The Approach

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What is Meet Your Sweet?

Your new life starts today. With MeetYourSweet.com, you get the ultimate toolkit to creating the success you crave in Life and Relationships. We know that youve got the smarts to take care of most areas of your life. So why should dating and relationships be any different?

Thats why we here at MeetYourSweet.com take a life coachs perspective to romance. We dont want to give you a paint-by-numbers program or dumb down what it takes to master REAL success.

Rather, our goal is to empower you by giving you the life skills that you need to achieve a complete personal and social transformation

the kind that will have you feeling confident, secure, desirable, and powerful, no matter what challenge you face! Weve done the research, and we know what works. Our non-manipulative approach harnesses capacities that everyone has within them. Whether youre male or female, young or old, single or in a relationship, we can help you become the absolute best you can be at relating with the opposite sex.

Just imagine it. Gone are the days of struggling to get a date. Gone are the days of struggling to keep someone attracted. Gone are the days of worrying about whether youre good-looking enough, popular enough, or captivating enough to get attention from the opposite sex!

With MeetYourSweet.com, you get expert advice from a team of the worlds greatest writers, life coaches, and counselors in the field of dating and relationships.

Every Meet Your Sweet course includes collaborations with top names in the field. Our team of contributing authors includes our very own Slade Shaw and Mia Summers, as well as Amy Waterman from 000Relationships.com and Andrew Rusbatch from SaveMyMarriageToday.com.

So kickstart your personal and social transformation with MeetYourSweet.com. We look forward to hearing how our courses have changed YOU!

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Amy: Hello and welcome to MeetYourSweet.com! Im Amy Waterman and Im here with a special guest today to talk about How to Approach Women and Start Conversations. Now weve gone straight to the experts on this one. Our guest is a woman who has helped hundreds of guys overcome their fears of approaching women, starting conversations, and getting more dates. Shes the founder of the Wing Girl Method based in Los Angeles, but she teaches men across the globe. Her philosophy is that women know what women want, so who better to learn from? Her name is Marni Kinrys and shes here with us today to talk about how to approach women and start conversations. Welcome, Marni, to the show!

Marni: Thank you for having me.

Amy: Now you actually take men out personally and assist them in successfully approaching women yourself.

Marni: Yes.

Amy: Could you explain to our listeners a little bit more about what being a Wing Girl actually means, and why youve invested so much of yourself in helping men break the ice with women?

Marni: Ill be honest with you, the company that I have now started by fluke. For my entire life, Ive always been friends with males. Ive been friends with females as well, but the majority have always been males, so I always naturally did this for them. I would be out with them, and they would be too afraid to go up and approach an attractive woman, so I would get up and go do it for them. Basically the fact that I would go up to these women validated the men that I was with by seeing that they were with a cute girl and the fact that they were with women in general, which means they got women, they understood women, they knew how to deal with women, and they werent afraid of women. It helped my friends be seen as an actual option for these women, as opposed to being the freaky guy who was sitting in a club by himself or the weird guy whos sitting with his group of friends staring down girls and looking to attack them and then leave them.

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My company helps validate men and then slowly it started transforming itself into a coaching service. Initially, though, it was set up where two wing girls would go out with a single man, and we would pick up women for him. We would go up, approach women, and pull our client over to the woman or the other way around: we would pull that woman over to our client and engage in conversation. If it was going well, we would pull away. If it wasnt going well, we would pull him away and stop the conversation.

The main point was to boost confidence and show a man what exactly works when engaging and approaching women: what turns them off, what turns them on.

A lot of men think that what theyre saying to women attracts them, because thats why theyre saying it to them. What we do is we are the live female perspective on-site, letting them know what works and what doesnt work.

Now, we have been working with a lot of men who just dont know how to approach women at all. We help them (1) gain the confidence, and (2) think of ways to approach a woman, by giving them lines to start off with and giving them the two girls to be beside them to give them confidence to go up and approach a person.

What eventually I want is for us not to be there. I want the client be able to go up and approach anybody not just women, but anybody in general. I think thats a really important skill to have. Once you can approach anybody, you can conquer the entire world.

Amy: That is exactly the case. In a sense, then, the Wing Girl service doesnt just help men get better with women, but it actually improves their social skills so that they can be more successful in life in general.

Marni: Socially, they can be so much better. People who rule the world are the ones who can engage and approach anybody, because they have ultimate confidence. When you are confident in who you are, what you know and your place in life, then you learn for yourself that it doesnt matter how you approach somebody. You can approach anybody, because what you have (which is you as a package) is

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something that everybody else should want. If they dont want it, then thats their problem as opposed to being your problem.

A lot of my clients see women and other people as others who wont want them. My training and my coaching helps them learn that they are a wonderful product that everybody should want. If they dont want it, its because they dont need it at that time or because they want something else, which means theres no fault for anybody. Theres nothing wrong with the woman or the other person that theyre trying to approach, and theres nothing wrong with the man or my client. Theres just a difference in wants and needs.

Amy: Thats fantastic. You are one of the most realistic people about prospects because often in the pickup community you hear guys saying, With my techniques, youll pick up any woman. What I like to hear you say is, Not just any woman. We want our clients to be a match with the woman theyre approaching.

Marni: Exactly. The truth is that for a first approach you really can approach every single person. You can stir attraction in most people for the first meeting, maybe even the second meeting, but once it gets to actually knowing the person and figuring out things about the person, thats when attraction can fade, because you start going to different levels of what attracts you. Initially, yes, you can spark interest in most people by what you say and the way you carry yourself, but when it gets down to actually knowing a person and getting to know a person further, theres less possible people that are good matches for you.

Amy: That is really, really good. Just for our listeners, youll learn more about how to contact Marni and more of her services later on in the program. Getting back to the approach, one of the biggest problems that men have in general is that approach anxiety. Theyre just scared to death of going up and approaching a woman. What are some of your tips for getting over that painful paralysis that a lot of guys experience?

Marni: The best thing is, really, sucking it up and going in and doing it. The exercise that I teach my clients is they need to approach five to ten people men, women, young or old (not too young, hopefully!)

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every single day. They can do it for as long as they want.

Basically, it gets them to leave their regular routine and schedule. For most people, once you get past college and youre in the workforce, your day is the same. You rarely interact with different people every day. If youre very lucky and you work in a world where your job changes everyday and you interact with all these different people, thats fantastic, but most people dont work in jobs like that. They wake up in the morning, they go to the gym, they interact with the same people, they go to the office and interact with the same people, then they go home and they interact with themselves or their roommate. They very rarely get to step out of that regular routine.

When you start recognizing that you want to make some changes, the first change is making an effort to do different things and go and approach as many people as possible. When you are engaging and approaching people youre trying out lines. Youre trying out things that work, things that attract you, things that attract other people. Youre trying to see what engages people in conversation and what gets people to start talking to you. I help my clients with thinking of ways to get people to start talking, ways of asking questions, ways of asking opinion openers.

The exercise really just teaches them that there are tons of people out there to interact with. There isnt that one person. In the past, a client of mine may have approached one person in a month only one person! If that one person rejects them, it kills. It stings, and it puts them off approaching anybody for a very long period of time.

If you start approaching five to ten people a day, that means that you know that there are five to ten people out there every single day that you could possibly approach. And if those five to ten people reject you, you know that the next day there will be five to ten people that you have another chance with. Youll have at least three of those people engaged in conversation with you, and then eventually over time youll start noticing that people will start approaching you because you have opened yourself up and have made yourself approachable. Thats something thats very attractive to people, and women in particular: someone who is approachable and confident.

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Over time, this exercise will (1) make you happier with yourself, because youre doing something different, and (2) give you confidence, because youre putting yourself in a scary place.

With our program, there are tons of other exercises like this that we teach. The underlying lesson is, Im a wonderful person. Im making myself scared, and Im doing things I never thought I could do, and Im gaining confidence. That is the most attractive quality to a woman.

When we did our survey, 99 out of 100 women of different ages and different races said that confidence is the most attractive characteristic a man can possess.

Confidence is underlying. Every man doesnt have to be attractive; every man doesnt have to be funny. Its an inner confidence that I swear women can sniff out. Its something you cant fake.

You cant fake confidence. You can pretend to be confident for awhile, but a truly confident person is somebody who is in control of themselves and happy and satisfied with themselves.

It doesnt mean you have to be happy all the time. It doesnt mean you have to be cheery. It doesnt mean you always have to do things the proper way or do it correctly or be successful at all times. It has to do with being okay with things that arent right all the time or that dont go your way all the time. Its knowing that you will get over that hump and be okay at the very end.

A lot of my clients dont know that yet. Theyve dug themselves into a hole and theyre at a very low place. This first exercise of approaching five to ten people every day digs you out of that hole. It gets your juices flowing. You just regain that confidence. Just by interacting with people and feeding off of people, you get this energy in you. A lot of my clients have found just that exercise alone, which is the first step of our program, to be extremely, extremely helpful. All of them have been very successful in that exercise, because that leads them into figuring out how to approach other people and how to approach women effectively. Its basically like riding a bike. You figure out the best way for you to do it so that you can do it every single time.

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Amy: I love that. Thats absolutely fantastic. Its really an attitude that youre describing. Its almost like a scientific attitude in some ways. Youre going out there and doing experiment after experiment, trying different things. Youre not saying, Im a success or Im a failure; youre just saying, This works; this didnt. Theres no personal judgment there.

Marni: A lot of my clients who are engineers or doctors or math people are used to the idea that if you do this, then this will happen. This is just another way of turning the social world into an, If I do this, then this will happen, situation. Its not going to happen every single time, but, basically, if you look toward yourself and think, If I do this and approach somebody, they will have a reaction and I will be okay with it, thats the formula that you want to get to as opposed to, If I do this, this person will smile. That doesnt matter. You cant control another person, but you can always control yourself. That is the most important thing that I teach my clients. Youre doing this all for yourself. Youve found your program for this reason. You found my program for this reason. Youre doing something for yourself, so that you can become something later on.

The other problem that I find a lot of my clients have is that they end up getting walked all over by the people that they eventually get together with. This is another exercise that will help my clients and your clients gain the confidence they need so that this wont happen in the future, because they understand their worth and theyre gaining control over who they are, what they do, and what other people are able to do to them.

Amy: Are there any mental tricks that guys can use to deal with rejection as its happening? One of the hard things is that when someone rejects you, you immediately deflate. Its like this automatic reaction. Is there any way or any sort of tricks that guys can use to control themselves and deal properly with the rejection?

Marni: The first exercise that I just described is definitely something that will help them with this, by realizing that there are many other options

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out there. If you get rejected by one person, there are twenty other people that can reject you as well but also twenty other people that can accept you. Its getting to that level where they realize there are other options out there, where they can talk to somebody and if they turn away they can think, All right, thats not that bad.

It still stings. Rejection stings no matter what, especially if youre a confident person. It always stings, because you go into the approach thinking, This person is going to love me, and when they dont accept you the way that you wanted them to, its going to sting. It just wont sting as much, because youll be able to walk to the next person and approach them as well, thinking, That person wasnt right for me; we werent right at this time. This person might be.

Youre always thinking in your head, Well, that sucked, but were going to go on to the next thing. What I tell my clients to do in the very beginning, before they start doing this exercise properly, is to just take a moment, take a breath, and be like, That sucked, but lets see what else is out there. Its just acknowledging that there are other options out there for you.

The one problem that I do have is when men get into the state of thinking that there are always other options out there. Thats where a lot of people have problems today in the dating world, with things like online dating and multi-dating. People choose not to work on things in a relationship or settle down with one person, because theyre constantly thinking about the other options out there.

I dont want my clients or your clients to go that far, but I want them to get to a level of where they think, Okay, it didnt work with this person; they didnt accept me, and maybe I wouldnt have accepted them. Maybe they saw something I didnt, but Im going to go to the next person.

You have to put it on the other person, as opposed to putting it on yourself, saying, I wasnt right for this person. You dont want to think, Im unattractive, or, My line wasnt good enough. It was just that that person wasnt open to accepting me at this time but this person might be.

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Its just really checking in with yourself and having full control over yourself and your emotions. Everybody can have control over themselves. Its really just checking in with yourself and making sure you have your feelings under control. Even if you want to cry, break down, or whatever, its knowing that youre allowing yourself to do that and something else isnt taking control of you.

Amy: That is great. Lets just say we want to avoid rejection anyway. What are some of the things that guys do that actually lead to rejection? What are some big approach donts for guys?

Marni: I hate when men approach me and have nothing to say. I hate when theyll say the typical lines without having some sort of confidence or something else behind them. They have to have something behind them. They come up to me, and they dont have a reason for approaching me or a purpose for approaching me. Theyre not sure why theyre over there. Thats what I dont like. I dont like it when I have to carry on the full conversation. I dont like when they really have nothing else to offer. I like when a man takes control. I like when a man is a man and directs me in the conversation. I like when he provides something interesting and fun for me.

If Im not meeting somebody because of a date being set up and someone just randomly comes up to me and they just say I think Hi is a good line, but if you dont have anything else after that to back up your hello, whether its asking me a question and then letting me do most of the talking or its something interesting to provide you with, I lose interest very, very fast. I get bored. I start looking over your shoulder. Im a nice person, so Ill still stay in the conversation with you until you walk away or until I can think of an excuse of why I want to walk away. I just find that a lot of men dont have purpose in what theyre doing with approaching people. I think they finally work up the nerve to approach, but then they dont have anything.

Theres this show on VH1 which highlights the Mystery Method, which is wonderful. He teaches great approaching and engaging techniques, but a lot of his people dont have anything after they approach and engage. They can play a little game, they can be playful and engaging, but once it comes down to starting a conversation

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once theyre done with the set lines that theyve learned they dont have anything. So, then, the first person that they show to this woman seems like a fake person that doesnt really exist, because suddenly they have no confidence again. Suddenly, they are kind of boring and dull and nothing.

The important thing for me is to have purpose in all of your actions and everything that you do: to know why youre going up and approaching somebody and to have something to follow up the approach with after. Again, it comes down to confidence. It comes down to a man being an actual man and leading the conversation or having something interesting and fun to contribute.

Later on down the road, when youre in a relationship or youre in the dating process, its very different. But when youre in the very beginning, when somebody knows nothing about you and vice versa, a man has to be a man. A man has to not control but take control of himself and sell himself properly. It doesnt mean being fake or being hokey or being cheesy, but it just means having a purpose and having a reason for approaching me, whether its to provide me with fun so therefore being entertaining or telling me a joke or doing a magic trick or whatever. Whatever it is, theres a purpose behind that. Youre offering me fun. If youre going to offer me nothing when engaging and approaching me, then Im going to turn around and talk to the person who does offer me something.

Amy: You talked a little while ago about opinion openers. What are some great, fun openers or strategies guys can use to start conversations?

Marni: One thing that I teach my clients is really ask an opinion about something you are actually interested in hearing an answer about. If you ask an opinion opener that is about Britney Spears but you have no interest in Britney Spears at all, then dont ask those questions.

If you dont care, then the person is going to read that you dont care. The womans going to know that you dont care about the answer, but if you tweak it so that your interest is getting them to speak and therefore youll be interested in the conversation then thats also a trick that you can do for yourself.

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One opinion opener that I really like, which just gets people over being afraid of approaching in general and will definitely help you to strike up conversation with every woman youll talk to, is going up to a woman and telling her that a friend of yours recently cheated on his girlfriend once, does not plan on doing it again, and what is your opinion: should he tell her or not tell her? That will get a woman starting to talk. It gets her to let her guard down and be very focused about what her opinion is.

The thing is that you dont want to let this conversation to go on for too long. After that, you want to take a breath, relax, and then think of other ways to steer the conversation. After youve engaged in this opinion-sharing, then you can transition into other conversational areas. For example, you can then ask, Do you come here a lot? Are there any other bars in this area that you would suggest to go to? Do you live around here? If youre at a bookstore you can say, Im also in the market for a really good [whatever type of novel]. Can you give any suggestions? or, What was the last book you read?

There are other ways to segue in after you have the opinion opener conversation. Other opinion openers are just simple things: anything that you can find in a Cosmo magazine, things that women are interested in, like, What is your opinion on vitamins? Its just so dumb.

Its the way that you carry yourself when youre asking these opinions that matters. Things that women will have an opinion on are things that they will engage you in, things they want to speak about. Women want to prove their intelligence, and they want to express their opinions at all times.

Amy: So, Marni, one of the big questions that guys always ask us is, What

do I do to keep from running out of things to say in a conversation?

Marni: What I always tell clients is the same thing as anything else: when youre studying for an exam, you study. You go over things over and over and over again. When youre studying for a debate class, lets say, you will rehearse your debate. Youll know exactly what you want to say, and youll rehearse your points.

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Theres nothing wrong with rehearsing your points for conversation before. If youre not the type of person who can come up with dialogue off the cuff, I would say rehearse. Get one of those mini-recorders or a video camera or go in front of a mirror and just rehearse, rehearse, rehearse.

I tell a lot of my clients to write down the ten top stories from their life. They dont have to be adventurous stories; they just have to be interesting stories. They have to figure out a way with my assistance to make their stories interesting. They dont have to be ones where theyre talking about sky diving; it can be something as simple as babysitting for your sisters niece, or whatever it is in this conversation, and figuring out how to make it not boring and interesting to other people.

Thats why I advise using a video camera or an audio recorder, because you can hear when youre not being attractive and you can hear when youre boring people to death. The thing is: if youre bored with the conversation, other people are going to be even more bored, because theyre not as invested in it as you are.

For guys who have trouble finishing conversations or staying in a conversation, the best thing they can do is really just practice and prepare. After you do it for long enough, you figure out what works. You figure out what it is that interests people to talk about and what engages them to talk about. After a while, conversation is normal. The conversation is real. Its not like its practice anymore: its just your real flow of conversation.

I know that when I was backpacking, lets say, when I was 18, I have the same stories for every single person that I talk to. I knew them off my heart. I added more exciting pieces to the stories at the very end, and it was natural, casual conversation. It had a nice flow, and it was good, because the people were entertained. I was entertained telling my stories! Even I told it fifty times to fifty other people, I still enjoyed it. Theres nothing wrong with reusing conversation that works for you and that gets a really good response.

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Again, my straight advice to people is practice, practice, practice. There is nothing wrong with practicing how to be social. Being social is tough work. It takes effort. It takes motivation from yourself, and it takes practice and studying and more practice. The more people that you talk to, the more things youll have to say and the more ways youll figure out how to segue conversation. Youll have more topics to talk about.

The more things you do, the more things youll have to say. If youre doing the same thing over and over and over again meaning, say, having the same schedule, interacting with the same people youre not really going to have a lot of stories. When you start going out of your regular schedule, interacting with different people and approaching different people, youre going to have a story or interesting things to tell people.

What I teach my clients is that one of the most important characteristics a man can posses is being interesting. To be interesting that takes practice, effort, being in control of yourself, and knowing that you want to make yourself more interesting. Once you know that you want to make yourself more interesting, you actually can become more interesting, because youre going to make the efforts and take the steps to do so.

Amy: That is fantastic, because I know one of the things that men often struggle with, when they see a woman across the room, is thinking, Oh, my gosh shes out of my league! I dont have anything I could possibly say to interest her. Are there any tips that you would give guys who often find that they get scared or freaked out by women who they think are out of their league?

Some of the pickup artists, for example, teach men to tell stories that indirectly display their status, like, I was taking my ex-girlfriend to a photo shoot stuff like that. What do you think men should do to make sure that women see them as in their same league, so to speak?

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Marni: Im in full support of that. Ive listened to Mystery Method and a couple of the other pickup artists who say the exact same thing. Im fine with that as long as it doesnt demean women. As long as it doesnt manipulate women, then I am in full support of putting yourself at a higher position, as you should!

Amy: What are some body language signals guys can use? Because, of course, one part of the approach in making conversation, and the other part of the approach is body language. Could you describe to us some of the worst examples of body language youve seen as well as some of the best examples?

Marni: Yes. Hunched over. No eye contact. Fidgety. Twitching. Not looking at the person. Looking all over the room. Its obvious that theyre nervous. That is unmanly, unattractive body language.

A man who comes up to a woman, faces her, shoulders up, strong back, very manly, very masculine, making eye contact, maybe a minute and half into the conversation glancing over her shoulder to give her the feeling that she could possibly be rejected thats the type of body language that a man posses. Thats the type of body language that attracts women. No matter what you say, if youre standing that way and you are confident, you have confidence behind what youre saying. No matter what comes out of your mouth, youre fine.

Women are not really listening to what youre saying. If they find you confident and attractive not physically attractive, but attractive because of your demeanor and your emotions and everything else that youre putting out there it doesnt matter what you say.

The one thing I tell clients is not to dominate a conversation with women. You want to be able to steer the conversation and control the conversation, but if you start dominating it you bore women. Women love to talk. Women are talkers. You put women into a room, they want to talk. They want to say, Oh, me too! Me, too! Me, too!

The more that you get a woman to talk, the more nervous she becomes. The more that you want to ask her questions that question her intelligence, the more nervous she becomes, because she could possibly be rejected by you.

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I tell people its like a game of catch. When she throws the ball back at you, you want to throw it back at her right away. You want to take about five seconds, maybe ten seconds, and give her a really good story, and then you want to throw the ball back to her and make her fill in the gaps.

If there are silences, dont get nervous. Shes just as nervous, too, when theres silence. If she likes you, shes going to try and fill those gaps. The thing is to stay in control, maintain who you are as a man, even if youre freaking out on the inside. Most people freak out that means even the top pickup artists but you just give the appearance of not freaking out.

Again, that comes with practice. You want to practice your approach in front of the mirror so that its not nerve-racking when you go up to somebody do it. Go in front of the mirror and ask your question that you plan on asking women over and over and over again, until it is a part of you. Make a statement over and over and over again until it doesnt feel like its a line, until it feels like its natural coming out of your mouth.

I used to act a little bit when I was young for school plays and stuff, and I would always learn my dialogue to a point where I really had no feelings behind it because I would memorize it so much. I went over and over and over again, because then I was able to apply emotions to what I was saying because I had the dialogue down pat. I had what I was saying down pat, because then I could maneuver whatever I wanted to say to have the right expressions when I was saying it.

Practice, practice, practice: in front of a mirror with an audio tape, with a video tape, whatever it is you want to do that gets you to get that conversation down and gets you comfortable with that conversation I would say go ahead and do it!

Amy: One of the images that came to my mind when you were describing negative body language is this idea All of us women have this mental stereotype of the creep. The creepy guy has all of those body language characteristics you talk about, plus, when he talks

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to you, he just doesnt come across as genuine. Its almost like hes saying one thing and meaning another. A lot of guys of there have no clue how women peg guys as creepy. Would you explore that concept a bit, so guys know what to avoid?

Marni: Of the creepy guy? I would say I cant even describe it. Id have to show it visually. Its just this look in their eyes where theyre kind of like staring you down. If anything, having their head tilted a little bit, asking you questions, and being way too overly intense. That creeps me out.

Its when they dont really have anything to say, but they still stand there and dont know when to leave. I think a man knows when to leave. The most manly and attractive thing you could do, if a conversations not going well, is walk away. A lot of guys dont know when to do that, so thats creepy.

I dont like the guy whose stands at the bar by himself sitting on a stool or standing in the corner, just staring you down and not coming to approach you. Its less creepy when you go up and approach. Its more creepy when you stare for about ten minutes.

Other creepy behavior is, again, not knowing when to leave. That is very creepy: guys that just sort of stay around you and just look around and dont know when to take a hint. If a friend comes up and saves her friend because most females will have their friends save them, and men wont be able to pick up on that just leave. When a friend comes over just say hi, if theyre having a conversation and not including you, then just leave. Walk away, or just say, Thank you. I had a great time meeting you. Say, Very nice meeting you, as well to her friend, and then, Im going to go back over to my friends. Have a nice evening. Maybe stop by later, whatever it is.

You want to avoid being creepy, because that female will tell every other female that she comes in contact with about the creepy guy whos interacting with her. Its bad PR for you if you end up being the creepy guy.

Amy: Definitely.

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You talked about ending conversations. One of the biggest problems that guys have at that point isnt the walk-away bit, but its the, What do I do now? bit. For example, Do I ask for her phone number? Do I say Id like to see you again? Do I ask her out? What do I do? How can a guy end a conversation with a woman that hes really liked so that she may see him again?

Marni: It just depends on what the situation is. A nice move is to just walk away and then go back up to her maybe a few minutes later and say, You know what? I want to continue this conversation. I want to get to know you better, but not in this atmosphere. Why dont you give me your number, and Ill take you out for coffee next week? It just depends what your surroundings are. If you know youre not going to get a chance to interact with this woman again, and youre getting the vibe that she likes you, too, I would just end the conversation early and say, Listen, Im going to go back over to my friends now. I would love your phone number. Its really just being direct and in control.

That is attractive: a person whos in control means that he can be in control of every other thing. A man who is direct, a man who knows what he wants. By stating, I want your phone number, that is saying, I want this. If she says no or, Id rather not give you my phone number, or she gives you a phone number, whatever it is, just be okay with it. Thats what a cool and collected man is like: someone whos okay with whatever the outcome is. You can be disappointed on the inside, but if she says, No, I dont feel like giving you my phone number, just say, Thats totally fine, and go back. Dont push her for the phone number or ask again.

I would say just excuse yourself, unless youre really into a deep conversation, if youre at a party where its quiet and you can hear each other. But if youre out at a bar somewhere, I would say, Im going to go back over to my friends. Youre having fun with your friends over here. I would love to continue this conversation somewhere else and take you out for coffee next week possibly. Can I have your phone number?

A guy who says it like, you know, What if I got your phone number? thats not attractive or manly.

::: 20 :::


Practice that statement to yourself, so that you know if off by heart. Its natural. There are no ums and ohs, and its direct. Its saying, I want your phone number because I would like to get to know you better, which women love to hear! It means that theres something interesting about them, so that makes them spark and makes them very attracted.

Amy: Are there any body language signals that guys can look for in a woman that will indicate whether or not shes into him?

One of the problems they often have is they think they want to get her phone number, but theyre not sure whether shes into him or whether shes not. Can a guy figure out somehow intuitively whether or not shes going to give him the real phone number without coming out and asking?

Marni: Definitely. I would say that, for a lot of women, women who are overly comfortable with you the first time you meet them probably arent interested in you sexually. Theyre interested in the conversation. Theyre not thinking in their head that, This person is interested, or they probably are but trying to wipe it away from their head and just think, Oh, he really wants to talk to me. He wants to know my opinions. Women who arent really interested in you will probably be overly touchy and overly talkative and very comfortable. The women who are a little bit uncomfortable with you and maybe not as touchy and maybe even holding on to their hand but making eye contact and moving their body around in a weird way are the ones that are into you.

The ones that are looking over your shoulder, looking for their friends, and giving you one-word answers are probably not that interested in you.

Thats the only way that I can explain it to you without being there live, which is what we do with our clients. We are there live with our clients to say, No, not interested in you, or, Shes bored or she doesnt want to talk to you anymore, or, She would like to go home with you, or, She really likes you.

::: 21 :::


So those are the three main things to look for when interacting with women.

Amy: When women are really, really comfortable, its often something that happens in day game. If a guy meets a woman outside the context of a bar or club which, of course, are really meat markets, thats where men and woman are supposed to meet. Lets say they meet a woman on the street, in a bookstore, in a caf and shes just going to assume straight off the bat, Oh, hes just being friendly. What is a good way to approach day game such that you can actually spark interest rather than a friendly conversation with this friendly stranger I happened to meet at the bookstore?

Marni: Again, its being forward and direct. Thats what I would say.

I think day game catches people off guard. Theyre not expecting somebody to be picking them up, so, if anything, they are thinking, This is a very nice person, and Im interested in them, or, Im having a nice conversation.

The way that you can distinguish what youre after and what youre interested in is by being direct and asking for their phone number. If you are at a bookstore, go up to a person and just ask them a casual question. Just even say, What was the last great book that you read? which is going to a deeper level of conversation, but not too deep, or, Whos your favorite author? Do you enjoy reading books or do you like the magazines? e.g., just things that are a little bit deeper than, Hi, how are you? or, Whats your name? or, Do you come to this bookstore a lot? or, Do you know where? Things like that are too casual. This is on a deeper level.

When they do give their answer, if you have common interest, then go ahead and start having a conversation.

I think thats wonderful if you spark a conversation with somebody. Again, what you want to do is not dominate the conversation. You want to guide it and control it. If you start gabbing on and on and on about your favorite author and book thats for the fifth date or the third date. Thats for later on down the road.

::: 22 :::


In the beginning, you want to control the conversation. You want to guide the conversation, and you want to keep this brief as possible. Unless you are totally into this conversation and having the best time, I would say end the conversation after about five minutes and say, Im going to go walk around and find a book, or, I have to go back to the office, but I want to take you out for coffee. I want to get to know you better.

Thats all that I can suggest to do. Day games is a lot harder because people at a bar are okay with saying yes or no because they know why everybody is approaching everybody else. Its very rare that somebody just approaches a person of the opposite sex for conversation. In day game, you can be approaching that person for so many reasons.

I would say keep it as brief as possible, and then be direct abut what it is that youre after.

Amy: Great. Marni, were just about running out of time, so, just to sum up, what are your top three tips for guys who are struggling for approaching women?

Marni: Be direct and be in control.

Again, go home and go in front of the mirror. Rent a video camera, get an audio recorder, and just practice, practice, practice. Find your top ten stories of your lifetime. Not absurd and crazy stories that are fake or embellished: you want stories that are real and that are conversation pieces, like something about your family, something about when you were a little kid, something about that happened to you a week and a half ago at the grocery store.

You want stories that are real and not too over-the-top. You want ones that make other people feel comfortable and may even belittle you in some sort of way and then something you can laugh about. You can say, And I did this, and then I tripped and I made a fool out of myself. But you know what? It doesnt really matter, because I dont care if I trip at the bank. Its not a big deal. I still ended up getting my money.

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Whatever it is that you want to tell a story about, have those practiced before. Write them down and practice them. Just figure out how to make those stories interesting. Again, services like mine are there to help you for things like that and tell you what women would be attracted to and wouldnt be attracted to.

Be in control of your conversation, and that is done through practicing. Just direct the conversation. Once youve gone into the approach, you are in complete control, so just remember that you are in complete control and direct and guide the conversation. Dont dominate it.

Those are my three tips, and once you get those things down through practice, it all becomes really easy after that. Its just very simple. Even with myself, I reuse my conversation all the time with new people that I meet. Its fresh for me. Its fun for me, because I get better at telling those stories every single time. I add something in that I know made somebody laugh.

Its the same thing as a comedian who goes on stage. Im lucky, I live in L.A., so I see a whole bunch of comedians. Ill see them over and over again; theyll tell a joke, and then the next time they tell it, theyll tell it with a few different words, and those words may make the audience laugh so much more. A few words can make a big difference. So you can find out what those words are and what can get your audience to pay attention and what can get your audience to be interested and what can be entertaining to your audience. Its really for you just study this and figure out what works best for you and the people who you want to be interacting with.

Amy: You mentioned a lot through this interview about your services, and there are probably a lot of guys out there listening right now who say, You know, its great to hear all this in general, but I want to work with Marni personally. I want her to look at my approach, look at my pickup style, look at my clothing style, tell me what Im doing wrong and get me out there attracting more women.

How can these guys get in contact with you, and what sort of service do you offer aside from the approach?

::: 24 :::


Marni: We offer tons of services. The best way is to go to our website. We offer the traditional wing girl outing, which is taking a man out and going up and picking up and approaching women. If youre not in our cities of Las Angeles and Toronto, then we have other services. We do phone coaching services, which have proven to be very successful, where we teach all about the wing girl method of communicating and approaching and technique. We have pickup analysis. We have another program where we help out with online dating. We have another program that helps with online interactions, where well help with emails and go through emails/ Basically were your buffer: you pass your email through to us, we tell you whats unattractive or attractive about it, we tweak it, we fix it and then were done. There are tons of other services. We also do wardrobe consultation. We do tons of things. Its a great service for men.

Amy: Fantastic. Thank you so much, Marni, for doing this. Its been a great discussion with lots of great information.

You can find more information about Marni and her Wing Girl and coaching services at www.MeetYourSweet.com/recommends/winggirl/ Thats it from us here at MeetYourSweet.com. Join us again for more great information on how to change your life, starting today!

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The Approach