The Courier Week 6

Friday, 1st April 2011Edition 6 www.thecourier.es

BRIT FAMILY’SHOLIDAY HELL IN ALICANTE

HOUSE WITH NO HEATING, NO BEDDING AND EXPOSEDWIRES RENTED TO GRANDFATHER WITH CANCER

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2 Friday, 1st April, 2011

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WritersDave Bull

Malcolm PalmerMick Hardy

SpikePaul Payne

Sally BengtssonTony MayesJake Monroe

Dan SmithPhotographerMark Welton

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Depósito legalA - 132 - 2011

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Today Saturday Sunday

ThursdayWednesdayTuesdayMonday

PICTURE OF THE WEEKPICTURE OF THE WEEK

Continued from page 1

What was supposed to have been a relaxingand restful stay in the countryside of Alicante,and a period of recuperation for a grandfathersuffering from leukaemia turned into a night-mare for one British family almost as soon asthey landed.

The Grandparents, along with their grandson,had planned to stay in a rented house in the cen-tre of Aspe (which is inland from Alicante) for atleast two months to give the grandfather a chanceto recuperate as he is suffering from leukaemia -and the healthy Costa Blanca climate was recom-mended by medical staff.

But having looked over the property, which wasin need of some essential repairs, such as a bro-ken cooker and cracked ceilings, in January theywere shocked to arrive late in February and findnothing had been done.

Rosemary Stannard, the grandmother told me,

‘we couldn’t believe it, was the same as i saw itlast time except for some furniture that had beenput in. My grandson was able to play with thewires on the cooker, we couldn’t put any curtainsup there was nowhere to put them; the beddingwas not worth anything.

Cold

‘we were so cold, there was no heating whatso-ever and we had no kettle to use either, the bathor shower weren’t finished and when we went tobed, at around 10pm, all of us were in the one bedto try and keep warm.’

At around 11.30pm the family heard noisesdownstairs and someone talking they werescared stiff and half an hour later it went quiet sothey went to investigate. They, whoever ‘they’were, had gone, but unfortunately for rosemaryand her family it wasn’t just the intruders that hadgone but also clothing, bedding and money eventhough the family had been reassured that theyhad two of the three keys to the property, but

there was no sign of a break in.by now they’d hadenough and decided to head home to Englandright away.

No end to nightmare

Leaving the house at one in the morning withjust £300 the family told us they WALKED toAlicante airport but there were no flights availableto get them home and so they headed for the trainstation and got on a train to Barcelona airport butagain they couldn’t get on a flight. The next stagesaw them getting on another train, this time toParis where, because they had so little money leftthey went to the British consulate who got themhome on the euro line coach to London.

What should have been a new start for the fam-ily turned into a nightmare the husband? The fam-ily have asked for their money back and are wait-ing to hear from the agent that booked the housefor them.

STORM BREWIN OVER SANTA POLA - Mark Welton

Dangerous - the exposed wires

The broken cooker

Unfinished - the kitchen

3Friday, 1st April, 2011

PP GET FUNNY?It sounds like some kind

of joke, but it would appearthat the Popular Partywould like to include in itsparty manifesto a toughen-ing up of legislation forcases of political corrup-tion.

It’s inexplicable that a seri-ous party, which has a largenumber of its members andsupporters currentlyembroiled in cases of politi-cal corruption, with manymore under suspicion, wouldinsult the intelligence of itsvoters by making thisannouncement just a fewdays after confirming as acandidate Francisco Camps,the Valencian leader who hasbeen at the heart of one ofthe main bribing scandalscurrently plaguing the party.

STEWARTCOPELANDTO OPENMAR DEMUSICASFESTIVALThe Mar de Musicas

Festival in Cartagena willbe opened by none otherthan Stewart Copeland,drummer of The Police.

The 17th edition of thisworld famous festival looks tobe better than ever. Thetheme this year is Italianmusic, and a variety of inter-national stars will grace thestage at Cartagena. Bignames this year include reg-gae band Third World, AfroCelt Sound System,Gianmaria Testa, Gino Paoliand Mavis Staples, to namebut a few of the 40 acts. Thefestival begins on July 8thwith Copeland. Tickets areavailable throughTicketmaster.

By SpikeExpats are packing up their

bags and splitting up with theirpartners far quicker once theyarrive on Spanish soil than theywould have done had theystayed in the UK. Those are thestunning results from a newsurvey on expats. However,those who stay together longerthan the ‘four year itch’, stay aspartners for a long time saysthe survey.

‘Opportunity’ and ‘boredom’ werethe reasons why expats had extramarital affairs (56% of those who

had separated said they had splitas a result of an affair). While anincredible 89% of expats surveyedsaid that they knew a couple thathad split up with over 50% ofthose splitting up packing theirbags and returning to their nativecountry.

The survey of 2,000 Britishexpats asked specifically if theirmarriages or relationships hadsuffered since making the move toSpain and over a third said that atsome point in time they hadargued with their partner overwhether to return to the UK. With afurther third of those eventually

doing so…separately.Lack of work combined with

money worries were blamed fortaking their toll on relationshipsand one or other of the partnersdrinking habits was also high on

the list. 66% of those surveyedsaid that small irritations which areseemingly harmless and oftenendearing turned into major irrita-tions after about four years (Whyfour years?...no idea).

A staggering 44% of men and 37%of women had split with their part-ner to look for a younger modeland some ‘excitement’ after a rela-tionship that had become dull.

74% of expats in a relationshipsaid that as they had gotten oldertogether romance had given wayto the practicalities of life whileothers blamed stress for their lackof a spark.

Over half of those surveyed whohad gone or were going back tothe UK said that they wanted toreturn to Spain as soon as possi-ble and most had found a newlove in their life.

CARRY ON ABROAD!Expat survey reveals relationships are shorter lived after

moving abroad and new romances are more fun

‘More than half who had sepa-rated said they had split as aresult of an affair’

Throughout the world hundreds ofdifferent languages are spoken,including Geordie, but some havebecome more popular than others –why? we’ve no idea either so herewe’ve put together a list of the top 8lingos spoken around the world.

1 Mandarin

Speaking population: Over 1 billion.Region: China.

2 English

Speaking population: 508 million.Region: UK, USA, Australia, NewZealand, South Africa, Canada andmany other countries.

3 Hindi

Speaking population: 497 million.Region: India.

4 Spanish

Speaking population: 392 million.Region: Spain, South America, Cuba,USA.

5 Russian

Speaking population: 277 millionRegion: Russus, Belarus, Kazakhstan,USA and many others.

6 Arabic

Speaking population: 246 million.Region: Middle East.

7 Bengali

Speaking population: 211 million.Region: Bangladesh, West Bengal(India)

8 Portuguese

Speaking population: 191 million.Region: Portugal, Brazil, Macau,Angola, Venezuela, Mozambique.


SAYSJUST ASK

I really hope that what they’ve found at Danais Atlantis, but I reckon not. This mythicaland mysterious legend has been around forthousands of years and still nobody really hasa clue if it even existed. If it did, and it’s whatthey are going to find once they’ve pulledtheir shovels out of their bags and started dig-ging, then I am pleased for Spain and theattention (and of course the money) it willbring in. but, considering that we have beenhere before it seems doubtful (again) that thisis the one…we could always ask PatrickDuffy I suppose…

ALLO ALLOWhy on earth the French decided that thewhole of Europe’s MEP’s should learn andspeak their language when the visit Brusselsis a mystery. We know it’s not ideal (and it’snot our fault either mind you…) when mostof Europe can already speak English. Im notsaying that us lot who come to live in a for-eign country shouldn’t learn that language tosome degree but MEP’s learning French?They’ll be campaigning for Esperanto next…and I can’t dance…

OLYMPICSAfter Tony Brennan’s article this week,there’s gonna be some letters…just remem-ber to address them to Tony!

TOP 8 LANGUAGES

ON YOUR BIKESix thieves, of Moroccan origin, have been arrested by theGuardia Civil of San Vicente, for the theft of some 40 bicy-cles from the Campus of Alicante University. When ques-tioned, they told police that they were paid between 20 and30 euros apiece for the stolen bikes, in their country of origin.

A THOUSAND COPSFor the first time, the National Police Force of Alicante boasts1,000 officers, after recent recruitment of 106 new cops.

NEW ROUTESAlicante Airport’s new terminal, which increases by a factor ofsix the flooor area for passengers at Altet, will bring newroutes into action this summer – they include Humberside, aswell as Budapest and Milan.

‘ARE YA SPEAKIN’ DA LINGO..O QUE…?’

Language map of the world

A loada peeps speaka da Portugese

Mandarin - everyone's speakingit...almost

Spain - nice language, people,food, drink, coffee...

Bengali - now there's a languageworth learning..

Not far off now, and the stopwatch is running. Thepush to sell tickets, titanic in effort.

Do you want to watch a bearded lady Russian shot-putterhurl what appears to be her husband’s left testicle severalmetres up a length of grass and call it a triumph of physicalfitness? I think not. You then shed pounds for the privilege ofhaving watched it.

Drug testing in athletes is random, however, this could bethe first Olympiad where the crowd fails a drug test. My gran,famous for her spoonerisms has taken to calling anabolicsteroids, diabolical haemerroids but shes getting into thespirit of it.

I myself am greatly looking forward to the one and a halfmile relay team who are from the greater Manchester area.This team comprises of two serving police officers fromManchester police pursuing two escaped convicts from hermajesty’s prison Strangeways for the added entertainmentof the crowd. When caught the convicts will get a goodtrucheoning on the rostrum afterwards.

Our ladies beach volleyball team will not rival the stunninggood looks of other nations because our team will be spon-sored by a national burger chain. Each team member willweigh twenty-four stone and each match will be sponsoredby Weight- Watchers. They will not attempt contact with theball but just sit in the sand drinking coke. On match pointagainst. They will crawl under the net and beat the otherteam up and declare victory. As they stand on the reinforcedvictory podium tears will flow down the nation’s collectivecheeks as we reflect that this triumph of obesity could havebeen us.

The visiting crowds will be ripped off by the hotels andrestaurants. Go on, you have to admit we are gold medaland world class at this activity.The oldest Olympic event, the marathon, conjures upimages of Paula Radcliffe peeing in the gutter in Athens –more of that is promised as all the local councils have shutdown all the public loos but all is not as dark as I paint thescene as our opening ceremony should be a triumph.Should the Olympic torch bearer actually negotiate thestreets of London without getting mugged, he will enter thestadium and an impromptu student riot will ensue. Crowdparticipation will be actively encouraged and a Calor gasbottle will be dropped from the stadium roof – which will thenbe ignited.

I think you will agree a spectacular event giving the watch-ing world a glimpse of living in our cultural country.All events will be enacted by the starter shouting, ‘one, twothree…go!’ as a firing pistol may encourage the drug dealersin the crowd to return fore.

The closing ceremony will be a low-key affair with just theLondon fire brigade attending to douse any smoulderingflames.

The next six years of post-Olympics will see the authoritiesgetting to grips with trying to deport the thousands who willforget the games only last three weeks and work in thekitchens of the nation’s restaurants awaiting our next spec-tacular…could it be the world cup? Somehow I doubt it.


THE OLYMPICS?I CAN’T BLOODY WEIGHT…

Tony Brennan takes a sideways look at next year’s London Olympics and how it may, or may not turn out…

‘Do you want to watch a bearded ladyRussian shot-putter hurl what appears to beher husband’s left testicle several metres upa length of grass…’

So how d'ya reckon they'll get the drugs in then..ON YOUR MARKS

theirs..

ours..

What Happened in 1985

ColumbiaVolcanic Eruption in Columbia kills 25,000 U.S. TWA Flight 847 is hijacked by Hezbollah. on June 14th

MaltaEgyptAir Flight 648 is hijacked and ends in the loss of 56passengers during the commando raid to rescue them.ItalyTerrorist gunman shoot passengers at Rome and Vienna air-ports.The Italian Cruise Liner "Achille Lauro " is hijacked byPalestinian Terrorists UKThe British Coal Miners Strike ends and coal mines continueto be closed

UKThe first Mobile Phone Call Is Made in the UK by Ernie Wise RussiaMikhail Gorbachev replaces Konstantin Chernenko asSoviet leader SwitzerlandPresident Reagan and Soviet Leader Gorbachev meet forthe first time in SwitzerlandNew ZealandThe Greenpeace vessel, the Rainbow Warrior, is bombedand sunk in Auckland harbour by French DGSE agents.

UKLive Aid pop concerts in Philadelphia and London raise over50 million for famine relief in Ethiopia. Mexico8.1 Richter scale earthquake strikes Mexico City. More than9,000 people are killed, UKRioting breaks out at housing estates in Brixton, London andLiverpool LebanonTerry Anderson kidnapped in Beirut, Lebanon UKBoris Becker becomes youngest winner at 17 to win themen's Wimbledon championships U.S. A joint American-French expedition locates the wreck of theRMS Titanic. U.S. President Reagan announces Strategic Defense Weapons (SDI ) will not impact arms talks U.S. The Unabomber kills his first victim U.S. New York Stock Exchange Closes For The day ForHurricane Gloria U.S. Insurance companies begin screening for Aids for life insur-ance causing outcry by civil liberties groups.

UKClive Sinclair launches the Sinclair C5 electric tricycle with amaximum speed of 15mph JapanBoeing 747 Flight 123 crashes into Mount Osutaka, Japan U.S. Mafia Boss Paul Castellano is shot on orders of John J. Gotti BelgiumCrowd Violence Erupts during the European Cup Final atHeysel Stadium in Brussels causing a wall to collapse killing39 football fans. UKFollowing Heysel Stadium Disaster English Soccer Clubsbanned From European CompetitionLebanonA massive car bomb in Beirut, Lebanon leaves 175 injuredand 45 people dead South AfricaSouth Africa Invades AngolaSouth AfricaRiots and protests continue in Townships In South Africaagainst apartheid policies


1985As the spread of aids increases Governments round the world start screening Blood donations forAIDS. On the technology front the first .com is registered and the first version of Windows isreleased Ver 1.0 . Terrorists continue to perform acts of terrorism including the hijack of TWAFlight 847 and the Italian Cruise Liner "Achille Lauro ". Famine in Ethiopia is shown more on TVNews in July and Live Aid concerts around the world raise many millions to help the starving inAfrica and the pop industry in US joins together to sing "We Are The World".

Average House Price 40,169 Gallon of Petrol 1.88

Yearly Inflation Rate UK 9.50% Interest Rates Year End Bank of

England 11.38%

DO YOU REMEMBER…?


He was so nice to startwith. And small. But I did-n’t hold that against himlater – more the other wayaround if I’m honest butall will become as clear toyou as it was a blur to me.

We had a chat over acuppa about my sore neckand how it had happenedand so on...nice. He thenhad me lay on the massagetable and gave me the bestmassage I think I’ve everhad. I was so relaxed I wasworried about sliding off themassage table like an eggoff of a plate – I was aboutas oily as an egg by thispoint too.

Then he put a lovely heat

lamp pointing at a spotbetween my shoulderblades and told me not tomove for five minutes, not aproblem, oh this was bliss.Five minutes later and nowas close as you can get to acoma without getting the fullbenefit, I was very chilledand began thinking aboutwho I could recommend mynew osteopath to when heasked me to turn over. I didn’t cry but what he didnext left me in fear of this lit-tle guy, who was, at thetime, looking up at me…and I was lying down. Thebest way I can describe it isto say that he climbed ontomy chest and wrapped his

arms around me putting mein a situation that you reallydon’t want to be in withanother (almost) fully grownbloke – unless you likegrown men…then, ofcourse, it’s all right.

With my arms trapped bymy side and one of his nowin the small of my back heturned my head so it waslooking at the floor (whichwould have been pleasantfive minutes earlier whenthe rest of my body wasfacing that way too) andthen made a movement sofast that I was convincedhe’d broken my neck. Andthe noise. Bones poppingback into their rightful placeis not like listening to wavescaress a sandy beach –especially when they’reyours. Now in shock andwondering if, in fact, when Igot up, my head would flopuselessly forward, he said,‘we just need to do theother side.’ Great, and Iknew what was coming. Sohe bear-hugged me oncemore, shifted my neck intothe unnatural position…andthen couldn’t understandwhy I couldn’t ‘relax’.

However, for all my moan-ing he did the job. A fewdays later I was back tonormal and the pain I’dgone to him to haverelieved had disappearedand, as a bonus, he man-aged to get my head point-ing the right way again, sortof.

Far be it from me to get too serious (orpolitical come to that) but is there reallysuch a big difference between our worldleaders?

Because with recent events in mind, andassorted dictators being kicked out like slap-pers from a nightclub, I began thinking aboutwhat differentiates Mr Gaddafi (however youspell it) and say Britain’s Mr Cameron and tobe honest they have far more in commonthan at first you might think. For examplethey all, without exception, have a thirst forpower and, they will go to extraordinarylengths to get it but that depends on whereyou were born. Because if you were born inthe ‘civilised’ west and you went to publicschool with aspirations of power in yourhead, then there’s a good chance you usedbullied the younger lads in to be a ‘toastrack’ or something. While if you grew up in adictatorship or amongst civil unrest youwould probably, like the Gaddafi boys beingadept at advanced water-boarding by thetime you were twelve.

But the one thing Messer’s Cameron,Gaddafi, Hussein and Scargill had in com-mon is that they are born to lead, and theyknow it. And stepping on a few toes (obvi-ously that would be normal in a dictatorship)is par for the course if you want to get to thetop. How many times have you worked for abig company and noticed the ‘one’ whowants to get on and I mean REALLY get on,and they’ll do pretty much anything toachieve it.

And there’s nothing wrong with that, want-ing power, it’s just that it’s quite importantwhat you do with it once you get it (see arti-cle about ‘El Presidente’…) and that’s wherewe find the difference. For although they allstill line their pockets from their particularseat of power (how much is Blair worthnow?) with women at their beck and call andcash being thrown at them (and the dictatorsare as bad) generally they do their best fortheir country. While our dictator friendsbelieve that what is best for them, is alsobest for the country…maybe.

There’s possibly nothing better than rid-ing alongside the Med’ on a sunny day ona motorbike that’s travelling on niceclean, quiet roads that curve follow thecoast’s hills and valleys...except perhapsdoing it twice. So I did. I saw more ofSpain that day than I have in ten years, Ithink although, most of it was not deliber-ate.

You see, there’s something to be saidabout the most modern of gadgets that willget you where you want to be (or should be)and that’s, ’use them!’ because although anafternoon out for me should have been aromantic ride along the coast, stopping hereand there to take in the stunning sceneryand a relaxing lunch at a port side bar on thecrisp Mediterranean, what it actually turnedout like was something akin to Bravo TwoZero as we chugged through the darknesslooking for home. Ok, we weren’t in mortaldanger from Iraqi soldiers or landmines butthere were some big mozzies out that night Ican tell you…

The romantic afternoon that should haveseen us skipping in the surf and chuckingfood in each other’s mouth (saw it in a filmonce) started well enough, as in my motor-bike started, but from then on it went down-

hill. Keeping the sea on the left one way andon the right on the return journey seemed asimple enough plan to get us there and backand so the SatNav took a back seat for once.

The drive down was great and once we’dpassed Mar Menor we began the climbs anddrops that let you know you’re in Almeriacountry and as the sunset over the hills toour right I realised that it was going to bedark soon, very soon (I’ve always beenquick…). And that was going to be a problem– I couldn’t see the sea, nor remember inwhich direction to head. So I set off anyway,and went the wrong way…for an hour.

By the time i’d realised i’d lost my waybadly, i’d also lost all sense of direction andany chance of romance from the womanwho now resembled an ice queen sitting onthe back of my bike – in more ways thanone… still I got her home safely in the end.

We arrived home just in time to wake thebirds up in the trees and my companion (whohad reminded me seemingly every five kilo-metres) had to go to work and was now shiv-ering and resembling someone who’d had ahell of a night out…only not with me.

We still talk though…we she points me outto her mates and says ‘yeah, that’s the one’,but at least we’re communicating…

IT’S NOT MY FAULT I’VE LOSTTHE MEDITERRANEAN…

How it could have been.

OSTEOPATHS - LIKE PSYCHOPATHSBUT SPELT DIFFERENTLY.

DICTATOR or DEMOCRACYWHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE?

So were you a toast rack...?

I knew i forgot to put something back


BALI ‘ATLANTIS’ IS A THEME PARKBUILT BY A DIVER 5 YEARS AGO!But Spanish site looks ‘interesting’ say scientists

You may remember afew weeks ago wewrote about the dis-covery of the lost cityof Atlantis in Spain,buried in the vastmarshlands of theDona Ana Park. There,the scientists believelies the lost city knownas Atlantis.

Two years ago theteam of archaeologistsand geologists startedexploring using a combi-nat ion of deep-groundradar, digital mapping,and underwater technol-ogy to survey the site.The discovery in centralSpain of a strangeseries of "memorialcities," built in Atlantis'image by i ts refugeesafter the ci ty 's l ikelydestruction by a tsuna-mi, gave researchersadded proof and confi-dence, he said, addingthat the At lant is resi-dents who did not die inthe tsunami went inlandand built new cities. Theteam's work wasunveiled last Sunday in"Finding Atlantis," a newNational GeographicChannel special.

But where isAtlantis really?

The exact location ofAtlantis has long been amystery and a fascina-t ion ever since the

alleged naval power wasdescribed by Plato aslying " in front of thePillars of Hercules". Buta lot of speculation hasgone on and just lastAugust, the remains of

an ancient underwatercity were photographedoff the coast of Bali, andwith growing excitementthe Indonesian govern-ment claimed it was apotentially "phenomenal

discovery", leading tospeculat ion i t was an"Atlantis of the East".

But their hopes of a"phenomenal discov-ery", were quashedbecause upon further

invest igat ion i t turnedout that the ‘At lant is ’was in fact an underwa-ter theme park built by aBritish diver in 2005 toentertain his customers!

But it was in January2010 that archaeologistsbegan to search forclues about Atlantis inthe Dona national parkand this time there is alot of excitement aboutthe site as a team ofresearchers fromSpain's Higher Councilfor Scient i f ic studybegan to unearth amarsh area of the park-land to try to discoverevidence of a 3,000-year-old settlement thatthey believed could helppinpoint Atlantis.

The scientists’ theoryis that the Tartessos, awealthy civi l isat ion insouthern Iberia, pre-dates the Phoeniciansand may have had itscapital in the centre ofthe park. The Tartessoshave long been linked tothe Atlantis story – weshall wait and see if thisis the lost city…or if thatBrit ish diver has beenbusy again….

Plato’s vision of Atlantis


Tony Mayes …says it like it is.

MONARCHS, DICTATORS &THE GREAT UNWASHED

I'M sure many of youwatched like me in horrorat the weekend at theantics of the great Britishunwashed smashing upbuildings in centralLondon, at the time get-ting away with it, withpolice apparently power-less to intervene and pre-vent damage to property.

These anarchists wouldhave had short thrift inalmost every other countryin the world, where securityforces would have bornedown on them with littlemercy, using batons andwater cannons.

Not that I have any lovefor the possessions of thesuper-rich and I am in total

agreement with one thingin the anarchists' agenda,and that's the appalling gapbetween the rich and thepoor and the apparent totalinability of successive gov-ernments to do anythingabout it.

But going from one luxurystore to another and frombank to bank smashing up

as much property as theycould is hardly the answer.The vast majority of ustoday use banks whetherwe like it or not, and mostof us, except the greatunwashed, probably haveinsurance policies on ourhomes and possessions.And all anarchists do ontheir rampage is toincrease the cost of bank-ing and insurance.

Anarchists hate authorityand wealth and most willstop at nothing to attackthem. What they apparentlyignore is that without lawand order there wouldquickly be the rule of thethug, roaming gangs and acomplete social break-down.

I once knew an anar-chist/Socialist and far fromhim being a thick bully, hewas an educated man withmore qualifications thanme. And instead of con-tributing to his firm pensionas I did, he simply said hecouldn't afford it and wouldlive on benefits and hand-outs on his retirement.Who's the bigger fool -

makes you wonder doesn'tit?

Watching the news dayafter day has also mademe despair at the numberof countries still ruled bydictators, monarchs withtotal power or militaryregimes. All these coun-tries are powder kegs justwaiting for something tospark an uprising. Some ofthese will end up beingsuccessful, overthrowingthe regime and, hopefully,replacing it with a democra-cy. Others will be brutallyput down, or the 'rebels'being successful only byother countries' interven-tions.

But it had me thinkingthat the world will not be asafer place until all theworld's dictatorships, et al,are replaced by democraticstates, where people have

a voice in deciding whoshall lead them. Perhapsthis century will be the onein which people all aroundthe world gain their free-dom from despots and weare finally rid of power hun-gry, ruthless people pre-pared to kill without mercyanyone who opposes them.Let's hope so.

Finally, I'm sure you allwere horrified to hear of themurder of the young girl,killed allegedly by a taxidriver as she tried to returnhome from a night club.

I make two observations.Is it really necessary fornight clubs to remain openuntil 3am or even later -how many hours in thenight do young peopleneed to drink? Secondly,despite all the warnings,why do young women stillinsist on returning home ontheir own after a night out?If this woman had had thesense to stay with friendsshe would, no doubt, bealive today. Unfortunatelyyoung people think theyare indestructible - sadlythey are not.

‘the majority of us todayuse banks whether we likeit or not, and most of us,except the greatunwashed, probably haveinsurance policies…’

Giving it some stick -protestors confrontpolice in London



SO WOT ARE YOUGONNA BE…?That is the question

Suzanne Manners takes a wry look at growing up and lookingforward to a life of style….thanks to her son

Childhood treads a narrow and well worn path. We areborn; we learn to walk, talk, use the toilet, write, draw,and play, and torture our mothers (see paragraph 3). Atsome point along this path you will be stopped andasked a question. The questioner may be a parent, ateacher or a fellow child and the question once askedwill continue to nibble away at your sense of self worthfor the rest of your life.

“What do you want to be when yougrow up?”

The answer to the question will depend on the backgroundand educational aspirations of your parents. Affluent, highlyeducated parents tend to encourage their offspring to thinkabout lucrative, prestigious careers such as the Law,Medicine or the Media. Middle class parents, on the otherhand, tend to think more in terms of jobs with security suchas Banking or the Civil Service. Working class parents arejust glad of a job.

Regardless of class, all parents want their children to suc-ceed, and in this I am no exception. I want only the best formy son and have begun gently but firmly to guide himtowards a career that I believe will enrich and sustain me. Ihave no pension plan(for reason see paragraph 5) andtherefore have charted a career path for my child thatenables him to gain a large amount of money while he is stillyoung and thereby look after his mother and keep her in thestyle to which she has never been accustomed. I want himto join a boy band, failing that, become a reality TV star andmarry Madonna. Unfortunately I have a child who has nodesire to sing (and I quote) ‘in a stupid boy band’ and thinksMadonna looks like a string bean (his words), and to cap itall he wants to build robots then give them away to peoplein need. What’s wrong with the boy? Have I not taught himanything?

Like many people of my generation the question of acareer was not an easy one. Britain while I was growing upwas turbulent and fraught with change. The end of the steelindustry, privatisation of Rail and postal service .Pit closures,general strikes, Thatcher and the Yuppies. I am a child of thesociety less society where a job for life became a job if youcould get one and only then on a temporary contract andwithout benefits. I have changed my career path so often Ineed a GPS to find my way back.

In the beginning I wanted to be a nun. I had beenseduced by a TV series about flying nuns and wasdevastated to learn that this was absolutecodswallop and that they couldn’t fly (It wasmy older brother who told me that jump-ing off the coal bunker wearing ahomemade wimple was notthe way to achieve unaidedflight. His mocking laugh-ter haunts me still). NextI wanted to be a nurseand duly memorisedthe names of all thebones in the humanbody (Stirrup and Anvilwere my favourites), Iconfess that thischoice was inspiredmostly by the fact that Iliked the uniform (I wasa shallow child); thoseneat little cuffs andstarched hats. Myaunt was a nurse andI coveted her silver

upside down watchwhich she pinnedproudly to her uniform. Ilonged to gently hold thewrist of a bedridden fire-man (what is it aboutfireman?), peer serious-ly at my upside downwatch and declare,“pulse a little fast” (natu-rally I would resemblethe pretty but intelligentnurse in Carry OnDoctor (not HattieJacques) and thepatient would fall des-perately in love withme). However thatcareer was hefted intothe gutter as soon as Irealised that nursingactually involved caringfor patients; washing,dressing, feeding, givingenemas, moppingbrows and taking tem-peratures (from eitherend).

Since then (In no particular order) I have wanted to be; avet, a librarian (I like books), a double agent (Man fromUncle), an explorer, an astronaut, a giraffe (I had a fever),helicopter pilot, film star, pop star, Mrs. Osmond, Mrs. Essex,Mrs. Abramovich (I told you I was shallow), artist, writer,actress, international jewel thief, Sandinista rebel leader, agiraffe (some dreams never die) and a human rights lawyer.All of these choices caused great amusement and a sympa-thetic shake of the head from my career teacher who mut-tered something about me being good at art and suggestedshelf stacking at Tesco. On career day my school had visitsfrom The Pickle Factory, Clarks shoes andthe RAF (they’d taken a wrong turn) and alady from the DHSS who verypatiently, in a loud and very slowvoice taught us how to fill inan unemployment benefitform.

In a class of 9year olds

most will want to beveterinarians or doctors

and the rest, footballers(some will want to be hired

assassins but don’t worry this is per-fectly normal). Not to gender stereo-

type, most of the girls will fall into the vetcamp (animals are so cute) and even the boys who

don’t like football will say they want to be footballers toplease their football playing friends (except for thefuture hired assassin who will be sitting on his own).

In the modern world your job defines you. The firstquestion most people ask of you is “What do you do?”

(The required answer not being, sit around all day drink-ing beer and eating current buns). I am a Doctor, musi-

cian, teacher, goalkeeper, manager of Real Madrid, turkeyfarmer, hired assassin, accountant (why do children never

want to be accountants?). By age 9 most girls have realisedthat they will not be princesses and marry Mickey Mouse(although Camilla Parker Bowles did) and most boys stillbelieve they will be footballers.

Somewhere along the path, reality hides itself behind atree, leaps out and screams ‘you can’t be a giraffe’ so loudlyyour ears fall off. No more the dream of Arctic adventure, ofcheering spectators, brow beaten prosecutors. No morestruggling artist or world famous musician. The vista of end-less possibilities becomes a square cubicle with chair andcomputer. Exotic travel becomes the daily commute and thedesire to change the world becomes a desire to change thecoffee filter. So, when a child tells you with earnest delightand serious intent that they want to be a Secret Agent, nodyour head, put on your dark glasses and say “The geese areflying south tonight.”

‘I was devastated to learn that Nuns couldn’t fly…’


The F-18 jets which Spain is sending to fight against Gadaffi in Libya could have beensetting off from San Javier military air base this week. The remarkable fact is that the trip would take them just 45 minutes! You may not havethought about it but Libya is very close to Spain if you’re travelling at the speed of a fighterjet.

San Javier airport celebrated the inaugura-tion of its second runway last Friday. Therunway has been finished for months, butcouldn’t we used due to a bureaucratic holdup. The rivalry between San Javier and thesoon to be opened Corvera airport contin-ues. It was always said that both airportswould work together, but last year the gov-ernment of Murcia refused to cooperate withlow cost airlines, forcing them to pull out ofSan Javier. It is believe they will be offeredunbeatable conditions to use Corvera as abase when the new airport is opened.

The second runway at San Javier will enablethe airport to increase the number of com-mercial flights coming in and out of SanJavier, and increase activity. The secondrunway will be used exclusively for militaryflights, freeing up the first runway, andenabling it to be used in the mornings, whichwas not possible previously. AENA has invested 67 million euros on therunway, a new air traffic control tower,enlarging the departures lounge, making thecar park bigger, and constructing a new elec-trical station.

The new sports centre in La Marinaurbanization was inaugurated onMonday 21 March.Alicante Diputation sub-delegate EncarnaLlinares Cuesta, performed the openingceremony and declared all the sports facili-ties in the large complex now open for thepublic use. San Fulgencio mayoressTrinidad Martinez, deputy mayor MarianoMarti, and all the government team attend-ed the ceremony, including English council-lor Mark Lewis. There is a full size tenniscourt, a 5-a-side football pitch, 2 padelcourts (a sort of cross between tennis andsquash). There is also a 7-a-side footballpitch, and in the very near future there willbe up to ten petanca courts. There are alsodedicated changing room facilities includingshowers, a children’s play area with swings

and a slide and public benches arrangedaround the perimeter. The whole area issecured with tall high grade fencing andlocked gates. The opening times will befrom approx 7.30am until 8 or 9pm eachday. The funding for two new Sports Centres inthe municipality came from CentralGovernment, a total of 1.2 million euros fortwo centres, one in San Fulgencio and thisone in La Marina urbanisation. During theopening ceremony Encarna Llinares Cuestacomplimented the local government teamfor their intelligent use of the land and formaking such a beautiful complex of sportsand leisure complex available for local peo-ple to enjoy. More information in Englishabout San Fulgencio council projects canbe seen on this web site: www.lamarina.info

MILITARY BASE READY TOSEND JETS TO LIBYA

SAN JAVIER AIRPORTOPENS SECOND RUNWAY

URBAN SPORTS IN LA MARINATrinidad opens centre…but no sign of Tobago…


The Mayor of Orihuela, Monica Lorente, metwith the British Consul, Paul Rodwell, lastweek at the Town Hall in Orihuela Costa. TheConsul, who is based in Alicante, was inter-ested to find out more about the area and therelationship between the Town Hall ofOrihuela and the thousands of British resi-dents who live in the municipality, especiallythose on the coast. Mr Rodwell told the Mayor that Orihuela Costais a very important area for the consultate teamas it the home for the largest number of Britishcitizens in the whole of the Alicante Province. InOrihuela Costa, English is the predominant lan-guage and as well as British residents, there isa large number of Irish residents that also liveon the coast. The Mayor said that she was very proud of therelationship between the Town Hall and itsBritish residents especially Chris Poole, theOrihuela Costa Neighbourhood WatchCoordinator, who with the help of his urbanisa-tion co-ordinators have helped to reduce thecrime levels on the coast significantly. She toldthe Consul: “Chris Poole was instrumental ingetting the new emergency centre for the coastand I am very pleased that he is here inOrihuela Costa to help the local police in theirfight against crime.”

Spring has sprung as the longer lighterdays arrive, now is the time to be focus-ing on our health & wellbeing as weembrace this summer’s new looks, newhairstyles, new products, new trends andnew ideas all related to our April Mind,Body & SOL Exhibition on Friday 15th11am to 8pm & Saturday 16th 10am to5pm at the Los Arcos (La Rustika)Restaurant, Avdea Baleares No 34,Torrevieja ( next to the Semana Santamuseum). Discover a world of wellbeing at the 2 dayevent from skincare and rejuvenation fillersto hair care and accessories. Cosmetic toaesthetic treatments, mainstream to holistictherapies, crystals and clairvoyant’, diet todetox and not forgetting fitness to fantasticfashion. Ladies, the two day Mind, Body & SOL Eventwill have a host of beauty, wellness and spir-itual experts with products along with treat-

ment taster sessions for you to enjoy at theexhibition. Not forgetting the men, we alsohave eco friendly pool products fromImperial Pools and the Glenn Billington GolfAcademy. The SOL Productions Mind Body & SOLExhibition is the best dedicated exhibition foryour health, wellbeing and spiritual needs,so come along on April 15th and 16th to LosArcos and put talking care of yourself FIRST!You can also collect a goodie bag, packedwith products and information. SOL Productions will also be collectingEaster Eggs for 2 children’s charities withthe Exhibition being a collecting point for thepublic to deliver their eggs.

For more information and directions to theexhibition visit www.solproductions.tv or tele-phone 966 761 050. The new mind Body &SOL series is also available on line at solpro-ductions.tvHelp Japan!

The Orihuela Costa Youth Association(AJOC) together with the Association ofCommerce on the Coast (ECO) have takenthe initiative to organise a huge clothes anddried food collection in Orihuela Costa forthe people of Japan who have been left dev-asted by the earthquake and subsequenttsunami, which occured on 11th March. Allthe items collected will be given to the RedCross of Japan via the Spanish Red Cross.If you have any old clothes that you nolonger wear and think that they could be ofuse, please donate them. They are also

looking for driedand easily trans-portable items offood like bags ofrice and pasta.All donations canbe dropped off atthe Civic Centrein PlayaF l a m e n c a ,Orihuela Costa,throughout the month of April. Please help the people of Japan to get theirlives back.

LUCKY CONSUL GETS A DAY OUTWITH THE MAYOR

British Consul Comes To Orihuela Costa

First Dance of the year for PaulCunningham NursesFabulous Food, Wine Included, Dancing andEntertainment all for €12 on Saturday April16th Carvery and Dance at The Black BullTorremendo will be the first Dinner andDance this year for Paul CunninghamNurses. When the Sun finally peepedthrough a few days ago PCN decided tohave a Spring Dance in April. Following thesuccess of the charity walk at Torremendo'just around the corner' and having alreadysent some scouts to sample the excellentCarvery at THE BLACK BULL, PaulCunningham Nurses will be hosting anevening to remember. There will be a Carvery with a choice ofthree meats and all the vegetable you caneat, dessert and wine included all for €12!With the additional treat of FREE pick upfrom a 15 km radius and rooms availablefrom €35 we hope this makes our first danceof the year irresistible!Please call, text or email to book now for

Saturday April 16th from 7.30p.m. As wehope this will be a sell [email protected] 629 869 959AND THERE’S MORE…At last Spring has arrived! I hope as youread this you will be sitting somewherebathed in Sunshine and that you would liketo join us for some of these PaulCunningham Nurses events!

Saturday April 9th - Grand Opening of ThePiscina Bar Mar Azul - Everyone welcome1st Raffle Prize Sea Scuba Dive!Saturday April 16th - Carvery Dinner &Dance at the Black Bull Torremendo Nr SanMiguel Just €12 Tuesday April 19th - Quiz Night at ManoloBar and Restaurant - Upper Floor €2 perperson (between Quesada and San Luis)Friday April 29th - Royal WeddingCelebrations in Association with RojalesTown Hall and Supported by TKO MediaGroupFriday May 6th - Fiesta Day withInternational Food Fair - area in front ofManolo Restaurant (between Quesada andSan Luis)Friday May 13th - Golf Day at Alenda organ-ised by Sonrisa in aid of PCNFriday May 27th - Something Red May Ball- Marjal Guardamar just off N332 Tickets€15Tuesday May 31st - Paul CunninghamNurses Carnation Day - please wear yourred carnation today!

For more information on any of theseevents please email to [email protected] or text 629 869 959

If anyone would like to have a box of red silkcarnations for their club, bar or restaurant toraise money for Paul Cunningham Nursesplease contact Susan at [email protected] or text or call 629 869 959.

He's definately looking at her eyes

MAY I?

PRESS RELEASE

Spring forward into the Mind, Body & SOL Exhibition

Look out for Woodchat Shrikesnow – ‘a little Magpie with a redhead’ one elderly lady oncedescribed it to me, with someaccuracy. They soon be perchingat woodland edges, easy enoughto see. And listen out for the joy-ous calls of the first flocks of BeeEaters overhead, with their liquid‘prrrrrp, prrrrp.’

Great Outdoors


By Spike

A new study has discovered thatEnglish is the first foreign languagestudied in secondary schools in everycountry outside Britain and Ireland andthat ENGLISH is now Europe’s pre-ferred language of choice with aroundtwo thirds of the continent able tospeak it.

The survey will come as a particularannoyance to the French (never mind…),as just recently they tried in vain to getFrench to be made the only official lan-guage of EU headquarters in Brussels.According to our cousins with the onionstheir language is “more precise”.

But the French, in the end, came a poorthird behind English and German in thebattle for top tongue getting only 12% ofthe vote. German was second on 20%with English on a massive 66% - clearlyEnglish is far ahead of any other as thefirst choice as a foreign language if youbelieve the report.

The displease the French just a littlemore, Russian was also preferred tospeaking French and only last month,Pascal Smet, a Flemish-speaking Belgianpolitician upset the French (again) bycalling for English to become Europe’s“common language”, stating that he noted‘that the engine of European integration issputtering. We simply do not speak thesame tongue, hence my plea for a com-mon language,” he said.

France’s plea has fallen on deaf earsand English will now be the number onechoice for representatives at the EU – canyou imagine our lot learning a new lan-guage…?

A new Basque political party, Sortu, has been bannedby Spain's Supreme Court on the grounds that it is acontinuation of Batasuna, the previously banned politi-cal wing of the terrorist group ETA.

The Spanish government had demanded that Sortu bebanned; stating arguing that it was just another version ofBatasuna, the party which was banned in 2003 because oflinks to ETA, the separatist group. But last week thousandsof people marched earlier in the year demanding legislationfor Sortu, the new political party, in Bilbao. However, theSupreme Court rejected the claims of the pro-independenceparty last week and such a move means that it will now beunable to field candidates in the upcoming May elections.

Launched a month after ETA declared the ceasefire inFebruary, Sortu, it had proclaimed last year to was a partythat would be "permanent and general" but although theparty had asked for a negotiations to end the Basque conflictand stated that it rejected violence, it failed to condemn ETAand that was the main reason for its ban from elections.

After four decades, ETA's campaign for an independentBasque homeland in the northern regions of Spain andsouth-western France continues with a ceasefire beingannounced several times in recent years but it has beenblamed for 829 deaths in all that time.

PARTY BANNED OVERLINKS TO ETA

NEW PARTY FAILS TO CONDEMNBASQUE TERRORIST GROUP

Thousands march in Bilbao

SACRE BLUE! FRENCH LOSESOUT TO ENGLISH AT EU HQ

Our onion munching cousins not happy at decision

Ze French eesnot heppy...


Thousands Flock to see the Image of Christ in Benidorm Vomit Puddle

By Pilar LofoThousands of Christian followers have been queu-ing for hours near the Bunch of Grapes bar inBenidorm; to pray at the image that has been foundin a puddle of sick they believe is a representation ofJesus Christ.The image was first spotted by its "vessel" Barry Skinnerafter he left the bar late on Monday night and threw upon the pavement outside.“To be fair I got completely wrecked with a few of the

lads and I stumbled outside for some fresh air and could-n’t help myself from spewing all over the pavement out-side ‘The Grapes’. I tried to get most of it into the drain,but after 7 or 8 pints of Estrella and the scampi specialdinner, I knew I had no chance”, recounted Skinner.Skinner went on to say, “As I was propping myself upagainst the wall and trying to clear myself up a bit, Iglanced down and couldn’t believe what I was seeing.My vomit looks just like Jesus.”After rushing back inside the bar the to tell his friends whowere still carry on the party and stopping another revellerfrom almost urinating on the Saviour’s face, a crowd ofamazed onlookers began to amass. This crowd hasgrown in size continuously as the word got round and thebelievers just kept coming. “I am the last person in the world to believe in these sortsof things, but I saw it myself, with my own eyes” said onewoman who had visited what is being mentioned as mira-cle, “As soon as I looked at the puke, I just knew. Thewarmest sense of calm was bestowed on me as I gazed atJesus in the sick puddle”

It has been reported that some people have travelled fromas far afield as the UK and Ireland to see the face of Christ.One elderly lady from Cork had hoped that the pavementpuke might cure her chronic back pain.“I suffer from the most horrendous back pain, so when I

heard about this, I just came on the first plane and headedstraight to Benidorm to see the miracle. I didn’t want tocause upset so I picked a bit of the sick that was not actu-ally part of the face to eat, and this morning I feel so muchbetter,” said Eileen O’Toole.Not all visitors have been quite so respectful, as Christ’sbeard and the tip of his nose have been significantly dam-aged in the days following the revelation when a man

pushed through the crowd to smearsome of the holy sick on to hishead in an attempt to cure isbaldness.Those who are keen to seewhat remains of the image inthe puke can visit the pave-ment outside The Bunch ofGrapes in Benidorm,Poniente Beach. However,those planning a visit shouldbe aware that there is a 40%chance of rain this weekend.

THE FATHER, THE SON, & THE HOLY VOMIT!

Benidorm

Some can sleep it off...anywhere

Benidorm beach which is notfar from the Grapes pub

The Saviour turns up ona pavement in Benidorm

WHAT THE SPAN16 Friday, 1st April, 2011

The new 110 km/h speed limit law is having a positive effect,even on roads where it isn’t applicable.

Traffic fines clocked through speed traps during the first two weekssince the law went into effect dropped by 48 percent from the previousmonth on conventional roads, where the speed limit is 100 km/h. Onmotorways, where the new law applies, fines have dropped 62 percent.Traffic officials believe that motorists are being more cautious in orderto avoid fines on all roads.

By Sally Bengtsson

Thank goodness for common sense. Airport workers in Spain have cancelled the 22days of strikes that had been threatening to cause major disruption for travellers overthe Easter and summer holidays. The strike was called off after an agreement wasreached between the airport authorities, AENA and trade unions.

Airport workers had been protesting the planned sale by the Spanish government of a largestake in AENA. Although theGovernment claimed it was tryingto stave off the country’s financialshortfall, workers feared the partprivatisation would lead to job loss-es and poor conditions. Around12,500 workers were planningwalkouts that would have led to thecancellation of hundreds ofinbound and outbound Spanishflights.

On signing the agreement, JuanMotto, President AENA said, “Thehorizon of social peace and collab-oration between the union compa-ny and representatives will be akey factor in the process of trans-formation of Aena and a fundamen-tal element so that we successfullymeet the challenges ahead of us.”

A new ferry route between Portsmouth and Bilbao started last weekend. BrittanyFerries will run a twice-weekly service between the two cities. It is the company's firstnew port destination in 25 years and will complement its existing service betweenPortsmouth and another northern Spain city - Santander.

Brittany Ferry group passenger commercial director Mike Bevens said, "Bilbao has forgeda reputation as a destination in its own right in recent years. "As the numbers of air travellersfrom the UK to Spain have declined, we've witnessed a surge in demand for direct UK Spaincrossings."

A storm and earthquake in the Valencia region last week left a man dead after hisboat capsized off Denia and caused the closure of the seaport at Sagunto. Heavyrains dumped up to 100 liters of water per square meter in Vall de la Gallinera, whilethe offshore quake measured 3.1 on the Richter scale.

The sea was rough, but the Scandinavian sailing instructor ventured out to see if conditionswere OK to take a group of learners out. However, just a short distance from the coast theboat was hit by a three metre high wave, knocking both the instructor and his companion intothe rough waters. The girl managed to swim ashore and raise the alarm, but a helicopterwhich rushed to the scene of the tragedy, was only able to rescue the sailor’s body.

NEW FERRY ROUTE IS UP POMPEY!

REDUCED MAXIMUM SPEEDFINE BY SOME

AND NOW FOR THE GOOD NEWS…STRIKES OFF FOR EASTER

THREE METRE HIGH WAVES CAUSE TRAGEDY IN DENIAEARTHQUAKE ON THE COSTA

NISH PAPERS SAY17Friday, 1st April, 2011

CHE’S MOTORBIKE PARTNER DIESAGED 88

By Jake MonroeFinally, some good news for everyone. Those irritating

machines that so many Spanish companies use toanswer calls you make to them are about to be abolished.Long waits on the end of the phone to request informationor file a complaint appear to be nearly over, as are thosefrustrating endless explanations offered by automatedsystems and the constant referrals to a different depart-ment.

Last week the Spanish Cabinet examined a draft law on cus-tomer service that will force providers of general interest serv-ices (water, electricity, tele-phone, insurance, transportand so on) to have free tele-phone numbers for theirclients, and trained personnelon the other end of the line.This means a real person willanswer our call.

If the bill is approved as it cur-rently stands, businesses willalso be audited on a yearlybasis on the quality of theircustomer care, with the scoresbeing reviewed by regionalauthorities as well as theNational Institute ofConsumption. As things standnow, in most cases customershave to pay for the privilege offiling a complaint.

Most telephone numbershave a city code, or else theyare the type that starts with 902or 901, which cost more than aregular local call. As if that

weren’t enough, finding the actual telephone number oneneeds to call can be an impossible task. The new legislationwill also force companies to inform their clients in writing or ona lasting medium of the free number they can call. This num-ber will also have to be displayed on a prominent part of thecorporate website.

The hurdles that customers have to overcome to get theirproblems solved over the phone have a cost that goes beyondmoney. “One call to request information about a given servicecan take over 10 minutes for the user,” explains RubenSánchez, a spokesman for Facua. “Just imagine what it’s likewhen people are trying to complain about something. Not even

providers of basic services like electricity, water or gas make iteasy to file a complaint.”

The draft law being analyzed by the government will make itmandatory to provide customers with personalized attention.An answering machine or robot may be used as a comple-mentary measure, but for no longer than a minute. Additionally,companies will have to have “trained and able” personnel whoare familiar with the business and, naturally, the language.

The government also wants to trim down the long waits tohear back from companies once a complaint has been filed.Once it is received, companies must reply within the space ofa month, and implement a system that helps customers track

their grievances.These phone lines must be

manned during the entire peri-od that the business providesthe service. “If you have elec-tricity, water and telephoneservice 24 hours a day, thenthat is how long the customerservice lines must be avail-able,” say sources at theHealth Ministry, which draftedthe bill. The same goes forbanking, telephone companiesand insurance providers.These are precisely the typesof businesses that draw themost consumer ire.

In 2010, consumer authoritiesreceived around 300,500 com-plaints, of which 16.3 percentcorresponded to telephonecompanies, 10.9 percent topublic transportation compa-nies and 8.8 percent to bank-ing.

THE END FOR ‘ROBOT CALLS’AT LAST, NO, MORE HAVING TO SHOUT ‘NO ENTIENDO!’ TO A COMPUTER


Following an urgent call for help the Easy Horse CareRescue Centre in Rojales have become involved in a verydistressing case of horse abuse and neglect in Burriana, atown South of Valencia.

Morgan Jensen, who claims ownership of the horses, broughtthem over from America in 2001 with all intentions of setting upa stud farm here in Spain. After he became involved in a disputeover the land he was renting for the horses he moved them to adifferent location. However, less than three years later the hors-es were seized by Seprona, (the animal division of the GuardiaCivil) and returned to the owner of the land they had been pre-viously kept at, apparently he also declared ownership.

For the last two years the horses have been kept in squalidconditions, and in a state of limbo. Neglected, starved andinjured they are being allowed to die whilst an ongoing battle ofownership goes on through the courts. Of the original twelvehorses only seven are still alive.

Sue Weeding, Co-founder of the EHCRS told us “ This caseis an absolute nightmare of red tape, we feel that the conditionof these horses is so grave that it far outweighs any disputesover ownership or even the rules of the laws revolving aroundwho actually owns these horses. Human decency must prevailat the end of the day and put an end to the abject misery thesepoor animals are enduring. We are currently trying to get per-mission to remove the remaining horses from the atrocious con-ditions they are being forced to live in and bring them here to ourrescue centre where we can get them the veterinarian treatmentthey urgently need. Even if it means only holding them as wardsof court until the dispute over ownership is resolved.”

Although there are laws in place here in Valencia that are sup-posed to protect animals from neglect and abuse enforcingthese laws can take many months if not years.

Sue continued, “All too often now we are hearing of caseswhere horse that are in desperate need of help have actuallydied of injuries or starvation before that help came. We neverignore a call for help, but we are only one horse rescue centrewith limited resources that are being stretched to the limit. Thereare 8000 registered equines in Valencia alone with as manyagain un-registered. We are urgently seeking help from theboth the private and corporate sector that will enable us toexpand our centre to be able to cope with the ever growingrequests for help that come our way every day now. Sadly thiscase in Burriana is only one many cases of abuse that we areinvolved with.”

The rescue centre is non funded registered charity, please callSue on 652 021 980 or visit the centres website www.easy-horsecare.net to find out what you can do to help bring an endto the suffering of these poor horses in Burriana and the otherscurrently living with abuse and neglect.

HORSE ABUSE IN BURRIANA

‘Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia’

Blondes have more hair than brunettes.An oyster can take five years just to make one pearl.A newborn blue whale can be longer than an adult elephant.In the summer, the amount of water pouring over NiagaraFalls each second could fill 13,00 bathtubs.It's illegal to sell a haunted house in New York without tellingthe buyer.Abracadabra used to be written in a triangular shape to keepaway evil spirits. No words in the dictionary rhyme with orange.Owls can't move their eyeballs.Your skeleton has about 300 bones when you are born, butonly 206 when you grow up.Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of longwords.

COOL FACTS ABOUT DOGS

In total there is said to be around 400 million dogs in theworld.The domestic dog has been one of the most popular workingand companion animals throughout human history.Dogs perform many useful tasks for humans including hunt-

ing, farm work and security as well as assisting those withdisabilities such as the blind.Although experts often disagree, there is scientific evidencewhich shows that the domestication of dogs could haveoccurred more than 15,000 years ago.The most popular breed of dog in the world by registeredownership is the Labrador. With their gentle nature, obedi-ence, intelligence and near limitless energy, Labradors makefor excellent family pets and reliable workers. They oftenassist police and are a common choice as guide dogs.Dogs have formed such a strong bond as pets, workers andcompanions to humans that they have earned the nickname"man's best friend".Dog have superior hearing than humans, capable of hearingsounds at four times the distance.Dogs have a remarkable sense of smell, they are capable ofdifferentiating odours in concentrations nearly 100 milliontimes lower than humans can.Domestic dogs are omnivores, they feed on a variety offoods including grains, vegetables and meats.


KIDDIES CORNERInteresting Facts



By Jake MonroeThousands of squirrels inhabit the

wooded zones in the interior of Alicanteprovince on Spain’s south-eastern coast.They have few predators; they eat nutsand seeds, and breed rapidly.Overpopulation of squirrels in the Sierrade Mariola is creating malaise amongfarmers, who are suffering damage andlosses, but ecologists point out the ani-mals are protected and their populationwill regulate itself with time.

The proliferation is worrying to farmersbecause these rodents devour almonds andwalnuts, while recently there have been sev-eral breakages of drip-irrigation tubing atsome farms, such as Mas de Roc, near thetown of Alcoi. The farm’s manager, EnriqueMas, says, “The squirrels are a plague, theyhave no predators and they’re destroying mycrops.” Mas de Roc is a 20-hectare propertyplanted with fruit trees (cherry, peach, appleand pear), using drip-irrigation systems.“The problem is, they have discovered thatby gnawing into the plastic they can get adrink of water, and I have spent more than6,000 euros in labour alone fixing leakscaused by squirrels. There are too many ofthem — we are getting worried,” admitsGonzalo Cots, another farmer in the area.

However, the experts consulted — foresttechnicians and conservationists — take aless dramatic view. “I suppose a time willcome when it will regulate itself,” says CarlosMansanet of ecologist group La Carrasca inAlcoi.

The Greek word skiouros means approxi-mately “that which casts a shadow with itstail.” It’s from there the names esquirol inValencian and squirrel in English arederived. This particular variety of the treeclimbing rodent was first seen in the Sierrade Maigmó in 1993. In a few years it hadspread through the natural park of FontRoja, the pine forests of Camas, Penàgilaand Benifallim, and the Sierras of Mariolaand Aitana.

The squirrel may attack some nests ofbirds, but is “a major repopulator, and an allyof the forest,” though it eats pine nuts. Seguínotes that squirrels do not hibernate, andspend a great deal of time gathering, andsquirreling away in the ground, a variety ofseeds and nuts (acorns, walnuts, hazelnuts,pine-nuts), some of which germinate andgrow into trees. Unlike rabbits and rats, whomove by night, squirrels are active in thedaylight hours. “The population will regulateitself, there will be a natural selection,” pre-dicts Carlos Esteve.

SQUIRRELS DRIVINGFARMERS NUTS!

The pesky rodents have taken to gnawing into irrigation pipes to quench their thirst

SPANISH CROWN PRINCE STIRS GIBRALTARCONTROVERSY WITH PRINCE OF WALES

Spain's Crown Prince Felipe hastold the Prince of Wales that asolution must be found forGibraltar, stirring age old diplo-matic tensions between the twonations.

The Spanish heir to thronewaded into the centuries old rowover the disputed territory at thefoot of the Iberian Peninsula at agala dinner to welcome the Princeand the Duchess of Cornwall ontheir first official visit together toSpain.

"I express my hope that ourauthorities make progress towardsa solution to our historic bilateraldispute which is yet to beresolved," said the 43-year-oldPrince of Asturias in a speech atthe Palacio Real in Madrid.

Although he did not mentionGibraltar by name it was clear hewas referring to the tiny peninsulaon Spain's southwestern tip, whichMadrid ceded to London under theTreaty of Utrecht in 1713.

Spain still claims sovereigntyover the Rock, home to 28,000

Gibraltarians, who in a 2002 refer-endum overwhelmingly rejected adeal to shared sovereigntybetween the two nations anddemanded to remain a part ofBritain.

The royal couple have avoidedGibraltar during their first officialjoint tour of the Iberian Peninsula,skirting the inevitable controversythat a visit to the disputed territorywould produce in Spain.

"It seems that while our royals dotheir best to stay out of politics, thesame can't be said of the SpanishPrince," said a source at theGovernment of Gibraltar.

It was the first time that PrinceFelipe and his wife PrincessLetizia, a former news anchor-woman, officially hosted a Royalvisit to Spain and the raising of thecontentious Gibraltar issue in thewelcome speech surprised com-mentators in Spain.

"We didn't expect Prince Felipeto make mention of the Gibraltar,although the sovereignty questionalways hangs in the air," said

Raquel Garcia, royal correspon-dent for television stationTelecinco.

His decision to raise the issuewas applauded by some politi-cians and one said it was a com-ment on the Socialist govern-ment's failure to address the prob-lem.

"It's regrettable that it is left to thePrince to do the work of the gov-ernment," said Rosa Diez, leaderof the Union, Progress andDemocracy party (UPyD).

The issue has dominated cover-age of a visit aimed at strengthen-ing ties between the two countrieswith one Spanish newspaper, theright wing daily La Razon, using

the headline "Gibraltar, Spanish"on its front page.

The Prince of Wales, who hasused the trip to focus on commer-cial relations, reflected on thenature of Anglo-Spanish ties in hisspeech at the dinner.

"I know that the relationship thatexists between the UK and Spainis one of the oldest, deepest and –how can I put it – most intense thatexists between any two nations,"he acknowledged.

"We have at times been boundedby trade, by politics, by Treaty andby marriage. And, at other times,we have been divided by war, byreligion and by economic rivalry.

"But I think I can say without fear

of contradiction that throughoutthe centuries, one thing we havenever lacked is mutual respect andadmiration, irrespective of the sideof the argument on which we havefound ourselves."

Prince Charles visited Gibraltaron his honeymoon with PrincessDiana in 1981, a move that led toKing Juan Carlos of Spain turningdown an invitation to their wed-ding.

The King of Spain, his wifeQueen Sofia and the Prince andPrincess of Asturias are to beguests at the wedding of PrinceWilliam and Kate Middleton.

The two royal families share thesame ancestor, Queen Victoria.



Richard moved to spain four years ago havingleft his management background behind inthe UK and decided to use his IT skills to helphome users and small businesses with theirPC problems. now a relaxed 'computer man'he is out and about in the Spanish sun everyday, making house and shop calls and usinghis vast experience and qualifications to (usu-ally) sort out the problem there and then. com-puters are his hobby as well as his work sodon’t be surprised to get an answer to youremail in the early hours!”

RICHARD CAVENDERBluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services com-pany on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computerservices at realistic prices and specialise in working with

home users and small businesses.

[email protected] www.bluemoonsolutions.es

Mobile: 655 044 970 Office: 902 906 200

ADVICE: Uffe is having trouble changing Microsoft docu-ments with OpenOffice

I often see that Open Office is fully compatible with Microsoft Office - latest in yourcolumn in Courier No. 5. One thing - among many others - giving me headache ishow to handle incoming Microsoft Office attachments in e-mails. My only option isto print the document or re-send it without editing - I can't even save it in another

format for editing. How does the compatibilitywork between OpenOffice & Microsoft Office?Hope you can solve the problem. Basically I'msatisfied working in OpenOffice - but since themajority of users still work in Microsoft Office itmakes life (unnecessarily?) difficult for the restof us!

Hi Uffe, I am not sure what is happening in your case, but you certainly should beable to open, edit and re-save in OpenOffice any Microsoft Word, Excel orPowerPoint document sent to you by email. When you open any document from an

email it usually opens (depending on the email client) in “read only” format, perhaps this iswhat is causing you problems? If so then you simply need to click “File”, “Save As” once youhave opened the document, once saved you will be able to edit the document yourself.Another common misunderstanding is related to many PowerPoint presentations that areemailed about, many of these are in an un-editable format as they are “packaged” presenta-tions, you don’t say what type of document you are struggling with so I can’t be clear as towhether this is what is causing your problems.Finally you should ensure that your copy of OpenOffice is configured to save its documentsin the relevant Microsoft format, although this won’t help with your specific problem, if youdon’t make this change then all of the documents that you save and send to others will be inthe OpenOffice format and therefore unreadable in the relevant Microsoft product – to dothis, from within OpenOffice change the options in the “load/save” section from within Tools,Options.I hope this helps with your problem.

ADVICE: Bill wanted advice on 3G dongles

I have a holiday home near Playa Flamenca, and am afrequent visitor from three weeks to three months.Although I have a landline it has never been connected,what I want is your advice and experience regarding wifi

dongles. I use a Samsung notebook running Windows XP, andalthough I am not a heavy user of the internet I do need to be connected at times. I havebeen looking at pay as you go wifi dongles, but the choice and price seems confusing. FromCarrefour's to Vodaphone there is a wide choice of tariff and down load limits, can you rec-ommend a carrier or system? a wifi modem would be nice as I use my Iphone to access theweb at times, also my Grandson needs to be connected with his Xbox??. Please can youhelp find a solution in this confusing field? Many thanks in anticipation, Bill

Hi Bill, as you have already found there is a wide range of tarrif’s and options avail-able, they almost always come down to this question, which is the cheapest permega or giga byte? Although the pay as you go option is the most flexible, it doeshave some serious drawbacks, in that, most of the time we use far more Internet

bandwidth than we expect to use, therefore with the pay as you go options we tend to alwaysbe topping up the dongles. Most people don’t take into account things like antivirus updatesand windows update which can have a serious effect on the amount of data that is down-loaded, and in turn on the viability of the pay as you go options. Another downside to thedongles in general is that they are sold as separate connections (i.e. one dongle, one deviceconnected to the Internet), there are however always exceptions to almost everything whenit comes to IT and there are companies that do sell routers that can be connected to dongles,but again I know of none of these services that are sold for pay as you go dongles and with-out a router you would not be able to connect your grandson’s x-box or other devices. Iwould suggest that, in your circumstances a pay as you go dongle is not the best solutionand an ADSL or local wireless connection would be moreappropriate for your needs especially as you have multipledevices that need to be connected at the same time.

ADVICE: Graham has advice on how to use iplayer withfreesat and raises some interesting points

With regard to the iPlayers on freesat theywork in much the same way as the iPlayeron your computer/laptop and if you followthe menu, at least on the Humax, you can

get a page that allows you to change the IPaddress to a proxy server just the same astools/settings does on Internet Explorer. Now Ihave done this on my laptop but was just in theprocess of doing it on my Humax when the free proxy server I was using was blocked andany new one I try on my laptop won't work, so if you can let me know where I can get somereliable free proxy servers from I would be grateful. I don't use iPlayer enough to warrant pay-ing for a server and can't be sure if they are any more reliable than the free ones, what's youropinion Richard, and do these get blocked and you have to change these in the same way.I have written to the BBC to ask as ex payers to the licence and tax system why we can't paya fee each year to be allowed to access iPlayer but they just don't reply.

Hi Graham, thanks for your email, I contacted the BBC and they pointed me to theirwebsite that states “Because of rights restrictions, we are not allowed to make BBCvideo available outside the UK”, however BBC Worldwide, the BBC’s commercialarm is currently developing a global version of the BBC iPlayer which is due to

launch this year. This suggests that the BBC do want to provide their services to non-UKresidents, it’s just that they are unable to at the moment.So, as you mention there is a way around the problem, we need to configure our devices witha UK specific IP address, there are many paid for services that provide this sort of thing -www.ukproxyserver.co.uk for example will sell you an IP address for £6.25 a month, alterna-tively you can Google “UK Proxy Server” and there are loads of different options, however itshould be noted that using a free proxy server is not without its risks, as I covered in myJungle Drums article way back in September of 2008 – you can get a copy herehttp://www.bluemoonsolutions.es/to-proxy-or-not-to-proxy

ADVICE: Mary needed advice relating to a trickyMicrosoft Update that keeps failing

Hi Richard, I enjoy reading your page in the new Courier, very inter-esting and helpful. I also have a query which maybe you could helpme with. When I update my Wondows XP from the yellow icon in thebottom RH corner it comes up with " Some updates could not be

installed", and then in the box it says " Security update for Windows XP(KB2481109). This has never happened before and I am worried that my com-puter is at risk.

Hi Mary, thanks for the feedback, it’s great to know that people are actually enjoyingreading the page!With regards to your specific problem, issues with failing Microsoft updates can be

tricky to track down but they are usually caused because one or more of the pre-requisitefiles needed for the update to successfully install are either missing, out of date or corrupt.In your instance the update KB2481109 requires that update KB2483614 is already installed,perhaps this prerequisite update is missing in your instance - you should be able to tell fromyour update history. If it is then you can download this update from the following linkhttp://tinyurl.com/courier-fixI should point out, however that this sort of investigation can become pretty complex and hav-ing a prerequisite knowledge of how to fault find this sort of problem is usually a great benefit,so you should consider contacting a qualified (Microsoft Certified Professional or MicrosoftCertified Systems Engineer) engineer to help you work through the problem if the link I sentyou doesn’t work.

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READ ALLABOUT IT!

Read Richard’s fantastic computerpage only in Jungle Drums Magazine.

OUT ON WEDS

Italian food, yum and there is a lot of variety is avail-able for pasta, and shrimp pasta is one. Pasta andshrimp individually are so tasty that combining themin this classic Italian recipe means that the resultingdish will taste doubly yummy! Now, just imagine howgood the shrimp pasta recipe taste if it is seasonedwith garlic? Carry on cooking!

Lemon Garlic Shrimp Pasta RecipeIngredients

•1 tbs Italian seasoning•Lemon zest

•3 tbs extra virgin olive oil•24 medium shrimp, peeled and deveined

•Fresh coarse ground black pepper orlemon pepper seasoning

•1 lb linguine•1 fresh lemon

•3 tbs real butter (unsalted)•2 tbs sesame seeds (optional)

•3 fresh garlic cloves, finely chopped•Salt

The Method

Heat water and add salt to it. Put in pasta and boil andremove from the heat just before the pasta becomes firm.

Heat pan on medium heat and add olive oil. When the oliveoil is heated, add in garlic and fry the garlic till golden brownand then add butter along with shrimp. Cook for about 2 min-utes. When cooked add lemon zest. Toss the shrimp withgarlic, until shrimp turns to a pinkish hue. Drain pasta andreturn to pan. Put garlic, shrimp, Italian seasoning, butter,and olive oil, pepper- to taste, salt and sesame. Toss wellwith lemon juice (freshly squeezed). Serve immediately withItalian bread and salad. More on shrimp recipes.


SHUDDUPA YA FACE!…and go ITALIAN!


A world of flavours from the bootof Europe

Italian cuisine is as varied as the regions of Italy. AlthoughItaly was officially unified in 1861, the food reflects the cul-tural variety of the country’s regions with culinary influencesfrom Greece, Roman, Gallic, Germany, Turkish, Hebrew,Slavic, Arab, Chinese and other civilizations. In this sense,there really is no one Italian cuisine because each areaboasts of its own specialties. Not only is the food of Italyhighly regionalized, but a high priority is also placed on theuse of fresh available produce.

Although traditional Italian dishes vary by region, they alsodo not follow strictly to a North/South pattern either. Thenorth tends to use more butter, creams, polenta, mascar-pone, grana padano and Parmigiano cheeses, risotto,lasagna and fresh egg pasta, while the south is more tomatoand olive oil based cooking, along with mozzarella, cacio-cavallo and peconrino cheeses, and dried pasta. Coastal

and central regions often use tortellini, ravioli and prosciuttoin their cooking. Even pizza varies across the country. InRome the crusts are thin and cracker-like, while Neapolitanand Sicilian pizzas have a thicker crust.

Pasta For most Italians, pasta is the first course in a meal with

the exception of the far north where risotto or polenta is thenorm. Vegetables, grains and legumes play a regular part ofmany Italian diets with meat often not being a regular part ofeveryday meals, Olive oil is usually seen in its dark greenstate (from its first pressing) in the south, where in the northa more refined, golden oil is seen.

Basically, Italian cuisine consists of a combination of veg-etables, grains, fruits, fish, cheeses and a some meats, withfowl and game usually seasoned or cooked with olive oil(with the exception of the far north). La cucina povera, thefood of the poorer Italian people of the southern coastal

area, has shaped a diet popular for centuries but now thereis a resurgence of this "poor people's food", theMediterranean diet, which is now being touted as the modelaround which we should restructure our eating habits.

Breakfast is considered a minor meal in Italy, often consist-ing of nothing more than a bread roll and milky coffee (cafélatte). Traditional lunches tend to be larger, have severalcourses and are eaten slowly. Italian children don't go toschool in the afternoon, and because of the heat, manysmall businesses close from midday until about 4pm whichmakes lunch the social meal of the day.

The traditional menu structure in Italy consists of basicallyeight courses, but the long traditional Italian menu is typical-ly kept for special occasions such as weddings, with every-day fare including only the first and second courses, with theside dish being served with the second course. As an excep-tion to this order, a unique course, Piatto unico, can replacethe first or second course with, for example, pizza.

Bruschetta

Now that you’ve got the taste for cooking Italian foodwhy not compliment your pasta with an authenticstarter?

Bruschetta is among the most famous Italian appetizers.Once you know how to make bruschetta you will make themregularly…it’s delicious!

Ingredients

•Italian bread (cut into slices of 1 inch thickness)•2 tomatoes, finely chopped•1 tsp fresh basil, chopped•2 tsp fresh parsley, chopped•½ sweet onion, chopped•1 tbsp fresh oregano, chopped•¼ cup mozzarella cheese, grated•2 tbsp virgin olive oil

Method

•Heat the oven to 400º Fahrenheit.•In a mixing bowl, combine chopped tomatoes, onion,oregano, parsley, basil and olive oil.•Place the bread slices on a baking sheet and one spoon ofthe mixture on the slices.•Now sprinkle grated cheese and bake the bread in the ovenfor 7 to 8 minutes.•Check the bottom of the slices to know, if bruschetta isready.•When the bruschetta is ready, let it stand for 5 to 7 minutes,before you serve it.

GO ITALIAN!

HOW ABOUT ANAPPETIZER? The perfect Setting for your Mother’s

Day CelebrationLa Piazza I and II are the ideal places for a relaxing

meal in pleasant surroundings. The friendly staff speak a variety of languages, and will do

their utmost to please you. La Piazza is owned by Josep,who runs both popular restaurants with his two sons. Thefamily moved to Spain fromAustria 13 years ago, open-ing the popularAustrian/Hungarian restau-rant Monarch, in VillamartinPlaza. Three years agoJosep opened La Piazza Iopposite Campoamor GolfCourse. He obviously hadthe right recipe for success,as last year he opened LaPiazza II in Punta MarinaCentro Commercial, atPunta Prima. The familybusiness looks set to con-tinue to do well, due to theirhard work and positive out-look on life.

La Piazza II, on the topfloor of the Punta MarinaShopping Centre will be theideal venue in which toenjoy the TimelessFashions Spring SummerFashion Show on Tuesday12th April from 1.30pm.Tables will need to bereserved as this event islikely to be extremely popular. Entrance is free but dona-tions will be accepted for the San Jose Obrero Orphanage.As La Piazza has a huge sunny terrace it customers willhave a ringside view of the exciting show. Music will be pro-vided by Simon Morton of Sunshine FM. If you’re looking for somewhere to have a relaxing drink LaPiazza II has a chill out area, with relaxing chairs and a widescreen TV.

Situated opposite Campoamor Golf, La Piazza I's elegantred and black décor is a refreshing change from your aver-age restaurant. The Italian design suits the food on offer. Both restaurants offer excellent homemade pizzas, cooked

on the spot, and freshly made pastas are extremely populardishes here. Their fantastically popular Menu of the Day forjust 9.95 euros, is served every day, from Monday toSunday, and includes a choice of 8 starters, 9 gourmet maincourses, a drink or a coffee and a desert. Breakfasts areserved from 10am to 2pm and snacks are served from 10amto 6pm. The menu of the day is served from 12.30pm to 4pmand from 12.30pm onwards you can choose from the a lacarte menu. As you can see, food is served all day.

You must taste Giovani’spizzas, which are the besthomemade, stone ovencooked pizzas in the area.There are over 20 varietiesto choose from. The pastasare freshly cooked, and pre-pared the moment youorder, and again there is ahuge choice of differentkinds. There is also a bigchoice of meat dishes, sal-ads, seafood and fish, withspecial sauces and beauti-ful presentation. Snacksinclude burgers, chickenwings, German sausage,sandwiches and baguettes.There is also a kids menu.

All meals are freshly pre-pared with top quality ingre-dients. There is definitelyno fast food, only fast serv-ice.

They also offers a take-away service, and they arerunning a special promotion

in which, when you purchase a takeaway pizza your pizza-pass is stamped. For every ten pizzas you buy you will getone free. Coffee lovers will be pleased to know that LaPiazza are now serving the excellent Italian coffeeSegofredo.

Both restaurants are open seven days a week from 10amtill late.

They profess to always provide excellent service and qual-ity food at an acceptable price. So why not pop along to LaPiazza and see for yourself. I am sure you won't be disap-pointed. To book please phone 966 774 534 or 966 7980451. See their main ad below for further information.

LA PIAZZA - ENJOY THE DIFFERENCE

BUSINESSOPPORTUNITIES

10 cold drinks /snackvending machines withsites 39,900 euros.Excellent cash income, nooverhead, operate fromhome 31,000 euros NETTper year one day p.w. toservice.25 Pringle vendingmachines with sites

14,900 euros 250 eurosper week NETT guaran-teed, machines and sitesavailable individually. 965326 442 / 659 696 455 (09)

FOR SALE

Left hand chaise cornersofa. 1 month old, as new(bought in Next in UK).Colour Salerno mink. Cost800 pounds new, willaccept 400 euros ONO.La Puebla. Tel: 868 186655 or [email protected] (05)

2 bed mobile home.Albatera. Small site. Largeplot. Summer house, shed,gazebo. Pets allowed.

More info www.spanishad-dress.com Phone 622 258072. Price 24,000€ (09)

PROPERTY FORRENT

Nice rentals availableTorrevieja and Most Areastwo beds from 320 housesapartments, bungalows,long and short stays. Paul966 785 891 659 647 616(08)

SITUATIONSVACANT

Be your own boss withAvon. Work hours to suityou. Phone Donna 966796 854 (08)

WANTED

Wanted second handmotorbike up to 125cc ingood condition call: 682773 121 (09)

WIG SPECIALISTS

SALON MARGARETHAS23 years in Torrevieja,Hair/Wig Specialist forMedical Illness & Hair Lossproblems. We offer differ-ent Hair Replacements,top fillers, Hair prostheses,Toupees and Wigs,Natural & Artificial Hair andmuch more alsofashion/festival acces-sories. TV/TS are wel-come to our service. Call

Margaretha on 966 921846 or call into Salon

Margarethas in Torrevieja(14)


BAR 4 SALELocal Spanish& English BarWell Known

100,000€Call

679 096 309

We want to know becausein August we will be hold-ing The Courier pub &Grub awards for theregion and we need youthe reader to nominateyour local…but only ifthey deserve it of course.

The sixcategories are:

Bar of the yearBarman/woman of the yearLandlord/lady of the yearBest Value for money barBest brekkyTastiest grub/Chef of theyearWe’ll be accepting nomina-tions from now until the firstof July and then our judges(who will have assessedeach of the nominations) willannounce the final five nom-inees in each category andinvite them to attend thevery first Courier Pub &Grub Awards. The winners on the night willget a trophy, a prize and aload of publicity plus theright to brag for at least thenext year!So come on, who’s hot outthere? Who’s cooking withgas and making your mealor drink and that little bitmore enjoyable? We can accept nominationsby email only and you

MUST state your reasonsfor your choice and remem-ber, the more you tell us themore chance we have ofmaking an informed deci-sion come the day.

We’ve had quite a fewnominations in – but wewant more!Come on folks – doesyour local café bar serveyour right?TELL US @ [email protected] or call on 966726437


[email protected] it. Send it. Phone it. Mail it. or Forget it!

TOM & JOEY?Dear DaveJust to let you know that I am really enjoying your new paperand wish you every success in this new venture. It wouldbe even better if you included a pets page! To this end Ihave attached details of a beautiful white cat named Catand will really appreciate his inclusion in your next edition.Many thanks and best regardsJoe (The Cat Man)

Hehe...Hi Joe,Good to hear from you and thanks…nice name for themoggy! Ok we’ll get something sorted on the pets –bear with me… (Geddit?)Cheers, Ed.

GAY COUPLEReading your article about SURNAMES..... GAY was mymaiden name as well as my second married name (I mar-ried my second cousin the second time around) both myhusband & I wish that we could find out who was responsi-ble for first using our surname, which we loved as children,as a name for homosexuals. I won't say what we would liketo do to that person!!!!!! We get smirks about our name evenhere, but why should we change it? Margot.

No I think you should keep up with the times andchange it to ‘Camp’ – more PC you know… I had ateacher once called ‘Mr Bender’ we all thanked whoeverit was who sent him to us….we had years of fun. ED.

AFA ARE THROWING BRICKS…Over the past couple of weeks, the Alzheimer’s Associationof Torrevieja has been in receipt of some marvellous andvery generous support.We would therefore like to say thank you so much to the fol-

lowing artists who have given so generously of their timeand talent, and to the audiences who have attended theirconcerts.They are; The Velvetones, the Norwegian Gospel Choir, Q4Barbershop Quartet, Texas Ted and his friends thePistoleros, Footwork Dancers, Destiny. Cyril Derbyshire,Cathy Carson, The Rascals, Derek Francis and MaureenRoberts and Jamie Puete.We are also extremely grateful to those of you who havebought tickets for our Car Raffle, supporting the funds forthe operation of our Day Centre in Torrevieja and the many,many people buying “Buy a Brick” joining with us to helpprovide a new respite care centre for current and futurepatients and their carers of Alzheimer’s Disease and othertypes of dementia. Well done and thank you all.Matilde Sanchez and Judy FerrisFund Raisers for AFA Torrevieja.

I thought it said ‘throw a brick’ …never mind… Ed.

GET IT WRITE!Hi Just a few comments on your newspaper. Firstly thegood bits. It is very good to read proper news and I readevery word on every page, hopefully you will be around fora long long time. I also read and enjoy Jungle Drums thoughI have not seen it here on the Orihuela Costa sinceChristmas.On the bad side your columnist Tony Mayes does indeed"say it as it is" but unfortunately when speaking about therules on roundabouts he just quotes the Highway Code fromthe UK, note I say UK not England. I am led to believe theSpanish equivalent has a completely different interpretation.I am not going into all the details but Spanish DrivingSchools teach pupils to stay in the right-hand lane whenturning left, yes it sounds silly but they are told to follow thatlane all the way to their exit, and no need to indicatebecause they have not deviated from their chosen route.They are also taught that the left-hand lane is for overtaking

only. That is why few Spanish Nationals know where theindicators on a car are.I also hope you don't go down the route of some other free

local papers who think Wales, Scotland and NorthernIreland are counties of England. I am of course referring toyour Queen of England remark in the Top 7 Castles. It isquite insulting to non-English people when we see this sortof rubbish. Too many English people think if you speakEnglish you are English. I have lost count of the number oftimes people have asked me where I am from and when Isay Aberdeen the next question is always the same, "wouldyou ever go back to England to live!!" I have had Englishpeople tell me England is an island totally surrounded bywater and Scotland is the bit of England up North. I could goon. Of course some people think it doesn't matter but theguy trying to sell English cars and the shops selling Englishfood lose quite a few customers. And just in case you don’tget the English car part, many papers have ads for Englishcars, what is an English car can’t be registered in Englandbecause they are registered in Wales so that would be UKregistered. The smart businesses here on the Costa use theterm British Supermarket or British whatever, that way theyare not alienating anyone. I use them lots and avoid EnglishSupermarkets and garages. Have no problem with English,Welsh, Irish bars and eating places because that is whatthey are.Sorry to go on a bit.Adam KeithOrihuela Costa

Hi AdamThanks for the praise...and the comments - I totallyagree with you and can only offer the weak excuse thatit slipped through the net! It’s my job at the end of theday (or week) to check everything but sometimes, asthe candle burns lower and the cold wind whistlesunder the door, I miss something...Apologies and yes, I know what you mean aboutAberdeen being in England, I used to live in Sussex('which is London innit...?') Ed.

STILL ON THE PULL?THE COURIER PUB & GRUB AWARDS 2011


FORGET ABOUT FORGETTINGYOUR SPECS!

The Performance and Diesel Centre inGuardamar are proud to be the first inSpain to offer this revolutionary process.Using laser technology, developed fromthe pioneers of laser “eye surgery” fromNorth America, we are able to invisibly“laser etch” the inside of your car wind-screen, side windows and rear view mir-ror to give you perfect vision from insideyour car without the need for glasses.

No more do you have a spare pair of glass-

es sat in the car doing nothing(as required by Spanish Law)because as you do not needglasses to drive, you do notneed to carry a spare pair!

This innovative process,because it is “etched” into theglass, cannot be “wiped off”but as your eyes change, canbe cheaply re-etched to suityour eyes or can be polishedclear for normal vision to beresumed.

From now on you will beable to wear your smartdesigner sunglasses whendriving or even your special

“Looky looky” sun glasses.This process takes 95 minutes from start

to finish and all you have to do is bring a pairof glasses that you would normally usewhen driving and our equipment will matchthe prescription of your glasses to the carglass.

If you wish you can wait in the office oreven watch the process being completed.The normal price for this unique service is

249€ but for bookings taken today, there isan all in price, never to be repeated, of 100€.This is often less than the cost of a singlepair of glasses.

Franchise opportunities will be available allover the Coast.For bookings and enquiries, please callMark on 966 107 606.

I wouldn't mind a pair of those...

KIDS COPY PARENTS ROAD RAGEBad habits that parents pass on to

children even include such thingsas road rage and that is not goodnews for the current generation ofyoungsters learning to drive.

an AA survey has revealed thatyoungsters learning to drive are pick-ing up road rage habits from their par-ents, with drinking, phone use andfalling asleep while supervising learn-ers being other bad examples, apparently the most common bad habitpassed on is failure to use mirrorsproperly, followed by speeding, failingto check for blind spots and poor steer-ing wheel technique when turning.Braking hard, late braking and drivingtoo close to the vehicle in front areother poor examples.

: "Dangerous habits are easilypassed on, and it is alarming to seeevidence that road rage is beingpassed on to another generation of

drivers. Parents should try to set agood example with their own drivingand remember to let the experts do theteaching, while they focus on helpingtheir children gain experience." SaidAA Driving School director SimonDouglas.

The top 10 bad habits passed onby parents to learner drivers are:

1. Not using mirrors properly2. Speeding3. Not checking blind spots4. Not handling the wheel properlywhen turning5. Braking too hard or late6. Driving too close to the vehicle infront7. Letting the wheel slip through thehands8. Having only one hand on the wheel9. Criticising or getting angry at otherdrivers10. Coasting in neutral

Once fitted you can forgetabout forgetting your glasses

I AM asking nicely.

When driving was a pleasure

Porsche has unveiledone of the fastest familycars ever made: thePanamera Turbo S.

The range topping five-door, which goes on sale inJune for £123,000, is quick-er than the stripped out

Porsche 911 GT3 RS.It uses the same 4.8-litre

twin-turbo V8 engine as thePanamera Turbo, but it'stuned to produce 542bhp -up from 493bhp.

That gives it a startling 0-62mph time of 3.8 seconds

and a 191mph top speed,making it quicker than theMercedes-Benz S 63 AMGand Aston Martin Rapide.

Its thumping accelerationis largely down to the mas-sive amount of torque it has:up to 590lb.ft, compared, for

example, to the 448lb.ft ofthe Ferrari 599 GTBFiorano.

Porsche has altered theturbochargers and enginemanagement software to getthe extra power and torque,yet fuel economy stays thesame as the Turbo's, at24.6mpg.

It's distinguished fromlesser Panameras by way ofnew 20-inch alloy wheels, asports exhaust system, newbody kit and standard fit-ment of the otherwiseoptional 'Sports Chrono'package (which sharpensup the driving experience).

A two-tone leather interiorwill be available only in theTurbo S, which will serve asa constant reminder to buy-ers that they've spent£20,000 more on the S thanthey would have on a stan-dard Turbo model.

All buyers will get a compli-mentary high performancedriving course at Porsche'sSilverstone Centre.

Shopping around to getthe best car-insurancequote is one of the bestways to save money oncover and that’s a fact. Butthere are a lot of misun-derstandings about carcover which could meanyou pay more than youneed to or drive withoutproper cover.

So you are in the know;here’s a list of the ten mostcommonly-believed carinsurance myths.Myth 1: You’re automati-cally insured to driveother cars if you have acomprehensive policy.This may be the case onsome policies, but it doesn’tapply every time. Driving-other-cars cover is unlikelyto be extended to the under-25s, and may also dependon your occupation.Myth 2: Your renewal pre-mium is guaranteed to becheaper than your insureroffers to new customers.Sadly this isn’t the case:renewal premiums and newbusiness premiums areoften calculated differently.That’s why shopping aroundon a price comparison siteand taking out a policy as anew customer can save youmoney. Myth 3: Garaging your carmeans cheaper premiums.Oddly enough, this isn’talways the case either. Thisis because the risk of havingan accident whilst parkingyour car in the garage isgreater than the risk of your

car being stolen or hit whenparked on your drive or inthe street, statistics show.Myth 4: Driving for busi-ness use means higherpremiums than social orcommuting use.This is not always true: peo-ple who require their car forbusiness purposes are

assumed to take better careof it and drive more safelythose whose car isn’t suchan important part of their liv-ing.Myth 5: Once you reach 25your premiums fall dra-matically.Not necessarily: while age isa key rating factor in insur-

ance, it’s just one of manyindividual factors that allcontribute to the overallcost. (See this graphicwhich explains how carinsurance prices are calcu-lated.)Myth 6: Third-party coveris cheaper than compre-hensive.

This is not always the case:some insurers have raisedpremiums for third-party orthird-party, fire and theftcover because of the num-ber of higher-risk driverswho sign up for these kindsof policy (believing them tobe cheaper).Myth 7: Non-fault claims

won’t affect your insur-ance premium.In fact, if you’re in an acci-dent that wasn’t your fault,you could find premiums ris-ing.Statistical evidence frommany insurers state thatafter having a non fault-claim you are more likely tohave a fault claim within thatpolicy term.Myth 8: You’re alwaysguaranteed a courtesy carif you have an accident.A courtesy car is likely to besubject to availability, and inmost cases it’s only offeredif the car is repairable andtaken to an insurers’approved mechanic. If thecar is stolen or written off, acourtesy car is not alwaysprovided.Myth 9: I don’t have to tellmy insurer about convic-tions that are not on mylicence anymore.In fact, most insurers ask ifyou’ve hand an convictionswithin the last five years: insome cases the convictionmight have been spent butyou still need to declare thatto your insurer (for examplespeeding convictions arespent after four years).Myth 10: Your insurancecovers you for any acci-dent that you cause.Usually but not always: ifyou crashed and were con-victed of drink driving, yourinsurer would be likely toturn down your claim.Info supplied by confused.com


10 CAR INSURANCE MYTHS

Parking your car in the garage may not save money on insurance

A road safety charity's survey of 800 motorists foundthat most drivers believe they are better than average,although I bet most car insurance companies wouldhave a different view on that – especially in Spain.

The poll shows drivers to be a nervous lot though with twoin every three fearing being killed while driving and anotherthird believing the roads have more dangerous drivers thansafe ones and only 31 per cent of motorists feel safer in a carthan in any other mode of transport.

Less than 5% of drivers think that the car is the safest wayto travel but the findings show that many drivers overesti-mate their ability behind the wheel and typically blame othermotorists for any accidents they are involved in. the reality is(according to the experts) is that too many people take riskswhile driving, such as speeding, drink-driving and beingbehind the wheel while extremely tired.

WE THINK WE’RE GOODDRIVERS BUT…

FASTEST FIVE-DOOR PORSCHE EVER UNVEILED


Pop Quiz 1st April

1 Who had a big hit with Stand by Me?2 Which Brit Pop band had hits with Don’t lookBack In Anger and Cigarettes And Alcohol?3 What was The Tweets only ever hit?4 Which young crooner had a hit with (JustHaven’t) Found You Yet?5 Who enjoyed success with her single Ring MyBell, in the seventies?6 Who was lead singer with The Cure?7 She had hits with LDN and The Fear and herDad was Sherriff of Nottingham?8 I Dont Wanna Dance and Gimme Hope Joannawere hits for whom?9 Name Coldplay’s first top ten hit in 2000

FIND THE KEY WORD AND TO TAKE PART LISTEN TOCHRIS ASHLEY’S SHOW ON TKO GOLD, 8AM TO 11AMEVERY MONDAY

CHRIS WILL ASK YOU TO TEXT OR EMAIL IN THE KEYWORD AND THE WINNER OF THIS WEEK’S ANSWERWILL BE ANNOUNCED.

WIN A MEAL FOR TWO AND WINEAT QUESADA FISH & CHIPS

TKO NEWS

Jet Harris The Shadows were thearchetypal British popgroup, supporting CliffRichard and makingnumerous hits of theirown. Their first and great-est bass guitarist was JetHarris, who has died aged71 of cancer. Although hislater life was blighted byalcoholism and litteredwith unsuccessful come-backs, he deserves to beremembered as a pioneerof the electric bass inBritain who explored itsmelodic as well as itsrhythmic potential.The Shadows' first and mostmemorable hit was Apache,which reached No 1 in 1960.Over the next two years,Harris played on more top10 singles before suddenlyquitting the group in 1962.He later said that he had"just had enough of sleep-ing, drinking, eating anddoing everything together,day in, day out".

The most photogenic of thegroup, the moody-lookingHarris was immediatelysigned to a recording dealwith Decca, and with a back-ing group, the Jetblacks, hewent on tour with LittleRichard and the thenunknown Liverpool groupthe Beatles. A triumphant1962 ended with the awardof the title top instrumentalist

in the readers' poll of theNew Musical Express.Harris next teamed up withthe Shadows' former drum-mer Tony Meehan. As JetHarris and Tony Meehan,they had big hits in 1963with Diamonds – whichreached No 1 – ScarlettO'Hara and Applejack.Among those Harris hadinspired to take up the elec-

tric bass was the future LedZeppelin member John PaulJones, who was briefly amember of the Harris-Meehan touring band.By this time, Harris was alsomaking news offstage.There were several courtappearances involvingdrunkenness and violentbehaviour before the part-nership with Meehan cameto an abrupt end inSeptember 1963, whenHarris was seriously injuredin a car accident involving avehicle in which he was trav-elling with the pop starletBillie Davis.From this time, until hisdeath he did very little withinmusic and was still battlingalcoholism but was honoredby Fender, who presentedhim with a lifetime achieve-ment award in 1998, and bythe Burns Company, whogave him a special Jet Sixinstrument. He was appoint-ed MBE for services tomusic in the 2010 New YearHonours list.

Keep listening to TKO FM and TKO Gold for details of avery special event coming up to celebrate the weddingbetween Prince William and Kate Middleton, on April29th.The event is being organised by Paul Cunningham Nursesand TKO Media Group, in conjunction with the Mayor ofRojales.

We´ll be letting you know all the details of attractions, eventsand activities being put on to make sure everyone has a fan-tastic time.

Robbie to sign massive new solo deal

News is starting to emerge of a huge record deal with Universal,sparking rumours that Robbie may be looking to quit Take Thatin the near future.It’s thought the Rock DJ star will go with Universal, who lookafter Take That, after being impressed by the way they’ve han-dled the boy band’s comeback.A record industry source says “Robbie has been very committedto this Take That project and can't wait to tour with the guys buthe never said he wouldn't record his own music again. It'simportant for him to have his own solo deal because he is oneof the most successful British recording artists.”The 37-year-old is unlikely to renew his solo deal with EMI, whosigned him in 2002 for a record-breaking £80m. “He has everymajor record company chasing him to sign a new solo contract,”the source added. “But there is no need to rush because he isfully committed to Take That until the end of this album cam-paign.”Despite the relatively lukewarm reception for his last two soloalbums, Rob can obviously still shift large numbers of units –Take That’s Progress became the fastest selling album of thecentury when it sold 235,000 on its day of release last November.The hype around him rejoining the band sparked a huge mediaand fan frenzy and it’s thought that this gave Universal the con-fidence to set up a deal.

Gold Artist of the Week

ROYAL WEDDINGPARTY EVENT

The competition continues next week with a new trackfor you to guess. Text your answer to whichever station you are listening toand be in with a chance of winning a top prize. TKO FM andTKO Gold are both running separate competitions so youcould enter both, if you wish! Our thanks go to Jon at Lumsden Auctions, Formentera, whois sponsoring the feature.

TKO Beat TheIntro Competition

TKO FM HOT GOSSIP



Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues;instead, every letter of the alphabet has beenreplaced by a number, the same number representingthe same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have todo is decide which letter is represented by whichnumber. In this week’s puzzle, 16 represents T and 23represents J, when these letters have been enteredthroughout the puzzle, you should have enoughinformation to start guessing words and discoveringother letters.

CODE CRACKER

CRYTPIC CLUESAcross1 Not as light as theremodelled red ark (6)4 Contracted in meagre

education (6)9 Instrument comes in allthe Olympic colours (7)10 Sort out the charge (5)11 Repatriated partlyback to Wick (5)12 Overwhelm the con-fused Bee Gees and mewith no energy (7)13 PS, did splice turn outto be a lumber problem?(7,4)18 Unpaid morning atEuropean Union’s railway(7)20 Charade is noted,more’s the pity (5)22 Connections on thegolf course (5)23 Slid new concoction inDodge (7)24 Vicar Peter hides rug(6)25 Bride’s make-up isrubbish (6)

Down1 Assistant put in thewrong dye (6)2 Pacer runs backwards

for a review (5)3 To gripe about self-

aggrandisement (3,4)5 Polish disguise (5)6 Some boyfriend les-

sons are eternal (7)7 Ran quickly and threw

an arrow (6)8 Betray two exes (6,5)

14 An ‘ell of a driver! (7)15 Hate rude kid’s lie (7)16 The budgerigarlicence containsDracula’s worst fear (6)17 Break the depression(6)19 Turn out little Susanafter the nurse (5)21 Dread horrible snake(5)

Last weeks SolutionAcross: 1 Dog-ear, 4 Instep, 9 Biretta, 10 Grime, 11Sedge, 12 Detroit, 13 Horseradish, 18 Ocelots, 20Balsa, 22 Flame, 23 Escorts, 24 Hammer, 25 Nether. Down: 1 Debase, 2 Gored, 3 Anthems, 5 Night, 6Tripods, 7 Presto, 8 Hard pressed, 14 Over arm, 15Debacle, 16 Loofah, 17 Hawser, 19 Obese, 21 Larch.

DOUBLE CROSS-WORDSolve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the

standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

3 letter words

Bed

Bit

Deb

Oak

4 letter words

Back

Bail

Barn

Bate

Berk

Bred

Brig

Burn

Dock

Gran

Lino

Lips

Oven

Read

Seat

Slab

Sort

Span

Tabs

Trio

5 letter words

Banal

Boars

Navel

Niece

7 letter words

Aerobic

Auction

Calorie

Narrate

FILL IT INComplete the crossword grid by using the given words:

Across 1 Thieve (5)3 Concluding (5)6 Appropriate (3)8 Small songbird (7)9 Toddlers (4)

10 Most recently (6)12 Head rest (6)13 Prohibits (4)16 College (7)17 Lair (3)18 Binds (4)19 Bisect (5)

Down 1 Begin (5)2 Yearn (4)3 Quarrel (6)4 Nanny (9)5 Humble (5)7 Excite pleasurably (9)

11 Uninterested (5)12 Place in the ground (5)14 Scorch (5)15 Fable (4)

QUICKIE

Last weeks SolutionAcross: 1 Allow, 4 Chain, 6 Ago, 7 Stays, 8 Wakes, 10Has, 12 Rate, 14 Deal, 15 Noisy, 16 Aged, 18 Earn, 20Bet, 22 Serve, 23 Image, 24 Nap, 25 Bored, 26 Shelf. Down: 2 Least, 3 Wash, 4 Cows, 5 Ankle, 7 Screams, 9Silence, 11 Arise, 13 End, 14 Dye, 17 Error, 19 Aware,20 Bend, 21 Tips.

Across 1 Alabanzas (7)5 Paquetes (de cigarrillos)

(5)8 Castle (chess) (5)9 To bore (7)

10 Lápices de labios (9)12 Poseer (3)13 Lejía (6)14 Tablecloth (6)17 Corte (incisión, herida)(3)18 Radiadores (9)20 Enemy (f) (7)21 Causa (motivo) (5)23 Place (5)24 Atrasos (7)

Down 1 Pétalo (5)2 Aire (3)3 Escéptico (7)4 Escaso (limitado) (6)5 Tapones (de lavabos) (5)6 Coal (9)7 Extraño (7)

11 La más bonita (9)13 Cubos (baldes) (7)15 To plug (a hole) (7)16 Customs (6)18 Noise (sound) (5)19 Cobertizos (para ani-males, útiles) (5)22 Grape (3)

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORDImprove your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers inEnglish or vice versa.

STANDARD CLUESAcross1 Gloomier (6)4 Concurred (6)9 Small flute (7)10 Arrange (5)11 Come to a point (5)12 Surround (7)13 Painful lumber prob-lem (7,4)18 Part-time (7)20 Disgrace (5)22 Contacts (5)23 Con (7)24 Floor covering (6)25 Wreckage (6)

Down1 Second-in-command(6)2 Sum up (5)

3 Self-aggrandisement(3,4)5 Surface shine (5)6 Everlasting (7)7 Scurried (6)8 Stab in the back (6,5)14 Beginner (7)15 Have an aversion to(7)16 Aromatic bulb used asseasoning (6)17 Alcove (6)19 Result (5)21 Small venomoussnake (5)

33Friday, 1st April, 2011Across 1 According to The Bible, which townwas destroyed by fire from heaven,together with Gomorrah, for thewickedness of its inhabitants? (5)4 What name is given to sudden

involuntary muscular contractions orconvulsive movements? (6)

9 What was the title of KennyRogers’ first UK number one hit sin-gle? (7)10 Which city in Nebraska is the portof entry and seat of Douglas county?(5)11 What name is usually given to the building in whichmembers of the armed forces take their meals? (4)12 What was the surname of the dancing partner of GingerRogers? (7)13 Which thick opaque liquid is produced in infected tis-sue? (3)14 What is another term for the black-thorn? (4)16 Which loose, flowing outer garmentwas worn by the citizens of ancientRome? (4)18 Which natural or synthetic sub-stance is used to add a colour to orchange the colour of something? (3)20 Which word means to convert wasteinto reusable material? (7)21 Which woodwind instrument of tre-ble pitch, is played with a double reed and has an incisivetone? (4)24 Which Russian ballet company is now known asMariinsky Ballet? (5)

25 Which extremely poisonous salt of hydrocyanic acid isused in the extraction of gold and silver? (7)26 What is the surname of the British rock n roller who sangabout a ‘Little White Bull’? (6)27 What is the main monetary unit of the EU? (5)

Down1 What is the name of the highly seasoned Italian sausagethat is usually eaten cold in slices?(6)2 Which waterbirds have broad

blunt bills, short legs, webbed feet,and waddling gaits? (5)

3 Which African country wasknown as French Sudan until1958? (4)5 In males, which gland surroundsthe neck of the bladder? (8)6 Which sport can be figure, ice orroller? (7)7 In a conventional pack of playing cards, which of the foursuits is denoted by a black inverted heart-shaped figurewith a small stalk? (6)8 What was the surname of the French Impressionist

painter best known for his paintings of ballet dancers? (5)13 What was the surname of the British prime minister whowas shot dead in the lobby of the House of Commons in1812? (8)15 Vierwaldstättersee is the German name for which Swisslake? (7)17 What name is given to male ducks? (6)18 Which word is used as a euphemism for ‘devil’ inexpressions of annoyance, impatience, or surprise or foremphasis? (5)19 What was the surname of the male half of the duo thattopped British charts in 1973 with ‘Welcome Home’? (6)22 Which form of tobacco pipe is made from woody nod-ules borne at ground level by a large woody plant of theheather family? (5)23 What is the name of the hard, typically green stone usedfor ornaments and implements? (4)

Quiz Word

Last weeks Quiz WordsolutionAcross: 1 Salem, 4 Gaelic, 9 Hormone, 10 Astor, 11 Lent,12 Erasure, 13 Cat, 14 Shah, 16 T Rex, 18 Dee, 20Osborne, 21 Nike, 24 Imago, 25 Catwalk, 26 Tiddly, 27Stour. Down: 1 Schulz, 2 Loren, 3 Moon, 5 A la carte, 6 Lettuce,7 Cartel, 8 Beret, 13 Charcoal, 15 Hubbard, 17 Soviet, 18Deuce, 19 Becker, 22 Idaho, 23 Otis.

SUDOKU

Every week we’ll be covering a different topic to help readers enlarge their Spanishvocabulary. This week we start with:

PLANTASFind the names of the plants in the grid

V H O J A L H A I Z S R D D TI R Y O Z Q E V Z E O E O R UO N E T N E C V M U P R I S VL R R H B K O I A S C G R O AE D O N WN L Y É L O E S A NT Y L D I L H C A Y C I N D AA D F P A V D L D R C B D A PL O S A R I G S WR E G L B IR Z N G C D A M A F A M K E LO B B Z J R A N Z E G WL C UB P H E B K L R Q U Z Q R A TL B E U H I E R B A N E V A PE I S S U S R C K O V WG I KI T A M A P O L A K L E Z O FO V F Q X Y K Q J Q O R WK K

AMAPOLAARBOL

ARBUSTOARROZAVENA

AZUCENACEBADACENTENOCLAVELCÉSPEDFLOR

GIRASOL

HIERBAHOJA

NARCISOPALMERA

PINOROBLEROSA

SEMILLATRIGO

TULIPANVID

VIOLETAEmpareja las palabras en español con sus equivalentes en inglés

You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz.

1. Arbol, a. bush2. flor, b. leaf3. arbusto c. sunflower4. girasol, d. tree5. roble, e. pine tree6. palmera, f. flower7. pino, g. oak8. hoja, h. palm tree9. tulipan, i. violet10. rosa, j. poppy

11. narciso, k. carnation12. amapola, l. tulip13. clavel, m. rose14. azucena, n. vine15. violeta, o. barley16. semilla, p. daffodil17. vid, q. lily18. trigo, r. seed19. cebada, s. grass20. avena, t. lawn

21. arroz, u. wheat22. centeno, v. oats23. césped, w. rye24. hierba, X. rice25. pétalo, y. stem26. tallo, z. petal

Answers: 1d, 2f, 3a, 4c, 5g, 6h,7e, 8b, 9l, 10l, 11p, 12j, 13k, 14q,15i, 16r, 17n, 18u, 19o, 20v, 21x,22w, 23t, 24s, 25z, 26y.

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH

Last Week’s Solutions

Code Cracker

Soduko Span - Eng Quizword Fill It In

Kidz Corner1. In Paris which common item has been defined as adeadly weapon?2. Who took out a $5000 life insurance policy before dyingin battle?3. St. Appolonia is the patron saint of what?4. Every citizen of Kentucky must do what by law annual-ly?5. What animals cannot swim?6. What does the name Stephen mean - from the Greek?7. 50% of Dutch men have never done what?8. What did William Young invent in 1800?9. What element was named after the Greek word forgreen?10. Hans Steininger had the world's longest what, whichended up killing him?11. What was the Soviet Vostok 3 space flight, the first todo?12. Who is the patron saint of music?13. Taidje Khan became using which name?

ANSWERS1. Ashtray 2. George Armstrong Custer 3. Toothache4. Take a bath 5. Gorillas 6. Crown 7. Flown in a plane28% fear it 8. Different shoes, a left and a right 9.Chlorine 10. Beard - Tripped over it down stairs 11.Send back TV pictures 12. St. Cecilia 13. Yul Brynner

TRIVIA QUIZ


MAKING THE RIGHT MOVEIS IMPORTANT

Advance Moves was established in 2002 by Mat Ford– Dunn after he relocated from the UK to Spain the yearbefore. a time when many people were leaving the UK tostart new lives in Spain and the housing market in bothcountries was buoyant.

Mat had originally worked in the UK as an area managerfor Bishops Move and with his wealth of experience behindhim he saw an opportunity to establish a removal companyin Spain that specialised in relocations between the twocountries. Mats idea was simple, to provide high levels ofservice at competitive prices.

‘The first thing I noticed about the majority of our competi-tors is that they did not have a depot in each country, thismeant that they lacked the flexibility and support that clientsoften need when relocating between two countries.’ SaysMat, who’s main warehouse is situated in Murcia with twoadditional warehouses situated in the UK.

All three warehouse’shave state of the artcontainerised storageto keep clients furni-ture clean and wellprotected. Mats policyhas always been to re-invest into the compa-ny so that all aspectsof the business arecontinually updatedand improved toensure that AdvanceMoves stays one stepahead of its competi-tors. One aspect of this

is that all internationalremovals include an exportwrap of the furniture to pro-vide ultimate protection whilst goods are being transported.2011 also sees a massive investment in purpose made fur-niture covers that are re-usable. These covers provideincreased protection and also cut down on the carbon foot-print of Advance Moves, as less disposable materials haveto be used in wrapping the furniture.

Whist Advance Moves has grown in size since its concep-tion in 2002, it is still a family run business with a very dedi-cated and hard working team of staff. Mat was especiallypleased when the activities of Advance Moves came to theattention of the British Association of Removers ( B.A.R. )who asked him to join the B.A.R as an international associ-ate. ‘ It basically means that we have the facilities and levels

of customer care that allow us to operate as a B.A.R mem-ber, a very high accolade indeed.’ enthused Mat.

Advance Moves continues to operate a weekly servicefrom the UK to Spain and has now expanded it range ofservices to include smaller volumes, such as individualitems of furniture, or just a few boxes. Very useful for inter-net shopping! Local removals within Spain and storage arealso catered for.

Looking to the future Mat believes that, given time, thecurrent imbalance in the housing markets will be resolvedand things will get moving again. At the moment more andmore expats are returning to the UK for economic reasonsand the help and assistance that Advance Moves offers dur-ing these relocations seems to be really appreciated bytheir clients. The overall trend is still the continued increaseof UK residents moving to Spain for the good weather andhealthier lifestyle, and due to the continued increase indemand for Advance Moves services, Mat and his Teamlook to be gearing up for another busy year!


BULBS – THE LOW DOWN TO ACOLOUR FILLED SPRING GARDEN

It's a fact of life: to enjoy the fabulous bulb flowers thatbloom in spring -- such as tulips, daffodils, hyacinths,crocus and others, you should plant them in the fall.The fun fact is that nothing is easier to grow or morecolourfully rewarding than flower bulbs. Even the mostunskilled gardener can create a breathtaking and beau-tiful spring garden with bulbs. Spring-flowering bulbsshould be planted in the fall because they require a sus-tained "dormant" period of cold temperatures to stimu-late root development. As a rule, the colder your cli-mate, the earlier you plant. In colder northern climates,for example, plant in September or October. In warmerclimates you may plant bulbs in December or even later.

When to Plant

It's best to plant bulbs as soon as possible afterbringing them home. If you must store them,keep them dry and cool -- between 50 and 60degrees (F). For long storage periods, a refrig-erator vegetable compartment can be used, butbe sure to keep them away from ripening fruit.The gas emitted by fruit's ripening process candestroy bulbs.

Tempting Choices

In addition to tulips and daffodils, you'll alsowant to plant other exotic Dutch bulbs, such asspring-flowering scilla, puschkinia, muscari, frit-illaria, allium, camassia, and eremurus.Spring-flowering bulbs offer a wide variety ofcolors, heights and flowering periods. Let yourimagination run wild, easy-to-grow bulbs allowyou to concentrate on garden design.All you really need to learn about planning yourgarden is written on the package, or availablefrom your bulb supplier. What you need to knowis:the color of the flowerwhat months it will bloom

how high it will growwhat months to plant, andhow deep to plant.These are the keys to colourful and creative plantingsaround your home. Here are some professional planting tips:Plant low-growing bulbs, such as grape hyacinths, in fronttaller flowers, such as tulips. Always plant bulbs in groups,either in small clusters or large beds, a single flower stand-ing alone is not very dramatic, Plant scattered clusters ofearly-flowering bulbs, such as crocus, throughout your lawnto achieve a "natural" look. Plant clusters of daffodils aroundthe woodpile, or in a meadow area that is not mowed often.These will add a colorful accent to your landscape in springand, if left on their own to wilt away, will return year afteryear. Well-selected and mature plantings of naturalized

bulbs can add value to your home, just as mature trees andshrubs do,Experiment. You know better than the experts what flowersyou fancy. Pick a flower bulb variety on a whim and try asmall planting. If it does well for you, add more next year.Most spring-flowering Dutch bulbs will thrive in either full orpartial sun, but do just fine in almost any location that offersgood drainage. Bulbs will rot in standing water so avoidareas prone to flooding, such as the bottom of hills or underdrainpipes.

After choosing the site:

Dig either a trench for a bed planting, or individual holes forindividual bulbs or small cluster of bulbs. (Note that a cluster

of flowers is more striking to the eye than a lonebloomer.)To determine how deep to plant, consider thecaliber or size of the bulb. Large bulbs (2 inchesor more) are usually planted about 8 inchesdeep; smaller-size bulbs (1 inch) are planted 5inches deep.Loosen the soil with a rake to aerate it andremove any weeds and small stones. Mix in a bitof peat moss to improve soil drainage. Place --do not push -- bulbs firmly in the soil with thepointed side up. Space large bulbs 3-10 inchesapart and small bulbs 1-2 inches apart. (If you'renot sure which end is right-side-up, don't worry.Upside-down bulbs usually come up anyway!)Cover the bulbs with soil and water generously.Add 2-3 inches of mulch, pine bark is fine, on topof the garden bed. This will provide added pro-tection from the cold and keeps the soil from dry-ing out.It's as easy as 1-2-3. By following these simpleguidelines, your colourful garden is sure to turnthe neighbours green with envy. Basically it allboils down to: buy those bulbs, put them in theground and dream all winter of the gloriousspring that awaits you.


HoroscopesBy Pandora

Aries March 21 - April 19 The Sun, Mercury, Jupiter and Uranus all inyour sign for the first time since 1928.Whatever you feel it might seem to othersthat you're wired! If you don't suffer foolsgladly at the best of times, then now youcould be so, so impatient. On the plus sideyou could also tap into reserves of courageand bravery that leaves others breathless.

Taurus April 20 - May 20 The Sun has now moved into Aries andreached an Equinox. It's reasonable then toexpect a change of pace. In this instanceany effect could be magnified. This timethere's rather more negativity around thanusual - at least until the Moon changes signson Wednesday.

Gemini May 21 - June 20Hold on to the thought that the next solareclipse (June 1st) is in Gemini: a sure indica-tor that 2011 will bring fast-moving develop-ments. They could all start now. Yourthoughts and ideas help. That said, practical-ities must be considered. Initially it mightseem that others pour cold water over every-thing you propose.

Cancer June 21 - July 22It might be as well to view the next four weeksas 'weird'. Planet-wise they are unusual -essentially because of the accent on the signof Aries but also because Neptune moves intoanother Water sign. The fact is though thatthere are some things over which you have lit-tle control - however much you may want tohave.

Leo July 23 - August 22The number of planets in another of the Firesigns (Aries) is unusual. Getting what youthink you want comes obligation (which youmight not enjoy so much). This could be anuncomfortable time initially. Post Thursday,and thanks to the efforts of someone wholives long-distance, your mood couldchange though

Post Saturday's Full Moon in your sign andthe Equinox you might wish cosmic time offfor good behaviour. Though some might feelyou're being negative, the fact is that youneed to know more about a situation beforeyou can move it forward. Though before theweekend you may be swamped withbrochures, pamphlets and ideas.

Libra September 23 - October 22True, Saturn is moving through your sign.There's a bigger accent on your oppositesign however - and that could leave youfeeling you're at the beck and call of othersand, to some extent, clearing up after them.It would be understandable if you were a lit-tle moody as the week begins.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21You may need to think fast, fast, and faster asthis week begins. It's probable your routinewill be thrown. You can scream and shout, ofcourse, but it's probable events have amomentum of their own and that there's littleyou can do to stop them. Yes, you may needto deal with disappointment or even displace-ment.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21So now we have the Sun, Mercury, Uranusand your ruling planet, Jupiter, all in anotherof the Fire signs - and yes, a tiger could be inyour tank. The ideal option would be if youcould go places. However, it's as likely thatothers will make a bee-line to your front door.There is danger that you could slip on afinancial banana skin.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19What the planets would like you to do now ischange direction. If you're listening and agree-able that's fine. If not, then circumstancescould conspire to push you out from yourpresent situation - which might not be sopleasant. It's not that long since there was aneclipse in your sign - another signal forchange.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18What's happening quite literally 'next door'may be of more than passing interest.Upheaval could concern you greatly. Theissues of boundaries and how blurredthey've become could dominate much of theconversation.

Pisces February 19 - March 20There's a David and Goliath look to this week- with considerable attention being given tothose who're making the most noise anddemanding that 'something be done'. Andyes, the financial stakes could be very high.

Virgo August 23 - September 22

Dear Tia Maria.

Our daughter of 18 lefthome recently to returnto the UK. She was thelast of our 3 children toleave home and thehouse feels empty with-out her. I feel I have amassive void in my lifeand my husband is justcarrying on as normal.We seem to have grownapart over the years andnow there is just the twoof us we seem to havelost touch with eachother and have very lit-tle to talk about. I feelvery lonely and isolatedand am worried that Imay get depressed. Canyou help?

Theresa, Torrevieja

Tia Maria says:

When the last child leaveshome it sometimes feels asif you are waking up next toa stranger rather than yourhusband, wife or partner.This can be caused by yearsof concentrating on what thefamily has needed, leavinglittle space or time for thetwo of you as a couple. Theproblem can be especially

acute if your family has beenthe chief focus of your atten-tion so that their leaving cre-ates a gap in your life.Some new research hasrecently found that manycouples feel the empty nestsyndrome is not as bad as itis made out to be. After aninitial bumpy year or so,many couples report redis-covering life after parentingas a time of creativity andrenewed pleasure in eachother's company.

But if you feel you've losttouch with your partner,here's some ideas to helpyou cope with this phase ofyour relationshipFirst and foremost, tell yourpartner how you feel.Soldiering on when you arefeeling miserable without thechildren around preventsyour partner from offeringthe comfort you crave.If you are not sure you knowwho your partner is any-more, try a light-hearted per-

sonal quiz to help break theice. You can make this upyourself, and cook a specialmeal with candles and wineand it will be a fun game toplay with the television off. Ihave some examples that Iwill send you.Do some things you havealways wanted to but lackedthe time or money for whilethe children were growingup. For instance, think aboutwhat kind of holidays youmight have now or how youmight spend an evening out.Consider doing somethingjust for fun, ride a rollercoater or go bowling.With no children in thehouse, sex can be morespontaneous and interest-ing. Invest in a good sexbook and follow some of theideas in it. Put wholeevenings aside for rekindlingthe passion. Congratulate yourselves onarriving at this stage of yourlives together. Many couplesdon't get this far so be proudthat you made it throughbabyhood, toddlers and theterrible teens in one piece.Take a little time to recon-nect and your relationshipwill grow in strength.

Good luck.

LONELY

Comisión para la investigaciónde malos tratos a mujeres (Research Comission forViolence Against Women)

Tel: 900 100 009 Monday through Friday

from 9:00 to 21:00

NEED HELP?

PRINCESSES LOOK FOR WORKWhen Nepal, once the only Hindu kingdom in the world,

became a secular republic two years ago, the formercrown prince and heir to the throne, Paras Bir BikramShah, chose self-imposed exile in Singapore.But theyounger princesses have proven more adaptable, withfour forging distinct new roles.

In April her book, "Facing My Phantoms," will be releasedby India's Rupa Publications. It provides a fictionalizedchronicle of the royal family's sufferings in the 2001 palacemassacres and marks her third novel.

Sheeba Shivangini Shah


WHAT’S ON THE TELLY..?

Tuesday, April 5th, 201112:00pm to 01:00amReciprocity. Series 3, episode 11Walter turns to Nina for added brain power in order to understand Peter's relation-ship with the super weapon. An intense investigation is triggered as well.

ITV1 Friday, April 1st, 2011109:00pm to 11:00pmComedy series set in Benidorm at the Solana all-inclusive resort which is peopledwith regulars and holiday makers on their first journey abroad.

Sky LivingSunday, April 3rd, 201111:00pm to 12:00pmThe wedding reality contest returns, and this week has a traditional Jewish wed-ding, a military-themed bash, a pub celebration and a food-centric do for a pair ofchefs.

QI

BBC 1 Friday, April 1st, 20119:30pm to 10:00pmStephen Fry hosts the quiz show in which contestants are rewarded more if theiranswers are 'quite interesting'.

Benidorm Fringe

Four Weddings


00:35 The Big Squeeze: Panorama01:05 Countryfile02:05 Antiques Roadshow03:05 Rip Off Britain03:35 My Big Fat Fake Wedding:Panorama04:35 HARDtalk05:00 The World Today05:30 World Business Report06:00 Breakfast09:15 A Hundred Years of Us10:00 Homes Under the Hammer11:00 Britain’s Empty Homes11:30 Cash in the Attic12:15 Bargain Hunt13:00 BBC News; Weather13:30 Regional News and Weather13:45 Doctors14:15 32 Brinkburn Street15:00 BBC News; Weather;Regional News15:05 Deadly 6015:35 Deadly 60 Bite Size15:40 Deadly Art15:55 Shaun the Sheep16:00 Dani’s House16:30 Tracy Beaker Returns17:00 Newsround17:15 Weakest Link18:00 BBC News18:30 Regional News Programmes19:00 The One Show19:30 Rip Off Britain20:00 EastEnders20:30 QI21:00 New Tricks22:00 BBC News22:25 Regional News and Weather22:35 Michael McIntyre: Live &Laughing23:35 The National Lottery FridayNight Draws23:50 Halloween H20: 20 YearsLater23:50 Weatherview

BBC2

00:20 BBC News00:30 BBC World News America01:00 BBC News01:30 ABC World News with DianeSawyer

02:00 BBC News02:30 The Record03:00 BBC News03:30 Our World04:00 Secondary Schools - GCSEBitesize: Philosophy & Ethics06:00 Finley the Fire Engine06:10 Zigby06:25 The Large Family06:40 Little Robots06:50 Rastamouse07:00 Beat the Boss07:25 Newsround07:35 Dennis and Gnasher08:00 The Sparticle Mystery08:30 LazyTown08:55 Numberjacks09:10 The Koala Brothers09:25 Big Barn Farm09:40 Little Human Planet09:45 Timmy Time09:55 3rd & Bird10:05 Postman Pat10:20 Pingu10:25 64 Zoo Lane10:45 Waybuloo11:05 In the Night Garden11:35 Meerkat Manor12:00 Daily Politics12:30 GMT with George Alagiah13:00 Diagnosis Murder13:45 To Buy or Not to Buy14:30 Restoration Roadshow15:00 Flog It!15:45 Helicopter Heroes16:30 Pointless17:15 Escape to the Country18:00 Eggheads18:30 Royal Upstairs Downstairs

19:00 Britain by Bike19:30 An Island Parish20:00 Mastermind20:30 Gardeners’ World21:00 The British at Work22:00 Frank Skinner’s Opinionated22:30 Newsnight23:00 The Review Show23:50 London to Brighton

ITV

00:05 Grimefighters00:30 The Zone02:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show03:30 Charities in Crisis: Tonight03:55 ITV Nightscreen05:30 ITV Morning News06:00 Daybreak08:30 Lorraine09:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show10:30 This Morning12:30 Loose Women13:30 ITV News and Weather13:55 Meridian News and Weather14:00 60 Minute Makeover15:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show15:59 Meridian Weather16:00 Midsomer Murders17:00 The Chase18:00 Meridian Tonight18:30 ITV News and Weather19:00 Emmerdale19:30 Coronation Street20:00 Children’s Hospital20:30 Coronation Street21:00 Benidorm22:00 ITV News at Ten andWeather

22:30 Meridian Tonight andWeather22:35 The Cube23:35 Take Me Out

C4

00:05 Music on 4 Favourites:James Blunt00:40 The Great Escape Festival01:05 Japan’s Tsunami: How itHappened02:00 Dispatches: BP - In DeepWater02:55 Unreported World03:20 Hill Street Blues04:10 Without a Trace04:55 Wogan’s Perfect Recall05:20 Countdown06:05 Sali Mali06:10 Max Bear06:25 The Hoobs07:15 Freshly Squeezed07:45 Everybody Loves Raymond08:05 Frasier08:40 Friends09:10 Supernanny USA10:00 Brothers & Sisters10:55 Gok’s Fashion Fix12:00 Channel 4 News Summary12:05 Designers Under Pressure12:25 The Thief14:05 Cookery School15:10 Countdown15:55 Deal or No Deal17:00 Fern18:00 The Simpsons18:30 Hollyoaks19:00 Channel 4 News

19:25 4thought.tv19:30 Unreported World20:00 A Place in the Sun: Home orAway21:00 Embarrassing Bodies22:00 Friday Night Dinner22:30 Rude Tube: Rude Tunes23:35 10 O’Clock Live

C5

00:05 SuperCasino04:05 The FBI Files04:55 Animal Rescue Squad05:10 Wildlife SOS05:35 House Doctor06:00 Thomas & Friends06:10 Roary the Racing Car06:20 The Adventures of Bottle TopBill and His Best Friend Corky06:35 Bert and Ernie’s GreatAdventures06:40 Rupert Bear06:50 Peppa Pig06:55 Little Princess07:10 Mio Mao07:15 The Mr Men Show07:30 Thomas & Friends07:45 Make Way for Noddy08:00 Fifi and the Flowertots08:15 Peppa Pig08:30 Roary the Racing Car08:40 Hana’s Helpline08:50 The WotWots09:00 Ben and Holly’s LittleKingdom09:15 The Wright Stuff11:05 Brighton Beach Patrol12:05 The Family Recipe12:10 5 News Lunchtime12:20 House13:15 Home and Away13:45 Neighbours14:15 The Vanessa Show15:05 The Family Recipe15:15 Honeymoon with Mom17:00 5 News at 517:30 Neighbours18:00 Home and Away18:25 OK! TV19:00 5 News at 719:30 Fifth Gear20:00 Ice Road Truckers21:00 The Mentalist22:00 Law & Order22:55 CSI: Miami23:55 Cops in Crisis

UNREPORTEDWORLD

Ten-year-old Justin has a haunted look as heshyly tells reporter Aidan Hartley that all hereally wants to do is play football with theother kids in his village. His awkwardness isas pitiable as it is understandable. He's beenrescued from the Congolese rainforest,where rebels made him fight as a soldier

Friday1st April


01:15 Natural World02:15 Baking Made Easy02:45 The Boat That Guy Built03:15 BBC News03:30 Click03:45 Newswatch04:00 BBC News04:30 The Bottom Line05:00 BBC News06:00 Breakfast10:00 Saturday Kitchen Live11:30 BBC News; Regional Newsand Weather11:45 Football Focus12:30 Match of the Day Live14:55 Galaxy Quest16:30 Final Score17:15 BBC News; Regional Newsand Weather17:30 All New Total Wipeout: TheAwards18:30 So You Think You CanDance19:30 The National Lottery: SecretFortune20:25 Casualty21:15 Live at the Apollo22:00 BBC News; Weather22:20 Match of the Day23:45 The Football League Show

BBC2

01:10 BBC News01:30 The Bottom Line02:00 BBC News02:30 The Record Review03:00 BBC News03:15 Close06:00 Finley the Fire Engine06:10 Zigby06:25 The Large Family06:35 Little Robots

06:45 Charlie and Lola07:00 One Minute Wonders07:30 Arthur08:00 Fee Fi Fo Yum08:30 Project Parent09:00 Dick & Dom’s FunnyBusiness10:00 Trapped Ever After10:25 OOglies10:45 Copycats11:15 My Life11:45 MOTD Kickabout12:00 Coast12:15 Diagnosis Murder13:00 The Prince and the Showgirl14:55 Priceless AntiquesRoadshow15:25 Escape to the Country16:25 Flog It!16:55 Carry On Again Doctor18:20 Dad’s Army18:50 Welsh Greats19:20 The Last Goon Show of All20:00 Edward VII: Prince ofPleasure21:00 Goldie’s Band: By RoyalAppointment22:00 The Tudors22:55 Nurse Jackie23:25 ICC Cricket World CupHighlights

ITV

00:30 The Zone02:35 In Plain Sight03:20 ITV Nightscreen05:30 ITV Morning News06:00 Mini CITV07:25 CITV09:25 Coronation Street11:45 This Morning: Saturday12:45 Monk13:40 ITV News and Weather13:44 Meridian Weather13:45 You’ve Been Framed!14:15 Like Mike16:05 Crocodile Dundee in LosAngeles17:45 Meridian News and Weather17:55 ITV News and Weather18:10 New You’ve Been Framed!18:40 Harry Hill’s TV BurpCompilation19:10 Ant & Dec’s Push the Button20:25 Live Celebrity Who Wants toBe a Millionaire?: Mother’s DaySpecial21:40 Wanted23:45 ITV News and Weather23:59 Meridian Weather

C4

00:40 Mercury Prize Sessions00:55 4Play: Beardy Man01:10 I love Huckabees02:55 My Name Is Earl03:40 Kiki’s Delivery Service05:20 Countdown06:10 Sali Mali06:15 The Hoobs07:05 FIM Superbike WorldChampionship07:30 The Grid08:00 The Morning Line09:00 Friends09:30 Rio: T4 Movie Special10:00 Friends10:30 Glee11:25 Great British Hairdresser12:30 The Big Bang Theory13:25 That Paralympic Show13:55 Channel 4 Racing15:55 The Secret Supper Club16:25 Come Dine with Me ExtraPortions18:30 Channel 4 News18:55 4thought.tv19:00 River Cottage Every Day20:00 Seven Ages of Britain21:00 The Transporter 222:35 Stand Up for the Week23:25 Nine to Five

C5

00:10 SuperCasino03:55 The FBI Files04:45 Motorsport Mundial05:10 Fifth Gear05:35 House Doctor06:00 Peppa Pig06:05 Roary the Racing Car06:15 Fifi and the Flowertots06:25 Fireman Sam06:40 Miss Spider’s Sunny PatchFriends06:50 The Beeps07:00 Mio Mao07:10 Chiro07:15 Harry and His Bucket Full ofDinosaurs07:30 Make Way for Noddy07:40 Igam Ogam07:55 Little Princess08:05 Roobarb and Custard Too08:10 The Adventures of Bottle TopBill and His Best Friend Corky08:30 Play!08:45 Rupert Bear09:00 Olivia09:15 The Mr Men Show09:30 Gerald McBoing Boing10:00 Meals in Moments10:10 Fifth Gear10:40 The Gadget Show11:40 Megastructures: ExtremeBridge Demolition12:45 Up Periscope14:55 The Sea Chase17:05 Anzio19:20 5 News Weekend19:25 NCIS20:20 CSI: Grissom’s Greatest21:15 CSI: NY22:15 CSI: Miami23:15 CSI: Crime SceneInvestigation

Saturday2nd April

THE SEA CHASE

One of the more peculiar items on JohnWayne's CV, this Second World War adven-ture sees him play a German sea captain.However, the real villain of the piece is firstmate Lyle Bettger, whose murder of somedefenceless fishermen prompts British navalofficer David Farrar to pursue Wayne'sfreighter across the Pacific.


01:10 BBC News01:30 On the Road with a ConcertPianist02:00 BBC News02:30 HARDtalk03:00 BBC News03:30 Our World04:00 BBC News04:30 Click05:00 BBC News05:30 The Record Europe06:00 Breakfast07:30 Match of the Day09:00 The Andrew Marr Show10:00 The Big Questions11:00 Country Tracks12:00 The Politics Show13:05 EastEnders15:00 Bargain Hunt15:30 Escape to the Country16:30 Points of View16:45 Songs of Praise17:30 BBC News; Regional Newsand Weather18:00 Nigel Slater’s SimpleSuppers18:30 The Boat That Guy Built19:00 Countryfile20:00 Antiques Roadshow21:00 Waking the Dead22:00 BBC News; Regional Newsand Weather22:25 Imagine: The Trouble withTolstoy23:25 The Last Station

BBC2

00:25 Frank Skinner’s Opinionated00:55 The Rainbow02:40 Close

06:00 Finley the Fire Engine06:10 Zigby06:25 The Large Family06:35 Little Robots06:45 Charlie and Lola07:00 One Minute Wonders07:30 Arthur08:00 Fee Fi Fo Yum08:30 Gimme a Break09:00 Dick & Dom Go Wild09:30 Cop School10:00 Something for the Weekend11:30 MasterChef12:30 Live MotoGP14:05 Viva Knievel!15:45 The Gumball Rally17:30 The Truth About Lions18:30 Jackie Stewart: The FlyingScot20:00 Top Gear21:00 Louis Theroux: America’sMost Hated Family in Crisis22:00 Match of the Day 223:00 Football League Trophy Final23:40 Awaydays

ITV

00:00 The Zone02:05 Swingtown

02:55 ITV Nightscreen05:30 ITV Morning News06:00 Mini CITV07:25 CITV09:25 May the Best House Win10:25 House Gift11:30 This Morning: Sunday12:30 Dinner Date13:30 ITV News and Weather13:34 Meridian Weather13:35 Columbo: Old FashionedMurder15:05 Torvill and Dean’s Dancingon Ice Tour 201016:05 Midsomer Murders18:10 Harry Hill’s TV BurpCompilation18:35 Meridian News and Weather18:45 ITV News and Weather19:00 The Cube20:00 Lewis22:00 ITV News at Ten andWeather22:14 Meridian Weather22:15 The Bucket List

C4

01:30 Sex in the 80s: Pop Sex02:25 Privileged

03:50 Ugly Betty04:35 Wogan’s Perfect Recall05:00 Countdown05:45 Yo Gabba Gabba!06:10 The Hoobs07:00 Freesports on 407:30 Crunchtime07:55 The Crush08:25 Friends09:25 Hollyoaks11:55 Glee12:55 The Simpsons13:55 Four in a Bed16:25 Deal or No Deal17:30 Time Team18:30 Channel 4 News18:55 4thought.tv19:00 Come Dine with Me20:00 Civilization: Is the WestHistory?21:00 Country House Rescue22:00 The Magdalene Sisters

C5

00:15 SuperCasino04:00 The FBI Files04:50 Meals in Moments05:00 Hana’s Helpline05:10 The Milkshake! Show

05:35 Thomas & Friends05:45 Roary the Racing Car06:00 Peppa Pig06:05 Roary the Racing Car06:15 Fifi and the Flowertots06:25 Fireman Sam06:40 Miss Spider’s Sunny PatchFriends06:50 The Beeps07:00 Mio Mao07:10 Chiro07:15 Harry and His Bucket Full ofDinosaurs07:30 Noddy in Toyland07:40 Igam Ogam07:50 Bert and Ernie’s GreatAdventures07:55 Little Princess08:10 The Adventures of Bottle TopBill and His Best Friend Corky08:20 Hana’s Helpline08:30 Family!08:40 Milkshake Monkey08:45 Rupert Bear09:00 Olivia09:15 The Mr Men Show09:30 Gerald McBoing Boing10:00 Nigel Marven’s RhinoAdventure11:05 Andre Rieu in New York12:05 Ice Road Truckers13:05 Emergency Bikers14:05 Prince Charming15:50 13 Going on 3017:45 5 News Weekend17:50 High School Musical 3:Senior Year20:10 Just Married22:00 Two Weeks Notice

Sunday3rd April

LEWIS

New series. Oxford's last-surviving all-fema-le college is holding a reunion to bid farewellto one of its most prominent professors.However, the evening leads to tragedy whena guest is found murdered, and Lewis is con-vinced the killing is connected to an attackthat occurred at the same institution 10 yearspreviously.


01:10 The Sky at Night01:35 MasterChef02:35 Holby City03:35 Men of Rock04:35 HARDtalk05:00 The World Today05:30 World Business Report06:00 Breakfast09:15 Neighbourhood Blues10:00 Homes Under the Hammer11:00 Britain’s Empty Homes11:30 Cash in the Attic12:15 Bargain Hunt13:00 BBC News; Weather13:30 Regional News and Weather13:45 Doctors14:15 Justice15:00 BBC News; Weather;Regional News15:05 Gastronuts15:35 Dennis and Gnasher15:45 Deadly Art16:00 Sadie J16:30 Blue Peter16:55 Shaun the Sheep17:00 Newsround17:15 Weakest Link18:00 BBC News18:30 Regional News Programmes19:00 The One Show19:30 Bang Goes the Theory20:00 EastEnders20:30 Finished at Fifty? -Panorama21:00 Waking the Dead22:00 BBC News22:25 Regional News and Weather22:35 A Question of Sport23:05 Late Kick Off23:35 The Big Easy

BBC2

01:20 BBC News01:30 Reporters02:00 BBC News02:30 Dateline London03:00 BBC News03:30 The Record Europe04:00 BBC News04:30 HARDtalk

04:35 The Super League Show05:05 Close06:00 Finley the Fire Engine06:10 Zigby06:20 The Large Family06:35 Little Robots06:45 Charlie and Lola07:00 Little Howard’s Big Question07:25 Newsround07:30 What’s New Scooby-Doo?07:50 League of Super Evil08:00 The Sparticle Mystery08:30 LazyTown08:55 Bob the Builder: Project BuildIt09:05 The Koala Brothers09:15 Guess with Jess09:30 Big & Small09:50 Grandpa in My Pocket10:00 Mightymites10:15 Postman Pat10:35 64 Zoo Lane10:45 Waybuloo11:05 In the Night Garden11:35 Meerkat Manor12:00 Daily Politics12:30 GMT with George Alagiah13:00 Diagnosis Murder13:45 To Buy or Not to Buy14:30 Real Rescues15:00 Cash in the Celebrity Attic15:45 Flog It!16:30 Pointless17:15 Escape to the Country18:00 Eggheads18:30 Great British Menu19:00 The Great Rift: Africa’s WildHeart

20:00 University Challenge20:30 Lambing Live22:00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks22:30 Newsnight23:20 Louis Theroux: America’sMost Hated Family in Crisis

ITV

00:05 Premiership Rugby Union00:50 The Zone02:00 DOA: Dead or Alive03:25 ITV Nightscreen05:30 ITV Morning News06:00 Daybreak08:30 Lorraine09:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show10:30 This Morning12:30 Loose Women13:30 ITV News and Weather13:55 Meridian News and Weather14:00 60 Minute Makeover15:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show15:59 Meridian Weather16:00 Midsomer Murders17:00 Britain’s Best Dish18:00 Meridian Tonight18:30 ITV News and Weather19:00 Emmerdale19:30 Coronation Street20:00 The Dales20:30 Coronation Street21:00 Law & Order: UK22:00 ITV News at Ten andWeather22:30 Meridian Tonight andWeather22:35 Real Crime: A Shot in the

Dark23:35 River Monsters

C4

00:15 Lost in Translation02:05 Amelia and Michael02:15 Never Did Me Any Harm03:15 The Play’s the Thing04:10 Without a Trace04:55 Wogan’s Perfect Recall05:20 Countdown06:05 Sali Mali06:10 Max Bear06:25 The Hoobs07:15 Freshly Squeezed07:40 Everybody Loves Raymond08:05 Frasier08:35 Friends09:10 Supernanny USA10:00 Brothers & Sisters10:55 Relocation, Relocation12:00 Channel 4 News Summary12:05 River Cottage Bites12:10 Jamie at Home12:35 Sea Wife14:10 Cookery School15:10 Countdown16:00 Deal or No Deal17:00 Fern18:00 The Simpsons18:30 Hollyoaks19:00 Channel 4 News19:55 4thought.tv20:00 Dispatches: Cashing in onDegrees21:00 One Born Every Minute22:00 Heston’s 70s Feast

23:05 The Event

C5

00:00 The Simon Cowell Factor01:00 SuperCasino04:00 The FBI Files04:50 Meals in Moments05:00 Hana’s Helpline05:10 The Milkshake! Show05:35 Thomas & Friends05:45 Roary the Racing Car06:00 Thomas & Friends06:10 Roary the Racing Car06:20 The Adventures of Bottle TopBill and His Best Friend Corky06:35 Bert and Ernie’s GreatAdventures06:40 Rupert Bear06:50 Peppa Pig06:55 Little Princess07:10 Roobarb and Custard Too07:15 The Mr Men Show07:30 Thomas & Friends07:45 Make Way for Noddy08:00 Fifi and the Flowertots08:10 Milkshake Monkey08:15 Peppa Pig08:30 Roary the Racing Car08:40 Hana’s Helpline08:50 The WotWots09:00 Ben and Holly’s LittleKingdom09:15 The Wright Stuff11:05 The Blasters12:05 The Family Recipe12:10 5 News Lunchtime12:20 House13:15 Home and Away13:45 Neighbours14:15 The Vanessa Show15:05 Chinese Food in Minutes15:15 Recipe for Revenge17:00 5 News at 517:30 Neighbours18:00 Home and Away18:25 OK! TV19:00 5 News at 719:30 How Do They Do It?20:00 The Gadget Show21:00 Executive Decision23:45 Undisputed

Monday4th April

LAMBING LIVENew series. Kate Humble and Adam Hensonreveal the challenges and risks faced bysheep and their owners on a farm duringlambing season, as they prepare to deliverand rear a flock of newborn lambs. The pre-senters meet the Marstons as they preparefor the new arrivals, and Kate learns aboutthe harsh conditions of hill farming, whileAdam shares his findings after travelling theUK to learn more about sheep.


01:20 MasterChef02:20 Silk03:20 Arctic with Bruce Parry04:20 BBC News04:30 HARDtalk05:00 The World Today05:30 World Business Report06:00 Breakfast09:15 Neighbourhood Blues10:00 Homes Under the Hammer11:00 Britain’s Empty Homes11:30 Cash in the Attic12:15 Bargain Hunt13:00 BBC News; Weather13:30 Regional News and Weather13:45 Doctors14:15 Justice15:00 BBC News; Weather;Regional News15:05 Gastronuts15:35 Prank Patrol Down Under16:00 Dead Gorgeous16:30 Blue Peter16:55 Shaun the Sheep17:00 Newsround17:15 Weakest Link18:00 BBC News18:30 Regional News Programmes18:55 Party Political Broadcast19:00 The One Show19:30 EastEnders20:00 Holby City21:00 Candy Cabs22:00 BBC News22:25 Regional News and Weather22:35 See You in Court23:25 The World’s Worst Place toBe Gay?

BBC2

00:20 An Island Parish00:50 BBC World News America01:00 BBC News01:30 ABC World News with DianeSawyer02:00 BBC News02:30 The Record03:00 BBC News03:30 The Bottom Line04:00 Secondary Schools: GCSEBitesize - English

06:00 Finley the Fire Engine06:10 Zigby06:20 The Large Family06:35 Little Robots06:45 Charlie and Lola07:00 Little Howard’s Big Question07:25 Newsround07:30 What’s New Scooby-Doo?07:50 League of Super Evil08:00 Copycats08:30 LazyTown08:55 Bob the Builder: Project BuildIt09:05 The Koala Brothers09:15 Guess with Jess09:30 Big & Small09:50 Grandpa in My Pocket10:00 Mightymites10:15 Postman Pat10:35 64 Zoo Lane10:45 Waybuloo11:05 In the Night Garden11:35 Meerkat Manor12:00 Daily Politics12:30 GMT with George Alagiah12:55 Diagnosis Murder13:40 To Buy or Not to Buy14:25 Real Rescues14:55 Cash in the Celebrity Attic15:40 Flog It!16:25 Pointless17:10 Escape to the Country17:55 Party Political Broadcast18:00 Eggheads18:30 Great British Menu19:00 The Great Rift: Africa’s WildHeart20:00 Lambing Live21:00 Filthy Cities

22:00 Later Live - with JoolsHolland22:30 Newsnight23:20 Perfume: the Story of aMurderer

ITV

00:30 The Zone02:35 UEFA Champions LeagueWeekly03:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show03:55 ITV Nightscreen05:30 ITV Morning News06:00 Daybreak08:30 Lorraine09:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show10:30 This Morning12:30 Loose Women13:30 ITV News and Weather13:55 Meridian News and Weather14:00 60 Minute Makeover15:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show15:59 Meridian Weather16:00 Midsomer Murders17:00 Britain’s Best Dish18:00 Meridian Tonight18:25 Party Election Broadcast18:30 ITV News and Weather19:00 Emmerdale19:30 Grimefighters20:00 Countrywise21:00 Smugglers22:00 ITV News at Ten andWeather22:30 Meridian Tonight andWeather22:35 The Matrix

C4

00:05 The Album Chart ShowIntroduces - Katy B00:20 4Play: Gypsy and the Cat00:40 European Poker Tour01:35 Rome Wasn’t Built in a Day02:30 Royal Deaths and Diseases03:25 Codex04:20 The Bible: A History05:15 Ugly Betty06:00 The Treacle People06:10 Max Bear06:25 The Hoobs07:15 Freshly Squeezed07:40 Everybody Loves Raymond08:05 Frasier08:40 Friends09:10 Supernanny USA10:00 Brothers & Sisters10:55 A Place in the Sun: Home orAway12:00 Channel 4 News Summary12:05 The Quiller Memorandum14:05 Cookery School15:10 Countdown16:00 Deal or No Deal17:00 Fern18:00 The Simpsons18:30 Hollyoaks19:00 Channel 4 News19:55 4thought.tv20:00 Supersize vs Superskinny21:00 Katie: My Beautiful Friends22:00 Campus23:10 Pete Versus Life23:45 School of Comedy

C5

01:30 SuperCasino04:05 The FBI Files04:55 Animal Rescue Squad05:10 Wildlife SOS05:35 House Doctor06:00 Thomas & Friends06:10 Roary the Racing Car06:20 The Adventures of Bottle TopBill and His Best Friend Corky06:35 Bert and Ernie’s GreatAdventures06:40 Rupert Bear06:50 Peppa Pig06:55 Little Princess07:10 Mio Mao07:15 The Mr Men Show07:30 Thomas & Friends07:45 Make Way for Noddy08:00 Fifi and the Flowertots08:10 Milkshake Monkey08:15 Peppa Pig08:25 Milkshake! Show Songs08:30 Roary the Racing Car08:40 Hana’s Helpline08:50 The WotWots09:00 Ben and Holly’s LittleKingdom09:15 The Wright Stuff11:05 The Blasters12:05 Meals in Moments12:10 5 News Lunchtime12:20 House13:15 Home and Away13:45 Neighbours14:15 The Vanessa Show15:05 Chinese Food in Minutes15:15 NYC: Tornado Terror17:00 5 News at 517:30 Neighbours18:00 Home and Away18:25 OK! TV19:00 5 News at 719:30 Extraordinary Dogs20:00 Tsunami: British Search &Rescue21:00 CSI: Crime SceneInvestigation22:00 CSI: Miami22:55 CSI: NY23:55 CSI: Crime SceneInvestigation

Tuesday5th April

FILTHY CITIESNew series. Dan Snow embarks on a grime-filled journey through the histories of three ofthe world's leading modern cities. He beginswith London, using CGI footage and re-enactments to experience life in the capital inthe 14th century. He spends a night as amedieval muck-raker, and tries on a pair ofwooden platform shoes designed to elevatethe wearer above the filth that covered thestreets.


00:30 Michel Roux’s Service01:30 Bang Goes the WinterWeather Special02:30 Who Does What?03:30 Life in a Cottage Garden withCarol Klein04:00 BBC News04:30 HARDtalk05:00 The World Today05:30 World Business Report06:00 Breakfast09:15 Neighbourhood Blues10:00 Homes Under the Hammer11:00 Britain’s Empty Homes11:30 Cash in the Attic12:15 Bargain Hunt13:00 BBC News; Weather13:30 Regional News and Weather13:45 Doctors14:15 Justice15:00 BBC News; Weather;Regional News15:05 Gastronuts15:35 Prank Patrol Down Under16:00 Trade Your Way to the USA16:30 MI High17:00 Newsround17:15 Weakest Link18:00 BBC News18:30 Regional News Programmes18:55 Party Election Broadcast19:00 The One Show19:30 The Boat That Guy Built20:00 Waterloo Road21:00 MasterChef22:00 BBC News22:25 Regional News and Weather22:35 The National LotteryWednesday Night Draws22:45 Would I Lie to You?23:15 Just Friends

BBC2

01:35 ABC World News with DianeSawyer02:00 BBC News02:30 The Record03:00 BBC News03:30 On the Road with a BrainScientist04:00 Secondary Schools: GCSE

Bitesize Revision - EnglishLiterature 105:00 GCSE Bitesize Revision -English Literature 206:00 Finley the Fire Engine06:10 Zigby06:20 The Large Family06:35 Little Robots06:45 Charlie and Lola07:00 Little Howard’s Big Question07:25 Newsround07:30 What’s New Scooby-Doo?07:50 League of Super Evil08:00 Copycats08:30 LazyTown08:55 Bob the Builder: Project BuildIt09:05 The Koala Brothers09:15 Guess with Jess09:30 Big & Small09:50 Grandpa in My Pocket10:00 Mightymites10:15 Postman Pat10:35 64 Zoo Lane10:45 Waybuloo11:05 In the Night Garden11:35 Meerkat Manor12:00 Daily Politics13:00 See Hear13:40 To Buy or Not to Buy14:25 Real Rescues14:55 Cash in the Celebrity Attic15:40 Flog It!16:25 Pointless17:10 Escape to the Country17:55 Party Election Broadcast18:00 Eggheads18:30 Great British Menu19:00 The Great Rift: Africa’s Wild

Heart20:00 Lambing Live21:00 The Crimson Petal and theWhite22:00 Have I Got Old News for You22:30 Newsnight23:20 Golf: The Masters

ITV

01:00 The Zone03:05 Crossing Jordan03:50 ITV Nightscreen05:30 ITV Morning News06:00 Daybreak08:30 Lorraine09:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show10:30 This Morning12:30 Loose Women13:30 ITV News and Weather13:55 Meridian News and Weather14:00 60 Minute Makeover15:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show15:59 Meridian Weather16:00 Midsomer Murders17:00 Britain’s Best Dish18:00 Meridian Tonight18:25 Party Election Broadcast18:30 ITV News and Weather19:00 Emmerdale19:30 UEFA Champions LeagueLive22:00 ITV News at Ten andWeather22:30 Meridian Tonight andWeather22:35 UEFA Champions League:Extra Time23:35 Smugglers

C4

00:15 UK & Ireland Poker Tour01:15 Freesports on 401:40 The Grid02:05 KOTV Boxing Weekly02:30 Sailing02:55 ITU Triathlon World CupMagazine03:50 Beach Volleyball04:45 Crunchtime05:10 Full Metal Challenge06:10 Max Bear06:25 The Hoobs07:15 Freshly Squeezed07:40 Everybody Loves Raymond08:05 Frasier08:35 Friends09:05 Wife Swap USA10:00 Brothers & Sisters10:55 Country House Rescue12:00 Channel 4 News Summary12:05 Gallipoli14:10 Cookery School15:10 Countdown16:00 Deal or No Deal17:00 Fern18:00 The Simpsons18:30 Hollyoaks19:00 Channel 4 News19:55 4thought.tv20:00 Vacation, Vacation, Vacation20:30 Superscrimpers: Waste NotWant Not21:00 Jamie’s Dream School22:00 The Model Agency23:05 The Big Bang Theory23:40 The Big C

C5

00:55 SuperCasino04:05 The FBI Files04:55 Rough Guide to Beaches05:10 Wildlife SOS05:35 House Doctor06:00 Thomas & Friends06:10 Roary the Racing Car06:20 The Adventures of Bottle TopBill and His Best Friend Corky06:35 Bert and Ernie’s GreatAdventures06:40 Rupert Bear06:50 Peppa Pig06:55 Little Princess07:10 Mio Mao07:15 The Mr Men Show07:30 Thomas & Friends07:45 Make Way for Noddy08:00 Fifi and the Flowertots08:10 Milkshake Monkey08:15 Peppa Pig08:25 Milkshake! Show Songs08:30 Roary the Racing Car08:40 Hana’s Helpline08:50 The WotWots09:00 Ben and Holly’s LittleKingdom09:15 The Wright Stuff11:05 Great Railway Adventureswith Dan Cruickshank12:05 The Family Recipe12:10 5 News Lunchtime12:20 House13:15 Home and Away13:45 Neighbours14:15 The Vanessa Show15:05 Meals in Moments15:15 The Hollywood Mom’sMystery17:00 5 News at 517:30 Neighbours18:00 Home and Away18:25 OK! TV19:00 5 News at 719:30 Starlight: For the Children20:00 Emergency Bikers21:00 NCIS22:00 Law & Order: Criminal Intent22:55 Law & Order: Special VictimsUnit23:55 Poker: Aussie Millions

Wednesday6th April

GREAT BRITISHMENU

North East chefs Stephanie Moon, AndrewPern and Tim Bilton prepare their main cour-ses, including Haymaker's twice-bakedNidderdale lamb with Bluemin white potato-es and gravy, suckling pig with pork pies,black pudding Scotch eggs and sticky spareribs, and a roast stuffed suckling pig withsummer vegetables.


00:45 See Hear01:15 Country Tracks02:15 Natural World03:15 Baking Made Easy03:45 Great British RailwayJourneys04:15 BBC News04:30 The Big Squeeze: Panorama05:00 The World Today05:30 World Business Report06:00 Breakfast09:15 Neighbourhood Blues10:00 Homes Under the Hammer11:00 Britain’s Empty Homes11:30 Cash in the Attic12:15 Bargain Hunt13:00 BBC News; Weather13:30 Regional News and Weather13:45 Doctors14:15 Justice15:00 BBC News; Weather;Regional News15:05 Gastronuts15:35 Prank Patrol Down Under16:00 Project Parent16:30 My Life: Ballet Boys17:00 Newsround17:15 Weakest Link18:00 BBC News18:30 Regional News Programmes18:55 Party Political Broadcast19:00 The One Show19:30 EastEnders20:00 Watchdog21:00 New Tricks22:00 BBC News22:25 Regional News and Weather22:35 Question Time23:35 This Week

BBC2

00:20 BBC News00:30 HARDtalk01:00 BBC News01:30 ABC World News with DianeSawyer02:00 BBC News02:30 The Record03:00 BBC News03:30 Click

04:00 GCSE Bitesize EnglishLiterature 06:00 Finley the Fire Engine06:10 Zigby06:20 The Large Family06:35 Little Robots06:45 Charlie and Lola07:00 Little Howard’s Big Question07:25 Newsround07:30 What’s New Scooby-Doo?07:50 League of Super Evil08:00 Copycats08:30 LazyTown08:55 Bob the Builder: Project BuildIt09:05 The Koala Brothers09:15 Guess with Jess09:30 Big & Small09:50 Grandpa in My Pocket10:00 Mightymites10:15 Postman Pat10:35 64 Zoo Lane10:45 Waybuloo11:05 In the Night Garden11:35 Meerkat Manor12:00 Daily Politics12:30 GMT with George Alagiah13:00 Diagnosis Murder13:45 Racing from Aintree16:30 Pointless17:15 Escape to the Country17:55 Party Political Broadcast18:00 Eggheads18:30 Great British Menu19:00 David Attenborough’s FirstLife20:00 Lambing Live21:00 A History of Celtic Britain

22:00 Rhod Gilbert’s WorkExperience22:30 Newsnight23:20 Filthy Cities

ITV

00:30 The Zone02:35 Spartacus04:05 ITV Nightscreen05:30 ITV Morning News06:00 Daybreak08:30 Lorraine09:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show10:30 This Morning12:30 Loose Women13:30 ITV News and Weather13:55 Meridian News and Weather14:00 60 Minute Makeover15:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show15:59 Meridian Weather16:00 Midsomer Murders17:00 Britain’s Best Dish18:00 Meridian Tonight18:25 Party Election Broadcast18:30 ITV News and Weather19:00 Emmerdale19:30 The True Price of a Pint:Tonight20:00 Emmerdale20:30 Coronation Street21:00 Monroe22:00 ITV News at Ten andWeather22:30 Meridian Tonight andWeather22:35 Benidorm23:35 Celebrity Grimefighters

C4

00:15 Abbey Road Debuts00:30 The Album Chart ShowSpotlight00:45 Mercury Prize Sessions01:00 Russian Standard VodkaOriginals Presents01:10 The Frontier House02:05 Nausicaa of the Valley of theWind04:15 Ugly Betty05:00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall05:25 Countdown06:10 Max Bear06:20 The Hoobs07:15 Freshly Squeezed07:40 Everybody Loves Raymond08:05 Frasier08:35 Friends09:05 Wife Swap USA10:00 Brothers & Sisters10:55 The Restoration Man12:00 Channel 4 News Summary12:05 River Cottage Bites12:15 The Colditz Story14:05 Cookery School15:10 Countdown16:00 Deal or No Deal17:00 Fern18:00 The Simpsons18:30 Hollyoaks19:00 Channel 4 News19:55 4thought.tv20:00 Three in a Bed21:00 Dad’s Having a Baby: ABodyshock Special

22:00 10 O’Clock Live23:05 Friday Night Dinner23:35 The Ricky Gervais Show

C5

00:55 SuperCasino04:05 The FBI Files04:55 Rough Guide to Cities05:10 Wildlife SOS05:35 House Doctor06:00 Thomas & Friends06:10 Roary the Racing Car06:20 The Adventures of Bottle TopBill and His Best Friend Corky06:35 Bert and Ernie’s GreatAdventures06:40 Rupert Bear06:50 Peppa Pig06:55 Little Princess07:10 Mio Mao07:15 The Mr Men Show07:30 Thomas & Friends07:45 Make Way for Noddy08:00 Fifi and the Flowertots08:15 Peppa Pig08:30 Roary the Racing Car08:40 Olivia08:50 The WotWots09:00 Ben and Holly’s LittleKingdom09:15 The Wright Stuff11:05 Great Railway Adventureswith Dan Cruickshank12:05 The Family Recipe12:10 5 News Lunchtime12:20 House13:15 Home and Away13:45 Neighbours14:15 The Vanessa Show15:05 Chinese Food in Minutes15:15 The Last Chance17:00 5 News at 517:30 Neighbours18:00 Home and Away18:30 OK! TV19:00 5 News at 719:25 How Do They Do It?19:55 Live UEFA Europa LeagueFootball22:00 Dragon: the Bruce Lee Story

Thursday7th April

WATCHDOG

New series. Anne Robinson, Matt Allwrightand Chris Hollins return with the investiga-tion show that exposes rogue traders andfights for consumers' rights. They begin byrevealing the supermarket tricks that makeprices seem cheaper than they really are,and examine private parking companies thatare reportedly buying personal details fromthe DVLA.


SPORT ON THE BOXAll the top sport on TV in your Good News ‘paper

Saturday 2nd April

Football13:30 West Ham United v

Manchester United Barclays PremierLeague Sky Sports 2 (13:30-15:30)17:45 Arsenal v Blackburn Barclays

Premier League ESPN (17:45-20:45)

Rugby Union18:30 Harlequins v Leicester AvivaPremiership Sky Sports 2 (18:00-

20:30)

Sunday 3rd April

Football

14:00 Fulham v Blackpool BarclaysPremier League Sky Sports 1 (14:00-

16:00)16:30 Manchester City v SunderlandBarclays Premier League Sky Sports

1 (16:30-18:30)

Golf19:00 Day 4 Shell Houston Open Sky

Sports 3 (19:00-00:00)

Rugby14:30 Saracens v Bath Aviva

Premiership ESPN (14:30-17:30)

LONG BALLS

by Malcolm Palmer

Long Balls, this week will not be solong as usual – there having been nofootball to speak of. OK, internation-als, I know – but who cares thatGermany beat Kazakhstan in aEuropean qualifier? Last time Ilooked at an atlas, Kazakhstan, anda few more ‘stans’ – and Israel, forthat matter – were in Asia anyway.Well at least it doesn’t look like Özilgot injured.

England overcame the might ofBale-less Wales, underlining theneed for a GB team, and there havebeen calls for Capello’s head. Dunnowhy, he can only do his best with apretty ordinary bunch of players.Until top English teams have moreEnglish players in their ranks, it’sgoing to be tough.Northern Ireland didwell to scrape homeagainst Macedonia,but Scotland had onlya friendly – againstBrazil! Ah well, theycan’t be faulted forlack of ambition.

Here the seconddivision held all theattention and Celtafell down on theirseemingly simpletask of overcoming

Recreativo to catch up on the lead-ers, getting a 3-0 pasting at home.Elche and Cartagena gained ground,both winning, to stay firmly in theplay-off zone, though a long wayadrift of leaders Rayo Vallecano,who squeezed home against Betis,their deadly rivals.Mention is due to Real Murcia –although relegated to division 2Blast term, they are proving near-invincible there, with a 5-0 win overCeuta their most recent result. Theclub’s goalie, Alberto Cifuentes, is,in fact, the most successful ‘keeperin the nation, having only concededsixteen league goals this season. Anearly return to the second division isanticipated – historically, Murciahave the highest number of pointsgarnered by any club in the seconddivision, in front of Sporting andHercules.

BALE OUT!Wales go down at home and Brazil dazzle at the Emirates

WHEEEL TO WHEEL AT100mph!

Moto GPRound two this weekend comes to Jerez herein Spain, the scene of Lorenzo's victoriousbattle with Pedrosa for home glory last year,the world champion will certainly be fightingfor a win this time round, in front of an expect-ed 120,000-strong crowd. Pedrosa, meanwhile, will want revenge forlast year and may have been feeling confidentafter a winter campaign that could not havegone much better. His elation in testing wasnot only due to the strength of the bike but thefact he was in good shape himself, this beingthe first time in years that he had not startedthe season with technical problems or aninjury.

MotoGP Round 2, Jerez: TV BBC 13.30Sunday

Formula 1The delayed season got under last weekendwith the Australian GP from Albert’s ParkMelbourne. What can I say about the race lostan hour sleep with the clocks then up at 7amAnd what a disappointing race all over afterthe first three laps. Great race from the worldchampion but with such a tight circuit therewas limited over taking so not good at all.Let just hope that the next race is better whenthey move on to Sepang for the MalaysianGrand Prix on April 8th another early start.

Cricket World Cup 2011So we are finally out of this World cup beatenin the quarter finals by Sri Lanka and what away to go out getting hammered by 10 wick-

ets. We only got there by other teams not tak-ing advantage of our shocking show all theway through the tournament. So this weekendwe have the final on Saturday 11.00am herein Spain. I would make Sri Lanka aboutfavourites to win as they have to play NewZealand in the Semi Final they have been thesurprise side in the event knocking out SouthAfrica in the Quarters. The big one of theSemi Finals is the India verses Pakistan whata game for that part of the world and so closeto call a winner. Now we have the summerseason to look forward to in England with thecounty Championships starting on the 8thApril.

Golf Arnold Palmer Invitational at Bay Hill FloridaMartin Laird defied the challenge of AmericanSteve Marino over the final round of theArnold Palmer Invitational at Bay Hill to win bya single shot. Laird became the first European to win at BayHill in its 33-year history and completed a suc-cessful day for Scottish golf after countrymanPaul Lawrie, the 1999 Open champion, wonthe European Tour's Andalucian Open to endhis nine-year victory drought. Former world number one Tiger Woods fin-ished on one under after a level-par 72 inFlorida, but insisted he could still win a fifthMasters title in April. Men’s European TourPaul Lawrie won his first tournament since2002 with a one-shot victory at the AndalucíaOpen in Malaga on Sunday. The 1999 Openwinner led by one shot at the start of the daybut fell three strokes behind over the frontnine. However, he birdied 10, 11, 12 and 14 andcould even afford a dropped shot at the lastas he held off Sweden's Johan Edfors andChile's Felipe Aguilar. This week the tour moves on to Morocco LPGA Ladies TourGAL WINS KIA CLASSICSandra Gal outlasted world No. 2 Jiyai Shin toearn her first LPGA victory at the Kia Classic.Gal hit a wedge from 83 yards to two feet forbirdie on the 18th hole to defeat Shin by astroke and become the only First-Time winnerof 2011.


SPORTS ROUND-UPWith Mick Hardy from Kidease

SPORT FIXTURES

Saturday, 9 April 2011Wolverhampton v Everton, 13:45 Blackburn v Birmingham, 16:00

Bolton v West Ham, 16:00 Chelsea v Wigan, 16:00

Man Utd v Fulham, 16:00 Sunderland v West Brom, 16:00

Tottenham v Stoke, 16:00

Sunday, 10 April 2011Blackpool v Arsenal, 14:30

Aston Villa v Newcastle, 17:00

Monday, 11 April 2011Liverpool v Man City, 21:00

Saturday, 17 April 2011Birmingham v Sunderland, 16:00

Blackpool v Wigan, 16:00 Everton v Blackburn, 16:00

West Brom v Chelsea, 16:00 West Ham v Aston Villa, 16:00

Sunday, 18 April 2011Man City OFF Tottenham, 14:30

Arsenal v Liverpool, 17:00

Wednesday, 21 April 2011Chelsea v Birmingham, 20:45 Tottenham v Arsenal, 20:45

Saturday, 23 April 2011Man Utd v Everton, 13:45 Aston Villa v Stoke, 16:00

Blackpool v Newcastle, 16:00 Liverpool v Birmingham, 16:00

Sunderland v Wigan, 16:00 Tottenham v West Brom, 16:00

Wolverhampton v Fulham, 16:00 Chelsea v West Ham, 18:30

Sunday, 24 April 2011Bolton v Arsenal, 17:00

Monday, 25 April 2011Blackburn v Man City, 21:00

Saturday, 30 April 2011Blackburn v Bolton, 16:00 Blackpool v Stoke, 16:00

Sunderland v Fulham, 16:00 West Brom v Aston Villa, 16:00

Wigan v Everton, 16:00 Chelsea v Tottenham, 18:30

Sunday, 1 May 2011Birmingham v Wolverhampton, 13:00

Liverpool v Newcastle, 13:00 Arsenal v Man Utd, 15:05

Man City v West Ham, 17:10

Saturday, 7 May 2011Aston Villa v Wigan, 16:00 Bolton v Sunderland, 16:00 Everton v Man City, 16:00 Fulham v Liverpool, 16:00 Man Utd v Chelsea, 16:00

Newcastle v Birmingham, 16:00 Stoke v Arsenal, 16:00

Tottenham v Blackpool, 16:00 West Ham v Blackburn, 16:00

Wolverhampton v West Brom, 16:00

Rafal CF 4 v 2 San Fulgencio CFSponsored by 900telecom.comOn what must be one of the smallest pitchesin their league the Saints found it hard goingagainst a Rafal team four points above themin the league. Next Sunday the Saints host DeportivoOrihuela kick-off 12:00 see web site for fur-ther details www.sanfulgenciocf.com

Orihuela Costa F.C.Childrens Football

Orihuela Costa F. C. 2 v 8 Benejuzar C.F.Costa left it late but on 64 mins Joey Simpsonhit home and Jordan Clayton added anotheron 68 mins but there was not enough time foran equaliser and Costa F.C. finished 2nd bestto their local rivals.For further information on Orihuela CostaF.C. contact Club Secretary George on : 67977 44 88 or visit www.orihuelacostafc.comCadetes Veja Baja League Cup. Sponsored By: Morgans Bar & Amber Pools.

LOCAL SPORT

Out onWeds!


ELCHE FLYING!Elche win five on the bounce and cannow start preparing for the play-offs

Twenty three years is a long time formost teams, but for Elche must feel likea lifetime. It was during 1987/88 seasonthat they last achieved five back to backwins and coincidently the last time theywon promotion to the first division.Manger Bordalas, reluctant to discussclub history and promotion possibilitieswhen interviewed last week, did seemrelaxed and happy, and during theirdaily training sessions smiles were evi-dent throughout.

Having to manage a depilated Elchesquad, now down to 21 full time profes-sionals, everyone looked optimistic eventhough an air thick with expectation hunglow over the Martinez Valero stadium priorto meeting third from bottom club Tenerife,last Sunday.

The Canary Islanders came to the main-land with nothing to show from their previ-ous 4 games, relegated last season after ayear in La Liga, the Islanders were fightingfor their lives. Elche on the other hand, sit-ting comfortably at the opposite end of the

table, with a play-off spot beckoning, need-ed only to break their long standing recordto keep them in contact with Betis, Rayo,Celta, near neighbours Cartagena andhopes of finding the holy grail of football; aseason with Spain's elite....or should I sayMadrid and Barca.

It’s a shame that only a meagre five thou-sand turned up for last Sunday afternoonsencounter. The club's board mistakenlyannouncing mid-week, that season ticketholders would have to pay a supplement tosee the game (clubs are allowed to desig-nate 3 home fixtures per season as meansof raising extra cash) a decision thatappeared to anger the faithful. Due to the hour change the game kickedoff baked in the warm afternoon sun, thevisitors, whilst from hotter climes, weremade to sweat from the start. During thewhole of the first forty five minutes thesmall crowd witnessed an Elche not oftenseen, superb, slick, fast football intent ongiving Tenerife a drumming.

The visitors meanwhile never gave the

impression of a team fighting for survival,mediocre and lacking any personality, atotal contrast to the home side. Elche's tireless Kike Mateo set the paceworking down both wings and often seen inmidfield creating problems for the visitors,a corner in the seventeenth minute neatlystruck by Palanca found Kike Mateounmarked, his glancing header put Elchein front. Minutes later Mateo was almost onthe score sheet again, a shot an inch lowerwould have seen the ball hit the bottomside of the bar, but the shot rebounded upinto the setting sun.

Whilst the home side had most of theplay, the visitors were not without chances,ex Elche favourite Nino, made keeperJaime show for the second week runningthat he's more than earning his moneyafter the departure of his predecessorCaballero to Malaga.

The second half started similarly, but thistime the visitors appeared more motivated,if only slightly, applying more pressure onthe Elche defence, but they coped well, a

clear cut penalty by Prieto on Ángel, seenby everyone except referee Sánchezwould have made the remaining 15 min-utes more palatable for the home crowd. Tenerife skipper Bertrán and Hidalgo bothsaw red cards late on and it’s clear that thevisitors are a team inherent with problems,skipper Marc Bertrán's verbal exchangewith keeper Aragoneses during play andlater Ricardo and Álverez almost coming toblows in the tunnel gave witness to the dis-cord that manager Antonio Tapia is goingto have to stamp out if this club are to sur-vive.

Elche meanwhile, with fifteen points froma possible fifteen travel to Las Palmas nextweekend.

It’s not going to be easy as the pressurebuilds, and their small squad gives manag-er Bordalas little room for manoeuvre, withfour players only one game off suspension,injuries to Xumetra, Hector Verdes andDavid Sanchez pending and Linares out for6 months it’s going to be a tough weekahead.

ELCHE 1 v 0 TENERIFE Photo: Mark Welton

Elche´s Angel tries to cutout a bad back pass to

keeper Aragoneses


DROPPED!

Vigo was dumped after a run of poor results

Miroslav Djukicshows his colours

BY Mark WeltonFootball the world over is a ruthless busi-

ness at the best of times and never more soin Spain where its success or the sack…andboth happen fast. Hercules, Alicante’s la ligaclub sacked manager Esteban Vigo after ahome defeat last week against Osasuna,going down 0-4

And so it is after 29 games that Herc findthemselves holding up the first division,with only 26 points of which only 4 havecome from the second half of the season –so something had to give, and Vigo was thesacrifice.

Coming to the club at the start of the2009/10 season things started well and hebrought some belief back to the team andgot them winning matches once more. Hedid what was demanded by fans and direc-tors and got Hercules back in the top flight

for the first time since 1997It didn’t look like he knew his job was on

the line at the press conference after theOsasuna game when he said he still had the"ganas" (desire) and dreams to continuemanaging the club, stating that the mainproblem had been the club’s away form withonly one victory and that just happened tobe against the mighty Barca…you can’twork it out sometimes.

Vigo was called to a meeting after thegame with the club president and his fatewas sealed. At eight o’clock that evening theclub issued a press release saying he´dbeen sacked although his contract was validuntil June 2012 and that would have to besettled.

Miroslav Djukic

New man in charge Serb Miroslav Djukic

was announced as the new boss lastTuesday afternoon, and after a press confer-ence on the Wednesday he settled in to hisnew role, taking charge of his first trainingsession that evening. But, like Vigo, he willhave to get results, and fast, and he will onlybe in charge initially for the remaining ninegames...

Djukic finished his career playing forTenerife during 2003/4...taking his first man-agerial position with the Serb under 21. Hethen went to partisan Belgrade in the firstdivision taking them to second spot but inDecember he decided not to renew his con-tract with Belgrade and became Serb nation-al team boss after the sacking of SpanishJavier Clemente.

Djukic has 5 games at home and 4 away towork his magic with his assistant he hasbrought with him. We wish him the best ofluck.

Not content with losing points LA LigaHercules have now dumped manager

Vigo for a younger man

Documents

The Courier Week 6