27
f my international life as a Foreign Service teenager had a theme song, it would be a tossup between U2’s “Where the streets have no name” and “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.” I attended Copenhagen International School, which I’ve likened to a brotherhood, a place where everyone became your “family.” Last summer, I was in Copenhagen once again, sitting at the vegetarian Mediterranean buffet with my high school friends. As I tried despondently to pre- tend that my falafel was a frikedelle, my friend asked me, “So, in 15 years, what have we accomplished?” That prompted me to ask another question, as I looked at my friends and tallied up our different jobs and destinies: did high school make us who we are? So I decided to ask around. I visited my old high school and talked with my teachers. I discussed this question with my old schoolmates. And when I returned to the States, I continued the discussion with my new friends, including those in the Global Nomad communi- ty. (Global Nomads is a term and an organization for peo- ple who have lived in more than one country as a child as a result of their parents’ professions. See “A Village to Call Home — Global Nomads International,” FSJ, June 2004, p. 69.) I sent out an e-mail questionnaire, and received responses from the adult children of Foreign Service, mil- itary, U.N., corporate and educator parents. The respon- dents were of many nationalities, but most had lived in at least four countries. These people have been around — Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Barbados, Belgium, Brazil, Cambodia, Central Republic of Congo, Cyprus, Czech Republic, Denmark, Egypt, England, Ethiopia, Finland, Fiji, France, Germany, Greece, Holland, India, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Jamaica, Japan, Kenya, South Korea, Marshall Islands, New Zealand, Norway, Pakistan, Philippines, Saudi Arabia, Senegal, South Africa, Sri Lanka, Sweden, Switzerland, Syria, Tanzania, Thailand, Tunisia, Venezuela, Uganda, UAE, the U.S. and Yemen. Yet their experiences have much in common. CIS: A Trip Down Memory Lane Copenhagen is infamous for its rain, and on an August day in 2004 the rain clouds huddled and banked on the other side of the train track as I got out in Hellerup (con- sidered a yuppie area just north of Copenhagen, like McLean, Va.). I walked to the school, which now occupies Hellerupvej 22-26. How times have changed. I spent 9th grade in Fairfax, Va., but that year pales in comparison with the following three years at Copenhagen International School in Denmark. My school in Virginia was a sprawling building full of thousands of students, where I had to watch out for the hallways that were “bad neighborhoods.” The next year, 1986, I moved to Denmark and, after a short interview with the principal, Mr. Keson, was admitted to CIS. The school was a yellow building located on Gammel Kongevej (Old King’s Way), on the edge of the red light district. Our neighbors were a bodega, a strip club and a kiosk. Across the street was one of the lakes that made up the moat fortifications of old Copenhagen. The school was near the main train station. Back then we didn’t have a gym, just the dirt courtyard in front of the building. Only later did the school acquire a gym and a fence. And, still later, a new location. Our school had 100 students spread out over grades 10 through 13. One could take the American high school diplo- ma or participate in the International Baccalaureate pro- gram, which required an extra year of study. I made lifelong friends there while also participating in a drama trip to Brussels, a basketball trip to Berlin, a “Model United Nations” trip to the Hague, a ski trip to France and a cultural S CHOOLS S UPPLEMENT Mikkela Thompson is the Journal’s Business Manager. S TILL H AVEN T F OUND W HAT W E A RE L OOKING F OR DOES AN INTERNATIONAL HIGH SCHOOL EXPERIENCE MAKE YOU WHO YOU ARE? THE AUTHOR SURVEYS ADULTS WHO HAVE BEEN THERE, DONE THATTO FIND SOME ANSWERS. BY MIKKELA THOMPSON Continued on page 74 I DECEMBER 2004/FOREIGN SERVICE JOURNAL 71

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Page 1: STILL HAVEN T FOUND WHAT E ARE LOOKING FORf my international life as a Foreign Service teenager had a theme song, it would be a tossup between U2’s “Where the streets have no name”

f my international life as a Foreign Serviceteenager had a theme song, it would be atossup between U2’s “Where the streets haveno name” and “I still haven’t found what I’mlooking for.” I attended CopenhagenInternational School, which I’ve likened to abrotherhood, a place where everyone became

your “family.” Last summer, I was in Copenhagen onceagain, sitting at the vegetarian Mediterranean buffet withmy high school friends. As I tried despondently to pre-tend that my falafel was a frikedelle, my friend asked me,“So, in 15 years, what have we accomplished?” Thatprompted me to ask another question, as I looked at myfriends and tallied up our different jobs and destinies: didhigh school make us who we are?

So I decided to ask around. I visited my old highschool and talked with my teachers. I discussed thisquestion with my old schoolmates. And when I returnedto the States, I continued the discussion with my newfriends, including those in the Global Nomad communi-ty. (Global Nomads is a term and an organization for peo-ple who have lived in more than one country as a child asa result of their parents’ professions. See “A Village toCall Home — Global Nomads International,” FSJ, June2004, p. 69.)

I sent out an e-mail questionnaire, and receivedresponses from the adult children of Foreign Service, mil-itary, U.N., corporate and educator parents. The respon-dents were of many nationalities, but most had lived in atleast four countries. These people have been around —Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Barbados, Belgium, Brazil,Cambodia, Central Republic of Congo, Cyprus, CzechRepublic, Denmark, Egypt, England, Ethiopia, Finland,Fiji, France, Germany, Greece, Holland, India, Ireland,Israel, Italy, Jamaica, Japan, Kenya, South Korea,

Marshall Islands, New Zealand, Norway, Pakistan,Philippines, Saudi Arabia, Senegal, South Africa, SriLanka, Sweden, Switzerland, Syria, Tanzania, Thailand,Tunisia, Venezuela, Uganda, UAE, the U.S. and Yemen.Yet their experiences have much in common.

CIS: A Trip Down Memory LaneCopenhagen is infamous for its rain, and on an August

day in 2004 the rain clouds huddled and banked on theother side of the train track as I got out in Hellerup (con-sidered a yuppie area just north of Copenhagen, likeMcLean, Va.). I walked to the school, which now occupiesHellerupvej 22-26. How times have changed.

I spent 9th grade in Fairfax, Va., but that year pales incomparison with the following three years at CopenhagenInternational School in Denmark. My school in Virginiawas a sprawling building full of thousands of students,where I had to watch out for the hallways that were “badneighborhoods.” The next year, 1986, I moved toDenmark and, after a short interview with the principal,Mr. Keson, was admitted to CIS. The school was a yellowbuilding located on Gammel Kongevej (Old King’s Way),on the edge of the red light district. Our neighbors werea bodega, a strip club and a kiosk. Across the street wasone of the lakes that made up the moat fortifications of oldCopenhagen. The school was near the main train station.Back then we didn’t have a gym, just the dirt courtyard infront of the building. Only later did the school acquire agym and a fence. And, still later, a new location.

Our school had 100 students spread out over grades 10through 13. One could take the American high school diplo-ma or participate in the International Baccalaureate pro-gram, which required an extra year of study. I made lifelongfriends there while also participating in a drama trip toBrussels, a basketball trip to Berlin, a “Model UnitedNations” trip to the Hague, a ski trip to France and a cultural

SC H O O L S SU P P L E M E N T

Mikkela Thompson is the Journal’s Business Manager.

STILL HAVEN’T FOUND WHATWE ARE LOOKING FOR…

DOES AN INTERNATIONAL HIGH SCHOOL EXPERIENCE MAKE YOU WHO YOU ARE? THE AUTHOR SURVEYS ADULTS WHO HAVE “BEEN THERE, DONE THAT”

TO FIND SOME ANSWERS.

BY MIKKELA THOMPSON

Continued on page 74

I

D E C E M B E R 2 0 0 4 / F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L 71

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72 F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L / D E C E M B E R 2 0 0 4

Counterintuitive as it seems to most parents,returning to the United States is often themost difficult move for our children. Though

the years in the Washington area may be thestrangest years in a lifetime of exotic locations, FSchildren can still benefit from the efforts made ontheir behalf. In this cyber age, the Foreign ServiceYouth Foundation sponsors a perpetual virtual clubhouse — and a tangible place for kids who are inthe DC area. The FSYF is a 501 (C)(3) nonprofitorganization established in 1989 to inform andassist Foreign Service youth and their families withtheir internationally mobile lifestyle. FSYF’s youthdevelopment programs include a myriad of educa-tional and social activities. Through the FSYF pro-grams children discuss pertinent issues such asreturning to the U.S., coping with the first week ofschool, making new friends, preparing for a move,saying goodbye and staying in touch.

For 5-to-8-year-old FS children, “Diplokids” pro-vides a fun place to meet other kids who havelived around the world. The pre-teen group,“Globe Trotters,” meets for social activities andhosts transition, leadership training and re-entryworkshops. The oldest group, “AWAL (Around theWorld in a Lifetime),” for FS teens, includes theelements of the other programs and a communityservice project (funded by a grant from the UnaChapman Cox Foundation). This year’s communi-ty service project is dedicated to introducingrefugee children to American life.

FSYF sponsors many other activities including theFSYF community service awards, annual wel-come-back potluck picnic, parenting programs andthe Kid Video Contest (in conjunction with FSI’sTransition Center). FSYF membership is $30 forthree years per FS family. For more informationon FSYF’s activities, go to its Web site,www.fsyf.org, or e-mail [email protected].

Foreign Service Youth Foundat ion

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trip to Italy. All the while,Copenhagen was a safe haven, withefficient public transportation andbicycle paths, giving me the freedomto explore the city.

The teachers were a vital part ofthe CIS experience. I worshippedsome of them. And they cared aboutthe students. In 1994, when one ofthe former CIS students died of med-icinal complications at the age of 26,three former teachers attended herfuneral. Dr. Engelberg, IB examinerand English teacher, said that it is thestudents and the atmosphere thathave kept him at CIS for 17 years.“The students at CIS are unique anddifficult to leave behind.” He said thatCIS has “a spirit of care and respectand sober academic aspirations,” andthat CIS prepares students for univer-sity and adult life by trying to “makethem competent in everything theydo, including the choices they have tomake.”

Dr. Engelberg added that as ateacher, he aims to help his studentsrealize their potential and becomecompetent managers of their ownlives. As for students wanting tobecome English teachers, he saidwryly, “Although it’s intended as a

compliment, it also suggests that myattempts to make those students capa-ble, independent human beings have,as yet, not met with any success.”

Here, There andEverywhere: School

ExperiencesFor most students, the school’s

location and related activities were apositive experience. “Seeing Romanruins when studying about Romans,visiting Istanbul when learning aboutthe Islamic world,” is the way onerespondent put it. This was especial-ly true for those who attended highschool in Italy: history class taught onlocation in Rome, taught by peoplewho “are very steeped in it and madeit completely alive.” One cited thespecial effect of studying the historyof the Middle East told from bothsides with children from both sides inthe classroom. Others recalled the

74 F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L / D E C E M B E R 2 0 0 4

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Continued from page 71

Continued on page 76

I spent 9th grade in

Fairfax, Va., but that year

pales in comparison with

the following three years

at Copenhagen

International School

in Denmark.

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field trips (like to Paris and Florence),and the closely walled villa; the promon a boat in Venice; the amphitheaterin the dell; the shepherds who walkedthrough playing their pipes when theyherded their flock; and, of course,making close friends. According toone student, “I would say that thefriendship bond was at its highest dur-ing those later years in high school.”

Although many international stu-dents were in overseas schools due tothe politics of their parents’ coun-tries, usually all politics was left out-side the school gates. I remember aphenomenal friendship between twoboys, whose parents’ countries wereenemies. One of them had a body-guard and was driven to school in adifferent car every day. Maybe theyweren’t really different. Yes, they haddifferent religions, languages anddestinies, but both were from well-off, cosmopolitan families. Many

schools also had children of royalty, orfrom deposed regimes, from richfamilies, from industry, from govern-ment, jet-setters, movie-star kids andfun-seekers. As one former studentwho attended high school in the1970s in Rome said, “Our mates werekidnapped, and their homes in theMiddle East were attacked.” Onestudent who attended school inManila said she doesn’t rememberanything about politics: “Even thoughthere were tanks in the city, we werejust happy to have a few days offschool!” Although politics wasimportant to us, another said, “we didnot factionalize.”

If the good experiences were var-ied and often exotic, so were the badones. The worst parts of theseschools, reported one respondent,included drinking gin at a dance andfeeling sick; listening to Doron andAli say goodbye at graduation with a

“see you at the front;” and the Gettyboy getting kidnapped and having hisear cut off. For some, the one disad-vantage to attending an internationalhigh school was logistics — the twohours it took to get there by bus or, asin Hong Kong, needing parents todrive one places.

Anna, a Swedish diplomaticnational who used to wander thestreets of Kabul and Delhi by herself,echoed the kind of freedom and inde-pendence I experienced in Copen-hagen. “Since my parents lived inKabul and I in New Delhi during highschool, I spent all the long weekendsand holidays going back to Kabul tobe with them. Hence, I was in Kabulduring the days between Christmasand New Year in 1980 when theSoviet army invaded,” she said. “Butwhat I remember was my indepen-dence and gumption. Each time I

Continued from page 74

Continued on page 79

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was to fly back to Kabul (even thoughI lived with an American family thathosted me), I would take a cab to theAir India office and buy my ticketmyself. Then I would take a cab tothe battered multi-story visa office atthe edge of Old Delhi to get my exitand entry visas for Afghanistan. I hadto do this on every trip. I got to besuch a pro, I knew exactly which offi-cials to visit to get my multiple formsduly stamped and signed in recordtime. I always bypassed the long linesof clueless tourists and ‘WTs’ (worldtravelers of the opium/hashish gener-ation). And I managed to visit the cor-rect clerks and get my visa — all with-out bribing a single person. I alsoused to get myself to the airport.Thank God for the cheap cabs inIndia; as a kid you could go any-where!”

According to another student,who went to high school in the

Marshall Islands, the best thingabout school was “running for a dipat the beach between classes andwearing flip-flops.”

For many, the best part of interna-tional schools was their relativelysmall size and cultural diversity.“People were in similar shoes,” saidone. “It was a small, radical, experi-mental school and the teachers andeven the principal knew who you

were. The teachers were enthusiasticand loving.” Another advantage to asmall school is that one can beinvolved in everything. “We not onlyhad people from Italy and the U.S.,but many kids whose parents wereworking more far afield. The teacherswere dedicated to where they wereand what they were doing,” recalledanother. “Perhaps because of this theschool body — teachers and students— were very open to people from allwalks of life. We had and werefriends with druggies, punks, prep-pies, hippies, you name it.” For manythe best experience was “the feelingof total acceptance as the premise.”

Others explained that the experi-ence taught them to read people andunderstand multicultural body lan-guage. According to one FS child,what she liked best about going toschool overseas was the mix of people

Continued from page 76

Continued on page 81

It is hard for children who

have been raised overseas

to return to high school

in America.

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from all over the world. “I always feltmore at home in that type of societythan in American society. When I wasa child, when we returned fromAfrica, every time I would see anAfrican or African-American, I wouldget so excited to see someone fromhome,” she said. “After a while I real-ized that African-Americans were notAfricans, but that was confusing atfirst. I still, to this day, feel very drawnto Africans and African-Americans.”

Coming HomeI have talked to several “kids”

whose parents moved them back totheir home country. For some, it wasthe first time they had lived in theirnative country, and the culture shockwas extreme. Some chose to notsocialize with the other kids.According to one woman, “When Ihad to return to North Carolina for mysenior year, I cried every day for the

first half of the school year because Imissed [the high school in New Delhi]so much. It made a huge impact onme, and I’ll never forget the time inNew Delhi. I think it was the happiestI’ve ever been.”

Ingrid, an FS child, who lived inSingapore, South Africa, New Zea-land, Thailand, Venezuela, Sweden

and the U.S., understands her parents’decision to move her back to theStates for high school in Newport, R.I.The worst part of her experience wasthat at the public school in Newport,“people thought I was weird becauseI’d just come from a small internation-al school in Thailand. The other stu-dents were always asking me questionslike, ‘Do you speak Chinese?’”

As Ingrid explained: “I guess myparents thought it was important forme to come back so I felt I could fit inhere as well as abroad. At that point, Iwas almost 14 and had spent onlyabout four years in the U.S. I thinkthey also felt most of the schools in theU.S. would do a better job preparingme for college than some of the inter-national schools would. I wasn’t reallyangry with them. I think, even then, Iunderstood their reasons for wantingme to go to high school here. Mostly,

Continued from page 79

Continued on page 89

Most of the international

kids I talk to, now in their

20s, 30s and 40s, still don’t

know what they want to

do when they “grow up.”

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ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

Alexandria Country 92 250 47/53 NA NA K-8 N N 20 NA NA NA 15,600Day SchoolBritish International 89 300 50/50 NA 50 PK-12 N N 10 Y NA NA 14,500SchoolSheridan School 97 215 50/50 NA 3 K-8 N N 10 N N N 18,689Washington International 77 825 49/51 NA 37 PK-12 N Limited 8 Y NA NA 18,500School

JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL

Indian Mountain School 89 260 60/40 27 12 PK-9 N Y 75 N Y N 29,450

JUNIOR SENIOR HIGH SCHOOL

Dana Hall School 88 454 All girls 50 11 6-12 Y Limited 12 Y Y N 34,425Grier School 80 196 All girls 100 37 7-12, PG Y Y 120 N Y Y 30,900Oldfields School 91 185 All girls 80 16 8-12, PG Y Limited 35 N N Y 33,700Perkiomen School 78 265 60/40 60 20 5-12, PG Y Y 50 Y Y N 31,200Stone Ridge School of 95 782 All girls NA 2 JK-12 N N 15 N N N 17,480the Sacred HeartWebb School, The 87 280 55/45 33 12 7-12, PG Y Y/N 45 Y Y Y 27,250

SENIOR HIGH SCHOOL

Berkshire School 80 385 57/43 86 16 9-12, PG Y N 50 Y Y N 33,450Dublin School 82 124 60/40 78 23 9-12, PG Y Y 43 Y Y Y 35,400Emma Willard School 85 312 All girls 60 16 9-12, PG Y NA 7 Y Y Y 32,750Fountain Valley School 87 225 47/53 62 20 9-12 Y N 70 Y Y Y 29,600Foxcroft School 90 185 All girls 75 13 9-12 Y N 30 Y Y Y 34,000George School 95 543 50/50 60 15 9-12 Y Y 40 Y Y N 30,370Idyllwild Arts Academy 74 262 40/60 85 27 9-12, PG Y N 120 Y Y N 35,800Kents Hill School 75 215 60/40 70 20 9-12, PG Y Y 50 Y Y Limited 33,900La Lumiere School 92 106 60/40 40 16 9-12, PG Y Limited 70 N Y Y 20,550Langley School 90 466 50/50 NA 0 PK- 8 NA N 15 NA NA NA 20,500Learning Community of 90 - - - - - - - - - - - -Northern Virginia, TheMadeira School 92 302 All girls 55 13 9-12 Y Y 15 Y Y Limited 34,780Mercersburg Academy 94 444 56/44 83 11 9 -12, PG Y Y/N 90 Y Y N 30,900Miss Hall’s School 73 175 All girls 75 18 9-12 Y NA 40 Y Y N 33,800Northfield Mount Hermon 92 860 51/49 80 25 9-12, PG N Limited 70 Y Y N 33,000School

Schoo l s a t a G l anceSchoo l s a t a G l anceGo to our Web page at www.fsjournal.org and click on the Marketplace tab for more information.

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CONTINUED ON PAGE 86

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SENIOR HIGH SCHOOL (CONTINUED)

Oregon Episcopal School 77 265 50/50 25 25 9-12 Y Limited 20 Y Y Y 31,550Purnell School 76 100 All girls 85 10 9-12 Y Y 35 Y Y N 33,975Tilton School 78 214 69/31 75 15 9-12, PG Y Y 40 Y Y Y 33,125Wentworth 82 200 80/20 100 4 9-12, PG N Y 50 Y Y N 21,995

DISTANCE LEARNING/HOMESCHOOLING

University of Missouri 80 Independent study: 3-12, PG, accredited HS diploma. Go to: www.cdis.missouri.edu/go/fsd3.asp 21,000(at Columbia)

MILITARY SCHOOLS

Admiral Farragut 82 452 75/25 50 20 6-12 N N 20 Y Y Y 26,000AcademyValley Forge Military 75 700 All boys 100 12 7-12, PG Y N 15 Y Y N 26,450Academy

SPECIAL NEEDS SCHOOLS

Forman School 85 170 60/40 90 7 9-12 N Y 45 Y Y N 43,000Gow School 78 143 All boys 100 20 7-12, PG N All LD 20 Y Y N 39,500Greenwood School 79 40 All boys 100 10 9-15 yrs. old N Y 75 N Y N 45,135Riverview School 83 182 50/50 100 Limited 7-12, PG N Y 75 Y N N 55,643Vanguard School 96 136 41/59 90 26 5-12, PG N Y 50 Y Y N 34,750

OVERSEAS SCHOOLS

John F. Kennedy 78 65 50/50 50 70 K-8 N Limited 90 Y Y/N N 37,000International School in SwitzerlandLeysin American School 83 330 55/44 100 65 9-12, PG Y Limited 75 Y Y N 31,000in SwitzerlandSt. Michael’s University 83 880 50/50 40 26 8-12 N N 15 Y Y Y 21,900SchoolSt. Stephens School 94 208 43/57 15 59 9-12, PG N N 12 NA Y N 31,734TASIS, The American 81 659 51/49 25 35 Nursery-13 Y Limited 8 Y Y N 33,000School in EnglandTASIS, The American 81 325 50/50 84 55 7-PG Y N 5 Y Y N 33,000School in Switzerland

OTHER

Foreign Service Youth 72 Assists Foreign Service youth by coordinating development programs. Go to www.fsyf.orgFoundation

Notes: NA - Not Applicable. ADD - Attention Deficit Disorder. LD - Learning Disability.

Schoo l s a t a G l anceSchoo l s a t a G l anceGo to our Web page at www.fsjournal.org and click on the Marketplace tab for more information.

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I was just sad because it was hard forme to adjust to going to high school inthe U.S. I was also playing catch-upmy freshman year since even the pub-lic school was a lot more challengingthan the international school I’dattended in Chiang Mai, Thailand.”

Jonathan, an American ForeignService child, lived in Uganda,Ethiopia, Brazil and Israel as a young-ster. He attended the AmericanInternational School in Tel Aviv andWalt Whitman High School inBethesda, Md. (with 171 students and2000 students, respectively). He lovedAIS because of its size, and hatedWhitman for the same reason. “I real-ly disliked Whitman for the usualclichés associated with high school:cliques, fakeness, nobody reallyseemed interested in anything ‘differ-ent.’ High school taught me to be tol-erant of stupid and intolerant people,”he added.

Not all students enjoy their inter-national experiences. One was angryat her parents for moving her. Shesays that she did not make friendseasily and was often depressed. Bothshe and her sister went throughcounseling. “We are extremely inse-cure. I feel like I have no base, nohome. Relationship-wise we haveboth been very clingy and intense inthe past, although we now have suc-cessful relationships. A lot of soul-searching was involved (but maybethat happens with everyone?),” shereported. “I am sure I would havebeen a more balanced person if wedidn’t move so much — although, ofcourse, we saw a lot of cultures anddifferent countries, and it’s quite use-ful on my CV as it makes peopleinterested to know more.” Of theinternational lifestyle, she said she“would only do that to my children ifthey were very young.”

Sage Advice: What Expertsand Parents Say

Helen Rudinsky, who lived inSlovakia as a teen, is a licensed clinicalmarriage and family therapist and alicensed professional counselor, withextensive experience in internationalconsulting, expatriate support andcross-cultural counseling. From herown personal and professional experi-ence, she says that it is hard for chil-dren who have been raised overseasto return to high school in America.Often they don’t feel American, andmany do not want to participate in theanonymity and consumerism ofAmerican high school, which is almosta different culture unto itself. Kidswho are brought back for high schooloften spend years “playing catch-up,”says Ms. Rudinsky, where they have tolearn the culture of high school andbeing a teen in America. It is easier to

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Open 7:00 a.m.-6:00 p.m. Monday - Friday

Open all year, closed federal holidays.

Full-time and drop-in care for infants and children, fromsix weeks old to kindergarten.

Computers, music appreciation,foreign languages, and dance.

Tuition assistance available forqualified families.

CFC (#7861)Contributions and recyclingfunds used for tuition assistance.

U.S. Department of State Child Development Center

2401 E Street, NWWashington, D.C. 20520

(202) 663-3555e-mail:[email protected]

CFC #7861

DiploTotsDiplotots Child Development Center services

State Department and federal employees

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be a “big fish in a small pond than asmall fish in a big pond.”

Ms. Rudinsky recommends thatparents think about their child’s highschool career, as early as when thechild is 8 or 9. Also, parents should beaware that in exposing their childrento an overseas life, they are creatingworld citizens who will find it hard tofit in, find their niche, or partner, etc.Also, it is best for the family as a wholeto decide about school and to let thechildren take an active part in thedecision-making so that they feelsome “ownership” over their lives.

A child who sought counseling hadthis view: “I would say that maybe ifyou are quite young, an internationallife wouldn’t be too bad. However, Icouldn’t make long-lasting friend-ships, and it made me feel quite inse-cure. On my old school reports I amalways described as shy and quiet, andI always remember one line: ‘she

chooses her friends wisely.’ It was alsosaid that I enjoy my own company. Ithought: ‘What is the point in makingfriends when I never know how longI’ll be here?’ I don’t think it is fair to the child once they get older (maybe middle-school age).”

For some, taking a year off beforeuniversity allowed for maturity. Oneof the Foreign Service dependents

deferred her admission to Brown andwent to Venezuela with her parentsfor a year. “What was cool about thatwas that it was my decision to gothere, so, unlike in the past, I didn’tfeel like I was being dragged around,”she reported.

Returning to the U.S. is a difficulttransition for children raised overseas.After hearing many international kids’stories, it seems that if one doesn’treturn to the U.S. as a preteen, thenperhaps college is the right time tomake that change. At that stage, theculture shock is more bearable, andthe teen is a young adult. In highschool most teenagers are vulnerableto a double whammy of change. Formany, college is close enough to a“foreign country” — something theydefinitely know how to deal with.

Parents can make all the differencein how their child sees their interna-

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Returning to the

U.S. is a difficult

transition for children

raised overseas.

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tional experience. For Guled, whoattended high school in Jamaica andIndia, it was important that he wasallowed to finish the school year at thesame institution (some kids wereyanked out in mid-year). And hisfather facilitated the acclimatizationprocess by introducing him to his co-workers’ children before school start-ed. Most respondents’ parents hadthe usual parental advice on careers,while some steered their childrentoward or away from certain careers,perhaps depending on how they sawtheir own experiences.

Certain careers are more transfer-able than others, but for some parentsit was mainly about job security, know-ing that in an ever-changing world,one’s job can be an anchor. One childwas steered toward careers where onecould more readily find work— bank-ing, finance, international organizations— and away from the things she loved:

English literature, writing, anthropolo-gy, sociology and philosophy. Thisresulted in her feeling a dichotomybetween her interests and her skills.Now she feels like “a split personalitywith no real expertise.” Others re-ceived simpler advice: “My dad warn-ed me against working at Japanesecompanies and my mom warned meagainst being a homemaker.”

WanderlustMost of the international kids I talk

to, now in their 20s, 30s and 40s, stilldon’t know what they want to dowhen they “grow up.” I wonder ifthis, like my own furniture-movingmania, is part of the wanderlust thatwas planted in us as children. Most ofthem do have successful jobs of thetype you would expect internationallyraised people to have: World Bankanalysts, IMF officials, internationaldevelopment program managers, IT

specialists, teachers of English as aforeign language, lawyers and immi-gration lawyers, and writers. One FSchild, now a journalism student, saysthat she has noticed that manyForeign Service kids become writers.My personal theory for this (and alsofor why so many FS folks writebooks), is that an international/globallife forces one to analyze, assimilate,accept, understand, and work andcommunicate with foreign concepts,people and ways. These are valuableskills and make for attractive employ-ees — just don’t expect them to stayput for 30 years.

Ironically, a Foreign Service careercan pose a particular obstacle for theinternationally raised kid. Theseyoung people have often lived lessthan half their lives in their passportcountry. I have a friend who spentyears studying about the U.S. so that

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he could pass the Foreign Serviceexam. For others, their very national-ity is a question. One Swede feels thatshe could much better represent theU.S. as she has lived in the U.S. farlonger than her two years as a toddlerin her native Sweden.

Some have had many degrees andmany careers as they search for stabili-ty and excitement. As one Thai nation-al put it, “I’d like to get married andstart a new life here in the U.S. I havegrown up overseas, moving from placeto place. I haven’t any solid roots. Ican’t commit to a solid career choicebecause I feel that if I do, I will bestuck. Yet, I yearn to settle down andstart laying roots of my own because Iam done with traveling for now. In myopinion, from traveling to Third Worldcountries all my life, America is thebest country, whether you agree withthe politics or not. Therefore I havechosen the U.S. for this.”

Often, it may sound like theseinternationally raised children arecomplaining about their fabulouslives. But actually most of them areaware of the privileges they have had.As one child acknowledged, I “livedtoo many lives, saw so much, wasexposed to so many things. I think itcan serve to confuse as well asenrich.” She may “change paths infive years’ time,” she admitted, due towhat she terms the “been-there;done-that” attitude typical of interna-tionally raised individuals.

Ultimately, the common threadamongst the internationally raised iswanderlust. For some the internalclock is set at six months, and for oth-ers it is four years. They may neversettle down into a career for morethan a decade. The stories are thesame: “I think I moved around toomuch, maybe, when we were growingup. Although I had great experiences

of other countries and I learnt a lotabout other cultures, it has made mecrave change all the time. I hate stay-ing in one place, as I feel like I amstagnating.”

Or, as another candidly put it: “Imust stress that I have a great husband,a very well-paying job and a greathouse, and I am healthy. I should behappy all the time just to live my life,which, of course, I am most of thetime. I feel like I am missing some-thing, though. I am almost boredbecause there is no major change inmy life. I know that if I went to live inanother country, it would be great, butonly until the novelty wore off. I don’tknow what I am looking for.”

At the Fork in the RoadWhen asked, “Did your high

school experience determine yourpath in adult life?”, one respondent

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replied, “I think so. It helped tocement my desire to live overseas, tobe in a community of people who hadthat same experience.”

At CIS, one of the English examsincluded memorizing Robert Frost’s“The Road Not Taken.” My Englishteacher, Mr. Pierce, told us that itwould save our life someday — theday we got stuck in an elevator. Yearslater, I did get stuck in an elevator, atthe Kennedy Center. Although I didthink about my high school Englishclass, I was more concerned with try-ing to calm the claustrophobic ladycounting her business cards. I don’tknow if she would have appreciatedmy reciting, “Two roads diverged in ayellow wood ...”

But Copenhagen InternationalSchool did make a difference. It wasmuch like a secret society. Once aCISer, always a CISer. I can go any-where in the world and call up a for-

mer CISer, and I will have a place tostay. Even if the kid that I didn’t likeback then called me up now, I wouldhave dinner with him or her. Thereare those for whom memories of CISare a time-warp where they wereking. But for most of us, it was a greatgathering of our lifelong friends. As aForeign Service child, I’m ratherproud and happy that many of myclosest friends are from my high

school years. Not a mean feat in aplace where some people passthrough for six months and then leave(yes, even they count as part of thebrotherhood).

Though high school had a forma-tive place in many international chil-dren’s lives, as it did in mine, it proba-bly didn’t affect us as much as thesheer internationalism of our lives.There are so many lessons learnedwhen the world has been your play-ground. So, although these childrenstill may not know what they are look-ing for, they have an internal globalpositioning system that is distinct andoffers its own inestimable rewards.

In the words of one: “I appreciatemy worldly upbringing. I feel that theperspective I got in experiencing com-pletely different cultures and lan-guages allowed me to see more of whatis underneath culture and languageand is universal in all people.” ■

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There are so many

lessons learned when

the world has been

your playground.