The 7 Habits of Highly Ineffective Managers - Geoffrey James

8/6/2019 The 7 Habits of Highly Ineffective Managers - Geoffrey James

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THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY

INEFFECTIVE MANAGERS

Foreword

The world has changed. Things are different than they were. Nothing is thesame, except one thing: bad management, which is as eternal as death andtaxes.

The sweeping changes in society and rumbling shifts in a globalizedmarketplace are giving the business world a massive tummy ache. What's

needed to address this problem is a huge square "Alka-Seltzer" made out of paper.

And that's the reason for this book.

In today's world, we face challenges of many different kinds, ranging from"How should I order my coffee at Starbucks?" to "How can I get that damn



'Whip My Hair' song out of my brain?"

Our problems and pain are universal, which is why we need universal,timeless, self-evident principles common to every management teamthroughout history. I did not invent them and take no credit for them. I'vesimply identified and organized them into a coherent framework.

If you want to achieve your highest aspirations and overcome your greatestchallenges, buy this book. Better yet, send me $1,000 in unmarked bills. Icould use the money.

Habit #1: Be a Know-It-All

The powers that be made YOU the boss. That's proof positive that you'resmarter, better and faster than any of your employees. Make sure that theyknow that you could do their job better than they could do it... if you weren'tso busy doing important manager stuff.

For instance, if you were in sales back when the Internet was just a twinklein Al Gore's eye, feel free to tell your sales team exactly how to they should

be approaching their opportunities.

Similarly, if you once programmed in COBOL, it's entirely appropriate totell a programming staff exactly how to write C++ code. In fact, you should



probably get into their files and make some changes, just so that they knowthat you're on top of their game.

Here's the thing. Everyone knows that an employee will not respect amanager who knows less than his or her employees. If you let them think that you're not as smart, they'll be clamoring for raises and bonuses! Andthat's money that could be going into your own pay package!

Make sure that EVERYONE in your team ALWAYS knows that you're acut above the hoi polloi that tremble at your feet. That way they won't getuppity.

Habit #2: Manage Numbers not People

Management pundits go on and on about empowerment and teamwork, but

the simple truth is that the only thing that's REALLY important is the bottom line. Business is all about making money, and if that means making people miserable, well, so be it.

Does this mean that you shouldn't worry about employee morale? Certainlynot! You should always make a point to explain, in fulsome detail, thatemployee morale is vitally important to the company. In fact, send out a



memo to that effect! And make sure that everyone has a coffee mug with thecompany logo on it.

Problem solved!

Now that you've dealt with that pesky morale thing, turn your attention tothe real business of management, which is squeezing out every last drop of

productivity out of each employee. For example, it's always a great idea to put everyone on salary and then insist upon 60 hour weeks. It's just likegetting 50 percent more people at the same price!

Hand out raises and bonuses as if each extra dollar is a major concession.Make sure that everyone knows that they're replaceable. If you deal withcustomers, make sure that you never, ever leave money on the table, even if

it means sticking them with crap they'll never need or use.

Follow this habit religiously, and you'll always have wonderful Powerpointdecks to present to the bigwigs in board room. After all, what those guyscare about are the numbers, right? Employees? Screw 'em.

Habit #3: Embrace the Status Quo



Forget about all that crap about innovation. If something ain't broke, don'tfix it.

The entire structure of the corporation is specifically designed to ensure thatthose in power stay in power. Since you're now in a position of power, thestatus quo is, by definition, the best of all possible worlds. Why would eventhink about making alterations?

Remember: the only people who like really changing are urine-soaked babies. For everyone else in God's green world, it's far easier to leteverything stay as much same as possible.

Now, does this mean that you should reject all the wonders of moderntechnology? By no means! Technology is to be embraced, wholeheartedly,

and then harnessed to buttress the status quo.

Take the Internet, for instance. If you don't get your employees plugged intothe Web, they won't be able to get their work done. Just make sure that youmonitor everything that they do and filter out any site that you don't like.That way, you make sure that whatever they do fits within the circumscribed

boundaries of the status quo.

What's more, a corporate Internet is an excellent way to keep tabs on your employees. Give them smartphones and track their locations. Be sure to

check all their emails, texts, and entries on social media sites. If anyonedoes anything you don't like, call them on the carpet, or give them the ol'heave ho.

That will teach those losers what happens when they dare to think for themselves



Habit #4: Divide and Conquer

The best way to manage a team is to make sure that one half hates the other half. Ideally, you want the entire group to be a seething swamp of resentment and pique -- all of it aimed at co-workers rather than you!

There are many ways to do this. First, make sure that people doing the same

job are paid differently and receive different levels of recognition. If possible segment by gender or race!

Second, never pass up an opportunity to set two employees at each other throats by repeating unkind things they've said about one another. Hint: if all else fails, make something up!



Third, always have a scapegoat to take the blame if something goes wrong.Ideally, you should rotate this role, so that everyone has a chance to feelmiserable... and then to beat up the next guy who gets to take the blame.

Finally, and most importantly, make certain that you're always the person to put the finishing touches on a successful project, if only to "keep peace inthe family." That way, you can take the lion's share of credit while throwingsome crumbs on the floor for your underlings to fight over.

Habit #5: Do It Yourself

Here's a truism for the ages: "If you want something done right, do it

yourself!"

The great heroes of this world (and that means you, bucko!) don't rely upondrones to get the job done. Heroes swoop right in and do the job right!

For example, if you're a sales manager, it's always a good idea to take over an account right before it closes. Demand to be in on a customer meeting



and do the negotiations yourself! After all, why should you depend on anunderling to do the job, when you can do it so much better??

Similarly, if you're managing engineers, wait until the job is almost done andthen jump right in and make the changes that will make the product trulywonderful. After all, that's why you're the manager, right? It's your job tomake sure that everything is high quality.

And don't believe any of that BS about the importance of delegating.Delegating is for sissies who can't think strategically. Think about all those

books you've read by top CEOs like Jack Welch! Did they delegate? Of course not! They captained the ship and keel-hauled the flunkies.

Another side benefit of this habit is that your employees may eventually

conclude that they can do nothing without you. Now that's job security!

Habit #6: Expect Mindreading



The best way to keep employees on their toes is to make sure that they never know exactly what you're thinking.

If you're asked your opinion on something, always say: "Well, thatdepends." If you're asked for a decision, always say: "I have it under consideration" or (if you're feeling particularly frisky that day) "I have itunder active consideration."

When you assign projects, always be as vague as possible about what you'dlike to see. Think of it as a way to spur creativity! Then, when you're askedto review the project when it's complete, simply say: "That's not it." Thensmile, give the employee a friendly pat on the back, and say: "Back to thedrawing board!"

Think of it this way. Business is like poker, and if you're going to win at poker, you can't let your opponent know when you're bluffing or whether you're holding four aces. You don't want to be the kind of moon-faced foolwho gives away his strategy to all and sundry, do you?

Remember: Your ability to remain in power is directly dependent upon your ability to keep your employees confused and disoriented. After all, if theyknow what they're supposed to be doing, why would they need a manager?

Habit #7: Sharpen the Axe



As the Boy Scouts say: "Be Prepared!" And in the world of management thatmeans being prepared to fire your underlings at a moment's notice.

Of course, you can't (unfortunately) actually kill underlings with an axe anylonger, so you must now interpret the 7th habit metaphorically. In this case,"sharpening the axe" means making certain that you don't care a rat's behindwhether your employees live or die.

One way to "sharpen the axe" is to select role models from the mostsuccessful CEOs of the past 20 years. Most of them have built their careerson exporting jobs and downsizing domestically. Why, some have evenmanaged to build supply chains that depend upon slave labor and child labor in the third world. Then they can fire U.S. workers by the thousands!

Go ye forth and do likewise!

Another way to "sharpen the axe" is to read plenty of Ayn Rand, whose philosophy of business is tantamount a "soul-ectomy." After you've readenough Rand, you'll find it impossible to care about all those moochers andlosers who aren't as successful as you.

Finally, if all else fails, you can "sharpen the axe" simply by rememberingthe motto immortalized in The Sopranos: "It's not personal... it's just

business."

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The 7 Habits of Highly Ineffective Managers - Geoffrey James