1

Start Living (a Mindful Life)

A ten week course on Mindfulness, run by City of York Council‘s York Learning

The present moment is filled with

joy and happiness. If you are

attentive, you will see it.

2

This booklet is to accompany the ten week course and is to be used in conjunction with the PowerPoint presentations, which are used as a classroom resource and then emailed to you each week. In other words, this guide is a reminder of the teachings you have received and as such, is written in a simple and condensed format so as to merely jog your memory. The guide also can be used as a ‗toolkit‘; something to dip into when you need to be mindful, to select the technique you need at that particular time. Perhaps you are stressed and need a meditation, or are angry and need perspective. Or even just how to get the most out of a family walk in the countryside. It is all here for you. On the next page I have suggested which techniques go with which life-circumstance, to allow you to choose more easily. But however you use this booklet is really up to you. But please use it Remember - mindfulness is for life and practise is essential for maintaining your skills.

3

Contents Introduction pages 4-5 Maintaining your mindful practice pages 6-8 For when you need to relax pages 9-16 For those anxious times pages 17-25 Getting the most out of your life pages 26-32 Making changes, breaking old habits pages 33-36 Compassion to you and others pages 37-38 Rather useful resource sheet page 39

4

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness is about training yourself to pay attention in a specific way. When a person is mindful, they are:

focused on the present moment

not worrying about anything that went on in the past or that might be coming up in future

purposefully concentrating on what‘s happening around them and to them

not being judgmental about anything they notice

We spend so much time thinking over stuff that happens, or worrying about things that may be happening in future, that often we actually forget to appreciate or enjoy the moment. Mindfulness is a way of bringing us back to experience life as it happens. When you‘re mindful, it:

gives you a clear head

slows down your thoughts

slows down your nervous system

gives your body time to heal

lets you relax

helps you cope with stress

helps you be more aware of yourself, your body and the environment

5

The Key Concepts of Mindfulness

1. Thoughts are just that, not facts. You are not your thoughts; you have a choice as to whether to follow emotions and thoughts that crop up.

2. If you create a space between the thought and how you react to it,

you will make wiser and kinder choices for yourself.

3. Living more in the present moment. Not always striving for future goals or living in the past (regrets). Living in the present.

4. Linked in with the above, being more mindful and open to present

experiences. To eat mindfully – enjoying the textures and flavours. To walk and be aware of fresh air and surroundings, rather than planning a meeting or fretting about a problem.

5. Being non-judgemental about others but particularly about yourself. 6. The ability to recognise negative mind states or thoughts and

disengage from them before they spiral us down into greater depression.

7. Use the being mode of our minds more than the doing mode. Not all

problems can be *solved* by planning. You cannot plan your way out of being shy, for example.

8. Accept the way things are, without judgement, just by observing and

letting go. 9. Mindful meditation needs to be practised regularly. It anchors us to

the present moment. 10. Treat ourselves and others with kindness, concentrating on the

positives, being aware that we have this choice.

6

S.T.O.P!

• STOP • TAKE A BREATH • OBSERVE • PROCEED

Do anytime – a few times a day. What is the mental weather like today?

• Reconnect with your feelings and thoughts and then react

more wisely. • Perhaps your body/shoulders are tense • Perhaps you are hungry • Or feel tense and upset • Maybe you just need some nourishing – a break • Think of STOP as a reminder to live in the moment, see

how we feel and what we need and then proceed more wisely.

• Can combine with MINDFUL BELLS. • Your go to solution to life‘s challenges. • And joys!

7

The Mindfulness Parachute

• The idea here is that now the course is ended, you need to develop your own mindfulness parachute to ease you gently down.

• Life has so many ups and downs, it is easy to end up with a crash

landing. Weave a parachute to help you. Here are a few suggestions that I tend to use on most days:

• Start the day with Mindfulness – do not leap out of bed, take a

breath, notice your surroundings, ground yourself.

• Use breathing spaces to punctuate the day

• Maintain your Mindfulness practice – important one this!

• Befriend your feelings – do not judge your emotions, you cannot

help them, only how you respond to them.

• When you feel tired, frustrated, angry, anxious, depressed, or any

other powerful emotion, take a breathing space and nourish

yourself.

• Mindful Activities tend to involve the senses – do more of them.

• Increase your level of exercise if you can.

• Remember the breath (or object, sounds, etc) and the being

mode.

And finally remember this quotation from our course -

Practise as if your life depended on it, as in

many ways, it surely does. For then you will

be able to live the life you have and live it as

though it truly mattered.

8

Mindful Bells The idea here is merely to think of things to remind you to be mindful as your day progresses. It is easy to embrace mindfulness in the classroom. It is not a difficult concept and the logic is there for all to see. But when life starts throwing things at you, mindfulness can be forgotten. Hence the idea of these ‗bells‘ is to remind you! This simple idea is very important; mindfulness works because we rewire our brains to think in different ways. A little like revising for an exam, we are placing what we learn at the forefront of our mind. If we do not maintain our practice, these things will be forgotten and old habits re-emerge. So what sorts of things make good mindful bells? Well anything you do often, I guess, if they involve the senses maybe all the better. Here are some Angela and I use: Teeth cleaning (really feel the sensations – taste the tooth-paste!) Showering Walking Driving Listening to music Saying goodbye to a loved one when going off to work for the day. Now you choose yours and when you do these activities – engage that being mode – engage senses, be there in the moment!

9

List of Meditations on this course

1. Sounds and Thoughts Meditation 2. The Three Minute Breathing Space Meditation.

3. The Befriending Meditation. 4. The Loving Kindness Meditation. 5. The Body Scan. 6. Hour Glass Meditation. 7. Meditation involving Letting Go through the Rising Orange Balloon. 8. Meditation involving Letting Go through the Boat on the Lake. 9. The Senses by the Sea Meditation 10. The Senses in the Forest Meditation. 11. Body and Breath Meditation. 12. Exploring Difficulty Meditation 13. Movies of the Mind 14. Mindfulness of the Body and Breath 15. Raisin Eating Meditation 16. Points of Pressure Meditation.

10

Why we should meditate

• Dr Davidson found that we were not born happy or sad, but that we have a Mood Index.

• MRI scans showed that meditation stimulates activity in the left

pre-frontal cortex and reduces it in the right.

• Like a thermostat - these two areas control your mood.

Meditation also:

• Stops you over-thinking. • Trains you to be aware • Brings calmness and clarity • Aids acceptance – and transience • See thoughts as mental events not facts • Resilience – take knocks better. • Go with the flow more. • Every minute meditating counts!

And ...

• Trains you to notice – Live in the moment. • Improves memory. • To step back from the clutter and see things more clearly. • Decreases anxiety and can lower blood pressure. • Helps with creativity • Helps with depression and lowers chance of relapsing depression. • Enhances focus on things you enjoy.

“Paradise is not a place it is a state of consciousness.”

- Sri Chinmay

11

NURTURING ATTITUDES

For our Mindfulness garden to flourish, we need to water it with certain nourishing attitudes. The following are qualities of awareness which are essential to Mindful practice:

Beginner‘s Mind – As someone new to Mindfulness, you will see things as fresh and have a sense of curiosity. Nonjudgment – Don‘t label thoughts or feelings as right or wrong – just observe them. Acknowledgement – Practise accepting things as they are, especially things which we cannot change. Non-striving – Not trying to get anywhere, no grasping, no aversion to change. Just the quality of awareness. Equanimity – Quality of awareness fosters a kind of wisdom and deep understanding of life as it really is. Letting be – Let things be as they are with no need to let go of whatever is present. Self-reliance – See for yourself what is true and untrue. Self-compassion – Love and kindness for yourself for who you are without blame, comparing or criticism.

12

More Beginner‘s Mind

Rather than respond to things in the same old way, this method helps you see things in a new light. For example, if you have to meet someone you do not like, imagine meeting them for the first time. All pre-conceived ideas and irritations fall away. See new things You are simply putting aside habitual beliefs. Get into the habit of seeing every situation as new, this opens the mind and also grounds you in the present. Another example might be to listen to a piece of music you know well and focus on a different part. The beat maybe or a different instrument or the lyrics. Seeing things in a new way allows you to be open to new insights. You break those old judgements and truly live! Google photographer, Mark Hirsch, took a photo of the same tree every day for one year, each is different. Similarly with Van Gogh and his sunflowers. You can see almost anything and experience anything with a fresh approach – objects, people, and experiences. This helps to put the past behind you and really develop curiosity and wisdom about the world around you. You also physically change the brain into more open and positive ways of thinking.

13

MINDFUL ISLAND!

This is your three minute check-in meditation. In the middle of your busy day, this is an island of peace. It allows you to recognise how you are feeling physically, mentally and emotionally. It will then help you re-centre yourself in the moment.

******

Close your eyes (if it helps – but your choice) and relax, concentrate on the breath at first. Perhaps this has been a busy day and this is the first time you’ve entered the world of being, as opposed to doing. Notice how you are feeling, what you are thinking. No need to judge or analyse – just be aware of the moment. Enjoy being aware of your senses – sounds, the light etc. Feel the floor beneath your feet + where the chair touches you. Relax. Then congratulate yourself on taking this moment to contribute to your health and well-being.

14

BREATHING SPACE MEDITATION

Sometimes Mindfulness can be lost, just when we need it most, under stress, or when we are maybe angry. This meditation is designed to help in these situations and many claim it is the most helpful meditation there is. It serves two purposes – to dissolve negative thoughts as they arise, before they spiral and ruin your day, or even week. Secondly it helps you take a step back and really see what is making you feel stressed, allowing you to deal with such thoughts in a more compassionate way. It is therefore your emergency meditation – you should try to use it every day.

Close your eyes, focus on the breath until you feel more relaxed. Now shift focus to your thoughts. See what is going on in your head, try to see them as mental events, not facts. What feelings are present? Anger, sadness? Just acknowledge them – no need to try and change them. Let them be. Similarly with body sensations, acknowledge and leave be. Now just concentrate on the breath. If your mind wanders, acknowledge where it went and re-focus on the breath. Try to anchor yourself to the present moment. Now switch your awareness to the body as a whole. If you feel any stress or tension in the body, focus intensely on it, imagine you can bring your breathing right into that area to move around within it. Befriending it, rather than trying to change it. If the tense feelings cease – then just bring your attention back to the body as a whole.

15

HOUR GLASS BREATHING SPACE

When undertaking the three minute breathing space meditation, it is helpful to have the hour-glass shape in mind.

The first part of the meditation is the top part of the hour-glass. It allows you to see what is happening in the mind. The idea is to move the stress or worry from the Doing Mode of your brain, to acknowledge that thoughts are not facts, but just a tangle of emotions, feelings, passing perspectives. The narrow part of the hour-glass, is where you focus on your breathing. You transfer yourself from the problem solving ‗Doing Mode‘ to the full, friendly, awareness of the ‗Being Mode‘. It anchors you to the present moment, the reality. The third part is preparing to release yourself back into the real world. But you will be doing it with the awareness of life as it is. Not the tangle of thoughts which bombard you. Like looking on the situation from the top of a mountain, you are aware of your whole self and reality as it really is, gently but firmly re-affirming that you have a place in the world, your whole mind-body, just as it is, in all its peace, dignity and completeness.

16

The Sleeping Meditation

Get comfortable, visit the loo, etc. Sort pillows, water, window.

STEP ONE – Notice the points of contact with the bed, then scan from head to toe – how good it is to be lying down at last.

STEP TWO – Watch the breath to calm the mind. Remember meditations cannot be rushed.

STEP THREE – Body scan – from toes to head. Try to clench muscles and then relax them – really notice the difference after each part relaxes. You can even repeat the words ‗switch off‘ in your head if you like.

STEP FOUR – Take a moment to enjoy the fact you have let go of your entire body. Just let it be.

STEP FIVE – Allow the mind to drift off – freely associating as it wants with no wilful control or coercion.

If troublesome thoughts are still there – try counting back slowly from 1000. SLOWLY! If this seems tiresome – just try it and see – done slowly, it is a good way to calm the mind – like meditating if the mind wanders, notice where it went but then return to whatever number you got to.

Another method could be the sounds meditation. Or even by listening to sea-sounds, or mountain streams, rain, etc like me!

17

Avoiding the negative spiral.

If I read out a long number to you, say – 65773633. And then I asked you to recall it in a week‘s time, could you? Or course not – well our minds work the same way with worry. If you think about a problem every minute of the day, you will soon be able to think of nothing else. Let it go and it fades. You also run the risk of getting things out of proportion – of catastrophising. That cool reply from your boss means trouble and before you know it you have lost your job and your home is being repossessed! Sound familiar? Once you notice this pattern you have been mindful, you have already taken a step to avoiding such behaviour. By recognising and then disengaging from spiral worries, they soon fade on their own. Mindfulness helps us to disengage, using the being mode. We switch off the worrying chatter of the mind by focusing on the being mode; our senses, what is going on around us. By doing this we create space after the worrying ‗hot‘ thought, giving it time to naturally dissolve as opposed to dragging us down.

****** Remember most of our unhappiness comes from our own thought; not what actually happens in our lives but how we interpret that, how we ruminate on the past and try and work out how this might impact on the future.

18

The Guest House

The challenge before us is to see if we can be with unwanted emotions without making them worse. To embrace what irritates or scares us can be a very liberating and powerful force, although at first it tends to go against common sense. However – think about it, what else is there to do? By inviting problems into our ‗guest house‘ – and engaging the being, not (problem solving) doing mode of our minds, we can cultivate a different path through the more unpleasant things in our lives. The alternative is to struggle and suffer when things have not gone our way – this leads to a downward spiral into depression. By holding something in awareness, in the safety of our non-judging and non-problem-solving being mode, we have already diminished its power to hurt us – we are already ‗dealing with it.‘ In this way we face our problems – but not in a way that allows us to worry more or try and solve the unsolvable. Seeing problems for what they are – diminishes the power of the unknown – the monster is less scary. The idea is to not to put our lives on hold at each setback, but just to acknowledge that situations come and go. It is also about perspective, accept that there will always be elements of your life which are not as you want, but rather than waiting until they ‗go‘ – continue to live with them. By seeing and understanding this, we also learn to really enjoy the good things in life while they are around. This is different from trying to make them stay and anticipating their departure. Think last day of holiday! The point here is that when we shift from trying to ignore or eliminate our problems to merely paying attention with friendly curiosity, we can transform our experience, change our perspective and see things as they really are. And enjoy the good things that are around now!

19

TRANSIENCE AND ACCEPTANCE

Understanding impermanence and accepting that this too will pass frees us to take bold action. Knowing that we are a microcosm of the world, containing both darkness and light helps us cast a more forgiving eye on ourselves and this world. By becoming aware of how transient everything is, we learn to cherish each moment. On a practical level this means that if life if feeling dreadful and you are at your lowest of your low, you need to recognise that everything passes, even your worst case scenarios. Sometimes we need to just let the waves wash over us and KNOW that eventually things will get better.

Similarly with acceptance – what we cannot change we need to accept. And we also need to accept what is the situation right now. I had a learner whose wife had left him, he became depressed through constantly thinking how better things were before the separation. Acceptance did not mean facing he would never return to his wife, it meant accepting the situation as it was NOW. Once he learned this, he was able to move on, look forward and begin again to enjoy the comforts, joys and solaces he had as his life really was.

• We spend so much time denying and resisting what is already fact.

• This creates tension.

• We try and make the world how we want it to be.

• If you are not to remain in a vicious cycle at some point you realise you have to love yourself as you are.

• Now is the only time you have for anything.

• You have to accept yourself as you are before you can really change.

• Like with obesity – when you cultivate acceptance – losing weight becomes less important, so easier.

20

Entrusting Yourself to the Waves - Tara’s Story

We can‘t understand the nature of reality until we let go of controlling our experience. There‘s no way to see clearly what‘s going on if on some level we‘re attempting to ignore or bypass the stormy weather. Regarding my divorce, initially my old habits would automatically replay. As soon as I tried to accept the situation, I‘d feel some tightness in my chest, I‘d flip right back into worrying about my son‘s new school, carpooling, or about how to find a baby-sitter with more flexible hours. Then I‘d become hypercritical, harshly judging myself for ―wasting‖ my life. Gradually, I recognised that my heart was clenched tight, afraid to let the intensity of life wash through me. I needed help ―entrusting.‖

But through Mindfulness, I now could more easily give myself to the waves of fear and sorrow, and simply notice the drifting thoughts and physical sensations—squeezing and soreness—that were coming and going. Whenever the worries that had been snagging me appeared, I sensed that they too were waves, tenacious ones that pressed uncomfortably on my chest. By not resisting, by letting the waves wash through me, I began to relax. Rather than fighting the stormy surges, I rested in an ocean of awareness that embraced all the moving waves. I‘d arrived in a sanctuary that felt large enough to hold whatever was going on in my life. After my retreat, I returned home with the intention of taking refuge in presence whenever I was irritated, anxious, and tight. I was alert when the first flare-up occurred, a week later. My ex-husband called to say he couldn‘t take care of Narayan that evening, leaving me scrambling to find a baby-sitter. ―I‘m the breadwinner, and I can‘t even count on him for this!‖ my mind sputtered. ―Once again he‘s not doing his share, once again he‘s letting me down!‖

But when I was done for the day, I took some time to pause and touch into the judgment and blame lingering in my body, and my righteous stance softened. I sat still as the blaming thoughts and swells of irritation came and went. Underneath the resentment was an anxious question: ―How will I manage?‖ As I let the subterranean waves of anxiety move through me, I found a quiet inner space that had more breathing room—and more perspective. Of course I couldn‘t figure out how the future would play out. The only time I had was right now, and this moment was okay. From this space I could sense my ex-husband‘s stress about finding a new place to live, working out our schedules, and, more deeply, adapting to a different future than he had imagined. This helped me feel more tolerant and kind. It also revealed the power of entrusting myself to the waves. My husband and I continue to be good friends. With him and in countless instances with others, this gateway to presence has reawakened me to a space of loving that feels like home.

21

ABC Interpretation

A – THE STIMULUS (say you wave at someone in the street and they ignore you, walking right past.) C – YOUR CONCLUSION OF THE STIMULUS (on a good day you might think they didn‘t see you. On a bad day however, you think are unpopular and have just lost another friend.)

The key here though is: B – YOUR INTERPRETATION

We often overlook this middle part. As such, we simply believe whatever the conclusion is, without question, hence the widely differing conclusions drawn from our friend in the street.

• When we are mindful, however, we become aware that the conclusion is the result of b, the mind‘s narrative, its storytelling, its often warped view of events.

Emotions and moods prevailing at the time influence our interpretation. Greatly!

• Things like stress, anxiety, depression, etc hugely

influence how we interpret. • It is too easy to see interpretations as real.

So mindfulness creates that ‗gap‘ to step back and question our interpretations and as such, act more wisely.

22

The Four Types Of Problem and Mindful Responses Problem we cannot solve.

Here we need to use acceptance, otherwise we experience primary and secondary suffering. My own example is I have autistic children – that is a fact I cannot change. I can either spend my life being miserable that (for example) I will never have grandchildren, or I can accept the situation and see it as one of life‘s more difficult parts, but not the whole of who I am. I do the latter of course and in doing so; enjoy my children for who they are, without wishing life were any different.

Solvable problem but not just now.

This time the problem cannot be solved right now. Maybe you have a doctor‘s appointment in a week, or have been summonsed to see your boss in three days time. We have a choice here whether to worry until the day arrives or to recognise that constantly cogitating over the issue, with its possible outcomes, will not do us any good. Distraction can be found through the being mode – as can perspective!

Immediate situation – avoid knee jerk reaction.

This is where we can try to train ourselves to put a gap between the stimulus and the reaction. For example; road rage. It might feel good to leap out of the car and berate a fellow driver, but if we can recognise in that moment that later we will feel foolish, ashamed and even worried about possible repercussions, a wiser choice might be made. It is about recognising our reactions and thoughts and then altering them if need be.

Problem that isn‘t a problem

This is potentially the most damaging. Here the worrier is prone to perhaps anxiety. He/she maybe thinks they are useless, but are far from it. This person perhaps believes they have a dreadful disease but are merely a hypochondriac. If we can recognise these mind-patterns for what they are, not reality, we can disengage from them and make then less likely to return.

23

Your thoughts are not facts

Thoughts are merely mind events. You think approximately 60,000 thoughts a day, you have the choice whether to follow them or just simply let them go. They are not facts; you are not ruled by them.

• You cannot help what pops into your head • But you can help what you do with it • Observe thoughts with distance • Without criticism or judgement • Stop negative spirals by letting troublesome thoughts go.

Like sitting by a river, watch your thoughts as they come and go. You have the choice to just let them pass. Can you recall all you thought five minutes ago? No? Well treat worries the same way – let them pass without getting enmeshed in them. No wonder the mind can feel troubled and frantic when we try and problem-solve everything that goes through our heads:

Will my boss like my latest report?

When can I get the car serviced?

I hope those redundancy rumours are not true. It is important to realise that thinking about any of the above while (say) walking in the park is futile. You cannot do anything about these situations in the park; you will only ruin your walk. The being mode is your distraction – grounding you to your senses so you can truly enjoy the here and now. Truly live in the moment and not in your head.

24

Identify and as such, dissolve the power of common mind traps

Automatic thoughts often fall into categories, called mind traps. These mind traps are irrational beliefs that can lead you astray from a clear and realistic perception of your world. Identifying the ones you use and are comfortable with will help you challenge them.

Consider how your automatic thinking might fall into the following traps – once you recognise them and see them as only thoughts not reality, you should be able to avoid them/let them fade away:

Mind Traps What They Are

"Should" statements

"I should do this. I must do that." You motivate yourself with "shoulds" and then feel guilty.

All-or-nothing thinking

"One mistake and total failure will result." You see things in extremes of black or white, all good or all bad.

Overgeneralizations "This always happens." You set a pattern of inevitability to an event that happens once or twice.

Mental filtering "This one mistake ruins everything." You see only the negative side to an event and ignore the positive one.

Rejecting positive experiences

"The team complimented my work just to be polite." You accept only the negative messages.

Jumping to conclusions

"Our department is being restructured. I know I'll be fired." Without bothering to get the facts, you assume the worst.

Emotional reasoning

"I feel like a loser, so I must be a loser." You assume your negative feelings represent reality.

Labelling "I'm so stupid and irresponsible to be late for that meeting!" You label yourself negatively.

Personalising "The proposal was rejected because I was on the team." You assign cause and blame to yourself inappropriately.

25

R = Recognise when a strong emotion is present.

A = Allow or acknowledge it is there. I = Investigate the body, emotions and thoughts. N = Non-identify with whatever is there.

When a strong emotion is present, allow it to be so.

Investigate what you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally.

The last element is crucial. It helps deflate the mind‘s stories and cultivates an understanding that the strong emotions are just another passing mind state; they are not a definition of who you are.

By giving the emotion some space and seeing it as not permanent, you‘ll begin to loosen the grip of your own mind-traps.

As you deepen your understanding of what drives you¸ underlies your fears, anger and sadness – you will choose a wiser response than merely believing the negative stories your mind throws up.

Like watching a film, you watch with detachment the pictures and stories of your mind. They are not you.

26

Taken from "If I had my life to live over" by Erma Bombeck (written after she found out she was dying from cancer) I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day. I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage. I would have talked less and listened more. I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa was faded. I would have eaten popcorn in the "good" living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace. I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth. I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life. I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime. When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner." There would have been more "I love you's. More "I'm sorry's." But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it ....live it and never give it back. Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

27

The Present Moment

Now is the only moment you can truly live in, yet scientists tell us that we are not present for about 47% of our waking lives. We are instead enmeshed in thinking about the past or worrying about the future. Or simply lost in thought? Have you ever eaten a meal and barely tasted a single mouthful? Suddenly looking down in wonder at the empty plate? Or driven somewhere without taking in one detail of the passing scenery? We have a choice about being present for much more of our life. When out for a walk use the senses; listen to the birds, feel the wind on your face, the smell of the grass. Notice what is around you with gentle curiosity. To do two things at once is to do neither, said a wise person. This is not always possible, but maybe next time you watch a film, really focus on it rather than playing on the net at the same time. Similarly when talking to a friend or swimming. Be there – experience the activity more fully. • We cede so much to auto-pilot

• Some people are only experiencing about 4 out of their 16

wakeful hours

• By checking in with ourselves a few times each day – we can see if we are on autopilot.

See the world as it really is; fascinating, exciting. Approach with curiosity and the senses to experience it.

28

Be Creative! The ‗Being‘ mode is often associated with creativity – by harnessing our sub-conscious we can sometimes surprise ourselves by how just how imaginative and creative we can be. I want you to think of your favourite place, then relax and clear your head of thoughts. Now really be at this place. Work through your senses – what can you see, hear, smell, feel and taste. How do you feel emotionally? Just write as things come to you – a stream of consciousness. If you do poetry or story writing, you can use this technique to really enrich your descriptions. Creativity is good for those people who have ‗problem solving‘ jobs, such as doctors, or managers. The doing mode needed to problem solve tends to overly spill over into non-work time due to habit. Creativity combats this.

Other advantages of creativity:

Increased self understanding.

Combating ‗tunnel-vision‘ thinking

Calming and distracting from life‘s frantic pace.

Increased self-esteem through mastery and feedback from others.

Opportunities for self-evaluation.

Engenders a sense of perspective as you lose your mind in something not connected with your everyday world.

Creates some distance

Reawakens the childlike desire in creation and imagination. This in turn reminds you to live in the moment and recognise life‘s possibilities.

29

Positive Thinking

Remember you have the choice whether you think positively or not. We all know someone who looks on the bright side, they seem happier, don‘t they? We also know people the opposite of this – hmm! The good news is that positive thinking can become habit – by being mindful and remembering to think positively, the plasticity of the brain ensures that this can become the new norm for you. This can be assisted by doing things like the five-finger positivity exercise. Each day think of five things which make it a good day. Curry tonight? Nice weather? Meeting a friend? Similarly we can count on our fingers ten things in life to be grateful for (roof over head, good friends etc). Mindfulness also reminds us that the spirit in which you do something is as important as the act itself. If you start the day thinking this is going to be horrible, what chance do you stand?

*****

Remember the story of the mouse and cheese experiment – approaching with positivity means the mind remains open and creative. Approach with negativity and we engage the closed mind making most of our cognitive abilities behave in a ‗shut down‘ way – crippling our natural creativity and even problem solving abilities. Approach with positivity – just try it. It costs nothing!

30

Nourishing and Diminishing

• On a sheet of paper, write down things you do each day. • The every day stuff, like cleaning your teeth, what you do at work,

washing the dishes, bathing the children etc. • Then expand to things you do most weeks; maybe shopping,

washing the car etc. • Finally mix in one or two things you do each year, such as going

on holiday, or visiting a troublesome relative! • Once you have your list, write ‗n‘ for those things which nourish

you (things that you enjoy). Write ‗d‘ for those that diminish (stress you, or stuff you dislike) and write an ‗o‘ for anything neutral.

You have now created a mind map. You can see at a glance the balance of your life. Are there too many diminishing things? Is your life overly busy with activities which stress or bring you down? Or is the balance too easy, life not full enough, perhaps you are bored?

• Remember you have the CHOICE how you live your life. • You are only here on Earth for such a short space of time, it is

okay to nourish oneself and enjoy life as well as working and doing all those chores.

• Take a look at your own list. Maybe see if you could do less of things which diminish you. Or swap over some of the activities to give a better balance.

IN SUMMARY -

• Recognise the patterns in your daily activities are not written in stone.

• Explore the possibilities of shifting your life balance.. • Sure we all have to work and do the dishes etc, but remember

the exhaustion funnel and avoid it!

31

DOUBLE LIFE EXPECTANCY

Look at your own life for a second, place a tick where these apply: Do you walk quickly and pay little attention to what is around you? Do you eat whilst doing something else, like watching TV? Do you take your work or worries with you almost everywhere? Does it seem as if you are ‗running on automatic‘? Do you rush through activities without paying much attention to them? Do you get pre-occupied with the future of the past? Do you get so focused on getting something done or overcoming the next hurdle that you lose touch with what you are doing now? Do you wish days away; ‗oh I can‘t wait to get to Friday/holidays/xmas?‘ Apparently studies show the average person is only conscious of the world around them for 2 hours out of every sixteen awake. This means if you are 35 now, you have only about six years left! Ever leave the house and realise that actually, you have not left it since yesterday? Ever feel a sudden thrill just from being outdoors? Daily routines can force you to live in your head – but being mindful can double the amount of time you are alive! Sort of!

32

The seven attributes of doing mode and the often wiser, being mode.

Autopilot versus Conscious Choice Be present for so much more of your life.

Analysing over sensing. Rather than over-thinking, take refuge in your senses. Really taste that chocolate, hear that sea crashing on the rocks. Look outwards and free the mind from over-thinking and analysing.

Striving over accepting

It is okay to strive for something you really want, but spend some time enjoying the now. Life does not just start ‗when I get that promotion‘ – its okay to accept life is good right now.

Seeing thoughts as fact rather than just mind events.

Avoidance as opposed to approaching. If we approach something with positivity, then this opens the mind. Deciding today ‗will be awful‘ or this meeting ‗will be boring‘ puts the mind into avoidance mode, shutting down creativity and other desired cognitive skills.

Mental time travel as opposed to living in the moment. Each day has new possibilities open to you. You are not your past; do not label yourself because of happenings back then. Similarly do not over-worry about the future. Seek refuge and happiness in the present – the only place you can truly exist in.

Depleting activities versus nourishing ones (see over page)

33

Seven stages of change

1 – Pre Awareness stage – here you are not even aware of the need for change. 2 – Identification and contemplation stage – aware of need for change and potential benefits of doing so. 3 – Preparation stage – deciding whether time right, looking for ideas and info that might help, have specific goals (e.g. I will worry less by spring). Having set goals means you are more likely to succeed. 4 – Action Stage – Where you actually change one way of thinking or behaving into another. If you planned gradual steps – can be exciting as they are ticked off. 5 – Maintenance – Work on keeping up new ways and be mindful of old habits, spotting when you slip back. 6 – Termination – You will have succeeded and moved onto a new way of thinking or behaving. Maybe you now only have that one glass of wine a night! You will look back on old ways and perhaps wince a little! 7 – Progress, change and relapse – Understanding setbacks mean you will see them as a blip and maintain. Even if you do relapse, it is likely it will not be to the levels as before. Difficulties are not failure; they are setbacks – another example of mindful thinking. Once you start to take these small steps, they add up, all enhancing the new mindful you and in turn, enhancing your life.

34

Choiceless Awareness

This quality of mind is referred to as a "non-judgmental" or "choiceless" awareness. Although meditators hear about this state of mind quite frequently, it is not until they recognise that it is one of the primary causes and conditions for the arising of insight that its true significance is appreciated.

The consequence of making judgments is to perpetuate obsessive patterns of mind. If we judge the contents of mind to be good, positive, or fortunate, we grasp at them. By doing so the presence of these patterns are reinforced. If we judge the contents of mind to be important, we focus on them, watching to see where they will lead. If we judge the contents of mind to be bad, negative, or unfortunate, we tend to resist them. Although the patterns will be suppressed, they will continue to persist on an unconscious basis. Every form of reactivity to our mental patterns actually invests them with additional power to influence us.

It is not easy to cultivate a non-judgmental or choiceless awareness. However, the consequences of remaining present in this way are very significant. Issues that have been deeply repressed begin to rise to the surface providing us with the opportunity to consciously address them. By recognizing our self-destructive patterns, their power to control our behaviours diminishes. Our attachments typically decrease as we discover more subtle levels of impermanency and realize our inability to stop or control the incessant rise and fall of phenomena. We may perceive the unfulfilling nature of sense experience and abandon the pursuit of meaningless goals. Ultimately, as the mind experiences the selfless nature of all phenomenal existence, it may turn for its security to the freedom of the unconditioned.

Choiceless awareness is a quality of mind that is free from making judgments, decisions or generating commentary as it meets with sense experiences. It is a mind that responds to each new moment without the burden of its past history or of making future projections. When the mind no longer clings anywhere, not even to the idea of not clinging anywhere, we realise, either suddenly or gradually, that we truly already are that for which we have been searching.

35

Those habit breakers!

When you wake up in the morning, don‘t leap out of bed – just be aware of the sounds around you. Check in with yourself – breathe. If you live with others, try and check in with them once a day. Ask how they are and really LISTEN! When you walk somewhere – take a different route. Don‘t think or plan, just notice your surroundings, be curious. If you watch TV a lot, this week buy the Radio Times. Circle only stuff you really want to watch and then don’t watch anything else during week. If possible, try to have a least one meal by yourself this week. Eat a little slower and really tune in to the textures and flavours of what you eat. When you shower or bathe, don’t plan or problem solve, just be open to the sensations – the feel of the water, the smell of the soap. Imagine the world is going to end in 5 mins, what would you want to tell a loved one or friend? Then find that person and tell them at least a little of what you‘d say. Sit in a different chair than your usual one. Go to cinema – watch whatever is on next!

36

Urge Surfing

• Urges to use a substance (including food, wine!) rarely last longer than 30 mins

• When no opportunity to use – then no internal cravings. • Trying to block cravings is like trying to stop a waterfall. • Instead, stand to one side and notice cravings go right past. • By noticing the mind‘s narrative and where the feelings are in the

body, your perspective will change and the cravings will gradually diminish.

You see - rationale thinking tends not to merely feed the craving. I should give up smoking today is met by answer – ah but you won’t get ill today. • • Instead of trying to suppress or distract from cravings. Mindfulness

simply makes them feel less important. • We stay exposed to the feelings or urges for their natural duration

without feeding or repressing them. • The crest will then subside and they will pass. • Of course they come back – but repeat and it will be less frequent

and less strong. IN SUMMARY -

• Turn towards to urge • Recognise the ‘want’ is not available. • Explore the mind’s narrative without resisting or following. • Like riding a wave – just notice the sensations. • Noticing diminishes the power. • Knowing this will help you quit smoking or whatever you seek

to stop, even the urge to worry, or drink too much!

37

MINDFUL Relationships

Openness – see your relationships as though they were brand new, discount the baggage. Try to focus on the positive aspects of other people‘s personalities, rather than the negative. Maybe do the pie chart exercise – think of at least eight attributes you associate with a person – this widens the scope through which you see them. Try to view their situation with empathy. Stop, notice – why do they think, talk and behave as they do? Show compassion and really imagine their lives up to this moment in time. You can really root for a fictional character in a novel as you see them overcome difficulties, why not try and harness this in real life! When communicating, recognise the difference between truly listening and just hearing. The former is not a passive activity and again, truly paying attention will aid your relationships. Do not assume what someone is going to say! Make kindness your default setting. Holding these qualities in your mind as you deal with your relationships helps you see people in a new light and forge more positive bonds. They will reciprocate too!

*****

38

Compassion

Remember you have the choice whether you show yourself compassion or not. Remember too the exhaustion funnel – nobody benefits when you keep pushing yourself to the point of over-tiredness and potential depression. Similarly, remember the mind‘s negative chatter. Listen instead to the wiser, kinder voice deep within us all. If in doubt, think what would a best friend say to you, what advice would they give you? Listen to that advice, not the negativity. Think now about that feeling you get when you help someone. Maybe reaching up for a can of beans for a little old lady in the supermarket. Maybe holding the door open for a disabled person. We feel good – that is a chemical reaction to compassion, it is serotonin being released. Do it more often and feel good more often. The really good news is this chemical release also works if we are kind to ourselves. Serotonin not only makes us happier, but wards off depression too – so again, be kind to you, it really is good for you!

***** You will also recall the ‗what I need right now exercise‘. If you have just (say) finished a pile of laundry, or visited a sick relation, moving straight onto another task is not always the wisest option. Stop – be Mindful. Think what do I really need right now. This is Mindful compassion. Noticing what you really need in each moment.

39

THE RATHER USEFUL RESOURCE SHEET!

Books Mindfulness – a practical guide to Finding Peace in a frantic world. (Williams & Penman) A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook (Stahl & Goldstein) The Compassionate Mind – Paul Gilbert Mindful Way Through Depression (Williams, Teasdale, Segal, Kabat-Zinn) The Compassionate Mind Approach to Beating Overeating – Ken Goss

Websites www.youtube.com/watch?v=PElmyy_kwN0 (Normal Yoga) www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PPO7mWRRD4 (Chair based yoga) www.getsomeheadspace.com/ (Ten free daily meditations) www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1580438-5,00.html www.mindfulnet.org/ /www.tarabrach.com/ (Very good – used a lot in class) www.getselfhelp.co.uk/mindfulness.htm (Used in writing this course) elishagoldstein.com/mindfulness/ (One of authors of course books)

40

Remember please…..

Practise as if your life depended on it, as in

many ways, it surely does.

For then you will be able to live the life you

have and live it as though it truly mattered.

Created by Mark Willis, Mindfulness Tutor, York Learning

The creation of this material by York Learning has been financed by the Skills Funding Agency Equality and Diversity

Innovation Fund 2013/14.

Copyright in this material is vested in the Crown but it is made

freely available through an Open Government Licence. This licence enables you to use and adapt the material but you

must attribute York Learning as the creator and include details of the licence. Full details of the licence are available at

http://www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/doc/open-government-licence/