The Insiders Guide to Foster Care Real Life Advice for Parents and Kids in the Foster Care System

The Insiders Guide to Foster Care


Real Life Advice for Parents and Kids in the Foster Care

System

Real Life Advice for Parents and Kids in the Foster Care

System


Real Life Advice for Parents and Kids in the Foster Care System


Real Life Advice for Parents and Kids in the Foster Care System

By Alysa Law and the

2008-2009 ILS Class

By Alysa Law and the

2008-2009 ILS Class

Table of ContentsTable of Contents Dedication The Goal Facts on Foster Care

Definition and Placements Reasons Statistics Trends in Foster Care and Adoption Fostering Families What IS and IS NOT needed ILS

The Authors Personal Pages Ideal Situations

Tips and Advice for KIDS Tips and Advice on Relationships Tips and Advice on Conflicts Tips and Advice on Communication Tips and Advice on Goals and Knowledge

Tips and Advice for PARENTS Tips and Advice on Relationships Tips and Advice on Conflicts Tips and Advice on Communication Tips and Advice on Goals and Knowledge

Resources and More Help for KIDS Resources and More Help for PARENTS Bibliography

Dedication The Goal Facts on Foster Care

Definition and Placements Reasons Statistics Trends in Foster Care and Adoption Fostering Families What IS and IS NOT needed ILS

The Authors Personal Pages Ideal Situations

Tips and Advice for KIDS Tips and Advice on Relationships Tips and Advice on Conflicts Tips and Advice on Communication Tips and Advice on Goals and Knowledge

Tips and Advice for PARENTS Tips and Advice on Relationships Tips and Advice on Conflicts Tips and Advice on Communication Tips and Advice on Goals and Knowledge

Resources and More Help for KIDS Resources and More Help for PARENTS Bibliography

DedicationDedication

I dedicate this handbook to the 2008-2009 ILS class and Deanna Ese. This handbook could not have been done without any of them. All of the students gave their best advice and really put themselves out there to help others. Deanna was so helpful and did so much to get the project going. Thank you all so much, I truly mean that I could not have done it

without any of you!

I dedicate this handbook to the 2008-2009 ILS class and Deanna Ese. This handbook could not have been done without any of them. All of the students gave their best advice and really put themselves out there to help others. Deanna was so helpful and did so much to get the project going. Thank you all so much, I truly mean that I could not have done it

without any of you!

The GoalThe Goal

The goal for creating this handbook was to help out those entering the foster care system. It is something that can be used for new kids in the system and even new foster parents. This advice comes from real kids in the foster care system today. The kids explain what it most important in getting though everyday situations from relationships to conflicts and communication. Everything that is important to them in the interaction between a foster parent and a foster child is included and emphasized. Our hope is for this to be a useful tool for anyone needing a little help on how to get through tough situations and the foster

care system!

The goal for creating this handbook was to help out those entering the foster care system. It is something that can be used for new kids in the system and even new foster parents. This advice comes from real kids in the foster care system today. The kids explain what it most important in getting though everyday situations from relationships to conflicts and communication. Everything that is important to them in the interaction between a foster parent and a foster child is included and emphasized. Our hope is for this to be a useful tool for anyone needing a little help on how to get through tough situations and the foster

care system!

Facts on Foster CareFacts on Foster Care

Definition and PlacementsDefinition and PlacementsFoster Care: a full-time

substitute care of children outside their own home by people other than their biological or adoptive parents or legal guardians (Woodward).

Placements: can last for a varied amount of time, from one day, to several months or years.

Kinship PlacementNon-relativeTreatment Foster CareInstitutionGroup Home

Foster Care: a full-time substitute care of children outside their own home by people other than their biological or adoptive parents or legal guardians (Woodward).

Placements: can last for a varied amount of time, from one day, to several months or years.

Kinship PlacementNon-relativeTreatment Foster CareInstitutionGroup Home

http://www.answers.com/topic/foster-care

ReasonsReasonsChildren enter into the foster care

system for a number of reasonsAbuseNeglectUnsafe environmentUncontrollable KidsBehavior IssuesParents

Substance abuse Incarceration Mental health problems

This can cause other problems for the kids, and a rough transition into the foster care system.

Children enter into the foster care system for a number of reasons

AbuseNeglectUnsafe environmentUncontrollable KidsBehavior IssuesParents

Substance abuse Incarceration Mental health problems

This can cause other problems for the kids, and a rough transition into the foster care system.


StatisticsStatistics There are around 500,000 children in foster care in the US

today.

There are over 30,000 children in foster care in New York

On average, a child who enters into the foster care system will remain in foster care for 32 months

Half will return to their biological parents

Every year around 18,000 youths “age-out” of the foster care system.

About 1/4 of the children entering foster care for the first time are infants (Woodward)

60% of foster care children are under the age of 4 (Woodward)

1/3 of the foster care population consists of teenagers

Poor children are more likely to be in foster care than children from middle class families (Woodward)

There are around 500,000 children in foster care in the US today.

There are over 30,000 children in foster care in New York

On average, a child who enters into the foster care system will remain in foster care for 32 months

Half will return to their biological parents

Every year around 18,000 youths “age-out” of the foster care system.

About 1/4 of the children entering foster care for the first time are infants (Woodward)

60% of foster care children are under the age of 4 (Woodward)

1/3 of the foster care population consists of teenagers

Poor children are more likely to be in foster care than children from middle class families (Woodward)


http://www.fosterclub.com/grownups/statistics.cfm

Trends in Foster Care and Adoption—FY 2002-FY 2007(Based on data submitted by states as of January 16, 2008)Source: AFCARS data, U.S. Children's Bureau, Administration

for Children, Youth and Families

Trends in Foster Care and Adoption—FY 2002-FY 2007(Based on data submitted by states as of January 16, 2008)Source: AFCARS data, U.S. Children's Bureau, Administration

for Children, Youth and Families

1. In foster care on the last day of the federal fiscal year (September30): This is an estimated count of all the children in foster care on the last day of the year. 2. Entering care during the federal fiscal year: This is an estimated count of all children who enter foster care during the year. An individual child is counted only once for each year, even if the child entered, exited and re-entered care during the year. 3. Exiting care during the federal fiscal year: This is an estimated count of all children who exited foster care during the fiscal year at the end of their most recent foster care episode. An individual child is counted only once for each year, even if the child exited, re-entered and exited again during the year. 4. Whose parental rights have been terminated (TPR): This is an estimated count of the children in care on the last day of the year who are both waiting for adoption and whose parental rights have been terminated. An individual child is counted only once for each year. 5. Waiting to be adopted: This is an estimated count of all children who are waiting to be adopted on the last day of the year. An individual child is included in the count for each year in which he or she is waiting to be adopted on the last day. 6. Adopted: This is an estimated count of all children adopted during the year with public child welfare agency involvement. An individual child is counted only once for each year. In rare cases when a child is adopted multiple times, the child will be counted in each year he or she is adopted. 7. Served: This is an estimated count of all children who were in the public foster care system during the year. This number is the sum of two mutually exclusive groups of children: the children who are already in care on the first day of the fiscal year (as of October 1) and the children who enter foster care during the year. An individual child is counted only once for each year.

http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/stats_research/afcars/trends.htm

Fostering FamiliesFostering Families There are NO typical foster families,

all of them are different! A foster parent can be…

Married Single A renter A homeowner A male A female A parent Middle Class White Person of Color Etc.

There is NO typical foster parents either!

There are NO typical foster families, all of them are different! A foster parent can be…

Married Single A renter A homeowner A male A female A parent Middle Class White Person of Color Etc.

There is NO typical foster parents either!

What IS and IS NOT Needed…What IS and IS NOT Needed…Needed:

LovePatientsEnergyA secure and giving

environmentKnowledge on taking care of

childrenEverything needed to support a

child

NOT NeededParental experienceMarriageA high income

Needed:LovePatientsEnergyA secure and giving

environmentKnowledge on taking care of

childrenEverything needed to support a

child

NOT NeededParental experienceMarriageA high income

Individualized Living Skills

Individualized Living Skills

The ILS Program is for foster kids ages 14 to whenever they are legally on their own or when their caseworkers feel it is no longer necessary.

This program helps students develop the skills they will need to be on their own

Skills and Topics include.. Relationships Communication Conflicts Driving Cooking Cleaning Etc.

It is required that foster kids attend this program once they turn 14!

The ILS Program is for foster kids ages 14 to whenever they are legally on their own or when their caseworkers feel it is no longer necessary.

This program helps students develop the skills they will need to be on their own

Skills and Topics include.. Relationships Communication Conflicts Driving Cooking Cleaning Etc.

It is required that foster kids attend this program once they turn 14!

The AuthorsThe Authors

•Talking things out if I have trouble

•Talking them if I need something

•I would love to take my foster parents to my concerts and plays

•Driving a car

•Talking and Communication

•Trust

One or two things that you like best about your foster parent or any foster parent you have had…(Example-talking to them about certain things, or talking to them at all, feeling comfortable, etc.)

One or two things you wish you could do with your foster parent(s)…(Example-talk about certain things, ask questions, trust, etc.)

All the things you find most important for a foster parent and child should be able to do…(Example-communication, other things mention in previous questions, etc.)




•Feeling Comfortable

•They are understanding

•Being able to understand them

•Being able to talk to them

•Have things in common

•They should be able to understand teens

Group 2

Tara’s IdealsTara’s Ideals




•You can always trust them

• count on them

• I wish I could talk more to them

• Trust Is important

• Homemade Mac & Cheese

• Tuna Noodle

Casserole

• Law and Order: SVU

• Helping Ruth (Previous Foster Mom) Cater

• Riding my bike

Aaron’s Ideals




• I Get Spoiled

•There are very nice

•Do What I Get To Do.

•Always Included

• I get to do a lot with them

Group 1

Nick’s IdealsNick’s Ideals




•Feeling Comfortable

•Talking to them

•Go Bowling

•Hang Out

•To keep control

•Watch what they do

Most Important Ideals…Most Important Ideals…

Everyone agrees that these are most important…

Being treated like a part of the family, not just a foster kid needing a place to stay!

RESPECT

Feeling comfortable and being able to trust their foster parents

Everyone agrees that these are most important…

Being treated like a part of the family, not just a foster kid needing a place to stay!

RESPECT

Feeling comfortable and being able to trust their foster parents

Tips and Advice for…Tips and Advice for…

KIDSKIDS

Tips and Advice for KidsTips and Advice for Kids

Relationships

“What are some tips or advice that you would give other kids about relationships? (Example: How to handle certain

situations, how to ask for help, what to look out for in a bad relationship, or what to look for in a good relationship,

etc.)”

Relationships

“What are some tips or advice that you would give other kids about relationships? (Example: How to handle certain

situations, how to ask for help, what to look out for in a bad relationship, or what to look for in a good relationship,

etc.)”

RelationshipsRelationships Relationships with Foster Parents

Be prepared to know that there will be rules.

Become familiar with and respect the rules that are set, they will get you far!

Help foster parents out and get to know them, they do not know who you are either!

Give RESPECT-Get RESPECT!

Be helpful and tell the truth!

Relationships with Friends

Be yourself!

Be honest to yourself and others.

Relationships with Caseworkers

Your caseworkers are always there to help you, use them if you need help with anything!

Relationships with Foster Parents

Be prepared to know that there will be rules.

Become familiar with and respect the rules that are set, they will get you far!

Help foster parents out and get to know them, they do not know who you are either!

Give RESPECT-Get RESPECT!

Be helpful and tell the truth!

Relationships with Friends

Be yourself!

Be honest to yourself and others.


Your caseworkers are always there to help you, use them if you need help with anything!


Conflicts

“What are some tips and advice on handling conflicts whether it is with a parent, friend, etc? (Example: What are things you should say or not say, how to react or not

react, etc.?)

Conflicts

“What are some tips and advice on handling conflicts whether it is with a parent, friend, etc? (Example: What are things you should say or not say, how to react or not

react, etc.?)

ConflictsConflicts Conflicts with Foster Parents

Be calm, cool and collective!

Tell the TRUTH!

Control your anger, and talk once you have settled down.

They may be mad at you, but they do not hate you and will not treat you any differently

The best thing to do is to talk about what is bothering you, and be completely honest with your foster parent. They will be open to and cooperative to what you are saying and feeling.

Conflicts with Friends

Don’t follow in their footsteps, if they are not doing the right things!

Stay calm and tell the truth

Keep your distance and give them and yourself space, everyone needs it! Don’t be afraid to tell them that either! They will respect your decision sooner or later and if they do not maybe they are not your real friends!

Conflicts with Foster Parents

Be calm, cool and collective!

Tell the TRUTH!

Control your anger, and talk once you have settled down.

They may be mad at you, but they do not hate you and will not treat you any differently

The best thing to do is to talk about what is bothering you, and be completely honest with your foster parent. They will be open to and cooperative to what you are saying and feeling.

Conflicts with Friends

Don’t follow in their footsteps, if they are not doing the right things!

Stay calm and tell the truth

Keep your distance and give them and yourself space, everyone needs it! Don’t be afraid to tell them that either! They will respect your decision sooner or later and if they do not maybe they are not your real friends!


Communication

“What are some tips and advice that you would give kids on how to communicate with their foster parents? (Example: What are things you should talk about, what are some things you would want to talk about, what are

some things that you always wish you could share, etc.?)

Communication

“What are some tips and advice that you would give kids on how to communicate with their foster parents? (Example: What are things you should talk about, what are some things you would want to talk about, what are

some things that you always wish you could share, etc.?)

CommunicationCommunication Communicating with Foster Parents

Tell them what you feel comfortable telling them, they are there to support you.

If you need something ask, don’t go without it!

Talk about interests and hobbies.

Let them know your likes and dislikes.

If you are not sure about something, whether it is about rules, curfews, going out, etc. make sure you always ask. Don’t just assume!

Communicating with Friends

Share interests and hobbies.

Let them know when you do not feel comfortable about something.

Communicating with Caseworkers

They are there for you, use them. Whenever you need to talk they are there to listen! They can also be used as a good resource to ask questions on how to talk to your foster parents, and can give you some very valuable advice!

Communicating with Foster Parents

Tell them what you feel comfortable telling them, they are there to support you.

If you need something ask, don’t go without it!

Talk about interests and hobbies.

Let them know your likes and dislikes.

If you are not sure about something, whether it is about rules, curfews, going out, etc. make sure you always ask. Don’t just assume!

Communicating with Friends

Share interests and hobbies.

Let them know when you do not feel comfortable about something.

Communicating with Caseworkers

They are there for you, use them. Whenever you need to talk they are there to listen! They can also be used as a good resource to ask questions on how to talk to your foster parents, and can give you some very valuable advice!


Goals and Knowledge

“What are some key things that have helped you become who you are? What has being in foster care taught you?

What is some advice to you would give another kid going into foster care for the first time? Any other goals

you have?”

Goals and Knowledge

“What are some key things that have helped you become who you are? What has being in foster care taught you?

What is some advice to you would give another kid going into foster care for the first time? Any other goals

you have?”

Goals & KnowledgeGoals & Knowledge Be friendly to your foster parents and anyone

you form a relationship with!

Know that you do matter a lot to many people.

Learn from mistakes, experiences, and life lessons.

Be calm and understanding.

Stay in school and go to college.

Make life long friends, but be yourself.

Always trust and respect yourself, it will become easier for others if you can do this!

It takes some time getting use to, but you will

get through it!

Be friendly to your foster parents and anyone you form a relationship with!

Know that you do matter a lot to many people.

Learn from mistakes, experiences, and life lessons.

Be calm and understanding.

Stay in school and go to college.

Make life long friends, but be yourself.

Always trust and respect yourself, it will become easier for others if you can do this!

It takes some time getting use to, but you will

get through it!

Tips and Advice for…Tips and Advice for…

PARENTSPARENTS

Tips and Advice for Parents


Relationships

“What are some tips and advice you would give a new foster parents on how to talk to or deal with their foster

child on relationships? (Example- signs they should look for, how should they approach you, how should they handle your reactions, how to handle certain

situations, etc.)

Relationships

“What are some tips and advice you would give a new foster parents on how to talk to or deal with their foster

child on relationships? (Example- signs they should look for, how should they approach you, how should they handle your reactions, how to handle certain

situations, etc.)

RelationshipsRelationships Relationships with Foster Kids

Give them time to adapt and get use to their situation.

Talk to them as if they are your own child.

Be understanding and respectful!

Keep in mind that they are not with their own family, and that is tough!

Take in what you can handle, you should be able to form a good with relationship with everyone. That could be hard with too many kids!

Share interests and rules.

Be fair for everyone.

Give them the love they deserve!


Caseworkers are their to help you too!

Use them to help you get through to the kids, and use them as often as needed!

Relationships with Foster Kids

Give them time to adapt and get use to their situation.

Talk to them as if they are your own child.

Be understanding and respectful!

Keep in mind that they are not with their own family, and that is tough!

Take in what you can handle, you should be able to form a good with relationship with everyone. That could be hard with too many kids!

Share interests and rules.

Be fair for everyone.

Give them the love they deserve!


Caseworkers are their to help you too!

Use them to help you get through to the kids, and use them as often as needed!



Conflicts

“What are some tips and advice on how to handle a conflict with their foster child? (Example- How could they approach them, what sort of tone should they use,

how should they handle the situation, etc.?)

Conflicts

“What are some tips and advice on how to handle a conflict with their foster child? (Example- How could they approach them, what sort of tone should they use,

how should they handle the situation, etc.?)

ConflictsConflicts Conflicts with Foster Kids

Use a clam voice!

Make rules and enforce them!

Discipline them as you would your own kids, and if you do have your own kids discipline them all the same!

Don’t be too harsh, but be fair!

Give each other space to calm down and think things through!

Be honest and express what you are feeling about the situation!

Make sure to listen to them, as well as give your side and perspective of the conflict!

Follow through with things!

Use their caseworker to help you out, they are their for the child and have known them for quite some time! They will help both of you and can even be a facilitator if necessary.

Conflicts with Foster Kids

Use a clam voice!

Make rules and enforce them!

Discipline them as you would your own kids, and if you do have your own kids discipline them all the same!

Don’t be too harsh, but be fair!

Give each other space to calm down and think things through!

Be honest and express what you are feeling about the situation!

Make sure to listen to them, as well as give your side and perspective of the conflict!

Follow through with things!

Use their caseworker to help you out, they are their for the child and have known them for quite some time! They will help both of you and can even be a facilitator if necessary.



Communication

“What are some tips and advice on how foster parents can communicate with their foster child? (Example- How to approach kids to talk about a sticky situation,

how to know what is going on without being too nosey, talk about their lives, etc.?)”

Communication

“What are some tips and advice on how foster parents can communicate with their foster child? (Example- How to approach kids to talk about a sticky situation,

how to know what is going on without being too nosey, talk about their lives, etc.?)”

CommunicationCommunication Communication with Foster Kids

Give them plenty of space!

They will talk when they want to, don’t be too pushy or demanding!

Ask questions!

Share interests and talk about rules and situations.

Explain things if needed!

Be open and loving, give them time to talk, but also have them listen. It is great to teach each other the importance of listening and communicating in a peaceful and productive manor!

Communication with Caseworkers

Again, they are there to help you and your child. It is important to communicate with the caseworker what is going on in the house…good and bad!

They want success just as much as you and the child, be open to what they have to say!

Communication with Foster Kids

Give them plenty of space!

They will talk when they want to, don’t be too pushy or demanding!

Ask questions!

Share interests and talk about rules and situations.

Explain things if needed!

Be open and loving, give them time to talk, but also have them listen. It is great to teach each other the importance of listening and communicating in a peaceful and productive manor!

Communication with Caseworkers

Again, they are there to help you and your child. It is important to communicate with the caseworker what is going on in the house…good and bad!

They want success just as much as you and the child, be open to what they have to say!



Goals & Knowledge

“How can they help you achieve what you want to achieve? What can they do to make sure your goals are

met, etc.?”

Goals & Knowledge

“How can they help you achieve what you want to achieve? What can they do to make sure your goals are

met, etc.?”

Goals & KnowledgeGoals & Knowledge Help them with what they want to achieve

Keep in mind that they need as much support as you can give them, they are outside their element and it can be hard to get into the swing of things!

Keep them motivated and always encourage them to do their best!

Help them set goals for their future, such as college if they are at that age.

Always be there and don’t be afraid to ask questions, you will not always know everything!

Be yourself and set a good example for the kids to follow, a lot of them have never had that!

Help them with what they want to achieve

Keep in mind that they need as much support as you can give them, they are outside their element and it can be hard to get into the swing of things!

Keep them motivated and always encourage them to do their best!

Help them set goals for their future, such as college if they are at that age.

Always be there and don’t be afraid to ask questions, you will not always know everything!

Be yourself and set a good example for the kids to follow, a lot of them have never had that!

Resources and More Helpfor KIDS

Resources and More Helpfor KIDS

The Children’s Center http://thechildrenscenter.com/index.html

Foster Club http://www.fosterclub.com/index.cfm

Kids Data http://www.kidsdata.org/?gclid=CN3a4Jf_wJcCF

QN_HgodPHbEww

AdoptUSKids http://www.adoptuskids.org/resourceCenter/rrtPa

ckets/newYork.aspx

Foster Care Central http://www.fostercarecentral.org

The Children’s Center http://thechildrenscenter.com/index.html

Foster Club http://www.fosterclub.com/index.cfm

Kids Data http://www.kidsdata.org/?gclid=CN3a4Jf_wJcCF

QN_HgodPHbEww


ckets/newYork.aspx

Foster Care Central http://www.fostercarecentral.org

Resources and More Helpfor PARENTS

Resources and More Helpfor PARENTS

National Foster Parent http://www.nfpainc.org/index.asp


ckets/newYork.aspx

The Children’s Aid Society http://www.childrensaidsociety.org

Office of Children and Family Services http://www.ocfs.state.ny.us/main/fostercare

Foster Care and Adoptive Community http://www.fosterparents.com

Foster Parent Net http://www.fosterparentnet.org

National Foster Parent http://www.nfpainc.org/index.asp


ckets/newYork.aspx

The Children’s Aid Society http://www.childrensaidsociety.org

Office of Children and Family Services http://www.ocfs.state.ny.us/main/fostercare

Foster Care and Adoptive Community http://www.fosterparents.com

Foster Parent Net http://www.fosterparentnet.org

BibliographyBibliography 2008-2009 ILS Class. Personal Interview. 18 Nov 2008.

Foster Club. “Information and Statistics.” 14 Dec. 2008

<http://www.fosterclub.com/grownups/safety_policy.cfm>.

The Adoption Exchange. “Resource Center.” Adopt Us Kids. 2008.

Children’s Bureau. 10 Dec. 2008

<http://www.adoptuskids.org/resourceCenter/>.

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. “Trends in Foster Care and

Adoption.” Administration for Children and Families. 2008.

Children's Bureau. 13 Dec. 2008

<http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/stats_research/afcars/

trends.htm>.

Woodward, Janie F. A. “Foster Care.” Children’s Health Encyclopedia.

2008. Answers Corporation. 14 Dec. 2008

<http://www.answers.com/topic/foster-care>.

2008-2009 ILS Class. Personal Interview. 18 Nov 2008.

Foster Club. “Information and Statistics.” 14 Dec. 2008

<http://www.fosterclub.com/grownups/safety_policy.cfm>.

The Adoption Exchange. “Resource Center.” Adopt Us Kids. 2008.

Children’s Bureau. 10 Dec. 2008

<http://www.adoptuskids.org/resourceCenter/>.

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. “Trends in Foster Care and

Adoption.” Administration for Children and Families. 2008.

Children's Bureau. 13 Dec. 2008

<http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/stats_research/afcars/

trends.htm>.

Woodward, Janie F. A. “Foster Care.” Children’s Health Encyclopedia.

2008. Answers Corporation. 14 Dec. 2008

<http://www.answers.com/topic/foster-care>.

Documents

The Insiders Guide to Foster Care Real Life Advice for Parents and Kids in the Foster Care System