The Mechanics of Scientific Writing

W.S. Warner, Ph.D.

Day 1 Analysis and Structure

Day 2 IMRAD and Argue

Day 3 Tables, Figures, Citation, Punctuation

Day 4 Clarity and Cohesion

Day 5 Concision & Precision

Program Day 1

Analysis –critical thinking from note taking to brainstorming

Structure –outlining: analytical, comparison & contrast, argumentative

Day 2

IMRAD – standard components of a publishable research manuscript

Citation – guidelines for referencing and how to avoid plagiarism

Day 3

Tables and Figures – how to make your writing understood

Citation –how to reference your sources.

Punctuation – how to make your writing accurate

Day 4

Clarity – six principles of clear writing

Cohesion – how to make your writing fluid

Day 5

Concision & Precision – how to make your writing tight and right

Review

Clarity

If something can be misunderstood, it will be.

Police Begin Campaign to Rundown Streetwalkers

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Volunteers Needed to Help Torture Survivors

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Private Causes of Cloudy Writing

• Memory of English teacher’s rules • To make ideas seem more impressive • Writing about matters we don’t entirely understand

– Typically when starting a new field – Discredit the author – Author’s maxim: Write about what you know.

Professional Causes of Cloudy Writing

• Professionals with high school English • Professions have characteristic ways of writing • Writers new to a field typically

– Dump new concepts (not entirely understood) – Abstract ideas loosely linked – Imitate vague clotted abstraction they’ve read

Sound familiar? Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny within the conceptual framework of development of advanced species, represented by adult organisms of more primitive species, such that each successive stage or stages in the development of an individual represents one of the adult forms that appeared in its evolutionary history. • If you don’t control your own thoughts, your style will slip into

those same clumps of abstractions: “conceptualization of the framework of ideas of development of

species that are advanced, by representation of adult organisms…”

Understand the Story

• Vital for all stories – characters – their actions

• Principle 1: Make characters subjects • Principle 2: Make their actions verbs

clearly state who is doing what

How to make it unclear

• Make it sound academic

• Hide the characters

• Turn their actions (verbs) into nouns

Compare same story 1. Our lack of knowledge about local conditions precluded determination

of focus-group action effectiveness in sample determination to those areas in greatest need of representation.

2. Because we knew nothing about local conditions, we could not determine how effectively the focus-group sampled areas that most needed representation.

Sentence 1 is unclear. Why? • Characters are not subjects • Actions are not verbs

lack, knowledge, determination, action, need Sentence 2 subjects name characters; actions are verbs

we knew nothing we could not determine

the focus-group sampled areas needed

What characters?

The current estimate is of 50% reduction in the introduction of new feed products in the event that compliance with the Preliminary Manufacture Notice becomes a requirement under proposed EU legislation.

If the EU requires that the feed industry complies with the Preliminary Manufacturing Notice, we estimate that the industry will introduce 50% fewer new products.

When characters are concepts

Because the intellectual foundations of evolution are the same as so many other scientific theories, the falsification of their foundations would be necessary for the replacement of evolutionary theory with creationism.

In contrast to creationism, the theory of evolution shares its intellectual foundations with many other theories. As a result, creationism will displace evolutionary theory only when it can first prove that the foundation of all those other theories are false.

Despite his knowledge of the need by the cities for new revenues for improvement of their schools, the Governor executed a veto of the budget bill to give encouragement to the cities for an increase of local taxes.

Characters and actions

• Governor

– he knew something

– he vetoed a bill

– he will encourage the cities

• The cities

– they need revenue

– they [should] improve schools

– they [should] increase taxes

• Schools

– they will be improved

Re-write actions with verbs

1. knowledge - to know

2. the need - to need

3. improvement - to improve

4. a veto - to veto

5. encouragement - to encourage

6. an increase - to increase

Though the Governor knew that the cities needed new revenue to improve schools, he vetoed the budget bill because he wanted to encourage cities to increase

local taxes.

Fat writing

Verbs that do not express action, merely that an action exists

We conducted an investigation of it.

A review was done on the social media.

A need exists for greater client selection efficiency.

There is the possibility of prior approval of it.

= We investigated it.

= They reviewed the social media.

= We must select clients more efficiently.

= He might approve of it ahead of time.

Write clearly!

Were you told to:

1. be specific?

2. use fewer prepositional phrases?

3. show logical order?

4. connect relationships?

5. write shorter sentences?

1. Be specific! Write more concretely.

turn verbs into nouns - characters abstract and weak There has been a decision for research termination. subject names characters + verbs show their actions specific and concrete The project leader decided to terminate research.

2. Avoid too many prepositional phrases

An evaluation of the program by us will allow greater efficiency in allocation for funds.

Subject names characters + verbs show their actions reduce prepositional phrases

We will evaluate the strategy so that we can allocate funds better.

3. Put your ideas in a logical order

turn verbs into nouns + string prepositional phrases confuse sequence of actions

The closure of the branch and the transfer of its non-unionized employees constituted an unfair labor practice because the purpose of obtaining an economic benefit by means of discouraging unionization motivated the closure and transfer.

subjects as characters + verbs to show their actions likely match the logic of the story

The partners committed an unfair labor practice when they closed the branch and transferred its non-unionized employees in order to discourage unionization and thereby obtain an economic benefit.

4. Use connectors to clarify logical relationships

How abstract is this? The more effective presentation of needs by other parties to

the UN resulted in our failure in acquiring funds, despite intensive lobbying efforts on our part.

Subject names characters + verbs show their actions + link clauses with connectors (because, although, if…) clarify the sequences of clauses Although we lobbied the UN intensively, we could not acquire

funds because other parties presented their needs more effectively.

5. Write short sentences

• Match subjects + verbs with characters + actions • Compare the examples and revised sentences • Not length but meaning

– how easily we get from the beginning to the end – while understanding everything in between

First two principles of clear writing

1. The subjects name the characters. – Implied character in an adjective:

Determination of defense policy occurs at the presidential level.

The President determines defense policy.

2. The verbs show the characters’ crucial actions. – Some characters and actions are so removed we must recast them:

There seems to be no obvious reason that would account for the apparent unavailability of educated recruits.

The Army wonders why students do not enlist.

Principle 3

Avoid nominalization: turning verbs and adjectives into nouns

Clear: We must motivate interns more effectively. Cloudy: A need exists for greater motivation efficacy.

But nominalization can be necessary. Don’t revise if the nominalized subject refers to a previous sentence. These initiatives depend adequate funding. This decision can lead to costly consequences.

Look for useless nominalization

• Nominalization linked to an empty verb

The committee has no expectation that it will meet the deadline. The committee does not expect to meet the deadline.

• replace the nominal subject Our discussion concerned the term paper. We discussed the term paper. The intention of the professor is to teach students how to avoid nominalization. The professor intends to teach students how to avoid nominalization.

Notice how we trim down the original sentences?

Look for multiplication

There was first an explanation of the evolution of social media.

• Turn the first one into a verb, First, we explained the evolution of social media.

• Then turn the second into a verb in a clause

beginning with how or why. First, we explained how social media evolved.

Abstract nouns often end in “ion”

• Under Home menu, select Find

• Enter: ion

Not all end in ion

Verb Noun

approve approval

discover discovery

move movement

resist resistance

react reaction

react reaction

fail failure

refuse refusal

Adjective

careless carelessness difficult difficulty different difference elegant elegance applicable applicability intense intensity

Clarification about Nominalization in the Elimination of Abstraction

• Abstract nouns attract ofs and thes. The conclusion that the reduction of abstraction

brought about by the elimination of nominalization to the annual report was carried out…

• Liberate the active verb hidden in every abstract noun and these redundant words will disappear.

You’ve been texted, friended and verbed

Mothers and fathers used to bring up children: now they parent.

Critics used to review plays: now they critique them.

– Unemployment has been trending upwards

– Scientists evidence, writers text, all Google

• Some ridiculous: verbs from nouns from verbs

– Let’s conference (from Let’s confer)

– Smith statemented… Smith stated

• Principle: avoid turning nouns into verbs

Principle 4

Use the Appropriate Voice

character goal Active: The client broke the agreement. subject object goal character Passive: The agreement was broken by the client. subject prepositional phrase

Active Eliminates

the Abstract Passive: A novel method of teaching writing has been discovered by the staff. The new

approach detailed in a plan will be submitted. Active: The staff has discovered a novel method to teach writing. They will submit a plan that details the new approach.

• Passives with nominalizations are abstract Gender movement to less restrictive methods of finance may be followed by

increased probability of poverty reduction within households.

• Active sentence is vigorous, direct – names the specific agent of an action – reduces the words

If we finance women less restrictively, they may increase household wealth.

Passive emphasizes the object (typical in Methodology)

We cultured the cells for 48 hours in media that we diluted with water.

Cells were cultured for 48 hours in media diluted with water. • To be: is, are, was and were weaken, cloud, evade There were four students under investigation. (passive) Four students were investigated. (passive) The committee investigated four students. (active) • Active more precise than passive Smith found… It was found… (character?) • Why then do scientists and scholars insist on the passive?

– Active voice associated with first-person (I, we) – Editorial requirements of journals: Third-person passive… – Bad habit

Why use the passive voice?

To avoid stating who is responsible for an action – because you don’t know, – or don’t care, – or because you’d rather not say.

Those found guilty of leaking documents will be terminated and can be prosecuted.

The CEO terminates the employees. Who actually prosecutes them?

Mistakes were made.

Avoid beginning with Passive Nominalization

When nominalization follows there is, was, are, were 1. change the noun to a verb 2. find a new subject

There was erosion of the land from the floods. The floods eroded the land. There is a need for further study of useless nominalization. You must study useless nominalization further. Tip: Under Home in Word find: “there” check for nominalization.

Scholars in different fields write in different ways. And in all fields, some scholarly writers and editors resolutely avoid the first person everywhere. But if they claim that all good academic writing in all fields must always be impersonally written third-person, always passive, they are wrong.

J. Williams Style: Toward Clarity and Grace

Pronoun Person Singular Plural First person or persons speaking I, me we, us Second person or persons spoken to you you Third person or persons spoken about he, she, they, them him, her it

Principle 5:

Use the first person… only when necessary

Introduction refer to the context of writing about something

I (we) claim, argue, contrast, deny, describe, suggest, contrast list the parts or steps in a procedure:

First, I (we) explain… Then I illustrate… Finally we suggest

Body: rarely for particular actions

I composed a questionnaire to determine...

A questionnaire determined...

Conclusion: express logical connections

I (we) infer, support, prove, deny

Your call: A matter of judgment

Faulty: It has been found experimentally that genetically altered strawberries are frost-resistant.

Better: In this experiment, we found that genetically altered strawberries are frost-resistant.

Remove yourself

– Topic becomes more visible: you are not important I claim that China is… China is…

– Idea stronger: supported by evidence not belief I show that… Empirical data proves… Smith supports…

Principle 6

Avoid compounding nouns and adjectives

Early childhood thought disorder misdiagnosis often occurs because of unfamiliarity with resent research literature describing such conditions. This report reviews seven recent studies of particular relevance to preteen hyperactivity diagnosis involving medication maintenance level evaluation procedures.

late construction worker

Adjective + Noun + Noun =

cohesive data modeling statistics

collaborative integration methodology

household level poverty alleviation strategies

sustainable natural resource development studies

Commerce Business Daily:

fluidized bed waste heat recovery system demonstration roof rock bolt bond integrity tester development

1. Use appropriate prepositions: random analysis of household poverty analysis of poverty in random households

2. Use a hyphen to indicate composite noun poverty-suppression pseudo-science small woodlot owner?

3. Reassemble: reverse the order

random household poverty analysis

Reassembling Compound Nouns

1 2 3 4 early childhood thought disorder misdiagnosis 4 3 2 1 misdiagnosis of disordered thought in early childhood

But what’s early: the childhood? the disorder ? the diagnosis?

Unclear because…

Decisions in regard to the administration of medication despite the inability of irrational patients voluntarily appearing in Trauma Centers to provide legal consent rest with a physician alone.

• Determine character associated with actions expressed as nouns

– decisions decide

– administration administer

– inability cannot

– consent consent

Make characters subjects of actions

Arrange the events chronologically

When a patient voluntarily appears at Trauma Centers but behaves so irrationally that he cannot legally consent to treatment, only a physician can decide whether to administer medication.

Unclear in the same way?

China, so that it could expand and widen its influence and importance among Eastern European nations, in 1955 began in a quietly orchestrated way a diplomatic offensive directed against the Soviet Union.

• Not unclear because of

– nominalization

– misplaced subjects

– confused sequence of events

Unclear because

– split what should be together

– unnecessary words

In 1955, China began to orchestrate a quiet diplomatic offensive against the Soviet Union to expand its influence in Eastern Europe.

Unclear because abstract? Know your reader

When pAD4038 in E. coli pmiiman A mutant CD1 exemplified the P.

aeuuginosa pmi gene, a high level of PMI and GMP activities were observed in the media.

• Not unclear because it is abstract, split elements, wordy

• Clear to someone who knows subject terminology

When rebels in Syria exemplified the Arab Spring Movement, a high level of NATO and UN activities were observed in the media.

Abstract vs Concrete

• Abstract nouns = qualities and ideas

justice, poverty, realism, dignity, truth

• Concrete nouns = experiences and objects

prison, AK-47, E. coli, migraine, vertigo

• Abstract is often necessary, but prefer concrete alternatives

The UN addressed the challenges of the future: problems concerning the environment and world peace.

The UN addressed the challenges of the future: climate change, food security, and control of nuclear weapons.

Summing up:

Clarity

1. Subjects name the characters 2. Verbs name the characters’ actions 3. Avoid turning verbs and adjectives into nouns 4. Use active and passive voices appropriately 5. Use first-person only when necessary 6. Avoid compounding nouns and adjectives