SSO Skills for Effective

Communication with Kids

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“Good judgment comes from experience…

Experience comes from poor judgment. “

Native American Proverb

©Copyright 2005: Edward Bova-UMCPI All Rights Reserved

PERSONAL INVENTORYPERSONAL INVENTORY

GENDER:AGE: (decade in which you

were 10 YOA)ETHNICITY: FAMILY UPBRINGING: e.g.,

Neighborhood, Parents, Siblings, Religious Faith, Sports/Activities

MARITAL STATUS: Kids?

© Copyright 2005: Edward Bova UMCPI. All rights reserved.

PERSONAL INVENTORYPERSONAL INVENTORY (continued)(continued)

EDUCATION ?EDUCATION ?MILITARY SERVICE: MILITARY SERVICE:

Branch, Rank, M.O.S., Combat Branch, Rank, M.O.S., Combat ??

EMPLOYMENT: 1st job - EMPLOYMENT: 1st job - current job, part-time jobs ?current job, part-time jobs ?

INTERESTS & HOBBIES? INTERESTS & HOBBIES?

© Copyright 2005: Edward Bova UMCPI. All rights reserved.

Bill & Eddie’s Tip #2Bill & Eddie’s Tip #2We We don’t see things as don’t see things as

they are …. they are …. We see things as We see things as

WEWE are. are.

© Copyright 2005: Edward Bova UMCPI. All rights reserved.

PRIMARY HUMAN VALUEINFLUENCES OF YOUTH

1970’s TODAYFAMILYCHURCHSCHOOL

PEERSMEDIASCHOOL

Discipline Problems in Public Schools

1970’s TODAY1. Talking

2. Making Noise

3. Chewing Gum

4. Running in the Halls

5. Getting out of Turn in Line

6. Wearing Improper Clothing

7. Not Putting Paper in Wastebaskets

1. Alcohol/Drug Abuse

2. Arson & Bombings

3. Assault/Battery

4. Burglaries

5. Extortion/Gangs

6. Homicide

7. Rape & Robbery

8. Suicide

9. Truancy

10. Vandalism

Be a Positive Role Model

• Good moral standards

• Good judgement and discretion

• Consistency and fairness

• Respect for students and peers

• Sincere concern for school community

Ways to be a Role Model

Professionalism– appearance

– uniform

– hygiene

Visibility– accessible to students

– attend and participate in student activities

Ways to be a Role Model

Interaction– Take concerns seriously, follow up– Assist students individually– Don’t make promises you can’t deliver

Relationship with Faculty– Staff training– Keep promises and appointments

Parents– PTA, parent conferences, booster clubs– Go to school night

Tools of Communication

• Observation • Listening • Questioning • Talking • Interpreting• Recording

Effective SSO’s should

• Be open minded

• Be willing to listen to other people's ideas

• Have a genuine liking for people

• Have the ability to put oneself in the other person’s shoes

• Appreciate another's point of view

• Possess a degree of personal security and self-acceptance

Basic Communication Skills

• Attending

• Listening

• Empathy

• Rapport

• Probing

Listening

• Requires the greatest effort• Means understanding non-verbal

communication– body language, facial expressions, tone

of voice, autonomic physiological responses (breathing, blushing, dilation, etc...)

– General Appearance (grooming, dress)

Obstacles to Listening

• Distracted by your own thoughts• Physical condition (tired or sick)• Preoccupation with own concerns• Over-eagerness to respond• Too many differences to relate• Passive judgements• Personal, social or cultural screening

Empathy

The ability to enter and understand the world of

another and communicate that understanding.

Empathy

• Helps students to explore solutions themselves

• Allows you to establish rapport

• Provides support during the helping process

• Encourages and facilitates dialogue

Empathy

Communicating Empathy:• Take time to think• Pause and reflect• Use short responses• Allow for exchange of dialogue• Gear your response to the

student

Empathy

Obstacles to communicating empathy:• Not responding at all• Asking questions• Offering interpretations• Using clichés• Moving to action without taking time to

hear about the problem• Pretending to understand• Parroting; empathy is not mechanical

Referrals

Often, the teacher is the most likely to first recognize that

a student is in need of referral services. LISTEN

TO THEM.

Types of Referrals

• Alcohol and/or Drugs

• Mental health

• Child abuse

• Legal problems

• School-related

• Behavioral problem

““See it - Say it“See it - Say it“ 6 Step Process

for

Parents

and

Adults Working with Youth

©Copyright 2005: Edward Bova-UMCPI All Rights Reserved

““See it - Say it“See it - Say it“6 Step Process

• I Care• I See• I Feel• I’m Listening• I Want• I Will

I CARE• Tell the person that you care about

him/her.• Establish a personal connection to

reduce defensive feelings, e.g.;

- “ You are a good friend and I see you doing things that are dangerous” – “ I love you and don’t want you to hurt yourself”

I SEE• Tell the person exactly what (s)he has

done that concerns you.• Present facts, not impressions, based

upon what you see, e.g.; - “Last night you had eight beers

in less than three hours and then tried to drive home.”

– “ Last night you came in two hours late and smelled of alcohol.”

– “ You became so angry last night that I was sure you were going to hit me.”

I FEEL• Tell the person how you feel about the

way you see him/her acting.• Remove blame from the interaction, e.g.;

- “I get really angry….” - “I get really scared…”

LISTENLISTEN After you tell the person that you care, what you’ve seen, and

how you feel, it’s important to be willing to listen. • A variety of responses can be expected

• Many people will say nothing

• They may not have been prepared for this and will not be ready to talk with you

• Some may become angry and say it is none of your business

• Others may thank you and say they’ll make changes in their behavior

• And there are still others who may share with you the problem that goes well beyond your ability to help

I WANTTell the person what you would like

him/her to do, e.g.; - “ I do not want you to drink alcohol at all until you are old enough to do so legally.” - “ I want you to tell me ahead of time when you(we) go out and you want to drink, I’ll drive.”

I WILL• Tell the person that you are willing and

able to help.• Our responses can range from simply

being available as a good listener to helping arrange a meeting with someone who can help.

• If the person chooses to say nothing let him/her know that the door is open to discuss it at anytime, e.g.,

-” I’ll always be here if you need someone to talk to to.”

- “ I’ll help you make an appointment to speak with a counselor “

REMEMBER… the best time to speak with someone

about an important topic is: • When you feel comfortable and

private;

• When you’re not likely to be disturbed;

• When you have time to talk things through; and

• When neither of you has been drinking or using drugs.

Six Ways To Increase Your Effectiveness

• Become genuinely interested in other people

• SMILE • Remember that a person’s name is to that

person the sweetest and most important sound in any language

• Be a good listener - encourage others to talk about themselves

• Talk in terms of the the other person’s interests• Make the other person feel important - and do

it sincerely

Reality Check

What are the two most What are the two most important lessons you have important lessons you have

learned from this component?learned from this component?

“Only the universe and human stupidity are infinite, and I’m not

positive about the former”

Albert Einstein

Next Learning Module

SSO Role in Child Abuse Investigations