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The Mission of the Compassionate Friends is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age and to provide information to help others be supportive.

MEETINGS/REUNIONES

PARENTS, GRANDPARENTS & ADULT SIBLINGS

7:00 p.m. — 1st Thursday of the month

New Cassel Retirement Center

900 N. 90th Street —Auditorium Level 2, Omaha, NE

REUNION EN ESPAŃOL/MEETING IN SPANISH

7:00 pm-3er miércoles de cada mes/3rd Wed. of every month

One World Community Health Center Conference Room

4920 S. 30th Street, Omaha NE

Kelly 712-326-4308

Miércoles/Wednesday - 18 Noviembre/November Miércoles/Wednesday - 16 Diciembre/December Miércoles/Wednesday - 20 Enero/January

DAYTIME MEETING

3rd Tuesday of the month at noon. Join us for

lunch at Tish’s restaurant.

1115 S 35 Street, Council Bluffs

The Compassionate Friends Greater Omaha Chapter 402-571-4011 P.O. Box 540852, Omaha, NE 68154 www.tcfomaha.org

mail@tcfomaha.org (English) or correo@tcfomaha.org (Spanish)

National Office: The Compassionate Friends P.O. Box 3696 Oakbrook IL 60522-3696 (877) 969-0010 www.compassionatefriends.org

Non-Profit

US Postage

PAID

Omaha, NE

Permit #1300

Address Service Requested

Non-Profit

US Postage

PAID

Omaha, NE

Permit #1300

Información en Español en pagina 7 / Information in Spanish on Page 7.

Please send stories, poems or love gifts by

December 15, 2009

newsletter@tcfomaha.org

November 5—How We Cope

Resource: ―Beyond Tears‖

Guest Speaker: Kelly Elliot

December 3rd—Coping with the Holidays

December 13th—TCF Worldwide Candle Lighting (see page 5)

January 7th—Tear Soup

February 4th—Surviving the Emptiness

Resource: ―Beyond Tears‖

March 4th— Finances of the bereaved

Nov/Dec 2009

From the Desk of the Editors

We would like to introduce ourselves, we are

Tess’s Mom and Dad or better know as John

and Kate Spinks.. We have been members of

this group for almost two years now after

the sudden death of our daughter on Christ-

mas 2007. We have eight other beautiful

children at home who also bring joy to our

days. We welcome any comments, questions

or concerns about the newsletter. Hope you

find something within the newsletter that

helps you along your journey.

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♥ Gifts of Love ♥ Our activities support the grief work of many families. We also work to educate members of our community about the grief process and how they can support bereaved parents. Please help us help others by making a LOVE GIFT today. TCF is a 501c3 organization and funded only by donations. Monetary gifts in any amount are deeply appreciated and we gratefully accept these gifts knowing our children are warmly re-membered. Chapter expenses include printing, postage, library, yellow pages, and memorial programs. Use the form above to send a tax de-ductible gift. Gifts Received August 16-October 15

♥ In memory of Cathy Jo Thibault by Martha Thibault “Love and think of you everyday.”

♥ In memory of David Joesting by Darlene Joesting

♥ Anonymous

Love Gifts ∙ Address Change ∙ Authorization To Print Name & Dates

Mail to: The Compassionate Friends , PO Box 540852, Omaha, NE 68154

Your Name_____________________________________________________________________________________

Address_______________________________________Email____________ _______________________________

City___________________________ State _______ Zip ______________ Phone_____________________

Love Gift Donation of $________In Memory of_________________________________

DIRECT MY GIFT TOWARD:

□ Memorial Programs □ Outreach (Printing, postage, phone, web)

□ Angel of Hope Project □ General Fund (90% local/10% national)

Message:______________________________________________________________

I GIVE MY PERMISSION TO PRINT MY CHILD’S NAME, BIRTH & DEATH DATES IN THE NEWSLETTER

Child‘s Name __________________________________________________________________________________

Birth Date __________________Death Date ______________________Your Relationship____________________

SIGNATURE_REQUIRED________________________________________________________________________

You will no longer receive the newsletter if 2 years have passed since our last

contact with you. You may be added back to our list at your request. 2009

Steering Committee These members are veterans of the organization who work together as a team to take care of the business of the chapter. Giving back is another stage of healing. They will have nametags to iden-tify them as steering committee, so you can seek them out at meetings for questions or suggestions, or a listening ear.

Barbara Schwede

Chris Villarreal

Kelly Pelster

Shirley Ashcraft

Joyce Schlosser

Kirsten Tay

Nicole Winton

Kate & John Spinks

Kelly Kleckner-Silva

Jennie Thompson

Sandra Massie

Thank you to the following businesses and professionals who have generously assisted us in our mission

New Cassel Retirement Center · One World Community Health Center · Ted E Bear Hollow · Centering Corporation

Bob & Kathy Eastman in memory of Brianna Eastman

Mary Morrow in memory of Alex Morrow

Keryn Paul, Mike & Cindy Tomcak, and Tim & Karen Galvin in memory of Eric Lee, Eric Paul, and Brandon Tomcak

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Project Update

With sincere appreciation to everyone at Boys Town, an agreement has been reached and construction began October 27. Omaha‘s Angel of Hope Children‘s Memo-rial will reach her arms out to many families who come to remember a child. Please direct inquires on project pro-gress to the chapter website or call for an update 334-6929 or angelofhope@tcfomaha.org. Brick orders are being accepted. Volunteers will be needed during con-struction. Please respect Boys Town property, and the privacy of staff and residents.

Directions: Enter from Dodge Street on Sheehan Park-way. Right on Flanagan Drive. After roundabout, right on Bucher Drive. The Angel of Hope is on the right, across from Chambers Chapel.

Angel of Hope Gifts received August 16 – October 15

Barbara Lindsey--Kale Thomas Simon • Angela & Allen Garrett--Jack Garrett • Pamela Gladden--Jason Hingle • Lori & Chris

Mathsen--Jacob A. Mathsen • Coleen McGiffin--Michael James McClaren • Patrick & Suzanne O‘Donnell--O’Donnell Angels • Mar-

cus & Sarah Balters--Joshua Balters • Joseph & Joni Vazzano--Joey Vazzano • Vic & Kelly Pelster--Erin Krystal Pelster

Invitations for the Worldwide Candle Lighting have been mailed to TCF families, funeral directors, hospital chaplains, social workers, school counselors, private practice counselors, corporate donors, churches, police, firemen, and profes-

sionals. The Omaha chapter hosts this event for the public. The invitation is also on the chapter website if you would like to pass it along to someone who might be interested in participating, or supporting our mission.

Volunteers are needed at 3 pm the day of the event.

Chapter brochures are available for anyone who is in contact with bereaved families. If you could help distribute brochures to your zip code area, we will provide a list of our contacts.

Preparing for the holidays

Many of us who are grieving feel that Thanksgiving is a useless and painful holiday because we do not feel very thankful in our terri-bly hurting hearts. Maybe we could prepare our hearts for Thanksgiving by peeking into them to find at least one—and maybe even more—blessings that we could count at this time of year.

After I lost my two oldest children, Peggy (19) and Denis (21) , in the same car accident, I learned that the tiniest thing that could ease my heart‘s burden was indeed a blessing! Discovering these ―lifts to the heart‖ may help your prepare your heart for Thanks-giving. Sometimes amid all the pain, we forget what we could be grateful for. Thanks an ―inventory‖ for your heart. Perhaps your could be thankful for:

♥ The strength to get up each day.. Even if it is not fun. Grieving takes 10 times the energy to get through a day.

Exhaustion is one of the hardest parts to grieving.

♥ The love of one special person … whether it be spouse, child, or friend giving us encouragement and support.

♥ Pictures ... That make special moments treasures and keep our happy memories very much alive.

♥ The years … we had with our loved one.

♥ Music or poetry ,,, that soothes our soul.

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♥ Favorite recipes … of our loved one that bring smiles to our faces.

♥ Nature … a pretty flower, a sunset, a gorgeous mountain lake view—to stir the love of beauty in our hearts.

♥ Traditions or rituals … that bring a moment‘s peace to our hearts.

♥ Thoughtful relatives and friends … who have tried to understand our needs and have not frustrated us with a

―time schedule‖.

♥ Time .. That gives back to us what we lost through wisdom and memories.

May your Thanksgiving be filled with reasons to be thankful! Having loved and having been loved is perhaps the most wonderful rea-son of all.

Elaine E. Stillwell TCF Rockwille Center, Long Island

Holiday Cards

Before the loss of a child, the time and effort to send holiday cards was one more thing that we squeezed into our holiday routine, the rewards were always great. Now as you are struggling with grief, it is more than you can comprehend. Keeping in touch with your support system is vital but how will you send a card without all of your children included? Our solution was to finish our cards early and include her. We mail before the Worldwide Candle Lighting, 2nd Sunday in December. We enclose an insert with our holiday card, to invite family and friends to light a candle in memory of Erin on the day of the worldwide candle lighting. Each year a new photo and verse is used on a 4x6 card. Make 4 on a page, and copy on card stock. You can also ask family and friends to write a memory of your child as your gift this year.~ Kelly Pelster, Erin‘s Mom, TCF Omaha.

Here come the holidays…….

For many of us, we have learned ways to prepare ourselves for the inevitable ―grief bursts‖. First we celebrate Thanksgiving when we are to be thankful for our blessings. Then here comes Christmas, a time for celebrating the Birth of Jesus Christ. And, just one week later we begin a new year. It is difficult to be thankful, celebrate a birthday or look forward to a new year when these 6 weeks bring severe pain to many of us. As last month, here are some ways in which we can turn our sorrows into Good Grieving.

#100. Believe that you will, one day, “reconcile” your grief. You‘ll never ―get over‖ your child‘s death, but you will learn to accept it as

part of your life. You will learn to live with it. This is what ―reconcile‖ means. You will also learn that your life can be full of meaning and happiness again.

#14. Go to church or your family’s place of worship. Does your family belong to a church or other place of worship? If so, going once a

week or so will probably help you with your grief. Now might also be a good time to join a church group or choir. If your family doesn‘t at-tend a church or other place of worship, maybe you could consider trying it sometime. Just a side note…You may find it difficult to attend the church or place of worship that was the location for your child‘s service. If so, attend a different church or possibly an alternative time of service and sit in a different location within the church.

#34. Do something nice for someone else. Doing something nice for someone else helps both of you to feel good. Do something nice

for someone else today for no special reason. Bake something, rake your neighbor‘s leaves, visit a nursing home, and offer to help at a shelter or adopt a family for Christmas.

#23. Talk to a counselor. Talking about your grief to someone who cares about you is always a good idea and especially with the holidays

coming. Counselors who have helped other grieving people can be really great to talk to. Especially if someone who knows you well sug-gests it, give it a try. You‘ll be helping yourself feel better. Sometimes we just need that extra boost of encouragement.

#24. Don’t be scared or surprised by “grief bursts”. Sometimes, out of nowhere you will feel a wave of sadness you didn‘t expect.

These ―grief bursts‖ can be frightening. When you have a ―grief burst‖, find someone you can talk to about it. Or, just snugg le up with some-one who loves you and sit quietly till it passes.

I wish for you comfort, peace and serenity in the difficult days ahead!

Diana Bodnar, TCF Omaha

David‘s Mom

Her smile

Though her smile is gone forever and her hand I cannot touch,

I still have so many memories of the one I love so much.

Her memory is my keepsake with which I‘ll never part,

God has her in his keeping, I have her in my heart.

Worldwide Candle Lighting

Please join us in remembering ______

by lighting a candle on

Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 7:00 p.m.

The Compassionate Friends Worldwide

Candle Lighting is held every year on the

second Sunday in December at 7:00 p.m.

for one hour local time around

the globe–a 24 hour wave of light in memory

of all children who have died, but have not

been forgotten.

Your child’s

PHOTO

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Omaha chapter has received distinct recognition from The Compassionate Friends National Office. The Omaha chapter has been active helping grieving families in the Omaha area for 30 years. This is a tremendous achievement for the chapter. Take a moment and give thanks to all the families that came before us that kept the chapter running so that it could be there in our time of need. The Omaha Chap-ter was founded in 1978 by three couples, John & Elaine DeBoer, John & Sue Kinney Weiland, and Jack & Ceil Zuerlein.

TCF World wide candle lighting, December 13th at the Holiday Inn Central. 72nd and Grover in Omaha. This is the feature event for the Omaha Chapter of The Compassionate Friends. This years speaker will be nationally know author and speaker Ann Hood. Ann is the author of ―The Knitting Circle‖ and ―Comfort‖ among other titles. We are also very happy to announce that this years music will be provided by Elaine Stoner. Elaine graced us with beautiful music at last years candle lighting and we are thrilled that she has agreed to perform for us this year as well.

There will be a celebration of the chapters 30th anniversary before the candle lighting. Light refreshments and desserts will be served.

This years candle lighting chair persons are Kate Spinks and Nicole Winton.

For those interested in some of Ann Hoods novels, the Centering Corporation will have a small boutique on site.

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How many of us have a new appreciation for angels? It is certainly something that has taken on new meaning for me

at this point in my life. I have always liked angels. I have a dozen or so of them in my home. I have an angel tree at

Christmas. But since the death of my son, I look at them differently. They are no longer just forms of a heavenly

nature. They have meaning and I treasure that meaning in a way I never did before.

In his book, The Christmas Box, Richard Paul Evans tells the story of a young couple who answer an ad in the paper

to keep house for an elderly woman. They immediately are taken with the kindness of this woman, but worry that

their four year old daughter will bother her. The opposite happens and the woman is quite taken with the little girl.

They come to love this woman, but do not always understand her actions.

The mansion that they live in has quite a history to it and a box is found in the attic that contains a mysterious let-

ter that becomes quite a draw for the father of the little girl. In his quest to understand the elderly woman and

her intentions, the story unfolds. We find out that the woman has two angels. And since I don’t want to spoil the

story for you, you’ll have to read it to find out what I mean. I know you will enjoy it!

This is a heart-warming story of life, death and the meaning that both give us in our lives. I found it to be quite a

lift from some of the other books in our library, and I have to admit that I went on to read the other two books in

the series as well because I was so intrigued by the storyline. The Christmas Box is a very short story and one eas-

ily read. The other two books are a little lengthier, but go on to answer even more questions.

The Compassionate Friends Angel of Hope project is based upon this very story. I encourage everyone who has

even considered contributing to the project to read this book. It shows by example the reactions we have to grief

and the possibilities of compassion and love that can evolve in spite of our heartaches. And the angel just might

remind you of someone you know.

Submitted by Janet Todd, mother of Brian Todd, TCF Omaha

A new chapter is in the startup process in Fremont. Jeff & Leona Heldt are the organizers. Please contact

them to introduce yourself. Meetings will begin when they have a few families who have responded. If you

would like to begin attending or would like to become involved on their steering committee please email them

at jlheldt@yahoo.com, or call 402.727.9698. Chapters must meet attendance requirements and follow

guidelines over the next year to become an official chapter chartered by the national office. Don’t hesitate

to help them provide the support for those who so desperately need it, or be supported by others who un-

derstand grief.

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Esta hoja informative es para todos nosotros.

Si, Ud. tiene un niño o conoce a un niño que fallecio y quiere ‗compartir un poema o algo que escribio.

Porfavor enviarlo a la direccion:

correo@tcfomaha.org

DESEO

Desearía, no poder sentir este dolor tan agudo en mi pecho.

Desearía, poder tenerte en mis brazos una vez mas.

Desearía, que no hubieras sufrido tanto con esa larga enfer-medad.

Desearía, que cada inyección que recibías fueran cosquillas en tu piel.

Desearía, poder cambiar cada lagrima tuya por un millón de flores.

Desearía, a mitigar tu dolor cada vez que me mirabas con tus ojitos cansados.

Desearía, no verte sufrir ni un instante y regalarte un mundo de felicidad.

Desearía, que recostada en mi pierna pudiera trenzar tu ca-bello.

Desearía, celebrar mas cumpleaños juntas.

Desearía, poder llevarte a la escuela y compartir tus triunfos y derrotas.

Desearía, poder reírme cuando caminaras por primera vez con tacones.

Desearía, ver tu cara sonrojada cuando me compartieras la historia de tu primer amor.

Desearía, alcanzar a demostrarte lo buena mama que pude ser a tu lado.

Desearía, poder irme yo primero que tu.

SIMPLEMENTE........

Desearía que siguieras viviendo y me dieras de ese amor que

hacia estallar mi corazón.

EN MEMORIA DE ALEXA CRUZ

The online support community OSC is a place where siblings from all over can share and help each other cope with the unique grief of losing a brother or a sister. Sessions are moderated by bereaved siblings who are specially trained for the OSC. To register to par-ticipate, go to the OSC at www.compassionatefriends.org

Chris Villarreal is the adult sibling representative for our chapter. We encourage adult siblings to form a sibling discussion group at the meetings.

Siblings Grief

Please don’t overlook me!

I know my size is smaller my hands are littler my legs are

shorter,

But my HEART can hurt just like yours.

I’m a CHILD

You’re an adult…

Please don’t overlook me!

I know my vocabulary isn’t the greatest

My attention span lacks longevity

My logic sometimes seems irrational,

But my MIND can question death just like yours can.

I’m a TEENAGER

You’re and adult…

Please don’t overlook me!

I know my needs seems less important

My feelings seem less controlled

My actions are hard to understand.

But my BODY needs a hug just like yours does.

I’m YOUNGER

You’re older.

Please don’t overlook me!

I know tears are hard to show

Fears are difficult to face,

Death means not coming back,

But my SOUL searches for reassurance just like yours does.

I’m HURTING

And you’re hurting too…

Please don’t overlook me!

—TCF Sibling Page Carson City, NV

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♥ Our Children Remembered ♥ In the days ahead, especially remember these children and their families...on the day of their birth and on the

anniversary of their death. If your child has a birthday this month, bring a photo or memorabilia for the

birthday table, and a treat to share at the meeting. We need your authorization to list your child here.

Your child is not automatically listed just because you receive this newsletter. Sign & submit the form on Page 2.

Look at yourself in the mirror. Say to yourself, ”It is hard to lose a child.” Say to yourself, “It is reasonable to hurt.” Say to yourself, “Healing takes time.” Be good to yourself ----Sasha Wagner TCF Des Moines, IA

November sunrises day Child

11/1 SARAH VOGEL GANTT 11/2 BRANDON LEE MURRAY 11/3 MARCO PHILLIP RAEL 11/12 CHRISTINE PERKINS 11/13 CHAD CHOLLETT 11/15 ELIZABETH SUE RICHARDSON 11/17 ANGELA BURGER 11/17 GERID MICHAEL NELSON 11/19 ANDY POWLES 11/20 ERIC MICHAEL JENSEN 11/20 JACOB PAUL JACKSON 11/27 CHAD W. HARLOW 11/29 REBECCA ANN SULLIVAN 11/29 BRIAN LEE JENNINGS

December sunrises day Child

12/3 DARIN BLANCHARD 12/4 DEBRA ANN DISCHNER 12/4 DANIEL ROBERT STEPANEK 12/5 MARK JOHNSON 12/7 MICHAEL RAY HAWES 12/10 KOLE SKARTVEDT 12/10 JAMES HARLEY SHADDEN 12/11 JEREMY R. BAROWSKY 12/12 RACHEL MALENA DONAHUE 12/17 MARIAH JO JOHNSON 12/18 DAVID ALAN BODNAR 12/20 MICHAEL ANDREW OFE 12/22 CARI SUE SPORHASE 12/22 RAY NASTASE 12/27 MADISON RENAE CLARK 12/29 JOEL LYN HOLST 12/30 CHRISTOPHER BLANCHARD

November sunsets day Child

11/3 JAMES HARLEY SHADDEN 11/4 ALEX MORROW 11/5 FRANKIE LYN ANDERSON 11/7 JONATHON (SCOOB) NIELSON 11/14 BRAD HANSON 11/22 SHANE DANIEL PEDERSEN 11/24 ALEX THIELE 11/26 JEREMY R. BAROWSKY 11/29 KATRINA HESS

December sunsets day Child

12/1 VICKI KATZ 12/3 BRIAN NYE PATERSON 12/4 ELIZABETH SUE RICHARDSON 12/7 LITA L. VIRGILITO 12/8 ALEXANDER PAUL TAY 12/8 DEBRA ANN DISCHNER 12/12 MICHAEL JAMES TILSON 12/13 CHRISTINE ANNE BACHMAN 12/14 MARK THOMAS MASSIE 12/16 JOEL LYN HOLST 12/23 GERID MICHAEL NELSON 12/25 THERESA MARIE SPINKS 12/26 CASSIDY MARIE DETHLEFS 12/26 RACHEL MALENA DONAHUE 12/28 KELLY JEAN FALK