Mindi L. Phillips, Editor

It’s festival time! The NWMO Fair and Maysville Country Harvest Festival are upon us, and the time to let loose and feel like a kid is once again okay. As a matter of fact, it’s nearly mandatory! I for one love the festival food...oh, I know, you’ve heard me pontificate on the wonders of holiday food and diner food (and just about any food) before. But there’s some-thing extra special about the exhiliration of the rides and games and children’s laughter - and even the smell of calves and horses and other fair-type livestock - that gets me in the mood for decadent treats. Maybe it’s from my days spent at the local sale barn...but there I go again!

Pies - did I mention pies? Whether it’s pies thrown at a live target, bought at a farmers market, or won its baker a blue ribbon, I can barely resist a good piece of pie.

And anything on a stick. Even pop singer Jessica Simpson couldn’t resist a couple of corn dogs before going on stage at a state fair. Boy did the paparazzi have fun with photos of those tight pants. There was a media storm surrounding how, uh, unhealthy she appeared that day.

All over her lack of control when it came to a fancy pig in a blanket.Oprah spent a day with friend Gayle at the Iowa State Fair, sampling the goods. Jalapeno poppers, deep fried twinkies, just

about everything you can imagine. Of course, as a health coach, I know that moderation is VERY IMPORTANT. Ahem, now back to the show...

Who remembers their first fair? Did you carry around a mile-high mass of cotton candy? Spill a little lemonade down your neck? Which ride was the most head-spinning? Many of you would be just as likely to remember how you stuck to the seat from the sweet offerings of the day. I personally remember one summer day in Stanberry when Edson’s grocery store was giving away samples of “New Coke.” Now whatever festival was going on across the street in the park, I do not recall. But if the building still stood, I could walk in and show you just where they had that machine set up!

As you know, we’ve all become much more modern and classy these days, and I’m sure most of our fairs now also offer healthier choices, such as hummus and carrot sticks and gluten-free selections and unfried everything. Well, I will be sampling some of those, to be certain. But I’ll be enjoying some traditionally fat-laden favorites, as well. After all, here in the Heartland, it’s a special occasion!

Mindi

2 From the Desk of Joe Northwest

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Regular Joe Northwest:We cover NWMO like no one else!

Tarkio, Mound City, Stanberry,King City, Maryville, Bethany,

Maysville, Grant City, Savannah,Albany, & more!

We can be found in gas stations, restaurants, libraries, senior centers,

grocery stores, and shops throughout NWMO. We also deliver to Casey’s,

HyVee, Dollar General, and Walmart stores north of Hwy 36 and west of I-35.

Want to see us in your placeof business? Request a delivery!

Our “Regular” Contributors:Jay Kerner, founder

Mindi Phillips, publisher/editorDanny Phillips, musicRich Piper, editorial

Paula Hayward, editorial

Contact Mindi at Regular Joe Northwest816-596-0701

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PO Box 76Union Star, MO 64494

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Deadline for all submissions is the 20th of each month

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4 Live Music Across NWMO

New And Ongoing Live Music Events...BETHANYFri 9/4: Country Style Band, 7pm (VFW Hall)Sat 9/5: Eric Pasley, with Madd Hoss Jackson, 7:30pm (Fairgrounds)Mon 9/7: Country Style Band, 12pm (Fairgrounds)Sat 9/12: Bill & Lisa & the Green River Survivors, 7pm (Legion Hall)Fri 9/18: Country Style Band, 7pm (VFW Hall)

CLARKSDALESundays: Clarksdale Opry, 2pm (Hawman Center)

FILLMOREFridays: Music and Dance, 7pm (Fillmore Community Hall)

GENTRYFri 9/11: Ramblin Country Show, 7:30 pm (Lions)Fri 9/25: Ramblin Country Show, 7:30 pm (Lions)

GRANT CITYWednesdays: Jam Session, 6pm (Senior Center)Sat 9/12: Country Style Band, 7pm (VFW/Skating Rink)Sat 9/26: Country Style Band, 7pm (VFW/Skating Rink)

KING CITYSat 9/19: Rock N Country Variety Show, 7pm (TriCo Visitors Center)

MARYVILLESundays: Northwest Opry Country, 2pm (Nodaway Co Senior Center)Sundays: Forney and Paxson, 7pm (Eagles Lodge Bearcat Aerie#3669)

OREGONThursdays: Country Music Dance, 7pm (TJ Hall Comm Bldg)

SAVANNAHSaturdays: Savannah Country Jamboree, 6:30pm (Senior Center)

Your band or venue not listed?Contact us to get on

the live music schedule! Email submissions to

northwest@regularjoepaper.comGo to www.regularjoepaper.comand click “Northwest” for your

latest issue!

Jay KernerRegular Joe Founder

Some readers may remember a piece in this space from 18 months back, where we talked about our then, new position south of town, and our new “horrible” boss.

We’re asked about the situation a fair bit, so we thought an update might be in order.

First, we’re still burning up 169 South. We know the curves in both directions. We know how to adjust the sun-visors for the time of day and weather conditions. We know who is growing what, who has what for sale along the road, and where the school buses stop.

Our commute can take as little as 38 min-utes if you hit everything just right, or as long as an hour and ten minutes when you don’t.

Once you get there, you have to assess the situation. First you peek to see if her door is open or closed. If it’s closed, BE QUIET! It’s always better when she determines the start of the business day instead of you or anyone else.

If the door is open, you know she is out already and on the prowl. Your senses on full alert, you hear the sound of children’s program-ing and follow it carefully. Early video can be a sign she woke up cranky.

She’ll be two next month and as a clear in-dication of how advanced she is in every way, my tiny boss started her terrible twos early. Way early.

Child Psych people can give you chapter and verse on why the vast majority of babies go through this period of testing boundaries. But that is little consolation to the child care worker whose duties are not far removed from

that of prison guards.First their charges have to be contained and

constrained for their own safety (and everyone else’s). Gates and locks on everything. Be-cause they are NEVER not thinking escape.

You have to monitor what goes in to them and what comes out. You regulate their exer-cise their sleep and their entertainment.

You have to be constantly on guard for con-traband.

They’ll hide anything in their mouth. Or other places!

Despite all diligence, we’ve recovered coins, stamps, rocks, and sticks. All manner of small plastic detritus.

She’ll dig a bottle or a sippy cup out of some secret stash, where the contents have turned into a crude form of alcohol. Not al-cohol anybody on the outside would drink, but she works with what she has and will eat or drink just about anything, and fight tooth and nail when you try to take it away.

She’ll palm cutlery of any kind.She can turn ordinary toys into weapons.

That sounds funny to anybody that hasn’t taken a roundhouse to the nose with a talking plastic teapot.

She throws food, and her arm is getting bet-ter all the time.

She always knows what she wants, and she always wants it now. Then she wants some-thing else.

Like videos. The parental units dole it out a little at a time, because she’d sit in front of it mesmerized all day if you’d let her. Kid loves her shows.

But she wants the same one over and over.

Till she finally demands another from her short list of faves, which she then wants over and over.

You try to distract her with other choices but she’s caught on to that trick. She’ll ask for what she wants fairly pleasantly at first. Un-less you say no or give any other answer than the one she demands. Then things escalate quickly.

Like she’s crazy for minions. You know, the little yellow guys from the Despicable Me movies.

She’ll say, “Watch minions?”I’ll say, “How about some other title this

time?”Stare. “NO. Minions.”“But what about …”“NO! MINIONS!”The last one is often shouted while she

grabs my chin whiskers like a handle and pulls me to look in her eyes while she does it.

She blames me for any gap in our commu-nications, often frustrated by my shortcomings in translating her unique vocal stylings.

You might wonder why a right thinking person, such as oneself, would put up with all this abuse.

Simple. I’m a sucker for the snuggles and the hugs.

And for listening while she reads me books. Sort of. Some real words, some not.

For the dancing and the wrestling.For the pure joy on her face when we first

come in. (Most of the time).And most of all, it’s for her heart-melting

little “I love you, Jaybird!” that gets me every time I hear it.

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Live Music Thursday and Sunday Nights (weather permitting)

6 Events & Festivals across NWMOALBANYThu 9/17: Fish Fry during Chiefs Vs. Broncos (Shadowfax)

BETHANY 9/3-9/7: NWMO Fair (Fairgrounds)Fri 9/4: NWMO Tractor Pullers Association, 6:30pm

CRAIGSat 9/5: Corning School Reunion, 10:30am, (Paula’s Cafe)

KING CITYSat 9/26: City Wide Garage Sale

MARYVILLE

Sat 9/26: Hawk Road Flyers EAA Chapter 1540 Fly-In, 7:30am (Airport)

MAYSVILLE9/17-9/19 Country Harvest Festival

MOUND CITYSat 9/19: Great Northwest Winefest

ROCK PORTSat 9/19: Old Fashioned Saturday Night

ONGOING EVENTS

ALBANY: 2nd Wed: Book Club, 10am (Carnegie Library)

BETHANY: Thursday: Dungeons & Dragons, 5pm (Gamers Palace) Fri & Sat: Magic the Gathering, 6pm (Gamers Palace)

GRANT CITY: 2nd Friday: Potluck, Noon (Senior Center)

KING CITY: 3rd Wednesday: Potluck Dinner (Senior Center) Last Monday: Pitch Tournament (Senior Center) Daily: Cards (Senior Center) Wednesdays: Farmers Market, 3pm - 7pm (City Park) Saturdays: Farmers Market, 8am - 12pm (City Park) NOTE: NO Market Sep 5th, we’ll return next week!

Paula A. Hayward

I quietly sat in the green meadow. The trees swayed, singing the story of my life. The grass purred as I ran my fingers through. Ev-erything I had ever asked for was in the meadow. My thoughts were peaceful. I had not a care in the world.

Yet, my heartbeat was out of rhythm with the rest of the meadow. It pumped out what if? what if? I lay on my back to quiet its noise. Its beat collided with the trees which sang back, all is right, all is right. A babbling brook sang in four part harmony.

What if, what if resonated throughout me. It crept into my toes and reverberated out into the meadow. It created waves that moved to edge of the green and over into the wasteland I vaguely remembered. I closed my eyes and tried to will this ill-fated heart away, yet it only got louder. I opened my eyes and could no longer hear the trees, the grass bristled, and the four part harmony became white noise.

I stood and peered past the edge of the meadow. Was this barren road one I had just come from? What if, what if? I had no memory of it. I dared not walk upon it. I walked the perimeter of the meadow, and my footsteps fell in time to the ever increasing sound of my heart. I saw many roads, some held footprints in their dust and some were untamed with no clear path.

It may have been hours, if such a thing existed here, when I found where the brook came in from the bareness. The trees mingled with my beating heart. It turned into All right, what if? All right, what if?

I looked into the barren land and saw only a dry creek bed, yet as soon as it hit the meadow it became a running brook. I followed the brook through the meadow. The water ran faster than I could follow. When I reached the other side, the brook disappeared back into the barrenness. Beside it was one of those paths, barely vis-ible.

The ever present pounding was becom-ing too loud. I flung myself to the ground. I cried aloud, “What if what? What if what?” As if alarmed by my voice the meadow be-came silent, even my heart beat stopped for a moment.

“What if what?” I spoke louder. “What if what?” A surge of questions pounded my body. There was no audible sound, but their voices, their voices. The trees blew. The willows waved towards the edge of the meadow. What if you don’t go? What if you stay? What if, what if, what if?

I stood again at the perimeter gazing into this barely visible path. A whisper started. Go! It mixed with the cry of my heart, What if you go? What if you go? Go where? There was no clear path. A breeze circled around me. Go!

My heart calmed as I took a step. The meadow held its breath as my foot hit the ground. Only it was not barren, because with each step the ground became green. Greener and greener my world be-came, the throbbing of my heart quieting to match the harmony of the brook. Trees sprang to my left and my right, the grass opened up as walked. I stood amazed to find that I had not left the meadow at all. For with each step forward, the meadow came with me.

Paula Hayward writes about life from her cottage on the corner in small-town Missouri. She is currently studying for a degree in his-tory while re-inventing her own Middle Age.

The Meadow Joe Prose - 7

136 Highway, Albany, MO

Crooked River Band

Sept 12th 8pm-12am

Open Mon-Sat 3pm-1:30am21 & over only - We card at the door

NO credit cards - We don’t take plastic!Pool Table & Shuffleboard

Maryville Public Library

Thursday, 9/3, 5:30pm “Welcome to the Jungle” story hour. For ages birth to 8 years. Register by calling the library at 582-5281.

Tuesday, 9/15, 6:15pm Preschool Story Hour. Register by calling the library at 582-5281.

NEW - Thursday, 9/24, 6-7pm Lego Club. For children in first through fourth grades. Register by calling the library at 582-5281.

EVERY Thursday, 9:45-10:15am Book Nibblers for children birth to 3 years.

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Lord’s Warehousedonations needed:coats & food items

E of Albany on Hwy 136660-726-4297

Mindi L. Phillips

As the NWMO State Fair arrives in Bethany this month, we are once again treated to some of the best new musical talent available. Opening the Saturday night grandstand show is Madd Hoss Jackson, an Illinois band who has been touring the mid-west for seven years and recently recorded an album in Nashville.

The main event is provided by Eric Paslay, a 32-year-old songwriter whose music has been recorded by prominent country acts Rascal Flatts and Jake Owen. After graduating from Middle Tennessee State University, Paslay signed to EMI Records and rose to country fame with catchy hits like “Song About a Girl.”

Paslay also had a smash hit with “Friday Night,” which was also recorded by country/pop crossover stars Lady Antebellum in 2013. The towering redhead also wrote Jake Owen’s “Barefoot Blue Jean Night.” Though by looks alone, he tends to stand out in a crowd, his powerful tempos and philosophical lyrics are his true trademark. Eric began writing songs after writitng a poem for a girl at 15.

Paslay and Madd Hoss Jackson are set to take the stage Sat-urday, September 5th, at 7:30pm.

Madd Hoss Jackson Set to Open for PaslayDanny R. Phillips

Madd Hoss Jackson, scheduled as an opener for country artist Eric Paslay at the NWMO Fair in Bethany is moving on up. Paslay’s stock is rising as well, as he readies to go out on tour with superstar Brad Paisley.

Madd Hoss Jackson is one of “the searchers,” men like Justin Townes Earle, Sturgill Simpson, Pokey LaFarge, Wil-liam Elliott Whitmore, that have created a different world with words, notes, and chords. Patiently waiting for the world to stop and look back, see what they are leaving behind, and recognize what they, the people, say, and the good that would come out of searching musically with an open mind.

Certainly, Madd Hoss Jackson have far ranging influences; upon listening to their track “Wide Texas Sky,” I heard fellow Illinois residents Uncle Tupelo and The Stones, and Missouri

boys Bottlerockets, sending me down the music rabbit hole, only to return full of country facts, alt-country message boards, extolling the greatness of Son Volt over Wilco and such.

Listening to the songs on Madd Hoss Jackson’s website, I am struck by the delicate balance, the thin line the band walks

between country and rock, never too much on either side of the dividing line, never too much one way or another. “Another Day, Another Dol-lar” sounds like the straight-ahead party that was The Kentucky Headhunters while “If I Ever Cross that Line” is the greatest Gary Allan song Gary Allen never wrote.

My point in all this is such: Madd Hoss Jackson is a band that can bring some-thing to the table for every-one. If you like country, whether it is from the golden days of country when Con-way, Buck, Loretta, and Patsy ruled the Kingdom, you will have a great time experienc-

ing Jackson. If rock is what you seek, Madd Hoss Jackson can deliver that too. Steady drums, rocking guitars, and bass holding it all together will put a smile on anyone who loves to feel the music to their very core, at their soul.

Madd Hoss Jackson has been at it now for nearly twenty years now, touching people with both talent and passion for the music they’ve chosen to create; music that lifts you up, music that would make you shed a tear or want to get into a good, old-fashioned bar brawl. Whatever your lean toward music, Madd Hoss Jackson will perk up your ears, lament the losses in your life, or just send you on your way with a new look at music as a whole, a smile, and possibly a new favorite band.

NWMO Fair Brings Eric Paslay to Bethany Joe Music - 9

10 Vitamin D DeficiencyMindi L. Phillips, Certified Health CoachSigns of possible Vitamin D deficiency1. Chronic pain/Bone pain2. Excessively sweaty forehead3. Frequent respiratory infections4. Noticeable muscle weakness5. Depressed mood6. Dental cavities7. Broken/softening bones8. InflammationRelated conditions that may indicate Vitamin D deficiency1. Multiple Schlerosis2. Type 2 Diabetes3. Psoriasis4. Tuberculosis5. Sleep apnea6. Allergies7. Thyroid conditions8. Cardiovascular disease9. Lack of sun exposure10. Naturally darker skin toneThese are just some of the signs and conditions related to Vitamin D deficiency. Your doctor can do a simple blood test to determine if you are safely within the “normal” 30-100ng/ml range or should begin supplementing. Some people require a score of 60 or above to relieve their symptoms, and the Vitamin D Council agrees. As a former low-D sufferer and certified health coach, I advise my clients based on their individual score and symptoms. I don’t sell supplements. I provide true wellness coaching for those with low-D and other wellness concerns and goals. Contact me at 816.596.0701.

Rich Piper

Once again it is time for our annual look at some of the common sayings that float about in our everyday lives, to examine some ad-ditional folk sayings, or statements of common sense, and to ponder if the complete message has truly been imparted.

So, here is a new collection of folk sayings that, after the dash (–), I have added my own pontification of superfluous prose.

• Yelling doesn’t get your point across; it only makes it louder (Hill) – but ALL CAPS DOES!!!!

• Never assume the obvious is true – oh, how obviously true that is.

• Things do not change, we change (Thoreau) – this is particu-larly true with babies and diapers.

• Time is only an illusion – unless it is our work’s time card we are punching.

• He who must travel happily must travel light – or pay exorbi-tant boarding fees to the airline.

• Don‘t find fault, find a remedy; anybody can complain (Henry Ford) – true enough, but then isn’t that quote really a complaint?

• You never see the entire script of political theater until long after the last scene has been acted out (Hopkins) – which is when you really pay the price for the play of politics and politicians.

• Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should – and just be-cause you should doesn’t mean you can.

• A smile is worth a thousand words – perhaps, but : ` ) doesn’t fill up a column.

• A small leak will sink a great ship – leaks can also grow into a large water bill in time.

• A tree is known by its fruit, not by its leaves – spoken by one who never had a yard to rake repeatedly in the fall.

• Good health is above wealth – but poor health sure is costly.• There is no rule without its exception – so is there an excep-

tion to this rule?• Truth is the opinion that survives – the exception apparently

is during political campaigns.• A hard beginning makes for a good ending – however, it may

cause you to put the book down and never finish reading it.• Adversity is a gift – somethings though you can receive too

much of.• Don’t buy other people’s problems – the ones you already

have are costly enough.• Everybody makes mistakes – I just seem to make more than

others.• Don’t believe everything you hear (Aesop) – I didn’t realize

they had political ads 2600 years ago.• Things don’t go on forever – but somethings do go on and on

and on.

• Change brings opportunity (Qubein) – but not all opportunity brings wealth or health.

• The beautiful is always bizarre (Baudelaire) – that so explains the Kardashians.

• The best cure for a short temper is a long walk – sometimes I don’t walk enough.

• Wish not so much to live long as to live well (Franklin) – I do, but the medical bills sure stack up quickly.

• A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush – unless you are bird watching.

• Wrinkles only show where smiles have been (Twain) – I guess I have smiled more than I thought.

• Beauty is in the eye of the beholder (Greek Proverb) – too bad it is often the result of seeing in a mirror.

• It’s easier to apologize than ask for permission – particularly when you were successful.

• Never ruin an apology with an excuse (Franklin) – or with any sentence that includes “but” or “however.”

• In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play (Ni-etzsche) – which is why most women know about boys and their toys.

• Don’t invite annoying people into your life (Neal) – enough of them come uninvited already.

• Unless your name is GOOGLE, don’t act as if you know ev-erything –

and that is something you can Yahoo about.

And finally, just some singular thoughts, points to ponder, that my wife calls Richisms. Feel free to add your own “dash” of wit or wisdom.

• You are always changing and there is nothing you can change about that.

• Recognize that you can change some things, including chang-ing your view that you can change all things.

• I like the way I’m trying to solve the problem a lot better than the way you’re not trying at all.

• After a while hearing the same apology isn’t hearing an apol-ogy any more.

• It is what it is, except when it isn’t.

Till next time, just remember: it is common sense that tells us that the sun revolves around the Earth.

Rich has spent most of his adult life living and/or working in small, rural communities in Wisconsin, Iowa, and Missouri, including several long stretches in Northwest Missouri. Rich chooses to spend most of his weekday, daytime hours teaching students science, and other things, in Union Star. He also chooses to spend his Sundays, and some other occasional time, with the good folks in Cainsville. You can reach Rich at RichPiper@LifePraise.org with comments.

Common Sense Revised, Again 11

TRIVIA: What is the real name of beloved author Dr. Seuss? Answer on Pg 12.

12 Joe Classifieds

WANTED: Aspiring writers to submit arti-cles of general interest or NW Missouri content,

as well as short stories. Email us at North-west@RegularJoePaper.com for more details.

Photo submissions are also welcome. Trivia answer from page 11:Theodor Geisel.

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Mike Rockett, Jr.Middle Age Hustle: Adventures in Motivation

Just about the single most difficult thing you’ll ever do in chas-ing a long term goal or dream, besides the chase itself, is to try and stay motivated.

Accomplishment is really nothing more than the repetitive ex-ploitation of small but intelligent decisions that will lead to the desired goal or effect. If you know of someone who has achieved a goal or dream, closer observation will reveal that success was the result of continual pounding, honing, and shaping of their craft. It is in repetition that we learn, but what about repetitive mistakes?

Discouragement in repetitive mistakes will lead to a side pur-suit of finding the means (and therefore the value in) overcom-ing the struggle. If progress feels like accomplishment, then what does an apparent slump feel like? (“Is this something I am sup-posed to go through?”) It becomes necessary to find validity in the current setback because even that is a form of progress. But where do you go to find it?

Chances are good the dream or goal you chase is foreign to you. It stands to reason that the ensuing mistakes and failures are just as foreign. This can be daunting and can lead to poor choices made out of emotion.

One of the most powerful pieces of literature I have ever read was written by the one of the most prolific authors of modern times. He wrote children’s books. And it is in this marvel of children’s publishing that I found a source of strength.

Fear not, Dr. Seuss said it would be like this.

Journalism dictates that I provide all of the pertinent stats of the publication (year published, etc.) but I’m not going to bother; somehow I’m not sure that if the good Dr. were alive today that this information would be one of his concerns. Nevertheless I found a valid, viable source of motivation in the most unlikely of places.

Oh, The Places You’ll Go takes a potent,

relevant topic and explains the entire process of achievement (within reason) in upbeat, simple terms without diluting the con-cept. The good Doctor, not only knows we are smart, he invests in our intellect. He acknowledges the brains in our heads and feet in our shoes and congratulates us from the first page and believes in us to the last page. The praise is never patronizing or gratuitous.

The Doctor is wise as he clarifies the ups, downs, and confu-sion in the journey and explains that chasing dreams behooves us to align our priorities differently than our peers. This can cause isolation. The Doctor advises us, within the realm of (almost pa-ternal) love and acceptance, that this will happen often.

The trademark illustrations are a delight, always expressing the emotions they represent. The pages are colorful and festive on the ups, dark and impressionable on the downs.

If you dare consider the pursuit of a dream and know nothing more of it than the direction to begin, if you are stuck in a slump, lacking motivation, confronting fear of failure (or success), Oh, The Places You’ll Go is your guide. It may seem sophomoric at best, and maybe you’ll have to swallow your adult pride to pur-chase, let alone crack open the book, but it is worth it.

After all, if the toils of achievement are written and illustrated by Dr. Seuss, then they are real. This book will motivate you and remind you that adversity in all of its various forms is par for the course. “…you’re off to great places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So…get on your way!”

13Dr. Seuss Said It Would Be Like This

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Music Auditions to be Held

MARYVILLE, Mo. – Jazz ensemble and symphony orchestra auditions are to be held September 1 in the Olive de Luce Fine Arts building.

For more information, go to http://www.nwmissouri.edu/finearts/music/en-sembles/orchestra-auditions.htm or http://www.nwmissouri.edu/finearts/music/en-sembles/jazz-auditions.htm

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Weekly Mediation Time

MARYVILLE, Mo. – Northwest students and employees are invited to participate in a free meditation time of-fered twice a week by the University’s Wellness Services. Sessions are noon to 1 p.m. Tuesdays and 1 to 2 p.m. Thurs-days throughout the academic year in the Meeting Room E on the third floor of the J.W. Jones Student Union.

The meditation sessions introduce individuals to the ancient practices of mindfulness and meditation and allow participants time to engage in the practice of med-itation on a regular basis. Participants are encouraged to bring a pillow or thick towel to sit on.

Individuals who are new to medita-tion are asked to arrive at noon for a

brief overview of the practice of medi-tation. Returning participants, or those already familiar with the practice of meditation, should arrive by 12:15 p.m., when the period of meditation begins.

Dr. Michael Mattock, a counselor at Wellness Services, leads the sessions. Mattock notes the art of meditation has been practiced for thousands of years by individuals throughout the world and is not exclusively associated with any specific belief system or religious de-nomination.

Meditation has been proven to en-hance the overall health and well-being of people who practice it on a routine ba-sis. Additional benefits include improved focus and attention and a sense of inner calmness.

Contact Dr. Michael Mattock for more information at MATTOCK@NWMISSOURI.EDU or by calling (660) 562-1825.

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Theater Auditions to be Held

MARYVILLE, Mo. – Theater audi-tions are to be held September 1 and 2 in the Ron Houston Performing Arts build-ing.

Various productions are filling spots, including “the World of Carl Sandburg.” Adapted by Norman Corwin, this produc-tion is comprised of a collection of poems, essays, and songs by one of America’s most beloved and well-known authors. For more information, contact Dr. Theo Ross, professor of theatre, at ross@nw-missouri.edu

In “God of Carnage” by Yasmina Reza, two sets of parents meet to discuss a playground incident turned ugly. While initially cordial, the adults devolve into the same childish chaos as the evening wears on. The play is a winner of Broad-way’s Laurence Olivier Award for Best Comedy of 2009. For more information, please contact Katheryn Bilbo at kbilbo@nwmissouri.edu.

In “Reckless,” a dark and zany com-edy by Craig Lucas, Rachel Fitzsimmons flees her home on Christmas Eve when her husband informs her he has taken a contract out on her life. Encountering wickedly satiric situations and color-fully odd people along the way, “Reck-less” chronicles one woman’s search for meaning in an increasingly absurd world. For more information, contact Katheryn Bilbo, assistant professor of theatre and performance, at kbilbo@nwmissouri.edu

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For more information about NWMSU events, visit www.nwmissouri.edu/media/

14-Joe Northwest Music, Theater Auditions Coming; Meditation Offered

Regular Joe is looking for your stories of Northwest Missouri past - your childhood memories, old traditions, favorite corner store...Photographs are also welcome. Email us at northwest@regularjoepaper.com

Rick Hoffman

In the voice of that guy from SNL, “It’s The Sunday Week Ten...with Rick Hoffman, Nora Dunn, Dana Carvey. With musical guest...‘IT!’ La-dies and Gentlemen...Rick Hoffman.”

10. Ever look at the “What’s on your mind?” title on Facebook and think “NOTHING...NOTHING IS ON MY MIND. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, FACEBOOK!!!!!!”

9. When flies bite: Is it just me, or does it seem to hurt worse when they bite through your sock?

8. I don’t exactly know what caused the cool weather in August...but I like it.

7. So I learned this month that I still have to work to keep a positive attitude. I had a small meltdown earlier, but bounced back fairly quickly.

6. I can’t decide what makes me giggle more: Sober white dudes danc-ing or drunk chicks dancing.

5. In reference to the previous, I’ve been known to whip out my “white guy overbite” whilst cutting a rug.

4. I witnessed a little old lady get her purse searched before going into a movie. Really??!!! What the heck are they looking for? Guns? Drugs? Contraband concessions??? If the owners of movie theaters are that con-cerned with people sneaking food in, maybe they should lower their dang

prices!3. Playing golf: Why is it that when I’m at the driving range, I can hit

within three to five feet of any target I aim at, but when playing golf...it’s like it’s the first time I’ve seen a club???

2. Turning left onto a busy street with no light is next to impossible. Unless you’re a total jerk and pull out right in front of others. Then it’s easy.

1. When cleaning anything electrical: Make sure it’s unplugged. I won’t go into specifics. Just unplug it.

Now that this is monthly column is outta the way, I shan’t be bothered, for Fear the Walking Dead is on. I have party pizza, a lil adult beverage, and a clean fan (don’t ask). Until next month, I’m wishing you all good tidings. Have a great September, friends.

NOTE FROM RICK: At 40 years old, I’ve served twenty years in the US Air Force, I’m going on fifteen years as a firefighter, and I work part time slingin’ concrete for the average bird bath enthusiast. I play golf, enjoy music, love horror movies, and collect most anything. I can quote movies from dusk till dawn and still find time to be sarcastic.

Rick Hoffman resides in Northwest Missouri. Along with firefighting for the USAF and concrete slingin’, Rick is lead singer in the heavy metal band IT, a writer, a philosopher, and a helluva dancer.

Live from NW, it’s September! 15