Stay Friends: A Play

7/27/2019 Stay Friends: A Play

1/31

Stay Friends: A Play

by

Billy McBride


2/31

Copyright 2013, by William McBride


3/31


4/31

Setting: The outside of a first-floor apartment. There is a pile of things. Two kids are playing near the door.

ACT 1

SEBASTIAN

Look here comes your neighbor.

JACOB

Hi!

ARIELLE

(Aside) Billy you can make friends with them. Offer themsome gum and tell them that you can have whatever they

find in your trash pile.

BILLY

Hi! Would you like some gum?


5/31

SEBASTIAN and JACOB

Okay!!

BILLY

You're welcome to whatever you can find here. (They alllook) (Billy goes inside, Jacob picks up a trophy) (Billycomes out with a bag of trash)

You can have that if you like.

JACOB

Thanks! (Billy takes out the bag and meets Sylvia, astrange neighbor on the way in)

ARIELLE

Ask her Billy if she wants to look through the pile for something.

BILLY

Hi, I am cleaning and I have some stuff that I am throwingout if you are interested. I'm Billy.

SYLVIA


6/31

I'm Silvia.

BILLY

Nice to meet you!

SYLVIA

My husband and I live up there. Ok, I will take a look.(she comes with him back to his door) (He leaves her outwith the kids looking in the pile) (Sebastian turns over agallon of glue and they all leave Billy to clean it up)(Jacob leaves the trophy)

TOV TOV SHALOM

They knocked over the glue!

BILLY

I'll clean it up.

HOPE

Billy, that girl Sylvia is me!

TOV TOV SHALOM

She is the Earth Hope, the prostitute a few floors up.


7/31

BILLY

(Shocked) It's nice to meet you Hope here on Earth. (The

apartment manager comes by)

MARIA

What's this?!?

BILLY

It's just some glue and trash I'm throwing out. I'll clean itup.

MARIA

Ok. (Billy runs inside and pulls off the wall a cover concealing an elaborate matrix of construction-paper artdesigns) (He cleans up the mess returning outside with thecover and throws the remaining pile away)

TOV TOV SHALOM

Billy, it's time to clean your dishes in the bathtub.

BILLY

Ok. (Goes in)

STEVE


8/31

(Knocks on the door) Hi, Billy!

BILLY

Hi, Steve. I finished your painting, but you can pay melater. (He gives Steve a painting of a huge world-likesphere)

STEVE

So it's sixty dollars?

BILLY

Yes.

STEVE

Thanks, I'll be in touch. (He leaves)

BILLY

Bye.

TONY

Hey Man.

BILLY


9/31

Hi.

TONY

So this is your art. (He looks at it suspiciously) Billy, youneed to make that wall less busy. You can't attract womenthat way.

BILLY

Maybe so. (Tony sees a car)

TONY

Well, gotta go. The wife's just brought home some pizza.

BILLY

Bye.

TOV TOV SHALOM

Tony is her pimp! And, all those cars coming are her johns. And, she needs to separate from him.

BILLY

I want to help.


10/31

TOV TOV SHALOM

You must wait now.

BILLY

Lately I have found that the way those constructionworkers are banging on the walls, its as if they are sendingeach other signals in a secret communication between all of them. It's bad.

TOV TOV SHALOM

That's just what they are doing. They are all collaboratorsin this prostitution of Sylvia and some other women. Theyare doing what is called "banging on the pipes of theUniverse." Just for now go play your piano.

BILLY

Ok. (Billy plays a good song on his piano) (All of theAngels cheer)

TOV TOV SHALOM

Awesome!

HOPE

That's really good music.


11/31

BILLY

Thank you. Thank you Ha-Shem for helping me play onthe piano well. Ahovah. Amen. (There is a knock on thedoor)

HOPE

Answer it. It's okay Billy.

REUBEN

Hi, can I borrow an egg?

BILLY

I am sorry but I don't have any.

TOV TOV SHALOM

He likes your playing, trust me on that.

BILLY

I can't believe I met Sylvia! I will sing a song about her.

End of Act 1


12/31


13/31

ACT 2

(Billy sings in his bedroom the song Who is Sylvia? byShakespeare) (The Angels all clap)

TOV TOV SHALOM

The neighbors upstairs heard you and they don't like you.(Sylvia and Tony are heard but not seen)

SYLVIA

Nice singing Billy.

TONY

You sound pretty good.

BILLY

Who is that?

TOV TOV SHALOM


14/31

Billy, you can now hear the Angels of Sylvia and Tony,they are here.

TONY

Yes, we are here and we are going to help you.

SYLVIA

That was my Earth self you met, Billy. Things are bad for me down here, but up here in Heaven I am great.

BILLY

That's good to know.

TOV TOV SHALOM

Billy, Sylvia and Tony are now your students. That's prettyneat, right?

BILLY

Uh huh. They know about our book we are writing?

TOV TOV SHALOM

Yes, they know all about it and about your method in whichwe write.


15/31

They like our art too. You have been teaching them aboutopposites. Our art is all about placing what looks hot withwhat looks cold to create a balance visually. They love

watching you do it.

BILLY

Like this? (Billy makes an arrangement on the table)

TOV TOV SHALOM

Yes, just like that. That is also how you write as you know, by blending opposites.

SYLVIA

We want to see more Billy M..

TONY

What about that pile?

BILLY

Ok. (He arranges it in a hot/cold style perfectly)

SYLVIA

That's just right!


16/31


17/31

HOPE

It is also connected to history Billy. As you know, we are

proponents for Barack Obama's Universal Health Care. Wewant it to pass very badly in Congress. It is just about todo so and it will mean big changes for everybody inAmerica. Many people are getting edgy about it as youknow: some like the idea and some don't. It will bring, likeour M.O.A.T. plan, so much hope for the poor.

BILLY

Yes, I know.

TOV TOV SHALOM

We have to clean our apartment Billy even more sinceinspection is coming soon. Samuel Johnson and WilliamHazlitt are here Billy. I want you to pay attention.

End of Act 2


18/31

ACT 3 (in that night)

HOPE

A very bad man was finally caught tonight, he was keepingwomen trapped in his home.

BILLY

How awful.

JILL

I have an idea.

BILLY

What is it dear?

JILL


19/31

Let's read a little bit from Stories and Poems for ExtremelyIntelligent Children by Harold Bloom.

BILLY

That sounds good. (He reads a little with them)

TOB SHBEEB

Now, let's work on you presentation in your portfoliowhich your Mom gave to you. We want you to put

photographs of those paintings and models you made in it.

BILLY

Ok.

JILL

You are wrestling now Billy with the poets and artists youlearn about. We are going to choose a new name for you.You have earned it. We will call you "B'nayvoovah." Thismeans that you will become a scholar, it is Hebrew for "little doll scholar" and as a writer you will show peoplehow you are not a reprobancer but a Bunny Boo Boo.

Jennifer's new nickname is Gooeycoocoon.

BILLY

Ha! I like that name, thank you Ahovat.


20/31

JILL

Write it down in Hebrew so that you remember it. (Hedoes)

HOPE

We want to work in an unusual manner on something Billy.Do you see that Ein Soph diagram that we call the BananaTree.

BILLY

Yes.

HOPE

Trust me on this, now cut it up using your special scissors.

BILLY

Ok. (He cuts it up)

HOPE

Now that one too...and that one...(He cuts the other EinSophs up)

TOB SHBEEB


21/31

Thank you Billy, now tape them back together and putthem in the portfolio with that bookmark of Shakespeare's

character Antonio who is ripping up the debt letter of Shylock.

BILLY

I will do just that. (His radio buzzes a little)

JILL

Don't worry Billy, that's Honey Bee, she knows what weare all doing.

BILLY

Honey Bee!

JILL

Now it's time to clean the apartment for inspection.

End of Act 3


22/31


23/31

challenges, so good that they are bad: bad because youneed to struggle with them to find a space of your wn to beunique. You must overcome them.

JILL

A gnostic teaching and knowing is happening to you.

HOPE

What is it Billy?

BILLY

(As Billy starts to clean a bit he stops in front of a cuttingknife)Is this a dagger I see before me?

HOPE

Yes, Billy by quoting Macbeth and more you will find away around your apartment as we guide you to be better atwhat you do with us Angels.

TOV TOV SHALOM

Let's play hydromancy while we clean!

JENNIFER


24/31


25/31

makes coffee and tea bringing the pot with him whiledancing, stirring the pot with the knife)

JENNIFER

That coffee and tea is medicine. Those abstract paintingsyou painted are X-rays on the wall. Billy, look around.

BILLY

I know, I'm gonna help people out.

JENNIFER

Your Mousie stuffed animal is sick. Put that medicine byhim; now put the circular clock on the wall. (he does) (hedoes every move without stopping, very deliberately andgracefully as if the dance has a purpose in everymovement)

HOPE

You are now a Stay Friends Afterlife Doctor helping thoseon Earth pass Universal Health Care.

BILLY

I know it's awesome!

HOPE


26/31

Billy! You are the Archangel Gabriel! Hundreds of peopleare watching you clean, everybody you know, family and

friends. This is important Billy!

JILL

Now spray there for bugs! (he does and some fall out of acrack dead)

HOPE

Billy, get a little dirty. (he does as he dances around andcleans grimy messes)

JILL

Fill up those trash bags, Billy/Gabriel.

BILLY

I will put the painting of Nurse Elaine by my War andPeace painting. She will look after the sick onesrepresented in those abstract X-rays.

JILL

Good job.


27/31

End of Act 4

ACT 5

JILL

Billy, you are struggling with mighty poets for space.There is a central poem which you are in, which containsyou now. See that model you made of that skyscraper?

BILLY

Yes.

JILL

I know you like that model but it has to be thrown out. It's bad, you will see.

BILLY

Ok. (He goes over and squashes it with his feet)


28/31

JILL

It is as if you are Jacob wrestling the anonymous Angel. It

is because you are trying to get others off dope andteaching them to read.

BILLY

They all can hear you and I.

JILL

I know, by cleaning for inspection, you are performingmiracles. You know how to move, what to do, where to putthings so that they have special meanings because you arethe Archangel Gabriel.

BILLY

I know.

JILL

Our M.O.A.T. project is similar. You must work like youdid tonight on it in the future for us all.

BILLY

I want to, especially now that things like Facebook havestarted this year.


29/31

JILL

Doing your moneymaking moves will help us to findsponsors for M.O.A.T., it will help with its fundraising.

BILLY

I know. (He sits down in much pain) (It is almostmorning)

HOPE

Billy, that trash is you pain!

JILL

We want you to take out all of the trash before you go back to sleep.

KELLY

Yes, Billy, I was playing the real Ha-Shem some of thenight as you were moving around. We want the trash out,go for it. (Billy gets up, marches outside in about ten trips

with Tob Shbeeb and Jill cheering him)

JILL

Billy, why wait to find the cures?!! You are Gabriel!


30/31


31/31

sculpture, like a Tabernacle Ark. "William Shakespeare" isyour name here.

(Billy exhausted falls quietly asleep)

FINIS

Documents

Stay Friends: A Play