Teens Pooping on the Toilet

8/14/2019 Teens Pooping on the Toilet

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Views expressed in Content do not neCessarily releCt the Views o the publisher or the printed blog inC.

printed with expliCit permission rom eaCh Content proViderTUESDAY, FEbrUArY 3, 2009 ChiCago edition Vol 1 no 2

TAGLINE WOULD ACTUALLY bE NICE H ErE

TM

Andy baon | tul.co/gt69h8

Im ToTally RooTIng foR Blago

aT ThIs PoInTb Geg boose | 1/27/09 | The Nevous beakdown tul.co/5k93cs

Editors Note: The below was written just before Governor Blagojevich was impeached on Thursday.

But it was too good not to leave in.

I hate to admit it: At this point Im totally rooting or Rod Blagojevich. I want him to beatall charges. I want him to somehow stay in oce until his term is up, and then I want him to

get reelected by a questionable 225 votes in 2010. And then I want him to put on a too-small

red Karate gi, jump aboard the shimmering two-horned unicorn hes got tied out back, and I

want him to hunt down the Illinois Attorney General in an endless eld o wheat so that we can

continue this wacky palm-to-orehead story o American politics at its worst.

Perhaps Im just bored, or perhaps its because my name is still on the waiting list or a con-

verter box coupon or my perectly ne 1996 television and Im about to lose ree television,

but I think this Rod Blagojevich scandal has been a really un ride to be on. Yes, it was shameul

and embarrassing in the beginning, but now its like a Mike Tyson-meets-Tom Sizemore train-

wreck that gets better and uglier every week. Beore my television goes to snow, Id like to get in

as much o this as possible.

This week the governor is going on a media blitz to remind everyone that hes innocent un-

til proven guilty, and that hes kind o like Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr. and Gandhi.

All rolled into one.

Im not exactly proud o mysel or cheering or someone up or impeachment, especially

when it looks like he deserves it. Im not proud o my hand wringing, smirks or laughter when

I see that his ocial title remains under him on the news. The entertainment value alone is

my guilty pleasure, but it could be that Im also rooting or him because o the sheer size o hiscajones that hes showing through all this, and because hes my neighbor and I enjoy watching

him run awkwardly and reely down our street.

And I know that rooting or Blago is like rooting or Gargamel to nd Smur Village. Or like

hoping that your 10-year-old son discovers a cache o methamphetamine surrounded by Bic

lighters and bottle rockets. Im not proud o my Blago andom; Im a prisoner o it.

Theres just something about rooting or the underdog, right? Even i that underdog is my

corrupt governor with an ego the size o the national decit.

VApID, THY NAmE IS SArAH

b Kos | 1/28/09 | Daily Kos tul.co/d8sn1

Sarah Palin is hilarious. From her new PAC website:

dc ac , c v

v.

So what are those resh ideas? Well, theres a Donate Today! button, and a About Sarah

button, and a place to sign up or emails. Are those ideas? Because really, thats all the site has.

Yup, about as vapid as Sarah hersel.

ADVErTISING

Andy baon | tul.co/gt69h8| sc v

pHOTOS

w loVe c! i v c, .

s v ck .ck.c//

@.c .

bLACK AmErICANS SHOULD LEVErAGE ObAmA

b Geg Thashe | 1/28/09 | The John Langston Fou tul.co/5nz9wk

I am past the emotion and celebration o the end o white privilege and white supremacy

in the White House. I contributed to the breaking o the color line and I expect to leverage and

take advantage o my eorts and my work over decades in seeking to make our country live

up to its ideals. Yet I have encountered a number o people with the opinion that black people

should not seek to press our new president based upon his hue and cultural ootprints.

Now, rom my vantage point such a posture and position is oolish, silly and counterpro-

ductive on many levels. It makes no sense not to capitalize on a product I helped polish or

mass consumption. Black America poured cultural capital into Prez Obama because part o his

being is the creation o black America. We were not only his cultural mentors but his landscape

and soil. Black Americans were his practice dummies on the eld o Americas racial games.

Those who clamor to the obsolete mantra o a color blind America are living in an obsolete

world and there is nothing progressive about ignoring the obvious and raw truth o reality and

the act o race in our society. From my platorm, to be truly progressive is to acknowledge theexistence o ones race and then not be a bigot. Obama is a person o color. He is a nonwhite

president and as such he has a relationship with nonwhites, whether he likes it or not. I have

no respect or those who seek to dismiss and defect and ignore the obvious about race and

its role in our nation and now in the White House. I have no reservations nor will I have any

regrets when people accuse me o playing the race card with Obama.

Black Americans who have endured centuries o race-based contempt and now expect us

to ignore it, when we have suered and died or this moment, are an insult and an aront to

universal truth. It is a human condition to seek a bond and relationship with others who shares

your experience. I oer no apology nor will I moderate or remain passive in seeking to leverage

Obama in the White House.

Black Americans should ignore and dismiss those who claim we are seeking revenge, pay-

back, reparations and special treatment as we seek to leverage our Black agenda in an Obama-era

White House. I oer no apology at all in my quest to leverage Obama in the White House; it is

what Americans have done or 43 administrations prior to an Obama White House.

I can now stop singing negro gospel spirituals in my shower and start practicing my hand-

shake or my White House meeting-to-come with President Obama.

pOLITICS
http://tpburl.com/gt69h8http://tpburl.com/5k93cshttp://tpburl.com/dr8sn1http://tpburl.com/gt69h8http://www.flickr.com/groups/theprintedblogmailto:%[email protected]://tpburl.com/5nz9wkhttp://tpburl.com/5nz9wkmailto:%[email protected]://www.flickr.com/groups/theprintedbloghttp://tpburl.com/gt69h8http://tpburl.com/dr8sn1http://tpburl.com/5k93cshttp://tpburl.com/gt69h8


2/8

THE prINTED bLOG2

StaChad Koskie, WriterIon Olaru, WebmasterMichelle Doellman,Assistant Editor

The Printed Blog Inc.200 South Wacker Drive15th FloorChicago, Illinois 60606(312) [email protected]

www.theintedlog.colog.theintedlog.coFacebook: tul.co/31MySpace: tul.co/dx91h

Twitter: tul.co/nxdkv

Joshua Karp,Founder and Publisher

EditorialClaire Bidwell Smith, SeniorEditorKoray Girton,Layout EditorLaurel Dailey, Guest Photography EditorMark Cope, Guest Music EditorWhitney Faile,Photography & Music Editor

BlogsJamie Villarreal,Blog Relations Manager

Social NetworksJenn Beese, Social Network Manager

Advertising / Public RelationsLauren Omura,Dir. of Advertising RelationshipsDrew Doleski,Director of Advertising SalesKelli Hartsock,Public Relations ManagerAmanda Murphy,Public Relations

Vladimira Yanevska,Public Relations

Founded 2009

LETTEr FrOm THE pUbLISHEr

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pHOTOS

Lauel Dailey | tul.co/gnx30

HUmOr

CheeRs and JeeRs: Wednesdayb bill in potland maine | 1/28/09 | Daily Kos tul.co/d2jw

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...Oh! More Things I Know:

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Coley bown | tul.co/d3w40h| i w, 2007

pHOTOS

COmIC STrIppErS

a c, , cc v -

. t k , [email protected] .

SUpEr VALENTINES bOWL

b Liddy Wilson | 1/29/09 | may Ellen moft tul.co/dy6oc

As Ive mentioned previously I am married. Pause. Breath. Silently thank a God I dont

believe in. But Valentines Day keeps on keeping on just the same. So, at least Valentines Day is

one thing in my lie I shouldnt (but still do, a little) take personally. Ive been in relationships

on Valentines Day and Ive been alone on Valentines Day, and believe me, unconscious is bet-

ter.

Men let you down. Women want too much. Heres what the letter downers and the big ex-

pectors get: tiny tables in loud, dark restaurants, watch checking, reprehensible prix xes copied

on to red paper, execrable service and ood, no jewelry, big at tears in loud, dark restaurants,

recriminations on the sidewalk, stupid, ucking heels!, warm Milbrook sparkling wine, raught

sex. Its too much, its not enough. Its coming soon.

But the Super Bowl is coming even sooner! I dont know whos playing and I dont give a

uck. I it isnt a New York team I dont care. But, Ill have a good time anyway. I do not take the

Super Bowl personally. Although maybe men do. Aha! On Super Bowl Sunday men are the great

expectors and were the, well were there. Or at least were around. The 7 layer dip, most likely.

I cared last year because the Giants won only the greatest Super Bowl game ever - but I didnt

take the victory personally. So maybe I fipped over the back o the couch, with my skirt over

my head but that was the tall boys talking, not ootball. Maybe Tommy should Tivo this yearsSuper Bowl and well watch it with some dip and some suds and call it a Valentines Day.
mailto:[email protected]://www.theprintedblog.com/http://blog.theprintedblog.com/http://tpburl.com/rq3bp1http://tpburl.com/dxm91hhttp://tpburl.com/nxdkfvmailto:%[email protected]://tpburl.com/gnx3m0http://tpburl.com/db2jpwhttp://tpburl.com/d3w40hmailto:%[email protected]://tpburl.com/bdy6ochttp://tpburl.com/bdy6ocmailto:%[email protected]://tpburl.com/d3w40hhttp://tpburl.com/db2jpwhttp://tpburl.com/gnx3m0mailto:%[email protected]://tpburl.com/nxdkfvhttp://tpburl.com/dxm91hhttp://tpburl.com/rq3bp1http://blog.theprintedblog.com/http://www.theprintedblog.com/mailto:[email protected]


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4/8

THE prINTED bLOG4

pErSpECTIVE

mayBe shes JUsT noT ThaT InTo

yoU - 7 CoUnTeR RUles foR menb megan Leah powe | 1/27/09 | The Nevous beakdown tul.co/2816g

A megastar movie based on a New York Times best-selling book based on a Sex & The City

episode drops February 6th. Fashioning an acerbic advice book into a screenplay is a eat only

writers like Charlie Kauman can saely ignore.

Hes Just Not That Into You was published in 2004 and struck a signicant chord. It seems

only air i not mildly treasonous to return the avor to men.

My baseline position is that men usually know when a woman is just not that into them

(unlike women, who are masters o sel-delusion, alse optimism and denial). You men, you

dont care. You get o on a certain level o pursuit. Experience has taught you the power o

persistence. Sun Tzus Art o War, etc.

Fine.

But or those men who are tired o treading water, sick o being a chump and especially or

those poor souls who have clearly lost their way, let the ollowing be your guide.

1. Shes Just Not That Into You i she doesnt oer to pay or shit.

Women will keep men in their lives they have no eelings or simply because these men

whip out their wallets on cue. Practical necessity? OK sometimes. Learn to spot the ar more

common garden variety greediness. Its not something were wracked with guilt over either

(hello, we still make seventy ve cents to your dollar or the exact same job. I you want to try

to make that up to us, we sure as hell will let you). Unless were really into you. A girl whos into

you will at minimum oer to pay. Its the gesture o oering that tells a man how a woman eels

and, additionally, i shes up to the task o true partnership. Even a woman earning diddly squat

will pick up the tab or cheap things like coee or breakast. And shell give you stu: books,

burned CDs, baby cactuses, bus passes. Tokens o her aection. I your girl dont pay or shit and

dont give you tiny little presents, she is using you or your money.

Lets say, or arguments sake, you bank. You dont even mind paying or every single bar

tab, restaurant bill, movie ticket, airare, trip to the mall. It makes you eel generous and impor-

tant and manly to be able to provide such things or the girl in your lie. Especially i said girl is

hot, and shes in school getting her degree and cant aord those sexy Nine West stiletto boots

Dude, you are being used. I youre ok with that, you have sel-esteem issues. You need

counseling. A month surng in Costa Rica. Something. How can you not know how many

badass women are out there? Women who have their shit together nancially and everything-

else-ily?

Getting used or money is so 1998. Grow a ucking pair. You can rent someones heart or

you can experience the bliss o love. Do either with open eyes.

2. Shes Just Not That Into You i she claims shes not over her ex.

Both genders use this tired excuse - its the easiest way to turn someone down. Soten the

blow. Even get some sympathy. Do not be ooled or moved! Do not try to help her through it!

Do not stick around! Be smart and disappear. The only appropriate response to a girl making

this claim is, I sincerely wish you best o luck getting over so and so. I really hope you can

work though it and eel better. Give me a call next July. And she might. But the point is, the

truth is, most people will suck it up and throw some duct tape over their busted heart i a new

person they consider attractive, smart and nice comes sning around. Plus the only surere

way to get over an ex is to date someone else so its pretty counterintuitive to play the oh its

too soon card. Go ahead and call bullshit. TIP: a good vetting device? Date people close to your

level o singlehood. Single or seven months? Nice to meet you. Broke up last weekend? Excuse

me gotta go.

3. Shes Just Not That Into You i youre doing her.

Hooking up leads to love as oten as LinkedIn leads to a dream job. Why do we pretend it

can work? Because its a convenient belie. Because were horny. Women are dying to get o too

you know and sometimes biological urges override our emotional braking system. Still, were all

apprised o the odds. Chances are i shes really into you, shes terried o messing things up be-

tween you two by adding horizontal gymnastics into the mix. Shes probably dying to get naked

but resisting the impulse with varying levels o success. Conventional wisdom holds that good

relationships sprout rom causal riendships which progress at normal speed into romances.

Love rarely blooms ater a night o hard drinking at Lucky Lounge. Its also wise not to under-

estimate the eect o squawking norms rom yesteryear which told women they were sluts i

they put out too soon. Many women still equate sex with leverage somehow. So i you and

your girl are having doggy style Thursdays its not love. Its not even in the neighborhood o

love. Its sport. Cool? Cool. Just dont go around pretending youre her boyriend. Youre not.

Which isnt to say you wont ever be. Cest posible. People win the lottery every day. The odds

never change, but it does happen.

4. Shes Just Not Into You i she speaks ippantly about excretory or menstrual unc-

tions.

These are topics o excrutiating shame in the romantic realm, at least initially. And at least

initially a woman will usually avoiding pooping in a 5 mile radius o a guy shes really into.

Its not healthy or easy but its what we do. I a girl is reporting her bowel movements or fow

density in an ohand manner/in graphic detail, you have been relegated to Friend status. Not

a good place to be. It could take years beore she realizes youre boyriend material. Dont you

think you deserve a woman who isnt voluntarily blind? Who can plainly see how awesome you

are? Get this girl a Costco pack o Always with wings and tell her you cant wait orever.

5. Shes Just Not That Into You i she takes her sweet ass time returning your calls.

I a woman never calls you, you cannot tell anything rom this. Through various channels

o public mockery women have been made aware o our tendency to call men too much. We

sorta or the most part get it. You dont like being stalked. Roger that, loud and clear. But not

returning your calls is something else entirely. I she doesnt call, email or text you back within

a day or two, sorry she is just not that into you. Keep on moving.

6. Shes Just Not That Into You i some guy is slapping her ass at the bar.

I she is openly giving other guys attention right in ront o your ace (see also: getting hit

on and loving it), she is an attention whore. Let her be one. Peaceully walk away. Far away. As

my riend Lisa*, avid collector o men shes not really into puts it, A girl whos really into you

doesnt create a space or that to happen. I you two are at the bar and some guys patting her

butt while she giggles and meekly swats his paw away, youre chopped liver. See the exit sign

over there? Follow it. Go to the next bar. Meet the kickass woman whos waiting over there or

someone great like you.

7. Shes Just Not That Into You i you get the side hug.

How does she hug you? Its important. It says a lot. The side hug, the one arm, or worse,

the Oprah hug (all body contact blocked, interlaced ngers o both hands serving as the greet-

ing) speak volumes. The hug o a girl whos really into should include both arms. Some breast

contact. Pelvis touching or nearly touching. Slow to part. Hugging her should be warm and

slightly dizzying. It should eel good.

This concludes my post.

All the TNB ladies, all the TNB ladies

All the TNB ladies, all the TNB ladies

I you take umbrage with any o the above points, do eel ree to explain or contribute your

own ideas.

Men, you are welcome.

PhoToBooTh RenTals & salesCapture the true spiri t o your speCial eVent. Choose rom our ClassiC model 14 or themodel 12, our modern marVel. either way, a photoworKs interaCtiVe photo bo oth is the

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ADVErTISING

FOrWArD

b Anonyous | 1/28/09 | bastad Lie tul.co/39v

First, I want to write that I miss my boyriend (and I wrote him that BastardLie would be

publishing this letter ater you olks got back to me so thanks). I miss him because out here no

one knows why we are here any more. I miss him because I sleep alone and wish he was holdingme close on the nightsevery night more and morethat I lay awake and stare into the black

space o my tent and wonder i I will ever see him again. I miss him because o all o the things

I wish I had said to him in person, smelling his breath and scents and eeling the gru o his

ace against mine. And I miss him because no one here knowsthat I miss him. No one can

know. Sometimes when I hurt other people out here on the war path I wonder i they are like

me, i they have had to keep a secret like minei they love someone like I do...as strongly as

I do...that no one can know about. Thing is, I will ght or my country and I will ght or the

reedom o these people here, and I will come home and continue to ght or my own rights to

be a gay man and marry my one as you say so oten gloriously. In the meantime, I know what

I have to doand I will. Ill man up, stay tough, and keep moving orward. Anonymous, U.S.

Marines, Iraq January 27th 2009

pHOTOS

Luis mauicio | tul.co/kjt2s5| u ok osa

michele Waagaad | tul.co/0xkz47| c

pHOTOS
http://tpburl.com/m2816ghttp://tpburl.com/dcpujlhttp://tpburl.com/39rbvmhttp://tpburl.com/kjt2s5http://tpburl.com/0xkz47http://tpburl.com/0xkz47http://tpburl.com/kjt2s5http://tpburl.com/39rbvmhttp://tpburl.com/dcpujlhttp://raymondjames.com/http://tpburl.com/m2816g


5/8

Views expressed in Content do not neCessarily releCt the Views o the publisher or the printed blog inC. 5

DEprESSION DOS AND DONTS

b booke Van poelen | 1/21/09 | NY is retaded tul.co/1c20sx

With the current clime o the economy, the cold grey expanse o winter closing in around

me, and a career that wont crack open, I think its sae to say I am backsliding into some de-

pression. Ah, amiliar, all too cyclical depression olks---its not just or Brian Wilson anymore.

Being no stranger to the blues given my unstable liestyle, lack o control over income, and

one o those temperamental creative personalities, I have experienced varying degrees o sad-

ness, hopelessness, anxiety, withdrawal rom social situations, lack o interest in sex, decreased

or increased appetite and so on and so orth rom the laundry list o symptoms ound in a

Zolot brochure. How do you deal with it? Do you seek out a proessional? I say nay.

Sometimes what you need most is a good kick in the pants, maybe have your chops busted

a little bit. Maybe you need to hear it straight rom the horses mouth instead o rom a melan-

choy little animated blob on your T.V. screen pretending to be sad. I dont trust a skinny cook

and I sure as hell wouldnt take depression advice rom someone whos never lived in their bath-

robe or 3 months. So thats why I am stepping up to the plate and oering advice to you the

reader rom a eld I am well versed in. These pointers have worked or me over the years andhelped me through the lowest o lows and helped bring me back up towellwhat is normal

anyway?

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I hope these tips have helped you recognize how best to deal with unortunate bouts o

depression. You just need to realize theres NOTHING you can do about it and its not your

ault. Medication is or the weak and/or insured. So live your lie how you like to and eventually

things will change. Or they wont. So unplug the phone, grab the clicker and cozy up in your

avorite fannel onesie; youve got some down time ahead o you.

ADVErTISING

CHIrp OFF

p c , q t k

. p your c !

Cck q : .c/.

We asked: If yoU CoUld qUIT yoUR JoB Today and Change Ca-

ReeRs, WhaT WoUld yoU do?

@Wondesot I actually DID quit my job, and I have no idea what I'm going to do!

@HaylsK Id quit being a student and become a photographer or National Geo-

graphic!

@jnoina Cheer and celebrate. I dont think that is what you meant.

@thoas2185 I would be a social anthropologist/author, who wrote historical ction

based on isolated societies in places like Mongolia.

@sjoshuaod own a bed and breakast and help people enjoy their vacation somewhere

beautiul.

@dlandin I would work or a web development team out o San Francisco. I hear its

much warmer over there.

@wasitothis Im really lucky-even i I could change careers to anything at all I would

still want to be exactly where I am at the moment.

@Colorach I were talking being able to do anything, Id be a Blue Angel pilot. Realis-

tically, Id like to own my own business.

@Stealthned proessional napper. i that doesnt count, id take the cop-out brooding

novelist job. but with less brooding, & more cake.

@doniee be a judge on Iron Che America, become a travel writer, or open a card/

coee/fower shop/cae thing

pHOTOS

Gayson Ke | tul.co/c0dx| u #3

Colin FitzGeald photogahy | tul.co/dnzh| t g g
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7/8

Views expressed in Content do not neCessarily releCt the Views o the publisher or the printed blog inC. 7

CHICAGO

The gReaT BlIzzaRd of 09!b Ji Koeny | 1/13/09 | Tankoy tul.co/56w4

In Chicago i every single media outlet is awash

in stories about an incoming snow storm that is sure

to incapacitate the area you can be pretty sure that

there will be no snowall o mythic community para-

lyzing proportion. In act, the next days news will

pretty much be lled with newspeople chattering

about how we missed seventeen eet worth o snow

by thiiiiiis much.

Last evenings news was lled with predictions

o white-outs and a snowbound Chicago, and what

was the result? Ive had dandru that put the eve-

nings accumulation to shame.On top o it, I have no idea why anyone in

Chicago even cares i we do get hit by a blizzard that

would drop a oot-plus o snow on top o us. Its not

like we get snow days? Last night I was grousing that

as an adult in this city there is never enough snow to

actually close any oce Ive ever worked.*

Instead, the heavier the snow, the earlier you

need to leave to account or slow travel times ...

and the longer youll work since theres no point in

leaving the oce when everyone is trying to travel

home at the same time ten hours later. (And its no

better or kids ... due to our mayors past and recently

rediscovered desire to retain political oce, the citys extremely aggressive street clearing plans

mean that even this tiniest tyke is going to have to report to homeroom when the kids in outly-

ing counties are building snow orts.)

So orgive me i we dont get sucked into hysterical new stories urging us to stock up on

supplies, and orgive us i you can hear us sneering at riends in NYC or D.C. or Boston who talk

o oces closing at the threat o six inches o snow. We in the urban Midwest (I am also peeringyour way, my even crazier Minnesota sisters and brothers) are made o surprisingly hardier stu.

Tell me theres a oot o snow coming our way and we will laugh in your ace.

However, those days with high o -3 to -11 F that are being predicted or later this week?

That kind o news scares our pants o! (Insert laughter rom our Canadian cousins ... here.)

*O.K., there was that ONE blizzard back in -- what, 98ish? -- where the city got hit by almost two

feet of snow no one saw coming and everything actually did shut down for one day. That was magical.

Visualanthology | tul.co/w79j| s

Doug Sieken | tul.co/30s7z

pHOTOS

TrY LIVING ON mINImUm WAGE

b Ji | 1/27/09 | bagaineeing tul.co/8nhc

Want to learn how to be rugal without having to resort to the extremes o spending only

a dollar a day on meals? Try living on minimum wage. Im not recommending that you pull

a Morgan Spurlock but you should try to put yoursel into the shoes o millions o Americans

working a minimum wage job and try to gure out how theyre surviving. They do it every

single day and they, through trial by re, have learned what it takes to truly be rugal. You have

to walk a mile in a mans (or womans) shoes to truly understand.

Minimum Wage

So, how much is minimum wage and how much can you spend? The Federal Minimum

Wage is currently $6.55 an hour, set to increase to $7.25 an hour on July 24th, 2009 (it may be

higher in your state). I you assume an 8 hour day, thats a grand total o $52.40 in earnings that

day.

Taxes: I you worked 2,000 hour (the standard number o hours budgeted by companies)

year, $6.55 is only $13,100 a year. Once you deduct the standard deduction o $5,450, were

talking $7,650 o taxable income assuming no other deductions. According to the 2008 IRS tax

brackets, you would be taxed at 10% or a total tax o $765.

Your $13,100 a year is eectively $12,335 ater taxes. Thats a little under $1028 a month.

Rent: Its dicult to assume what your rent is because it varies across the country but letstake a nice round number o $500. Deduct $500 rom $1028 and youre let with $528. Divide

that by 30 to gure out how much you can spend each day.

How Much Can You Spend?

The answer is $17.60. (i you assumed rent o $300, that would still leave you with only

$24.27 a day to spend)

Thats right, i you work eight hours o minimum wage and have a $500 a month rent

payment, you can only spend $17.60 beore you start going into debt ($25 i you pay only $300

a month in rent). This is why so many people working minimum wage work two or three jobs,

because eight hours is simply not enough. (There may be other social programs to help, like

ood stamps, but I didnt want to get overly complicated in this discussion)

Eye opening huh? Try living on less than $18 a day or an entire month, I mean really try,

and youll discover some things you didnt think were possible.

SpOrTS

mIsInfoRmaTIon

fRom RICk TelandeRb Al | 1/26/09 | bleed Cuie blue tul.co/25g4v

it seems CraZy, 1981, f t, C 10,000 .

ac 40,000 , cc.

i v , rck v?

d w s?

While the conclusion -- winning the World Series -- is something we all want -- the premise

o this part o the article is fawed.

Lets examine the acts. Cubs attendance in 1981 was 565,637 -- 11th in the 12-team Na-

tional League. Obviously, that was depressed by the strike and the horrendous play o that years

team. But there are some problems with Telanders statement. First, the average attendance

wasnt under 10,000. To get that gure, Telander must have divided the total by the number

o home games in 1981 (57) to get 9,923. However, there were three home doubleheaders in

1981, so there were only 54 home dates. Thus, the actual average was 10,475.

Theres one more thing thats wrong with Telanders statement. 1981 wasnt the rst year o

Tribune Co. ownership. The deal was approved by MLB owners on August 6, 1981, and Tribune

took over ocially in early September. So the rst true year o Tribco ownership was 1982.

Baseball was still recovering rom the strike, and the Cubs, though better, were still bad, nish-

ing 73-89. They had 79 home dates and drew 1,249,278, an average o 15,814 -- nearly a 50%

increase in average attendance.

But the real problem with Telanders statement is that you cant really compare attendance

gures now to attendance gures then. In 1982, MLBs average attendance was about 21,000 per

game; last year it was over 34,000.

Granted that Tribunes marketing o the Cubs has been successul beyond probably even itswildest dreams, drawing millions o ans even when the team was terrible. But until 1993, the

National League only reported turnstile count. A 78-84 Cubs team in 1992 reported attendance

o 2,126,720, ranking th in the NL. The 1993 team, only a little better record-wise at 84-78,

reported 2,653,763 -- more than 500,000 more ans, supposedly -- but ranked 7th in the NL.

Thats because in 93, teams started reporting tickets sold as the attendance gures. Overall

baseball attendance jumped rom 55 million in 1992 to 70 million in 1993 -- thats not a real

jump, its the dierence in the way it was reported.

This is why the 2006 attendance gure o 3,123,215, which ranks ourth in team history, is

so misleading. Late-season games were sold out early, but or many o them, ewer than hal the

announced crowd was actually in the ballpark. Management improved the team, and atten-

dance in 2007 was 3,252,462 -- only a slight improvement, but the actual turnstile count was

much higher than in 2006.

Anyway, Telander was trying to make a comparison between two things that cant really be

compared, and he got a couple o basic acts wrong. Still, Ill agree with his conclusion -- we are

all hoping that no matter what the attendance gures, what we want is or new ownership to

bring a World Series title to the North Side.

pHOTOS

Jaes Cooe | tul.co/0v7k8g

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8/8

THE prINTED bLOG

FASHION

PanTs aRe oVeRRaTedb Ae motensen | 1/15/09 | painully Hi tul.co/y90k

Winter inevitably becomes pants-hating time or me. I want, above all,

to stay warm, but my inclination is always dresses and skirts.

This year, a lie-changing discovery: layered leggings, tights and socks

work almost as well as a pair o jeans or keeping warm! This outt makes

me very happy. The ultimate in cozy-chic is born.

pHOTOS

oneoedess | tul.co/52gzy

HIrE mE

Chistina petz/ d pcI am very interested in acquiring a career in which I can learn and experience the layoutand design o publications. I enjoy the precise positioning o elements on the page toachieve a desired result.

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Danielle L. Scott/ e pcBook manuscripts, websites, articles, white papers, reports, marketing and corporatecommunications -- contact me i your work needs editing or revamping!

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Kisty miles/ iI am a ashion marketing and management graduate with another degree in public rela-tions and advertising. I have 12 years o retail experience and Im currently working as astylist or Akria Chicago. I have a lot going on but I would love a ull time job working inthe ashion industry. Please contact me at [email protected]

Lusiana Gjikdhia/ p c CI am very interested in an entry-level position that can be oered in a bank or a nancialcompany. I have graduated rom UIC University or Finance, and am actively seekingemployment with rms in the Chicago area. Contact me at [email protected]

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Ion C. Olau/ s dvIon has worked in the IT industry since 1998. He is originally rom Moldova and lovesto develop sotware solutions that work or the community. Ion is proud to repeat thathe has worked or the rst independent press agency in Moldova and now or the ThePrinted Blog, the newest newspaper out o Chicago.

Chad Koskie/ e aChad Koskie rounds out the editorial arm o The Printed Blog. In addition to politics andcurrent events he enjoys reading, nding new music and nightlie. He holds a degree injournalism rom Western Illinois University.

dooyain | tul.co/9ck1

LIST OF ADVErTISING OFFENSES

b Nathan Alexande | 1/21/09 | Coecials I Hate tul.co/4t8hx

Shout all you want, Billy Mays. Shouting is bad manners, and will never inspire me to do

business with you. O the many gimmicks the advertisers try on us over and over again, there

are some that are so transparent, so exploitative, we should sue them or calling us stupid. This

is the list o advertising oenses.

Spouse hiding the product in purse: Husband has a terrible cough and has been hacking

loudly through dinner. He uses his own cough drops, but continues to bark like a dying seal.

Only then does the wie reveal her own cough drops, which have been cleverly hidden in her

purse the whole time. What the hell was she waiting or? This scenario is also played as two

girlriends going out to lunch. The money shot is the beautiully manicured hand pulling the

product out o a purse. Its supposed to say See, ladies? It ts in your purse, so you should im-

mediately buy it.

The Numbered Series: Usually shown as two 15-second clips back to back. The rst 15-sec-

ond commercial is number 34, in a series o helpul ways the product can improve your lie. The

next commercial is number 18. There are no other handy household tips at all, only number 34

and number 18. They are usually accompanied by a smarmy seen-it-all mom voiceover, exasper-

atedly recounting these two solitary items as i she has been reading you the whole list.

Liquid pouring and splashing up into the air: This is shown most oten in commercials

or cereal, where the milk pours into the cereal rom a stupeying height, cresting and splashing

up and out o the bowl. This is done oten in ads or rereshing beverages, chocolate, and most

mystiyingly, liquid bleach. I have never been sure what exactly this is supposed to represent.

No one I know has ever poured bleach rom the top o a stepladder.

Car spinning out o control: The commercial is or a car, and they invariably show the

car sh-tailing to a screeching halt. I suppose this stunt is to appeal to my alpha-male side. Yes

please, give me a car that spins. Preerably spraying a ne mist rom a wet road, or spewing dust

in a giant cloud as I rip through the desert, destroying my clear-coat. Funny how on TV a car

spinning around is supposed to demonstrate the cars agility, but in real lie it means someone is

about to die.

Athletes who talk: Please. I you want a big amous athlete in your ad, theres a right way

and a wrong way to make it happen. The way to do it properly is to show the athlete in black

and white, in slow motion, bouncing the basketball, cracking the baseball bat, or launching the

ootball. Have them look all serious into the camera, and keep their mouths shut. The way to

screw it all up is to give the athlete lines. Have we learned nothing rom Michael Jordan? Ath-

letes cannot speak. Dont ask them to do it. They are not good at it.

People eating cereal somewhere other than in the kitchen: In nearly every commercial

ever made or breakast cereal, they keep showing cereal in situations where cereal is never ap-

propriate. Ever. Like in the elevator. I have seen ads with an entire girls soccer team eating Chee-

rios on the bench. Thats right, Moms. Cheerios, with milk, a bowl and a spoon is a portable

snack suitable or the athletic eld. I have also seen a commercial with a woman sitting in the

branches o a tree eating cereal. In a ucking tree! They simply dont want to show you images

o people leaning over the kitchen sink, slurping the last sandy gulp o milk rom the bottom o

the bowl while they hurriedly hike their messenger bags over their shoulders.

mEDIA People fnishing each others sentences: Here we show people rom all walks o lie, each

speaking a ragment o a sentence, so that we at home can marvel at the bewildering juxtaposi-

tion o ethnic diversity and unity o purpose. At the end o the commercial, each person in turn

says only the last part o a sentence, again and again. This makes the commercial poignant.

Repeating the entire last sentence one more time makes it extra poignant.

The Stupid Man: On my message board we have come to reer to this phenomenon as

DumbDaddy. Daddy cant cook. Daddy cant clean. Daddy cant discipline the child. Daddy

cant control himsel in the electronics store. Daddy runs in circles holding a baby at arms

length. He has absolutely no idea what it is or why it makes that noise. Daddy takes the kids to

McDonalds because Mom is nowhere to be ound. These commercials are meant to empowerthe emale viewer by displaying men as weak overgrown children who Need Your Help. This

oul treatment o men has been expanded to include Young Stupid Guy. Young Stupid Guy will

chase a truck on oot because it has a picture o ood on it. Young Stupid Guy will wrestle a live

bear or a Bud Light. The worst part about the Young Stupid Guy commercials is that they are

aimed at Young Stupid Guy. Youre supposed to want to be Young Stupid Guy.

Actor tries to sound unrehearsed: This is when the actor goes uh.. and hesitates and

talks all slow, in order to sound more natural. All this does is piss me o. Im like SPIT IT

OUT! It doesnt sound more natural, it just sounds like the person cant remember what they

were just talking about.

Contextualizing a disclaimer into a conversation: Fantastic example are these new medi-

cation commercials where they have to list all o the warnings and side eects or the drug, so

they show two girlriends casually talking over lunch about dizziness, dry mouth and heat rash.

The Blue Liquid: The ad is or pads or tampons or diapers or any product that absorbs pee,

and they prove the products spongeworthiness by pouring blue liquid on it. Sometimes they

show a womans manicured hand delicately pouring the liquid rom a test tube, the way it hap-

pens in real lie.

Person who Doesnt Get It: These commercials eature some thick-headed guy who just

doesnt get it. Even though someone is talking right to his ace, the guy cant hear or cant un-derstand, leaving their exasperated riend to repeatedly shout, Its not delivery, its DiGiorno

or AFLAC I should point out that repeatedly shouting ANYTHING within a 30-second period

is a great way to annoy people really quick. Its bad manners.

STAFF AT THE prIN TED bLOG

michelle A. Doellan/ a eMichelle is nishing her last semester at Columbia College Chicago, pursuing a MFAin journalism. Originally rom Quincy, IL, Doellman enjoys writing, reporting and hercontinued exploration o Chicago.

mak Coe/ g mc eMark has been in the music business or over 35 years, with experience working or labels,retail, distribution, artist development, and artist management. He has spent over 15 yearsin music journalism, working with The Album Network, Radio and Records, and CMJ,all weekly music trade publications. During that time he published a widely read weeklycolumn called Cope With It. His passion is music!

STAFF AT THE prIN TED bLOG
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Teens Pooping on the Toilet