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ThePlumber’s

Bible

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Table of Contents

Conversation

Heaven

Buffalo Bill’s

Who Made That Pantone Chip

Bush

Spoken Word

A Tomb for Anatole

Sourdough Rye

Dorothy

It’s Not OK to Act This Way

Personal Timeline

Good-Bye

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-David Foster Wallace

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Hal?...Hey Hal?

Yes mario?Are you asleep?Booboo, we’ve been over this. I can’t be asleep if we’re talking.

Happy to reassure you.

Thats’s what I thought

Boy were you on today. Boy did you ever make that guy look sick. When he hit that one down the line and you got it and fell down and hit that drop-volley Pemulis said the guy looked like he was going to be sick all over the net, he said Boo, I kicked a kid’s ass is all. End of

story. I don’t think it’s good to rehash it when I’ve kicked somebody’s ass.

It’s like a dignity thing. I think we should just let it sort of lie in state,

quietly. Speaking of which

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Hal? ... Hey Hal?‘It’s late, Mario. It’s sleepy-time.

Close your eyes and think fuzzy thoughts.

That’s what the Moms always says, too

Always worked for me, Boo

You think I think fuzzy thoughts all the time.You let me room with you because you feel sorry for me

Booboo I’m not even going to dignify that. I’ll regard it as like a warning sign. You always get petulant when

you don’t get enough sleep. And here we are seeing

petulance already on the western horizon, right here.

‘...’‘...’When I asked if you were asleep I was going to ask if you felt like you believed in God, today, out there, when you were so on, making that guy look sick

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This again?...

...

Really don’t think midnight in a totally dark room with

me so tired my hair hurts and drills in six short hours is the

time and place to get into this, Mario.

You ask me this once a week

You never say, is whySo tonight to shush you how about if I

say I have administrative bones to pick with God, Boo. I’ll say God seems to

have a kind of laid-back management style I’m not crazy about. I’m pretty much anti-death. God looks by all accounts to be pro-death. I’m not

seeing how we can get together on this issue, he and I, Boo

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‘You’re talking about since Himself passed away.

...

See? You never say.

...

...I just didn’t happen to say what you wanted to hear, Booboo, is all.

There’s a difference.

I don’t get how you couldn’t feel like you believed, today,

out there. It was so right there. You moved like you

totally believed

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How do you feel inside, not?Mario, you and I are

mysterious to each other. We countenance each

other from either side of some unbridgeable

difference on this issue. Let’s lie very quietly and

ponder thisHal?...Hey Hal?

Is it a good one?

I’m going to propose that I tell you a joke, Boo, on the

condition that afterward you shush and let me sleep

Mario, what do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic, and a dyslexic?

I give

You get somebody who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question of whether or not there’s a dog

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That’s a good one!

Shush......

Hey Hal?What’s an insomniac?

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...

...

...

Somebody who rooms with you, kid, that’s for sure

Hey Hal?How come the Moms never cried when Himself passed away? I cried, and you, even C.T. cried. I saw him personally cry.

You listened to Tosca over and over and cried and said you were sad. We all were.

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...

Hey Hal, did the Moms seem like she got happier after Himself passed away, to you?

‘It seems like she got happier. She seems even taller. She stopped travel-ling everywhere all the time for this and that thing. The corporate-grammar thing. The library-protest thing

Now she never goes anywhere, Boo. Now she’s got the Headmaster’s House and her office and the tunnel in between, and never leaves the grounds. She’s a worse workaholic than she ever was. And more obsessive-compulsive. When’s the last time you saw a dust-mote in that house?

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...

Hey Hal?Now she’s just an agoraphobic worka-holic and obsessive-compulsive. This strikes you as happification?

‘Her eyes are better. They don’t seem as sunk in. They look better. She laughs at C.T. way more than she laughed at Himself. She laughs from lower down inside. She laughs more. Her jokes she tells are better ones than yours, even, now, a lot of the time.

How come she never got sad?

She did get sad, Booboo. She just

got sad in her way instead of

yours and mine. She got sad, I’m

pretty sure

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Hal?You remember how the staff lowered the flag to half-mast out front by the portcullis here after it happened? Do you remember that? And it goes to half-mast every year at Convoca-tion? Remember the flag, Boo?

Hey Hal?Don’t cry, Booboo. Remember the flag only halfway up the pole? Booboo, there are two ways to lower a flag to half-mast. Are you listen-ing? Because no shit I really have to sleep here in a second. So listen one way to lower the flag to half-mast is just to lower the flag. There’s anoth-er way though. You can also just raise the pole. You can raise the pole to like twice its original height. You get me? You understand what I mean, Mario?

Hal? She’s plenty sad, I bet

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- Robert Jordan

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BuffaloBill’sdefunct

who used toride a watersmooth-silver

stallionand break the onetwothreefourfive pigeonsjustlikethat

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Jesushe was a handsome manand what I want to know is

how do you like your blueeyed boy

Mister Death

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Who Made That Pantone Chip?

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-Pagan Kennedy

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In the early 1960s, as Lawrence Herbert drove to work in a blue Cadillac with cherry red seats, he mulled over a problem: How to create a “universal language” of color. Herbert, the owner of the Pantone printing company, had just produced a retail display card that helped shoppers choose panty-hose. He had to hand-mix the subtle beiges of each swatch, because it was so difficult to buy the exact shade he wanted from an ink manufacturer. Each company defined colors differently, and when you ordered “wheat” or “taupe” or “cream,” you couldn’t predict what you’d get..

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The solution, he realized, was to create a unified color system in which each shade was expressed as a number.

“If somebody in New York wanted something printed in Tokyo, they would simply open up the book and say,

Herbert says; 123 (a daf-fodil yellow) would look

exactly the same the world over. Herbert creat-ed a sample page to show

how the system worked and sent it to ink makers.

Fifty years later, he still owns a copy of that page:

“I’ve got it right here in my office in Palm Beach.”

‘Give me Pantone 123,’

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By the 1970s, Pantone was making more than a million dollars a year in licensing fees. “We had a consultant who would get a committee together and find out, for example, what colors are showing up in Milan, what colors are showing up in Paris,” he recalled.

“It seems that a lot of designers all de-cide that coffee brown might be a good color in the same year.”

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The Pantone system spread from the advertising world to textiles to food science and has been put to some unexpected uses — like defining the color of a Ben & Jerry’s brownie. “I have matched color charts for wine,” Herbert said.

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- William Gibson

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Spoken Word

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-Ferdinand de Saussure

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-translated by A. S. Kline

-Stéphame Mallarmé

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Sourdough Rye

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Total time5 days first time, overnight subsequentlyfor the sourdough starter.

For the doughSourdough Starter

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Preparation

1.To make the starter: In a tall, narrow, nonmetal container (a tall, narrow bowl is fine), mix 2/3 cup rye flour with 1/2 cup water, along with the tiniest pinch of instant yeast — less than 1/16 teaspoon. Cover and let sit for about 24 hours, then add the same amount of both flour and water (no more yeast). Repeat twice more, at 24-hour intervals; 24 hours after the fourth addition, you have your starter. (From now on, keep it in the refrigerator; you don’t need to proceed with the recipe for a day or two if you don’t want to. Before making the dough, take a ladleful — 1/2 to 3/4 cup — of the starter and put it in a container; stir in 1/2 cup rye flour and a scant 1/2 cup water, mix well, cover and refrigerate. This starter will keep for a couple of weeks. If you don’t use it during that time and you wish to keep it alive, add 1/2 cup each flour and water every week or so and stir; you can discard a portion of it if it becomes too voluminous.)

To make the dough: Combine the starter

in a big bowl with the rye flour and the

whole-wheat or white flour.2.

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Mix well, cover with plastic wrap and let sit overnight, up to 12 hours.

Pour and scrape it into two

8-by-4-inch non-stick loaf pans. The batter should come to within an inch of the top, no higher.

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Cover (an improvised dome is better than plastic wrap; the dough

will stick to whatever it touches) and let rest until it reaches the rim

of the pans, about 2 to 3 hours, usually. Preheat the oven to 325

and bake until a skewer comes out almost clean; the internal tempera-ture will measure between 190 and

200. This will take about 1 1/2 hours or a little longer.

Remove loaves from the pans and cool on a rack. Wrap in plastic and let sit for a day before slicing, if you can manage that; the texture is definitely better the next day.YIELD2 loaves

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- Steven Meretzky

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It’s Not OK To Act This Way

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-Kama Brown

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Hi Mom,

it’s me, I guess you’re out.

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Even though you’re not hereand you never were I feel your genes in me.

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Personal Timeline

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-James Kendall

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1993

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Born February 16th

God help my mother.

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1995

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Brother JohnathanBorn February 12th

Mommy said I didn’t even cry!

Hit chin on pool edgeRequired 4 stitches

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1998

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First dayof school

ABC 123.

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2002

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Fought in the 4th grade.

It was a tie.......just saying

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2004

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Not very sports-oriented.

Broke left ankle playing basketball

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2005

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Broke right ankle skateboarding

shit not again....but skateboarding is better

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2006

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Expelled in the7th grade.

I swear it’s a good story!

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2007

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First day of highschoolFRESHIE!!

5 stitches in elbow

Scar viewable upon request.

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2008

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Restricted’s license

Watch out America.

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2009

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Driver’s license

Buckle up south Florida

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2010

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Won first place inBeaux Arts Festival

Free materials won me $250.00

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2011

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Didn’t Win first Lotto.

Entered Ringling College

What would you do with the winning Lotto?

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2013

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Currently working on this book.

I think I’ll get a tattoo.

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-Frank Miller

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ColophonDesigned by: James KendallRingling College of Art and DesignSpring 2013Edwin Utermohlen

Typefaces used:Berthold Walbaum BookPrimeZnikomit

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