Jewell Mimms Ridley

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Jewell Mimms Ridley

The Life I Was Supposed To Have Jewell Mimms Ridley

Jewell Mimms Ridley

@2009 Jewell Mimms Ridley

Cincinnati, OH

All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the publisher except in case of

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Jewell Mimms Ridley

The Beginning God’s Hand

It’s Like That and That’s The Way It Is Scorched Earth

Rhyme and Reason Squarely On My Feet

Undeserved Favor Reminiscing Over You

Legacy Love Faith Patience Prayer

The Aftermath

Love and Matrimony 100percent

Lullaby Stars and Stripes

Words and Consequences Less Than Zero Bravo! Bravo! Dime Piece Make Room

So Much Parasite Doubt

See Hear Speak Feel

Jewell Mimms Ridley

The Reconciliation Jewell – a poem from Isaac

A Clean Slate Four States of Being

A Blessing Fearless

Connected To Me losjeffy Isaac D

So I Write Dr. Jean Mr. Ray

Mack Diva Supreme W.R.E.D

Powerful Grace Don’t Look

Serenity Reconciliation

Godsend

Jewell Mimms Ridley

The Beginning

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Jewell Mimms Ridley

God’s Hand A Poem for Ozie

Everything was perfect, I only saw me with you

But a storm was soon coming, the magnitude of which we had no clue I have known you since I was girl, starting to come into my own

I have known you since you were a boy, now your tall dark and strong I thought nothing could come between us, we breathed the same air

You had my back like no other, no matter what you were always there

Every day that summer, my body slowly fell apart Constant pain, constant tension, no explanations, no where to start

I was living in a fog of pills, pain, and prayer No matter how many times I called, you seem to have no time to share

My weight reverted to double digits, I looked like the walking dead My best friend came to see me, She left with fear and dread

I only found release with scalding hot water inside a tub The pain was so incredible, couldn't even stand a hug

But nothing could compare to the pained expression on your face When someone finally figured out what was going on with my case

The gossip mill at school said I was starving myself over you They sent me to a therapist to see if it was true

I always knew I was dying right before everyone's eyes

But no one in my life could help me, I was certain of my demise Because they thought that I was pregnant carrying your seed

They finally did a blood test unsure of what the results would be

Jewell Mimms Ridley

God’s Hand A Poem for Ozie (cont)

Hallelujah, I have leukemia! I can put a name to this pain.

Thank God I have leukemia; Thank God I am NOT insane.

Everyone else was shell-shocked but I was happy as I could be Although my body had failed me, my mind was still and always with me.

I knew I wasn't crazy, I knew this pain was real. God gave me a new day, now my body could start to heal.

I never knew the day you left me, the day you walked out that door.

Would be the last day that I knew you like you were before. This storm cast a shadow between us, destroying everything we had

Who knew anything could come between us, I thought nothing would get that bad

You left me with a gift that I carry to this day

You taught me how to fight and let nothing stand in my way You made me a warrior princess- delicate, powerful and strong

You taught me to prepare for any situation that could possibly go wrong I learned so much from you, you were always my best friend

You were also my big brother, closer to me than any kin

As I continue to come into my own, I have become painfully aware That in deed you owed me nothing, not even your time to share

This was my fight from the beginning; This fight was always in God's plan No touch from any man could heal me, only the touch of God's Hand.

Jewell Mimms Ridley

It’s Like That and That’s The Way It Is

So what's it like to claim such a marvelous victory? So what's it like to know that you finally are cancer-free? So what's it like to face your death at the age of seventeen? So what's it like to see a day that most have never seen?

It’s nothing like you think that it could, would or should be

The cancer may be gone but the pain is still with me The pain of letting everyone connected to me down

The pain of getting blocked before I even hit the ground I hurt my mother. I hurt my sister. I hurt my family. I hurt my friends

By turning out to be much less than what I thought I should have been

I have to wonder at times if God didn't make a mistake What happened to that other girl in the clinic? Did she ever make it?

It became my own sad version of the TV show 'Survivor' Outsmart, Outplay, Outlast, Outlive

Who would end up being the last one?

Am I competing against sick babies to be saved by God's grace? What made me so damn special? Why was I chosen to win this race?

Watching children succumb not only to the illness but to the fix Putting poisons into our young bodies. To keep us well they made us sick

I won't burden or bother anyone. I will beat this on my own

I was a Walnut Hills High School senior, College-prepped, I was damn near grown

So who was I to trust, the devil I know or the devil I don't I'll decide what pills I'll take, let’s see what happens if I won't

Not a good idea to decide what pill is best for you

Ended up with a case of pneumonia, laid me up in the I.C.U. Maybe on some level, I was just ready to go home

Always tired of fighting this battle, Tired of always being alone

Jewell Mimms Ridley

It’s Like That and That’s The Way It Is (cont)

My pastor came to see me He wanted to give me my last rites But something stirred up inside me

Something told to me rise up and fight I remember asking him to leave, I wasn't quite dead yet

I was offended he was ready to give up with little or no regret That was my first personal revelation I finally knew what that word meant

It’s like God is awakening inside of you and You know it’s heaven-sent

So I learned a painful lesson about Taking matters into my own hands

God took pity on my hubris, fixed my mistakes, Put me back on his plan

Unfortunately this was a lesson I would repeat and repeat again and again

But soon I will learn my lesson, Follow God's plan and you will win

Maybe I have learned my lesson Because I have many battles behind me

25 and zero is a good record. No knockout yet I wouldn't bet against me

So what's it like to claim such a marvelous victory?

It’s like knowing that you are loved, Holy and unconditionally

So what's it like to know that you are finally cancer-free? It’s like reclaiming your body from its destruction and

Accepting your victory

So what's it like to face your death at the age of seventeen? Don't think it made a difference

It’s just the time and place I happened to be So what's it like to see a day that most have never seen? Blessed and grateful for God's grace and certain

I have many days yet to see.

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Scorched Earth

I agreed to all your terms I put my life in your hands

I had no idea what was coming I didn’t know the Master Plan

Didn’t know my prognosis was poor

Maybe that was for the best Expectations were so low

Took everything in me to pass this test

I often felt very alone No one aware of what I had to face

Of course I was never alone God coaching me throughout this race

One day I was sitting in the clinic

Getting ready for my toxic fix When God whispered in my ear

“You will no longer be sick”

My dear friend Robert said to me This was the day my spirit took over My mind and body submitted freely

Pills, pokes, and poisons Would rule me no longer

I am today in complete remission

Some would say I am completely cured I would say I was never ill

My body recovered because My spirit endured

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Rhyme and Reason

No rhyme or reason for this path that I'm on I want my life back, the life I had planned on I don't understand why I'm treated this way

I've done everything asked and always obeyed

Did I always obey? Maybe not, Maybe so. But I came pretty close, a lot more than most.

I wasn't always perfect but who really is? I did what I could, there’s no way I deserve this.

You must really hate me to do this to me.

How can I ever trust You? You're not making things easy. Are You even listening? Can You hear me right now? I'm tired of talking to You. You treat me like a child.

The language of child completely full of herself

Thinking she authored God and no longer needed His help The most enlightened minds can fall victim to the flesh

Pulling up flowers for weeds making herself a bigger mess

It is time to grow up but not just chronologically In spirit and in mind being all I was meant to be

Not in my eyes but in His should I set my daily goal To become a child of God speaks so sweetly to my soul

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Squarely On My Feet

My beautiful left knee Often reminds me Of what I use to be Whole and Carefree

Long walks until I’m beat Standing squarely on my feet Chemo picked my knee to eat

Leaving me with no meat To stand squarely on my feet

Dr. Swank I was blessed to meet Gave me hope with a bionic knee

To make me what I use to be Still standing squarely on my feet

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Undeserved Favor

Your enduring favor rests upon me For reasons I cannot begin to explain

Your grace has surely saved me Your love for me has never changed

How could anyone possibly believe

That I have the favor of You? My life has been not one would envy

Dreams unfulfilled, Plans not coming through

Doesn’t favor mean You want the very best? Doesn’t favor mean I am better than the rest?

If you knew favor meant you might have to suffer Would you want the favor of God or turn to another?

Favor can sometimes mean that you will be chosen To take the narrow path to see if you will be broken

To be tried and tested by the world and its limitations To come out on the other side with peace, joy, and celebration

I know in my spirit I have the favor of God

I thank him daily and give him glory I know in my life I have the grace of God

Because I am still here to tell my story

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Reminiscing Over You

Oh how I love to sit and think Reminiscing over memories of you

Thinking about all the ways You made it do whatever it do

You were always the center of attention No matter who was around

From being the three-letter varsity athlete To the smart and witty class clown

Back in those days it was so easy

To walk up and make new friends You only needed two things in common

Then you were best friends 'til the summer began Remember when we skipped 8th bell

And rode the #4 bus downtown? Living it up on Fountain Square,

You were so much fun to be around

Remember when we tried to hide On silly effie-beat-up day?

No eye contact with any eighth graders Frontin' and standing in our way

We worked our way up the social food chain Holding court daily in the Main Hall

We had our own coveted spot You and me, holding up the wall

We both moved on with dreams to pursue

I went to Miami, you went to Ohio U. We boldly moved forward, creating new lives

Building careers, both stars on the rise. I wish I'd stayed closer in order to view How truly great you turned out to be

I still have my very fond memories of you These memories will forever be special to me

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Legacy

A gift freely given For those willing to receive

A promise made and a promise kept For those wanting to achieve

We are blessed to be here on this day To acknowledge those that lead

Every day in our schools and classrooms Leading young minds to succeed

Given the charge to shape and mold

The future of God's children Knowledge and understanding are their gifts

Ready and willing to share them We still reminisce on the care and concern

So often invested in us We've confided our biggest hopes and dreams

They've earned our respect and trust

Committing themselves year after year Sometimes with little or no reward

But committed they are to guide each student To keep us all moving forward

We are honored to recognize on this day Our long passed administrators and teachers We honor them by living up to their legacy Becoming ourselves scholars and leaders

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Love Faith Patience Prayer A Poem for Chara

Love unconditional has no limitations

It can heal wounds that only the heart can see It quenches your soul and nurtures your spirit

The more you give of it, the more you will receive

Faith requires little but returns so much more As we place our hopes and fears into His hands

We boldly move forward knowing we are protected We praise and glorify him by walking in His plan

Patience is virtue, a truth that cannot lie

An act borne of wisdom and courageous endurance We are blessed to wait on His will and His word

We are rewarded with His blessed assurance

Prayer connects us to our everlasting Spirit It provides us with a holy and sacred dwelling place

To pour out our hearts for God's tender mercy To accept our birthright of God's sacred grace

As our circumstances attempt to overwhelm us When doubt quickly turns into grief and despair Take comfort in knowing He is always with us With forever love, faith, patience and prayer

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Jewell Mimms Ridley

The Aftermath

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Love and Matrimony

Mutually Exclusive Or one in the same One man’s pleasure

Another woman’s pain

Can I still love you? While standing on my own

Can I still marry you? And continue to breathe and grow

Did I submit?

Out of love or fear Am I still afraid?

Do I still need you near?

I only wanted you Just because I was alone

You were ready and willing I was able and grown

Decisions made in haste

Are not the best ones to make You end up regretting

The time that’s been a waste

We eventually come apart Not soon enough for me

Hesitant to restart Uncertain of what will be

More than willing to accept Love given unconditionally Expect nothing in return What love and marriage

Should always be

Jewell Mimms Ridley

100percent

I was 100% in your corner But you wished me ill will Soon as things got tight And we started to fight

I was 100% in your corner

Until things got tough You started to get rough What I did was too much

Or not enough

I was 100% in your corner Until I wanted some answers

To your disappearing acts And your shady tactics

Somebody needs his ass kicked

I was 100% in your corner When calls weren't returned

I'm sure I'll get burned From this suspect behavior

Blowing off chances God gave you

I'm still 100% in your corner

But only on the low You still need to grow Don't need me for that

God's down for you

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Lullaby

I slowly begin to feel you Up my body you start to creep From the very tip of my toes To the tickly soles of my feet

You are kissing me so very gently Between the coolness of the sheets

As my body lies very still As our minds begin to meet

I've been craving with anticipation

For your return to my bed Nothing more from me is required

No more words need to be said I feel myself begin to drift

Floating off to Wonderland My eyes cannot stay open

I surrender myself to your command

You still are kissing me softly Gently on the nape of my neck

Whisper sweet nothings in my ear You've got my body all in check

You sing to me your lullaby So lovely and so sweet

I have missed you since you left me Welcome Back Home...Mr. Sleep

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Stars and Stripes

I remember it like it was The Fourth of July

I see blazing white stars Against a jet black sky

I see the stripes of my red blood Splattered against a white wall

As I begin to blackout, Trip, stumble, and fall

My brand new white sofa is

Now colored blood red I can’t believe what I’m seeing

Fatal thoughts spinning in my head To match my new red stripes is

My black and blue face This house is no longer a home.

I’m ready to leave this time and space

There is something about a man Who hits a woman in her face

To attempt to destroy her beauty Just to keep her in her place

No regret, no remorse No apology, no repent

A special place reserved in Hell His time will soon be spent

But this was my legal spouse For better but mostly worse

What once appeared a true blessing Has turned into an ugly curse

Just like all things good and bad This story came to a blessed end Looking forward to new journeys

My Day of Independence I will soon begin

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Words and Consequences

blah blah blah yes no yes

what you want from me is anybody's guess

yada yada yada

no yes no not sure where this is headed

not sure I want to go

chat chat chat yes no yes

I thought it was ok To give to you my best

yakkity yakkity yak

no yes no peace of mind - I say yes

confusion - I say no

I gave you what I could did all that I can do

I know I'm one tough cookie but cookies crumble too

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Less Than Zero

Such a pretty face But rotten to the core

Tall Dark and Handsome But a stiff and a bore

I loved your pretty face You seemed like a catch All is not what it seemed

Game and talk never matched

Like a moth I was drawn So I stepped into the fire But there is a price to pay

For temporary lust and desire

This was nothing more Than a trip of the ego Mine as well as yours

We started at Less Than Zero

A year of constant back and forth’s Quick endings and false starts

Need to find a way to stop Spinning in circles until I drop

But my ego will not allow

This drama to come to an end Trying to make me into

Someone that I’ve never been

I now have the courage To silently walk away

Make room for something better Better days not far away

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Bravo! Bravo!

Bravo! Bravo! Applause! Applause! All hail the man who knows he's not flawed He's accomplished so much all by himself He's reached his pinnacle without any help

I saw this day coming many years ago

He needed no God and he boldly told me so I couldn't do anything but just shake my head

Bewildered and dumbfounded by what he just said

He even once told me I used God as a crutch Since he'd figured life out, he didn't need Him too much

The arrogance of stupidity and a little bit of cash Can you leave you morally bankrupt and soon out on your ass

For awhile things were good, his stuff didn't stink

But in life stuff will happen and his ship started to sink Scrambling for direction, like a turtle on its back

He was left confused and powerless - ready for attack

The lesson I learned from my time spent with this friend God has a sense of humor in the reminders He'll send You will come across people who are nothing like you To empower who you are. To your own self be true

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Dime Piece

The dime to the nickel The nickel to the dime It should be a crime

How you wasting time With the nickel and the dime

You killing me softly

With a thousand little cuts Give me this but none of that

Please grow up or shut up

If you want to hang It'll cost you to play

Your time is running out Upfront you need to pay

Your hand is always open

But only to receive You'll say almost anything Just low enough to deceive

Do you think I'm stupid?

Do you think you running game? Ain't trying to knock your hustle

But its corny, trife, and lame

I'll just come out and tell you Like my grandma use to say

This ain't no restaurant You ain't gettin' it your way

The dime to the nickel The nickel to the dime Got me wasting time

On this silly little rhyme About the nickel and the dime

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Make Room

I still feel you even though we've parted We were finished before we got started

I still hear you speak to my heart We came to meet only to depart

You still remain unavailable to me

You are not here when I want you to be I pursue you as if you should matter to me

I want you close when you can’t possibly be

How can I ever let this thing go? When it’s all I ever wanted to know We still must keep it all on the low

If it can't breathe then it won't grow

It just wasn't really meant to be You will never be free and available to me You are where you need and desire to be And cannot possibly make room for me

Jewell Mimms Ridley

So Much

Loved you so much That I had to let you go

Loved you so much But it never had a flow

Loved you so much For you I tried and tried

Loved you so much We were never satisfied

Loved you so much

You had me to yourself Loved you so much That I needed help Loved you so much That it made me sick Loved you so much

An ugly habit I had to kick

God has given me insight So I can finally see

Love is not the burden That it had come to be

Love cannot be tethered Managed and controlled

Love is not bondage Used to possess and hold

My time with you is over The spell is finally broken

No more silent regrets The truth now finally spoken

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Parasite

Your deceitful smile Betrays your purpose Your venom slowly Rises to the surface Your slithering ways Attempt to charm

Your bickering style Demands to disarm

Something in your eyes

That was never quite true Every time you speak It is always about you All must bow down

When you enter the room Blowing nothing but

Hot air and poisonous fumes

Time to speak up and Expose your wicked ways No longer be silent and

Quietly dismayed True nature revealed and

Repulsed by the light Both faces now shown

Of this toxic Parasite

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Doubt

Doubt Questions my intentions Smothers my affection Changes my direction

Doubt

Creeps into my dreams Exposes cracks at the seams Diminishes my self esteem

Doubt

Makes my emotions bleed Plants a corruptible seed

Erodes my will to succeed

Doubt Provides cover for me to fail Will never allow me to prevail

Drags me straight to hell

Doubt Is a manifestation of fear

Keeps me stuck in first gear Makes my destination unclear

Doubt

Can never see what God sees Will never completely overtake me

Is only as big as I allow it to be

Jewell Mimms Ridley

See Hear Speak Feel

Blind to the light of knowledge and truth Vision obstructed by foolish desires of youth

My view distorted by worldly illusions God correct my sight and caste away my confusion

Deaf to the sound of your blessed voice Listening to the world of limited choice

Your silence confirms I've lost my direction God hear my cries and take my confession

Mute to the world about your grace and favor Ashamed of my gifts and so willing to cower

Demons destroy while I cosign on this betrayal God speak to me so I can rise up and prevail

Numb to your hand planted firmly on my shoulder

Dumbfounded by not being wiser as I get older Aware that your ways have their own rhyme and reason

God touch my soul and guide me through this long season

I want to see, I want to hear, I want to speak, I want to feel I want to know and to believe that Your love for me is real I will honor and live the life that has been purposely given

Using all of my senses to stay purposely driven

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Jewell Mimms Ridley

The Reconciliation

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Jewell

A name so perfect for one so precious Kind, caring, giving with love that is crestless She takes up her cause with selfless devotion

With a spirit so beautiful that exudes warm emotion

Intelligent, thoughtful, one great human being Blessed, God focused, a blossoming Queen

Strong yet vulnerable she has nothing to hide A real true friend you would want on your side

A very wise scholar more learned than most

A treasure created, the fire and pressure transposed Helped me perceive me and the world around me

By sharing her lessons in testimony

Her eyes are finally opening to seize her prize The metamorphosis manifests the growth realized One step in her journey the road has been tough But Jewell is a jewel God's diamond in the rough!

IDiggs 09

Jewell Mimms Ridley

A Clean Slate

I prayed to God to wipe the slate clean Now I am awake all night, afraid to dream

I am drowning every night in a sea of doubt Not family nor friends can really help me out

I keep feeling like I have been here before But I have never before been so unsure

I know I have an important lesson to learn Hoping new journeys won't get me burned

It’s not about money, It’s not about fame

Just tired of every day being the same

I had big dreams that I thought had died Got kicked in the teeth every time I tried

I settled for less just because it was there

Got comfortable, lazy, and began not to care

God shook me up behind the wheel of a car Driving blindly, knowing I wouldn't get too far

But once again I lived to see another day

God won't let me quit or let me lose my way

So I sit and I wonder and I cry and I scream It is my time now to live up to my dreams

The slate is clean, The past is gone.

I pray only for courage so I can move on.

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Four States of Being

My physical state of being is the image the world can see Does it represent who I am or who I really want to be?

My body had turned against me, pushing poison through my veins Can I ever find peace in this temple and learn to trust it again?

My emotional state of being connects me to everyone that I know

It allows me to be vulnerable and to let my feelings show It overwhelms my sense of being - euphoric highs, devastating lows

But I can never come to abandon it; I need to feel so I can grow

My mental state of being is a state that's like no other My mind has been My weapon, My rock, My shelter, My shield, My cover

It has never let me down where physical and emotional states have failed me My mind is who I am, where I exist, and blessed to be.

My spiritual state of being is where I begin and where I shall end

It has been my constant companion, my closest ally and my dearest friend It is the God that lives inside me; no one can take it away

It is the God that's inside everyone; we all will be reconciled one day.

My four states of being, can't have one without the others They make me who I am, uniquely me, I'm like no other.

I want to find peace with each, giving up my need to control. Accept God's blessings given to me

My body, My heart, My mind, My soul.

Jewell Mimms Ridley

A Blessing

I want to be a blessing, Everywhere I go I yearn to be a blessing, To everyone I know

When at work, When at play, When at home or away I need to be a blessing, the light of God I need to show

At work I am a blessing by treating everyone fair

From the CEO to the secretary, my knowledge I must share I am a troubleshooter by nature, solving problems is where I live

Always be a humble servant, Always ready to cheerfully give

At play I am a blessing by making my friends smile My time spent with "The Usual Suspects" is like "WHHS BAN Gone Wild"

These people have been my blessing, some new and some old friends. Carlos, Terez, and Robert. Butch, Erica, Erin, and Wen.

At home I am a blessing by paying all the bills.

I've had no income for twelve months, my survival is God's will. My son is becoming aware of who is really running this ship. He has become more helpful and stop giving me so much lip!

I use to believe I was a burden because I became so very ill

I had my life completely mapped out. I was living by my own will I spent many years pining for the life I was supposed to have

There was a cancer-free Jewell out there, Traveling the world, charting her path.

I know now I am the blessing to the people that truly care.

I have received so many blessings, so many that I need to share. My life was never my own. God decides what is your path.

Be a blessing to everyone you know. God will give you the last laugh.

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Fearless

Why put yourself out there when there is so much more to lose? Things just don't seem to work out no matter which road you choose

You want what's best for everyone so you go that extra mile Leading the cheer from the sidelines, always supportive with a smile

But plans didn't proceed in the manner that you had hoped

Left with all this confusion and grief, finding new ways to cope Always second guessing yourself, wondering if your motives were pure

Was my heart always in the right place? I can never be 100% sure

Then someone comes along who treats you with honor and respect An angel sent from heaven, but you're still hesitant to accept Still can't help but wonder why others were so quick to reject

The very same gifts offered before, can't help being a little suspect

We all know there is a time to mourn, a time to cry, and a time to grieve There is also a time to rise up and to move on, past hurts you must leave

Takes courage to put yourself out there, expecting the best just one more time Each time becoming more fearless, each time putting old grudges behind

Denying yourself daily is easier said than done.

But so many more doors can be opened, so many more battles can be won Put the spirit of God in front of you, you’re only part of His process

The outcome will no longer matter God will guarantee everyone's success.

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Connected To Me

As the world continues to evolve Some things in this life will never change

Once spirits connect in this world and beyond The energy will always remain the same

These spirits are your holy family

Connected to each other from the same source This energy will not leave you, even in death

It is your forever guiding light force

Some friendships are conditional Only lasting while weather is fair

Holy friendships are truly God-given No matter the weather, no love is spared.

I’ve been blessed to know love that’s holy Care and concern freely showered on me

I only hope that I’ve returned the same love To spirits that have been connected to me.

Jewell Mimms Ridley

losjeffy

I wasn't looking for anyone on the day that I found you Now you are my brother, my partner, and my crew

I began to think that you must be a little touched in the head With your crazy persona and the silly words you said

Our connection was always there from the very first day

You told me I was funny and I thought "He must be okay" When I first took notice of you, I expected rough, rugged, and raw

So much more has been revealed from what I initially saw

You are a visionary, a talent, a genius, and a friend A friendship that is genuine and truly a Godsend

Could never have come this far without you in my life My world's turned upside down with new challenges and old strife

But I held it all together with your music and your words

Lyrics and music that are so beautiful, some of the best I’ve ever heard You have inspired me to DREAM BIG, to reach towards my higher self.

I have a purpose and a plan; would not have been without your help.

I know our time will come when we both will do BIG THINGS Leave a legacy for our children, a birthright of joy that creativity brings

I wish everyone can see what I've been blessed to see Smart, kind, funny, and gentle. Every man should want to be.

So to Carlos Bernard, I raise my glass, to honor and cherish the day

The day we found each other knowing better days will come our way.

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Isaac D.

Yes indeed, I remember the day When I first met Isaac D.

Sitting in his cubicle, looking clueless With no sign of any PC

I was starting my job as a PC tech, He was an intern from U.C.

I let him know I had some juice and Would hook him up A.S.A.P.

Soon after that we were very fast friends

Going to lunch everyday We talked about everything under the sun

The very best part of my day He's much more than a pretty face,

His mind is razor sharp He's such a sensitive and warm human being,

With all that I knew he'd go far

He was my rock and closest friend During one of my most difficult trials

He held me up when my marriage was done, Always there with a reassuring smile

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Isaac D. (cont.)

He never judged anything that I did, Even though it was not always smart

Gave me a shoulder to cry on whenever I needed, Listening with his huge heart

So happy for him when he found a great wife,

Who matches him on every level His life with Kameelah has been his blessing,

Never one who had to settle A first born son to his father and mother,

No parent could want a better kid I'm certain his mother is smiling from heaven,

Proud of the great job she did.

After 18 years of life’s ups and downs, We find ourselves in the same place

Both of us looking for new paths to blaze, God protecting us both with His grace

God brought us together to see this thing through, Two new blazing stars on the rise

Emerging from our collective cocoons To become two beautiful butterflies

Jewell Mimms Ridley

So I Write

When the walls start closing in I write

When my head starts to spin I write

When in the middle of a whirlwind I write

With no income coming in I write

With constant queries from my kin I write

While waiting for new beginnings to begin I write

To put conflicts to an end I write

When missing my closest friend I write

When my patience is paper thin I write

To get it out and not hold it in I write

To keep the peace I have within I write

To cleanse the wounds from my broken skin I write

To heal my spirit with a stroke of a pen I write

God presented this gift

I desperately tried to hide You opened up the box Told me to look inside

So I write

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Dr. Jean

Official name Eunice, Playa name Jean Hollywood Glamour, Fierce in any scene

Jewell and Evette's mother, Raymond Miller's queen Sweet with a sugar-free body - Fit, Lean, and Mean

Hard-working and fun-loving. Worked hard for her degrees Let nothing stop her progress until she earned her P.H.D.

Always admired for her focused dedication In diligently pursuing her higher education She raised me and my sister on I.Q. tests

She was dedicated to being her absolute best

We didn't have lots of money but we did have each other Me and my sister, one on each side of my mother But that was just enough, we needed only three To make us a real family - Mom, Evette, and Me

She's had many looks over the past few years

She changes with each season to bring something new and fierce Blond diva with braids, short hair closely cropped

Always rocking the latest from the beauty shop

Finally blessed to marry her long lost King God restored our peace, Gave us all a new song to sing. It was well worth the wait because he is such a prince.

We are all blessed with his love, warmth, grace and elegance

Mother to two + two more, Grandma to four, She is the matriarch of a family that now has so much more

With Avah, Dannan, and Ray, I have a niece and two brothers All surrounding Raymond who’s a father like no other.

Our family has grown a bit in the last few decades We now have Donovan, Edward, DeJuan and D.J.

At the center of it all is my fabulous mother Thoughtful, kind and caring, I would not want another

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Mr. Ray

You probably knew me Even before I was born Like a true father to me

With the love that’s been shown

A gift directly from God With a presence that’s our center Calm wisdom and gentle strength

Thoughtful and kind words used to mentor

You are so familiar to me In ways I cannot explain

Great appreciation for our conversations Our language is often the same

You treat my dear sweet mother

Like the highest of all queens You have uncluttered our lives

Believe me, we were not always this clean!

My grandmother is surely pleased At the family that we have become

As if it was always meant to be God’s Master Plan from Day One

You’ve fathered four great young men Donovan, Edward, Dannan, and Ray

I am grateful you love all of us You’ve made everyday Father’s Day

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Mack Diva Supreme

To toast my dear sister Evette Mimms McClure Mack Diva Supreme with a style that endures

Diva in training since she could walk Engaging and charming since she could talk

My unofficial "twin" since we were young kids Saw one with the other in everything we did

Dressed in the same outfit - one red (me) and one blue (you)

A young dynamic duo, no other divas would do Growing up with our Grandma was the life that we knew

She helped us grow up to be a fabulous two

The girl at the party with all the attention The girl in the room that everyone mentions Funny and friendly making all feel welcome

Lighting up the room with her warm grace and then some

Never forgetting she's a Mack Diva Supreme She enters the spot looking polished and clean A mini-me version to our mom Eunice Jean

Dressed to impress, set to steal any scene

Mother to baby D.J. and first son Edward D.J. becoming his own cute little character

Edward now grown, standing out on his own Great parent to her boys with the love that is shown

This is only a snapshot of the diva Evette Camille

With her own style and shine that she carries so well She is always my sister, no one else could be better This bond is our blessing. We are sisters forever.

Jewell Mimms Ridley

W.R.E.D. Wisdom Beyond her years Wisdom borne by hopes and fears So much to bear at an early age So much to bare on the public stage She held her head high and took her blows No one knowing of the pain that she knows She took her pain and made it beautiful She used her knowledge to help others get through Her life has been one great big lesson Her life has been one we've all been blessed with Regal Like a Princess Giving her family love that's endless Mother to son Miles and daughter Ellis Postponing her dreams to ensure their success Russell knows how blessed he is To have a woman that can handle her biz Running her races no matter the weather While holding it down, no one could do better Intelligent, beautiful, fit, clean, and lean He hit the trifecta, He found a real queen

Jewell Mimms Ridley

W.R.E.D.

Empathy She feels each day

For those she's helped along the way She wears her heart out on her sleeve Always there when others have need

It takes great courage to feel someone's pain To take that pain on with nothing to gain

She will do it without a second thought Feeling the pain and joy that other's have brought

She empathized with me during my struggles I'll always be grateful and feel blessed to know you.

Determined

To fulfill her own dreams Her time is soon coming though far away it seems

The time will come when the time is right It will all come together. Her future is bright With everything learned and everything seen Will come to fruition and no longer a dream

Dr. Wendy Renee Ellis Davis M.D. Healing the world with her wisdom and empathy

I'll say "I knew Dr. Wendy way back in high school She thought I was funny and just too damn cool She helped me out for our good friend Ozie D.

Turned out well for her and pretty damn good for me."

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Powerful Grace

From our every day lives to the world's grandest stage Powerful Grace describes the woman of the modern age

Called upon to carry us into the 21st century She accepts her varied roles with elegance, warmth, and dignity

We have the single mother too many times left alone

Struggling to hold it together often standing on her own Postponing her own dreams to ensure her children's success

She expects nothing more, the world expects nothing less

The young and bright entrepreneur with her own trails to blaze Always focused and moving forward, encouraged by the world's praise

Bringing only her very best, handles it all with style and grace Bold enough to decide the strategy, confident enough to set the pace

Setting the standard is our First Lady,

A powerful grace that is second to none Showing the world her cool sophistication,

Showing the world her reign has begun Embracing her role as a shining example Of what a modern day woman can be -

A loving mother to her children By her husband's side unconditionally

The modern day woman is not just one woman But the wonderful women we meet everyday – The Teacher, the Student, the Doctor, the Aide, The Nurse, the Soldier, the Counselor, the Maid

Whatever your role as the modern day woman,

Embrace this blessing whenever you can The world would be less without your presence

Behind of every great woman is God’s guiding Hand.

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Don’t Look

Don't look outside when plans don't come through Look inside because the very problem might be you Wherever you are in this life is by your own hand

Not enough to have knowledge, you need to understand

Don't look outside when you have issues with your chick Look inside when she screams that you constantly make her sick

Your arrogance, pride, and conceit is just so out of whack Your ego is giving the devil plenty of room to attack

Don't look outside when you have problems with your dude

Look inside when you are disrespectful, mean, and rude Your antics may not work because you're running out of time

Try closing your legs, shutting your mouth, and opening up your mind

Don't look outside when you can't manage to keep any friends Look inside when your friends no longer want fences to mend

Be aware of what you say and how you make them feel People won't walk out on you because they'll know your love is real

Don't look outside when things just don't seem to go your way

Look inside to the God inside who won't lead you astray He's constantly waiting for you, He's reaching for you hand Know that He is there for you, one day you'll understand.

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Serenity

Where do I fit into this new big picture? How do I function in this new world structure?

Played by the rules that were the same for all Why must I suffer in this massive global fall?

Sincere in my duties, ready, eager and bright

Ambitious and focused, always prepared for the fight Worldly possessions sitting in the palm of my hand

Now slipping through my fingers like useless grains of sand

Do I only value the things that my eyes can see? Does the value only exist if it’s only possessed by me? So much clutter in my sight to manage and rearrange Blindsided by circumstances that cannot be changed

The world is always changing, this is nothing new It seems catastrophic when it’s happening to you

You are only a little speck in the big picture of it all For everyone on the rise, there is someone starting to fall

Know your steps are ordered, not chaotic and confused Remain calm in the storm and grateful in your attitude

God will always provide cover with his wings of serenity Take rest in His protection, there's no better place to be.

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Reconciliation

The Past Can't change what's already done it seems

Can't recapture long lost hopes and dreams Can't take back words that have been said

Can't live in time and space that’s long since dead

You can always learn from past mistakes You can figure out what paths not to take You can apologize for harsh words spoken

You can repair fragile hearts long ago broken

The Present Can't control anyone's life except your own

Can't reap the benefits until God's seeds are sown Can't gain knowledge if your mind is closed

Can't see the light of God if your ego is in control

You can embrace everyday as if it was your last You can live for today and put away the past

You can walk in spirit because it is truly who you are You can thank God for this day because you made it this far

The Reconciliation

How do you accept situations that you cannot change? How do you move forward when things seem to remain the same?

How do you learn lessons that you don't understand? How do you hold on to God's unchanging Hand?

You keep dreams alive by always looking forward

You realize that life itself is its own reward When the world says you're less, God's Word says you're more

Everything you have lost will all soon be restored

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Godsend

I was ready to let it all go Let this life flow out of me

Allow God's will to be my will My spirit would finally be set free

I was so happy to let it all go

My peace existed somewhere else My body no longer aligned with my spirit I'd become a shadow of my former self

I cried every night for God to speak

Please tell me what am I to do? I've lived my life for everyone else

But it means nothing if I'm not with You

I have so much love inside me That I so desperately want to give

Help me tear down these walls Give me one more chance to live

God's favor sent me these gifts

My thoughts and feelings now manifest Into words and phrases that have meaning

Now I give nothing but my very best

Your words are spoken to me gently I feel you whisper in my ear

You uplift me with your Holy Spirit You've taught me how to have no fear

I thank You for this continued blessing I'm overwhelmed by God's favor for me

I've come so far with love and grace No more walls, I've been set free.

Jewell Mimms Ridley

About The Author

Jewell Mimms Ridley lives in Cincinnati, Ohio with her son Donovan. This book is a collection of poetry about her life as a twenty-five year (and counting!) survivor of leukemia (ALL). She was diagnosed in October of 1984 at the beginning of her senior year at Walnut Hills High School in Cincinnati, Ohio. Ms. Ridley has been in remission since her initial treatment. The Beginning examines her initial diagnosis and treatment to induce remission. The Aftermath is her experience after treatment was completed, followed by marriage and divorce. The Reconciliation is her desire to bring peace to her past and present and to honor her friends and family who have supported her over the years.

Jewell Mimms Ridley

Thank You

I would like to thank my friends and family for their constant support and belief in this book and my recovery. Special thanks and acknowledgment to my parents, Eunice and Raymond Miller, and my dearest friends, Carlos Jeff Sr., Isaac Diggs Jr., and Wendy Ellis Davis.

Jewell Mimms Ridley