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The Convention EarMonday, July 29, 2019 Volume LX, Issue IV 25 Hour Coverage

59 (Y)Ears of Telling It Like It Isn’t!

Announcements

Last Call... Last Chance!Learning and Teaching Materials Dis-play Mandan Room in Memorial UnionDiscounts! Sales! Get your own copy!9:30am - 1:00pm today

Students, chaperones, and teachers all welcome!

THANKS!

Hey JCL!

If you’d like to show your appreciation to the SCLers who help run things like Olympika, Ludi, and That’s Entertain-ment!, then please bring some mon-ey with you to T.E. tonight and make a donation to their scholarship funds. It would really mean a lot.

Thank you!

NJCL Emotional State Tracker:DAY 4

Man Flashes SCL Badge to Woman Monitoring JCL Dance

FARGO - Filled with pride, returning SCL member Jayce Burner flashed his worn SCL nametag to the woman at the door for the Pajama Jam dance on Sunday night, walking into the dance knowing that he would immediately be recognized as someone of importance. Much in the manner of other SCL members, the man known for his two years of membership in both the National Junior and Senior Classical Leagues walked calmly into the room and over to the area where people his age were dancing. Adult chaperones stated that the 19-year-old Burner en-tered the dance accompanied by his longtime friend Mack Jodar. Scan-ning the crowd, mediocre dancer Burner separated a couple who were freaking and not leaving room for Jupiter, which made him feel like he was a cornerstone of the organization. After an hour of dancing and breaking it down, Burner was seen joining the Cotton-Eyed Joe group and later dancing the Cupid Shuffle. Burner was later spotted casing the dance floor for the ultimate dance spot so that he could return the follow-ing night to help ensure that his superior dance moves would be seen by everyone in the room.

Friendly Fargo Fact (of the day):

THE FARGO DOME IS AC-TUALLY A DOME

TSJCL Re-routed Through Metal DeTexas

Early on Wednesday morning, JCLers, SCLers, sponsors and chap-erones alike received an email instructing the Texas delegation to enter GA through the Fargodome metal detectors, under the premise of allevi-ating the bottleneck of entering GA. However, this was all a front. The National Committee caught wind of a few Lone-Star State delegates carrying contraband into spirit. This redirection of the Texas delegation lead to a high-profile contraband bust. Confiscated from various JCLers were 3 pairs of spurs, 2 sheriff badges, 7 pairs of steel-tipped cowboy boots, and 253 metal kazoos.

LAST CHANCE TO SUBMIT PERSONALS. SEND THEM IN TO BE FEATURED!

Please bring your submission, along with $1 in an envelope, to the NJCL Office.

EARACHEThis year, we’ve decided to bring back a tradition from the 1971 Con-vention Ear, “EarAches!” Today’s EarAche goes out to all you musi-cians! STOP PLAYING KAZOOS.

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INTRODUCING THE JUNIOR CLASSICAL L GUEAs part of its ongoing outreach campaign to grow JCL membership, the National Committee announced on Sunday a revolutionary new partnership between JCL and NDSU’s e-sport gaming lab. The partnership will affect all aspects of NJCL convention and bring our an-nual meeting up to the speed of a hardwired fiber optic ethernet connection. Some of the changes rolling out by the end of convention will be:

- The Certamen finals will be played on an Alien-ware® Quiz Wizard 5000, complete with custom-izable LED displays on all buzzers and DXRacer OH/FD01/NR™ gaming chairs for all players. During bonus questions, players will be provided with Kingston HyperX Cloud Alpha™ headsets for conferring with teammates in full noise-cancelling surround sound. Also, from now on, all Certamen matches will be streamed to Twitch.

- Nintendo has announced that NJCL First Vice President Aleah Malik will be the fifth DLC charac-ter in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate™ for the Ninten-do Switch™. Second Vice President Michaela Phan will be her echo fighter.

- Team Liquid has agreed to sponsor Team Editor.

- Minimaps will be added to the HUD of marathon participants, to prevent runners from getting lost.

- The RDC will now be stocked with Mountain Dew™ AMP GAME FUEL™-flavored soft serve ice cream.

- Representatives from Google Brain’s machine learning corps will be on campus Tuesday to deliver a colloquium on training neural nets to play Cer-tamen better than any Virginian.

- Blizzard Entertainment will release Terra Artis-belli, a Latin remastering of World of Warcraft, for JCLers to immerse themselves in. Monthly sub-scriptions are only ten denarii.

- The SCL will compile frame data and keyboard macros for swimming to help JCLers improve their performance.

- Instead of an 8x8 chessboard, Ludi Chess will now be played on Final Destination, with no items, Fox only. We assure you that this will be an even more perfect competition than traditional chess.

Like, comment, and subscribe for further updates.

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Tentative Certamen Round 3 ScoresNoviceFloridaMassachusettsVirginiaNew Hampshire IllinoisTexasCaliforniaTennesseeWisconsinOhioNorth CarolinaNorth Dakota

Round 119021516016012565803010555030

Round 21551351356013012010514065554530

Round 322019013014590140552515409540

Round 1+23453502952202551851851701701104560

Total565540425365345325240195185150140100

Tentative Certamen Round 3 ScoresIntermediateFloridaD.C.MassachusettsNew HampshireVirginiaTexasWisconsinOhioIllinoisGeorgiaArizonaMaine CaliforniaNorth CarolinaIndianaZ-Wild Card betaMarylandZ-Wild Card alphaKentuckyNorth DakotaLouisiana

Round 122021015517511022013521090125555090707095

15

250200

Round 22051202602452701101356090154010015652520

65

10351510

Round 330028512512012016514575135801155075255520

45

353000

Round 1+24253304154203803302702701801409515010513595115

80

35353510

Total725615540540500495415345315220210200180160150135

125

70653510

Tentative Certamen Round 3 ScoresAdvancedMassachusettsWisconsinTexasFloridaNew HampshireVirginiaD.C.CaliforniaGeorgia OhioZ-Wild Card AlphaMarylandIllinoisTennesseeNorth CarolinaIndianaKentuckyNew YorkNevadaOklahomaLouisiana

Round 1295265330240115175155501651450

7080608545153030150

Round 22752251751901351401051006580170

65554065502020152015

Round 323527020075230130145185706045

70507515353520000

Round 1+2570490505430250315260150230225170

135135100150953550453515

Total805760705505480445405335300285215

2051851751651307070453515

BREAKING NEWS: ALTERNATIVE TO CANCELLED LUDI In light of the cancellation of Ludi Ultimate Frisbee, some SCL members have attempted

to come up with a replacement event. Here is the idea of one SCL member.

I IV III V

III VII I IX

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VIII VI VII V IX

I IV VIII

I VI

IX VIII IV VI

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1. Describe your perfect day. a. A walk in the park with my friends followed by pizza and a movie b. Going to a bluegrass festival c. Curled up at home reading my favorite book d. Getting first place in the academic decathlon and being on the winning Certamen team2. Which dessert in the dining hall would you eat 12 lbs of? a. Soft serve b. S’mores bars c. Puppy chow d. Mashed potatoes 3. How would you survive a zombie apocalypse? a. Travel to an island in the ocean and wait it out b. Surrender and hope they give you mercy c. Use your +4 stealth ability to evade attacks d. Follow the cardinal rules of surviving a horror movie: keep the group together and don’t get out of the car4. If you were a mythical beast, what would you be? a. Hippogryph b. Unicorn c. Leprechaun d. Gorgon5. You’re a raccoon. Tasty trash is your goal. How do you get there? a. Team up with the rats to form a rat-racoon ladder b. Have your critter friends catapult you into a dumpster c. Steal a JCLer’s meal card and assume their identity d. Go to the gym to get swole

Results on page 4!

Which Crosswalk are You?

Ludi Roman

NumeralSudoku

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Mostly A’s: Abbey Road. You enjoy hanging with friends and having a complete disregard for the cars around you.

Crosswalk Results

Mostly B’s: The crosswalk in front of the RDC. You are efficient and need that food to get in yo bellllyyy.

Mostly C’s: Crosswalk across Uni-versity Dr. You’re a bad boy who likes to live life on the edge. You flirt with danger, but always stay safe.

Mostly D’s: Crosswalk on Broad-way to cross 15th avenue. You ar-en’t actually at convention but like all your friend’s pictures on Insta-gram. RIP.

Personals (cont. next page)

Molly, I’m so proud of the job you are doing leading this delegation! Rebecca, Krystal, and Sophie, you are doing a great job jumping into everything! I couldn’t be luckier having the four of you here! -Magistra Kubichek

To the delegates who bubbled 100 answers on the 50-question Reading Comp tests… all 117 of you… smh #ContestOffice

@ethan -yes

To Craig and Jen -thanks for being great partners with me here! NJJCL rocks! -Krystal

To Jeremy Walker - Cura ut valeas! -Krystal

Henry, you make dances so lit. So glad you’re here

Dear Will, you’re better than a PB&J sandwich :) We love you to the luna and back. -Love the Girls

MFP & MCP, thanks for keeping me awake during GA & from getting lost on the way to lunch. U da best. -MTSP

Magistra Hornick, you’ve always been Summa Cum Laude to your students, now everyone else knows, too!

Christin, I’m excited to see what your time at CSU holds. Thanks for making PCA JCL possible! -Mrs. Beck

Anna, you amaze me! Can’t believe you are already a senior. Proud of you. -Mrs. Beck

The MDJCL fam is proud of its certamenators! Eamus Canceres!

So proud of my MACC students! -Magistra Madden

VA NOVICE CERTAMEN (Jennifer, Ryan, Nolan, Ayden, Alex, Porkingetorix): we are SO proud of how hard you prepared at Castra, how awesomely you are playing at Nationals, and how you are growing in friendship and in sweet memories at this convention. Use them vollective brain cells. Continue to BEE awe-some! Carpite panem! -Tashi & Mr. Kim

After winning many legal battles to gain rights for the bees of America, Barry B. Benson has set his sights to America’s largest producer of honey. Seeing the JCL’s love and respect for bees with this year’s theme, Mr. Benson has decided to try to serve this BEEautiful hive community and give back to those who have stood up for all of his BEEliefs. He would like to BEEcome president to show just how much the spirit of JCL has inspired him over the course of this year’s national con-vention. As his first order as president, he will disband the ND-JCL in protest of North Dakota’s production of honey. All NDJCL delegates will be transferred to the BJCL delegation. All JCL conventions - national AND state - will be honey-free and bee-friendly. He will also bring together humans and their BEEretheren through dance. To help with communication between bees and humans, the creative arts contest of Dramatic Interpretive Dance will be formed.

Barry B. Benson Launches Bid for NJCL President

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IT’S THE ONE ABOUT DUTY. THEY’RE ALL ABOUT DUTY.

DON’T YOU THINK SHE LOOKS TIRED?

I love you Emily & Giavanna - my forever #JCLoves!

To my NJCL board:Thank you for being LITERALLY the best officers EVER. I appreciate you. <3 Love, Natasha

Attention all adventurers of the League:The Archmage of Wisconsin has discovered a terrible evil that has challenged the very heart of JCLove, our most prized artifact. Warriors, mages and rogues of all walks of life are required to defend our right to develop responsibility, foster our brotherhood, et cetera. Please speak to me or my companions if you wish to share in the glory of this fight for the Junior Classical League!-Jack U, Bard of Wisconsin

You know, just once I’d like to meet an alien menace that wasn’t immune to bullets.-ALS, BG (UK)

Don’t pass on the grass Don’t trod on the sodDon’t surf on the turfDon’t raid any bladeDon’t flout on the sproutsDon’t make a scene on the campus greenDon’t have an investigation on the vegetation…Only glance at the plants!

To the MDJCL fam: Percival says that he loves being here with you!

I’m JCLonely and JCLooking for some JCLove. Need a JCLady to play Pokemon Go with.-Jefferson Clifton Lind from Texas

“In Japan, heart surgeon... [EDITOR REDACTED].

Marwan don’t forget to vote for Faith and put your pon-cho on correctly. -ogre thumb

The Florida Historian is beautiful.

Jason + the Fargonauts,Eeeeaaarrrrr-ur fav SCLers

Amy,Meet us in the Memorial Union at 9 PM for Scatter-gories. Luv u.-C, L, + S

Buy fanny packs from the BLS JCL Agora Table!

chicago delenda est

Dear Esma and Squilliam, even though y’all won’t par-ticipate in Ludi Yoga, have an awesome convention! <3 Love, <3 SAS

NJ delegation - Gratias for being an amazing group. We are thrilled with how involved all of you have been! We are so proud of you and your JCLove! -NJJCL Sponsers

Bering, Henry, Emma, Lorelei, Esme, Will, William- Sumus tam laeti quod adsumus vobiscum. Cos ama-mus! Vos estis optimi! -Danny Glacies, Parva, Situ-laque

Competitive CertamenSemi-Finals – Monday, 7/29/2019

Advanced10:15am

TX vs. FL vs. GAMinard 116

MA vs. VA vs. DCMinard 230

WI vs. NH vs. CAMinard 112

MA vs. NH vs. ILMinard 210

FL vs. TX vs. WIMinard 212

DC vs. VA vs. OHMinard 302

FL vs. TX vs. CAMinard 116

VA vs. NH vs. WIMinard 230

MA vs. IL vs. TNMinard 112

Intermediate10:55am

Novice11:35am

←Thanks to Ryan Shane & Carter Wiese for these memes!

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JCL. Bees. Kazoos. Speeches. Ultimate Frisbee. Everything.

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ED: Add Exclusive Ultimate Frisbee

Action Shot HERE

Yes, this picture is from Saturday. Sorry, not sorry.