7/31/2019 The Funny Side of Funny

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The Funny Side of Funny

'Did you or did you not stick biscuits up your sisters bottom, after telling her that green Goblins

would fly out her bottom because she broke your mother's 60s Persian vase in 1973. You then

repeated this story to your peers in 1983, who spread the story around... and... that...' Attorney Henry

Slacks, flipped the important document on the mahogany table top,' then reached her place of

education. This then got her mocked and emotionally abused by her fellow peers. The taunts, if thecourt would like to listen were as followed, Scary Fenny, plop, plop a cookie in the butt. Not only

did goblins come out but shit. Her nickname then became, Cookie Hole, Cookie Ho and the

most damaging, Cookie Monster found Her Greatful Whore. So Fin Claudius, what is your answer

to my question?

I had no idea what to say but the laugh within me could not be held in. First a smirk, then a giggle and

then hilarity ensued my whole being. This was a ridiculous my sister now 43 and was going through a

psychotic break and I was to blame for something that happened years ago. Being funny had never

felt this funny.

'Mr. Claudius, I would like you to take this seriously. You are being sued for 'Emotional Distress' and

to you that might be funny but your sister has held a great burden for many years. This has led her to

gaining weight in the period of 1983 to 1990 as you know that led to expensive surgery later in lifeand this lead to her not having near to a social life she would have had if the incident had never

happened.'

My laughter subsided with little gasps and I cleared the tears from my eyes and stared slacks straight

in the eye. The jury hummed with giggles and the officers and the judge all serious had a little

glimmer in there eyes. My sister Fenny however had tears in her eyes, fake or not, I didn't know.

Sniffled into her white tissue in her hand and looked away from my now blotchy red face.

I cleared my throat and began,' Well, yes, I did do what you said but thats when she was 6 and I was

like 9. I shared the story with my friends with no idea that it would spread like wild firer. Like her

ass.' I burst into laughter.

My sister became hysterical with tears the younger3 jurors that sat close to the right of the podium

joined in laughter with me. The judge grunted into his hand, the officers grinned and Slacks kept a

straight face all along.

' Order, order in court!!!' The judge pounded his hammer furiously.

I composed myself and continued,' Sorry about that, I meant that as she grew older her ass, I mean

bottom. Forgive me, your Honour. I mean that she was always well endowed as women go and well

when the story spread she became an icon for the wrong reasons. I understand that now.'

Slacks cleared his throat and looked at judge. 'No further questions.'

My lawyer who sat silently assessing the situation. He had not laughed or even said a word and

looked at me and then my sister. He then stared at me for a while and said, 'No questions here, your

Honour.'

I expected much, but still at least I thought he would ask me a question. One question. You know thisis ridiculous. I wish Bethany was here and hold me close in those big, huge...'Court, will be in recess

for the next 25 minutes. Let me just say that both parties must revaluate there stance on this case.' My

train of thought disturbed, we all rised and left for our recess break.

Outside the court room, 'You know what Clauduis give your sister what she wants. Its just five mill.

I mean you are rich man and you can afford losing some properties in Asia to fund the case.' My

attorney's very convincing speech were left on deaf ears as I saw my beautiful, Asian mistress coming

towards me. Her wrap red dress flowed around her ankles and her blue heels tapped on the marble

floor.

'Hello, Darling.' Her English accent that was boarding school honed, wafted across my head. She

embraced her husband, my attorney who as standing close to me near the water fountain. Herpresence could be felt around us all, even Slacks turned around to take a second look as he was

talking to my sister.

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' How are you? Mr. Clauduis I hope my husband is taking good care of you, in these trying times. I

can't think of anything worse. Being sued is no laughing matter and for such an exuberant price.'

Bethany Yang stood close to her husband her arm hooked in his and her head on his pale suit jacket

shoulder. Her husband smiled at her little comment, his face turned red with a blush.

'You know what I should go to the loo, why don't you get more well acquainted.' My attorney said and

smiled. He then left to the 'loo' around the right corner at the end of the hall.

'So Bethany, you look ravishing with that dress.' I said with a glimmer in my eye.'Yeah, you know I look better with it off, when is this finishing. I want you so bad and you don't seem

to want me that bad.' She whispered along my space, her eyes now loaded with desire.

'Recess will be done in five minutes.' The officer called from the courtroom doors that were right

across from where I was standing.

'I need to get back,' I whispered with a smile. ' I will be done in an hour and we will meet at the usual,

Yang.' At that moment my attorney returned and we made our way back into the court room. Yang

followed and sat at the back of the courtroom.

An hour later...

'After hearing all the evidence against you. I hope the jurors have come to a decision,' the judge saidafter the jurors returned from a 'decision making session.' One of the jurors stood up, this one was an

old lady with a bright pink dress and pearl earrings. She lifted the paper straight to her nose.

'We as the jury, find the defendant not guilty on all charges.'

I applauded my success and so did my attorney. My sister started wailing, she then started

shouting,'You vile, little man. You did this to me. You put those biscuits in my butt. You are a pig and

a bastard and a pussy muncher. I know about your freak-en affair. I know about it.'

'Please, Sis. Is the best you got with your psychotic break. Don't make it the reason your being stupid.'

I said with a calm persona.

That was the last straw, my sister like a flying mantas jumped over Slacks and somehow got a hold of

me and started slapping me, then punching me. I tried to protect my face and pull her off but my sister

was well, back to her eating ways and she was just so heavy. Her weight was crushing my ribs.

Officers took a hold of her and tried to restrain her as she was lashing out. The judge started

frantically hammering and screaming,'Order.'

She screamed some more as the officers held her back and well said the most unfunniest thing I have

ever heard, ' Her name is Bethany Yang. Your fuck buddy is Bethany Yang.'

Yang screamed at the back, my attorney now standing watching the proceedings of the last 4 minutes

at the back of the mahogany desk that I was now standing behind with him. I turned around to see his

expression, which was stone cold. He then preceded to punching me square in the face. I fell back to

the wooden floor. My lasts thoughts before I receded to the darkness in my mind was, 'I

hope my wife, doesn't find out about this.'

The End