Name

Address

Occupation

Special Commission of Inquiry into the Drug 'Ice'

STATEMENT OF

22 May 2019

On 22 May 2019, I, state:

1. This statement made by me accurately sets out the evidence that I would be prepared,

if necessary, to give in court as a witness. The statement is true to the best of my

knowledge and belief.

2. My name is and I am 31 years old. I recently completed a residential

rehabilitation program at Kedesh.

Background

3. My father is Aboriginal and my mother is Australian. I was taken from my parents when

I was two years old and made a ward of the state because they were drug addicted. I

was given to my grandparents on my mother's side to try and give me a stable life. I

lived with them until I was 13.

4. Living with my grandparents, I wasn't allowed to be me. My grandparents didn't

support me to be Aboriginal and used derogatory language about Aboriginal people in

front of me. They treated me badly.

5. When I was 21 years old I got into a relationship with a man and had my first child, a

daughter, when I was 22 years old. When I had my daughter, I promised myself that

I would never be like my mother. I knew my parents chose drugs and I said I wouldn't

do to my children what my parents did to me.

6. That relationship ended in 2009. I got in another relationship and had a second

daughter when I was 26 years old. This relationship was violent and my partner was

physically abusive towards me. I started to feel like I was inadequate and like I would

SCII.003.027.0001

never be good enough. That was when I started to use ice as a way to cope. I used

ice for about three years.

7. Even after I was addicted, I tried to make out to the world that I had a perfect life. I

felt like I was so messed up and lost and I didn't want anyone to look down on me,

especially someone from the government who just learnt things from a textbook. My

grandparents' approach to life had been to pretend that everything was okay even

when it wasn't. I hid my addiction and the domestic violence. In reality, I was in

addiction just like my parents had been.

8. My grandparents and my family didn't do anything practical to support me. A lot of

other family members were also using ice and so what should have been my support

network didn't help me with my addiction.

9. FACS stepped in because of the domestic violence and found out I was using ice. There

were other allegations made which weren't true and eventually FACS removed my kids.

10. At the time my kids were taken I was using about half a gram of ice over a couple of

days, taking a day off, then using again.

11. I went into a downward spiral and eventually I ended up staying at my auntie's house.

I was just sleeping all day long and using ice. My auntie said to me that I needed to

get some help if I wanted to be an example to my children. I didn't think there was

anything wrong with me until my auntie said something. I had no idea where to go

and I didn't believe that anyone would be able to help me. My auntie told me I should

call the Illawarra Aboriginal Medical Service, and that they might be able to do

something.

Getting help

12. I rang the AMS. On the phone call I was crying and I don't think I made a lot of sense.

I was desperate. I told them I was in a violent relationship, I had lost my kids and was

in addiction, and I didn't know what to do. They said they would send someone as

soon as they could.

13. a drug and alcohol counsellor with the AMS, met me for a coffee. I was a

blubbering mess. told me he had gone through addiction himself and he shared

his own experiences with me which helped me to know h nderstood where I was

SCII.003.027.0002

coming from. He knew the background I came from and that I didn't know any better.

14. told me his story and said that if I worked with him he would work with me. He

gave me the rundown and said I would have to learn a new lifestyle and learn to make

something of myself. He showed me how he broke the chain and showed how he could

be supportive to people in the community like myself. I had never seen anyone else

make it out of addiction. Talking to showed me that it was possible.

15. I didn't know where to go to get help with my addiction. and the AMS helped me

with contacting detox and rehab services. I got in contact with Kedesh to try and get

into rehab. You have to keep in contact with the Kedesh Community Access Centre

before going into rehab. I had to call them up every couple of days. It was the most

crucial time in my life and I didn't really know what was going on. helped me and

encouraged me to make sure I made those phone calls.

16. I was on the waiting list for about three weeks. Once I got into the rehab program I

was there for nine weeks. Rehab was hell at first as you have to be completely

substance free for first week. I couldn't even go out for a smoke and it was hard seeing

other residents going out on leave. I had to use a lot of nicotine replacement therapy

to get through it. After the first week, the program was really good and I made it

through.

17. I finished the program in Apirl this year. The AMS was there to support me through

everything. I also receive support through my doctor and the aftercare programs at

Kedesh and Watershed. I am involved in aftercare through Kedesh on Thursdays with

the woman who was my counsellor whilst I was in rehab. I also do day programs with

the Watershed on Monday and Tuesday mornings.

18. Rehab is a bubble and when you get out, the constant support isn't there anymore. It

kicks you in the face as you have to stand on your own two feet. Aftercare is a good

way of dealing with that. I am living in a community area which is a trigger zone for

me at the moment and aftercare helps to release what happened during the week. I

can go back to Kedesh for a day for ongoing support, and they're always going to be

there and the program is always going to be my support. That is very important to me.

19. I also take part in a parenting program at the local school. I found the parenting

pr gram myself when I finished the Kedesh program. It w e of my goals when I

SCII.003.027.0003

finished rehab to reinforce positive behaviour in my life and bring relationships into

focus. I wanted to go and get a better idea of what it is to be a supportive parent,

what is a supportive relationship and what is supportive for my kids. So I found this

program.

20. I am now in a positive relationship as well. I am mindful now of avoiding domestic

violence. My core beliefs have been shifted. Addiction was a way to avoid stressful

situations in my life previously. I want to show my son that it's not okay to live the

way that I did.

21. The people I knew in the community that I previously went to for support were in the

addiction cycle themselves. It was just a front and wasn't real support. I know what

the real support options are now. I can re-establish my relationship with my children.

I have to rebuild their structure and their core beliefs. I am so proud that I have that

opportunity.

22. I had court recently for my kids and I printed out all my support documents, tenancy

documents, and documents from Watershed and Kedesh. I put everything in a folder

for court to show them what I have been doing for past four months. I looked at it

and couldn't believe all that I had achieved, I felt like I didn't know myself. I can go to

court and say this is my power now. I can give my children what I couldn't give them

before.

Illawarra AMS

23. I couldn't have got where I am without and the support of the AMS. They

took the time to come to me and support me.

24. It was the consistency in approach to me that worked so well. He encouraged

and supported me to follow through with getting help. He told me that I had to stick

with it or it wouldn't work.

25. The family support worker, doctor, and psychologist at the AMS were also really

supportive. They told me that I would have to put in the hard work but that I could do

it. I was told that I was a strong Indigenous woman and that I would succeed. Their

support made me believe that. I felt like part of a community where I knew I could

succeed. They took me through the process of recover tep by step but made me

SCII.003.027.0004

take the steps myself, like making me make the calls to get into rehab. Every step I

took made me feel better about my life. I'm on a rollercoaster but I have the right

support.

26. I trusted because he could take me through the process from his own knowledge.

I wouldn't have appreciated someone who was going off a textbook about how I should

be living my life.

27. I am planning a program for the Indigenous community that I named myself called

The program will be aimed particularly at women. I will be

trying to show the community that there are people with experience in breaking the

chains of addiction and related problems and that we can provide support to others

dealing with the same issues. We don't have an open program for support for women

and their children in the Illawarra, to learn from someone who has been through it. I

want to be a lived experience example, not just some lesson from a textbook.

28. I am grateful to be able to show how I was able to free myself from substance abuse.

When I was going through it I felt like I had no support in the community. A lot of

people in the community are doing drugs all together. They don't see anything wrong

with it, it's so common. I felt like I couldn't make it because I couldn't see anyone else

make it.

29. There is a lot of trauma that gets laid back onto our children and breaking that chain

is important for our culture. When my kids got taken off me my FACS worker gave me

a lightbulb moment when she said " Honestly, you've been taken off your parents, your

dad was taken too, your kids have been taken off you, and you have to break the

chain". I hear that in my head every day and it kills me. I'm going to fight everyday

not to give up. We can break that chain. We can be supportive, we can have a network

and can get through this.

30. My experience has been worth it to get where I am today. I know I can show my kids

to be whoever they want. They don't have to use drugs to suppress things when they

face hard times, there are support networks, and we are not alone. There are people

out there who have evidence and can say they've been through this.

SCII.003.027.0005

31. It is important to put it out in the community, in the middle of the Illawarra, because

people like me don't go looking for help until the end. It would have taken someone

who really cared about me confronting me at an earlier point to be able to make me

realise I needed to reach out for help. I needed people to say they knew I had a

problem and that they could help me look after the kids while I got help.

32. I didn1t know I could learn and get support whilst I still had my kids. When you are

using ice it isolates you, takes away your friends, relationships with family, links to

community, your character, everything. You are so alone because you have lost

yourself. Isolation prevents you from accessing support. Not wanting to be looked

down upon for using drugs is also a barrier.

33. It has been a struggle and it has been hard work, but I have never been so proud of

myself. I am working with the AMS and I am proud to be sharing my story with the

Special Commission. It has been such a struggle but I want to show the Indigenous

community that you can do it. I just want to get out there to help support the

community as soon as I can.

SCII.003.027.0006