I have a CD in my car which Im usually too busy or too negligent
to change. So, on my long haul two hour drives one way to various
accounts in Berkshire County or Hartford Ct I listen to a mix of
talk radio, pop radio and this same CD, over and over again.
On the CD is a version of the 1812 Overture by Tchaikovsky. Its
about 12 minutes long. As you know, it musically tells the story of
Napoleons 500,000 troop ( French and allies) invasion of Russia.
What is less known is that Napoleon was the first of three
Anti-Christs. The second is Hitler, and the third is yet to come,
resulting in the fulfillment of predictions made in the book of
Revelations End of Days. As a piece of music it was a few peasant
themes sprinkled in, but is mostly variants of The Marseillaise (
representing the French) and Cereal Shot from Guns ( the Russians).
Towards the end, in the last three minutes the church bells are
heard ringing majestically. This musically signifies that God has
smitten the Anti-Christ with an early and severe onset of winter
which decimates his army, and leave them in tatters as they stumble
from Moscow, 1000 miles back to Vilnius, the nearest European safe
haven. Eventually Tsar Alexander follows Napoleon back to Paris,
exiles him to Elba, and becomes the toast of fashionable ladies in
their Parisian salons. What Im leading up to is that this moving
piece of music has strangely become the culmination of the Boston
Pops 4th of July concert on the Esplanade. What? What about the
Defense of Fort McHenry , a.k.a Our National Anthem? Wouldnt that
be a more patriotic and logical choice? Now let the griping
begin:First, for 362 days a year no one thinks about, or goes to
the Esplanade. Its just something one sees as one whizzes down
Storrow drive, doing 65 in a posted 40. In the three days prior to
the Fourth the word Esplanade suddenly leaps into everyones
consciousness thanks to countless newscasters all doing a live shot
there, as city hacks set up stages and lights. The word Esplanade
derives from the French word es plan ade. Which means Its a flat
piece of land too near the Charles River to build on. People that
live on nearby Marlborough St, Back Bay, Comm. Ave, Huntingon Ave
and the Newtons* all feel compelled to go there, as they live in
small overpriced apartments they share with folks they found on
roomates.com, folks that are hated for eating their canned Swedish
meatballs that were purchased on an excursion to Ikea in Stoughton.
Even worse is when your roommate feeds the meatballs to his dog,
Ralphie, the one he wont clean up after. The same Ralpie suspected
on chewing the Boston Globe ruining your whole Sunday afternoon
ritual of wine and the newspaper.
*The Newtons: Newton, Newton Lower Falls, West Newton, Newtons
lower east side, Newton Corner, and Fig Newton. The folks that plan
the concert are foo foo the snu types that want to broaden the
exposure of the hoi polloi to different and unwanted obscure forms
of music. Hence we get the opening act prior to the Pops of Dingus
the Zydeco player, and Cindi Lauper whos shtick is I havent had a
hit since 1985, and now Im old, but I still need money to pay the
bills. Finally after 24 hours of getting to the Esplanade first to
set up a lawn chair and blanket, and then enduring 2 to 3 hours of
the Dropkick Murphys and other local flavor bands we finally get to
the Pops. The once young and dashing Kieth Lockhart is now the old
and bitter Kieth Lockhart. Hes mad because his contract with the
Pops wont let him come out as gay. Hes not the inexplicably beloved
Arthur Fiedler who set the record for the longest running unbroken
streak in history of having only vodka and orange juice for
breakfast ( 62 years). What is it about band conductors? Theyre
either mad because the cant make the big time and conduct the
Michigan State 2300 member strong marching band, like John Jenkins,
or their mad because they have hit the big time and the stress
causes them to drink heavily and scream at the tuba section, as
their face turns beat red. Finally, now finally were at the end of
the 1812 Overture. The Mass National Guard is firing to the music
with their 155 mm howitzers, the band is in full swing, and 20
barges filled with 100 tons of fireworks are ready to launch. Now,
for the viewer at home, the camera does what it has done for the
last 39 years, and will continue to do going forward in perpetuity.
It pans across the audience and finds a frumpy middle aged woman
gesticulating with both hands as though she is the one conducting
the pops. She doesnt use authentic conductor gestures; she uses
Buggs Bunny style gestures with her hands going up and down, up and
down, over and over. She didnt plan on being on TV, but the sight
of this MILF ( or Gilf) conducting is too irresistible to the WBZ
producer not to put on TV for a good 30 seconds. I wonder if the
Pops musicians can see past the bright stage lights into the crowd,
and see the woman conducting. Wait! They think, follow her!
Everybody follow her! Fuck Kieth Lockhart, they decide. Follow the
Gilf !Sadly they dont, and the 1812 Overture concludes as expected,
and people pack up, cross Storrow drive via the Arthur Fiedler
footbridge, and go back to their Back Bay apartment to self indulge
in sex, beer, pot, designer coffee, fast food, or whatever they
have. See you next year, its been great. The GILF eventually goes
back to work where shes a mid level executive at a bank in Allston
where all her co workers saw her on TV, and congratulate her.
