The Drink Tank 185

8/14/2019 The Drink Tank 185

1/23

Fandom on Infnite Earths

The Drink Tank Issue 185


2/23

Yes, thats a cover from Es-

pana, and yes, its a lot of fun

and yes...Im pretty sure that Ape

is modeled on me. Always good to

have an Espana cover.

Theres fun afoot as John

Purcell and Taral have provided

pieces for this issue. Plus art fromMo Starkey, Dann Lopez, Bill Rot-

sler, Genevieve (aka Tunaboots on

Deviantart.com) and more!

The following piece is from John

Purcell and is a great piece of faan

ction. It makes me laugh like a

mad man. And So, let us get to it!

Yet another vision of Fandom on

Innite Earths

by

John Purcell

Hurry up and nish getting

dressed! Well be late for the awardsceremony. Adjusting my necktie,I added, And remember: this isprobably going on streaming videothrough the Virtual Fandom Lounge,so youll need to watch your language.

My wife poked her head out ofthe bathroom, sticking her tongue outat me. Oh, so now you dont want meto be myself. I see how this works.Shutting the door again, I heard the

latch lock. Hmm, I hmmed. Now Illhave to hold it for at least another veminutes.

I had to admit, this was themost nervous I had ever been whenattending a Coru. Granted, it wasonly my third one, but even so, gettingnominated for a FAAn Award was apretty big deal. I had to explain to my

wife why this was so since she guredthe Hugo meant more. Not to me; being

named to the short list for the FAAn forBest Fanzine was a heck of an honor,and I wanted to be on top of my gamefor the big show. So I ddled with mynecktie, making sure it was absolutelyperfect so that Curt Phillips and GuyLillian, who would both be probably

watching via the VFL, would be totallyenvious of the whole shebang.

After what seemed like eternitybut was really only three and half

minutes, my wife exited the hotelbathroom. Once again, she looked

absolutely stunning. Her long, red haircascaded over her bare shoulders,and the purple-and-orange oor-length gown perfectly complementedher gure. Val, you look absolutelystunning, I whispered in awe. Luckyme. Takethat, Graham Charnock!Youll never touch her again, not after

what you did Friday night in theconsuite. Filthy old phart...

No, I wasnt gonna rub anybodysface in this at all. But I did really wantto enjoy this day to its fullest. Havingthe hottest babe in fandom for my wifehelped the cause.

Yippee, skippee, I said, andducked into the bathroom. Be out in a

jiff.You do that, Prostate Man.

Val was always quick with therejoinders.

Moments later, we promenadedto the elevators in the Hotel Deca.Once inside, I pressed the button forthe second oor, where the GrandBallroom awaited our grand entrance.When the elevator doors irised open,

we stepped out into Something Else.Gone was the Hotel Deca.

Its elegant art deco ambiance, the

openness, the beautiful, plush chairs,the wonderful color scheme, thepleasant hotel staff... everything wasgone. In its place was some rinky-dinkdive of a hotel that reeked of stalecigarette smoke, and the never-been-vacuumed short pile carpeting waspermanently stained by spilled bottlesof Wild Turkey. Val and I stood there,taking this all in, while one of those

just mentioned wild turkeys ran past,followed closely by one of the greasiestchefs I have ever seen.


3/23

Wotthehell... was all I couldmanage to say.

Val shrugged, and said, A bitquieter than I thought it would be.

What? I couldnt believe whatshe had said. Nothing looks amisshere to you? This is supposed to bethe luxurious Hotel Deca that, I might

add, is setting us back a pretty pennyjust to be here. Where are the plush,green lobby chairs? The trappings of20th century art deco that you oohedand aahed over all weekend long? Thesplendid high-columned entrance? Thedelicious mahogany woodwork? And

wheres your red hair? When the helldid you dye it brown? She was stillin that gorgeous purple-and-orangeevening gown clinging to her gure,

which helped bring me back to somesemblance of reality.

What are you talking about?Val shot back, glaring at me as if I

was stupid. Come on. Weve got toget to the awards ceremony or wellbe late.

True enough. So which waysthe Grand Ballroom? I cant waitto see the chandelier hanging from

an 18-foot ceiling. Its made fromhand-blown glass and wrought iron,according to the hotels website.

Again, my wife stared at mein disbelief. What in the world are

you talking about? Which hotel didyou think we were staying at? TheRitz-Sheraton? We couldnt affordanything like that! Heck, nobodycan.

She led me across the skanky

lobby to a hand-written ipchart thatlisted the day and evenings events.

WELCOME TO ARKADELPHICON!was colored in big letters across the topof the sheet. In slightly smaller andneater letters was THE 79TH WORLDSCIENCE FICTION CONVENTION. Herhand traced the entries half-way downthe page, ending with Hugo Awards:Meeting Room C. Eh? I muttered,

rooted to the spot in consternation,then had to run to catch up to Val,who was already outside the door toMeeting Room C. I ashed my namebadge to the gopher guarding thedoor, who let me pass with a nod.We made our way to the rst verows, acknowledging the waves andsalutations of friends as we sat down.

My eyes wandered around theroom, taking it all in with complete

and utter confusion. This doesntmake any sense, I whispered to Val.

Nothing is as it seems, or as it shouldbe. This is totally Not Right.

She turned to me, smiled, andsaid, Look, you need to calm down.I know youre nervous about maybe

winning the Best Fanzine Hugo, butyoure acting really weird. Take a chillpill, hubby.

I took a deep breath and sighed.Youre right. I am really nervous. Butthat has nothing to do with this, thissudden...change. I mean, what everhappened to the Hotel Deca? When we

were getting ready for this thats wherewe were!

Valerie patted my armaffectionately, but also did so with avery matronly attitude. Boy, you reallyareout of sorts, arent you?

It was all so strange to me. I hadto talk to somebody else besides my

wife. Twisting around in my foldingchair like a demented contortionist, Itried to locate Randy Byers. Hed know

what was going on, I gured. But hewas nowhere to be found. Where thehecks Randy Byers? I muttered aloud.

The long-haired lady in front ofme turned around. It was Jay Lake.Nobody knows where he disappeared

to, Jay told me.Huh? That was the best I could

say under the circumstances.Oh, come on, you remember

what happened. A lot of people blameRandy for bankrupting fandom byhosting Coru Zed at that impossiblyexpensive hotel in Seattle. What withall the other expenses and making itBYOS (Bring Your Own Shiner), it lefta lot of people with virtually no money,

but who still wanted to attend cons.Of course, it didnt help that in 2010


4/23

Claire Brialey, looking as sweet asever, but noticeably disheveled froman apparently difcult train trip acrosscountry. Mark Plummer dozed in thechair next to her, his hands graspingthe latest issue ofNo Sin But Ignorancein his lap.

The last thing anybody heardabout Randy was a few years back,Claire told me in a hushed voice,

as if she was imparting some secretinformation. Rumour was he was

throat and began speaking. Welcomeeverybody to the 79th World ScienceFiction Convention held in beautifulArkadelphia, Arkansas! A smatteringof applause greeted that comment.Tonight we will be presenting theHugo Awards for achievements inScience Fiction, beginning with the FanAwards. The rst one is for the BestFan Writer who published work during

the calendar year 2020.Val touched my arm, held

my sweaty and trembling hand. Ihad been nominated for this award,too, but I didnt stand a snowballschance in College Station against thecompetition. Lets cut right to thechase here, shall we? The rst award,for Best Fan Writer, is...(ripping ofcheap envelope)...well, what do you

know? For the tenth year in a row, itsa tie: Dave Langford and John Scalzi!

The two winners trotted up onstage from opposite directions, doingthe appropriate muggings for thecameras, playfully doing a tug-of-waron the shabbiest looking silver rocketI had ever seen. The base fell off,clattered on the make-shift stage, thenrolled off the edge. Ted White kicked atit, missed. Langford and Scalzi exited,

holding what was left of the awardbetween them.

Stan Robinson said, Dont theymake a cute couple? A half-heartedlaugh went up, as if theyd beenhearing the same line for the last nine

years. Not missing a beat, Robinsoncontinued. The next Fan Hugo Awardis for the best fanzine produced duringcalendar year 2020. And the winnerof the 2021 Best Fanzine Hugo Award

goes to....(rip).... Pablo Lennis!A great cry went up, cheers and

jeers combined. I couldnt believe myears. That pronouncement denitelydid not help at all. The next thingRobinson said made matters worse:Accepting the award for John Thielis Arnie Katz! More cheers and jeers.More, people were turning and staringat me, angrily shaking their heads orsmiling; some even looked as if they

just didnt care.I cried out in pain. Why is

Coru was in Englandand the WorldCon wasdown in Melbournethat same year, so theexorbitant airfares hurtfans, too. And then thatdamn Garcia issuedthe coup de graceby

not only hosting Coruin San Jose (of allplaces), but chargingridiculously highfees to give personalguided tours of hiscomputer museum.Damn bastard killed usall. Jay spat the lastsentence out in disgust.

I was aghast.

Thats insane!But...but....I.... I

wheeled around, stilllooking for Byers, myeyes resting on my wife.That doesnt explain

what happened toRandy.

A light touchon my shoulder mademe jump and look

behind me. It was

living on a South Pacicatoll under an assumedname. Something likeClaude D. Monet. It wasnever conrmed, but itmade for a great fanzinearticle. She smiledtriumphantly, then sat

back.My mind whirled.

Numb from theconfusion, I decided theonly thing that I coulddo was to sit there andhope that everything

would turn out just neand make sense in a fewminutes. It wasnt easy,but it made me feel a

little bit better.Six minutes and

thirty-three secondswent by. Yes, I wascounting; I always dothat when Im tryingto zen out. The cons

Toastmaster, KimStanley Robinson (whostill looked a lot likeme), approached the

podium. He cleared his


5/23

MilestonesTaral Two milestones for furry fandomrecently...

The rst is a new low in howthe fandom is depicted to the generalpublic.

I expect few of you would likelywatch a Canadian made sitcom calledRobson Arms, showing on CBC. Itsabout the numerous residents of anold apartment house in Vancouver. Inever watched the program myself. Infact, I had never heard of it until somespots for the upcoming episode caughtmy eye. With a sinking feeling I knew Ihad to watch it.

One of the girls living in theRobson Armswasnt sure she wanted

to stay in BC, and was thinking ofrelocating in Toronto. For someone inBC, thats like admitting you want toleave the Shire and settle in Mordor.In an effort to talk her out of it, a friendtakes her to an offbeat party wherepeople have an odd way of lookinginward to nd their true selves.

Even if youre not a furry, youvealready guessed it. The two girls foundthemselves surrounded by pathetic,dancing furries in costume. One ofthem removes his head and explainsall about the inner animal, and howto get in touch with it. Meanwhilethe two girls make expressions liketheyd found a dead mouse in theirfresh garden salad. One of thefurries is even trying to shag their

leg. The costumes were so bad theydbe laughed at if they had made anappearance at any halfway seasonedcon. Just baggy generic pajamas witha cartoon heads.

What I wonder is why furriesseem to have been taken such a holdon the media that they get their buttskicked like this so often. It isnt therst time -- there have been magazine

articles, scenes on CSI, and entriesin books on curious sexual fetishes.

There isnt one chance in a thousandof anyone in the general public evermeeting a furry, and knowing it. Norfor anyone in the media who doesnt golooking for them.

Unfortunately, they do

Perhaps thats why. Furries are

one in a thousand, even ten thousand.You cant make fun of Pollacks,

everybody looking at me? Im notArnie Katz! Im John Purcell! EditorofAskance! I was nominated for thisaward, damn it all to hell! This year

was supposed to be myturn to win!What the hells going on here?

That made Val grab my rightarm so hard it made me wince. Knock

it off! Youre making a spectacle ofyourself. Get up there and accept theaward.

ME??!!??Yes, you! she hissed. You

promised John Thiel that if his zinewon this award you would accept itfor him. Now get up there and saysomething nice about him, for once!

Visibly shaking, I stood up.People were applauding, and those

in our row scrunched up and slidthemselves out of the way as I mademy way to the stage. Ted White glaredat me as I began my approach to KimStanley Robinson, who smiled and heldout the rocket-ship-shaped aluminumfoil award to me. I reached out, and

just as my hand was about to closeover it, I woke up in a cold sweat. Stillshaking, my hands were clenched tightaround the bedsheets.

What a terrible, terrible dream!I said, relieved. I dreamt that I wasabout to win the Best Fanzine Hugoaward for Askance, and instead it wentto Pablo Lennis! And I had to accept itand say nice things about John Thiel!Egad!

Grumbling, my wife Joyce rolledover in bed, and said, Thats it. Youneed to see a doctor, Arnie. Thats thefourth time this week youve dreamt of

being John Purcell.


6/23

Queers, and Micks anymore. Theyllkick *your* butt. If not by precipitouslyconnecting the toe of their shoe withthe fundament of your pants, then ina chewing out you wont soon forget.

The whole incident might well makethe next days news.

Science ction fans used to havethe same problem with stereotyping-- people thought all fans were wildeyed believers in Little Green Men who

wore capes like Raymond Massey inThings to Come. Zap, zap! Ray gunsare pass! ran a Toronto newspaperheadline at Torcon II as late as 1973.Weve outgrown it, but it took forty

years or more. More recently Trekkieshave struggled to outgrow the imageof pimply girls in love with Mr. Spock,and overweight guys with bumpyKlingon foreheads. (Actually, thatstereotype is pretty much true.) ButSF has become respectable enough forcollege courses. And you dont makefun of a genre on which Hollywooddeems it worthwhile to spend tens ofmillions of dollars for next summersblockbuster.

By comparison with furries,

Trekkies and SF fans are visibleminorities you cant so easily ridicule.But it is perfectly safe to make funof a group so small they are almostnon-existent, who are so withoutinuence among intellectual circles,or importance in any boardroom,that nobody will take their grievanceseriously. The only group that couldpossibly be safer than furries to makefun of would be pixies.

______________________________________________

Not all PR is bad though. Inrecent talks with the good folk runningthe Montreal worldcon next year,

weve established that Ill be designingAnticipations t-shirt. Everyone atthe worldcon will be wearing it, andno doubt taking it to other cons for

years to come. Worldcon t-shirts are

status symbols in fandom. A badge ofhonour to show your inclusion in thetribe. Rather than force a corporatestyle con logo on me, or demand Iinclude some half-assed mascot orother, Anticipation has given me whatamounts to carte blanche. (As long asits PG, the art doesnt even have to bebilingual. It does have to be labeledinboth ofcial languages though.)

Guess what? Itll be furry. Ittook me very little time to make up mymind about that, as an image almostimmediately popped into my head.What symbolizes Canada better thanmoose or beavers? Hockey of course.And what symbolizes Montreal betterthan the Montreal Canadiens? 1 WhenI told Steve Stiles Id do the shirt, hevirtually demanded I make it a skunk.( You cant nd a better judge of whats

fannish than that, can you?) Relievedof any doubt at that point, it all cametogether in my head.

Yes, my furry children! If I haveany say, and I do, the ofcial t-shirtfor the 2009 worldcon will be a hockeyplaying skunk in a Hab uniform!

Put that in your hash pipe,Robson Arms, and smoke it!

(Endnotes)1 For all you Anglos, thats pronouncedKeh-neh-dyehns with no emphasison any syllable. Make sure you getthat y as in yeah. Really nasalize it.Pretend youre Pepe Le Pew. Hell, youmight even pass as a furry!


7/23

This edition of CorFlu: 28 ZinesLater, is the first that actually features theCorFlu itself. All the photos are from meand Linda from WorldCon and are photosof people with the scraf that Leigh Annknitted.

OK, here we go!

Friday: Hold MeI looked up and saw that Linda was

walking around, all awake and rubbing itinto my face, being all smug about it. I wasstill in that phase where I could kill anyonewho makes me get up and move around.I sat up and looked the Lovely & TalentedLinda. She seemed to have a sense of pur-pose.

Whats up, darling?You need to get up, baby. Its al-

most noon!I heard the word noon and a panic

set in. I had a ton of stuff to do beforewe started checking people in at 6. I wasshocked that Id slept so long. Im usuallygood for a four-hour turnaround on thefirst day of a convention. This was weird.

I jumped out of bed and made myway to the bath, starting to fill the tub andhen doing a fast turn around. I got backo the bedroom and started through on

my clothes. It was then that I noticed thatLinda was watching Channel 37 and theywere showing an interview with MikeGlyer talking about File 770 from when hewas the GoH at some con. I then noticedhat the scroll was talking about the hours

of operation for many of the ConSuites and

hat food options were where. It alsooted that the time was 10:15.

Sweetheart, where did you gethat it was Noon?

I said ten. Linda said. Youhould really listen closer.

I really should, but then again, I

as obviously in the state where I hadt think the worst was about to happenince, in fact, the worst was probablybout to happen. I got dressed and madeure I was wearing a decent t-shirt: in thisase, a WorldCon shirt that I won at aASFA auction that was completely clean.watched a little of the CFTV stuff, whichas really nice, and headed down to get

ome breakfast. I was ready for the awe-ome to begin.

Once I was downstairs, I startedhat would be a day of runnign intoeople. I first ran into Laurraine Tutahasind then Ed Green and Liz Mortensen.

Chris, you old so-and-so. Edaid, coming over to shake hands.

Ed, you made it! I said, glad toee him. Hes one of those people who

doesnt regularly attend a CorFlu, but heame because he was interested from allhe strange advertising Id been doing

ith the Website and the YouTube vid-os. It didnt hurt that James and Stef had

been gathering people on their side of thetlantic and there were a few folks fromustralia coming too. It was an interna-

ional CorFlu, that was for sure, and thensaw proof when Dave Langford walked

ver.


8/23

Well, Chris, it is good to see youagain! Dave said.

I hadnt talked to him since some-ime during the Eastercon I went to when I

came out for work and just happened to behe same time. It was good to see him and

Id made sure he would be able to come by

pushing a bring LangFlu fund to bring himout.

Good to have you out here, Dave!I said, offering him my hand.

So, I understand that youre plan-ning on doing something out of the ordi-nary with this particular gathering, Chris.

Well, would you expect anythingelse, Dave?

From you Chris, Ive no idea whatever to expect! He said.

I headed to check on the variousareas that were to be up and running. ThePool deck side ConSuite for smokers wasalready housing three smokers out on thedeck. I could tell that this was to be a popu-lar location. Ed Stoeke was out there, andwe chatted. Hes usually the Party Mavenfor a ton of cons out this way. He was chat-

ing folks up and it was obvious that theywere all enjoying themselves in a non-abacco way. I was sure that hed get along

with a number of the guys who had comeout for the con.

I headed across to the SIlicon ValleyRoom, whcih really looked great. It was hi-larious the number of people who were inhere staring at the scrolling bulletin board.

Id OCRed a few important zines and

loaded the text so that it would continuous-

y scroll on the board. Since they built theboard to bend at three points, wed mount-d it across the two turns of the walls and

you could see that folks jsut stuck with aingle location and let the words flow byhem. There was John Hertz, Leigh Ann

ildebrand, Jason Schachat and Andy

rembley were reading the third chapter of

he Enchanted Duplicator. I would be backo read Ah, Sweet Idocy without have to

hand the physical copy.Ah Chris, good morning, good

orning! Mr. Hertz said as I walked in.Everything seems to be going well.

And its only going to get...well,

hats as much as I can give you for cer-ain. I said.

There was a delicious layout in theSuite. Wed ordered cookies and a veggie

late, plus wed provided a lovely cheesend cracker platter and since we technically

had corkage waived everywhere in thehotel since wed ordered a ton of food fromhe hotel, I had folks bring a big thing ofhips and salsa and there were two crock-ots full of soup: today Clam Chowder andiso. It smelled really nice.

I took a seat and took a look at theines that Christian and folks unpacked

from the suitcases. This room had zinesfrom the 1980s and 90s. Id managed to ac-

uire enough of them to fill the huge space,but there were far more seating areas. Inoticed that a couple of folks Id never seen

before sitting around and reading variousines. Id been hoping that Murray Moore

would be aaround, but I didnt see him.I headed down and saw Linda

hecking her eMail on one of the tablesutside Sprigs.

You wanna get some breakfast? Isked.

Promise you wont abandon me?She asked.

Absolutely.


9/23

We walked in and took a seat onhe edge so that I could see folks as they

walked by and make small talk across theplanters. Folks kept walking by who I re-ally wished that I could get a few wordswith. The first guy was Mr. Mike Glyer,who was on a positively Langfordian

streak winnign the Best Fanzine Hugo.Mike stopped for a moment and we chat-ed. He was enjoying the ConSuite, he

said, but the smell of the soup had drivenhim crazy. I hadnt thought of that. Aftera couple of minutes, he walked on andhen Jo Rhett, our man, walked by. He

stopped and slung himself across to joinus. I always love having Jo visit, and just afew moments later, John The Rock Coxonemerged and joined us. We were havinga crowded breakfast, but we all decidedhat the All-You-Can-Eat Buffet method

was probably the best idea. John and I, asalways, put a serious hurt on the sausageand potatoes.

As I was on my second plate (andJohn his third) a new face emerged andmade me very happy indeed. Frank Wu

in ages. Probably close to two years. Hedmade his movie, Guidolon, managed to sellit, made almost no money on playing theFestival Circuit and then a limited release,and then managed to get himself a muchbigger deal for a much different cartoonseries that led to him becoming a big dealanimation mogul. Ganadin Pictures was aserious studio. It had certainly come a longway from me doing the voice of Guidolon.

Chris! How the heck are you? he

aid.Ah, Mr. Wu. Whereve you been?

he last I heard of you, you were makingillions on Steam-Powered Monster De-olishers for ABC Kids.

IT got cancelled. It didnt appeal toids. Really, I think I was its target audi-

nce.I know how that goes. I didnt

now you were planning on being here. Iaid.

I did. Surprize! Linda said.Have you been up to the Far Con-

uite? I asked.Not yet, I jsut got here. Frank an-

wered.You should go and make a little

ove to the walls.Frank looked at me with a very

trange look. We chattered a little more,but Cheryl Morgan came by and startedhatting with Frank and I went back forore breakfast meats.

I managed to make it through thentire meal in the same seat and acrossrom Linda. We even talked! It was a mir-

cle! That never happened at cons thesedays. John even pointed out that we wereaking over all the conversation at the table.his might of been because Jo wasnt in theonversation much and John had to dealith eating, so that left it just to us.

Looking at my watch, it was timeo check what James and Stef were do-ng. Id been kind of dreading it, because Iave them near complete freedom with the

oncept of what theyd be doing with the

ooms.I got up from the table, kissed Linda

oodbye, knowing that Id only see herwhen I went through the fetching of mybadge. Shed volunteered to run registra-


10/23

ion, and had a dozen volunteers within afew days. It was pretty awesome that shecould call in so many forces. Thats whyshes Lovely & Talented.

I headed down the stairs to the cityrooms on the lower level. I could hear thework that was furiously going on. I almost

worried about what I would see when Igot in there, but first I saw a face I had notexpected.

Is that Mr. Peter Sullivan? I said.Damn, there goes another sur-

rise.I walked over and stuck my hand

ut, taking a shake from the Great Big Manimself.

What are you doing here? I asked.

Well, it seemed like a good time toome out and see whats going on. Besides,ho could miss Chris Garcias CorFlu?

Those words freaked me out theost. Do you ever get the feeling that the

torys too damn real and in the presentense? This was one of those moments.

What are those two up to in there?used the classic Whats James Bacon upto

dodge.I turned the corner and there were

ames, Max, Stef, Ken and Jerry and a fewther BASFAns. It was a wild scene. Id

been looking for a place to put the Mimeo-raph stuff, and when James heard that Iad a room with a ton of stuff ready to beade into some sort of post-apocolypticorld, James jumped all over it and volun-

eered to set it all up.

And they did an incredible, nearlyerrifying job. The mimeograph, the elec-rostencil and the other required materials

ere all in the center, and along the wallsas all the cyclone fencing Id got when theuseum ended phase three construction

nd theyd posted all these posters for vari-us historical fanzines. There was a raggedoster for Hyphen, a half-burned posterelebrating File 770, even a Drink Tank

oster which proclaimed it The King of

he Crudzines!. Theyd managed to maket look like thered been a riot and this washe left-over world. It was brilliant.

You guys did an amazing job.Tank ya much, Mr. Garcia. James

aid.Stef looked like hed been through

he ringer. It looked like hed been inharge of making the blood-splatters hap-en, which was probably the best job for

he mad man. Max must have been work-ng a lot because she was positively wornut.

I was very glad we didnt go withhe 1960s office theme I was working on at

first. That would have been fun, but thiswas far more fun.

A little piece of the Fallen Earth foryour shining moment. Peter said, walkingn behind me. Im actually affraid to walkhrough this place.

James looked quite pleased withhimself. Colin Hinz entered.

Is this the Mimeo room? Colinsked.

Ah, Colin! Good, the man who

nderstands these futuristic beasts hasrrived. I said, heading over to shake his

hand.This place is creepy. Colin said.

Very Repo Man.I thought about that for a bit before I

ot down to talking to Colin about keepinghe room working.

Well probably have a couple ofeople today and a few more tomorrow.

m betting theyll all know how to work it


11/23

hemself. Colin noted.I figured he was right,

but I was in need of some rest,and I had stuff to go over beforehe big opening. I also had to

figure out how to keep a fewfolks out of the know for just a

few more minutes.I walked out into the

hall and there was a crew offolks from Further Confusion.who had decided to come downsince Id been working for theCreators Lounge there. I ex-changed some greetings andook a pile of art pieces from

Felicia. There were about 25 dif-ferent pieces, which I was goingo put to good use.

I walked across to theoffice and asked for Saman-ha. I had a few things to go

over with her, specifically the evil plan for7:35pm. She told me of all the little prob-lems, but everything had happened andgone very well so far. Shed been very nice

about all the weird requests, but it workedso well for us.

The entire morning I kept runninginto new people who I was so glad to see.There was a group of Boston fans whowere there and I was happy to see themall. The funny thing is that I saw all sortsof folks who I would never have expectedo see at a CorFlu.. When Linda was go-

ing over the list of attendees, she said that

it was a little like a SMoFlu, which would

be a bizarre combination to have happen.ran into Kevin Standlee and we chattedor a while. I managed to grab lunch withohn Coxon and Christian and we all had a

onderful time.And then it was time to go and pre-are. The reg desk would open and thenend everyone upstairs to the Ballroomhere the second part of the fun would

begin.I had to prepare by showering and

hen getting properly dressed. It wouldbe this time, when folks were starting to

et their boxes and party favours that the

ecret would be completely out of the bag.

Id have a lot to answer for then,but now I had bigger, and franklymore difficult fish to fry.

I had to figure out how toet my hair straight.

I was in the room andLinda was sitting on the bed

watching the CorFlu 1999 photomontage. It was really impressive.

Did you see what Jamesdid in the Mimeo room? Lindaasked. It scared the hell out ofme:

I kissed her and checkedhe room for all the stuff. I had

my suit and every hair productknown to man.

You ready for the check-in? I asked.

Johanna, Leigh Ann, Ra-dar, Jason, Dave Gallaher, Bobbyand Sarah, Andy and Mette will

be there. I think Mary Burns agreed to helpoo. It shouldnt be too hard.

I headed into the bathroom and goteady for my bath. I was totally in need of

t. The way I do conventions as an attendeehas been described as athletic, and running

round trying to make sure everything isight along with doing my regular con stuffeant I was rank. It happens! I lounged

n the water for an hour, letting almost allhe water out and refilling it even hotterhree times. Drought be damned! I washed

y hair and when I was finished, I lookedt my cell phone, conveniently left on the

ounter, and discovered that it was 6:30!


12/23

I got the towel on and put a ton of Deppin my hair. I ran my comb through it overand over again, getting the proper tracksfrom front to back, completely straight.I grabbed the scissors and trimmed thebeard. It had to be short. Not so short thatit wouldnt cover that second chin, but

short none the less.I was completely readyand had the look down.

I walked back into the bedroom andgot dressed. The suit was a smidge too big,but what do you expect? I had to get thelook right. Linda had gone down to starthe whole reg process. This was where it

would hit the fan. I had to wait until ex-actly 7:30 when the montage that wedplanned would start and everyone wouldbe downstairs.

I kept watching the channel, enojy-ing the recording of the 1947 WorldConGoH speech that someone had found awire recording of and had transfered. JoeSiclari, who I havent seen yet I remem-bered, sent along a bunch of images toshow over the audio. They were awesome.I was going over my script in my head. I

had written it so long ago that I was reallyamazed that I hadnt needed to go over ituntil just minutes before I was supposedo go out. I just wandered if I could keep it

right.I hadnt heard the whole thing since

it was found, but it was an amazing thing.I took off my jacket and sat on the edgeof the bed, turnign my ear to the TV andwrenching my back a little. It wouldnt be

he last minor, insignificant injury for the

eekend, but it was the one I rememberight now.

It had an easy opening, it was rela-ively short and it was relatively funny.here was a knock at the door and stand-

ng there was Mr. Jason Schachat.Its time. he said.

I picked up my suit jacket and put itn. I looked in the mirror and I knew that Iooked the part I was planning on playing,o I followed Jason.

The overland passage was the easi-st way to get to the Ballroom, where allhe attendees were herded to figure out

hat the hell the box they had was. Idade arrangements to have the boxes

eld together with a locking mechanismhat cost about twenty cents each. Theyequired these awesome keys that nobodyould have had. And since the boxesere kinda heavy, people would haveanted to get to the Ballrooms where wead told them theyd get their keys dur-

ng the Opening Ceremonies. Folks weretill streaming in to the Ballroom, but I hadolks runnign interference for me and I

eard Leigh Ann calling for everyones at-ention. Everyone turned and I scurried be-ind them to the backstage hallway. I dont

hink anyone noticed me! That was incred-ble as I am not the kind of guy who cansually sneak anywhere. I guess Leighs

ouder than I am recognisible. I got to thebackstage and I could hear the presenta-ion starting. The lights went down andhe slide show went on. That was my cue

o go down below the risers and get nto


13/23

full position. I had to crawl and I couldsee where the sliding trapdoor was. Istood right next to it and looked across,where I could see the rope that JohnOwas holding. Hed pull it the secondhe lights went out and Id pop through

and show up on stage. It was going to

be classic.Sadly, I had to sneeze. I could

feel it rising and I sneezed, forcing myhead down hard becase I clamapeddown to keep from blowing it that Iwas underneath the stage. I ended upbanging my head into the floor. I wasseeing stars, and I brought my headup too fast and ended up knocking itagainst the ceiling of the risers. Thatwas more painful. Luckily, we werewell into the section where the dulcetones of Dick Dale and His Fabulous

Del-Tones that I know no one heard. Iwas dizzy, but I knew that the time wascoming and I forced myself to try andsee something more than the stars thatook over my field of vision. I kept on

focusing on JohnO, who was quietly

laughing himself to death.The lights went down and Iheard the door slide open. I climbedup, in the dark, and a mment later, Iwas standing on the stage. Applausestarted from about 500 people. Therewere 300 people who were looking farless happy to see me. Ted and Earl andRich Coad and Robert Lichtman werein the front row, looking very cross

with me. There were 800 or so people

eated in the room.Yeah, Id managed to get 800

people to show up to a CorFlu. I hadbeen talking it up for so long, that whenwe finally opened up registration, wemanaged to get 534 members in thefirst week. I was blown-away, but I was

lso scared. No CorFlu fan would behappy with that number of fans, some

f them not at all fanzine fans. That wasroubling in a way, but I had to make it

work. The Hotel gave us amazing deals,especially after we sold out our room-block three times to the point wherewe had all but 7 rooms in the entirehotel. That allowed us to do a lot of funhings.

Hows everyone doing to-night? I asked. The audience replied in

very kind fashion. Well, most of them.I want to welcome you to CorFlu: 28Zines Later. I want to thank everyonefor being so patient. We did everythingwe could to make the registration pro-cess as painless as possible. Im hopinghat yall are glad to be here and are still

looking at your box trying to figure outwhat the hell its all about. Well get tohat in a minute. Now, you know that

Im not about to do a paper programmebook. No, you wouldnt expect thatfrom me at all, would you?

There was a laugh for that, in-cluding some of the grumpy folks.

Now, Id like to ask my loyalfans, the Chris-o-holics, to go through

he crowd and distribute the keys to the


14/23

boxes.And with that, the folks Id tapped

o pass out the keys went trapsing downhe aisles, passing out the little key thin-

gees. I knew that on the screen behind mewere the instructions for the proper way touse the key to open the box. It was funny,

since I waited for about a minute whilepeople opened them. You could hear somesurprise and a bit of weirdness from someparts of the room. There was even a cheeror two.

Thats right, courtesy of We-Fix-Macs Bankrupcy sale, I managed to get 900iBooks to give out to all the CorFlu attend-ees!

There was a weird bit of applause,but mostly, you could hear a coupel of hun-dred bungs of Macs starting up. It was afunny sound.

You will notice that one, theyrefully loaded with old versions of the AdobeCreative Suite courtesy of our good friendsat Adobe, and with a full Microsoft Officeedition from about 2003, courtesy of thegood people at Microsoft. Both of them.

That got another laugh, but again,more bungs and a lot of people paying waymore attention to their new toys.

Those computers are yours tokeep, and I hope youll do great thingswith the,. If you dont want them, just leavehem in your room or hand them back athe Reg Desk and well figure out what to

do with them.You could head some folks had got-

en to the point where they could see that

he Virtual CorFlu Programme Book hadaunched and they could read it. There wasnother weird set of laughter.

OK, weve done that point. I hopeyoull all go abotu creatiing art and zineshis weekend. In the Elevator Waiting Ar-as of every floor, you can find a printer, a

ouple of scanners, and even a photocopier,ll of which donated by our good friendst Xerox. And theres something else. Youould print out on copy and then go downo the Mimeograph room down on the firstloor and use the electrostenciler and Mim-ograph machine to create a Mimeozine!lso, Im sure weve got some Jello and

ould probably do hecto, but I wouldntecommend it.

A fun little laugh out of that one.Ladies and Gentlemen, if this Cor-

lu will tach us anything, its that one haso be ready for anything. As the traditionalicking of the name of the Guest of Honor

s a little more difficult with 800 namesnstead of 100, Ive had to arrange for alightly more interesting way of choosinghe GoH.

The lovely Leigh Ann Hildebrandalked on stage with a giant knit nightcaphed knitted for us for just this purpose.t was full of the names of every attendee,

inus the previous GoHs and the 187 whoaid their way out of having the possibil-

ty of having to give the speech. It was aery lucrative concept. Im glad folks camep with that idea. I reached down into theery depths of the giant cap, knowing that

he cameras were focusing on the picking

nd that on the side screens were the wordsicking the Guest of Honor.

Alright, Ive gotta name. I said,ausing in a way that would build sus-ense. I learned that from Reality TV Win-

ner Announcements. The CorFlu 28 Guestf Honor is...

I dragged that out. Id never beenhe GoH, though many of the people who

had been were in the audience, watching.Mr. Mike Glyer! I announced.

There was a loud round of applausend Mike stood up and walked to the ris-rs. I grabbed the pom-pom of the hat andurned it upside down, dumping the rest of


15/23

he names into the trapdoor so they endedup down under the stage. Mike cameup and was escorted up by Jean Martin,dressed impeccably as always. I placed thehat upon Mikes head and the place wasstill very applausy. That was a good thing,as Mike took a bow and seemed to enjoy

his new cap.After a couple of minutes, Mike

settled down.Alright, on our shared CorFlu jour-

ney...which, you know, reminds me of theHugo-nominated fanzine Journey Planetwhich is looking for articles right now,if youre interested, Good laugh there,were going to be takign this journeyhrough the best possible means: alcohol!

At that, my second waves of minions camehrough and passed down miniature bot-les of Jim Beam for every attendee to every

row.I think theres a tradition that

should never be forgotten.I waited a bit and pulled the flask of

St. Georges Single Malt out from my coatpocket. Dave Moyce, Tadao, Andy Tremb-

ley, Kevin Roche, Jason Schachat and DaveClarke joined me up on stage and Tadaoand I passed them flasks from our otherpockets. Everyone took their drink andraised their hand. The audience took theirsweet time, shuffling their iBooks aroundo get things in order. I waited until just

about everyone had their hand up and thenI did the traditional-

Oh that is Smoooooooooooooth.

That was followed by the hand

otion and that was followed by a loudound of applause. I looked over and felthat it was exactly the right thing. Wedaid homage to one of the true great fansf all-time, Bob Tucker, and wed also allotten to enjoy some whiskey, courtesy of

everages & More, who were also very niceo our smoking lounge with more than a

hundred cigars! Id managed to get a lotf folks to donate whod never donate toconvention by saying that it was a zinesublishers convention, that it traveledround the world and that some very cool

ttendees were going to be there. Plus, then-house TV thingee got a lot of folks morenterested.

Alright, weve got a lot of stuff go-ng on tonight. The RetroTech ConSuite isn this floor and will have food and drinksnd scrolling writing all night. I hope youlltop by there. Theres a smokers loungen the second floor, has food, drinks, andigars if youre so inclined. There are threearties tonight that are going to be goingn across the hall from the Smoking Con-

Suite and the deck outside the party roomss another smoking area, including tabacco

hookahs for all those who are interested.ow, feel free to go forth and get yourarty on! I said.

And remember to vote for theAAn Awards. There are terminals all over

h eplace or you can vote through the Cor-lu 28 website since yall have laptops withfull wireless access! You can vote up untilhe moment the Banquet starts at 10am.

That was done. Folks gave someore applause and then everyone started

o get their stuff together. I figured every-ne would run off to their rooms and thenheyd head off to the parties, but a bunchf clusters of folks seemed to be staying. I

tayed on the stage with the guys chatting.


16/23

Ted had parked himself with a few othersat the bottom of the stage. I stepped down.

Now, Chris, I think we shoudl talkabout this a bit. Ted said. I could see thathis would not go well. This isnt what

CorFlus all about.I know, Ted, I totally know, but

I just put it out there that we were doinghis, and everyone wanted to be a part ofhings. It wasnt a concious choice, but still,

Im thinking that well still have a goodime.

Ted looked at me like I was crazy,which was a much different look than Petergives me when he thinks Ive said some-hing crazy.

I walked off to the Foyer, where abunch of folks had congregated. There washe Drink Tank clan, as some had referredo us. Leigh Ann, Dann, Jason, Espana,

Tadao and Christian. They werre all chat-ing and I arrived and Christian started a

small round of applause.Oh dont! Espana said, Youll

only encourage him.So, wheres everyone headed? I

asked. We were thinking of getting somedrinks over at the Black Hole. Espanasaid.

I hadnt thought about that for awhile. Id agreed to give a room to theBlack Hole, the Klingon bar. Id brought aKlingon group to CorFlu. I was rather con-fused. Im not good at these things.

We all headed across the Overland

passage, talking about the lovely, and now

dead, Ava Gardner. It was a good conver-ation, full of inappropriate moments andhrasing. It was also a terrible series of

mages painted by a group of very strangeeople.

We passed the front side smokingounge, where folks were enjoying cigars

nd drinking stuff.Ah, Mr. Garcia has arrived! calledarty Cantor. I hadnt seen him yet and Ialked across and shook his hand. Martysgood guy and I hadnt talked to him inges.

Big turn-out. Marty said.Quite. Im thinking that itll be

emembered. I said.I picked up a cigar from the box on

he table and put it in my breast pocket,un along to follow the rest of them on

heir way to the party. There were tonsf folks milling about in the halls, and allhree of the parties and the various Con-

Suites were packed. I was enjoying thevarious conversation snippets, whcih is a

reat part of the walk down any hallway.I came to the Black Hole and theyd

done a great job as always. It looked re-lly cool and there were the normal Bayrea fans who end up at the Black Hole,

ncluding Bob Hole. I hadnt seen him sinceosCon back in November.

Bob Hole! I said, raising my armsn the traditional fashion.

Ah, Mr. Garcia. How are you? Bobaid.

Very very good. I said. You hav-ng a good time?

Indeed I am. He said.We talked a while, when I realised

hat I needed to head over to the SF/SFarty since David and Jean would need

help. I often forgot about things like that.headed over and the place was jumping.ot only were the folks I expected, but a

ot of people who were CorFLu regulars.

Some of them were noticing all the fan-ine covers wed posted, and Lenny Balieswas reading the article on the late greatack Speer that ran along the top of theoom. I hadnt seen Lenny, another CorFluegular. This technique, printing out stuff

from zines on eFanzines.com has been auick and easy decoration scheme since

we discovered it by accident at Silicon oneyear. Every year, we got a bit more artsy

bout how we managed to do it. This time,


17/23

wed finally figured ut how to make theminto lampshades that just looked awesome.Jean and David were entertaining folkslike Curt Phillips (and it was so good to seehim since I hadnt run into him since thelast NASFiC, and Joe Major was there too!I see him most years at either WorldCon or

NASFiC, but this time we were in my turf!David had obviously been pouring DrinkTanks (Rye Whiskey, Ginger Beer and a

dash of bitters served in a Red Plastic Cup)nd was very happy to see me.

And heres the man who knowsow to make these! David exclaimed.

I went to the desk we were usings the pouring station and discovered thate were running out of stuff to The Little

hing, Leigh Anns favourite drink. I wasbout to call out to see where Jason was,

but then I figured it would be a good timeo introduce a new drink.

Ladies and gentlemen, who will behe first to try the latest of the Chris Garciaamily of drinks? I announced. I call it...he Pickersgill!

I poured a jigger of English Gin, adash of Orange Bitters and a splash of Cab-rnet. Its a weird one, but the first sip I hadfter mixing it up didnt make me vomit oro blink, and so, the drink was born. Theame came while I was staring at a coverrom Stop Breaking Down and Gregsame just came to me.

Dave Clark raised his hand and Iushed it across the desk to him. He sipped

t and made that Not So Bad face that

akes me smile. I mixed up another couplef them and passed them around. No oneeemed to love it, but no one absolutelyated it. Johanna came around in her PVCanboy Appreciation outfit, and I had toive her one.

Whats this? She asked.Trust me. I said, knowing I had

nly let her down with a drink once. Iatched her as she sipped it and she

miled.

Interesting. she said and drank abit more. I was highly amused.

I poured drinks for another hourr so, but mostly, I just sipped at a singleup of bourbon Id poured early on. It wasasty, not too expensive. A deadly combi-

nation, when I think about it.

I started listing slowly toward thedownwards. I could tell that I was ex-hausted. I headed my way up to the room.t took me almost twenty minutes to get tohe elevator when I ran into Henry Welch,ndy Trembley and various others who

were chatting about a recent editorial inVFW. I was happy to hear good talk, and

popped in a few comments. Actually,pparently I was slightly more drunkenhan I thought because Id managed to pophe same comments more than once. Thesehings happen.

Saturday- Everywhere8am and all was well. Id slept good,

not too long, as it stood that it was nearly3am by the time I got into bed. Such a things tough. I woke up but felt great. Perhaps

t was the fact that the alcohol had workedts way out of my system. Well, after I vis-ted the restroom. I got myself dressed and

noticed that Linda was still sleeping. I gaveher a kiss on the forehead and went over tohe desk to write a note.

Good mornin DarlinIm off to breakfast early, but Ill

eet you at RegLove you

Chris


18/23

It was exactly the kind of note Imeant to leave more often but only seemedo remember to leave it when I was pretty

sure that Id mess up somewhere in thenear. Running a convention meant thatId be messing again for her soon. Its just

whaat happens. Someone told me thatnearly 50% of all WorldCon chairs whowere married at the time of running theirconvention got a divorce within two years.Weird, huh?

I went downstairs and I remem-bered my all-time favourite WorldConnote. When at a West Coast WorldCon, youcould tell the East Coasters by those whowere milling about the lobby when I wokeup on the first day of a con. It was almosta flawless measure. I ran into four EastCoasters when I made it to the lobby. Lloyd& Yvonne Penney, Warren Buff and Mi-chael Pederson. Id only met Mike a coupleof times, and I was so glad he joined us outhere. They were all waiting for breakfastand I said that we should all get a tableon the edge together. They were actively

happy about that suggestion.We got a table and we all orderedhe buffet. Id managed to get the Coffee

Garden...I mean Sprigs, to give us a 10dollar buffet. That was a big plus. We satdown, which wasn a good thing as I was alittle wobbly, and we all ordered the buffet.I piled on a huge massive pile of pancakesand a few sausages to do Make-My-OwnPigs in a Blanket. I love that. Everyone else

got a very reasonable breakfast.

So, this is a little bigger than yourverage CorFlu, isnt it? Lloyd said.

Yeah, I did a little too much public-ty, I think. I wrapped up a link of sausagen a pancake and took a bite out of one end.

eeded butter. So, whatd yall do lastight after I disappeared?

We went from party to party. Itas strange. Yvonne said.

It was?Yeah, CorFlu is not where I thought

ed find a Klin on party or a ConSuiten an out oor ecith smokeless ash-

rays and hookahs.ts not exactly whatd expect at a CorF-

u. It was a lot of fun,but there were some

nhappy faces.loyd said.

Yeah, buthere were a few

emorable mo-ents, Warren said

like watching Guyillian and Grahamharnock chatting.hat was one of

hose moments thatwish we could cap-

ure on tape.We laughed

nd I kept eating.here were somereat stories, like

ed White andaniel Spector

discussing the politics of the music of the960s and Bruce Gillespie pumping up theonversation with his picks. I wish I could

have heard that. There was also a groupwho were working on a zine in the OldSkool lounge, where Espana and folks hadnded up with some Sir Mix-A-Lot blasting

from a boom box.Well, thats hella Old Skool I said.The details of Warrens WorldCon

bid for Washington. I still wasnt sure whyhe was bidding for there, but Id already


19/23

agreed to help out by working on their BidFanzine: Capital Idea. I was excited since Ihadnt been back to Washington in ages.

We had until 10 to get things ready.I put the entire bill on my room and head-ed off to the programming room. Id hadseveral table moved in and lined with walls

with various fanzines which would be forsale or for give-away. There were also hugenumbers of TAFF materials for sale. Therewere a total of 15 TAFF winners (and only8 DUFF winners, but also 4 GUFF winners,which was a nice surprise) and we all chat-ed. That might have been the most win-

ners at one convention ever! I looked it allover, much of it coming from my personalextras pile, the rest having been put intohe suitcases for Fanzine Lounges and the

rest gone to the Eaton Collection as a partof the evil scheme Earl cooked up to bringhe Eatons collections up-to-date. Itd been

fun for the last few years. I went throughand found that a few folks had broughtsome extras that I hadnt seen. There wasalso the auction pile, and that was goingo be the highlight of the days events. I

walked up to the stage and saw that every-hign was set up and that the camera posi-ions had been chalked out already. I loved

my crew. There were 750 seats, so if every-one came, Id be screwed, but I didnt thinkhatd be a problem. I looked around and

saw that a few people were already sittingaround and chatting. Again, it was mostlyEast Coasters, including Evelyn Leeperand Murray Moore. I headed over and sat

down, chatting without concern.

So, didya all have fun last night? Isked.

It was an interesting night. Mur-ay answered. There were a lot of peopleoaming around.

Yeah, I had no idea. I said.We chatted some more and people

tarted coming in. Within an hour, thelace was about 1/2 full. The usual sus-ects had yet to show, which wasnt thatuch of a surprise. There were about 300

eople milling around, some reading zines,

ome just using their laptops to surf the netnd some obviously writing. It was niceo see Ulrika OBrien drawing on a tablet.hat was a nice touch. I was making sureverything was set-up properly when the

first person Id seen in a costume came upo me. It was Kevin Roche, dressed in a

near exact replica of the Space Patrol outfithat Forry Ackerman had worn at the first

WorldCon.Well, do you think it fits the

heme? Kevin asked, showing off a Heroicose.

Yeah, definitely. Theres no ques-ion that if any costume was going to be

worn at a CorFlu, that is the proper one. Inswered. I think I caught a view of Ulrikaooked not that happy to see Kevin dressedp, but I could be wrong. These things

have been known to happen.Whats the first program item?evin asked.

The Battle of the Greatest. I said.We were gonna do it at the Montreal

WorldCon, but we ended up not able to dot. We got five people to pick five differ-nt Fan Writers, Fan Artists, Fanzines andonventions and theyre gonna battle it out

with a vote at the end.

I bet Arnie wont like that. Doesnt


20/23

sound like his sort of fandom. Andy said,arriving in his utilikilt and Portland in2011: Seattle and Renos Revenge shirt.

You may be right, but we got thefolks to do it.

I slightly shifted the chairs up on thedais a bit, allowing me to look like I was

actually helping. Linda was already out-side, giving people their bags and laptops.I happened to notice a 17 foot tall gentle-men with a noticable accent checking-in. Icharged over that way.

By Ghod, its Niall Harrison, is itnot? I said extending my hand.

Chris, how are you? Niall said,grasping the extended Garcia grip.

Yet another all the way out fromhe UK to our doorstep.

Well, you certainly made it worth-while. I cant believe how many peopleyou got out this way. Niall said as Lindahanded him the laptop.

We were lucky. We had a ton offolks helping out and with the publicity,we managed to get good deals.

I headed back and made myself

busy until the panel started. Up on thedais was Warren, Lloyd, John Coxon, MiltStevens and Peter Weston with the legend-ary Steve Silver serving in the moderatorchair. I had gone out and bought out aclosing Spirit Halloween store which hadone of the replica thrones from Conan. Thatwould be serving as the Moderator seat forhe entire con. I think it was appropriate.

The place was about 3/4 full, and finally

he folks who were the CorFlu regulars had

alked in.As I sit in the chair of moderation,

hereby declare this first panel on Thereatest of All-Time to be open! Steven

nnounced. Ill let the panelist intrroducehemselves and say how theyre stumpingor in the contest to determine who is the

est Fan Writer, Fan Artist and what theest Fanzine of All-Time is.

My cel phone rang. I pulled it outnd it was Evelyn. She calls a lot, like a

ood 13 year old.Hi Evelyn. I

aid.Chris, guess

hat!

What? I said,alking half-way out ofhe doors to the room.

I went out withboy yesterday!

I could tell thathis was going to be aong conversation, so Iet myself up so I couldear the panel and

velyn rambling abouthe boy who I had yeto approve of and soad to hear her entireide of the story. Theypparently went to seehe latest of Tadaos0 minute comedies.d kept trying to getim to do Hamlet, butappy Madison had a

death grip on him. It was OK, always goodo have steady work for a friend.

...and Im calling Harry Warners the Best Fan Writer, without question,

Steve Stiles as the greatest Fan Artist andnergumen as the Best Fanzine.

And he held open the doors for me!

t was so cool! And we went to the res-aurant right across from the Century 21,lames, and I had the giant piece of cakend...

And I cantbelieve no one elsehas said Walt Willis.He was obviously the

reatest...

And we thenwalked over to theWinchester MysteryHouse and we playedhose old video games

in the arcade. Weplayed that Simpsons

ame and it was so funbecause I played Lisaand we...

Theres nodoubt that RichardBergerons Warhoon...

And then Mompicked me up and wewent home and she

rilled me and I toldher that nothing hap-pened, but she kept onasking and asking...


21/23

You can argue that Tim Kirksreign, during his time as the primary artistfor The ALien Critic with work also ap-pearing in zines like Amra and...

So, he asked if I wanted to go andsee the new version of Yor, Hunter of theFuture next week. Do you think I should go

with him again?Yeah, sure...if you like him. I said,

rying to figure out who was talking about

Lee HoffmanI stepped out into the hall and

kept Evelyn talking to see if she reallyneeded anything or she was just burst-ing with info and needed to get it outin the air. It turned out to be the latter,

and since I didnt get to see her that of-en over the last year or so. Evelyn wasall sorts of excited.

When I walked in, Peter Westonand Warren were having a lively dis-cussion about the value of the classicfanzine Hyohen in todays fanningworld. The audience was enjoyingPeter and his very English Englishingon the matter. He got very excited and

had well-played phrases that just hithe spot. Coxon, my plant on the panel,

had chosen Pablo Lenis as his best zine.That seemed to annoy a lot of folks, butI thought it was hilarious. He was bril-liant playing the fool on the panel, andI dont even think he had any booze inhim!

As time went on, it became ap-parent that Harry Warner and WaltWillis were the concensus choices as

he best fan writer ever, but the Fan Artistas a three-headed beast between Rotsler,Tom and Stiles. I thought that Warren didgreat job pushing Stiles, and I cant argue

hat D. West also got a bum deal, but heas up against a couple of greats.

The panel would down with War-

oon slightly edging out Hyphen as thereatest of all-time. There were a couplef folks in the room who still seemed to

be unhappy with the topic. I got up on thetage and took one of the mics.

Now, as those of you who haveead up on your laptops, you will knowhat this is officially be the Tea Interval.nd so...here comes the tea!

At that moment, two trolleys made

heir way into each of the aisles. Wed man-ged to find 16 different people to act asea service folk. Leigh Ann was at the head

of the team and everyone seemed toenjoy it. Tea and coffee and little cakeswere distributed over the fiftem min-ute period of the Tea Interval. I had acouple of cookies with lemon icing andsome strong black tea. I love that stuff.The trolleys made their way through,everyone giving them a round of ap-plause as they left. Id managed to gethe Dim Sum place on Castro in Moun-ain View to let me borrow the trolleys

when I signed with them to do part ofhe banquet. It was a good deal.

During the break, Espanawalked in to the room, obviously drag-ging from a long night partying, and

handed me a zine.I wish you were there. It was

a blast making it. Colin and Cherylhelped me out. She said, her eyes notquite in the right focus.

I looked at it and it was a 6 pagerwith a cover that was obviously doneby my man Jason Schachat. There werea couple of articles, one of them fromArnie and another from Espana that

was really funny about the time I got


22/23

drunk at BayCon and managed to walkinto side of the escalator, almost knockingmyself unconcious. It was very funny. Theart was really nice too, especially the stuffhat Espana had put together.

The next item was the one that I wasmost interested in. It was to be the panel

on the Fan Funds featuring Janice Gelb,John Coxon, James Bacon, Guy Lillian,Steve Stiles and Damien Warmen. It wasa good team. They did a slightly differentpanel, not only talking about how the FanFunds work and why theyre still relevent,but also they talked about the way thingsare changing and how the younger crowdhas managed to latch on to it. I blame thefact that the two kids who were battling toreplace as TAFF delegate were both bornafter the last time Westercon topped 1000attendees. It was a fun race too. Neither ofhem showed up, which hurt my feeling

a bit, but when youre either in college orworking for a Weapons Lab, you tend tonot get out as much as the rest of us wouldlike. The talk turned to TAFF Reports,which have seen a great up-swing in the

last few years. 7 Reports, two from the 80s,2 from the 90s and three from the Oughts,had seen publication, with Greg Pickers-gills being the most recent with a littlehelp from his friends. Thats not to say thatDUFF, which had a record three-way racein 2010 that saw almost 750 voters split-ing the votes in a near dead-heat. It was

an awesome sight to see and they countedhe ballots three times before the final win-

ner was announced. As soon as I heard the

t. I yelled back. That got a goodaugh, better than anything else Idried.

The panel finished up andt was Lunch time. Groups got putogeher, some going over to the

offee Gar...I mean to Sprigs, andthers making excursions to thearious restaurants whose web-ites, map and walking directionsere included in the Safari thatas installed in the laptops. Jamesacon had instructed me to start toive out the latest issue of Journeylanet during lunch on Saturday.he copies of The Drink Tank is-ue 499. Id printed up 500 copiesf it just in case, and if they didntll get taken, I was going to sendhe extras to various groups that

ight like them...or not if that washe case. I just wasnt gonna gettuck with a bunch of issues of thelaptrap called The Drink Tank.

After about 10 minutes or

o, as Id been handing out issuesf Journey Planet to everyone who

esults, I called-Hey Chris! The panel called out

o me. How many days was it before youanaged to get your report out? James

alled.I was finished with it in the cab

oing home from the airport, took a day

orking on proofreading and then 4 or 5days laying it all out.

You proofread that? Guy called.Yeah...Im just not that good at

walked by, I even gave one to John Hertz,who Im pretty sure had never got one. Iwalked out and ran into Espana, a sunglasswearing David Moyce, Linda, John Coxon,ames and Mike Glyer. Tadao wanderedver too.

Well, well, well, Mr. Tomomatsu.

said. How the hell is the Asian reincarna-ion of Adam Sandler?

Good, good, though I think Bobbyee might deserve that title with Yellow


23/23

Flag. Tadao said.Good point. I answered. How

longs the line for the Coffee Garden?Sprigs. Linda and David said

simultaneously. Well, how long?

We could probably not get a table

and back in time for the auction. Mikesaid.

Yall wanna get room service sentup to the ElectroConSuite? I said.

Yeah, sure. Sounds like fun. Mikesaid.

We all headed up the stairs and andfound that there were a couple of folksalready in there, dining on the little snacksand following the phrases from All Our

Yesterdays that were traveling across theelectronic billboards. It was awesome. Wecalled down and got a bunch of wings, acouple of burgers and a pair of salads tosuppliment the sushi, soup and potstickers.I enjoyed some soup and one of the burg-ers. We were happily chattering about thenew name for the zine that wed be start-ing dedicated to the wonders that are the

films of Tadao Tomomatsu. We decided oneither Comedy-san, a title thrown out byEspana, or Wonderland Souffl, the title ofhe second film in the Hey, thats the guy

from Heroes saga. I was leaning towardshe latter and had started fiddling with

various fonts for a cover that I had in myhead. I saw that Ted White and Dan Stef-fan were handing out new issues of Pong,which made me happy. I havent been

around so much when Pong was hitting

he stands brand new. Mike hadnt handede a File 770, but I knew one was going to

nd up in my hands because Id seen Fredouton reading his copy earlier.

So, whats the next thing? Johnsked.

Well, the auction is next, and after

hat, its going to be something special justor the Fan Artists. I said, followed by

ipping the remains of the bowlf Miso soup into my mouth. Itasnt polished, but it was tasty.

We all sat around and chat-ed more. Tadao was going to be

aking another movie next monthith Steven Segal and Miranda

ichardson. Theres nothing betterhan two Oscar winners in a filmogether.

Richard Mann came overith his camera and caught a fewhotos of all of us. Chaz Boston-aden walked in and took a fewhotos, inlcluding a few of Rich-rd getting shots of the rest us.oweird then followed and got

hotos of Chaz getting photos ofichard. Jade Falcon then came innd got photos of the entire room,hich meant that she was gettingore photos of folks getting pho-

os. It was like CostumeCon allver again. I was hoping wed beble to document every moment,

but I kinda hadnt thought thated have 10 total Official Pho-

ographers and who knows how

any unofficial ones. Its always some-hing or another.

How does Saturday end? Wheredoes this all go? What happens on Sunday?Well find out when we reach the finalconclusion in the next exciting issue of The

Drink Tank: Fandom on Infinite Earths!

Documents

The Drink Tank 185