Learn to enjoy the simple pleasures of life Do not wait for others to make you happy

(maintain an internal locus of control) You cannot control how you feel - but you

can control what you do with those feelings and how long you keep them (example: when you are angry, do something fun after 30 minutes)

Find the positive part of every situation

Stop wasting time worrying - develop a plan to approach the problem and do something

Be prepared to wait - carry book to read, a portable cassette player, or hobby materials

Be wary of “the grass is always greener” syndrome before you leave your current situation

Always have a back-up plan Decide now what is really important

Catastrophizing - anticipating a terrible outcome; overexagerating the importance of a situation

“I can’t stand it” - deciding that you cannot handle a situation, without trying

- alternative: “I can handle this!” “Should” statements e.g. “I should always be happy” - alternative: “I’m human. I am allowed to make a mistake or have a bad day.”

“Beating yourself up” about past mistakes that you cannot change

Worrying about situations over which you have no control, or cannot change

e.g., “If only I had 20/20 vision” Overgeneralizing - viewing one

negative event as predicting a never-ending pattern of defeat

e.g., “My girlfriend dumped me. I will never date again!”

Emotional reasoning - thinking, “I feel it, so it must be true.”

e.g., “I am anxious today, so something terrible will happen!”

Personalizing - blaming yourself for something that is not your fault

Fairness fallacy - becoming angry when something disappoints you because you think, “life is supposed to be fair!”

Recognize your faulty thought patterns

Replace irrational ideas with more accurate and realistic ideas

You can choose to control how you express your anger (others won’t respect you if you curse, yell, or use violence - and you are too important to let situations control you)

Speak calmly when disagreeing If you are about to lose control - count

to “10” slowly, breathe deeply, and walk away if necessary

Set limits on how long you choose to be angry - then do something nice for yourself

When you disagree with someone, stick to the present issue (and avoid dredging up past hurts)

Criticize someone’s behavior, not their character

Ask for what you desire Refuse a “tasker” if you do not really

want to do it, or if you lack the time to do it well

When you make a request, give a reason Be specific with your request (tell the

receiver exactly what you want done) Be a good listener - give your full

attention, show interest, and summarize what you heard

Slow deep breathing Progressive muscle relaxation Guided imagery

Inhale slowly through your mouth or nose for 5 seconds, while allowing your stomach to push out

Without pausing, exhale slowly for 5 seconds, and tell yourself to relax

Perform this techniques for at least 5 minutes whenever you feel stressed, angry, anxious, overwhelmed, or unable to sleep

Sit in a comfortable chair or lie down

Practice slow deep breathing for several minutes

Then, tighten and relax each major muscle group in turn (you may choose to relax each muscle group twice)

Practice slow deep breathing for several minutes

Then, practice progressive muscle relaxation

Finally, imagine yourself in a pleasant, relaxing setting (example, the beach)

Use all of your senses to observe your surroundings