The Knothole Volume 68 Issue 3

FREE www.facebook.com/esfknothole Wednesday, December 11, 2013 Volume 68, Issue 3

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2 • THE KNOTHOLE • Student Life & The Environment

Letter From The Editor

Inside Issue #3:

Wheel’n’dealing........................................3Man Bear Pig............................................4Frigid........................................................5Keith Stone...............................................650 Shades of Green..................................7When You’re on Holiday........................8-9Pop Shot.................................................10Opinions................................................11Mystic....................................................12Articles Continued.................................13Crazier than a Coconut..........................14Mindspill...............................................15Advert....................................................16The views and opinions expressed are those of

the writers only and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the publication’s staff or anyone affiliated with the State University of New York College of Environmental Science & Forestry.

The mission of The Knothole is to provide its readers with

writings that are both stimulating and contemporary: to inform its students of clubs, events, and off-campus happenings, to challenge a world driven by progress to uncover the truth about current environmental policies and innovations, and to express such ideas, ingeniously and collectively. We are not a newspaper; we are not a magazine; we are not The Daily Orange. We are simply created by Stumpies, for Stumpies... and we like it that way.

is the State University of New York College of Environmental Science & Forestry’s exclusive monthly student publication. The contents of the publication include recent and upcoming event coverage, interviews, editorials, opinion articles, political cartoons, artwork, poetry, club announcements, and much more. SUNY-ESF students are able to make submissions at The Knothole office in 12d Bray Hall (BraySpace) or by email at [email protected] before 5:00PM on Fridays the week after Issue meetings.

Co-Managing EditorsGavin CohenMeg Callaghan

Layout & DesignGabrielle Alper

Liane DeRosaConn Fraser

TreasurerHui Lin

Editorial StaffEmily Adams

Yocasta PichardoJennifer Louie

Corie BoolukosAdvisorKaren Moore

PrinterScotsman Press

The Knothole meets every other Friday at 5:30 pm in the basement of Bray Hall. If you are interested in attending, please send us an email at [email protected] so we can expect you!

THE KNOTHOLE

Cover Photo: Joey O’Reilly, 2016

The end is nigh! Half of me is rejoicing after all the anticipation for the semester to be over, and the other half is wondering where it all went. There’s no need to fret, fortunately. We still have finals. Because of this, the Knothole has come out with a hellu-vah issue. We have a million opinions to share with you, along with news, and fun things to do around the holidays. You can predict the future with Horoscopes from our own Sarin, a new edition this issue, and you can get some tattoo advice from ESF’s Nut. The biggest thing around campus is the announcement of our new president - Dr. Quentin Wheeler. We graciously wel-come him in this issue with a lovely K-hole staff creation. Hope you enjoy, Dr. Wheeler. Whether you’re leaving us like Big Neil or coming back for another one, use this issue to relax your mind and have some fun. We wish you all the luck in the world on finals and hope to see your shining faces next year.

-Meg, Co-managing Editor

Student Life & The Environment • THE KNOTHOLE • 3

Though it will be sad saying goodbye to Big Neal, the time has come for

our college to name a new president. The beginning of November brought the announcement that Dr. Quentin Wheeler will take the next place as college president. Wheeler has re-cently held positions as director of the Interna-tional Institute for Spe-cies Exploration and Virginia M. Ullman Pro-fessor of Natural History and the Environment at Arizona State University. Specifically, Wheeler is known for his love of en-tomology and his prolific science writing, includ-ing over 150 scientific articles and six books. In an inter-view with the ESF Of-fice of Communications, Wheeler expressed his excitement to join the ESF administration. “I am honored and thrilled to have the opportunity to join the SUNY-ESF commu-nity and help lead this great institution into its second century. Envi-ronmental challenges of unprecedented kind, scale and complexity will characterize the 21st century, along with soci-ety’s response to them. SUNY-ESF has estab-lished itself as a leading center of sustainability and environmental dis-covery and learning that is uniquely positioned to assure that we and future generations have

as many options as possible available to us to successfully adapt to a rapidly changing world,” he said. After thirteen years of leader-ship at our school, current president

Dr. Cornelius B. Murphy, Jr. will pass on the role to Dr. Wheeler as of Janu-ary 2nd.

Quentin Wheeler Joins SUNY-ESF as New College PresidentMeg Callaghan, 2014

Dr. Wheeler truly loves entomology. Original photo: ASU.edu.

Wheel’n’dealing


Death Knell for Western Black Rhino

Meg Callaghan, 2013

The beginning of November marked a desolate time for a beloved Afri-

can subspecies. On the sixth of that month, the Western black rhinoceros was officially declared extinct by the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN). The western black rhino, last seen in 2006, had been listed as “criti-cally endangered,” according to the IUCN. Of the various subspecies of black rhinoceros, an estimated 4,000 live in the wild today. Conservation efforts in the African countries where the species inhabits are often criti-cized by outside sources that say the measures are not working. “In the case of the western black rhino and the northern white rhino,” said Simon Stuart of the IUCN, “the situation could have been very different if the suggested conservation measures had been implemented.” While the northern white rhi-no still holds a population in the wild, conservation biologists say that other subspecies of rhino could follow the path of the western black rhinoceros if no changes are made. A month before the decla-ration of extinction for the western black rhino, a Texas hunting group, the “Dallas Safari Club” announced an upcoming event that would auction off a permit to hunt the subspecies, ac-cording to CNN. While the group said it could aid in conservation efforts, the announcement was highly criticized. Though conservation meth-ods are contested, the IUCN shares some rhino success stories. From the end of the 19th century, southern white rhino populations have had an esti-mated increase from 100 to 20,000. The IUCN credits improving manag-ing techniques that combat poaching.

Dog Breed Spotlight: Shiloh ShepherdAshley Huehn, 2016

The Shiloh Shepherd dog is a rela-tively new breed of dog, devel-

oped by Tina M. Barber in New York, by crossing breeds such as Alaskan Malamutes, German Shepherds, and

Belgian Malinois. After about three decades of her breeding, the Shiloh Shepherd breed was formed. Shilohs have broad bodies, especially in the hips, chest and heads. Shilohs tend to be very playful as puppies and enjoy the company of other dogs and people. They need to be socialized at young ages, as they are very pack-oriented, which can make them disinterested in other people as they age. They mature into rather aloof adults that are incredibly affectionate with their families and do very well with children, since the adults are in-credibly gentle. Their adoration for the families come, again, from the Shiloh’s pack-orientations, which is higher in the Shiloh than in most breeds as they are closer in origin to wolves (this is true of most shepherds). Prior to breeding, pairs are tested for their tem-peraments to see if they can be bred, as breeders of them tend to be highly conscientious. Shiloh coats vary depending on the breeding, so grooming can be difficult. With plush coated Shilohs, grooming should be done daily, but smooth coated Shilohs require less grooming. The breed has few health problems, although some have been

arising recently. They occasionally suf-fer hip dysplasia, although the risk is much lower in Shilohs than German Shepherds. Most Shiloh Shepherd breeders require that breeding pairs be tested prior to breeding. However, re-cently Shilohs have been experiencing issues with Megaesophagus (Mega-e) and heart problems. Breeders are look-ing into taking preventative measures for and determining the origin of these issues.

Wow. So cute. These rambunctious pups grow into affectionate and sturdy adults.

Wow. So majestic.

Wow. So fluffy. Photo Cred (all): Rhonda Van Emon

Photo: Pour a 40 out for your Rhinbro.Credit: dontoine of Flickr.com

Man Bear Pig


Arctic ThanksPeter Han, 2016

This week, I was shocked by the overwhelming warmth and sup-

port of the ESF community. A little background: A Swedish outdoors com-pany, Fjällräven, hosts an event every year where they send ordinary people from all over the world on a 300 kilometer dog sledding trip. Pro-spective partici-pants must post a small profile on the competition’s webpage, often including a video. Anyone around the world can then vote through Face-book for his or her favorite candidate, and the most vot-ed for candidate from each coun-try will travel to Scandinavia on Fjäll-räven’s dime—truly the adventure of a lifetime. One need only look at the applicants and the ef-fort they put into their submissions to see what a truly amazing opportunity this is. My personal passion is the arc-tic, and I hope to use the skills I pick up in Conservation Biology to increase the world’s understanding of arctic systems, particularly in our growing world. Of course, I leapt at the chance to travel in Norway, Sweden, and Fin-land. I expected to perhaps gain a cou-ple of votes, and have some fun with the competition. I had no idea I would gain so much support from the ESF community (especially the class of 2017) that I would be spurred to the top of the American list. As I write, my entry has 277 votes and the near-est competitor has 82. The move from my temper-ate home in Seattle to snowy Syracuse was a huge transition, but any doubts I

had were washed away this week. Doz-ens of fellow classmates have not only voted for me and wished me luck, but gone on to encourage their friends and

families back home to support me as well. I never imagined a college campus could be a place of such shared excite-ment and encouragement. More and more I’m convinced that our unique little community just can’t be beat. When voting opened, I posted my profile, then left for class. I had two votes: one from me and one from my mother. By the end of Diversity of Life, Kayleigh had shared the site and voted. Quickly after, Kristen and Stephen rallied their friends as well. Just before Ecology, the study group of

Maddie Forte, Isaac Jo, and Reed Scott had thrown my message all over social media. When we left Ecology, I had a modest lead. As the day progressed,

people would shout to me “I voted! Good luck!” and my votes skyrocketed. I can’t relax just yet. Voting doesn’t close until December 10th, but ESF’s amazing vot-ing has put me in a wonderful position for the start of the competition. This event falls conveniently close to Thanks-giving. This year, I am deeply thankful for loving friends, a wonderful col-lege, and incredible classmates.

If you would like to see an article this April written from a dog sled in Scandi-navia, you can still vote at http://www.fjallraven-polar.us/polar-2014/To the tundra!

“Peter Han paddling the Garry Lakes, Nunavut, Canada” Photo by Kurt Hager.

Image credit: Google Images

Frigid


The controversy occurring over the US/Canadian extension of the Key-

stone pipeline, from Alberta to Texas, has briefly drifted off the radar. This July, President Obama stat-ed that he would not approve the pipeline extension if the En-vironmental Impact Statement (EIS), is-sued by the EPA, re-ported that there would be harmful results on the environment. This statement exploded across social media, including Twit-ter and Facebook, and specifically with NGO environmental groups, such as 350.org. Aside from public input in the battle between tar sands and climate change, this is one de-cision that the Presi-dent must make solely by himself, without the involvement of Con-gress. The State De-partment recently re-ported that Canada plans to continue the operation of transport-ing tar sands by rail to the Gulf Coast whether or not the US gives consent on the proj-ect, according to NPR.org. How the Canadian government plans to non-nonchalantly lug thousands of pounds of sand and oil through the heartland of the United States, sources haven’t said. After this report published, the EPA stepped in saying that they are skeptical of the truth in the depart-

ment’s findings (surprising, eh?); more recent data and discussion must be considered. This was a major step for

the EPA, who are working on, but have yet to release, a Final EIS with the State Department. 350.org and Bill McKibben are highly responsible for the thousand

people strong protests that happened all summer long in front of the White House. After 1,200 people were ar-

rested this s u m m e r , i n c l u d i n g M c K i b b e n himself, me-dia attention r e g a r d i n g KXL saw an all-time high ( 3 5 0 . o r g ) . Issues of this sensitive and pressurized nature put a tremendous amount of tension of the Presi-dent, who reported in October that no final deci-

sions have been made. This October during the Health Care Rally that took place in Boston, two college students, members of 350, interrupted President Obama during his speech shouting “Mr. President, reject KXL for our generation, stop cli-mate change!” to which the President replied, “This is the wrong rally!” Since the sum-mer, fiscal concerns over the

health care battle have overshadowed discourse on KXL. However, this inter-esting dialogue is representative of how serious environmentalists and climate activists are taking on this very charged issue. With the recent publishing of the Intergovernmental Panel of Cli-mate Change (IPCC) fifth assessment reporting, “It is extremely likely that

What’s New with Keystone XL Pipeline? KXL Means a K.O. for Climate ChangeLiane DeRosa, 2014

Above: Bill McKibben speaks at a Washing-ton, D.C. rally against KXL. Left: A map of the exisiting and proposed pipelines. Source: The Washington Post.

See KXL, cont’d pg. 7

Keith stone


Love Letter to the Earth, by Thich Nhat Hanh, is an enchanting but

practical book about how the human-earth relationship can be healed through simple practices based in Bud-dhist tradition. The first chapter, titled ‘We are the Earth,’ demonstrates that the Earth is not just outside of us, but inside of us as well. The Earth is both our home and our body, and it lives as we do. Because it lives, we must treat it as we would our own body, and when it is sick, we must care for it and heal it as we would our own bodies. Hanh believes that by under-standing that we are a part of the Earth, and the Earth is a part of us, we can heal it better. Hahn also emphasizes that the Earth is our Mother, who provides air, food, and water so that we can live. And when we die, we do not cease to exist, but simply return back to the Earth. Understanding that the Earth provides everything that we need to survive fos-ters a sense of respect, and if we view these resources as gifts instead of com-modities, we will be more grateful and less wasteful. Hanh insists that though there are countless environmental poli-cies that could be implemented, noth-ing will change on a fundamental level until we change the way we think and our relationship with the Earth. One practice that Hanh says will help heal our relationship with the

Earth is mindful meditation. Hanh says that, “We can get so caught up in our plans, fears, agitations, and dreams that we aren’t living in our bodies any-more and we’re not in touch with our real mother, the Earth, either. We can’t see the miraculous beauty and magnifi-cence that our planet offers to us. We may think of the Earth’s problems as overwhelming and we may feel help-less. But just by paying attention to our breathing, we can bring about a clarity that will give us insight into what we can do to help ourselves and the world.” Hanh also introduces ‘The Five Contemplations’, which deal with eat-ing mindfully. These Contemplations are: 1.) This food is a gift of the sky, the universe, numerous living beings, and much hard work. 2.) May we eat with mindfulness and gratitude so as to be worthy to receive it. 3.) May we transform our unwhole-some mental formations, especially our greed, and learn to eat with modera-tion. 4.) May we keep our compassion alive by eating in such a way that we reduce the suffering of living beings, preserve our planet, and reverse the process of global warming. 5.) We accept this food so we can nur-ture our brotherhood and sisterhood,

strengthen our Sangha, and nourish our ideal of serving all living beings. These are basic things that we can do, regardless of our religious be-liefs, to help heal our personal relation-ship with the Earth and all its living components. The book, Love Letter to the Earth, by Thich Nhat Hanh, is a re-freshing and optimistic account of the simple but powerful things each of us can do to make the world a better place. You can borrow it from me if you would like to read it! I’m happy to share.

Something to Meditate On: A Book ReviewEmily Adams, 2014

human influence has been the domi-nant cause of the observed warming since the mid-20th century” (climat-echange2013.org). This ground-break-ing finding (improvement from the last reports very likely) broke through the health care debate in September to take the stage, once again, and pressure President Obama to make the right de-cision about KXL. The Natural Resource Defense Council (NRDC) reported that KXL would add 900 million to 1.2 billion metric tons of carbon pollution to the

atmosphere over the 50 year plan for the project. And a total of 700 thousand pounds of tar sands to move through this country each day. This amount of pollution would mean be a K.O for cli-mate change, environmentalists claim-ing that all other climate mitigation ini-tiatives would be feudal at that point. On September 21st, protesters from all over the country put pressure on President Obama in the Draw the Line protest coalition designed by 350 in cities such as Nashville, Houston, Seattle, Boston, New Orleans, Chicago

and many more. But KXL supporters claim that the project would mean job creation and energy security for the future. US. President Obama certainly has one of the largest environmental decisions on his shoulders this year. It has the potential to set the precedent for the environmental movement and Obama’s promises to the US.

KXL, cont’d from pg. 6

Love Letter to the Earth, written by Thich Nhat Hanh, is out now -- perfect for some relaxing reading over break. Source: http://steward-shipreport.com/thich-nhat-hanhs-new-love-letter-to-the-earth-passionate-appeal/

50 Shades of Green


When You’re On HolidayWhen You’re On Holiday

“An estimated 2.6 billion holiday cards are sold each year in the United States, enough to fill a football field 10 stories high,” according to the California De-partment of Resources Recycling and Recovery. Maybe the time has come to reconsider the tradition of exchang-ing holiday cards, as there are other ways to spread the cheer. Holiday card prices range from $3.99 - $7.99, and purchasing one for every friend and family member can be challenging. 1) eCards. For more tradition-al folks, Hallmark offers a $12/year subscription for the eCards of your choice. Hallmark offers a wide variety of styles, from “Christmas Blessings” to “Peanuts Christmas.” A cute “Hoops & Yoyo” subscription is offered for individuals who celebrate Hanukkah. For Kwanzaa, Hallmark offers a small collection of eCard subscriptions such as “Heritage, Pride, Hope” and “Glory in Our Story.” Aside from conventional greeting card companies like Hallmark and American Greetings, there are some websites that offer free eCards,

such as crosscards.com and egreet-ings.com. Most eCards can be shared on Facebook, Google+, and through email. Therefore, eCards are easy to share with friends and family. 2) Donate to your favorite organization. Instead of sending a card, why not make yourself, your friends, and family happy by support-ing a cause you care about? This can be done by word-of-mouth or through utilizing social media. For example, you could update your Facebook status to say something along the lines of “Hey guys! Instead of sending Christ-mas cards this year, I’m going to donate all of the money I would have spent on cards and stamps to 350.org. Instead of sending me a card, I would love for you to donate that $2.99 to 350.org, or an organization you care about. Happy Holidays!” 3) If you still feel that you absolutely must send a holiday card, why not create one out of items you already have? This can actually turn out to be a fun craft. Empty cereal boxes or any other form of paperboard will do. Cutting down the box to the

preferred card size would be the best option. Then, using either tape or glue, you can place scrap paper on the outside of the card to decorate your cover. Usually, paper that was printed single-sided works well. Using colored pencils, paint, markers, crayons, or an-other art supply you prefer, make your card however you’d like. If you aren’t confident in your own artistic abili-ties, you could always print an image on your scrap paper and fill in around it. Use a silver Sharpie on the inside of your card to write your message. The metallic ink will give the card a winter-like feel and stand out against the brown color of the cardboard. The recipient of your card will appreciate the effort and sincerity of a homemade card, so ditch the cliché greeting card verses and play with your own words.

There are dozens of ways to reduce the amount of resources you use this holiday season. Utilize your creativity and try new things!

DIY: 3 Holiday Card AlternativesGabrielle Alper, 2014

We’ve had “Big Neil,”Now, Quentin Wheeler.Not as Catchy?

Send in your nickname ideas to [email protected] or tweet @esfknothole


When You’re On HolidayWhen You’re On Holiday

Ah Thanksgiving, such a wonder-ful holiday involving a gathering

of family and friends and eating until you pass out into a tryptophan-fueled food coma. Then you get to survive off of leftovers for the next month or so. Isn’t that just plain magical? So to celebrate this glorious event, I made one of the staple pieces of Thanksgiv-ing for this issue of the college carni-vore: the turkey complete with some homemade stuffing, which I shared with some groovy people at a fantas-tic potluck. So if you feel like making some amazing stuffing or an entire bird to feast off of for some time (I have a fridge full of leftovers and it’s not even Thanksgiving yet) then follow these simple instructions and dig in. Ingredients needed:

Sausage stuffing:- 1 stick of butter (Paula Deen would be proud)- 1 onion (I used sweet onion this time)- 4 stalks of celery - 4 sweet Italian sausages- Package of thick cut bacon (always need bacon)- 20 slices of bread (I choose half wheat Italian and half white Ital ian bread)- 1 ½ teaspoons of Bell’s poultry seasoning- 1 ½ teaspoons of black pepper - 1 teaspoon salt- 1 carton of turkey stock

Turkey stuff:- One 14 lb Turkey (I used fresh so there wasn’t too much defrosting needed)- Basting oil - ¼ cup black pepper- ¼ cup paprika- ¼ cup salt- 1/3 cup brown sugar - ¼ cup red pepper flakes- Cooking string- Turkey baster

Cooking:-First off, you have to prepare the tur-key, which means opening up the legs and the neck and pulling out what’s inside, which is usually the giblets and the neck (looks creepy). I heard you can make good stock from them but, for this, I just tossed them. Once it’s all cleaned out, you need to wash it out with some water and then I placed it within a foil baking pan. Next, rub it down with the mixture of spices listed above, making sure to get inside the cavity of the turkey as well. -Next preheat the oven to 450°. While it’s heating up, it is time to make the stuffing.-Chop up the onion and the celery while you melt the stick of butter in a large pan on the stove. Once all the butter is melted, add the chopped vegetables and cook it for 5 minutes at medium/high heat. While it’s cooking, chop up the sausage and some slices of bacon (save some for later). Then, add

them to the mixture and let them cook for 10-12 minutes. Make sure to stir frequently. -Get a large bowl and begin to tear up the pieces of bread into it. Then add the spices to it while mixing it up. When that’s done, add the cooked meat/vegetable mixture to the bowl and mix it up again. Lastly, add about ¾ of the turkey stock to the bowl and give ‘er one last mix. -Now we take our stuffing mixture and cram as much of it as possible into our bird. Make sure every nook and cranny of the cavity is filled with our delicious stuffing. I use some tin foil to hold it in the turkey and then use some cooking string to tie the wings to the body and the legs together. Before placing the turkey in the oven, we shall baste it with some oil (I used a basil garlic brand) and pour the rest of the stock into the pan.-

College Carnivore: One Meaty BirdAndrew “Mangus” Timmis, 2014

All delicious photos by Andrew Timmis

See Turkey, cont’d pg. 13


Pop shot

I know we all love spending our Fri-day and Saturday nights crowded in

a hot basement blaring some techno-dubstep hybrid, barely able to move or make conversation with the person standing next to us, but remember how nice it is to hang out in the comfort of your house listening to good tunes? Don’t get me wrong; I do enjoy a good party. I would just like to dance to something less crass than the latest Ke$ha & Pitbull anthem while watch-ing an awkward couple grind against a moist cement wall. If we want to go out and still enjoy the music and ambiance of being at home, I feel like the droning sound coming from a self-proclaimed DJ’s

MacBook Pro isn’t really cutting it; we should start playing some different music. I know that most people at ESF have a keen ear for good music, so why do we continue to expose ourselves to this trance-y nonsense? If we all made a little effort to enhance the musical styling of these festivities, I think it would prove to be a better time for all of us. Might I suggest some of my preferenc-es? How about a little of Arcade Fire’s new album, Reflektor? It’s my personal favorite right now, with sweet tracks like “Here Comes The Night Time”, “Normal Person”, “Afterlife” and “We Exist.”

Daft Punk? Arctic Monkeys? Even Cage The Elephant? They all came out with new albums this year that have gained some attention and I personally believe are really fantastic. Delicate Steve and Grimes also have really awesome sounds that I’m sure people would love to hear while on the dance floor. For fans of rap, I recommend you play them some of the new Action Bronson. And why not hit them with some good old Stevie Wonder, possibly a little LCD Soundsystem or alt-j? Whatever it may be, hearing some musical variety at the end of our week would be a really awesome addi-tion to our college experience.

Leave Sweaty Pop Music for SU, Varieties of Music Waiting for ESF earsOlivia Donachie, 2015

A recent study has been published, carrying with it shocking results.

The reported conclusion is that un-orthodox sexual activity and the ability to represent constituents are inversely proportional. Okay, that may be a lie, but the media seems to have a feeding frenzy every time a White House em-ployee has one of her own. People always say that sex sells, but they rarely explain what it sells and to what degree. So while the 24/7 me-dia juggernaut churns out daily toilet paper with sh*t all over it, many people read this sensationalized news that re-ally doesn’t have much substance. A journalist’s love letter to a congress-man’s genitals or YOLO-governors smoking crack are what you’ll find with your morning coffee. While these un-fortunate souls in the sour limelight may have questionable character de-pending on their actions, their actual ability to lead and make substantive political decisions may be a worthier topic for the media.

Just in the past 3 years, scandals range from a politician letting $2,000 from fundraising slip through the cracks into a strip club full of bondaged and topless dancers to a swath of infidel-ity that makes Tiger Woods look up to par. These stories are great for sell-ing tabloids to housewives with worn and tattered volumes of Fifty Shades of Gray, but do they truly have a spot in the realm of national news? Look at the Knothole! We don’t publish the latest crack-happenings around cam-pus because there’s more important news. Like cats, and why biking on Eu-clid sucks. One of the causal agents of the media’s inability to keep its sights set on the real issues is that there isn’t enough real news that people will spend time reading. A publication like the Wash-ington Post needs to put a fresh paper on their subscribers’ doorsteps every day. If people are constantly reading about the new leak on the Arab Spring, they’ll become disinterested like many

busy Americans and unsubscribe. It’s really just business; try not to loathe your average American too much. So what’s the solution here? Hire progressively minded college stu-dents to run the biggest media corpora-tions in the world? Let the natural forc-es at work smooth the issues out? Or keep reading about politicians whose names we don’t recognize until they blow a load of cash off The Hill and

Fear and Loathing with Conn FraserCaressing You with the Hard Hitting Facts Conn Fraser, 2014

Relationship between sexual scandals and po-litical success. X-axis is sexual scandals. Y-axis is political ability. Source: Google Imgaes.

See Fraser, cont’d pg. 13


Opinion

There’s a reason humans don’t con-sider themselves animals. People

distinguish humans from animals be-cause humans can “think and reason.” I have always argued “a feral cat thinks what it’s hungry for and decides then what to hunt; a wolf reasons what is best for its pack’s survival.” I repeal these arguments: a cat hunts for any-thing it finds because it needs to sur-vive; a wolf pack leader cares for itself, the rest just follow. The leader would leave behind a member if it was sick or injured. Animals act on instinct. Hu-mans are picky about what they eat—we decide because we have a choice. We even get to decide who our leaders are. This all is because humans have re-moved themselves from nature. The Native American people knew how to live on this Earth. They only took what they needed, they used all of it, and they gave thanks all the time for the Earth’s gifts (not just once or twice a year). Then along came the Europeans, and we all know what happened after that. I’m sure the Na-tive Americans would have broken away from their traditions eventually, regardless of European interference. That being said, the human race would most assuredly have reached where it is now no matter what. So humans have withdrawn themselves from nature. What is it they

belong to now? Simple: the human race belongs to society. Humans have indeed created society, and continue to do so with every trend they come up with, but the paradox is that they are slaves to society. Society tells us what to do, what to wear, who to follow, where to go on Saturday nights. Hu-mans have collectively “reported” these things (media) and so to follow them is the norm. We follow the norm without realizing what we are doing because the norm is comfortable; it’s where we are accepted. With each trend humans come up with, society shifts to make that trend “the norm,” and the humans follow along accordingly. Paradox established. Now let me prove how humans have detached themselves. A cat hunts and eats what-ever it can find; it does not get a choice because the prey is not laid out buf-fet-style in front of it. If a human was placed in the middle of a forest with no roads or signs of “civilization” for miles, they would slowly revert back to “animal” state: they will search for wa-ter, resources to build shelter, hunt for their own food, and wouldn’t be picky about what they came across. But, bring the feral human back to society and in two blinks of its eyes it remembers how to be human again. It remembers what sitcoms or dramas are on when, where the best burger joint is, how much

those fabulous jeans are going to cost before even seeing them. I’m not say-ing there is no readjustment when go-ing from feral to society; I’m just saying it takes less time and effort than when going from society to feral. There is so much that is wrong with humans. Why are we so deter-mined to leave our animal ways be-hind? “Because it’s uncivilized!” some may cry. And then I’ll ponder at how shooting someone over a couple of bucks they never gave back, or how sending bombs with astronomically wide blast radii to a foreign country in order to massacre its people, or how forcing two dogs to tear each other’s throats out is considered “civilized.” “Not everyone does that,” you say. “In fact, many are against it.” Cor-ruption does not wear a single brightly colored mask. Please explain what is civilized about creating a monetary system that cannot function? What is civilized about following a complete stranger’s life and trying to exploit them? What is civilized about setting up institutions that mold us into clones and brainwash us into believing the lies that try to paint this world in a more pleasant light? What is “civilized?” Let us mull over this during the holidays. And remember to continue to give thanks throughout the year, not just on Turkey Day.

Contrary to Popular Belief, Humans are not AnimalsErika Sertl, 2016

Source: Alexander Hoffman


Mystic

Aries – It will be a good month for thinking about things you enjoy think-ing about, but act with haste towards that which is of least interest before the moon is out of line with your aura. This could be great for economic gains. Be especially nice to frogs and amphib-ians; they will aid you in romantic af-fairs.

Taurus – In the interest of covering all your bases, it will provide you with comfort to know that the answer to that one question burning in your mind is “yes”, so good for you! Or if that isn’t good my apologies, but the stars are shining on you. Keep an eye out for peddlers of wood tchotchkes: they will lie.

Gemini – I’m sensing a shift in your so-cial life soon. It will be fast and take you by surprise. Sorry to ruin the surprise if you are the type that hates spoilers. Anyway, these kinds of things happen so don’t be too down on yourself. The stars are telling me that it was definite-ly them, and not you. Cartoons from the 90s will be of comfort to you.

Cancer – You will be part of a scaven-ger hunt soon. You will not know it,

but you are what they must find in this hunt. Who they are and why they want you will emerge if you open yourself up to the cosmic power enriching all our lives. Also avoid parties with historical themes between the 11th and 12th cen-tury as this won’t fulfill your past lives as they hope it would.

Leo – A road trip will be the focus of a lot of your attention soon. It may not actually take place on a road, or even be a trip at all, but you should most certainly give it the attention it needs. Something else worth noting, whether or not there is a car on your trip, you should bring a spare tire as I foresee it playing a crucial role. Heed the advice of chicken and other foul.

Virgo - v v -

Libra – Be apprehensive of good news. There may be a silver lining to bad news, but it isn’t uncommon for good news to have a uranium lining. It would be best to avoid nuclear power facilities and also Geiger counters. It will be a good month for your investments.

Scorpio – Hey, I knew you would read this, I’ve been meaning to talk to you and stuff. It has been really cool the past couple weeks but, I’m just not sure what it means, you know? I think you’re great and everything… it’s just I’m a little confused. I think we should take things slower… or maybe not at all. Sorry. Lucky number 1, 34, 56, 900, π.

Sagittarius – You will have good luck in a dog show or beauty pageant this month. If you are not participating in either, well you squandered that good luck, tough. But, it will serve as a les-son to take the good when you can and that maybe life will just go on anyway. Avoid spicy foods and rotating doors, as they will not help your indigestion.

Capricorn – It may be that you are

Sarin Rakhsha, Month of Love 6764Horoscopes by Sarin

Depending on your geographic loca-tion or religious affiliation, you’re

probably going to be celebrating holi-days that to you, seem normal, but to others might be a bit off. Now, I’m not talking to you through this paper to bash anyone’s culture, but simply to celebrate all that is quirky, interest-ing, and bizarre about diversity. Take a trip across the globe and through the bowels of belief with me, as I show you one of the eccentric practices that came about as a result of the beautiful, un-knowable, yet pervasively experienced human condition. Picture this: A sleepy night,

calm vibrations resonating throughout all things, living or not on the Greek island of Chiros. A bird hops to and fro, searching for its next meal- its head jerks upwards as a deaf-ening screech howls out and a bright orange fireball streaks across the sky. Another flame sails in the opposite direction, followed by a brighter, noisier bolt in retort. This isn’t a cou-ple of neighborhood punks at-tempting arson with Pennsyl-vania-bought roman candles. This is r o c k -

Rouketopolemos: Literally “Rocket-War”Conn Fraser, 2014

This goes on for hours, 8 year old me would be so pumped. Scratch that, present day me is pumped, brb buying tickers. Source: worldfes-ticaldirectory.comSee Rocket, cont’d pg. 13

See Horoscopes, cont’d pg. 13


Articles Continued

have to mop their mess up? Well, if the leading minds in industry can’t come to a conclusion, I don’t know what you’re expecting me to say. Quality of character is impor-tant in a politician; we want them to be good people. Just be sure to take every-thing the newspapers say with a boul-der of salt and put it all in perspective; they tend to focus on all the shocking and appalling things.

Fraser, cont’d from pg. 10

et-war, dammit! What is it good for? Well, it’s an intense competition between two rival parishes, with churches built on hilltops, each trying to hit the oppo-nent’s bell tower. This rivalry doesn’t fade; it’s an intense grudge match and was once carried out with real cannons in years before 1889, when the Otto-mans shut that down. The fun begins at midnight on Easter day, and the num-ber of homemade rockets fired usually clocks in at about 60,000. This pro-vides no sleep for residents caught in the crossfire, and many of their homes are scarred from the fireworks. But who cares! They’re in a frickin’ rocket war! Unfortunately, the origins of the holiday are lost amongst the tides of history, with scattered reports from el-ders being the only information. Many people believe that it started as a way to scare off the Turkish army during the war, or as a result of the euphoria brought on from emulating the Chinese fireworks that travelers had witnessed.Like many traditions however, the orig-inal meaning and motives are warped beyond recognition, and many people celebrate rocket-war for the sake of it. Now tell me, why hasn’t ESF built a tower the same height as Lawrinson Hall and carried out this tradition to foster a little more SU/ESF rivalry? That’s what I’m looking for in the next president’s agenda.

Rocket, cont’d from pg. 12

looking for a hot air balloon on eBay or that you are hunting the Craigslist clas-sified for a pool cleaner. Whichever it is, be skeptical of whether or not you actually need what you are searching for. This goes for everyone really: think hard about what you want. Now is a good time to run the antivirus program on your computer.

Aquarius – Someone recently told me a funny joke, and I think it applies well for this horoscope. Lets see if I can re-

member it, it has to do with a book-shelf, and then he says “think fast...” and it turns out it’s actually a porcu-pine. It’s really funny. Anyway, be cau-tious of crosswalks and other painted guidelines.

Pisces – You’ll find that the paths you will take all seem to bring you to dead ends. This is just the universe’s way of messing with you; it’s really quite the prankster sometimes. It would be advantageous that when

the dead-end crops up to ignore it and make your own path through some-one’s backyard or something. Kites and sailboats know your secrets, but they are cool and won’t tell anyone.

Horoscopes, cont’d from pg. 12

Place that turkey into the oven for 15 minutes, getting it a bit browned, then take it out and turn the oven down to 350°. While you let it cool down, get the rest of that thick cut bacon and gently place it over the turkey. Why? Cause why not?-Now we get some more tin foil and cover the bird with it, then place it back into the oven to let it cook for

about 3 ½ hours, or until it’s inter-nal temperature reads 165° (depends on how chubby the turkey is). While cooking take it out every 45 minutes in order to baste the bird with the turkey baster, using the juices in the pan to do so. This will make sure the skin won’t dry out (and the bacon won’t either). Make sure to re-cover with the tin foil until the last 30-45 minutes of cook-ing.-Once it’s cooked to perfection, take it out and let it cool for 20-30 minutes. Lastly, just untie the bird and remove the foil protecting that delicious stuff-ing and serve to your friends and fam-ily. Make sure you have fridge space for those leftovers.

Turkey, cont’d from pg. 9

Yum

, Tur

key!

Sou

rce:

And

rew

Tim

mis

.


Crazier Than a Coconut

Dear Nut,I am trying to figure out what the best tattoo should be for me. I am really into medieval warfare and even more so my own self-image, so you can see how dif-ficult this decision is for me. I want my new tat to reflect how cool I am and what my hobbies are. If you have any good ideas, it would be really helpful.-Inquisitively Narcissistic Knight

Dear INK,My last tattoo was awesome. The art-ist was all, “Oh my gosh. You’re so gor-geous,” when I went in and had it done. It’s almost as perfect as I am, which is pretty hard to beat. I mean, I have a school of people following me. Who else can say that? Not many. Why? Be-cause I’m seriously the best. One day, there will even be a cult following me as their idol. I’ll love it. I deserve it. As far as your tattoo goes, I think no matter what you did, it couldn’t

be any better than mine. However, I don’t think you could go wrong if you got one of me. You know, like my phenomenal face, right in the middle of your chest. Because I’m so perfect, it’ll make you that much closer to per-fection. Since you like all that medieval stuff, you could even make your tat-too me. Me as a knight, I mean. But not on a horse. The horse may take the fo-cus off of me and I know you wouldn’t want to do that to me. When you get your tattoo of me, though, make sure to send it in to me! I can’t wait to see!

-Nut

Ask-a-Nut

Have a question for the nut? Email [email protected]


Mindspill

To the ESF community,

It was truly an honor to be nominated in Fall of 2013 for the new café. Eustace B’s Good Eats does have a nice ring, doesn’t it? One day, Elsa and I will eat at The Trailhead. Thank you to all who have supported me, but Nifkin Lounge will always be my home.

Sincerely,Eustace B. Nifkin

Letter to All Stumpies

the leaves have fallenbranches are now bare

an eeriness is loomingthere is a chill in the air

the moon has risenits light shows the way

unafraid, I come alonewithout heed to what they say

no promises were mademy faith is unbroken

let pass one years’ timeyou will appear then

SomedayRadka Yang, 2016

There’s a burgeoning feelingof being at one with the universe

in a stark loneliness

celestial bodiesswelling and collapsing as lungs of the cosmos

reality breathes in great heaving lurches

a vacuum medium

this is the essence of lifereceiving fulfillment

from inherently nothing

we expand outwardswhile expanding inwards

growing apart from each otherin a despondent flourish

of tangled emotions and moments

Conn Fraser, 2014

Shoot me at a galaxy with a window in my cabin

Photo Credit: Moon, Michaela Murphy; Eustace B’s, SUNY-ESF; Menorah, Dixie Allen; Clouds, Michael Thoenes; Comics, Anonymous.


Documents

The Knothole Volume 68 Issue 3