SURVIVING AND THRIVING THROUGH DIVORCE

Overview of Divorce Issues

  Overview of the Divorce Process   Litigation versus Mediation  Frequently Asked Questions about Divorce  Coping Skills and Surviving the Emotional Toll  New Relationships and Moving Forward with

Your Life

Are You Sure Divorce is the Answer?

• Can the marriage be salvaged?• What is best for the children?• Once you have made a decision, educate

yourself.

Process of Grieving and Separating

Different from grieving death.Individuals reaction to grief vary. Importance of feeling and expressing grief.Importance of period of emotional

separation.

Implications of Divorce

Emotional Will it allow you to be happier? Will it remove you from a bad relationship? How will your life be different out of the relationship?

Financial What do you need to survive now? How will you be able to survive in the future?

Serious Soul Searching Time

What do you want to do now? What survival skills to you have?What unfulfilled dreams and aspirations

could you realize?

Prioritizing Your Life

Pay attention to all aspects of your life:• Physical• Mental• Financial • Career• Family• Friends• Personal, hobbies, interests• Spiritual

Reach out to Others

Stay connected to family and friends.

Use professional counselors and therapists for

practical advice and objectivity on sensitive issues.

Good time to evaluate yourself as an individual –

take care of yourself first.

Keep doctors appointments, your workout

schedule, take a class or learn a new skill.

Needs vs. Wants

What do you need to live on? Don’t make drastic changes in your standard of living. Put together a realistic budget ASAP. Know where

your money goes.

What do you want to live with? How will your values impact how you move forward.

Focus on the Positive Outcomes

How can you reframe the experience into a positive one?

What image are you projecting through the divorce? Positive or complaining? Taking control or being a victim?

Legal Issues/Financial

What are your legal options? Mediation Collaboration Litigation

How do you know which is best for your situation?

Divorce laws vary from state to state.

Mediation

Both parties are willing and able to sit down and negotiate an agreement on issue of custody, child support and maintenance and division of assets using a trained mediator.

Can be the least costly, more expedient, less adversarial.

Parties must be cooperative.

Collaboration

Negotiation of agreement done with collaborative law attorneys involved from the beginning.

More costly than mediation but less than litigation. Focus heavily on finding solutions for the family with a strong emphasis on children.

Useful process when there are financial or asset issues that may be more complicated such as a family business or self-employed spouse.

Litigation

Both spouses have attorneys who represent only their interests.

In cases that are not settled, a judge will decide on custody, maintenance and visitation.

Takes ability to decide on certain issues out of your hands and gives them to the court.

Decisions can fall in your favor or against you.

Custody Issues

What is in the best interest of the children?

Co-parenting and dual custody –what does it mean?

Think far ahead into the future, not just a few years

down the road.

What if…one spouse remarries, moves, changes

jobs, becomes disabled?

Do not involve children in issues between you and

your spouse.

The Dream

Some children hope their parents will get back

together.

Be honest, focus on future happiness.

Discuss what the new family structure will be like.

Give kids responsibilities but don’t burden them

with financial fears or uncertainty.

Keep traditions going or create new traditions for

you and your children.

Common Mistakes People Make

• Not advocating for themselves.• Getting angry and abusive. • Wasting energy on harboring a grudge. • Not knowing that if you have been married 10 years or

more the wife is entitled to receive half of her husband’s social security benefit at retirement.

• Forgetting to update wills, healthcare proxies, estate papers, beneficiaries on life insurance policies.

• Not being specific enough on visitation schedules.• Making negative comments about the other parent to

the children.• Not establishing a separate financial identity by having

their own bank account, credit card and credit rating.

Resources

http://www.divorcenet.com/ - divorce resource, offering state-specific articles, an online community and a nationwide directory of divorce lawyers, mediators and financial professionals.

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/divorce.html

LifeCare www.lifecare.com 1-800-873-4636