7/28/2019 The Cold War 1975-79 Play

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1 T French, 20.06.13 | @MrHistoire @BrauntonHistory

The Cold War, 1975-79

By Comrade French

CharactersUS President 1974-77 Gerald FordUS President 1977-81 Jimmy CarterUS Secretary of State Dr. Henry Kissinger

CIA Director 1973-76 William ColbyRepublican politician William J CaseyNational Security Advisor Denis Clift

General Secretary Leonid BrehznevForeign Secretary Andrei GromykoKGB Chief Yuri AndropovPolitburo member Konstantin ChernenkoSoviet dissident Andrei SakharovCzech playwright Vclav HavelCuban President Fidel CastroGeneral Secretary Muhammad TarakiChairman Mao

Moscow, 1975Mao Youre weak, Leonid! You gave away too much at SALT I to those capitalist

pigs!Brezhnev Now, now, lets not be hasty weve begun to increase our number of

warheads should we need to resort to war.

Gromyko I think the US scum might have increased theirs too ... or so our spies tellme...

Meanwhile, in the USA...Colby Im pretty sure that the reds have no idea how much weve increased our

nuclear arsenal good job, guys!Kissinger I wouldnt be too sure of that, Will. Anyway, SALT II is already being discussed

so perhaps we can persuade them to actually reduce their arms this time.

Ford Hey, are we heading off to Finland or not? I wanna bring me back basketfulsof agreements three, to be precise!

Kissinger Well never get them to agree to the existence of West Germany, and theyllalmost certainly flout any human rights laws, but I think that theyll co -operate on the economic front.

7/28/2019 The Cold War 1975-79 Play

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2 T French, 20.06.13 | @MrHistoire @BrauntonHistory

Helsinki Brezhnev We cant sign this! Theyve asked us to guarantee that well treat all our

people with respect, but I wont respect anyone who fights against the

communist revolution.Gromyko Dont worry, its just a piece of paper. Agree to this existence of West

Germany swill and theyll forget about human right s.

Andropov Im already getting reports from my comrades in Eastern Europe suggestingthat Helsinki Rights Groups are reporting any poor treatment to the otherthirty-three nations here.

Gromyko Just agree! Well fob them off with more lies like we have be fore.

Mao Leo .... Leo .... Youre weak, Leo .... Tell them where to stick it! Ive just

arrested my own wife would you do that, Leo?

Brezhnev Be quiet, Zedong! President Ford, I think we can agree to these baskets. Ford Fabulous! Lets release a stat ement saying how pleased we are to be working

together to keep dtente going, and then smile at the cameras as though we

really mean it and are best of friends, even though we dont speak the same

language and actually hate each other.Colby Psst, Gerald you know theyre never going to keep to this, right? Kissinger Shut it, Will we need Brezhnev to think were on his side.

Casey If you want Ill keep an eye on the Russians i nvolvement in Latin America.Clift Yeah, Im sure I saw some troops boarding ships earl -...

Castro You saw nothing, gringo!

Ford (Aside) This human rights issue is a ticking time bomb ...

Later ...Brezhnev No one should try to dictate to other peoples how they should manage their

internal affairs. It is only the people of each given state, and no one else, whohave the right to decide their own internal affairs.

Gromyko This is brilliant, I bet they never expected him to say this!Casey I totally expected him to say this. I cant wait until Im CIA Director and show

the Prez how clever I am and how much I know.Chernenko Brezhnev is right, but hes such a fool and is getting on. I cant wait until Im

General Secretary and can put some of this right maybe even Mao will likeme!

Andropov Oh , youll be next General Secretary will you? Well see about that! Now, whocan I snoop on next?

7/28/2019 The Cold War 1975-79 Play

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3 T French, 20.06.13 | @MrHistoire @BrauntonHistory

Meanwhile, in Eastern Europe...Havel If it werent for the communists Id still be rich! But now Ive worked as a

labourer I know how the workers have been treated, and as a playwright I

will speak out against the tyranny of communi-...

Andropov Do I hear someone complaining about human rights? Well put that right! Sakharov Quiet, comrade Havel the KGB will be after you! No Helsinki Watch Group

will be able to help you behind the Iron Curtain!

Havel But they made an agreement! Surely Brezhnev wouldnt stoop so low as to go

back on the third basket?Sakharov If only there was a new President who would write to me to commend me on

being a Soviet dissident ...

Washington DC, 1977

Carter ... and I hope that your struggle against the communist oppressors willcontinue. Signed, President Jimmy Carter. There you are, Casey, if you couldsend that off to that Sakharov chap Id be most grateful.

Casey Im not rea lly convinced by this is the right move as a very clever personwho should definitely be in charge of the CIA I have to advise against it.

Kissinger Im with Casey on this one, Mr President. This might annoy Brezhnev. Carter Nonsense! In any case, Im th inking of increasing the defence budget next

year so any trouble will be dealt with. I think we can trust Secretary Brezhnevto understand my developing doctrine of freedom.

Moscow, 1977 Brezhnev WHHHHAAAATTT!!?? I cant believe Carters said this! This is gross

interference. Are you sure he wrote this, Yuri?Andropov Most certainly, Supreme Leader. My agents intercepted it and handed it to

me personally. Ive allowed it to be sent on to Sakharov so that he doesnt

realise that weve read it we cant ha ve him complaining.

Sakharov Wow, its great to have a letter from President Carter. I wonder if he alwaystears envelopes open and stamps them KGB CENSORED before he sends

them... How are you getting on, Vclav?

Havel Oh, the pain! I have no free speech ...Andropov You can say anything, as long as I agree.Havel ... and religious restrictions ...Chernenko You can be any religion you want, as long as it is communist.Havel ... and Im not even allowed to move where I want to.

Andropov Well, we have to know where you are to spy on you!Sakharov Hopefully these Helsinki Watch Groups will tell our story to the world.

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4 T French, 20.06.13 | @MrHistoire @BrauntonHistory

Brezhnev This human rights issue is becoming embarrassing.Gromyko Somebody once described it as a time bomb.Brezhnev And somebody once said that it is only a piece of paper!

1978Clift Mr President, these pesky Ruskies are interfering in Africa now weve got to

do something about it!

Casey Theyve also hugely increased their spending on arms! Carter No problem, Denis. I was about to ask the Senate for an increase in the

defence budget.Kissinger If this gets out then theyll accuse us of hypocrisy.

Casey This will never get out, I promise. Can I be the new CIA Director, please?Carter Never! Not unless a new President comes along called Reagan, or something.

June, 1979 Kissinger So, weve agreed to limit nuclear delivery vehicles...

Gromyko ... and limit MIRVs ...Kissinger ... to ban the construction of ICBM launchers ...Gromyko ... and to limit the deployment of any more strategic arms.Kissinger Lets make this last until, I dont know, 1985?

Gromyko Brilliant, go for it! If you want to sign here ...Kissinger Okay ... theres nothing else you want to tell me, is there? No troop

movements, or any untruths?Gromyko I have no idea what youre talking about.

Cuba Castro Welcome, Soviet troops! Welcome to the land of Cuba! We will fight on

against our eternal foe, the capitalist pig that is America!Clift Aha, bingo! Hey, Senate, dont sign it!

Washington DC & New York City, late 1979Carter Theyve what!? How can we sign it now?! Kissinger May I suggest we pressure NATO into placing weapons in Europe? That way

we wont be seen as the aggressors. Dtente is under real pressure now wedont want to blow it. In fact, I bet that the Russians dont want to either.

Carter Well, the Senate wont allow us to sign it so I guess thats our only option.

Gromyko We definitely dont want to end dtente, but Im not sure how Leonid will

view these NATO missiles.Chernenko He definitely wont like them, but I dont think hell risk dtente.

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5 T French, 20.06.13 | @MrHistoire @BrauntonHistory

Kabul, December 1979 Taraki Salaam, Leo. Our communist reform programme is going well but some

people are getting angry.

Brezhnev What have you done, Muhammad? I hope you havent imprisoned any of thereligious elite in sight of the Helsinki Watch Groups!

Andropov (To Brezhnev) Psst, thats exactly what hes done.

Taraki I had to! If we want to continue the communist world revolution we have toget rid of these pesky dissidents.

Brezhnev But youve just rui ned dtente! Grrr ... Gromyko, send in the tanks... AndChernenko, can you get Carter on the hotline... Ive a difficult conversation to

have.

The end... of the Cold War?