The Power of Questions

Michael Avery, Chief Operating OfficerARMA International

Session Objectives

• Power of Questions• Conflict Resolution• Active Listening

Power of Questions

• People talk when they feel safe and genuinely care• Social events won't help teams work better together,

asking questions will.• Never good when people fill in the gaps.• You won't die by asking questions

Power of Questions

“People do not do things the way you do, even when you think they should.”

Why?

Questions for Better Relationships

• Use as kick-off meetings• Ask about work habits and planning• How to work well together• On-going discussions

Questions for Better Relationships

• What keeps you satisfied? • What do you enjoy doing most?• What is something you want to do but have never had the

opportunity?• What skills would you like to develop?• How do you like to receive recognition - publicly or

privately?• Why did you accept this job?• What are your concerns?• How will I know when you need support

Questions for Feedback

• Set the stage by setting expectations and asking for feedback

• Effective leaders ask for feedback• Ask for feedback along the way• Silence may be golden but isn't always helpful• If you can't give an example you're not ready

to give feedback

Feedback Formula

• Introduce what you're going to talk about and why• Describe the behavior/situation - example• Share the impact or result • Have some dialogue• Make a suggestion or request for what you'd like

the person to do next time• Build an agreement on next steps (if any)• Say "Thank You"

Say Thank You

Thank You is always the right answer!

Bonus Tips

• Treat your coworkers like customers• Relationships require maintenance • “How is it going?” is a greeting not a question• Real relationships require courage

Trust

• Is earned not awarded• Organizations aren't too different from

families• Relationship killers – Gossip– Breaking your word– Not telling the truth– Withholding information

Key Takeaways

• The more forceful we are, the less effective we are

• More you care, less you are on your best behavior

• Conflict is not necessarily a bad thing

Conflict Resolution

What creates conflict?

Conflict Resolution

People fear loss/change– Control– Comfort– Job– Embarrassment

Resolving Provides

• Increased understanding • Increased group cohesion • Improved self-knowledge

Conflict Styles

Interest-Based Relational Approach

• Make sure that good relationships are the first priority

• Keep people and problems separate• Pay attention to the interest that are being

presented• Listen first; talk second • Set out the “Facts”• Explore options together

Conflict Resolution Process

1. Set the scene2. Gather information3. Agree on the problem4. Brainstorm possible solutions5. Negotiate a solution

Intentions X Mechanics = Results

Guiding Principles

Remember the three guiding principles:

1. Be Calm2. Be Patient3. Have Respect

Bonus Tips

• Remove emotion and deal with facts - how you feel makes no difference

• Words like "I've noticed…“ and “Have you noticed…” are your friends

• In person is best – never use email and voicemail at all costs

Conflict Resolution Wrap Up

• Conflict can be incredibly destructive to good teamwork if not dealt with effectively.

• Managed in the wrong way or ignored can quickly spiral out of control. You CAN control this.

• Conflict is best resolved by YOU not by someone else…Always.

Active Listening

Active Listening

• Make a conscious effort • Don’t allow yourself to become distracted.• Repeating their words mentally• Make sure you acknowledge them

Become an Active Listener

• Pay Attention• Show that you’re listening• Provide Feedback• Defer Judgment• Respond appropriately

Active Listening Wrap Up

• Hard to break old habits• Be deliberate with your listening and remind

yourself frequently that your goals is to truly understand what the other person is conveying.

• Ask questions, reflect, and paraphrase to ensure you truly understand the message.

What can you implement today?