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— Anna Valdez | Fostering Hope —

Why Can’t I Remain Calm? Understanding Parent Stress

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Why Can’t I Remain Calm : Understanding Parent Stress

Adapted from Daniel J. Siegel and Mary Hartzell, Parenting from the Inside Out: How A Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive (New York: Penguin Press, 2004), 185-194.

Anna Valdez Director of Programs

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Children need more ofus during this time.

How has your life change?

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We cannot bring healing to a child if we are in a place of deep hurt.

-Dr. Casey Call

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UnderstandingOur Window of Tolerance

H Y P E R - A R O U S E D

fight/flight responseanxiety, overwhelmed, rigidness, over-eating

C O M F O R T Z O N E

emotionally regulated calm, cool, collected, connected

H Y P O - A R O U S E D

freeze response, disconnected, not present, shut down, auto-pilot

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Parent Stress and Anxiety

•Overeating•Over worrying•Future/past state of fear •Stress tells muscles to react (fight, flight, freeze)•Stress can become toxic•Drives one into isolation and perpetuated anxiety behaviors

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Am I an angry parent, or do I have

an unmet need?

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Parents sometimes flip their lid, too.

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Parents sometimes flip their lid, too.

1 .S t ressfu l s t imulus causes f l ight , f ight or f reeze (muscles prepare to respond)

2 . Shuts of f our th ink ing brain

3 . Makes i t harder to use execut ive funct ion ing

4. Cannot meet the needs of others .

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What pushes you over your window

of tolerance?

What pushes you under?

Know YourShark Music

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Adjust your Expectations 1 . Put on your 5 or 10 years

glasses .

2 . Focus on what ’s work ing.

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Mindfulness is key

1 . Br ing complete at tent ion to the present . Inter rupt your brain f rom being in the future .

2 . Regulate wi th your body.

3 . L i s ten to your body.

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Model Calm

• You can only give your child what you have

• Have you considered your needs and tried to meet them creatively?

• Create a definite start/end to your day• Create a soothing space

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We Are Still Going To Mess Up

• And that’s okay• It’s better to have erred and

repaired than to have never erred at all.

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Always pursue reconnection

• Rupture- a break in connection • Repair- reconnection in a timely

manner

What do you bring to the relationship?

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WHAT BRINGS YOU BACK TO YOUR COMFORT ZONE?

DO YOU HAVE A CALMING PLAN?

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Thank you for joining us!

Website: fosteringhopeaustin.org

Email: anna@fosteringhopeaustin.org

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