MEMBER MAKEOVER GUIDE I SEPTEMBER 2018

The Fill-In-The-Blank Headline Writing Guide That Immediately Increases Sales

Inspired by Susan CastroTHE ENERGY OASIS

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A biiiiig shout-out to Susan Castro for her sales

page submission!

Because of her, YOU are about to get the headline makeover you need to take your current sales page (or opt in page… or any page for that matter) from “crickets” to “generating more sales than

you’ve ever seen”.

And that’s no exaggeration.

There is a big lesson to be learned from Susan’s sales page. And it’s one we’ve seen COUNTLESS membership site owners struggle with.

If you know your audience on this level, then writing your sales page becomes SUPER easy. It becomes a conversation that flows and connects at the heart. And to the person reading it - it feels

like you’re talking directly to THEM! They feel like you “get” them, you understand, and you are offering them the very solution they’ve been dreaming about.

If you DON’T know your audience on this level, people tune out. Because they don’t feel like you’re talking to them. Instead, they feel like they landed somewhere that was meant for someone else

(not them). And you know what THAT does to sales - “crickets”.

The good news is, we’re going to help you gain that clarity and connection with your audience right now... by getting hyper-focussed on ONE particular area of your sales page...

Here’s the thing:

∙ You HAVE to get clear on who you’re serving and how you serve them.

∙ And not only that, but you MUST speak to them in THEIR language (not yours).

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Your HeadlineIn reviewing Susan’s sales page, the problem became clear from the very first

line we read - her headline. Quite simply - it’s vague.

While these statements may be true of her audience, they are also true for almost anyone. And, when you try to appeal to everyone, you appeal to no one.

So, how do you do that?

First you MUST get clear on who you serve and how you serve them.

Start by answering these questions:

1. Think about the market you are trying to serve. How do they identify themselves? Ie, momswith corporate jobs, agility dog trainers, grade 2 teachers in Ontario, etc.

2. Describe the challenges they’ve been through in their life that brought them to you. Wherethey are experiencing frustration? What embarrasses them? What’s keeping them up at night?

Here’s what you want to achieve with your headline:

∙ For you: A SOLID understanding of how your offer solves a problem for your audience

∙ For your audience: The feeling of “this is exactly what I need!”

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3. What results will they achieve while or after working with you/joining your program?

4. How will their life be better or different?

Once you’ve got those answers, you’re ready to craft the juicy, compelling headline your sales page deserves!

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The Fill-In-The-Blank Headline Writing Guide That Immediately

Increases Sales

Your headline is the FIRST thing people see when they land on your page.

∙ “A headline and a compelling opening sentence are 80% of the sale” - according to David Garfinkel in his book Breakthrough Copywriting.

∙ According to Copyblogger, 80% of your visitors will read your headline – but only 20% will go on to finish the article.

So… it’s going to majorly impact your bottom line if you get this right.

There are thousands of headline templates available online (try searching “best sales page headlines” to start). But to save you time, we’ve curated some of the best in the list below. These examples came from blog posts from DigitalMarketer, CopyBlogger and CoSchedule.

Just to show you how easy this is.

Don’t get caught up trying to match the template exactly.

This list is simply meant to get your wheels turnin’. Use each template as a starting point, and massage them from there. Get creative, ask for input, and try out

different words or ideas.

Test it out.

Sometimes just changing one word can make a world of difference. Experiment with your blog posts and/or opt in pages to see what resonates most in your market, then include your findings in your sales page headline. Even better, split test two different

sales pages and see which one performs better!

But before you dive in, keep these guidelines in mind:

Get inspired by magazine covers in your niche market.

Do a Google Image search for magazine covers in your industry. Look for catchy or compelling words/phrases that are used to grab attention.

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[This] vs. [That]: Which is [Adverb/Adjective]?Example: Community Manager vs Social Media Manager: Which Hire is Right for Your Business?

The [Adjective] Way to [Goal]Example: The Best Ways to Conserve Water in Large Residential Buildings

How to [Get/Achieve/Do X] Without [Negative Possible Result]Example: How to Get Your Whole Family To Eat Healthier Without Disappointing Your Kids

Who Else Wants [blank]?Example: Who Else Wants Financial Freedom?

The Secret of/to [blank]Example: The Secret to Ripping an Epic Guitar Solo

Here is a / The [Adjective] Method That is Helping [blank] to [blank]Example: The Counterintuitive Method That is Helping Children to Excel in Reading Comprehension

Little Known Ways to [blank]Example: Little Known Ways to Lose Weight Quickly and Safely

Now You Can Have [something desirable] [great circumstance]Example: Now You Can Quit Your Job and Make Even More Money

Get Rid of [problem] Once and For AllExample: Get Rid of Your Unproductive Work Habits Once and For All

[Do something] like [world-class example]Example: Speak Spanish Like a Diplomat

[Number] [Negative] People Have With [Item/Service]: And How to[opposite result]Example: 8 Common Thinking Mistakes Our Brains Make Every Day and How to Prevent Them

[Verb] a [blank] You Can Be Proud OfExample: Build a Brand You Can Be Proud Of

7 Reasons You Should Be Using [Tactic] In Your [Role/Project]Example: 7 Reasons You Should Put Yourself Before Your Kids

Here’s some examples to show how using these templates could up-level Susan’s sales page headline:

Who Else Wants [blank]?Who Else Wants More Energy and Better Health?

Who Else Wants More Energy and Less Mood Swings?

Who Else Wants All Day Energy?

The Secret of/to [blank]The Secret to Staying Healthy and Happy While Raising Kids

The Secret to Endless Energy… Even With A Household of Kids

The Secret to More Energy and Better Health

Here is a [Adjective] Method That is Helping [blank] to [blank]Here is a Method That is Helping Moms Experience More Energy

Here is a Method That is Helping Moms Stress Less and Feel Happier

Here is a Method That is Helping Moms Feel Better About Their Bodies

Little Known Ways to [blank]Little Known Ways to Find More “Me Time” In the Day

Little Known Ways to Get Back To The “Happy” You

Little Known Ways to Eat Healthy Without Spending All Day In the Kitchen

Get Rid of [problem] Once and For AllGet Rid of Mommy Guilt Once and For All

Get Rid of Your Unhealthy Eating Habits Forever

Get Rid of Your Mommy Stress Once and For All

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[This] vs. [That]: Which is [Adverb/Adjective]?

The [Adjective] Way to [Goal]

[Number] [Negative] People Have With [Item/Service]: And How to[opposite result]

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Your Fill-In-The-Blank Headline Writing Guide

Now it’s YOUR turn. Fill in as many different blanks as you can in the template below.

You can also visit Copy Creator to generate a couple of ideas for you! Look for the template category called “Headline Generator Scripts”, enter your details, and voila! You’ll have a long

list of headline ideas at your fingertips.

After you’ve completed this exercise once, experiment with a couple of substitutions in each of your fill-in-the-blank fields.

Keep trying different things. Get input from other people. If it’s not working right away, leave it and come back to it later.

If you need any help or feedback, post your current headline ideas in the #marketing-general channel!

TIP

How to [Get/Achieve/Do X] Without [Negative Possible Result]

Who Else Wants [blank]?

The Secret of/to [blank]

Here is a / The [Adjective] Method That is Helping [blank] to [blank]

Little Known Ways to [blank]

Now You Can Have [something desirable] [great circumstance]

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Get Rid of [problem] Once and For All

[Do something] like [world-class example]

[Verb] a [blank] You Can Be Proud Of

7 Reasons You Should Be Using [Tactic] In Your [Role/Project]

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Makeover Highlights These are the summary notes and takeaways from the makeover video. Please view the video for full explanation and to see the “Before” of Susan’s Sales Page.

00:23 Header

∙ For the most part, it’s really good on mobile.

∙ There are just a few subheads that stack on top of each other (in mobile). Be sure to check on mobile and update so that they don’t overlap

∙ Now, this is actually not super uncommon, but to be honest, at this point, and for quite a ways down the page, my challenge is that I don't actually really know what this is about

∙ It's so easy to fall into the trap of thinking, but this is great for everyone, and I want to help everyone. But I know we've all heard the phrase, and it's so true, that when you help everyone, you're an expert to no one

∙ (3:12) What are the similarities of your most favoritest dream clients? The ones that light you up, that get the best results, because it's a beautiful moment when you can identify those similarities, and really pull them out

02:22 Images

∙ Photos can help us say things that we don't necessarily have all the time and space to do

∙ You're going to have a lot more impact if you have an image of someone who your ideal customer can relate to

04:11 What If Section / Casting the Vision

∙ This section is super important, because this is casting the vision

∙ Really pimp this out and emphasize the vision you are casting

∙ Break into multiple sections

05:37 After the Vision

∙ Great place to start talking about the Oasis (the Solution to their problem)

∙ Avoid coach speak (delete “And ALL this was the fruits of great self care?”)

∙ At end of this section is a great place for a brightly colored call to action button

07:03 Success Path™

∙ One thing you could do here is make this section very visual

∙ Again, avoid the coach speak and talk in the words your client would use.

∙ The best copywriters write at a grade 2 or 3 level… aim for those types of words to make it really easy to process

∙

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09:37 Four Reasons (to Make Yourself Priority #1)

∙ Number one, I think we can just simplify this to, “You deserve to feel good”. And yeah, I think simpler is better

∙ Number two, you could do something like, “You're supposed to have energy!” Or, “Being burned out or busy is not a badge of honor”. It just depends on how sassy you want to get.Touch on the point that there is more of you to give when you take care of yourself

∙ Number three, I feel like you can have fun with this one. Massages are great, but there's more to you than that. Because again, I don't think that your ideal customers aren’t saying that they're not just a body, that they're all this other stuff. Even though that's true, I think that it's ... You can get a little cheeky with this one, and you can bring in the heart, spirit, and mind thing, in this section here

∙ Number 4… you can put “Handle everything life throws at you.”

11:35 How Does This Transformation Happen?

∙ Make your call to action button brightly colored and centered in this section.

∙ Keep the phrasing “you” centered (for example, instead of “women receive four practices…” make it “you will receive four practices…”)

13:27 Introduce Expert

∙ Drop “transformation coach”

∙ Tighten up some of the copy… simplify, simplify, simplify

∙ A lot of these women are looking for leadership at this point, so Let’s do it! Don’t be shy. You’re going to help these women so go for it!

∙ Make the button brightly colored

∙ Avoid saying it is NOT a 30 day challenge. Scanners may pick up on those words and think that it IS a 30 day challenge

14:44 Pricing

∙ Instead of “membership pricing”, I would say, “all this for just a dollar a day”. And then you can have a little bit of fun with it, and put in brackets, "It's less than your daily Starbucks treat." Or whatever your ideal customer would be spending a dollar a day on

∙ I like how you break down. So this is the stuff that they buy. The stuff that they get I think is really important

∙ Here, I would say, lock in your low price forever. Because I just don't want them thinking that the cost doesn't go up ever, because I'm sure that it will

∙ Put countdown timers in at least 80% if the places you have a button

16:15 FAQ

∙ Most of these are good… just add how long it takes to complete a bundle. That could be good

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16:35 Testimonials

∙ Break these into groups of three and sprinkle these groups throughout the page.

∙ Pull out the juiciest takeaway quote results, and make that a mini headline in big bold text to catch people’s attention.

∙ Bigger testimonials do not mean better, 'cause people aren't reading them.

17:57 Summary

∙ This is a great place to talk about how the program works. A lot of people have no idea how an online program works so walk them through and set expectations for them here. (for example, You’ll get an email with a secure password to our member portal which is available 24/7… # modules or sessions, how their delivered -- dripped, weekly, teleconference, etc.)

∙ Future pace… “imagine what life will look like when, blah, blah, blah” -- cast that vision again in a futuristic summary. This might be another great place for a success / transformation story.

∙ This is a good place for risk reversal (guarantee/cancellation policy). You can find a “no risk” ribbon on Canva.

∙ Add a value stack that lists out each item they receive side-by-side with the value of each item on that list.

∙ Another great place for powerful imagery that reflects their dream life

∙ Use bullets to break down bigger concepts or ideas (see Hay House example)

∙ If you have a chat service, like intercom, that would be a really helpful thing for you to get.

Header

Use the templates above to come up with a super compelling headline

Speak to the CLIENT in the intro (what words do THEY use?)

Include an image of a PERSON your ideal client can relate to

The Problem

Be very specific about the challenge(s) you are addressing

Trigger the thought, “omg, that’s me!”

Cast the Vision

Pimp this section OUT! Make it pop.

A white background allows the images to be the focus

Zero in on EXACTLY who this is for and speak to the results THEY want (in their words)

Use images that represent the people you serve

Sales Video

Keep it tight! Only a few minutes.

Summarize what your membership is all about - make sure what you say in the video is consistent with what’s on the page!

Future Pace

Use a heartfelt story from a previous client to show the transformation that’s possible for the reader

The Makeover Below, we’ve outlined how Susan could structure her sales

page to really pack the “punch” she’s going for!

The Secret to Endless Energy… Even With A

Household of KidsBackground image: woman loving life

Sales video

Tired of the to-do lists, the crazy schedules, and the never-ending laundry piles keeping you from doing

something - ANYTHING - for yourself for once!?

And when you DO take a break, why do you feel so darn GUILTY!?

You don’t see a way out, but you KNOW that this can’t be it. Other women seem to have “it all”, so why can’t you!?

I’m here to tell you you CAN have it all.And you deserve to.

Imagine...

Success Story from a previous client

What’s possible for you example #1

IMAGE(of a person)

What’s possible for you example #2

What’s possible for you example #3

IMAGE(of a person)

IMAGE(of a person)

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41 2 3

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Testimonials

Use client testimonials or screen shots of kudos from previous programs

Keep to groups of 3 testimonials at a time, and sprinkle them throughout the page

Photos are great if you have them!

Pull out or highlight the “juiciest quote” (ie, “I found what was holding me back”)

Keep it tight! (bigger testimonials are not better)

Why (4 reasons)

Have fun with this! Think of all the reasons your audience might NOT take the action you want them to, and flip it around on them

Intro of Guide

Avoid using any industry-speak when describing yourself

Don’t write anything that makes your reader stop because they don’t understand something you’ve said

Keep it tight!Use ‘active’ words (for example, “Imagine what’s possible” … not, “Just imagine what would become possible”)

And ALL of this is possible for you.Welcome to The Oasis!

Your Self Care Journey

Inside The Oasis, you’ll receive:

4 Reasons To Make Yourself Priority #1

CTA

CTA

Testimonial #1 Testimonial #2 Testimonial #3

Countdown timer

CTA

Centre this, make it big and bright!Pick a colour that contrasts with the background - like a gold or orange

Success Path™

Make the whole success path a fun visual!

Remove all jargon and “coach speak”

Keep your language at a grade 2 or 3 level so it’s SUPER easy to understand

What’s Included

Write each description as if you were explaining it to ONE person.

Speak to the result they’ll get, and the deliverable that will help them get it

For example: You’ll build new muscles in your heart, spirit, mind and body with the 4 step-by-step self-care practices you get each month

Think of these as if they were headlines of their own (use TORA to brainstorm ideas)

Your Success Path™ Graphic

You deserve to feel good.

Being burned out is NOT a badge of honour.

Massages are great, but there’s more to you than that!

You’ll be able to handle everything life throws at you (and not get stressed out).

1

2

3

4

Deliverable 1 Deliverable 2 Deliverable 3

Deliverable 4 Deliverable 5 Deliverable 6

Your intro

And in case we haven’t met yet…

IMAGE(of you)

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CTA

Brighter button, make it stand out

Take a BOLD, ACTIVE stance - your audience is looking for leadership - give them permission to say YES!

Pricing

Reframe the list of results you outlined earlier

EXAMPLES:

More energy than a triple shot Americano could ever give you and no caffeine crash

True lasting friendships available any time of day - just log on

If you’re DONE feeling tired all the time, you are in EXACTLY the right place.

CTA

Countdown timer

Results

If the results people will achieve are big/difficult to comprehend if reading about them for the first time, try using bullet point to break down the idea into bite-size, easy to read chunks

How It Works

Assume the person reading your page has never experienced an online membership before

Spell out exactly how things work once they join

Set their expectations

You’ll experience:

How it works

All this for just $1 a day(it’s less than your daily Starbucks treat)

After you sign up, I’ll send you a secure login to The Oasis online portal.Your first “bundle” is waiting for you when you log in, so you can get

started on your journey right away!

You’ll also get immediate access to the AMAZING community of women already inside, who are eager to get to know you and support

you in your journey :)

You’ll get emails from me everytime:

And we’ll be in constant communication inside our private community as well.

So if you ever get lost, have a question, or need some love and support - you have a group of people to turn to who “get” you.

But hurry… the doors to The Oasis will close soon.

Result #1

• Bullet 1• Bullet 2• Bullet 3

Short descriptionResult #2

• Bullet 1• Bullet 2• Bullet 3

Short descriptionResult #3

• Bullet 1• Bullet 2• Bullet 3

Short description

Result #4

• Bullet 1• Bullet 2• Bullet 3

Short descriptionResult #5

• Bullet 1• Bullet 2• Bullet 3

Short descriptionResult #6

• Bullet 1• Bullet 2• Bullet 3

Short description

∙ I release a new monthly bundle∙ I’m about to start a live call∙ I have something helpful to share with you

Monthly Price

Result 1

Result 2

Result 3

Result 4

Result 5

Result 6

Annual Price

Result 1

Result 2

Result 3

Result 4

Result 5

Result 6

To recap all of the awesomeness you get inside The Oasis:

Deliverable 1 Value

Deliverable 2 Value

Deliverable 3 Value

Deliverable 4 Value

Deliverable 5 Value

Deliverable 6 Value

Testimonial #1 Testimonial #2 Testimonial #3

No risk to you whatsoever.If you’ve given it a solid try, and it’s just not working for you - simply email me to cancel your subscription at anytime.

Frequently Asked Questions Section

Warning

Set expectations about how long it takes to make progress

Don’t talk about what your program ISN’T, talk about what it IS

After that, I shift my ENTIRE focus to serving the incredible women who joined and helping them make

MASSIVE shifts in their lives.

The next opportunity to join won’t be until next year - at which time the price will go up for new members.

By joining NOW you’re locking in your low price forever!

CTA

Countdown timer

I have to warn you…

You’re about to make changes that stick with you your WHOLE life. And that means they’ll take time.

Make a solid commitment to yourself by joining The Oasis… and in only a few months time, I have NO doubt

you will look back on this EXACT moment absolutely AMAZED by how far you’ve come, and how much better

you feel.

The best news is, it’ll just keeps getting better... and better... and better.... as you keep moving forward

toward your dream life.

Question QuestionQuestion

Total value: $X For only $X per month.

You really can have it all.Join before the doors close!

CTA

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FAQ

Try to pre-empt a lot of the concerns you know people will have

Provide CRYSTAL CLEAR answers (no beating around the bush!)

Value Stack

Take your list of deliverables and value out each one (ie, what’s an hour of coaching worth?)

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Quick LinksHere are some other resources that are helpful for

constructing a winning sales page:

TRIBE Foundation Module Lesson 2: The Secret to your Never-Ending Success

TRIBE Foundation Module Lesson 3: Discover your Market’s Hot Buttons

TRIBE Foundation Module Lessons 5 to 8: The Success Path

August Member Makeover: 10 Essential Sections of a Successful Sales Page

Submit your sales page or

membership site for review here