THE PADUA PUBLISHERJanuary 1591

The Padua Publisher the place to come to get all

your top-notch news stories and discover

all the greatest gossip.

BREAKING NEWSIT’S BEEN A BUSY WEEK IN PADUA

FULL OF TRICKERY, SCHEMING AND MORE. LOVE IS IN THE AIR WITH

TWO WEDDINGS, BUT WHAT IS THE TRUTH IN ALL THIS GOSSIP?

THE TRUE SHREW?Katherine Minola has quite the reputation for being a fierce Shrew. Many have been shocked to see her wed. Her husband, Petruchio has claimed he will tame her. Our insiders report that he is using cruel and brutal methods to do so. Does this make him the biggest Shrew of all?

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LUCENTIO OF PISA: WHAT REALLY HAPPENEDLucentio is the rich son of Vincentio known for his knowledge and charm. If he wasn’t perfect enough he has now married the most sought after women in Padua. We take you into his mind and methods to reveal the secrets to his success.

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THE SHREWS WEDDING: WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?Many of you have heard rumors of the most outrageous wedding of the century. We’re going to tell you exactly what was going on in their mind when they said the fateful, I do!

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Read on to discover all the hardcore

facts of these scandalous affairs

Issue No. 23 By Clara, Hannah and Eva

T H E P A D U A P U B L I S H E R

2 3 M A I D E N L A N EP A D U AI T A L YS I N C E1 5 4 0 C O N T A C T U S F O R A L L I N Q U I R E S

Petruchio and Katherine fighting

Lucentio wooing Bianca Petruchio and Katherine's disastrous wedding

THE COLLECTOR! ARTICLE BY EVA PAGE2

! What a surprise we got when we heard the breaking news that Katherine Minola married Petruchio of Verona. We never thought that the biggest shrew icon was ever going to be married to someone. If she ever was going to marry, It would be to another shrew like her. Well after this horribly messy marriage, we finally think that it might be true, she is madly married! ! Biondello was a witness to Petruchioʼs fashion disaster and he heralded the news that “Petruchio is coming in a new hat and an old jerkin, a pair of old breeches thrice turned, a pair of boots that have been candle cases, one buckled, another laced [...] his horse hipped, with an old mothy saddle and stirrups of no kindred, besides possessed with the glanders and like to mose in the chine, troubled with the lampass, infected with the fashion...”. Petruchio did show up in horrid fashion and with a diseased horse. ! Petruchio came in late to his own wedding and spoke in a disgraceful way to the priest. Gremio was a witness to this horror and states that “When the priest should ask if Katherine should be his wife,

ʻAy, by gogs wouns!ʼ quoth he, and swore so loud that, all amazed, the priest dropped his book”. Gremio also accounted that “He calls for wine, ʻA health!ʼ quoth he, as if he has been aboard, carousing to his mates after a storm [...] This done, he took the bride about her neck and kissed her lips with such clamorous smack that at the parting all the church did echo” and that was all poor Gremio could take. ! After this disastrous and extemporaneous wedding, Petruchio took Katherine on his diseased horse and off they went to Katherineʼs house. On their way, Katherine fell off the horse and got her wedding gown full of mud. Petruchio blamed it on the pour servant and hit him. ! When they reached their house, Petruchio did not have time to celebrate and declared “Gentlemen and friends, I thank you for you I know you think to dine with me today and have a prepared great store of wedding cheer but so it is, my haste doth call me hence and therefore i mean to take my leave.” To finish his speech, he explains that he is the master of what he owns, he

tells her that she is his house, his furniture, his barn, his horse his ox and his anything. He then dares anyone to touch her. then he tells her that he will protect her against anything and he leaves. ! We all know Katherine Minola is a sharp tongued shrew but what was going through Petruchioʼs mind to marry her? Hortensio, one of Biancaʼs may suitors, was interviewed and he said that he knows petruchio for a long time and says that Petruchio was looking for a rich women. He heard about Katherine needing to be married to let Bianca free to woo and he helped out by marrying that shrew. Katherine also had a huge dowry! ! After all of this mess, is Katherine going to stay sharp tongued to this mean and shrewish person like Petruchio of Padua or is she going to fail and be and ordinary person and likable like her sister. who knows? But maybe if you take a look at the next pages, you might discover something incredible!

THE SHREWS WEDDING: WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?

THE PADUA PUBLISHER! ARTICLE BY HANNAH. CROSSWORD BY EVA PAGE3

A Bid To Bernard

WEEKLY CROSSWORD

Dear Bernard, I am having a terrible time trying to control my new wife. I knew that she was somewhat of a shrew when I married her, but I had no idea that she was this bad! She doesn’t listen to my orders, always has her own opinion about everything, and contradicts whatever I say. I even tried smacking her over the head with metal pan but, despite the injuries, her head remains just as hard. I know that there must still be some options; she has become so much more of a shrew since we have be married. This can’t be what she is always like; I don’t know how much more of her I can put up with. Help! Sincerely,Out of Options

Dear Out of Options, I know exactly what you are going through. My first wife was just like that. She was anything but what a good wife should be. Thankfully, she died of smallpox about three and a half years into our marriage. It was really had for me to deal with her, so to break her of her shrewish ways, I tried out some tricks that Petruchio of Verona taught me. These were tricks that helped tame the famous shrew Katherine. The first thing that you have to do is starve her. When she gets hungry enough, she will come to you with her tail between her legs, begging for your goodness. Also, you have to make sure that she never gets any sleep. Keep her up all night, for whatever reason. Never let her be right. Do not stop pressing an issue until she gives in and says that no matter what she thinks, you will always be right. I guarantee that these will help make her into the wife that every man wants. Good Luck, Bernard

THE PADUA PUBLISHER! ARTICLE BY: HANNAH PAGE4

Some people will go to any lengths to achieve their love! Lucentio of Pisa truly expressed that as he embarked on a venture greater than going to school as he was supposed to: beating out Bianca Minola’s other suitors and winning her love. Just one month ago, Lucentio was a bachelor and now he is married to the most sought after women in Padua and the love of his love. How did their relationship escalate so quickly and what extents did Lucentio really have to go to to win her over? The Padua Publishers cuts to nonsense and comes straight to you with the never-ending love story that is Lucentio and Bianca’s relationship.Apparently, there is no hero in love or life without a handy sidekick and believe it or not, Lucentio had on easily available to him. Tranio, Lucentio’s servant, was assigned the role of Lucentio in order to win over Bianca’s father. All the while, Lucentio was dressed as Cambio, a literature teacher for Bianca. Lucentio was sure that if he got to spend quality time alone with Bianca, even as her tutor, he would get her to fall in love with him. As Tranio achieved Baptsita’s blessing

– also based on a string of lies suggesting that Lucentio could offer Bianca more than he actually had and successfully beating out Gremio as a suitor, Lucentio won the heart of Bianca by admitting who he really was during one of their Latin lessons. Who ever said that Latin was not a language of love certainly did not know Lucentio! Sources tell us that although Lucentio poured his heart out to Bianca she neither promised nor refused her love to him. Meanwhile, however, Tranio’s web of lies became more tangled as he convinced Hortensio, Bianca’s other suitor, to swear off Bianca all together and what we heard falsely promised the same thing.When asked how he felt about Bianca and why he would go to such lengths for her, Lucentio commented: “Never thought it possible or likely. But see, while idly I stood looking on, I found the effect of love in idleness. And now in plainness do confess to thee that art to me as secret and as dear as Anna to the Queen of Carthage was, I burn, I pine, I perish, If I achieve not this young modest girl.”

It seemed that Lucentio had won the heart of his beloved; now it was just the follow through. Days after promising everything he had and more to Bianca, Baptista decided that he needed to meet the father of Lucentio in order to truly sign off on their marriage. It was not that easy though, as sources tell us that Vincentio, Lucentio’s father believed that his son was in school, not wooing the most eligible women in Padua. There seemed to be a reoccurring pattern blossoming with Tranio’s actions. He was forced to act quickly; he tricked a clueless merchant into pretending to be Vincentio. The drama really kicked into high gear when the real Vincentio showed up with Katherine and Petruchio to Bianca and Lucentio’s wedding. Never taking the blunt end of his actions, Lucentio revealed himself and Tranio as who they really were to the rest of the wedding party while blaming the merchant for being an imposter instead of admitting his wrong doings. In the end, some would say love prevailed as Lucentio and Bianca ultimately got to be together. Will their relationship built on lies and deceit last though?

Lucentio of Pisa: What Really Happened!We’ve all heard the rumors but heres the truth about how he landed the most

wanted girl in Padua

THE COLLECTOR! AD 1 AND WORD-SEARCH BY HANNAH . AD 2 BY EVA PAGE5

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THE COLLECTOR! ARTICLE BY CLARA PAGE6

Katherine Minola has quite the reputation for being a fierce Shrew. Many have been shocked to see her wed. Her husband, Petruchio has claimed he will tame her. Our insiders report that he is using cruel and brutal methods to do so. Does this make him the biggest Shrew of all? Katherine and Petruchio were instant enemies. The first time they met Katherine started a vicious argument. The only difference from her usual arguments was that petruchio was fighting back and even winning. At one point Katherine remarks “Asses are

made to bear, and so are you.” to which Petruchio remarks “Women

are made to bear, and so are you.”

Katherine seems to have met her match, in more than one way for Petruchio claimed he will tame her. This delights everyone. As hard a task as this seems, he managed to do this. By Bianca’s wedding katherine has been transformed. She makes a grand speech saying “Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper, Thy

head, thy sovereign, one that cares for thee, And for thy maintenance commits his body

To painful labor both by sea and land, To watch the night in

storms, the day in cold, Whilst thou liest warm at home, secure and safe, And craves no other

tribute at thy hands But love, fair

looks and true obedience— Too little payment for so great a

debt.” What could have brought about such a transformation? We can now confirm this was brought about through acts of extreme cruelty!

Petruchio said himself that she will receive no food, no sleep and no kindness until she is cured of her shrewness. He will starve his wife into obedience! Everybody knows that Katherine’s case warrants extreme measures, but many say this is too far. Does treating his wife so cruelly make him a shrew? we investigated further to find out.

Petruchio put his plan into action at the wedding he comes wearing old ragged clothes riding on a disease ridden horse. During the ceremony he swears like a sailor. He then doesn’t let her attend her own wedding ceremony forcing her to ride home. On the way home she falls off her horse into the mud. Petruchio does not help her up, but yell at his servant who did nothing wrong. He did this cleverly so now she cannot yell only defend the servant. This was the depriving of kindness part of his plan.

When they arrived home he starts the food depravation. He has had a feast prepared for them, but the second Katherine reaches forward to eat he starts yelling. He proclaims the food is burnt, even though Katherine says it is

fine. In the next couple of days he taunts her with food, but does not let her eat. That night when she tries to go to bed petruchio devises a plan so she gets no sleep.“As with the meat, some undeservèd fault I’ll find about the making of the bed, And here I’ll fling the pillow, there the bolster, This way the coverlet, another way the sheets. Ay, and amid this hurly I intend That all is done in reverend care of her. And, in conclusion, she shall watch all night,And if she chance to nod I’ll rail and brawl, And with the clamor keep her still awake.” These methods tired Katherine and made her become submissive. She realized the only way she was going to get food was by agreeing with Petruchio, so she did. Little by little she became more obedient and submissive, until she became the perfect wife. Her whole family is thrilled by the result. Baptista offered another dowry for he claimed she is a different woman. But would they be so thrilled if they knew the truth about how Katherine’s transformation? Would they think her such a Shrew if they knew of Petruchio’s Shrewish actions? Come back next week when we interview the Minola family and you might just find the answers to your questions!

The True Shrew?PETRUCHIO’S TALES OF CRUELTY, MAKE US QUESTION IS HE IS A WORSE

SHREW THAN HIS WIFE KATHERINE

THE COLLECTOR! PAGE BY CLARA PAGE7

Fashion CornerWHAT IS IN AND WHAT IS OUT!

Ruffs Bum Rolls

Ruffs are an exciting new fashion created by Queen Elizabeth herself ! The craze not yet hit Padua which we think is a sin. Show off at your next party by being a fashion icon while wearing your new gorgeous ruff. It elongates the neck and makes your look elegant. They are flirty without being scandalous. They send the message of come closer if you dare, i am an independent and beautiful young women!

Here at Padua Publisher we struggle to find what is attractive about a women with a large and lumpy bottom. Unlike corsets they do not compliment the body shape. They make a women look overweight. To make it worse they are not hard, but very soft, which makes them easily squished. Imagine the horror on a mans face when you sit down and you bottom resembles a pancake!

Best Wedding Gowns in PaduaPablo of Padua, wedding dress maker extrodinaire has an amazing deal for you!His fine gowns were worn by both of the Minola daughters. If you don’t believe the rumors of his world renowned gorgeous gowns, then look at Bianca Minola’s beautiful dress pictured right. In celebration of the Minola daughter’s successful wedding, he is giving you a once in a lifetime offer. you won’t believe it but if you present this article to Pablo, you can buy one wedding gown and GET ANOTHER GOWN HALF PRICE!!!

THE COLLECTOR! ARTICLE BY CLARA. AD BY EVA PAGE8

LUCENTIO’S SECRETS ARE OUT IN THE OPEN, WHEN WHEN A MERCHANT IS FOUND IMPERSONATING VINCENTIO UPON LUCENTIO’S ORDERS! Lucentio of Pisa has landed the mos t beaut i fu l , rav i sh ing and delightfully obedient girl in Padua. Many people wonder out of so many suitors why was he chosen. It was as the rumors say because of a sizable dower, but what the rumors don’t tell was how sizable the dower really was. We can confirm that Lucentio offered 3 large merchant ships, 14 galleys, four houses and 2000 ducats a year! Who would agree to the monstrous dower, Certainly not Lucentio’s father Vincentio!

Yes you heard us right Vincentio would never agree to this and Lucentio knows this. Thats why Lucentio got a traveling merchant to pretend to be Vincentio, and to tell Baptista that he agrees to the dower. As improbable as this seems all was going according to plan. That was until the real Vincentio showed up!

He showed up flanked by non-other than Petruchio and Katherine. Upon arrival at Baptista’s house he seeks Lucentio. Instead he finds Tranio (Lucentio’s servant) disguised as Lucentio. Vincentio see’s through Tranio’s disguise and thinks that he has killed Lucentio and taken Lucentio’s place. Little does he know that Tranio is pretending to be Lucentio under Lucentio’s orders. Vincentio then attacks Tranio! Vincentio is declared a

madman, first he pretends to be Vincentio then attacks Lucentio. At least thats what they everyone thinks.

There is a surprising turn of events when Lucentio arrives on the scene accompanied by Bianca. He is faced with a hard decision. He could easily say he doesn’t recognize Vincentio and have him sent off to jail for pretending to be someone he is not. Lucentio would then be able to live happily with Bianca and only his servants would be any the wiser. Infact the merchant suggestests this very thing he says “Lay hands on the villain. I believe he means to cozen somebody in this city

under my countenance.”He could also do the harder, yet right thing. Own up to his mistakes. Tell everyone how Vincentio is his true father, how he pretended to be Cambio to win Bianca’s love, how he had Tranio lie for him and how he offered al of his fathers possessions without his permission.

A man who deceives, lies and steals would be expected to pick the first option. However this was not what Lucentio did, he picked the second option. Everyone is shocked by Lucentio’s actions, however they do not yell at him.

Perhaps they think that owning up to his tricks shows that he never meant harm. Or that it shows he is better than his mistakes. Does his humble apology make up for his treachery, we’ll let you decide!

Pre-cooked chicken available in stores now!Why not enjoy a simple, un-burnt, pre-cooked chicken for supper! Make your husband delightful with “Shake(speare) -shak chickens” available in stores now!Only 3 crowns and refund available if burnt by accident!

The Tricks of Lucentio Trampled

the two vincentios meet

THE COLLECTOR! ARTICLE BY EVA. AD BY CLARA PAGE9

Bianca is now free to woo and marry after the most surprising news hit the world this morning when Katherine Minola and Petruchio came out of the church married. Bianca Minola has been wooed and wanted for a long time, due to her beauty but her father did not want to marry her if Katherine wasnʼt married. Hortensio and Lucentio are two of her three suitors who have wooed her for a long time. After Bianca and Lucentioʼs marriage, Hortensio and lucentio were both interviewed and explained the way they wooed and declared their love to Bianca, their loved one.

Hortensio was interviewed right after Lucentioʼs and Biancaʼs wedding. He explained the way he wooed Bianca and how he declared his love to her, without her discovering he was not who he really was.. Confusing! He firstly decided to disguise himself as a music tutor, Litio to tutor Bianca and also to be able to spend as much time as possible with her. he then tuned his lute (several times) to make it perfect for her. He then told her that he wanted her to learn a new way to memorize her notes, and he handed her his poem that he had made the night before. inside the poem was written:“Gamut I am, the ground of all

accord:A re, to plead Hortensio’s passion;

B mi, Bianca, take him for thy lord,C fa ut, that loves with affection;

D sol re, one clef, two notes have I;E la mi, show pity or I die.”

Sly method to declare his love to her but it turns out that Hortensioʼs biggest fear became true, that Lucentio marries Bianca and he is rejected. The next day, he married a widow.

Lucentio, on the other side was more successful. He was also interviewed right after his marriage with Bianca. He explain the way he wooed and declared his love to Bianca. He had more courage than Hortensio because he declard his love out loud to her and not on a piece of paper. He first disguised himself Cambio, a literature tutor to spend more time with her and to declare his love to her. Petruchio then pointed out to hortensio, sitting next to him, that his lute was note tuned well and he asked him to go tune it outside. Hortensio went outside and Lucentio started his little plan of wooing Bianca; Petruchio first made her repeat after him a verse in latin. He then mallisiously translated the latin verse and declaring his love and revealing that he is not who she thinks he is, like this: “Hic ibat, as I told you before,

Simois, I am Lucentio, hic est, son of Vincentio of Pisa, Sigeia tellus,

disguise as a teacher so as to win your love, Hic steterat, and teh fellow who comes to court you

calling himself ‘Lucentio,’ Priami, is my servant Tranio, regia,

pretending to be me, celsa senis, so we can get better of the foolish old man.”

In the following days, he married Bianca and they lived happily ever after.

Revolutionary wedding outfit worn by fashion icon Petruchio available for your purchase now!!!This wedding outfit is like nothing you have ever seen before. Make a statement walking down the street in this stunner. This well loved outfit contains:

• A new hat!• an antiqued vest• well used pants, inside out• Unmatched boots they may

or may not have been used as spittoons, one is buckled the other is laced!

• and a broken in sword with a slightly dented hilt and slight lack of a scabbard

But that’s not all!!! indeed if you buy all this for three easy payments of 50 crowns, we’ll throw in Petruchio’s actual horse for FREE!!!!!!!!. (warning this horse may contain a moth-eaten saddle, stirrups from two different sets, a bad hip, swollen glands, lockjaw, leg ulcers, bedsores, arthritis, jaundice, a hernia, hives, worms, cancer, a mossy overbite, and post-nasal drip)So what are you waiting for buy it now before it’s too late!

Suitors in Disguise

THE PADUA PUBLISHER! PAGE10

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gossip.