Thank God I Was Abused

By: KAREN HOYOS

Presented By: Jeff Sohler

© 2008 - 2009 Thank God I...®. All Rights Reserved.

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INTRODUCTION

by John Castagnini

IMPORTANT...Please Do Not Skip This Section!

Why this ebook? What makes it so different? Not onlyare these answers important, they are integral to yourunderstanding of the story presented here. Please donot skip over this brief introduction in your eagernessto get to the meat of the ebook itself.

When I first thought to include Thank God I WasRaped as one of the stories for Thank God I...™ Volume1, the concept sent chills through my spine. Couldanyone who’s endured this brutal, horrifying experiencereally embrace these words? Over the years, I’veconsulted with countless women during their raperecovery. I chose the title after witnessing whattranspires for them when they come to this conclusionof gratitude. What became quite apparent over acourse of thousands upon thousands of conversationsis that we only evolve past the mental traum a fromsuch a happening when we can hold “the love for it inour hearts”

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What is meant by “God”?

God — Certainly, the biggest three-letter word evercreated. Grand Organized Designer best describes theGod referred to in the Thank God I...™ books, websiteeducational material and seminars.

The thousands of people sharing their stories in thisseries all perceive God in their own light. Thank GodI...™ is about this network of people, willing to movebeyond having the right “name” for God.

Even the word “God” itself cannot finite the infinite.Rather, God refers to a system governing the brillianceof what is, and is not.

What this book series is not supposed to be.

This series does not condone or promote any of theacts the writers have experienced, nor do we suggestin any way that anyone should either commit any ofthese acts or subject themselves to any of these acts.This series also does not promote or label any specifickind of behavior as “right” or “wrong”, nor were the storieswritten or the book published for the purpose ofsuggesting that anyone rationalize their actions orbehavior.

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In addition, the Thank God I...™ series does not promoteor deny any religion. Rather, it honors the existence ofreligion and all things as part of a perfect creation.

What is Thank God I...™ about?

Our intention with this series is to convey this one keyprinciple: Perfection permeates everything. Each timewe fail to recognize this principle, the next lesson tocome our way will once again offer us the opportunityto see the perfection and break through into freedom.In fact, finding perfection in the pain and pleasure ofour own personal tribulations is the only way we willever liberate ourselves from the bondage of patterns.Whether it comes in a day, a year, or a lifetime away,situations will come into our lives that will force us tobecome thankful for “what was,” and to whole-heartedlyexperience “what is.”

What is meant by “Thanking God”?

During the creation phase of this series, we werefortunate to have as our ever-efficient assistant,Cassandra Gatzow, a beautiful twenty-three-year-oldwriter and poet. Just prior to coming to work with us,Cassandra was diagnosed with cervical cancer. A littleover a year and a half later, the cancer spread and sheleft this world before the first book launched.

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After Cassandra passed, my heart was struck by thewords she put to the page as she endured thisexperience. She wrote of her earth angels and herexplorations as she left her body to “dance with herangels.” She did not write about her passing, she wroteabout Thank God I...™ living as she moved through herlife’s greatest test, and her life’s ending. She viewedeach person, each moment as precious. How fortunateshe was, to see God in the now.

Imagine — this is what she wrote about her cancer:

“Tears fill my eyes daily with gratitude for every momentand every breath. It has allowed me to go after mydreams, to live from my heart, and to be truly free. Ithank God for my cancer and for allowing me to reacha place in me that I don’t think would have beenpossible without this experience. I am now twenty-three and feel that I have stepped into my skin proudly.I have felt an inner peace that many don’t find until laterin life. I am truly grateful for all my earth angels andwant to thank them for sharing with me this wonderfuljourney”

...Cassandra

There are 4 million tasks to accomplish in order tobring the Thank God I...™ network to the standard of ourvision. Thank you, Cassandra, for reminding me why

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Thank God I...™ was conceived in the first place.

Thanking God is about the above. Not just what isabove this sentence; it is about what is above, guidingus at every moment. Beyond the pain, chaos, andconfusion of our circumstance exists true perfection.Thanking God is about finding this perfection. Thisplace of thanking God might seem nearly impossible tofind, but it is the only place we will find ourselves.

Thank God I...™ is true “gratitude”.

Sure, we all hear about the “good things” that people aregrateful for in their lives. But, is this gratitude? ThankGod I...™ gratitude is about a state of being. It is about astate of inspiration, non-judgment, and presence.Thank God I...™ gratitude is beyond the illusion ofpositive or negative. It is beyond the lies of “good” and“evil”. Thank God I...™ . gratitude is about finding God inevery word, thought, and deed. In spirit, we are beyondthe illusion of pain or pleasure and we are present withspirit. Thank God I...™ gratitude is about equal love forall that is, as it is, was, or ever shall become. Gratitudeis loving what we don’t “like” as much as loving what wedo “like”.

The diversity of authors and experiences

The intention of this series is to reach all of humanity,

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every single unique creation. We did not base theselection of contributions to this series upon any faithor religious orientation. Each selected author took aformer challenge into their heart. The diversity ofauthors spans religions, countries, professions, age,race, nationality, and definitely experiences. Theyrange from strippers to doctors, from politicians to stay-at-home moms, and whoever they are, gratitude rules.From alcoholism to molestation or rape, the law ofgratitude prevails with each of our authors.Thankfulness for whatever is, or is not, ultimately rulesevery one of our kingdoms.

The vision of Thank God I...™

Little did I imagine how lightning-fast Thank God I...™would circle the world. This network includesthousands of contributors, reaching millions of people,sharing not only their stories, but also their answers!Beyond the books, and the online community, we offerworldwide conference calls, workshops, and seminars!The vision of this series will provide everyone withinspecific communities information in order to evolvepast the emotions that are holding them back. Thepeople and the project are revolutionary.

“All things in nature proceed from certain necessity andwith the utmost perfection.”

...Baruch Spinoza

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Thank God

I Was Abused

KAREN HOYOS

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Many times we look back in life and remember thosedifficult times, the ones we couldn't understandbecause there was no reason they should have beenhappening; painful situations with no solutions, no wayout. From these circumstances, people tend to forminto two groups. First, are those who choose to burythemselves and their circumstances and choose alifetime of anger and bitterness. Yes, some have takenthis hurt to the grave. And then there is the secondgroup, those who choose to learn and grow from theirworst moments and turn them into the best blessing oftheir lives.

I choose to be part of the group that's thankful, thegroup that's unstoppable, the group that elects to sharetheir stories and make a difference in the lives ofothers, no matter how big the challenge they'veconfronted in one moment or another. And so I cansay, Thank God I was abused.

My story starts in a beautiful country called Colombia,a place of passion, full of life, full of fiesta, a place filledwith gorgeous women. When I was just an eighteen-year-old girl, young and beautiful, I was at the head ofmy class and captain of the cheerleading squad.It seemed as though the whole world admired mycombination of beauty and brains. I walked in theclouds, hungry to conquer the world. I wanted to be anactress, a singer, a ballerina, a writer...anything that

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would put me in the public light, sounded exciting.

As the oldest sister, naturally I was the protector of myyounger siblings. This lasted until my motherimmigrated to America with my stepfather, who enteredmy life when I was five. They went out in search of theAmerican dream, to seek a better life, while I stayedbehind to complete school and graduate. This I did withhonors.

It was a very meaningful day for me, because eventhough I was away from my family, I was proud to havekept my promise and accomplished what I had givenmy word to do. Now it was time to go to the States andlaunch myself to stardom. But something surprisinghappened that night: My boyfriend of many months,who was also many years older than me, proposedthat we get married. I was surprised and so moved thatI told him I would think about it. After giving it somethought, I agreed to first live with him, to which heagreed.

I then found myself purchasing a phone card, insteadof a plane ticket, so that I could call my mother to tellher the news. My mother cried a lot. I didn't understandwhy she felt this was incorrect, why this was wrong.After all, I was an adult. But eventually, my generousmother, with a heart of gold, respected my wishes andgave me her blessings.

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All my magnificent dreams slipped away, no longerwere they my priority. I didn't see that my once-beautiful, abundant man, who enlightened me with hispresence, turned into someone else, no longer thesame person he'd been. My life turned into an endlessround of cooking and cleaning. I no longer dream ofstardom. Going to the States seemed totally out of thequestion.

My boyfriend told me what to wear, though he stoppedbuying me clothes. I secretly asked others I knew formoney to buy a blouse or a shirt, so I could wearsomething new like other young ladies. At every turnwe fought more and more. He always wanted to go outalone and leave me home.

One time, after a big fight, I told him I wanted to leave.He locked me in the house. When he returned, hespoke to me horribly and yelled so intensely that theneighbors called the police. That night I cried bittertears of sorrow and regret. I had no idea why this washappening to me. The situation I found myself in wasappalling; I couldn't believe that I would continue totolerate this kind of treatment. I didn't know then thatthese were the symptoms of a destructive pattern that Iwould continue to tolerate in my life.

From somewhere I gathered up strength -- I don't

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honestly know from where it came, but probably frommy prayers and from thoughts of my mother, which areblessed. I told my boyfriend that either he would comewith me to the United States, or I'd go without him. Forthe first time in a long time, he agreed to my request.

The day I reunited with my mother, my siblings, and mystepfather, in New York City, was the happiest day I'dhad in over a year. Naturally, my family had no idea ofwhat had been going on in my relationship with myboyfriend, and they opened their home to us. At firstthings went relatively well for him and me, but soon itbecame evident that he had grown lazy.

He never helped with the expenses of the house, theexpenses of living; he wouldn't even get a job. And so,my parents provided and paid for everything. After ashort time, I managed to get a job, and with the help ofmy family, I asked him to move out. He could continuea relationship with me, I told him, but he had to move.Finally, I felt free. No one had a hold over my life or meany longer. Or, at least, that's what I thought.

It was a hot August afternoon in the borough ofQueens, in New York City, one of those days when thebeautiful sun left an orange glow in the sky. I workedas a secretary for a company that sold religiousproducts. I was thrilled to be making my own moneyand had registered in a modeling academy, at a place

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where the "stars" studied. Nothing couldstop me now! My relationship with my boyfriend grewdistant, and I experienced feelings of completenessand power as I stepped onto the road to my dreams.One day, my very personable boss introduced me toEric, a young man with a radiant smile. I had neverbelieved in love at first sight, but when I met Eric,suddenly I knew I loved him. My heart raced a millionmiles an hour, my stomach was astir with theproverbial butterflies, and I felt as if I could talk to thisman forever. He was so young, yet he had amysterious air about him. In my nineteen years, I hadnever known the feelings he caused within me.

Eric was twenty-six, divorced, with a daughter, and heimpressed me. He experienced so much already, at soyoung an age! He had such responsibility.

In a short time, we began dating. I officially cut off myold boyfriend. I had eyes only for Eric: I breathed forhim; I wanted to be close to him. It was somethingunexplainable. He was very romantic, and although hedidn't have much money, when he drove me around inhis $500 car, I felt I was in glory, as if I were beingdriven around in a limousine. We walked together bythe bay, and I received as a gift from him: a full moon,the stars, the sun, and many songs, not to mention hisdreams of traveling around the world. It was pureromance. Everything was simply perfect. I was madly

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in love with him. After a few dates, I shared with himmy dreams of being an actress. He said nothing inreply, but I didn't let that bother me. We would go outdancing, and I noticed he would get upset for noapparent reason. I figured he was probably jealous, butI ignored it. I told myself he was stressed, and I thoughtI could cure the problem with a kiss and a hug. Ifigured, after all, we all have defects. In less than amonth, he asked me to move in with him. It wasn't amarriage proposal, but it didn't matter -- he was a freespirit, a dreamer, and he didn't need a piece of paperto formalize our love.

I still perceived him as being so amazing. I said I wouldcontinue my studies in Manhattan; he quickly let meknow it would be him or modeling, but never both. Ihad to choose. He explained that we could not have ahappy, healthy home while I studied, that it would betoo difficult, and we would have no privacy if I enteredinto the public light. To him, it was simply impossible.To me, it made sense. I would never take the risk oflosing him. I really began to believe it was impossibleto have it all.

We started living together, but I didn't feel fully self-expressed, and I soon experienced anxiety. As for him,he had frequent mood swings -- happy, angry -- andnever explained these radical changes to me. Iexcused his behavior, blaming the mood swings on the

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new changes in our relationship. He was Colombiantoo, and said he wanted to go to Colombia to visit hisfamily. I didn't want to leave my family, but I agreed,because he promised it would be for only one month.We arrived in the middle of the December feast. Hisfamily was famous for their coffee business. Theyreceived us very affectionately with a big party.Everyone danced, ate, and drank, and Eric introducedme as his wife, although we had never actuallymarried. Soon, everyone accepted me and welcomedme with open arms.

I noticed that Eric had begun to carry a gun. A gun, Ithought. Why, my love, why do you have a gun? WhenI asked him, he said, Only to protect you. We are in atough region. I want to take care of you. Although I wasnot comfortable with it, I trusted him and took his vowto protect me seriously.

The New Year was coming, midnight was approaching,and everyone was getting drunk, including Eric. I feltleft out and alone, and I missed my family dearly.Excusing myself, I went to the bedroom and cried tearsof loneliness. One of Eric's younger cousins came intothe room to look for something among his luggage. Heleft about three minutes later. Shortly after that, theyoung cousin returned to get something else, thenquickly left again. Suddenly Eric burst into the roomwith a look of anger, and then abruptly I felt a blow to

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the ear. I fell to the bed and looked up only to see thathe was using the gun he had sworn was to protect mewith. He was using it in a fury to hit me with, instead,seeming to try to kill me. He yelled obscenities at me,calling me You bitch! You're a whore! You're a hussy!He said he wanted to kill me. You're going to die! hescreamed, ranting insanely. I cried, begging him, Stop!Please stop! but no one could hear me. It was anightmare! He said I had been sleeping with his cousin,and for this, he would kill me.I prayed to God to calm him and wake him from hisdrunken stupor, so that I could return to my family andmy dreams....

God heard my anguished prayers, and finally Eric putdown the gun. He stopped screaming and told me Ihad to leave and put my luggage in the car. As I ran tothe car, I was desperately screaming about what hadjust happened to me, but no one responded. No onecared. This was part of the culture, to ignore thesituation, to behave as if nothing were wrong. Somemen get drunk, some men act foolish, and so thefamily behaved accordingly and just watched. In themiddle of this, he forced me into the car. Thensuddenly, as we drove, he begged me for forgiveness;said he loved me, and promised he would never actthis way again. Never, he promised. Never. Never. Idon't know why, but foolishly I believed him again,although a part of my mind screamed out against it,

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warning me to leave this crazy man. But there was apart of me that understood him, and this part was muchstronger. I convinced myself that it was true, that hewould change. I loved him, and I believed that lovecould triumph over anything. So I decided to stay andto keep this incident from my parents. But despite hispromise, Eric became extremely jealous andcontrolling, and instead of getting better, he got muchworse. I could not look at any man, despite race, age,or where he came from. In Eric's eyes, they were allout to steal my love from him, and if I looked at a man,I was an accomplice. Life turned into an inferno -- trulyhell.

Although his business was doing well, he delayed ourreturn to America. Months went by, and he providedme excuse after excuse. I bought the excuses. Itolerated his excuses, tolerated his behavior. I allowedhis abuse, and I became mediocre. I had no respect formy own word, no integrity as a woman and a humanbeing. I simply fell apart. Eric brought me manymaterial things to cover up his behavior. I began todrink and smoke. My happy spirit was lost in asuperficial life, as his abuse became more and morefrequent. The ultimate incident took place one nightwhen we went out to a restaurant, and he drank, anddrank, and drank. I went to the coatroom and asked formy coat, and again I felt a blow to the ear. There hewas in his rage, his jealousy out of control again, and

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this time in front of everyone!

The people there helped me and sent me home, andsecurity chased him, but he got away. When he gothome, he shot through the ceiling and through thedoor, which I was cowering behind in terror. I thoughtthis was the last day of my life. There was nothing elseI could tolerate, and this was the end.

I believe in miracles, and the mere fact that I am aliveis one. Through an act of God, Eric finally fell asleep,drunk. My guardian angel had again rescued me, and Iknew I had to make a decision. In each moment ofdecision, our life changes for good or bad, and wecreate our own destiny. I knew that God had saved mefor a great purpose, which I would soon discover. Withthe unconditional support of my family, who finallyfound out the whole truth of my situation, I was at lastable to leave Eric and come home. Although I wasfree, I was a prisoner of my own mind. With my heartempty and my self-esteem on the floor, I convincedmyself that all men were the same. I felt a lot of angerand hate in my heart. I didn't believe in anyone oranything, much less myself. I had become a victim.

Like a perfect gift from the universe, a friend invited meto an Anthony Robbins seminar. I had no idea what aseminar was, nor had I any clue that something existedsuch as personal development. I was looking for

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answers, for signals, for hope, so I said, Okay, let's go.That day changed my life forever. This magnificentman believed in me, more than I believed in myself.During the four days, he helped me transform my lifeas I discovered my essence, my love for others, and Idiscovered forgiveness. I knew at that time that my lifemission was to inspire humanity.

I learned that no matter what has happened in your life,no matter what the circumstances, you could makeyour dreams come true. I decided to dedicate my life totransforming the world -- this was my true life's dream.It was part of my soul, and my whole being. It filled mecompletely.

With no experience, only my story of abuse, I starteddown a road of transformation, of health and plenitude.I left the role of victim and took responsibility foreverything that had happened. I was generous withEric and complete in my relationship with him; knowingthat people can't give what they don't have, moreimportantly, I honored myself. This allowed me tocreate new, deep relationships with all those who hadsuffered because of my circumstances. I participated inall seminars that gave me power; I started to share,with my Latin community, my testimony of thetransformation in my life. My heart was full of gratitude.I started to live and to follow my dreams. In actuality,my words started to touch and inspire millions of

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people through my seminars, and my products,through television, radio, magazines, and newspapers.I expressed my message across the globe anddiscovered that you could definitely have it all.

Today, I do what I love the most: contribute. My life isextraordinary because one day I was abused. As amother of twins, I am reminded each minute to bethankful for my existence and give profound gratitudeto God because I lived. I wouldn't change a thingbecause everything turned into a plan, a master plan, auniversal plan, to inspire the world, and to make aninfinite change in humanity.

So now I invite you to let go of your past and begrateful to all who have done you wrong and harmedyou in your past. Surrender to love and thankfulness.Gratitude is the perfect pass to make your dreams areality. Today and always, with my hand on my heart, Iscream to the universe, Thank you, God. Thank God Iwas abused!

. . .

Karen Hoyos is one of the most recognized successcoaches and speakers. Applying the principles sheteaches, in only ten months her message reached over40 million people through her seminars, top televisionshow appearances, published articles, and best-selling

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products. This Colombian native is the president ofKaren Hoyos International, revenues from which helpsupport her foundation for abused children in LatinAmerica and Africa. Today, Karen Hoyos is frequentlyasked to refresh, awaken, and expand the minds ofpeople around the world, changing their lives forever.

Join the Thank God I…™ Community online to shareyour story and chat with the Thank God I…™ Authors.

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