Summer 2018 Celebrancy Today · Celebrancy originated in Australia and New Zealand more than 50 years ago and was instituted by the late attorney general Lionel Murphy into the Australian

Summer 2018

Ceremonies and Rituals

Celebrancy Today

The Valley

Road

to Celebrancy

Witnessing a Wake:

a Celebrant’s

Perspective

ReUUp: A Ritual to

Reactivate a Faith

Community’s Social

Justice Values

Celebrancy Today

Summer 2018 Ceremonies & Rituals

1

Founded in 2001, the Celebrant Foundation & Institute (CF&I) is an educational nonprofit headquartered in Montclair, NJ dedicated to educating and certifying personalized ceremony professionals called Life-Cycle Celebrants®. CF&I's college-level, Life-Cycle Celebrant® certification program is taught live, online via an interactive format by seasoned Celebrant faculty members. The coursework is offered in several languages and celebrants hail from countries throughout the world.

Life-Cycle Celebrants® are masterfully trained in the art of ritual and ceremony. They are skilled ceremony officiants who perform and co-create customized ceremonies for weddings, funerals and other life events that reflect the needs, beliefs and values of the people they are honoring. As professionals, Life-Cycle Celebrants® abide by a code of ethics, a nondiscrimination policy, and many become Celebrant Alumni Association Members committed to continually improving their knowledge and skill.

The Celebrant Foundation & Institute believes affirming life's milestones through customized, thoughtful ceremony strengthens the bonds of families, partnerships and communities and deepens the human connection across generations. And, that paying homage and remembering our ancestors are at the very essence of what it means to be human.

Life-Cycle Celebrants® bridge generations by creating ceremonies that are a genuine expression of the honoree celebrated. Each ceremony is a unique reflection of personal rites of passage, transitions or celebrations. They are empowering testimonies of life that become treasured legacies to be passed down from one generation to the next.

Celebrancy originated in Australia and New Zealand more than 50 years ago and was instituted by the late attorney general Lionel Murphy into the Australian law. Today, celebrants are part of the very fabric of society in that region

with the majority of weddings, funerals and family ceremonies being performed by Civil Celebrants. In 2001, philanthropists Gaile and Pat Sarma founded the Celebrant Foundation & Institute in New Jersey as the North American Chapter of the International Federation of Celebrants, which originated in Australia. Our organizations share in an unwavering commitment to promoting the highest standards in the preparation and delivery of personalized ceremony.

The Celebrant movement here in United States, Canada, Mexico, Europe and Asia continues to expand and take deeper root internationally as well. Just this year, New Jersey became the first state in the US to include civil wedding celebrants in its Marriage Act. We are working hard towards trailblazing this great civil celebrant law across the US, Canada and Europe, so that all families have greater choice in how they want to honor the milestones in their lives.

Our engaging, online classes are taught by experienced Celebrant Faculty who provide students with a balanced curriculum of ceremonial theory and thorough real-life business practice. Our faculty go above and beyond to ensure our students leave the program with a deep understanding of the theory behind ceremony and ritual, while also giving them the hands-on knowledge to be successful professional Celebrants in their communities.

The CF&I support doesn't end when we hand our graduates their diplomas. Our Alumni Association provides additional educational and professional development via an extensive online ceremony library and business resource library including topically relevant webinars and presentation tools. CF&I graduates are also invited to join one of our 37 regional chapter for mentoring, networking, client referrals, and ceremonial idea sharing. These local resources are invaluable in nurturing the continued growth of our Celebrants in field.

The Celebrant Foundation & Institute is proud to have Life-Cycle Celebrants® who are now practicing throughout the world. Our reach is growing for sure, but there is so much more work to do! We are committed to advancing this great Celebrant movement and giving people of all walks of life greater choice in how they want to mark the milestones in their lives.

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Before we could even really say spring is almost over, summer rolled in. For many of us, “wedding season” is a time full of anticipation for outdoor ceremonies and family gatherings. I think it’s human nature to want to play outside and enjoy the warmth from the sun, which may be the reason why I especially enjoy the Celebrant Troubadour for the month of August: our colleague Elaine Voci gives us reasons to celebrate it, celebrant-style!

This Issue of Celebrancy Today celebrates our uniqueness and our creativity. It gives us a sampling of some of the different ceremonies some of us perform, and it is a testament to how wonderful and creative we can be in the designing and the realization of these ceremonies. Some of the pieces we are sharing have been previously published in national publications such as magazines, newspapers, or the Celebrant’s Blog page. They represent the freedom that we have in crafting a ceremony is only limited by our imagination. As my granddaughter has said, “Ideas are limited by the end of the universe.” Our creativity helps to sharpen and grow who we are.

Lessons learned from childhood are not easy to forget, and one of them is being grateful for what others do and the importance of expressing gratitude and appreciation. And I do appreciate each one of the contributors, because without their generosity this issue of Celebrancy Today would not be as wonderfully special as it is, and it belongs to each one of you. Special thanks go to Charlotte Eulette for giving me the opportunity to work on your magazine. Lastly but extremely important to me, to a nameless friend and collaborator who kept reminding me of the importance of maintaining a uniformity of font and color throughout, “Muy agradecida!” We must not forget to thank people who help us in a spiritual or emotional way, as well. I learned that sometimes the things we enjoy the most happen in unplanned moments when we let our heart serve as guide, as Ben Martin expresses in his writing. May our hearts guide us to serve our clients with respect, and may we always have the imagination to bring the wonderful, unique ceremonies within us to life. Best, Marcia Almeida, Master Life-Cycle Celebrant CF&I Social Manager

Contents

Page #

Porch Parties with a Celebrant Touch – Elaine Voci [4]

Certified Life Cycle Celebrants Are... – Marilyn Dion [6]

The Valley Road to Celebrancy – Ben Martin [8]

Cooking up Some Wedding Fusion – Lois Heckman [11]

Baby Blessings – Zita Christian [13]

ReUUp! A Ritual to Reactivate a Faith Community’s Racial Justice Values – Danna Schmidt [19]

Witnessing a Living Wake: a Celebrant's Perspective –

Dina Stander [22]

Packy the Elephant: Well Loved, Well Mourned – Holly Pruett [26]

Le Cercle des Célébrants du Cycle de la Vie® Nouvelles ’Europe Francophone [29]

Et si vous cherchiez votre rituel au sein de traditions

familiales... – Florence Leloir [33]

From the Editor’s Desk

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Dearest Celebrants, friends and family, Here we go into the summer, out into the world to resume rubbing shoulders with our neighbors, friends and family. Up close and personal is what summer is all about. Historically, in each of our own lives, summer has offered up what I call the 3 “T” life experiences: Trials, Tribulations and TRIUMPHS! Some of the 3 “T” moments that can manifest now are: rite of passage into adulthood, graduation, weddings, retirements, new work, leaving home/moving, parting of ways, marriage, job loss, birthday, a new baby or maybe the death of someone or something dear. When you go back into your mind’s “wayback machine” you’ll notice that many pivotal experiences during the summers have guided us to become who we are today. I invite you to open up this summer season and be receptive to all that awaits you and that you will create. I invite you to take advantage of opportunities this season for ritual and ceremony that may heal or empower you or someone else. Or, it may be something you wish to do with others in your community or out in nature by a river, mountain and a tree. Your sibling saplings would love to hear and hang out with you! Imagine that

ceremony and ritual are your companions who amble down a dusty road with you ready to supercharge life in effective and deep ways that possess intention, observation and love. You have the power. Great writer, shaman, teacher and scholar Malidoma Patrice Somé tells us in his profound (go get it) book, The Healing Wisdom on Africa, Finding Life Purpose Through Nature, Ritual, and Ceremony, that: “Healing, ritual and community are vitally linked. Community is important because there is an understanding that human beings are collectively oriented. The general health and well-being of individuals are connected to a community and are not something that can be maintained alone or in a vacuum…and when we talk about ritual here we are talking about something much deeper. We are talking about the weaving of individual person’s gifts into a community that interacts with the forces of the healing world. We are talking about a gathering or people with a clear healing vision and a trusting intent toward the forces of the invisible world…Ritual is the principal tool used to approach that unseen world in a way that will rearrange the structure of the physical world and bring about material transformation.” Welcome summer 2018. It’s good to be in your company. Yours truly, Charlotte Eulette, International Director Celebrant Foundation & Institute

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mister_Peabody

http://malidoma.com/main/about/

http://malidoma.com/main/about/

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The Celebrant Troubadour:

Porch Parties with a

Celebrant Touch

By Elaine Voci, Ph.D. Certified Life Cycle Celebrant

It’s August. It’s summer. And I have a screened porch. How do these three things relate to my world as a Certified Life Cycle Celebrant? Let me count the ways…

1. Parties held on a screened porch immediately

command my attention and my creative party-

planning interests and skills. They go together

like strawberries and cream. The porch offers a

casual and comfortable place in which people

can break bread together, bug and mosquito-

free. The setting naturally lends itself to

carefree dining. It beckons us to come out of

the house, find a place to sit and let the

munching begin.

2. Summer meals can be stretched out easily into

phases: appetizers; grilled foods; cool and

refreshing desserts. Each phase can be enjoyed

leisurely since we are now in the days of

extended light where the sun sets later in the

sky and you can freely move about without

turning on a light to see your surroundings. A

nice long dining experience, uninterrupted,

dreamy and languid, like the summer itself.

3. Porch parties imply a degree of fellowship,

relaxed conversations, and neighborliness that

can’t be matched by more formal events. Like

“come as you are” parties, porch parties invite

people who don’t always have time to visit

with one another to come and get better

acquainted. The Celebrant in me provides get

acquainted activities to help make that easier –

colorful hand-drawn name tags for each

person; pitch-in dishes labeled by the name of

the dish and the chef who prepared it; and

introductions of people to one another by

sharing an interesting tidbit of their history. I

may say, “Helen, this is Troy; he lives around

the corner and works at Fairview Hospital

doing some fascinating research. Troy, this is

Helen and she bakes wonderful cookies like the

ones on the table inside that she brought

tonight.”

4. Celebrants oversee the process of how people

come together; I make sure that we have an

opportunity in the beginning to raise our

glasses for some toasts. I encourage this

process by leading the first toast and then

inviting others to contribute their own. I make

sure everyone has a glass filled with their

beverage of choice, and I gather us together

and announce that our party is about to get

underway officially with a celebratory toast. I

may say, “Here’s to the best neighbors in the

world who make me feel grateful every day for

living here,” and everyone cheers and raises a

glass with a smile as we sip. This always leads

to someone else giving a toast and it can go on

for a while. When we are done, I invite them

to start eating with the phrase, “Let the

appetizers begin!!”

5. As the party winds down and reaches its

natural conclusion, I gather us together before

we part to offer a few words of thanks. I may

state, “Thank you for coming over tonight. It’s

been a wonderful evening to share with you. I

have loved seeing your smiling faces, laughing

together, and having fellowship with you,

including all the stories you offered. I feel full

– and not just with food, but with affection and

Celebrancy Today


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warmth for being part of this special

neighborhood.” That heartfelt and earnest

commentary always generates more

comments. This gives us closure to the event,

and a warm feeling to carry home with us as

we depart from each other’s company.

That’s what Celebrants do – they turn ordinary times into special ones. I have given themed parties including a “Hotdog Bonanza” and a “Pie Party” and a “Brats, Burgers and Blues party” (blues referring to blueberries featured in pies, coffee cake and muffins). You are limited only by your imagination! After a porch party, neighbors feel closer to one another; they feel like they have gotten to know one another and they will look out for each other in future days. They will wave to each other when driving, and they’ll stop to chat more often now that they have met. They’ll feel a part of a cohesive and friendly community that brings a sense of belonging. It’s a wonderful way to share life’s journey.

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By Marilyn Dion

Why have a professional Wedding Celebrant officiate your wedding instead of: your cousin Charlie, your beautician or someone you found on the internet who “does weddings”? These lyrics written by Jason Mraz have been used in countless wedding ceremonies - “Well open up your mind and see like me….Look into your heart and you'll find the sky is yours…This, oh this, this is our fate, I'm yours.” And, Mraz says that “anytime someone uses one of my songs for anything – a ceremony or a sacred moment – that, to me, is a high honour.” Writing a completely custom ceremony based on a personal love story is also considered a high honour for your region’s certified Life Cycle Celebrants® trained by the Celebrant Foundation & Institute. The boring, yawn-type, traditional, cookie-cutter, fill-in-the-blank ceremonies are done by the run-of-the-mill average officiate out there. Then there are the truly bad ones - you know what I am talking about, officiates who ramble on about their religious viewpoints in a drab monotone for what seems like an eternity or perhaps talk mainly about divorce in the middle of a wedding ceremony! Most couples want everything about their day to be perfect including the very foundation and reason for the day, the Ceremony. They need someone they can trust. Couples want someone who can write and deliver just the right words and in just the right way –

every word approved in advance. Ceremony encompassing words and ritual that is a perfect reflection of who they are and what it means for them to be marrying each other – ceremony everyone will be talking about at the reception in a positive way. Ceremony that shines a light of significance over their story is ceremony that touches hearts. By the skillful use of words and ritual ceremony speaks for the couple and to them, their family and guests. Certified Life-Cycle Celebrants® are listeners, performers, writers, speakers, and co-creators rolled into unique modern-day experts who bring their ‘A’ game to every ceremony. They have studied many world religions, rituals and ceremony creation and know how to honour the common threads in people’s beliefs. They create sacred space reflecting their client’s beliefs and values, not necessarily their own. They are passionate about the rites of passage and transitions that human beings celebrate and are serious about their calling. They set aside any personal agendas, validating only their clients journey and love that has brought them together to a moment in time. When a ceremony is written like a play, with all its complexities, including stage directions, props required and cues to professional participants like musicians, venue coordinator and sound engineer, that ceremony will be professional. Observers will feel the tone meant to be relayed, feel that even tiny unforeseen mistakes are endearments.

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When I spoke with the father of the Celebrant movement in Australia and the founder of the International Federation of Celebrants about twelve years ago, Dally Messenger III inspired me to take up the torch and help pioneer meaningful ceremony in Canada. He is known for saying “in every ceremony the elements of integrated beauty, music, poetry, choreography and symbolism, purposely and skillfully integrated into the ceremony’s theme, emotionally embed, imprint and sink the totality of the event into the brain, into the memory, into the psyche and most importantly into the subconscious.” Well written and professionally and lovingly performed ceremony pulls the strings of our emotions and solidifies powerful memories, punctuation points in our life story. Ceremony reflects who we are and are a symbolic doorway to move from one phase of life to another, through endings and into beginnings. Considering the time, effort, expertise and finished product of a love story written and woven into ceremony, certified Life Cycle Celebrants®’ fees range from $700 to $850; it may be twice the price of a run of the mill officiate who does not spend the minimum of ten working hours to co-create the ceremony with you like a Celebrant does. It is not only a bargain to choose a Celebrant but the wisest decision for celebrating a couple’s unique love story on one of the most important days of their life. Your meaningful and personalized ceremony is not only a wonderful gift to give to each other, a gift that truly reflects the two of you at the very core, but a treasure to share on your great day with your friends and family. Also, since your “love story” has been written down, it can be read again and again and used at future anniversaries or renewal of vows or other milestone life events. Your wedding ceremony can be a gift for your children and your children’s children to understand the love and the history that brought them into being. In the words of fantasy author Terry Pratchett, “Ritual and ceremony in their due times kept the world under the sky and the stars in their courses.

It was astonishing what ritual and ceremony could do.” Do you want to find a Celebrant near you and have a conversation with them? I invite you to go to: celebrantinstitute.org and click on Choose a Celebrant and enter your region. You can review your local certified Life-cycle Celebrant’s bio and photo and speak with them about the vision you have for your ceremony. Choose your date, choose your location and choose to have the most unique ceremony your guests have ever witnessed! Your life milestone celebration will reflect your wishes, traditions and beliefs woven into a distinctively designed commemoration. Mark your memories and special moments in a meaningful way that touches hearts.

Weaving words and finding the common thread through differences is something I love to do as a celebrant. Discovering the essence of the people being recognized in ceremony and reflecting that to their community is a privilege and an honour. With your input, I will use my expertise to create a beautiful customized ceremony and officiate on your special day. I look forward to meeting with you to discuss how I can bring YOUR story to life.

Contact me at: www.wovenwordsceremonies.com,

[email protected] or at 905.515.9285.

http://www.wovenwordsceremonies.com/

mailto:[email protected]

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The Valley Road to

Celebrancy

By Ben Martin, Life-Cycle Celebrant

The Celebrant Institute lives just down from the street on which I was born (Valley Road) and where I lived for 6 months before we moved to Denver in June of 1954. So coming to the Institute carries with it (both in a literal and figurative way) a sense of coming home, of a return. Embedded in a strict, religious-right upbringing, I had the intuition at 10 that I was born to be a minister and a writer. While these themes have played out over the years in unexpected ways, I feel that now at 64 I have come into a full realization of this early seed and have the chance to return to my “beginnings” by way of the role of celebrant. As TS Eliot begins his poem, East Coker, “In my beginning is my end.” And then ends it with, “In my end is my beginning.” And so it has been for me as I think of the impact of Valley Road both on my beginning and now on my ending. The officiant role was not an unfamiliar one to me as I have served as an interfaith minister for a small spiritual community called, Christuman, since 1988 and through the years I had written services, personalized ceremonies, and prayers celebrating new life, graduations, memorials, and weddings. So I knew before coming to the Institute that this is the work I most love – making sacred those milestones and lifecycle changes involved in being human. After discovering in 2015 on an NPR interview segment that there was such a “creature” as a Life-Cycle Celebrant®, I knew instantly that this is where I needed to go next with my “calling”. I completed my certification in both Ceremonies across the Lifecycle and Funerals in 2016. The Institute became my means to expand my horizons – a wider reach to a larger community, a deeper understanding of the power of telling the story, a greater appreciation for the vital role of both ritual and metaphor to a ceremony, more insights into the power

of mementoes to telegraph key facets of an honoree’s life, and the transforming alchemy achieved through artfully combining voice, music, story, and ritual into ceremony. Beyond the craft of being a celebrant, the Institute gave me insights into the business and marketing aspects involved in casting a wider net into a more diverse community. The long and winding road back to Valley Road has always been in-formed by way of the “word.” Through the years, I taught creative writing, worked as a technical writer for software companies, served as a contributing editor to a trade magazine, co-authored a management book, authored marketing literature and published a book of poem-prayers. While I love the outward facing role of officiant and the interpersonal role of the interview and the creative role of pulling together a cohesive, authentic ceremony, it is the chance to creatively craft the story that I love most. What greater privilege to be allowed into the most intimate of occasions as weddings, memorials and baby namings and to craft a one-of-a-kind ceremony true to the unmistakable essence of the honoree’s story.

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I have a poem I have authored that reveals my “hidden agenda” of capturing and honoring the unmistakable essence of the decedent when doing memorials.

And thus we observe: Seed to root to plant to flower to seed— earth to bloom to earth— a soul returns. And what it takes is what it leaves, Unmistakable— like the scent of cinnamon and cloves or of lilacs and roses, where it has been and will be: an unmistakable essence we knew as (name of honoree)— an unmistakable essence we instantly still know: (for memorials I enumerate signature qualities of the deceased) an unmistakable essence we hope to re-know, recognize again still more— in time now reawakened by our memories: in time always through the legacy he/she leaves us: in time beyond time when we shall meet again.

So I love the challenge to offer a ceremony that is as unmistakable and as unique as the individual that is being memorialized. When it comes to funerals/memorial, I love listening in on the life of an individual and to discover a unique metaphor that pops out of the story and seams together the eulogy in specific and the ceremony in general. Some of my favorites have been the metaphor of panning for gold, the bioluminescent nature of the jellyfish, and the iconic role of a saxophone in a person’s life. “Among Rick’s many interests and pastimes, was his love of panning for gold. I understand he was quite successful at swishing and sifting until finally only the gold flecks and the small nuggets would remain. So today, in the spirit of Rick, let’s do a little panning as we sift and swish through the biography of the man and discover the legacy of gold he has left to us—the great memories from his most adventurous life and his robust love that does not die with the body but continues hereafter to sustain us.” “…As you can see on the momento table here, there are a number of Jellyfish collectibles that she acquired over the years and thus, the placement of the jellyfish

image in your program today. Jellyfish are such fragile, elegant, translucent, almost other-worldly, certainly

tie-dyed-in-color ☺, mesmerizing creatures. And it seems to me that what we are drawn to often says a lot about us. It is interesting to note that many jellyfish are bioluminescent–meaning they emit light. And I would suggest that this is what made Jillian so unique -- the bioluminescent nature of her heart.” “If there is a standout icon that instantly telegraphs his life, it is his saxophone. There were those who nicknamed him “liver lips” as he had that perfect plumped up pucker to his lips that just seemed born to play the saxophone. He got his talent honestly as his Dad was an accomplished saxophonist and who, in his Chicago days, played in the band for the likes of Mel Torme and Steve Alan….Jerry navigated through life by way of his saxophone. It was the true tool of his trade though he had a variety of jobs of through the years-- selling cars, driving trucks, doing construction work; it was this tool that brought people together and sort-of jump started their joy and sense of fun.” A couple of favorites from weddings include the metaphor of geological time used for a renewal of vows ceremony that occurs every 10 years and the message of the aspen and how a marriage connects more than the two individuals in the relationship: “Geological time expresses itself in layers, in strata from the ages. You get a good glimpse of that right at the Morrison exit and I-70 where an upturned shelf of land exposes the different layers of time and reveals such incredible change and alchemy. And if we were to explore the layers of time represented by these four distinctive weddings, held every ten years where Steve and Judye return to the same place, speak their vows and celebrate their love, you might measure it in the strata of those who attended. So to give these eons of ten years a little perspective, I’d like to first ask everyone in attendance that is able to stand to stand. And now those who were here ten years ago on June 19th, 2007, remain standing while everyone else is seated. And now only those who were here 20 years ago on June 15th, 1997 remain standing while everyone else is seated. And those who were here 30 years ago on April 18th, 1987 remain standing while everyone else is seated and now only those who were in the

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original wedding party. Thank you and now you all can be seated.” “Consider a wedding where we see the beauty of two young individuals exchanging vows and engaging their family and friends in a very public ceremony in an Inn in Golden. Where they outwardly declare their love – a transforming love that has been quickened, given birth in them since they first met at a church event some four years ago. And yet, if the truth be known, hidden beneath this public ceremony, the hidden mystery of vows that seal the unseen bond between a man and a woman, vows that unite them in Spirit in such a way that as they give birth together to what is most vital to them, they also circulate through this community, this colony of friends and family what is most vital to us. Like the aspen tree in an aspen grove they each give unique expression -- as Amanda, as Chris-- to a common source of Spirit, a tap root of inspiration, imagination, and creativity. And while they may be young in years (at least by my old guy standards), like the aspen tree in an aspen grove, they are fed by something quite ancient, quite mysterious, quite sacred – we call it love and it is what circulates through the very roots of this community uniting us together in this moment.”

So in my end years my new beginning- beginning with the Institute down the street from Valley Road where I began and where I am beginning again. I am so grateful to have found the Institute, to have come home and recognize it for the very first time. I am so grateful it has given me such a rich venue where I can bring all my creative resources to bear and make a vital difference in people’s lives by helping them make sacred, make celebrative their life-changing milestones.

Ben Martin is a Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant® through the Celebrant Foundation and Institute (www.celebrantinstitute.org) with certifications in Funeral and Ceremonies across the Life-Cycle. He serves as a faculty member of the Institute currently teaching the Funeral Class. It has been Ben’s joy to officiate at such life-changing events as baby namings, graduations, house blessings, weddings and funerals. Ben has been a writer by vocation and avocation for the last 37 years and brings a refined voice and creativity to each service. He is co-author of the management book Masters of Change and the author of the recently published book, Prayers on the Road Home. Ben, along with his wife and Life-Cycle Celebrant®, Teri Martin, formed Essential Ceremonies, LLC. in April 2016 with the sole purpose of bringing ritual and significance to special transitions and important milestones in peoples’ lives. With three children and twelve grandchildren, Ben offers seasoned insights and a unique vision for creating tailored ceremonies for families as well as individuals. As an ordained interfaith minister, he is author of many spiritual treatises centered on that which is universal and true in all religions and has been a student of the way of the mystic through the ages.

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By Lois Heckman | Previously Published: February 4, 2018 I’m often asked about this. When a couple comes from two different cultures, ethnicities or religious traditions, how do I blend their backgrounds into a cohesive ceremony? First and foremost, I am always deeply mindful that there be an absolute sense of equality and balance. No one is leaving any ceremony I created saying ‘it was all about her,’ or ‘it was all about his family.’ Here is a fairly typical scenario – let’s take a couple, one partner is Puerto Rican and the other Italian. Both come from Roman Catholic backgrounds, but do not actively practice their faith, but many of their parents and grandparents do. When you explore Italian traditions for the ceremony itself, it is exclusively the celebration of the Catholic Mass. I am not a priest and obviously I would never attempt to mimic communion. Instead I might suggest a wine sharing ritual that references both the religious connections of wine, using an Italian wine. There’s a lot of history to draw from. I explain the connections, connotations and symbolism, and then the couple drinks the wine, sharing the ‘cup of life’ together. I hope you get the idea. One of my favorite Hispanic wedding traditions is the lazo, which is like a giant rosary and used to join the bride and groom by draping it over them during the ceremony, while the priest blesses the marriage. Again,

I’m not a priest, but I love using a lazo in a similar fashion. The officiant doesn’t have to do this, by the way. In fact, it’s a great honor to ask one or two people to wrap the cord – a favorite relative, god-parents, or anyone special to the couple. A lazo can be made of many materials, besides being beaded like the rosary. I have seen floral lazos, and ribbon lazos – do what works for you. Some couples create their own lazo. By the way, lazo literally means lasso, for obvious reasons, and sometimes is even called a lasso – so if you see these two terms, they are the same thing. I also love the 13 Coins ritual, which could be used instead, and I promise to write about that one soon. But you probably would not want to use languages. That infuses a lot of flavor. Find authors or poets from each heritage, and make sure to mention why you chose it.

Blending traditions and cultures for an inclusive wedding

Cooking up Some

Wedding Fusion

http://blogs.thepoconos.com/weddings/author/heckmanl/

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Readings can bring a lot to the table. Look for scriptural passages or use the wisdom of writers from the country you are honoring. In some instances, you might even have the reading performed in two There are other and probably easier places besides the ceremony, where couples can honor their backgrounds. One of my very favorite Italian wedding traditions is done at the reception. It is when the couple breaks a vase, plate or glass, and the number of pieces symbolize how long they will be happily married. Because of its similarity to the Jewish ‘breaking the glass’ at the end of the ceremony, I find this especially wonderful, because it speaks to the universality of symbols! For the Puerto Rican side of the family have the couple’s first dance be a danza criolla, a Puerto Rican waltz. Have a band or DJ who are versed in Latin music, such as salsa, merengue, mambo, samba, and can also toss in an Italian Tarantella, along with some great Italian-American crooners such as Frank Sinatra, Louis Prima, Vic Damone, Jerry Vale, and Tony Bennett. And food, food, food. Both cultures have many specific and fantastic dishes to enjoy. Don’t worry if you think

they don’t ‘go together.’ Do it anyway! Food always brings people together. These are just a few examples of how two cultures can successfully be brought together for a wedding ceremony and celebration. There are countless ways to infuse an important milestone like this with history, culture, religion, and most importantly – meaning. Michael Straub Photography

I began officiating weddings in 2005. Becoming a celebrant has been one of the greatest joys of my life. I honor all philosophies, beliefs and traditions - secular, spiritual, religious and interfaith. I will create a wonderful and unique ceremony that respects and reflects your values, your style, and your life.

I live in Saylorsburg, PA, with my husband of 30+ years and our Springer Spaniels. We are proud grandparents, avid gardeners, and active in social causes and the arts in our community. I am a graduate of the Celebrant Foundation and Institute, a member of the Universal Brotherhood Movement, as well as other clergy and wedding associations, and I lead a spiritual congregation, Freedom Fellowship of the Poconos. –Lois Heckman, Life-Cycle Celebrant

http://www.celebrantinstitute.org/

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By Zita Christian, Life-Cycle Celebrant

Have you seen Walt Disney’s The Lion King? One of my favorite scenes is when the witch Rafiki presents the newborn cub, Simba, to the gods

while Simba’s parents beam with pride. That scene and the song, The Circle of Life, remind me that when a child is born, a new twig grows on a family tree. As Life-Cycle Celebrants, we create rituals to help individuals, couples, and families navigate rites of passage; e.g., weddings, new home blessings, baby blessings, as well as funerals, memorial services, and other milestones along the way. Most of the people who work with me are not members of a church. That no longer presents an obstacle for couples getting married since today’s couples have several alternatives for having someone perform the ceremony, including a justice of the peace, a generic officiant, or a specialist – a Life-Cycle Celebrant. Not being a member of a church or other organized spiritual community can present a challenge when the couple has a baby. While having a party to celebrate the new member of the family is a fine idea, what I think the new parents and grandparents want, whether they name it as such or not, is a ritual. Ritual: a visible act performed with invisible intent. Questions will arise. What kind of ritual? Who will perform it? What will we need? Where should we have the ritual? How much will it cost? These are key questions and not unlike the questions the new parents probably asked when planning their wedding. The unspoken question might be: Will having a ritual make any difference? While the answer is subjective, I can tell you that I’ve watched new parents as they gaze at their baby.

Sometimes the look in their eyes is contemplative, bewildered, amazed, apprehensive, fiercely protective, always filled with love. I imagine the parents are having a daydream about the future and their DNA. The new parents want to develop the skills they don’t yet have, and perfect the best of who they already are. They want to be better in order to ensure their child’s future health and happiness. Ritual creates a container for those feelings. The need for ritual is ancient. Do you remember the baby blessing scene from the Walt Disney movie Sleeping Beauty? Family, friends, and fairy godmothers all gathered to present gifts to baby Aurora. In both Sleeping Beauty and The Lion King, we see and feel the importance of the baby’s birth not only to the parents but also to the community. Centuries ago, it was easy to see how the survival of a community depended on couples getting married. Their commitment to each other lent stability to the entire village, where every path led to the home of a friend. Marriage assured the community that in time – meaning when the couple had children – there would be more tailors, more threshers, more blacksmiths, beekeepers, bakers, shoemakers, and sailors, more parts to make a whole. Sure, times have changed. Our communities need different skills. What hasn’t changed is the need for love expressed in the kind of commitment that grows a family. When each new member of the family arrives, the parents, the grandparents, the whole community wants to – needs to – celebrate. Let me share a story with you. It’s a true story and I’m telling it with the couple’s permission. Picture a young couple standing on the grass in front of a small, sturdy house built decades ago. With a little flower garden, a section of a stone wall, and a huge tree, the home feels warm and welcoming. It’s a warm August afternoon in a small, rural town on the Connecticut shore. A gentle breeze wafts from the lake across the road.

Baby Blessings

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The new mom is holding a baby, a few months old. The new dad is helping giggling nieces and nephews climb into the chairs set beneath the tree. Family and friends are taking their seats, too. Three years earlier, Karla Garbe and Anthony Girardi got married at the Preston Vineyard in Preston, CT. I was their officiant. In creating their ceremony, I looked for a way to show the value each placed on family because that is where we first learn about love. Here are a few paragraphs from the baby blessing. The first paragraph came from the love story I wrote for the wedding. I wanted the guests at the baby blessing, many of whom were also at the wedding, to remember where it all began. Here’s what I said: “Oh, there was a moment when they considered eloping to an exotic island but Karla wanted her dad to walk her down the aisle. “He’s the rock in my life,” she told me, “the best father anyone could ever ask for.” Anthony knew how much his parents would want to see him get married. He thought about his 93-years-young grandmother and told me, “I want her to be there to share this moment with me.” Yes, family is important to both Anthony and Karla. There are traditions to be carried on – making jarred foods, making wine, and gathering for family dinners on Sunday. In time, they’ll add their own traditions to the legacy.

Three years ago, your love for Karla and Anthony called you to a vineyard. Every place carries its own kind of energy. A vineyard in harvest season validates hard work, honors fertility, and invites celebration. The home that a couple makes for their child has its own kind of energy, too. A home built with love is the best place to celebrate the birth of a child. Today, we’ve gathered with Karla and Anthony to celebrate the birth of their son, Anthony Jr.” If you’re creating a baby blessing, look for ways to connect the past with the present. Here’s a little more of what I said: “Thanks to Ancestry.com, the study of genealogy has sparked an interest in family trees, the likes of which the world has never seen. We hear stories about those who came before us and take delight in thinking that we, too, might share a certain trait or talent. When we have an old photograph, we look in the mirror and smile to see the same shape of the face, the same set of the eyes. When we have access to official records, we see courage in the log of shipboard passage, gratitude in the date of citizenship, love in the recording of a marriage, joy in the number of offspring, honor in the preservation of a family name. Through these details, sometimes no more than a line in a census report, we realize just how much history is held in a family tree, and just how deep the roots can grow. We realize that if not for our ancestors, we would not be here today. As Baby Anthony graces the branch of his family tree, we remember those whose who are no longer with us.” At this point in the ceremony, I mentioned by name the grandparents who had died, along with a little story about each one. For those guests who were not members of the family, knowing details about the generations who came before the new parents added texture to the celebration and deepened the meaning of family.

RITUAL: THE NEST As part of the baby blessings, I created a ritual called The Nest. Using a small table, I assembled these items before the ceremony began:

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A bird’s nest made of grapevine, about 8 inches in diameter. I cut a circle of brown paper, about 2 inches in diameter, affixed to the bottom of the nest with a little clear glue. On top of the paper, I placed just enough dried moss to cover the paper. A container of assorted dried moss. I had several shades of green and brown, and bits of other colors. How much moss you’ll need depends on how many grandparents, or other significant elders, will “soften” the nest during the ritual. A pair of stone owls to represent the parents and a little stone owlet to represent the baby. My friend Carol Chaput is a fine artist by profession. She painted three stones to resemble the little family.

THE NEST, Part 1: WARMING THE OWLET There are four parts to the ritual of The Nest. Part 1 is called Warming the Owlet. I held up the empty nest and the little owlet stone so all the guests could see. This is what I said: “A home is the haven of the heart. This nest symbolizes the home that Karla and Anthony have built. Later in the ceremony, they’ll each place a representation of an owl, symbol of wisdom, in this nest. They’ll also nestle this owlet. Before the baby is tucked into his nest, I’m going to pass it among you. I invite each of you to hold it for a moment and imbue it with your love.” At that point I walked over to the grandmother sitting in the front row on the right aisle. The other grandmother sat in the front row on the left aisle. I spoke with both of them prior to the ceremony so they would know what to expect. The plan was for me to give the owlet to one grandmother. She would hold it a moment and then send it on its way among the guests on her side of the aisle. The owlet would then cross the aisle, be passed forward, and complete its journey in the hands of the other grandmother.

POEM: THE TADPOLE Warming the Owlet can take a while. People really liked holding the little stone. So while the owlet was being imbued with the love of each guest, the groom

and his father read alternating portions of a special poem. Here’s how I introduced it. “Every dad looks at his baby boy and imagines what he’ll be like when he’s all grown up and becomes, in the words of the poem, “just like me.” Knowing both the joys and the struggles that await, the dad doesn’t want his son to grow up too fast. That’s the sentiment expressed in the poem called “Tadpole” by Kermit the Frog. Anthony and his father, Giorgio, will share it with us now.” For copyright reasons, I’m not including the poem here. You can easily find it online. It’s one of the many treasures the late Jim Henson gave the world. If you’re thinking about including the poem in a baby blessing, be sure those who will read it get to see it in advance. The words are simple. The emotions they evoke are profound. As Anthony and his dad read the poem, they weren’t the only ones wiping a tear.

THE NEST, Part 2: SOFTENING THE NEST Part 1 of the ritual was Warming the Owlet. Part 2 is called Softening the Nest. This is where the nest and the moss come into play. Here’s what I said in that portion of the ceremony: “Not only does baby Anthony have the great good fortune to have the love of his parents, but also the love of two more generations. Grandparents and Great-Grandparents are the people who pass on the stories and traditions that become the family’s heritage. New relationships to a family bring new stories and new traditions. That richness is represented by the moss in this nest.

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I invite baby Anthony’s “grands” to come up and add a bit more moss to soften the nest.” I called the grandparents and the great-grandmother by name and asked them to join me. Each came up, took a bit of moss from the container and carefully tucked it into the empty nest. If the grandparents are comfortable with the idea, invite each of them to give a blessing or make a wish for the baby.

THE NEST, Part 3: THE PARENTS’ PROMISE Part 3 of The Nest ritual is called The Parents’ Promise. I handed Karla and Anthony the stones that my friend Carol had painted with owls to represent the parents. As they held the stones, I said: “The most important job in the world is being a parent. Karla and Anthony, you have a huge responsibility, not only to Baby Anthony but also to yourselves, your families, your neighborhood, your schools, your community. It’s true that as your child grows, so do your responsibilities. You’ll teach him how to play peek-a-boo, how to walk and how to hold a spoon. You’ll teach him numbers and colors and the words: dog, cat, bird, bug…and so many more. You’ll teach him how to splash in a puddle, build a sand castle, jump in a pile of leaves, make a snowman, blow out the candles. You’ll teach him “please” and “thank you” and set rules and boundaries to keep him safe. You’ll teach him how to eat an ear of corn, tell time, tie a shoelace, ride a bike, swing a bat, kick a ball, play a guitar. You’ll teach him how to shave. You’ll teach him how to dance with a girl. You’ll teach him how to think and do for himself, so that when the day comes that he leaves the nest, you’ll know he can fly on his own.

Far more important than any of those skills you’ll teach him are these two gifts you’ll give him, for these two gifts will create the foundation of his future:

Give him the security that comes with unconditional love

Give him the self-esteem that comes from

always seeing his father in love with his mother. Karla and Anthony, please show your acceptance of your new roles by placing the parent owls in the nest and saying a few words about your hopes for your child’s future.” Three years earlier, I had married this couple. I knew how much they dreamed of having a family. Just as they made vows to each other during their wedding ceremony, each now made a vow to Baby Anthony and placed a parent owl in the nest. As part of their wedding ceremony, Karla and Anthony included a handfasting ritual with a custom cord I made in their colors. My cords are 9 feet long. Once they tied the marriage knot, there was still plenty of cord for use in future ceremonies, especially anniversary celebrations and baby blessings. I made reference to their wedding handfasting. Over the years, Karla had kept the cord in a safe place and now it sat on the little table next to the nest where the two parent owls snuggled in the moss. I had made their cord in shades of moss green satin with merlot rosebuds. Now, I lifted the cord and cupped the marriage knot in my hand, and said: “This knot is the visible evidence of the binding of your hearts. Today, you make another knot in the cord, this time binding three hearts. I handed the cord to Anthony and said: You’ve accepted your responsibilities as parents, you have professed your love for your child and your hopes for his future. I now ask you, what first name have you given this child?”

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The new dad, a musician, placed the marriage knot over his son’s heart. Together, the new parents said, “We name you Anthony.” I said, “Anthony means one who loves to sing and can charm people with his music. The name also corresponds energetically to moss green agate. What middle name do you give this child?” Together, the parents said, “We give you the middle name of Francesco.” I responded: “Francesco means one is strong, humorous, and a natural peacemaker. What surname do you give this child?”

The new father said: We give you the name, Girardi. May it stand for your heritage.” The new mother said: “We give you the name, Girardi. May it honor your children, as well.” While I was asking the questions, the new mom held the baby and the new dad loosely wrapped the satin cord around the baby. Now, the new dad gently slipped the cord off his son and tied a small knot next to the big marriage knot. He placed the cord on the table.

THE NEST, Part 4: THE FAMILY Keep in mind that all the while, the baby owlet has been making its way among the guests. Now it’s time for the fourth and final part of The Nest ritual. It’s called “The Family.” Here’s what I said: “Today we have recognized many important relationships: between grandparents and grand-children; mother and child; father and son. We now recognize one more relationship – that between a child and his community, represented by everyone here.” The plan was for the second grandmother to come forward with the owlet and place it in the nest. But often happens in life, things don’t always go as planned. It was only now I noticed that sometime during the ceremony the grandmother had moved over one chair, giving the aisle seat to a boy about 4 years old. He sat without squirm or fidget, his hands in his lap, fisted together in a tight ball. The grandmother and I exchanged knowing looks. With a note of reverence, I walked over to the boy and asked, “Does the baby owl rest with you?” Eyes wide, he nodded. “Then you have the biggest job, the most important honor, of the day. You need to bring the owlet to the nest where its mommy and daddy are waiting. Can you do it?” Again, he nodded. He had to wiggle to get off the chair while still clutching the stone. I offered to hold it for him. “I can do it,” he said. And he did. Slowly, with the solemnity of a processional down the aisle of a cathedral, the little boy walked up to the nest. “Go ahead,” I whispered. Ever so gently, he placed the owlet in the nest next to its parents. His Aunt Karla beamed down at him. His Uncle Anthony patted him on the shoulder. The boy walked back to his seat, easily a foot taller!

PRESENTATION OF THE BABY We’re at the end of the ceremony now. We’ve honored the ancestors. The new father and grandfather read The Tadpole. The grandparents softened the nest. The new parents made vows to their son, tied a new knot in the handfasting cord, and honored his name. The owlet, warmed with the love of everyone present,

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has been tucked into the soft moss and the safety of the parents. Here’s how I closed the ceremony. “We came today to welcome a child, to recognize a family, to acknowledge our responsibility to the next generation. We have achieved this and more. We are blessed by the spirit of joy here today, the intertwined lives of family and friends, and the love and support for this child and his parents.

Baby Anthony, May you be a light for yourself and others.

May your heart always point you towards truth. May you become the person you are inside,

realizing your own hopes and dreams. May the longtime sun shine upon you,

may all love surround you, and may the sweet light within you

guide you on your way.” Karla held up her son for all to see, as I said: Friends and Family, I am honored to present to you: Anthony Francesco Girardi, Jr.

That concluded the ceremony. Rituals keep us oriented to the natural world and can connect us to our ancestors. That’s what this Baby Blessing ritual was all about. If you or someone you know is pregnant, or adopting a child, or you have a child but haven’t yet gathered friends and family for an official celebration, please consider this ritual. The impact can be just as powerful as that moment in The Lion King.

=================== Zita Christian is a Connecticut Life-Cycle Celebrant specializing in weddings and seasonal celebrations. You can hear her talk about this baby blessing on Episode 3 of Ritual Recipes: a podcast full of practical magic to nourish your inner life. Ritual Recipes is available on iTunes, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, and other podcast directories.

Leading research indicates the need for celebrants is on the rise. Recent Pew Studies reveal that a growing number of people aren't connected to

a specific religion and many are not religious at all, but still may consider themselves spiritual or secular. Life-Cycle Celebrants® offer an alternative, giving

people of all backgrounds, traditions, cultures and faiths the opportunity to create ceremonies that best reflect their beliefs and ideals.

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ReUUp! A Ritual to Reactivate a Faith Community’s

Racial Justice Values

By Danna Schmidt, Master Life-Cycle Celebrant®

“Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once,

but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach.”

Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés

To be a celebrant invariably means answering the call to craft rituals for groups in our local communities. Often, that will mean a ribbon cutting or a retirement ceremony. Sometimes it involves leading a candlelit vigil and at other times such as this past month, it meant conceiving of something to mark the final gathering of the calendar year for a local cohort of Unitarian Universalist (UU) racial justice activists. As someone who has been immersed in learning about systemic racism and white privilege teachings for a while, I felt comfortable enough working with the group to brainstorm ritual ideas, but felt a tiny bit out of my league when it came to conceiving of a reparations ritual, which is what this group initially requested. The beauty of being a CF&I Life-Cycle Celebrant® is

that ritual conundrums are only a question away. I immediately put the challenge out to my amazing and creative think-tank of celebrant colleagues. What might be appropriate for a justice theme for a group looking to affirm their racial justice values, articulate their stances, and declare accountable action steps? Long-time Life-Cycle Celebrant, former faculty member, and interspiritual Minister extraordinaire Deb Goldman had the answer. How about an old-fashioned scales of justice ritual? she responded. How about that, indeed?! Thankfully, one of my closest friends, an antiques collector, had a vintage wrought-iron scale upon her fireplace mantel that she was willing to lend me for this event. And thus, a central ritual framework for the ceremonial gathering was born. I named the ritual ReUUp!, which gave nod to the continuum of justice work from recognition to resistance to repair and reconstruction. The group expressed a desire to feature ceremony content that would have an inspiring and reinvigorating tone. After initially consulting with the planning committee, I cautioned them against jumping to reparations without first having embarked upon the necessary release and renewal work of lament and atonement, as that would not be reflective of where they were at in their racial awareness journey. We settled, instead, upon making this ritual a year-end rite of passage, thus giving it an initiatory feel. Upon welcoming the group and acknowledging the Duwamish lands upon which we were gathered, we lit the altar chalice candle and one of the participants

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opened the gathering by reading an abridged piece from various lines of the poem “You Are Who I Love” by Aracelis Girmay.

I Say No!, I Say Yes, I Say Now! After their program committee chair led the group in a review of their various conversations about race the past several months, I then invited this circle of white ally participants to pair up for a timed exercise called “I Say No!, I Say Yes!, I Say Now!,” in which they identified all the various things they say yes and no to, relative to this larger conversation on race. Participants instantly and passionately named various injustices they were against like unjust laws, institutional racism, hate, deportation, police brutality, gentrification, Indian treaty land violations, DACA-abuse, etc. They were equally quick to say Yes! to things like love, inclusion, Black Lives Matter initiatives, changing laws, and centering POC (people of color). As a last step, I tasked them with choosing their top three from each list, before finally circling just one thing that was their core hot button issue from each. I then had them flip over their index cards in order to choose one actionable intention or “Now!” word they could enact in the next few months as a way to further deed their racial justice creeds. With these words chosen and circled, we then passed around three baskets of rocks and black and metallic Sharpie pens, and had them write their No!, Yes! and Now! word(s) on black, grey and brown rocks respectively. The group sat for a moment with their No! rock in their left hand and their Yes! and Now! rocks in their right hand as a fellow participant read a excerpted snippets from Clarissa Pinkola Este’s infamous piece, “Letter to a Young Activist During Troubled Times: Do Not Lose Heart, We Were Made For These Times.”

They were now ready to step up to the altar table where we had the vintage scales of justice. One by one, they took turns placing their No! stone on the left scale and their Yes! stone on the right scale, as they uttered aloud their no and yes declaratives. They then stated their Now! intention and placed this last stone alongside their Yes! stone, as a way to tip the scales on the right side of justice.

After removing their three stones from the scale, each of the participants then moved to the far end of the altar table to place their No! and Yes! stones into two large flat bowls of sand. Their Now! rocks would remain in hand to take

home as a ritual keepsake. There was such a beautiful flow to this communal witnessing ritual of two dozen participants. Watching each person give voice, velocity and volition to their racial equity values was, by turns, heart-wrenching and inspiring. Moreover, having a visual and tangible experience for the weight and balance of each individual rock placement allowed all of us to see that even if, on an individual level, our words and actions might not bear significant weight, from a collective standpoint, there is, indeed, a critical mass and a notable tipping point.

http://www.splitthisrock.org/poetry-database/poem/you-are-who-i-love

http://www.splitthisrock.org/poetry-database/poem/you-are-who-i-love

http://www.awaken.com/2017/05/do-not-lose-heart-we-were-made-for-these-times/



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We Are The Ones... Once everyone had completed the Scales of Justice ritual, we formed a circle again and with our intention rocks in hand, shared a quiet moment of reflection of all that we had said and heard. As I passed a “Writ Large” sheet around for them to add their intention words upon (to include as part of a collaborative installation for all congregants to participate in over the summer months), we listened to the affirming mantra words of Sweet Honey in the Rock’s song, “We Are The Ones.” They were also given a miniature star sticker to affix upon their rock.

For our closing gesture and words of benediction, I invited everyone to stand as we read an excerpt from Andrea Gibson’s spoken word poem, “Say Yes.” The excerpt closed with the line

“start handing out stars” – which was a befitting imperative to leave everyone with, as they departed the room with star sticker-embellished intention stones, the promise and possibility of two dozen bold action steps, and a reinvigorated spring in their step to keep showing up for what is the most integral justice work in this nation today.

After the Ecstasy, the Laundry....

Those are Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield’s words but on that day, I owned them. As everyone departed the room, I took a moment to sit with the bowls of stones that were activated with the most powerful words of our hearts and minds. I then stepped over to the Scales of Justice in order to place my own stones, which had been resting patiently in my jacket pocket. I say No! to so many things but on this day, mass incarceration spoke loudest. I say Yes! each and every day to dismantling white supremacy in all its insidious forms in our culture. And I say Now! to leading re-entry ceremonies for formerly incarcerated individuals and their families. And to this rewarding celebrant work of saying yes when intentional communities beckon, I will keep on saying yes to helping people say things RITE, the ceremonious way!

Danna Schmidt is one of the many CF&I “Triple Threats” (certified in Ceremonies Across the Life-Cycle, Weddings and Funerals). She went on to earn her Master in Celebrancy designation in 2017 with a focus on communal grief rituals. While she enjoys adding her highly-artisanal touch to any and all ceremonies across the lifespan from birth to earth, Danna is especially drawn to healings, grief work, and End-of-Life ceremonies. You can check out her work at WaypointCeremonies.com.

http://www.splitthisrock.org/poetry-database/poem/from-say-yes

http://www.splitthisrock.org/poetry-database/poem/from-say-yes

http://waypointceremonies.com/

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Witnessing a Living Wake:

a Celebrant's Perspective By Dina Stander

As a seasoned funeral professional, the concept of a living wake (or pre-wake wake, or living funeral) has been on my radar for the last few years, and I figure it is only a matter of time before I'll be approached to celebrate a person's life in this way, before the end. Given this inevitability, I feel fortunate to have participated in a living wake as a community member before I am asked to facilitate one. The circumstances of the day were, without exaggeration, tragic. One of the most creative, pioneering, honestly passionate, genuinely funny, and entirely interesting people in our community developed a brain wasting disease that would snatch first her cognition and then her life over a six week span from diagnosis to demise. In the last days that she was able to speak and make requests, she had asked for an open house the next weekend, a living wake, so she could see “her people”. She'd had an unconventional life, was embraced by an array of unconventional constituencies, and had hundreds of friends who wanted to say goodbye. Her neurological decline was so rapid that by the morning of the living wake she'd mostly lost the capacity for sensible speech, but could communicate that she was on board with the whole extravaganza. Her caretakers brought her to an antique town hall in a rural village; a single large room with a painted tin ceiling, a golden wood floor, and tall windows. It is a well-used community space with a raised stage at the end opposite the door, and a back kitchen. It is a place to gather for concerts, meetings, theater performances, weddings and funerals, and the annual Misfit Prom, a costume dance with a live band and a parade to kick off the festivities—a prom do-over for people of every age and persuasion. When I arrived, there were easily a hundred cars parked along the snow banks surrounding the town Common. People were coming as people were going, so right away you had a sense of flow.

Outside, the emotional tone felt similar to a traditional wake, people walking thoughtfully at that edge of mortality, reaching out to one another with warmth and sorrow.

Stepping into the foyer the sense of heartbreak was palpable. I was gently greeted by an event organizer who let me know what to expect, set the tone, and handed me a paper that explained our friend's disease and suggested ways to be of help. In the hall there were ample refreshments to one side; a large banner and markers for spontaneous art and notes of support were set up along a far wall. People were visiting and talking softly, leaning in with laughter, hugs, and tears. There were a few rows of chairs, and a line that doubled back twice and wound through improvised stanchions, with folks waiting their turn to visit with the Honoree. I mingled for a bit then sat on a bench along the wall where I could take it all in. The Honoree was in a far corner of the room, comfortably enthroned and cared for as a steady stream of loving pilgrims, her "legion of outlaws," came to pay their respects. The few rows of chairs set facing this scene were mostly empty; the people who did sit turned their chairs away, I suspect because it was so tenderly excruciating to watch. Even as people came and went, it seemed there was always a

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hundred eating and mingling, or chatting in the serpentine line. As I watched I found myself keenly aware of the small group who were making the room work. There was the gentle door keeper I'd encountered on my way in. A couple were serving food, keeping tea and coffee flowing on a cold winter afternoon. There was a gatekeeper at the head of the line, who made sure each person stepping up to visit the Honoree understood what to expect of the encounter with our very changed friend. There were the two or three people flanking the Honoree, making sure she was not exhausted by the whole thing, taking breaks when she asked and keeping the show rolling. And then there were a few who stood to support visitors as they came away from saying this difficult goodbye. It was a three hour event. I arrived at the end of the first hour and, so I could learn, stayed until the Honoree was carried off and the floor was swept. It gave me time to consider what I was witnessing. I am betting that very few of the hundreds of folks who showed up had known what to expect when they came through the door. And while it makes sense that a community that throws an annual Misfit Prom is one that is more practiced with showing up for the unexpected, what I witnessed in people's responses encourages me that a living wake can be a positive experience for any family/community who wants to hold one. The organizing group had chosen to keep the proceedings simple. With the exception of a spontaneous song offered at the very close of festivities there was nothing that a Celebrant would think resembled a facilitated or cohesive group 'moment'. Sometimes not convening a formal sacred space is the best way to give everyone's groove room for expression. This was a celebration of the Honoree's individual connection with each of us rather than an opportunity for the comfort we find in rituals of communal grief after death. Watching over the course

of a few hours it was clear that each visitor came away feeling they were beloved; satisfied that their own moment was one of authentic connection. Have I mentioned yet how unexpected and remarkable this was to witness? The emotional tone of a living wake has a completely different flavor than a wake after death. This was an event that most people had no previous experience of, and etiquette and social norms were not traditionally established. This was not Auntie Rosa's shindig in the parlor, or Uncle Pat's wake at the pub. This was not visiting hours at the local funeral home the night before a religious service. There was no body, no urn, only the very alive and immensely changed person we worked and lived and loved with, and now were losing. What I heard from the person who was the

gatekeeper at the head of the line was that it required his vigilance to remind people that this was a chance to connect and say goodbye, rather than a talent show or benefit performance to help her get better. I too stood in line to say good bye. I had been watching for almost an hour by then and decided this might better be called a festival of life than a

living wake. I came to the gatekeeper and asked him how it was going. He told me that each person had their own interpretation of what it meant to be in the room and each person had their own story of the Honoree. Some thought they had a remedy for this incurable disease and he had to remind them we were here to say goodbye. He told me that most everyone carries their hopes, except for some who come empty handed, and a few who seem like they have left everything behind. He said that over and over again through the day he watched hearts breaking as visitors transitioned from the anticipation of loss to the realization of what dying looks like. And then I stepped over the threshold myself. Her attendants had made her chair a throne of cushions to rest on and as I approached we were both showered in

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rose petals. Someone nearby held a unicorn balloon for ambiance. We had a minute or three, I couldn't tell you, to touch each other's faces and lean in close. For me to say thank you for your existence and the blessing of friendship. To look so deeply into each other's eyes and to trust and savor the connection there. And then I walked away, letting the comfort crew know I was going to be fine. I left a doodle on the banner and then took my place again on the bench, where I could watch the room and chat with whoever took a seat next to me. Not every person touches so many lives so deeply. Not every community can sustain a three hour unscripted event that brings hundreds of people to individually say goodbye to someone dying of a brain-robbing disease. At the end of the day, everyone was exhilarated, and wrung out. One thing I learned about a living wake is that after the room is swept up and the festivities are over, the person who is ill and their caregivers are still in the deep day-to-day of dying. There is potential for some let down that they should be prepared to experience and be supported through. I will be surprised if I am ever called on to coordinate a living wake involving as many people or as seemingly unstructured as this, but it sure set a high bar. Having witnessed a festival of life on a grand scale it is not hard to imagine it working well in more modest, less public circumstances. The most important thing I learned is that the purpose of a living wake is making space for the Honoree to have meaningful connection with as many, or few, of the people they want to share that connection with. In our work as Celebrants, Doulas, Funeral Directors, Clergy, and other end-of-life professionals, we are accustomed to walking with the folks in our care through the early valleys of their loss and grief. Each of us has had to find ways to navigate the confessions of complex regret we hear at the edges of the room over what people have left unsaid in their relationships. I was curious to see how having the opportunity to meaningfully say goodbye might affect these overheard conversations, and was moved to hear many people saying different versions of the phrase, “I'm so glad to have this chance...”.

Not every family is ready to organize a living wake as a loved one is preparing to shuffle off the mortal coil. Not every person preparing for death has the energy for such a public undertaking. Overall, I came away feeling like I have a better sense of what to ask the dying person, what to ask family members, and how to accommodate the needs of visitors and family while giving preference to the wishes of the Honoree so that their version of a festival of life will fit just right. There are new funeral traditions being forged. Some of it may sound a bit alarming at first; living wakes, home funerals, the return to natural burial, and the "positive death movement'. End-of-life and after-death professionals can play vital roles in these changing practices because we bring competence, expertise, and care to our client families and communities in a time of loss and confusion. If a person says they'd like to try something new and different, I want to be there to say with confidence, “A living wake? Sure, we can make that work.” If you want to share experiences, brainstorm, or just need support, please be in touch.

Here are five things to consider

when planning a living wake:

Setting: Home or Away?

If attendance will be modest, home may be the best option. If attendance will be greater and the Honoree is able to travel and can accommodate commotion, a favorite outdoor location or other venue might be considered.

Tone: Festive, Somber, or Something Completely

Different?

What mood does the Honoree want people to encounter when they arrive? What's the sound track? Party? Sacred? All of the above? And very importantly, how will the Honoree let caretakers know if/when they've had enough and need a break.

Placement: Public or Private?

Does the Honoree want to be in public view, screened, or in a separate space from the general hubbub? In the situation I describe there were so many people participating that being in the open kept every one aware of the others waiting, it helped with momentum.

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In a more intimate event it could be appropriate to consider the value in providing for the Honoree and guests to have private space.

Group activities?

Singing together, walking a labyrinth, stringing beads, making cookies, decorating a banner, coffin, or shroud… A little art therapy is a great help for carrying grief during a living wake. After being in the proximity of death the chance to be close to one another, to move together, and to leave a bit of beauty behind provides a threshold so we can step again into the stream of life.

Food: Home Made, Potluck, or Catered? A living wake is a chance to say goodbye, and like all activities involving grief this is hungry work for the Honoree, their caretakers, and their guests. Food

brings comfort to the day; keep it simple, make it nourishing. And if your tone is festive, make the meal a festival. Originally published by Natural Transitions Magazine.

Dina Stander is a poet, funeral celebrant, end of life navigator, natural burial advocate and shroud maker from western Massachusetts. Be in touch through her website at www.dinastander.com.

https://nam03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.dinastander.com&data=02%7C01%7C%7Cde1706ac499b4623301908d5ee88a4c5%7C84df9e7fe9f640afb435aaaaaaaaaaaa%7C1%7C0%7C636677192996865423&sdata=w5z1GIxK5x9jLgGSh%2FH4vL0x2Q0iYLj3tu%2BQgtk1gBc%3D&reserved=0

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Packy the

Elephant:

Well

Loved,

Well

Mourned By Holly Pruett, Life-Cycle Celebrant

When Packy the elephant was delivered at the Oregon Zoo in 1962, he made news around the world: the first elephant born in the Western Hemisphere in 44 years! After living to be the oldest Asian male elephant in North America, his death was mourned deeply. I had the honor of writing and officiating a memorial service for Packy, attended on a rain-soaked Saturday morning by 500 and viewed, via live-stream and since, by more than 73,000. (Scroll down for a video link and the printed memorial program.) While Packy's pachyderm family filled the neighboring yard, Packy was honored with a Rose Ceremony led by the Royal Rosarians to Beethoven funeral music performed by the trombone section of the Oregon Symphony. Longtime TV news personality Tracy Barry and the Zoo's elephant curator Bob Lee - Packy's lead caregiver for 17 years - brought tears to many cheeks as they eulogized their old friend. Thomas Lauderdale, of the internationally acclaimed ensemble Pink Martini, performed an original new composition for Packy and led a rousing musical finalé of the folk classic Green, Green.

After everyone joined voices in a customized Litany of Remembrance (see program, below), I closed with the poem We Give Thanks for the Animals, shared with me by Seattle Celebrant Danna Schmidt. The Rosarians formed one final honor guard for Packy, then participants of all ages had a piece of cake in his memory (Packy loved his cake!) and told their own stories. As The Oregonian reported: "even in death, Packy continued teaching lessons." One dad who brought his two young daughters "saw it as a gentle way to ntroduce his young ones to the idea of mortality. 'It was a rare opportunity to introduce them to the concept of death in this kind of setting,' he said. 'It was a very tasteful ceremony.'"

Excerpts from my memorial remarks: “We’re joined today in our tears and our tributes by tens of thousands around the region and across the world who have been sharing their favorite Packy stories on-line. Everyone has a story about Packy. The older among us

http://www.hollypruettcelebrant.com/blog/packy-the-elephant-well-loved-well-mourned






http://www.royalrosarians.com/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfxgbsXeTdE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfxgbsXeTdE

http://www.uua.org/worship/words/meditation/184471.shtml

http://waypointceremonies.com/

http://www.oregonlive.com/pacific-northwest-news/index.ssf/2017/02/hundreds_gather_at_oregon_zoo.html

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remember his birth, like Joyce Ritter who was in the 5th grade and called the first elephant born in the Western Hemisphere in 44 years, “the biggest news ever”. She says, “When you were a kid growing up in Eastern Oregon, you dreamed about the day you could go to Portland to visit Packy.” For nearly 55 years Packy inspired millions of children and adults to learn about elephant and animal conservation – a critical mission, with as few as 40,000 Asian elephants remaining in their rapidly vanishing native range. And it’s not just we, his adoring public, who learned from Packy. Conservation scientists attribute much of what we now know about elephant care to Packy. The list of discoveries is as long as his trunk, including breakthroughs that are helping to reduce human-elephant conflict in Asia. With songs, books, Rose Parade floats, and even a beer named after him, Packy has been synonymous with Portland for more than half a century. And so it was only fitting that the Royal Rosarians, the official greeters and ambassadors of goodwill for the City of Portland, claimed Packy as one of their own, knighting him on his 50th birthday as Sir Knight Packy. The English poet John Donne called the elephant, “Nature's great masterpiece… the only harmless great thing.” As we begin our memorial program, let’s imagine ourselves watching Packy at play, release ourselves from the concerns of the world outside Elephant Lands, and focus our gratitude on the well-lived life of this beloved pachyderm.”

* * * This is the fourth ceremony I've been privileged to create with the caring stewards at the Oregon Zoo. See also Elephants Never Forget (the dedication of their new habitat), Honoring Cultural Survival (the rededication of two historic totem poles), and A Place of Honor (the reinterment of remains of residents of the old county poor farm).

Love notes affixed to on a life-sized photo of Packy

I know something about the coexistence of joy and sorrow. My partner Amber and I held our commitment ceremony eleven days after 9/11 and eleven days before my father’s death. As we grow older and as friends face terminal illness, I’m increasingly focused on the small miracles of everyday life.

Holly is a Portland, Oregon based Life-Cycle Celebrant who offers her skills to individuals, families, organizations and communities to mark meaningful life passages from cradle to grave. She also fosters useful, honest conversations about death through PDX Death Café and the Death Talk Project. Her website is http://www.hollypruettcelebrant.com.

http://www.hollypruettcelebrant.com/blog/elephants-never-forget

http://www.hollypruettcelebrant.com/blog/honoring-cultural-survival

http://www.hollypruettcelebrant.com/blog/a-place-of-honor

http://www.hollypruettcelebrant.com/blog/a-place-of-honor

http://deathtalkproject.com/pdx-death-cafe/

http://deathtalkproject.com/pdx-death-cafe/

http://deathtalkproject.com/

http://www.hollypruettcelebrant.com/

http://www.hollypruettcelebrant.com/

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Nouvelles

’Europe

Francophone

Le cercle des célébrants du cycle

de la vie® est né !

Longue vie à cette association qui regroupe les célébrants certifiés après une formation en français de la CF&I, donnée par Solange Strougmayer, Master Life-Cycle Celebrant, certified in 2012. Actuellement 18 personnes sont membres dont 16 déjà certifiées. Elle s’est constituée à la suite d’une première réunion des célébrants certifiés à Lyon lors des remises de diplômes aux nouvelles célébrantes certifiées, fin avril 2017 qui a démontré l’utilité d’une organisation commune pour faire connaître la fonction de Célébrant du Cycle de la Vie ® généraliste. En effet de très nombreux célébrants émergent en France, en Suisse et en Belgique de différentes écoles plutôt orientées vers la célébration des mariages parfois des funérailles. Il est donc apparu nécessaire non seulement de nous démarquer par la variété des cérémonies que nous pouvons mettre en place mais aussi de faire connaître cette spécificité. Ainsi après plusieurs mois de réflexions, travail sur la teneur des statuts, règlement intérieur et préparation d’un site internet, l’association à but non lucratif (loi 1901) est enregistrée officiellement au Journal Officiel français en janvier de cette année.

C3 V (cercle des célébrants du cycle de la vie®) est né! Cette association a pour but de

Réunir les Célébrants du Cycle de la Vie certifiés par la CF&I section francophone afin

de:

▪ d’être mieux repéré dans le monde de plus en plus vaste des célébrants

▪ Faire connaître collectivement les spécificités de cette fonction et le qualités et valeurs de notre cercle !

▪ Fournir aux membres actifs et adhérents un accès à une plate forme intranet et des outils collectifs facilitant leur action

▪ Partager des expériences de pratique

▪ Coordonner leurs actions

▪ Publier régulièrement des informations en direction du grand public, des médias, et de tout interlocuteur ou support

▪ Proposer tout projet en cohérence avec les buts de l’association

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Le 14 mai dernier a eu lieu le baptême de ce nouvel acteur dans le monde de la celebration….

Lors d’une cérémonie en ligne positionnant le nouveau-né sur les 4 directions et les 4 éléments, nous étions reliés entre nous par un ruban symbolique quelques mots d’introduction du président, ont été suivis d’une séance de travail et d’information sur les projets en cours et à mettre en œuvre par des commissions qui s’occuperont du site, de la communication et des évènements à venir pour faire connaître les cérémonies de tout le cycle de la Vie et plus particulièrement celles autour du décès et du deuil dans un contexte social et juridique parfois complexe en France notamment.

Les membres du bureau cooptés, jusqu’à l’assemblée générale de l’automne prochain, sont Didier Belloc, président, Florence Leloir, secrétaire et Solange Strougmayer, trésorière. Le site sera en ligne …d’ici l’été 2018

Par ailleurs, chaque célébrant gère son propre site, fait lui-même sa publicité et mène ses activités à titre personnel et bien sûr traite avec sa propre clientele.

Adresse mail de contact: [email protected]

Par ailleurs, chaque célébrant gère son propre site, fait lui-même sa publicité et mène ses activités à titre personnel et bien sûr traite avec sa propre clientèle.

Première certifiée en France:

Certifiée en 2012: Solange Strougmayer, Karine Wegel Certifiées en 2014: Cornelia Gessler, Michèle Egli, Anne-Marie Strougmayer, Florence Leloir, Certifiées en 2015: Sophie Gunther et Julie Mayer (Canada) Certifiées en 2016: Lara Maulny, Dominique Mary, Sandra Combe, Corinne Peretti, Christine Ryser Certifiés en 2017: Didier Belloc, Christelle Martegoutes, Isabelle Waugh Certifiés en 2018: Danièle Cusin, Hélène Pasteau Sabrina et Mélanie (ont fait les fondamentaux)

mailto:[email protected]

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La Vie - la Joie - la Mort - la Transmission,

l'Amour. Alors d'un mariage tout ne se dit pas mais tout peut être transmis par des symboles forts; les fleurs préférées d'une grand-mère que l'on retrouve discrètement dans la déco du photophore du souvenir, sur le coussin d'alliances et dans le bouquet ... ou une cérémonie en bord de rivière avec au fond la cabane de pêcheur du papa où il est décédé quelques années auparavant, la table mise et ses cannes à pêche... ceux qui savent sont touchés et cette manière de se souvenir et d'aimer est si forte.

......Tisser en une pièce unique tous les liens représentés par les personnes présentes, etc.... selon l'histoire de ces familles pour autant qu'on y soit sensible!!! Bref les mariages sont aussi des occasions de mémoire.....li

Michèle Egli

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Et si vous

cherchiez votre

rituel au sein de

traditions

familiales...

By Florence Leloir Aujourd'hui, je vous invite à sortir des rituels classiques comme la cérémonie du sable souvent choisie par les mariés et d'aller arpenter le chemin des traditions familiales pour trouver un peu d'inspiration pour votre symbolique. Tournez-vous vers vos familles et vous verrez qu'il y a plus de traditions ou de rituels instaurés que vous ne le pensez! Pour exemple, cette coutume qui a trouvé naissance il y a deux générations dans la famille de Miss C. Une tradition issue d'un cliché touristique, celui d'échanger une femme contre des chameaux dans les pays d'Afrique du Nord. Il y a quelques années, la maman de C est en voyage au Maghreb avec ses parents. Proposition est faite à son grand-père de l'échanger contre des chameaux. Rien de bien sérieux... Sauf que quelques années plus tard, lorsqu'elle sera officiellement demandée en mariage par son prétendant, le grand-père de C. exigera d'avoir une proposition intéressante en chameaux, identique ou plus offrante...Le prétendant s'exécutera offrant 3 chameaux en tissu à son grand-père. Et voilà, comment cette coutume "amusante" et "originale" est née au sein de la famille de C...

Chez les nomades, le chameau est un signe extérieur de richesse. Il représente leur fortune. C'est un gage de bonheur et de richesse pour ces commerçants du désert. Alors que le futur mari de la soeur de C vient la demander en mariage, il réitère ce qui deviendra vraiment une tradition familiale en offrant trois chameaux à son futur beau-père. Il devenait donc incontournable que R., notre futur marié, demande officiellement l'autorisation d'épouser C. contre des chameaux. Ils ont donc choisi d'insérer ce moment au cours de la cérémonie. Juste avant leur échange de voeux. Le rituel familial des "trois chameaux" est devenu celui des quatre chameaux, R incorporant spécialement un chameau personnalisé venu de sa Normandie natale. Comme quoi humour, symbolique et rituel peuvent faire bon ménage! Comme quoi il est toujours possible de trouver un rituel personnel dans l'histoire de chacun. Alors cherchez bien... vous avez peut-être autour de vous, dans vos familles, cette symbolique qui fera de votre cérémonie, une cérémonie à votre image, personnelle.

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Documents

Summer 2018 Celebrancy Today · Celebrancy originated in Australia and New Zealand more than 50 years ago and was instituted by the late attorney general Lionel Murphy into the Australian