progress west on Frederick to 9th Street where it will turn south to Felix Street, at Felix Street, it will turn west again and disband at 4th and Felix.

The theme for this year’s parade is “Our future is Bright”. The theme for this year’s parade cel-ebrates the future for the parade and our community.

The Apple Blossom committee is stressing that all parade entries be decorated. The Apple Blossom website (www.appleblossomparade.com) has a list of recommendations for individuals to fol-low for dressing up their entries.

Organizers are hopeful that more entrants will take time to do a float this year. President Ken Rosenauer stated that floats are the most popular units in the parade followed by the marching bands. To encourage more creative floats this year, the committee has increased the cash awards for the best floats. The float that best represents the parade theme according to the judges will receive $300, second place will receive $150 and third place will get $75.

Parade entry forms are available online at www.appleblossomparade.com or by calling 816-261-0422. Fees are $75 for non-profits, political candidates and individuals and $125 for com-mercial, for profit entries. Entry forms, including fees, must be submitted by mail to P,.O. Box 34, St. Joseph, Missouri, 64502 by April 15th. Entries submitted after April 15th will be assessed late fees. No entries will be accepted after April 30th.

BETTER BLOCKApple Blossom weekend will again include

Better Block. For this year’s event, Better Block will be occupying blocks on Frederick Ave. from 11th Street to

13th Street. Local pop-up businesses will be housed in each of the empty storefronts. For updates, check out their facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/betterblocksjDISCOVER DOWNTOWNDiscover Downtown is a collaborative ef-

fort from downtown businesses, building owners and volunteers who have come together to create a two-day event that will fill empty store fronts with merchants and occupy Coleman Hawkins Park with multiple family friendly activities.

On Friday May 1st and Saturday May 2nd, Felix Street will come alive with a multitude of potential small businesses, offering their wares from several of the empty storefronts from 5th Street to 8th Street. Beginning at 10am, the public can enter these stores, and see what the prospective entrepre-neurs have to offer.

On Saturday, May 2nd, watch The Apple Blossom Parade from Felix Street, then stay after and make a day of being downtown. Discover Downtown will have a full day of events in Cole-man Hawkins Park including St. Joseph’s Passport (a festival of ethnic food and entertainment), a “Kids Zone” with multiple activities and entertain-ment, and live music from the best local bands.

Discover Downtown offers two days of shop-ping, art, music and culture that you won’t find anywhere else. Most events are free and open to all ages. For more information, please check the event page on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/events/912168462167848

FIRST SATURDAYS DOWNTOWN ST. JOSEPH

Join us on the first Saturday of each month in historic downtown St. Joseph for First Saturdays, a family friendly event that brings together the best of regional art and music, hosted within various downtown busi-nesses.

Each month, participating businesses host an art exhibit, live music, or show a film within their establishment. Those who make their way downtown for this monthly event also get the great retail deals, as many of the locally owned stores run their best sales dur-ing First Saturdays. Most events are free of charge and open to all ages.

Since 2012, First Saturdays has grown to incorporate nearly 20 businesses each month and is continuing to grow. Several times each year, First Saturdays Downtown St. Joseph helps sponsor other events in the downtown including “Christmas at the Square” and “Discover Downtown”.

For a complete and updated schedule of monthly events, please visit our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/downtownstj?fref=ts. Tag us on Instagram and Twitter with the hashtag #downtownstjoe.

APPLE BLOSSOM BARBEQUEThe Northwest Missouri Children’s Advocacy

Center will once again sponsor the Apple Blossom Barbeque competition on May 1st and 2nd in Civic Center Park. Professional barbeque teams from the region will compete for prize money and the op-portunity to barbeque at the American Royal. The event kicks off on Friday evening with live music from Maria the Mexican and the popular People’s Choice Award. Individuals are invited to taste the barbeque for a small fee and pick their favorite. On Saturday, the competition heats up and the judg-ing begins. Proceeds from the event benefit the Northwest Missouri Children’s Advocacy Center. The center is a not-for-profit agency that works with children that have been sexually or physi-cally abused or severely neglected. They provide a child-friendly environment to conduct one interview to help law enforcement investigate and prosecute these crimes. They also provide counseling for victims of child abuse.

Apple Blossom Weekend

9

Woods & Bruce Electric“No job too small!”

David Bruce, Master Electrician816-617-1152

Cafe’ Acoustic 2605 FrederickAALL SHOWS @9:30pm unless listed otherwise.March 6 Money 4 Nothin’March 7 Mojo Saint & the Devil & the Southern FellowshipMarch 11 Open Mic hosted by Jason Osborn*March 12 Songwriter showcase w/Aaron Blumer*march 13 BURN MILEY band*March 14 OPEN @10am St Patty’s Parade cel-ebration.MATINEE show @2pm featuring IRISH ROCKERS CHANCE the ARM@10pm Public Disturbance & Sick B TwiztedMarch 18 OPEN MIC hosted by Jason Osborn*march 19 Songwriter showcase w/ Tyler Harman & Sexwolph*March 20 The Low Down Dirty Dirt band @10pm*March 21 STRICTLY ALICE: ALICE COOPER TRIBUTE BAND + SIR KNUCKLEHEADMarch 25 OPEN MIC hosted by Andrea MiesterMarch 27 Drew Ames & Co. + The Coterie*March 28 MAD LIBBY & CARBON

Eagles Lodge North BeltSat, Mar 7th, Friends, 8:00Sat, Mar 14th RangerSat, Mar 21st Rev’d UpSat Mar 28th No Limits

Lucky Tiger 8th & FrancisFirst Saturday Live Music

Magoon’s Deli 8th & LocustThurs 3/5 Souveneer’s Tour Send-offFri 3/6 Steamboat BamditsSat 3/7 Desodean/Sexwolf/Gastown LampsThurs3/12 Brody Buster BandFri 3/13 TBASat 3/14 Fast Food Junkies after the parade Lauren Anderson Project 9pmThurs 3/19 Jeff LuxFri 3/20 Big Harry & Back Alley Blues BandSat 3/21 TBAFri 3/27 Jamazon CloudSat 3/28 Darling Nicky

First Ward House St. Joe Ave & Grand Fri 3/13 Whiskey for the LadySat 3/14 Freight Train Rabbit KillerSun 3/15 Carrienation

Live Music Hi-Lites

Given that the dietary supplement industry is now a multi-billion dollar one, and the fact that an estimated 75 percent of Americans currently report taking a dietary supplement of some kind (vitamins, herbs, minerals, etc.), the issue of quality becomes crucial.

A New York Times article published on February 3 of this year reported that the New York State Attorney General had sent letters of reprimand to four major retailers because some of their private-label herbs tested by a university either did not contain the herbs or potencies listed on the bottles or contained contaminants that could trigger allergic reactions in sensitive individuals.

This finding certainly raises cause for concern, not only from the stand-point of health, but also prudent investment. Who wants to spend their money on a dangerous or worthless product?

Since the passage of the Dietary Supplement Health and Education Act (DSHEA) in 1994, we have enjoyed unprecedented freedom of access to dietary supplements (unless they can be proven harmful) without restrictive governmental regulation as is common in many other countries. However, this freedom comes with a high price: Cor-porations are also at liberty to manufacture and market inferior supplements.

And, many apparently do so just to make a profit by taking advantage of consumers’ growing interest in dietary supplements. As with other consumable products in a free-market economy, BUYER BEWARE is the watchword here. If we buy and take dietary supplements, we must take personal responsibil-ity to determine whether or not these supplements are quality ones. The question is, how do we do this?

1. Purchase supplements from independent natural products retailers because they are more likely to stock the highest-quality dietary supplements from principled manufacturers than are mass-market stores. Most principled manufacturers offer money-back guarantee such as our A-Z private label. Most of our other suppliers guarantee their products as well. Our A-Z line features

GMP-certified, laboratory tested ingredients, many of which are trademarked or patented. If you would like a brochure detailing the facts about our private label supplements, just ask us.

2. Buy supplements from manufacturers who belong to the National Prod-ucts Association (NPA) which sets standards for good manufacturing practices for its members. Also look on the bottles for certification symbols like USP (U.S. Pharmocopeia) and GMP (Good Manufacturing Practice)

3. Sign up for ConsumerLab.com, a third-party watchdog for the dietary supplement industry. ConsumerLab periodically tests various supplements from selected companies to determine potency and purity, publishing the results without bias.

Dietary supplements can certainly make a difference in the state of our health, but only if they are of high quality and purity. Make sure that yours are.

Yours for responsible supplementation,James FlyCertified Health Coach

Determining Dietary Supplement Quality

Danny R. Phillips

The late great “Gonzo” journalist Hunter S. Thompson once said of roller derby, “Anything that gets your blood racing is a good thing.” Well, I would agree with the good doctor on this: live life to its fullest and enjoy your time. On the 27th day of February 2015, I attended a roller derby bout for the first time ever with former roller derby referee Brick House. What I got was an up-close look at St. Joseph Roller Derby; my heart raced, my blood pumped and I fell in love with women on wheels.

What I saw were athletes, skating at top speed, checking people out of the way and sacrificing their bodies for the sport they had grown to love. I had never given roller derby much thought past Jim Croce’s immortal song, “Roller Derby Queen,” the movies “Whip It” (a reference to a move called “Cracking the Whip”), 1972’s “Kansas City Bomb-er” and a fleeting interest as a child at the tail end of the 1970’s roller derby popularity boom.

Witnessing roller derby in St. Joseph was noth-ing I could have expected or imagined. The seats, walkways and refreshment booths were all busy, teeming with fans ready to watch The Venomous Vixens, The Danger Dolls, The Jesse Janes and Rushin’ Rollettes. I had often thought of roller derby as merely a distraction, woman in hot pants and fish-nets, each player with a colorful moniker.

Women with fire in the eyes and names like Jenicide, Hot-ness Monster, Dictator Devyn, Hi-plash, Head Huntress, Betty Clock-Her and Italian Ice all skated with wild abandon, fighting their way through the pack, ready to slip, slide and bloody their way to the front, hurriedly trying to score points.

Brick House, a wealth of knowledge when it comes to all things roller derby, tried in vain to ex-plain the rules of the sport to me. Telling me what

a “jammer” is (all I remember is it’s most generally the fastest skater on any given team), a whip, how a skater can draw penalties and points reductions, what constitutes whether or not a hit is clean or dirty. The information that rolled out of her mind was aston-ishing, captivating. Like, when I get on a roll with music facts, her eyes lit up as she searched her brain for more to tell me, more files to share. The sheer joy I saw on her face as she told me these things was priceless, something I will not soon forget.

My education went on as I watched the action on the floor from my front row seat. The Intensity these players show could rival any football player or hockey fanatic; some had fire in their guts, and others were calculating their next move, ready to pounce at a moment’s notice, knocking their com-petitors out of the way with a well-placed shove or check, setting the trap that would put them on top.

Part of the show, for me, was in the stands. Fans descended upon Civic Arena with a resolute task: they were there to see their favorite player, per-haps drink some beer and cheer or jeer the players as they skated by, giving off an energy that must have fed the players and, by extension, escalating the level of urgency to the match. Kids wore t-shirts extolling the virtues of their favorite team, drawing clear lines in fandom, arguing and playing simulta-neously, hating on rivals while playing hacky sack with the enemy.

The point to all this rambling is, it is exciting to see St. Joe this excited about roller derby, or any-thing else for that matter. It is good to see folks com-ing out as a community and supporting something together. With sewer problems, school board scan-dals and the like, it’s great that there is something for us to get behind. I may not understand the sport but I will be going back. Thompson was right. Anything that can get your blood racing is a good thing. And

after what I saw, with all the speed, aggression, pa-tience and skill this past Friday night, it showed me that roller derby in St. Joe is a very, very good thing.

A Night at the Derby

THANKSFOR READING

THE REGULAR JOE!

MUGSHOTS

We caught these people at Ma-goon’s, St. Joe Boot, Stay True Tattoo and the always wacky streets of the Joe. If you know any of these folks, tell ‘em you saw their mugs in The Regular Joe!

YWCA Spring EventsIt may seem like the cold will never end, but Spring events at the YWCA are right around the corner. Put these ways to support the YWCA on your calendar now and have something to look forward to!

March 17: Women of Excellence nominations due. Download a nomination form on our website, or fill it out online. You can also call us at 816.232.4481 to have a copy emailed or mailed to you.

March 28: Ladies’ Day @ the YWCA, 9-3. Come sup-port the YWCA and women-owned small businesses by doing some spring shopping! This is the weekend before Easter, so it will be the perfect time to pick up a few “basket stuffers”. There will be crafts, food, fash-ion, accessories, home decor, and much more. Lunch is available for just $5. Free admission!

Small business growth has been a driving force behind the nation’s economic recovery. In the past 10 years, small firms accounted for 63 percent of new job creation, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. St. Joseph is no different, and now area entrepreneurs have a new resource at their fingertips.

The Center for Entrepreneurship, an addition to Mis-souri Western’s Steven L. Craig School of Business, was created to support the region’s entrepreneurs. The Center provides one-on-one business coaching on starting, operating and growing new businesses. The emphasis on entrepreneurship is the brainchild of the School’s benefactor Steve Craig, a successful entrepreneur him-self. Having grown up in the St. Joseph area, Mr. Craig also realizes the importance of helping businesses in the region.

“We help the community by helping business,” said Annette Weeks, Director of the Center for En-trepreneurship. “We know that small businesses are the backbone of our community, and we want to help them.” Small businesses and entrepreneurs now have more resources available through the Center. “It’s a contribution to the school and the community,” said Weeks.

And the Center provides these resources to own-ers and entrepreneurs at no cost. Response has been overwhelming, and Weeks estimates they have helped more than 80 entrepreneurs in the 7 months they have been open.

Among other services, the Center helps entrepre-neurs create a business plan and outline ways to secure financing to start their business. “We have seen a wide variety of entrepreneurs – from students with technol-ogy ideas, including smart phone apps, to mom and pop businesses needing help with handling the books,” explained Weeks.

“If anyone is dreaming of having their own busi-ness and is not sure where to start, we can help walk them through it,” said Weeks. “We also help existing businesses who want to strengthen or grow. The Center for Entrepreneurship is here to help you, offering all services for free.”

For more information, call the Center for Entrepre-neurship at (816) 271-4283 or email aweeks@mis-souriwestern.edu

18 -Joe Western

Giving a Boost to Area Entrepreneurs

DeAnn Rene StudiosGymnastics 2327 Frederick

232-0074

Problem with alcohol? We have a solu-tion. AA info: district2@wamo-aa.org

816-471-7229

The Yoga Room

816-238-7101emailewcrechr@@hotmail.com

Zion UCC ChurchOpen & Affirming

9th & Faraon

S&W Tree Serv.573-819-9103816-244-5633

Free EstimatesLicensed &

Insured

2 BrothersAffordable Local Trash Service. Now

taking new customers.262-2330

Now Open 4 Lunch!