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Poll: What type of angst is your teen struggling with?

a. My teen wants more independence.b. My teen makes poor decisions.c. My teen has low self-esteem.d. Risky behavior (drugs, sex, alcohol)

I Hate You! 6 Tips for Surviving Teen Angst

"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years." --Mark Twain

Few parents would say they have launched a child into adulthood without hearing the dreaded "I hate you!" in the throes of a heated exchange with a red-faced, fist-clenched adolescent. For parents who haven't heard it, they have almost certainly felt it through a seething glare or the rock-solid freeze of a cold shoulder.

This stage of adolescence (and yes, it's generally a stage) can make parents feel unfit, unqualified, and unsteady. The parenting strategies you thought were good and right feel like they're not working. It's like putting the ingredients into a chocolate cake, but pulling out a cherry pie. What's a parent to do?

Tip #1: Breathe. Literally. If you are feeling really disconnected from your teen, you are likely feeling some strong feelings yourself. Concentrated breaths help calm the body's fight or flight response, lower heart rate and blood pressure, and restore reason. Breathing before responding is a good thing to model for your teen. It might feel strange at first, but keep practicing. For breathing tips, read Michele Timmons' article, Sanity Saving Tips for Crazy Busy Moms on the ParentFurther blog.

Tip #2: Resist the temptation to climb into the sandbox with your child. "Oh yeah, well right back at ya!" may provide a temporary relief, and a way to vent your frustration, but it will not help the situation and may push your teen even further away. It's difficult, but your teen needs you to show that you can remain

Take the poll >

This Month on ParentFurther

January is National Mentoring Month!

Positive Youth Development pioneer Dr. Peter Benson left a legacy of mentoring behind after he passed away last October. We've pulled a blog he wrote for us in 2011 from our archives to honor his lifelong work during National Mentoring Month. Read Ten Tangible Tips for Connecting with Kids >

Featured Download: Become a Family of Purpose in 2012! Let us help you parent with intention in 2012. Resolve to become a Family of Purpose with our quick and fun "10 Minutes Together" activities. Activity #1 - Create Your Own Family Code. Learn how >

calm, even when tension levels are high.

Tip #3: Get to know the teenage brain. It can help you gain perspective to know that your teen's prefrontal cortex (the reasoning part of the brain) is in a bit of a stall mode right now, which is part of why you're seeing a temporary increase in emotional response and a decrease in common sense. A great resource for learning about your teen's developing brain is Dr. David Walsh's book, Why Do They Act That Way? A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen . A firm grip on teen development can serve as part of the antidote for when you're asking yourself, what am I doing wrong? You're probably doing a lot of things right. You just can't see the results yet.

Get Surviving Teen Angst:Tips 4-6 on ParentFurther.com >>

Hot Topics from Our Bloggers...

Why Do They Act That Way? Weird Kid Behavior Explained Blogger Jennifer Griffin-Wiesner shares her own insights on odd kid behavior. Read Jennifer's blog >>

4 Easy Ideas to Help Parents Keep Cool when Things Get Heated Do your kids ever push you to the point where you're "seeing red"? Since the beginning of time, kids have been pushing parents' buttons, and it can be difficult to step out of the fire, cool off, and maintain a positive attitude despite the situation. Blogger Michele Timmons shares four of her own sanity saving tips on the ParentFurther blog. Get Michele's tips now! >>

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