The Coffee Break Screenwriter: Writing Your Script Ten Minutes at a Time

“Ihada‘first-draftpaperweight’onmydeskformonths.WithPilar’shelp,my scripts have transformed from desk clutter into calling cards. I’vebeenhiredbyWarnerBros.,signedwithICM,andamanewmemberoftheWGA.IcanhonestlysaythatIwouldn’tbeinthepositionIamtodayifitweren’tforPilar.”

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—TrevorMayes,scriptwrecked.com“ThegeniusofPilar’sbookisn’tthatshetellsyouhowtowritequickly—it’s that she provides invaluable exercises and questions to help youfocus on each individual element of your script: act breaks, charactermotivations,emotionalarcs,individualscenes,linesofdialogue,etc.Shebreakstheentireprocessintoshort,digestiblebitsdesignedtopushyouforward swiftly and determinedly, whether you have 10 minutes or 10months.”

—ChadGervich,writer/producer–Wipeout,RealityBinge,Speeders,FoodyCall;author,SmallScreen,BigPicture:AWriter’sGuidetotheTVBusiness

“...Acollectionof lessons thatwillhoneyourcraftand turnyou fromahobbyist into an authority. It’s a definitive and deceptively simple bookthat has boiled out all of the irrelevantminutia and pretense and bites

deepintotheboneofwhatmakesascreenplaywork.”—PaulLinsley,writer–Pangea,BobbyStellar:SpaceKid

“I loved The Coffee Break Screenwriter! For many writers, facing theprospect of writing a feature-length screenplay is formidable andsometimes unnerving. Pilar Alessandra breaks the task into short,sensiblebites,andbeforeyouknowityou’veconceptualizedandwrittentheentiredraft—withorwithoutcoffee!”

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“The Coffee Break Screenwriter is an asset for both producers andscreenwriters. It provides clarity on story and structure, works fordevelopingcharacters,andisagreathelponanyproject.”

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TheCoffeeBreakScreenwriter:

PilarAlessandra

MICHAELWIESEPRODUCTIONS

PublishedbyMichaelWieseProductions12400VenturaBlvd.#1111StudioCity,CA91604(818)379-8799,(818)986-3408(FAX)[email protected]

CoverdesignbyMWPInteriordesignbyWilliamMorosiPrintedbyMcNaughton&Gunn

ManufacturedintheUnitedStatesofAmericaCopyright2010All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means withoutpermissioninwritingfromtheauthor,exceptfortheinclusionofbriefquotationsinareview.

LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationData

Alessandra,PilarThecoffeebreakscreenwriter:writingyourscripttenminutesatatime/PilarAlessandra.p.cm.ISBN978-1-932907-80-31.Motionpictureauthorship.I.Title.PN1996.A482010808.2′3--dc222010018798

PrintedonRecycledStock

ThisbookisdedicatedtothewritersoftheOnThePageweeklywritinggroups,eachonedeservingofathree-picturedeal.

Thisbookisalsodedicatedtomystorytellingdaughters,SaraandRita,andtomyhusband,Pat,whosaid:“Youshouldstartyourownclass!”

Contents

INTRODUCTION

HOWTOUSETHISBOOK

CHAPTER1:THESTORYEMOTIONTELLSTHESTORYCHARACTERFLAWTELLSTHESTORYCONCEPTTELLSTHESTORYSECONDARYCHARACTERSTELLTHESTORYCOMPLICATIONTELLSTHESTORYSYNOPSIZINGTELLSTHESTORYRESOLUTIONTELLSTHESTORYPLOTANDCHARACTERELEMENTSTELLTHESTORYYOUTELLTHESTORY

CHAPTER2:THESTRUCTUREORGANIZINGYOURSTORYTHESTRUCTURESHEET

CHAPTER3:THEOUTLINETHEEIGHT-SEQUENCEBEATSHEETTHEBEAT-SHEETREWRITETHESCENELISTSCENEBRAINSTORMINGFINDINGSCENESTHROUGHSETUPANDPAYOFF

CHAPTER4:THECHARACTERSCHARACTERBIOGRAPHYCHARACTERMAKESANENTRANCECHARACTERRULESCREATINGGREATANTAGONISTS

CHAPTER5:THEFIRSTDRAFTSCENEINTENTIONQUICKYFORMATTHESPEEDDRAFTSCRIPTDEVELOPMENT:ADDNEWSCENESSCRIPTDEVELOPMENT:BUILDONEXISTINGSCENESSCRIPTDEVELOPMENT:ADDYOURVOICE

CHAPTER6:THEDIALOGUEVERBALAGENDAVERBALSTRATEGYDIALOGUEASAGAMEFINDINGCHARACTERVOICE

CHAPTER7:THEREWRITETHECONCEPTPASSTHESTRUCTUREPASSTHESTORYPASSTHESCENEPASSTHECHARACTERPASSTHEDIALOGUEPASSTHEFORMATPASSTHEELEMENTPASSTHEHOLISTICPASS

CHAPTER8:THECRAFTTHEPLACEMENTOFACTIONLINESCHOREOGRAPHYINACTIONLINESFIGHTSCENESEMOTIONALACTIONLINESTHE“TELL”OFTHESCENETHEBUTTONSCENETRANSITIONSNARRATIVEDEVICESCHARACTERANDSETTINGDESCRIPTIONSESSENCEPLUSACTIONTONALWRITING

CHAPTER9:THEFINALEDIT

STORYINTENTIONEDITGENREINTENTIONEDITLINECUTEDITSCENETRIMMINGEDITTHEGENERALEDIT

CHAPTER10:THEPRESENTATIONPRINTANDBINDPROTECTYOURMATERIALPITCHYOURSCRIPTTHEPERSONALPITCHMARKETINGMATERIALS

CHAPTER11:THEOPPORTUNITYNETWORKINGNEWMEDIAVIDEOGAMES,GAMESHOWS,PROMOS,ANDREALITYTVWHATIFTHEYLIKEME?THELONGPITCH

FADEOUT

WRITERS’THOUGHTSONTAKINGTEN

ADDENDUM:STEALINGTIME

FILM,TVANDWEBISODELIST

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

AUTHORBIOGRAPHY

Introduction

You’vegottenminutes.No,really,that’sallyou’vegot.Afterall,youhadtouseyour lunchhour to feedyourself.Youhadtoget to thatmeeting.You had tomake that phone call. You had to get the kids in the bath.Therewerethingstodo,andnotimetodoit!Butnowyou’vecrammedyour lunch in, sat through themeetingyou

don’t know why you took in the first place and cleaned up the kids.You’vemanaged to takeadeepbreathandsit down fora secondandfocus ... perhaps for ten whole minutes. Perhaps, even on yourscreenplay.Remember your screenplay?Thatwonderful, visual story that you’ve

beendyingtofinish...orjuststart.Theoneyoukeepnaggingyourselftowriteeverytimeyouleaveamovietheaterandthink,“Icandothat!”Youthinkyouneeddays,weeks,yearsthatyoudon’thave.Youthink

you need to study theory, create long outlines and carefully pick eachwordbeforeitevenhitsthepage.Youthinkyou’llneverhavethetimetoeven consider an idea, let alone write it. And, you’ve only got tenminutes.Tenlousyminutes.Goodenough.Ifonlyeveryscreenwriterwereasluckyasyou.Tenminutesgivesyou

the“tickingclock”everywritersecretlyneeds:adeadline.Asascreenwriting instructor, I’manadvocateof in-classwritingwork

that gets people writing in themoment. I give students tenminutes towriteentire scenes,and theyoftencreatemasterpieces. I’vealsoseenwhatcanhappenwhenIgivewriterstheadditionalfiveminutestheybegfor: theyoverwrite.They think toomuch.They fixwhatain’tbroke,andtheywritethemselvesintoacorner.Fortunately, you only have ten minutes. You have no choice but to

creatework that’s spontaneous and fresh.You just need somehelp tolearntousethattimewell.

HowtoUseThisBook

Thisbookwillhelpyouuseyourstolentenminutesoftimetomakerealprogressonyourscreenplay.Eachchapterfocusesonadifferentphaseofthewritingprocess:THESTORY,THESTRUCTURE,THEOUTLINE,THE CHARACTERS, THE FIRST DRAFT, THE DIALOGUE, THEREWRITE,THECRAFT,THEFINALEDIT,THEPRESENTATION,andTHEOPPORTUNITY.Withinthesechapterstherearesubsectionstohelpyouworkthrough

eachphase.Asyoumovethrough,you’llalsosee“TakeTen”writingtoolsandexercises.Thesehavebeencreated tohelpyoumove through thewriting process quickly and efficiently, ten minutes at a time. When a“TakeTen”exercisecomesup,tryitout.Noteverytool isgoingtoworkforeverywriter.Butyoushouldbeabletofindatleastonenewthingthatwillhelpyoutobrainstorm,outline,expandorpolishyourscript.Attheendofeach“TakeTen”exercise,you’llseeasummaryof“What

You’ve Accomplished.” This should remind you that you actually havemovedforwardinyourstory—despitetheshortamountoftimeinwhichyou’veworked.“You’vefinishedsomething,”they’llsay.“Sodon’tgobackandmakeitperfect.Turnthepageanddosomethingelse!”And,fromtimetotime,you’llalsocomeacrossa“Ten-MinuteLecture.”

Thesearemeanttoquicklydistillanddemystifycurrentscreenplaytheoryorcommonscreenwritinglanguage.If you’re just beginning a new project, I’d suggest following along

chronologically, using the book to build your story from concept tofinished script. Even if you’ve already written a screenplay, you’ll findoutliningtoolsandwritingtipsthatwillstreamlineyourprocess.Ifyou’reawriterwhoonlyneedshelpwithcertainareasofyourscript,

feel free to jump from chapter to chapter. Even skipping around, youshouldfindawritingtoolthatwillworkforyou.It’suptoyou.AllIcantellyouisthattimeiswasting,sostartwriting!

You’veonlygot...well,youknow!

CHAPTER1

TheStory

Thischapterwillhelpyou tobrainstormyour idea,shape it intoastory,and hone it into something movie-worthy. We’re going to build fromcharacter flaw, nail the hook of yourmovie, make decisions about themiddle,experimentwiththeending,andthenseewhathappenswhenweputitalltogether.Noteverybrainstormingtoolwillbetheonethatcracksyourstoryopen.Butat leastoneof themwill.And,when itdoes,keepworkingfromthere!

GettingPastBrainFreeze

Soyou’vecarvedoutthattenminutes,butnowyourbrainisfrozen.Whatwasityouweregoingtowriteagain?Itwasaboutthatguywhodidthatthinginthatplace,right?Well,believeitornot,that’sastart!

TEN-MINUTELECTURE:

THEKEYINGREDIENTSOFEVERYMOVIE

AmovieisusuallyaboutaMAINCHARACTERwithaPROBLEMwhoengagesinanACTIVITYwithSTAKEShanginginthebalance.

ENDOFLECTUREWhileyouhavetenminutes,let’sputtheseelementsinorderandsee

whatyoucomeupwith.

TAKETEN:THEOVERVIEW

MAINCHARACTER

Whatkindofpersonishe?

PROBLEM

Whatdifficultsituationoccurs?

ACTIVITY

Whatdoeshedoaboutit?

STAKES

Ultimately,whatdoeshehavetoloseifhedoesn’tsucceed?

WHATYOU’VEACCOMPLISHED

Bylistingsomecentralelements,you’vebeguntofigureoutamovie’sstory.Addacoupleofotherideasintothemixandyou’llseeittakeaclearershape.

EmotionTellstheStory

Everyscreenwritingteacherhasatheoryaboutstory.Here’smine:Actiontriggersemotion.Emotiontriggersaction.Honestly,that’sit.Inscreenplays,youcan’thaveonewithouttheother.

And it’s important, as you go through these tools and build yourscreenplay,thatyoukeepinmindhowmarriedthesetwothingsare.Afterall,whocaresaboutamajoreventinamovielikeabombgoingofforacarchaseorahauntingoraweddingunlesswegetachancetoseehowthatbomb,chase,hauntingorweddingaffectsacharacter?And how can we invest in what a character is actually feeling if we

haven’tbeenprivytoaneventthatdrovehertothatemotionalplace?Actionshowsusthestory.Emotionpushesthestoryforward.

TAKETEN:EMOTION+ACTION=STORY

Startyourmaincharacteroffonanactive,emotionaljourneybyaskingthefollowingquestions:

Keepaskingthesequestionsandseehowmuchstoryyoucaninventinyourtenminutes.

CharacterFlawTellstheStory

Don’tyouwishyouhadsomeonewhocouldjusttellyouwhatyourscriptisgoingtobeabout?Someonewhocouldcomeupwithplotpointsandscenes and save you all of that planning work? Fortunately, you do.You’ve got yourmain character (who we’ll call theMC).With the rightquestionsandexploration, thatmaincharactercanoften reveal itsownmoviestory.That’s whywe’re going to start the writing process by taking a hard

lookatthepersonyouthinkmaybeyourmaincharacter.We’regoingtofigureoutwhatthatpersonislikebeforehehitspageone,whathisflawsare, how those flaws can launch a story, and how his personal rulesmightpayoffininterestingplottingandscenes.So,let’sstartwithyourmaincharacter—“thatguywhodidthatthing.”

Ifthatguyisatallinteresting,it’sbecauseheishuman,fallible...flawed.Oh, your character doesn’t have a flaw? Well, mess him up. Get hishandsdirty.Perfectcharactersareboring.Flawedcharactersarelikeus,andthat’swhatviewersrespondto.Flaws don’t have to be “fatal” – they can simply be human. Anger,

arroganceandselfishnessareflawsthatoftenstartacharacteroffonanintriguingrockyroad.Butsweetness,humblenessandcharitycarriedouttotheextremecanalsobeflaws.What would It’s AWonderful Life be like if the MC wasn’t restless?

Whatwould themovieErinBrockovichhavebeen like if theMCwasn’tdemanding?WhatkindofajourneywouldSophie’sChoicehavetakeniftheMCwasn’tindenial?WhatwouldSidewayshavebeenlikeiftheMCwasn’tadrinker?InCastAway,WilliamBroylesJr.wroteastoryaboutamanruledby

time.Heevengavethemanaflaw-relatedjob:FedExsupervisor.Then

hesimplystrandedthismanonanisland,anislandwherehehadallthetimeintheworld.Instantmovie.Let’sseewhattroubleyourflawedmaincharactercangetintoandout

of.Answerthefollowingquestionsandseewhatmoviedevelops.

TAKETEN:THEMAINCHARACTERFLAWBRAINSTORM

First,determinetheflawofyourcharacter.Then,discoverhisstorybyaskingthefollowingquestions:1. Keeping your main character’s flaw in mind, what’s theWORST SITUATION he could find

himselfin?2.WhatistheFIRSTACTIONyourMCwouldtake?3.HowmightthatactionBACKFIRE?4.WhoistheLEASTLIKELYPERSONwhomighthelptheMCorteamupwithhim?5.WhatNEWACTIONmightthatpersonpushtheMCtotake?6.WhoorwhatmightGETINTHEWAYofthisnewactivity?7.HowmighttheflawoftheMCturnintoaSKILL?8.WhatSURPRISINGFINALACTIONcouldbetakenthatistheleast-likelythingyourcharacter

wouldhaveoriginallydone?


Youmayhavejuststructuredyourentiremovie!

Character-drivenStructure

How did you structure your entire script by answering a few questionsaboutyourcharacter’sflaw?Well...

Questions1-3Act 1 usually ends when a character creates a problem or makes anexistingoneworse. It’snot just thatsomething terriblehappens to him.The way that flawed person takes action as a result of that event isusuallythemoreinterestingactbreak.Hemakesthewrongchoiceand,ultimately,hisadventureswithinthemovieleadhimtoabetterone.

Question4In the first part of Act 2, the main character often works directly orindirectlywithasupportingcharacter.Thisbuildsarelationship,createsaB-story, and gives the MC someone to interact with. Making thatcharacter the “least likely” choice builds tension. Will these twocharactersbeabletoachieveagoal,whilealsomanagingtheirpersonal

conflict?

Question5The supporting character is often theoutside influence that causes themaincharactertotakeanewactionorbegintochange.She’snottherejusttosupport;she’stheretochangethegame.Shepushes,shecomesupwithnew ideas,she influences.Thenewactionmayalso forceyourcharactertoconfronthisflawandstartthinkingdifferently.

Question6InthesecondpartofAct2,anopposingforceoftenshakesthingsupbytrying to prevent themain character from achieving a goal. This is theantagonist ... thebadguy.Butsometimes it’saforceofnature,oreventheMC’sownflaw.Sometimesit’samixtureofallthree!ThekeytothisactisrememberingtousetheantagonisticforcetocreateachallengefortheMC.Keepusworryingandwondering!

Question7Now we’re in Act 3. So, how will your character ever get out of thissituation?Well,yourcharacteralwayshadadistinguishingcharacteristic:his flaw.Perhapsthatcouldactuallybeofuseandtranslate intoaskill.Selfish = survivor. Loose cannon = risk taker. Obsessive =knowledgeable.ThegoalinamovieisnottoabandonwhatmakesyourMC interesting, but to use those traits to help. Looking for a key tocharacterdevelopment?Thereitis.

Question8Bymovie’send,yourMChas learned fromhis journeynot tomakethesamemistakeshemadethefirsttime.Inshort,todotheleast-likelythinghe would originally have done. Here, we see him make the correctchoice, insteadof thewrongonehemadeat theAct1break.With thisnewapproach,hefinallysolveshisproblem.

ConceptTellstheStory

So,now thatyouknowwhoyourcharacter isandwhat troublehegetsinto...exactlywhatisyourmovieabout?Mostwriterstrytoreachforthestarswhenaskedthisquestion.“It’saboutman’sinhumanitytoman,”theyanswer.

“It’sabouttheuniversalsearchforlove.”“It’sabouttheneedtoputothersfirst.”No,really,whatisitabout?What’sthebigidea?Inshort...what’sthe

logline?What’s that perfect, one-line synopsis that will make studios throw

moneyatthemovieandhaveaudiencesliningupatthetheaters?Drawingablank?Here’satrick,andit’sactuallygoingtotakelessthan

tenminutes.Justaskyourselfonequestion:What’sthe“whatif”questionofmymovie?“Whatif”alawyer,paidtolieforaliving,couldn’tlieforoneday?“What if” an out-of-work actor gets the gig of his life ... as a female

soapstar?“Whatif”agroupofover-the-hillfriendsdecidedtorelivetheiryouthby

startingtheirownfraternity?“Whatif”amanagesbackward,growingyoungerastheloveofhislife

growsolder?Of course Liar Liar, Tootsie, Old School and The Curious Case of

BenjaminButtonarehigh-conceptmovies,meaning that theycanoftenstandon concept alone tobring in thebigbucks.But the “what if” canalso be found in smaller character-driven and “slice-of-life” movies aswell.Ifit’sreallyamovie,there’sabigideaintheresomewhere.Infact,youprobablybeganthisprojectbecauseyouimaginedsomethingthatnooneelsehasimagined.“Whatif”arespectedmathematician’stop-secretgovernmentprojectis

reallyaschizophrenicdelusion?“Whatif”themidlifecrisisofasuburbanfatherleadstomurder?With A Beautiful Mind and American Beauty, we think high drama

ratherthanhighconcept.Yet,ineachcase,thewriterhasfoundthebigideawithinthestoryandexploitedit.A Beautiful Mind, for example, could have just been about a noble

mathematicianwhostrugglesagainstamentalillness.Butwouldithavegrippedaudiences?By focusingon the imagined top-secretproject, thewritercreatesbothasuspensemovieandacharacterplay.AmericanBeautywasalsowisetoframeitsstoryasathriller.Amidlife

crisismovieonitsown,butpitchitasonlythatandyou’regoingtohaveaproducerfallingasleepinhissushi.Addthetwistthatthiscrisisactuallyleadstothecharacter’suntimelydeath,andyou’llstartabiddingwar.So,let’sfindyour“bigidea,”thespecialpremisethatmakesthisstory

worthyofbeingonthebigscreen.It’sthere!

Comeupwithyourown“what if”questionforyourmovie.Rememberto focuson thehook.Whatmakesyourstoryunique? Is it theclashoftwooppositecharacters?Isittheunconventionalapproachthecharacterusestowardsolvingaproblem?Or is it theproblemitself—asituationneverbeforeseenonthebigscreen?Thinking.Thinking.YoumaybedwellingonAct1whenyoutrytofindyourhook.Butyou

should also feel free to explore other areas of your script. “I see deadpeople,” for example, wasn’t revealed until the midpoint of The SixthSense.Andthatwasthehook,withoutquestion.Gotit?Good.Heregoes:

TAKETEN:FINDYOURLOGLINE


Theloglineisthecornerstoneofyourscript.Bydefiningthebigideaofyourmovie—thehook—you’vegivenyourselfsomethingtobuildon.Fromhere,youcantakeyourideaandrunwithit.

SecondaryCharactersTelltheStory

It’sbeensaid thateverycharacter inamovie thinks themovie isaboutthem. The first time I heard that, I thought, “Of course! Why shouldcharactersinmoviesbeanylessself-centeredthanweare?”A villain doesn’t know he’s the villain— he thinks he’s the hero.He

believessomegood-lookingguywithmorescreentimeissimplygettinginhisway.A romantic interestdoesn’t knowshe’s just “thegirl”—shethinksshe’srunningtheshow.Modern-daykids’moviesareoftenbasedonthisidea.Turnthetypical

badguyinachildren’sstoryintoaherobylookingatthestoryfromhis

pointofviewandyou’vegotaninstanthit.ShrekfollowstheOgre’spointof view in a princess story; Monsters, Inc. looks at the story of themonsterswhoscarechildren.Pixar,inparticular,hasagreatwayofbuildingentireworldsfromeven

themostseeminglyminorcharacter’spointofview.Itthinks:“Whatif”thetoys inchildren’sroomscamealive?(ToyStory)“What if” insectshadasocietyof theirownwherehumansandbirdswereobstacles? (ABug’sLife)Turning a story around from a secondary character’s point of view

makesforgreatgrown-upfilmsaswell.MyBestFriend’sWeddingistoldfromthepointofviewofabridesmaid.TheQueen looksat thestoryofPrincessDiana’sdeath fromthepointofviewofhermother-in-law.TheDepartedissorichbecauseitfocusesequallyonthelivesoftwomenonoppositesidesofanundercovermobsting.By discovering the “movies” of your supporting and opposing

characters,you’lldiscovertheircharacterarcsandfindnewdepthinyourscreenplay.Youmayevenfindabetterscreenplayidea.You’restillinthebrainstormingstage,soit’sworthtakingtenminutestotryit.

TAKETEN:YOURSECONDARYCHARACTERS’LOGLINE


Byseeingthemoviethroughtheeyesoftheothercharacters,you’veseenthemasricherindividualswiththeirownstories.If,indeed,you’vefoundoutthatthemoreexcitingstorytotellisthatofanothercharacter,don’tworry.It’searlyenoughinyourwritingprocesstomakeanewchoice.

ComplicationTellstheStory

Awell-writtenloglinepushesthereaderorlistenertowanttoknowmoreaboutyourscript.Theinevitablefollow-upquestionis:“Andthenwhat?”Whathappensnext?Wheredoyoutakethestoryfromhere?So,Iputittoyou:Andthenwhat?You don’t know? Time to brainstorm the major complication of your

story. If your log line is “a troubled therapist discovers that his twelve-year-oldpatientseesdeadpeople,” the“andthenwhat”wouldfocusonwhatproblemsoccurasaresultof thispower. In thecaseofTheSixthSense,problemsoccurwhenthedeadpeople threaten theboy’ssanityand the case threatens the therapist’s marriage. Notice that these“problems”allstemfromtheantagonist:the“deadpeople.”Ask yourself what problems occur for characters once you’ve set up

the premise and you’ll probably discover that they’re created by yourantagonist, a.k.a. your bad guy.Whomight want to prevent your herofromdoingwhathewants todo?Whatvillainousstepswouldhe take?That’syourcomplication.Andit’salsotheanswerto“andthenwhat?”Sometimes,ofcourse,problemscanoccurbecauseoftheintrusionof

yoursupportingcharacter.Fallinginlovecanbeapositivecomplication,but it’s still a complication. InWhen Harry Met Sally, problems occurwhen Harry sleeps with Sally, then panics, causing her to cancel theirfriendshipaltogether. InJuno, complicationsoccurwhenJunobecomesattachedtothecouplethatintendstoadoptherbaby.Sometimes, problems occur because of the flaw of your main

character. And that’s a good thing. That flaw is only really useful if itcomesbackfromtimetotimetoshakethingsup. InTheSilenceof theLambs,problemsoccurwhenHannibalLecterforcesClaricetoconfrontherpsychologicaldemons,causinghertoweakeninthefaceoftheserialkiller.In(500)DaysofSummer,maincharacterTomHansen’sromanticnatureandobsessionwithfallinginlovecausehimtocontinuallypushtomakeafailingloveaffairwork.It’stimetofindyourownstorycomplication.Bydoingso,you’llfindthe

climaxof yoursecondactandspin it insuchaway that it propelsyoufrom the first half of Act 2 into the second half of Act 2, giving yourscreenplay that extra “oomph” it needs to reinvest the reader and theaudience.

TAKETEN:

DISCOVERCOMPLICATION

Findthebigcomplicationofyourmoviestory:


You’vethrownawrenchintoyourcharacter’sstoryandforcedhertodealwithnewproblemsthatheightenthesecondact.Bydealingwithclevercomplications,charactersearntheirhappyendings.Ifthejourneyiseasy,itisn’tamovie.

SynopsizingTellstheStory

Thanks toyourbrainstorming fromcharacter,youhaveasenseofyourstory. Creating a log line has helped you find the hook and creatingcomplicationhasexpandedthatideaintoamovie.Butwe’vedonethisall inpieces.Now,wewant toseehowthestory

feels when we describe it briefly with a simple beginning, middle, andend.Use the Brief Synopsis template to get you there. Notice that the

“Solution”sectionpresentsdifferentoptions.Feelfreetouseoneormoreofthese.

TAKETEN:BRIEFSYNOPSIS

Usedescriptive,activelanguagetohelpyouseeyourmovie.Charactersdon’tjustfeel,theydo!Useverbs!

Example:TheSixthSense(whatif)Atroubledtherapistdiscoversthathistwelve-year-oldpatient“seesdeadpeople.”Problemsoccurwhenthedeadpeoplethreatentheboy’ssanityandthecasethreatensthetherapist’smarriage.Fortunately,thetherapistlearnsthattheghostssimplyneedattentionfromtheboy.Tragically,helearnsthathehimselfisdead.

Example:TheWizardofOz(whatif)Arestlessgirlishurledbyatornadointoamagicalworldanddiscoversthattheonlywayshecangethomeistoseekhelpfromapowerfulwizard.Problemsoccurwhenanevilwitchsabotagesherandhernewfriends:abrainlessscarecrow,acowardlylion,andatinmanwithoutaheart.Fortunately,thegroupmeltsthewitch,provingthattheyhavethebrains,courageandhearttosolvetheirownproblems.


Abeginning,middleandendarenothingtosneezeat.Inmovieterms,thoseareyourfirst,secondandthirdacts.

ResolutionTellstheStory

Inyourscreenplay,youknowthatyoursweetheartsgetmarried,yourcopgets the robber, andyourgoodguydefeats thebadguy.Nowyou justneedtofigureouthowallthathappens.Remember that audiences invest their interest and their money in a

movie in order to discover how a character will solve a big problem.Wimpoutwiththatsolutionandthey’lldemandtheirmoneyback.Manywritersdoknowwhatthebigdiscoverywillbefortheircharacter,

theyjustdon’tknowhowtogetthere.Often,theanswercanbefoundinthesmall,cleverdetails—whatIcallthetriggermoments—thatleadtothebigrevelation.InWillyWonka and theChocolate Factory, the entire story is turned

around by one honest moment in which Charlie returns the top-secretnewcandyhe’sbeenaskedtosteal.Hisactofhonestytriggersthethird-actreward.InCasinoRoyale,JamesBondisaskedaboutfundshewassupposed

totransfer,triggeringhisrealizationthattheloveofhislifehasbetrayedhim.InEternalSunshineoftheSpotlessMind,maincharacterJoelBarishis

given the cassette tape that talks about his former girlfriend, triggeringhimtoreclaimhismemories.InPrimalFear, a supposedly innocent defendant casually reveals he

knows something he shouldn’t, causing his lawyer to realize he’s beenplayed. Again, one small moment, in this case a slip of the tongue,triggersan“a-ha!”momentwhichleadstotheanswer.Discover your script’s big trigger by working backward from the big

revelation.

TAKETEN:WORKBACKWARDTOFINDYOURENDING1.Startwiththefinalreveal:Whatdoesthecharacterdiscoverthatismostpainful,shocking,surprising,or

delightful?2.Wheredidthatpersondiscoverit?3.Whatphysicalclueledhertothatplace?4.Whatwassaidthattriggeredthecharactertosearchforthatclue?5.Whateventoccurredthatcausedthatcharactertospeaktheline?6.Whatproblemoccurredthatcreatedthatevent?7.Howdidthemaincharacter’sownactionscreatethatproblem?8.Whatgoaldidthemaincharacterhavethatcausedhertobehavebadlyenoughtocreatethisproblem?9.Whatcircumstancesinthemaincharacter’sworldinspiredthatgoal?


Byaskingthesequestions,youshouldhaveatleastonenewwayofmovingtowardyourbigrevelation.

Asequenceofcleverdetailsthatpushacharactertowardatruthisamuchmoreinterestingjourneythanoneinwhichshesimplytripsontheanswer,orworse,isjusttold!

PlotandCharacterElementsTelltheStory

Use tenmoreminutes to reviewyourelementsbyputting themononepage.Usethispageasaconstantreferencetool toremindyouofyouroriginalintentionsforyourproject.

TAKETEN:INTENTIONSHEET

Usethissheettosumupyour“take-ten”exercisessofar.


You’vecreatedaguidethatwillkeepyouontrackasyououtline,writeandexpandyourscript.

YouTelltheStory

All of the work you’ve done — finding your character-driven story,creating your structure, using a “what if” question to find your hook,buildingon thehook to find thecomplication,andworkingbackward tofindyourending—shouldhavehelpedyoutocreatearealmoviestoryinyourmind.Additionally,asaveteranmoviegoer,youalreadyhaveastorysense

that helps you as a writer. And as a person who tries hard not to beboring, you’ve become amaster storyteller. You relate funny events toyourcoworkers,reminiscewithyourlovedones,andtellbedtimestoriestoyourkids.In fact, the next template uses the language and simple beats of a

bedtimestorytohelpyoutellyourmoviestory.Youdon’tneedfancyfilmtermstocreateanoutline,justarichbeginning,middle,andend.This template is somewhat long since it works through your entire

movie.Todealwithit inten-minuteincrementsoftime,it’sbeendividedintofoursectionstoequalacts(we’llgetintothoseinthenextsection).

Ifyougetstuckonablank,justmoveontothenextsection.Or,itmaymeanthatthere’sanobstacleoractivitythat’smissingfromyourmovie.Makesomethingupandseewhathappens!

TAKETEN:DESCRIBEYOURMOVIELIKEABEDTIMESTORY

10Minutes:ACT1


You’vesetupthecharacterbydescribingherasaflawed(translation:human)person.You’vealsotriggeredabig,movie-worthyproblembyhavingyourownmaincharactermakeanunwisechoice.ThishelpsmoveherintoAct2.

10Minutes:ACT2A


You’vesetgoalsfortheMCwithpotentialtoleadtoavarietyofinterestingadventures.Then,bythemidpoint,you’vecreatedamajorcomplicationthatforcestheaudiencetoreinvestinthecharacterandherstory.

10Minutes:ACT2B


You’veusedyourantagonisttomessthingsupforyourmaincharacterandfooledtheaudienceintothinkingthatthere’snowayout.ThiswillmakeAct3—whenyourmaincharactersolvestheproblem—feellikeevenmoreofavictory.

10Minutes:ACT3


You’vedrawnfromyourMC’sjourney,usingthecharacters,skillsandresourcesobtainedalongtheway,tohelpsolvetheproblem.Justtomakesureitdoesn’tendtooneatly,you’veaddedafinalhurdle,astapleofmodernfilmstructure,togivethescreenplayonelasthitch.

Togethere,youmadeupastoryonthespot—fillingintheblanksasyouwent.Ifanyofthebeatsdon’tworkforyou,justreplaceaword.Doingsomaychangethewholestory!

TEN-MINUTECHAPTERREVIEW:STORY

1.BrainstormthecentralELEMENTSandEMOTIONofthestory.

2.FindaCHARACTER-DRIVENSTRUCTUREthroughthecharacter’sFLAW.

3.Committoconceptbycreatinga“WHATIF”LOGLINE.

4.DiscoverthesecondactbycreatingaCOMPLICATION.

5.Decideonabeginning,middleandendbywritingaBRIEFSYNOPSIS.

6.BRAINSTORMBACKWARDfromtherevealto“trigger”thesolutioninyourthirdact.

7.GetasenseoftheflowbydescribingyourmovielikeaBEDTIMESTORY.

CHAPTER2

TheStructure

Structure is simply the organization of story beats. That’s it. Theplacement of an event and the amount of time it takes up on screendetermines the “structure” of a story.Where it all gets kind of crazy iswhen writers, teachers and other industry folk try to determine exactlywhateventshavetobeincludedandwhere.Bookshavebeenwrittenaboutit.Theoryhasbeendevelopedaboutit.

Debatehasgone into it.Andwriterseither feel that theyhave to followevery single rule they read or that they should abandon structurealtogetherandcommitthemselvestoartisticaimlessness.Like many other people who write books about screenwriting, I’ve

provided someguidanceaboutwhat tends to take place in critically—and commercially — successful movies and will continue to do sothroughout this book. Our character-driven structure, for example,suggestsapattern that flawedcharacters fall intowhen they’repushedout of their comfort zone. Later, I’ll point out more patterns that takecharactersfromthelowstothehighsastheymovethroughastory.Butthisisonlyaguide;areminderthatastorychangesascharacters

makenewchoices.Youdon’thavetocreatestoryinexactlythewayit’slaidouthere.Instead,onceyou’vedeterminedthebeginning,middleandendofyourstory,feelfreetoplay.Togetstarted,andtokeepyourstoryasclearaspossible,I’mgoingto

takeyouthroughthestepsofcreatingalinearstructureforyourscript.Yes, I said linear. Staywithme, structure rebel! I promise that, after

you’vegottenasenseofyourlinearstructure,youcanthenchangethatstructure and tell your story any way that you want. As long as yourwriting is clear, you can jumpbackand forth in time.You can tell yourstoryfromseveralpointsofview.Youcantellyourstorybackward.But,noneofthat’sgoingtomakeanysenseunlessyoufirstcomeupwithasimplebeginning,middle,andend.

OrganizingYourStory

Asmentioned,screenplaystructuredoesn’thavetobeasetofrulesthat

oneeitherfollowsorrejects.It’ssimplystoryorganization.Imaginethatalloftheideasforyourmoviearewrittenontinyscrapsof

paper.Imaginethattherearetonsofthesescrapsofpaper.Andimaginethat theyareeverywhere! (Ihavea feeling thatsomeofyoumayknowtoowell exactlywhat I’m talkingabout.)Youcould throw thepiecesupintotheair,seewheretheylandandhopeforthebest.Youcouldhandthemovertoaudiencemembersandtellthemtocomeupwiththemovieontheirown.Or,youcouldorganizethescrapsintoacohesivestorythatmakessense,entertains,andisallyourown.Thisorganizationofideasisyour“structure.”To better help with the organization process, I’m going to get you

familiar with some terminology so that we’re all speaking the samelanguage.Consideritaten-minutecrashcourseinACTS,SEQUENCES,andSCENES.

TEN-MINUTELECTURE:

ACTS,SEQUENCESANDSCENES

Imaginethosepiecesofpaperagain—theoneswiththeideaswrittenonthem.Imaginesweepingthoseideasintothreeorfourbigpiles.ThosearetheACTS.Nowimaginedividingthosepilesintoaseriesofeventsthatadduptoeachact.ThoseareyourmajorSEQUENCES.Nowgothrougheachsequencepileandlookateachpieceofpaper.Imaginethateachpiecehasacharactermomentoractivityonit.ThosearetheSCENES.

Toreview:

BigpicturepilesofstoryareACTS.

DividethemuptogetSEQUENCES.

DividethemupevenfurthertoseetheindividualSCENES.

ENDOFLECTURE

TheStructureSheet

TheStructureSheetisaone-pagetablethatwillhelpyou“see”thebig,

structural picture of your screenplay. Just follow each step and watchyourstorybuild.

Step1:DivideYourStoryintoFourActs

Let’sstartwiththosebig“piles”ofideas—youracts.Inthisbook,we’regoingtomakestructuresimplebydividingyourscript intofoursections:Act1,Act2A,Act2B,andAct3.Replacing the traditional three sections with four means that we’re

dealingwithfourequalparts.DividingAct2inhalfalsopreventsthatact— the longest of the three— from becoming repetitive and eventuallyflat-lining. We’re also going to break from the traditional notion of 30pages (firstact),60pages (secondact),30pages (thirdact)andmakeeachsection25pagesinstead.Afterall,mostscriptsthesedaysaverage110pages.Onehundredandtwentypagesis“goinglong.”Thinkaboutscreenplaystructurethisway:

Act1: pages1-25Act2A: pages25-50Act2B: pages50-75Act3: pages75-100

Whenwegettotheactualpage-writingpartofthisbook,you’llfindthat

writing25pagesinanactismuchlessintimidatingthanwritingupto60.Averagetwopagesperworkdayandyou’llcruisethroughyourscript!If you’rewriting a one-hour drama,which tends to bewritten as five

andsixacts,youcanstillgroupyourmajorbeatsintofoursections.Think12-15pagespersegment. (Pagecountandactbreaksvary in

one-hour.But,rememberthatthisisallaboutorganization.)

Act1: 12-15pagesAct2: 12-15pagesAct3: 12-15pagesAct4: 12-15pages

Half-hour, multi-camera TV shows conventionally have two or three

acts,butcommercialbreaksstillcreatefoursegments.Thinkabouteightsingle-spaced pages per segment if it’s single-camera (The Office,

Entourage)or10double-spacedpagespersegment if it’smulti-camera(TheBigBangTheory,TwoandaHalfMen).

Act1A: 8-10pagesAct1B: 8-10pagesAct2A: 8-10pagesAct2B: 8-10pages

Working with four segments allows you to see each part equally.

There’s no vast wasteland of “middle” anymore. But now that you’rethinkinginfourseparatesegments,youneedtobrainstormthestorythateachsegmentwilltell.

Step2:TitleYourActs

IneachacttheMCisatadifferentplacephysicallyandemotionally.So,think about how youmight build your story in four parts and then titleeachsectionbasedonthemaineventoractivitythatoccursinthatchunkoftime.TheWizardofOz,forexample,mightlooklikethis:

Act1 KansasRestlessnessAct2A OzProblemsAct2B WizardChallengesAct3 WitchShowdown

Asweknow,DorothyexperiencesconflictwithMissGulch,getsyelled

atforbeinginthewayathome,andwishesshewere“OvertheRainbow”in the first quarter of her movie. That’s why we’re labeling that part“KansasRestlessness.”“Oz Problems” occur in the second quarter when she lands in Oz,

accidentally kills a witch, angers the victim’s wicked sister, and has toprotectfriendsontheyellowbrickroad.But,onceshedoesgettotheEmeraldCity,“WizardChallenges”getin

herway.Shehastodolluptogetintothecastle,thencan’tgetinatall,then isgivenaseemingly impossible taskby theWizard:Bringhim thebroomoftheWickedWitch!Facedwith that task, a “Witch Showdown” inevitably happens in the

fourth quarter. The Witch kidnaps Dorothy, forcing her friends to go

undercoverasguardstorescueher.ThisattemptincitestheWitchtosettheScarecrowonfire.Dorothy’squickthinkingindousingtheWitchwithwateractually“liquidates”theWitch, leavingonlyherbroombehindandearningthewholegrouptheirwizardlyrewards.Onemovie.Fourquarters.Butwhatifwedidn’twanttotellthestoryinthisorder?Shiftinganactcompletelyrestructuresyourmovie.

Act1 OzProblemsAct2A WizardChallengesAct2B WitchShowdownAct3 KansasRestlessness

Look at our new story. By simply re-sorting the titles, we have a

differentmovie. Dorothy gets back to Kansas but isn’t so happy to bethere.“There’snoplacelikeOz,”shemightcry.Continue to make structural changes by switching the acts around.

Eachactshifttestsoutanewstory.Changing the title of an act helps you to brainstorm completely new

changesintheplot.

Act1 WizardChallengesAct2A WitchShowdownAct2B DorothyDiscoversWizardIsaFraudAct3 DorothyTakesOver

Here,weloseKansasentirelyandsetthemoviecompletely inOz.In

this story,Dorothydelivers thebroomasordered,butdiscovers, inAct2B,thatshe’sbeendupedbyafauxWizard!Now,thethirdactcontendswith that complication and shows how Dorothy takes over as the newWizardofOz.So,tryanythingatthispoint,knowingthatyoucanmixandmatchuntil

youfindthestoryandstructurethatworkforyou.

TAKETEN:FINDYOURFOUR-PARTACTSTRUCTURE

“Title”eachsegmentbysummarizingthethemeoreventinashortsentence.You’rejustmarkingstructure

rightnow,tryingtogetasenseof“thebigpicture.”

Bedaring.It’sonlyfoursentences.Re-sortyoursentences,orevenreplaceonewithanewtitle,andseewhathappenstoyourstory.


You’vecreatedastructuraltimelineforyourscript,boileddowntofourphrases.

Step3:AddaReveal

Now that you roughly know where you’re going, you can expand yourstory,askingyourself“whathappens”and“what’srevealed.”Youmay knowwhat youwant to cover per segment, but it’s equally

importanttoknowwhatnewthingisdiscoveredorhappensattheendofeachsegmentthatpushesyouintothenextone.AnMCmaythinksheknowswhat’sgoingon,butsomethingusually forcesher to look to thenextsegmentforanswers.AttheendofsegmentoneforTheWizardofOz,forexample,Dorothy

learns that she must seek help from the Wizard to get home.Subsequently,sheheadsoutontotheyellowbrickroad...andher“Act2”begins.TheWizardofOz,withonlytitlesandthebig“reveal”ofeachact,looks

likethis:

ActTitles:

TAKETEN:ADDA“REVEAL”

You’vetitledeachsegment.Now,dropdowntothebottomofeachcolumnanddescribethepersonalorphysicaldiscovery–the“reveal”–ofthatsectionofthemovie.Ifyoudon’thaveone,makeoneup!

Step4:AddEvent

You know what’s revealed at the end of each segment. Now you’regoing to figureoutwhathappenswithin thesegments thatbuild to thatreveal.Whatsetsitup?Arethereobstaclesalongtheway?Rememberthatyouracttitlessuggestedafocusortheme.Whateventsreflectthat?InTheWizardofOz,Dorothyrunsawayandgetscaughtinatornado,

demonstrating someof the “restlessness” implied in the title of theact.But, she also kills a badwitch and becomes an enemy of that witch’ssister.Thoseeventsdrivesustotherevealthatshemustnowgohomeandhasonlyonewaytodoit.

ActTitles:

TAKETEN:ADDEVENTExpandyour segmentsbybuildingon the segment titles to include thekey event or events of that segment. These events also lead to the“reveal.”


You’vebuiltonyourtitlestoincludestoryeventsandmajortwists.Nowyoucanseethebigpictureononepage.Lookslikeyoumayhaveamovieonyourhands!

TEN-MINUTECHAPTERREVIEW:STRUCTURE

1.BreakyourstoryintoFOURACTSEGMENTS:Act1,Act2A,Act2B,andAct3.

2.TITLEeachsegmentsothatitcoversadifferenteventortheme.

3.Totestallofthestructuralpossibilities,SHIFTandRENAMEyourtitles.

4.CreateabigREVEALattheendofeachsegmentthattwiststhestoryinanewdirection.

5.FleshouteachsegmentbyaddingtheKEYEVENTSthatbuildtoeachreveal.

6.ReviewyourcompletedSTRUCTURESHEETtoseetheBIGPICTUREononepage.

CHAPTER3

TheOutline

If you’restill feeling likeyoudon’thaveallof thepieces together,don’tworry.Thissection, “Outlining,”will helpyoudiscovermoreactivityandpossibilities.An outline helps you to brainstorm more story ideas, forces you to

makecleverscenechoices,and–mostimportantly–keepsyouontrackasyouwrite your screenplaypages.Thechallenge lies inmakingsurethat the outline doesn’t take up more pages or writing hours than theactualscreenplay.Askanywriterabouttheoutliningprocessandyou’llseetheheadache

writtenall overher face.Perhaps this isbecauseshe thinksanoutlineisn’t complete unless it’s twenty-five pages long and contains everyscenemoment.But thatdoesn’t leavemuch room for changeonce thewritingbegins.Andsomuchisdiscoveredduringthatprocess!Forthatreason—andbecauseoutliningcanbeapaininthebutt—

we’regoingtodoittheeasyway.

TheEight-SequenceBeatSheet

Agoodscreenplayoutlinesimplyneedstolayoutthebroadbeatsofthescreenplayandprovideaguideforthewriter.Itshouldalsobeatoolthatis malleable, one that can change as the story changes. For thesereasons, you’re going to focus themajority of your outline on a simpleeight-sequencebeatsheet.The term “beat sheet” canmean different things to different people.

And even the term “beat” can be confusing. For the purposes of thisbook,we’regoingtorefer toabeatasadistinctsectionofstory.We’regoingtodivideourscriptintoeightofthosebeats/sequencesandusethedetailsofthebeatsheettodevelopstoryandcharacter.

DivideYourFourActSegmentsintoEightSequences

So, to write your beat sheet, you’re going to find eight sequences –roughly twoperact.Rememberour four-partact structure?Well,we’re

simplygoingtodividethoseactsintwo.

Nowwe’re going to turn that table on its side so that you canmoreeasilywritedownthepage:

ACT1SEQUENCE1SEQUENCE2

ACT2ASEQUENCE3SEQUENCE4

ACT2BSEQUENCE5SEQUENCE6

ACT3SEQUENCE7SEQUENCE8

Andthat’sallthatyou’regoingtohavetofillout.Here’showtodoit...

DescribeYourSequencesUsingThreeSentences

It’snotmath thatdeterminesa “beat”— it’sstory.Tobetterdefineyourbeats,ask:Atwhatpointdoesthestorytwistorheighten?Atwhatpointdoes your character come to a new emotional place or make a newchoice? That’s your new sequence or “beat.” Don’t think in terms ofscenes,thinkintermsofgroupingofscenes.So,your“beat”ofstorymaybetentofifteenpages.Nowthatyouhaveasenseofwhatthebeatmightbe,we’regoingto

describe it using three simple sentences.Each sentencewill cover theGOAL,ACTIVITYandCOMPLICATIONofeachsequence.Simplyput:You’retellingasmallstoryeverytentofifteenpagesorso.

TEN-MINUTELECTURE:

GOAL,ACTIVITY,COMPLICATION

GOAL:Whatyourmaincharacterwants.ACTIVITY:Whatyourmaincharacterdoes.COMPLICATION:Whatgetsinyourmaincharacter’sway.

CharacterGOALSfuelandmotivateascreenplay,incitingnewactivity.Charactergoalschangeandgrowascomplicationsaredealtwithandnewobstaclesappear.

Ratherthansimplylongforsomething,acharacterengagesinanACTIVITYanddoessomethingtogetwhathedesires.

ACOMPLICATIONisamajorobstaclethatgetsinthewayoftheactivityandthreatenstopreventthecharacterfrommeetinghisgoal.

Storymovesforwardasacharacternowhastocreateanewgoaltoovercomethecomplication,followedbyanewactivity,etc.

ENDOFLECTUREHere’sanexampleof the firstactofTheWizardofOzwritten in two

sequencesanddescribedas“Goal,Activity,Complication.”

Act1ofTheWizardofOz:

SEQUENCE1

GOAL: DorothywantstogetawayfromMissGulch.ACTIVITY: DorothyrunsawayfromhomewithToto.COMPLICATION: Afortune-tellerrevealsthatAuntEmissickwithworry,

soDorothyrusheshome.

SEQUENCE2

GOAL: DorothywantstogetbacktoAuntEm.ACTIVITY: Dorothy is caught in a twister and forced to take

refugeinthehouse.COMPLICATION: ThehouselandsinOz,killinganevilwitchandturning

hersister,theWickedWitchoftheWest,intoamortalenemy.

In six sentences, we’ve landed Dorothy in Oz and driven her intoSequence3,thestartofAct2A.See?Easy.Now it’s your turn.Since you only have tenminutes, I’ve broken the

beatsheetintofourparts:Acts1,2A,2B,and3,sothatyoucanfocusononesegmentatatime.Ifthisisatelevisionscript,eachsegmentshouldstillhavetwobeatsinittokeepthescriptmovinginanewdirection.

TAKETEN:BEATSHEET

10Minutes:

Act1Tips:Iknowyoufeelthere’salottosetupinAct1.Butleavethesmallercharactermomentsforlater.Fornow,focusonthebigpictureandkeepdrivingyourmaincharacterforward.

HitSequence2hardsinceit’syouractbreakandwillincludetheeventthat’sgoingtospinyouintoanadventureinAct2.

10Minutes:

Act2ATips:Oftenthisfirstpartofthesecondactisatrainingperiodforthemaincharacterasheisthrownintoanewsituationorworld.Yoursupportingcharacterscanhelp.

InSequence4,you’vehityourmidpoint.Thisisanopportunitytoheightenyoursecondactandkeepitfromflat-lining.Makethisabig,story-twistingcomplication—somethingthathelpstheaudiencereinvestinthemovie.Yourantagonistplaysarole!

10Minutes:Act2BTips:Thissectiondealswith thenewcomplication introduced inSequence 4. So it tends to be evenmore exciting. As the villain getscloser and the relationships become more intense, the stakes rise.Sometimes, all of this momentum results in a Sequence 6 low point.Don’tbeafraidtoletyourmaincharacterfail.Itwillbeallthemorefuntogethimbackonhisfeetandvictoriousinthethirdact.

10Minutes:

Act3Tips:Ascreenplayfeelscompletewhenthemaincharacterusesthelessonsandskillshehaslearnedalongthewaytoaccomplishhisgoals.Payoffthoseminorcharacters,pullfromsecond-actinformation,turnafirst-actflawintoaskill,andsolvetheproblem!


You’ve“beat”outyourentiremovie.It’sthebigpicture,plussome!Afteraquickbeat-sheetrewritetomakesureyouhavethemovieyou’regoingfor,you’llbereadytohitthescenes.

TheBeat-SheetRewrite

Congratulations!You’veactually “beatout”yourstory frombeginning toend. But now it’s worth a fewmore ten-minute sessions to revise andtightenthatbeatsheetsothatittrulymeetsyourstoryintentions.Doingsowillforceyoutobemoreoriginalandspecificrightoutofthegate—andsaveyoulotsof“whatdoIdonow”timeinthelongrun.

Beat-sheetStoryDevelopmentRewrite

IhavetoadmitthatI’mnotbigontellinganywriterwhathastotakeplaceincertainsectionsofamovie.Butwhenrecentlychallengedbyoneofmystudentstodefineeachsection,Ididnoticeacertainrhythm.

TEN-MINUTELECTURE:

STORYDEVELOPMENTINEIGHTBEATS

Thougheachbeattellsitsownstory,itisalwaysconnectedtothenextoneinordertorevealthebigpicture.Eachbeattendsto“trigger”thenext.And,bydoingso,thestoryispushedforward.Here’sacommonpattern:

1.CHARACTERFLAWtriggersCONFLICT2.CONFLICTtriggersPROBLEM3.PROBLEMtriggersSTRATEGY4.STRATEGYtriggersEMOTIONALEVENT5.EMOTIONALEVENTtriggersMAJORACTION6.MAJORACTIONtriggersMISSTEP7.MISSTEPtriggersBATTLE8.BATTLEtriggersFINALCHALLENGE

AnexamplefromTheWizardofOzmightlooklikethis:1.CHARACTERFLAWtriggersCONFLICT

Dorothy’srebelliousnessagainstMissGulchtriggersMissGulchtotakeToto.2.CONFLICTtriggersPROBLEM

ThetheftofTototriggersDorothytorunaway,getcaughtinatornado,andenduphurledintoOz.3.PROBLEMtriggersSTRATEGY

Dorothy’sneedtoleaveOztriggershertoseekouttheWizardwiththehelpoftheScarecrow,theTin

Man,andtheCowardlyLion.4.STRATEGYtriggersEMOTIONALEVENT

Dorothyandfriends’arrivalintheEmeraldCitytriggersupsetwhenthewitchthreatensherpublicly.5.EMOTIONALEVENTtriggersMAJORACTION

FearofthewitchtriggerstheWizardtoinsistthatDorothybringhimthewitch’sbroomaspayment.6.MAJORACTIONtriggersMISSTEP

AttempttostealthebroomtriggersthewitchtokidnapDorothy.7.MISSTEPtriggersBATTLE

Dorothy’skidnappingtriggersDorothytoescapeand,inastruggletoprotectherfriends,meltthewitch.

8.BATTLEtriggersFINALCHALLENGE

Returnofwitch’sbroomtriggersfraudulentwizardtofindawaytotrulyreturnDorothytoherhome.

ENDOFLECTURE

TAKETEN:BEAT-SHEETSTORYDEVELOPMENTREWRITE

IfthepatternI’vedescribeddoesn’tcompletelymatchwithyourbeatsheet,don’tworry.What’simportantisthatthere’saflowandasenseofmovementfromonebeattotheother.Sotryitout.Definethestorydevelopmentinyourbeatsheetbylookingathowoneevent“triggers”another.Ifyou’renotseeingaflowfromonetotheother,correctitbyadjustingagoal,activity,orcomplication.


Ineightlinesyou’vestrengthenedyourstorydevelopmentandpreventeditfromreadingastooepisodicordisjointed.

Beat-sheetSupportingCharacter/AntagonistRewrite

I askedyou to follow thepathof themaincharacterwhencreating thebeat sheet in order to create a strong spine for your story. But thatdoesn’t mean that your antagonist and supporting characters aren’tinvolved. In fact, they’re the people that inspire new goals, aid withactivity,andcreatecomplication.

TAKETEN:BEAT-SHEETSUPPORTINGCHARACTER/ANTAGONISTREWRITE

Inanefforttobringothercharactersintotherewrite,tryoneofthefollowing:1.UsetheMC’sfeelingsforasupportingcharactertocreateaNEWGOAL.2.UsetheskillsofasupportingcharactertocreateamoreinterestingACTIVITY.3. Make a COMPLICATION more interesting by allowing the antagonist to connect in some

unexpectedwaytotheMCorsupportingcharacter.


You’vemadeyourstoryricherthroughtheinvolvementofadditionalcharacters.Thisrewritemightalsobringoutanimportantstorylayerorsubplot.

Beat-sheetComplicationRewrite

I’moftensurprisedthatsomanyscriptsIreadplayitsafe.WhenIpointthisout,thewriterwilloftenexplainthat“reallife”doesn’tworkthatway.Butgreatmoviesaren’t real life.Theydon’trelyon“what is.”Theyplayout“whatif.”AftersherunsawayfromhomewithToto,theSequence1complication

hasDorothydiscoveringthatAuntEmissickwithworry.Butwhatif...

SEQUENCE1

GOAL: DorothywantstogetawayfromMissGulch.ACTIVITY: DorothyrunsawayfromhomewithToto.COMPLICATION: MissGulchchasesafterDorothywithamachete.

(WORST)-OR-Dorothy becomes an icon for the animal rightsmovement.(BEST)

Change thecomplicationof that sequencebygoing toextremesand

youbreatheadifferentlifeintothenextbeat.

TAKETEN:BEAT-SHEETCOMPLICATIONREWRITE

Gotoextremes.Askofeverysequence,“What’sthebestorworstthingthatcanhappen?”andreplacethecomplicationsaccordingly.Usethegenre.Ifthisisahorrormovie,what’sthemostfrighteningthingthatcanhappen?Ifthisisacomedy,what’sthefunniest?

Beat-sheetMidpointRewrite

Doesyourbeatsheetstart to runoutofsteam in thesecondhalf?Aresequencesrepeatingeachother?Perhapsthebigeventinthemiddleofthemovie,themidpoint,needssomereinvention.InTheWizard ofOz, big problems occur in themiddle of themovie

whenDorothygetstotheEmeraldCityonlytobetoldthatshehastokillthe Wicked Witch of the West. Were we to change that midpointcomplication,everythingelsewouldhavetochangeaswell.Instead of being sent on a new mission by the Wizard, perhaps ...

CRIME DRAMA: Dorothy discovers that the Wizard’s been kidnappedandhastofollowthecluestofindhim.HORROR: The Emerald City has been taken over by zombies and

Dorothyandfriendsmustdestroythemall.ROMANCE:Dorothyfallsinlovewiththe“manbehindthecurtain.”

Changethemidpoint;changethemovie.

TAKETEN:BEAT-SHEETMIDPOINTREWRITETry rewriting themidpointof yourbeatsheetusingoneof the followingoptionsandseeifithelpsyourstory.

1.HaveyourMCengageinRISKIERACTIVITY.2.HaveyourantagonistmakehisBIGMOVE.3.CREATEEMOTIONALINVOLVEMENTwithasupportingcharacter.4.PAYOFFsomethingseeminglymundanefromAct1or2A.5.EstablishanULTIMATUMorTICKINGCLOCKthatupsthepace.


You’vesavedyourselfmajorrewriteworkbycoveringallofthemidpointpossibilitiesnow,andbydoingso,havepossiblysteeredyourentirestoryinanewandmoreinterestingdirection.

Beat-sheetStructureRewrite

Thebeatsheetisthebesttoolforhelpingwithyourstructurebecauseitallowsyoutosee—ononepage—whereyourstoryslowsdown,cutscorners,orrepeats.Andtheverbsyou’vechosenoftenhintatthepace.Usethebeatsheettotightenyourstructureatthispointandyou’llhavelesseditingtodolater.

TAKETEN:BEAT-SHEETSTRUCTUREREWRITETryoutoneorallofthesuggestionsbelowtoseeifyourbeatsheetcouldbenefitfromastructurerewrite.

1.ELIMINATESEQUENCE1andseeifithelpsorhurtsthepaceofyourscript.Youmayfindthatdoingsocutsthefatandhelpsyoutohitthegroundrunning.

2.COMPRESSSEQUENCES1THROUGH4,changingthemintotwo.Doyougettoyourmoviequicker?Somewriters take toomuchtimesettingupanddon’trealize that theirmoviesshouldhavebeguntwentyminutesearlier.

3.ADDMOREACTIVITYTOSEQUENCES5AND6.Cutthetalkanduptheactivity.Sentencesthatbeginwith“theydiscuss”or“theyplan”areredflagsthatyourAct2Bistooslow.

4.CHANGETHEGOALOFSEQUENCE8.Takeahardlookatthatsequence.DidyouspeedupyourthirdactbysimplywritingSequence8asawrapup?Instead,looktoitasa“finalhurdle”and create a final physical or emotional goal that has to be accomplished.Thatwill give yourthirdacttheheftitneeds.


Insteadofwrestlingwitharewriteofyour110-pagescript,you’veusedyourone-pagebeatsheettomakeimportantchangestostoryandstructurebeforeyouhitpageone.

Beat-sheetRewrite:NonlinearStructure

Hey,structurerebel,rememberhowIpromisedthatyoucouldeventuallycreate a nonlinear structure for your screenplay? Here’s your chance.And by playing around with structure in the beat sheet, you’ll get achance toseehowsomeof thosemore “out-of-the-box”structural risksmightplayoutshouldyouchoosetogothatroute.

TAKETEN:BEAT-SHEETNONLINEARSTRUCTUREREWRITE

Insteadofrestructuringyourentirescriptafterit’swritten,youcanuseyourbeatsheettomixandmatchsequences.Tryoneormoreoftheseoptionsandseeifanonlinearmethodofstorytellingwillworkforyou.

1.REVERSEYOURSEQUENCES:SeewhathappensifyoumovebackwardfromSequence8toSequence1.

2.INSERTPARTOFSEQUENCE8INTOSEQUENCE1:SetaSequence1goalbyleadingwitha“flash”ofSequence8.Thenyoucanbuildbackupto8again.Bythetimewegettotheeventwestartedwith,we’llhaveanentirelynewperspective.

3.JUMPTIME:Mixandmatchsequencestocreatenonlinearjumpsintimeandplace.(Justreaditoverwhenyou’refinishedtomakesurethatthestorystilltracks.)

4.CHANGEMAINCHARACTERSPERSEQUENCE:Ifthisisanensemblemovieandyouwanttoswitchcharacterpointofviewpersequence,tryithereandseehowitreads.

5.CREATEPLACESWHERECHARACTERSCONVERGE:Ifyoudochoosetobranchoffintodifferentdirections,eventuallybringyourkeycharacterstogetheratkeyplacesinyourbeatsheet

(actbreaksorsequencebreaks)inordertoshowaphysicalorthematicconnectionbetweenthem.


You’vetesteddifferentstructuralpossibilities.Oneofthemmayworktohelptellyourstoryinawaythatchallengesthereaderandaudienceto“ThinkDifferent.”

Beat-sheetRewrite:Emotion

So now you’ve taken enough ten-minute rewrite passes at your beatsheet to be clear about your story and structure. But is your storyemotional? What does it mean for the main character or for othercharacters?Rememberthatyou’renotreallytellingyourstoryunlessyouconveytheemotionalimpactoftheevents.

TAKETEN:BEAT-SHEETEMOTIONREWRITE

WritethekeyemotionexperiencedbytheMCineverysequence.

Writetheresultingemotionalarc.Example:Feartobravery.Loathingtolove.

Ifthisarcdoesn’tmeetyouroriginalintentionsforthedevelopmentofyourcharacter,lookintotheeventsthatarecreatingthatemotionandrevise.


Evenatthebeat-sheetlevel,you’vetakenyourMConanemotional,movie-worthyjourney.

AddingScenes

We’vetakenthebeatsheetthroughsomanyrevisionsthatit’salmostacompleteoutlineonitsown.Buttomakesurewe’vegotamapthatwillbeeasytofollowandturnintopages,we’regoingtoaddevenmoretoit...yourscenes.Scene invention is the fun part of the script-planning stage. This is

whereyougetto“see”thescriptandmakeupdramatic,funnywaysforthecharacterstobringyourbeatstolife.

TAKE-TENLECTURE:

THEDEFINITIONOFASCENE

Allthoselittlescrapsofactivitiesandcharactermomentsthatareinyourhead?Theonesweseparatedintobig-picturepilesofactsandthensubdividedintosequences?Thosescrapsareyourscenes.

Ascenetendstotakeplaceatafixedpointintime,inasingleplace.That’swhywewrite...

INT.PLACE–TIMEOFDAY

...inasceneheading.

Whenthelocationortimechanges,anewscenetakesplace.

Scenescapturepublicevents,personalrelationshipmoments,orprivateemotion.Theycanincludemanypeopleornoone.Theycanbeasshortasaneighthofascriptpageoraslongasseveralpages.

Aseriesofscenesaddsuptoasequence.

ENDOFLECTURE

TheSceneList

Withyourbeatsheetyouhaveageneralsenseofwhatyourcharacterswant, do and battle per sequence, but how you show them wanting,doing and battling is where the scenes come in. The next part of the

outlining phase, the scene list, expands your beat sheet so that ablueprintofyourscreenplayemerges.

TAKETEN:WRITEASCENELIST

Whencreatingyourscenelist,taketenminutestoworkoneachbeat.Buildfromyourbeatsheet,puttingsynopsizedscenesunderthegoal,activityandcomplicationofyoursequences.Youroutlinewilleventuallylooksomethinglikethis:

SEQUENCE1

Goal:Dorothywantstogetaway.Activity:Dorothyrunsawayfromhome.Complication:Afortune-tellertellsherthatAuntEmissickwithworry,soDorothyrushesback.

1.EXT.PIGPENDorothypleadsforhelpfromfarmhands,butendsupfallinginthemudandlookingsilly.2.EXT.FARMDorothytellsTotothatshewishesshecouldbeovertherainbow.3.INT.HOUSEMissGulchdognapsToto.4.EXT.ROADTotogetsawayandDorothyrunsoffwithhim.5.EXT.FORTUNE-TELLER’SWAGONDorothywandersintoafortune-teller’swagon.6.INT.FORTUNE-TELLER’SWAGONViacrystalball,afortune-tellershowsDorothyproblemsathome.7.EXT.ROADDorothyrunsoffintothestormtoreturntoAuntieEm.

Onlysynopsizeyourscenes.Anddon’tgethunguponfindingeveryone.Moresceneswillcometoyoulater.Youhavespaceshereforeightscenespersequence.Feelfreetowritelessifthat’sallthat’scomingtoyoufornow,ormoreifthescenesstarttospillout.

Readytobegin?Thepassagesaboveeachsectionguideyouthroughit,orignoreandwriteasmanyscenesascomeintoyourheadasquicklyasyoucanwithinthetenminutes!

10Minutes:

SEQUENCE1SCENETIPS:Here’swhereyougettoincludethosesmallercharactermomentsyou’vebeendyingtowrite.Whataretheoneortwoscenesthatshowthecharacter’sfirstactgoal?Isheathomewhenheshowsushowhefeels?Atschool?Work?Andwhat’sthescenethatshowsushemaynotbehandlinghislifeverywell?Anyscenespointingtopotentialrelationshipsdowntheroad?Howaboutasceneshowingbrewingconflictwithapotentialantagonist?

ACT1

SEQUENCE1

10Minutes:

SEQUENCE2SCENETIPS:YoucanstopsettingupflawinSequence2andinsteadswitchfocustotheactivitythatgetsyourcharacterintotrouble.Showthescenewheresomethinghappensthattriggersacomplication.DoessomeonechallengetheMC?DoestheMCgowhereheshouldn’tordosomethingquestionable?Andwhenthatcomplicationdoesoccur,whetherit’saterribleslipofthetongueoragiantdisaster,makesurethatit’sthere,onthepage.Bytheendofthesequence,createascenethatsuggestsawayout;anewgoalfortheMCtopursueandevenastrategytowarddoingthis.

ACT1

SEQUENCE2

10Minutes:

SEQUENCE3SCENETIPS:Considerascenethatreflectsthecharacter’snewgoalbyshowinghimdevelopingaplanandattemptingtoexecuteit.Doesheeducatehimselfbylearningaboutanewenvironment?Doeshetraininsomeway,gatherateam,investigate,track?What’sthescenewherehisplan

works...ordoesn’twork?

Thesupportingcharactermayshowherworthatthispointbybringingupanimportantquestion,showingaskillthatcanbeuseful,testingthemaincharacter’semotion,orpushingtheMCintoanewactivity.Apivotalscenedealingwiththeantagonistorantagonisticforceisalsosuggestedatthispointtomaketheaudienceworryorwonderaboutwhatwillhappennext.

ACT2A

SEQUENCE3

10Minutes:

SEQUENCE4SCENETIPS:YourMCmaybesoinvestedinhiscurrentsituationthatheforgotwhathisoriginalstorygoalswere.Noworries.Lethimfallundersomeone’sspell,gettooinvolvedwithaplanordiscovercluesthatrevealanevenbiggerproblemahead.Bytheendofthissequence,the“complication”maybethefactthatyourMCsimplycan’tturnback.He’sinvestedinhisstory...andsoarewe.

ACT2A

SEQUENCE4

10Minutes:

SEQUENCE5SCENETIPS:Nomoresetupneeded!You’vepickedoutallofyourLegopieces.Now,play!LetyourMCapplyoneofhisnewfoundskillstoascene.Lethimtakearisk.Let’sseeafightorchasethatwe’veneverseenbefore.Horrormovie?Giveusafright!Romance?Kissthegirl!Thesupportingcharacter’sownstorymaybedeepening.What’sgoingonbehindthesceneswithherthatonlywesee?Anddon’tforgetthoseintensescenesoftrouble.Theantagonistmaybemovingcloser,fightingharder,orcreatingatrapforourMC.

ACT2B

SEQUENCE5

10Minutes:

SEQUENCE6SCENETIPS:ThiscanbeaveryemotionalsequenceastheridewewereoninSequence5threatenstobreakdownorcollide.ThemorerisksourMCtakes,thecloserhegetstoslippingup.Createscenesforthecharacterinwhichhisflawreturnsorheshowspersonaldoubt.Thelowerthemoment,themorevictoriouswe’llfeelwhentheMCwinsintheend.

ACT2B

SEQUENCE6

10Minutes:

SEQUENCE7SCENETIPS:SomethinghappensheretohelpyourMCrefocusandsolvehisproblem.Thinkaboutascenethatpaysoffaseeminglymundaneline,event,oractioninanunexpectedway.Thinkaboutcreatingan“a-ha!”momentthatthentriggerstheMCintotakingtherightaction.WriteascenethatgivesusasenseofhisstrategyforAct3.Thinkaboutascenewherethesupportingcharactermakesachoiceatthispoint,too.And,atsequenceend,inventascenewheretheantagonisthasonelasttrickuphissleeve.

ACT3

SEQUENCE7

10Minutes:

SEQUENCE8SCENETIPS:Thefinalshowdowntakesplaceinthissequence,soconsiderpayingoffyourminorcharactersandbringingthemintohelpwiththebattle.Createascenewherealearnedskillorpieceofknowledge(somethinggainedonthemovie’sjourney)paysofftohelpphysicallyoremotionallyconquertheantagonist.AndrememberthattheMC’soriginal“flaw”canbereworkedasaskilltohelpatthispoint,too.AfinalscenetoshowhowtheeventshaveaffectedourMCandotherswillhelpcreate“closure”foryourmovie.Or,tagthesequencewithanadditionalsmallscenethatmakesuswonderaboutthefuture.Sequel,anyone?

ACT3

SEQUENCE8


You’veoutlinedyourmoviescenebyscene.Andyou’vedonesowithoutwritinga20-pagedocumentthatreadslikeanovel.

SceneBrainstorming

Youmaytakealookatyouroutlineandfeelthatit’smissingsomething.Youfeelthere’smoretothestory,butdon’texactlyknowwhat.Toaddtoyourscenelist,tryoutoneoralloftheoptionsbelowforfindingadditionalscenesorreplacingexistingones.

CharacterFlaw=SceneActivity

Greatscenesarebornoutofgreatcharacteractivity.Tofindthisactivity,simplygobacktothethingthatmadeyourcharacterinterestingtobeginwith...theflaw.Even in the most traditional setting, a flawed character can bring

entertainmentanddramaintoamoment,simplybybeingherself.Imagine a character is at a supermarket. Think of the normal things

she’dhavetodo:

1.Getacart

2.Shopforitems

3.Checkout

Boring,right?Notnecessarily.Acompetitivecharactermightengageahapless fellowcustomer ina

raceforthebestcart.Anobsessive-compulsivecharactermighthavetofeelandsmellevery

fruitandvegetableinthewholestore.Aselfishcharactermightcut in lineorsneak fiveextra items into the

“tenitemsorless”line.IntheTVshowFriends,Phoebewasthe“freespirit”ofthegroup.Her

“flaw” might be described as behaving inappropriately in public –compared to “normal”people.Duringoneepisode,RachelandPhoebego jogging together. Phoebe sprints, swinging her arms and legs in alldirections as she goes,much toRachel’s embarrassment. ButPhoebewas simply being true to herself — putting freedom and joy abovesocietalnorms.Similarly,theleadcharacterinMonkisobsessive-compulsive.Notonly

does he solve crimes, he cleans as he does so. Annoying to others,funnytotheaudience,andtruetocharacter.Thisnextexercisehelpsyoubringactivityintoascenebasedsolelyon

theflawsofthecharacters.

TAKETEN:CHARACTERFLAWCREATESSCENEACTIVITY

Buildasceneansweringthesequestions:


Notonlyhaveyoucreatedentertainingactivity,you’vebuiltanentirescene.And,ifyou’vebeenabletoanswerthelastquestion,you’vefoundawaytotiethatscenetotheplotsothatitpushesthestoryforward.

ExternalObstacles=SceneActivity

Justasinternalobstacles—characterflaws—createsceneactivity,sodoexternalobstacles. Inshort, “sh*thappens.”Make it happen toyourcharacter,andyou’llfindsceneopportunitiesateveryturn.Again,let’sstartwiththeordinary.Ifawomanneedstogettowork,the

ordinarystepsmightbe:

1.Getready

2.Ridesubway

3.Enterbuilding

Anotherdullard.But,complicateitateveryturnbythrowinganobstacleinherway,and

you’llhaveamovie.Addagenreobstacle,andyou’llhaveabigmovie!Here’sthewoman’smorningusingexternalobstacles:

1.Getreadya.Obstacle:Apartmentfloods,shortingoutalarmclock,soakingclothes,anddrenchinghair.

b.ThrillerGenreObstacle:There’sadeadbodyinhercloset.

2.Ridesubwaya.Obstacle:There’sapoweroutageandthesubwaybreaksdown.b.HorrorGenreObstacle:Thepassengersonthesubwayturnintovampires.

3.Enterbuildinga.Obstacle:Newsecurityclearanceneeded;theydon’tbelieveshe’swhoshesayssheis.

b.ActionGenreObstacle:Everyoneinthebuilding’sbeentakenhostage,andit’suptoher—amountainclimberinheroff-hours—toscalethebuildingandrescuehercoworkers.

TAKETEN:CREATEEXTERNALOBSTACLESFORYOURCHARACTERS

Findgreatscenesbythrowingobstaclesinyourcharacter’sway.


You’vecreatedgreatsceneactivitybycomplicatingtheordinary.Bydoingthis,you’vegroundedthescenesinreality,thenspunthatrealitysothatitfeelsmovie-worthy.

FindingScenesthroughSetupAndPayoff

Payoffasetupandyounotonlyfindanewscene,youmakeaudiencemembers happy. Why? Because they’ve been tracking all of theinformationyou’vethrownatthem.They’vetakennoticeofthepropsyoufocused on, the behavior you pointed to, and the lines you gave yourcharacters.Bringbackthesedetails,paythemoff,andyou’llrewardyouraudience for paying attention. Or, better yet, you’ll surprise them bycleverlypayingoffsomethingtheythoughtwasn’tveryimportantatall.The payoff accomplishes so many things for your script. One of its

mosteffectiveusesisinhelpingyoufindyourthirdact.Think about your favoritemovie and ask yourself, “What was drawn

from the first half and paid off in the second?What was a seeminglymeaningless piece of information that paid off to great effect at story’send?”Thinkof theThreeMusketeersquestion inSlumdogMillionaireor the

way that thesimpleactof readingout loudpaysoffagainandagain inTheReader.Wehavean“a-ha!”momentwhenRosebud is revealed inCitizenKane andshare thevictorywhenabowlofgritspaysoff inMyCousinVinny.

ObjectPayoff

Moviesallowthewritertheluxuryofpointingouteventhesmallestdetailthrough a close-up. And that small detail could be the very thing thatcracks themoviewideopen.Remember thedropped ring inTheSixthSense?Sometimes, the most seemingly mundane objects travel through a

movieandtelltheirownstory.InthemovieUpInTheAir,maincharacterRyan Bingham carries a small, efficient suitcase that symbolizes hisability to leave at amoment’s notice and his refusal to be attached toanythingoranyone.Thesuitcasepaysoffthroughoutthemovie.Weseehimlugitthroughtheairport,aloneinAct1.InAct2A,heforcesaworkcolleague to trade in her largepieceof “baggage” for a travel suitcaseherself.AndinAct2B,weseehimbondingwithaloveinterestwhentheirsuitcasestravelside-by-side.TravelClubcardsalsopayoffinthismovie.Ryancollectsthem,meets

hisloveinterestbycomparingthem,andispresentedwithaprizedcardatstory’send,symbolizinghowmuchhe’straveled...andhowlittlehe’slived.Travelingalongwith him is yet another object: a cardboard cutout of

his sister and future brother-in-law. It symbolizes the personalrelationshipshesodesperatelywantstoleavebehind,andastoryistoldsimplybyhis relationshipwith thecutout:He reluctantly throws it inhissuitcase.Hemakeshisbusinesspartnerholdit.Atalowemotionalpoint,itcauseshimtofallintothewater.Andhehasanepiphanyasheseesallof thecutoutsonabulletinboardathissister’swedding. It’s their“wishlist”fortravel.Theywantwhathe’sexperienced.

TAKETEN:FINDSCENESTHROUGHOBJECTPAYOFF

1.ListalloftheobjectssetupinAct1or2A.Itcanbeanythingthatyouknoworimagineforyourstory.

2.“Match”thelistwithpayoffsinAct2BandAct3.

ObjectpayoffinUpInTheAircouldlooksomethinglikethis:

Nowyoutryit:


You’vefoundfreshnewscenesandmovedstorybypayingoffordinaryobjects.

EventPayoff

Acharactermaydosomething in theearlypartofamovie that revealscharacteroraddslifetotheact.Butwhenthatsmalleventpaysoffinanunexpectedwaylater,it’sevenmorerewarding.InAct2AofOneFlewOverTheCuckoo’sNest,maincharacterRandle

McMurphyurgeshisfellowinmatestouseaheavywaterfountaintobusta window and escape. The inmates are reluctant to try, including asupportingcharacter,ChiefBromden,whostandssilentlyby.InAct 3,Nicholson’s character has beengiven a lobotomy.And, too

latetohelphim,theChiefhasfoundhisvoice.Determinednottomakethesamemistaketwice,hesingle-handedlyliftsthewaterfountainoutofitsbase,hurlsitthroughthewindow,andescapestofreedom.Watchingtheearlierwaterfountainscene,wefeelthatit’sjustasmall

eventthatrevealscharacter.Randleshowshiswilltoleave,incontrasttothe ensemble’s reluctance to take a stand. By Act 3, we’ve almostforgottenaboutit...andthat’sexactlywhythemomentpaysoffsowell.Sadly,werealize,hadChiefactuallylistenedtoRandleinthefirstplaceand moved that fountain to begin with, tragedy could have beenprevented.

TAKETEN:FINDSCENESTHROUGHEVENTPAYOFF

1.Listtheevents—bigandsmall—setupinAct1andAct2A.2.“Match”thelistwithpayoffsinAct2BandAct3.

EventpayoffinOneFlewOverTheCuckoo’sNestcouldlooksomethinglikethis:

Nowyoutryit:

LinePayoff

“Doyoufeellucky?”“Youcompleteme.”“We’reonamissionfromGod.”We remember certain lines in movies, not only because they have

musictothem,butbecauseeachsceneinwhichtheywereutteredgives

them new meaning. They don’t mean one thing; these lines meaneverything!InTheDarkKnight,TheJoker,knifepointed,asksthequestionofhis

victims:“WannaknowhowIgotthesescars?”It’s a rhetorical question, and every time he asks this, he gives that

personadifferentanswer.Herevealsthathisfatherabusedhimwhenhetriedtodefendhismother.Later,hechangeshisstoryandsaysthathestuck razors in hismouth in sympathywith his scarredwife.By story’send,weknow thathe’llchangehisstory to fit the listener.But,wealsofeel thatoneof thesestories—oracombinationofallof them—mayactually be true. In this example, the question pays off each time byhelpinguslearnmoreaboutthecentralvillain.Italsopaysoffasathreat.WheneverTheJokerstartstoaskthatquestion,weknowthatsomeoneisabouttobehurt.In themovieToyStory,BuzzLightyear’s signature line is: “To infinity

andbeyond!”Heuttersthiswhile“flying”aroundaroomandwinningthefavor of the toys while beingmet with disdain fromWoody. “That isn’tflying,”Woodystates.“That’sfallingwithstyle!”Bymovie’send, though,as the twomaincharactershurl through the

airinanattempttoreturntotheirowner,Andy,Woodyhastoadmitthat,“We’reflying!”“Thisisn’tflying,”BuzzLightyearreplies.“Thisisfallingwithstyle!”To

whichWoodyresponds(youguessedit):“Toinfinityandbeyond!”Inthisexample,asimplelinepayoffinwhichthetwocharactersswitch

linesisthekeytoshowingtheirrelationshiparc.Tradinglinesmeansthatthey“get”eachother.Afriendshipisformed.Asequelcantakeplace.

TAKETEN:FINDSCENESTHROUGHLINEPAYOFF

1.ListalineorlinesacharactermayutterinAct1orAct2A.2.InAct2BandAct3,payoffthatlinebyshowingitutteredinanewsituation.Takenoteofhow

theline’smeaningchanges.

LinepayoffforToyStorycouldlooksomethinglikethis:

Nowyoutryit:


You’veaddedtoyourscenelistbypayingoffobjects,events,andlinesofdialogue.Whatwasonceathrowawaybecomesrealstory.

TAKETEN:ADDTOTHESCENELISTANDCOMPLETEYOUROUTLINE!

Youfoundnewscenesinyoursetup/payofftables.Nowgothroughyourscenelistandaddthosescenesto

thecorrectsequences.


You’vefleshedoutyourscenelistandaddedtoyourdetailedbeatsheet.Youroutlineisfinished!

TEN-MINUTECHAPTERREVIEW:THEOUTLINE

1.Divideyouractsegmentsintotwo,revealingEIGHTSEQUENCESofSTORYBEATS.

2. Describe each story beat in three sentences focusing on the GOAL, ACTIVITY andCOMPLICATIONofeachbeat.

3. REWRITE your beat sheet, concentrating on the SUPPORTING CHARACTERS, theEMOTION,theCOMPLICATIONS,theMIDPOINT,andtheSTRUCTURE.

4.AddSYNOPSIZEDSCENEStoeachbeattocreateaSCENELIST.

5. Find ADDITIONAL SCENES by using FLAW and OBSTACLES and by PAYING OFFestablishedOBJECTS,EVENTS,andLINES.

6.AddnewscenestothelisttocompleteyourOUTLINE.

CHAPTER4

TheCharacters

Congratulations!Expandingyourbeatsheetintoascenelisthascreatedanoutline—ascreenplayblueprintfromwhichyoucanbeginwriting.Beforeyoustartwritinginscreenplayformat,however,takesometime

to focusoncharacter.Doingsowillhelpyou to findevenmorescenesand to “channel” your characters as you write so that you know whatthey’lldoorsayineveryscene.In this chapter, you’ll learn who your characters are and find clever

ways to showcase their personalities. Doing so will help fend off thedreadedproducers’note:“Yourcharactersneedmoredevelopment!”

CharacterBiography

Writers are often urged to come up with a character biography beforetheybeginwriting—adiaryofsortsgoing intoacharacter’schildhood,family,personalissues,etc.Myexperiencehasbeenthatthisonlykeepswriters mired in their characters’ backstory and creates expositionproblemslateron.Bettertorevealcharacterwithinthestory,byshowingthesmalldetails

and allowing the camera to go close-up. After all, film affords us thatluxury.Wecanpickupontheminutiaofacharacterand,bydoingso,gettoknowhiminanintimateway.Considerthisnextten-minutetooltobeanupdateofamoretraditional

character biography. By answering these questions, you’ll get to knowyourcharacterbetter.Bypayingofftheanswers,you’llfindnewscenes.

TAKETEN:CREATEACHARACTERBIOTHROUGHSETUPANDPAYOFF

Askthefollowingquestionsofyourcharacter(s):


You’vecreatedasmallbiographyofyourcharacter.Feelfreetoaddmoredetailsaboutyourcharactertothislistasyoudiscoverthem—andaskyourselfhowthesedetailsmightpayoff.Indoingso,you’vefoundstoryandpotentialcharacterarcinthesmallthingsyouthoughtwerejustsimplecharactersetup.

CharacterMakesAnEntrance

Too often, writers don’t take advantage of the first appearance of acharacter.They forget that first impressionsareeverythingand that theaudiencewill judgeacharacterfromthefirstmomenttheyseehim.Forthat reason, bring your character into your script in an active way. Inshort:Givehimsomethingtodothatgetsourattention.In Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Jack

Sparrowsails in onwhat looks likea grand ship, but it turnsout to benothingmorethanasinkingdinghy.InTheHangover,oneof thefirst imageswehaveofourensembleof

heroesisthegroupofthempassedoutinaLasVegashotelroomwhileatigerprowlsinthebathroom.InTheDevilWearsPrada,MirandaPriestlystrides in,slamshercoat

andbagdownonherassistant’sdesk,andsendstheofficeintoastateof

instantflux.Noticethatallofthesepowerfulintroductionstellanimmediatestory.In

thisway,wecutentirescenesoffirst-actsetupandexposition.In one-hour dramas, combining a strong first impression with an

openingteasercansellapilot:MeredithGreywakesupwithastrangerinGrey’sAnatomy.InPrisonBreak,MichaelScofieldholdsupabankonpurposeinorder

togetthrowninthesamejailashisbrother.In theteaserofBreakingBad, leadcharacterWalterWhite recklessly

drives a Winnebago while dressed only in a gas mask and whiteunderpants.Charactervoiceisalsoestablishedwiththeinitiallinethatcomesoutof

thecharacter’smouth.Soforgetthesmalltalkandthinkofthatonelinerthatwillgetnoticed.InABeautifulMind,themaincharacter’sfirstlineshowshisobsession,

social awkwardness, and eccentricity. “You know,” John Nash tells acolleague, “there’samathematical explanation forhowhorrible your tieis.”InTheDevilWearsPrada, Miranda Priestly asks, “How hard is it to

confirmanappointment?”Thenstates,overherassistant’sexcusesandapologies:“Thedetailsofyourincompetencedonotconcernme.”Now,findthatpowerful“introduction”foryourmaincharacter.

TAKETEN:CHARACTERINTRODUCTION

Creatememorableentrancesandintroductionsforyourmaincharacterandothers:


You’vedonesomeeditingworkalreadybycuttingthefatfromsomeofyourfirst-actsetupsandinsteadcominginonstrong,revealingmoments.

CharacterRules

Youmight know what your characters want from your script and havesome ideaof theirpointofview.Buthowdoyouknowwhat todowiththemscene-by-scene?Togettoknowyourcharactersandtofindinterestingthingsforthemto

do,youneedtofigureouttheirrules—thethingstheytendtoalwaysdo— or in some cases, never do. IronMan cracks jokes.Wall-E cleans.Junolistenstomusic.ElleWoodsfromLegallyBlondeknowshaircare.Youhaverules.Weallhaverules.Thinkaboutarecentfamilydinner.Couldn’tyoucountonyourmomto

makeacertaincomment,yourdadtodoacertainthing,yourbrothertoembarrassyouinacertainway,oragrandparenttotellacertainstory?CharacterrulesareabundantinthedinnersceneinthefirstactofLittle

MissSunshine:MOM’SRULE:Actlikeamomnomatterwhat.SO SHE ... reminds people to “eat their salad,” even though she’s

servingfriedchickenandsetsthetablewithplasticcups.DAD’SRULE:Applyhispersonalself-helpprogram,the“NineSteps,”

toeverything.SOHE...refersto“winners”and“losers”evenwhenlearningabouthis

brother-in-law’sattemptedsuicide.GRANDPA’SRULE:Alwaystellthetruth,nomatterhowpainful.SO HE ... openly complains and swears right in front of his young

granddaughter.THESON’SRULE:Refusetotalkuntilhemakesitasatestpilot.SOHE...writessarcasticremarksonapad.THEDAUGHTER’SRULE:Askquestions.SO SHE ... innocently inquires as to why the uncle would try to kill

himself in the first place and makes everyone uncomfortable in theprocess.THEUNCLE’SRULE:Focusonlyonhimself.

SOHE...tellseverysorrydetailofhisstory.Byeveryoneapplyingtheirrulestothescene—theirhabits,personal

references,likesanddislikes,quirks,andwaysofcommunicating—theylet us get to know them quickly and also learn some much-neededinformation about how they all ended up together. There’s a lot ofinformationthatcomesout inthescene.Butthecharacterrulesdistractfromtheexposition.It’sjustfunny.Your screenplay is one big family dinner, and every character in it

bringshabitsandquirks—theirrules—tothetable.

TAKETEN:CREATEACHARACTERRULE

Writedownoneruleforeverycharacteryouknowinyourscreenplay.


You’llneverneedtoaskyourself“whatwouldmycharacterdointhisscene?”

Three-dimensionalCharacters

Ofcourse,wewantourcharacters tobefullyrealizedanddimensional.But how do we show all sides of them without going into longmonologuesaboutwhattheyfeelorthinkabouteverything?Well,ifyouthinkaboutthekindsofscenesweseeon-screen,they’re

usuallypublicscenesoutintheworldorworkplace,personalscenesthatfocus on one-on-one relationships, or private scenes that take placewhenacharacterdoesn’tthinkanyoneelseislooking.So, if you just invent three rules for your characters — things they

alwaysdointheirpublic,personalandprivatelives—you’llhaveaguideto theiractions throughout thescreenplay.Andwhenyoucomeupwith

those rules, you’ll see that theymaybe very different fromeachother.Bottomline:You’llfindthreedimensionsofacharacter.

TAKETEN:CREATECHARACTERRULES

Comeupwiththreerulesforacharacter:1.PUBLICLIFE:Whatdoesthecharacteralwaysdooutintheworkforceorintheworld?2.PERSONALLIFE:Whatdoesthecharacteralwaysdoinone-on-onerelationships?3.PRIVATELIFE:Whatdoesthecharacteralwaysdowhenhethinksnooneelseislooking?

Useyourtenminutestofindrulesforasmanycharactersaspossible.


Bycreatingthreemajorrulesofbehavior,you’reshowingthedifferentsidesofacharactertotheaudience,allowingthemtogetthefullpicture.

CharacterRules=Entertainment

Learning a character’s rules, and then seeing how she applies thoserulestoasituation,isthefunofanymovieortelevisionshow.The entertainment in As Good As It Gets rides almost solely on

Melvin’s unlikable compulsions. He refuses to step on cracks in asidewalk,bringsplasticcutlerytoarestaurant,andthrowsadogdownagarbagechute.Hisverbal rulegets in thewayaswell.Ahabitual truthteller,herarelyletspeoplelikehim.In The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Andy Stitzer’s rule of being sexually

awkward drives the movie, but the rules of the supporting charactersmakethescenesevenfunnier.Acoworker,Jay,believesinmakingtimewith everyone. A friend, David, can’t talk about relationships withoutgetting mournful about his old girlfriend, and Trish, the woman Andyloves,willdoanythingtoactuallygethimtomakeamove!Often we invest in a television show just to see how the characters

apply,orareforcedtobreak,oneof theirownrules.TheclassicsitcomSeinfeld was a show “about nothing” other than its characters’ weirdhabitsandstridentrules.Jerrywasphobicaboutgerms.Kramerwasaninventor.Georgewascheap.Elainewasselfish.Throw this ensemble into a parking lot they couldn’t get out of, or a

restaurant they couldn’t get a table at, and you had a half-hour of biglaughsandmajorEmmys.

In Lost, a show that is about, well... everything, the character rulesactuallybringordertotheextrememoments.Nomatterwhetherasmokemonster is chasing them or “TheOthers” are spooking them, Jackwilllead,Katewillact,Sawyerwilljoke,andLockewillphilosophize.Weinvestsoheavilyintherulesofourfavoritetelevisioncharacters,in

fact,thatwetuneineachweekjusttoseethoserulesappliedtoanewsituation.

TAKETEN:CHARACTERRULESCREATEENTERTAINMENT

Createsituationswithinyourscriptandapplyyourcharacterrulestothemtofindcomedicordramaticmoments.


Naturalcomedyordramahasoccurredbecauseyou’veappliedacharacterruletoasituation.

CharacterRules=Complication

InTheDarkKnight,Batman’s self-imposed rule is not to kill.Does thiscreatecomplications forhim?Youbet itdoes. InTheWrestler,Randy’ssignaturemoveintheringistheverymovethatthreatenstokillhim.Inthedark,comedic-actionmovie InBruges,Harry’s insistence that thosewhokillkidsmustdieresultsinhishavingtokillhimself!

TAKETEN:CHARACTERRULESCREATECOMPLICATIONS

Findmomentsinyourscriptwhereacharacter’sownrulesresultinmajorcomplications.


Nomorecontrivedcomplications!

BreakingCharacterRules=Change

Thebreakingofcharacterrules isagreatwaytotelegraphchangeandtransitionwithoutresortingto“onthenose”dialogue.Imagine,inAct3,aman who couldn’t dance, refused to dance, or was afraid to dancesuddenlygrabbing thehandof thewomanhe loves ...anddancing thetango.Clearly,whateverheexperiencedthroughoutthefilmhastriggeredachangeinhim.Andweseethatchangeonlywhenhebreakshisownrule.InWhenHarryMet Sally, Sally shows she’s lightening upwhen she

reenactsafakedorgasminthemiddleofadiner.In the television dramaDexter, Dexter’s desire to lead a normal life

leadshimtotakeonfamilialresponsibilities—causinghimtobreakhishomicidalcode.InKnockedUp,maincharacterBenStoneshowshehasdadpotential

byreadingapileofbabybookshe’dpreviouslyavoided.InBaby Mama, tightly wound Kate lets her trashy surrogate Angie

make her over and take her dancing. By breaking her own rules andtryingtofollowAngie’s,Kateshowsussheisreallychanging.

TAKETEN:BREAKCHARACTERRULES

Findoneruletobreakforeachcharacter—somethingthatwillshowthey’vechangedorbeenaffectedby

theirjourney.


You’reshowingfullchangeandcharacterdevelopmentwithoutresortingtounnecessaryexposition.

CharacterRules=GreatSceneMoments

Remember that themorespecificyoucanbewithyour rules, themoreinterestingyourcharactermomentswillbe. It’snot just thatacharacteralways feelsshyataparty; it’s thatshealwayshides in thecoat room.It’snotthatacharacterletsgoinhisprivatelife;it’sthathealwayssingsoperainfrontofthemirror.

TAKETEN:DISCOVERYOURCHARACTERSTHROUGHTHEIRRULES

Createarulesheetforacharacter,listingthingsheorshewouldalwaysorneverdoinacertainsituation.


Themoreyouknowaboutacharacter,themoresceneswillunfoldforyou.Puttwocharacterstogetherwithcontrastingrules,andyouhaveahugeopportunityforconflictandcomedy.

RelationshipRules

Justascharactersfollowtheirownpersonalrules,theytendtoalsoworkwithruleswhenitcomestotherelationshipsintheirlives.Thinkaboutit:Your best friendmay act differently when she’s with you, versuswhenshe’s with her husband. And her relationship rule may change againwhenshe’swithherkids,againwiththeneighbors,againwithherboss,andsoon.The movie Away From Her opens on an elderly husband and wife

who’veclearlybeenwitheachotherforyears.Theyskisilentlytogether.They watch the sunset. They share a laugh over dinner. Then, whileputtingthedishesaway, thewifeputsthefryingpan in thefreezer.Shelooksconfusedforonemoment,thenleaves.Thehusbandlookssad—but he doesn’t point out hermistake. Instead, he calmly opens up thefreezerandputsthepaninacupboard.Hercharacterruleisthatsheforgets.(We’llsoondiscoverthatshehas

Alzheimer’s.)Hisruleisthatheremembersforher.Theirrelationshipruleis that thisproblemisnot tobediscussedordealtwith.And,whenshechooses to break that rule and talk about it at the end of act one, themoviestorybegins.Thegreat loversandbuddiesofAmericancinemahaveall hadwell-

defined relationship rules. InAdam’sRib, the two attorneys,AdamandAmandaBonner,areviciousinthecourtroom,buthaveaweakspotforeachotherinprivate.InSex and the City, Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda have

different rules of behavior when they’re in a group of four than whenthey’re coupled off in groups of two. And they certainly have differentrelationshipruleswhenthey’rewiththeirmalefriends.ShowinganMC’snewcharacter rulewhenshe’swithher family,her

spouse,orherfriendwillshowusyetanothersideofhercharacterandrevealpersonalhistory.

TAKETEN:RELATIONSHIPRULES


Byhavingacharacteralwaysactacertainwaywithaparticularperson,you’reeducatingtheaudienceinthebackstoryofthatrelationship.Wedon’thavetohearabouthistory;behaviorrevealsitall.

CreatingGreatAntagonists

Greatantagonistsstealtheshowwhentheytrulybelievethatthemoviegoalthey’repursuingisthecorrectone.AssumingthattheevilJokerinTheDarkKnightbelievesthemovieto

be his, his log line might read: “A merry prankster rids a city of itshypocritesandliarsashegetsclosertodefeatingthemaskedmanwhothreatenstoruinallofthefun.”InMichael Clayton, executive Karen Crowder orders the death of a

centralcharacter,butshebelievesshe’s justdoingher job.Her log linemightread:“Adedicatedexecutivesacrificeshercareerandconsciencewhensheengagesinillegalattacksinordertoprotecthercompany.”EvenAntonChigurh,thecold-bloodedassassininNoCountryForOld

Men,believeshe’skillingfortherightreason.Asheinterrogatesaclerkabouthisisolatedgasstation,weseeAntonchokeontherealizationthatthe clerk “married into it.” When he makes the decision to kill thischaracter, it’sbecauseofhisbelief thathe’sputting themanoutofhismisery.Fortunately for theclerk,Anton’sown“rule”of flippingacoin—determiningwhetherornotheactuallygoesthroughwiththekill—endsupsavingthepoorguy’slife.Ifantagonistsclearlypursuetheirownmoviegoals,weleavethescript

feelingthatweunderstandthem.Wemaynotlikethemorwanttobelikethem, but they read as fully realized characters— not just characterswhoexisttogetintheway.

TAKETEN:HUMANIZEYOURANTAGONIST

Askthefollowingquestionsofyourantagonistandfindthepersonunderneath.


Bytakingtenminutestohumanizeyourantagonist,you’vemadeamajorstepinbreakingawayfrombad-guycliché.

TEN-MINUTECHAPTERREVIEW:THECHARACTERS

1.CreateaCHARACTERBIOGRAPHYthroughhabitsandbehavior.

2.CreateaMEMORABLEENTRANCEforyourcentralcharacters.

3.DiscoverCHARACTERRULESinPUBLIC,PERSONALandPRIVATEscenes.

4.ApplycharacterrulesinsituationstocreateENTERTAINMENT.

5.UsecharacterrulestocreateCOMPLICATIONS.

6.BREAKcharacterrulestoshowtransitionandchange.

7.DeterminetheRELATIONSHIPRULESofyourscript.

8.HUMANIZEyourantagonistbydiscoveringhisPOINTOFVIEW.

CHAPTER5

TheFirstDraft

You’vebrainstormed,homedinonaconcept,outlinedyourbroadbeats,added the scenes to demonstrate those beats, and discovered thecharactermomentsthatmakethosescenesricher.Thismeansthatwe’regoingtostopplanningnowandstartwriting.Inthischapter,youhitthepagesrunningandmovequicklythrougha

speeddraft,roughingitoutbyworkingaroundthemainintentionsofyourscene.Thenyoubuildout,honingthescenesandaddingmoreuntilyouhaveasolidfirstdraft.But how much writing can one possibly get accomplished in ten

minutes?Fornow,let’sgoforonescene.Remember that scenes canbeas short asone-eighthof apage, so

thisdoesn’thavetobeoverwhelming.Justfocusononesceneatatime,workingaroundtheintentionsofthatscene,andyou’llnailit.

SceneIntention

By scene intention, I meanwhat has to happen on a physical, verbal,emotionalandstoryleveltomakethescenework.Writingsolelyaroundthese intentionswillhelpyouget to theheartof yourscenesandkeepyoufrommeanderingoroverwriting.

TEN-MINUTELECTURE:

SCENEINTENTION

YourPHYSICALINTENTIONfocusesonactivity.Whathastohappeninthescene?Whatdowehavetoseesomeonedo?

YourVERBALINTENTIONfocusesondialogue.Whathastobecommunicatedwithwords?Sinceyou’llhonethesceneintherewrite,giveyourselfpermissiontowrite“onthenose”dialogueifyouneedtoatthispoint.

YourEMOTIONALINTENTIONfocusesonhowacharacterwithinthesceneisaffected.Or,howthe

audienceshouldbeemotionallyaffected.

YourSTORYINTENTIONispossiblythemostimportantelementonthislist.Howdoesthisscenemovethestoryforward?Ifitdoesn’t,deleteitfromyourscenelist.

ENDOFLECTURE

WritingScenesAroundIntention

Neverwrittenascreenplay?Noworries.Whenyoubreakdownasceneelementbyelement,it’sreallyprettysimple.Look at how the following scene fromSideways is written. It’s short,

simple,andworkssolelyaroundintention,andyetitisakeysceneinanAcademyAward-winningscript.

1.Thewritercreatesasceneheading toshowwhetherascene is takingplace insideoroutside,whatlocationit’sin,andwhattimeofdayitis:

EXT.PARKINGAREA–DAY

2.Thewriteraddsscenedirectioninordertomeetthephysicalintention.

MayaleadsthewaytowardtheSaab.

3.Thewriteraddsdialoguethatconveystheverbalintention.

MAYAWereyouevergoingtosayanything?

MILESOfcourseIwas.Imean,justnowIcouldhavemadeupsomestory,butIdidn’t.Itoldyouthetruth.

4.Thewriteraddsanactionlinethatshowswhatisreallygoingoninthesceneinordertorevealtheemotionalintention.

MayaturnstoconfrontMileswithalookof“Givemeabreak.”Milesreachesouttotouch

her.

5. The writer adds a button to the scene that brings closure to the moment, while alsopushingthestoryforward,therebyachievingthestoryintention.

MILESMaya.

MAYA

(jerkingaway)Don’ttouchme.Justtakemehome.

FromSideways,writtenbyAlexanderPayne&JimTaylor,2004.

Here’sanotherexample,writtenbywriterMattHarris.Noticehowthissceneaccomplishesallofitsintentionsineightsimplelines.

INT.ANCHORAGEAIRPORTTERMINAL-LATER

Anemptylounge.

Aman,JEFF,standsoverher.

JEFFCharlotte?

CHARLOTTEYes?

JEFFIthoughtso.I’m,uh...Jeff.

Charlottestaresmystified;hardtosaywho’smorenervous.

JEFFYourdad.

FromBloodborne,writtenbyMattHarris,2007.

WriteaScene

You’ve only got ten minutes. And the goal is simply to write a scene.Don’ttrytomakeitperfect!Write quickly, only focusing on getting a super-rough-scratch-it-out

sceneonthepage.Referenceyourscenelist,pickascene,andgo.

TAKETEN:WRITEASPEEDDRAFTOFYOURFIRSTSCENE

SCENEHEADING

Scenedirection.

CHARACTERDialogue.

Actionlinewithrevealingphysical/emotionalmoment.

CHARACTERDialoguethatbringsoutemotionalintention.

Actionbuttonthatbringsclosureandpushesthestoryforward.


Congratulations.Youwroteyourfirstscene.Andyoudiditwithoutstressingoroverwriting!

QuickyFormat

Still intimidatedby the form?Youonlyneed toknowacoupleof terms.Honest.We’ll talkaboutformattingtricksandtrendsasyouexpandandrewrite,butfornow,justconcentrateontheessentials:

TEN-MINUTELECTURE:

FORMATBASICS

ASCENEHEADING,alsoreferredtoasaSLUGLINE,tellsyouwhetherornotyou’reinsideoroutside,whatplaceyou’rein,andwhattimeofdayitis.Itshouldbecapitalized,withinteriororexteriorreferredtoasINT.orEXT.andhaveadashbetweentheplaceandtimeofday.Itlookslikethis:

INT.OFFICE—DAY

AnACTIONLINE,alsoreferredtoasSCENEDIRECTION,givesavisualdescriptionofsceneactivity.Itiswritteninsentenceformandlookslikethis:

Marywrites.

DIALOGUEiswhatwecallthewordsspokenaloudbycharacters.Beforealineofdialogue,thenameofacharacterappears,capitalized,aboveit.Dialogueiscenteredonthescriptpageandlookslikethis:

MARYOnlyonehundredpagestogo.

Puttogether,sceneheading,actionlinesanddialoguelooklikethis:

INT.OFFICE—DAY

Marywrites.

MARYOnlyonehundredpagestogo.

ENDOFLECTURE

HowScreenwritingSoftwareCanHelpYou

Want to spend your ten minutes indenting, capitalizing, and generallyputtingyourheadthroughawall?Thendon’tgetscreenwritingsoftware.Ifyouwanttopressakeyandhaveitdoneforyou,dogetscreenwritingsoftware.IlikeFinalDraft,buttheyallwork.

TheSpeedDraft

The goal of the speed draft is to finish. It’s not to make every sceneperfect.It’snottofindtheperfectlineortrailer-worthymoment.It’ssimplytoputyourscenesintheorderyou’vedecidedoninyouroutline.Andtowritethosescenesinaformatthatlookslikeamovie.To get started, look at a scene on your scene list andwrite a quick

scene around its main intentions. Once you’ve met those intentions,moveon!Don’t worry about word choice, character nuance, scene direction

detail,etc.Justwrite.Tryandbangoutascenepertenminutes.Maybeyou’llgetsogoodatthisthatyou’llwritetwo!Now, ifyoudogetona rolland feel that “writer’s rush” thathappens

whenascene issimplywriting itself,byallmeans,go for it!Don’t limityourselftostrictlywritingaroundthemainintentions.But,theminuteyoustart laboringoveraword,deletingandrewriting,orstoppingtolookupsomething on the Internet, go back to writing around intention again,usingthespeeddraftasashortcuttogetyoumovingforward.If youget stuck,mark the scene for nowandmoveon.Evenwriting

“Herodoessomethingcooltomakeladylovehim”isenoughtopushthestoryahead.Keepmarkingscenesuntilthescenedirectionanddialoguecometoyouagain.

Yourmantrais:“Thisisaspeeddraft.Itdoesnothavetobeperfect.”When you’re finished, we’ll usemore of those stolen tenminutes to

craftandrewrite.Butfornow,taketenminuteswheneveryoucantogetyourscenesoutofyouroutlineandontothepage.

TEN-MINUTESCENE-WRITINGCALENDAR

Keepwritingquickly,roughingitouttotheend.

DAYONE

10minutes:Setthealarmclocktenminutesearly—writeascene

10minutes:Officecoffeebreak—writeascene

10minutes:Backearlyfromlunch—writeascene

DAYTWO

10minutes:Drinkingmorningcoffee—writeascene

10minutes:Babynappinginchair—writeascene

10minutes:Olderkiddoinghomework—writeascene

DAYTHREE

10minutes:Arrivedatclassearly—writeascene

10minutes:Ridingthetrain—writeascene

10minutes:Waitingforbathtorun—writeascene


Inthreedays,catchingthreebreaksoftenminutesperday,youcouldbedonewiththefirstsequenceofyourmovie.Onlysevenmoresequencestogo.Atthisrate,you’llbedonewithyourspeeddraftinlessthanamonth.Doubleyourworktimeandmakeittwoweeks!

TAKETENWRITEYOURSPEEDDRAFT

You’vestolenmomentsandwrittenyourfirstsequence.Keeppushingforwardtotheend!

1.Writequickly,workingaroundintentionandroughingitouttotheend.2.Don’tstoptothink.3.Don’tgobacktofix.4.Markitwhereyoudon’tknowit.5.Keepwritingwhereyoudo.6.Stuck?Makeitup!7.Itdoesn’thavetobeperfect!


Youwrotetotheend!Andyoudiditbyworkingaroundthemainintentionsofthescene.Youdidn’tstoptonitpickbecauseyoujustdidn’thavethetime.Andyourtimelimitationshaveactuallyforcedyoutowritemoreefficientlyandfromthegut.

SpeedDrafttoFirstDraft

Youwrotetotheend!Celebrate.Finished?Good.Becauseyou’vegotmoreworktodo.Yousee,sincethis isonlyaspeeddraft, it’sgoingtobeshort, rough

andmeet your original concept and story intentions only halfway. Thatmeansthatyournextstepistogobackthroughthescriptanddevelopit,turningitintoacleanfirstdraftthatdeliversonstory.

ScriptDevelopment:AddNewScenes

Youworked,asyoushould,offof thescene list fromyouroutline.Andthosewere thescenes thatwereput together to formyour roughdraft.But, nomatterwhatanyone tells you,notevery scenecanbeplannedout ahead of time. So, in expanding your rough draft into a solid firstdraft,thefirstthingtodoisseewhatscenesaremissing.You don’t have to completely redo. Just add scenes to make story

connections. Fill in the story gaps. Add to the relationships. Createpowerfulintroductions.Createtrailerscenes.Below,we’llcoversomeofthewaystodothat.Rememberthatthegoalhereistoaddscenesthatexpandyourspeed

draft intoasolidfirstdraft.Andwe’ll thentakethatthrougharewriteaswell.Allthistosay,onceagain,thatitdoesn’thavetobeperfect.

TriggerScenes

Taking a hard look at your story, you might notice that some of thesequencesjustdon’taddup.Intheplanningstage,theylookedOK.Butitturnsoutyouneedmore.Bywriting a scene around the event that triggers a new beat in the

story,you’refillinginanecessarygapandbringinginextraactivity.IntheanimatedmovieUp,thewriterscouldhaveshowntheircharacter

evictedfromhishome,andtheassumptioncouldhavebeenthat itwasbecauseofthelanddevelopmentgoingonaroundhim.Butinstead,theyhad him bonk a land developer over the head in anger, triggering theeviction.Sometimes a trigger is subtle; something small witnessed or

experiencedthataddstoacharacter’smotivation.Agreattriggerscenecanbetheemotionalgluethathelpsusunderstandacharacter’schoicelateron.InJuno,Juno’sobservationofVanessainteractingwithachildtriggers

herdecisiontogiveVanessaherbaby.Weseethemomentshe“getsit.”Withoutthatscene,herchoicewouldhaveseemedtohavecomeoutofnowhere.InUpInTheAir,Ryanneededtoseethatbulletinboardfullofplaces

hissisterhadn’tgonetoinordertotriggerhimtogiveherhismileslateron.Yes,hecouldsimplyhavegiven themtoher,but that triggerscenehelpedhimrecognizetheproblem.Forothertriggerscenes,thinkabout...

Theeventormomentthattriggersacharactertoexplore.Theeventormomentthattriggersacharactertotakearisk.Theeventormomentthattriggersacharactertoquit.Theeventormomentthattriggersakiss.Theeventormomentthattriggersaproposal.Theeventormomentthattriggersamurder.

TAKETEN:ADDATRIGGERSCENE

Writeinatriggerscenewhereveracharactermakesanewchoice.Addittoyourscenelist,andthenworkitintoyourdraft.


Theaudiencehasnowwitnessed,firsthand,themomentwheretheMCisactuallymotivatedtotakeaction.You’veavoidedthenote,“butwhyishedoingthat?”

RelationshipScenes:SupportingCharacter

Youclaimyourscript isa lovestory.Butdidyouwrite thescenewherethecharactersactuallycommittothatlove?Yourscriptisabuddymovie.Butdidyoushowthefriendsworkingasateam?Yourscriptisanactionadventure. Did you reveal the moment where the hero emotionallyconnectswiththepersonhe’sgoingtosave?Ifwedon’t see the connection,wedon’t buy the stakes.A character

may crow about his love for someone else, but unless the audiencewitnesses it, it ringsasuntrue.And friendsmaysay they’ddie foreachother,butunlesswe’veseenamomentwheretheybond,we’llneverfeeltheimpactwhentheyactuallymakethatsacrifice.These connections don’t have to be hugely dramatic or overly

emotional.Backstorydoesnothavetobeshared.Tearsdonothavetobeshed.Theseconnectionscouldbemadewith...

Ajoke.Alook.Apromise.Asecret.Acompliment.Akiss.Anaccusation.Athreat.

Anargument.

TAKETEN:EMOTIONALCONNECTIONWITHSUPPORTINGCHARACTER

CreatenewscenesshowinganemotionalconnectionbetweenyourMCandthesupportingcharacter.Addittoyourscenelistandthenworkitintoyourdraft.


You’veenrichedyourstoryandstrengthenedyourcharacterdevelopment.TheaudiencewillfeelmoreattachedtoyourMC’sjourney,nowthatwe’recaughtupinhisrelationshipwithsomeoneelse.

RelationshipScenes:Antagonist

And, when making those emotional connections, don’t forget yourantagonist!Badguysneedattentiontoo!Or,Ishouldsay,badguysneedtoshowtheaudiencethattheygetundertheskinofthemaincharacter... and vice versa! Sometimes villains are most interesting when theyconnectwith amain character in a positiveway.There’s the famous “Ididn’tkillmywife!” lineutteredby thehero inTheFugitive, followedbythemarshal’sresponse:“Idon’tcare!”Inthatmoment,weseethemaincharacterandhisantagonistconnect

inawaythatcommunicatesthatthey’rebothjustdoingwhattheyhavetodo. It’s a small but powerful break in the action, connecting themonahumanlevelbeforeplungingusbackintotheaction.ThemovieHeatisrememberedmostforthescenewherecopandthief

stop chasing each other to hash it out over a cup of coffee in a diner.Again,there’samutualunderstanding.Atonepoint,thiefsaystocop:“Idowhat I dobest. I takescores.Youdowhat youdobest— trying tostopguyslikeme.”But negative connections can be just as powerful. In The Lovely

Bones,thefatherofaslaingirlhasanin-personmeetingwithaneighbor.Thoughthere’snothinghecandotostophiminthismoment,thefatherknows, through their interaction, that this is the man who killed hisdaughter.Theneighbor,inturn,realizesthatthefatherisontohim.Inthismomentofpersonalconnection,theybothrecommittotheirmoviegoal:the father wants, more than ever, to put this man away; the neighborknowsthathemustavoidgettingcaughtatallcost.

TAKETEN:EMOTIONALCONNECTIONWITHANTAGONIST

CreatenewscenesshowinganemotionalconnectionbetweenyourMCandtheantagonist.Addittoyourscenelist,andthenworkitintoyourdraft.


You’veaddedanewlayertotheclassicgood-guy/bad-guyrelationship.IfyouwanttomakeyourMChatetheantagonist,yournewconnectingscenewillstrengthenthat.Ifyouwanttomakehimseeadifferentsideoftheantagonist,yourscenehasthepotentialtodothataswell.

TheTeaser

If you’rea fanofone-hourcrimeshows,you’re familiarwith the teaser.It’s an opening scene that focuses on a startling event: A threat! Anabduction! Amurder! And a good teaser is there for more than shockvaluealone.Often, thesubjectof the teaser turnsout tobe themurderwe’reinvestigatingthatweekorthekeypuzzlepieceinamystery.Contemporaryfilmsalsousethetrickofateasertoenticeusandlure

us into a film. Here’s one from a feature spec that instantly got myattention:

FADEIN:EXT.REMOTEBEACH-DAY

Seaoatsswayinabriskmorningbreeze.

AYOUNGBOY(5)emergescarefreeandhappy,atruekingofthehill.Upahead,hesees--

AWHITEDIAMONDKITE

loomhighabovehim,tetheredbehindanotherdune.

MOTHER’SVOICE(O.S.)Staycloseby,sweetie.

TheBoyturnstowardshisfamilyplayingalongtheshore.

MOTHERComebackthisway,okay.

Butthekiteprovesirresistible.Withamischievoussmile,hetakesofftowardsthekite.

LARGERDUNE-MOMENTSLATER

Thedownedkitefluttersabouttheground.

TheBoy’sfingersstrumalongtheflylineleadinguptothekitespoolburieddeepinthe

sand.

He drops to his knees and digs at the spool. The deeper he digs, the deeper his

frustration.Hegrabstheflylineandheavesforthtothesurface--

ASEVEREDLEFTHAND

ofayoungwoman,cleavedmid-forearm,relativelyfresh,stilllooselyclutchingthekite

spool.

Onthehand,aneleganttattooofwildscarletrosesspiralsaroundtheappendage,cutoff

bytheamputationandextendingdownacrossthebackmetacarpals.

THEBOY

fallsback,hiseyestransfixeduponthehand.Frightened,herunsoff.

FromTheWildRose,writtenbyStephenCowan,2007.

Though the boy himself will never figure into this scene again, hisadventuresetsthetonefortherestofthestoryandalsoestablishesthemurderevidencethatwe’llbefollowingthroughoutthemovie.WhenIfirstread this scene, Iwas caught up by the journey of the small boy: thatcarefreemoment,thesearchforthekite,thegruesomediscovery.Bytheendofthepage,Iwassold.Aseveredhandonpageone?Whatwouldhappen next? That’s how a good teaser grabs the reader (and theaudience).Great teaserscenesdon’talwayshave tobescary—at leastnot in

the conventional sense of the word. In The Hangover, the first sceneslamsusintotheheartoftheproblem.Abestmancallsaworriedbridefrom the middle of the desert. His car is a wreck. So is his face. Hisfriends look like death warmed over. And, worst of all, the groom isnowheretobefound.Whenwe cut to the next scene in thismovie, it’s forty hours earlier.

The movie really begins there. But that teaser is stuck in our head,remindingusthatnomatterhowsafethecharactersfeelnow,they’reinforaheckofaride.Teasers don’t always have to be over-the-top. InThe Ice Storm, we

begin the movie with an icy-cold, pre-dawn train ride. Nothing terriblehappens:Aboyrides.Afamilypickshimup.Thetraindoesn’tcrash.Yetthesceneisfilledwithcoldanddarkness,givingusasenseofdreadthatlingersthroughmuchofthestory.

TAKETEN:WRITEATEASER

Useoneofthechoicesbelowtocreateaprovocativeopeningscene.Addittoyourscenelist,andthenworkitintoyourdraft.

1.Focusonadramaticphysicaleventthattakesplacedeeperintothemovie.Hint:Showusonlyonepartofthisscene.Savethefullsceneforlater!

2.Showadreamlikeeventthatturnsouttoberealitylateron.3.Comeuponanantagonistinvolvedinhisevilwork.4.Focusonanintense,privatemomentfilledwithemotion—somethingthatwillbeexplainedlater.5.Writeagenre-specificopening.Ascareifit’sahorrormovie.Asillymomentifit’sacomedy.A

battleifit’sawarmovie.


Addingateaserstrengthensyourstory,luresthereaderinandsellsitonpageone.

SetPieces

“Setpiece”isoneofthoseweirdindustrytermslike“bestboy”and“keygrip”thatdoesn’talwaysmeanwhatitsays.Somewritershearthetermsetpieceandthink“setting.”So,whenaskedtocomeupwithmoresetpieces,theythrowinalibrary,abeach,oraskyscraper.Actually,thetermmeanssomethingcompletelydifferent.

TEN-MINUTELECTURE:

SETPIECE

Asetpiece,asitappliestoascript,isanactive,visual,trailer-worthyscenethatusesasettingorworldinanoriginalway.Let’stakeourlibrary,beach,andskyscraper.Inourlibrary,bookssuddenlyflyoffshelvesandknockoutabadguy.Aplacidbeachdayturnsintoanightmarewhenatidalwavehits.Lovershaveapicnicontheledgeoftheskyscraper.

InCloseEncountersoftheThirdKind,anobsessedfatherbuildsamountain,firstoutofthemashedpotatoesonhisdinnertable,thenoutofthemudandbushesinhisbackyard.Themountain,themission,andtheemotionashisfamilylooksoninhorrorareallshowntousinthoseactivemoments.

Agreatsetpiecemultitasks.Notonlydoesitdosomethingnewandvisualbytakingadvantageofthescript’sworld,italsousesthatworldto...

SERVETHEGENRE:SuchasthefightscenethroughthetreetopsinCrouchingTiger,HiddenDragon.

BUILDCHARACTER:Checkouttheupside-downkissinSpider-Man.

CREATEAPROBLEM:AsinthestuckzippersceneinThere’sSomethingAboutMary.

Oritcandoalloftheabove:TheFAOSchwartz“Chopsticks”sceneinBigisaterrificexample.Init,Josh,atwelve-year-oldtrappedinthebodyofagrownman,teacheshisstuffybossalittlesomethingaboutplaytimebyjumpingupanddownonagiantkeyboardandplaying“Chopsticks.”

Thisscene:

A:Takesadvantageofitstoy-storeSETTING.

B:Bringshomethe“childinusall”THEMEthroughitsactivity.

C:HonorsitsCONCEPTandcharacterbyhavingthegrown-up-lookingJoshbehavelikeatwelve-year-old.And...

D:MovestheSTORYforwardbyearningJoshapromotion.

ENDOFLECTURE

TAKETEN:WRITEASETPIECE

Useoneofthechoicesbelowtocreateamemorablesetpiece.Addittoyourscenelist,andthenworkitintoyourdraft.


Addingsetpiecestoyourscriptmakesitstrongerandmoresaleable.Addingakeysetpiececanalsobreathenewlifeintoastandardstorymoment.

ScriptDevelopment:BuildOnExistingScenes

Youzippedthroughyourspeeddraftbywritingscenesbuiltsolelyaroundtheirmain intentions. That’s great, because it allowed you to focus onwhat thescenewasreallyabout, insteadofmeanderinguntilyoufoundthepoint.

But,nowthatyou’reexpanding fromroughdraft intoareal firstdraft,it’sfinetolookatthescenesthatyoudohaveandseeiftheyneedmore.

SceneExpansion

ThefollowingisascenewrittenarounditsmostbasicintentionsbywriterSuzanneKeilly.Followherchoicesasshestartssmallandbuildsout:

INT.BOBBIEANDMINA’STRAILER

Minatossesherknapsackonthefloorandplopsintoachairatthetable.Bobbieputsa

cerealbowlinfrontofher.

MINAIwantedeggs.

BOBBIEWeranout.

MINAWhatever.I’lljustgetsomethingunhealthy.Theyselldonutsatschool.

Bobbiereachesintoherpurse.

BOBBIEI’llgiveyousomemoney.

Thescene,writtenaround intentionalone, isstraightforwardandgetsacrossthecentralidea.But the writer wanted more. For one thing, she wanted to create a

bettersenseofplace.Sosheaddedmoredetailup-front,justenoughtostagethescene:


BobbiestandsinthekitchenettepartoftheirtrailerpouringFrostedFlakesintoabowl.

Alitcigarettesitsinanashtrayonthecounter.

ThewriteralsowantedtotalkaboutmaritalproblemsbetweenBobbieandherhusband,soshedecidedtoaddmoredialogue:

MINAIwantedeggs.

BOBBIEWeranout.

MINA(rollinghereyes)Uhhh.Well,canIhavemilkatleast?

BOBBIEWedon’thaveany.

MINADidyouchuckthecartonatdad?

BOBBIEI’llbuysomemoretoday.

MINAWhatever.I’lljustgetsomethingunhealthyatschool.

ShealsowantedtoestablishBobbie’slifestylecontradictions.Bydoingthis,shecreatedanewbeatinthescene:

Bobbietakesadragonhercigarette.

BOBBIENo.We’rebothgettin’healthyfromnowon.Wetalkedaboutthat.

Sheexhalesalungfulofsmoke.

MINAWithwhat?Youthroweverythingedibleatdad.

Thenthewritercreatedatonalshiftbyshowingasofteningwithinthescene,achanceforBobbietotryanewtacticwithherdaughter:

Bobbiestubsoutthecigarette.Turnstofaceherdaughter.

BOBBIEI’msorry.Iam.Thingswillbebettersoon.

MINAWhen?

Finally, the writer wanted to make sure that it was clear that thedaughter“won”thisparticularroundwithhermother.Todothat,thewriterchangedcourseagainwithakeypieceofemotionalscenedirection.

Minasulksandgrabsherbackpack.

MINA

Theyselldonutsatschool.


BOBBIE(sighing)I’llgiveyousomemoney.

Thefinalscenelookedlikethis:


BobbiestandsinthekitchenettepartoftheirtrailerpouringFrostedFlakesintoabowl.

Alitcigarettesitsinanashtrayonthecounter.

MINAIwantedeggs.

BOBBIEWeranout.

MINA(rollinghereyes)

Uhhh.WellcanIhavemilkatleast?

BOBBIEWedon’thaveany.

MINADidyouchuckthecartonatdad?

BOBBIEI’llbuysomemoretoday.

MINAWhatever.I’lljustgetsomethingunhealthyatschool.

Bobbietakesadragonhercigarette.

BOBBIENo.We’rebothgettin’healthyfromnowon.Wetalkedaboutthat.

Sheexhalesalungfulofsmoke.

MINAWithwhat?Youthroweverythingedibleatdad.

Bobbiestubsoutthecigarette.Turnstofaceherdaughter.

BOBBIE

I’msorry.Iam.Thingswillbebettersoon.

MINAWhen?

Minasulksandgrabsherbackpack.

MINATheyselldonutsatschool.


BOBBIE(sighing)

I’llgiveyousomemoney.

FromThreeDays,Three-ThousandMiles,WrittenbySuzanneKeilly,2009.

TAKETEN:DEVELOPYOURSCENES

Workingonesceneatatime,gothroughanddevelopyourscenesbyaskingthefollowingquestions.Remember,though,thatyoumayneedtoaddonlyoneelement.Don’tdoeverything,oryou’lloverwrite!

1.DoyouneedtogivethesceneabettersenseofPLACE?2.WouldyourscenebenefitfromMOREDIALOGUE?3.InordertochangetherhythmshouldyoutryoutaTONALSHIFT?4.DoyouneedtoaddaNEWBEATtothescene?5.WouldapieceofEMOTIONALSCENEDIRECTIONhelpyoutotellthestory?


You’vefleshed-outyourscenesandmetyouremotionalanddramaticintentions.

SceneDivision

Ratherthanexpandeveryscene,sometimeswhat’sactuallyneededistochopthemup.Alongconversationoractionscenemaybenecessaryforyourscript,butit’sgoingtolooklikeabunchoftalkingheadsifyoukeepyourcharactersinoneplaceforalongtime.Aflirtatiousscenebetweenamanandwomanmaybecharming,butif

it’sfivepagesinoneplace,it’sgoingtogrowoldquickly.Wecanchopitup,though,sothatitstartsatapooltable,movestothebar,thenendsintheparkinglot.Inthisway,wekeepthecharactersontheirfeetandholdtheattentionoftheaudience.So, look to your scene list and then to your scenes themselves.Did

youwrite only one long,meandering scene, when it could have easilybeentwoorthreeshorterones?

TAKETEN:DIVIDEYOURSCENES

Startingfromthescenelist,lookatyourscenesandseewhereyoucansplitlocationstocreateadditionalscenes.

Lookfor...1.Talkyscenes:Ifalloftheinformationisimportant,stretchitoutoverdifferentlocations.2.Fightscenes:Iftheactionismoving,yourcharactersareprobablypursuingeachotherfromplace

toplace.3.Partyscenes:Moveoureyetothedifferentmini-locationsintheroom.Onegroupmaybeatthe

foodtable,whileanotherisonthebalcony.4. Chase scenes: It goeswithout saying that the characters are probably chasing each other from

locationtolocation.Makesureyourscenesreflectthat.


Yourscriptwaslonger,andyoudidn’tevenknowit!Justbysplittinglocations,yourscriptislookinglesslikeaplayandmorelikeamovie.

ShowDon’tTell

It’stheoldestruleinscreenwriting,andit’sthebestone.Whoneedstalkwhen you can show theaudiencewhat’s goingon?Yet, in your haste,you may have come up with scenes where people simply talk aboutwhat’sgoingon, rather thanshow it.Replacing those talkysceneswithactivitywillquicklyturnyourspeeddraftintotherealthing.

TAKETEN:SHOWIT

Takeyourspeeddrafttothenextlevelbyreplacingtalkysceneswithactivemoments.

STEP1:Lookatyourscenelistandnotewhereyou’vedescribedascenewithwordslikeconvinces,talksto,andasksabout.Replacewithverbsthatforceyourcharacterintoanaction—notaconversation.

STEP2:Focusingonyournewactivity,rewritethescene.Ifacharacteroverheardthetruthbefore,forexample,inyourdevelopedsceneshemay

discoverit.


You’vemadeyourscriptmoreinterestingandactive.We’llnowfeelthatwe’reexperiencingevents,ratherthanjusthearingaboutthem.

ScriptDevelopment:AddYourVoice

Speeding through a draft is a great way to get to the end, but notnecessarily the best approach for bringing out your individual writer’svoice.Byaddingpersonality to thewords,youcreate thecorrectmoodandtoneforyourgenre.

WordChoiceandTone

Yourwritingstyleandchoiceofwordsisallyours.Butkeepinmindthegenre.Youmaywant toaddbeautyand thoughtfulness toyourpages: InA

BeautifulMind,we literallyget insidemain character JohnNash’smindbytrackingthewayhethinks:

Nash’sgazecarriesthefloatinggeometryacrossthecrowdtofindtherainbowsonthebar

top.

Or,youmaywantwordingthatsuggestsmagicandsurprises. InTheLordoftheRings:TheFellowshipoftheRing,anactionlinereads:

Bilbo materializes as he pulls a plain gold ring off of his finger. He finds Gandolph

loomingoverhim.

Note that Bilbo doesn’t just appear, he “materializes.” Gandolphdoesn’tstand,he“looms.”Or,youmayhavethekindofscenedirectionthat’sasstraightforward

as its characters. At a key emotional point inLittleMissSunshine, theactionlinesimplyreads:

Silence.Everyoneavoidseveryoneelse’seyes.

Expandingyourscenesmeanschoosingthewordsthatstirupemotionin the reader. If this is a thriller, we should feel anxious. If this is a

comedy,weshouldsmile.JudeRoth,aclientofmine,hastheamazingabilitytowrite inalmost

anygenre.Forthisreason,Iaskedhertotakeascriptwithastrongvoiceandadaptittoseveraldifferentgenres.She chose the screenplay for L.A. Confidential. Here’s the opening

paragraphoftheoriginalscript.

EXT.L.A.SKYLINE-SUNSET

Palmtreesinsilhouetteagainstacherrysky.Citylightstwinkle.LosAngeles.Aplace

whereanythingispossible.Aplacewheredreamscometrue.Astheskydarkens,triple-

Klieglightsbegintosweepbackandforth.

FromL.A.Confidential,writtenbyBrianHelgeland,fromthenovelbyJamesEllroy,1997.

“Palmtreesinsilhouette,”“cherrysky,”“lightstwinkle,”“aplacewheredreamscometrue.”Withthiskindofwordchoice,thewriterhasgoneoutofhiswaytomakeusexperienceoldLosAngelesatitsheyday.So,whatifitwaswrittenasadifferentgenre?

ACTION-ADVENTURE:


A Maserati RACES along Mulholland Drive. High above the glittering city lights of Los

Angeles.

Thecar’sspeedarchesthesilhouettedpalmtreesasitwhipsby.ABOBSEGERSONGblasts

fromwithin.

Klieglightssweepbackandforth.TheMaseratiSWERVESjustintimetomissSLAMMINGinto

anoncomingpickuptruck.

ANIMATION/CHILDREN:

EXT.L.A.SKYLINE–SUNSET

Palmtreesswayunderaredandpinksky.Thecitylightstwinklefar,farbelowasthe

GOOD PEOPLE bustle with activity. In and out of toy stores. And arcades. And costume

shops.

ThisisLITTLEANGELES,themagicalcitywhereonlykidsareallowed.Aplacewheredreams

cometrue.

Justasthedarknightcomesa’knockin’,thousandsandthousandsandthousandsofKlieg

lightsbegintosweepbackandforth,keepingdaytime—andplaytime—alive.

DRAMA:


Palmtreesstandproudinsilhouetteagainstacherrysky.Lightsglimmerinthesweeping

cityofLosAngeles.Aplacewhereanythingispossible.Aplacewheredreamscometrue.

Butastheskydarkens,Klieglightsbegintosweepbackandforth.Nightinthecityisa

differentmatteraltogether.

SUPERHERO:


Palmtreessaginsilhouetteagainstacherrysky.Afewcitylightsblinkpeaceablyuntil

...

CRACK.SMASH.SPLAT!

SOMEONE—anevilsomeone—HURLSrocksatthestreetlights,sendingglassshatteringto

thecement.

This is Los Angeles. A place where nothing good happens anymore. A place where dreams

becomenightmares.

BUT WAIT. As the sky darkens, TRIPLE KLIEG LIGHTS begin to sweep back and forth. What

coulditbe?Whocoulditbe?Isit?Yes,itis!It’sSTARLETGIRL!

COMEDY:


Palmtrees.Sparklinglights.ThisisL.A.Agoodplace.Aplacewheredreamscometrue.

Unless,thatis,you’re...

NORBERTSCOWLER,theunluckiestscumbagtoeverwalktheearth.JustasNorbertgalumphs

by,aKLIEGLIGHTfallsoffaroofandknockshimoutcold.

Theendtojustanotherrun-of-the-millday.

ROMANCE:


Palm trees stand majestic in silhouette against a sumptuous cherry red sky. The city

lightsbelowquiverandannounceaplacewhereanythingispossible.Aplacewheredreams

cometrue.Wherelovereignssupreme.

Themostromanticcityintheworld.LosAngeles.

Asthecashmerenightdescends,spotlightsbegintosweepsoftlybackandforth.

SCI-FI/FANTASY:


TITLE:SOMETIMEINTHE22NDCENTURY

Chromepalmtreesstandoutagainstablackcherrysky.Citylightsblind.

Welcome to Los Angeles. A place where still anything is possible. A place where dreams

cometrue.

Theonlycatch.Noneofitisreal.

Astheskydarkens,triple-Klieglightsbegintosweepbackandforth.Lookingfornoone.

Illuminatingnothing.

HORROR:


Palmtreesinsilhouetteagainstabloodcherrysky.Citylightsquiverfrantically.

LosAngeles.Aplacewhereanythingispossible.Aplacewheredreamscometrue.

Butnottonight.

Astheskydarkens,triple-Klieglightsbegintosweepbackandforth.

TheMADMANisontherun.

GenrerewritesbyJudeRoth,2008.

So,asyou’reexpanding,feelfreetoletyourvoicecomeoutandbringenergytothepage.Ifit’stoomuch,wecanalwaysscaleyoubackintherewrite.But,fornow,play.

TAKETEN:ADDPERSONALITY

Workingtenminutesatatime,usewordchoicetoadjustthetoneofyourscenesandcreatetherightmood.1.COMEDY—Keepyourdescriptionsstraightforward,almostdry.Letthehumoraddthecolor.2.THRILLER—Workdownthepage,buildingsuspensemomentbymoment.3.HORROR—Tryout somepoetry inyourmosthorrificmoments. It’llmakeyour scenes even

creepier.4. SCI-FI—Work in descriptions of futuristic devices and new rules as they actually impact the

story.5.PERIODPIECE—Pointustotheemotionalundercurrentinyoursceneswithloadedlooksand

whisperedmoments.6.SUPERHERO—Giveyourscenescomic-bookcolorbypunctuatingsoundsandactionmoments.7.ROMANCE—Workemotionintoaction.Butdon’tfeelyouhavetogettooflowery.(Theymay

stareamomenttoolong,butthatstaredoesn’thaveto“smolder.”)


Bywritingtothegenreandputtingyourownstamponyourscript,you’vemadeitmoreinvolvingandreadable.Thecleareryourwritingvoice,themoreexecutivesandproducersaregoingtowanttohireyou.

TEN-MINUTECHAPTERREVIEW:THEFIRSTDRAFT

1.WriteaSPEEDDRAFTbywritingscenesonlyaroundtheMAININTENTIONS.

2. DEVELOP STORY by adding TRIGGER SCENES and EMOTIONAL MOMENTSinvolvingyoursupportingcharacterandantagonist.

3.MakeyourscriptcinematicbywritingaTEASERandstrongSETPIECES.

4.DevelopscenesbygivingthemasenseofPLACE,addingDIALOGUE,creatingTONALSHIFTS,bringinginNEWBEATSandusingEMOTIONALSCENEDIRECTION.

5.DIVIDEoverlylongscenesintotwoormore.

6.ReplacetalkysceneswithscenesthatSHOWwhat’stakingplace.

7.UseyouruniqueWRITINGVOICEtostaytruetotheTONEandGENRE.

CHAPTER6

TheDialogue

You were probably wondering when I’d get to this. Well, I purposelysaved dialogue for this late in the book because I didn’t want youworryingabouteverylittlelinewhenyou’resimplytryingtogetyourscriptfinished.Plus,somanynewwritershangtheirscriptontheirdialogueinsteadof

allowinggood lines tocomenaturallyoutof theaction.Good thingyoumadechoicesaboutstoryandcharacterfirst.Nowthatyou’vemetthoseintentions, you can finally indulge in talk, allowing your characters toconnect with a great monologue, a killer line, or one perfectly chosenword.

VerbalAgenda

When people converse— on-screen or off — they rarely just talk fortalking’s sake. Instead, they use dialogue to help themmeet a goal orserveaparticularagenda.Approachingdialoguewithcharacteragendainmindcanmakeyourscenesmoreinterestingrightoffthebat.Eventhesmallest “Hi, howare you?”becomes intriguingwhenservedupwithabigsideorderofwant.Thinkaboutafirstdate.Inreallife,theagendamightbesimplytoget

toknowsomeoneandsee if theotherperson iscompatible.But,whenyou’rewatching amovie, youwantmore. After all, howmuch can youwatchpeopleexchangebackstory,questiontheotherpersonaboutwhatthey do for a living, and see if they like the same music? It’s painfulenoughwhenwehavetodoitinreallife!Givingthecharactersdifferentagendasonthedatewillkickthatdating

sceneupanotch.Imaginethattwocharactersareonadate,but…

Hewantsapromotion.Shewantsacorporatesecret.

Hewantsanswers.

Shewantspublicity.

Hewantstostealherdiamond.Shewantstosleepwiththewaiter.

Andsoon.

TAKETEN:CHARACTERAGENDAINDIALOGUE-DRIVENSCENES

Gothroughyourdialogue-drivenscenesanddefineorrevisetheagendaofyourcharacters.Trytofocusonasmanyscenesaspossibleinyourtenminutesoftime.


Apotentiallyhumdrumscenehasbecomemoreexcitingasthedialogue...drivestowardagoal.

VerbalStrategy

So, now that we know what a character wants from a dialogue-drivenscene,howdotheyachievethatgoalwithoutjustaskingfor it?Itwouldbe“onthenose”and,frankly,prettytackyforourguytoask,“MayIhaveyour diamond, please?” And her reply to be, “After I sleep with thewaiter.”So,insteadofaskingoutright,charactersuseverbalstrategiestohelp

themmeettheirgoal.Andwedothisinreallife,too.Whetherit’sabankloanorjustalaugh,weverballymanipulatepeopletogetwhatwewantfromthem.We…

JOKECOMPLIMENTSEDUCELIEARGUEINTERROGATEFLIRTINSTRUCT

CONFESSTELLTHETRUTHUSESILENCE

Andsomuchmore.So now imagine our daters are using verbal strategies tomeet their

competingagendas.Forcouplenumberone,we’vealreadyestablishedthat:Hewantsapromotion.Shewantsacorporatesecret.Now imagine that he jokes to get his promotion, and she flirts in an

attempttogethercorporatesecret.Or,heconfessestogethispromotionand she lies to get her corporate secret. Now we not only have twocompetingagendas thatmake thedatemore interesting;wealsohavetwocompetingverbalstrategies.Endofthebad-dateblues…atleastforthereader.In themovieMagnolia,Gwenovier,a reporter, tries toget information

from Frank, a dating guru. Frank’s strategy constantly changes as heavoidsthetruth.Herschangesaswellasshetriestogetananswertoapressingquestion:Herstrategy=inclusion

GWENOVIERLet’stalkmoreaboutyourbackground--

Hisstrategy=distraction

FRANKMuffy--coffee?

GWENOVIERI’mconfusedaboutyourpastisthething.

Hisstrategy=interruption

FRANKIsthatstilllingering?

GWENOVIER--justtoclarify--

FRANKSoboring,souseless--

GWENOVIERIwouldjustwanttoclearsomethingsup.

Hisstrategy=instruction

FRANK(Muffydeliverscoffee)

Thankyou,Muffy.Funnythingis:Thisisanimportantelementof“SeduceandDestroy”—“Facingthepastisanimportantwayinnotmakingprogress.”That’ssomethingItellmymenoverandover.

GWENOVIERThisisn’tmeant--

FRANK--andItryandteachthestudentstoask:Whatisitinaidof?

GWENOVIERAreyouaskingmethat?

FRANKYes.

Herstrategy=playstudent

GWENOVIERWell,justtryingtofigureoutwhoyouare,andhowyoumighthavebecome--

FRANKInaidofwhat?

GWENOVIERI’msaying,Frank,intryingtofigureoutwhoyouare--

Hisstrategy=seducing

FRANK--there’salotmoreimportantthingsI’dliketoputmyselfinto--

GWENOVIERIt’sallimportant--

FRANKNotreally.

FromMagnolia,writtenbyPaulThomasAnderson,1998.

TAKETEN:VERBALSTRATEGY

Gothroughyourdialogue-drivenscenesanddefineorrevisetheverbalstrategyofyourcharacters.Tryto

focusonasmanyscenesaspossibleinyourtenminutesoftime.


Byusing“verbalstrategies,”you’veavoidedboring“Q&Adialogue”inwhichcharacterssimplyaskquestionsanddeliverinformation.

TheHappyLie.TheAwfulTruth.

Readersoraudiencememberswilloftencriticizeapieceofdialogueasnotfeeling“real.”Inresponse,awritermighttrytomakethescenemore“honest”bythrowinginapieceofbackstory,orworse,havingacharacteractuallysayingoutloudwhathethinksorfeels.Andallthewhile,heshouldbedoingtheopposite.What’sthebestwaytokeepyourdialoguehonest?Letyourcharacters

lie.Wealldeliver“happylies”justtogetthroughourday.“Greattoseeyou!”“It’sbeentoolong!”“Youlookgreat!”“Sodoyou!”Imagineifthesecharactersactuallytoldthetruth?“God,youagain!”“IthoughtI’dfinallygottenridofyou.”“Youlooklikehell.”“Betterthanyou.”Now,whichisthewaythatpeoplereallytalktoeachother?The act of telling the truth is so weird, in fact, that we refer to

articulatedexpressionsoffeelingortruthas“onthenose.”Imagineif,aftersigningdivorcepapers,acharacterproclaims:“Ifeela

mixtureofreliefandregret!”Orwhatifacharacterapproachesanotheratapartyandsays.“Youareveryattractive.I’dliketohaveanaffairwithyou!”See?Weird.

Butthegreatthingaboutallofthislyingwehavetodoisthatitmakesformuchmore interestingmovie dialogue. Themore a character talksaroundthetruth,themorefunitisforanaudiencetofigureitout.Ultimately, even the phrase “I love you” is so powerful and so

uncomfortablyhonestthatittakesanentireromanticcomedy’stwohoursto get to it. And, even then, the other personmay ormay not feel thesameway.Here’s a scene in which a smitten character’s agenda is to express

love and the not-so-smitten character’s agenda is to deflect love.Smitten’sstrategymightbetotell thetruth.But,Not-so-smittencan’tdothatwithouthurtingSmitten’sfeelings.So,Not-so-smittentries…

COMPLIMENTINGSmitten:Iloveyou.Not-so-smitten:Ilovethattie!

ARGUINGSmitten:Iloveyou.Not-so-smitten:No,youdon’t.

INTERROGATINGSmitten:Iloveyou.Not-so-smitten:Whatdoyoumeanbythat?

LYINGSmitten:Iloveyou.Not-so-smitten:Iloveyou,too.

Whatscenesinyourscriptwouldbenefit fromthehappylie?Issomeof the movie magic missing because you’re being too honest?Rememberthatcharactersdon’talwayslietobeduplicitous.Sometimestheylieto…Hideasecret.Savesomeone’sfeelings.Savethemselvesfromnegativeconsequences.Protectsomeonefromharm.Attemptasurprise.

TAKETEN:LIEALITTLE

Writeorrewritedialogue-drivenscenestoshowcharactershidingthetruth.


Subtext,subtext,subtext!Byforcingthereaderoraudiencetodiscoverthetruthbetweenthelines,you’reholdingtheirattention.

DialogueAsAGame

Amoviesceneisoftenapowergame.And,whencharacterstalktoeachother,they’reoftenusingdialogueasawaytowin.Evengettingthelastwordimpliesawinner.Often, great movie dialogue is literally written as a game. And that

gamemakesthescene.Throughgame-playing,aproposalbecomesatonguetwister:

MOZARTIramem!Iramem!

CONSTANZENo,I’mnotplayingthisgame.

MOZARTNo,thisisserious.Sayitbackward.

CONSTANZENo!

MOZARTJustsayit—you’llsee.It’sveryserious.Iramem!Iramem!

CONSTANZEIram—marry.Em—marryme!

FromAmadeus,writtenbyPeterSchaffer,fromhisplay,1984.

Aplayfulconversationbetweenmotherandson—a“welcomehome”game—revealsapainfulsubtext:LYNN

Well,youknowwhatIdidtoday?IwonthePennsylvaniaLotteryinthemorning.Iquitmyjobs.Ateabigpicnicintheparkwithlotsofchocolatemoussepieandthenswaminthefountainallafternoon…Whatdidyoudo?

COLEIwaspickedfirstforkickballteamsatrecess.Ihitagrandslamtowinthegameandeveryoneliftedmeupontheirshouldersandcarriedmearoundcheering.

FromTheSixthSense,writtenbyM.NightShyamalan,1999.

A conversation between a terrorist and a cop is turned into a gameshow:HANS

Ah, how nice of you to call. I assume you are our mysterious party crasher. You are mosttroublesomefora…securityguard?

MCCLANEBZZZ!Sorry,Hans,wrongguess.WouldyouliketogoforDoubleJeopardy,wherethestakesaredoubleandthescoresreallychange?

FromDieHard,writtenbyJebStuartwithrevisionsbyStevenE.deSouza,1987,basedonthenovelNothingLastsForeverbyRoderickThorp.

Here’sa“beforeandafter”exampleofadialogue-drivenscenewrittenbywriterJessicaSt.James.The firstversiongives the information inadirectway.

Version1

INT.GARREN’SAPARTMENT–LATER

Garren’sonthecomputerlookingupMarilynMonroesites...

GARRENSo there’s fourmain theories: 1.TheMafiakilledher for revenge against theKennedy’s for theircrackdownonorganizedcrime.2.RobertKennedy,aidedbySecretServiceandCIAagentskilledherbecauseofheraffairwithJFKandhischancesofreelection.3.Hershrinkdiditbecausehewasinlovewithher.4.Marilynkilledherself,suicide.

TEDInternetequalsfact,bro.

GARRENNo,thesearegenerallyacceptedtheories--maybeKristarelatestoMarilyninoneoftheseways...

Thesecondversionusesa“game.”

Version2

INT.GARRENANDTED’SAPARTMENT

Garren’s on the computer, beside him a pot of coffee. He’s on a mission, hasn’t even

slept.

GARRENQuestion: what are the four generally accepted conspiracy theories about the death of MarilynMonroe?

Tedpunchesattheair...

TEDAnswer:Don’tcare,shewasn’tthathot.

GARRENJFKthoughtshewashot...

TEDHewasallupinherbiznazbehindthewife’sback,right?

GARRENTheory#1:RobertKennedy,aidedbySecretServiceandCIAagentskilledherbecauseofheraffairwithJFKandhischancesofreelection.

TEDBrosbeforehoes...

GARRENLiterally.Theothertheories?

3.

TEDMarilyn’sstillalive,livingasatransvestiteinCanada.

GARRENGenerallyacceptedtheories.Giveyouahint:“InSicily,womenaremoredangerousthanshotguns.”

TEDHergodfatherkilledher?

GARREN

Tryagain,TonySoprano.

TEDThemob.

GARRENTheory #2: Themob killed her for revenge against the Kennedy’s for their tough crackdown onorganizedcrime.Next?

TEDWhataboutlikeajealousactressfriend--chicksaretotalpiranhas.

GARRENThinkmale.Thinksecretkeeper.

TEDHertaxattorney?

GARRENClose.Theory#3:Hershrink.

TEDAscrewedupshrink.

GARRENScrewedupandinlovewithher.

Tedpunchestheairharder...

TEDThis--wholething--iswhat’sscrewedup--

GARRENWe’restillmissingthelasttheory...

4.

TED(sarcastic)

Ohmygod,IjustfoundmylistofstuffIdon’tgiveacrapabout--andit’ssoweirdbutthat’s#1.

Tedchucksthecontrollerintothewall...Collapsesontothefloor...

TED(CONT’D)Theory#4:Shekilledherself.Suicide.

Garrennods,impressed.

TED(CONT’D)Whydoyouevencare?!

GARRENWhatifKristaBoswellrelatestoMarilyninoneofthosefourways?

FromProjectMonarch,writtenbyJessicaSt.James,2009.

The first scene gets the information across effectively enough, butwe’veseenthe“lectureandlisten”approachtothiskindofscenemanytimes. The second scene educates and entertains. Like Ted, we findourselvesdrawn intoGarren’sgame.Nomatter howmuchTed resists,heultimatelyplaysalong,andheevenmakesthe“winning”guess.Andthrough this game, Garren makes his point, the audience gets theinformation,andwemoveforwardwiththestory.Whetherit’sliteralorjustapowerplay,agreatwaytobringnewlifeto

yourdialogue-drivenscenesistofindthegameinyourscene.Ask…

What’stheNameoftheGame?

It could be “TellMeYou LoveMe Too.”Or, “GiveMe the Information.”“Confess to theCrime,” or “RememberWho I Am.” For you, titling thegamewillhelpyouremembertheoverallagendaof thegameplayer—andwhatthesceneisabout.

WhoseGameisIt?

The character that starts this process of game-playing usually does sobecausehethinkshehasthepower.Interestingtoseeifhestillhasitbytheendofthegame.

HowDoYouPlay?

Isthegameplayedbymakingsomeoneguess,bycomparingstories,orbyrole-playing?Verbalstrategyplaysabigrolehere.

WhoWinstheGameandHow?

Thepersonwhostarts thegamedoesn’talwaysstay incontrol.Wheredoesthepowershiftandwhy?Thinkofthewinningcharacter’swinningmove.Wasitanunexpectedpieceofinformation?Perhapsitwasakillerlinethatcuttothequick.Onceitwasuttered,well,“gameover.”

TAKETEN:CREATEAVERBALGAME


Bywritingaconversationasagame,you’veaddedanengagingelementthatkeepsthereaderandaudienceguessing.You’vealsobroughtnewdepthtoyourrelationshipsbyexploitingthepowerdynamic.

FindingCharacterVoice

Oneof themost commonmistakes fornewwriters ismakingall of thecharacterssoundthesame.Itdoesn’tmatterhowclever thegameis; ifthe reader/audience can’t hear a difference in character voice, they’lleventuallygetbored.So, here’s a trick that may put your script through instant dialogue

rehab:Castyourscript.Iknow,Iknow.You’veheardotherpeopletellyounot todothis.But,

hey, if you’rewritingaspecscript foracurrentTVshow,youhave thevoices of existing characters to work with, don’t you? Why not giveyourselfthatadvantagewithallofyourprojects?Don’tactuallywrite thecastingon thepage, just cast it inyourhead

with your dream cast. How would Robert DeNiro say the line? GlennClose?JackBlack?EllenPage?Hearing the voiceof yourdreamcastwillhelpyoufindthedifferentcadencetotheirspeech,thedifferentpace,the different rhythms. And, surprisingly, it may even help you find thecorrectlanguageforacharacter.Whenimaginingthelow,gravellyvoiceofClintEastwood,forexample,

the line, “Don’tpickup thatgun,”easilybecomes“Goahead,makemyday.”Taketenminutestobeyourowncastingdirectorandyoumaystartto

“hear”yourcharactersinawayyoudidn’tbefore.

TAKETEN:FINDCHARACTERVOICETHROUGHCASTING

Makeacastingchoiceforeachcharacter.(Keepitinyourhead.Don’twriteitinyourscenedirection!):


Bywritingwithanactorinmind,youwritewithaspecificlanguage,dialectandrhythm.Whenallofthecharactersarecast,yourpagesfeelnew.

VerbalRules

InJuno,themaincharacterhadatendencytojokeandelaborateinfairlygraphicterms.Yetherboyfriend,Bleeker,wasaone-sentenceanswerer.Vanessa, the woman she planned to give her baby to, was a bit of ateacher and explainer, while Vanessa’s husband, Mark, shared Juno’slanguage ofmusic. Each of them had verbal rules for how they talkedandwhattheyreferenced.Findingyourcharacters’ownverbalruleswillinstantlyhelpyourscript.Doesyourmaincharacteralwaysjokearound?Doeshisfriendalways

swear? Does his love interest constantly reference movies or music?Doeshisbossquotestatistics?Astrongverbalrulecanbethethingthatmakesacharacterstandoutforanaudienceandmakesfor“actorbait”whencasting.

TAKETEN:CREATEVERBALRULES


You’vestrengthenedyourcharactersbybeingspecificabouttheirverbalrhythmsandlanguage.

TEN-MINUTECHAPTERREVIEW:

THEDIALOGUE

1.DeterminetheAGENDAofeachcharacterinyourdialogue-drivenscenes.Whatdotheywantfromtheconversation?

2.CreateaverbalSTRATEGYformeetingthatagenda.

3.Inordertopreventbeingtoo“onthenose,”allowyourcharacterstoLIE.

4.Revupyourdialogue-drivenscenesbyturningthemintoGAMES.

5.DiscovercharacterVOICEthroughpretendCASTING.

6.InventVERBALRULESforyourcharacters.

CHAPTER7

TheRewrite

You’vehearditfromothers,andyou’regoingtohearitfrommetoo:Thesecret towriting isrewriting.And just the ideaof itgivesmostpeopleamassiveheadache.I’m with you. I wrote the first draft of this book years ago, made

excuses forever, then finally found the one pass I needed to finish thedarn thing. With two children, a consulting business, and teachingcommitments, I found that those rewrite moments only happened instolen chunks of time. Yet, once I made a choice aboutwhich rewritepassIneeded,thosechunksweresufficientforgettingtheworkdone.Sohereareafewtoolsandexercisestohelpyoufacetherewrite.The

goalhereistofindtheonethingthatwillturnyourscriptaround;theonerewritepassthatwillmakeitwork.Whenyoufindit,spendasmanyten-minutechunksasneededrewritingyourscriptwiththatfixinmind.Onehour—sixten-minutechunks—couldmakeahugedifference.We’re going to cover a number of potential rewrite “passes” on your

script.We’llstartlargescale,lookingatthebig-pictureissues,thenmoveincloserandcloseruntilwe’redealingwiththeminutiaofthescript.Don’tfeelyouhavetodoeveryrewritepassineveryway.Thischaptermerelygives you the tools youneed to test elementsof your script andmakethembetterifneeded.

TheConceptPass

Let’spullbackandreallylookatyourscript,startingfromyourmainidea.When writing the first draft, you first figured out your big idea— yourconcept—andbuiltyourstoryoffofthat.Rememberwhatagreat ideathatwas?Well,isitstillthere?Ifareaderimpliesthathedidn’t“get”yourscript,orunderstandwhyit’s

movie-worthy, itmay be because your script just isn’t honoring its ownconcept.Youputagreatideaoutthere…andthenbackedofffromit.Your premise, for example,might be that aman can fly. If you don’t

havesomemajor flyingmoments,however,orshowhowflying impactshislife,you’rewastingyourhighconcept.

Evensomethingthatdoesn’thaveahighconceptisbestwhenitdoesjustice to its main idea. Slumdog Millionaire explored many issues,covered several years, and took its main character on a series ofadventures.But italwayscamebackto itscentralpremise:“What if theexperiencesofaslumkid’slifehelphimtoanswerquestionsonamillion-dollargameshow?”Frost/Nixon is a small movie about a tiny event: a post-Watergate

interviewbetweenNixonandDavidFrost.Yetwealwaysgetasenseoftheimportanceoftheeventbecausetheentiremovieisbuiltaroundthequestion,“WhatifthereputationsofaTVjournalistandanex-Presidentcouldbemadeorbrokenwithonetelevisedinterview?”The movie never backs off from its concept, and, as a result, the

stakesarealwaysoutthereandthetensionremainshigh.Hereareafewwaystokeeptheideafrontandcenter:

TeasetheConcept

Youmaybesaving thebig idea for theendofactone,but thoseearlypages could at least prep the audience for it. Perhaps a tonal teaser?Perhapssomethingmysticalorsupernaturalifthebigideaisgoingtogothat way? It could even be that we see something in a character’sbehavior thatsuggestsheneeds to learna lesson.ThinkaboutmovieslikeLiar Liar andGroundhogDay. Those characterswere so flawed insuchspecificwaysthatwewerepreppedforthebig,high-conceptlessonthatfollowed.

SettheConceptbytheActBreak

Maybepeoplearen’t“getting”youridea,becauseyou’renotdefiningitatthe end of Act 1. It’s OK to be direct every once in a while. Clearlyarticulatingwhathappenstoacharacterandwhatheneedstodoaboutitisnotthesameasbeing“onthenose.”

WriteConcept-specificSetPieces

Let’s go back to that guywho can fly.Hisworld is the sky.What cool,visual sky-specific thing happens up there? If your concept has thrownyourMCintoanewarena,byallmeanstakeadvantageofthatandgiveusasetpiecewe’veneverseenbefore!

UsetheConcepttoSparkaMidpointEvent

Iftheguywhocanflyrarelykeepshisfeetontheground,hishomelifemightsuffer,and thiscould result inanemotionalmidpointevent. If theguy who can fly is spotted in the air by his nemesis and his secret isrevealed to theworld, theconsequencescould result inanevenbiggermidpointevent. If theguywhocan flyslams intoa treeandbreakshisleg,there’syetanothermidpointeventtodealwith.Bottomline:Yourbigidea is the catalyst for the midpoint event. If the complication in themiddle of yourmovie hasnothing to dowith your central premise, thatcouldbetheproblem.

TesttheConceptinAct3

Actually,atestoftheconceptcouldandshouldhappenatothertimesinyourscript,butthebigtestmaycomeatscript’send.Doestheantagonisthaveafly-offwithourMC?DoestheMChavetoprovetohislovedonethatflyingissomethingtheycanbothlivewithfortherestoftheirlives?Don’tjustdropyourbigideaattheendofthemovie,useitasyourfinalhurdle!

MakePeaceWithYourConceptatScript’sEnd

Thebig idea fedyourmoviestory. Itwasexperimentedwith,exploited,andtested.Atscript’send,makesurethatweseeawaythattheconcepthasbeenfullyrealized.Everythingdoesn’thavetoendhappilyeverafter,but if there’sahangingthread, thereadermaypassandaudienceswillgrumble. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was a high-conceptmovie thatput its “erasingmemories”concept through itspaces. Itwasfully triedand testedby theendof thescript,and itsconceptwas fullyrealized.Butitdidn’tfeelwrappedwithabow.In the exercise below, you’ll put your script through a “concept test,”

making sure that your big idea is hit at key points in your screenplay.Whereyourscriptfailstopassthetest,review.And,ifneeded,revise!

TAKETEN:CONCEPTTEST


Byreturningtotheideathatinspiredyoutowriteinthefirstplace,you’vefocusedyourscriptandemphasizeditsuniqueness.

TheStructurePass

Every writer dreads hearing that they may need a structural pass,because they think it means a page-one rewrite. Not necessarily. Goback to the tools you used to develop your first draft. They’ll help you“see”yourbigpicture.Usethemtocheckyourstructure,ortoremapthestory.

RewritingtheStructureSheet

Rememberthatthestructuresheetisonlyfourcolumnsseparatingyourscript into fouract segments,withabig “reveal” for eachsegmentandkeyeventsthatbuilduptothosetwists.Lookatthestructuresheetnowandcompare itwith yourexistingdraft.Are youhitting youract breakswhereyousaidyouwould?Areyou including theeventsyouexpectedto?It’sexpectedthatyourscriptwillbebetterthanyouroriginalstructuresheet. But, if the original structure sheet looks tighter ormore excitingthanyourscreenplay,that’stherewriteyouneedtomake!The structure sheet alsoallows you theopportunity to test out some

structuralrewrites,withoutgettingoverwhelmedbyanunexpectedrippleeffect.Let’ssaywewerewritingastoryaboutRosaParks.Weallknowwhat

event we’d have to include to tell her story correctly: Rosa refusing togiveupherbusseattoawhiteman.Let’scallthisthedefiantevent.Thedecisionaboutwhereweput thisevent,however, completelyalters thestructure.

Let’ssaywe’vewrittenthemomentofdefiancetocomeattheendofthe movie in Act 3. Then, the script might be structured like a classicbiopic, wherewewitness events inRosa’s childhood, the relationshipssheformsinadulthood,herdissatisfactionasracismaffectsherlife,andfinally,herproudmomentofdefiance.

But what if we finished our script and the biopic structuremade the

storyfeeltooslow?Whatifwewantedafasterpace?Just use the structure sheet tomove the event back a bit, and see

whathappens.

Movingthiseventbackshowsusthatwehavetocombinetheevents

inAct2Aand2Bintoonesegment.Inordertodothis,we’llgointothescript,pluckoutthosemoments—emotionalorphysical—thatmightberepeatingthemselves,thencompresstherestintoonesegment.Usingthestructuresheettomovetheeventhasalsoshownuswhere

therewillbeapotentialstorygap:Act3.This is an opportunity, not a problem, as it allows us room formore

story.Springingoffof thedefiantevent,wecannowshowthepersonalandpoliticalconsequencesforRosaParks.Doingsomaymakethestorybiggerand richer. Insteadofspendinganentirestorydramatizinga lifeleadinguptoanevent,we’veshownthebeforeandafter inonemovie.Andallofthiswasdonebymovingsomewordsonafour-columnsheet.Ournewmovie:

TAKETEN:RESTRUCTUREPART1

Taketenminutestochangeyourstructuresheetinordertotestnewstructuralchoicesforyourscreenplay.

1.Tightenorbroadenyourscriptbymovingakeyeventonyourstructuresheet.2.Oncetheeventismoved,notewhereyou’llneedtocompressstorybeats.3.Oncetheeventismoved,notewhereyou’llalsoneedtoaddstory.

TAKETEN:RESTRUCTUREPART2

Usingyourstructuresheetasaguide,taketenminutespersceneorsequencetomakethestorychoicesyouneedtocreateyournewstructure.

1. Go into your script and compress events by weeding out emotional or physical moments thatrepeatthemselves.

2.Fill the storyholes createdbyyournewstructurebyadding setup thatmaynowbemissingorconsequencesthatmaynotbethere.


Astructuralrewriteisalargerewrite,butyourstructuresheethashelpedyoufocusonjustwhatneedstobecompressedandwhatneedstobeexpanded.Takingthetimetofixyourstructure—ifthat’sthepassitneeds—canbethebestthingyoudoforyourscript.

TheStoryPass

Is this draft telling the story you want to tell? Are readers leaving itconfused and thinking it’s about something it’s not? Sometimes, nomatterhowperfectly formatted,well-structuredornicelywordedascriptis, there are times when the story just doesn’t do it for the reader. Itshould! The idea is there. The characters arewell-realized. The scenedirection isexpertlycrafted,etc.But the story itself…well, it’s just notcomingtogether.Sometimes,thewritingofthescriptcanactuallycauseyoutomeander

inyourstorytellingorburykeypiecesofinformation.So,thiswouldbeagoodplace todoabeatcheck toclarifyyourstoryandseewhereandwhenitslippedthroughthecracks.We’regoingtostartbyexaminingthecause,effect,emotion,andneed

ofeverysequence.

TEN-MINUTELECTURE:

CAUSEANDEFFECTSTORYTELLING

TheeventandconsequencesofasequencecreateaCAUSEandEFFECTstory.Andeverycauseand

effectstoryresultsinanewEMOTIONexperiencedbytheMC.AndeverynewemotioncreatesaNEEDtomoveontothenextsequence.

Bottomline:Eventleadstoconsequences,whichcreateemotion,incitingneed.

ENDOFLECTUREBy testing cause and effect per sequence we’re making sure that

there’saclearandeffectivestoryline.Rather than read the entire script and over analyze in the process,

we’regoingtouseouroldbeatsheetasaguide.If,inthewritingofyourscript, your sequences have changed radically, go back into the beatsheettoreviseormarkthebeginningandendoftheactualbeatsinyourcurrentscript.

TAKETEN:BEATCHECKMovingthroughyourbeatsheet,clarifythe“causeandeffect”withinthesequence.Makesure thateachbeat focusesonanevent, thephysicalconsequencesofthatevent,theemotionthatfollows,andtheneedthatitincites.


You’vehomedinontheareasofstorythatareweak.Andyou’vedonesowithouttearingyourentirescriptapart.

TightenStorybyMovingBackward

You may have found that this linear way of writing or checking storycauses you to get stuck in the same places every time. I hear you.Straightforward storytelling can be boring sometimes and doesn’t workforeveryone.So,whynottestyourstorybymovingbackwardinstead?First,here’saquickrefresherofasuggestedeight-sequencestructure

(movingforward):

1.CHARACTERFLAWtriggersCONFLICT2.CONFLICTtriggersPROBLEM3.PROBLEMtriggersSTRATEGY4.STRATEGYtriggersEMOTIONALEVENT5.EMOTIONALEVENTtriggersMAJORACTION6.MAJORACTIONtriggersMISSTEP7.MISSTEPtriggersBATTLE8.BATTLEtriggersFINALCHALLENGE

Usingthisstructure,wecanactuallyworkbackwardtotestyourstory

andseeifit’sastightandinterestingasyouintended.

TAKETEN:BACKWARDBEATCHECK

Workbackwardthrougheachbeattotestforcauseandeffectstorytelling,askingthefollowingquestions:8.What’sthefinalemotionalorphysicalchallengefromanantagonisticforce?7.Whatvictoriousbattleincitedthisfinalchallenge?6.Whatmisstepoccurredthatcreatedaneedforthatbattle?5.Whatmajoraction,takenbythemaincharacter,resultedinthemisstep?4.Whatemotionaleventledthemaincharactertotakeamajoraction?3.Whatattemptatstrategytriggeredanemotionaleventforthemaincharacter?2.Whatproblemoccurredthatcreatedtheneedforthestrategy?1.Whatflaw-drivenconflictcreatedtheproblem?


Bytellingyourstorybacktofront,you’vestrengthenedandclarifiedthecauseandeffectconnections.

IappliedabackwardbeatchecktoSlumdogMillionaire,anditheldupquitewell. In doing so, Iwas also surprised to discover howmuch therelationshipbetweenthebrothersdrivesthemovie:

EXAMPLE:BACKWARDBEATCHECKFORSLUMDOGMILLIONAIRE8.What’s the finalemotionalorphysicalchallenge fromanantagonisticforce?HemustgettheanswertotheThreeMusketeersquestionand,indoingso,getthemoneyandthegirl.

7.Whatvictoriousbattleincitedthisfinalchallenge?Heguessedallbutoneofthequestionscorrectlyon“WhoWantstoBeAMillionaire.”

6.Whatmisstepoccurredthatcreatedaneedforthatbattle?Helostthegirltothebadguysandhopedgettingontheshowwouldgetherattention.

5.Whatmajoraction,takenbythemaincharacter,resultedinthemisstep?Hejoinedwithhisbrother,whowasreallyinvolvedwiththebadguysandwantedhisgirl.

4.Whatemotionaleventledthemaincharactertotakeamajoraction?Thebrothersbondedastheyescapedslaversandpovertytogether.

3.Whatattemptatstrategytriggeredanemotionaleventforthemaincharacter?Theyattemptedtosurvivebyrunningaway,conning,stealing,lying.

2.Whatproblemoccurredthatcreatedtheneedforthestrategy?Orphanedandsetlooseintheworldwithnothing,hemustjoinwithhisbrother.

1.Whatflaw-drivenconflictcreatedtheproblem?Hefollowshisbrother,thoughthebrotherhumiliateshiminfrontofhispopstaridol.

Subplots,ChoicesandRevelations

Below, you’ll find some other general story passes that can take yourscripttothenextlevel.Focusingonjustoneofthesepasseswillchangeyourstory,sochoosewell!

TAKETEN:THESUBPLOTREWRITE

Inyourscenelist,buildorexpandonasubplotbyaddingoneortwokeyscenespersequence.


You’vefleshed-outyourstoryandpotentiallygivenittheextralayerofstorythatitneeded.

TAKETEN:THECHOICEREWRITE

Conveyacharacter’semotionalturningpointbyshowingachoicebeingmade.Doyourpagesshowoneactionbeingtakenoveranother?


Amovieissimplyasetofchoices.Byshowingthemomentswherethosechoicesarebeingmade,you’velettheaudienceinonkeyturningpoints.

TAKETEN:THEREVELATIONREWRITE

Ifyourturningpointhingesonarevelation,howdoesthecharactergetthere?Doesshesimplyremember?Ifso,trytoreplacethatmomentwithactivity;somethinghappensthattriggersthememory.Isshetoldtheinformation?Ifso,replacewithdiscovery.Useclues,skills,etc.


You’reshowing,nottelling.Andyou’rebuildingthestorybyleadingustothebigreveal,step-by-step.

TAKETEN:THEPAYOFFREWRITE

Rememberthoserunningactions,themesandjokes.Don’tforgetthosepayoffs!Gothroughyourscript.Whereveryouaresettingupnewinformationaboutthecharacter,findthe“matching”sceneinwhichyoupayitoff.Ifthereisnomatchingscene,writeone,orcuttheinformationentirely.


You’rerebuildingstorybyminingthegoodiesinyourownscript.Youdon’thavetomakeanythingup,becauseit’sallthere!

TheSceneRewrite

So now we’re getting to the nitty-gritty: The rewrite that tackles thesceneshead-on.Writerstendtofinessethesmallermomentsinascenefirst,butsometimes it’s thebig-picturequestions thatneed tobeaskedinitially. That’s why we’re going to start with the story the scenes aretelling,thenmoveontobetterwaystotellthatstory.Scenestellstories.Ontheirown,theytellonestory.Side-by-side,they

tellanother.Reversedinorder,yetanother.Thisfollowingchecklistasksyouquestions that help youdecidewhether to keep, loseor spiff up ascene.

TAKETEN:SCENESTORYTEST(a.k.a.“Keep,Lose,orSpiffUp”)

Behonestwithyourselfasyoumovethroughthislist.Keepscenesthatyoufeelcoveroneormoreoftheseareas.Spiffupscenesthatneedto‘,provetheirworth.Losescenesthatdon’taddtothestoryinoneoftheseways:

1.Isthescenegivingnewinformation?2.Isthescenecoveringanewemotion?3.Isthesceneholdingasequencetogether?4.Doesthescenecontainamemorablesetpiecethatalsodrivesstory?5.Doesthescenegivetheaudiencenewinsight?6.Isthesceneintherightplace?7.Doesthesceneworkarounditsmainintentions?8.Doesthescenetellitsownstory?


You’vedonethehardjobofevaluatingascene’sworthinyourscript.Evenifyouloveascene,itmaybeweighingdownyourscriptormisleadingthereader.Thestorymaybenefitifthatsceneisfixedordeleted.

ScenesTellTheirOwnStory

When consulting with writers, I often find myself asking them thisquestionabouttheirscenes:“Whatstorydoyouwanttotellhere?”Thesceneitselfmayhighlightacoolcharacterrule,orshowoffakiller

setpiece,butifthereaderoraudiencedoesn’tpickuponthestoryofthescene,itcanstillleavethemflat.So, Iput it toyou: Ifasceneisbeingmisread,or themainpoint isn’t

beingunderstood,orsomeonegotacompletelydifferentunderstandingof the scene than you intended, ask yourself that question and edit orrewriteaccordingly.Ifyouneedareminderofyouroriginalintentionsforthescene,reviewyourscenelistorspeeddraft.

TheFreshTake

Thoughit’sextremelysimple,findingthe“freshtake”ofyoursceneis,inmyopinion,onethebestrewritesthatyoucanmake.Oftenthegenreofa script forces us to write a stock scene. After all, we can’t have acourtroomthrillerwithouta trial,a romanticcomedywithoutakiss,orasportsmoviewithoutachampionshipgame.But thatdoesn’tmean thatyourtrial,kissandgamehavetolook,sound,oractlikeeveryoneelse’strial,kissandgame.Let’s takean interrogationsceneasourexample.We tend toalways

see thesame things in thesekindsofscenes:Acold room,adanglinglightbulb, a two-waymirror.Realizing this,we could simply change thesettingtofindourfreshtake.Maybetheinterrogationcouldhappeninabathroomoronabusorinanamusementpark?Inan interrogationscene,wealsotendtomeet thesamecharacters:

cop and suspect. Butwhat if wemake this a scene between kids andparents?Cabdriverandlittleoldlady?Waitressandcustomer?Anotherfreshtake!Finally,wecanprettymuchpredictthecourseofthedialogueinstock

interrogationscenes.Thecopaccuses.Thesuspectdenies.Butwhat ifthesuspectquestionedthecop?What if thecopconfessedtoacrime?Whatifthecopspokeinriddles?Whatifthesuspectbrokeintosong?InthemovieFargo,aninterrogationscenegetsafreshcharactertake

in that Marge, the cop, is extremely pregnant and Jerry, her ineptsuspect, runs a car dealership. The setting is different as theinterrogation happens in Jerry’s office, and the dialogue gets ourattentionbecauseofitshilariouspoliteness.WhenJerrygetsflusteredhesays “darn” and “heck!”WhenMarge chastises him, it’s to remind him

that“youhavenocalltogetsnippywithme.”In themovieBrick, the dialogue is purposely written with a touch of

crime-drama cliché, but the fresh take here is that our hard-boiledinterrogationtakesplaceinaprincipal’soffice:

PRINCIPAL:You’vehelpedthisofficeoutbefore.BRENDAN:No.IgaveyouJerrtoseehimeaten,nottoseeyoufed.PRINCIPAL:Fine,andwellput.BRENDAN:AcceleratedEnglish.Mrs.Kasprzyk.

FromBrick,writtenbyRianJohnson,2005.

Whetherwelookatthisasafreshtakeonthecharacterandsettingsofatraditionallystockinterrogationscene,orafreshtakeonthedialogueofastockprincipal/studentscene,thepointisthesame.Wepayattentiontoitbecauseit’sdoingsomethingdifferent.

TAKETEN:FINDAFRESHTAKE

Rewriteastockscenebyfindingafreshtake.Tryoneofthedifferentapproachesbelow.


You’vespunyourpotentiallystocksceneinanewway.Thoughitcoversanecessarygenrebeat,noonewillreadyourscriptandsay,“I’veseenthatbefore.”

TheCharacterRewrite

Sometimes, nomatter howmuchwork you’veput into your story,whatyou really need is a new approach to character. Since your maincharacter drives your story, it’s worth a hard look to see if this is therewritepassyouneed.Below,you’llfindseveralwaystochangeyourcharactersorgivethem

aboost.Iwanttogiveyouasmanyoptionsaspossible,soyoumayfindthat some of the approaches contradict each other. Pick the one thatworksbestforyourcharacterandproject.

CharacterFocus

MaybeyourMCisjustfine,butshe’sgettinglostinherownmovie.Shedoesn’t have to be overly pushy or grab attention to get noticed. Yousimplyhavetopointthecameraatherbyputtinghermoreinfocus.

TAKETEN:PUTFOCUSONYOURMC

FindthosesceneswhereyourMCneedsmoreattentionandtrythefollowing:1.CHARACTERREACTS:Evenifsheisn’tinvolvedinthecentralactivityofthescene,showher

reactiontoitthroughherfacialexpressions.Thecamerawillalwayscomebacktoherthatway.2.CHARACTERENDSSCENE:ButtonsceneswithanMCactivityoremotion.3.CHARACTERLEADS:InamoviewhereyourMCissurroundedbyanensemble,reworkscenes

inthesecondhalfofyourmoviesothatsheappearstotakethelead.Lethermakeadiscovery,comeupwithanewidea,etc.

4. CHARACTER SOLVES PROBLEM:YourMC doesn’t have to save the day in every way atscript’send.That’swhyshe’samassedabunchofhelpersandsupportingcharacters.Butdogiveheratleastonekeymove.


You’vebroughtyourMCtothefrontandcenterand,intheprocess,givenhertheboostshemayhaveneeded.

CharacterEmpathy—DialHimDown

Tryinghardtogetthereaderonthesideofyourmaincharacter?Doingeverything you can to showhimholdingbabiesandsaving cats?Well,here’ssomenewsthatmaygiveyousomerelief.Yourjobisnottomakeyourmaincharacterlikeable.Yourjobistomakehimempathetic.There’sabigdifference.ThebesttipIcangiveyouistostoptrying.Youknowthatguyatthe

partywhowants tomake everyone like him?He cracks jokes, assertshimself into conversations, and generally makes himself the center ofattention.Wehatehim,right?So,don’tmakeyourcharacterthatguy.Hedoesn’thavetogetthepunchlineinyourscene.Hedoesn’thavetobetheguywhoalwaysmakesthebigmove,either.

Thinkaboutthetraditionalleadingman.Intheolddayshewasplayedbyquiet square-jawedguys likeGaryCooper.Currentlyhe’splayedbyquiet, square-jawedguys likeGeorgeClooney.This leadingman is thecalm force in the middle of a storm; the straight man while everyonearoundhimplaysclassclown.Keepfocusonyourmaincharacter.Butletothercharactersbedrawn

tohim.Hedoesn’thavetobegforattention.

TAKETEN:DIALDOWNYOURMC

FindthosesceneswhereyourMCneedstobemoreofan“everyman”andtryoneofthefollowingsuggestions:

1.Takeawayanylecturingorspeechmakingonhispartandreplacewithawisecomment.2.Pumpupthecrazinessaroundhim,whetherit’sanextremeeventoreccentriccharacters.3.Focusonhisclear,calmreactiontothesemoments.Isheamused?Befuddled?4.Ground your character by limiting his actions.Have himmake one strong choice in the scene

ratherthanengageinsmallpiecesof“business.”


“Lessismore”hasextendedtoyourMCaswell.Bypullingbackonyour‘.MCratherthanforcingustolikehim,you’vecreatedamysterythatmakeshimthemostcharismaticpersonintheroom.

CharacterDefinition—MakeHimWorse

Ifthisisahigh-conceptmovie,you’veprobablyputyourcharacterintoanimpossible situation. Good! He’s instantly sympathetic. After all, howcould you not sympathize with someone who’s put in an extremesituation,withlittlehelp,againstallodds!But,ifyounowputalikeablepersoninanextremesituation,he’sgoing

to come across as a victim. It’s not funny; it’s just sad. The solution?Make him bad! Pump up his flaw. Give him a reason to have to gothrough hell in the first place! Larry David inCurbYourEnthusiasm isselfish,cheap,andsociallyawkward,butthewriter/improviserscommittohisawfulness,and,asaresult,theshowisalwaysentertaining.Remember thatsomeof thegreatestmaincharactersareutter jerks.

Scrooge, theweatherman inGroundhogDay, the coach fromTheBadNews Bears, and even Elle Woods from Legally Blonde were allextremely flawed characters initially. But, when they are haunted byghosts, forced to repeat the same day over and over again, given a

losing little league team,orgettingdumpedbyaboyfriend,wecouldn’thelpbutfeelalittlesorryforthem.Don’tworry;ifthisisamovie,we’lleventuallylikeyourmaincharacter

even if he is super-flawed. After all, he’s going to have to change hiswaysifhewantstoactuallygetoutofhissituation.ScroogeappreciatesChristmas,theweathermanconnectswithothers,thecoachlearnsaboutteamwork,andEllerealizesshehasabrain.Sogoahead:Makeyourmaincharacterrottenifthat’swhatyourscript

needs.Ifyoudo,theroadaheadmaybemoreentertaining.

TAKETEN:MAKEYOURMAINCHARACTERBAD

FindthosesceneswhereyourMCneedstobemoreflawedandtryoneofthefollowingsuggestions:

1.InAct1,writeinanamusinglyselfishchoice.Thinkofsomethingyouwouldneverdo(butwishyoucould).

2.InAct2A,pumpupanannoyingcharacterrule,somethingthatcan’tbeignored.3. In Act 2B, show the fun in the MC’s terribleness by making his rotten qualities useful or

entertainingtosomeoneelse.4.InAct3,clearlybreaktheMC’sannoyingcharacterruletoshowarealchange.


You’vecreatedamemorableMCbycommittingtothetraitthatmakeshimmostinteresting.You’vealsostrengthenedyourstorybymakingitdifficultfortheMCtolearn.Themoreunlikelyheistochange,themoresurprisedwe’llbeatscript’sendwhenheactuallydoes.

CharacterSpecificity—GenderandEthnicity

Thefilmbusinessisanindustryaboutimagination,butwhenitcomestoputting new faces in lead roles, it doesn’t have any. So don’t wait forchange; write your lead as a woman. Or give your main character aspecificethnicitywehaven’tseenenoughofon-screen.Anddon’tbecoyaboutiteither.There’sthatfirstinstincttomakeacharacterasgenericaspossible.But,experiencesdefineyourcharactersandmake themmoreinteresting.Ifacharacterhasexperiencedracisminhislife,forexample,he’llbringthatintothescenewithhim.InthemoviePhiladelphia,attorneyJoeMillerovercomeshisfearsand

reaches out to help when he sees HIV-positive Andrew Beckett beingdiscriminatedagainstinalibrary.Withouthavingtosayanythingaboutit,

we know that Joe, an African-American, has an understanding ofAndrew’ssituation.And, while one doesn’t want to overly emphasize every traditionally

femaletrait,ignoringthefactthatyourleadisawomanisalsodeprivingyourscriptofanotherlayer.TheSilenceoftheLambswasathrillerfirstandforemost,butitalsousedthefactthatitwasfemale-driventocreateunique obstacles. Clarice has to put up with a jail warden’s advancesbefore she can get to Hannibal Lecter. Lecter tries to seduce her byguessingherperfume,andherbosspurposelyalienatesherinfrontofagroupofmeninordertogetmoreinformationoutofalocalsheriff.Gender-specific rulesalsocreatea fresh takeona fightscene inKill

Bill.Here“TheBride”fightsoffoneofherfemaleformercolleaguesinakitchen. Their tools: kitchen knives and frying pans. When the fightreachesthelivingroom,it’sanall-outwaruntil...aschoolbuspullsup.

TAKETEN:APPLYETHNICITYANDGENDER

UseyourMC’sexperienceswithbeingapersonofcolor,anethnicminorityorawomantobringsomethingnewtoascene.

1.ShowdifferentrulesofbehaviorfortheMCwhenshe’safaceinthecrowdvs.whenshesticksoutasthe“other.”

2.Committoapointofviewfromthepeoplearoundher.Inwhichenvironmentissheaccepted?Inwhichenvironmentissherejected?

3.Add emotional and physical obstacles thatwould naturally be part of that person’s experience.Racism,sexism,etc.

4.Take theopposite tackandshowtheMC’sease insocietyorunwillingness todefineherselfbyethnicityorgender.


Ratherthanmakingacharacterintentionallygeneric,you’vemadehermoreinterestingbyminingherexperiences.

CharacterStereotype—WorkingWithIt

So, as you can see, I’m of the “use it, don’t lose it” school of thoughtwhenitcomestotheexperientialdifferencesincharacters.Workingwiththosedifferencesdeepensthecharacterandgivesthescriptsomethingunique.And then thereare theperceived differenceswhen it comes to race,

ethnicityandgender,assumptionsaboutwhosomeoneisjustbecauseof

howshelooksorherethnicbackground.Ratherthanfightthesenaturalbiasesinthereaderandaudience,oftenthesmartwaytogoissimplytoplaywithperceptionsbyturningthosestereotypesintoskills.InaclassIteachcalled“BeyondTheChickFlick,”Iaskthestudentsto

shoutoutallof thenegative things thataresaidaboutwomen.The listlengthensfrighteninglyquickly.Theyshoutout:“Timid,bitchy,emotional,gossipy!”Andmore.Well, you could ignore stereotype completely by creating a female

character thatwasnoneof theabove,or youcould turneachof theseperceivedflawsintoskills.timid=cautiousbitchy=emotionallystrongemotional=empatheticgossipy=communicatorInTheCloser, Brenda’s Southern, genteel nature is exactly the tool

sheuses togetacriminal’sdefensesdownbeforereducing themtoanemotional puddle. In Erin Brockovich, Erin’s willingness to use herphysicalassetshelpsherobtainusefulfiles.InClueless,CherHorowitz’sbusybody personality makes her a natural matchmaker. In Aliens,Ripley’s “maternal instincts” cut the fat of having to set up exactlywhyshewouldfightsohardtoprotectalittlegirl.

TAKETEN:BEATSTEREOTYPEBYUSINGIT

Listthestereotypesthatmightbeattributedtoacharacter.Thenturneachstereotypeintoaskill.


You’vemadelemonadeoutoflemonsbyusingstereotypetothecharacter’sadvantage.

CharacterStereotype—WritingAgainstIt

And then thereare thecharacters that completelysurpriseusbydoingtheoppositeofwhatwe’dthinkthey’ddo.InJuno,thewriterchoosestospineverysinglecharacter.Weseethe

characters,wenaturallyjudgethecharacters,andthenthewritergoesacompletelydifferentwaywiththem:

Character: Pregnantteenager

Stereotype: Uneducated.Senseofshameabouthercondition.Scriptreality: Super-articulate.Senseofwonderabouthercondition.

Character: Cheerleaderbestfriend.

Stereotype: Unsupportive.Embarrassedbyfriend.Scriptreality: Emotionallysupportive,helpful.

Character: Boyfriend

Stereotype: Womanizer.Uncaring.Scriptreality: SeducedbyJuno.Friendlyandsupportive.

Character: Parents

Stereotype: Angryandashamed.Scriptreality: Resignedandamused.

Maybeyourcharacterisn’tworkingbecauseyou’vefallenintothetrapofstereotypeyourself.Thiswouldbeyouropportunitytoturnthataround.

TAKETEN:BEATSTEREOTYPEBYPLAYINGAGAINSTIT

Listthestereotypesthatmightbeattributedtoacharacter.Then,createafresh“scriptreality.”


You’vecreatedafreshtakeonacharacter...or,potentially,anentirecastofcharacters.Thiscouldbethehookthatsellsthemovie!

CharacterAgendaandStrategy

Youmayhavejustputyourcharactersthroughtheringerintermsofwhothey are, but what they’re doing in a scene is equally important.Onscreen,we“get”charactersthroughtheiractionsandthechoicestheymake. A great way to strengthen those actions and to show yourcharactersmakingclearchoicesistoremembertheiragenda(whattheywant)andstrategy(theirwayofgettingit).Sometimes,we forget thateven themostminorcharacter inascene

wantssomething.Thewaitressinadinerscene,forexample,mightwantalargetiporshemightwanttojustgetthroughherday.Though there are a number of characters in the movie Crash, the

writersareextremelyclearaboutwhateachcharacterwants inasceneandhowheorsheintendstogetit.Inonescene,charactersarepushedtoabreakingpointwhenacopunfairlypullsoveranAfricanAmericancoupleandthenproceedstoharassthem.Tensions rise and the action escalates as those competing agendas

andstrategiesclash:

COP’SAGENDA:Hewantstofeelpowerful.COP’SSTRATEGY:Heusespoliceprocedureasawaytosexuallyharassthewife.

WIFE’SAGENDA:Shewantstogohome.WIFE’SSTRATEGY:Sheverballyattacksandphysicallyresiststhecop.

HUSBAND’SAGENDA:Hewantstoprotecthiswife.HUSBAND’SSTRATEGY:Heacquiescesandapologizestothecop.

ROOKIEPARTNER’SAGENDA:Hewantstogetthroughitallquickly.ROOKIEPARTNER’SSTRATEGY:Hestandsbyanddoesnothingtostopthecop.

It’s a short scene, but it’s powerful, and each character leaves itchangedbytheexperience.Ourcouple—happywhenthey’refirstpulledover—hasbeentornapartbythescene’send.Competing agendas and strategies also make for great comedy, as

well.ThinkaboutTheOffice.Eachcharactercommits tohisorherself-centeredagendaperscene.Onemaywantapromotion.Onemaywanta date.Onemaywant tomake the office laugh. And those competingagendas and strategies result in hilarious moments of over-the-top

conflicteveryweek.

TAKETEN:CHARACTERAGENDAANDSTRATEGY

Fillintheseblanksforeverycharacterinascene(nomatterhowminor):


Bygoingthroughyourscriptandsimplymakingbetteruseofacharacter’sagendaandstrategy,you’verevivedflatscenesandbroughtoutstrongpersonalmoments.

TheDialoguePass

AtthetimethatI’mwritingthis,theH1N1virusissweepingthecountry.Lastweek,Ireceivedaletterfrommykids’elementaryschooltellingmethat“nowisthetimetopanic.”SoIdid.Imean,Ireadalotofend-of-the-worldscripts,andifmyschoolistellingmethatnow’sthetimetopanic,I’mlistening!Itwasn’tuntilthenextdaythattheycorrectedtheletterwithanother letter saying that theymeant towrite “now is the timeNOT topanic.”Allthistosaythatonewordalonecanchangeeverything.When rewriting the dialogue of your script, you’ll find that it’s

sometimesthesmallestchange—adeletedwordoranadditionalline—thatcompletelychangesascene.Herewe’llexploreanumberofwaystofinessethedialogueinyourscenesandmakewhat’ssaid—ornotsaid—acompellingread.

AvoidingUnnecessaryExposition

Expositiongetsabadrap.It’sunavoidableinascript,sincethejobofthewriteristodeliverinformationtotheaudience.Theproblemisthatwriterscangooverboardintellingthingsthatshouldbeshown,werejustshown,orareabouttobeshown.Theresultisdialoguethatsoundsfalse.

Agreatwaytominimizethiskindof“onthenose”expositionistocomefrom a place of knowledge in your scenes. Two sisters who justexperiencedthedeathoftheirmotheraren’tgoingtotelleachotherthatthemother justdied.Theyknow.So,howdotheytellus, theaudience,withouttalkingaboutitinawaythatdoesn’tringtrue?In class, I askedmy students to write a dialogue between two such

sisters inwhichtheyspokefromaplaceofknowledgeabout theevent.Theywere to convey to the reader/audience that the sisters’momhaddied.But,theywereforbiddentousethewords“death,”or“mom.”Onestudent,JocelynSeagrave,wrotethefollowing:

Annie:Howlongwasit?Thebreath.Bess:Whatbreath?Annie:Herlast.Bess:Idon’tremember.Annie:Think.Bess:Why?Annie:Ineedto...seeit.Bess:Thenyoushouldhavecome.Annie:Christalmighty.Bess:OK!Itwassortoflong.Annie:Oh,no—Bess:Notlong,butsortof,likethis:(sighs)Annie:Sad,then.Bess:No.Ican’tdescribeit.MaybeIsaidtoomuch.Itwasn’tsad.Annie:Likepain?Bess:Idon’tthinkso.Annie:Butshewasinpain.Bess:Yes.Annie:Yousee!Bess:Butitwasmorelike...theotherpartofpain.Annie:What?Bess:Like...relief.

Anotherstudent,ChadDiez,wrotethis:

SISTER1:WhatamIsupposedtofeelrightnow?Whatarethesteps?SISTER2:Idon’tknow.ButI’mpissed.SISTER1:Metoo.SISTER2:Ithinkthat’sstepfive.

TAKETEN:EDITEXPOSITION

Workingwithaproblemscene,rewritethedialoguesothatthecharacterscomefromaplaceofknowledgeabouttheevent.Prevent“onthenose”dialoguebymakingarulenottousecertainkeywordsinthescene.


Byalludingtosomething,ratherthantalkingaboutasubjectdirectly,you’veavoidedthetrapofexposition.You’renowthinkingofyourscenesasmorethananinformationdumpingground.

Editingandthe“PerfectLine”

Dialogue editing is one of the easiest and most important passes tomake.Weloveourwords, though,so it’softenthemostpainful.Sadtoseeyour “angrywife” rantgo?Devastatedat the thoughtof losingyour“declarationoflove”monologue?Thinkofitthisway:You’renotlosingaspeech,you’regainingtheperfectline!It’softengreatlinesofdialoguethatwetakeawayfromamovie.

Greatlinesareoftenmetaphorical:

“Fastenyourseatbelts,it’sgoingtobeabumpynight.”—AllAboutEve

Greatlinesleadyoutooneconclusion,thenshiftgears.

“You’renottoosmart,areyou?Ilikethatinaman.”—BodyHeat

Sometimes,they’reloadedwithsubtext.

“Weallgoalittlemadsometimes.”—Psycho

Oftentheyrevealcharacterpersonalityinashockingway.

“IlovethesmellofNapalminthemorning.”—ApocalypseNow

Everyonceinawhile,agreatlinejustcutsthroughthebullandspeaksthetruth.

“Mrs.Robinson,you’retryingtoseduceme.”

—TheGraduate

Sometimes,anextra“tag”isaddedforabiglaugh.

“Mrs.Robinson,you’retryingtoseduceme...aren’tyou?”—TheGraduate

So,howdowearriveattheperfectline?Here’s a trick. And it’s a great ten-minute way of editing out

unnecessary rambling. We simply dig into an overwritten passage,speech,ormonologueandfindtheonelinethatsaysitall.InthemovieJaws,ChiefBrodyseesthegreatwhitesharkforthefirst

time,andit’shuge!Hecouldhavesaid:

“OhGod!Thisgiganticfishalmostleaptuponthedeck!It’senormousandIdon’tknowhowin the world we’re going to kill it. I mean, you’re gonna need a bigger boat and betterequipment.MaybegetacrewofMarines,orsomethinglikethat.Withoutmoreresources,we’reallgonnadie!”

Butallhesaidwas:“You’regonnaneedabiggerboat.”Simple.Sounderstatedthatit’salmostchilling.Theperfectline.What thisallmeans is thatsomewhere inyouroverwrittenpassages,

yourpagesofspeeches,andyourthird-actcatharticmonologues,there’saperfect lineburiedinthere.Freeitup!And, intheprocess,you’llalsolightenyourscriptandmakeitabetterread.

TAKETEN:FINDTHEPERFECTLINE#1

Editoverwrittenpassagesintwosteps:1.Locatealloftheoverwrittenpassagesinyourscript.2.Circlethelineinthemthatreallybringsoutthepoint.

That’stheperfectline.

WHATYOU’VEACCOMPLISHEDBetyoudidn’tknowwhatagoodwriteryouare.Thatperfectlinewasburiedinyourmonologuetheentiretime.Byspendingtenminutesgoingintoallofyourmonologuesandcirclingthe“perfectline,”you’vepreventedyourscreenplayfromfeelingpreachy,corny,oroverwritten.

Stuckonwhattosayatall?Usethesameexercisetofindyourwords.

TAKETEN:FINDTHEPERFECTLINE#2

Whenyou’restuckonthenextline,overcometheblockintwosteps:1.Write the monologue your character might say if he were allowed to verbally “rant” in that

moment.Feelfreetobeindulgent.Squeezeeverythoughtandfeelingoutofyourcharacter.2.Donotleaveitthatway!Instead,findonelinewithinthemonologueandcircleit.

That’stheperfectline.

WHATYOU’VEACCOMPLISHEDBytakingtenminutestowriteamonologuearounda“stuck”line,thenfindingthekeylinewithinthat“rant,”you’vecreatedkillerdialogueandpushedthroughwriter’sblock.

TheFormatPass

Wordplacementandwordchoicemakeallof thedifference inascript.Sometimesaformatpassisthepassawriterhastomake.Below,you’llseesomesuggestionsforcreatingmoreair inyourpagesandrewritingtowardacleanerread.Inthepast,I’vetoldyoutopickandchoosewhatworks for you. In this case, I’m urging you to do all of these formatpasses.They’requick,easy,andtheycouldbethedifferencebetweenaproducerputtingyourscriptdownatpagetenorgivingitthechancethatitdeserves.

ParagraphsandWhiteSpace

“Youneedmorewhitespace”isacommonnotefromproducers.It’salsoanextremelystrangethingtosay.Whitespace?Huh?It actually means that you have big clumps of scene direction that

makeyourscriptlooktoodenseandmakeitnofuntoread.Thinkaboutwhatyoudowhenyouseebigparagraphsofinstructions

—orevenworse,all that fineprintonacontract.Youskim,right?And,inevitably,youmisssomething important.That’swhyyoumissedaboltonyourkid’sbikeandwhyyoudidn’tquitenotice thatyouroffice leasedoesn’tincludeair-conditionerrepair.

Keepthereaderofyourscriptfromdoingthesamethingbybreakingupbigparagraphs intosmallerparagraphs thatmove theeyedownthepage.Imagineifthispageofactionhadlookedlikethis:

A BODYGUARD to the side DISAPPEARS with a scream, and a SECOND BAT-SHADOW appears. The

Chechenlookstakenaback.ThreemoreBAT-SHADOWSappear...eventhedogsstopgrowling.

BOOM!AholeappearsintheSUVnexttotheChechen.Thefirstbat-shadowstepsintothe

light carrying a SHOTGUN. CHAOS as men scatter and the rooftop erupts in GUNFIRE. The

ChechenTURNSashehearsoneofhismenSCREAM.

Fortunately,itlookedlikethis:

ABODYGUARDtothesideDISAPPEARSwithascream,andaSECONDBAT-SHADOWappears.

The Chechen looks taken aback. Three more BAT-SHADOWS appear ... even the dogs stop

growling.

BOOM!AholeappearsintheSUVnexttotheChechen.Thefirstbat-shadowstepsintothe

lightcarryingaSHOTGUN.

CHAOSasmenscatterandtherooftoperuptsinGUNFIRE.TheChechenTURNSashehearsone

ofhismenSCREAM.

FromTheDarkKnightbyChristopherNolanandDavidS.Goyer,2008.BatmancreatedbyBobKane.

In the example above, a shootout has become poetry. White spaceallows for a breath in the action. And, in a way, that white space isactuallyalineitself.Alineofsilence.Cool,huh?Tryit.

TAKETEN:PARAGRAPHYOURSCENEDIRECTION

Workapageatatimetobreakyourlongscenedirectionpassagesintoparagraphs.1.Createanewparagraphwhenyoufeelthattheshotischanging.2.Createanewparagraphwhenyoufeelthatthepointofviewischanging.3.Allowforone-lineparagraphs.4.Createseparateparagraphsforeverynewpieceofchoreographyinafightsceneorchasescene.

WHATYOU’VEACCOMPLISHEDBybreakingupheavyscenedirection,you’veallowedmomentsofsilencetocomethrough,implieddifferentemotionalbeatsandcamerashots,andmade

yourscriptmorereadable.

EliminateCameraDirection

Screenplay formathasbecomemuch lesscamera-directionheavyoverthe years. Some writers fear this is limiting as it prevents them fromdescribingan importantshotorangle. In reality, it frees thewriterup tobemorevisual.

Forexample...

Close-uponLucy.

...simplydoesnottellusasmuchas...

Lucy’sfacefillswithanger.

Making objects active is the key to eliminating unnecessary camerashots.Insteadof:

Close-uponacandle.

Try:

Close—upAcandleflickers.

A director, noting that flickering flame in the script, will automaticallywanttogoclose-up.Inthisway,youhelpguidetheshotswithoutbeingsospecificastotellthedirectorherjob.Anotherscenedirectionmisstepistheoveruseoftheword“we.”We’re

not actually in the movie, so referring to “us” can be jarring. And justbecause we see it doesn’t mean we know what it’s doing. Again, thisproblem can easily be taken care of by making the object or person“we’reseeing”active.Insteadof:

Weseetheknife.

Try:

We—seeTheknifeglints.

TAKETEN:REPLACECAMERADIRECTION1.Replacecameradirectionbymakingthesubjectyou’refocusingonactive.2.Dothesamewithanydescriptionstartingwith“we.”3.Repeatuntilfinished!

WHATYOU’VEACCOMPLISHEDYou’vebroughtyourscriptintothe21stcenturyandkeptusembeddedinthestory.Cameradirectionisn’tsuddenlygoingtopullusoutofthescript.

WorkYourSceneHeadings

Moving or modifying scene headings changes the rhythm and flow ofyourstory.Butsceneheadingsarenotallcreatedequal.Primarysceneheadingsmakeaboldpointbycompletelyresettingascene.Secondarysceneheadingsmaintainmovement.Abalanceof the twohelpsoverlyconstructed,heading-heavyscenestoreadlikepoetry.

TEN-MINUTELECTURE:

SCENEHEADINGS

PRIMARYSCENEHEADINGS,alsoreferredtoassluglines,telluswhetherwe’reinsideoroutside,location,andtimeofday:

INT.HIGHSCHOOL—DAY

SECONDARYSCENEHEADINGS,alsoreferredtoasminorsluglines,movethereader’seyetonewlocationsinthesamescenewithoutindicating,onceagain,whetherornotwe’reinsideoroutandwhattimeofdayitis.Thisisparticularlyhelpfulifcharactersaresuddenlybeingchasedbyakillerintoa...

CLASSROOM

Andoutoftheclassroom,intothe...

HALLWAY

Andthroughthehallway,slidingintothe...

LUNCHROOM

Andsoon.

ENDOFLECTUREModern-dayscriptsusesecondarysceneheadingstogreatadvantage.

Thejokeofthisnextscenewouldhavebeeninterruptedifthewriterhadusedonlyprimarysceneheadings:

INT.BASEMENTHALLWAY—DAY

Benwalksdownthestairs,steeringclearofthebathroom.Heopensthedoortohis

WORKSHOP

Hepeeksinthesmallspaceandstaresatthebarrenshelvesandpegboards.It’scleaned

out.

Atearrollsdownhischeek.

FromWeekendWarrior,writtenbyBillBirch,2007.

Andthisnextexcerptusesminorsceneheadingstomakeusfeelthatwetooaremovingunderandabovewater.

EXT.RICKY’SHOUSE-DAY

The sun beats down. Ricky, passed out, sunburned, slowly slides off the chair into the

pool.Ashesplashesintothewater,hejerksawake.

UNDERWATER

Ricky stares at the bottom of the pool. Something glints in the sunlight; a diamond

weddingring.

ABOVEWATER

Heshootsup,gaspingforair.

FromTheStrikeoutKing,writtenbyGeoffAlexander,2006.

TAKETEN:CREATESECONDARYSCENEHEADINGS

Createmoreflowwithsecondarysceneheadings.Focusonthosebigsequencesthatneedtostayfluidsuchaschasesequences,parties,andmovingfromroomtoroom.

WHATYOU’VEACCOMPLISHEDNotonlyhaveyouhelpedthepaceofyourscenes,you’veupdatedyourscript’slook.Thereader’seyenowmovesquicklydownthepage,pressinghimtomove

oninthescript.

TheElementPass

One change = an entire rewrite. Inmy rewrite class, I like to begin byshowinga fewscenes from themovieGroundhogDay.ThepremiseofGroundhogDay is thatabitterman iscondemnedtorepeatadayoverandoveragainuntilhegetsitright.Therefore,hismovieisjustahandfulofscenesbeingwrittenoverandoveragain.Iusuallyshowascenewhereaninsurancesalesmen,Ned,recognizes

the main character, Phil, and talks too closely to him, fills him in oneverythinghe’sbeendoingwithhis life(eventhoughPhildoesn’tcare),and tries to sell him insurance. It’s filled with entertaining exposition,revealsalotaboutwhyPhildoesn’tlikethistownandpeopleingeneral,andsetsupNedasbeingafairlyobnoxiousperson.But, of course,Phil is forced to replay this dayover andover again,

constantlyhavingtodealwith thisguy.This iswheretherewritescomein.

Rewrite1:Nedapproaches.Philknowstheinformation,sohe“guesses”insteadofbeingtold.

Rewrite2:Nedapproaches.Philphysicallypusheshimaway,butNedonlymovescloser.

Rewrite3:Nedapproaches.Philcalmlypuncheshimintheface,smiles,andwalksaway.

Rewrite4:Nedapproaches.Philholdshimclose...tooclose.Nedbacksaway.

Rewrite5:PhilbuysinsurancefromNed.

Inwatchingthescenes,youcanseehowthesimpleactofguessing,pushing, hitting, hugging or buying completely changes the scene andthestory.So,whileI’vegivenyoubigrewritepassestoconsider,alsolooktothe

smallstuff.Inthisbook,you’vealreadyfocusedonsomemajorelementsof a screenplay. A rewrite pass that focuses on only one of theseelementscouldbethepassyourscriptneeds.Soconsiderrewritingwithafocusononeofthefollowing:

ActivityCharacterFlaw

ComplicationEmotionEntertainmentGame-playingGoalsPayoffPointofViewPowerPlaySetPieceTriggers

TheHolisticPass

Connection, balance, and focus. Sounds like terms more suited for ayogaclass.But they’realsowords thatdescribe themagicof anedgy,nonlinearmovielikePulpFictiontoatee.When trying to articulate what works or doesn’t work about a

screenplay,Ifindmyselfusingthesephrasesagainandagain.Andtrustme,Ihavenevermadeitall thewaythroughayogaclass.Regardless,here are some general passes for your script; approaches that “align”yourmovie,sotospeak.

Connection

Whether it’s witnessed in a heated moment between characters orrealized when fingerprints match a murder weapon, we seek outconnections in our movies. We match images to images. We connectemotion to event.We string locations and time together.Your job as awriteristoguidethoseconnections.So,inyourlastpassatyourscript,trydoingjustthat.

TAKETEN:CONNECTTHEDOTS

Smoothoutyourscriptbymakingconnections.1.Connectrandomcharactersintermsoftheirrelatives,friends,orworld.2.Connectcharacterstoanevent,allowingthemtocometogetheraroundonecommongoal.3.Connectobjectstopeople.Objectsthatbringluck,objectsthatsymbolizelove,objectsthatcanbe

usedasweapons,etc.

4.Connectlocationssothatwegetabettersenseofworld.5.Connecttimesothatwegetasenseoftheorderofeventsoratickingclock.

WHATYOU’VEACCOMPLISHEDBymakingtheseconnections,andallowingthereadertodiscoverthemoinyourscript,you’vecreatedextrasurprisesandmadethereadmoreengaging.

Balance

Whenascript feelsunbalanced,everythingsuffers. If it’s too top-heavywithsetup,wefeelletdownattheendwheneverythingsuddenlyrushesto its conclusion. If the midpoint event suddenly tips the movie in acompletelynewstorydirection,youlosethereaderandaudience.If thelastactofaromanticcomedyissuddenlyweighteddownbyactionandchasesequences,thescriptisindangeroffallingrightoffthescale.Sotakeamomenttobalanceoutthegoodandthebad,thelightand

thedark,andseeifthat’sthepassthatwillworkforyourscript.

TAKETEN:FINDBALANCE

Tryoutoneofthefollowingsuggestionsinordertofindbalanceinyourscript.1.Scattergenremomentsthroughoutyourscript.2.Placekeysetpiecesindifferentsectionsofyourmovie,notjustone.3.Movebetweenactionandtalk.Don’tleteitheronedominate.4.Spreadoutorbookendyournarrativedeviceslikevoiceoverandflashback.5.Combinecharacterssothatyou’renotrandomlydroppinginnewpeoplethroughoutthemovieor

abandoningthoseyou’veestablished.Allowcharacterswemeetinthefirsthalftotravelthroughorpayoffinthesecond.

6.ByAct3,answeraquestionposedinAct1.

WHATYOU’VEACCOMPLISHEDYou’vecreatedafullyfleshed-outstorythatdoesn’tfeelliketwomoviesandisamorerewardingreadoverall.

Focus

Byfocus,Imeancommitment:commitmenttoastoryidea,commitmenttoawayofexploringthat idea,commitmenttoascene.I’vereadmanyscripts where ideas competewith each other.Where narrative devicesclash.Where thewriterkeeps throwing innewcharactersbecauseshedoesn’tknowwhat todowith theoldones.Wherenewrulesabout the

worldareconstantlybeingmadeupandthenbrokenbyitsowncreator.I’m about as goodwith psychoanalysis as I amwith a “salute to the

sun” pose, but when I come across unfocused projects such as this, Ican’thelpbut think that thewriterdoesn’t trustherself.Worried that it’snot enough, she digresses or throws a new element into the pot. So,“focus” isthemagicwordforscripts likethis.Taketenminutestoseeifthat’swhatyourscriptneeds.

TAKETEN:FOCUSYOURSCRIPT

Focusyourscriptinoneofthefollowingways:1.Edit thebeginningsandendingsofyour scenes so that they return toworkingaround themain

sceneintentions.2.Eliminateanyobjects,piecesofinformationorcharacterrulesthatdonotpayofflater.3.Takeahardlookatsupportingorminorcharactersandseeifthey’reflip-flopping.Yourscriptmay

nothaveenoughtimetobringouteverysideofacharacter.4.Eliminateoneofyournarrativedevices.Yourflashbackstorymaybecompetingwithyourfantasy

sequences.5.Smoothoutthechoreographyofyourfinalshowdownandcommittoonebold,clevermove.


You’vemadethereadeasier,butalsoaddedemotionalpunch.Wewon’tbedistractedfromthestorybythefussierdetails.

FocusingtheRewrite

You’vespentmany ten-minutechunksanalyzingyourscriptand testingoutdifferent rewritepossibilities.Nowyoucan focuson the rewrite thatworks best for you and use your ten-minute calendar of eating, coffeeslurping, kid sleeping, office work procrastination, etc., to consistentlyapplythelessonsyou’velearned.

TEN-MINUTECHAPTERREVIEW:THEREWRITE

1.RewritewithaCONCEPTPASSby runningyour script throughaCONCEPTTEST toseewhereyou’rebeingtruetoyourbigidea.

2.RewritewithaSTRUCTUREPASSbymovingaKEYEVENTandseeinghowthataffectsthepaceandfocusofthestory.

3.RewritewithaSTORYPASSbyrunningthroughaBEATCHECK,strengtheningCAUSEandEFFECT,andworkingbackwardtoclarifythetriggers.

4.RewritewithaSCENEPASSbyrunningyourscenelistthroughaSCENESTORYTESTandfindingtheFRESHTAKEonstockscenes.

5. Rewrite with a CHARACTER PASS, making your MC the FOCUS of the scenes,determiningcharacterAGENDAandSTRATEGY,andusingthecharacter’sgenderandethnicitytoadddepth.

6.RewritewithaDIALOGUEPASSbyminingyouroverwrittenpassagesforthePERFECTLINEandeliminatingexpositionbyeditingoutFORBIDDENWORDS.

7.RewritewithaFORMATPASSbyELIMINATINGCAMERADIRECTION,creatingmoreWHITESPACE,andcreatingSECONDARYHEADINGS.

8. Use a HOLISTIC PASS to create CONNECTION, BALANCE and FOCUS in yourscreenplay.

CHAPTER8

TheCraft

Inthissection,we’llfine-tuneandpolishyourscript.By tweaking lines, editing scenes, and streamlining format, you will

meet your own page intentions and make the script that much moreentertainingandreadable.Furthertoyingwithformatandwordchoicealsomeansmoreemphasis

onmoodandemotion.Andthemorecompellingtheread,themorelikelyyourscriptwillbetomoveupthroughtheranksofaproductioncompanyorstudio.We’regoingtocoverasmanyofthesmallerartisticdetailsofthepage

aspossible.Noticetheemphasisonemotionalwriting.Yes,yourjobistotelluswhatwesee,but it’salso toguideus towardwhat those imagesactuallymean.I’vesaiditbefore,andI’llsayitagain:Emotion+Action=Story.

ThePlacementofActionLines

Inscripts,thestoryiswrittenbetweenthelines.Thecharacterssayonething,buttheactionlinestellyoutherealstory.Therefore,it’sextremelyimportantthatthoselinesofactionareclearanddescriptive.Theyneedtobeplacedonthepageinawaythatforcestheeyetolookatthem,andwritteninawaythattellsyourstory.Doreadersskim?Only ifyoumakeiteasyforthem.Action linesthat

moveacrossapageimplyacontinuousshotorideaandtellareaderthathe’ssimplyreadingmoreofthesame.Sofoolhimby...

drawing

theeye

down

thepage.

Thiswriter,RyanBoyd,createdjust therightamountof tensionwhenhewrote:

Shestops.

Threeminionsstandthere.

Shetapsatthewindow.

Oneofthemlooksupather.

Threeshotsandtheycrumble.

FromTheSleeperAgent,writtenbyRyanBoyd,2009.

Thispassagewouldbefarlesseffectiveiftheselineswereallcrowdedinto the same paragraph. The weight of each moment is lost when itreadslikethis:

Shestops.Threeminionsstandthere.Shetapsatthewindow.Oneofthemlooksupather.

Threeshotsandtheycrumble.

In fact,abusy reader’seyemaybedrawnonly to the firstsentence:“Shestops.”Andthelast:“Threeshotsandtheycrumble.”He’dstillpickupontheintentionofthescene.Butthefunofthemomentwouldbelost.

TAKETEN:WORKDOWNTHEPAGE1.Findthemomentsinyourscriptthatneedadditionalsuspenseorthatbuildtoasurprise.2.Then,breakyourscenedirectionupintobeatsandworkdownthepage.


You’vemadeyourscriptskim-proof,andyou’vekeptthereaderfocusedoneachbeatofactivity,suspense,fear,ordelight.

ChoreographyInActionLines

Did you break your action scene into paragraphs or one-liners, only toseethatitwasnowtakinguptwopageswhereitwasonceone?Thatmeansthatyouover-choreographed.AndIseethiserrorinscene

directionoverandoveragain.Imaginethatthepreviousexamplelookedlikethis:

Shestops.

Looksaround.

Threeminionsstandthere.

Theyscratchtheirheads.

Shetapsatthewindow.

Theminionslookaround,confused.

Oneofthemlooksupather.

Henudgestheotherone.

Heseeshertoo.

Theyglare.

Sheraiseshergun.

Sheaims.

Shepullsthetrigger.

Shootsone.

Bang

Shootstheother.

Bang.

Theyclutchtheirhearts.

Theycrumble.

Too much, right? First, we’ve probably increased the page count.Second,alloftheslicknessisgone.Third,thereaderisgoingtobeontousandsimplydevelopanewwaytoskim.Sometimesit’ssynopsizing,ratherthanalineedit,whichisthecorrect

fixforanover-choreographedscene.Scenedirectionthatreads...

Thephonerings.Shereacts.Whocoulditbe?Shedropswhat’sshe’sdoing.Standsup.

Walksacrosstheroom.Reachesforthephone.Hugsthereceivertoherear.Answers.

...couldsimplyread:

Sheanswersthephone.

TAKETEN:EDITINGOVER-CHOREOGRAPHEDSCENEDIRECTION

Findtheover-choreographedmomentsinyourscenedirectionanddooneofthefollowing:1.Takeoutextralinesofactionthatslowdowntheactionormakeitfeelfussy.2.Synopsizeactivitiesthatdon’trequireastep-by-stepbreakdown.


You’vesignificantlycleaneduptheread,emphasizingthoseactivemomentsthatneedextraattentionandde-emphasizingthosemomentsthatdon’t.

FightScenes

Over-choreography is a big issue when it comes to fight scenes. Thethingtoremember is that thesekindsofscenestellstories; thestoryofcharacters confronting each other and attempting to take power. The

“winner”thenhasthepowergoingintothenextscene.Inordertotellthatstoryandstillgetasenseofhowthefightlooksor

feels, think about building or editing your scene around the followingelements.

Emotionbeforefight.Toneofthefight.Methodorweaponry.Fightmove#1.Fightmove#2.Upperhand.Winningmoment.

Let’stryit:

Emotionbeforefight.

Eyesblazing,Daveattacksandthey

Toneof thefight.

fightlikegladiatorsinthering,

Method orweaponry.

fistsandteethbared.

Fight move#1.

ApunchtothegutandDavegoesdown.

Fight move#2.

Buthehurlshimselfforwardand

Upperhand.

knocksTombackward.

Winningmoment.

Tomrisestohisfeet.Apunchtothejaw

Emotionafterfight.

and Dave is knocked unconscious. Tom grins and staresdownthecrowd,daringanyoneelsetotakehimon.

Or:

Emotionbeforefight.

Fedup,Davepusheshim,andthey

Toneof thefight.

fightlikelittlegirls,

Method or kickingandslapping.

weaponry.Fight move#1.

Apokeintheeye,andDavegoesdown.

Fight move#2.

Buthehurlshimselfforwardand

Upperhand.

grabsTombythehair.

Winningmoment.

Tomkickshimintheshins,

Emotionafterfight.

andDave falls to theground.Tomgrinsanddoesahappydance,daringanyoneelsetotakehimon.

TAKETEN:WRITEAFIGHTSCENE

Writeorrewriteafightscenearoundtheelementsbelow:


You’vetoldthestoryofapowerplay,andyou’vecontainedyourfightsothatitdoesn’tgettediouswithexcesschoreography.Tryoutthisformulaoncarchasesaswell!

EmotionalActionLines

Ifyou’regoingtotellyourmoviestorybetweenthelines,youalsohavetoguidethereaderastowhat’semotionallygoingoninyourscript.Somewriters are afraid to put anything in scene direction that isn’tstraightforward. I’mhere to tellyou thatyourscriptneedsmore.Strong

actionlinesintegrateemotion.Imaginethatanactionlinereads:

Sheleavestheroom.

Fine.Thattellsuswhatshedoes.Butseewhathappenswhenweputanemotionupfrontthatshowsus

themotivationbehindherwantingtoleaveinthefirstplace:

Frustrated,sheleavestheroom.

Worried,sheleavestheroom.

Afraid,sheleavestheroom.

Delighted,sheleavestheroom.

Thesewordscompletelychangetheemotionoftheaction,helpingthereaderunderstandthesubtextaswellasthechoreography.Whileemotionalwordscanaddalottoanactionline,theactualverb

itselfcouldalsobechanged.Lookatourexample:“Sheleaves.”Withanewverb,ouractionlinemightnowread:

Shestormsoutoftheroom.

Shefleestheroom.

Shebacksoutoftheroom.

Sheskipsoutoftheroom.

It’suptoyoutodeterminewhentoaddemotionandwhentoreplacetheverb.Frankly,I’mfineifyoudoboth:

Shestormsoutoftheroominfrustration.

WhenItellwritersthis,theystarttoworry.They’veheardfromothersthatemotionisfrownedon!Nope,writingwhatissolelyinternal—whatcan’t possibly be shown — is frowned on. The bad version of thisexamplemightlooklikethis:

Shestormsoutoftheroominfrustration,thinkingbacktothetimewhenshewasalittle

girlandherbrotherwasallowedtogoout,butshewasn’t.Ah,herbrother.Wherewashe

now? Would he ever call again? And her parents; had they forgiven her yet for not

appearingathersister’swedding?Perhapssheshouldcall,orwrite.But,whatwasher

sister’saddressagain...

I’dliketosaythatI’veneverreadascriptlikethis,butI’dbelying.Bottomline,asyouhitthenext“TakeTen,”rememberthatemotionis

necessaryinscenedirection,butalittlegoesalongway.

TAKETEN:CREATEEMOTIONALACTIONLINES


Youruseofdescriptivewordshashelpedguidethereader.Ratherthanjustknowwhatcharactersaredoing,wenowknowwhytheyaredoingit.Inaddition,you’veworkedemotionintoscenesthatmightotherwisereadasdull.

Well-chosenverbsalsomakeusfeelthatwe’reexperiencingtheactionalongwiththecharacter.Themorethereaderfeelsthatshe’sinsideofthemovie,themoreshe’llwanttoseeitonthescreen.

The“Tell”oftheScene

Becauseascreenplayisa“showit,don’tsayit”medium,howsomeonesayssomethingissometimesmoreimportantthanwhattheyaresaying.Audiences automatically look for visual cues from the characters. Aretheysayingthatlineinanangryorhappyway?Dotheysmile?Dotheysnicker?Dotheyclenchafistorthrowaglass?Thesephysicalmomentsarewhat I like torefer toas the “tell”of the

scene. As in the game of poker, the “tell” is that emotionalmoment inwhichacharacteraccidentallyshowstheircardstotheaudienceandletsusknowwhatthesceneisreallyabout.

Focusingonthe“tell”ofthescene—that“betweenthelines”momentthatgivesitallaway—canmakethedifferencebetweenanemotionallyeffectivesceneandamerelyserviceablescene.Let’s imagine a scene inwhich one character gets in a car accident

withanother.

EXT.PARKINGLOT-DAY

LucysurveysthenearlytotaledcarandhandsMikeherlicenseandregistration.

LUCYMyinformation.

To find the “tell”of thescene, itsometimeshelps toask, “Whatdoesthatcharacterwishshecouldsay?”Maybeshewishesshecouldsay,“Thisisallyourfault,idiot!”Assumingshecan’tsaythat,we’regoingtoadda“tell”toshowit:

EXT.PARKINGLOT-DAY

Eyesblazing,Lucysurveysthenearlytotaledcarandthrowsherlicenseandregistration

atMike’shead.

LUCYMyinformation!

Ifyouchangetheintentionofthecharacter,theinnervoicechanges...andsodoesthe“tell.”Sonowhereyesblaze,andshethrowsherlicenseatMike.Shemay

be saying the right thing and doing what she’s supposed to, but herfeelingsarecomingthroughloudandclear.What if we went the other way, and Lucy wishes she could say,

“Crashingintoyouismywayofgettingyourattention.”We’dthenrewritethescenewithadifferent“tell”:

EXT.PARKINGLOT-DAY

DrawingclosetoMike,Lucyhandsoverherlicenseandregistration.Herfingertipsgraze

his.

LUCYMyinformation.

“Drawing close,” “fingertips graze.” These small moments allow thereaderandaudiencespecialinsight.Andthegreatthingaboutamovieor

TVshowisthatthecameracangoascloseasitwants,capturingeventhetiniestdetailtohelpustellthestory.

TAKETEN:CREATESCENEDIRECTION“TELLS”

Addtoastraightforwardscenewitha“betweenthelines”story.


Byadding“betweenthelines”moments,you’vevisuallybroughtoutthesubtext.You’vealsoavoided“onthenose”dialoguebyusingactioninsteadofwords.

TheButton

Whendoesascriptbecomea“pageturner?”Whenyou’veendedeachsceneinawaythatmakesuswanttoknowmore.Asimpleandeffectivewaytobringemotiontoyourscreenplay,andtokeepuswantingmore,isto“button”yoursceneswithagreatlineorpieceofaction.Scenebuttonsoftenleaveuswithakeyquestionorhintatproblemsor

issuestocome.Theyaresometimescalled“theblow”ofascene,orthescene“out.”Comediesendscenesonstrongverbalorphysicalpunchlines.(Think

rim shot.)Character-driven dramasend sceneswith a spokenor silentquestion.Thrillersendsceneswithverbalorphysicalclues.We could addmore to our parking lot scene, for example, by giving

Mikeacleverresponsethatbuttonsthescene:

EXT.PARKINGLOT-DAY


his.

LUCYMyinformation.

Mikehandsoverhisowninformation:license,registration,and...afamilyphoto.

MIKEMywife.

This line brings the scene to an end in a way that shows Mike’sdevotiontohiswifeandseemstoclosethecase.But what if we wanted to indicate that Lucy isn’t going to go away

easily? An additional verbal button moves the story in a differentdirection.

EXT.PARKINGLOT-DAY


his.

LUCYMyinformation.

Mikehandsoverhisowninformation:license,registration,and...afamilyphoto.

MIKEMywife.

Lucytakesthephotoandcoollystudiesit.

LUCYFornow.

This verbal button makes us realize that Lucy has more up her sleeve. Add a physicalbutton,andevenmoreisaddedtothescene:

Mikeoffersaweaksmile.

AddingMike’sweaksmileshowsachinkinhisarmorandsuggeststothereader/audiencethatLucymaysucceedinseducinghim.Anew,emotionalactionlinebuttonsthesceneinaverydifferentway:

LUCYFornow.

Mikesnatchesthephotofromherhand.Lucy’sfacefillswithanger.

Noticethatthedifferentbuttonscreateentirelydifferenttones.Thefirstbutton,withMikesmilingweakly,wouldworkforaromanticcomedy.Thesecondbuttonindicatespossibilitiesforathriller.Andwiththatonefacial“tell”—“Lucy’s face fillswithanger”—wewonderwhatLucymightdo

next!

TAKETEN:CREATINGSMARTSCENE“BUTTONS”

Addverbalorphysicalbuttonswheretheywillbenefitthescript’stoneorhelpfurtherthestory.


Byspicingupyoursceneendings,you’veaddedtothecomedyordramaandhelpedpushyourstoryforward.

SceneTransitions

Inascreenplay,eachscene is informedandaffectedby thescene thatcomesbeforeit.Forthatreason,aneasywaytokeepyourstorymovingistobeginanewscenebybuildingoffofthebuttonthatprecededit.Let’simaginethatwejustendedourLucy/Mikescene.Buildingoffthat

lastscenebutton,wecouldpickupwithanewscenethatdealswiththerecentinformationthatLucymightbe,well...psycho:

INT.OFFICE—DAY

Mike’scoworker,RICHARD,canbarelycontainhissmirk.

RICHARDItoldyoushewasnuts.Butyoujusthadtohelpherout.Alwaysthegoodguy.

MIKEIthinkshemightdosomethingtoTina.

RICHARDYou’reoverreacting.

MIKE

Andyou’renothelping.

Fedup,Mikestartstoleave.

RICHARDHere.

Richardretrievesagunfromthedrawerandhandsittohim.

RICHARDAmIhelpingnow?

Mikeweighstheguninhishand,deciding.

BecauseweendedtheprecedingscenewithLucy’sominousmoment,weunderstandwhich“nut”MikeandRichardarereferringto.We also didn’t have to go into exposition about what happened

because we already saw it. Instead, we came into the scene mid-discussion.Notice that the button in this scene furthers the story and builds

tension.Mikeisdecidingsomething.Willhekillher?Thegunbuttonthentransitionsustothenextscene:

INT.BEDROOM—NIGHT

Mike’swife,TINA,staresincredulouslyatthegun.

TINAI’mnottakingit.

MIKEIt’sjustforsafety.

TINASincewhendoIneedtobethissafe?

WebeganbymirroringthevisualbuttonoftheguninMike’shand.Canyouseethedirectormakethe“matchcut”?Wecouldcontinuewithourbuttonsandtransitions,butthenwe’dhave

anentirescreenplaythat’snotyours.So,takethenexttenminutestodosometransitionwork.

TAKETEN:SCENETRANSITIONS

Inordertocreatebettersceneflow,tryoutoneofthefollowingscenetransitions:

1.Mirrorthelastimage.2.Pickupfromalastmomentofdialogue.3.Answerthequestionfromthepreviousscene.4.Twistthesetupofthelastscenewithanunexpectedrevelation.


Smartertransitionshelpyoustringthescenestogetherinawaythatmakessenseandhelpsthereadertrackthestory.

NarrativeDevices

Voice over, flashback, breaking the fourth wall ... these devices havebeen exploited so badly that some writers now think that they shouldneverbeused.This ismy feeling on this issue or any “rule” of screenwriting:Never

saynever.Voiceoverintrudes...until itworks.Flashbacksfeelcorny...untiltheydon’t.Inotherwords,therulesarethereforareason,buttheywerealsomeanttobebroken.Stillconfused?Hereareafewguidelines.

Voiceover

Voiceoverworkswhenitsayssomethingthatcannotbeconveyedintheactionordialogue.ThecharacterofRedinTheShawshankRedemptionvoicesfeelingsthatthestrong,silentmaincharacterscannot.Voiceoverworkswhenitbenefitsthetoneofthescript.InTheLovely

Bones, the story is narrated by a dead girl named Susie. Every timeSusiespeaks,it’sareminderofherfate;hervoiceoveraddsachilltothescene.Voice over also works well when it’s the punchline of a scene,

delivering the funny one-liners that the characterswish they could say,butcan’t.ThemovieElectionfocusesonabossygirlrunningforstudentpresident and the disempowered teacher who wants to see her fail.These two hate each other, but because of their teacher/studentrelationship,onlythevoiceoverbetraystheirrealfeelings.Sometimesvoiceoveralsoaddstothejokewhenitcontrastswiththe

visuals:

INT.REALVALUHARDWARE-DAY

Wearingtheredvestand“askme”buttonofaRealValufootsoldier,Davestandsabovea

caseofSPRAYPAINT.Heisstampingpricesoneverycap.

TRACY(V.O.)Iwonderwhathe’sdoingnow.Maybehefinallyfinishedhisnovel.

FromElection,writtenbyAlexanderPayne&JimTaylor,1997,fromthenovelbyTomPerrotta,1997.

Sometimes voice over breaks conventional rules with a higherpurpose.InthemovieTheInformant!,theaudienceisprivytothevoiced-over thoughts of a wannabe whistleblower. The voice over rarelyconnectswiththerealityofthesituation,butthat’sactuallythepoint.Bystory’send,werealizethatthe“informant”hasactuallybeenlivinginhishead; in a fantasy world in which he’s dragged along everyone he’sknown...includingus!

Flashbacks

Flashbacks gowrongwhen they show toomuch of the past and don’tallow that information tocomeoutnaturallyandorganically through thepresent-daynarrative.Butflashbacksworkwhentheimagestellastoryorsolveamystery.InAFewGoodMen,weseedifferentflashbacksofthesameevent,as

toldthroughthepointofviewofdifferentcharactersonthewitnessstand.Eventuallyallof thestoriesconverge, illustrating“the truth.”Movies likeCitizenKane(mypersonalfavorite)dothesamething,buttheyleavetheaudiencewith theclear idea thatnoneof thecharacterseverknow thefullpicture...onlytheaudience.Aconstantflashofimagesalsoworkwellwhenitcreatesanevidence

trail in one-hour procedurals, likeCSI. Itwould be dull to just hear thecharacterstalkin“forensic-speak.”Seeingtheevidenceastheydescribeitmakestheepisodesmorevisuallyinterestingandhelpsbuildthestory.

NarrativeDevice=StorytellingRules

Looking at the examples above, one thing is clear: When they’re

effectivelydealtwith,narrativedeviceslikevoiceoverandflashbackworkbecause they help tell the story. In order to tell that story with clarity,however, you must decide what rule you’re going to follow with thesedevices. Do your flashbacks follow one character only or tell the storyfrommany different points of view?Does your voice over address theaudience only or is it delivered to a person in the script?Once you’vedecidedon these rules foryournarrativedevices,commit to them.Thereaderandaudiencewillappreciatethefocus.

TAKETEN:FOCUSINGYOURNARRATIVEDEVICE

Focusyourflashbacksorvoiceoversbycreatingastorytellingrule.Pickfromthislistorcreateyourown.

FLASHBACK:Tellsonestoryfromseveralpointsofview.Flashestoshockingimages,creatinganevidencechain.Showsseparatesectionsofoneevent,eventuallyleadinguptothe“bigpicture.”Showsamemory.Revealsatruthwhenacharacterinthepresentislying.Takesplaceatkeystructuralmoments(theteaser,actbreak,ending,etc.).OnlyshowsupwhenMCisexperiencingheightenedemotion.

VOICEOVER:Isdeliveredbyanall-knowingnarratorwhomwenevermeet.Isdeliveredbyacharacterinthestory.Isdeliveredbyseveralcharactersinthestory,shiftingpointofview.Isdeliveredtotheaudience.Isdeliveredtoanothercharacterinthestory.Iswritteninthepasttense,asthougheventshavepassed.Iswritteninthepresenttense,aseventstakeplace.Speaksacharacter’sthoughtsoutloud.Deliversthepunchlineofscenes.Gluesyearsandeventstogether.Quotesfromonesource(apoem,theBible,arocksong,alistofrules,etc.).Comesinatkeystructuralmoments(theteaser,actbreak,ending,etc.).OnlyshowsupwhenMCisexperiencingheightenedemotion.Only“bookends”thescript,speakingtousatthebeginningandattheend.


You’vefocusedyournarrativedevicetobetterhelpyoutellyourstory.Bydoingthis,you’vebroughtclaritytoyourscriptandpreventedconfusiononthepartofthereaderoraudience.

Remember that you can create these “story rules” for any device:

Fantasy sequences, dream sequences, etc. Determining how thesedeviceshelpyoutotellyourstorywillmakeallthedifferenceintheread.

NarrativeDevice=TonalVariation

AnywhereButHereandTumbleweeds bothcameout in1999andhadsimilar concepts, similar relationships, and even a similar openingsequenceofmotheranddaughterinacar,fleeingadomesticsituationtofindhappinesselsewhere.In sequence one of Anywhere But Here, however, the action is

pepperedwith narration and flashbacks that fill us in on backstory andfeelings. The devices intentionally soften the sequence. Though therewasconflictinthemother’slife,weexperienceitasaflashbacktoldtousfromasaferplace.Andthoughthedaughterisunhappy,thefactthatshesurvived to tell the tale suggests that everything eventually comes outOK.Incontrast,sequenceoneofTumbleweedsslamsus into thepresent

with an unsettling scene of themother fighting with the boyfriend.Weexperience the conflict right along with the characters. Then, thedaughterandmotherfleeinthemiddleofthenight,andtheirsceneinthecar relies on loaded lines and emotional tells to convey backstory andfeelings.Bothmoviesserve theirgenreandsatisfy theaudience.Bothmovies

tellasimilarstory.But thereareclear tonaldifferences thatmake themvery,verydifferent.Thisisalltosaythatthetoneofascriptcanbecompletelychangedby

theuseofanarrativedevice.Add fantasy toacomedy,and it’sanewkind of script. Bring dream sequences into a drama and the moodchanges.It’s up to you to decidewhether or not to use a device to add to or

make changes to your tone.Will your flashback sequences soften themoment ormake the script feelmore visual and immediate?Only youknowtheanswertothisquestion.Butit’sdefinitelyworthtenminutesofyourtimetomaketheevaluation.

TAKETEN:NARRATIVEDEVICETEST

Askthefollowingquestionstoseeifanarrativedeviceisworkingfororagainst

scripttone.Onceyou’vemadeadecision,honeyournarrativedeviceordeleteit.1.Doesitmakethestoryeventsfeelmoreimmediate?2.Doesitcreatedistance?3.Doesitmakeyourstoryfeelfanciful?4.Doesitmakeyourscriptfeelmorehard-hitting?5.Doesitaddadifferentperspectivethat’snecessarytotellthestory?6.Doesitcreateanewsubplotthatneedstobeshown?7.Doesitanswerapressingquestionorsolveamystery?8.Wouldweunderstandthestoryifitwasn’tthere?9.Wouldithavethesameemotionalimpactifitwasn’tthere?10.Aretheremoreeffectivewaystotellthestorywithoutit?


Bymakingachoicetouseorloseanarrativedevice,you’vestrengthenedyourtone.

CharacterAndSettingDescriptions

The “less ismore” rule applies to all aspects of screenwriting— evencharacterdescription.Writerstendtobesoanxiousforyouto“see”thecharacter that they overwrite by describing every single detail.Unfortunately,thisactuallylimitsthereader’svisionandclosesoffcastingchoices.Imaginethatwemeet...

VANESSA(25),blonde,tall,andwearingacocktaildress.

Well,thisdescriptiontellsusonlysomuch.And,inaway,it’slimiting.Willthisdescriptionallowustocastanactresswho’syoungerorolder?Abrunette?AnAfricanAmerican?Everydetailinthistellsus“no.”Worse,wedon’t actuallygeta senseofher character.What’sherpersonality?Whenthecamera’sonher,whatstoryistold?Forallofthesereasons,capturingtheessenceofacharacterinaone-

line description can actually bemore effective. Instead of “blonde, tall,andwearingacocktaildress,”wecouldmeet:

VANESSA,vampishandbeguiling.

Now,wegetasenseofhowthischaractercouldpotentiallyaffectthestory.Plus,wecancastanyonefromJessicaBieltoHalleBerry.Characters catch our eye when even the description of them tells a

small story. The trick is to give us just enough to make us “see” the

character,andnotsomuchthatitfeelsyou’rewritinginprose.Ratherthandescribeacharacterasoverweight,thedescriptioncould

read:

Henevermetajellydoughnuthedidn’tlike.

Afterintroducing:

TRACY,smallandmousy.

Youcanbringcolortothedescriptionbyadding:

Blink,andyou’llmissher.

Each of these statements suggests age and physical characteristics,withoutgoingintoexcessivedetail.Roomsandsettingscanalsobedescribedthisway.Insteadofwriting:

PaulHarmer’scorneroffice.Alargedesk.Abigleatherchair.Plaquesandcommendations

onthewall.

Youcouldwrite:

PaulHarmer’scornerofficescreams“CEO.”

Set-decoratingascenedoeslittle.Givingtheroomapersonalitydoesmuch.

TAKETEN:CREATE“ESSENCESTATEMENTS”

Polishyourcharacterandsettingdescriptionsbyreplacingthemwithpersonality-filledone-liners.


Withyour“essencestatements,”yourcharactersmakeanimmediateimpactonthereader.Wegetasenseofwhotheyare,notjusthowtheylook.

EssencePlusAction

As mentioned earlier, bringing your characters into the script with adefining action tells us more about the character than do pages andpages of setup. Add an essence statement, and we’ll immediatelyconnect.

GEMMABALE(25),toughbynecessity,furiouslypacksthecrabsintostrawboxes.

FromLittleWhiteLies,writtenbyHeatherRagsdale,2008.

Inthefrontrow,WILLIAM,atightly-wounddandy,staresblanklyatthestage.Hewinces

indisapprovalastheorchestrahitsawrongnote.

Next to him sits his wife, NOREEN, a peaceful woman who could find beauty in a dirty

puddle.Sheswaystotheariaonstage.

WrittenbyBrendanO’Neill,2009.

CHET,agood-lookingjockwhoreachedhispinnacleinhighschool,plopsdownatthetable

holdingacrumpledStarbucksapron.

FromGilfs,writtenbyChipJames,2008.

SUZIE,amousycubicleworker,sitsatherdeskandstaresatathinsliceofskythrough

adistantwindow.

FromThatOtherMe,writtenbyLeslieLawson,2007.

TAKETEN:ESSENCE+ACTION

Addanactiontoyouressence-statementcharacterintroduction.


Bygettingasenseofwhotheyareandseeingwhatthey’redoing,we“get”yourcharacterfromthe

momentthey’reintroduced.

TonalWriting

Wordchoiceiseverythingwhenitcomestocreatingtoneandmoodonthe page. Below, you’ll find the opening passages of three differentscreenplays.They’reallcomedies,buttheyall“feel”different.Yougetasenseoftheirparticulartakeonthegenrefromtheveryfirstwords.

JOEYCASANOVA(27),morecharmingthanhandsome,strutsdownthebusystreetsofManhattan

likehe’sJohnTravoltaonahotSaturdaynight.

Apre-teenGIRLIEsaysaflirtatioushello,anOLDLADYgiveshimanodandwink,anda

SMALLDOGwagshertailasJoeypassesby.Yep,Joey’sgotawaywiththeladies.

FromDoubleorNothing,writtenbyKarenNation,2002.

Thewriterstartsoffwithanessencestatement—“morecharmingthanhandsome”—thenaddsamemorablefirstaction:He“struts.”In addition, the reactions of minor characters suggest he’s a ladies’

man. The writer’s small aside to us, “Yep, Joey’s got a way with theladies,”alsoestablishesawry,mischievoustonethatcarriesthroughthescreenplay.Note:The industry issplitas towhetherornot thesekindsofasides

helporhinderthepage.Mypersonalfeelingisthattheoccasionalclevercommentcanwork,provideditdoesn’tsuddenlyjoltusoutofthescript.Personalasides to the reader like, “It’sacarchase—you’veseeone,you’veseen‘emall”feelflippantandlazy.Here’sanothercomedyexample:

EXT.BULEFIELD-DAY

Laughterswirlsinthetwilightoverastonerelicofafootballstadiumasagaggleof

wheezingMENinneedofgolfcartsstumblethroughapick-upgameoffootball.

ALAN “SALLY” SIZEMORE is a white walrus in polyester shorts. An unlit stogie juts from

Sally’s yap. He grabs his back, rises from his quarterback position, and launches the

footballtowardthepressbox.

WrittenbyPaulPender,2002.

In thisscript,wedon’t justhear laughter; laughter“swirls.”Thescenedirectiondoesn’tjustmentionabunchofguys;itfocuseson“agaggleofwheezingmen.” AndAlanSizemore isn’t just a bigman, he’s a “white

walrus.”Anotherexample:

INT.ABEDROOM-NIGHT

It’sreally,really,reallylate.

NOAHRILEY(32)sleepsasifshe’sneversharedabed.Armsflung,blanketmussed,pillows

strewn.Inthebackground,CNNison.Italwaysis.

WrittenbyKarinGist,2002.

Unlike the other descriptions, this passage gets right to it. Like themain character, thewords are frank and no-nonsense,written thewayonegirlfriendmighttalktoanother.Wealsogetasenserightaway,fromthedescription“sleepsasifshe’s

neversharedabed,” that this isawomanwho’sbeensingle fora longtime...andmaybejustfinewiththat.Youmayarguethattheaudiencecan’tseethewordsonthepage,but

I’darguebackthattheycertainlycan.Thedirectorandproductionpeoplebringwordsto life,casting,setdecorating,andmovingtheactorsperawriter’ssubtle“instructions.”

TAKETEN:TONALWRITING

Chooseawordthatdescribesthetoneofyourwork.Pickfromthislistorfindawordthatworksforyou:

COMEDY: WhimsicalDrySillySarcasticCutting-edgeCrassSmart

DRAMA: SuspensefulDeepIntenseGrittySexyMournfulWistful

Useyourten-minutebreakstogothroughthescriptandapplynewwordsandphrasestothescenedirectionthatmeetyourtonalintention.


Bypayingcloseattentiontotoneandmood,you’vegraduatedfromscreenwritertoartist.

TEN-MINUTECHAPTERREVIEW:THECRAFT

1.EmphasizedramaticandcomedicmomentsbywritingDOWNTHEPAGE.

2.EDITscenesthathaveexcessiveCHOREOGRAPHY.

3.FocusFIGHTSCENESaroundKEYELEMENTS.

4.BringEMOTIONintoyourACTIONLINES.

5.ShowSUBTEXTwiththe“TELL”ofascene.

6.MovestoryandpunchupthetonewithaphysicalorverbalBUTTON.

7.CreateSTORYRULESforyourNARRATIVEDEVICES.

8.USEORLOSEanarrativedevicetoaidTONE.

9.EditandopenupcastingbyusingESSENCESTATEMENTStodescribecharactersandplaces.

10.EmphasizeTONALWRITINGwithwordchoicethatspeakstothemood.

CHAPTER9

TheFinalEdit

Polishing your scriptmeans fine-tuning. And fine-tuningmeans editing.By tweaking lines, editing scenes, and streamlining format, you meetyour own page intentions and make the script that much moreentertainingandreadable.Rememberthatyourscriptisn’tjustablueprintforatelevisionshowor

movie. Italsoshowcasesyouasawriter. It’syour industrycallingcard.And,ultimately,awell-writtenscriptcouldbethethingthatturnsyoufroma“coffeebreakscreenwriter”intoafull-time,workingscreenwriter.Withthatinmind,it’sworthonemorerewrite.Keepstealingthoseten-

minutemomentstochiselaway.Thatmasterpiecewillrevealitself.

StoryIntentionEdit

Editing.You’ve simply got to do it. To show youwhy, here’s a “before”and“after”exampleofascreenplayscene:

EXT.LANCE’SBUNGALOW-DAY

TwomeninVERYnicesuitsexitfromthebackofablackLincolnTowncarandlookateachotherand shrug.As theywalkup theround stonepath that leads toa smallbungalowwithbarson thewindowstheylookatanagingChevyCamaroBerlinettasittinginthedriveway.

Theystepontoasmallconcreteporchandthetallerofthetworeachesoutandpushesthedoorbellbutton on the doorframe of a battered and barred door.The button, a cheapRF transmitter thatpeoplebuywhentheycan’taffordanelectrician,popsoffthedoorjambandhitstheground,poppingintoseveralpieces.Themenlookateachotheragainandsearchforasafeplacetoknockonthedoor.Oneofthemreachesthroughthebarstotryandknockonthescreen,whichpromptlyrips.Theylookat eachotheragain.The silencebetween themspeaksvolumes - the futility of theattemptbut theneedtocontinueontheirquest.Oneofthemenbendsdownandpicksupthepiecesofthetransmitterandtriestofigureouthowtoput itbacktogetheragain.Theothersnatchesthepiecesafterhalfaminuteandslapsthemtogetherandpressesthebutton.

Acrashingnoisefromthesideofthehousedrawsthemen’sattentionandtheyrunaroundthesideofthehousetoseeamaninbrightgreenshortsandafadedconcertT-shirtthathasseenbetterdayslayinginthedrivewaynursingaswollenandscrapedknee.Nexttohimliesawindowscreenthathasfallenfromthewindowherecentlycrawledoutof.Thetwomenlookateachotherandstandovertheman.

SUIT#1LanceCocksure?

Theman looksup fromwherehe is seatedon theground.He leansback,hishandsrestingon thedriveway.Hepuffsouthischestandacrossitreads“LanceCocksure-BlowMeAwayTour‘84”

LANCEWhatdoyouwant?

Thewriters’ intentionswith thissceneare interesting,but thepage isfilledwith choreography anddense, novelistic paragraphs, so the storyandthejokeofthesceneisn’tcomingthrough.Toapproachaneditlikethis,wefirsthavetoask...

What’stheStoryoftheScene?

Once that’s determined, the writers can edit around those storyintentions.Inthiscase,itappearsthatthestoryofthesceneisthattwoguys visit another guyat his bungalow,only towitnesshimattemptanescape.Thisisadarkcomedy,though,andthetonejustisn’tcomingthrough,

sothenextthingtoaskis...

What’stheJokeorTheDramaticMoment?

Inthisscene,thewriterswanttomaketwojokes:Oneisthefactthatthebungalow is so rundown that these guys can’t even ring a doorbellwithoutdestroyingtheplace.Thesecondisthefactthattheirtargetfallswhiletryingtosneakoutthewindow.

WhatHasToBeShown?

Therearecertainobjectsandcharacters thatcan’tbeeliminated inourrewrite.Wehavetosee..Thebungalowandcar.Themen,dressedinsuits,arrivingatthehouse.Thebungleddoorbell.Theescapethroughthewindow.Editing aroundwhat has to be shownand keeping inmind the story

andthejoke,thewriterspulledoffastrongrewrite:

EXT.LANCE’SBUNGALOW-DAY

Arundownbungalowwithbarredwindowsthatachesfordemolition.ThedrivewayhostsabeatupbronzeCamaro...foamexplodesfromtherippedvinylseats.

BRAKESSQUEAL.TwoArmanisuitsexitablackLincolnTowncar.Suit#1pressesthedoorbell.

DINGDONG...DIZZZZZ.

TheDOORBELL

POPSOFFand

SMASHESontheground.

Suit#2putsameatyhandtothescreenanditRIPS.

Suit#1scrabblesinthedustandplaysLegoswiththebrokendoorbell.Nothingfits.

Suit#2grabsthebitsofplasticfromSuit#1withagrowl,

SUIT#2Here!

Suit#2putsitbacktogether,

SLAPSitonthewalland

ABUSESthebuttontwice.

DINGDONG!DINGDONG!It’sslumlandFortKnox.

AwindowscreenTEARSANDFALLSontotheconcretepath.ThesuitsRACEaroundthesideofthehouse.OntopofitsprawlsLANCECOCKSURE,agedrock-star,inafadedconcertT-shirt.

LANCEWhatdoyouwant?

FromJukeboxZero,writtenbyKeithArmonaitisandLynneChristensen,2009.

Let’slookatwhattheydidtomaketheimprovements.First of all, they got the setting out of the way in two sentences: “A

rundown bungalowwith barredwindows that aches for demolition. Thedriveway hosts a beat-up bronze Camaro ... foam explodes from theripped vinyl seats.” It’s edited way down, but the description is vividbecausethey’vemadeobjectsactive:“drivewayhosts,”“foamexplodes.”

ThentheymovedontotheSUITS.Noticethattheynolongerdescribewhatthemenarewearing.Whatthey’venamedthecharacterssaysitall.Insteadofmicromanaging the journey to thedoorand thesearch for

the doorbell, the writers compressed it into the simple phrase, “TwoArmani SUITS exit a black Lincoln Towncar. Suit #1 presses thedoorbell.”No more looking at each other or feeling around for stuff. Those

momentsdon’tmatterbecausetheydon’taddtothejoke.Instead, they put the focus back on the real joke of the scene: the

doorbellsetpiece.Inordertogetthefunnyactionacross,thewritersusesimple words that we can see and feel— “DING-DONG, POPSOFF,SMASHES”—andworkthemdownthepage.Anover-choreographedmoment—“Oneofthemenbendsdownand

picksupthepiecesofthetransmitterandtriestofigureouthowtoputitbacktogetheragain”—wasreplacedwiththisterrificmetaphor:“Suit#1scramblesinthedustandplaysLegoswiththebrokendoorbell.Nothingfits.”Here’sthatwordchoiceagain:“ONEOFTHEMEN”replacedby“SUIT#1”“BENDSDOWNANDPICKSUP”replacedby“SCRAMBLESINTHE

DUST”“TRIES TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO PUT IT BACK TOGETHER

AGAIN”replacedby“PLAYSLEGOSWITH.”Beautiful!Movingon.With the introductionofLance, thewritersoriginallygave

us lots of wardrobe information: “A man in bright green shorts and afaded concert T-shirt that has seenbetter days.” The rewrite, however,describeshimas:an“agedrockstar.”Nowwegetarealsenseofwhoheis,notjustwhathe’swearing.

TAKETEN:EDITTOTHESTORY

Focusyoureditingbyaskingthefollowingquestions:


You’vefocusedyoureditingbyworkingaroundthemajorbeats.Sinceyouknowwhatyouwantfromthescene,youwon’tbeindangerofeditingouttoomuch.

GenreIntentionEdit

Here’sanotherscenetotakealookat.Asyoureadit,askyourselfwhatgenreyouthinkthewriter’sgoingfor.

Alargebrowncricketjumpsoffhershoulderontothebed.

MARTYWhere’dyoucomefrom?

Sheholdsoutherfinger.Itclimbsonandstaresbackather.

MARTYYoucanstayhereifyouwant.

Shegrabsajarwithholespokedinitslidanddiscardstheolddeadcontents.

MARTYIguessIhavetocallyousomething.

Shedropsitintothejar.Ahandfulofblacksootfallsfromhersleeveontothecricket

andflasheswithlight.

MARTYDidyoudothat?

Asshelidsthejar,anotherlumpofsootfallsdownonthecricket.Brightlightflashes

again.Thecricketshakesthestuffoffinanirritatedalmosthumanwayandstaresat

her,tappingitsfoot.

MARTYOK.I’msorry.Iwon’tdoitagain.

So, when thinking of a genre for this scene, did you say “horrormovie?” No? Perhaps that’s because it feels more like an animatedprincessmovie.Thesympatheticprotagonist,acricketwhotapshisfoot— we’ve seen this in lighter, softer movies to great success. But is itcreepy?Notonebit.Once the writer figured out that she wasn’t meeting her tonal

intentions,hereditingapproachbecameveryclear.Herrewritereadslikethis:

Shepicksupasealedjar,coveredinyearsofdust,andlooksatthebigdeadspidery

thinginside.

MARTYYou’reanuglybeastaren’tyou?

She taps on the jar. It looks back at her, bares its fangs and angrily throws itself

againsttheglass.

MARTYAaaa...

Shefallsbackanddropsitonthefloor.Theglassbreaks.

Thecreepythingscurriesintoadarkcorneranddisappears.

WrittenbyLeslieLawson,2009.

Nomoresympathetic littlegirl.Martycalls thecricketan“uglybeast.”Andthecricket itself isnowa“bigdeadspiderything.” Itdoesn’t tap itsfoot; it “bares its fangs.” And,when it “scurries into a dark corner,”wewonderifandwhenitwillcomeback,andwhatitmightdonext!Creepy.

TAKETEN:EDITTOTHEGENRE

Edittothegenrebytryingoneofthepossibilitiesbelow:1.TRYOUTANEWEMOTION

EX:Horrorinsteadofpleasure.2.HEIGHTENWORDS

EX:“Sheslithersaway”insteadof“Sheleavestheroom.”3.DELETEPASSAGESANDLINES

EX:Athrillermayhavelessconversation.Acomedymayhavelessactionlines.


You’veturnedyourscenesintosomethinggenre-worthy!

LineCutEdit

Here’sanopeningscene thatmakes itspointbut isclutteredupby toomanywords.

INT.WALDORFASTORIA,RECEPTIONROOM-EVENING

Ahundredtableswithguests inglitteringeveningwearfilla largereceptionroom.There isa loudcacophonyofclickingcutlery,well-bredmurmuring,andthequietwhooshofservicedoors.

ThesoundsystemhumsandTAYLORBERGMAN(55,tall,craggilyhandsomeandwhite-tiesuited)comestostandatthemicrophoneatthepodium.Behindhimabannerreads“CelebrateLiveCoral”inlargeletters,surroundedwithoceanicmotifs.Oneafteranother,theguestsstoptheiractivitiesandfocusonTaylor.

TAYLORHelloagain.Iwantedtohavethechancetosaygoodnighttoyou,afterthissplendiddinnerandupliftingspeeches.

Thecrowdapplauds.Somepeoplestarttostandup.Taylormanagestolookbashful,foramoment,andwavesthemtosit.

TAYLOR(CONT’D)Please,everyone,haveaseat.

Thereisarustleaspeoplesettlebacktotheirseats.

TAYLOR(CONT’D)Thankyouagainforyourkindmessages.Iknowthatit’syou,everyoneofyou,whoshouldbeapplauded.Asweallknow,thishasnotbeenagoodyearfortheeconomy,myfriends.AndsoIthankyouallthemoreforbeingheretonight.Iamtrulygratefulthatyoushowyourgenerositysofreely.Together,wewillchangetheworld.Wewillmakeabetterlifeforourchildrenandourgrandchildren.

FromDarkPools,writtenbyCaroleRyavec,2009.

Let’skeepthescenebeats,butcutoutlines:


Ahundredtableswithguests inglitteringeveningwearfilla largereceptionroom.There isa loudcacophonyofclickingcutlery,well–bredmurmuring,—andthequietwhooshofservicedoors.

ThesoundsystemhumsandTAYLORBERGMAN(55,tall,craggilyhandsomeandwhite-tiesuited)comes to stand at the microphone at the podium. Behind him a banner reads “Celebrate LiveCoral”—in large letters, surroundedwithoceanicmotifs.Oneafteranother,—theguests stop theiractivitiesandfocusonTaylor.

TAYLORHelloagain.Iwantedtohavethechancetosaygoodnighttoyou,afterthissplendiddinnerandupliftingspeeches.


TAYLOR(CONT’D)Please,everyone,haveaseat.

Thereisarustleaspeoplesettlebacktotheirseats.

TAYLOR(CONT’D)Thankyouagainforyourkindmessages.Iknowthatit’syou,everyoneofyou,whoshouldbeapplauded.Asweallknow,thishasnotbeenagoodyearfortheeconomy,myfriends.AndsoIthankyouallthemoreforbeingheretonight.Iamtrulygratefulthatyoushowyourgenerositysofreely.Together,wewillchangetheworld.Wewillmakeabetterlifeforourchildrenandourgrandchildren.

Theeditedscenenowlookslikethis:


Ahundredtableswithguestsinglitteringeveningwearfillalargereceptionroom.

ThesoundsystemhumsandTAYLORBERGMAN,craggilyhandsomeandwhite-tiesuited,comestostandatthepodium.


TAYLORPlease,everyone,haveaseat.

Peoplesettlebacktotheirseats.

TAYLOR(CONT’D)It’syou,everyoneofyou,whoshouldbeapplauded.Iamtrulygratefulthatyoushowyourgenerositysofreely.Together,we

willchangetheworld.

You’ll see that the intentions of the page stay the same.We’ve justweeded out a lot of miscellaneous details in the scene direction. Andnothing’slostbyeliminatingthe“cacophonyofcutlery,”orthebanner.Wealsodeletedandcut intothespeeches.This isbecausethestory

ofthescenehasmoretodowiththecharacter’spositioninlifeandwhathe’sdoingat theevent, thanaboutwhathe’ssaying.Sowe’veskippedthenicetiesandfocusedononeparagraphthathighlightsgenerosityandchange;thereasonstheguestsareattendingthatnight.

TAKETEN:LINEEDIT

Gointoyourscenesandscratchoutlinesthataren’tworkingforyourscene.Usethislistasaguide:

1.Deletelinesthatrepeatsetdecoration.2.Deletelinesthatrepeatemotion.3.Deletelinesthatshowintricatestepsofasimpleaction.4.Deletelinesofdialogueuntilyouhaveagreatdramaticorcomedicone-liner.5.Deletepoliteexchangeswhenpeoplemeet.6.Deletespeechesthatrepeatinformation.


You’vecleanedupyourscript.It’snotonlyagreatstory;it’sagreatread.

SceneTrimEdit

Enterlate.Leaveearly.It’sthebestadviceoneditingever.Unfortunately,Ididn’tcomeupwithit.WilliamGoldmandid.Justcheckoutsomeofhismoviestoseehowgoodheisatthis.Cutting the tops or bottoms (or both) of scenes is sometimes the

quickestandsmartesteditingpassyoucanmakeonyourscript.Comeintoasceneasconflictisbrewing.Getoutjustasyou’veraisedaquestionoruppedthestakes.Gobeforemoretalkanddescriptionrobsthesceneofthesuspenseandromance.Imeanit.Leave!

TAKETEN:ENTERLATE,LEAVEEARLY

Whereit’sneeded,cutthebeginningofscenesorchopofftheending.Usethissuggestedlistforplacestomakethischange:

1.Openonpeopleinconversation.Cutintroductions.2.Openonacharacteronaphonecall.Cuttheringand“hello?”3.Openmid-party.4.Openmid-dinner.5.Openmid-lovescene.

OR6.Cutscenejustafterthefirstmomentofseduction.7.Cuttheendofthephonecall.Leaveonareactioninstead.8.Cutthedeliveryofbadnews.

OR9.Cutthereactiontobadnews.


You’vesucceededintighteningyourownmaterialand,intheprocess,givenyourscriptaquickerpace.

TheGeneralEdit

In a final polish,do sweat the small stuff.Here’sabunchof small, butimportant, items that are worth taking ten more minutes to change ordelete.

WhoDeservesaName?

Every time you name a character in a script, it implies that he is animportantenoughcharacterforthereadertotrack.Preventconfusionbynaming people by their profession if that’s their only role in the script.Example:WAITRESS,SECURITYGUARD,FLIGHTATTENDANT,etc.Note,becausethatisthe“name”you’regivingthem,it’sstillcapitalized

whenfirstintroducedintothescript.

FilmMeansNeverHavingtoSay“Hello”

Becauseaplay isoften limited tooneor two fixedsets,charactersareforcedto“enter”and“exit.”Butthebeautyoffilmisthatyoudon’thavetoslow down your sceneswith people arriving, greeting, getting situated,etc. Nor do you have to exchange the kinds of pleasantries leaving a

scenethatyoumighthavetoinreallife.Forget“I’llseeyoulater”asthecharacterwalksout.Justcutoutofthescene!

IKillReceptionists

Assomeonewho’sreadthousandsofscripts,“IKillReceptionists”couldeasily be the title of my autobiography. Why? Because, in script afterscript,Istrikemyredpenthroughthescenewherethereceptionisthelpsthemain charactermakeanappointment.Or theonewhere she says,“Youcan’tgointhere!”There’s also a special graveyard for all of the waiters who’ve taken

valuable screen time (andminutes ofmy own life)writing down dinnerordersinscenes.Cut!Anddon’tgetmestartedonnurseswhoexistsimplytobringthedoctor

tothepatient.“Dr.So-and-sowillseeyounow.”Redpen!Sokillyourownreceptionist.You’llbegladyoudid.

AndThatRemindsMe

“Bytheway.”“Speakingof.”“Thatremindsme...”Do you see a lot of those kinds of phrases in your script?Consider

thosetoberedflagsthatyouaregoingontoolonginyourdialogue.Cutwhateverwassaidafterthosephrasesandbringupthesubjectyouweregoingtoaddressinanewscene.

Yeah,So,andWell

“Well,thefirstthingtodoisfindDr.Mars.”“Yeah.He’llknowwheretheformulais.”“So,howdowegettohim?”Canyouhearhowawfulthatsounds?Unlessyou’rewritingthesequel

toScoobyDoo,editthesewordsout!

SayMyName!

Actually,don’t.Whencharactersconstantlyaddressothercharactersbyname,itstartstosoundartificial.“Michael,I’vebeenmeaningtotellyousomething.”“Susan,whatisit?”

“I’vebeenseeingsomeoneelse,Michael.”Runthroughyourdialogueandseeifyou’reguiltyofthis.Sometimes,

it’sanaturalhabittofallintowhenyou’retryingtoputemphasisonaline.It’salsooneoftheeasiesteditstomake.

GoodNews,BadNews

When it comes to bad news, our own imagination is the best writer.Rather thanhaveacharacter react tonewsofa tragedy,cut thescenebeforethatcharactercansayanything.Ourimaginationwillfillintherest.

CuttheScore

I’mvery,verysorrytohavetosaythis.But“scoring”yourmoviedistractsandtakesusoutoftheread.Thinkaboutitthisway.Ifsomethingreallygreatorreallyawfulhappenedinyourownlife,wouldn’tyoubeannoyedifmusicsuddenlystarted toplay fromnowhere?That’show the readerfeelswhenasong“playsover”ascene.Thegoodnewsisthatyoucanbespecificaboutmusicwhenitcomes

froma source. If a character singing “IWill Survive” at a karaoke clubactuallymoves the story, then fine, write it in. Though prepare for thatsongtopossiblybereplacedwithanother if theproducerscan’tget therightstoit.(“HitMeWithYourBestShot”maybe?)

TAKETEN:EDITTHESMALLSTUFF

Taketenminutesandeditinoneormoreofthefollowingways:1.Renameminorcharactersusingtheirprofessions.2.Cutcharacterentrancesandexits.3.Editoutminorcharacterswhostealscenetime:Receptionists,waiters,nurses,etc.4.Lookforawkwardseguephraseslike“thatremindsme”and“speakingof.”Thencutthedialogue

thatfollows.5.Whereverpossible,cut“Yeah,”“So,”and“Well”fromyourdialogue.6.Editdialoguethatoverusesnamesforemphasis.7.Letourimaginationrunwildbycuttingverbalreactionstobadnews.8.Losethemusicunlessitcomesfromasource.


You’vemadeyourscript“reader-proof.”

TEN-MINUTECHAPTERREVIEW:THEFINALEDIT

1.Editscenes,workingaroundtheSTORY,theJOKE,andWHATHASTOBESHOWN.

2.ReplacewordsinordertobetruertoyourGENRE.

3.LINEEDITforacleanerread.

4.EdittopsandbottomsofscenestoCOMEINLATEandLEAVEEARLY.

5. Edit the small stuff like overuse of NAMES, PHRASES and MINOR CHARACTERS,unnecessaryVERBALREACTIONS,andMUSICthatdoesn’tcomefromasource.

CHAPTER10

ThePresentation

You thought you only had ten minutes. But in those stolen ten-minutechunksoftime,youactuallyfinishedyourscreenplay.Youstartedwithanidea.Youbuilt it intoanoutline.Youroughed itout,wrote the firstdraftand then rewrote it!Thestory iswell thoughtout.Thecharactershavedepth.Thescenesmovethestoryalong.Thepageshaveemotion.Thereadisclean.Untilanexecutiveorproduceractuallypaysyoutodoanotherrewrite,

you’re finished screenwriting. Congratulations! Celebrate by taking tenminutes to do something human for a change— like clip your nails orhugyourspouse.

PrintandBind

Doneclippingandhugging?Good.Backtowork.After all, you have this screenplay that you must now show to the

world.Prettyitup!

TAKETEN:MAKEYOURSCRIPTPRESENTABLE1.Yourscriptshouldbewrittenin12-pointCourierfont.Ifitisnot,changeitnow.2.Writeatitlepagewiththetitleinthemiddle,yournameunderneathit,andcontactinformationon

thebottomrightside.Resistalltemptationtoaddcutefontsorillustrations.3.Putaplaincardstockcoveronyourscreenplay.Addtwobradswithfasteners,preferablyAcco#5

brads(oneatthetopandoneatthebottom,nobradinthemiddlehole).


Thescriptlooksreal.Youcanparadeitaround.Youcangetyourpicturetakenwithit.Youcanevensellitfor$250,000against$1,000,000.

ProtectYourMaterial

All of your stolen ten minutes of work time might be for nothing ifsomeoneactuallyuseshistentostealyourscript.

So, take an additional ten minutes to register and copyright. Anddefinitelydoboth.RegisteringwiththeWritersGuildisamust,butitonlyprovides a paper trail of evidence, whereas copyright legally protectsyourwords.

TAKETEN:REGISTERYOURSCRIPT

Gotowww.wga.organdregisteronline,orbydownloadingtheforms.

TAKETEN:COPYRIGHTYOURSCRIPT

Gotowww.copyright.govanddownloadtheforms.


Peaceofmind.

PitchYourScript

I’mgladyou took those tenminutes tocelebrate,becauseyou’re reallygoingtohavetodosomeworknow.Anyworkingscreenwriterwilltellyouthat writing the script is just the beginning. Now you have to convinceotherstoreadit.Andthatoftenstartswithashortpitch.Youthoughtthattenminuteswasashortamountoftimetowriteyour

script.Trypitchingitinone.Whyoneminute?Becausethat’sallthetimethe producer has at that moment. He’s riding in an elevator with you.She’sonherwaytolunch.He’sgotanagenttomeet.She’sabouttogointoadevelopmentmeeting.You’vegotoneminute,andoneminuteonly,togettheirattentionandconvincethemtoreadyourmaterial.So, you need to create aminute pitch for your screenplay: a short,

telephone-friendly,verbalsynopsisofyourstoryanditssellingpoints.Tohelpyou,I’vecreatedaminutepitchtemplate—and,thoughwe’re

going togo through it element-by-element, it’s reallyonlygoing to taketenminutesto fillout.Thetemplatewillalsogetyoubackontrackwiththebig-picture issues, remindingyouof themainconceptofyourscriptandrecommittingyoutoyourstory.I’ve broken the template you’re going to use into the separate

elements.Let’staketenmoreminutestolookatthem:

Rememberthatloglinefromtheearlypages?Well,nowthatyoureallyknowwhatyourscriptislike,honeituntilitfeelsjustrighttoyou.You can “what if” if youwant. Or just leadwith “my script is about.”

Howeveryoupresentyourlogline,rememberthatit’sthemostimportantpartofthepitch.Thelistenermaycutyouoff,saying“I’llbuyit”or“Ihateit,”basedonthatonesentencealone.Nopressureoranything.

The branding process begins with your title. Putting a title into aproducer’shead isoneof thefirststeps inpaintingthepicture. IWasaTeenageWerewolf tells you a lot about a movie. AndBlood Diamondsuggestsaspecifictone.Beingspecificabout thegenreaddscolor to thatpainting.Yourscript

isn’t just a thriller; it’s a psychological thriller or, perhaps, a courtroomthriller.

Comparing your script to another project helps bring out genre andtone. Producers often want to get an immediate sense of the kind ofproject you’re pitching. You don’t have to compare your project to onethat’ssimilarinpremise,justinitsmood,scope,orlook.Someexamples:TheSixthSenseisintheveinofRosemary’sBaby.OldSchoolisintheveinofAnimalHouse.GardenStateisintheveinofTheGraduate.TheBourneIdentityisintheveinofThreeDaysoftheCondor.

Why two characters? To give the main character someone to relatewithandtosuggestsubplotsandB-storiesthatyoumightnototherwisehavetimetopitch.Ifyoudescribeahard-nosedcopandahookerwithaheartofgold,for

example, that pairing alone will suggest career conflict and romanticproblems.Inyourpitch,don’tjustnamethecharacters;describethem:

Method1:Flawplusoccupation.ThelmaandLouisebecome...Afeistywaitressandaput-uponhousewife.

Method2:Allflaw.HarryandSallybecome...Achauvinisticloudmouthandaprissyknow-it-all.

Method3:Usetheirissues.ColeandMalcolmbecome...Aboywhocommunicateswithspiritsandadisheartenedpsychologist.

Method4:Bringinbackstory.ColeandMalcolmbecome...Apsychologistshotbyapatient,andaboyhauntedbyghosts.

Inthecaseofanensembleofcharacters,treatthemasonecharacterinasituation:

Agroupofcollegefriends,nowhardenedbylife.(TheBigChill)

Anaginggroupofoutlaws.(TheWildBunch)

Asyouknowfromwriting,charactersinmoviesandTVdon’tjustthinkand feel, theyplotandact.Thesecondactof themovie isyourmovie,andtheproducersyou’repitchingtoareawareof that.They’re listeningfor theverbs.Whatareyourcharactersactuallydoing in themovieandhowaretheydoingit?InDieHard,JohnMcClanedoesn’tjustrescuehostages,helaunches

aone-manwar.InSideways, Miles and Jack don’t travel wine country, they turn a

Californiawinetourintoabachelor-partyweekend.Ocean’s Eleven doesn’t just show eleven guys robbing a casino. It

followsa slick con-man and ten talented accomplices as they robthreeLasVegascasinosatonetime.ErinBrockovichfollowsthejourneyofanunappreciatedsinglemother

assheinvestigatesasuspiciousreal-estatecaseanddiscoversthatit’sacover-uptobuylandcontaminatedbyadeadly,toxicwaste.Words like“investigate”and“discover”makethesecondact feel truly

activewhileleavingoutunnecessarysetupdetails.

Now thatyou’venailed thesecond-actactivityanddrawn the listenerintothestory,youneedtoshakeitupabit.Youriskboringpeople,evenin this short time, unless you imply that a new complication comesaround.Dependingonwhatpitchesbetter, thiscouldbe thecomplication that

comesatthemidpointofyourscriptorattheendofyoursecondact.How to find your complication? As we discussed earlier, the big

complicationofthemovieisusuallyantagonist-driven:ProblemsoccurwhenadarkartsteacherattemptstodestroyHarry

by using his knowledge of Harry’s past against him. (Harry PotterandtheSorcerer’sStone)Butcomplicationcanalsobecausedbyanevent,agroupofevents,or

theflawofthemaincharacter.

Describing the third-actstrategygivesasenseofnewurgencyat theendofyourpitch.You’redescribingsomethingourmaincharacterhastodothatreminds

us of the stakes. It also leaves us wanting answers that can only befoundifwerequestthescript!Now they must visit the ghosts at the scene of their deaths to

determinewhattheywantfromCole.(TheSixthSense)Nowtheymustmurdertheirson’smurdererorfeeltorturedbyhis

freedomfortherestoftheirlives.(InTheBedroom)Nowhemuststopherfrommarryingthewrongmanbeforeit’stoo

late.(TheGraduate,FourWeddingsandAFuneral,Shrek)

•TALKINGPOINTSTheremainingelements inyourminute-pitchtemplatearetalkingpointsthatwillhelpyoustressthecommercialpossibilitiesofyourprojectonceyou’re donepitching the story.Use them to answer questions from theproducer,ortokeepsellingyourprojectifsheseemstowantmore.

At this point, just in case there are any doubts as to the project’sappeal, you bring home what’s truly unique about the project. Yourapproach is your unique stamp; how you’ll be telling this story in adifferentway.Itcouldbeacinematictechnique.Thismovie isunlikeany in itsgenrebecauseof themixtureof live

actionandCGI.(Avatar)Thismovie isunlikeany in itsgenrebecauseof thewaycharacters

experienceanemotionalbreakthroughbymorphingfromblack-and-whitetocolor.(Pleasantville)Itcouldbethatyou’rebreakingtherulesofstructure inan interesting

way:Thismovie isunlikeany in itsgenrebecause it’s toldbackward, from

finalrevealtoinitialmotivation.(Memento)

This is your opportunity to tell the listener that your script is aboutbiggerthings—thatitdeliversamessageaswellasabigconcept:Audienceswillrespondtothewaythateducationhelpsapregnant

teenagerovercomeadversity.(Precious)Audiences will respond to one man’s courage to risk it all and

challengecorporateAmericabytellingthetruth.(TheInsider)

Thefinalelementofyourpitchisonethat’sgoingtoleavethelistenerwithapictureinhishead.Andit’sgoingtobeanimageorideathat’ssocompelling thathe’llhave toask for thescriptor foreverbehauntedbythememoryofyourincrediblescene!Focusonauniquesetpieceordescribeone image that tellsagreat

story.Themother’slegsbuckleasaservicemantellsherthatthreeof

hersonshavebeenkilledinthewar.(SavingPrivateRyan)TwohitmencasuallytalkaboutFranceandfootmassagesbefore

busting down the door of a group of unsuspecting victims. (PulpFiction)Asecret agent rappelssilentlydownward inmidair soasnot to

activatethealarmsystem.Thenhisknifefalls.(Mission:Impossible)Arowdy fratguypretendshe’sahumanzitand thenmaniacally

startsafoodfight.(AnimalHouse)While you don’t want to get overly detailed with the other elements,

when it comes to these trailermoments, thesmallerdetailsmatter.Forexample:Audienceswon’tjustlovethebattlescene;they’lllovethebattlesceneusingcreampies.Asyoucansee,theelementsinashortpitcharethesameelements

necessary tomakeascriptgreat.Next timeyouwriteascript,youcanevenusethistemplatebeforeyouwriteinordertomakedecisionsaboutyourstory,writingapproach,andspecialscenes.

TAKETEN:THEMINUTEPITCH


Preparetohear:“Sendmethescriptimmediately!”

Thisisapitchthat’sperfecttousethenexttimeyou’vecorneredyourdreamproduceratacocktailparty,finallygottenthatagent’sassistantonthephone,orbeenbroughtinforthatstudiomeetingandtheyask,“Whatelsehaveyougot?”Sowriteitdown,taketenminutestomemorizeit,practiceitforanother

ten, and be prepared to pitch it whenever and wherever there’sopportunity.

InYourOwnWords

Though I’ve given you a template to follow, it’s important that you useyour ownwords and find your own voice. You’ve used the template tomake decisions about the major elements within your pitch, so don’tworryabout looseningupthe language,combiningelements,ormovingthem around. One of my favorite writers, Nick Johnson, filled out the

minute-pitchtemplateforhisscript,Nothin’ButAParty.Itread:

Whatifagroupofteensreallydidhavetofightfortheirrighttoparty?

Nothin’ButAPartyisateensexrompintheveinofSuperbadmeetsSixteenCandlesmeetsRock‘n’RollHighSchool.

ItfollowsRyanandhisgangoftrouble-seekingpalsastheyattempttothrowtheperfect

housepartyinordertohelpRyangethiswould-begirlfriend,Lisa,backinthemoodfor

love.

Problems occur when Lisa decides to go to the party with someone else and local

authoritiesdeclareall-outwarongoodtimes.

NowRyanmustprovehisloveandwinLisabackbeforethecopsbustinandputanendto

themostgloriousbashthetownhaseverseen.

Thismovieisunlikeanyinitsgenrebecauseitharkensbacktotheteenpartycomedies

ofthe‘80swithitshilariousandaffectionateportrayalofteenlifeandlove.

Audienceswillrespondtotheover-the-tophumorandcolorfulcharactersaswellasRyan

andLisa’sawkwardteenromance.

And they’ll love scenes such as the climactic sequence in which an LSD-crazed police

officer breaks up the house party by using tear gas and non-lethal rounds on the

rebelliousrevelers.

Asyoucansee,alloftheelementsarehere.Butthepitchwasmissingtheenergyoftheactualparty.So,Iencouragedhimtoreordersomeofthestatements.Theresultwasthis:

Nothin’ButAParty:

Whenyoureallydohaveto“fightforyourright.”

Sixteen-yearoldRyanalmostgetstothirdbasewithhisgirlfriend,Lisa,when...the

copsarecalledandthepartythey’reatisbrokenup!Now,hemustrecreatetheperfect

housepartyinordertogetherbackinthemoodforlove.

Thejobseemseasyenough:Getthemusic,thevenue,thebooze,andthecrowd.Butwhen

Ryan’sonlymusicalchoiceisemo,hishouseisareal-estatemodelhome,andhisalcohol

connectionisexperiencingacidflashbacks,thetaskgetsalittlebitcomplicated.

Ultimately,RyanmustprovehisloveandwinLisabackbeforethecopsbustinandputan

endtothemostgloriousbashthetownhaseverseen.

Edgyandaffectionate,Nothin’ButAPartyisahilariouslookatteenlifeandlovethatharkensbacktotheteenpartycomediesoftheeighties.ThinkSixteenCandlesandRock‘n’RollHighSchoolwithatouchofSuperbad.

TAKETEN:

PITCHINYOUROWNWORDS

Rewordyourpitchtemplatebyfollowingoneofthesuggestionsbelow,ormixingandmatchingtheelementsasbestsuitsyou:

1.Leadwiththestakes.2.Teasewiththecommercialappeal.3.Builduptothelogline(butDOgetthere).4.Startwithcharacter.5.Endwithtitle.


You’vemadeyourpitchabitlessscriptedandawholelotmore“you.”

ThePersonalPitch

Almostmoreimportantthanbeingabletopitchyourmovieideaisbeingabletopitchyourself.Whenaproducerbuysascript,they’reinvestinginarelationshipthatcouldgoonforyears.So,it’simportantforthemtofeelateasewhentheymeetyou.Whentheyleavethemeeting,theyneedtobelieve that you’re someone who’s got a great script and is easy andinterestingtoworkwith.

Icebreaker

Your intuitivenatureasawriter—yourability toobservesurroundingsand empathize with characters — will serve you well when meetingsomeone for the first time. Throughout this book, I’ve asked you toconsiderstoryfromanothercharacter’spointofview.Inameetingwithanewperson,youcandothesamething.What’sthemanageroragent’s“movie?” What “scene” is he in the middle of? Does he lookoverwhelmed?Issheclearlybusyoronthetailendofsomethingbig?Tryoutanempatheticstatement, then, tobreak the ice—something

thatsuggestsyou“get”what’sgoingonwithyourlistener.Iwatchedonewriterearnasmile fromaproduceratapitch festwhenshe joked thatshe was “writer number 356” then added “you must be exhausted!”Having opened with that “I get you” icebreaker, the writer helped theproducer to relax for aminute andmade her thatmuchmore open tohearing the pitch.Of course, not every listener is the same, and you’llneedtokeepyoureyesandearsopenforthatopeninglinethatwillbest

drawherin.Buthavingabriefconversationalmoment,evenonelinetoestablishahumanconnection,isaverygoodstart.

FindYourPersonalHook

“So, tell me about yourself.” Great, the producer wants to know aboutyou.Doyougoback tochildhoodand tellhimevery fascinatingdetail?No,youdonot. Instead,you log line.Notyourstory;you!Youcreatealog lineofyourself, focusingonthe“hook”ofyouandthehighsofyourlife.Here’sone:

Ascriptreadforafriendcatapultsaslackersandwichgirlintoajobatamajorstudio

andacareerteachingscreenwriting.

That’s me ... spun. But, yeah, I really was an over-educated andunderemployedtwenty-something,sellingsandwichesoutofacartwhena friend asked me to read a script for a production company. And acareer as a studio reader, consultant, teacher, and lecturer eventuallyfollowed.That’smystory,builtaround itshookand itshighpoints.Andcreatinga log lineofmyselfhelpedmecommunicatethat toyou inonesentence.

ExpressYourPassion

Your jobwith apersonal pitch is not only to get someone interested inyou, it’s tosegue them into talkingabout yourwork.Agreatway todobothistousetheloglineofyourlifetotalkabouttheinspirationforyourproject. In this way, the listener gets more insight into you and getsinterestedintheprojectyou’reabouttopitch.Let’ssayIwantedtoseguefromtalkingaboutmyselfintodiscussionofascript.Icouldsay:

Infact,itwasthisradicalchangeinmylifefromservicepersontoscriptanalystthat

mademethinkaboutthewaysourlivescanchangeinaninstant,andultimatelyledmeto

writemyscript,ChangeofHeart.

Sneaky,huh?Iexpressedapassionformywork,butalsogotthattitleonthetable!(I’mnotactuallywritingthisscript;so,it’sallyours.)

DelivertheBigIdea

You’ve drawn them in and opened up the floodgates, so now you can

launch into thepitchof yourproject. Include theelementsdiscussed intheminutepitchandproceedtowowthem.

TAKETEN:CREATEAPERSONALPITCH

Craftapersonalpitchthatfollowsthefollowingsteps:1.ICEBREAKER:Empatheticstatementthatcreatesapersonalconnection.2.PERSONALHOOK:Createaloglineofyourselfinordertobrieflyshowoffthe“highs”ofyour

lifeandthe“hook”ofyou.3.YOURPASSION:Easethelistenerintoadiscussionofyourscriptbytalkingabouthowyourown

lifeinspiredyourcurrentstory.4.THEBIGIDEA:Use thediscussionof inspiration tosegueyou into the loglineofyourmovie.

Thenproceedwiththeminutepitch.


You’veloweredthedefensesofyourlistener,madeaconnection,andspikedaninterestinyouandyourproject.

MarketingMaterials

If I had my druthers, all a writer would need to get her script noticedwould be the words on the page. But there’s a lot of competition outthere,soit’snotabadideatohaveanarsenalofothermaterialstohelpmarket and promote your work. Before I elaborate more, here’s arundownofsometerms:

TEN-MINUTELECTURE:

PITCH,QUERY,ONE-SHEET...ANDMORE

ASHORTPITCHbrieflydescribesyourstoryanditsappeal,whettingtheappetiteofthelistenerandencouragingthemtoreadyourscript.AQUERYLETTERisalettermostoftensenttoAGENTSandMANAGERSthatrequeststheyconsideryouandyourscriptforrepresentation.APITCHFESTbringsproducers,representationandwriterstogether,allowingawritertobrieflypitchhismaterial.AONE-SHEETisamini-posterofamoviethatcanserveasavisualaidduringashortpitch.ThisisnottobeconfusedwithaONE-PAGESYNOPSIS,whichisapage-long,beat-by-beatsynopsisofyourmovie.

PLEASENOTE:Thesearemarketingmaterialsonly.Onceascriptisrequestedbyaproducerorrepresentation,itshouldbesubmittedunaccompaniedbyanyadditionalmaterial.

ENDOFLECTURE

TheQueryLetter

Someagentsandmanagersfindnewwritersviaquerylettersandsomedonot.Still,somewhereinyourcommunicationwithaninterestedparty,you’regoingtoneedtointroduceyourselfandyourworkinletterform.Soit’sgoodtotaketenminutestowriteonedown.Thegreatpartisthat,ifyouwerefollowingalongwiththeminutepitch

andthepersonalpitch,you’vealreadywrittenone!

TAKETEN:WRITEAQUERY

Writeaqueryletterthatincorporatesinformationaboutyouandyourproject.

LEADWITHTHEPERSONALPITCH:IcebreakerPersonalhookYourpassionThebigidea

CONTINUEWITHTHEMINUTEPITCHFORPLOTPOINTS:ConceptTitleGenreComparisonDescriptionofcharactersSecond-actactivityComplicationThird-actstrategy

CONTINUEWITHTHEMINUTEPITCHFORSELLINGPOINTS:UniqueapproachThemeTrailermoment

ENDWITHASIGN-OFFANDPERSONALINFORMATION:RequestforascriptreadYourcontactinformationThankyou


You’vecreatedacoverletterorquerythatsellsbothyouandyourscriptandconvincesanagent,manager

orproducertomeetwithyouorrequestyourmaterial.

TheOne-PageSynopsis

Onceyouhaveherattention,anagentormanagermayask foraone-pagesynopsisofyourscreenplay.Thisisawayoffindingoutevenmoreaboutyourprojectwithouthaving to read thewhole thing. It’salsoyouropportunitytogiveherafewextradetailsthatwillhelppushthesale.If you’re overwhelmed with the idea of synopsizing your entire

screenplay, just go back to the earlier tools in this book. The BRIEFSYNOPSIS,BEDTIMESTORYTEMPLATEorBEATSHEETareeasilytranslated intoasummary.Justglue thebeats togetherwithwords thatcreateanarrativeflow.

TAKETEN:ONE-PAGESYNOPSISTIPS

Whenwritingaone-pagesynopsis,keepinmindthefollowingpoints:

1.KEEPYOURFIRSTACTSHORTDon’tdwellonsetup.Jumpintothemaincharacter’sproblem.

2.WEAVECHARACTERSINTOTHESTORYDon’tintroducetheminoneblock.Instead,workthemintothesynopsisastheyactuallyaffectthestory.

3.GUIDETHEREADEREMOTIONALLYDescribeanemotionthattriggersamajoraction.Sumupaplot-heavyparagraphbyemphasizingthepersonaleffectithasonthemaincharacter.

4.DON’TCHEATTHEENDINGDescribeatleastonemomentthattriggersthereveal,oraclevermovethathelpssolvetheproblem.


Younowhaveabeat-by-beat,one-pagesynopsisthatcanbepulledoutwheneverneeded.You’vesavedyourpotentialbuyerpreciousreadingtime.

TheOne-sheet

Theone-sheetissimplyamini-posterforyourmovie.Itoftenincludesatagline,aone-sentenceteaserforthethemeorstory.

TagLineExamples:

“Manhasmadehismatch...nowit’shisproblem.”–BladeRunner

“Somebodysaidgetalife...sotheydid.”–Thelma&Louise

“Sometimesyouhavetogohalfwayaroundtheworldtocomefullcircle.”–LostinTranslation

A one-sheet can also include the kind of image that you’d see on aposter itself. If you’re going to include one, though,make it look cleanand professional. You do yourmovie a disservice by cobbling togetheranythingless.Addtoyourone-sheeta loglineorbriefsynopsis.And,whateveryou

do, make sure your contact information is on there as well. Put theelementstogetherandyourone-sheetisfinished.

TAKETEN:CREATEAONE-SHEET

Createaone-sheet(mini-poster)byfollowingthestepsbelow.Notethatyoudonothavetoincludeanimageifyoudon’twantto.

1.HIGHLIGHTTHETITLE2.ADDATAGLINE3.FEATUREANIMAGE4.INCLUDEALOGLINEORBRIEFSYNOPSIS5.CONCLUDEWITHCONTACTINFORMATION


You’vecreatedaone-pagesellingtoolthat’saperfect“leavebehind”whenattendingpitchfestsorconferences.

CreateaBlogorWebsite

Thoughit’saninvestmentanditcertainlytakesmorethantenminutestocreate, awebsite that showcases you and your script can be a terrificmarketingtool.Itshouldincludeyourwritingbiography,loglinesandone-sheets, and your contact information. You could also consider addingmusicandvisualsthatconveytheworldofyourscript.I’m a little more hesitant about blogging, but a well-written blog

certainlyshowsoffyourvoiceandpointofview.Ifthisisajournalofyouradventures inwriting,youcouldgeta reader interestedenough inyour

processtowanttoreadyourscript.Ontheotherhand,becarefulaboutbeing overly snide about “the business.” Don’t bite the hand before itfeedsyou.

TEN-MINUTECHAPTERREVIEW:THEPRESENTATION

1.PRINTandBINDyourscriptusingthecorrectfont,cover,andfasteners.

2.DevelopaSHORTPITCHforyourprojectbyworkingaroundthemajorelementsofyourscript’sSTORYandAPPEAL.

3. Develop a PERSONAL PITCH by creating a log line of yourself and expressing yourINSPIRATIONfortheproject.

4.WriteaQUERYLETTERbycombiningtheminutepitchwiththepersonalpitch.

5.WriteaONE-PAGESYNOPSISbyworkingwithearlierstorytellingtoolssuchastheBriefSynopsis,BedtimeStoryTemplate,orBeatSheet.

6.WriteaONE-SHEETthatincorporatesaTAGLINE,logline,briefsynopsis,image,andcontactinformation.

7.SetupaWEBSITEthatincludesyourone-sheet,loglines,andwritingbio.

CHAPTER11

TheOpportunity

At one point, I was going to call this chapter “The Sale.” “The Sale,”however,isnotandshouldnotbethebrassringafteryouwriteascript.Yes,itwouldbewonderfulifitsoldoutrightforalotofmoney,butitwouldalso be wonderful if it turned out to be a terrific writing sample thatlaunchedyourcareerrewritingoradaptingexistingmaterial.Anditwouldalsobeprettyterrificifyourscriptearnedyouastaff-writerpositiononatelevisionshow.Howgreatwould itbe if thiswasthescript thatgot theattention of an independent producer or became the script you filmedyourself, showcasing your talents as both a writer and director? Orperhaps it’s the script that you break up into webisodes that gets younoticedasanew-mediawriter.Opportunityiswhatwe’regoingtofocusoninthischapter.You’vegot

thescript.Nowyouneedthebreak.Therearesomanydifferent“players”intheindustry,though.It’llhelpto

knowwhattheirroleis.

TEN-MINUTELECTURE:

AGENTS,MANAGERS,LAWYERS,andPRODUCERS

MANAGERSmanageawriter’scareer,helpingdevelopthewriter’sscriptsandmakingrelationshipsforthewriter,includinggettingthemtherightagent.Theytake15%.AnAGENTnegotiatesthedealonaparticularscriptandhasalicensetodoso(amanagerdoesnot).Shetakes10%.Whenanagentisnotinvolved,however,anENTERTAINMENTATTORNEYcanalsohandlethecontract.Heoftentakes5%.Onceanagentormanagerisactingasrepresentative,he’lltryandgetawriter’sscriptintothehandsofaPRODUCTIONCOMPANY,whichwillthenbringittoaSTUDIOinordertogetitmade.AnINDEPENDENTPRODUCERcoulddesiretomakeitwithoutastudio,whichmeansthatshe’llarrangefinancing,gettalentattached,etc.Inthatcase,thatproducerwillusuallyOPTIONyourscript,payingyoutoletherholdontothescriptforalimitedtimewhileshetriestosetitup.Ifshefailstodosobeforetheoptionrunsout,itgoesbackintoyourhands.

ENDOFLECTURE

Networking

Your script doesn’t exist in a bubble and, in the previous chapter, wefocusedonthematerialsyoumayneedtohelppushitoutintotheworld.Once you feel it’swhere youwant it, you should doeverything in yourpowertogetitintothehandsofanagent,manager,orproducer.Howdoyoudothat?IwishIhadjusttherightanswertothatquestion.

But it wouldn’t hurt to startmaking asmany friends as possible, a.k.a.networking.It’s a small world, and everyone in Hollywood is connected in some

way.Evenyou.Don’t thinkso?Onceyouputpen topaperand remindyourselfofwhoyouknowandwho they know, you’regoing to feel likeyoucouldrunastudio.Sowriteitdown!

PeopleYouKnow

Alumni, friends, the cousin who goes to the right parties, that agent’sassistant who you always see at the coffee shop, that dentist whobragged that his son ranHBO. You’ve gotmore connections than youthink.I currently host a podcastwhere I interview successfulwriters in the

industry. Every one of them has a “big break” story that’s entirelyunexpected.Onewritermetaproducerattheirkids’preschool.AnotherwriterhiredacommercialdirectorathisadagencyandthenpackedupwithhimandwenttoHollywood.Anotherwriterstartedinthebusinessbydelivering ThighMasters while working as a production assistant forSuzanne Somers’ talk show. Take it from a former sandwich girl –opportunity is right around the corner. You just never know who youknow.

PeopleTheyKnow

Yourcontact listmay lookweakon industrycontacts,untilyouplay the“twodegrees” game.Bywritingdown theacquaintancesor relativesofthepeoplethatyourfriendsknow,you’llrealizethatyou’reonlyonebeatawayfrommakinganimportantrelationship.

EstablishContact

This is thepartwhereyou’regoing tohave todosome legwork.Go to

thatalumnimixerandreacquaintyourselfwithyourclassmates.Getthatteethcleaningyou’vebeenputtingoff.Becomeyourcousin’s“friend”onFacebook.You’veprobablymeanttodothesethingsanyway.Andwhileyou’redoingthesethings,makeagenuineconnection.There’sonlygoodin this.Even ifall yougetoutof theexperience isashinysmileandareconnectionwithfamily,you’llstillbehappierandahead.

AskforaFavor

Goahead.Ask.Butmakesureit’sonefavor,andmakesureit’stherightone.Askingyourdentisttoreadyourscriptisn’tgoingtohelpyouinanyway.Butit’sreasonabletoaskifyoucouldusehisnamewhencontactinghisbig-shot son.Anamealone isapreciouscommodity. It couldopenthedoor.

TracktheResult

Afteryou’vemadeaconnectionand/oraskeda favor,keeptrackof theoutcome.Whodidyoutalk toandwhatdidtheysay?You’llneedthesefactsonhandsothatyoucanmaketheproperfollow-upcalllaterifyouneedtoremindsomeonetoreadthescriptorjustwanttosay“thankyou”totheassistantwhoconnectedyouwithherboss.I encourage any writer who pitches at a pitch fest, for example, to

createadatabaseofwho they talked toandwhatwassaidabout theiridea.Thatway,ifaconnectionismadeorascriptisrequested,thewritercanremindtheirnewcontactthatthey“lovedtheenergyandthesurpriseending,” or that they “responded to the lonely truck-driving maincharacter.”Keepingadatabaseofoutcome,even if it’sanegativeone,willalsohelp if youever feelyourscripthasbeen takenoryourwordsusedwithoutyourpermission.

TAKETEN:CREATEACONTACTLIST

Discoverandconnectwithyourcontactsbymakingthefollowinglist:


Yourchecklisthashelpedyoutorealizejusthowconnectedyouareandtomakeaplanformovingaheadinyourcareer.

ConferencesandPitchFests

Therearealotofconferencesandpitchfestsoutthere,andtheyallhavedifferentpersonalities.Pickyoursbydeterminingyouragendagoingin.Isit topitch toaparticularcompany?Is it toconnectwithacommunityofwriters?Isittolearnmoreaboutthefilmbusinessbytakingclasses?Broadgoals,like“sellmyscript,”shouldbereconsidered.Ifproducers

andagentsareataconference,they’retheretomeetnewfaces,seeiftheysparktoanewidea,andgeneratenewsubmissions.Amorerealisticgoalmightbeto“makearelationship.”Rememberthat

one genuine relationship — that one person who “gets” you and ispassionateaboutyourwork—canmakeallthedifference.

TAKETEN:CONFERENCEANDPITCHFESTDATABASE

Makealistofeventsthatinterestyou.Thenusethislisttotrackyourgoalsgoinginandyourachievementscomingout.


Yousetrealisticgoalsatanetworkingevent,andyoumetthem.You’reonestepclosertoawritingcareer.

VirtualPitchFestsandOnlineOpportunities

Don’t live in Los Angeles? Can’t afford to fly to a pitch fest? Ascommunicationbecomesmore“virtual”viae-mailandtexting,theplayingfieldlevelsfortheout-of-townwriter.Therearealsoamultitudeofonlineresources to help you learn, track industry news, network, and pitch:imdbpro.com, virtualpitchfest.com, zoetrope.com, moviebytes.com,donedealpro.com, inktip.com, theartfulwriter.comand trackingb.com justforstarters.

SocialNetworking

SocialnetworkingsiteslikeFacebookandMySpacebreakdownbarriersand allow even the biggest hotshot to become your “friend.” But docompartmentalize. Create separate accounts, wherever possible, thatdistinguishyoureverydaylifefromyourwritinglife.Yournew“friend”maybetheheadofNBC,butdoyoureallywanthimtoseeyourembarrassingphotosfromyourlastparty?

FollowUp

It’s a scary thing to do, but you have to do it. Haven’t heard anythingsince that producer requested your script? If two weeks have passed,send her a quick e-mail acknowledging her busy schedule, but also

reminding her that she has your script and you’d love to know herreaction.Two weeks later, let her know about some of the other positive

responsesyou’vebeengettingandemphasizethatyou’reexcitedtogetherthoughtsaswell.Twoweekslater,chatupherassistantandaskherifshecouldsenda

gentleremindertheproducer’sway.Onlygiveupwhenyou’retoldthatyoushould.Butalsobecarefulthat

youdon’tbullyorwhine.Whenindustrypeopletellyouthatthey’rebusy,theymeanit.Atthesametime,don’tputyourcareeronholdwaitingforthem.Keepcastingyournet!

NewMedia

Thereisnogreateropportunityintheentertainmentindustrythancanbefound in the wide-open and somewhat untamed world of new media.Productioncompanies,agenciesandstudiosaredevelopingnew-mediadivisions at a rapid pace and regularly combing the Internet forundiscoveredtalent.Atalentedclientofmine,MikeMaden,hadaterrificfeaturescriptbut

washavingahardtimegettingtheattentionofrepresentation.Oneday,he toldme thathehad togo toTexasbecausehewasgoing to shoot“somethingfortheInternet.”Inlessthantwoweeks,heandhisproducingpartnerhadcreatedtenepisodesofaWebseriesMikehadwrittencalledPink:TheSeries.Theyput itonYouTube,and itquicklyearnedoveramillion hits. The public interest got both of them signed with a majoragency.Thatagencyhelpedthemgetfinancingforthenexttenepisodes,arranged meetings all over town, and Mike’s career as a writer wasreborn with a blind TV script deal and new Web series productionagreementwithamajorstudio.

Webisodes

Webisodesare theperfectmediumfor“TheCoffeeBreakScreenwriter”becausethey’reshort,focusedstoriestoldinthreetotenminutechunksoftime.Below,you’llfindepisodenumbertwoofMike’swebisodeseries.(NOTE:CameradirectionandP.O.V.shotshavebeenwritten inas thiswasmeantforthedirectoralone.)

FADEIN:

EXT.TEXASRANCH-BACKOFTHEHOUSE-DAY(FLASHBACK)

E.C.U.Themouthofadeerriflebarrel.Ablackhole.Ominous.Devouring.

Thecameratracksalongthebarrellikeaslowcaress,startingatthefrontsight,then

upthebarrel,reachesthefrontendofthescope,alongthescopebody,thenfinallythe

rearsightofthescope.

Stopsatthecorneaofablinkingeye.Asmallone.

Aprettylittletomboy,NATE(age10).Sheliesproneinthedirt,therifleperchedin

hertinyhands.Baseballcaponbackwards.Overalls.Smackshardonamassivewadofpink

chewinggum.

Asmudgeofpinklipstickonherlittlemouth.

Shetakesadeepbreath.Stopschewing.

Atinyfingerwrapsaroundthetrigger.Dirtcakedbeneaththejaggedfingernails.

Thefingersqueezes.

BOOM!

The30-06crackslikeaboltofthunder.

500YARDSDOWNRANGE

Abloodredapple,thesizeofahumanheart...EXPLODES!

BACKINTHEDIRT

YoungNateblowsagiantpinkbubble.Itbursts.Sheresumeschewingfuriously.

Sheturns.Looksup.Smiles.Shieldshereyesfromthebrightsun.

HertoweringDADDY(30s,muscled)loomsoverher.Hisfacenothingbutashadow,thesuna

blindinghaloaroundhishead.Hewearsblackmilitaryfatigues,combatboots.Pistolon

hiship.Darksunglasses.

Shebeamswithpride.

DADDY(O.S.)Nothardtoshootatsomethingnotshootin’backatya.

Nate frowns, disappointed that she hasn’t pleased her father. Her face screws into a

determinedscowl.Sherollsbackover.Sightsupthroughthescope.

DADDY(O.S.)Ready?

NATEYessir.

500YARDSDOWNRANGE

A line of twelve apples hanging by their stems, suspended in mid air from a long pipe

attachedtotwosmallerpipes,likeasoccergoalwithoutanet.Thefrayedstringfrom

thefirstapplethatexplodedstillswingsintheair.

BACKINTHEDIRT

P.O.V.Riflescope.Apple#2issightedupinthecrosshairs.

SFX:Natesmackinggum.

DADDY(V.O.)Unleashhell.

ENDP.O.V.

Nate slaps the rifle bolt. It flips out the spent shell. She rams the bolt back home,

chamberinganewround.Shetakesadeepbreath.

P.O.V.Daddy’seyes.Heliftshishand.A.45semiautopistolpointedtowardhisprone

daughter.

ENDP.O.V.

Nate’sfingersqueezesthetrigger--

BAM!AnexplosionofdirtnexttoNate’shead.

Nateunfazed.Shesqueezesslowly--

P.O.V.Riflescope.Apple#2explodes.

ENDP.O.V.

DADDY(O.S.)Thatthebestyoucando?Faster!

Nateslamstheboltagain,loadinganotherroundasBAM!BAM!BAM!.45caliberslugsplow

intothedirtbetweenherlegs,oneithersideofhertorso,nearherhead.Shesqueezes

thetrigger--

500YARDSDOWNRANGE

Offcamera,wehearthecrackofNate’srifletenmoretimesalongwiththeearsplitting

blastofherDaddy’s.45pistolfifteenmoretimes.

At the same time, we see ten apples explode in a row. Wet shards of apple flesh sling

throughtheair.

BACKINTHEDIRT

Natestandingup.Glowingwithpride.Lefthandshieldinghereyesfromthesun.Gunslung

inthecrookofherrightarm.

OverherDaddy’sbroadshoulders,weseehersmilingface.

Daddypointsathermouth.

DADDY(V.O.)What’sthat?

E.C.U.ThesmudgeofpinklipstickonNate’smouth.

Naterealizessheforgottotakeoffherlipstickthismorning.Shequicklywipesitoff

withthebackofherhand.

NATESorry,Daddy.

She stares at the toes of her tennis shoes. Waits for Thor’s hammer to fall. This is

reallybad.

Finally--

DADDY(V.O.)Gofetch12more.

All’sforgiven?!Herfaceexplodeswithjoy.

NATEYessir!

OverDaddy’sshoulderweseeherturnandrunforthefrontporch.

DADDY(V.O.)Andhurryup!Don’twannabelateforchurch.

Hechucklestohimself.

FRONTOFTHERANCHHOUSE-SAME

Nateturnsthecorner.

Stopsdeadinhertracks.

Adarksedan.Gov’tplates.

ASCARYMANinmirroredsunglassesandacheapdarksuitstandsontheporch.Abucketof

applesathisfeet.

Hetakesamassivebiteoutofone,theapplefleshcrunchinginhisyellowedteeth.

Hechews.

SmilesatNate.

ENDWEBISODE

ScriptexcerptofPink:TheSeriescourtesyofGenerateContextLLC.2009

Thewriter has done an excellent job of telling an exciting story thatmovesquicklyanddoesn’tbreakthebank.He...USESSMALLSCREENIMAGES:Thestoryistoldinclose-upimages

suchas,“Themouthofadeerriflebarrel.”“Thecorneaofablinkingeye.”“Asmudgeofpinklipstick.”WORKSONABUDGET:Twoactors.Oneset.Cansandguns.TELLSASMALLSTORY:Wewatcha littlegirlat targetpracticewith

herdad,worriedaboutbeingcaughtwith lipstick,only tohaveabiggerproblem on her hands when she comes face-to-face with a scarygovernmentman.ADDS TO THE BIG PICTURE: The scary government man will, of

course, come back in future episodes. And, seeing how Nate wasbrought up and obtained her shooting skills also pays off later in theserieswhenit’srevealedshe’sbecomeanassassin-for-hire.KEEPSITSHORT:Eachwebisodeinthefirstseasonrunsanaverage

ofthreetofiveminutes.Keepinmindthatthiswasepisodenumbertwo.WhentheWebseries

got to play with real money, the shots grew wider, the episodes wentlongerandtheproductionvaluesgotbigger.The point, however, is that thewriter partneredwith friends to direct

anddistribute theirworkon theirownoutsideof thestudiosystem,andyoucantoo.And,ifyoudoitontheWeb,there’sagoodchanceitwillbenoticed.While the Internet is filling rapidlywith newshows, it’s still theonly place you can distribute your material for free, 24/7, to a globalaudiencethatonlycontinuestogrow.Youdon’thavetocreateanentireseries.Youcouldsimplytellashort

storyinfiveminutesandgetpeopleinterestedinyourwritingordirecting.Youcanworkinanygenre.ThecomedydistributionsiteFunnyorDie

featuresshort,funnysketchesandfilms.Youcanuseyourtechnology.ManysuccessfulWebseriesincorporate

computer technology into the story line, beginning with the main

charactereitherworkingatacomputerorvideoblogging– “vlogging”–intotheircomputer.CheckoutCTRLorTheGuildasexamples.You can keep it small. Some Web series purposely contain the

environment.LifeOnTheInsidefocusesonanagoraphobicjinglewriter.Youcanmakethelow-endproductionvaluespartofthestory.BreakA

Legisallaboutthemakingofasitcomwithnobudget.Thepointistowritesomethingthattellsaquick,tightstorywithimpact;

a filmed piece, cheaply made, that’s visual and sparks an emotionalresponse.Thenuploadandshowcaseyourtalentaroundtheworld.

TAKETEN:WRITEAWEBISODE

Useseveralten-minutechunksofwritingtimetooutlineandscriptanonlinestoryorwebisode.1.OUTLINEYOUROVERALLSERIESWhatstorydoyouwanttotell?Howmanyepisodesdoyouthinkyou’llneedtotellthatstory?2.OUTLINETHESTORYOFTHEEPISODEWhat’sthebeginning,middleandendofyourepisode?What’sthekeyemotional“tell?”What’sthescenebuttonthatpushestheseriesormakesanaudiencewanttoseeadditionalstoriesfromyou?3.WRITETHEEPISODEUseyournewwritingskillstoseehowmuchyoucanwriteasquicklyaspossible.Remembertofirstwritearoundmainintentionsandthenexpandtoaddmoredetailsandemotion.


You’vetakenpowerintoyourownhandsbycommittingtothewritingandfilmingofyourownwork.You’vealsoopenedyourselfuptonewcareerpossibilitiesthroughnewmedia.

VideoGames,GameShows,Promos,andRealityTV

Opportunity,opportunity,opportunity,opportunity.Sodon’tturnyournoseup.Therearecountlessstorytellingandstructuralpossibilities invideo-game writing. Game shows that require colorful questions often hirewriters with a comedy background. Television “promos” are written bywriterswho know how to entertain in one line. And reality television isneverjustfilmedreality.Itemployswriterstocreateinvolvingstoriesoutofmundanefootage.(Iknowyouwatchatleastoneofthem!)

WhatIfTheyLikeMe?

I’ve seen writers work hard at their scripts, then actually blow it afterthey’vemade a sale or received terrific coverage. They simplyweren’tready for what was next. So, here’s a quick rundown of what mighthappenandwhatitallmeans:

TEN-MINUTELECTURE:

MEETINGS,STAFFING,ASSIGNMENTS,ANDPITCHING

Ifyou’rewritingamoviescriptthatnoonehashiredorassignedyoutowrite,youarewritingaFEATURESPEC.YoumayalsobeshowingoffyourwritingskillsbywritingaTELEVISIONSPECofanexistingshow.Or,youcouldbewritinganORIGINALPILOTthatyou’dliketoseemadeintoaSERIES.

YourTVspecwillmostlikelybesubmittedtoaSHOWRUNNERinchargeofadifferenttelevisionshowwithasimilartone.ThatshowrunnermaythenhireyouonthewritingSTAFFofitsnextseason.Oncestaffed,you’llbeaskedtopitchepisodes,jokesandcharacterarcsinaWRITERS’ROOM.

Ifyouroriginalpilotgetsattention,you’llbepairedwithashowrunnerwhowillattachhimselftoyourworkasEXECUTIVEPRODUCERandhelpyoucreateashowBIBLEthatcoversthestoryarcsofthecharactersandshowforuptofiveyears.

OnceyourfeaturespecissubmittedtoaPRODUCTIONCOMPANY,itwillgetCOVERAGE,whichisawrittenbookreportthatcoversthescript’sstrengthsandweaknesses.IfthereportreadsCONSIDERorRECOMMEND,itwillmostlikelygoonWEEKENDREAD,whichmeansthatalloftheproducersorCREATIVEEXECUTIVESinthecompanywillreadit.Iftheylikeit,theywillsubmitittoaSTUDIO.Ifthestudiolikesit,itcouldSELL.Ifthathappens,youragentwillworkoutacontractthatusuallyinvolvesyougettingpaidforatleastoneREWRITEonthescriptafteryoureceiveSTUDIONOTESastohowtomakeitbetterandmeetitscreativeandcommercialneeds.Ifyourewritethescripttothestudio’ssatisfaction,itmaythengetaGREENLIGHTforproduction.

Ifyourscriptgetsgoodcoverage,butthestudiodoesn’twanttobuyit,productioncompaniesallovertownwillstillhearaboutyouandcallyouinforMEETINGS.ThatmeetingcouldbeaMEETANDGREET,inwhichtheygettoknowyouandaskaboutyourothermaterial.Inthatcase,bepreparedtorunthroughaSHORTPITCHofatleastthreedifferentprojects.Beingcharmingwon’thurteither.

TheproductioncompanymightalsoconsideryouforaREWRITEASSIGNMENTorBOOKADAPTATION.Inthatcase,they’llaskyoutopitchyourTAKEonexistingmaterial.Ifyou’vesoldaproject,youmightalsohavetheopportunitytosellanoriginalstoryonpitchalone.YouragentormanagerwillthensetupameetingforaLONGPITCHoftheproject,duringwhichyoucolorfullydescribeyourproject’smainplotpoints,centralcharacters,andrelationshiparcs.

Ifthecompanylikesthepitch,theymighthireyoutowritethescriptand,afteryou’verewrittenittotheirsatisfaction,they’lltakeittothestudio,wheretheprocesswillhappenalloveragain.

ENDOFLECTURE

TheLongPitch

As mentioned above, there might come a time when you’re such asuccessfulwriterthatyou’llbecalledintoaproducer’sofficetopitchyourlatestideaoranew“take”onacurrentproject.I’m going to offer you two different guides for a long pitch. The first

simply keepsyouon trackby remindingyouof thekeyelements tohitwithinthepitch.Thesecondisascriptedtemplate.Youcan take tenminutes to filloutasmuchasyouknow—or take

eachacttenminutesatatime.

TAKETEN:LONG-PITCHGUIDE

Runthroughyourstorycasuallyandconversationally,makingsureyoumoveforwardbyhittingthepointsbelow.

1.PERSONALINSPIRATIONTalkaboutwhathappenedinyourownlifethatinspiredyoutowritethisstory.

2.LOGLINEMakesuretheyknowwhereyourpitchisgoingtogobypitchingthecentralidearightupfront.

3.MAINCHARACTERDESCRIPTIONTelluswhowe’refollowingandwhyweshouldcare.Describepersonality,flaw,occupationand—onlyifit’srelevant—backstory.

4.CHARACTERGOALLetusinonthemaingoaloftheMCwhenwemeetherinthestory.

5.ACT-ONEEVENTDescribethecentraleventthatcausesourMCtobeginanewjourney.

6.GOALANDSTRATEGYINTOACT2SynopsizewhattheMCwantstodointhecentralpartofthemovieandhowsheintendstodoit.

7.LOVEINTEREST/BUDDYDescribetheMC’sfriendorloveinterest.

8.ACT2ACTIVITYRevealtheentertainingstepstheMCtakestowardaccomplishinghermission.

9.ACT2SETPIECEIncorporateatleastonetrailer-worthymomentthatminesthebigidea(concept)ofthestory.

10.ANTAGONISTACTIVITYBringinthevillainofthepieceandshowhowhedisruptsthemissionoftheMC.

11.MIDPOINTEVENTDescribeaneventthatheightenstheact.

12.EMOTIONALUPSETRevealwhattheMCisnowfeelingasaresultofherjourneythusfar.

13.GOALANDSTRATEGYINTOACT3SynopsizewhattheMCwantstodointhelastpartofthemovieandhowsheintendstodoit.

14.STAKESANDTICKINGCLOCKRemindthelistenerofwhattheMChastoloseatthispointandhowmuchtimeshehastoaccomplishhernewmission.

15.ACT3ACTIVITYUsingcharacters,toolsandskillsobtainedonthejourney,describethewaysthattheMCattemptstoaccomplishhermission.

16.ACT3CLIMAXUseemotionanddetailtodescribetheclever,winningmomentthatsavestheday.

17.STORYLESSONEndbygivingusasenseofhowtheMChaschangedorchangedothers.


Longpitchesscareeventhemostseasonedwriter.Butnowwithsome!guideposts,you’llbeateasein“theroom.”

TAKETEN:LONG-PITCHTEMPLATE

Thistemplatefollowsaconventionalstorystructure,souseitasaguide;don’tfeelyouhavetobindyourselftoit.Applyyourownlanguageandcadence.Evenskipstorybeatswheretheydon’tworkforyou.A10-to20-minutepitchwillactuallyfeelliketwohourswhenyou’redelivering!it,soit’simportantthatyoufeelcomfortableandsoundunscripted.

10Minutes:TEASER

LOGLINEINTRO

10Minutes:ACT1

10Minutes:ACT2A

10Minutes:ACT2B

10Minutes:ACT3

10Minutes:SELLINGPOINTS


You’vescriptedoutamoviestorythatwillkeepthelistenerawakeandentertained.

TEN-MINUTECHAPTERREVIEW:THEOPPORTUNITY

1.CreateaCONTACTlistwithpeopleyouknowandONEFAVORtoask.

2. Draw up a DATABASE tracking goals and successes at PITCHFESTS andCONFERENCES.

3.Reachoutfromout-of-townviaVIRTUALPITCHFESTSandotherONLINEWRITERS’RESOURCES.

4.UseSOCIALNETWORKsiteslikeFacebooktohelpyouconnectwithindustrycontacts.

5.DiscoveropportunitywithNEWMEDIAbywritingaWEBISODE.

6. InMEETINGS,stayonpointwhiledeliveringLONGPITCHESbyfollowingtheMAJORELEMENTSandstructuralbeatsofyourstory.

FadeOut

You’ve brainstormed, organized, written, rewritten, pitched, andpotentiallysoldyourscreenplay.Taketenminutestojumpupanddownand do the happiness dance. Seriously, you deserve it. You’veworkedhard and used every moment of stolen time to move forward in yourscriptandyourcareer.Better yet, you might have discovered that your small ten-minute

window has become a healthy hour, now that you’re finally doingsomethingthatyoulove.Andhowgreatwoulditbeifthathourcouldturnintoafullday?Apaidday!Justimagine—insteadofsneakingtenminutesofwritingonyourjob,

your job couldactuallybewriting. Thatway, on your coffee break, youcould...justdrinkcoffee.Or,orderyournewPorsche.Iwishyouluck.Iwishyoulotsofwritingtime.I’dwishyouevenmore

goodstuff,butI’vegotascripttoreadandkidstopickupfromschool.AndIonlyhavetenminutes.

Writers’ThoughtsonTakingTen

Is this reallypossible?Canyoumakeprogressonyourscriptwithonlytenminutes of spare time? I put this question to a handful of workingwriters.*Iaskedthem:

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeascenebetter,whatwoulditbe?

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeasequencebetter,whatwoulditbe?

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeyourscriptbetter,whatwoulditbe?

Ifyouhadtenminutestodosomethingforyourcareer,whatwoulditbe?

And,ifthere’sanythingextrayou’dliketoadd,pleasedo.

Theiranswersfollow.

Andthey’rekiller.

MarkFergus

co-writerofChildrenofMen,IronMan,FirstSnow,Cowboys&Aliens

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeascenebetter,whatwoulditbe?Findthescene’sbottomline.Peopledon’tknowmuch,buttheyALWAYSknowwhattheywant.Whatdotheplayersinthescenewant?(withbrutalhonestly,asiftherewerenoconsequencestotheirwants).What’sinthewayofgettingwhat theywant?Soundstoosimple,but it’sanythingbut—anditalwaysunlocksascene.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeasequencebetter,whatwoulditbe?Findtheweaklink,whichisoftenyourfavoritesceneinthewholescript.Youmayloveit,butifit’snotservingthealmightystructure,it’sgottogo.Don’tkillit.Recycle.Itprobablybelongsinadifferentstory.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeyourscriptbetter,whatwoulditbe?Scrollthroughitonyourcomputerscreen,takeitallin,fast,likeyouwerelisteningtoagreatpopsong.Likethewayactorsdoa‘speed-read’ofa

scene.Lettherhythmhityou,assaultyou,overwhelmyou.Ifitsings,youmighthaveadamngoodscriptonyourhands.Ifitbumps,trips,sputters,ifyoukeepgettingpulledoutofit...theremaystillbeworktodo.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodosomethingforyourcareer,whatwoulditbe?Doonethingeveryday.Writeaqueryletter.Enteracompetition.Sendascript to a contact. The little things add up. But, mainly... don’t driveyourselfnuts.Spendtenminutesadaythinkingaboutyourcareer,thengetyournosebacktothekeyboardandwrite.Andwriteandwrite.

HeatherRagsdale

Synesthesia, optioned by Christmas in July Productions; Tender Age,optionedbyHeadlongEntertainment

IfIhadtenminutestomakeascenebetter...I’dmakesure thesceneservedaPURPOSE.What informationarewelearningthatispropellingthecharacter(andthereader)along?It’shardtobe ruthless,but I try toget ridofscenes that indulgemeasawriterratherthanservethestory.

IfIhadtenminutestomakeasequencebetter...I’dmakesurethesequencehasTENSION, i.e.answersaquestion.Forexample, inmycurrentscreenplay:WillNickbeabletopayoffhisdebtbeforeheendsupfloatingintheHudson?

IfIhadtenminutestomakemyscriptbetter...I’dstrengthentheactbreaks.

IfIhadtenminutesformycareer...AdmitthatIamawriter.

PeterVanderwall

A Year In Mooring, Joule Films; Reverse Angle, Incendo Media;Shadowheart,DesertMoonProductions

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeascenebetter,whatwoulditbe?Makesurethescenestartsatthelatestpossiblemomentandendsattheearliestpossiblemomentandstillprogressesthestory.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeasequencebetter,whatwoulditbe?Takethattenminutesafewdaysafteryouwritethesequenceforafresh,objectiveview.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeyourscriptbetter,whatwoulditbe?Scanallpagesandmakesurenoneof theactionparagraphsexceed3lines.Break the longerparagraphs intoshorterparagraphs tomake thescript more reader-friendly. Important information is often missed byreadersbecauseitisburiedindenseparagraphsthatareskippedoverinfavorofreadingthedialogue.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodosomethingforyourcareer,whatwoulditbe?Readatrackingboardforthe loglinesofspecsthataregoingwideandspecs that are selling to get a senseofwhat themarket is looking for.Then ask yourself two questions. Can you condense your story into asimilarlyconciseandinterestinglogline?Areyouwritingastorythatyoutrulybelieveinorareyoujustchasingthemarket?

JimmyMiller

winneroftheAdult/Familycategory,2007AustinFilmFestival;winneroftheDramacategory,2007PageInternationalScreenwritingAwards

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeascenebetter,whatwoulditbe?Read it out loud. If that feels weird, have your screenwriting softwareread it toyou.Even thecomputerizedvoicescan reallyhelpyou figureoutifdialogueandpaceareworking.Italsoreallyhelpsyoufindspellingandgrammaticalerrorsalotfaster.It’satwofer.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeasequencebetter,whatwoulditbe?Experimentwith rearrangingandsplittingupscenes. It’sagreatway tocreatetensionandmomentumifyoufeellikeyourscriptneedsit.Anditletsyouseesomepossibilitiesyoumightnothaveconsidered.Ifyoudoa rearrange well, youmight find out that certain scenes interplay verywell.At the very least, you can confirm thatwhat youhave is thebestwaytowriteasequence.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeyourscriptbetter,whatwoulditbe?Do a title search on IMDb (IMDbPro if possible) andmake sure therearen’tanyfilmsbeingreleasedorindevelopmentwithyourtitle.Agreattitle is really important. It needs to be unique. If you find a film in

development with your title, it might still be OK. Just have a goodalternateready.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodosomethingforyourcareer,whatwoulditbe?Convinceyourselftoneversendoutaquerylettereveroragain.Instead,invest that timeandmoney inmakingyour scriptbetter.Or,buy lotterytickets.Bothhaveabetterchanceofpayingoffthanqueryletters.

AndrewRobinson

writer on The Spectacular Spider-Man, Disney XD; writer onTransformers:Animated

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeascenebetter,whatwoulditbe?READITOUTLOUDORHAVESOMEONEDOITFORYOU.Dialoguethatsounds just fine inyourheadandon thepage,sometimes revealshidden weaknesses when vocalized. Youmay discover an odd turn ofphrase, words that are hard to pronounce in sequence, or just plainawkward bits that don’t produce the dramatic or comedic sparks youwere anticipating, when you and your friends... or better yet, actualactors...playtheparts.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeasequencebetter,whatwoulditbe?MAKE SURE THAT IT TRACKS LOGICALLY AND HAS A POINT OFVIEW. I once worked on a script with a producer who was seeminglyobsessedwithwhetherthecharactersweregettingfrompointAtopointMviapointsB,C,D,E,andsoon,because—asheexplainedit—ifHEcouldn’t understand it, hewas pretty sure an audiencewouldn’t either.The POV element is that when you’re on a roller coaster, either it’sphysicaloremotional,therideismoreengagingand/orfunwhenyou’re(identifying)withsomeone.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeyourscriptbetter,whatwoulditbe?SPELLCHECK.AndrunthroughthescriptdoingaHUMANspellcheck.Therearetoomanywordsthatarespelledsimilarlytotheoneyouwant.Thinkabout thedifferencebetween “anymore”and “anymore.”OrGodhelpyou, “threw,” “through,” “thorough”and “though.”Spell checkwon’talways catch them. It’s up to you tomake sure you don’t look like anignoramustotheproducerorcontestoragentwho’sreadingyourscript.Youcan’tblameMicrosoftorFinalDraftforthat.

(Alternatively, call or email Pilar Alessandra and ask her to give younotesonyourscript.)

Ifyouhadtenminutestodosomethingforyourcareer,whatwoulditbe?See above, as regards calling Pilar. Then make more phone calls.Networkyourbrainsout,anddon’t letyourcontactsfallbythewayside.Callat leastonepersoneveryday (itdoesn’talwayshave tobeanewperson,butitshouldnotalwaysbetheSAMEperson)andyoushouldbeabletobuildupagoodnetworkofpeople-who,iftheylikeyou,mayhelpyourcareer.

JoshStolberg

writerofGoodLuckChuck;writeranddirectorofKidsinAmerica

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeascenebetter,whatwoulditbe?Sometimes,when I’mstuckona scene, I savea copyofmyscript (toprotectwhatIhave),andthensaveaside-copy,whichIverydeliberatelycall “JUNK.” It’s incredibly freeing to know that what you are about towritehasnothingtoliveupto.ThenIgothroughthesceneandDELETEmyfavoritecoupleoflines.OneofmymainproblemsasawriteristhatIfallinlovewithajokeoraturn-of-phraseandthenmovemountains(anddestroytherestofthescene)tokeepitinthere.I’llrealizethatI’vespenta half a page setting up a line just because I love it. By deleting myfavoritestuff,itopensmeuptocomeatthesceneinadifferentway—itforcesyouto.Onceyougetthescenetowork,youcantrytoinserttheline back in. If it fits, great. If not, you’ve probably fooled yourself intofindingabetterwaytotellthestory.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeyourscriptbetter,whatwoulditbe?AssoonasI’mfeelingREALLYgoodaboutmyscript, I’llopenupFinalDraft,startupSpeechControlandhavethecomputerreadmyscriptoutloud.It’sahorribleexperience.Imaginetheveryworstactorintheworldperformingyourdialogue.It’saniceseven-minutebreakandwillatleastinspire you to keepworking (because chances are at least one of theactorsthestudiohireswillbethatbad).

Ifyouhadtenminutestodosomethingforyourcareer,whatwoulditbe?Take the ten minutes after a meeting or phone call with a producer,executives, director, hell, ANYONE you’ve met that can help you... to

takenotesonTHEM.Starta filewiththeirnameandwritedownall thepersonalstuffyoucan remember fromyourconversation,aswellasallthelittlecluesthatmightcomebacktohelpyoulater.Personally,IuseaMacsoIdoitallinthe“notes”sectionofmyaddressbook.I’llstartwiththeircredits,soIhaveaquickreferenceincasetheycallmyoffice.ThenIwritedowneverythingthatmighthelpmeconnectwiththemonournextphone call (keep inmind theymaybeworking for a different companyanditmaybetenyearsfromnow).Aretheyasportsfan?Whatteamdothey like?Did theymentiona favoritemovie(that Imight“miraculously”sayisMYfavoritemoviewhenwetalkthreeyearsfromnow)?Husband,wifeandkids’names?Birthday?Ifyoumeettheminperson,DESCRIBEthem. There’s nothing worse than walking into a meeting and saying“nice tomeet you”when you’vemet them five times already. This is averysimple,small,ten-minutestepthatcangetyouajobinthefuture.

AndyMaycock

writerofTheBestMan’sPrivilege,indevelopmentwithJoshStolberg

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeascenebetter,whatwoulditbe?Getridofallparenthesesandcut theaction linesasmuchaspossible.Youshouldneverhavetosay“sarcastically”toindicatethewayanactorshould read the line. Instead, find a way to suggest it in the dialogueitself.“Yeah, because that’s cool” evokes sarcasm without any signpost

saying“sarcastically.”Similarly,don’tdirect thescenewith toomuchaction.Keepthefocus

onthemotionofthescene,notthelittledetailsthatareuptoadirector.I’ve read dozens of sceneswhere, after each line of dialogue, I’m toldwhathappensinthescene.Sometimesitsoundsreallygood:“Heblinks.Twice.”Ilikethat,butisitworththespace?Nah.Ifit’scritical,ortechnical,like“sheratchetsthepressureuptoseven,”

thenit’sprobablyimportant.Buteventhen,you’vegottomakeitkineticandvisual:“shegrindsthevalvecontrolasthegaugesflashyellow.”Butifit’sjusttotellusthat“sheleansforward,”or“shebuttonshercoat,”or“shetakesareluctantbiteofcake,”ifitprovidesnomomentum,leaveitout.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeyourscriptbetter,whatwoulditbe?David Mamet says there’s no need for exposition. So here’s anexperiment. Imagineascene that takesplacebefore theactionofyourscript.Pretendalltheexpositionisinthere.Whoarethesepeople?Whyaretheyhere?What’sthedeal?Then,gothroughyourfirstcoupleofactualscenesandhackoutallthe

expositionthatyourevealedinyour(imaginary)openingscene.Doesthisnew kickoff to the story (now without exposition and of course STILLwithouttheimaginaryscene)work?Ifso,keepit.Ifnot,tellMamethe’swrong.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodosomethingforyourcareer,whatwoulditbe?As ridiculous as it sounds, as I’m driving my very sporty minivan, Iimagine I’mbeing interviewedby JamesLipton, or JayLeno, orRogerEbert,orPilar(yep!)onthepodcast.Andinvariably,oneofthosepeopleasksmewhatmy script is about. And since they don’t givememuchtime, I have to really boil it down.What is the theme? In otherwords,whatdoes itsayabout life,or relationships,ormenandwomen,or theRedSox,ortheGalacticRepublic,orwhatever?IfIcan’tgettotheveryessenceofthescript,thenIdon’tevenknowwhatit’sabout,andJimmyorJayorRogorPilarisgoingtosendmehome.Ifyou’reworriedthatpeoplewillthinkyou’retalkingtoyourself,simply

tapyoursteeringwheelinrhythm.They’llthinkyou’resinging.

TiffanyZehnal

writer, Veronica’s Closet, That ‘80s Show, Dag, Lost at Home; specfeatureShotgunWedding,soldtoDreamWorks

Tenminutestomakeascenebetter:If a scene seems too long to you, it’s going to seem really too long tosomeoneelse.And thatsomeoneelsedoesnothave thatkindof time.Beityouragent,manager,momormailman.Peoplearebusy.So,deletehalfofit.Eitherarbitrarilyoratthebeginningandendofthescene.Thiswillbehardtodososaveitasanewthis-isn’t-a-real-scenefile.Knowingyouroriginalreallytoolongsceneisstill intactinthescriptwillgiveyouthe freedom to go nuts and trim the fat, the unnecessary and the notreallyworking.Andintheend,you’llhavesomethingnew.Maybebetter.Possiblysharper.Definitelyshorter.Findyourleastfavoritelineoutofanysceneandfixit.Itdeservestobe

better. One way to do that is to take ten minutes and write ten newreplacement lines.Nineof those lineswillbebad.Embarrassing.Makeyouwanttoquitthebusiness.Butoneofthoselineswon’t.Oneofthemwillbebetterthanwhatyouhad.Oneofthemmightverywellbegreat.Maybe even awesome. I am so confident of this equation, I’d bet mybabyonit.IfIbetbabies.

Tenminutestohelpmycareer:Myfavoritefortunecookieofalltime:thebiggestriskinlifeisnottakingarisk at all. So, risk it! Do anything, email anyone, submit anywhere.Peoplewillsaynobutallyouneedisonepersontosayyes.

Tenminutestomakeyourcharacterbetter:Askyourselfwhatyourcharacterwantsatthebeginningofthescriptandwhatyourcharacterneedsattheend.Youranswersshouldbetheexactopposite of each other. If they’re not or too similar, you’re missing anopportunity to tell the best story. Knock it off. Rethink your character’swantsandneedsso that theyare indirectconflictwithoneanother.Orelsepeoplewillsuffer.You,yourreaderand,mostofall,yourcharacter.

BrianTurner

writer, with Garrett Frawley, of Santa Baby, Santa Baby 2, andSnowglobe

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeascenebetter,whatwoulditbe?Enditonaquestioncompellingthenextbitofaction.

Bob:“Whatareyougoingtodo?”Tom:“I’mgoingtogooverthere.”

Lose Tom’s last bit of dialogue and you’ve got a more compellingsceneending.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeasequencebetter,whatwoulditbe?Change a location. A couple arguing about an affair while driving isn’tnearlyascompellingasacouplearguingaboutanaffairwhileatthegunrange,ordiggingashallowgrave,orvideotapinganalieninvasion.OK,sillyexamples,butyougettheidea.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeyourscriptbetter,whatwoulditbe?Increase white space. Flip through the pages without reading them.Wheredoyoufindblocksoftext?Markthosepagesasplacesyouneedtoshedactiondirection.The lesswords, thefaster theread.Thefastertheread,thebetteroverallimpressionofthescript.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodosomethingforyourcareer,whatwoulditbe?Google. In today’s Internet age it’s easier than ever to reach out topeople in the industry. Ifyou’rewriting romanticcomedies, findoutwhowrote theoneyou justsawin thetheaterandsendhim/heranemail. Ifit’sanindustrybigwig,youprobablywon’thearback,butifyoureachouttosomeonewithonly2-3moviesundertheirbelt,youcanprobablystrikeupaconversation.Don’t try and shove your script on them. Ask them questions about

howtheygottheir ideas,howtheygottheiragent,whatsortoftroublestheywent throughbetweenscript andscreen.People like to talkaboutthemselves,andthere’sagoodchanceyou’regoingto learnsomethingyoudidn’tknow.Maybeit leadstosomething,maybeitdoesn’t.Butitcertainlydoesn’t

hurttostartmakingcontacts.

ElisaWolfe

screenwriterandownerof“ReaderReady”ProofingandEditingServicesforScreenwriters

IfIhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeascenebetter...Iwouldgo throughand focuson thephysicalactivityof thecharacters.Whatcantheybedoinginthescenethatdoesn’tdirectlypertaintowhatthey’resayingbutrevealssomethingabouttheircharacter?

IfIhadtenminutestomakeasequencebetter...I would go through the individual scenes andmake sure theywere allabsolutelynecessaryandweren’tjustfillerbecauseIdidn’thaveabetterway to get fromA to Bwhen I initially wrote it. Sometimes, when youknowwhereyou’regoingandcan’twaittogetthere,it’seasyto“cheat”thosein-betweenmomentsthatcarryyoutothefinalscene.

IfIhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakemyscriptbetter.I’d try togiveamaincharacteradistinctive trait,whether it’saphysical

attribute,aninterestingstyleofspeech,anaccent,etc.

IfIhadtenminutestodosomethingformycareer...I’d learnhow tomanage timebetterso Ihadmore than tenminutes tospare.:)

MarcHaimes

formerVicePresidentofDevelopmentatDreamWorks;screenwriterwithprojectsindevelopmentatSummit,FoxandParamount

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeascriptbetter,whatwoulditbe?Read a scene over. Say it out loud. Ask myself: is the rhythm of itworking, thebackandforthof thedialogue, themovement fromshot toshot? If not, I’ll put my subconscious to work. I’ll write down any“questions”Imighthaveinmynotes.I’llsay,“whatisabetterbutton?”or“what’samorearrestingopeningimage?”I’llreadovermynotesbeforeIgotobed.ThenI’ll forgetabout themandtrust therest to thedreamer.More often than not, I’ll be looking back over my questions from thepreviousdayandrealizeInowhavetheanswer.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodosomethingforyourcareer,whatwoulditbe?Read the newspaper. Read a good book. Be with somebody smart.Engagemyself in learningordiscussingsomethingthatwillallowmetocontinuefeedingmymindandkeepitactive.

Oneotherthing...If a scene is taking a long time for me to “crack,” I find it’s usuallybecause of a bigger conceptual mistake that I am making about thesequenceitself.That’susuallyagoodtimeformetogoforarunandgetalittledistance.

OnethingIshouldprobablydomoreof...Keeping readily accessible lists. Partial ideas. Interesting professions.Character quirks. Funnymoments.Anything andeverything. I comparenot keeping lists tonotwritingdownyourdreams.Whenyouwakeup,youthinkyouwillnevereverforget...untilyoudo.Ishouldreallymakeapointtokeepmorelists.

BillBirch

writerofShazam,WarnerBros.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeascenebetter,whatwoulditbe?SometimeswhenI’minthemidstofafirstdraftI’llgettoascenewhereIhaven’t figured my plan of attack yet. What I do is write the heading,“What’sthepurposeofthisscene?”onpaperandthentaketenminutestotrytoanswerthequestion.Itmaylooksomethinglikethis:

What’sthepurposeofthisscene?—SetupBob’sbarandthathe’stheowner—Getoutinfohe’sabouttolosebartobank—IntroduceCarol—AudiencelearnsCarolisrich

NowIhavearoadmaptowritewithandI’vealsoproventomyselfthatthesceneisfullofpurpose.Iftheonlyansweryoucancomeupwithis“itdevelopscharacter,”mostlikelyyou’llbecuttingthatsceneoutlater.It’simportanttorememberthateveryscenemustadvancetheplotaswellasdevelopcharacter.

LisaDalesandro

writer of Gender Blender, in development at Nickelodeon; writer ofEscapetoGrizzlyMountain,MGM

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeascenebetter,whatwoulditbe?I’d first make sure that the beginning of the scene is actually thebeginning.Writersfrequentlybeginascenetooearly.Ask--wheredoesthisscene reallystart?Thesame is true for theendofascene.Couldyoucutoutof thisscenesooner?Tighteningupascenegives itbetterflowandultimatelymakesitmorepowerful.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeasequencebetter,whatwoulditbe?Intenminutes,Iwouldworkontheflowofthewholesequence.Dothetransitions between the scenes work well? Could they be better,smoother,moreinteresting,moresymbolic,etc?Doesthissequenceasawholebuild to thedramatic incident that I’mworking toward?Does thetension/dramabuild?

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeyourscriptbetter,whatwoulditbe?Pickasinglecharacterandstarttofollowonlytheirdialoguethroughthescript. Is the voiceof this character always consistent andunique from

anyoftheothercharacters?Thiswillsurelytakemorethantenminutes,but you’ll get a good sense of the character if you only focus on theirvoice.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodosomethingforyourcareer,whatwoulditbe?I have contradictory advice. On one hand, I would say stop worryingabout your career and get back to writing. As soon as you finish oneproject,startanotherwithlessconcernforsellingthefirstoneandmoreconcernforbecomingabetterwriter.Ontheotherhand,ifIhadspentonlytenminutesadaykeepingupon

thebusinesssideofthebusinessinsteadoffocusingsolelyonwriting,Iwouldprobablyhaveamuchmorelucrativecareer.Makethatcall.Followuponthatemail.Itisabusinessandartistsneedtocultivatethataswell.(Now Ihave togospend tenminutescallingmymanager.)And, if there’sanythingextrayou’dliketoadd,pleasedo.ThisisadvicethatIstolefromawriterwhostolefromawriterwhostolefrom...youget thepoint.Thebest thingawritercando iswritea little,readalot.It’sthebestadviceever.

MikeMaden

writerofPink:TheSeriesonHulu,TheWB.comandKoldCast.tv

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeascenebetter,whatwoulditbe?Askfourquestions:Isthereconflictinthisdramaticscene,andifso,howcanIraisethestakesforthebattlingparties?(Ofcourse,somekindsofnon-dramaticscenesdon’tneedconflict,butalldramaticscenesdo.) Isthedialogueoriginalandorganic to thecharacter—orclichédand“onthe nose?” How can I button (end) this scene in a surprising orunexpected way? Most importantly, can I toss this scene out and notaffectmystory?(Ifso,tossit!)DoI“startlate”and“endearly”enough?

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeasequencebetter,whatwoulditbe?Attack the transitions—howdo the scenes connect to each other? Isthereanexciting/interestingflow?Istherearising(orfalling)momentumfrombeginningtoendofthesequence?

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeyourscriptbetter,whatwoulditbe?DoIknowwhatmystoryisreallyabout?Doeseverycharacter,location,scene,symbolsomehowexpressor reflect that theme? Ifnot,why is it

there?

Ifyouhadtenminutestodosomethingforyourcareer,whatwoulditbe?ReadtenpagesofthebestnewscreenplaythatfitsthegenreofthenextprojectI’mgoingtowrite.

And,ifthere’sanythingextrayou’dliketoadd,pleasedo.When rewriting,dospecificpasses;don’t try to rewrite thewholescriptonepageata time.Doadialoguepass--in fact, inFinalDraft,youcangenerate Character Reports, and then pull up ONLY the dialogues forspecific characters. (This works great in ten-minute chunks, btw). Thatwayyoucancriticallyreadallofacharacter’sdialogue,seepatterns,pulloutrepetitions(unlessneeded),etc.DoaHeaderpass(again,inFD,youcanpulltheseoutinreports).DoanAction/Descriptionpass.

SigneOlynyk

directorofTheGreatAmericanPitchFest;writerandproducerofBelowZero

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeyourscriptbetter,whatwoulditbe?Iwouldreversethesexesofmycharacters.Iwouldputtheminthemostcompromisingsituation.Iwouldaskifmy“who,what,why,when,where,andhow”choicesare

thebestanswersfortheoverallstory.(e.g.,‘wheredoesthisscenetakeplace’— is the location I chose the best choice?Does it heighten theconflictorcontributetowardcharacterbyhavingthescenetakeplaceinthatparticularlocation?)Iwouldidentifyagoalforeachcharacterineachscene.I would give each of my characters opposite ‘mini-goals’ for each

scenethat theyeither reachordonot reach.Explorebothoutcomestomakesureyouchosethebestone.I would pretend they could not talk, and see how they would still

communicatewhattheyneed.Iwouldpretendmyprotagonisthadasecrethe/shecouldnot reveal,

andseehowitchangedtheiractions,dialogue,etc.Iwouldmakesuremyprotagonistisbackedintoanimpossiblecorner

withrealjeopardyandhighstakesforthem,andseewhatheorshedoestogetout.Iwould lookforexposition,andsee if Icaneither lose itormakethe

“telling”ofanyfactoidsmoreinteresting.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodosomethingforyourcareer,whatwoulditbe?Querythreenewpeopleaday.Touch base with an update for three people I’ve been in touch with

before.(Alwaysgivethemsomethingrelevant,short&new.)WatchatrailerforafilmIhaven’tseenyetandresearchthefilmmakers

involved.Practice pitching my script verbally to someone new (e.g., not an

industrypersonuntilthepitchiscomfortable.)Picka“personoftheday”Iwanttoknowmoreabout(actororactress,

another writer, producer, director, studio exec, etc.) and Google them,readarticles,blogs,etc.ListentoapodcastsuchasOnThePage.Keeponeonwhileyou’re

doingotherthings,e.g.,makingdinner,doingdishes,exercising,etc.Writesincere,short ‘fan letters’byemail toanyone Iadmire,want to

know,orappreciate.Donotaskforanything!Trytobuildarelationshipiftheyrespond.Use Facebook and other social networking sources to reach out to

peopleyouwanttoknow.Go to film festivals, screenings, conferences, andmeet new “up and

comers.”Gettoknowthem.Theyare‘ontheirway’anditisalwaysbettertobuildrelationshipswithpeopleBEFOREyouneedthem.Findsomeoneyou’d like toworkwith, and reachout to them.See if

they’dconsiderco-writingwithyou,ormaybementoringyou.Youneverknowunlessyouask.

Tosellmyscript,Iwould:See if I can ‘sex up’ my script in a way that hopefully enhances orimprovestheoverallstory.Try towritean indie, low-budgetversionofmyscript,aswellasone

withsomewhatmoreexpensivescenesforastudioversion.

AndyRaymer

former studio executive at DreamWorks; screenwriter for The WaltDisneyCo.;adaptedWilliamSteig’sTheZabajabaJungle forVanguardFilms

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeascenebetter,whatwoulditbe?

Flipthescene—startwiththelastlineanduseitasthefirst.Seeifthisopens up a new angle on the characters or what you’re trying toaccomplish.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeasequencebetter,whatwoulditbe?Put it on notecards. See which scenes are truly integral and cut orcombinetherest.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeyourscriptbetter,whatwoulditbe?Brainstormabettertitle.You’dbeamazedathowimportantagoodtitleis,especiallyincomedy.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodosomethingforyourcareer,whatwoulditbe?Invent a time machine, travel back to college and become a doctor.Failingthis,I’dpickupthephone,callonepersonwhoseworkIadmireandaskthemouttolunch.

MattHarris

writer of The Starling,optioned by Palm Star Entertainment, John LeeHancockattachedtodirect;2002NichollFellow

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeascenebetter,whatwoulditbe?Iwouldaskmyself“whowantswhat?”inthissceneandthentrytomakesureI’vemadethatclear.PlusI’dseeiftherewasn’tabetterwaytoendthescene(e.g.,shortentheendingorfindauniqueplacetocutoutthatImayhaveoverlooked).

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeasequencebetter,whatwoulditbe?Iwouldlookatthesequence—theaction,thedialogue,thesettings—andthinkhardifit’ssomethingwe’veseenbefore.Ifso,IwouldaskhowcouldIdoitdifferentlyandjustbrainstormtenquickideas(withnoideabeingabadidea)justtoseeifsomethingcooldoesn’tcomeup.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeyourscriptbetter,whatwoulditbe?WithonlytenminutestomakemyscriptbetterIwouldspendthattimeonthefirstpageofthescriptandmakesureI’mhookingthereaderRIGHTOFFTHEBAT...whichmeansitbetternotbeapageofblocktext.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodosomethingforyourcareer,whatwoulditbe?Write something to do with a script for tenminutes—whether it’s an

outline,a few linesofdialogueonacurrent scriptor reviewing the lastthingIwrote.Alotcanbedoneintenminutes.

And,ifthere’sanythingextrayou’dliketoadd,pleasedo.Here’smyfavoritethingaboutthetenminuterule:youcandojustaboutanythingfortenminutes,exceptmaybeholdyourbreathorstandinfire.It’saprettypainlesstimeperiod.Sogivingyourselftenminutesfreesyouuptobespontaneousandunrestricted,tosilencethatinternaleditor.Andninety-ninetimesoutofone-hundredyou’regoingtolookupandseethatyou’vejustbeenworkingforanhourwhenallyouhadplannedwastenminutes. It’san incredibleboost toyourconfidenceandultimately,youraccomplishments.

DavidWright

writer,MalcolmintheMiddle,FamilyGuy

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeascenebetter,whatwoulditbe?Maybeyoucanaddavisualdevicetohelpsell thetension/suspenseinyourscene.Forexample,inAlfredHitchcock’sNotorious,CaryGrantandIngridBergmanworryaboutClaudeRainsdiscoveringthatthekeytothewinecellarismissingduringaparty.Asguestsconsumethewine,CaryandIngridnervouslyeyethebartender’squicklydiminishingsupply.Theshot of thewine bottles serves as a visual “ticking clock,” which is farmore interesting than thecharacters constantly checking theirwatches.Also,whateverthemostimportantthinginyoursceneis,makethatyoursceneblow...inotherwords,endthescenethere.Don’tdragitoutpastthepointofthescene’sintention.Andifyou’rewritingacomedy,endthesceneonthebiggestjoke.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeasequencebetter,whatwoulditbe?Ifit’sasequencemeanttokeepusontheedgeofourseats,thenmakesure that from the start of the sequence, the tension/dramatic actionbuilds all theway to theend.For inspiration, checkoutTheGraduate.Benraces fromBerkeley toLosAngeles,back toBerkeley,and then toSantaBarbara tostopElaine fromgettingmarried.Thereareobstaclesalong theway:Mrs.Robinson, fratguys, figuringout the locationof thechurch,runningoutofgas,etc.It’soneofthebestsequencesinanyfilm.Ifyouhad tenminutes todoone thing tomakeyourscriptbetter,whatwoulditbe?

Brevity.Read the first tenpagesand trim theexcess fat. If your scenedescriptionsaretoolong,thenyou’rebetteroffwritingabook.Also,trytomakesomethingreallycool/interesting/funnyhappenatthebottomofthatfirst page. Maybe it’s an explosion, or someone is killed, or just ahilariousjoke.Whateverisorganictoyourstoryandgenre,makeitpopatthebottomofpageone.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodosomethingforyourcareer,whatwoulditbe?It’salwaysgoodtokeepaneyeonwheretheindustryisheaded,ifnottoconform to it, then to be different. Read the trades like Variety andHollywoodReporter toseewhat typesofscripts thestudiosarebuyingandproducing.Also, take tenminutes to readscreenwritingmagazinesand books to sharpen your skills and keep you energized and excitedaboutwhatyou’redoing.Spendtenminutessearchingforawritersgroupto join.Orsendanemail tellingafriendthatyou’rewritingascriptso itforces you to finish it - the only thing worse than not finishing yourscreenplay, is knowing that others know you’re not finishing yourscreenplay.

WilliamFlannigan

writerofJohnson’sPages,optionedbyStephenJ.CannellandThomasAugsberger; TheGenesis Vault, in development; winner of eightmajorscreenwritingcontests

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeascenebetter,whatwoulditbe?Iwouldreadmysceneandtrytocutallthefat.IfI’veusedthreelinesofdescription I try to cut it to two. If two, I try to cut it toone.Samewithdialogue.Actually it ismore importantwith dialogue. Less ismore.Mygoalistoleaveasmuchwhitespaceonthepageaspossible.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeasequencebetter,whatwoulditbe?Iwouldlookatmytransitions.BythatImeanthatIwouldfocusonwhereIendasceneandhow that then jumps to thenextscene.Eachsceneshould end with the reader wanting to know what happens next, andeachsequenceshouldendwithakindofemotional jolt thatpropelstheaction.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodosomethingforyourcareer,whatwoulditbe?IsubscribetoTheHollywoodReporteremailupdates.Theyarriveevery

morninginmyinboxandIscantheheadlines,thenclickonthestoriesthatarerelevanttomyinterest/careergoals.KnowingwhatishappeningintheindustryhelpsmekeepaperspectiveandavoiddivingintoanewprojectthatwouldbeDOAbecausesomeoneelsealreadybeatmetothepunch.

EllenSandler

co-executiveproducerofEverybodyLovesRaymond;authorofTheTVWriter’sWorkbook,publishedbyBantam/Dell

Ifyouhavetenminutestodoonethingtomakeyourscriptbetter:Tip#1Here’s a simple adjustment that improves any script: Go through yourscript(asmanypagesastimeallows)anddeleteeverywordthatendsin“ly” in the action and description lines. Words like “suddenly,”“immediately,”“crisply.”Forexample,“Heimmediatelynoticesthedentinthe bumper” becomes “He notices the dent in the bumper.” Without“immediately”thesentenceiscleaner,sharper.Or,youmaywanttotweakthewordinsteadofdeletingit.Forexample,

ifyou’vewritten,“Paulsitsinhisluxuriouslyappointedoffice”cutthe“ly”and you’ve got, “Paul sits in his luxurious office.” Do that for everyinstanceandyou’llbeamazedathowthisstreamlinesyourscript.Itwillread strongerandpunchier.Guaranteed.Repeat at 10-minute intervalsuntilyou’vegottenthroughyourscript.

Tip#2Here’sanothereasy trick that improvesanyactiondescription:Changeevery verb that has an “ing” ending to simple present tense. “Jenniferstartsdialinghercellphone”becomes,“Jenniferdialshercellphone.”Soeasy,butitmakestheimagesharpertothereader.Youmayalsofindyoucangetmorespecificwhenyougetridofthe“is

—ing”form.Forexample:“Georgeisrelaxingonthedeck,whileJenniferisfixingdrinks”becomes“GeorgesettlesintoadeckchairwhileJennifermakesmartinis.”Dothatthroughout,andyourscriptwillfeelmoreactiveand fresher. Repeat at 10-minute intervals until you’ve gotten throughyourscript.

Ifyouhavetenminutestodosomethingforyourcareer:Writeanemailnotetosomeoneyouwanttokeepintouchwith.Twoor

threelinesareenoughtokeepaconnectiongoing.Somethinglike“HeyMonica,IfinallysawthatoldSteveMartinmoviewetalkedabout.Lovedit!Thanks for recommending it, Idoubt if Iwouldhavediscovered itonmyown.”Ifyouhavetenminutestodosomethingforyourcareer(youreallyonly

needtwominutesforthisone—sonoexcuses):Before you go to bed, write down something that made you laugh

today.Itwillsharpenyoursenseofhumorandyoumightuseitinascriptsomeday.Butevenifyoudon’t,notingitwillconnectyouwithyoursenseofobservationandwhyyouwanttobeawriter.

MichelleMuldoon

2009ActionOnFilmInternationalFilmFestival,WomenofFilmAward

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeascenebetter,whatwoulditbe?As I’m not one to need the perfect environment to write, I often findmyselfwriting insmall “timechunks,”sosometimes Isit towriteanewsceneandsometimesIjustrewriteapreviousone.Often,Ilookforwaysto cut down dialogue and wordy description, other times I’ll look atopeningandclosingofthesceneandaskmyself if I’mhappywithit. I’llre-readitandfinishreadingatanearlierspottoseeifitstillworks.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeasequencebetter,whatwoulditbe?Forme,thatmeansrewritingscenedirection.Myearlydraftsareoftenatadverboseinthatdepartment.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeyourscriptbetter,whatwoulditbe?I would look at how I end one scene and start another. Are thereconnections that can be made to make the scenes flow better? If thescenetransitionsseemseamless,thenIthinkit’saneasierread.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodosomethingforyourcareer,whatwoulditbe?Lookthroughmyaddressbookofcontactsanddetermine if I’vekept intouch. If I’ve been bad at it and there’ve been things going on in mycareer, thensometimesI’ll taketenminutestocraftanemailnewsletterto my “Film Friends and Colleagues” updating everyone on the greatthings that are happening. No one knows you’re successfully movingforwardifyoudon’ttellthem.

And,ifthere’sanythingextrayou’dliketoadd,pleasedo.

MaketheInternetyournewbestfriendandreadindustrywebsiteseverymorningjust likeyouwouldthenewspaper.Ifyouwanttobeinthefilmindustry,youshouldmakeapointofknowingwhat’sgoingon in itonadailybasis,especiallyonthebusinesssideofit.

SteveCallen

writer/director of award-winning short You Better Watch Out; scriptsoptionedbyPiperFilmsandTristramMiallFilms;scriptcommissionswithDuoArtProductions,BomboraCreativeandGAMFilms

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeascenebetter,whatwoulditbe?Without a doubt, I’ve written it with too much dialogue so I’d try toimagine the same scenewithout any dialogue, then try to express thesamesceneideathroughactiononly.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeasequencebetter,whatwoulditbe?I’d muck around with the scene order. What happens if it’s done inreverse?WhathappensifItakeasceneout?WhathappensifIbringthewholesequenceforward?

Ifyouhadtenminutestodoonethingtomakeyourscriptbetter,whatwoulditbe?I’daskforanextension.Tenminuteswouldn’tbeenough.Buthey,iftheextension wasn’t granted, I’d probably do a format check and improvereadabilitybymakingsuretherewerenoparagraphsoverfourlineslong,andallthe‘continues’and‘mores’weren’tclockingupthepagesandI’ddoonelastspellcheck.Speakingofwhich,I’dmakesureallwordswerein U.S. English as opposed to that pesky Queen’s English nonsense.Afterall,AmericanswontheWarofIndependenceandhaveearnedtherightnottospellcolorwithouta‘u’.

Ifyouhadtenminutestodosomethingforyourcareer,whatwoulditbe?JumponlineandbookatickettoLA.

And,ifthere’sanythingextrayou’dliketoadd,pleasedo.Imagineit’sopeningnightofyourmovie.You’resittingthere,nervousashell, hoping everyone loves it. But you know not everyone will. Somepeople will have a problem with some bits, others will look at theirwatches or start Twittering during other bits. Dialogue could’ve beentighter here. The audience gets ahead of the movie there. The sweatbuilds on your brow. Someone laughs over a serious line. That scene

started too early. God, this is a nightmare. You thought people wouldforgivethatsequenceifitwasshotwell.Whichitwasn’t.Andthatactresstotally misread that character. Someone gets up to leave the cinema.Then another. They’re going to miss your favorite part. They won’t beabletoappreciatethewholefilmiftheyleavenow!Howdarethey?!Howdaretheytriggerthisrevolt?!Youstandupandjustasyouareabouttoscreamatthem,youwakeup.

You’ve fallen asleep at your desk and your cursor is blinking afterFADEOUT.It’s time to get back to work and rewrite yourmovie so everyone is

gluedtoeverysinglebitofyourstory.Every.Single.Bit.OryoucouldjustrunitpastPilarwhenyouthinkyou’redone.

*ThewriterspolledinthissurveyhaveallbeenguestsatorstudentsandclientsofOnThePage,Inc.®

ADDENDUM

StealingTime

I‘mwritingthissectionfromoneof those indoorkidgyms.Youknow—one of those places with the slides and the jumper and the mermaidwallpaper. Inmyopinion,places like thiswere inventedso thatmykidscanplaywhileIwork.Armedwithmy laptopandaplasticbagof fruit roll-ups, I’m ready to

write.Now, if Iwerehere tobrainstormascreenplay, I’d takeadvantageof

thistimeinacoupleofways.First,I’dbrainstormanidea.And to do that, I’d start with those basic elements presented at the

beginningofthisbook:AmovieisusuallyaboutaMAINCHARACTERwithaPROBLEMwho

engagesinanACTIVITYwithSTAKEShanginginthebalance.So...Who’sthemaincharacter?Mykids?Maybethisisafantasymovieand

the kids’ gym suddenly becomes anAlice inWonderland-like maze ofreal-life puzzles and adventures. Then again, I could be the maincharacter. Harried mom connects with kids and inner heroine when anaturaldisasterforceshertoprotectakids’gymfullofhelplesskidsandinept parents. Wow, talk about suspending disbelief. Moving on. Howaboutthatunappreciateddadinthecorner?Nah,hegetstobetheheroinlotsofmovies.Letsomeoneelsewritethatone.NowI’mseeingher!Theyoungwomanbehindthedesk;theonewho

checks kids in and reminds parents to take their shoes off. Man, shelooksbored.I’mgoingtowakeherupbymakinghermymaincharacter!So,whatproblemoccurs?Aliensland?Akidturnsintoamonsterand

terrorizesthekids’gym?Toolifelike.Well,whatwouldbetheworstthingthat Icould imagine? Igo throughmy long listofparanoid-mom,worst-casescenarios.A-ha!I’vegotone.Hostagesituation!Looks like I’ve got a contained thriller on my hands. And the

environment really lends itself to this kind of movie. Innocent kids,parentswithcompetingpersonalities,andlotsofhidingplaces.Clearly my main character is going to have to take the lead. And I

imagine her activity might fall into a couple of categories: establishing

trustwith the parents, protecting the kids, teaming upwith the parents(amongthemacute,singledad,ofcourse),andultimatelyfightingoffthebadguys.What makes my main character the right woman for the job is her

knowledge of the environment and her natural skills as kids’ gymmanager:Sheknowsthesurveillancesystem,whattoyscanbeusedasweapons,andhowtotrapthebadguysinthejumpything.And,intermsof connecting with the other characters, who else would know how tohandleaniratedadorascaredkidmorethansomeonewhodealswiththemeveryday?So,puttingeverythingtogetherI’vegot...Amaincharacter:Mykids’gymmanager.Aproblem:Hostagesituation.Activity: Establish trust, take the lead, team up with cute dad, battle

badguys.Stakes:Thosesweet-facedlittlekids.OK,mytenminutesareup.Iknowthisbecausemyownsweet-faced

littlekidhasaskedmeforasnackfifteentimesandinsiststhatfruitroll-upstastelikeleather.Andmyoldersweet-facedkidisscreaming“lookatmelookatmelookatme”whiledoingadeath-defyingstuntoffofaropeladderthatmakesmescreamout“becarefulbecarefulbecareful.”LikeIsaid:endofcreativetime.But,inthosetenminutes,Iaccomplishedsomething.Icameupwitha

movieidea.Andthat’saprettygoodstart.

Film,TVandWebisodeList

Quickiefilmeducation:Watchandreadthemoviesandshowsmentionedinthisbook!(500) Days of Summer.Written by Scott Neustadter,Michael H.Weber.Released2009.

ABeautifulMind.ScreenplaybyAkivaGoldsman, from thebookbySylviaNasar.Released2001.

ABug’sLife.StorybyJohnLasseter,AndrewStanton,JoeRanft.Screenplay by Andrew Stanton, Don McEnery, Bob Shaw.Additionalwriters,story:GeefweeBoedoe,JasonKatz,JorgenKlubien,RobertLence,DavidReynolds.Released1998.

A Few Good Men. Screenplay by Aaron Sorkin, from his play.Released1992.

Adam’s Rib. Written by Ruth Gordon, Garson Kanin. Released1949.

Aliens.ScreenplaybyJamesCameron,storybyJamesCameron,DavidGiler,WalterHill, characters created byDanO’Bannon,RonaldShusett.Released1986.

AllAboutEve.ScreenplaybyJosephL.Mankiewicz,fromastorybyMaryOrr.Released1950.

Amadeus.ScreenplaybyPeterSchaffer, fromhisplay.Released1984.

AmericanBeauty.WrittenbyAlanBall.Released1999.AnimalHouse.Written byHaroldRamis,DouglasKenney,ChrisMiller.Released1978.

AnywhereButHere.ScreenplaybyAlvinSargent, fromthenovelbyMonaSimpson.Released1999.

Apocalypse Now. Screenplay by John Milius, Francis FordCoppola. Narration by Michael Herr. From the novelHeart ofDarknessbyJosephConrad.Released1979.

As Good As It Gets. Screenplay by Mark Andrus, James L.Brooks.StorybyMarkAndrus.Released1997.

Avatar.WrittenbyJamesCameron.Released2009.AwayFromHer.ScreenplaybySarahPolley,fromastorybyAliceMunro.Released2006.

BabyMama.WrittenbyMichaelMcCullers.Released2009.Big.WrittenbyGaryRoss,AnneSpielberg.Released1988.Blade Runner. Screenplay by Hampton Fancher, David WebbPeoples,fromthenovelDoAndroidsDreamofElectricSheep?byPhilipK.Dick.Released1982.

BloodDiamond.ScreenplaybyCharlesLeavitt.StorybyCharlesLeavitt,C.GabyMitchell.Released2006.

Bloodborne.WrittenbyMattHarris,2007.BodyHeat.WrittenbyLawrenceKasdan.Released1981.BombsOverBrentwood.WrittenbySteffenPhelps,2007BreakALeg.WrittenbyVladBaranovsky,YuriBaranovsky,JustinMorrison,2007.

BreakingBad.CreatedbyVinceGilligan,2008.Brick.WrittenbyRianJohnson.Released2005.Casino Royale. Screenplay by Neal Purvis, Robert Wade, PaulHaggis,fromthenovelbyIanFleming.Released2006.

CastAway.WrittenbyWilliamBroylesJr.Released2000.Citizen Kane. Written by Herman J. Mankiewicz, Orson Welles.Released1941.

CloseEncountersoftheThirdKind.WrittenbyStevenSpielberg.Released1977.

Crash.ScreenplaybyPaulHaggis,BobbyMoresco.StorybyPaulHaggis.Released2004.

Crouching Tiger, HiddenDragon. Screenplay byHui-LingWang,JamesSchamus,KuoJungTsai,fromthebookbyDuLuWang.Released2000.

CSI.CreatedbyAnnDonahue,AnthonyE.Zuiker,2000.CTRL.WrittenbyRobertKirbyson,BobMassey,2009.CurbYourEnthusiasm.CreatedbyLarryDavid,2000.DarkPools.WrittenbyCaroleRyavec,2009.DieHard.ScreenplaybyJebStuart,StevenE.deSouza,fromthenovelNothingLastsForeverbyRoderickThorp.Released1988.

DoubleorNothing.WrittenbyKarenNation,2002.Election. Screenplay by Alexander Payne, Jim Taylor, from thenovelbyTomPerrotta.Released1997.

Entourage.CreatedbyDougEllin,2004.

ErinBrockovich.WrittenbySusannahGrant.Released2000.Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Screenplay by CharlieKaufman. Story by Charlie Kaufman, Michel Gondry, PierreBismuth.Released2004.

Fargo.WrittenbyJoelCoen,EthanCoen.Released1996.Four Weddings and A Funeral. Written by Richard Curtis.Released1994.

Friends.CreatedbyDavidCraneandMartaKauffman,1994.Frost/Nixon.ScreenplaybyPeterMorgan,fromhisplay.Released2008.

GardenState.WrittenbyZachBraff.Released2004.Gilfs.WrittenbyChipJames,2008.The Graduate. Screenplay by Calder Willingham, Buck Henry,fromthenovelbyCharlesWebb.Released1967.

Grey’sAnatomy.CreatedbyShondaRhime,2005.GroundhogDay.ScreenplaybyDannyRubin,HaroldRamis.StorybyDannyRubin.Released1993.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. Screenplay by SteveKloves,fromthenovelbyJ.K.Rowling.Released2001.

Heat.WrittenbyMichaelMann.Released1995.I Was a Teenage Werewolf. Written by Herman Cohen, AbenKandel.Released1957.

InBruges.WrittenbyMartinMcDonagh.Released2008.InTheBedroom.ScreenplaybyRobFestinger,ToddField,fromastorybyAndreDubus.Released2001.

It’sAWonderfulLife.WrittenbyFrancesGoodrich,AlbertHackett,FrankCapra.Released1946.

Jaws.ScreenplaybyPeterBenchley,CarlGottlieb,fromthenovelbyPeterBenchley.Released1975.

JukeboxZero.WrittenbyKeithArmonaitisandLynneChristensen,2009Juno.WrittenbyDiabloCody.Released2007.

Kill Bill, Volume1.Written byQuentin Tarantino.Character: TheBridebyQuentinTarantino,UmaThurman.Released2003.

KnockedUp.WrittenbyJuddApatow.Released2007.L.A.Confidential.ScreenplaybyBrianHelgeland, from thenovelbyJamesEllroy.Released1997.

Legally Blonde. Screenplay by Karen McCullah Lutz, KristenSmith,fromthenovelbyAmandaBrown.Released2001.

LiarLiar.WrittenbyPaulGuay,StephenMazur.Released1997.

Life On The Inside. Written by Robb Padgett, Steven Rowley,2007.

LittleMissSunshine.WrittenbyMichaelArndt.Released2006.LittleWhiteLies.WrittenbyHeatherRagsdale,2008.LostinTranslation.WrittenbySofiaCoppola.Released2003.Magnolia.WrittenbyPaulThomasAnderson.Released1998.Memento. Screenplay by Christopher Nolan, from a story byJonathanNolan.Released2000.

MichaelClayton.WrittenbyTonyGilroy.Released2007.Mission: Impossible.ScreenplaybyDavidKoepp,RobertTowne.Story by David Keopp, Steven Zaillian. From the televisionseriescreatedbyBruceGeller.Released1996.

Monk.CreatedbyAndyBreckman,2002.Monsters, Inc. Screenplay by Andrew Stanton, Daniel Gerson.AdditionalscreenplaymaterialbyRobertL.Baird,RhettReese,Jonathan Roberts. Story by Pete Docter, Jill Culton, JeffPidgeon,RalphEggleston.Released2001.

My Best Friend’s Wedding. Written by Ronald Bass. Released1997.

MyCousinVinny.WrittenbyDaleLauner.Released1992.NoCountryForOldMen.ScreenplaybyJoelCoen,EthanCoen,fromthenovelbyCormacMcCarthy.Released2007.

Ocean’sEleven.2001ScreenplaybyTedGriffin.1960Screenplayby Harry Brown, Charles Lederer. 1960 Story by GeorgeClaytonJohnson,JackGoldenRussell.

The Office. Created by Greg Daniels, Ricky Gervais, StephenMerchant,2005.

OldSchool.ScreenplaybyToddPhillips,ScotArmstrong.StorybyCourtCrandall,ToddPhillips,ScotArmstrong.Released2003.

One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest. Screenplay by LawrenceHauben,BoGoldman,fromthenovelbyKenKeseyandplaybyDaleWasserman.Released1975.

Philadelphia.WrittenbyRonNyswaner.Released1993.Pink:TheSeries.WrittenbyMikeMaden.Released2007.Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl.Screenplay by Ted Elliott, Terry Rossio. Screen story by TedElliott, Terry Rossio, Stuart Beattie, Jay Wolpert. Released2003.

Pleasantville.WrittenbyGaryRoss.Released1998.

Precious:BasedontheNovel ‘Push’bySapphire.ScreenplaybyGeoffreyFletcher,fromthenovelbySapphire.Released2009.

Primal Fear. Screenplay by Steve Shagan, Ann Biderman, fromthenovelbyWilliamDiehl.Released1996.

PrisonBreak.CreatedbyPaulScheuring,2005.ProjectMonarch.WrittenbyJessicaSt.James,2009.Psycho.ScreenplaybyJosephStefano,fromthenovelbyRobertBloch.Released1960.

Pulp Fiction. Written by Quentin Tarantino. Stories by: QuentinTarantino,RogerAvary.Released1994.

Rosemary’sBaby.ScreenplaybyRomanPolanski,fromthenovelbyIraLevin.Released1968.

SavingPrivateRyan.WrittenbyRobertRodat.Released1998.Seinfeld.CreatedbyLarryDavid,JerrySeinfeld,1990.SexandtheCity.CreatedbyDarrenStar,1998.Shrek.ScreenplaybyTedElliott,TerryRossio,JoeStillman,RogerS.H. Schulman, from the book by William Steig. Additionaldialogue by Cody Cameron, Chris Miller, Conrad Vernon.Released2001.

Sideways. Written by Alexander Payne, Jim Taylor. Released2004.

SlumdogMillionaire.ScreenplaybySimonBeaufoy,fromthenovelbyVikasSwarup.Released2008.

Spider-Man. Screenplay by David Koepp, based on the MarvelComicsseriesbyStanLeeandSteveDitko.Released2002.

ThatOtherMe.WrittenbyLeslieLawson,2007.The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Written by Judd Apatow, Steve Carell.Released2005.

TheBadNewsBears.WrittenbyBill Lancaster.Released1976.2005screenplaybyBillLancaster,GlennFicarra,JohnRequa.

TheBigBangTheory.CreatedbyChuckLorre,BillPrady,2007.The Big Chill. Written by Lawrence Kasdan, Barbara Benedek.Released1983.

The Bourne Identity. Screenplay by Tony Gilroy, William BlakeHerron,fromthenovelbyRobertLudlum.Released2002.

TheCloser.CreatedbyJamesDuff,2005.TheCuriousCaseofBenjaminButton.ScreenplaybyEricRoth,Robin Swicord, from a story by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Released2008.

TheDarkKnight.Written byChristopherNolan,DavidS.Goyer.BatmancreatedbyBobKane.Released2008.

The Departed. Screenplay by William Monahan, from thescreenplaybyAlanMak,FelixChong.Released2006.

The Devil Wears Prada. Screenplay by Aline Brosh McKenna,fromthenovelbyLaurenWeisberger.Released2006.

The Fugitive. Screenplay by Jeb Stuart, David Twohy. Story byDavidTwohy.CharactersbyRoyHuggins.Released1993.

TheGuild.WrittenbyFeliciaDay,2007.The Hangover. Written by Jon Lucas, Scott Moore. Released2009.

TheIceStorm.ScreenplaybyJamesSchamus,fromthenovelbyRickMoody.Released1997.

The Informant! Screenplay by Scott Z. Burns, from the book byKurtEichenwald.Released2009.

TheInsider.ScreenplaybyEricRothandMichaelMann,fromanarticlebyMarieBrenner.Released1999.

TheLordoftheRings:TheFellowshipoftheRing.ScreenplaybyFranWalsh,PhilippaBoyens,PeterJackson,fromthenovelbyJ.R.R.Tolkien.Released2001.

The LovelyBones. Screenplay by FranWalsh, PhilippaBoyens,PeterJackson,fromthenovelbyAliceSebold.Released2009.

TheQueen.WrittenbyPeterMorgan.Released2006.The Reader. Screenplay by David Hare, from the novel by byBernhardSchlink.Released2008.

TheShawshankRedemption.ScreenplaybyFrankDarabont,fromastorybyStephenKing.Released1994.

TheSilenceoftheLambs.ScreenplaybyTedTally,fromthenovelbyThomasHarris.Released1991.

TheSixthSense.WrittenbyM.NightShyamalan.Released1999.TheSleeperAgent.WrittenbyRyanBoyd,2009.TheStrikeoutKing.WrittenbyGeoffAlexander,2006.TheWild Bunch. Screenplay by Walon Green, Sam Peckinpah.StorybyWalonGreen,RoyN.Sickner.Released1969.

TheWildRose.WrittenbyStephenCowan,2007TheWizardofOz.ScreenplaybyNoelLangley,FlorenceRyerson,Edgar Allan Woolf, from the novels by L. Frank Baum.AdaptationbyNoelLangley.Numerousuncreditedghostwriters.Released1939.

TheWrestler.WrittenbyRobertD.Siegel.Released2008.Thelma&Louise.WrittenbyCallieKhouri.Released1991.There’sSomethingAboutMary.ScreenplaybyEdDecter,JohnJ.Strauss,PeterFarrelly,BobbyFarrelly.StorybyEdDecter,JohnJ.Strauss.Released1998.

Three Days of the Condor. Screenplay by Lorenzo Semple Jr.,DavidRayfiel,fromthenovelSixDaysoftheCondorbyJamesGrady.Released1975.

Three Days, Three-Thousand Miles. Written by Suzanne Keilly,2009.

Tootsie. Screenplay byMurray Schisgal, LarryGelbart. Story byDon McGuire, Larry Gelbart. Uncredited dialogue by RobertGarland,BarryLevinson,ElaineMay.Released1982.

Toy Story. Screenplay by Joss Whedon, Andrew Stanton, JoelCohen, Alec Sokolow. Story by John Lasseter, Pete Docter,AndrewStanton,JoeRanft.Released1995.

Tumbleweeds.WrittenbyGavinO’Connor,AngelaShelton,fromastorybyAngelaShelton.Released1999.

Two and a Half Men. Created by Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre,2003.

Up. Screenplay by Bob Peterson, Pete Docter. Story by PeteDocter,BobPeterson,ThomasMcCarthy.Released2009.

Up In The Air. Screenplay by Jason Reitman, Sheldon Turner,fromthenovelbyWalterKim.Released2009.

Wall-E. Screenplay by Andrew Stanton, Jim Reardon. Story byAndrewStanton,PeteDocter.Released2008.

WeekendWarrior.WrittenbyBillBirch,2007.WhenHarryMetSally.WrittenbyNoraEphron.Released1989.Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Screenplay by RoaldDahl, from his novel Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.UncrediteddialoguebyDavidSeltzer.Released1971.

Acknowledgments

This book could not have beenwritten without the support and infinitepatience ofmy “dream team”: JudeRoth, ElisaWolfe, Elena Zaretsky,and Abby Anderson, who helped me with proofing, researching, andgeneral nudging when distractions with work and family threatened tospinmeoffcourse.Jude,Elisa,ElenaandAbbyalsohappentobefourof themost talented screenwriterswithwhom I haveworked. (If you’rereadingthissection,representorhirethemimmediately!)DougAbrams,brilliantnovelist,killerbookagent,sometimes-clientand

always-friend, gets a very special “thank you” for smiling through thephoneandgentlyremindingmethat,whenI finallygotmyact together,he’dbetheretohelp.Andhewas.Special thanksgototheOnThePagewriterswhocontributedto this

book: Bill Birch, Brendan O’Neill, Carole Ryavec, Chad Diez, ChipJames,GeoffAlexander,HeatherRagsdale,JessicaSt.James,JocelynSeagrave, Karen Nation, Karin Gist, Keith Armonaitis, Leslie Lawson,Lynne Christensen, Matt Harris, Mike Maden, Nick Johnson, PaulPender,RyanBoyd,StephenCowan,andSuzanneKeilly.Itwaswithoutanyhesitation that I included theirwritingalongside thatofsomeof themostwell-knownandaccomplishedwritersinthebusiness.ThankstoKenLee,whocalmlypushedmetodoublemypagecount

and,indoingso,sparkedideasforawholenewsetofwritingtoolsandexercises.Andfinally,Icannotleavethisacknowledgmentpagewithoutanextra

thank you to my family. My daughters, Sara and Rita Dodson, livedthroughChristmas‘09withtheirmommy’sheadburiedinhercomputer...evenmorethanusual.Myhusband,PatrickFrancisDodson,diddouble-daddutyandalsoputupwithmyconstantrequeststocheckIMDb.Andmymom,SydellePittas,ranherpracticedeyeoveranythinglegal,whiletryingherbestnottogivehertwocentsaboutcontent—somethingthatwasvery,verydifficultforher.

AuthorBiography

PILARALESSANDRA is thedirector of theLosAngeles-basedwritingprogramOnThePage(www.onthepage.tv),whichhashelpedthousandsof writers develop, write and refine their screenplays and televisionscripts.She’s worked as Senior Story Analyst for DreamWorks and Radar

Pictures and covered projects at ImageMovers, Saturday Night LiveStudios,HandprintEntertainment,CinevilleProductionsandTheRobertEvansCompany.She’strainedwritersatABC/Disney,MTV/Nickelodeon,the National Screen Institute, the Los Angeles Film School and TheUCLAWritersProgram.In demand as a speaker and guest teacher, Pilar has traveled

extensively,presentingclassesatFilmTrainingManitoba,TheAmericanScreenwriting Association, The Chicago Screenwriters Network, TheGreat American Pitchfest, The Northwest Screenwriters Guild, TheOrganizationOfBlackScreenwriters,TheRhodeIslandInternationalFilmFestival,TheScreenwritingExpoandmore.HerweeklyOnThePagepodcast featureswriting tipsand interviews

withwritersandproducersfromwithintheindustry.

Pilar’sstudentsandclientshavesoldtoDisney,DreamWorks,WarnerBrothersandSonyandhavewonprestigiouscompetitionssuchas theAustinFilmFestival,OpenDoorCompetition,DisneyFellowship,Fade-InCompetitionandNichollFellowship.Pilar’s On The Page® writing studio is based in Sherman Oaks,

California. She lives in Woodland Hills, California, with her husbandPatrickFrancisDodson(awriterandcomedian)andtheirtwogirls,SaraandRita.

{THEMYTHOFMWP}

In a dark time, a light bringer camealong, leading the curiousand thefrustrated to clarity andempowerment. It took thewell-guarded secretsoutof thehandsof the fewandmade themavailable toall. Itspreadaspirit of openness and creative freedom, and built a storehouse ofknowledgededicatedtothebettermentofthearts.

The essence of the Michael Wiese Productions (MWP) is empowering people who have theburningdesiretoexpressthemselvescreatively.Wehelpthemrealizetheirdreamsbyputtingthetools in their hands. We demystify the sometimes secretive worlds of screenwriting, directing,acting,producing,filmfinancing,andothermediacrafts.

Bydoingso,wehopetobringfortharealizationof ‘consciousmedia’whichwedefineasbeingpositively charged, emphasizing hopeand affirming positive values like trust, cooperation, self-empowerment,freedom,andlove.Groundedinthedeeprootsofmyth,itaimstobehealingbothforthosewhomaketheartandthosewhoencounterit.Ithopestobetransformativeforpeople,openingdoorstonewpossibilitiesandpullingbackveilstorevealhiddenworlds.

MWPhasbuiltastorehouseofknowledgeunequaledintheworld,fornootherpublisherhassomanytitlesonthemediaarts.Pleasevisitwww.mwp.comwhereyouwillfindmanyfreeresourcesanda25%discountonourbooks.Signupandbecomepartofthewidercreativecommunity!

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Documents

The Coffee Break Screenwriter: Writing Your Script Ten Minutes at a Time