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7B O O K L E T
Lifestyle Balance
StopSmokingForGood
FOREVER FREE STOP SMOKING FOR GOOD
Stress 2
“Shoulds” versus “Wants” 2
Your Daily Hassles 4
Your “Shoulds” 5
Your “Wants” 6
Positive Addictions 7
Summary 9
Pleasant Events List 10
Contents
This is the seventh booklet in the Forever Free series. This booklet covers making lifestyle changes to replace smoking in your life. Itdescribes the importance of balancing your life with things that you likeand want to do.
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The last booklet discussed how stress can lead to urges for cigarettes. Itended by suggesting that you look at your lifestyle to see if you can reduceyour stress level. This booklet picks up where the last one left off.
Booklet 6 mentioned two types of stress:“major life events” and “daily hassles.” Mostpeople tend to remember the major eventsthat occur in their lives. But the daily hassles,the little events of daily life, are often moreimportant causes of stress. On a day-to-daybasis, your mental and physical health isaffected by the minor problems of life. Theseproblems include money concerns, problemswith family and friends, hassles at work, andnot enough time for rest and sleep, to namea few. Although these hassles seem minor,they add up each day.
One way to think about the causes of stress is to think about the“shoulds” in your daily life. Shoulds are the demands that you or otherpeople place on you. These are the things that you feel you “should” do:pay the bills, walk the dog, fix the car, clean the house, go to work, and soon. People will have different lists of shoulds.
In contrast to the shoulds in your life are the “wants.” These are thingsthat you really want to do. These things give you pleasure. They may beactivities such as spending time with your children, reading, dancing,watching TV, and so on. Once again, each person will have his or her ownlist of wants. One person’s should (such as walking) may be anotherperson’s want.
There is no way to avoid all the daily hassles or all the shoulds in yourlife. You could not survive. But, a healthy lifestyle should be balanced. It isnormal to have both shoulds and wants. We call this a “balanced lifestyle.”It is easy for a lifestyle to get out of balance over time. With life comeresponsibilities, and these responsibilities tend to increase with age. This isfine, as long as the unpleasant shoulds are balanced with pleasant wants.
Stress
“Shoulds” versus “Wants”
FOREVER FREE STOP SMOKING FOR GOOD
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However, many–if not most–peoplefind that the shoulds slowly replace thewants in their lives. This may be especiallytrue of smokers. Often, smokers usecigarettes as their want. That is, they beginto reward themselves by smoking ratherthan by doing other activities they enjoy.Over time, smokers use more cigarettesand do fewer other fun activities. It is easyto see how this happens. The nicotine incigarettes can provide brief pleasure,energy, or even relaxation. Smoking is aquick and easy way to have a brief want.Of course, it is also a very poor way to getpleasure. It is not healthy and can harm you.
What happens after people quit smoking? If they havebeen using cigarettes to satisfy most of their wants, thenthey may not remember how to get pleasure. Instead,their life falls more out of balance. The hassles andshoulds are still there, but the wants are not.
Now would be a good time to get balance in yourlife. On the next two pages, list your Daily Hasslesand the “shoulds” in your life. (You may have listedsome of these hassles on page 3 of the last booklet,so that list may help you.)
Shoulds Wants
Keep a Balance
FOREVER FREE STOP SMOKING FOR GOOD
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Your “Daily Hassles”(The small events of daily life)
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FOREVER FREE STOP SMOKING FOR GOOD
Your “Shoulds”(Things you do because you should)
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FOREVER FREE STOP SMOKING FOR GOOD
FOREVER FREE STOP SMOKING FOR GOOD
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Next, list the wants in your life. These should be thethings that you really like to do and that you do on aregular basis.
Your “Wants”(Things you do because you want to)
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Now look over your lists. Your life is inbalance if you have a want listed for everyhassle and should that you listed. This isonly a rough guide, because a big hassle mayneed more than one want to balance it out.In the same way, a strong want activity maybalance out many smaller hassles or shoulds.
Is your lifestyle balanced? Do you haveenough wants in your life? If not, go back toyour wants list and try to add some thingsthat give you pleasure. Add only thoseactivities that you would be willing to doand can do regularly.
Are you having trouble coming up with wants for your list? If so, donot feel bad. Many people have an easier time listing shoulds than wants.But you are in luck! We have included at the end of this booklet a list of“pleasant events.” Read this list to get some ideas.
Once you have created a list of wants that balances out your hasslesand shoulds, then the trick is to do the wants. Keep this booklet handyand try to add wants to your daily life. But do not put so much pressureon yourself that the wants turn into shoulds!
Smoking cigarettes is a “negative addiction.” That is, it is a habit that isbad for you and that you want to stop. There are also “positiveaddictions.” These are habits that are healthy. They can replace negativeaddictions, such as smoking, in your life.
Negative addictions often feel good at first, but they have negativeeffects in the long run. For example, smoking may seem to get rid ofstress, but it is unhealthy. It can harm you. Positive addictions may feelbad at first but have positive effects in the long run. For example, at firstrunning can be unpleasant, but with time, running can make you feelgood. It is also healthy.
A positive addiction (good habit) involves an activity that you chooseto do and that you can spend about an hour per day doing. It is easy to doand does not take a lot of mental effort to do well. You feel it has somevalue (physical, mental, or spiritual) for you. And it is an activity that youcan do without criticizing yourself. And once again, you do not want toturn a positive addiction into a should in your life.
Positive Addictions
FOREVER FREE STOP SMOKING FOR GOOD
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One way to change your life is to replace negative addictions (such assmoking) with positive addictions (good habits). In other words, the goalis to change bad habits to good habits.
What kind of activities can become “positiveaddictions? Here are a few:• Exercise (but speak to your doctor before greatly increasing your normal exercise level).
• Relaxation.• Meditation.• Prayer.• Hobbies.
There is no room in this booklet to describe each of these positiveaddictions in detail. But books can be found at the library and bookstores.
After Jenny quit smoking, she found that she did notseem to be enjoying life as much as she would like. Shehad slowly replaced most fun activities with smoking.Now that she had quit smoking, her life seemed empty.Jenny made lists of the “shoulds” and “wants” in her life.The “shoulds” included: taking care of her older parents,getting ahead in her job, keeping the house clean, payingher bills, and so on. She had trouble coming up witheven one “want” for her list. After reading the PleasantEvents List, she was able to think about the things shehad liked to do when she was younger: going to thebeach, eating out with friends, reading romance novels, and dancing. Asshe made time for putting these activities back into her life, she becamemore satisfied with her life. Jenny thought of cigarettes less and less often.
A common concern of people who try to increase the “wants” or “positive addictions” in their lives is that they simply do not have time formore activities. Work and chores seem to take up every waking moment.
How can you possibly add pleasant events to yourbusy life?
Almost everybody feels this way at first. The key is to start small, andset time for things you enjoy doing. If you do not set time aside for the“wants” at first, they tend to be crowded out by the “shoulds.” Perhapsyou could begin by setting aside just one half hour per week for doingsomething fun. As you get more and more into the habit of doing thatactivity, you will find that it becomes easier and easier to find the time.Eventually that activity becomes a “positive addiction,” and you find thetime to do it, just as you had found the time for smoking and for the“shoulds” in your life. Give it a try!!!
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FOREVER FREE STOP SMOKING FOR GOOD
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FOREVER FREE STOP SMOKING FOR GOOD
Summary
NOW IS THE TIME!
Most people find that they can reduce their level of stress by makingminor changes in their lives. This often involves increasing the amount ofpleasant activities (wants) in their lives, or by developing “positiveaddictions.” Both ways can help fill the gap that is often felt after quittingsmoking.
By quitting smoking, you improve your health and probably add yearsto your life. Now is the right time to make changes to increase your joy ofliving. Good luck!
Pleasant Events ListThis list was developed by asking a lot of peoplewhat they do for fun. Read through the list andcheck off the activities that could be Wants for you.Add to your Wants list on page 6 the activities thatyou are able to do. Then try to do them!1
FOREVER FREE STOP SMOKING FOR GOOD
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o Being out in the country.
o Wearing nice clothes.
o Volunteering.
o Talking about sports.
o Meeting someone new.
o Going to a concert.
o Playing ball.
o Planning trips or vacations.
o Buying things for self or someoneyou care about.
o Going to the beach.
o Doing art work (painting,sculpture, drawing, movie-making, etc.).
o Rock climbing.
o Reading the Bible.
o Playing golf.
o Decorating my room or house.
o Going to a sports event.
o Reading a “How to Do It” bookor article.
o Going to the races (horse, car,boat, etc.).
o Reading stories, novels, poems,or plays.
o Going out with friends.
o Going to lectures or hearing speakers.
o Breathing clean air.
o Thinking up a song or music.
o Saying something clearly.
o Boating (canoeing, motor-boating, sailing, etc.)
o Restoring antiques, refinishingfurniture, etc.
o Watching TV.
o Talking to myself or a friend.
o Camping.
o Working in politics.
o Working on machines (cars, bikes, motorcycles,tractors, etc.).
o Thinking about something goodin the future.
o Playing cards.
o Completing a hard task.
o Laughing.
o Solving a problem, puzzle,crossword, etc.
o Being at weddings, baptisms,confirmations, etc.
o Having lunch with friends.
o Playing tennis.
o Taking a shower.
o Driving long distances.
o Woodworking, carpentry.
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FOREVER FREE STOP SMOKING FOR GOOD
o Writing stories, novels, plays, orpoetry.
o Being with animals.
o Being “online.”
o Riding in an airplane.
o Hiking.
o Having a frank and open conversation.
o Singing in a group.
o Thinking about myself or my problems.
o Working on my job.
o Going to a party.
o Going to church functions(socials, classes, etc.).
o Speaking in a foreign languageand learning.
o Going to service, civic, or socialclub meetings.
o Going to a business meeting or aconvention.
o Being in a sporty car.
o Playing in a band.
o Making soup.
o Being helped and helping others.
o Combing or brushing my hair.
o Acting.
o Taking a nap.
o Being with friends.
o Canning, freezing, makingpreserves, etc.
o Solving a personal problem.
o Being in a city.
o Taking a bath.
o Singing to myself.
o Making food or crafts to sell orgive away.
o Playing pool or billiards.
o Surfing the internet.
o Texting
o Being with children.
o Playing chess or checkers.
o Doing craft work (pottery,jewelry, leather, beads, weaving,etc.).
o Putting on makeup, fixing myhair, etc.
o Designing or drafting.
o Visiting people who are sick or introuble.
o Cheering.
o Bowling.
o Teaching someone.
o Learning from someone.
o Using my strength.
o Traveling.
o Going to office parties ordepartmental get-togethers.
o Attending a concert, opera, or ballet.
o Playing with pets.
o Going to a play.
o Looking at the stars or moon.
o Being coached.
o Coaching.
o Being popular at a gathering.
o Watching wild animals.
o Having a good idea.
o Gardening.
o Reading essays or technical, academic, or professional literature.
o Wearing new clothes.
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FOREVER FREE STOP SMOKING FOR GOOD
o Dancing.
o Sitting in the sun.
o Riding a motorcycle.
o Just sitting and thinking.
o Seeing good things happen to myfamily or friends.
o Going to a fair, circus, zoo, or park.
o Talking about philosophy or religion.
o Planning something.
o Listening to the sounds of nature.
o Dating, courting, etc.
o Having a lively talk.
o Racing in a car, motorcycle, boat,etc.
o Listening to the radio.
o Having friends come to visit.
o Playing in a sports competition.
o Introducing people I think wouldlike each other.
o Giving gifts.
o Going to school or governmentmeetings, court sessions, etc.
o Getting massages or backrubs.
o Getting letters, cards, or notes.
o Watching the sky, clouds, or astorm.
o Going on outings (to the park, apicnic, a barbecue, etc.).
o Playing basketball.
o Buying something for my family.
o Photography.
o Giving a speech or lecture.
o Reading maps.
o Gathering natural objects (wildfoods or fruit, rocks, driftwood,etc.).
o Working on my finances.
o Wearing clean clothes.
o Making a major purchase orinvestment (car, appliance, house, stocks, etc.).
o Helping someone.
o Being in the mountains.
o Getting a job advancement (being promoted, given a raise or, offered a better job; gettingaccepted to a better school, etc.).
o Hearing jokes.
o Talking about my children orgrandchildren.
o Meeting someone new.
o Going to a crusade.
o Talking about my health.
o Seeing beautiful sights.
o Eating good meals.
o Improving my health (having my teeth fixed, getting newglasses, changing my diet, etc.).
o Going to the city.
o Wrestling or boxing.
o Hunting.
o Playing in a musical group.
o Hiking.
o Going to a museum or exhibit.
o Writing papers, essays, articles,reports, memos, etc.
o Doing a job well.
o Having spare time.
o Fishing.
o Loaning something.
o Being noticed as attractive.
o Pleasing employers, teachers, etc.
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FOREVER FREE STOP SMOKING FOR GOOD
o Going to a health club, saunabath, etc.
o Learning to do something new.
o Going to a “Drive-in” (DairyQueen, McDonald’s, etc.).
o Praising someone.
o Thinking about people I like.
o Being at a gathering.
o Being with my parents.
o Horseback riding.
o Talking on the telephone.
o Having daydreams.
o Kicking leaves, sand, pebbles, etc.
o Playing lawn sports (badminton, croquet, shuffleboard,horseshoes, etc.).
o Going to school reunions, alumnimeetings, etc.
o Seeing famous people.
o Going to the movies.
o Kissing.
o Being alone.
o Budgeting my time.
o Cooking meals.
o Being praised by people I admire.
o Outwitting a “superior”.
o Feeling the presence of the Lordin my life.
o Doing a project in my own way.
o Doing “odd jobs” around thehouse.
o Crying.
o Laughing.
o Being told I am needed.
o Being at a family reunion or get-together.
o Washing my hair.
o Coaching someone.
o Going to a restaurant.
o Seeing or smelling a flower orplant.
o Being invited out.
o Inviting someone out.
o Receiving honors (civic, military,etc.).
o Using cologne, perfume, oraftershave.
o Having someone agree with me.
o Talking about old times.
o Getting up early in the morning.
o Having peace and quiet.
o Doing experiments or otherscientific work.
o Visiting friends.
o Writing in a diary.
o Playing football.
o Saying prayers.
o Giving massages or backrubs.
o Doing yoga.
o Doing favors for people.
o Talking with people on the job orin class.
o Being relaxed.
o Being asked for my help oradvice.
o Thinking about other people’s problems.
o Playing board games (Monopoly,Scrabble, etc.).
o Sleeping well at night.
o Doing heavy outdoor work(cutting or chopping wood,clearing land, farm work, etc.).
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FOREVER FREE STOP SMOKING FOR GOOD
o Reading the newspaper.
o Being in a body-awareness,sensitivity, encounter, therapy, or“rap” group.
o Dreaming at night.
o Playing ping-pong.
o Brushing my teeth.
o Swimming.
o Running, jogging, or doing gym nastics, fitness, or fieldexercises.
o Walking barefoot.
o Playing frisbee or catch.
o Doing housework or laundry; cleaning things.
o Listening to music.
o Knitting, crocheting, embroidery,or fancy needlework.
o Petting, necking.
o Amusing people.
o Going to a barber or beauty shop.
o Having house guests.
o Being with someone I love.
o Thinking about someone I love.
o Reading magazines.
o Sleeping late.
o Starting a new project.
o Being stubborn.
o Going to the library.
o Preparing a new or special food.
o Bird watching.
o Shopping.
o Watching people.
o Building or watching a fire.
o Winning an argument.
o Selling or trading something.
o Finishing a project or task.
o Confessing or apologizing.
o Fixing things.
o Working with others as a team.
o Bicycling.
o Telling people what to do.
o Being with happy people.
o Playing party games.
o Writing letters, cards, or notes.
o Talking about politics or publicaffairs.
o Asking for help or advice.
o Going to banquets, luncheons,potlucks, etc.
o Talking about my hobby orspecial interest.
o Watching attractive women ormen.
o Smiling at people.
o Playing in sand, a stream, thegrass, etc.
o Talking about other people.
o Being with my husband, wife orpartner.
o Having people show interest inwhat I have said.
o Going on field trips, naturewalks, etc.
o Expressing my love to someone.
o Caring for houseplants.
o Having coffee, tea, a coke, etc.,with friends.
o Taking a walk.
o Collecting things.
o Playing handball, paddleball,squash, etc.
o Sewing.
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FOREVER FREE STOP SMOKING FOR GOOD
o Remembering a departed friend orloved one, visiting the cemetery.
o Doing things with children.
o Beachcombing.
o Being told I have done well.
o Being told I am loved.
o Eating snacks.
o Staying up late.
o Having family members orfriends do something that makesme proud of them.
o Being with my children.
o Going to auctions, garage sales,etc.
o Thinking about an interesting question.
o Doing volunteer work, workingon community service projects.
o Water skiing, surfing, scubadiving.
o Receiving money.
o Hearing a good sermon.
o Winning a competition.
o Making a new friend.
o Talking about my job or school.
o Reading cartoons, comic strips,or comic books.
o Borrowing something.
o Traveling with a group.
o Seeing old friends.
o Going to the gym.
Sources:
Many of the ideas in this booklet came from: Marlatt, G. A. (1985).Lifestyle modification. In G. A. Marlatt & J. R. Gordon (Eds.),Relapse Prevention. New York: Guilford.
1MacPhillamy, D. J., & Lewinsohn, P. M. (1982). Journal ofConsulting and Clinical Psychology, 50, 363-380.
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FOREVER FREE STOP SMOKING FOR GOOD
Development of this booklet was supported by grants from the:• American Cancer Society (#PBR-94)• National Cancer Institute (#CA-80706 & CA-134347)
Produced by the Tobacco Research and Intervention Program at the H. Lee Moffitt Cancer Center & Research Institute at the University of SouthFlorida. To order booklets, visit www.moffitt.org/foreverfree
Director: Thomas H. Brandon, Ph.D.1(877) 954-2548
© 2010 H. Lee Moffitt Cancer Center and Research Institute at the University of South Florida.
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