THEPURCHASEINDEPENDENT

ISSUE 259

ASK THE ARTIST: john romeo pg 5

THE PURCHASE PLAGUE: are you immune? pg 3

PURCHASE PULSE: a new news show pg 4 ASK THE ARTIST: john romeo pg 5

THE PURCHASE PLAGUE: are you immune? pg 3

PURCHASE PULSE: a new news show pg 4

MARCH 1ST, 2012

2

y o u r. i n d y @ g m a i l . c o m

LETTER FROM THE EDITOReditor-in-chief:Róis ín McCarty

layout editor:Tom Dauer

writers:Dylan GreenDavid GrimaldiRachel Margol inLaura MeltzerNoel le MooreJake Mur phyJohnny MyersAlyce Pel leg r inoKeyon PlunkettMadame QueryStephanie Spencer

print manager:Tony Pont ius

cover photo by:Tyler Dawson copy editor:Rachel Margol in

artwork by:Madele ine BergmanNicolas Sienty

web design by:Daniel le Lempp

The Purchase Independent is a non-profit news magazine, paid for by the Mandatory Student Activity fee.

We welcome and encourage submissions from readers. The Indy is a forum for campus issues and events, to give students the voice they deserve. Letters, articles, comics, ads, event photography and event listings are welcomed.

The deadline for submissions is every Friday before midnight, and accepted pieces will be published the following Thursday. Publication of submissions is not guaranteed, but subject to the discretion of the editors. No anonymous submissions will be considered, but we will accept use of pseudonyms on a case-by-case basis.

Send all submissions and inquiries to your.indy@gmail.com. Send questions to Madame Query at formspring.me/madamequery. Back page quotes can be submitted to formspring.me/indybackpage or put in the Back Page Box that hangs on the office door.

Our office is located on the first floor of Campus Center North, room 1011. Staff meetings are held in the office every Monday night at 9:30; anyone is welcome.

Because I spent all of my energy working with Tom on the new cover layout, logo, and headlines, here’s a list to distract you from the fact that my editor’s letter is a list:

Shit People Say While They’re Working on the Indy: 1. Wait, this issue is actually going to be good.

2. THIS IGUANA... IS LOUNGING

3. TWENTY PAGES? FUCK YES.

4. I quit.

5. TOAST, YOU’RE TAKING OVER.

6. Fits a medium sized corgi QUITE WELL

7. THIS ISSUE IS FUCKING FLAWLESS.

8. Generic Doctor Who/How I Met Your Mother reference.

9. ROISIN. TOM.

10. What do you want from the Hub?

11. Am I hungry? Do I want pizza? I don’t want pizza. I’m not hungry.

12. Want a cigarette?

13. WE NEED THIS. NO, WE NEED TWENTY SIX OF THESE.

14. Of course I’m right, I’m always right.

15. HIGH FIVE!

THE PURCHASEINDEPENDENT

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y o u r . i n d y @ g m a i l . c o m

THE PURCHAsE PlAgUEBY ALYCE PELLEGRINO

It’s that time of year again. Almost half

your class doesn’t show up for lecture, people you

see on campus start to look more like the living

dead, and then finally, you begin to feel it.

First it’s a headache or two, then the chills,

amd then the next thing you know, you’re email-

ing your professor telling them you can’t make it

to class. The Purchase Plague has hit… again.

“It sucks,” says Derek Gaskill. “In high

school you faked being sick to get out of class, and

now you can’t afford to actually be sick.”

Unfortunately, he speaks the truth.

Whether you have class three times a week, twice

a week or once a week, it isn’t merely an inconve-

nience to miss class. However, it is very difficult to

avoid a flu that makes its way around the campus

at least once a semester.

Our living quarters are breeding grounds.

They ensure we catch the sickness, and keep it

for days. The sickness begins to get recycled. The

residence halls give it to the apartments, and

just when the residence halls start to recover, the

apartments give it back.

“The food definitely has something to do

with it,” says Jace Couvertier. “It gives you the

shits, which make you more susceptible because

your immune system is weaker. It’s no surprise

we’re all getting sick.”

We’re far from out of the woods, folks.

Even if we recover soon, there’s no telling when

the relapse will happen.

So word to the wise: A healthy body is

a happy body. Sleep is your friend, whether you

think you have time for it or not. Make time. Re-

member your Vitamin C, and make sure you keep

up a normal eating schedule.

And if you happen to be one of the lucky

ones who haven’t been knocked on their asses by

the plague, hold strong, and hope you’re not next.

4

BY StEPhANIE SPENCER

The Purchase Pulse, an up-and-coming

experimental news program, will be pre-record-

ing their very first episode Wednesday, February

29th in the library’s newsroom.

The journalism department has flour-

ished since its conception in Purchase College.

With growing faculty and more students declar-

ing journalism as their major at Purchase than

ever before, the department has proven itself to

be a stronghold in the community. Many journal-

ism students, however, don’t seem to know about

all the broadcast journalism opportunities, main-

ly because there are only two courses dedicated to

the medium. Junior Kyle McKenzie took this as

an opportunity to pay homage to the news shows

he’d admired from his internship on NBC, and

put his own spin on it.

“It’s great to watch these professionals in

action,” said McKenzie.“But it leaves me wanting

to do it myself !” The Pulse’s premise was inspired

by NBC’s Morning Joe, whose format is based on

conversational interactions between hosts and in-

terviewees, giving light to issues in the immediate

area, and the world.

“I’ve just always admired it,” said McK-

enzie. “From their music choices they picked, to

the interviews they had on, and the dynamic be-

tween the hosts, and the guests, and the contribu-

tor s.”

With collaboration from journalism stu-

dent Carly Smith, the Pulse wants to combine all

the elements of many mediums from radio, print,

audio, to find what the true “beat” of Purchase is.

“We want to talk about the heavy stuff,

but we want the perspective of the students,” said

Smith. “This is a very liberal campus, and there’s

nothing wrong with that. That’s why I love this

place, but I think we all need to see both sides and

opinions.”

The Purchase Pulse hopes to put a larger

emphasis on attracting not only Purchase stu-

dents, but faculty and staff as well. To do this,

Pulse will be inviting members of faculty to inter-

view, such as Suzanne Farrin, the Director of the

Music Conservatory. With this effort, the Pulse

hopes to introduce faculty to the entire campus

community, and really dig deep on issues affect-

ing the college.

The Pulse will likely be picked up from

Purchase Television, after a chance encounter

between McKenzie and Michael Cronin, host of

Purchase Late Night. The Pulse’s pre-recorded

episodes will air directly before Purchase Late

Night, which McKenzie says works well logisti-

cally, so Cronin can prepare while the show airs.

The Pulse’s main goal at the moment is to

reach out among the various entertainment medi-

ums on campus, and encourage cross-promotion.

“We really wanted to branch out to the Brick, the

Indy, and the More Store, and involve everyone in

this conversation,” said McKenzie. “Because all

of these clubs are the ‘pulse’ of Purchase; what

makes it tick.”

PURCHAsE PUlsE

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c a m p u s n e w s

From film shoots with Isaac Hayes, AT&T

commercials, and building the set for IBM’s super

computer victory, Watson on “Jeopardy”, John

Romeo has created and built connections with

many who have come to adore his work.

“I started the Union Shop, [which is a]

scenery studio building a lot of big projects … I

gravitated to mostly film and television … I did

Sit Kids … it was in the Museum of Modern

Art,” said Romeo.

Since graduating from the Purchase Col-

lege Design Tech program in 1977, John Romeo

has become the owner of two set shops and The

Farm film studio. Referring to the clients from his

business at The Farm, Romeo’s done everything,

“from movie trailers to actual movies to featured

infomercials, owner’s manuals for cars … DVD

owner’s manuals; BMW and Volvo…a wide vari-

ety.”

His interest in set design and theatre be-

gan in the high school drama club.

“I think it was ‘Little Abner.’ I was in the

show. I was actually acting. I was Jack S. Fogbell

… and my wife was Unappetizing Scrag,” said

Romeo.

Upon graduating high school in 1972,

he began to attend the School of Visual Arts

as a Fine Art major. He then transferred to the

newly built State University, that Governor Nel-

son Rockefeller called the “cultural gem of the

SUNY system; Purchase College.”

“It was awesome. It was absolutely awe-

some. We had lots of money and lots of stuff. Ev-

erything was new,” said Romeo, referring to his

time in the Purchase College Design Tech (DT)

program.

Romeo was one of the first members of

the graduating class in 1977 from the DT pro-

gram. “I started my own business right after. In

’77 I opened Romeo Workshop and I was doing

a lot of fine woodworking…I started the Union

Shop scenery studio, building a lot of big proj-

ects…that’s where I gravitated to mostly film and

television,” said Romeo.

After Romeo worked at Union he bought

The Farm, which became his art studio and a film

set that large-scale companies used to film com-

mercials. “We had two sound stages. We had a

warehouse filled with scenery.” said Romeo.

He was also given the incredible oppor-

tunity to work with Isaac Hayes. “He was there

when we did the Kiss FM spot and he was great

with my kids. My son was a big fan and he goes

‘children, why don’t you get me some corn’,” said

Romeo.

Since then he has returned to his Alma

malter, Purchase, where he is a DT professor that

teaches stage carpentry, conducts DT indepen-

dent studies, and is introducing his students to

computerized design technology. “My concept of

teaching is to find out what the students want to

do and what their goals are…I try to make them

understand whether the college is offering the

class the course, or whatever you need to know,

and this is what you need to learn.”

BY LAuRA mELtzER

AsK THE ARTIsT

6

A group of visual arts students have drawn

inspiration from the late George Parrino, former

Dean of the Division of Visual Arts and former

professor at Purchase. They’ve been prompted to

provide healthy criticism to their peers in Parrino

fashion on all creative works from 3-D collages to

poetry, to form the Critique Club.

The students gathered in Room 1018

of the Visual Arts building Tuesday evening and

closely examined an altered book with moss grow-

ing out of it, created by Elaina Wegmans, a print-

making student here at Purchase. Artistic insight

and feedback quickly followed.

“I enjoy coming to the club because ev-

eryone here provides a higher standard of cri-

tique with my work that I don’t get from within

my major,” said Wegmans, who is currently in the

midst of her senior year.

The late George Parrino taught classes

with students from all kinds of visual arts, and his

lectures left a lasting imprint on those who stud-

ied under him. He stressed the importance of be-

ing honest with one’s own work, and encouraged

communication of artists in different fields.

“We really enjoyed the critiques Parrino

provided, and we felt lost after he passed away so

we decided to carry on what was given to us”, said

junior Olivia Fox, who played a pivotal role in or-

ganizing the club when it was founded last semes-

ter. Fox also noted jokingly that the first thing they

do after meeting is “complain about the walls.”

Members of the Critique Club still find it

important to meet and hold discussions even when

they don’t have work of their own to be critiqued.

“There’s always someone who needs

helpful feedback and input on their work, and

we love having students outside of our majors as

well,” said a junior in the visual arts program.

BY kEYON PLuNkEtt

CRITIqUE ClUb

7

n e w s

BY LAuRA mELtzER

sCHWARZ MAKEs THE PlAY On Wednesday, sports columnist Alan

Schwarz addressed Purchase College students on

his quest to prove the correlation between football

concussions, and the development of memory-

debilitating diseases in pro football players.

“I wasn’t out to hurt football. I was trying

to make sure people don’t play it stupid,” Schwarz

told students.

Impact – Sports, Concussions, and the Game

– Changing Journalism, Alan Schwarz’ multimedia

presentation, featured video clips of NFL play-

ers violently colliding on the field, statistics of the

players suffering from concussions, and quotes,

that showed both denial and ignorance of NFL

players, and fans, on the correlation between con-

cussions, and head injuries.

“I just wanted to get better information

out to the mothers,” Schwarz said.

Schwarz had intentions of becoming a

math teacher once he graduated from Pennsyl-

vania State University, but ended up writing for

Baseball America, ESPN, and eventually became

a contributor to The New York Times Sunday

column, Keeping Score. “I never planned on be-

ing a sports writer … I didn’t know what a jour-

nalist was,” said Schwarz.

The suicide of Eagles player, Andre Wa-

ters, 44, who suffered from depression caused

by Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE),

caused The NY Times to give Schwarz permis-

sion to explore and write about the possible con-

nection between concussions and memory loss.

“See that my brain is given to the NFL’s

brain bank,” wrote David Duerson, former Chi-

cago Bears and New York Giants player in his

suicide note after his diagnosis of CTE, which

Schwarz quoted in his presentation.

Schwarz contacted retired NFL players to

discover how many of them were suffering from

football-related head injuries. One of them was

Ralph Wenzel, a former lineman for the Pitts-

burgh Steelers.

“Remember any names of the guys you

use to play with? Remember your best friend

Lloyd?” asked Wenzel’s wife during the interview.

“No,” he uttered.

Schwarz’s mathematical skills led to the

discovery that of former NFL players between the

ages of 65- 74, 5.8% have diagnosed dementia,

while players between the ages of 75– 84, 16.2%

have the same diagnosis. Still, football players and

fans weren’t convinced.

“Knock yourself out, if you don’t mind

the expression,” said Schwarz.

Schwarz discovered the University of

Michigan’s Institute for Social Research had also

done a study. 1.2% of players over the age of 50

suffer from memory debilitating diseases, while

6.1% of players over the age of 50 suffer from

memory debilitating diseases as well.

“I knew I was right,” Schwarz told the

students. And he was. Congress began to crack

down on concussions.

The NFL was due, and Schwarz made

the game changing play.

8

Another Studio Ghibli film should garner

more of a reaction from me. There should be a

continuous wave of pleasure flowing through my

brain thanks to the complex characters that pop-

ulate great works, from “Totoro” to “Ponyo.” I

should even be marveling at the fact that a Studio

Ghibli film not directed by living legend Hayao

Miyazaki is getting a release in the U.S. at all.

But “The Secret World of Arietty” falls

just short of the Miyazaki magic found in “Prin-

cess Mononoke” or “My Neighbor Totoro”, even

with its touching story, which was written by Mi-

yazaki, and based off of “The Borrowers”.

It’s a story of little people living under

the floorboards, with beautifully hand-drawn im-

ages (Ghibli animations are some of the best in

the world).

Maybe it’s the fact that it’s shorter than

I would’ve liked. Maybe it’s because the English

voice cast (ranging from newcomer Bridgit Men-

dler as the headstrong and adventurous Arrietty,

to Amy Poehler as overprotective mother Homily,

and Will Arnett as soft-spoken father Pod) doesn’t

quite match the mannerisms of their animated

counterparts, and are hard to take seriously.

“The Secret World of Arrietty” is a text-

book example of niche appeal. Fans of Ghibli

will eat it up, but anyone who knows their Totoro

from their Kiki won’t be on board. “The Secret

World of Arietty” is a soulful, ethereal piece of

animation, that is a bit too familiar and somber to

recommend without hesitation.

BY DYLAN GREEN

Iguanas are the fucking best. Just think

about it! They look fly as hell, and they don’t care

what anyone thinks of them. All they do is walk

around and think to themselves, “Damn it’s cool

being an iguana, let me just lay down under this

heat lamp and let people soak in my awesomeness.”

Let’s be real for a second, have you ever

just sat down and Googled pictures of iguanas?

No? Well then you need to, because you haven’t

lived until you’ve Google searched “iguanas.”

Don’t worry, I’ll give you a chance right

now. Now that you’ve done that, search for pic-

tures of iguanas lounging. What’s that? There’s a

picture of an iguana sitting in a beach chair?

EXACTLY.

When I feel bad about something, I just

search for pictures of iguanas sitting, and then I

laugh because it is the coolest thing of all time.

You tell me that you’re not laughing your

ass off right now and I will call you a dirty liar

because there is no way that you’re not. How does

it feel to be dead, because if you’re not laughing

at this picture you must not have a soul.

You look at that picture and not laugh.

Go ahead. You can’t, because it’s hilarious.

Once you’ve calmed down enough,

Google search “iguanas wearing hats.” The first

result should be an iguana wearing a graduation

cap. It’s even better right? If you don’t agree with

me, we can’t be friends. Pictures of iguanas wear-

ing hats are hilarious, and no one will be able to

tell me otherwise.

IgUANAs, MAN

BY JOhNNY mYERS

CINEMA EYE WITH MAsAI

9

c a m p u s

As the long day of classes rolls by, you find

yourself eating at the Hub or Terra Ve, Starbucks

or the Food Co-Op. But some students seem to

not dwell in the main dining hall located in the

quad by the residence halls.

As you walk down the steps to the dining

hall an array of aromas lead you to the selections

of food which change daily. There is Terra Ve,

all vegetarian, Menutainment, Trattoria, Origins,

Golden Emporium and a salad bar.

Most students complain that the menu

does not have as much variety as they’d like, but

the food gets a far worse reputation than neces-

sary. The food is gourmet, yet quickly made so it

may be eaten on the go or eaten in the cafeteria

styled food court accessible by students. There

have been rumors that if you complain to a direc-

tor of the dining hall about the selections avail-

able he may take your request for new food in

consideration and usually approves of it.

If you would like to see your customized

selection of food it is urged that you consider talk-

ing to a chef or director who will then possibly

add the item to the menu within that week.

Although the dining hall may not be cho-

sen over The Hub or Terra Ve, it is still available

to all students and has quite decent meals and is

dedicated to pleasing the student population.

THE DININg HAll

BY JAkE muRPhY

Tonight, March 1st, the Performing Arts

Center’s upper lobby will be transformed into the

SouthBay Cabaret,a vaudeville inspired fusion of

both conservatory and non-conservatory arts tal-

ent, including dance, music, theatre, poetry and

spoken word, drag, comedy, improvisation, and

performance art.

Doors will be open at 6:30pm, and free

food will be provided by the Cheese Club, Knead-

ed Bread and more. Our host for this Cabaret is

Jimmy Phillips, who will keep us all entertained

with his great comedic air.

The show will feature a variety of per-

formances. The Pre-Show DJ will be Jhevere

Reynolds. There will be two 5-minute previews

of the shows “Milk Milk Lemonade” by Jac-

quline Schroeder, and “Poona the Fuckdog” by

Anthony Russo. Poetry will be read by Danny

Grjonko, Gina Mingione, and Sam McCausland.

Tap Dancing will be performed by Eleanor & the

Beats, and Joshua Oates will put on a drag per-

formance. Musical performances will be done by

Andy Pop and Rotten Jazz Quartet.

Hosted twice a semester, SouthBay Cab-

aret events are free for the student body and the

general public to attend. The PAC will donate the

upper lobby space, professional equipment, and

union labor, and students will volunteer their time

and expertise both on and off the stage.

Make sure not to miss this spectacular

event tonight, and consider getting involved for

the next one!

sOUTHbAY CAbARET

BY DAVID GRImALDI

10

V I S I T I N G A R T I S TL e c t u r e S e r i e s :

E l i z a b e t h S u b r i nWednesday, March 7thVisual Arts Building 1016 at 6:30pm

N Y P I R G ’ s I N T E R N W O R K S H O P

Environmental protection meetingTuesday, March 6thLiberal Arts room 0014 at 4pm

FIRST CONTACT:the search for life in the universeTuesday, March 6thPAC Pepsico Theater at 6pm

Pink Party with TransAction and FORTHWednesday, March 7thThe Stood at 4pm

Wednesday, March 7thSouthside at 12:30pmPSGA SENATE MEETING

A LITTLE AFTERNOON MUSICMonday, March 5th Music Building 1001 at 12:30pm

YOU ARE WHAT YOU EATMonday, March 5thSouthside (CCS) at 6pm

Tuesday, March 6thHumanities Theater at 6pmAVNER FAINGULERNT:f i lm d i scuss ion - “War Matador” - “Fishermen’s Diary”

Monday, March 5thThe Stood at 8pmA S T R O N A U TA L I S

Tuesday, March 6thThe Stood at 8pm• INTO IT OVER IT• TERROR PIGEON DANCE REVOLT• CATS IN BASEMENT

CREATIVITY VS. COMMERCEWednesday, March 7thNeuberger Museum at 4pm

Spread the Word to End the WordWednesday, March 7thSoutside (CCS) at 6pm

REBELS AND MARTyRS:Iconoclastic Women in the 20th CenturyWednesday, March 7thThe Stood at 7pm

Wednesday, March 7thMusic Building 1001 at 7pmHAL GALPER T R IO

BFA Senior Project Dance ConcertThursday, March 2nd and 3rdDance Building 0029 at 8pm

Friday, March 2ndWhitsons (The Stood) at 8pm• COyOTE CAMPUS• THE TINy ELEPHANTS• THE BEARING• CHELSEA AND THE SEA

Friday, March 2ndThe Stood at 8pm• THE TINy ELEPHANTS• WOLFMAN AND THE PACK• BAD SOUND• HANDS SHOW

11

e v e n t s

Mondays FORTH meeting: Southside at 8pm The Indy: CCN 1011 at 9:30pm Brick Meeting: Red Room at 10pm

ThursdaysOpen Swim: Gym 1021 at 12-2pmFencing Club: Gym 0003 at 2:15-4pm Gamers United: G-Street Lounge at 6pm AMG: Witsons at 6:30pmRPGA: Hub Basement at 8pmGreen Team: Co-Op at 7pmGRIOT: Fort Awesome 0136 at 9pmPEMS: Southside at 8pmTrans*Action: LGBTQU at 10pm

Tuesdays Anthropology: SPARC room at 8:00pm PUSH: Hub basement at 9pm Complexuality: Hub basement at 10pm

WednesdaysHillel: Hub basement at noonPurchase Comics United: Commuter Lounge at 2 Senate: Southside at 12:30pmGamers United: G-Street Lounge at 7pmChess Club: Commuters Lounge at 8pm Anime: Commuter lounge at 8pmNerf: Humanites at 10 pmWPSR: WPSR Office at 10pm PTV: Hub Basement at10pmLGBTQU: Red Room at 10pm

Bean Sprout - Growing WorkshopThursday, March 8th Co-Op at 7pm

Thursday, March 8thWellness Center 3008 at 4:30pmMaking Friends with your Mind

EAT TO COMPETE :Nutrition for Enhanced PerformanceThursday, March 8thSouthside (CCS) at 4:30pm

BFA Senior Project Dance ConcertThursday, March 2nd and 3rdDance Building 0029 at 8pm

REBELS AND MARTyRS:Iconoclastic Women in the 20th CenturyWednesday, March 7thThe Stood at 7pm

Wednesday, March 7thMusic Building 1001 at 7pmHAL GALPER T R IO

NYSIR FUNERAL FOR HIGHER EDUCATION PLANNING

Thursday, March 8thCCN Room 0014 at 5:30

S E N I O R P R O J E C T P E R F O R M A N C E :

DuALItySaturday, March 3rdHumanities1065 at 8pm

ANDREW CEDERMARKSaturday, March 3rdWhitsons at 8pm

SURPRISE Sunday Movie ScreeningSunday, March 4thHumanities 1065 at 4pm and 8pm

ENDURESunday, March 4thThe Stood at 8pm

12

Way back in ’02, YouTube was a website

I went on for videos about Neopets, and how I

would style my hair when I was older. Also cats,

but I still go on YouTube for that. Nowadays, if

you don’t know what a meme is, YouTube is a very

confusing place. Just so this can all make sense, I’ll

spell it out for those of you who live under a rock.

A meme is a trend that started out underground,

on sites like Reddit and 4chan, but is now blowing

up the Internet. They are (usually) easily identi-

fied by their set up, whether it’s the classic pedo-

bear creeping around a corner, or the more newly

released - Michael Jordan is secretly - Jeremy Lin

meme. And you can’t forget troll face, Herp Derp

(both male and female), Philosoraptor, Rebecca

Black, Nicholas Cage, Insanity/Courage wolf,

and everything in between.

What most people don’t realize, however,

is that a meme is a trend that doesn’t necessarily

have to be a picture with a funny caption. The

“Shit ___ Say” YouTube thread is also considered

a growing meme.

It’s essentially a collection of stereotypes,

putting all of the things a group of people have

or may have said into one video. And this isn’t an

underground thing. Oh no. This has literally tak-

en over the Internet, to the point where no corner

of the subspace is safe. Where there’s a forum,

there’s a way! Weirdest part: most of it is true!

I can guarantee that if you search You-

Tube right this second for “Shit Hipsters Say”,

you’ll find a little nugget of truth about Purchase

embedded in at least the first 3 videos, for all to

see and learn from. Never before has a website

contained such a collection of facts. No, wait,

there’s still Wikipedia. So in my traditional style, I

bring you, “Shit Rachel Margolin Says.”

This concludes the intro to the wonder-

ful world of the Internet, as well as takes you on

a quaint tour of YouTube, and a summation of

pretty much my entire vocabulary around my

friends, save for talking about Doctor Who, gui-

tars, music, and a select few other things. If you’ve

got any questions about memes, try Cleverbot.

Problem, Indy readers?

BY RAChEL mARGOLIN

sHIT RACHEl sAYs

1. Shit on a shingle.

2. Stop being a bag of dicks.

3. Rahn, stahp itt! (Which is a memewithin a meme, isn’t it? Meme-ception!)

4. Yo dawg, I heard you liked __, so I put __ in your __ so you can __ while you __. (Another meme inside a meme! Can you say addicted to the internet?)

5. Ffffffuuuuuuuu....

Created by Nicolas Sienty

14

Dear Madame, I feel as though people in my major do not take me seriously. I just think it’s because I’m better than them, but apparently it’s because “I’m clueless about the material.” How do I change this? I don’t know what your major is, but I’m getting

a taste of your attitude, and I’m not liking it at all. You

cannot go through life thinking you are better than your

whole major, not to mention anyone at all. It isn’t right.

You might know you’re better than a lot of the people,

but it isn’t polite to make it very clear that you know it.

People appreciate a fresh batch of humble pie. You can

be perfect, but you won’t be unless you let others find out

for themselves.

Maybe they believe you to be clueless about

the material because you are one of those people who

likes to hear themselves talk. You start off with a good

point in class and then you go on a tangent that totally

negates what you had originally said. Don’t make

yourself look like an idiot. A person of fewer words is by

far a more attractive academic than a complete rambler.

Again, I cannot check the accuracy of your classmates’

accusations, but this may be what they are referring to.

Madame is prescribing you with a dose of R and R in

the classroom. Take a step back and listen to what others

have to say and people will take note of you.

Madame, I am in a complete funk. I don’t want to get out of bed because I am always working on one thing or another with little time for myself. It is very good to keep yourself busy, but you

need to make time for you. Taking off from work for a

weekend doesn’t make you a slacker or selfish. In fact, I

would go so far as to say it will make working with you a

lot easier. People don’t want to see you bitter over the fact

that you cannot get more than three hours of sleep. Give

yourself a day or two to relax and you will feel so much

better. You may even get bored and realize you love work

so much! But don’t let that fool you into coming back

early. When you’ve gotten the day to take off, don’t do

homework, do something you want to do! Stay in bed

with your PJs on, turn on the television to some reruns

of Jersey Shore. It sounds lazy, pathetic and unfulfilling,

but oh boy, is it oh so satisfying.

HAS YOUR REMEDYM A D A M E q U E R Y

15

a d v i c e

Dear Madame, I am a senior who loves to get it with freshmen. Does this make me a creep? Yes, it does, if you solely get it on with freshmen

and freshmen only. Broaden your horizons. Do you

know how sleazy you’ll feel when you’re old and it

doesn’t work anymore? You’re going to step back and

realize how fucking weird you are for picking people

up based on just their age. Madame feels as though the

mystique of dating a person based on their young age

is their innocence. You probably feel as though you can

teach them a thing or two. The truth is, age is not always

an indicator of such a thing. You should not disregard

people from other years because it is very likely that they

have that innocence as well. We are all young. Therefore,

we are all stupid. We are all capable of having the same

“quirks that a freshman has to offer.”

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