http://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/12/opinion/sunday/david-brooks-the-moral-bucket-list.htmlThe Moral Bucket ListAPRIL 11, 2015 David BrooksABOUT once a month I run across a person who radiates an inner light. These people can be in any walk of life. They seem deeply good. They listen well. They make you feel funny and valued. You often catch them looking after other people and as they do so their laugh is musical and their manner is infused with gratitude. They are not thinking about what wonderful work they are doing. They are not thinking about themselves at all.When I meet such a person it brightens my whole day. But I confess I often have a sadder thought: It occurs to me that Ive achieved a decent level of career success, but I have not achieved that. I have not achieved that generosity of spirit, or that depth of character.A few years ago I realized that I wanted to be a bit more like those people. I realized that if I wanted to do that I was going to have to work harder to save my own soul. I was going to have to have the sort of moral adventures that produce that kind of goodness. I was going to have to be better at balancing my life.It occurred to me that there were two sets of virtues, the rsum virtues and the eulogy virtues. The rsum virtues are the skills you bring to the marketplace. The eulogy virtues are the ones that are talked about at your funeral whether you were kind, brave, honest or faithful. Were you capable of deep love?We all know that the eulogy virtues are more important than the rsum ones. But our culture and our educational systems spend more time teaching the skills and strategies you need for career success than the qualities you need to radiate that sort of inner light. Many of us are clearer on how to build an external career than on how to build inner character.But if you live for external achievement, years pass and the deepest parts of you go unexplored and unstructured. You lack a moral vocabulary. It is easy to slip into a self-satisfied moral mediocrity. You grade yourself on a forgiving curve. You figure as long as you are not obviously hurting anybody and people seem to like you, you must be O.K. But you live with an unconscious boredom, separated from the deepest meaning of life and the highest moral joys. Gradually, a humiliating gap opens between your actual self and your desired self, between you and those incandescent souls you sometimes meet.David BrooksPolitics, culture and the social sciences.When Cultures Shift APR 17The Lost Language of Privacy APR 14The Revolution Lives! APR 10What Candidates Need APR 7On Conquering Fear APR 3See More So a few years ago I set out to discover how those deeply good people got that way. I didnt know if I could follow their road to character (Im a pundit, more or less paid to appear smarter and better than I really am). But I at least wanted to know what the road looked like.PhotoCredit Rachel Levit. Photography by Tony Cenicola/The New York TimesI came to the conclusion that wonderful people are made, not born that the people I admired had achieved an unfakeable inner virtue, built slowly from specific moral and spiritual accomplishments.If we wanted to be gimmicky, we could say these accomplishments amounted to a moral bucket list, the experiences one should have on the way toward the richest possible inner life. Here, quickly, are some of them:Continue reading the main storyTHE HUMILITY SHIFT We live in the culture of the Big Me. The meritocracy wants you to promote yourself. Social media wants you to broadcast a highlight reel of your life. Your parents and teachers were always telling you how wonderful you were.But all the people Ive ever deeply admired are profoundly honest about their own weaknesses. They have identified their core sin, whether it is selfishness, the desperate need for approval, cowardice, hardheartedness or whatever. They have traced how that core sin leads to the behavior that makes them feel ashamed. They have achieved a profound humility, which has best been defined as an intense self-awareness from a position of other-centeredness.SELF-DEFEAT External success is achieved through competition with others. But character is built during the confrontation with your own weakness. Dwight Eisenhower, for example, realized early on that his core sin was his temper. He developed a moderate, cheerful exterior because he knew he needed to project optimism and confidence to lead. He did silly things to tame his anger. He took the names of the people he hated, wrote them down on slips of paper and tore them up and threw them in the garbage. Over a lifetime of self-confrontation, he developed a mature temperament. He made himself strong in his weakest places.THE DEPENDENCY LEAP Many people give away the book Oh, the Places Youll Go! as a graduation gift. This book suggests that life is an autonomous journey. We master certain skills and experience adventures and certain challenges on our way to individual success. This individualist worldview suggests that character is this little iron figure of willpower inside. But people on the road to character understand that no person can achieve self-mastery on his or her own. Individual will, reason and compassion are not strong enough to consistently defeat selfishness, pride and self-deception. We all need redemptive assistance from outside.People on this road see life as a process of commitment making. Character is defined by how deeply rooted you are. Have you developed deep connections that hold you up in times of challenge and push you toward the good? In the realm of the intellect, a person of character has achieved a settled philosophy about fundamental things. In the realm of emotion, she is embedded in a web of unconditional loves. In the realm of action, she is committed to tasks that cant be completed in a single lifetime.ENERGIZING LOVE Dorothy Day led a disorganized life when she was young: drinking, carousing, a suicide attempt or two, following her desires, unable to find direction. But the birth of her daughter changed her. She wrote of that birth, If I had written the greatest book, composed the greatest symphony, painted the most beautiful painting or carved the most exquisite figure I could not have felt the more exalted creator than I did when they placed my child in my arms.That kind of love decenters the self. It reminds you that your true riches are in another. Most of all, this love electrifies. It puts you in a state of need and makes it delightful to serve what you love. Days love for her daughter spilled outward and upward. As she wrote, No human creature could receive or contain so vast a flood of love and joy as I often felt after the birth of my child. With this came the need to worship, to adore.Continue reading the main storyShe made unshakable commitments in all directions. She became a Catholic, started a radical newspaper, opened settlement houses for the poor and lived among the poor, embracing shared poverty as a way to build community, to not only do good, but be good. This gift of love overcame, sometimes, the natural self-centeredness all of us feel.THE CALL WITHIN THE CALL We all go into professions for many reasons: money, status, security. But some people have experiences that turn a career into a calling. These experiences quiet the self. All that matters is living up to the standard of excellence inherent in their craft.Frances Perkins was a young woman who was an activist for progressive causes at the start of the 20th century. She was polite and a bit genteel. But one day she stumbled across the Triangle Shirtwaist factory fire, and watched dozens of garment workers hurl themselves to their deaths rather than be burned alive. That experience shamed her moral sense and purified her ambition. It was her call within a call.After that, she turned herself into an instrument for the cause of workers rights. She was willing to work with anybody, compromise with anybody, push through hesitation. She even changed her appearance so she could become a more effective instrument for the movement. She became the first woman in a United States cabinet, under Franklin D. Roosevelt, and emerged as one of the great civic figures of the 20th century.THE CONSCIENCE LEAP In most lives theres a moment when people strip away all the branding and status symbols, all the prestige that goes with having gone to a certain school or been born into a certain family. They leap out beyond the utilitarian logic and crash through the barriers of their fears.The novelist George Eliot (her real name was Mary Ann Evans) was a mess as a young woman, emotionally needy, falling for every man she met and being rejected. Finally, in her mid-30s she met a guy named George Lewes. Lewes was estranged from his wife, but legally he was married. If Eliot went with Lewes she would be labeled an adulterer by society. Shed lose her friends, be cut off by her family. It took her a week to decide, but she went with Lewes. Light and easily broken ties are what I neither desire theoretically nor could live for practically. Women who are satisfied with such ties do not act as I have done, she wrote.She chose well. Her character stabilized. Her capacity for empathetic understanding expanded. She lived in a state of steady, devoted love with Lewes, the kind of second love that comes after a person is older, scarred a bit and enmeshed in responsibilities. He served her and helped her become one of the greatest novelists of any age. Together they turned neediness into constancy.Commencement speakers are always telling young people to follow their passions. Be true to yourself. This is a vision of life that begins with self and ends with self. But people on the road to inner light do not find their vocations by asking, what do I want from life? They ask, what is life asking of me? How can I match my intrinsic talent with one of the worlds deep needs?Continue reading the main storyContinue reading the main storyContinue reading the main storyTheir lives often follow a pattern of defeat, recognition, redemption. They have moments of pain and suffering. But they turn those moments into occasions of radical self-understanding by keeping a journal or making art. As Paul Tillich put it, suffering introduces you to yourself and reminds you that you are not the person you thought you were.The people on this road see the moments of suffering as pieces of a larger narrative. They are not really living for happiness, as it is conventionally defined. They see life as a moral drama and feel fulfilled only when they are enmeshed in a struggle on behalf of some ideal.This is a philosophy for stumblers. The stumbler scuffs through life, a little off balance. But the stumbler faces her imperfect nature with unvarnished honesty, with the opposite of squeamishness. Recognizing her limitations, the stumbler at least has a serious foe to overcome and transcend. The stumbler has an outstretched arm, ready to receive and offer assistance. Her friends are there for deep conversation, comfort and advice.External ambitions are never satisfied because theres always something more to achieve. But the stumblers occasionally experience moments of joy. Theres joy in freely chosen obedience to organizations, ideas and people. Theres joy in mutual stumbling. Theres an aesthetic joy we feel when we see morally good action, when we run across someone who is quiet and humble and good, when we see that however old we are, theres lots to do ahead.The stumbler doesnt build her life by being better than others, but by being better than she used to be. Unexpectedly, there are transcendent moments of deep tranquillity. For most of their lives their inner and outer ambitions are strong and in balance. But eventually, at moments of rare joy, career ambitions pause, the ego rests, the stumbler looks out at a picnic or dinner or a valley and is overwhelmed by a feeling of limitless gratitude, and an acceptance of the fact that life has treated her much better than she deserves.Those are the people we want to be.@#commentsDavid Roy Fort Collins, Colorado 7 days agoFor me, the first must read column of the year. It is this kind of sharing, and love, that will make different the stories of Israel, of Libya, of Russia, of China, of this country, and our own guns, hate, and fears.Many know that to have a different world, we, you, have to live a different life. It may be a long while before any of us reads such a gentle introduction as to how the trip on that adventure could start.Beauty is not partisan - joy is not for a few. The shackles that constrain too many of our lives are mental, not physical. Our aversion to step on this path that Mr. Brooks has doodled so well is personal - what stops you, me, from finding something wonderful in someone, or something, today, and lovingly sharing it?52RecommendTheGatheringCincinnati Cincinnati 7 days agoThe kind of people David Brooks refers to - those souls whom others admire for their deep selflessness - are ones who integrate that kind of thinking into all areas of life. The mark of a true person of character, in my mind, sublimates the self in the interest of the other. In all interactions, in all ways of thinking, it is the other that matters. As almost all world religions claim, such is the essence of the Golden Rule - "Let me love and serve the other AT LEAST as much as I love and serve myself." If every person, in all their thinking and acting, practiced such an ideal, violence, hate, anger and inequality would cease.30RecommendMGPP1717 Baltimore 7 days agoWell said and well written. One point that Mr. Brooks only briefly touched on is self-delusion. The biggest step for most in achieving a better moral compass is realizing that we are animals with an incredible ability to self-delude--to rationalize our immoral behaviors as moral, or at least not that big a deal. That 4 bedroom home out in the burbs burning through power all winter and summer, the gas-guzzling SUV, all needed for the benefit of children (moral? immoral?). The job with negative externality after negative externality? Well if I don't do it, someone else will anyway. etc, etc. Kids, teenagers, adults, everyone should be taught that when making decisions, stop for a second and ask yourself how might I be foregoing morality through self-delusion in this case.35RecommendTracy Beth Mitrano Ithaca, New York 7 days agoHas anyone else noticed that the specific examples Brooks gives are of women ... ?45RecommendBill McLaughlin Appleton, Wisconsin 7 days agoMr. Brooks has described the essence of the Christian life--one which so many Christians who are prisoners to doctrine and formalism (as well as love of "the world") do not understand. The problem for reaching the state he describes is the fraility of the human psyche and logos. A Christian recognizes that a human is inherently unable, on her own steam, to reach the states (humility, etc.) he describes. Human pride, that most wicked of sins, inevitably interrupts the journey. It is only by accepting Christ as Savior and letting his Spirit work in you that there is hope. Christ then receives the credit, not the human. If there is one part of Mr. Brooks' essay that troubled me it is that he seemed to imply that Dorothy Day was transformed by the birth of her child when her life change was the direct result of her conversion to the Christian faith.15Recommend21st Century White Guy Michigan 7 days agoThis might be one of the best things I've read by any regular NYT columnist. It lacks the hokey, simplistic narrative of so many "seize your life!" books and tracts, it doesn't set me up to get me to spend money on something, and keeps it real about the difficulties of pursuing a more meaningful life in this society. There's a lot we can all add here about the larger systemic and institutional factors, like commercial capitalism, colonialism, white supremacy, etc., that make such a shift in one's life difficult, and provide the foundation for a society that makes such people unfortunately so rare. But I think this column can inspire and deepen those conversations. Mr. Brooks, I am generally dismayed by much of what you write. Today I want to give you a hug, and say thank you from the bottom of my heart for a beautiful piece.57RecommendElizabeth Davidson Southbury, CT 7 days agoThis essay is beautiful. Marvelous, perceptive insights. Hard to believe the cynical comments from readers. So many unhappy people. Good that they read this. Upon reflection It may help them.33RecommendNina V 7 days agoThere is reason to believe that, though I fully understand what Mr. Brooks is saying, Education has a hand on working in the opposite direction, seeing students from the head up, only, and as vessels to simply fill with "information," when the path of education should be towards enlightenment. I read a great piece, today, about this and that compliments Mr. Brooks' article, but shows a way through this in Education. Here's a teaser (the rest can be found here: http://www.communityworksinstitute.org/cwjonline/essays/a_essaystext/vil..."A re-moralization of U.S. society is not going to happen if we push students away from themselves, if we demand that they park their angst and fear somewhere and just take the information we're imparting. This just makes matters worse since it suggests a lack of care, an inability to recognize that a student's life matters, that a student already brings into our classrooms philosophies and ideasand that it's our responsibility to let these live, to use these as ways into difficult and challenging ideas, to test them through inquiry.We must help the notion that different voices can be help to solve problems because we have all the resources we need to tackle our challengesbut we may not have the will.But how can we have will if passion and desire are directed towards material objects and the importance we give tasks and degrees, not what a person can imagine? This is the moral conundrum."9Recommendkathy lane atlantic city nj 7 days agoA lovely column for a beautiful Sunday morning. Food for thought about what really matters. Good work David. Very inspirational.18RecommendCynical Jack Washington DC 7 days ago"They are not thinking about what wonderful work they are doing. They are not thinking about themselves at all."Some versions of Christianity and of Buddhism offer disciplined paths to such an attitude. I would expect other religions as well. Secular ideals don't go where Brooks wants, at least not in the West in 2015. Their goal is the enhancement and perfection of the individual, a focus on self that clashes with what he describes. On the one hand: "Be all you can be.On the other: "For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel's, the same shall save it.10RecommendHarry Pearle Rochester, NY 7 days agoFor the past 3 years, I have been giving Easy buttons from Staples, as thank you gifts. The buttons simply says, "that was easy". The idea is to encourage people to take simple easy steps in life, especially to give to others.So, now I have give away over 100 Easy buttons, one at a time. Staples has a new Global Easy button, which speaks in 7 languages, from 12 countries. They can be gotten online for $7 each.Sending this comment was easy, but I did not have to do it. It took one easy step. THANKS David Brooks3RecommendMartin New York 7 days agoSo if the "meritocracy" requires you to promote & sell this superficial version of yourself, it's not really a "meritocracy", is it? More like a "race to the bottom." This is a fundamental contradiction that Brooks is always trying to gloss over, the contradiction between human values & market values.22RecommendBA Hughes 28428 7 days agoPlease ask Mr. Brooks to supply members of the House of Representatives and the Senate with copies of this column. And sooner rather than later.32RecommendSW Massachusetts 7 days agoDavid, thank you for this column. It seems to me, and to many others, that Barack Obama is at core the kind of "good people" you admire and are aspiring to become. I am often puzzled by your overlooking this core aspect of our President, whether or not you choose to agree with his policies. After reading this column I am hopeful that in this phase of your life, you will view Obama from a different perspective, rather than continue to demean him in your public and influential work.54RecommendCrystal Bernard Ormond Beach, Fl. 7 days agoI sought my soul, but my soul I could not see. I sought my God, but my God eluded me. I sought my brother, and I found all three.I am not quite sure who wrote this, but it was a revelation to me when I first read it. It's through forgetting our own problems long enough to be of service to others, that connects us to our true selves and God. The inner light happens to people, it is a product, but I don't think it's ever the goal.22RecommendDoc G Eastport ME 7 days agoI enjoyed this and shared it. I think if you consider all others as your equals, you are well on your way to developing that inner light. This is difficult to do. If you have never been poor, how can you understand the ghetto drug addict's need to escape? If you have never been in the lower half of the IQ curve, how do you understand those for whom additional education will be meaningless? If you have never been wealthy, how do you understand the avaricious, isolating nature of the rich and powerful? Forgive all you meet for their shortcomings, and yourself for yours.24Recommendthwright vieques 7 days agoThis unusual column (at least from a pundit originally offered as a commentator on public affairs -- clearly much less so recently) understandably evokes sharply contrasting responses.It is a strong, personally risk-taking, statement of support for seeking an authentically moral life, with an admirably broad array of examples, sources, and testimonials.At the same time the sharp contrast between the sort of moral sensitivity advocated, and the public policy prescriptions of those for whom Brooks seems generally to be an apologist, is too glaring not to arouse fierce retorts.Does this suggest that the blind spot that afflicts us all when we try to see ourselves is one of the very greatest obstacles to living an optimally moral life?20RecommendRobert Roth NYC 7 days ago"She made unshakable commitments in all directions. She became a Catholic, started a radical newspaper, opened settlement houses for the poor and lived among the poor, embracing shared poverty as a way to build community, to not only do good, but be good. This gift of love overcame, sometimes, the natural self-centeredness all of us feel." Nothing stopping you from doing that as a Jew. Even if you don't live among the poor, starting a radical newspaper would be an extraordinary example of the powerful transformation that you seek for yourself.8Recommendangrygirl Midwest 7 days agoWhenever I read your column, I am reminded of a quote by Emerson, "Your actions speak so loudly, I can not hear what you are saying. You can "preach" all you want about what makes a moral person, but by actively supporting the GOP, the party of intolerance, I cannot hear what you say.72RecommendR. Karch Silver Spring 7 days agoMore and more, people are becoming part of the obscene enterprise of, earning a living as part of dishonest, profit-seeking 'enterprises'.More and more, profit-earning companies are at a loss to compete at all, money, unless they are part of a 'crony' capitalist system.So for a person with any conscience whatever, there's no choice except: 1) to take no job and suffer the consequences of poverty;2) live on an inheritance; 2) ask for government help, i.e. help from same government that has chosen more or less to condone a capitalist system that has gone rogue.So what is left in terms of 'free time'? A person can keep 'beating his head against the wall' if he tries even to think of any 'practical' means of living in a society totally given in to compromising with such a system, or can perhaps vainly just try to ignore any such thoughts of being a useful or good member of society.Very few people can both compromise their principles in the first place so as to gain any credibility as a person, and at same time care to add something of value, or help bring American society and its declining values back to decency and meaningfulness as an actual civilization instead of sorry end result of a republic run amok.People can hardly do that if they have forgotten what is meant not to compromise any values they may ever have had in the first place.And these are the same people who don't appreciate anything except the money motive or something produced only by that.7Recommendellie chapel hill, nc 7 days agoI do worry that most people won't ever have a defining moment that spins them in an altruistic, life-changing direction. The majority of us need to pay attention to the everyday examples of helping others in a consistent and devoted way. These don't have to be grand movements; simple can be life-changing, too. I don't think people who are actually doing the good works are searching for or would even say that they have an "inner light." Unselfish people don't have time for such self-reflection. Sometimes you just have to keep doing the good works and there is great beauty and satisfaction in that.5Recommendmary PA 7 days agoEvery trait is double edged. It has a softness and a hardness. There's no right in the abstract.2RecommendJudy New York 7 days agoWhat a beautiful mind David Brooks has and just the inspiration I needed for a Sunday morning. (But I have to admit he had me at his use of the feminine pronoun!) Thank you!8RecommendJH CT 7 days agoDavid Brooks is searching for meaning in his life. Realizing the hourglass runs out and saying "Who do I want to be?" in his twilight years, while perhaps there is still time to make a mark, or maybe-- experience true happiness--the happiness and contentment that he sees in other people who have found their life's calling? But he forgets that his life's calling has provided millions of people with information, perspective, and knowledge and helped them shape their vision of their lives and the world. Maybe what he is lamenting is that he didn't generate this through some selfless, altruistic goal of making the world a better place. He didn't suffer enough. Or, maybe he did. (Deadlines are a horror). But he did well and he did good through his work--even if that wasn't necessarily his intention. I'm not sure suffering has to be a prerequisite to salvation, but I might be in the minority.9RecommendCheri Tucson 7 days agoA country that allows school employees who cheated on tests to be sentenced to 35 years in prison while the bankers who bankrupted tens of thousands of our fellow Americans were never even indicted for their criminal behavior is morally bankrupt...no matter how you define morality. Mr. Brooks, if you want to be eulogized as moral you will need to stop defending the economic status quo and start advocating for the rights of working people.59RecommendDaniel12 Wash. D.C. 7 days agoWhat is a good person? Does goodness lead to true happiness? Is this synonymous with "enlightenment"?My belief is that we live in an age in which there is a crisis with respect to definition of "goodness" and that this crisis will only increase. Over history we have seen something of this progression: Generally few people step forward as good, courageous, etc. and this goodness is usually defined by people by actions such as "helping the poor" (the list of good things, ways to be) and the good people, those who follow the path arrive at a deep satisfaction with life, happiness, even though often missing the lesser values such as money, status, power, etc. and the entirety of this progression is often equated with "enlightenment".The problem in our age of overpopulation, environmental degradation, etc. is that no route at all can be taken for granted as good let alone a person find deep satisfaction in choices made--that is, if a person is honest. As for enlightenment--well, perhaps that still exists. Is it good to bring millions out of poverty? Can the planet handle that? Good to prevent sickness? I suppose I am bad for saying all this...My experience of being connected to the human race--feeling the whole in mindfulness sense--is to feel immense suffering and no obvious course of fixing suffering, no obvious "good" course, and certainly nothing of stable happiness. However in a certain sense I am enlightened--enlightened about a tragedy about which I can do little.2RecommendA Hayes Toronto 7 days agoWhat a lovely piece. But I should probably learn to skip reading the comments afterwards. I'm discouraged by the number of readers that think that this column should be interpreted through a Republican vs. Democrat lens. (Maybe it's easier to appreciate David Brooks if you don't live in the United States.)15RecommendKB Plano,Texas 7 days ago'Being good' is the basic challenge for human life and all of us trying to reach that state consciously or unconsciously. Only two practices is recommended by Eastern thought that can take a person to that state - discrimination and non-attachment. Discrimination is to understand the difference between real and unreal, truth and false , knowledge and ignorance at every point in life. And non-attachment is to become free from material and intelectual desire, free oneself from chasing name and fame and become fearless. This is a difficult path - as Somerset Moughm said walking on rezer edge. Once a person can do that and reach this state of personhood, he can deal this world vigorously and become the lighthouse for many - we feel elevated in presence of them. The difficulty of a rational and scientific society - how we can keep the positive effects of material success and still reach that state - we get confused and accept a piece of rock as diamond and chase a wrong path.5Recommendydtxdem houston, tx 7 days agoDavid, you make references in your article to the admirable good deeds people like Dorothy Day and Frances Perkins accomplished largely for the poor and downtrodden, and the "outstretched arm" of the stumbler, ready to receive and offer assistance, and your cogent reference to "eulogy virtues". Aren't your tredding on thin ice? You sound suspiciously like a Democrat.8Recommendleslied3 Virginia 7 days agoOh, my greatest hope is that David Brooks, who really seems like a good person, is choosing to eschew those dog-eat-dog, me-first values he supports in the Republican Party. There is always hope.11RecommendBill Gordon Missouri USA 7 days ago"To be happy, be compassionate. To make others happy, be compassionate" (Dalai Lama)13RecommendDr. Bob Solomon Edmonton, Canada 7 days agoThank you for the moral uplift and paean to left-of-center figures. I certainly agree that these attitudes are a positive contribution to discourse.I guess for non-resume morality, you want me to vote for Rand Paul, doctor w/o board-ers approval, or Cruz, the eternal nay-sayer, or Jeb the non-Hispanic Hispanic, or Bachman, the tireless crusader against injections of autism, or Perry, the guy who can't count past 2, or the neurosurgeon who opposes MediCare, ObamaCare, and any care for the non-carefree.I do not doubt your sincere care for moral leadership, just wonder how you can hold that, describe Obama-like qualities when praising Lincoln, and walk a straight line. Tell us which GOPer has the Lincoln's spiritual qualities, Perkins' concern for government aid for the poor, and Day's leftist concept of society. If you say Romney or Santorum or Palin or McCain, I'll know this column was meant for April 1st.19RecommendSteveRR CA 7 days agoMr. Brooks conflates supererogatory behavior with moral behavior.Although some religions do this - there is no reason to believe that they are the same thing - although both can be laudable.One can be very moral - indeed it is probably more sustainable for most folks to be moral without the requirement to go beyond.1RecommendBruce Ms 7 days agoAt least you are looking in the right direction.At this crucial, strategic moment in our world, we are unable to understand why? What is good or moral? Why do you offer up moral idealism in a world that so lacks the shared ideals that can motivate us to find this commitment, humility, love, selflessness and conscience that you so long for? Politics and Religions don't do it. Christianity is inadequate to the task. Our history of and present dedication to religious hatred and bloodletting so obviously shows us a yawning cliff edge. The evolution of our morals- from being based on Christ, Mohamed, Yahweh or whatever- to a new understanding that sees pure shared human wellbeing as the source and conscience- as our ultimate evolution- is all we have left, if we have yet time enough to mature to that final understanding.1Recommendach 7 days agoErikson described a task of late adulthood as the development of Generativity, a sense of hopefulness and helpfulness to guide and smooth the way for the next generation, a commitment of "giving back". Your column seems to represent an admirable shift toward others. Its mystifying to me how someone who has such deeply held conservative values can also be capable of this kind of insight, because our planet has been sorely in need of some Governmental Generativity for a while, and your voice has been somewhat contradictory on this score. Redemption awaits, and change is possible.3Recommendh s Albany, ny 7 days agoWhat a wonderful, thoughtful essay by one of our greatest minds. How very sad, then, to read through the responding comments and see how how many miss the point. Just rip up your list of people, parties whatever that you spend so much time and energy hating, and try to be a better person. Like roadrage, give up your "life rage" and help just one other person--someone other than yourself.7Recommendfast&furious the new world 7 days agoI didn't forge my character worrying about whether I'm capable of deep love. I forged my character being uninsured because of a pre-existing condition and struggling with illness. Then enduring bankruptcy. Then homelessness. Then contempt when I used my food stamps.I don't know what planet you live on with these concerns, sir. I lived in homeless shelters and met fine, loving, God-fearing people suffering there. These were the people society brands its dregs and some of them were better than me and I admired their decency. They weren't lit from within or ennobled by their suffering. Their lives were frightening and exhausting.Mr. Brooks, I believe you put this focus on the nobility of suffering/feeling deeply because it makes it easier to feel okay when you see people suffering great material privation. You convince yourself that suffering puts them on a fast track to goodness since they aren't sitting around thinking about trivial matters like whether they kid will get into Princeton.I don't care for you homilies about deepening yourself and experiencing great love. I heard the same stuff from Mitt Romney's mouth - when he wasn't saying privately that half of the good people of this country are moochers and takers. There's no spiritual beauty in being homeless, exhausted or hungry. Stop listening to Paul Ryan - he doesn't know. And for sure there's no spiritual beauty in believing that living in pain and squalor ennobles people. Jesus wept, sir.35RecommendAnna CA 7 days agoGreat article, especially at times when human success ,acceptance and respect is measured by money and fame, not how they got there or how they achieved their goals, as long as they can show it, this is what matters. we have a huge moral gap in our culture, maybe more than ever. I wish every one would read and discuss this article.I'm a grandchild of Armenian genocide survivor, I grew up with all their stories of sacrifice, hardship, faith, and moral strength, millions lost their lives for their moral believes, and yet almost 100 years later it is still not recognized as a genocide in US and some other countries, but today we are getting global attention, not because of the lost heroes, instead because of a famous reality show star, who is famous for everyone knows why!!! because she is half Armenians and is visiting her ancestorial home, at one hand it is good millions of her followers are getting to know Armenia, on the other hand by someone that if any of those survivors were alive today, I know what names they would be calling her, just lets say it would not be in the moral and kind or being proud category, but this is the stark reality of today,and many will argue with me, that I'm old fashioned and out of line, since she is famous, beautiful and rich, everything else should be ignored.well then what are we teaching to our kids and the future generations. thanks again for opening this important and often forgotten dialogue.1RecommendEaton Lattman Buffalo, NY 7 days agoA recent study suggests that the most deeply held prejudices in the US are not racial or religious, but rather political. People are more frightened of Democrats (or Republicans) than of other groups. Stereotyping is part and parcel of these prejudices. David Brooks is a Republican. This does not mean he identifies with all topics on the agendas of all stripes of Republicans. I am a lifelong Democrat, but there are plenty of things about my party's agenda that I am not too happy about. So, dismissing David's column by saying that it is written by someone who lives in a political party with dismal views on various topics is a non-thinking response.So let us have more substantive discussion. How many truly good people can society afford? Is the intense energy and commitment required for the creative process inconsistent with the moral stumbling described in the column?This is one of the best columns I have read this year, by anyone. Do not trivialize it by ad hominem arguments.11RecommendUttam Jain Cambridge, MA 7 days agoThese are some wonderful words to live by, David. Recently, I came across similar powerful words from a millenia ago, and I thought you and the Times's readers might appreciate them:"Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.Where there is hatred, let me sow love;Where there is injury, pardon;Where there is doubt, faith;Where there is despair, hope;Where there is darkness, light;Where there is sadness, joy.O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seekTo be consoled as to console,To be understood as to understand,To be loved as to love;For it is in giving that we receive;It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life."(Source: http://www.easwaran.org/the-prayer-of-st-francis.html)This a translation of St. Francis' prayer by Eknath Easwaran, one of those people, as you say, who radiated an inner light, and similar to one we want to be.11Recommendkabukicondo Roseville, CA 7 days agoDavid--excellent essay. Now your task is to suggest policies that reflect the tolerance and compassion suggested by the experiences of the people you cited as examples. Tell us how to change the direction of American corporate capitalism so the Perkins and Days are the multitude.12RecommendJon Davis NM 7 days agoNonetheless, the reality is more similar to what Francis Fukuyama wrote in "The End of History" (1989):"The end of history will be a very sad time. The struggle for recognition, the willingness to risk one's life for a purely abstract goal, the worldwide ideological struggle that called forth daring, courage, imagination, and idealism, will be replaced by economic calculation, the endless solving of technical problems, environmental concerns, and the satisfaction of sophisticated consumer demands. In the post-historical period there will be neither art nor philosophy, just the perpetual care taking of the museum of human history..."1RecommendNYT PickMarge Keller Chicago 7 days agoThank you for sharing this rich template of self enhancement. It has the capability for people to develop unlimited potential in becoming more gracious and generous throughout their lives. The wonderful examples given really do put things in perfect perspective because each one made a conscious effort and decision to make changes within their own lives which consequently benefited others greatly.Merely being content with my lot in life often times leaves me feeling empty, milling about aimlessly with no real sense of fulfillment or joy or purpose This article was like a slap across my face, waking me to what really should matter in life. At the end of each day, I should be questioning how I could be a better person to myself and others. This kind of self-reflection is essential and necessary in attaining inner happiness, love and sustainability of the soul.41RecommendRichard NM 7 days agoMr. Brooks is setting new landmarks for cognitive dissonances.But then: we have been told by prominent Republicans that they are eligible to set their own reality.Who winders?1Recommendyellow rose texas 7 days agoA beautiful and uplifting piece. THANK YOU David. I was a bit surprised by all the "sour grapes" of the comments. Upon closer reading of these comments, I heard much competitiveness and resentment. I once heard a rabbi say that his job included comforting the afflicted and afflicting the comfortable. GO DAVID!7RecommendStourley Kracklite White Plains, NY 7 days agoThe well-intentioned but poorly-informed have a champion in Brooks. "Amen," I hear the legion whisper collectively, sip their last drop of coffee, then head out to bungle the world again anew.3RecommendSteve Fankuchen Oakland, CA 7 days agoBrooks has gotten more interesting, more relevant as he has strayed further and further from politics. His introspection provides ample food for thought, agreement not necessary.Many commenters will again yell at him for not denouncing the Republican Party in this column, or some variation of such. In doing so they are cheating themselves. Most certainly one can criticize things Brooks has written, said, and done. However, if one gives in to the easy, intellectually lazy, Manichean impulse and simply ignores the substance of what Brooks is currently writing, then one is the real loser, waylaid by one's own doing you-know-what into the wind.To waste one's energy reading Brooks just to chastise him seems an incredible waste of one's time and energy. I, for one, largely ignore those whose writings do not engender respect from me. However, I suppose those who are prone to do you-know-what into the wind are also likely to do you-know-what on a hydrant, trying to stake out turf, oblivious to the indifference of all but those others crowding around the same hydrant. One line alone in this piece makes it worthwhile, even if you look no farther:"It occurred to me that there were two sets of virtues, the rsum virtues and the eulogy virtues."8RecommendMichael Kubara Cochrane Alberta 7 days ago"wonderful people are made, not born"Plato/Socrates asked "Why are the children of the virtuous sometimes not so? Can virtue be taught? Is it a by nature (vs "second nature")? Or a gift from the gods? Homer, Calvin and Martin Luther took the "gift" line--following Paul's "divine grace"--perhaps a reward for faith--making irrational dogmatic belief the root "gift."The James advocated "salvation by good works "(vs faith alone). But the question remains--"Whence the will/drive for good works?"Socrates argued paradoxically that virtue (in general) could and could not be taught: "Could"--in principle--it is knowledge; but "could not"--in practice--none have the knowledge and will to teach it.Plato and Aristotle distinguished know-how from "know-truths" and their variations on education--teaching principles vs skills--requiring practice--habituation. Plato's "Politeia" outlined an education system for teaching both. But also recognizing that "nature" plays a part too--in effect genetically based virtues/talents/abilities--making "second nature" easier for some and allowing them to go farther. The Calvinism-Capitalism ties were outlined by Tawney--the rich are deserving due to a god's selection--not due to tax law. Nonsense. But the "making of wonderful people" is not a matter of self creation either. That Sartrean "individualism" makes school systems irrelevant--punting virtue back to the gods and their dealers. We now know what damage that does.2RecommendVinod Srihari Hamden 7 days agoA thoughtful and moving essay. Brooks' image of a moral life as a kind of adventure or even battle against oneself, invoked an older image - from the Mahabharata - of Arjuna standing paralyzed before a difficult task. Commentaries on this episode of the myth have suggested several distinct pathways out of such moral paralyses - often translated as the path of devotion (to someone/something greater than the self), the path of knowledge (to extinguish the ignorance that produces the problem) or the path of action (doing what needs to be done for the problem). This is a simple account of those threads, but there are echoes in Brooks' essay of a very old conversation that needs to continue. Gurcharan Das ('The Difficulty of Being Good', 2009) added a novel idea to the traditional rendering above. He asked: what would have been said before the great battle if Siddhartha (post-enlightenment) and not Krishna were Arjuna's charioteer? One implication was that the Buddhist prescription - of a combination of deep knowledge of our predicament in the world (panna) and compassion for the suffering of others (karuna) - might have resulted in a different course than the genocidal war that followed. I cannot imagine what that course might have been - after all, assertive diplomacy had been tried, and the cruel Kauravas could not be left to rule - but I daily appreciate the costs of this failure of imagination (on my part) in the smaller and less outwardly bloody battles of daily life.5Recommenddavid pattaya 7 days agoI am reminded of Carl R. Rogers' interest in the quest for meaning. A book he wrote explores this issue: "On Becoming A Person."A couple of quotes of his come to mind; not from that book, I think. One is, "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change." and, "What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly."8RecommendR. Karch Silver Spring 7 days agoIt is a relief today, from a kind of oppression thrust so often by columnists who delve into the problems of a nation, to see Mr. Brooks' concern for matters beyond the circumscription of things by simply our human condition ...And such a circumscription such as prescribed by the preponderating 'leaders' in industry & government. That there is anything to ponder, anything that can really amaze us, seems lost upon a generation so self-consumed in the matters of economics and simply 'making a living'.We need to aspire to a higher consciousness ... more than ever in our present condition, in so secularized a society .Because it is not mentally-healthy to have lost so much of inner mental or spiritual resources with which to cope with anything society, journalists, and politicians thrust upon us. We become unwittingly, prey to being used for purposes which work against us, against our actual best interests. In other words, too easily led, so falsely led, into what they so often want us to think is what counts, a material 'well-being' exactly such as those in power: in government, in media, in the business world, want us to subscribe to. So they keep thrusting it upon us, and leading us inexorably, to 'believe in', which really amounts to a false idolatry. So fewer people can adhere to any really non hypocritical way of thinking or believing.4Recommendlindy tucker florida 7 days agoPerhaps we need to be telling young people that not only is it important for their own self-interest to "follow their bliss" as the saying goes, to identify what it is that they are drawn to and go for it - but it is important for society at large. Self-actualized people , people who are doing what they are doing because it is in harmony with their nature, are people who generally speaking, will contribute to society and mature as individuals; they will be able to endure the inevitable struggles that will shape and strengthen their moral backbone. Whether the contribution is concrete or abstract., whether it is a vocation or an avocation, society is nourished by people who are energized and fulfilled. "Imagine what a harmonious world it could be if every single person, both young and old, shared a little of what he is good at doing." Quincy Jones.2RecommendJBC Indianapolis 7 days agoMight I suggest that Mr. Brooks consider create a Rhetorical Device Bucket List for his future columns so that he might expand beyond the tiring and repetitive "this or that" dichotomies he so often uses? The world is rarely as rigid or as black and white as the false frameworks he creates.4Recommendacd upstate ny 7 days agoApplying the Golden Rule of treating people the way you would like to be treated is very enabling in ones pursuit of a virtuous existence. Keeping this at the forefront of ones thoughts is difficult at best in our culture where our definition of success focuses on what you have with little value given to how you got there.People who fight the good fight, so to say, in their pursuit of a valued existence are the ones who are not typically found in the main stream of our culture, they live more on the sidelines than in the limelight. Perhaps it is time for those of us who value integrity over possessions to be more vocal in the face of the reality of our main stream culture that has run afoul of traditional values.2RecommendCurious George The Empty Quarter 7 days agoGoodness to me is about having a realistic idea about oneself. To consider yourself a 'pundit' is not a good start.....a journalist, however excellent, can only ever be seeking the truth, not proclaiming it. A sense of realism also comes from the humility of not considering oneself superior to others because of one's station in life. There is absolutely nothing, for example, that makes a journalist (or a banker, or a professor) intrinsically better than a garbage collector or burger flipper....and to think otherwise is to be seduced by a dangerous fantasy. A deeper sense of realism emerges from the identification of oneself as the eternal, universal and unchanging spirit....as opposed to the ego, which is only a fragile mental construct. There can be no real peace without the ability to forgive....others, to be sure, but also oneself. Then there is the ability to be satisfied with what one has, and to seek out joy and aesthetic appreciation in the humdrum events of daily life; the alternative is to become utterly mundane. But perhaps the most essential element of virtue (and from that, happiness) is the restoring of childlike innocence, which is so easily corrupted and contorted in this often harsh and brutal world.3Recommendtomjoad New York 7 days ago"But people on the road to character understand that no person can achieve self-mastery on his or her own." David BrooksAdditional point: I also recall being Hillary Clinton attacked and ridiculed by all those "self-made" conservatives for her "It takes a village (to raise a child)" speeches. Perhaps those conservatives never traveled on the "road to character" which Mr. Brooks so eloquently describes?http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It_Takes_a_Village4RecommendBeth South Hadley MA 7 days agoThis is a wonderful article, but I was struck by what is missing: the word "values". A person's values are probably the strongest motivator for action (after satisfying basic needs), and people will organize their actions around their values whether they realize it or not - hence the maxim "actions speak louder than words". But people do get confused by external pressures, or by what they think they should do.A useful exercise for anyone who is feeling "lost" because their life isn't making sense is to find some quiet time to reflect on what their values are, true values, not what they wish their values were. Write them down and put them in order of importance. Then look for all the ways to align your actions with your values and stop doing those things that aren't in alignment. It is simple, but it's not easy. It will take time, but over time you will find that you are living a value-centered life that matches your own values.5RecommendJack Dermody Phoenix, AZ 7 days agoI would add a paragraph -- no, maybe three or four paragraphs -- under the "gratefulness" attribute about life's many joyful times, including those of self-indulgence. Mr. Brooks is right about everything but, like nearly all treatises on morality, this one comes off more dour than sweet. I grew up surrounded by folks who "did the right thing," but who rarely had enough fun -- in my eyes, anyway.RecommendAndy Albany NY 7 days agoHow do ideological posturing, political mudslinging and ad hominem attacks help this conversation?2RecommendGmasters Frederick, Maryland 7 days agoThere are many times I disagree with David Brooks but as I watch him interact with Mark Shields and have seen his reports, I have sensed a person I could like. This may be the reason.2RecommendJulie New Mexico 7 days agoA great article. I wish people would stop bashing David Brooks in a knee-jerk reaction. Yeah, I disagree with a lot of his politics. But it's articles like these that he's at his best. This article speaks of issues that are relevant to everyone.5RecommendJohn LeBaron MA 7 days agoI know I might be setting the bar is rather low, but "as long as you are not obviously hurting anybody and people seem to like you, you must be OK" sounds OK to me. We have an entire political class at home and abroad that would do very well to aspire to such a lofty level of moral achievement.We're not even close.2RecommendTimothy Tucson 7 days agoThere is clearly a class of people, and they are not defined by political affilliation, that can benefit from David's remarks, and as it seems, the example he is setting on this 'moral quest.' But I have to say that the people David often defends will exploit this to no end, as has been the case more often than not. David's most recent efforts being directed at the religious freedom crowd who for nearly two thousand years exploited those they should have been serving, Yes, those possed of an over abundance of self centeredness which seems to have helped them achieve, could expand themselves by a sense of self-abnegation, in the service of something higher than personal victories. But for most of the rest of folks who are sacrificed in the service of actualizing the values and lifestyles of the few elites, this is hogwash. Their first step should be a denial of the larger worlds demands on them, and ask themselves: "Is this what I want?" Is this what is serving my needs?" "Am I really content with the bulk of the fruits of my labors being consumed by others?" Only then can they find an authentic path that serves others, while they serve themselves. There is a larger moral discourse that forms part of what David is suggesting here. But more often than not it has served the intersts of a few at the expense of most others.1RecommendSteve Fankuchen Oakland, CA 7 days agoBrooks has gotten more interesting, more relevant as he has strayed further and further from politics. His introspection provides ample food for thought, agreement of little relevance.Many commenters will again yell at him for not denouncing the Republican Party in this column, or some variation of such. Actually, in doing so they are cheating themselves. Most certainly one can criticize things Brooks has written, said, and done. However, if one gives in to the easy, intellectually lazy, Manichean impulse and simply ignores the substance of what Brooks is currently writing, then one is the real loser, waylaid by one's own doing you-know-what into the wind.One line alone in this piece makes it worthwhile, even if you look no farther: "It occurred to me that there were two sets of virtues, the rsum virtues and the eulogy virtues." To waste one's energy reading Brooks just to chastise him seems an incredible waste of one's time and energy. I, for one, largely ignore those whose writings do not engender respect from me. However, I suppose those who are prone to do you-know-what into the wind are also likely to do you-know-what on a hydrant, trying to stake out turf, oblivious to the indifference of all but those others crowding around the same hydrant..3Recommendrebecca1048 Iowa 7 days ago(Sundays with Brooks?). David, maybe you are selling yourself short ---- this "generosity of spirit" and this "moral bucket list" -- maybe you are already there? Everyone is given gifts --- yours is to write on Tuesdays and Fridays and stir us up, and you are doing a good job! However, I am a little suspicious of your true leanings, especially if you admire the work of Frances Perkins? I think, you are caught in comparing yourself to those that serve and not everyone is a server -- someone has to cook. And, then, there are those that need to prepare, shop, and the list goes on.1RecommendRose St. Louis 7 days agoMr. Brooks, there is a quite simple set of instructions for making oneself the kind of person you describe, one who radiates an "inner light." It is the Great Sermon on the Mount. As you exit the Republican Party (as you must if you are sincere), or are evicted from it because of columns like yours today, you might provide the Party with a copy of the Great Sermon. Seems few of them have heard of it.1RecommendRichard Dorman Pennsylvania 7 days agoMr. Brooks, Perhaps among your most wonderful and meaningful essays. Thank you.5RecommendSteve Fort Myers,Fl 7 days agoIt is always humbling when I encounter these souls.2RecommendTom F. Lewisberry, PA. 7 days agoHaving spent my share of time and money on therapists and self-help books, meditation, medication, physical challenges, and career achievement, It seems to me that if you want to become a better person, one such as Mr brooks describes, there isn't a clearer path than working a 12-step program."Progress, not perfection" as they say. We are not saints.3RecommendAngel Paternina Cartagena, Colombia 7 days agoI just feel a disconnect between what is said here and some of the other columns defending the GOP. Conservatism is well, most of us want to live under the framework of current society. Some others would like improvements that would sooner or later become mainstream. For example, minority rights became mainstream after a long struggle, and now it is part of what society should keep and 'conserve'. But political parties are another thing, lacking the integrity to call themselves moral, specially the GOP. It seems to me racism, and bigotry are tolerated, and where the line "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" seems one of the principles of opposition. It also seems that ideas and policies that would benefit society as a whole are rejected by the GOP on the basis of party affiliation of the proposer rather than on its own merits. And despite Obama has not done much to recognize the opponent, specially at the beginning of the first term, the opposition to Obama seems more hidden racism than anything else, as if the elected leader of USA does not have one good policy idea.Mr. Brooks, it seems hypocrite to me to write this article and at the same time defend a political party that seems amoral to me. Maybe if you did not have the cowardice to ignore the contradictions in the GOP and its disregard for truth and honor, I would believe you. I am sorry Mr. Brooks, I really believe you are more moral than you appear, but your survival instinct I think have the upper hand.3RecommendWFGersen Etna, NH 7 days agoBrooks is right in his observation that "...our culture and our educational systems spend more time teaching the skills and strategies you need for career success than the qualities you need to radiate (an) inner light. Many of us are clearer on how to build an external career than on how to build inner character." Our culture is based on the capitalist premise that the acquisition of things will make us happy, that happiness comes from the outside and not the inside. Consequently the value of our schools is based on their ability to prepare students for careers that are financially rewarding and they rely on external reward mechanisms. If we wanted schools that focus on character development we would eliminate the ranking of students and schools based on test scores and emphasize collaboration over competition.1Recommendklm atlanta 7 days agoIt seems to me being worried about what people will say about you at your funeral is a strange motivation for changing your life. Sounds kind of self-centered, Mr. Brooks.2RecommendJennifer MN 7 days agoInteresting examples. My jaw dropped when Brooks repudiated the individualist worldview as not sufficient for reaching our highest purpose. Is he about to make a "conscience leap" away from the GOP? He seems conflicted, and today's GOP gives him much to be conflicted about.4Recommendfreyda ny 7 days ago"But people on the road to inner light do not find their vocations by asking, what do I want from life? They ask, what is life asking of me? How can I match my intrinsic talent with one of the worlds deep needs?" Life is asking of me at this minute that I write a note to Hillary Clinton who has a chance to match her intrinsic talent with the world's deep needs and beg her to add Elizabeth Warren to her ticket as running mate. You have some popularity but you need to add greater courage and idealism to your list of skills. Warren knows what life is asking of her. It is to protect democracy for the people of this country and, at least by our example, for the world. Together you could set our entire nation on the road to inner light. Together you could take up the banner of change and hope. Otherwise, the boys will outspend and outtalk you and a great opportunity for humanity will be lost.Flag3Recommend Share this comment on FacebookShare this comment on TwitterAirline Hater Boston 7 days agoMr. Brooks, this may be the most important column you've ever written...