T. Smollett. Humphry Clinker English V

8/13/2019 T. Smollett. Humphry Clinker English V.

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foreigners s my be justly suspected of disffection to ourhppy constitution, in church nd stte == God forbid tht +

should be so unchritble, s to ffirm, positi9ely, tht the

sid 3ismhgo is no better thn @esuit in disguise< but this +;ill ssert nd mintin, totis 9iribus, tht, from the dy he

>ulified, he hs ne9er been once seen intr templi prietes,

tht is to sy, ;ithin the prish church7

Thirdly, ;ith respect to ;ht pssed t 0r 4endl's tble, ;hen

the sid 3ismhgo ;s so brutl in his reprehensions, + mustinform you, my good Sir, tht + ;s obliged to retire, not by

fer rising from his mintory reproches, ;hich, s + sid

bo9e, + 9lue not of rush< but from the sudden effect

produced, by brbel's ro;, ;hich + hd eten t dinner, notkno;ing, tht the sid ro; is t certin sesons 9iolently

cthrtic, s Glen obser9eth in his chpter Peri ichtos7

.ourthly, nd lstly, ;ith reference to the mnner in ;hich + got

possession of these 3etters, it is circumstnce tht concerns

my o;n conscience only< sufficeth it to sy, + h9e fullystisfied the prties in ;hose custody they ;ere< nd, by this

time, + hope + h9e lso stisfied you in such ;ys, tht the

lst hnd my be put to our greement, nd the ;ork proceed ;ith

ll con9enient expedition< in ;hich + hope + rest,

1espected Sir,

2our 9ery humble ser9nt,

@-!TH!- */STA+CH7

P7S7 + propose, *eo 9olente, to h9e the plesure of seeing you

in the gret city, to;rds !ll=hllo;tide, ;hen + shll be gld

to tret ;ith you concerning prcel of 0S7 sermons, of certin clergymn decesed< cke of the right le9en, for the

present tste of the public7 6erbum spienti, Bc7

@7*7

To the 1e9d7 0r @-!TH!- */STA+CH, t ==

S+1,

+ recei9ed yours in course of post, nd shll be gld to tret

;ith you for the 07S7 ;hich + h9e deli9ered to your friend 0r

5ehn< but cn by no mens comply ;ith the terms proposed7 Thosethings re so uncertin == Ariting is ll lottery == + h9e

been loser by the ;orks of the gretest men of the ge == +

could mention prticulrs, nd nme nmes< but don't choose it ==The tste of the to;n is so chngeble7 Then there h9e been so


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mny letters upon tr9els ltely published == Aht bet;eenSmollett's, Shrp's, *errick's, Thicknesse's, 5ltimore's, nd

5retti's, together ;ith Shndy's Sentimentl Tr9els, the public

seems to be cloyed ;ith tht kind of entertinment ==-e9ertheless, + ;ill, if you plese, run the ris>ue of printing

nd publishing, nd you shll h9e hlf the profits of the

impression == 2ou need not tke the trouble to bring up your

sermons on my ccount == -o body reds sermons but 0ethodists nd*issenters == 5esides, for my o;n prt, + m >uite strnger to

tht sort of reding< nd the t;o persons, ;hose judgment +depended upon in those mtters, re out of the ;y< one is gone

brod, crpenter of mn of ;r< nd the other, hs been silly

enough to bscond, in order to 9oid prosecution for blsphemy

== +'m gret loser by his going off == He hs left mnul ofde9otion hlf finished on my hnds, fter h9ing recei9ed money

for the ;hole copy == He ;s the soundest di9ine, nd hd the

most orthodox pen of ll my people< nd + ne9er kne; his judgmentfil, but in flying from his bred nd butter on this occsion7

5y o;ning you ;s not put in bodily fer by 3ismhgo, youpreclude yourself from the benefit of good ple, o9er nd bo9e

the d9ntge of binding him o9er7 +n the lte ;r, + inserted in

my e9ening pper, prgrph tht cme by the post, reflecting

upon the beh9iour of certin regiment in bttle7 !n officer ofsid regiment cme to my shop, nd, in the presence of my ;ife

nd journeymn, thretened to cut off my ers == !s + exhibited

mrks of bodily fer more ;ys thn one, to the con9iction of thebyestnders, + bound him o9er< my ction ly, nd + reco9ered7 !s

for flgelltion, you h9e nothing to fer, nd nothing to hope,

on tht hed == There hs been but one printer flogged t thecrt's til these thirty yers< tht ;s Chrles Atson< nd he

ssured me it ;s no more thn fle=bite7 C== S== hs been

thretened se9erl times by the House of 3==< but it cme tonothing7 +f n informtion should be mo9ed for, nd grnted

ginst you, s the editor of those 3etters, + hope you ;ill h9e

honesty nd ;it enough to pper nd tke your tril == +f you

should be sentenced to the pillory, your fortune is mde == !stimes go, tht's sure step to honour nd preferment7 + shll

think myself hppy if + cn lend you lift< nd m, 9ery

sincerely,

2ours,

HE-12 *!6+S7

3-*-, !ug7 th7

Plese my kind ser9ice to your neighbour, my cousin 0doc == +h9e sent n !lmnck nd Court=klendr, directed for him t 0r

Sutton's, bookseller, in Gloucester, crrige pid, ;hich he ;ill

plese to ccept s smll token of my regrd7 0y ;ife, ;ho is9ery fond of tosted cheese, presents her compliments to him, nd


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To 0rs GA233+0, house=keeper t 5rmbleton=hll7

01S GA+33+0,

Ahen this cums to hnd, be sure to pck up in the trunk mle

tht stnds in my closet< to be sent me in the 5ristol ;ggon;ithout loss of time, the follo;ing rticles, 9iD7 my rose

collrd neglejy ;ith green robins, my yello; dmsk, nd myblck 9el9ets ;ith the short hoop< my bloo >uilted petticot, my

green mntel, my lced pron, my .rench commode, 0cklin hed nd

lppets nd the litel box ;ith my jo;ls7 Aillims my bring o9er

my bum=dffee, nd the 9iol ;ith the esings of *r Hill'sdock;ter nd Cho;der's lcksitif7 The poor creture hs been

terribly stuprted e9er since ;e left huom7 Pry tke prticulr

cre of the house ;hile the fmily is bsent7 3et there be fireconstntly kept in my brother's chmber nd mine7 The mids,

h9ing nothing to do, my be st spinning7 + desire you'll clp

pd=luck on the ;ind=seller, nd let none of the men h9e excess tothe strong ber == don't forget to h9e the gte shit e9ery

e9ening be drk == The grdnir nd the hind my lie belo; in the

lndry, to prtke the house, ;ith the blunderbuss nd the gret

dog< nd hope you'll h9e ;tchful eye o9er the mids7 + kno;tht hussy 0ry @ones, lo9es to be rumping ;ith the men7 3et me

kno; !lderney's clf be sould yet, nd ;ht he fought == if the

ould goose be sitting< nd if the cobler hs cut *icky, nd ho;pore nemil bore the opertion7 -o more t present, but rests,

2ours,T!5+TH! 51!053E

G3ST!1, !pril "7

T 0rs 0!12 @-ES, t 5rmbleton=hll7

*E!1 0332,

He9ing this importunity, + send, my lo9e to you nd Sul, being

in good helth, nd hoping to her the sme from you< nd thtyou nd Sul ;ill tke my poor kitten to bed ;ith you this cold

;ether7 Ae h9e been ll in, sd tking here t Glostr ==

0iss 3iddy hd like to h9e run ;y ;ith plyer=mn, nd youngmster nd he ;ould done themsel9es mischief< but the, s>uire

pplied to the mre, nd they ;ere, bound o9er7 == 0istress bid

me not spek ;ord of the mtter to ny Christin soul == no

more + shll< for, ;e ser9ints should see ll nd sy nothing ==5ut ;ht ;s ;orse thn ll this, Cho;der hs, hd the,

misfortune to be ;orried by butcher's dog, nd cme home in

terrible pickle == 0istress ;s tken ;ith the sterisks, butthey soon ;ent off7 The doctor ;s sent for to Cho;der, nd he


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subscribed repository ;hich did him gret ser9ice == thnk Godhe's no; in fir ;y to do ;ell == pry tke cre of my box nd

the pillyber nd put them under your o;n bed< for, + do suppose

mdm, G;yllim ;ill be prying into my secrets, no; my bck isturned7 @ohn Thoms is in good helth, but sulky7 The s>uire

g9e ;y n ould cot to poor mn< nd @ohn sys s, ho; 'tis

robbing him of his per>uisites7 == + told him, by his greement

he ;s to recei9e no 9ils< but he sys s ho; there's difference bet;ixt 9ils nd per>uisites< nd so there is for

srtin7 Ae re ll going to the Hot Aell, ;here + shll drinkyour helth in glss of ;ter, being,

*er 0olly,

2our humble ser9nt to commnd,A7 @E-4+-S

G3ST!1, !pril "nd7

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, 5rt7 of @esus college, xon7

*E!1 PH+33+PS,

!s + h9e nothing more t hert thn to con9ince you + m

incpble of forgetting, or neglecting the friendship + mde tcollege, no; begin tht correspondence by letters, ;hich you nd

+ greed, t prting, to culti9te7 + begin it sooner thn +

intended, tht you my h9e it in your po;er to refute ny idlereports ;hich my be circulted to my prejudice t xford,

touching foolish >urrel, in ;hich + h9e been in9ol9ed on

ccount of my sister, ;ho hd been some time settled here in bording=school7 Ahen + cme hither ;ith my uncle nd unt ;ho

re our gurdinsF to fetch her ;y, + found her fine tll

girl, of se9enteen, ;ith n greeble person< but remrkblysimple, nd >uite ignornt of the ;orld7 This disposition, nd

;nt of experience, hd exposed her to the ddresses of person

== + kno; not ;ht to cll him, ;ho hd seen her t ply< nd,

;ith confidence nd dexterity peculir to himself, found mensto be recommended to her c>uintnce7 +t ;s by the gretest

ccident + intercepted one of his letters< s it ;s my duty to

stifle this correspondence in its birth, + mde it my business tofind him out, nd tell him 9ery freely my sentiments of the

mtter7 The sprk did not like the stile + used, nd beh9ed ;ith

bundnce of mettle7 Though his rnk in life ;hich, by the bye,+ m shmed to declreF did not entitle him to much deferenceuire @ery, pertjcknpes, full of college=petulnce nd self=conceit< proud s

Germn count, nd s hot nd hsty s Aelch mountineer7 !s

for tht fntsticl niml, my sister Tbby, you re no strngerto her >ulifictions == + 9o; to God, she is sometimes so


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intolerble, tht + lmost think she's the de9il incrnte cometo torment me for my sins< nd yet + m conscious of no sins tht

ought to entil such fmily=plgues upon me == ;hy the de9il

should not + shke off these torments t once + n't mrried toTbby, thnk He9en nor did + beget the other t;o? let them

choose nother gurdin? for my prt + n't in condition to

tke cre of myself< much less to superintend the conduct of

giddy=heded boys nd girls7 2ou ernestly desire to kno; theprticulrs of our d9enture t Gloucester, ;hich re briefly

these, nd + hope they ;ill go no further? == 3iddy hd been solong copped up in bording=school, ;hich, next to nunnery, is

the ;orst kind of seminry tht e9er ;s contri9ed for young

;omen, tht she becme s inflmmble s touch=;ood< nd going to

ply in holidy=time, =='sdeth, +'m shmed to tell you shefell in lo9e ;ith one of the ctors == hndsome young fello;

tht goes by the nme of Ailson7 The rscl soon percei9ed the

impression he hd mde, nd mnged mtters so s to see her t house ;here she ;ent to drink te ;ith her go9erness7 == This ;s

the beginning of correspondence, ;hich they kept up by mens of

jde of milliner, ;ho mde nd dressed cps for the girls tthe bording=school7 Ahen ;e rri9ed t Gloucester, 3iddy cme to

sty t lodgings ;ith her unt, nd Ailson bribed the mid to

deli9er letter into her o;n hnds< but it seems @ery hd

lredy c>uired so much credit ;ith the mid by ;ht mens hebest kno;sF tht she crried the letter to him, nd so the ;hole

plot ;s disco9ered7 The rsh boy, ;ithout sying ;ord of the

mtter to me, ;ent immeditely in serch of Ailson< nd, +suppose, treted him ;ith insolence enough7 The thetricl hero

;s too fr gone in romnce to brook such usge? he replied in

blnk 9erse, nd forml chllenge ensued7 They greed to meeterly next morning nd decide the dispute ;ith s;ord nd pistol7

+ herd nothing t ll of the ffir, till 0r 0orley cme to my

bed=side in the morning, nd told me he ;s frid my nephe; ;sgoing to fight, s he hd been o9erherd tlking 9ery loud nd

9ehement ;ith Ailson t the young mn's lodgings the night

before, nd fter;rds ;ent nd bought po;der nd bll t shop

in the neighbourhood7 + got up immeditely, nd upon in>uiryfound he ;s just going out7 + begged 0orley to knock up the

myor, tht he might interpose s mgistrte, nd in the men

time + hobbled fter the s>uire, ;hom + s; t distnce ;lkingt gret pce to;rds the city gte == in spite of ll my

efforts, + could not come up till our t;o combtnts hd tken

their ground, nd ;ere priming their pistols7 !n old houseluckily screened me from their 9ie;< so tht + rushed upon them

t once, before + ;s percei9ed7 They ;ere both confounded, nd

ttempted to mke their escpe different ;ys< but 0orley coming

up ;ith constbles, t tht instnt, took Ailson into custody,nd @ery follo;ed him >uietly to the myor's house7 !ll this time

+ ;s ignornt of ;ht hd pssed the preceding dy< nd neither

of the prties ;ould disco9er tittle of the mtter7 The myorobser9ed tht it ;s gret presumption in Ailson, ;ho ;s


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stroller, to proceed to such extremities ;ith gentlemn offmily nd fortune< nd thretened to commit him on the 9grnt

ct7 == The young fello; bustled up ;ith gret spirit, declring

he ;s gentlemn, nd ;ould be treted s such< but he refusedto explin himself further7 The mster of the compny being sent

for, nd exmined, touching the sid Ailson, sid the young mn

hd engged ;ith him t 5irminghm bout six months go< but

ne9er ;ould tke his slry< tht he hd beh9ed so ;ell in hispri9te chrcter, s to c>uire the respect nd good=;ill of ll

his c>uintnce, nd tht the public o;ned his merit s n ctor;s ltogether extrordinry7 == !fter ll, + fncy, he ;ill turn

out to be run=;y prentice from 3ondon7 == The mnger offered

to bil him for ny sum, pro9ided he ;ould gi9e his ;ord nd

honour tht he ;ould keep the pece< but the young gentlemn ;son his high ropes, nd ;ould by no mens ly himself under ny

restrictions? on the other hnd, Hopeful ;s e>ully

obstinte< till t length the myor declred, tht if they bothrefused to be bound o9er, he ;ould immeditely commit Ailson s

9grnt to hrd lbour7 + o;n + ;s much plesed ;ith @ery's

beh9iour on this occsion? he sid, tht rther thn 0r Ailsonshould be treted in such n ignominious mnner, he ;ould gi9e

his ;ord nd honour to prosecute the ffir no further ;hile they

remined t Gloucester == Ailson thnked him for his generous

mnner of proceeding, nd ;s dischrged7 n our return to ourlodgings, my nephe; explined the ;hole mystery< nd + o;n + ;s

exceedingly incensed == 3iddy being >uestioned on the subject,

nd 9ery se9erely reproched by tht ;ildct my sister Tbby,first s;ooned ;y, then dissol9ing in flood of ters,

confessed ll the prticulrs of the correspondence, t the sme

time gi9ing up three letters, ;hich ;s ll she hd recei9ed fromher dmirer7 The lst, ;hich @ery intercepted, + send you

inclosed, nd ;hen you h9e red it, + dre sy you ;on't ;onder

t the progress the ;riter hd mde in the hert of simplegirl, utterly unc>uinted ;ith the chrcters of mnkind7

Thinking it ;s high time to remo9e her from such dngerous

connexion, + crried her off the 9ery next dy to 5ristol< but

the poor creture ;s so frightened nd fluttered, by our thretsnd expostultions, tht she fell sick the fourth dy fter our

rri9l t Clifton, nd continued so ill for ;hole ;eek, tht

her life ;s despired of7 +t ;s not till yesterdy tht *r1igge declred her out of dnger7 2ou cnnot imgine ;ht + h9e

suffered, prtly from the indiscretion of this poor child, but

much more from the fer of losing her entirely7 This ir isintolerbly cold, nd the plce >uite solitry == + ne9er go do;n

to the Aell ;ithout returning lo;=spirited< for there + meet ;ith

hlf doDen poor emcited cretures, ;ith ghostly looks, in the

lst stge of consumption, ;ho h9e mde shift to lingerthrough the ;inter like so mny exotic plnts lnguishing in

hot=house< but in ll ppernce, ;ill drop into their gr9es

before the sun hs ;rmth enough to mitigte the rigour of thisungenil spring7 == +f you think the 5th=;ter ;ill be of ny


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ser9ice to me, + ;ill go thither so soon s my niece cn ber themotion of the coch7 Tell 5rns + m obliged to him for his

d9ice< but don't choose to follo; it7 +f *9is 9oluntrily

offers to gi9e up the frm, the other shll h9e it< but + ;illnot begin t this time of dy to distress my tennts, becuse

they re unfortunte, nd cnnot mke regulr pyments? + ;onder

tht 5rns should think me cpble of such oppression == !s for

Higgins, the fello; is notorious pocher, to be sure< nd nimpudent rscl to set his snres in my o;n pddock< but, +

suppose, he thought he hd some right especilly in my bsenceFto prtke of ;ht nture seems to h9e intended for common use ==

you my threten him in my nme, s much s you plese, nd if he

repets the offence, let me kno; it before you h9e recourse to

justice7 == + kno; you re gret sportsmn, nd oblige mny ofyour friends? + need not tell you to mke use of my grounds< but

it my be necessry to hint, tht + m more frid of my fo;ling=piece

thn of my gme7 Ahen you cn spre t;o or three brce ofprtridges, send them o9er by the stgecoch, nd tell G;yllim

tht she forgot to pck up my flnnel nd ;ide shoes in the

trunk=mil == + shll trouble you s usul, from time to time,till t lst + suppose you ;ill be tired of corresponding ;ith

2our ssured friend,

07 51!053EC3+.T-, !pril &7

To 0iss 32*+! 0E3.1*7

0iss Aillis hs pronounced my doom == you re going ;y, der

0iss 0elford == you re going to be remo9ed, + kno; not ;hither

;ht shll + do ;hich ;y shll + turn for consoltion + kno;not ;ht + sy == ll night long h9e + been tossed in se of

doubts nd fers, uncertinty nd distrction, ;ithout being ble

to connect my thoughts, much less to form ny consistent pln of

conduct == + ;s e9en tempted to ;ish tht + hd ne9er seen youurrel e9en ;ith the lo;est buffoonery< nd therefore +hope 0nsel nd + shll l;ys be good friends7 + cnnot,

ho;e9er, ppro9e of his dro;ning my poor dog Ponto, on purpose to

con9ert 9id's pleonsm into punning epitph, == deernt >uo>ue3ittor Ponto? for, tht he thre; him into the +sis, ;hen it ;s

so high nd impetuous, ;ith no other 9ie; thn to kill the fles,

is n excuse tht ;ill not hold ;ter == 5ut + le9e poor Pontoto his fte, nd hope Pro9idence ;ill tke cre to ccommodte

0nsel ;ith drier deth7

!s there is nothing tht cn be clled compny t the Aell, + mhere in stte of bsolute rustiction? This, ho;e9er, gi9es me

leisure to obser9e the singulrities in my uncle's chrcter,

;hich seems to h9e interested your curiosity7 The truth is, hisdisposition nd mine, ;hich, like oil nd 9inegr, repelled one


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nother t first, h9e no; begun to mix by dint of being bet uptogether7 + ;s once pt to belie9e him complete Cynic< nd

tht nothing but the necessity of his occsions could compel him

to get ;ithin the ple of society == + m no; of nother opinion7+ think his pee9ishness rises prtly from bodily pin, nd

prtly from nturl excess of mentl sensibility< for, +

suppose, the mind s ;ell s the body, is in some cses endued

;ith morbid excess of senstion7

+ ;s t'other dy much di9erted ;ith con9erstion tht pssedin the Pump=room, bet;ixt him nd the fmous *r 3==n, ;ho is come

to ply t the Aell for ptients7 0y uncle ;s complining of the

stink, occsioned by the 9st >untity of mud nd slime ;hich the

ri9er le9es t lo; ebb under the ;indo;s of the Pumproom7 Heobser9ed, tht the exhltions rising from such nuisnce,

could not but be prejudicil to the ;ek lungs of mny

consumpti9e ptients, ;ho cme to drink the ;ter7 The *octoro9erhering this remrk, mde up to him, nd ssured him he ;s

mistken7 He sid, people in generl ;ere so misled by 9ulgr

prejudices tht philosophy ;s hrdly sufficient to undecei9ethem7 Then humming thrice, he ssumed most ridiculous solemnity

of spect, nd entered into lerned in9estigtion of the nture

of stink7 He obser9ed, tht stink, or stench, ment no more thn

strong impression on the olfctory ner9es< nd might be ppliedto substnces of the most opposite >ulities< tht in the *utch

lnguge, stinken signifies the most greeble perfume, s ;ell

s the most fetid odour, s ppers in 6n 6loudel's trnsltionof Horce, in tht beutiful ode, Juis mult grcilis, Bc7 == The

;ords fi>uidis perfusus odoribus, he trnsltes 9n ci9et B

moscht gestinken? tht indi9iduls differed toto coelo in theiropinion of smells, ;hich, indeed, ;s ltogether s rbitrry s

the opinion of beuty< tht the .rench ;ere plesed ;ith the

putrid efflu9i of niml food< nd so ;ere the Hottentots in!fric, nd the S9ges in Greenlnd< nd tht the -egroes on the

cost of Senegl ;ould not touch fish till it ;s rotten< strong

presumptions in f9our of ;ht is generlly clled stink, s

those ntions re in stte of nture, undebuched by luxury,unseduced by ;him nd cprice? tht he hd reson to belie9e the

stercorceous fl9our, condemned by prejudice s stink, ;s, in

fct, most greeble to the orgns of smelling< for, tht e9eryperson ;ho pretended to nusete the smell of nother's

excretions, snuffed up his o;n ;ith prticulr complcency< for

the truth of ;hich he ppeled to ll the ldies nd gentlementhen present? he sid, the inhbitnts of 0drid nd Edinburgh

found prticulr stisfction in brething their o;n tmosphere,

;hich ;s l;ys impregnted ;ith stercorceous efflu9i? tht

the lerned *r 5==, in his tretise on the .our *igestions,explins in ;ht mnner the 9oltile efflu9i from the intestines

stimulte nd promote the opertions of the niml economy? he

ffirmed, the lst Grnd *uke of Tuscny, of the 0edicis fmily,;ho refined upon sensulity ;ith the spirit of philosopher, ;s


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so delighted ;ith tht odour, tht he cused the essence ofordure to be extrcted, nd used it s the most delicious

perfume? tht he himself the doctorF ;hen he hppened to be lo;=spirited,

or ftigued ;ith business, found immedite relief nduncommon stisfction from hnging o9er the stle contents of

close=stool, ;hile his ser9nt stirred it bout under his noseuest, nd hndled it so roughly, tht he

sneeDed, nd the ters rn do;n his cheeks, to the no smll

entertinment of the compny, nd prticulrly of my uncle, ;hoburst out =lughing for the first time since + h9e been ;ith

him< nd took notice, tht the prt seemed to be 9ery tender7

'Sir cried the *octorF it is nturlly tender prt< but toremo9e ll possibility of doubt, + ;ill tke off the ;rt this

9ery night7'

So sying, he bo;ed, ;ith gret solemnity ll round, nd retired

to his o;n lodgings, ;here he pplied custic to the ;rt< but

it spred in such mnner s to produce considerbleinflmmtion, ttended ;ith n enormous s;elling< so tht ;hen he

next ppered, his ;hole fce ;s o9ershdo;ed by this tremendous

noDDle< nd the rueful egerness ;ith ;hich he explined this

unlucky ccident, ;s ludicrous beyond ll description7 == + ;smuch plesed ;ith meeting the originl of chrcter, ;hich you

nd + h9e often lughed t in description< nd ;ht surprises me

9ery much, + find the fetures in the picture, ;hich hs beendr;n for him, rther softened thn o9er=chrged7

!s + h9e something else to sy< nd this letter hs run to nunconscionble length, + shll no; gi9e you little respite, nd

trouble you gin by the 9ery first post7 + ;ish you ;ould tke

it in your hed to retlite these double strokes upon

2ours l;ys,

@7 0E3.1*


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To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, of @esus college, xon7

HT AE33, !pril "#7

*E!1 4-+GHT,

+ no; sit do;n to execute the thret in the til of my lst7 Thetruth is, + m big ;ith the secret, nd long to be deli9ered7 +t

reltes to my gurdin, ;ho, you kno;, is t present ourprincipl object in 9ie;7

T'other dy, + thought + hd detected him in such stte of

frilty, s ;ould but ill become his yers nd chrcter7 Thereis decent sort of ;omn, not disgreeble in her person, tht

comes to the Aell, ;ith poor emcited child, fr gone in

consumption7 + hd cught my uncle's eyes se9erl times directedto this person, ;ith 9ery suspicious expression in them, nd

e9ery time he s; himself obser9ed, he hstily ;ithdre; them,

;ith e9ident mrks of confusion == + resol9ed to ;tch him morenrro;ly, nd s; him speking to her pri9tely in corner of

the ;lk7 !t length, going do;n to the Aell one dy, + met her

hlf ;y up the hill to Clifton, nd could not help suspecting

she ;s going to our lodgings by ppointment, s it ;s bout oneo'clock, the hour ;hen my sister nd + re generlly t the Pump=room7

== This notion exciting my curiosity, + returned by bck=;y,

nd got unpercei9ed into my o;n chmber, ;hich is contiguousto my uncle's prtment7 Sure enough, the ;omn ;s introduced

but not into his bedchmber< he g9e her udience in prlouruiet, mdm == consider == the people of thehouse =='sdeth cn't you7' == !ll this time she ;s struggling

to thro; herself on her knees, ;hile he seiDing her by the

;rists, ende9oured to set her upon the settee, sying, 'Prithee

== good no; == hold your tongue' == !t tht instnt, ;ho shouldburst into == the room but our unt Tbby of ll nti>uted

midens the most diboliclly cpricious == E9er prying intoother people's ffirs, she hd seen the ;omn enter, nd

follo;ed her to the door, ;here she stood listening, but probbly

could her nothing distinctly, except my uncle's, lst

exclmtion< t ;hich she bounded into the prlour in 9iolentrge, tht dyed the tip of her nose of purple hue, == '.y upon

you, 0tt cried sheF ;ht doings re these, to disgrce your

o;n chrcter, nd disprge your fmily' == Then, sntching thebnk note out of the strnger's hnd, she ;ent on == 'Ho; no;,

t;enty pounds == here is tempttion ;ith ;itness == Good=;omn,

go bout your business == 5rother, brother, + kno; not ;hich mostto dmire< your concupissins, or your extr9gnce' == 'Good God

exclimed the poor ;omnF shll ;orthy gentlemn's chrcter

suffer for n ction tht does honour to humnity' 5y this time,

uncle's indigntion ;s effectully roused7 His fce gre; ple,his teeth chttered, nd his eyes flshed == 'Sister cried he, in

9oice like thunderF + 9o; to God, your impertinence is

exceedingly pro9oking7' Aith these ;ords, he took her by thehnd, nd, opening the door of communiction, thrust her into the

chmber ;here + stood, so ffected by the scene, tht the ters

rn do;n my cheeks7 bser9ing these mrks of emotion, '+ don't;onder sid sheF to see you concerned t the bck=slidings of so

ner reltion< mn of his yers nd infirmities? These re

fine doings, truly == This is rre exmple, set by gurdin,for the benefit of his pupils == 0onstrous incongruous

sophisticl' == + thought it ;s but n ct of justice to set her

to rights< nd therefore explined the mystery7 5ut she ;ould not

be undecei9ed, 'Aht sid sheF ;ould you go for to offer for torguefy me out of my senses *id'n't + her him ;hispering to her

to hold her tongue *id'n't + see her in ters *id'n't + see him

struggling to thro; her upon the couch # filthy hideousbominble Child, child, tlk not to me of chrity7 == Aho gi9es

t;enty pounds in chrity == 5ut you re stripling == 2ou kno;

nothing of the ;orld7 5esides, chrity begins t home == T;entypounds ;ould buy me complete suit of flo;ered silk, trimmings

nd ll ==' +n short, + >uitted the room, my contempt for her, nd

my respect for her brother, being incresed in the sme

proportion7 + h9e since been informed, tht the person, ;hom myuncle so generously relie9ed, is the ;ido; of n ensign, ;ho hs

nothing to depend upon but the pension of fifteen pounds yer7

The people of the Aell=house gi9e her n excellent chrcter7 Shelodges in grret, nd ;orks 9ery hrd t plin ;ork, to support


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her dughter, ;ho is dying of consumption7 + must o;n, to myshme, + feel strong inclintion to follo; my uncle's exmple,

in relie9ing this poor ;ido;< but, bet;ixt friends, + m frid

of being detected in ;ekness, tht might entil the ridiculeof the compny, upon,

*er Phillips,

2ours l;ys,@7 0E3.1*

*irect your next to me t 5th< nd remember me to ll our

fello;=jesuits7

To *r 3EA+S7

H#T AE33, !pril "#7

+ understnd your hint7 There re mysteries in physic, s ;ell sin religion< ;hich ;e of the profne h9e no right to in9estigte

== ! mn must not presume to use his reson, unless he hs

studied the ctegories, nd cn chop logic by mode nd figure ==

5et;een friends, + think e9ery mn of tolerble prts ought, tmy time of dy, to be both physicin nd l;yer, s fr s his

o;n constitution nd property re concerned7 .or my o;n prt, +

h9e hd n hospitl these fourteen yers ;ithin myself, ndstudied my o;n cse ;ith the most pinful ttention< conse>uently

my be supposed to kno; something of the mtter, lthough + h9e

not tken regulr courses of physiology et ceter et ceter7 ==+n short, + h9e for some time been of opinion no offence, der

*octorF tht the sum of ll your medicl disco9eries mounts to

this, tht the more you study the less you kno;7 == + h9e redll tht hs been ;ritten on the Hot Aells, nd ;ht + cn

collect from the ;hole, is, tht the ;ter contins nothing but

little slt, nd clcrious erth, mixed in such inconsiderble

proportion, s cn h9e 9ery little, if ny, effect on the nimleconomy7 This being the cse, + think the mn deser9es to be

fitted ;ith cp nd bells, ;ho for such pultry d9ntge s

this spring ffords, scrifices his precious time, ;hich might beemployed in tking more effectul remedies, nd exposes himself

to the dirt, the stench, the chilling blsts, nd perpetul

rins, tht render this plce to me intolerble7 +f these ;ters,from smll degree of stringency, re of some ser9ice in the

dibetes, dirrhoe, nd night s;ets, ;hen the secretions re

too much incresed, must not they do hrm in the sme proportion,

;here the humours re obstructed, s in the sthm, scur9y, goutnd dropsy == -o; ;e tlk of the dropsy, here is strnge

fntsticl oddity, one of your brethren, ;ho hrngues e9ery dy

in the Pump=room, s if he ;s hired to gi9e lectures on llsubjects ;htsoe9er == + kno; not ;ht to mke of him ==


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Sometimes he mkes shre;d remrks< t other times he tlks likethe gretest simpleton in nture == He hs red gret del< but

;ithout method or judgment, nd digested nothing7 He belie9es

e9ery thing he hs red< especilly if it hs ny thing of themr9ellous in it nd his con9erstion is surpriDing hotch=potch

of erudition nd extr9gnce7 He told me t'other dy, ;ith gret

confidence, tht my cse ;s dropsicl< or, s he clled it,

leucophlegmtic? ! sure sign, tht his ;nt of experience ise>ul to his presumption == for, you kno;, there is nothing

nlogous to the dropsy in my disorder == + ;ish thoseimpertinent fello;s, ;ith their ricketty understndings, ;ould

keep their d9ice for those tht sk it7 *ropsy, indeed Sure +

h9e not li9ed to the ge of fifty=fi9e, nd hd such experience

of my o;n disorder, nd consulted you nd other eminentphysicins, so often, nd so long, to be undecei9ed by such ==

5ut, ;ithout ll doubt, the mn is md< nd, therefore, ;ht he

sys is of no conse>uence7 + hd, yesterdy, 9isit fromHiggins, ;ho cme hither under the terror of your threts, nd

brought me in present brce of hres, ;hich he o;ned he took

in my ground< nd + could not persude the fello; tht he did;rong, or tht + ;ould e9er prosecute him for poching == + must

desire you ;ill ;ink hrd t the prctices of this rscllion,

other;ise + shll be plgued ;ith his presents, ;hich cost me

more thn they re ;orth7 == +f + could ;onder t ny thing.itDo;en does, + should be surpriDed t his ssurnce in desiring

you to solicit my 9ote for him t the next election for the

county? for him, ;ho opposed me, on the like occsion, ;ith themost illiberl competition7 2ou my tell him ci9illy, tht + beg

to be excused7 *irect your next for me t 5th, ;hither + propose

to remo9e to=morro;< not only on my o;n ccount, but for the skeof my niece, 3iddy, ;ho is like to relpse7 The poor creture

fell into fit yesterdy, ;hile + ;s chepening pir of

spectcles, ;ith @e;=pedlr7 + m frid there is somethingstill lurking in tht little hert of hers, ;hich + hope chnge

of objects ;ill remo9e7 3et me kno; ;ht you think of this hlf=;itted

*octor's impertinent, ridiculous, nd bsurd notion of my

disorder == So fr from being dropsicl, + m s lnk in thebelly s grey=hound< nd, by mesuring my ncle ;ith pck=thred,

+ find the s;elling subsides e9ery dy7 .rom such doctors,

good 3ord deli9er us == + h9e not yet tken ny lodgings in5th< becuse there ;e cn be ccommodted t minute's ;rning,

nd + shll choose for myself == + need not sy your directions

for drinking nd bthing ;ill be greeble to,

*er 3e;is,

2ours e9er,

0!T7 51!053E

P7S7 + forgot to tell you, tht my right ncle pits, symptom,

s + tke it, of its being oedemtous, not leucophlegmtic7


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To 0iss 3ETT2 A+33+S, t Gloucester

HT AE33, !pril "&7

02 *E!1 3ETT2,

+ did not intend to trouble you gin, till ;e should be settled

t 5th< but h9ing the occsion of @r9is, + could not let itslip, especilly s + h9e something extrordinry to communicte7

, my der compnion Aht shll + tell you for se9erl dys

pst there ;s @e;=looking mn, tht plied t the Aells ;ith

box of spectcles< nd he l;ys eyed me so ernestly, tht +begn to be 9ery unesy7 !t lst, he cme to our lodgings t

Clifton, nd lingered bout the door, s if he ;nted to spek to

somebody == + ;s seiDed ;ith n odd kind of fluttering, ndbegged Ain to thro; herself in his ;y? but the poor girl hs

;ek ner9es, nd ;s frid of his berd7 0y uncle, h9ing

occsion for ne; glsses, clled him up stirs, nd ;s trying pir of spectcles, ;hen the mn, d9ncing to me, sid in

;hisper == grcious ;ht d'ye think he sid == '+ m Ailson'

His fetures struck me tht 9ery moment it ;s Ailson, sure

enough but so disguised, tht it ;ould h9e been impossible tokno; him, if my hert hd not ssisted in the disco9ery7 + ;s so

surprised, nd so frightened tht + finted ;y, but soon

reco9ered< nd found myself supported by him on the chir, ;hilemy uncle ;s running bout the room, ;ith the spectcles on his

nose, clling for help7 + hd no opportunity to spek to him< but

looks ;ere sufficiently expressi9e7 He ;s pyed for his glsses,nd ;ent ;y7 Then + told Ain ;ho he ;s, nd sent her fter him

to the Pump=room< ;here she spoke to him, nd begged him in my

nme to ;ithdr; from the plce, tht he might not incur thesuspicion of my uncle or my brother, if he did not ;nt to see me

die of terror nd 9extion7 The poor youth declred, ;ith ters

in his eyes, tht he hd something extrordinry to communicteundry, tht she forgot the most mteril prt of theinformtion< nd ;hen she cme home, ;ent into n hysteric fit of

lughing7 This trnsction hppened three dys go, during ;hich

he hs not ppered, so tht + suppose he hs gone7 *er 3ettyyou see ho; .ortune tkes plesure in persecuting your poor


22/298

friend7 +f you should see him t Gloucester == or if you h9eseen him, nd kno; his rel nme nd fmily, pry keep me no

longer in suspence == !nd yet, if he is under no obligtion to

keep himself longer conceled, nd hs rel ffection for me, +should hope he ;ill, in little time, declre himself to my

reltions7 Sure, if there is nothing unsuitble in the mtch,

they ;on't be so cruel s to th;rt my inclintions == ;ht

hppiness ;ould then be my portion + cn't help indulging thethought, nd plesing my fncy ;ith such greeble ides< ;hich

fter ll, perhps, ;ill ne9er be reliDed == 5ut, ;hy should +despir ;ho kno;s ;ht ;ill hppen == Ae set out for 5th to=morro;,

nd + m lmost sorry for it< s + begin to be in lo9e

;ith solitude, nd this is chrming romntic plce7 The ir is

so pure< the *o;ns re so greeble< the furD in full blossomuented bout thirty yers go7 0ethinks + her you

sy, '!ltered it is, ;ithout ll doubt? but then it is ltered

for the better< truth ;hich, perhps, you ;ould o;n ;ithouthesittion, if you yourself ;s not ltered for the ;orse7' The

reflection my, for ught + kno;, be just7 The incon9eniences;hich + o9erlooked in the high=dy of helth, ;ill nturlly

strike ;ith exggerted impression on the irritble ner9es of n

in9lid, surprised by premture old ge, nd shttered ;ith long=suffering ==

5ut, + belie9e, you ;ill not deny, tht this plce,;hich -ture nd Pro9idence seem to h9e intended s resource

from distemper nd dis>uiet, is become the 9ery centre of rcket

nd dissiption7 +nsted of tht pece, trn>uillity, nd cse,so necessry to those ;ho lbour under bd helth, ;ek ner9es,

nd irregulr spirits< here ;e h9e nothing but noise, tumult,

nd hurry< ;ith the ftigue nd sl9ery of mintining ceremonil, more stiff, forml, nd oppressi9e, thn the

eti>uette of Germn elector7 ! ntionl hospitl it my be, but

one ;ould imgine tht none but luntics re dmitted< nd truly,

+ ;ill gi9e you le9e to cll me so, if + sty much longer t5th7 == 5ut + shll tke nother opportunity to explin my

sentiments t greter length on this subject == + ;s imptient

to see the bosted impro9ements in rchitecture, for ;hich theupper prts of the to;n h9e been so much celebrted nd t'other

dy + mde circuit of ll the ne; buildings7 The S>ure, though

irregulr, is, on the ;hole, pretty ;ell lid out, spcious,open, nd iry< nd, in my opinion, by fr the most ;holesome nd

greeble sitution in 5th, especilly the upper side of it< but

the 9enues to it re men, dirty, dngerous, nd indirect7 +tscommuniction ;ith the 5ths, is through the yrd of n inn,

;here the poor trembling 9letudinrin is crried in chir,

bet;ixt the heels of double ro; of horses, ;incing under the

curry=combs of grooms nd postilions, o9er nd bo9e the hDrdof being obstructed, or o9erturned by the crriges ;hich re

continully mking their exit or their entrnce == + suppose

fter some chirmen shll h9e been mimed, nd fe; li9es lostby those ccidents, the corportion ;ill think, in ernest, bout

pro9iding more sfe nd commodious pssge7 The Circus is

pretty buble, contri9ed for she;, nd looks like 6espsin'smphithetre turned outside in7 +f ;e consider it in point of

mgnificence, the gret number of smll doors belonging to the

seprte houses, the inconsiderble height of the different

orders, the ffected ornments of the rchitr9e, ;hich re bothchildish nd misplced, nd the res projecting into the street,

surrounded ;ith iron rils, destroy good prt of its effect

upon the eye< nd, perhps, ;e shll find it still moredefecti9e, if ;e 9ie; it in the light of con9enience7 The figure


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of ech seprte d;elling=house, being the segment of circle,must spoil the symmetry of the rooms, by contrcting them to;rds

the street ;indo;s, nd le9ing lrger s;eep in the spce

behind7 +f, insted of the res nd iron rils, ;hich seem to beof 9ery little use, there hd been corridore ;ith rcdes ll

round, s in Co9ent=grden, the ppernce of the ;hole ;ould

h9e been more mgnificent nd striking< those rcdes ;ould h9e

fforded n greeble co9ered ;lk, nd sheltered the poorchirmen nd their crriges from the rin, ;hich is here lmost

perpetul7 !t present, the chirs stnd soking in the openstreet, from morning to night, till they become so mny boxes of

;et lether, for the benefit of the gouty nd rheumtic, ;ho re

trnsported in them from plce to plce7 +ndeed this is

shocking incon9enience tht extends o9er the ;hole city< nd, +m persuded, it produces infinite mischief to the delicte nd

infirm< e9en the close chirs, contri9ed for the sick, by

stnding in the open ir, h9e their friDe linings impregntedlike so mny spunges, ;ith the moisture of the tmosphere, nd

those cses of cold 9pour must gi9e chrming check to the

perspirtion of ptient, piping hot from the 5th, ;ith ll hispores ;ide open7

5ut, to return to the Circus< it is incon9enient from its

sitution, t so gret distnce from ll the mrkets, bths,nd plces of public entertinment7 The only entrnce to it,

through Gy=street, is so difficult, steep, nd slippery, tht in

;et ;ether, it must be exceedingly dngerous, both for thosetht ride in crriges, nd those tht ;lk =foot< nd ;hen the

street is co9ered ;ith sno;, s it ;s for fifteen dys

successi9ely this 9ery ;inter, + don't see ho; ny indi9idulcould go either up or do;n, ;ithout the most imminent hDrd of

broken bones7 +n blo;ing ;ether, + m told, most of the houses

in this hill re smothered ;ith smoke, forced do;n the chimneys,by the gusts of ;ind re9erberted from the hill behind, ;hich +

pprehend like;iseF must render the tmosphere here more humid

nd un;holesome thn it is in the s>ure belo;< for the clouds,

formed by the constnt e9portion from the bths nd ri9ers inthe bottom, ;ill, in their scent this ;y, be first ttrcted

nd detined by the hill tht rises close behind the Circus, nd

lod the ir ;ith perpetul succession of 9pours? this point,ho;e9er, my be esily scertined by mens of n hygrometer, or

pper of slt of trtr exposed to the ction of the

tmosphere7 The sme rtist ;ho plnned the Circus, hs like;iseprojected Crescent< ;hen tht is finished, ;e shll probbly

h9e Str< nd those ;ho re li9ing thirty yers hence, my,

perhps, see ll the signs of the Kodic exhibited in

rchitecture t 5th7 These, ho;e9er fntsticl, re stilldesigns tht denote some ingenuity nd kno;ledge in the

rchitect< but the rge of building hs lid hold on such

number of d9enturers, tht one sees ne; houses strting up ine9ery out=let nd e9ery corner of 5th< contri9ed ;ithout


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judgment, executed ;ithout solidity, nd stuck together ;ith solittle regrd to pln nd propriety, tht the different lines of

the ne; ro;s nd buildings interfere ;ith, nd intersect one

nother in e9ery different ngle of conjunction7 They look likethe ;reck of streets nd s>ures disjointed by n erth>uke,

;hich hth broken the ground into 9riety of holes nd

hillocks< or s if some Gothic de9il hd stuffed them ltogether

in bg, nd left them to stnd higgledy piggledy, just schnce directed7 Aht sort of monster 5th ;ill become in fe;

yers, ;ith those gro;ing excrescences, my be esily concei9ed?but the ;nt of beuty nd proportion is not the ;orst effect of

these ne; mnsions< they re built so slight, ;ith the soft

crumbling stone found in this neighbourhood, tht + shll ne9er

sleep >uietly in one of them, ;hen it blo;ed s the silors syF cp=full of ;ind< nd, + m persuded, tht my hind, 1oger

Aillims, or ny mn of e>ul strength, ;ould be ble to push his

foot through the strongest prt of their ;lls, ;ithout ny gretexertion of his muscles7 !ll these bsurdities rise from the

generl tide of luxury, ;hich hth o9erspred the ntion, nd

s;ept ;y ll, e9en the 9ery dregs of the people7 E9ery upstrtof fortune, hrnessed in the trppings of the mode, presents

himself t 5th, s in the 9ery focus of obser9tion == Clerks

nd fctors from the Est +ndies, loded ;ith the spoil of

plundered pro9inces< plnters, negro=dri9ers, nd hucksters fromour !mericn plnttions, enriched they kno; not ho;< gents,

commissries, nd contrctors, ;ho h9e fttened, in t;o

successi9e ;rs, on the blood of the ntion< usurers, brokers,nd jobbers of e9ery kind< men of lo; birth, nd no breeding,

h9e found themsel9es suddenly trnslted into stte of

ffluence, unkno;n to former ges< nd no ;onder tht theirbrins should be intoxicted ;ith pride, 9nity, nd presumption7

4no;ing no other criterion of gretness, but the ostenttion of

;elth, they dischrge their ffluence ;ithout tste or conduct,through e9ery chnnel of the most bsurd extr9gnce< nd ll of

them hurry to 5th, becuse here, ;ithout ny further

>ulifiction, they cn mingle ;ith the princes nd nobles of the

lnd7 E9en the ;i9es nd dughters of lo; trdesmen, ;ho, likesho9el=nosed shrks, prey upon the blubber of those uncouth

;hles of fortune, re infected ;ith the sme rge of displying

their importnce< nd the slightest indisposition ser9es them for pretext to insist upon being con9eyed to 5th, ;here they my

hobble country=dnces nd cotillons mong lordlings, s>uires,

counsellors, nd clergy7 These delicte cretures from5edfordbury, 5utcher=ro;, Crutched=friers, nd 5otolph=lne,

cnnot brethe in the gross ir of the 3o;er To;n, or conform to

the 9ulgr rules of common lodging=house< the husbnd,

therefore, must pro9ide n entire house, or elegnt prtments inthe ne; buildings7 Such is the composition of ;ht is clled the

fshionble compny t 5th< ;here 9ery inconsiderble

proportion of genteel people re lost in mob of impudentplebeins, ;ho h9e neither understnding nor judgment, nor the


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32/298

To 0iss A+33+S t Gloucester75!TH, !pril "7

02 *E!1EST C0P!-+-,

The plesure + recei9ed from yours, ;hich cme to hnd yesterdy,is not to be expressed7 3o9e nd friendship re, ;ithout doubt,

chrming pssions< ;hich bsence ser9es only to heighten ndimpro9e7 2our kind present of the grnet brcelets, + shll keep

s crefully s + preser9e my o;n life< nd + beg you ;ill ccept,

in return, my hert=house;ife, ;ith the tortoise=shell

memorndum=book, s trifling pledge of my unlterbleffection7

5th is to me ne; ;orld == !ll is gyety, good=humour, nddi9ersion7 The eye is continully entertined ;ith the splendour

of dress nd e>uipge< nd the er ;ith the sound of coches,

chirs, nd other crriges7 The merry bells ring round, frommorn till night7 Then ;e re ;elcomed by the city=;its in our

o;n lodgings< ;e h9e music in the Pump=room e9ery morning,

cotillons e9ery forenoon in the rooms, blls t;ice ;eek, nd

concerts e9ery other night, besides pri9te ssemblies ndprties ;ithout number == !s soon s ;e ;ere settled in lodgings,

;e ;ere 9isited by the 0ster of the Ceremonies< pretty little

gentlemn, so s;eet, so fine, so ci9il, nd polite, tht in ourcountry he might pss for the prince of Ales< then he tlks so

chrmingly, both in 9erse nd prose, tht you ;ould be delighted

to her him discourse< for you must kno; he is gret ;riter,nd hs got fi9e trgedies redy for the stge7 He did us the

f9our to dine ;ith us, by my uncle's in9ittion< nd next dy

s>uired my unt nd me to e9ery prt of 5th< ;hich, to be sure,is n erthly prdise7 The S>ure, the Circus, nd the Prdes,

put you in mind of the sumptuous plces represented in prints

nd pictures< nd the ne; buildings, such s Princes=ro;,

Hrle>uin's=ro;, 5ldud's=ro;, nd t;enty other ro;s, look likeso mny enchnted cstles, rised on hnging terrces7

!t eight in the morning, ;e go in dishbille to the Pump=room;hich is cro;ded like Aelsh fir< nd there you see the highest

>ulity, nd the lo;est trdes folks, jostling ech other,

;ithout ceremony, hil=fello; ;ell=met7 The noise of the musicplying in the gllery, the het nd fl9our of such cro;d, nd

the hum nd buD of their con9erstion, g9e me the hed=ch nd

9ertigo the first dy< but, fter;rds, ll these things becme

fmilir, nd e9en greeble7 == 1ight under the Pump=room;indo;s is the 4ing's 5th< huge cistern, ;here you see the

ptients up to their necks in hot ;ter7 The ldies ;er jckets

nd petticots of bro;n linen ;ith chip hts, in ;hich they fixtheir hndkerchiefs to ;ipe the s;et from their fces< but,


33/298

truly, ;hether it is o;ing to the stem tht surrounds them, orthe het of the ;ter, or the nture of the dress, or to ll

these cuses together, they look so flushed, nd so frightful,

tht + l;ys turn my eyes nother ;y == 0y unt, ;ho sys e9eryperson of fshion should mke her ppernce in the bth, s ;ell

s in the bbey church, contri9ed cp ;ith cherry=coloured

ribbons to suit her complexion, nd obliged Ain to ttend her

yesterdy morning in the ;ter7 5ut, relly, her eyes ;ere sored, tht they mde mine ;ter s + 9ie;ed her from the Pump=roomuite fe9erish ;hen ;e cme

;y7 !unt sys it is the effect of 9ulgr constitution, reredmong ;oods nd mountins< nd, tht s + become ccustomed to

genteel compny, it ;ill ;er off7 == Sir /lic ;s 9ery

complisnt, mde her gret mny high=flo;n compliments< nd,;hen ;e retired, hnded her ;ith gret ceremony to her chir7 The

cptin, + belie9e, ;ould h9e done me the sme f9our< but my

brother seeing him d9nce, took me under his rm, nd ;ished himgood night7 The Cptin is pretty mn, to be sure< tll nd

strit, nd ;ell mde< ;ith light=grey eyes, nd 1omn noseuintsense of stiety == 0rs Ptcher, my ldy 4ilmcullock's

;omn, nd + re s;orn sisters7 She hs she;n me ll her secrets,nd lerned me to ;sh gDe, nd refrsh rusty silks nd

bumbeseens, by boiling them ;ith ;inegr, chmberlye, nd stle

beer7 0y short sck nd pron luck s good s ne; from the shop,nd my pumpydoor s fresh s rose, by the help of turtle=;ter ==

5ut this is ll Greek nd 3tten to you, 0olly == +f ;e should

come to !berg'ny, you'll be ;ithin dy's ride of us< nd then;e shll see ;n nother, plese God == +f not, remember me in your

pryers, s + shll do by you in mine< nd tke cre of my

kitten, nd gi9e my kind sr9ice to Sll< nd this is ll tpresent, from your belo9ed friend nd sr9ent,

A7 @E-4+-S

5!TH, !pril "7

To 0rs GA233+0, house=keeper t 5rmbleton=hll7

+ m stonished tht *r 3e;is should tke upon him to gi9e ;y

!lderney, ;ithout my pri9ity nd concurrnts == Aht signifies mybrother's order 0y brother is little better thn -oncompush7 He

;ould gi9e ;y the shirt off his bck, nd the teeth out of his

hed< ny, s for tht mtter< he ;ould h9e ruinted the fmily

;ith his ridiculous chrities, if it hd not been for my four>urters == Aht bet;een his ;illfullness nd his ;ste, his

trumps, nd his frenDy, + led the life of n indented sl9e7

!lderney g9e four gllons =dy, e9er since the clf ;s sent tomrket7 There is so much milk out of my diry, nd the press must


37/298

stnd still? but + ;on't loose cheese piring< nd the milkshll be mde good, if the sr9ents should go ;ithout butter7 +f

they must needs h9e butter, let them mke it of sheep's milkuted !bigil, dressed in her ldy's cst=clothesuiet == He is splenetic ;ith his fmilirs

only< nd not e9en ;ith them, ;hile they keep his ttention

employed< but ;hen his spirits re not exerted externlly, theyseem to recoil nd prey upon himself == He hs renounced the ;ters

;ith execrtion< but he begins to find more efficcious, nd,

certinly, much more pltble remedy in the plesures ofsociety7 He hs disco9ered some old friends, mong the in9lids

of 5th< nd, in prticulr, rene;ed his c>uintnce ;ith the

celebrted @mes Juin, ;ho certinly did not come here to drink;ter7 2ou cnnot doubt, but tht + hd the strongest curiosity

to kno; this originl< nd it ;s grtified by 0r 5rmble, ;ho

hs hd him t;ice t our house to dinner7

So fr s + m ble to judge, Juin's chrcter is rther more

respectble thn it hs been generlly represented7 His bon mots

re in e9ery ;itling's mouth< but mny of them h9e rnkfl9our, ;hich one ;ould be pt to think ;s deri9ed from

nturl grossness of ide7 + suspect, ho;e9er, tht justice hs

not been done the uthor, by the collectors of those Juininuintnce7 She is remrkbly

ci9il to 0r Juin< of ;hose srcstic humour she seems to stnd in

;e< but her cution is no mtch for her impertinence7 '0r G;ynnsid she the other dyF + ;s once 9stly entertined ;ith your

plying the Ghost of Gimlet t *rury=lne, ;hen you rose up

through the stge, ;ith ;hite fce nd red eyes, nd spoke of

>uils upon the frightful porcofine == *o, pry, spout little theGhost of Gimlet7' '0dm sid Juin, ;ith glnce of ineffble

disdinF the Ghost of Gimlet is lid, ne9er to rise gin' ==

+nsensible of this check, she proceeded? 'Aell, to be sure, youlooked nd tlked so like rel ghost< nd then the cock cro;ed

so nturl7 + ;onder ho; you could tech him to cro; so exct, in

the 9ery nick of time< but, + suppose, he's gme == !n't he gme,0r G;ynn' '*unghill, mdm7' == 'Aell, dunghill, or not dunghill,

he hs got such cler counter=tenor, tht + ;ish + hd such

nother t 5rmbleton=hll, to ;ke the mids of morning7 *oyou kno; ;here + could find one of his brood' 'Probbly in the

;ork=house t St Giles's prish, mdm< but + protest + kno; not

his prticulr me;' 0y uncle, frying ;ith 9extion, cried, 'Good

God, sister, ho; you tlk + h9e told you t;enty times, thtthis gentlemn's nme is not G;ynn7' == 'Hoity toity, brother mine

she repliedF no offence, + hope == G;ynn is n honorble nme, of

true old 5ritish extrction == + thought the gentlemn hd beencome of 0rs Helen G;ynn, ;ho ;s of his o;n profession< nd if so

be tht ;ere the cse, he might be of king Chrles's breed, nd

h9e royl blood in his 9eins7' == '-o, mdm ns;ered Juin, ;ithgret solemnityF my mother ;s not ;hore of such distinction ==

True it is, + m sometimes tempted to belie9e myself of royl

descent< for my inclintions re often rbitrry == +f + ;s n

bsolute prince, t this instnt, + belie9e + should send for thehed of your cook in chrger == She hs committed felony, on the

person of tht @ohn *ory, ;hich is mngled in cruel mnner, nd

e9en presented ;ithout suce == tempor mores'


45/298

This good=humoured slly turned the con9erstion into lessdisgreeble chnnel == 5ut, lest you should think my scribble s

tedious s 0rs Tbby's clck, + shll not dd nother ;ord, but

tht + m s usul

2ours,

@7 0E3.1*

5!TH, !pril :#7

To *r 3EA+S7

*E!1 3EA+S,

+ recei9ed your bill upon Ailtshire, ;hich ;s punctully

honoured< but s + don't choose to keep so much csh by me, in common lodging house, + h9e deposited "L#l7 in the bnk of 5th,

nd shll tke their bills for it in 3ondon, ;hen + le9e this

plce, ;here the seson dr;s to n end == 2ou must kno;, tht no;being =foot, + m resol9ed to gi9e 3iddy glimpse of 3ondon7

She is one of the best herted cretures + e9er kne;, nd gins

upon my ffection e9ery dy == !s for Tbby, + h9e dropt such

hints to the +rish bronet, concerning her fortune, s, + mke nodoubt, ;ill cool the rdour of his ddresses7 Then her pride ;ill

tke the lrm< nd the rncour of stle midenhood being chfed,

;e shll her nothing but slnder nd buse of Sir /lic0ckilligut == This rupture, + foresee, ;ill fcilitte our

deprture from 5th< ;here, t present, Tbby seems to enjoy

herself ;ith peculir stisfction7 .or my prt, + detest it somuch, tht + should not h9e been ble to sty so long in the

plce if + hd not disco9ered some old friends< ;hose

con9erstion lle9ites my disgust == Going to the coffeehouse oneforenoon, + could not help contemplting the compny, ;ith e>ul

surpriDe nd compssion == Ae consisted of thirteen indi9idulsues himself upon keeping tble, nd thinks it isfor the honour of his chrcter to ;ink t the kn9ery of his

ser9nts, ;ho re in confedercy ;ith the mrket=people< nd,

of conse>uence, py ;hte9er they demnd7 Here is no; mushroomof opulence, ;ho pys cook se9enty guines ;eek for

furnishing him ;ith one mel dy7 This portentous frenDy is

become so contgious, tht the 9ery rbble nd refuse of mnkind

re infected7 + h9e kno;n negro=dri9er, from @mic, pyo9er=night, to the mster of one of the rooms, sixty=fi9e guines

for te nd coffee to the compny, nd le9e 5th next morning,

in such obscurity, tht not one of his guests hd the slightestide of his person, or e9en mde the lest in>uiry bout his


48/298

nme7 +ncidents of this kind re fre>uent< nd e9ery dy teems;ith fresh bsurdities, ;hich re too gross to mke thinking

mn merry7

== 5ut + feel the spleen creeping on me pce< nd therefore ;ill

indulge you ;ith cesstion, tht you my h9e no unnecessry

cuse to curse your correspondence ;ith,

*er *ick,

2ours e9er,0!T7 51!053E

5!TH, 0y L7

To 0iss 3!ET+T+! A+33+S, t Gloucester7

02 *E!1 3ETT2,

+ ;rote you t gret length by the post, the t;enty=sixth of lstmonth, to ;hich + refer you for n ccount of our proceedings t

5th< nd + expect your ns;er ;ith imptience7 5ut, h9ing this

opportunity of pri9te hnd, + send you t;o doDen of 5th

rings< six of the best of ;hich + desire you ;ill keep foryourself, nd distribute the rest mong the young ldies, our

common friends, s you shll think proper == + don't kno; ho; you

;ill ppro9e of the mottoes< some of them re not much to my o;nliking< but + ;s obliged to tke such s + could find redy

mnufctured == + m 9exed, tht neither you nor + h9e recei9ed

ny further informtion of certin person == Sure it cnnot be;ilful neglect == my der Aillis + begin to be 9isited by

strnge fncies, nd to h9e some melncholy doubts< ;hich,

ho;e9er, it ;ould be ungenerous to hrbour ;ithout furtherin>uiry == 0y uncle, ;ho hs mde me present of 9ery fine set

of grnets, tlks of treting us ;ith junt to 3ondon< ;hich,

you my imgine, ;ill be highly greeble< but + like 5th so

;ell, tht + hope he ;on't think of le9ing it till the seson is>uite o9er< nd yet, bet;ixt friends, something hs hppened to

my unt, ;hich ;ill probbly shorten our sty in this plce7

2esterdy, in the forenoon, she ;ent by herself to brekfsting

in one of the rooms< nd, in hlf n hour, returned in gret

gittion, h9ing Cho;der long ;ith her in the chir7 + belie9esome ccident must h9e hppened to tht unlucky niml, ;hich is

the gret source of ll her troubles7 *er 3etty ;ht pity it

is, tht ;omn of her yers nd discretion, should plce her

ffection upon such n ugly, ill=conditioned cur, tht snrls ndsnps t e9ery body7 + sked @ohn Thoms, the footmn ;ho

ttended her, ;ht ;s the mtter nd he did nothing but grin7 !

fmous dog=doctor ;s sent for, nd undertook to cure theptient, pro9ided he might crry him home to his o;n house< but


49/298

his mistress ;ould not prt ;ith him out of her o;n sight == Sheordered the cook to ;rm cloths, ;hich she pplied to his bo;els,

;ith her o;n hnd7 She g9e up ll thoughts of going to the bll

in the e9ening< nd ;hen Sir /lic cme to drink te, refused tobe seen< so tht he ;ent ;y to look for nother prtner7 0y

brother @ery ;histles nd dnces7 0y uncle sometimes shrugs up

his shoulders, nd sometimes bursts out =lughing7 0y unt sobs

nd scolds by turns< nd her ;omn, Ain7 @enkins, stres nd;onders ;ith foolish fce of curiosity< nd, for my prt, + m

s curious s she, but shmed to sk >uestions7

Perhps time ;ill disco9er the mystery< for if it ;s ny thing

tht hppened in the 1ooms, it cnnot be long conceled == !ll +

kno; is, tht lst night t supper, miss 5rmble spoke 9erydisdinfully of Sir /lic 0ckilligut, nd sked her brother if he

intended to keep us s;eltering ll the summer t 5th '-o,

sister Tbith sid he, ;ith n rch smileF ;e shll retretbefore the *og=dys begin< though + mke no doubt, tht ;ith

little tempernce nd discretion, our constitutions might be kept

cool enough ll the yer, e9en t 5th7' !s + don't kno; themening of this insinution, + ;on't pretend to mke ny remrks

upon it t present? herefter, perhps, + my be ble to explin

it more to your stisfction == +n the men time, + beg you ;ill be

punctul in your correspondence, nd continue to lo9e your e9erfithful

32*+! 0E3.1*5!TH, 0y 7


So then 0rs 5lckerby's ffir hs pro9ed flse lrm, nd +

h9e s9ed my money + ;ish, ho;e9er, her declrtion hd not

been so premture< for though my being thought cpble of mking

her mother, might h9e gi9en me some credit, the reputtion ofn intrigue ;ith such crcked pitcher does me no honour t ll

+n my lst + told you + hd hopes of seeing Juin, in his hours of

ele9tion t the t9ern ;hich is the temple of mirth nd goodfello;ship< ;here he, s priest of Comus, utters the inspirtions

of ;it nd humour == + h9e hd tht stisfction7 + h9e dined

;ith his club t the Three Tuns, nd hd the honour to sit himout7 !t hlf n hour pst eight in the e9ening, he ;s crried

home ;ith six good bottles of clret under his belt< nd it being

then .ridy, he g9e orders tht he should not be disturbed till

Sundy t noon == 2ou must not imgine tht this dose hd ny othereffect upon his con9erstion, but tht of mking it more

extr9gntly entertining == He hd lost the use of his limbs,

indeed, se9erl hours before ;e prted, but he retined ll hisother fculties in perfection< nd s he g9e 9ent to e9ery


50/298

;himsicl ide s it rose, + ;s relly stonished t thebrillincy of his thoughts, nd the force of his expression7 Juin

is rel 9oluptury in the rticles of eting nd drinking< nd

so confirmed n epicure, in the common ccepttion of the term,tht he cnnot put up ;ith ordinry fre7 This is point of such

importnce ;ith him, tht he l;ys tkes upon himself the chrge

of ctering< nd mn dmitted to his mess, is l;ys sure of

eting delicte 9ictuls, nd drinking excellent ;ine == He o;nshimself ddicted to the delights of the stomch, nd often jokes

upon his o;n sensulity< but there is nothing selfish in thisppetite == He finds tht good cher unites good compny,

exhilertes the spirits, opens the hert, bnishes ll restrint

from con9erstion, nd promotes the hppiest purposes of socil

life7 5ut 0r @mes Juin is not subject to be discussed in thecompss of one letter< + shll therefore, t present, le9e him

to his repose, nd cll nother of 9ery different complexion7

2ou desire to h9e further c>uintnce ;ith the person of our

unt, nd promise yourself much entertinment from her connexion

;ith Sir /lic 0ckilligut? but in this hope you re bulkedlredy< tht connexion is dissol9ed7 The +rish bronet is n old

hound, tht, finding her crrion, hs >uitted the scent == + h9e

lredy told you, tht 0rs Tbith 5rmble is miden of forty=fi9e7

+n her person, she is tll, r;=boned, uk;rd, flt=chested,nd stooping< her complexion is sllo; nd freckled< her

eyes re not grey, but greenish, like those of ct, nd

generlly inflmed< her hir is of sndy, or rther dusty hueuiet nd upror7 She is one of those geniuses ;ho find some

dibolicl enjoyment in being dreded nd detested by their

fello;=cretures7

+ once told my uncle, + ;s surprised tht mn of his

disposition could ber such domestic plgue, ;hen it could beso esily remo9ed7 The remrk mde him sore, becuse it seemed to

tx him ;ith ;nt of resolution == Arinkling up his nose, nd

dr;ing do;n his eye=bro;s, '! young fello; sid heF ;hen hefirst thrusts his snout into the ;orld, is pt to be surprised t

mny things ;hich mn of experience kno;s to be ordinry nd

un9oidble == This precious unt of yours is become insensibly prt of my constitution == *mn her She's noli me tngere in my

flesh, ;hich + cnnot ber to be touched or tmpered ;ith7' + mde no

reply< but shifted the con9erstion7 He relly hs n ffection

for this originl< ;hich mintins its ground in defince ofcommon sense, nd in despite of tht contempt ;hich he must

certinly feel for her chrcter nd understnding7 -y, + m

con9inced, tht she hs like;ise most 9irulent ttchment tohis person< though her lo9e ne9er she;s itself but in the shpe

of discontent< nd she persists in tormenting him out of pure

tenderness == The only object ;ithin doors upon ;hich she besto;sny mrks of ffection, in the usul stile, is her dog Cho;der<

filthy cur from -e;foundlnd, ;hich she hd in present from the

;ife of skipper in S;nsey7 ne ;ould imgine she hd

distinguished this best ;ith her f9our on ccount of hisugliness nd ill=nture, if it ;s not, indeed, n instincti9e

sympthy, bet;een his disposition nd her o;n7 Certin it is, she

cresses him ;ithout cesing< nd e9en hrsses the fmily in theser9ice of this cursed niml, ;hich, indeed, hs pro9ed the


52/298

proximte cuse of her brech ;ith Sir /lic 0ckilligut7

2ou must kno;, she yesterdy ;nted to stel mrch of poor

3iddy, nd ;ent to brekfst in the 1oom ;ithout ny othercompnion thn her dog, in expecttion of meeting ;ith the

5ronet, ;ho hd greed to dnce ;ith her in the e9ening == Cho;der

no sooner mde his ppernce in the 1oom, thn the 0ster of the

Ceremonies, incensed t his presumption, rn up to dri9e him;y, nd thretened him ;ith his foot< but the other seemed to

despise his uthority, nd displying formidble cse of long,;hite, shrp teeth, kept the puny monrch t by == Ahile he stood

under some trepidtion, fronting his ntgonist, nd b;ling to

the ;iter, Sir /lic 0ckilligut cme to his ssistnce< nd

seeming ignornt of the connexion bet;een this intruder nd hismistress, g9e the former such kick in the j;s, s sent him

ho;ling to the door == 0rs Tbith, incensed t this outrge, rn

fter him, s>ulling in tone e>ully disgreeble< ;hile the5ronet follo;ed her on one side, mking pologies for his

mistke< nd *errick on the other, mking remonstrnces upon the

rules nd regultions of the plce7

.r from being stisfied ;ith the 4night's excuses, she sid she

;s sure he ;s no gentlemn< nd ;hen the 0ster of the

Ceremonies offered to hnd her into the chir, she rpped himo9er the knuckles ;ith her fn7 0y uncle's footmn being still t

the door, she nd Cho;der got into the sme 9ehicle, nd ;ere

crried off midst the jokes of the chirmen nd other populce ==+ hd been riding out on Clerkendo;n, nd hppened to enter just

s the frcs ;s o9er == The 5ronet, coming up to me ;ith n

ffected ir of chgrin, recounted the d9enture< t ;hich +lughed hertily, nd then his countennce clered up7 '0y der

soul sid heF ;hen + s; sort of ;ild bist, snrling ;ith

open mouth t the 0ster of the Ceremonies, like the red co;going to de9our Tom Thumb, + could do no less thn go to the

ssistnce of the little mn< but + ne9er dremt the bist ;s

one of 0rs 5rmble's ttendnts == if + hd, he might h9e mde

his brekfst upon *errick nd ;elcome == 5ut you kno;, my derfriend, ho; nturl it is for us +rishmen to blunder, nd to tke

the ;rong so; by the er == Ho;e9er, + ;ill confess judgment, nd

cry her mercy< nd it is to be hoped, penitent sinner my beforgi9en7' + told him, tht s the offence ;s not 9oluntry of

his side, it ;s to be hoped he ;ould not find her implcble7

5ut, in truth, ll this concern ;s dissembled7 +n his pproches

of gllntry to 0rs Tbith, he hd been misled by mistke of

t lest six thousnd pounds, in the clcultion of her fortuneuent the 1ooms< nd, h9ing herd he

;s poet, begn to be frid of mking her ppernce in blld or lmpoon7 == She therefore mde excuses for ;ht she hd

done, imputing it to the flutter of her spirits< nd subscribedhndsomely for his poems? so tht he ;s perfectly ppesed, nd

o9er;helmed her ;ith profusion of

compliment7 He e9en solicited reconcilition ;ith Cho;derue of second

disgrce == Aho ;ill supply the plce of 0ckilligut in her

ffections, + cnnot foresee< but nothing in the shpe of mn cncome miss7 Though she is 9iolent church=;omn, of the most

intolernt Del, + belie9e in my conscience she ;ould h9e no

objection, t present, to tret on the score of mtrimony ;ith n

!nbptist, Juker, or @e;< nd e9en rtify the trety t theexpense of her o;n con9ersion7 5ut, perhps, + think too hrdly

of this kins;omn< ;ho, + must o;n, is 9ery little beholden to

the good opinion of

2ours,

@7 0E3.1*5!TH, 0y 7

To *r 3EA+S7

2ou sk me, ;hy + don't tke the ir =horsebck, during thisfine ;ether == +n ;hich of the 9enues of this prdise ;ould you

h9e me tke tht exercise Shll + commit myself to the high=rods

of 3ondon or 5ristol, to be stifled ;ith dust, or pressedto deth in the midst of post=chises, flying=mchines, ;ggons,

nd col=horses< besides the troops of fine gentlemen tht tke

to the high;y, to she; their horsemnship< nd the coches offine ldies, ;ho go thither to she; their e>uipges Shll +

ttempt the *o;ns, nd ftigue myself to deth in climbing up n

eternl scent, ;ithout ny hopes of reching the summit 4no;

then, + h9e mde di9ers desperte leps t those upper regionsueeDing my hnd under her rm, nd stuffing

my nose ;ith spirit of hrtshorn, till the ;hole inside ;s

excorited7 + no sooner got home, thn + sent for *octor Ch==,

;ho ssured me + needed not be lrmed, for my s;ooning ;sentirely occsioned by n ccidentl impression of fetid efflu9i

upon ner9es of uncommon sensibility7 + kno; not ho; other

people's ner9es re constructed< but one ;ould imgine they mustbe mde of 9ery corse mterils, to stnd the shock of such


55/298

torrid ssult7 +t ;s, indeed, compound of 9illinous smells,in ;hich the most 9iolent stinks, nd the most po;erful perfumes,

contended for the mstery7 +mgine to yourself high exlted

essence of mingled odours, rising from putrid gums,imposthumted lungs, sour fltulencies, rnk rmpits, s;eting

feet, running sores nd issues, plsters, ointments, nd

embroctions, hungry=;ter, spirit of l9ender, ssfoetid

drops, musk, hrtshorn, nd sl 9oltile< besides thousndfro;Dy stems, ;hich + could not nlyse7 Such, *ick is the

frgrnt ether ;e brethe in the polite ssemblies of 5th == Suchis the tmosphere + h9e exchnged for the pure, elstic,

nimting ir of the Aelsh mountins == 1us, >undo te spicim=

== + ;onder ;ht the de9il possessed me ==

5ut fe; ;ords re best? + h9e tken my resolution == 2ou my ;ell

suppose + don't intend to entertin the compny ;ith second

exhibition == + h9e promised, in n e9il hour, to proceed to3ondon, nd tht promise shll be performed, but my sty in the

metropolis shll be brief7 + h9e, for the benefit of my helth,

projected n expedition to the -orth, ;hich, + hope, ;ill ffordsome greeble pstime7 + h9e ne9er tr9elled frther tht ;y

thn Scrborough< nd, + think, it is reproch upon me, s

5ritish freeholder, to h9e li9ed so long ;ithout mking n

excursion to the other side of the T;eed7 5esides, + h9e somereltions settled in 2orkshire, to ;hom it my not be improper to

introduce my nephe; nd his sister == !t present, + h9e nothing to

dd, but tht Tbby is hppily disentngled from the +rish5ronet< nd tht + ;ill not fil to mke you c>uinted, from

time to time, ;ith the se>uel of our d9entures? mrk of

considertion, ;hich, perhps, you ;ould ;illingly dispense ;ithin

2our humble ser9nt,07 51!053E

5!TH, 0y I7


*E!1 PH+33+PS,

! fe; dys go ;e ;ere terribly lrmed by my uncle's finting tthe bll == He hs been e9er since cursing his o;n folly, for going

thither t the re>uest of n impertinent ;omn7 He declres, he

;ill sooner 9isit house infected ;ith the plgue, thn trust

himself in such nuseous spitl for the future, for he s;ersthe ccident ;s occsioned by the stench of the cro;d< nd tht

he ;ould ne9er desire stronger proof of our being mde of 9ery

gross mterils, thn our h9ing ;ithstood the nnoynce, by;hich he ;s so much discomposed7 .or my prt, + m 9ery thnkful


56/298

for the corseness of my orgns, being in no dnger of e9erflling scrifice to the deliccy of my nose7 0r 5rmble is

extr9gntly delicte in ll his senstions, both of soul nd

body7 + ;s informed by *r 3e;is, tht he once fought duel ;ithn officer of the horsegurds, for turning side to the Prk=;ll,

on necessry occsion, ;hen he ;s pssing ;ith ldy

under his protection7 His blood rises t e9ery instnce of

insolence nd cruelty, e9en ;here he himself is no ;y concerned


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lying do;n the pperF + h9e not the honour to kno; you< butyour discourse is little mysterious, nd seems to re>uire some

explntion7 The person you re plesed to tret so c9lierly,

is gentlemn of some conse>uence in the community< nd, forught you kno;, + my lso h9e my prticulr resons for

defending his chrcter' == '+f + ;s not con9inced of the contrry

obser9ed the otherF + should not h9e gone so fr' == '3et me tell

you, Sir sid the strnger, rising his 9oiceF you h9e gone toofr, in hDrding such reflections'7

Here he ;s interrupted by my uncle< ;ho sked pee9ishly if he

;s *on Juixote enough, t this time of dy, to thro; do;n his

guntlet s chmpion for mn ;ho hd treted him ;ith such

ungrteful neglect7 '.or my prt dded heF + shll ne9er >urrel;ith you gin upon this subject< nd ;ht + h9e sid no;, hs

been suggested s much by my regrd for you, s by my contempt of

him' == 0r Serle, then pulling off his spectcles, eyed uncle 9eryernestly, sying, in mitigted tone, 'Surely + m much

obliged == !h, 0r 5rmble + no; recollect your fetures, though +

h9e not seen you these mny yers7' 'Ae might h9e been lessstrngers to one nother ns;ered the s>uireF if our

correspondence hd not been interrupted, in conse>uence of

misunderstnding, occsioned by this 9ery ==, but no mtter == 0r

Serle, + esteem your chrcter< nd my friendship, such s it is,you my freely commnd7' 'The offer is too greeble to be

declined sid heF< + embrce it 9ery cordilly< nd, s the

first fruits of it, re>uest tht you ;ill chnge this subject,;hich, ;ith me, is mtter of peculir deliccy7'

0y uncle o;ned he ;s in the right, nd the discourse took moregenerl turn7 0r Serle pssed the e9ening ;ith us t our

lodgings< nd ppered to be intelligent, nd e9en entertininguestioned probity? tht his

fortune, ;hich ;s originlly smll, hs been gretly hurt by

romntic spirit of generosity, ;hich he hs often displyed, e9en

t the expence of his discretion, in f9our of ;orthlessindi9iduls == Tht he hd rescued Punceford from the lo;est

distress, ;hen he ;s bnkrupt, both in mens nd reputtion ==

Tht he hd espoused his interests ;ith degree of enthusism,broke ;ith se9erl friends, nd e9en dr;n his s;ord ginst my

uncle, ;ho hd prticulr resons for >uestioning the morl

chrcter of the sid Punceford? tht, ;ithout Serle'scountennce nd ssistnce, the other ne9er could h9e embrced

the opportunity, ;hich hs rised him to this pinncle of ;elth?

tht Punceford, in the first trnsports of his success, hd

;ritten, from brod, letters to different correspondents, o;ninghis obligtions to 0r Serle, in the ;rmest terms of

ckno;ledgement, nd declred he considered himself only s

fctor for the occsions of his best friend? tht, ;ithout doubt,he hd mde declrtions of the sme nture to his benefctor


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*E!1 0332,

Ae re ll upon the 9ing == Hey for 3ondon, girl == .ecks ;e h9e

been long enough here< for ;e're ll turned tipsy tur9y == 0istresshs excrded Sir /lic for kicking of Cho;der< nd + h9e sent

.riDDle ;y, ;ith fle in his er == +'9e she;n him ho; little +

minded his tinsy nd his long til == ! fellor, ;ho ;ould think for

to go, for to offer, to tke up ;ith dirty trollop under mynose == + ketched him in the 9ery feet, coming out of the

housemids grret7 == 5ut + h9e gi'en the dirty slut siserry7 0olly the sr9nts t 5th re de9ils in grnet7 They lite the

cndle t both ends == Here's nothing but ginketting, nd ;sting,

nd thie9ing nd tricking, nd trigging< nd then they re ne9er

content == They ;on't suffer the 's>uire nd mistress to sty nylonger< becuse they h9e been lredy bo9e three ;eeks in the

house< nd they look for couple of ginneys =piece t our going

;y< nd this is pr>uisite they expect e9ery month in theseson< being s ho; no fmily hs right to sty longer thn

four ;eeks in the sme lodgings< nd so the cuck s;ers she ;ill

pin the dish=clout to mistress's til< nd the house=mid 9o;s,she'll put co;itch in mster's bed, if so be he don't discmp

;ithout furder do == + don't blme them for mking the most of

their mrket, in the ;y of 9ils nd pr>uisites< nd + defy the

de9il to sy + m til=crrier, or e9er brought poor sr9ntinto trouble == 5ut then they oft to h9e some conscience, in

9ronging those tht be sr9nts like themsel9es == .or you must no,

0olly, + missed three=>urters of blond lce, nd remnnt ofmuslin, nd my sil9er thimble< ;hich ;s the gift of true lo9euire, ;ho chnged countennce,nd ;ith fultering ccent obser9ed, 'Tht it ill becme

clergymn to be concerned in >urrels nd bloodshed' == '2our

insolence to me sid EstgteF + should h9e bore ;ith ptience,

hd not you cst the most infmous reflections upon my order, thehonour of ;hich + think myself in duty bound to mintin, e9en t

the expence of my hert's blood< nd surely it cn be no crime toput out of the ;orld profligte ;retch, ;ithout ny sense of

principle, morlity, or religion' == 'Thou my'st tke ;y my life

cried Prnkley, in gret perturbtionF but don't go to murder my

chrcter7 Aht hs't got no conscience' '0y conscience isperfectly >uiet replied the otherF< nd no;, Sir, ;e re upon

the spot == Tke your ground s ner s you plese< prime your

pistol< nd the 3ord, of his infinite mercy, h9e compssion uponyour miserble soul'

This ejcultion he pronounced in loud solemn tone, ;ith hisht off, nd his eyes lifted up< then dr;ing lrge horse=pistol,

he presented, nd put himself in posture of ction7

Prnkley took his distnce, nd ende9oured to prime, but his

hnd shook ;ith such 9iolence, tht he found this opertionimprcticble == His ntgonist, seeing ho; it ;s ;ith him,

offered his ssistnce, nd d9nced for tht purpose< ;hen the

poor s>uire, exceedingly lrmed t ;ht he hd herd nd seen,desired the ction might be deferred till next dy, s he hd not

settled his ffirs7 '+ h'n't mde my ;ill sid heF< my sisters

re not pro9ided for< nd + just no; recollect n old promise,;hich my conscience tells me + ought to perform == +'ll first

con9ince thee, tht +'m not ;retch ;ithout principle, nd then

thou shlt h9e n opportunity to tke my life, ;hich thouseem'st to thirst fter so egerly7'

Estgte understood the hint< nd told him, tht one dy should

brek no s>ures? dding, 'God forbid tht + should be the mensof hindering you from cting the prt of n honest mn, nd

dutiful brother' == 5y 9irtue of this cesstion, they returned

pecebly together7 Prnkley forth;ith mde out the presenttionof the li9ing, nd deli9ered it to Estgte, telling him t the

sme time, he hd no; settled his ffirs, nd ;s redy to

ttend him to the .ir=gro9e< but Tom declred he could not thinkof lifting his hnd ginst the life of so gret benefctor == He

did more? ;hen they next met t the coffeehouse, he sked prdon

of 0r Prnkley, if in his pssion he hd sid ny thing to gi9e

him offence< nd the s>uire ;s so grcious s to forgi9e him;ith cordil shke of the hnd, declring, tht he did not like

to be t 9rince ;ith n old college compnion == -ext dy,

ho;e9er, he left 5th bruptly< nd then Estgte told me llthese prticulrs, not little plesed ;ith the effects of his


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o;n sgcity, by ;hich he hs secured li9ing ;orth l7 pernnum7

f my uncle, + h9e nothing t present to sy< but tht ;e setout tomorro; for 3ondon en fmille7 He nd the ldies, ;ith the

mid nd Cho;der in coch< + nd the mn=ser9nt =horsebck7

The prticulrs of our journey you shll h9e in my next,

pro9ided no ccident hppens to pre9ent,

2ours e9er,@7 0E3.1*

5!TH 0y &7

To *r 3EA+S7

*E!1 *+C4,

+ shll to=morro; set out for 3ondon, ;here + h9e bespokelodgings, t 0rs -orton's in Golden=s>ure7 !lthough + m no

dmirer of 5th, + shll le9e it ;ith regret< becuse + must

prt ;ith some old friends, ;hom, in ll probbility, + shll

ne9er see gin7 +n the course of coffeehouse con9erstion, + hdoften herd 9ery extrordinry encomiums pssed on the

performnces of 0r T==, gentlemn residing in this plce, ;ho

pints lndscpes for his musement7 !s + h9e no gretconfidence in the tste nd judgment of coffeehouse connoisseurs,

nd ne9er recei9ed much plesure from this brnch of the rt,

those generl prises mde no impression t ll on my curiosityuest of prticulr friend, + ;ent yesterdy to

see the pieces, ;hich hd been so ;rmly commended == + must o;n +

m no judge of pinting, though 9ery fond of pictures7 + don'timgine tht my senses ;ould ply me so flse, s to betry me

into dmirtion of ny thing tht ;s 9ery bd< but, true it is,

+ h9e often o9erlooked cpitl beuties, in pieces of

extrordinry merit7 == +f + m not totlly de9oid of tste,ho;e9er, this young gentlemn of 5th is the best lndscpe=pinter

no; li9ing? + ;s struck ;ith his performnces in such

mnner, s + hd ne9er been by pinting before7 His trees notonly h9e richness of folige nd ;rmth of colouring, ;hich

delights the 9ie;< but lso certin mgnificence in the

disposition nd spirit in the expression, ;hich + cnnotdescribe7 His mngement of the chiro oscuro, or light nd

shdo;, especilly glems of sunshine, is ltogether ;onderful,

both in the contri9nce nd execution< nd he is so hppy in his

perspecti9e, nd mrking his distnces t se, by progressi9eseries of ships, 9essels, cpes, nd promontories, tht + could

not help thinking, + hd distnt 9ie; of thirty legues upon

the bck=ground of the picture7 +f there is ny tste foringenuity left in degenerte ge, fst sinking into brbrism,


64/298

this rtist, + pprehend, ;ill mke cpitl figure, s soon shis ;orks re kno;n7

T;o dys go, + ;s f9oured ;ith 9isit by 0r .itDo;en< ;ho,;ith gret formlity, solicited my 9ote nd interest t the

generl election7 + ought not to h9e been shocked t the

confidence of this mn< though it ;s remrkble, considering

;ht hd pssed bet;een him nd me on former occsion == These9isits re mere mtter of form, ;hich cndidte mkes to e9ery

elector< e9en to those ;ho, he kno;s, re engged in the interestof his competitor, lest he should expose himself to the

imputtion of pride, t time ;hen it is expected he should

pper humble7 +ndeed, + kno; nothing so bject s the beh9iour

of mn cn9ssing for set in prliment == This menprostrtion to borough=electors, especillyF hs, + imgine,

contributed in gret mesure to rise tht spirit of insolence

mong the 9ulgr< ;hich, like the de9il, ;ill be found 9erydifficult to ly7 5e tht s it my, + ;s in some confusion t

the effrontery of .itDo;en< but + soon recollected myself, nd

told him, + hd not yet determined for ;hom + should gi9e my9ote, nor ;hether + should gi9e it for ny7 == The truth is, + look

upon both cndidtes in the sme light< nd should think myself

tritor to the constitution of my country, if + 9oted for either7

+f e9ery elector ;ould bring the sme considertion home to hisconscience, ;e should not h9e such reson to exclim ginst the

9enlity of p==ts7 5ut ;e ll re pck of 9enl nd corrupted

rscls< so lost to ll sense of honesty, nd ll tenderness ofchrcter, tht, in little time, + m fully persuded, nothing

;ill be infmous but 9irtue nd public=spirit7

G7 H==, ;ho is relly n enthusist in ptriotism, nd

represented the cpitl in se9erl successi9e prliments,

declred to me t'other dy, ;ith the ters in his eyes, tht hehd li9ed bo9e thirty yers in the city of 3ondon, nd delt in

the ;y of commerce ;ith ll the citiDens of note in their turnsuintnce, tht they ser9e only s exceptionsurrelled

;ith the ser9nts of the house bout 9ils< nd such intolerble

scolding ensued on both sides, tht + h9e been fin to ppesethe cook nd chmbermid by stelth7 Cn't you find some poor

gentlemn of Ales, to tke this precious commodity off the hnds

of

2ours,

0!TT7 51!053E5!TH, 0y &M7

To *r 3EA+S7

*CTE1 3EAS,

Gi9e me lef to tell you, methinks you mought employ your tlons

better, thn to encourge ser9nts to pillge their msters7 +find by G;yllim, tht 6illims hs got my skin< for ;hich he is

n impotent rscl7 He hs not only got my skin, but, moreo9er,

my butter=milk to ftten his pigs< nd, + suppose, the next thinghe gets, ;ill be my pd to crry his dughter to church nd fir?

1oger gets this, nd 1oger gets tht< but +'d h9e you to kno;, +

;on't be rogered t this rte by ny rgmticl fello; in the

kingdom == !nd + m surprised, docter 3e;s, you ;ould offer to putmy ffirs in composition ;ith the refuge nd skim of the herth7

+ h9e toiled nd moyled to good purpuss, for the

Documents

T. Smollett. Humphry Clinker English V