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The Closest Connections: Family Relationships in Later Life. Sue Sweeney, MPH, MA Gerontology Department Madonna University [email protected]. Society/Culture. Address universals of human existence Time, space Birth, death Aggression Sex, partnering Parenting, family relationships - PowerPoint PPT Presentation
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The Closest The Closest Connections: Family Connections: Family Relationships in Later Relationships in Later
LifeLifeSue Sweeney, MPH, MASue Sweeney, MPH, MAGerontology DepartmentGerontology DepartmentMadonna UniversityMadonna [email protected]@madonna.edu
Society/Culture
Address universals of human existence– Time, space– Birth, death– Aggression– Sex, partnering– Parenting, family relationships– Distribution of resources– Defining in-group/out-groups
Society/Culture
Social roles, ideals, values/mores, folkways, traditions
World view that acts as a filter of external reality
Society/Culture
Results from environment, history, experiences, outside influences on the group
Family CultureFamily Culture
Transmission of larger culture on Transmission of larger culture on microscopic scalemicroscopic scale
Results from family’s history, Results from family’s history, experiences, outside influences, experiences, outside influences, place in larger societyplace in larger society
Family CultureFamily Culture
AttachmentAttachment Nurturance, love, esteemNurturance, love, esteem Independence, autonomy Independence, autonomy Respect, belongingRespect, belonging Rivalry, jealousyRivalry, jealousy Separation, individuationSeparation, individuation
Family CultureFamily Culture
Feelings, thinking, expressionFeelings, thinking, expression Group vs individualGroup vs individual Generations Generations Use and distribution of powerUse and distribution of power Use and distribution of resourcesUse and distribution of resources
Family CultureFamily Culture
Interpersonal relatingInterpersonal relating Gender roles, sexualityGender roles, sexuality Work ethic/leisureWork ethic/leisure Activity/passivityActivity/passivity Expression of aggressionExpression of aggression
Family CultureFamily Culture
Materialism/spiritualityMaterialism/spirituality LegacyLegacy Antecedents Antecedents DescendentsDescendents Open/closed groupOpen/closed group Flexibility/rigidityFlexibility/rigidity
Filial MaturityFilial Maturity
Adult developmental achievementAdult developmental achievement See parent as peer, not idealizedSee parent as peer, not idealized No longer retain fantasy of being No longer retain fantasy of being
cared forcared for Accept sexuality of parent(s)Accept sexuality of parent(s)
Later Life Family Relations Family culture played out among the
challenges of aging & changing rules– Empty nest– Grandparenthood– Retirement– Illness/death of parent– Dysfunction, disability, dependence of
family member– Additional responsibilities– High stakes decisions
Empty Nest/Retirement
Renewed focus on couple Redefinition of self Unstructured time Travel, avocations Relocation
Grandparenthood
Taking over grandchildren Raising grandchildren “Stuck” with child care Patriarch/matriarch
Parental RomancesParental Romances
It’s too soonIt’s too soon Replacing dad/momReplacing dad/mom You’re too old for thisYou’re too old for this You do what?You do what? What does he/she really want?What does he/she really want?
Blended FamiliesBlended Families
Later remarriageLater remarriage Acceptance of deceased spouseAcceptance of deceased spouse HolidaysHolidays
– TraditionsTraditions– LocationLocation
Inheritance of “steps”Inheritance of “steps” Care/end of life decisionsCare/end of life decisions
RelocationRelocation
Who is leaving whom?Who is leaving whom? Who is favored/burdened with Who is favored/burdened with
parents’ presence?parents’ presence? Downsizing: Who gets what?Downsizing: Who gets what? Violation of family roles/rules?Violation of family roles/rules?
Co-residence Whose idea was this? Expected, planned, no choice Resources Power Space allocation Task assignment Care required Reciprocity
Abusive/Neglectful Abusive/Neglectful Parent/SpouseParent/Spouse
Avoidant/cowed adult child/spouseAvoidant/cowed adult child/spouse Non-abusive parentNon-abusive parent
– BlamedBlamed– Failed to protectFailed to protect
Resentful eldercareResentful eldercare Risk of elder abuseRisk of elder abuse Risk of CG abuseRisk of CG abuse
Family CaregivingFamily Caregiving
Mom/dad takes care of itMom/dad takes care of it Sibling involvementSibling involvement
– JealousyJealousy– ResentmentResentment– FairnessFairness– Differential resourcesDifferential resources– Long distance/right hereLong distance/right here
Designated Primary Designated Primary CaregiverCaregiver
Spouse - expectedSpouse - expected Oldest (sister or brother)Oldest (sister or brother) Health professionalHealth professional Unmarried sibUnmarried sib Gay sibGay sib Unsuccessful, less separatedUnsuccessful, less separated Sib who takes care of others as Sib who takes care of others as
family rolefamily role
Family of CaregiverFamily of Caregiver
ResentmentResentment Loss of incomeLoss of income Loss of attentionLoss of attention Loss of family timeLoss of family time Loss of privacyLoss of privacy Growing up too fastGrowing up too fast ““Dance between guilt & resentment”Dance between guilt & resentment”
Caregiver Abuse
Excessive demands Inadequate sleep Basic needs not met Loss of self
Institutional CareInstitutional Care
AbandonmentAbandonment Guilt & conflictGuilt & conflict Adjustment difficultiesAdjustment difficulties Uncertain roleUncertain role Continuing needsContinuing needs Less control -> frustrationLess control -> frustration Staff challengesStaff challenges
End of Life
Who notifies, who is notified Keeping vigil Care decisions Funeral decisions Inheritance, disposition of property
Practitioner Attitude
Suspend conclusions– Observation– Questions– Hypotheses– Varying points of view– Open formulations– A picture that becomes larger and
sharper over time
Practitioner Attitude
What’s important to each person? What does each expect to happen? What is the optimal outcome, for
each? What is next best? What empowers family? Encourage open sharing
Practitioner Attitude
“If I had an hour to solve a problem I'd spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and 5 minutes thinking about solutions.” ― Albert Einstein
Practitioner Attitude
No “right” answers What works What does no harm What does least harm Not what’s equitable or just Only see the present result of a
whole family history
Family Education
Normative events, experiences Course of illness Treatments Alternatives Resources Communication
Limits
Acknowledge and accept… Lack of internal resources Lack of material resources Lack of social support Lack of role models
Limits
Cannot compensate for a lifetime of poor choices
Cannot compensate for misfortunes of a life
Acknowledge the Elephant
Sibling rivalry Substance abuse Other abuse Exploitation Tragic loss Blame, guilt, shame “It’s common in these circumstances
for families to….”
Suggest Alternatives
Acknowledge family culture Describe changes that invite
departure from past pattern Point out cost/consequences of
retaining past patterns Model of alternative “I wonder if….”
Find Middle Ground
Use cultural/religious/personal values Use what they’ve described as
important Ask what model they want their
children to have
Find Middle Ground
Ask if they can live with possible outcomes
Ask if they’ll have regrets later What would be “right” if it were
someone else? Don’t have to like it
Negotiation
Hold a family meeting Suggest formal mediation
– Community Dispute Resolution Program– http://courts.michigan.gov/scao/
resources/other/cdrpcenters.pdf
Involve Respected Authorities
Religious leaders Cultural/community leaders Trusted professionals Friends of the family Fictive kin
Predictive Interpretations
Describe possible reactions “Frequently people test the limits
by….” Encourage to persevere in spite Helps prepare/plan
Substitute Decision Making
Informed consent Accountability expected Bonding, report to court Harder to back out
Mark the Transition
Written agreement Formal documents Web site Ritual or ceremony Family gathering Acknowledge the accomplishment
Follow Up
Reinforce agreements Support and encouragement Start over if not working
Case Study – Mr. Constantine
What cultural issues may be influencing family dynamics?
How is power distributed in the family?
What other themes of family culture are pertinent to this case?
Case Study – Mr. Constantine
How has Mr. Constantine’s personal history affected this family?
What kinds of intervention could be helpful?
How would you start a dialogue?
References
Lustbader, W. (1991.) Counting on kindness: The dilemmas of dependency. New York: The Free Press
Lustbader, W. & Hooyman, N. (1994). Taking care of aging family members: A practical guide. New York: The Free Press
Smith, G. C., Tobin, S. S., Robertson-Tchabo, E. A. & Power, P.W. (1995). Strengthening aging families: Diversity in practice and policy. Thousand Oaks: SAGE Publications, Inc.