The Dirty, Muddy Truth About Developing Christian CharacterBy Inger KoppenhaverAfter discussing with my husband the topic of training our children in Christian character, we made a couple of decisions. First, we decided to focus on a few key traits and work on cultivating those in our children’s character. Second, we decided not to use a curriculum but rather to use those selected character qualities as stepping-stones during conversations about making good decisions and about living our daily lives, as we interacted with our children. We would strive to achieve our goal by following the instruction found in this verse: “And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up” (Deuteronomy 6:7).

Life is what you make it. I find myself repeating this over and over to my children as they struggle to overcome attitude adjustments, times of boredom, and a load of other difficult situations. In the end, it is not what we accomplish in life but how we go about accomplishing the different tasks that are set before us. When entrusted with the care of children, including helping to shape their character, there is no single method that will make children super achievers. There is only dirty, muddy, gritty work that involves tears, struggles with sin, and a whole lot of “on your knees” prayers.

Here are the top five traits that my husband and I have decided to focus on in our family:

1. FaithOur Godly character traits list must start with faith. We teach our children the stories in the Bible, which share the true stories of God. He not only created us but also chose to actively reach out throughout history and show His love and care for us. We seek to instill in our children knowledge of the Word of God and an appreciation for time spent with the Lord through prayer. We also want to show our children, by example, what it means to have an active relationship with the Lord through the highs and yes, also the lows, of life.

From the Word• Ephesians 2:8–9: “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.”

• Romans 10:17: “So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.”

2. Stubbornness/Persistence The word stubborn, when used in character training, is not always a negative concept. When you imagine creating a stubborn child, you may think of children refusing to do what you want or going above and beyond what you expect in order to get their own way. It can be very frustrating.

Now turn that around and think about our life of faith. We want our children to be stubborn, not conforming to this world, but going above and beyond the expectations of the world by refusing to step into sin and choosing to keep their eyes focused on Jesus.

From the Dictionary• “Persevere . . . 1. To persist in any purpose or enterprise; strive in spite of difficulties, etc.”• “Persist . . . 1. To continue firmly in some course, state, etc. esp. despite opposition or difficulties”• “Persistence . . . 3. The continuance of an effect longer than the cause that first produced it.”• “Persistent . . . 1. Persevering or stubborn in a course or resolve.”

From the Word• Romans 5:3–5: “Not only so but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”1

• Romans 12:2: “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”• Hebrews 12:1-2: “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”2

3. Work EthicWe want our children to have a passion for the work that they are to do, even if it is just daily chores. Martin Luther shares that even the dirtier duties of a mom or dad, such as changing diapers, is a part of God’s plan and is an important part of the work that God has set before us. We want to encourage our children to set goals and to achieve them, to be willing to try new things, to be self-motivated, and to understand that God has made each one of us special. He has a wonderful plan for our lives, even though that sometimes may include things that we are not happy about doing.

• Ephesians 2:10: “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.”• “O how gladly will I do so, though the duties should be even more insignificant and despised.”—Martin Luther

4. Integrity/HonestyIntegrity involves the art of being honest even when no one is there to see your actions. My kids know that one of the biggest conflicts they could ever have with Mom or Dad involves lying to us. When they were small, it seemed as if little lies to protect themselves from trouble were always popping out. We work hard to squash diminutive issues so that they do not become bigger issues later on. This one was definitely hard for all of my children.

A few years ago, I had a heart-wrenching moment when one of my children had to admit to breaking something that was off-limits. This child got out of bed after lights out, found me, and broke down crying as a result of the weight of sin and despair that had resulted because of not telling me what had happened. It was one of those “teachable” moments, and I cried right along with my child.

5. GraceThrough this moment with my child and the broken heart, I was able to show the child what grace really meant and to offer forgiveness. The item had been broken; it was irreplaceable and we couldn’t fix it. I could have chosen to punish the child and yell about the injustice. Instead, through God’s grace, I was able to use the situation to illustrate what forgiveness really meant—even when we don’t deserve it. Jesus died on the cross and rose again to pay our sin debt—when we were full of sin and undeserving of His grace.

My husband and I desire to help our children understand what God’s grace means. Then, we help them learn how to share God’s love and grace with others. We want them to treat others as they would want to be treated and to learn how to see each other through God’s eyes. This world would look and feel a whole lot different if we could all view each other through the grace and forgiveness of the Lord.

Creating a Stubborn ChildAfter examining the depths of the Godly character topic, my husband and I ended up back at one key thought: “Be stubborn.” Here is our basic mission statement for Christian Character: Teach your children to be stubborn in their faith, persevering through suffering and sin; maintain their integrity; and work hard while viewing the world around them through the grace of God. And of course, this is not just another mom yelling into this world of moms: “You need to do it this way!” We struggle; we talk, cry, and pray with each other and our children. We seek to focus our eyes on the Author and Perfecter of our faith, relying on His strength and His perfect character.

After all, I am just another in-the-trenches mom, who stubbornly strives to hold onto God’s promises. And that is the dirty, muddy truth . . .

Inger grew up in a city by the beach in California but loves living in her small Norman Rockwell kind of town on the prairie in Montana. She is a published author and a homeschool mom of four adorable children, and she also just happens to own a 50’s-style café with her mother-in-law. You can find her blogging at www.hidingthepeas.wordpress.com , and news about her café can be found here: www.facebook.com/badlandscafemt .

Endnotes:1. THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.2. Ibid. Copyright 2014, used with permission. All rights reserved by author. Originally appeared in the Annual Print 2014 issue of The Old Schoolhouse® Magazine, the family education magazine. Read the magazine free at www.TOSMagazine.com or read it on the go and download the free apps at www.TOSApps.com to read the magazine on your mobile devices.