THE HEARTIESNEWSLETTER

Charity No. 1089481 January 2019 No.262

Happy New Year to everyone and I hope you enjoyed Christmas. Now the Christmas cake is finished and all the delicious chocolates and goodies have gone it’s down to getting those few pounds off.

January Meeting Auction

This was again run by our auctioneers Eff and Diane who did a fantastic job (loved the outfits). Although a much depleted crowd due to sickness they managed to raise the sum of £113.71. The raffle made £76.00.

Christmas Meal December 13thThanks to Pat Palmer and Eff Orwell for organising this at the Toby Carvery. This turned out to be a bit like a carry on film But everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.Letters of complaint have been sent to Moby Dick and their head office, we are awaiting replies.

Christmas HampersIf you still have some goods to donate these will be gratefully accepted up till the February meeting.

As you are aware our AGM and New Year Party will take place at the February meeting. This is the only time in the year we charge. It will be £2pp for which you will

receive a raffle ticket for the hamper raffle and a token for a free drink at the bar. Please come along and enjoy the evening.

I will be doing the usual buffet but if anyone wishes to bring along any items to add to it please feel free to do so.

DonationsThank you to Mr & Mrs Sheehy for the stamps. Further cheques in the sum of £171.00 were received from the late Martin Buckley. £25 from Paula Theobalds and envelopes from Allan Palmer.

This Years List of EventsJanuary 10th AuctionFebruary 14th AGM & New Year PartyMarch 14th Legal TalkApril 11th Stuart Wright May 9th QuizJune 13th Wine & CheeseJuly ResuscitationAugust David Brown (Heart)September 12th ChiropodistOctober 10th JewelleryNovember 14th My life as a film extra (TBC)

Hopefully we will be running our annual Coach trip sometime in June. Details to follow. Also Jays Boys Club Quiz night will be held in September this year. Again details will follow at a later date.

JokesDeaf WifeA man feared his wife wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he though she might need hearing aids.

He called the family doctor to give a better idea about her hearing.

Here is what you do, said the Doctor “stand about 40 feet away from her, and speak in a normal tone and see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a reply.

In the evening she was cooking dinner and he said I’m about 40 feet away, lets see what happens. No response.So he moved closer to the kitchen 30 feet and repeat, Honey what’s for dinner?”No response.Next he moved about 20 feet away and asks “Honey what’s for dinner?”Again no response.So he walks up to her about 10 feet away, “Honey what’s for dinner?”Again no response.So he walks right up to her and stands behind her…..”Honey what’s for dinner?”

Ralph, for THE FIFTH TIME, ITS CHICKEN”.

Holiday SafetyPlease, take care of yourself out on the roads this holiday season.A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicated that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes who drink bottled water, Starbucks, soda, juice, energy drinks and muck like that.

Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol. They cause three times as many accidents,

This message is sent to you by someone who worries about your safety.

Irish JokesThe Irish have solved their own fuel problem. They imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they are going to drill for their own oil…

Paddy says to Mick – “I’m ready for a holiday. Only this year I’m going to do it a bit different. 3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant.2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant.Last year I went to Majorca and Mary for pregnant”.

Mick asks, “So what are you going to do this year”?Paddy replies “I’ll take her with me”!

Paddy’s in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him.“Did you find the shampoo”?Paddy says, “Oi did, but it’s for dry hair, and I’ve just wet mine.”

Contact Information If you need or wish to contact us our telephone number is 01708 472697.My email address is j.richmond47@sky.com. Mobile 07724642423.