Thanksgiving With Shelly

7/29/2019 Thanksgiving With Shelly

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Thanksgiving with

and Marissa


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Starring

Shelly Stamleras


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Co-Starring

CAROLINE STAMLER

as

CAROLINE

who we are all very proud of,

but of course we are not as proud of her as we are of Shelly, because,

as we all know,

Shelly made the movie you are watching and she is the star.

She also did her own hair, and picked out her own clothes.

She also wrote the credits, and inserted the applause.

So you should be proud of her.


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Also showing,

but not starring,

because these people are not important,

theyre just in the movie to compliment SHELLY STAMLERS beauty

MARISSA STAMLER

as

MARISSA

CLIFF STAMLER

as

CLIFF


5/32

Wording of Title

Chosen ByMARISSA STAMLER*

*I swear, I didnt want that to be the title, Caroline.

I would have made it Thanksgiving with Shelly and Caroline,

but, of course, Marissa had to be in charge of something,

and I thought, if she has to screw up something,

I would least mind her screwing up the title.


6/32

Credits by

SHELLY STAMLER


7/32

Applause

inserted by

SHELLY STAMLER


8/32

And now,

and the show.


9/32

CoShe

MARISSA!

Im right here,

Mom.

What do you think

you're doing here,young lady?! I toldyou to get started

on your homework!

Yeah, but then you told me to forget

about the homework and that my bitch

teachers can kiss your ass because Ihave to help you with Thanksgiving

because you have so much to do and

Caroline is coming and you have to

buy stuffing and-

THESTUFFING!MARISSA!

Once again, I'm

right here.

Are yougiving me a

tone, YOUNGLADY?!

No.

*shrieking*WHY DIDN'TYOU GO BUY

THESTUFFING?!

You told me you

were buying the

stuffing.

*sarcastic* Oh,

is that right?And WHENWAS THAT?!

About 5 minutes

ago.

THAT'SENOUGH! I'mgoing out to

buy thestuffing, andyou are goingto stay here

and DO YOUR

HOMEWORK!

And you are-DONOT TO

TOUCH THETURKEY

PERMISSION!

Ok, mom.

MOM? MOM!?Since when areyou allowed forcalling to me

mom?!

Huh?

From the here onnow out there-You call me

mother! Do youunderstand?!

Yes, mother.

CoShe

THATS

ENOUGH!

Sect.2-3

Also...uh... I dont

know much about

cooking, but Im

pretty sure you haveto stuff the turkey

before you cook it.


10/32

Sect.2-3

*in a dull voice*

Stamler

residents. How

can I help you?

*Shelly is speaking*

DIDANYONE CALL

YOU YET?!

No, Mother,

youve only been

gone for 2

minutes!

Oh, thank god.THANK GOD!

Listen, YOUFORGOT to tell me totell you - if anyone

calls, especially

anyone from my bookclub, you tell themthat you're my

neighbor and that Idon't have a daughter

named Marissa.

I know, Mother,

youve only told

me a hundred

times.

I'll be home inabout half an

hour.

Oh and I wouldappreciate it ifYOU DO NOTBURN THE

HOUSE DOWNLIKE YOU DO ITIN LAST TIME!

Oh, mother - I

never burnt the

house down!

ImNOT KIDDING!

Bye.


11/32

30 minutes later


12/32

Sect.2-3

PublixWhere shopping

is a pleaseure


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Sect.2-3

PublixWhere shopping

is a pleaseure

My-my-mY

TURKEY!!!!!

I had no idea-

MARISSA!!!YOU WERE

SUPPOSED TO TAKETHE TURKEY OUT OFTHE OVEN AN HOUR

AGO!

Mother- you told

me-

I TOLD YOU TOWATCH THE TURKEYAND MAKE SURE ITDOESN'T OVERCOOK!

YOU SELFISH LITTLEBITCH!

NOW GO TO YOURROOM AND GET

DRESSED! YOU LOOK

LIKE A SICK PIG!


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1 hour later


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okllyCLIFF! THANK GOD

YOURE HOME!LOOK WHAT SHE

DONE!

Who?WHO DO YOU THINK?

MARISSAAA!

*in a scared

voice*

...yes?

NO! NOT YOU! YOUSTAY IN YOUR ROOMAND YOU GOING TO

KEEP QUIET,UNDERSTAND!?!

Yes, mom.

Well, things could be

worse. I mean, it only has

a few burnt spots...In

fact, it probably tastes

good...It probably gives

it some flavor.

YOU CANT TELL MEWHAT ARE GOOD

AND WHATS NOT

GOODEST! I KNOWFOR MY OWN!

I was just trying to

help, I -

OH GOD -

CAROLINES HERE!!!!

Alright, now, just stay

calm...Ill talk to her

while you get dressed.

YOU IDIOT! THATS AHORRIBLE IDEA!

NOW you stay righthere and talk to Carolinewhile I get dressed. AND

DONT TALK TOCAROLINE!

Waitwhat?

Thats

ENOUGH!

HOW CAN YOU NOT


16/32

Carolines

Closet

yes...

MARISSA!!!!ARE YOU READY FORDINNER?!

*sobbing*

It doesnt fit!

OH GOD, MARISSA!STOP BEING A

DRAMA QUEEN! IMCOMING IN!

I told you.

HOW CAN YOU NOTFIT INTO IT?

CAROLINE FIT INTOIT WHEN SHE WAS18, YOU FATTY! WE

WERE SUPPOSED TO

BE MATCHING!

Im sorry -

BURNING THE TURKEYWAS ONE THING, ANDGETTING DRUNK ATTHAT PARTY WAS

ANOTHER THING BUT

THIS!

NOW SHELLY STAMLER WILL BEKNOWN AS THE ONLY MOTHERWHO DOESNT WEAR MATCHINGCLOTHES WITH HER DAUGHTER

ON THANKSGIVING BECAUSE HER

DAUGHTER IS A FAT PIG!

ILL BE THE LAUGHING MATTEROF THE TOWN! THE JOKE!

MARISSA YOU ARE A DISGRACE

TO OUR FAMILY!

YOU HAVE CROSSEDTHE LINE MARISSA!

THATS

ENOUGH!


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Meanwhile...


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Hey Dad!Caroline!Wheres

mom?

uh...She and Marissa are

getting ready...I think...

*muffled screaming coming from Carolines room*

*sobbing*

It doesnt fit!

OH GOD, MARISSA! STOP BEING ADRAMA QUEEN! IM COMING IN!

Yeah...youreprobablyright...

*awkward

silence*


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Back to Marissa...


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Carolines

ClosetWHAT!!!

Mom?What am I gonna

wear?

Can I at least

wear my Limited

Too Angel

Dress?

WELL I GUESS WEHAVE NO OTHERCHOICE, DO WE!?!FINE! WEAR THAT

PIECE OF GARBAGE,

YOU COW!

okay.


21/32

And Now,

A Nice, Peaceful

Thanksgiving Dinner

H M ! W M


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Hey Marissa! Wait Momdoesnt have a Limited Too

Dress...Arent you guys supposedto match?

Leave me alone,

Caroline.

Sheish! Somebodys grouchy!

Shut up, you

perfect little

angel!

Uh...was that supposed to be aninsult?

ugh.

Hi mom!

Golly! Its my fav...myoldest daughter!

yes...

Noyou never

told me-Okay, mom.Okay, mother.

Caroline!!!

Oh Caroline, dearie! It'sall that girl's fault!SHE BURNT THE

TURKEY!

But you know what?This time, I AM NOTGoing to let her ruin myThanksgiving! We aregoing to have a nice,

relaxing din-

MARISSA!!!!

DID YOUFORGET TO SETTHE TABLE???!HATSENOUGH!

YOU ARE GOINGTO SET THETABLE, AND

YOU ARE GOINGTO LIKE IT!

MOTHER!


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Sect.2-3


24/32

Inside

The Kitchen Drawer


25/32

ThatsENOUGH!:

A book about knowing when

"enough" is really enough

-Have you ever sat at home, stared at the wall and asked

yourself, Is it reallyenough?

-Have you ever been in a restaurant, and said Thats

enough!, because the waitress was putting too much pepper

on your meal, but then afterwards, you realized that the meal

was actually very flavorless and that you could have used

more pepper or a reference book such as this one?

-Have you ever had a daughter named Marissa, who, by the

way, was a disgusting pig and you really liked your other

daughter, Caroline, better, and you said to Marissa, Thats

enough!, and you were right, but you wanted a book to refer

to just to back up your outburst?

-NOW, youll have the answers.


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Thats

ENOUGH!

-Have you eversat at home,

stared at the

wall and askedyourself, Is it

reallyenough?

Uh...I found all

these books in the

drawer...Im

guessing theyreMoms...

Well...theyre not

mine...

Okay, I dont

remember that...but

now that we have

the silverware why

dont we just sit

down?

But thats what I

just -nevermind.

THOSE ARE

ABSOLUTELY NOTMINE! I WOULDNEVER KEEP SUCH

RIDICULOUS BOOKSIN THE STAMLER

HOUSEHOLD!

NO! We mostcertainly will not!

We are going tosit down to a nice

peaceful dinner!!!Yes they are....yes! I rememberyou bought them at

Bloomingdaleslast...Christmas! I told youthey were inappropriate butyou bought them anyways

and they were half price in the

Old Fashioned HousewifesSection...Yes...that was agreat discount.


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5 minutes later


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DISCIPLINEDiscipline


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*marissa comes in*

*shelly is steaming with anger*

Shelly: DID YOU FORGET TO SET THE TABLE!?!?!?

marissa: No, you never told-

Shelly: THAT'S ENOUGH! YOU ARE GOING TO SET THE TABLE, AND YOU ARE GOING TO LIKE IT!

Marissa: Ok, mom.

Shelly: MOTHER!

Marissa: Ok, mother.

*Marissa leaves and comes back with some forks and spoons and a handful of books*

(The books are titled things like "389 easy steps to becoming a dictator", "Discipline for Dummies", ""Call me buttah, 'cause I'm on a roll" and many other catchy

phrases to say when there is nothing else to be said", and "THAT'S ENOUGH!: A book about knowing when "enough" is really "enough"")

Marissa: Mother, I found all these books stashed in the silverware drawer.

Shelly: HOW DARE YOU GO THROUGH MY PERSONAL BELONGINGS!

Marissa: But they were in the silverware draw-

Shelly: SIT DOWN, MARISSA. We're going to have a LOVELY meal, even if it means I have to kill someone. *realizes that what she just said was totally weirdand tries to cover it up by saying:* Lovely day out, hmmm?

ok I gtg finish my hw. bye!


32/32

Shelly: ah! I'ts (INSERT NAME OF OLDER DAUGHTER HERE - BUT FOR NOW, I'LL CALL HER CAROLINE)!

Caroline: Hi mom!

Shelly: Oh Caroline, dearie! *hugs* It's all that girl's fault! *points in the direction of Marissa's room* SHE BURNT THE TURKEY!

*Caroline is confused and doesn't know what to say*

Shelly: *tries to calm down* Now, let's all just sit down to a nice, calm, Thanksgiving dinner *looks off into the distance and begins to tear* with BURNT

TURKEY! *cries hysterically*

Caroline: It's okay, mom. I don't care if the turkey is a little overcooked.

Shelly: GO TO HELL, CAROLINE!

Caroline: mom?

Shelly: Sorry-It's just...THIS IS NOT THE THANKSGIVING I PLANNED!

Caroline: It's okay mom. The important thing is we're all together.

Shelly: NO! THE IMPORTANT THING IS YOU STUPID MARISSA TURKEY I CAN'T COOK YOU IDIOT!

Caroline: Come on. Let's just sit down.

Shelly: FINE.

*They move into a dining room in which the table has not been set*

Shelly: MARISSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!

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Thanksgiving With Shelly