Hard to believe, isn’t it? The StyleInvitational, which began as adisreputable little newspaper contestwith crummy prizes and no sense of

decency, has now become a disreputable little10-year-old newspaper contest with crummyprizes and no sense of decency.

The contest began humbly on March 7, 1993,with a challenge to redress a cultural affront andrename the Redskins. The winning entry, byDouglas R. Miller of Arlington, was suitablycontrarian: “Call them the BaltimoreRedskins—No, don’t move the team, just changethe name and let Baltimore worry about it.”

That was 495 contests ago. In the interim, TheStyle Invitational—run autocratically by amysterious, reclusive figure known only as “TheCzar”—has staked out a position as the leastWashington Post-like feature ever to weasel itsway into The Washington Post. It is sometimessubversive, occasionally mean-spirited, frequentlyrude, often immature, always arrogant, and attimes just about inexcusable. We are not sure whyit has survived; it’s possible Donald Graham doesnot read the inside of the Style section.

Over the years, The Style Invitationalsomehow managed to launch the internationalstardom of cartoonist Bob Staake, an otherwisenegligible talent whose scramble-featuredcharacters suggest the work of a blind man.

Calling itself “the last pure meritocracy onEarth,” and stubbornly resisting complaints offavoritism, the contest has also made minorcelebrities of a handful of fiendishly clever anduncommonly persistent readers. These includeChuck Smith of Woodbridge, Russell Beland ofSpringfield, Tom Witte of Gaithersburg, ChrisDoyle of Burke, Stephen Dudzik of Olney, and, ofcourse, J. Ha—Jennifer Hart of Arlington, TheStyle Invitational’s most decorated woman.

The contest for this week is to submit newentries to any of the old contests mentionedbelow, and try to beat The Very Best of the Past 10Years. There’s the usual deadline of a week and aday, and the usual e-mail address,losers@washpost.com. (Just call it “Week 496.”Roman numerals are now history.) The prize, inhonor of our Tin Anniversary, is a dented tin cupimprinted with the illustration above.

If you’re reading this, Don, there’s nothing

much below. Nothing to see here. Just move onalong to Book World.

Bad ideas for Christmas toys (Dec. 18, 1994): The Learn-About-Puberty Chia Pet.

(Paul A. Alter, Hyattsville)

Inept Valentine’s Day sentiments (Feb. 27,2000):

My darling, when assisted by highly supportiveundergarments and, after factoring in theinevitable results of pregnancies combined with agenetic disposition toward excess weight in thehips and buttocks, for which you must be heldblameless, you are still a strikingly lovely womanwhen compared with others in your age group.(Ben F. Noviello, Fairfax)

The start of a pretentious sentence (May 12,1996):

“As Jesus Christ once said, and rightly so—”(Mike McKeown, Reston)

BY BOB STAAKE FOR THE WASHINGTON POST

See INVITATIONAL, F4, Col. 2

SUNSTYLE 03-09-03 EZ EE F1 CMYK

ABCDE ][

Style FHumorAdvice

Personals

Sunday, March 9, 2003 K R

Inside

2 Richard’s Poor Almanac

3 Dear Abby

8 Miss Manners

8 Bridge and Horoscope

Ernst Ludwig Kirchner hadan attitude problem, which isgood news for fans of Germanexpressionist art.Page G1

ArtsJust one? The fine art ofdining solo. Plus the waterypleasures of Palau, andsheepdog trials in Ireland.Page E1

TravelTrue believer: The madness ofCold War Soviet society comesto life in a new biography ofNikita Khrushchev.

Book World

By Ken Ringle

Washington Post Staff Writer

The challenge is one of achieving theproper oratorical tone. How does a lead-er like President Bush address a crisis insuch a way that he inspires and uniteshis people while sowing fear in his ene-my?

Whatever one thinks of his Iraq pol-icy, even the president’s supporters con-cede that he has been less than Chur-chillian in employing his speecheseffectively to marshal national and in-ternational opinion against SaddamHussein. In fact, the more he talks, themore support around the world appearsto slip away. Why?

“Every president has his own ora-torical style,” says Stephen Wayne, apresidential scholar and professor ofgovernment at Georgetown University.“Bush’s is concrete and conversational,much the way he talks. It suits him . . .but it lacks the idealistic language of aKennedy . . . the sort that seizes theimagination.”

Bush’s oratory has “improved sincehe’s been in office,” says James C.Humes, a professor of language andleadership at the University of SouthernColorado and a former speechwriter forPresidents Nixon and Ford. “But he’snot happy with artifice” and “tends toavoid the sort of imagery that madeChurchill’s speeches so memorable.”

Bush has sent our armed forces to

BY FRANK JOHNSTON—THE WASHINGTON POST

Unhappy with artifice, President Bushuses a rhetorical style that tends toavoid memorable imagery, says aformer White House speechwriter.

George BushAnd theWordsOf War

See ESSAY, F2, Col.1

Essay

By Carolyn Hax

Washington Post Staff Writer

Carolyn: About a month ago my

boyfriend and I ended along-term relationship. Wewere always close friends,and we wanted to keep it thatway. We haven’t talked for thepast month to facilitate the“getting over it” process. Butwhat I’ve realized in thatmonth is that I’m angry at theway he treated me in ourrelationship, and frankly Idon’t want to be friends withhim right now, maybe ever.

I feel guilty about this, and Ifeel like I should work itthrough with him, but we’re

not dating anymore, my timeto get mad at him for hisactions is over. Should I talkout how I’m feeling with him,or forget about it—and him?

Virginia

Or (c) leave it all in the ov-en to cook. In the relation-ship, you were “close friends”;a month out of it, you’re anangry victim; two months out,what? You don’t know yet.You’re dealing with raw feel-ings here. Given that you’vealready established this time-off process, you might as welluse it.

If you stay angry, speak up.

TELL ME ABOUT IT ®Advice for the Under-30 Crowd

See TELL ME, F3, Col. 1

Iwas not at allprepared to fallin love again at

58. Certainly notthe crazy, adoles-cent puppy kind.Where you projectall that is brightand pure on theother, then adoreaccordingly. I placephotos in strategicplaces around thehouse, smiling andaching as I walk by them. Plan visits and count the days between. Insome groups of older folks, they have a pact not to talk about theirgrandchildren. Now that I have my first, I can see why.

Tom HillegassAlexandria

Find a way to give insight into your life in under 100 words. Authors of selected entries will be notified and paid $100. Send text(accompanied by a daytime phone number) via e-mail (lifeisshort@washpost.com), fax (202-334-5587) or surface mail (Style, Life Is Short,1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071).

I love and cherishmy two daugh-ters. Tonight,

the younger isdancing in a perfor-mance of “The Va-gina Monologues”at the University ofMaryland. I’m notthere with my wifeand her friends tosee it. My daugh-ters do not, in factnone of the women in my life, understand why I’m not going. Thereare some things a father need not know, and maybe should not know.I’m thrilled that she can revel in (and reveal) her femininity, but if youdon’t mind, I’ll stay home and smoke a cigar.

Scott Reilly Derwood

LIFE IS SHORT | Autobiography as Haiku

PHOTOS BY REBECCA D’ANGELO FOR THE WASHINGTON POST