The Exemplary HusbandA Biblical Perspective

Stuart Scott

Bible Study Notes

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Table of Contents

Classroom Rules............................................................................................................................................3Weekly Reading Schedule.............................................................................................................................4Study Guide for Couples (Optional Activity)................................................................................................5Chapter 1 - A Husband’s Understanding of His Present Condition...........................................................8Chapter 2 - A Husband’s Understanding of God.......................................................................................10Chapter 3 - A Husband’s Understanding of Man and Sin........................................................................11Chapter 4 - A Husband’s Understanding of Relationships.......................................................................13Chapter 5 - A Husband’s Understanding of Marriage..............................................................................15Chapter 6 - A Husband’s Understanding of His Role...............................................................................17Chapter 7 - A Husband’s Responsibility – Worshiping Christ Only........................................................20Chapter 8 - A Husband’s Responsibility – Love.......................................................................................22Chapter 9 - A Husband’s Responsibility -- Leadership Part 1.................................................................25Chapter 10 - A Husband’s Responsibility - Leadership Part 2................................................................27Chapter 11 - A Husband’s Responsibility – Physical Intimacy................................................................29Chapter 12 - A Husband’s Responsibility – Stewardship..........................................................................31Chapter 13 - A Husband’s Resolve - Humility and Service.......................................................................33Chapter 14 - A Husband’s Resolve - Sensitivity.........................................................................................35Chapter 15 - A Husband’s Resolve - Helping His Wife Deal with Her Sin..............................................37Chapter 16 - A Husband’s Resolve - Good Communication.....................................................................39Chapter 17 - A Husband’s Resolve - Conflict resolution..........................................................................40Chapter 18 - A Husband’s Regret - Anger.................................................................................................43Chapter 19 – A Husbands Regrets - Anxiety and Fear.............................................................................47Chapter 20 -- A Husband’s Regret - Lust...................................................................................................50Appendix......................................................................................................................................................52Appendix - Forgiveness & Restoration of Relationship...........................................................................60Appendix - Forgiveness Verses..................................................................................................................61Appendix – Husband and Wife...................................................................................................................62Personal Notes.............................................................................................................................................65Chapter Answers.........................................................................................................................................68

Study Leaders:John Crowejohn@crowes4Christ.comwww.crowes4christ.com (web page for resources)

Jerry Holditchjholditch@laradoenergy.com

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Classroom Rules

All personal sharing is strictly confidential. Classroom discussions should never to be repeated outside the class.

Please do not talk openly about things that would embarrass your spouse. If you are in doubt, talk to us after class one-on-one or call / email us.

Our focus is on God and the work He would have us do as “exemplary- husbands-in-progress”. We are not here to discuss how our spouses need to change.

Please read the chapter(s) and do any homework assignment each week. The more you invest in the study, the greater will be your gain, for yourself, your spouse, and the Lord.

Pray for each other everyday. This study will challenge you with each chapter. We need to support each other as we go through this together.

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Weekly Reading ScheduleWeek Date Chapter #’s Chapter Title

1 1/8 1

2

A Husband’s Understanding of His Present Condition

A Husband’s Understanding of God

2 1/15 3

4

A Husband’s Understanding of Man and Sin

A Husband’s Understanding of Relationships

3 1/22 5 A Husband’s Understanding of Marriage

4 1/29 6 A Husband’s Understanding of His Role

5 2/5 7

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A Husband’s Responsibility – Worshipping Christ Only

A Husband’s Responsibility – Love

6 2/12 9

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A Husband’s Responsibility – Leadership Part 1

A Husband’s Responsibility – Leadership Part 2

7 2/19 11 A Husband’s Responsibility – Physical Intimacy

8 2/26 12

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A Husband’s Responsibility – Stewardship

A Husband’s Resolve – Humility and Service

9 3/5 14 A Husband’s Resolve – Sensitivity

10 3/12 15 A Husband’s Resolve – Helping His Wife Deal with Sin

11 3/19 16 A Husband’s Resolve – Good Communication

12 3/26 17 A Husband’s Resolve – Conflict Resolution

13 4/2 18

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A Husband’s Regret – Anger

A Husband’s Regret – Anxiety and Fear

14 4/9 20 A Husband’s Regret – Lust

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Study Guide for Couples (Optional Activity)

An activity to increase Oneness

Our condition before sin:

o Genesis 2: 23-25 “At last!” Adam exclaimed. “She is part of my own flesh and bone! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken out of a man.”  This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Now, although Adam and his wife were both naked, neither of them felt any shame

Immediately after sin:

Genesis 3:6b-7  She also gave some to her husband, who was with her. Then he ate it, too. At that moment, their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they strung fig leaves together around their hips to cover themselves

Objective

o Often our current condition in marriage is not the oneness in Genesis 2, but covered in fig leaves in Genesis 3. We search for flaws in each other while trying to hide our own imperfections. The purpose of this activity is to help couples develop a relationship where they can be open, vulnerable, safe and receive encouragement and affirmation from each other in areas where they struggle

Preparation

Select a Time in Advance

Set aside 1 hour No interruptions (phone/children/TV)

Prepare your Heart and Mind

Each should pray before you come together. Ask God for an attitude of humility

Focus on what God want to reveal to you, not your spouse. Ask God to give you the courage to be vulnerable and to be trustworthy with your spouse’s vulnerability

Each should commit to themselves that any outstanding issues between them get a “time out” during this hour

We have select Sunday at 1 pm. We have our hearts and minds prepared by worship service. Gives us time to get the boys fed and off on their own

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The Study Process

Remove the Fig Leaf…Receive Acceptance & Encouragement

Husband begins with prayer

1. Each read the current weeks assignment while sitting together

2. When both are done reading, the husband beginsa. Speak in the first personb. Husbands share the teaching and how it pertains to you. The goal is not to teach your

wife how to be a husband. The objective is to reveal how God spoke to you, new things you have learned or areas where you may struggle

3. We each use a highlighter and read the highlighted portions to each other and speak about why we highlighted that section

a. Wife actively listens. No interruptions. She should ask questions for clarification only. Beware of taking the opportunity to teach or rebuke your husband. Be a safe place for your husband to be vulnerable. Be very gentle. When he is done, thank him for the opportunity to learn more about him. Encourage, affirm and assure him

4. Repeat step 3 reversing roles

Warnings

Guard against any form of criticism or rebuke. This would include pointing to this page and showing your spouse how they are not following the directions. This will usually result in your spouse “covering up”. If your spouse feels criticized, then you are not actively listening and responding with comfort and encouragement

If this activity is increasing defensiveness or anger in either spouse, stop the study. Don’t keep going, if you are going the wrong way. Take a 15 minute break. If it isn’t possible to come back together in the spirit of oneness, commit yourself to prayer on the issue. Ask God to show you how you could do better (not your spouse) and try again next week

Do not use anything your spouse shares with you during this time as ‘ammunition’ in the future

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Study Guide Chapters 1-20

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Chapter 1 - A Husband’s Understanding of His Present Condition

Exemplary: Worthy of imitation; commendable: exemplary behavior Serving as a model, example, pattern, or illustration Serving as a warning; admonitory

God has one crystal clear desire for a husband’s objective in marriage: Be like Christ. Christ is our perfect model and example in all things. For the purpose of this study, exemplary means:

To serve as an improving copy of our perfect pattern, Jesus Christ, by deliberately focusing on, and practicing, His likeness

EPH 5:25 Husbands, love* your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless

Love: agapao ag-ap-ah'-o [25], agape -- Verb: to love, to regard as beloved.

See Appendix for Hebrew and Greek Definitions: Love

1CO 11:1 Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ

Exemplifying Christ

Servanthood – John 13:14 “Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. 15 I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you…”

Suffering – 1 Peter 2:21 To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps

Mindset – Philippians 2:5-8 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, 7 but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death- even death on a cross!

Self-Denial – Luke 9:23 Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me...”

Obedience to the Word – 1 John 2:5-6 But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: 6 Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did

Hated by the World – John 15: 18 "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. 19 If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you…”

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Four things that must be true if you want to be an exemplary husband:

1. A right __________________ __________ _____________

2. Recognize the need for __________________ and Purpose to ______________

Christ, the _________________ ________________

3. Realize that ___________ is the only barrier

4. Rely on God’s ___________________ for ________________

Romans12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will

Philippians 3:12-14

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal, to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

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Chapter 2 - A Husband’s Understanding of God

What are some of the Popular Views About God…o Inside the Christian Church ?o Outside the Christian Church ?

What the Bible says about God:1. He is Sovereign2. He is Holy3. He is Just4. He is Merciful 5. He is Compassionate6. He is Gracious7. He is Love8. He is caring for His own as the “Good Shepard” and “Perfect Father”9. He is Angry at the Wicked10. He is Faithful to His own

What Christian Husbands Need to Believe About God and Their Lives

1. God is _____________, _________________, and _______________ working in my life

RO 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son…”

2. God _____________________ _____________________ my life (past, present, & future). He understands every detail, all you are going through and all that you truly need (Matthew 6:25-7:12)

PHP 4: 19 And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus…”

3. God will compassionately and graciously ____________ __________ ________ through life

HEB 13: 5a “… because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." 13:6 So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

4. God has a _________________ planned for me. (Ephesians 2:10)

EPH 2:8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-- 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

5. God must be preeminently __________, _____________ and _____________ in my life

COL 1:18 And he is the head of the body, the church… so that in everything he might have the supremacy.”

6. God is my _________________

1CO 11:3 Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.

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Chapter 3 - A Husband’s Understanding of Man and Sin

In an attempt to elevate and justify himself, man has looked increasingly towards the humanistic influences of social science to define who we are

Man’s Views of Himself

1. Man is basically good “The heart is more deceitful than all else…”Jer 17:9

2. Man is getting better

2TI 3:1”…There will be terrible times in the last days. 2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4

treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God-- 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power…”

2TI 4:3 For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. 4 They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.”

3. Man can be good enough

Matt 5:48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.RO 3:22 This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. 25 God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.

4. Man is a victim of tragic and senseless circumstances, and therefore, not responsible for choices, actions, and behaviors

2 COR 5:10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.

God’s View of Man

To be an exemplary husband, we must reject the false views of man, and accept God’s truth:

1. Man was created by God2. Man was created for God3. Man is God’s enemy by nature

COL 1:21 Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. 22 But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation-- 23 if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel.

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God’s View – Needs versus Desires

Men must understand the difference between needs and desires (p.37) Needs relate to our survival (food, water, air, etc.) Desires do not (happiness, wealth, respect, admiration, etc.)

2PE 1:3 His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4 Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

A man’s true needs

1. We need a ___________ !

2. We need to _________ with God, in His truth (behavior which reflects obedience)

3. We need to abide in God’s __________

4. We need God to be visibly ____________ and _____________ in our lives (ministry and mission)

God’s Provision

5. _____________ Only Christ could bring us into a right relationship with God

JN 3:18 "Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son.

6. _____________ Whole-heartedly desire and seek after Christlikeness, dependent on God

PHP 3:12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

7. _____________ Strive to keep an eternal perspective, placing all hope in our future with Christ

1CO 15:552b “…For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. 53 For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality

Renewing the mindGod wants us to do three things in response to sin:

1. Confess, ask forgiveness with resolve to repent2. Ask for the grace to change, with the same resolve to repent3. Pursue renewing the mind, putting off sinful thoughts/actions, and putting on righteous ones

RO 12:1a Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

EPH 4:20 You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life , to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

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Chapter 4 - A Husband’s Understanding of Relationships

Man’s View Relationships take too much time, too much energy, and too much effort, or, Relationships are for the purpose of meeting my needs, desires, and pleasures

God’s View Relationships are vitally important – Jesus is all about relationship

JN 15:5 "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing…If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.”

Two kinds of relationship categories are given priority in the bible:

1. Our ______________ relationship with God

2. Our ______________ relationship with others

3. Both require ____________ involvement

4. To be like Christ, we must ___________ involvement with others

Our Relationship With GodGod Gives Us

Salvation, Grace, Love, Guidance, Care, Compassion, Protection, Strength, Comfort, Teaching, Commands, Many Desires

In return, we give… Praise, Thanksgiving, Honor, Love, Obedience, Trust, Service (Ministry and Mission)

Visible Expressions of Love Forgiveness Encouragement and Edification Confession Accountability (truth in love, admonishment, rebuke) Bearing each others burdens

Two Foundational Necessities

5. A biblical marriage relationship is built on the concept of ____________ __________

PS 36:7 How priceless is your unfailing love! ! COL 3:12 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

6. A biblical marriage relationship is built the foundation of _____________

1JN 3:18 Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 19 This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence 20 whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

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Major Pitfalls in Relationships

Put Off:

Not pursuing Christ first and foremost Pride Sinful Communication Lack of appreciation and thankfulness (spoken or not) Self-focused expectations

Put On:

Christ - first love, first thoughts, first fruits

Humility - admits sin, seeks counsel, welcomes both scrutiny and accountability

HEB 10: 24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25 Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching

Words that reflect a loving heart: speak the truth in love – behave your way through it

MT 15:18 “…But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man `unclean.' 19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.”

An “attitude of gratitude”, followed by active expression

PHP 2:1 If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

PHP 2:5 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus…”

A focus of God’s desires and my responsibility, rather than my desires and the performance or responsibility of others – because all good things and blessings are from God.

DT 6:10 When the LORD your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers,…a land with large…cities you did not build, 11 houses filled with…things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant--then when you eat and are satisfied, 12 be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.”

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Chapter 5 - A Husband’s Understanding of Marriage

Man CreatedGE 2:7 the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.

Man Alone

GE 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

The Man and His Wife…

GE 2:22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. (compare: EPH 5:27 and to present her to himself)

GE 2:24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

The Eyes of Both…

GE 3:6b “…she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. 7

Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked…” (compare v24 above).

Who told you?

GE 3:9 “… But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?"GE 3:10 He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."GE 3:11 And he said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?"

The woman…

GE 3:12 The man said, "The woman you put here with me--she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it."GE 3:13 Then the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate."

The ConsequencesGE 3:14 So the LORD God said to the serpent, "Because you have done this, "Cursed are you above all the livestock and all the wild animals!

GE 3:16 To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."

GE 3:17 “…To Adam he said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, `You must not eat of it,’ “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life.

GE 3:21 The LORD God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them....23 So the LORD God banished him from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken… “

GE 4:1 “Adam lay with his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain. She said, "With the help of the LORD I have brought forth a man."

God’s Purpose for Marriage

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Companionship Assistance Characterization Sexual Union and Procreation

Commitment in Marriage

The command to leave one’s parents The command to cleave to one’s spouse

God’s Intentions for Marriage

5. God intends our marriage relationship to be our ______________ human relationship

GE 2:24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. (Leave, Cleave, Weave)

6. God intends our marriage relationship to be a ______________ relationship (in this world)

MT 19:6 So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

7. God intends our marriage relationship to be a ______________ relationship

EPH 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

PR 27:5 Better is open rebuke than hidden love.

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Chapter 6 - A Husband’s Understanding of His Role

Hebrew Law of First MentionThe principle that requires one to go to that portion of the Scriptures where a doctrine is mentioned for the first time, and to study the first occurrence in order to get the fundamental inherent meaning of that doctrine

Ge 1:4 And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.

Ge 1:10 And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good.

Ge 1:12 And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

Ge 1:18 And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good.

Ge 1:21 And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

Ge 1:25 And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

Ge 1:31 And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day. Good: Towb (verb) <tove> [2896]

1. to be good, be pleasing, be joyful, be beneficial, be pleasant, be favorable, be happy, be right 1. to be pleasant, be delightful 2. to be glad, be joyful 3. to be better 4. to be well with, be good for 5. to be pleasing

b. to do well, do good, act right, act rightly

Ge 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Ge 2:19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.

Ge 2:22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. (compare: EPH 5:27 and to present her to himself)

Ge 2:23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh : she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

'iysh - Man 'ishshah - Woman

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God’s Perspective

1. Man and Woman are _______________ and ______________ equal in essence and standing before God

GE 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

GAL 3:26 You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, 27 for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. 28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29 If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise.

2. Man and Woman are ______________ and _____________ unequal

1CO 11:3 Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God

3. The husband’s authority is ______________ and _____________

4. The husband’s authority is not for his benefit, but to ____________ God

EPH 5:21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

EPH 5:22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

EPH 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27

and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- 30 for we are members of his body. 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32 This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

5. The husbands role specifically involves ________________ (p. 80)

a. Presides as the _____________ head (“The spiritual temperature of the home will rarely ever rise about that of the husband”)

b. Pursues to _____________ love ( verb tense, agape – sacrificial, protecting, cherishing)

c. Provides for both _____________ and ____________ needs

6. The husbands role specifically involves _______________ (p.81)

a. Love as a _____________b. Love as a _____________ (if she is)c. Love as a _____________d. Love as _______________ loved the Church

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Chapter 7 - A Husband’s Responsibility – Worshiping Christ Only

Chapters 7-12 address the five key areas of a Christian husband’s responsibility:

Worshipping Christ Only Love Leadership Intimacy Stewardship

The central question for every Christian husband is: Who, or what, are we worshiping?

Exodus 20:4 "You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.”

John 4:23 “…Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth."

Two requirements for a true understanding of “Worshiping Christ Only”

1. We need to know the true nature of man’s heart. Scripture gives us a clear picture of man’s heart, before and after God’s calling and salvation in Christ Jesus

GE 6:5 The LORD saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time.

EX 7:14 Then the LORD said to Moses, "Pharaoh's heart is unyielding; he refuses to let the people go.

LEV 19:17 "Do not hate your brother in your heart. PS 19:14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in

your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. HEB 4:12 For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged

sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

2. We need to know what worship is, from God’s perspective

Worship is more than praise and adoration - is an all-consuming preoccupation with loving, honoring, obeying, and serving God daily.

Characteristics of a heart seeking after and worshiping God o Fearing Himo Walking in His wayso Loving Himo Serving Himo Keeping His commandmentso Abiding in His Word daily

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Idols of the Heart

1. Anything other than God, which becomes a primary focus and goal2. Anything we “must” have to be happy3. Anything we are willing to habitually sin to attain

How God reveals idols to us

1. Through His Word and through the Holy Spirit2. By frustrating our efforts to attain them3. By convicting us through someone God puts in our path4. Through discipline, or through the consequences of sin

Forsaking Idols in your Marriage

1. Ask God to search your heart -evaluate your life and what you are truly “worshipping”2. Confess to God any instances of idolatry in your heart3. Repent and turn away from pursuing any idols in your life or marriage4. Remove yourself from the position of being tempted

Review each of the example desires or expectations in marriage below

1) why they are wrong, and2) how they are, or might become an idol:

That my wife will please me with her physical appearance and dress That I can do what I want with my time That my wife won’t be late or keep me waiting That my wife will initiate intimacy, or be ready when I do That my wife will treat me with respect That there would be peace and/or harmony around me always

Putting off wrong attitudes, and desires and putting on right ones:o Focus on Christ. To be in the Word daily

o PHP 3:7 But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things.

o Seek new ways to server otherso GAL 5:13 You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge

the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.o Accept every circumstance (good or bad) with a Godly perspective

o James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

o Demonstrate that you are a disciple of Christo John 13:34 "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you

must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

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Chapter 8 - A Husband’s Responsibility – Love

EPH 5:1 Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children, and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us, and gave himself up for us, as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God

Love: agapao ag-ap-ah'-o [25], agape -- Verb: to love, to regard as beloved.1. With respect to persons:

a. to welcome, to entertain, to be fond of, to love dearly 2. With respect to things:

a. to be well pleased, to be contented at or with a thing One day we will answer to God for how we have loved, or not loved, our wives. More importantly,

we can demonstrate our gratitude for God’s love for us by loving our wives more and more…

1. As husbands we must _____________ in our love for our wives to give ____________ to God

2. We are called to be ________________ husbands, no matter what anyone else is doing!

3. We must never be _______________ with how we love our wives, because Christ’s love

is___________, and we are to love our wives as Christ loved us

What Love Is Not [p102-105]

Romantic feelings 1CO 13:7 Love “…always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” [ All means All, Always means Always – love is a verb, not a feeling].

Physical attraction 1SA 16:7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

Sex EPH 5:3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people.HEB 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

Needing and Benefiting1CO 13:7 Love “…always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Loving words alone RO 5:6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Loving actions alone EPH 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.

Being “in love” - not a biblical term, while there may be something [lust?] people fall in and out of, it is not true, biblical love.

What Love Is

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1CO 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

4. Biblical love is derived from God’s love. If we don’t understand forgiveness through the Atonement, we won’t understand the ______________ of what Christ accomplished [in love] on the cross, and as a result, we won’t understand how we are to love to our wives

5. Love is a ___________, love is a ______________, love is a choice ___ make, love is a ______ ________

God’s Role Model for Husbands

EPH 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

1JN 4:9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

RO 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. JN 10:11 "I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.

PS 103:10 He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.

The nature of God’s love through Christ:

6. first and foremost, is _____________________ and ___________________

7. is _____________________

8. is _____________________

9. was offered ____________ - we should always be the first to ______________ love, intimacy, forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration

10. is not based on our _______________________

11. the epitome of __________________. [i.e., kenosis, the humiliation of Christ]

You are not the enemy [p.105]

A husband can love a wife who is treating him like an enemy by:

12. Returning a _________________ for a curse [Romans 12:14]

13. _____________ for her [Matt 5:44]

14. Removing the ___________ from your eye, so that you may see clearly… [Matt 18:15, EPH 4.15]

15. Being in ___________________ with Christian brothers for prayer, support, wisdom, and guidance

Speed Bumps, Potholes, Hindrances, and Show Stoppers to Love [p108-115]23

1. Wrong Motives - our motives are wrong when we seek only our benefit

2. Pride – we are prideful when we think only of ourselves

3. Fear – we are sinfully fearful when we are consumed with impacts to us, and not truth

4. Bitterness – we are bitter when we continually find fault with our wife

5. Preoccupation – we are sinfully preoccupied when our wives do not rank second after God in our lives

6. Overt Sin – actual overt sin will destroy oneness with your wife and must be stopped immediately

Carefully examine the tables on pp108-115. Ask God to show you specifically what thoughts or behaviors to Put Off, and which Loving Thoughts, or Loving Actions, He would have you Put On

Review this list with your wife, and ask her what she sees in you! The husband is the Leader – he is the thermostat in marriage. The wife is the barometer!

Prayerfully consider asking a Christian brother [ideally three together] to hold you accountable for what God is revealing in you He wants to start, stop, or continue with greater conviction

Love in Action

Prayerfully review the list on pp 115-116 “To Love Your Wife” and ask God to reveal what is uniquely needed in your marriage – know your wife’s love language!

Pray for her – be the spiritual head of your home

Guard your thoughts – take every thought captive in Christ

See her the way God sees her through the Cross - Holy and Blameless

One day we will answer to God for how we have loved or not loved, our wives. More importantly, we can demonstrate our gratitude for God’s love for us by loving our wives more and more…

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Chapter 9 - A Husband’s Responsibility - Leadership Part 1

“Poor leadership is the cause of many ______________ in marriage.”

1PE 5:2 Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care, serving as overseers--not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve; 3 not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. 4 And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.

A husband’s leadership authority:

1. is __________________ - husbands are accountable for the use of their authority

RO 13:1 Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2 Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.

1CO 11:3 Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.

2. must be _________________ - leadership is not an option – it:

provides for financially (family and Kingdom) protects brings order and stability leads in righteousness models humility and obedience engages in mission and ministry

3. is for God’s _______________

COL 3:17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

An Exemplary Husband is a Shepard-Leader.

4. A husband’s authority is granted for the purpose of achieving God’s _________, it is only a means to that end

5. A husband’s authority should be exercised with prayer, care, caution, and the _____________ which comes from being firmly grounded in God’s Word

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A Good Shepard: knows where he is going knows how to lead with love leads by example knows how to oversee is involved is diligent in his responsibility instructs and corrects seeks to restore his sheep

An Exemplary Husband is a Servant-Leader

MT 20:28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

JN 13:12 When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asked them. 13 "You call me `Teacher' and `Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14 Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. 15 I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 16 I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17 Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

Examples of Christ’s Servant-Leadership

He led the disciples to pray by example He led them to serve one another by example He taught them how to do ministry by example before sending them on their own He had tremendous patience, self-control, and humility

Barriers to Leadership

Selfishness, lack of humility

Weakness, Laziness (including a lack of discipline about being in the Word)

Sinful behaviors

Verbal abuse

Physical abuse of any kind

1TI 3:1 Here is a trustworthy saying: If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task. 2

Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect.

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Chapter 10 - A Husband’s Responsibility - Leadership Part 2

JAS 1:22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.

JAS 4:13 Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15 Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."

A Husband’s Responsibility - Goals and possible directions for your home

Establish the Word of God as the standard of truth Establish the discipline of weekly worship Establish the discipline of daily time in the Word Establish a prayer life with your wife and children Demonstrate Godly stewardship of resources (time, talent, treasure) Provide opportunities to grow in/through active involvement in mission and ministry

Five areas of oversight for husbands

Her spiritual welfare

EPH 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless…”

Her decision-making

COL 1:9 “For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. 10 And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God…”

Her relationships

TIT 2:3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Her ministries

1PE 4:7 The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. 8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 9 Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. 10

Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.

Her physical well-being

EPH 5: 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29

After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—

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Giving direction to your wife2TI 3:16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17 so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

PR 25:11 A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.

PR 27:5 Better is open rebuke than hidden love.

“Never use a hammer when a feather will do…”

A husband with the right heart ( the heart of a Shepard and Servant) will do the following before he gives direction to his wife:

1. Make sure you have ________________ _______________ (get the data!).

2. Prayerfully ask God for _______________

JAS 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

Ask yourself: Is my input really necessary? What is God’s perspective? Is there a sin issue?

3. Think through the proper ______________________

4. Have the right _______________

5. If at all possible, remember to __________________________ your reasons and goals (God’s glory and the other’s good) when you must go against what your wife believes is best.

Making God Honoring Decisions

See Appendix for Key Definitions for Biblical Decision Making, reproduced from The

Exemplary Husband Study Guide.

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Chapter 11 - A Husband’s Responsibility – Physical Intimacy

God created and designed physical/sexual intimacy to:

Fulfill oneness

GE 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

GE 2:24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh

Fulfill spouse’s desire [in order to] prevent temptation (1 Cor 7:3-5)

HEB 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral

Bring forth children

GE 1:28 God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it

Six biblical principles of sexual intimacy for husbands

1. Sexual intimacy in marriage was instituted by God; therefore it can be ___________ and

____________, and should be ______________

PHP 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

1TI 6:17 Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.

2. Sexual intimacy in marriage should be kept in ___________________ - it is an aspect of marriage, not the basis

PR 31:10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. PR 31:11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. PR 31:12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life…

PR 31:28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: PR 31:29 Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. PR 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

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3. Sexual intimacy should not be ________ -- ___________ - it is another area husbands apply selfless love and servanthood

NIV: 1CO 7:3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.

King James: 1CO 7:3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

due: Opheilo [3784] of-i'-lo  1. to owe, to owe money, be in debt for that which is due, the debt; Opheile [3782] of-i-lay' metaphorically: specifically of conjugal duty

render : Apodidomi [591] ap-od-eed'-o-mee 1. to deliver 2. to pay off, discharge what is due: a debt, wages, tribute, taxes, things promised under oath conjugal duty , 3. to give back, restore 4. to requite, recompense

4. Sexual intimacy should be the culmination of a __________ relationship

1CO 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

5. Sexual _______________ happens differently in men and women

1PE 3:7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

6. Sexual intimacy should be _______________

1CO 7:1 Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. 2 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

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Chapter 12 - A Husband’s Responsibility – Stewardship

LK 19:11 “…While they were listening to this, he went on to tell them a parable, because he was near Jerusalem and the people thought that the kingdom of God was going to appear at once.”

Kingdom of God

The heart of Jesus' teachings centers around the theme of the kingdom of God. This expression is found 61 times in the synoptic Gospels. Counting parallels to these passages, the expression occurs over 85 times

We are to be His servants and stewards until the Kingdom of God is realized in full

The Meaning of Stewardship

Managing, maintaining, and making the most of all God has entrusted to us for the furtherance of His interests, as we look forward to future reward (p.159)

Steward: Oikonomos [3623] oy-kon-om'-os N.1. the manager of household or of household affairs

a. esp. a steward, manager, superintendent b. the manager of a farm or estate, an overseer c. the superintendent of the city's finances, the treasurer of a

2. metaphorically: the apostles and other Christian teachers and bishops and overseers

Epitropos [2012] ep-it'-rop-os N.1. one to whose care or honor anything has been entrusted

a. a curator, a guardian b. a steward or manager of a household, or of lands

1. overseer c. one who has the care and tutelage of children, either where the father is dead (a

guardian of minors), or where the father is still alive The Call to Stewardship

Luke 19:12 …He {Jesus} said: "A man of noble birth went to a distant country to have himself appointed king and then to return. 13 So he called ten of his servants and gave them ten minas1. 1Mina, [pound in KJV], is 12.5 ounces; gold or silver. 10 minas ~ 8 lbs. (~$37,000 in gold at today’s prices)

1. We can only be stewards of what we do not ________

The Responsibility of Stewardship

Luke 19:13…`Put this money2 to work,' he said, `until I come back.'’ 2Money; silver

2. What has been given to us, as stewards, is of great worth and __________ to God. They are ______________ gifts

3. Our stewardship is a ___________ ____________, to be administered in the absence of the owner

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The Evaluation of Stewardship

2CO 5:10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad

LK 19:15 "He was made king, however, and returned home. Then he sent for the servants to whom he had given the money, in order to find out what they had gained with it

4. We will be held ________________ for that which God entrusted to us

1CO 3:11 For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12

If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, 13 his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work

5. We will be judged on the ______________ of our workmanship [stewardship]

6. These precious things are _______________ to us, under our care and stewardship – but they are God’s on loan: The Wife and Children we are given The Church and our Brothers and Sisters in Christ The wealth and material things we are given The time, talents, and blessings we are given The unique ministry and mission we are given

The Rewards of Stewardship

LK 19:16 "The first one came and said, `Sir, your mina has earned ten more.'" `Well done, my good servant!' his master replied. `Because you have been trustworthy in a very small matter, take charge of ten cities.'

LK 19:18 "The second came and said, `Sir, your mina has earned five more. '"His master answered, `You take charge of five cities.'

LK 19:20 "Then another servant came and said, `Sir, here is your mina; I have kept it laid away in a piece of cloth. 21 I was afraid of you, because you are a hard man. You take out what you did not put in and reap what you did not sow. '"His master replied, `I will judge you by your own words, you wicked servant!

1CO 3:14 If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. 15 If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.[emphasis added].

7. Stewardship determines our ______________, not our salvation

Prayer Focus: Go over the Hindrances to Faithful Stewardship p.162-164Prayerfully consider what you must personally Put Off

Pride Selfishness Idolatry Laziness Irresponsibility Pleasing others instead of pleasing God

Chapter 13 - A Husband’s Resolve – Humility and Service

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NU 12:3 Now Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth.EPH 4:1 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

Tapeinos tap-i-nos'  1. not rising far from the ground 2. having a humble opinion of one's self 3. a deep sense of one's (moral) littleness 4. modesty, humility, lowliness of mind

Humility is the single quality that allows us to be Christ like

So much of our character depends on it. Without Humility, we can not:

1. Approach God2. Love God supremely3. Be an effective witness for Christ4. Love and Serve our wives and children5. Lead in a way that is pleasing to God6. Enjoy physical intimacy in a way God intended it7. Communicate properly8. Resolve conflict9. Deal with the sin of others in a way that is pleasing to God10. Especially, resist sin ourselves….

The Enemy of Humility is Pride

The question is not “Do I have it”, but “Where is it?” and “How much of it do I have?”

RO 12:3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

PR 8:13 To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.

Pride: A self-focused (selfish) worldview; a master’s mindset rather than that of a servant; a pursuit of self-recognition, -exaltation, and –gratification; a desire to control and use all things for ones own benefit. Self-pity is also pride. Pride is an idol.

Christ is our perfect example of humility

Humility: The mindset of Christ (a servant’s mindset): a focus on God and others, a pursuit of the recognition and the exaltation of God, and a desire to glorify and please God in all things and by all things He has given.

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God will deal with our pride if we won’t!

1PE 5:5 Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."

Opposes (Resists) Ajntitavssw Antitassomai [498] an-tee-tas'-som-ahee verb, 1. to range in battle against

Ten Steps to “Get Humble, and Stay Humble”

___________ for God’s help to put off pride and put on humility

___________ the Psalms and Prophets to gain a high view of God and proper self view

___________ Jesus (His earthly mission and ministry)

___________ your spouse and others if you come across as proud in any way

___________ lots of time worshipping (praising, prayer, reading, contemplating the Word)

___________ the One-to-Another principles (Appendix 3)

Work to put off pride in your ______________ and _____________

Work to put off pride in your ______________

Work to put off pride in your ______________

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Put on the mindset that humility must be a ___________ _____ _________

Chapter 14 - A Husband’s Resolve - Sensitivity1 Peter 3:7 [NIV] Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

[NIV] Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

Living in Understanding

1. Means “righteous submissive living in the face of persecution or ________________ _________________”

2. Means husbands must honor God in how they treat their wives, regardless of circumstances _____________ or ______________ the marriage relationship [Eph.5:27 - Holy and Blameless]

Giving Honor

Honor: Timhv Time [5092], tee-may'  1. a valuing, by which the price is fixed, 2. honor which belongs or is shown, 3. by reason of rank, or state of office held, 4. out of deference or reverence

3. How we honor our wives reflects how we ____________ the precious gift God has given us

4. A husband’s failure to honor his wife not only affects her, but also his __________________ with

God

Heirs Together In Christ

Heir: Sugkleronomos soong-klay-ron-om'-os  [4798] 1. a fellow heir, a joint heir 2. one who obtains something assigned to himself with others, a joint participant

Ro 8:17    And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.

Eph 3:6    That the Gentiles should be fellow heirs, and of the same body, and partakers of his promise in Christ by the gospel:

Heb 11:9    By faith he sojourned in the land of promise, as in a strange country, dwelling in tabernacles with Isaac and Jacob, the heirs with him of the same promise:

1Pe 3:7    Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

5. “As being heirs together” is not a future state, it is a ______________ state

The “Musts” of Living in Understanding

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6. Husbands must gain a knowledge of what _______________, ______________, and ______________ please God

7. Husbands must study their wives to live with her in a ________________ and ____________________ way

8. Husbands must ______________ their wives as a cherished helper, showing gratitude GE 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

9. Husbands must see their wives as an equal person in life, in ________________ and _______________

L __________ in the Word and in daily prayer alone, and with her.

O __________ Look, listen, learn. Study her every day. Ask God to reveal her to you.

V ___________ See her has the Lord does, in your attitude and behavior.

E __________ her world. Develop empathy and a supportive, grateful attitude

Prayerfully Consider How do you honor your wife? What do you do to show her how much you honor her? Consider the list on page 203 – How many questions can you answer? Consider the list on page 204 - Pick one or two to put into practice in the next two weeks

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Chapter 15 - A Husband’s Resolve - Helping His Wife Deal with Her Sin

As members of the Body of Christ, every husband and wife are required to address one another’s sin in the manner ordained by God, and as modeled by Christ.

A husband must be ready

Before addressing his wife’s sin, an exemplary husband must address his own (5 questions on p. 208).

A husband must know what to deal with

1. The behavior must be clearly involve _____________ sin, prohibited by Scripture

2. The behavior must be easily ______________ by anyone

3. Husbands should never judge _____________ or _____________ - only actual behavior.

HEB 4:12 For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.DT 19:15 One witness is not enough to convict a man accused of any crime or offense he may have committed. A matter must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.MT 18:15 "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16 But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that `every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

A husband must know what not to deal with as sin

4. Personal ________________

5. Questionable _______________

A husband must know to deal with sin graciously

By approaching a loving and helpful process that allows the Holy Spirit the opportunity to work and allows her to take care of her sin on her own initiative

A husband must respond righteously

6. Never respond ______________

7. Never return evil for evil, but return a ____________ for a ____________

1PE 3:8 Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. 9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.

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A husband must understand true forgiveness

MT 6:14 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

EPH 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

8. Many people confuse __________________ with _______________ (see Appendix – Forgiveness and Restoration)

A husband must understand true repentance

Shallow remorse involves

Sorrow for getting caught or being found out Sorrow for the consequences of sin or getting caught Sorrow over the response of others Being “sorry” without offering an apology, to change behavior, or restitution Making excuses or justifying the behavior [sin] Complaining about the expectation of real change, or request to stop the behavior

True Repentance involves

Godly sorrow over the sin as an offense to a Holy God Full admission, acceptance, and responsibility – without excuse or justification (GE

3:12 The man said, "The woman you put here with me--she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.")

Asking for forgiveness from God and others involved with an understanding that mercy and grace are undeserved

Despising the sin and avoiding all temptation that leads to it A plan and enthusiasm to make whatever changes are required A willingness to open your life up to accountability A willingness to accept the consequences of sin and see justice and restitution

complete A desire to be in God’s Word and with God’s people

A husband must know how to deal with bitterness

To prevent or heal bitterness in marriage

Prayerfully work to put off pride and anger, as both husband and wife sin Prayerfully work to put on humility Prayerfully come to an understanding of how you have failed each other (making a

personal forgiveness/restoration list with your spouse is very helpful) Acknowledge your sins as failures

PS 51:3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.

Confess your sins and request forgiveness. Understand how to put off the sin and put on the right behavior

Understand what sins are most grievous to your spouse. Pray for God to help transform your attitudes and behaviors

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Chapter 16 - A Husband’s Resolve - Good Communication

1PE 2:9 But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 10 Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

Prerequisites for Good Communication

1. I must want to ______________ ___________ more than anything else

2. I must be ________________

3. I must realize I’m ___________________ to God for everything I say

4. I must know how to ________________

5. I must know that communication involves more than just ____________

6. I must be willing to spend _________________ and _______________ to communicate

Characteristics of Good Communication

7. Good communication is ____________ - speak the truth, for God’s glory and for others good:

1 Cor 10:31 So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

PR 6:16 There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.

8. Good communication is _________________ - check your motives

Eph4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

9. Good communication is _________________ - straight-forward and appropriate

Matthew 5:37 Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.

10. Good communication is __________________ - pray before you speak

Proverbs 15:23 A man finds joy in giving an apt reply and how good is a timely word!Proverbs 25:11 A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.

Sinful Barriers to Good Communication

Bitterness: a fixed attitude of sharpness or harshness Wrath: a temporary outburst of anger Clamor: yelling, loud quarrelling, harsh contention Slander: name-calling, personal verbal attack Malice: speech designed to injure, hurt, or make someone suffer

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Chapter 17 - A Husband’s Resolve - Conflict resolution

The Place Where Conflict Begins

Conflict in marriage rises out of

Differences Offenses Pride The flesh

JAS 4:1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? 2

You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

Fruit of the Flesh

GAL 5:19 The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Fruit of the Spirit

GAL 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

PR 15:18 A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.

Sinful Ways to Avoid Conflict

Just keep quiet Stay away from one another Change the subject Hide information, sins, or bitterness

Ways to Avoid Conflict which honor God

Seek to know your wife well and appreciate her perspective Gather plenty of data before speaking Pray study and think about the issue before speaking, if possible Demonstrate and/or communicate your love and care at a time of disagreement Listen more than you speak, but do speak In matters of sin, approach your wife in love In matters of preference, prefer your wife In matters of wisdom and conscience, search the Scriptures and get godly counsel Refuse to sin in your communication Be more interested in God’s glory and the other’s good rather than having your own way, or

being right

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Sinful Ways to Resolve Conflicts

Let time heal it Try to bury it Pretend it never happened Wait for the other person to initiate the resolution process Punish the other person until they change and/or take all the blame

A Biblical Way to Resolve Conflict

The steps outlined on pages 254-256 present a clear and Godly approach to overcoming conflict

Some Key points with this approach

o Being an active listener o Speak the trutho Speak in a righteous wayo Speak with the right purpose – God’s glory and other’s good.

Cleary understand the nature of the issue:

o Is it a sin issue?

EPH 4:22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

o Is it a preference issue?

PHIL 2:3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

o Is it a conscience issue?

RO 14:19 Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. 20 Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. 21

o Is it a wisdom issue?

PR 2:6 For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

2 TIM 2:15 Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.

In situations where communication has become very conflicted, and attempting resolution just brings more conflict, consider the following:

o Set aside 30 minutes. Husband opens in prayero One person speaks, the other listens. The listener may take noteso The listener may only ask clarifying questions – no other responses (no defending,

arguing, rebuttals, etc.)o The speaker will leave feeling heard, the listener will have gained understandingo Alternate speaker/listener until all the issues have been resolved

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Chapter 18 - A Husband’s Regret - Anger

Definition

Righteous Anger is for holy reasons, in response to sin against God’s will, reputation, honor, creation, or glory (God is in view)

Unrighteous Anger is for selfish reasons (Self is in view)

Facts about Anger

Anger/angry/angered/rage appear 406 times; love/loved/lover/loving appear 630 times

1. Anger is a consequence of ______ __________, and the fallen human heart

GE 3:2 Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. 3 In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the LORD. 4 But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The LORD looked with favor on Abel and his offering, 5 but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.

GE 6:5 The LORD saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time.

JER 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.

MT 15:15 Peter said, "Explain the parable to us. "MT 15:16 "Are you still so dull?" Jesus asked them. 17

"Don't you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? 18

But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man `unclean.' 19

For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. 20 These are what make a man `unclean'

2. Anger is a choice, flowing our of our _____________ and ______________

PR 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. PR 4:24 Put away perversity from your mouth, keep corrupt talk far from your lips.

EPH 4:17 So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18 They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts.

3. Anger stems from a ____________ or ____________ desire (or lust)

JAMES 4:1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures

4. Anger never __________________ God’s righteous ends

PR 11:23 The desire of the righteous ends only in good, but the hope of the wicked only in wrath.JAMES 1:19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. 21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

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5. Anger can point us in the right ________________

Anger is a secondary emotion – search for the unmet need or cause and you may find:

An ___________ (selfish/prideful)

An __________________ to overcome evil

GE 4:6 Then the LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? 7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."

6. Anger is not just __________, but thoughts, body language, tone, and actions.

PS 19:14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

ROMANS 6:12 Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 13 Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. 14 For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.

7. Anger demonstrates a lack of __________ _______________ in our choices (see (2))

PR 17:27 A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.

PR 17:28 Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.

PR 29:11 A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.

2PE 1:5 For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6 and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7 and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8 For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9

But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.

8. Anger is always accompanied by other sins when it is _________________

PR 29:22 An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins.

PR 29:23 A man's pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor.

Look for a critical spirit, withdrawal, gossip, slander, vengeance, gladness at others misfortune, self-pity (see (5)).

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9. Anger will turn into something worse if not _____________ with

Follows the worldly progression of anger bitterness stubbornness hatred rebellion violence. Anger may also path to depression or suicide.

JOB 4:8 As I have observed, those who plow evil and those who sow trouble reap it.

EZE 18:30 "Therefore, O house of Israel, I will judge you, each one according to his ways, declares the Sovereign LORD. Repent! Turn away from all your offenses; then sin will not be your downfall.

10. Anger should call us to a ______________ ____________________

Fruit of the FleshGAL 5:19 The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Fruit of the Spirit

GAL 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

Examination

Ask God to help in taking stock:

PS 139:23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.PS 139:24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Prayerfully consider the questions on p 267

Transformation

Ask for God’s help in transformation:

o Express the desire to put off anger, and put on gentleness, patience, and humility.RO 12:1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. 2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Transformation, continued

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Take Action against Anger!1. Confess past sins of anger to 1) God, and 2) others2. Ask God to work in this area of your life3. Put off wrong thoughts and put on right thoughts and actions4. Memorize what scripture has to say about anger5. Search for strongholds of pride and selfishness6. Define a holy response to situations which typically make you angry7. Do a study on patience and long-suffering God has with you8. Be vigilant and alert – sin is always “crouching at the door”9. Get accountable to a brother10. Don’t associate with angry men or women – unless they are seeking to change

When Anger Comes 1. Pray!

HEB4:16 Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

2. Put off anger! Choose to not get angryPR 14:17 A quick-tempered man does foolish things

3. Put on Gentleness, patience, humilityWe are commanded to return a blessing for a curse:LK 6:27 "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.RO 12:14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.PR 16:32 Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.PR 16:33 The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the LORD.JAS 1:19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

When Failure Happens1. Be Thoughtful: Identify the specific sin (thoughts, words, actions)2. Be Prepared: Determine what the holy response should have been 3. Be Humble: Address the sin immediately

EPE4:26 "In your anger do not sin" : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.

4. Be Accountable: Confess, and seek forgiveness JAS 5:13 Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. 14 Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. 15 And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

5. Be On Guard:1PE 5:8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

6. Be HopefulPS 103:8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. 9 He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;

Chapter 19 – A Husbands Regrets – Anxiety and Fear46

Definition

Godly Concern – caring about the right things for the right reasons. Focused on the {Godly} responsibilities of today, eternal goals, and others

Un-Godly Concern – goes beyond Godly concern and involves worry about what might happen. Focused on possible difficulties in the future, temporal matters, or self

Godly Fear – two components: fear of God, and a reasonable fear of danger or difficulty

PS 112:1 Praise the LORD. Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who finds great delight in his commands….7 He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.8 His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes.

Ungodly Fear – fears which are unreasonable, irrational, and not rooted in an abiding trust in God

JN 14:1 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. 2 In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. 3

And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

Explanation

1. Ungodly fears are directly related to what we are _____________

EPH 6:10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

PHP 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things

2. When sinfully fearful, we are focused on the ___________________, rather than on God

MK 4:39 He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"MK 4:41 They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!"

3. When we are fearful we are focused on ________

PHP 2:4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.PHP 2:5 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus…

4. When we are engaged in ungodly fear we fear something else more than we fear ______

Things We May Fear More Than God Things We May Love More than GodMan Man’s Approval

Unwanted Circumstances Life without suffering, our happinessLosing someone or something dear Money, health, a person, things

Bodily Harm Safety, no pain

5. Ungodly fear will most likely motivate us to commit other ____________

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MT 26:74 Then he began to call down curses on himself and he swore to them, "I don't know the man!"

GAL 2:11 When Peter came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he was clearly in the wrong. 12

Before certain men came from James, he used to eat with the Gentiles. But when they arrived, he began to draw back and separate himself from the Gentiles because he was afraid of those who belonged to the circumcision group. 13 The other Jews joined him in his hypocrisy, so that by their hypocrisy even Barnabas was led astray.

6. Ungodly fear accomplishes absolutely nothing ________________

MT 6:25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

7. Not being __________ _________ _________ can lead to fear and anxietyHEB 9: 27 Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment, 28 so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him.

Examination

Ask God to reveal un-Godly fear and anxiety

PS 139:23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.PS 139:24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Prayerfully consider the questions on p 278-279

Transformation

Take Action against Fear and Anxiety!1. Confess past sins to 1) God, and 2) others who may have been affected by your fears.2. Ask God to work in this area of your life.3. Put off wrong thoughts and put on right thoughts and actions.4. Memorize what scripture has to say about fear.5. Search for strongholds of pride and selfishness.6. Define a holy response to situations which typically make you fearful.7. Do a study on God’s sovereignty, presence, sufficient grace, and eternal care8. Increase your fear of God – Study, pray, and commit to love God with all your heart.9. Be alert, ready to do battle on the front line of fear – your thoughts10. Get accountable to a brother.

When Fear Comes 1. Pray! 2. Put off fear. Choose not to become anxious or fearful.3. Put on trust, responsibility, and love4. Be willing to face fear if you must in order to love God and others

When Failure Happens

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1. Be Thoughtful: Identify the specific sin of anxiety or fear (thoughts, words, actions)

2. Be Prepared: Determine what the holy response should have been

3. Be Humble: Address the sin immediately

JAS 5:13 Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. 14 Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. 15 And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

4. Be On Guard

1PE 5:8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

5. Be Hopeful

PS 103:8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. 9 He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him.

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Chapter 20: A Husband’s Regret - Lust

Definition

The difference between a godly desire and a worldly desire is having either God’s glory in mind, or self-satisfaction in mind

1937 lust epithumeo To lust after, covet, of those who seek things forbidden1938 lust after epithumetes One who longs for, a craver, lover, one eager for 1939 lust epithumia Desire, craving, longing, desire for what is forbidden1971 lust epipotheo To lust, harbor forbidden desire2237 lust hedone Desires for pleasure

3715 lust orexis Used both in a good and a bad sense, as well of natural and lawful and even of proper cravings (of appetite for food), also of corrupt and unlawful desires

3806 lust pathos

A calamity, mishap, evil, affliction; a feeling which the mind suffers an affliction of the mind; emotion, passion, passionate deed used in either a good or bad sense; in the NT in a bad sense, depraved passion, vile passions

Facts about lust:

1. Lust involves listening to and believing _________

2. Lust follows a progression of ______________

Failure to worship God. An ungrateful heart. Introduction to sexual sin. Experiencing to sexual sin. Repeating to sexual sin. Domination/Addiction. God gives you over to your sin.

3. The first battles are the ________ to win

4. Winning the war may require _______ change

The behavior, or relationship, must stop immediately Do whatever it takes

5. The opposite of lust is ________. Put off lust and put on _________________ love

6. Look for __________ of the heart (any sexual activity you are willing to sin to attain or experience)

7. To be victorious against the bondage of lust, we must confess and let __________ into our lives

Great care must be taken if your wife is your _____________ partner

A brother in Christ may be much more ___________ in this role than your wife

Examination50

Prayerfully consider the questions on page 293, giving specific attention to [18] and [21] How much of your life is ordered around this sin? Is this sin a secret?

Transformation

Take Action!1. Confess past sins of lust to God, and others2. Ask God to work in this area of your life3. Ask a brother to hold you in daily accountability4. Put off wrong thoughts and put on right thoughts and actions5. Immediately stop all sinful behaviors (behave your way through it)6. Study/memorize what scripture has to say about lust7. Stay away from times, people, or situations which bring temptation8. Get active in Mission and Ministry9. Pray specifically for your wife and how/what you can do to restore trust and intimacy

When Temptation Occurs

F_lee__ times, places, people, situations, etc. immediately

L_ean__ on God, rely on the Holy Spirit

E_ntertain_ right thoughts, get in the Word, call a brother!

E_agerly_ continue to pursue love and righteousness

If and when sexual sin occurs:

1. Don’t give up! Or engage in panic or self-pity (prideful)2. Take stock: See the stark contrast between “taking and using” versus “giving and loving”.3. Be Humble: Address the sin immediately, and determine how to avoid a future occurrence4. Be Accountable: Confess, and seek forgiveness

JAS 5:13 Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. 14 Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. 15 And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

5. Be On Guard

1PE 5:8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of suffering.

6. Be Thankful that Christ has already covered our sins, and has given us the power to lead a victorious Christian life through His Word and the Holy Spirit.

7. Be Hopeful

2COR4:16-17 Therefore do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us a weight of glory far beyond all comparison.

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Appendix

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Key Definitions For Biblical Decision-Making

Before we can begin to understand how God's will and our choices fit together, we must clearly and biblically define the terms that apply to the topic of decision-making. Some of these terms may be different from what you have heard or have always thought. Some of them may not have entered your mind at all. Carefully read through these terms and the Scriptures that support them so we can begin on common ground.

God's Decretive (Declarative) Will is everything that God ordains (decides, plans) to happen. God's decreed will is a very detailed and predetermined plan (Psalm 119:16; Acts 2:23). This is God's secret plan for the most part. Though many people try to ascertain God's decretive will ahead of time, we can only know it for sure after it happens. For instance, you can know with absolute certainty that God decreed for you to marry your wife because the marriage ceremony actually took place. On occasion, God has chosen to reveal His decretive will (ahead of time) through Old Testament or early Church prophets. These instances are recorded in the Bible as future prophecy.

Remember the former things long past, for I am God and there is no other; I am God, and there is no one like Me, declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times things which have not been done, saying, "My purpose will be established, and I will accomplish all My good pleasure."Isaiah 46:9-10

Sovereignty is the sum total of the attributes of God that allow Him to rule over and control all things with absolute perfection (authority, power, knowledge, wisdom, righteousness). Because God is completely sovereign, His decretive will is always accomplished and anything that is not within His plan does not happen. This means that whatever actually happens is part of His decreed will. Even sin is a part of His plan, in that He plans to allow it. We know that God is not the author of sin (James 1:3) but He perfectly and wisely chooses to withhold His restraining influence over sinful hearts in situations when He can use it to accomplish His good and perfect purposes. For those who love God, He is always working His best in their lives (Romans 8:28). We are still held responsible for our sinful choices, however, because they are our own sinful choices from our own sinful hearts. Knowing that all the events in our lives and all the choices we make fall under the sovereignty of God can be very reassuring as long as you trust that He is an all-wise and good God who is afflicted when we are afflicted (Isaiah 63:9) and who is willing to assist us in our trouble (Genesis 50:20; Isaiah 41:10; Isaiah 46:11; Proverbs 21:1; 20:24).

God's Preceptive* Will is God's moral, lawful, and directional will that He sets forth in the Bible for us to follow. It is revealed through direct command and through precept (biblically-derived principles). We can know God's preceptive will ahead of time because it has already been revealed to us in the Bible. For instance, you can know that you are in the will of God when you choose a legal job over an illegal one, because God tells us in His Word to obey the governing authorities (Romans 13:1-2). The more we know God's revealed will and obey it, the more we will be within the will of God as a husband (Psalm 119:1-4).

*Preceptive: Of, relating to, or expressing a rule or principle that prescribes a particular course of action or conduct. Instructive; didactic.

The Providence of God is the secret and purposeful working out of God's decreed will by God, through the orchestrating of all events and people. God is sopowerful and so complex that He can cause or prevent whatever His perfect plan prescribes for every person any given day, hour and minute. This means that whatever God allows in your life as a husband is for a specific purpose (Ephesians 1:11).

Mysticism is subjectivity applied to the spiritual realm. It is believing that spiritual reality and truth are verifiable by inward feelings, judgment, and experience. It is also believing that one has a special receiving line or method of communication coming from God even though that method is not substantiated by God's Word. For example, a person who believes that God wants him to join a particular church because he felt warm and tingly inside when he thought of it is an example of a mystical person. This person believes that God is communicating with him in a "special" way.

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The Christian should reject mystical experiences, because God. has chosen to relate to man by means of man's mind, not through his emotions. The Word, which must be understood, is the ultimate [test] of truth. Subjective experience is not an adequate basis by which to judge the truth of anything.When the mystical experience is said to be a revelation from God, this must also be rejected. (Arthur 1. Johnson, Faith Misguided, Exposing the Dangers of Mysticism. Chicago, IL: Moody Press, 1988, p. 41)

Husband, guard against the temptation to devise a mystical means of communication with God (Colossians 2:8-9)..

Wisdom is biblical knowledge practically applied to a holy end. Wisdom usually concerns a collection of truths, rather than a single fact. It helps us to discern God's perspective of all ideas, decisions and practices. God promises to give us the wisdom we need to understand and apply His truth to our decisions, but we must earnestly pray in faith and we must search His Word. This is how we know what to do. You should not ask God to mystically reveal to you what he wants you to do (Psalm 19:7; James 1:5; 3:13-18).

Biblical Decision-Making Presuppositions

You must begin the biblical decision-making process with some crucial presuppositions. A presupposition is what you assume to be true and therefore act upon. The following are biblical truths that you must be convinced of before you will make decisions biblically. Carefully consider these presuppositions and think about your own assumptions about decision-making before you use the following.

1. We do not need to know God's decreed will and how He is providentially bringing it about before we make a decision. We are never told to search for or to try and ascertain God's decreed (circumstantial) will or to interpret God's providence for decision-making. These are secret things, belonging only to God. Instead, we must trust that He is in control and that He is good. God wants you to determine His will in another way. There is only one way for us to know the mind of God by what He has revealed in His Word. This truth means that you do not have to figure out whether or not God has decreed for you to move before you can make the right decision about moving (Isaiah 55:8-9).

The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our sons forever, that we may observe all the words of this law.Deuteronomy 29:29

2. The Holy Spirit's role is to convict, teach and conform us -all through the vehicle of the Word of God. We are never given any promise or instruction that He will subjectively reveal to us God's decreed (circumstantial) will. This truth means that you should not expect some mystical direction from God to determine whether or not you should talk to your wife about an issue.

But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you. . . . And He, when He comes, will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment. - John 14:26; 16:8

3. God only guides or leads his people today: (1) by providence (we know it after the fact) and (2) by Scripture (we can know it before we act). This truth means that you can stop trying to decipher signs and feelings.

With Your counsel You will guide me, and afterward receive me to glory. Many plans are in a man's heart, but the counsel of the Lord will stand. - Proverbs 19:21

4.God is a gracious God who has provided everything we need to do what He wants us to do. The Bible is sufficient to guide us in all matters of eternal life and godliness (sanctification) including decision-making. Therefore, it offers enough insight for us to make every decision a God-honoring one. This truth means that God is not hiding His will from you and that you can know it.Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. - Psalm 119:105

Seeing that his divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. - 2 Peter 1:3

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5. God holds us fully responsible to search out and follow His preceptive will (God's written Word) in all of life. This truth means that we as husbands will be held responsible for making all our decisions by weighing the objective (factual, outside ourselves) Word of God.

This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will ,have success. - Joshua 1:8

6. If we make a decision based on biblical commands and principles alone we can fully trust that we are pleasing God in our decision and fully trust that He will providentially (by circumstances out of our control) change our choice if it is not within His decreed will. This truth means that you don't have to second-guess yourself anymore.

I have chosen the faithful way; I have placed Your ordinances before me. - Psalm 119:30

The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. - Proverbs 16:9

7. To rightly interpret and apply the Word of God we must use a prayerful,literal, historical, contextual, and grammatical method of studying it. This truth means that if your Bible has been

on the shelf, it's time to dust it off! If you read your Bible, but you don't really study it and meditate on it, it's time to get busy! Two helpful books on how to study the Bible are: How to Interpret the Bible, by Richard Mayhue (Christian Focus Publications) and How to Get the Most From Your Bible, by John F. Macarthur (Word Publications).

Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth. - 2 Timothy 2:15

But know this first of all, that no prophecy of Scripture is a matter of one's own interpretation. -2 Peter 1:20

8.No one is ever outside of God's decreed plan. We cannot miss the decreed will of God because God is sovereign. This truth means that you, can stop regretting that you didn't choose the other job once you have confessed any wrong way you may have decided. All is not lost.

Subjectivity and Decision-Making

Some Christians make poor decisions because they do not understand that God no longer communicates His will outside the pages of Scripture. They read the Old Testament and assume that God guides the average believer today in much the same way that He guided His people before His written Word was in existence. Some people also believe that God will individually speak to them because He spoke individually to His special prophets and Apostles. From the New Testament, however, we understand that God communicated to these individuals in special ways, in order to provide us with the all-sufficient and eternal Word of God (2 Peter 1:21, 1 Thessalonians 2:13). Once the Word of God was complete there was no more need for such individual communication. In fact, once the Apostles were verified as the final authentic spokesmen for God, all individual communications from God ceased (2 Peter 2:19; Hebrews 1:1-2). Read what the Westminster Confession of Faith states: The whole counsel of God concerning all things necessary for his own glory, man's salvation, faith and life, is either expressly set down in Scripture, or by good and necessary consequences may be deduced from Scripture: unto which nothing at any time is to be added, whether by new revelations of the Spirit, or traditions of men. (Emphasis mine, The Westminster Standards, Confession of Faith, Ch. I, VI; Philadelphia, Penn., The Great Commission Publications, 1989)

Just because God no longer communicates with us individually, however, does not mean that He does not communicate to us personally today. His written Word to us is very personal communication (John 16:13-15). The Holy Spirit's job is to make it even more personal (1 Corinthians 2:12-13). Some will strongly argue that God has individually spoken to them in one way or another, but there is no way for them to verify or trust the source of their experience, not even for themselves. Only God knows the true source of whatever they believe they have received. Just because they are fully convinced does not mean that they see things as they really are. Many deluded individuals have heard voices or become fully convinced of things that are clearly not true. We must measure our experiences by the objective word of God and not vice versa (e.g., Deuteronomy 13:1-4). J. I. Packer once wrote, "Wrong ideas about God's guidance lead to wrong conclusions about the right thing to do" (1. I. Packer, Hot Tub Religion, Wheaton, IL; Tyndale House Publishers, 1987, p. 109).

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Some people make decisions subjectively because this is the norm for our society. Many people are feelings oriented. Most even use the term "feel" in place of "believe" or "think" (e.g., "How do you 'feel' about...?"). One of the reasons our society has become subjective is because it has an aversion to absolutes. For a person who does not want to recognize the Bible as the authoritative Word of God, any way of making decisions would be a better one than making decisions based on the Bible. Also, man's flesh has a natural bent towards doing things the easy way. Certainly it is easier to live life by feelings and or signs, rather than by the hard work of engaging the mind in study. Naturally, the undisciplined and lazy person will not want to give the time or mental effort it takes to make a biblical decision. God's way of doing things is rarely the easy way, but His way always results in the greatest reward (Galatians 6:9).

Making decisions by subjective means will usually result in disappointment or even disaster. We must be sure that our way of deciding what to do is not based on former ways that God used to deal with His people (Hebrews 1:1-2), on our imaginations (Ezekiel 13:2-3, 7), on something that seems miraculous (Deuteronomy 13:1 4), or on our own selfish desires (Proverbs 14:12; 18:1-2).

"Son of man, prophesy against the prophets of Israel who prophesy, and say to those who prophesy from their own inspiration, 'Listen to the word of the Lord!' Thus says the Lord God, 'Woe to the foolish prophets who are following their own spirit and have seen nothing. . .. Did you not see a false vision, and speak a lying divination when you said, "The Lord declares," but it is not I who have spoken?'" Ezekiel 13:2-3, 7

Subjective means of making decisions:

1. Misusing the Bible: This method involves trying to obtain biblical direction by the open-the-Bible-and-point method or by looking for a message from God in your daily Bible reading that will mystically tell you what He wants you to do. Both of these methods take God's Word out of its context. Instead we need to study God's Word rightly to understand the one thing that He meant and apply that truth to our lives. Hopefully this is not the way you decided to marry your spouse.

2. Personal advice: This is using what others think for direction when it is not founded upon biblical principles but rather on opinion and experience alone. Advice from those who are godly enough to tell you what God does and doesn't say about the matter can be very valuable, how ever. Either way, never use personal advice alone to make your decisions. A man might find himself changing jobs or churches every few months by always being swayed by others' opinion and experience (Psalm 1:1-2; Proverbs 14:12; 25:19; Isaiah 55:8-9).

3. Circumstances / results: This is assuming that you can understand what God wants you to do by reading or interpreting certain circumstances or results. Many grave mistakes have been made based on what the circumstances "seemed to say." There was once a man who experienced great confusion from reading the circumstances in order to determine if he should become a missionary. At one point the circumstances began to say, "You've made a mistake." He was turned down by three mission boards. He was even more confused when the people he was finally able to minister to never responded to his missionary efforts. The Bible teaches us that sometimes God's path is not easy. Also God often sent prophets to people that did not listen. There is no way to be certain what circumstances or results mean (Numbers 20:8-12; Joshua 9; Proverbs 13:16).

4. Setting up conditions: This is imposing a condition on God for direction. If the condition comes true then one considers that God has communicated His answer. This mystical means of decision-making is similar to reading circumstances, only with a presumptuous (assuming on or testing God) twist. For lack of trust in God's faithfulness to do what

He said He would do, Gideon of the Bible did this very thing by laying out a wool fleece for God to give him a sign on (Judges 6:36-40). Because God was merciful to Gideon at a time when His written Word was not complete, this does not mean that we can assume that it is okay to put God to the test. A husband who uses this method might tell God, "If You want me to go back to school, have someone call me in the next hour and tell me it is a good idea." He might even use spiritual lingo like, "Lord, I'm going to trust you for..." (Matthew 4:5; Psalm 19:13).

5. Opened and closed doors: This is using opportunities or the loss of an opportunity as a message from God about what you should do. In the Bible, opened and closed doors are never used in this way. In fact, Paul did not take one door that was opened to him even though it was

. acceptable (not sinful) to the Lord (2 Corinthians 2:12-13). It is usually spoken of in Scripture concerning an opportunity to share the gospel, after the fact-not as a means of determining God's direction. Assuming that an

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opened door is the direction of God can cause a husband to make very bad decisions and even neglect his family (Acts 14:27;1 Corinthians J6:9).

6. Ideas. inner feelings. desires and impressions: This is interpreting something from within as the "voice" of God. Contrary to popular opinion, just because an idea, feeling, desire, etc. seems" good," this does not mean it is of God. Anyone of these things from within could be from self or the Evil One. Garry Friesen writes in his book, Decision Making and the Will of God:

For impressions could be produced by any number of sources: God, Satan, an angel, a demon, human emotions (such as fear or ecstasy), hormonal imbalance, insomnia, medication, or an upset stomach. ... Impressions are real; believers experience them. But impressions are not authoritative. (Emphasis Friesen's, Multnomah Press, Portland Oregon, 1980, pp.130-131)

Some people believe that if they love the Lord and strongly desire something that seems good, that desire is from God. A verse that is often taken out of context is Psalm 37:4:

Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart.

A person cannot assume that just because they love God, every desire they have is from Him. What this verse does mean is the more you delight in God, the more you will desire the right kinds of things. Feelings can be attributed to our thinking, our physical condition or our spiritual state, but not as a message from God.

Interpreting inner" signs" as God's direction could lead a husband to commit sin. A husband might even divorce his wife without biblical grounds because "God communicated that it was okay" (2 Samuel 7:1-7; Matthew 16:4; 16:21-23).

7. An audible voice: This is hearing a voice that is not coming from a person who is speaking to you and believing it to be the audible voice of God. This is very dangerous. If you are hearing voices, it is either satanic in origin (only possible for unbelievers) or a personal delusion stemming from sleep loss, a mind that knows no bounds or from living in gross sin. Even if what you "hear" seems good and right you must not assume that it is from God or that it should be acted upon. We know that God does not intend to add anything to His Word (Hebrews 1:1-2; 2 Peter 1:17-21).

8. Misusing prayer: This is believing that you can receive some sort of message from God through prayer. This is nothing more than putting stock in ideas / inner feelings / desires / impressions that you receive while you are praying. The purpose of prayer is not to receive anything (but strength) from God but to give confessions, praises, thanksgiving, and petitions, to align our thinking with God's thinking, and to express our dependence and trust. Husbands, we must be sure that we are not looking for a sign or a feeling from God when we pray. When Jesus taught the disciples to pray he gave a model prayer which did not include receiving any messages from God (Luke 11:2-4). (For verses showing the fallacy of interpreting ideas, inner feelings, or desires as direction from God, see #6.)

9. Inner peace: This is interpreting a sense of peace or an unrest in your soul as direction from God. This is also a feeling. We are commanded to be at peace with God (salvation). We are also commanded to be at peace in our mind (free from anxiety). We are even commanded to be at peace with one another (as much as depends on us). If we are truly not at peace, we are in sin. If someone is using the phrase "1 don't have peace about it" to mean they have a gut feeling that they shouldn't do something or to mean that God is letting them know that they shouldn't do something-this is subjective and totally unreliable. If they mean, "1 feel troubled about making that choice because I am thinking about certain things that concern me" or "because 1 don't have enough information to make a wise (or holy) decision/' this is a matter of wisdom and discernment which involves factual data, God's wisdom, and the thinking process-not just feelings. It would be better to say, "1 can't be sure that this is a wise (or holy) decision yet." This is exactly the case with Paul in 2 Corinthians 2:13. He had no "rest for his spirit" because he did not think it was wise to go to Troas without Titus. Paul was not saying that his unrest was a message from God. Nine times out of ten a person is "not at peace" about a decision because of something they are thinking, and they mistakenly attribute their feelings to a mystical message from God. If their feeling is not from their thinking, it could be from any number of physical or personal reasons (desires). Whether or not a person has inner peace is never used for decision-making in the Bible. When you are uneasy about a decision, determine what you are thinking about the facts that are involved or your own desires. Husband, sometimes what you feel worst about is the most right thing to do (Romans 5:1; 12:18; Philippians 4:6-9; Colossians 3:14-15).

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There are varying views about the definitions, presuppositions, and methods we have discussed. Many people are not sure what they believe, which causes them to move in and out of different views. God has given us a far better way to make decisions than by these subjective means. Before a person will turn to the biblical way of making decisions, they must see the fallacy of these subjective decision-making methods. They must not trust their own judgment.

There is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death. - Proverbs 16:25

Every exemplary husband must acknowledge that Scripture does not support these subjective means of determining God's will. In his book, Reckless Faith, John Macarthur writes:

[Very] ... significant ... is the fact the Scripture never commands us to tune into any inner voice. We are commanded to study and meditate on Scripture (Joshua 1:8; Psalm 1:1-2). We're instructed to cultivate wisdom and discernment (Proverbs 4:5-8). We're told to walk wisely and make the most of our time (Ephesians 5:15-16). We're ordered to be obedient to God's commands (Deuteronomy 28:1-2; John 15:14). But we are never encouraged to listen for inner promptings. (Emphasis Macarthur’s, p. 192, Crossway Books, Wheaton, Ill., 1994)

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Appendix - Forgiveness & Restoration of Relationship

From the book: The Art of Forgiving by Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiveness is done alone.

Step 1 - Identify Need for Forgivenesso We forgive persons, not institutions.

o General Motors laid off 50,000 workers. GM did not lay off anyone. People did. o President Clinton apologizing for slavery.

o We forgive persons for what they do, not for what they are. o Do not forgive people for being lazy, ugly, arrogant, or being “bad” people. o Do not forgive people for not agreeing with us. o People do not wrong us by being liars, but by lying to us.

o We forgive persons for what they do to seriously wound us. o We all get in each other’s way, step on each other’s feelings, say silly, thoughtless, painful things to

each other. Pains like these we can put up with. In the plusher language of more elegant times, we bear them with magnanimity – the quality of a large spirit. The deep ones we save for forgiving.

o Not getting my needs met is not cause for forgiveness. o We forgive persons for what they do to wrong us when they wound us.

o There are pains and then there are wrongful pains. If you are doing time for larceny, you are experiencing pain but not wrongful pain. Pain as a natural consequence of sin, is not wrongful pain.

o If your friend betrays your trust, you experience wrongful pain because you did not have it coming and it is morally wrong to betray a friend.

Restoration is done together.

Step 2 - Restoration of Relationshipo Acknowledge the hurt you caused. o Acknowledge the wrong that caused the hurt. o Express the commitment to change the behavior. o Offer Restitution. o The person harmed determines what/if restitution is required.

o If I have stolen your pen, I cannot be forgiven and restored if I still keep your pen. o Honest restoration has reasonable and measurable conditions. o Restoration list.

o The person harmed commits to “remember it no more”.

Usually, the phrase “I’m sorry.” does not denote an apology but rather a feeling of empathy for another with out acknowledging responsibility for the cause of suffering.

sor•ry 1. feeling regret, compunction, sympathy, pity, etc.: to be sorry to leave one's friends; to be sorry for a remark; to be sorry for someone in trouble. 2. regrettable or deplorable; unfortunate; tragic: a sorry situation; to come to a sorry end. 3. sorrowful, grieved, or sad: Was she sorry when her brother died? 4. associated with sorrow; suggestive of grief or suffering; melancholy; dismal. 5. wretched, poor, useless, or pitiful: a sorry horse. 6. (used interjectionally as a conventional apology or expression of regret): Sorry, you're misinformed. Did I bump you? Sorry.

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Appendix - Forgiveness Verses

We forgive in order to stay relationship with God. We can not lose our salvation, but we can compromise our relationship.

2 Chronicles 30:9 For if you return to the Lord, your relatives and your children will be treated mercifully by their captors, and they will be able to return to this land. For the Lord your God is gracious and merciful. If you return to him, he will not continue to turn his face from you."

Psalm 34:16-17 The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right; his ears are open to their cries for help. But the Lord turns his face against those who do evil; he will erase their memory from the earth.

1 Peter 3:11-12 Turn away from evil and do good. Work hard at living in peace with others. The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right, and his ears are open to their prayers. But the Lord turns his face against those who do evil."

Psalm 66: 16-19 Come and listen, all you who fear God, and I will tell you what he did for me.  For I cried out to him for help, praising him as I spoke. If I had not confessed the sin in my heart, my Lord would not have listened. But God did listen! He paid attention to my prayer. Praise God, who did not ignore my prayer and did not withdraw his unfailing love from me.

We do not forgive because the other person deserves or forgiveness. We forgive because we were first forgiven.

Matthew 18:21-35 Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No!” Jesus replied, “seventy times seven! “For this reason, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. He couldn’t pay, so the king ordered that he, his wife, his children, and everything he had be sold to pay the debt.  But the man fell down before the king and begged him, ‘Oh, sir, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’  Then the king was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.  “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment. His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient and I will pay it,’ he pleaded.  But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and jailed until the debt could be paid in full. “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him what had happened.  Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me.  Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ Then the angry king sent the man to prison until he had paid every penny. “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters in your heart.

Jesus words on ForgivenessMark 11:25-26“But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too. But if you do not forgive, neither will your father who is in heaven forgive your sins. ”

Matthew 6:11-15“Give us our food for today,and forgive us our sins,just as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us.And don’t let us yield to temptation,but deliver us from the evil one.If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

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Appendix – Husband and Wife

Husband WifeChrist- like roleYour relationship to your wife answers the question:What does Christ do for us?

Church-like roleYour relationship to your husband answers the question:What is our response to what Christ has done for us?

Make her clean, holy & blameless by giving yourself up for her. Eph 5:25

If you love me, you will obey what I command. John 14:15

You have been entrusted with the King’s sister. To care for her, to “ increase” her. Parable of the talents.

You will be asked to follow, even when the directions seem “wrong”. Moses walking in circles & Noah and the ark.

You will put her first. You will honor and respect him.

Treat her way Christ treats you. Respond to him as Jesus representative on earth.

How she treats you has no bearing on how you treat her. How you relate to her is between you and God.

How he treats you has no bearing on how you treat him. How you relate to him is between you and God.

The King is coming back. There will be an accounting.

The King is coming back. There will be an accounting.

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God

The husband isChild of GodBrother of the King

The wife isChild of GodSister of the King

TrustCan I trust you? Will you be a responsible steward?

TestWill you honor and respect me? Will you follow in faith?

Your eternal identity is in your relationship to Christ. Nothing else matters or will last.

www.crosswalk.com

Found 24 Greek entries matching: love

   English Translation  Transliterated Word

1266 cloven diamerizo 25 love agapao 25 beloved agapao 26 love agape 27 beloved agapetos 27 dearly beloved agapetos 27 well beloved agapetos 4375 lovely prosphiles 5207 my beloved Son huios 5358 lover of good men philagathos 5360 brotherly love philadelphia 5360 love of the brethren philadelphia 5361 love as brethren philadelphos 5362 love their husbands philandros 5363 love toward man philanthropia 5365 love of money philarguria 5367 lover of (one's) own self philautos 5368 love phileo 5369 lover of pleasure philedonos 5377 lover of God philotheos 5381 lover of strangers philoxenia 5382 lover of hospitality philoxenos 5383 love to have the preeminence philoproteuo 5388 love (one's) children philoteknos

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Found 30 Hebrew entries matching: love

   English Translation  Transliterated Word0157 love 'ahab 0157 lover(s) 'ahab 0157 beloved 'ahab 0157 lovely 'ahab 0158 lovers 'ahab 0159 loves 'ohab 0160 love 'ahabah 01730 beloved dowd 01730 love(s) dowd 01730 well beloved dowd 02245 loved chabab 02532 beloved chemdah 02836 set his love chashaq 02836 in love chashaq 03033 dearly beloved y@diduwth 03039 beloved y@diyd 03039 well beloved y@diyd 03039 loves y@diyd 04261 lovely machmad 04261 beloved machmad 05689 lovers `agab 05690 love `egeb 05690 lovely `egeb 05691 inordinate love `agabah 07355 love racham 07356 tender love racham 07453 lovers rea` 07474 love ra`yah 08156 cloven-footed shaca` 08157 cloven-footed sheca`

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Personal Notes

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Chapter Answers

Part 1A Husband’s Understanding Of

Chapter 1 His Present Condition

1. Relationship with God2. growth, follow, perfect example3. sin4. provision, change

Chapter 2 God

1. powerfully, purposefully, perfectly2. perfectly understands3. walk with me4. Ministry5. sought, reverenced, worshipped6. authority

Chapter 3 Man and Sin

1. Savior2. walk3. Word4. active and present5. Salvation6. Sanctification7. Glorification

Chapter 4 Relationships

1. Vertical2. Horizontal3. Active4. Pursue5. Enduring Love6. Truth

Chapter 5 Marriage

1. Primary2. Permanent3. Perfecting

Chapter 6 His Role

1. positionally and personally equal2. physically and functionally unequal3. limited and delegated4. glorify5. a. spiritual , b. actively, c. physical and

spiritual 6. a. person, b. believer, c. spouse, d.

Christ

Part 2A Husband’s Responsibility

Chapter 7   Worshipping Christ OnlyNo Entries

Chapter 8   Love

1. preserve, glory2. exemplary3. satisfied, perfect4. magnitude5. verb, commitment, I, visible action6. perfect, undeserved7. forgiving8. sacrificial9. first, initiate10. performance11. humility12. blessing13. praying14. plank15. accountability

Chapter 9   Leadership Part 1

conflicts1. limited2. active3. Glory4. will5. wisdom

Chapter 10 Leadership Part 2

1. adequate information2. wisdom3. approach4. goals5. communicate

Chapter 11 Physical Intimacy

1. pure, holy, enjoyed2. perspective3. self-focused4. loving5. excitement6. regular

Chapter 12 Stewardship

1. own2. value, precious3. Living Trust4. accountable5. quality6. entrusted7. reward

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Part 3

A Husband’s Resolves

Chapter 13 Humility and Service

1. Pray2. Read3. Study4. Ask5. worshiping6. Practice7. thoughts and motives8. communication9. deeds10. way of life

Chapter 14 Sensitivity

1. difficult circumstances2. inside, outside3. value/regard4. relationship5. current6. attitudes, words, behaviors7. compassionate, careful8. esteem9. thoughts, actions10. LOVE = Live, Observe, View, Experience

Chapter 15 Helping His Wife Deal with Her Sin

1. indisputable2. recognized3. intent, motive4. preferences5. issues6. foolishly7. blessing, curse8. forgiveness, restoration

Chapter 16 Good Communication

1. please God2. humble3. accountable4. listen5. words6. time, effort7. holy8. purposeful9. clear10. timely

Chapter 17 Conflict Resolution

No Entries 

Part 4

A Husband’s Regrets

Chapter 18  Anger

1. the fall2. thoughts and intentions3. prideful or selfish4. accomplishes5. direction, Idol, opportunity6. words7. self control8. tolerated9. dealt10. fruit inspection

Chapter 19  Anxiety and Fear

1. thinking2. circumstances3. future4. God5. sins6. worthwhile7. right with God

Chapter 20  Lust

1. lies2. entanglements3. hardest4. radical5. love, sacrificial/agape6. idols7. others, accountability, effective

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