Spring 14 in Fall Issue FINAL

volume VII, issue 3, Spring/Fall 2014uc san diego

The Collective Voice

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SIAPS 3rd Annual College Tour 2014

This college tour has given me a better outlook on what it means to be a college student from sleeping in the UCSD dorms to sit-ting in a classroom where higher education takes place. I have learned what it means to pursue a university degree because my parents never had the chance to do so. In the long run of senior year, I applied to 16 colleges and I had the chance to experience four of them on the college tour. It was such a great experience that the whole SPACES staff put together. Also, all the college tour leaders I had were informed on the social and academic aspects of college. They were understanding of our family and personal histories and have motivated me to graduate college successfully. If it was not for this trip, I did not see myself consid-ering university because of such the high expenses. Their motiva-tion has given me every reason to get the education I deserve no matter how low my family income is and how my family line does not carry much educational knowledge. To be honest, not even my own family supports my decision to go to college but UCSD SPACES has given me every reason to follow this dream of mine.

- Kristina. D, 12th grade, Lincoln High School

I learned so much on the college tour. From how to pay for it to all these fun facts about each of the colleges. The college tour changed my outlook on college because I was stressed and worried about the drastic change from high school to college and how I was going to pay for it but now I am informed and feel a lot better. While at the college tour I learned that sometimes stepping out of my comfort zone is a great thing to do. I came to it scared and worried to be alone in the trip but at the end met a lot of people and had a lot of fun! I am so glad I had the opportunity to be a part of the SIAPS 2014 college tour!

- Gresia. P, 12th grade, Gompers Preparatory High School

Planning and co-coordinating the SIAPS College Tour for SPACES this year has been one of the most chal-lenging, exciting, and fulfilling experiences I have ever had at UCSD. My job as one of the SIAPS Co-Coor-dinators has been challenging this year and there have been MANY points where I just felt like I wanted to leave SPACES and not look back. However, I am so thankful to have come into contact with 40 wonderful and inspiring students. Although they thanked me and the SPACES staff countless times, to be honest, it is I that should be thanking them. They reignited a passion within me that, up until the college tour, had been at its lowest point in years.

The work that is done at SPACES is not easy. Especially with access work, I don’t always get to see the fruits of my labor. However, I know that I have to trust the process and trust that I have at least planted seeds of knowledge and empowerment in the students that I work with. The following is a quote by Jorge Luis Borges that I love and carry with me when I do access work:

“Cada persona que pasa por nuestra vida es única. Siempre deja un poco de sí y se lleva un poco de nosotros. Habrá los que se llevarán mucho, pero no habrá de los que no nos dejarán nada. Esta es la prueba evidente de que dos almas no se encuentran por casualidad.”

English Translation: “Every person we meet is special and will always leave a part of himself or herself with us and they will take a part of us with them. There will always be those that take a lot, but there will never be anyone who will leave us with nothing. This is proof that no two souls meet out of coincidence.”

Whenever I meet a student (or anyone) for the first time, I do not ever know if it will also be the last time that I see them. Regardless, I am at ease knowing that I will leave a part of me with them and I will take a part of them with me.

A Few Words from SIAPS Co-Co: Victor Jacobo

volume VII, issue 3, Spring/Fall 2014

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While on the college tour I learned various things, like what type of things I do and do not like in colleges. I learned that the stu-dents themselves have to be proactive in their college years so that they can influence others and actually use their education with their passions. I also learned that the colleges sometimes need the push of the students to do certain things, like to rec-ognize a fault in their college’s system and to correct it. As well as the fact that teamwork is a major help in doing pretty much anything, and that some things really are group efforts, and that that’s more than okay, but encouraged. Not only that, but it changed the way that I think when looking at colleges; I started to look more into its surroundings, and how the college affects the community of the college itself and of the surrounding areas. What these two communities actually consist of. I learned that as a minority, I have a responsibility to reach out to other minori-ties, and to help express my culture so that others can under-stand it. Not just because I feel oppressed by it, but because it can open the minds of others that seem to think that the world is already fixed, and so they can truly be the judges of this unjust society.

- Israel. C, 11th grade, San Diego School of Creative and Performing Arts

Everyone always talks about how they visit a college and they get this feeling like they know that it’s the college for them. Before going on this tour, I didn’t think I’d feel that way about any of the colleges we were visit-ing. But when we went to Occidental Col-lege, I fell in love. It was so perfect, and now it’s my number one choice. If I hadn’t gone on this tour, I wouldn’t have seriously con-sidered even applying there. So thank you so much for organizing this event! It means so much!

- Chelsie. D, 11th grade, The Preuss School of UCSD

Prior to the college tour, I had very little knowledge of the majority of the colleges we visited, let alone the entire application process. On top of that, I was scared out of my mind of the whole “college life” idea, thinking I would never be able to survive. However, with the tons of help given from the college tour such as: speaking first-hand to college students themselves, countless motivational speeches from them, fun, yet eye-opening workshops, along with walk-ing through the actual college campuses, I was sent home with a much clearer idea of college and the most motivation I’ve ever had before. The tour entirely was definitely a life-changing experience that I will cherish for the rest of my life. With the help of SPACES, my dreams of college aspirations now seem more like a reality. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without this college tour. I not only learned to trust others, but also trust in myself, and have gained the confi-dence necessary to pull through in higher education. Thank you so much, SPACES!

Jed. L, 11th grade, Morse High School

The SIAPS College Tour changed my life. Before, I thought for me there were very few options for me when it came to college because I did not have a lot of money, I could not go to visit colleges, and also I did not feel motivated to go to other colleges because I did not know them I did not know about the pro-grams and ways to get there. I am extremely happy that programs like this exist because if it weren’t for programs like this, maybe I would have never had the opportunity to go to UCLA or get the immense knowl-edge I got.

- Abner. G, 12th Grade, Otay Ranch High School


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This is a story of my love affair with L.E.O.

L.E.O. taught me a lot during my trip to Selma, Alabama.

L.E.O is a concept: Lifestyle, Exchange and Option.

Let me begin on how I met L.E.O. Picture this scenario. You see a classic southern house, with humble white trims on the exterior. As you walk up the stairs to enter the doors, the owners welcome you wholeheartedly. You are not a guest, but a part of their lives. Inside this house, you see volunteers of a non-profit organisation, Freedom Foundation, the local community, and visitors like yourself. I witness this scenario personally in Selma. I chose this image because it is a statement of the volunteers’ involvement with the local community. It shows how they adopt their work as a lifestyle. They believe the youths of Selma can be given hope for a bright future. They trust that the cultivation of the next generation will break the cycle of poverty and racial inequality. And, they have committed their lives to a cause that they believe in with absolute passion.

In 2013, Gallup Inc., an American research-based, global consulting company surveyed 230,000 full time and part-time workers in 142 countries. It was reported that 87% of these workers were, I quote ‘emotionally disconnected from their workplaces’. It is always a wonder and an inspiration to see people engaged in their work, and in turn find fulfillment in it. Hence, I fell in love with this concept of adopting your work as a lifestyle.

Then in my interaction with L.E.O, I found Exchange. In the environment created by our non-profit, the volunteers empower the local community. This relationship does not just work one-way. The local community empowers the volunteers just as much. I truly under-stood this exchange on my last day in Selma, when some of the youths came to send us off. As usual, we were greeted with hugs and ‘How are you?’s. It hit me then, how in the past week, these youths have been so open to us. We were mere strangers in the beginning, but they opened up their hearts and lives without reserve. And through that, I have felt cared and blessed. It dawned on me the impor-tance of this two-way relationship, I wasn’t just there to empower the youths of Selma -, I was there to be empowered by them.

My affair with L.E.O progresses with Option. I’d like to share the story of one of the youths of Selma that grew under the wings of the non-profit who was raised by her single mother in poverty. According to statistics, herself and her sister would not make it to college or even be living in a house. Well, what is statistics, really? Today, she is in college and one of the most passionate, fearless and open-mind-ed people that I have met. I quote her, ‘I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it wasn’t for my mom pushing past all the negative things that can be in a town like Selma or a town anywhere.’ She is an embodiment of choice. Whatever our given circumstances, given the op-portunity, we can choose to carve our future.

So, why am I in love with L.E.O? Well, through the lifestyle, exchange, and option of the people that I’ve met in Selma, I realised that they have adopted a lifestyle because it is valuable to them. I found that the volunteers and locals engage in exchanges because it is valuable to them. And last, I discovered that the youths chose to be with the non-profit, chose to go to college, and chose to commit their life to the betterment of their community, because it is valuable to them. In the end, L.E.O has taught me that what matters most is living a life of value, where value is dictated by the worth of your actions, to yourself and your community. I end with a quote from Albert Einstein, ‘Try not to be a success, but rather to be a value’.

A Love AffairSheng Hui Lim

I just want to giggleI want to smile until my cheeks hurtI want to feel the cold wind rub up against my cheeks until they feel numb. Because all these sensations make me feel so happyThey foster a fuzzy warmth within me and I feel like I’m flying – like nothing else in the world matters.

Maybe I’ll find what I’m looking for when I study abroad next fall. I hope I do. But, if I don’t, I know something good will come of my trip. At the very least, I’ll be brave enough to venture out on my own. I’ll have to start over and be the little, lonely fish again. But it’s okay. I’ve done it plenty of times now. I’ll find my friends. Hopefully I’ll find one that makes me burst with joy because they’re just like one of those movies. The movies that assume you already know everything about their cinematic universe. They give you the benefit of the doubt, and, if you don’t know, they know you’re smart enough to catch up – because you’re the type of person that likes a challenge.

I like challenges. Actually, I think I like the end result more than anything. If the challenge leads to something positive, then I think I fall in love with the whole process.

Falling in Love with the ProcessAnonymous


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Rape. It is an all-consuming, ever-lasting, tragedy that poses perhaps the greatest obstacle to one’s identity, to one’s future, to one’s destiny. It certainly has to mine. Before March 9th I was set in my ways – I had extremely detailed and specific plans for the rest of my time at UCSD, where I would go to grad school afterward, what type of man I would date, where my political and religious beliefs would stand, who I would be every tomorrow that I was lucky enough to live. But then March 9th came around and all of my plans were thrown out the window. Suddenly, classes didn’t seem to matter; I couldn’t think about getting out of bed the next morning, let alone where I would go to grad school; dating became a mythical occurrence; politics and religion had no logical basis for mehow could it when I would never receive justice-; and tomorrows seemed less and less like a miracle, and more like a burden. I have questionedeverything and everyone I thought I knew. The world grew to be a mighty stranger. But as strange as this new world became to me, one simple fact remained. I am alive. Being alive is more than just merelysurviving; it’s taking yourself to the very edge of your limits, just to know that you can. It is adaptation, the destruction of an old life and the creation of a stronger one. But more than anything, being alive is healing and moving forward, making way for a new future, a newdestiny. Yet, it is not a linear process – it’s more like taking one step forward and two steps back, countless times. I suppose, that’s the beauty about all of this – nothing is inevitable. Healing and moving forward begin when you realize that no matter how strange the world may seem, you are never alone. For me, this stepping stone has been the foundation for my own journey. Whether it’s my family, or my friends, or counseling, or my faith,I am fundamentally not alone - I never have been and I never will be. All the same, you are not alone, and you never will be.Because your story is my story, and we will get through this. Yet, there’s more to it than that. Healing and moving froward, creating your own future, your own destiny, is about knowing with everything in you, that you are worth more than what you have been given. I am worth more than being a medium through which he found his pleasure. I am worth more than being a victim, an innocent bystander of his decisions. I am worth more than the stares and whispers; more than the probing and prying; more than the tears and the pain. I am worth more than the cards I’ve been dealt. And so are you. Now that the two most critical stepping stones have been laid, now it’s up to you to write the rest of your story. My storycontinues here: I am several weeks from completing my second year at UCSD; I am going to get a place of my own this summer so I can stay and work in this beautiful city; I am going to revel in the relationships around me and strengthen each and every one; and mostimportantly, I am going to love myself enough to keep moving forward and not stare too long at the past. The rest, well the rest is still unwritten. But that’s where the fun, the thrill and excitement lies. Because I am alive, and so are you.

“Decisive Moment”

Photography by:Fabian Torres

Being AliveGabriella Muñoz-Parker

- Henri Cartier-Bresson


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Her description of herselfI am in a better place right now. I am a free spirited person. Very outspoken. Too blunt. I don’t not think before I act! One great word to describe myself is VIVCA-CIOUS. I like to laugh because laughter keeps the should alive in the mind and the body running. I hope for peace one day… one day

How we metWe met in High school and the friendship was not instantaneous. Actually we didn’t even like each other at first. She later told me she used to even be openly racist against Blacks until she met me and our other friend Juno. Throughout my senior year and her junior year we became best friends and would spend as much time together as pos-sible. After she entered her senior year and I went on to community college we lost touch for a while. Then like clockwork we came together again. She moved to Arizona and from the remainder of my community college to my first year at UCSD, we com-muted to see each other. She told me in High school that she didn’t feel like she was going to live past 21. She reminded me of this a month or so before she passed on but said she had lived a full life and wouldn’t mind. That was the same to she asked me to get a tattoo to remember her by. That whole time I always thought she was just being dramatic and it hurt my feelings that she thought of death so often but in doing so she was actually determined to live a fuller life. On March 12, 2013 she was riding her mo-torcycle to work when she was struck by a drunk driver in a SUV. Elsa passed on scene. I had planned on visiting her soon again. Later I eventually went back out to Arizona to visit our mutual friends and celebrate Elsa’s spirit. One of her friends told me a secret of Elsa’s. She knew that year that she had an enlarged heart and wasn’t going to live much longer. Around the same time she found out she earned her motorcycle license, went sky diving, made plans to live with me out here in San Diego, wanted to join the military, and dreamed of us being in a relationship with each other with some sort of formal commitment to each other if we could not find anyone else.

I can’t sayI can’t say I’ve been in love with a special someoneBut I’m in love with the comfort and support you give meI’ll never be done with your love or your attentionI am content with never being all yoursBecause you are too special to be kept a secret-Keauna

2/13/13

A few months before she passed she dedicated, ‘My Rose’ to meI am the soil you grow from. You are the beauty I give life to. You make me look good, feel good. I make you beautifully fragrant. We are one after the seed was planted. We nurtured it and made a rose, arose with a sensitive petal, a petal that one day will die. But whilst there’s life for that rose I will live, we will live, we will enjoy, we will live. We will love. When the soil runs dry while the rose wilts. The love grows stronger and stronger. Finally one day the rose dies but the memory lives on forever. The love lives on forever. And the soil dries out. I am the soil, you are the rose. Friend I will forever love you, hold you close. Remember and think of you. Even when I die. Even when I’m gone. To my last breath and on…

More on our friendshipElsa was my foundation long before she passed and still remains the root to the meaning of my own existence. As much as she struggled with her own self-esteem and self-love she cured up enough motivation to always encourage me to find self-esteem and self-love in myself. Her love is eternal. We celebrated this unconditional status almost daily reminding each other on a regular basis of how much we love and appreciated each other. We had no reservations and although it was not roman-tic love, it had the best aspects of it, passion in the other. Passion to always love, respect, and care for each other.“You are very intelligent and beautiful. Get on your high horse and act like it. I act like it super cocky and confident and outspoken. You do that too.” Jan 17th, 2013 - Elsa“Please focus my love. You deserve being in that University. You deserve every ounce of knowledge being thrown at you. You deserve every breath ad every inch of life. You’re amazing. You’ll be fine. You’re perfect and no one can take that from you!!! Congrats my friend. You deserve to be a UCSD fucking student!!! Talk to you later my friend. May you succeed to infinity and beyond!!! :P”Feb 2nd, 2013 - Elsa

Digesting what happened was a definite and painful processElsa, you were the best friend I could have ever asked for. You always made me feel special, always supported me! You never sent me a text without ‘I love you!!’ or ‘Miss you so!!’ You really cared. I looked up to you and respect-ed you for your honesty and diligence. You were never a burden on me; we never had a single argument. We were so different and I always wondered how I could be so lucky to have had such a free spirited and amazing friend. It always felt too good to be true whether we were hanging in person or texting. I am so glad we met and honored to have had you in my life. I have grown from our friendship in more ways than you would have known and you will keep on inspiring me. I love you forever Elsa.

She loved my poems so I knew it was vital to continue expressing my feelings through words

Oh hunny, please forgive my weaknessesI think with strength but I avoid hurt

I love you, please know, hunny. I am sorry.I miss you

-Sigh –I keep busy to forget

It’s almost easier to think you never existed except in my dreamsThan to know you were once here, so beautiful and true

Now gone and now I am just awake….

It’s not all that easyAnd people do not understand

I have never consciously paid attention to my breathing and my heart’s beating this much

Ever…Because I still have it and you don’t

Come back to me pleaseIf only

Let this reality be the dream….

I have learned what ever lesson I was supposed to learnCome back and love me

I love youWritten 5-25-13Edited 5-13-14

Elsa (Kizz) Tovar & Keauna (Blewqwala) Johnson - Encapsulating Friendship,

Rhapsodic Memories, & Unbounded Love


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More on our friendshipElsa was my foundation long before she passed and still remains the root to the meaning of my own existence. As much as she struggled with her own self-esteem and self-love she cured up enough motivation to always encourage me to find self-esteem and self-love in myself. Her love is eternal. We celebrated this unconditional status almost daily reminding each other on a regular basis of how much we love and appreciated each other. We had no reservations and although it was not roman-tic love, it had the best aspects of it, passion in the other. Passion to always love, respect, and care for each other.“You are very intelligent and beautiful. Get on your high horse and act like it. I act like it super cocky and confident and outspoken. You do that too.” Jan 17th, 2013 - Elsa“Please focus my love. You deserve being in that University. You deserve every ounce of knowledge being thrown at you. You deserve every breath ad every inch of life. You’re amazing. You’ll be fine. You’re perfect and no one can take that from you!!! Congrats my friend. You deserve to be a UCSD fucking student!!! Talk to you later my friend. May you succeed to infinity and beyond!!! :P”Feb 2nd, 2013 - Elsa

Digesting what happened was a definite and painful processElsa, you were the best friend I could have ever asked for. You always made me feel special, always supported me! You never sent me a text without ‘I love you!!’ or ‘Miss you so!!’ You really cared. I looked up to you and respect-ed you for your honesty and diligence. You were never a burden on me; we never had a single argument. We were so different and I always wondered how I could be so lucky to have had such a free spirited and amazing friend. It always felt too good to be true whether we were hanging in person or texting. I am so glad we met and honored to have had you in my life. I have grown from our friendship in more ways than you would have known and you will keep on inspiring me. I love you forever Elsa.

She loved my poems so I knew it was vital to continue expressing my feelings through words

Oh hunny, please forgive my weaknessesI think with strength but I avoid hurt

I love you, please know, hunny. I am sorry.I miss you

-Sigh –I keep busy to forget

It’s almost easier to think you never existed except in my dreamsThan to know you were once here, so beautiful and true

Now gone and now I am just awake….

It’s not all that easyAnd people do not understand

I have never consciously paid attention to my breathing and my heart’s beating this much

Ever…Because I still have it and you don’t

Come back to me pleaseIf only

Let this reality be the dream….

I have learned what ever lesson I was supposed to learnCome back and love me

I love youWritten 5-25-13Edited 5-13-14

I kept my promise to remember her the way she had wished so I now have my first tattoo!For you best friend! I miss you Elsa. This is a peace sign for your dreams of world peace someday. A beautiful flower made with oranges and peaches and an outline of purple to remind me of the warmth, love, and beauty that you provided me to keep me growing and a live with happiness and inspiration. Circle represent a cycle of life and friendship...some may end but memories can continue. Your Initials in green like vines or roots. Just a year ago I would have never thought I’d have a tattoo but for you, it was more than worth it. It’s on my forearm where I will see it every day in plain sight and so others may ask and I can share your essence and cherish your life with them too.

And continued to write to honor and appreciate: Feelings are just as realYour eyes out thereAnd I can see youCan you see me?

Your heart out thereI can feel you

Can you feel mine beat?

Your words out thereI read them

But I wish they would speak to me

Your images out thereI can hold it in my hand, rectangle and flimsy

Hold in my mind faint, fog, and clumsilyHold in my dreams if only longer before consciousness wakes me

I want to tell you that that dream, I finally did it

Those words, I finally said themMy image? I finally can see it

My heart, I finally love it

But you can see all this can’t you?You could always see ...all along

Thanks for believing in meI will never forget you

Your memory is as real as these tearsNot just of sadness, but of love and admiration for thee

Elsa (Kizz) Tovar & Keauna (Blewqwala) Johnson - Encapsulating Friendship,

Rhapsodic Memories, & Unbounded Love

Spread continued on the next page->


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History, you history makerHistory, you history makerYou pop out from your pictureMegapixel images..tiny images darker and lighter making you .. youYou who contains both shadow and ray but who fought for more temperate weatherYour eye lid barcode tattoo it had...Numbers it contained and when scanned, a messageI scan you and your image in this picture and receive my messageDear friend of mine ( I imagine Elsa saying), please please please keep your head upTupac Shakur rapped it...cocky people flaunt itBut no I mean you know what to doSo why look down?Why down where streets are trotted upon, thousands of vibrations thumping and some bass and boom is goodYET UP is where the birds flyCreatures who may walk but who also sing tunesSinging when down makes one sadder so sing when happy to not become sad. Trust, trust because you want toYou want to because you know very little still about who you are, what you know, and what is out thereIf one was present enough to take in what was happening to them and what the uni-verse has taken in, storytelling would be richer than any material rich.You loved the rainbow ElsaEach stripe may serve to remind me of your complexities, depth, visionsTattoo swirl amongst your temple, the shrine to your hearingTips of ink pricked in fine holes becoming part of youTips of ink swirling in every which directionThis reminds me of your quest, struggle, and curiosities of the future...Ears pack packages Little cargo containers of guilt, pain, sorrow made convenient to release at timesUnravel you blues, hues of emotionFine ( I think)Unpack these thoughts...wait...disperse fluid to the external. The external has no doubt affected meHow many pages should the wise man write until he’s satisfied and assure that all knows his wisdom of the world and then be tossed upside down by life lessons?

I have never embraced growth, change, and life more than now. Thank you Elsa for teaching me the importance of Self- Love and for help-ing me stand up for what I deserve and expect from others – respect and acceptance of who I am.

Unrestricted power of expression, tears make me fearful of rejection, of doubt, sub-ject to judgmentBut wow does it feel good to cry, honesty being what it deserves : USEDStay in one place too long and you concentrate on the important and what are we today in fact?: RUSHEDDear love, take time to reflect, to remember, to healHEALHeal slowly so you can always be on a journey where you pick up road blocks - obsta-cles that provide you with more life experiences in order to aid the healing of othersDon’t forget to be mad, she saysI am not mad at you, she says..but who are you mad at that you can’t show you are mad? Is it...she hesitates...your-self?“Mad at myself?” I imagine myself asking and then answering....yynooyesss yes? While agony sets in Don’t forget to be mad she repeatsTrust this feeling...one who is happy but fears showing the little anger they contain not being taken wellNo see...it is just that! Some bit of worth comes from knowing that you by and large were honest and open with yourself to trust and to be honest and open with othersMaybe you weren’t angry much but...expressing it brings into question the moment between raising violence of air and raising healing through calls of questionYou don’t know how much you’ve been holding back until you are breave enough to jump into loss of selfWhen we close our eyes, we can see truthWhat you think you don’t know, really just lies deep inside of youLose yourself and get lostDo it because you NEED itShe leaned in to kiss my foreheadThe missing link to this puzzle is still hard for me to swallow: ABSENCEBut in the meantime I will be here enjoying the show called perspective ( I think..)4/9/14


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I have never embraced growth, change, and life more than now. Thank you Elsa for teaching me the importance of Self- Love and for help-ing me stand up for what I deserve and expect from others – respect and acceptance of who I am.

I am that fruit you think is a vegetableTomato me not, I am ripe and I don’t need you to pick me..If you imagine me the way you want, that’s fineBut you are missing out on the whole that I may offer..and somehow no matter how dry things getI still have my red skin’s beauty I use to not like tomatoes...but they are fruit misjudged I am fruit and I am misunderstoodSo I embrace my insides now, sweetened with extra sugar of self- love.I can’t achieve my bloods’ ketchup without itI didn’t fight off all these pests out of vain... I am out of season they say...confused at what I am doing...what right do I have to grow this way?What am I doing? I grow on without the help of the one reaping my fruit’s rewards at the end of the dayStill, they are missing out on my essence if they think something familiar, normalized, and safe as season..as reason can stop this growth. I am my own reason...skin crimson as my fruits’ heartThe best part that keeps everything...myself togetherAnd now I am at a point where I feel like I have enough self-love to love another romantically“Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.” - The little prince I came into contact with your bloomAnd it was only beginning to budA gust of wind came too early and ripped apart the intertwine our stems were formingIn pieces we grew roots in separate ways

Loose connections from isolation and an existing state of shockWe reached bloom again, sharing our delicacy and charm with othersBut I could no longer pretend I didn’t want to cultivate your bloom with more care and attention that it really deservedI sent my seed out to plant some sort of hopeBut to my surprise another season went by with miniscule growth

My own bloom could not deny it wiltedAnd to my surprise the sun broke through traces of long existing storm cloudsPeace and yearning tenderness survives in this environmentHow marveling this season of spring, has been 3/15/14

• HOWLS WITHIN4/30, 10:23pmAaks Bharania

sand swallowing my toesi was finally ready to take the journey back to the land from which we are born filled by the power of Chandini - the moon light feeling her energy consume me, light and acidic through my veinsrealities - blurred visuals - kaleidoscopic (fucking awesome) but some how illuminating my path to liberation leaving behind all shackles im bound by to a space which im no longer in where am i? the vibrations of energies around me are in harmony we are all separate but one bound together by connections which im only beginning to understand a burst of euphoria pierced my ears. the sound was familiar in this otherwise unfamiliar place then i realise, thats not the sound of euphoria its a revolutionary roar of people returning to their primal self channeling themselves back to the universe they have embraced their pathas i looked within myself and back out to the moon and universe beyond i knew what i needed to do i began to understand myself stretching my neck positioned towards Mwezi in the skywhy cant i howl? im looking into the eyes of the wolf inside of me knowing the wolf is meits nearly time to take flight H O W L BITCH !its already too late and my other me has already begun fighting the beast back to a dark place where no one will see how will i be able to fly the transcendental path if im not ready to accept and love myself snap. realities changed. wolf gone.

BLOODY

TOMATO


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Title IX, a portion of the Education Amendments of 1972:No person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to dis-crimination under any education program or activity receiving federal financial assistance. - cartoon by Kyle Trujillo

A ONE-SIDED WAR - pictures from Ferguson, MissouriHere we could print a picture of Mike Brown with the cap and gown from his high school graduation to prove to some that he was a good young man and that he didn’t deserve to die. But we shouldn’t have to. Brown was unarmed and had his hands up when he was shot between six and eight times by Of-ficer Darren Wilson, who is now on paid leave. Soon fundraisers started for both the murderer and the murdered youth’s family. The police then acted, by all accounts, like an invading and occupying force, meeting peaceful protestors with illegal tear gas and rubber-coated bullets, and every US military toy they. Residemts welcomed advice from palestinian’s living under the State of Isreal’s aparheid Recent deaths like Brown’s prove this is a world where the utility of knowing your rights depends on your skin color. But across the country, people are rising up to hold our police accountable, cameras ready.

CALIFORNIA COLLEGES ADOPT “YES MEANS YES” RULE [trigger warning: rape mention]On September 28, Governor Jerry Brown signed a law requiring all state campuses which receive state financial aid to adopt a pol-icy of affirmative consent, defined as a “conscious and voluntary agreement to engage in sexual activity.” California state schools are now the first in the U.S. to include the language of affirmative consent in campus sexual assault policies. The bill will require training for university faculty to avoid inappropriate questioning of victims, as well as access for all survivors to counseling, health care, and other resources. This new, unambiguous model of addressing rape culture on college campuses defines “consent” as a clear and conscious yes—not silence, intoxication, or the absence of the word “no.” It’s a big step forward, but hard work remains for lawmakers, students, and universities if the pervasive rape culture is to be eradicated on our campuses. We must stand withsurvivors across the country and demand further, measurable changes.


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After his sister broke her arm, and while their mother was icing the wound with a cold pack, he caught a glance of the inflamed curve in her bone. And he gently felt along his own skeleton, aware that bodies could crack, but reas-sured that his bones looked nothing like hers.

--- There was a long balcony outside of the elevator, which seemed troublesome for the psychiatry department (al-though he didn’t consider himself a flight risk). At the check-in desk, a woman smiled at him through paranoid bullet-proof glass and handed him a questionnaire. He passed the time matching questioning to disorders until they called his name. The therapist doing his intake was sitcom blonde, with a perpetual smile branded on her face by her profession and the wrinkles on her cheek. Her office was directly behind the check-in desk, the way a fry kitchen lies behind the register. She asked him if he was suicidal, or if he had plans to hurt himself or others, working down her own checklist. The whole interview came with a disclaimer: the questions were standard and mandatory and he shouldn’t take them personally. When she was done, she put her hands in her lap and leaned forward, the keyboard to her side. “So what brings you here today?” He’s had thoughts that scared him; caught himself chanting personal spite in the dark. It took him months to work up the courage to find the phone number a therapist and he let himself lose it a week later.

“I’m not sure if I know what happy feels like,” he says, and cringes. “I mean, I’ve been feeling upset lately, but I don’t know if it’s a problem or not.”

“What do you mean?”“…I’ve been having these, really bad weeks, and they’ve been scaring me. But I can’t remember not feeling like

this, which means I’m either broken or completely normal and just… weak.” “How long have you been feeling depressed?” she asked. “I don’t know.”

“Do the ‘bad weeks’ actually last for a couple weeks or longer?”“Shorter before but longer now.”“Are you currently depressed?”“I don’t think so.”“You don’t know?” “I don’t know.”He measured the success of his answers by how much typing she did. Furious clicking meant he had said some-

thing meaningful, with a bonus if she started in the middle of his sentence. If all she did was nod, it meant he was wasting their time. But after a while, the questions felt cursory, like she was drawing his silhouette on the road with-out looking at the body.

“You don’t seem bipolar to me-” she said. She waited afterwards, as if she expected him to disagree.“Okay.”“…Because, usually,” she continued, “when I have patients with Bipolar disorder, and they’re not currently de-

pressed, they’re more… bubbly. Bounding off the walls. Talkative. Has anyone ever called you those things?”“I… don’t know.”

“What about OCD?” “I don’t know.” Wrong answer. The typing stopped and they stared at each other until she reached over to the bookshelf and pulled off the DSM. “Do you have compulsive tendencies?”

He told her that there was a time he had to counterbalance his own touch, because he didn’t want to leave surfaces uneven. The bits of his skin, or the pressure, or the time he lingered would wear a material down. His mind became graph paper, keeping track of where he needed to counteract himself, sweeping across wide surfaces of desk with the side of his arm and delicately outlining his fingerprints to prevent overlap that would require he start all over again. Until the third grade when he put a handprint on the back of a leather bus seat and forced himself to stare at it for half an hour while his fingers twitched.

“Have you had those compulsions recently?” she asked.“I don’t know.” They don’t feel like compulsions when you need them.She nodded, glancing at her keyboard but apparently thinking better of it. “Well, to me, it sounds like you

might have had OCD as a child, but not really anymore.” Another pause. “Is that correct?”“Okay,” he said, “by what’s wrong with me now?”She paged through the book, reading a checklist for G.A.D that felt as specific as a pronoun. It was like talking to WebMD. Refresh. Search. Enter.

---His mistake is thinking he can ever know what normal feels like, or assuming that normal meant healthy; after

all, the people who break their bones outnumber the ones who don’t. His problem was looking for certainty.He knows that in the second grade, his teacher gave each of her students a half-sized water bottle for the cooler

in the back. After two days, he could see white particles floating in his stale water. After a week, they were twice as large. After two, they were green, and with a ban on wasting water, one day, he was desperate enough to try and stomach it. He knows that when he tries to drink water that has gone warm, he gags.

General Anxietyby Evvan Burke


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BY

BRIANNA

BRADLEY

P R I D E


uc san diego 13

Photography by Fabian TorresBarren Existence

On the night of Monday 26th, well over a thousand students and supporters gathered in front of Geisel Library and lit candles in remem-brance of the six students killed on May 23rd. Some were faculty, some were local parents, some were high school students and students from SDSU. The vigil then walked silently to Revelle Plaza, and stood before the fountain and new monument to George Winne Jr. and to peace. Over 2,000 people rsvped to the Facebook event. Some were faculty, some were local parents, some were high school students and students

from SDSU. The crowd nearly filled the plaza, lighting up the concrete with countless points of flickering orange light.Several students spoke out over the silent crowd.

“The support was overwhelming, a true testament to the way humans can come together in support and love of each other,” said one of the vigil’s organizers, Julia Eva-Maria Brown. Julia, along with several others, spoke out over the silent crowd from the fountain. The grief in the

air was palpable, but so was the sense of solidarity.

There are many institutions in our society that tell us there are certain people it is okay to hate and kill - misogyny, the NRA, the war on drugs, the war on terror, our borders, our military, our “tough-on-crime” politicians, even the police officers charged with protecting us.

Candlelight vigil like this one and protests all over the country tell a different story.

We Are All One UC


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I, too, am UCOn May 8th, 2014, UCSD SPACES created a space for marginalized students on campus who have felt devalued, unheard, misrepresented, or who have faced any microaggressions toexpress themselves and their grievances and engage in dialogue with one another. We aimed to unite our campaign with the “I Too Am Harvard”, “I Too Am Oxford”, and similar photoproject campaigns in order to increase the general awareness of the presence of students of color and other marginalized students in higher education and the misconceptions that they face. These projects feature students holding up whiteboards with the project hashtag and a quote or other example of a microaggression they have faced regarding their belonging in higher education.


uc san diego 15

On May 8th, 2014, UCSD SPACES created a space for marginalized students on campus who have felt devalued, unheard, misrepresented, or who have faced any microaggressions toexpress themselves and their grievances and engage in dialogue with one another. We aimed to unite our campaign with the “I Too Am Harvard”, “I Too Am Oxford”, and similar photoproject campaigns in order to increase the general awareness of the presence of students of color and other marginalized students in higher education and the misconceptions that they face. These projects feature students holding up whiteboards with the project hashtag and a quote or other example of a microaggression they have faced regarding their belonging in higher education.

Revelle College junior Ricardo “Vencedor” Delgado Ambriz died at approximately 2:30 a.m. on the morning of Saturday, May 17. He was dedicated member of Phi Iota Alpha

fraternity, y un hermano de MEChA. He also volunteered at OASIS and graduated from UC San Diego’s Summer Bridge program. Over ten-thousand dolars were soon raised to cover the cost of his funeral by his many friends at UCSD. He had a bright future ahead of him,

but those who knew him are glad they did, if only far too briefly.


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Amanda MannshahiaPaola Pérez

Paige HancockKyle Trujillo

CO-EDITORS IN CHIEF

1We want freedom

2We want social unity and equality for all

people on campus

3We want to promote social awareness and combat social

ignorance

4We want to unite student activists and students with progressive values and

common struggles

5We want to educate others about ourstories and our

true role in present-day society

6 We want educational equity and to empower under resourced communities

7We want to fight the rhetoric propagated by

oppressive forces on campus

8 We want our beliefs, practices, and ethics to be illustrated in a correct light

9We want peace. The ability to coexist on

campus without fear of prejudice or persecution

10 We want to be recognized as equal individuals despite

and because of our ethnicity, religious affiliation, race, gender, or sexual orientation

CONTRIBUTING WRITERSEvvan Burke

Gabriella Munoz-ParkerKeauna JohnsonSheng Hui Lim

SIAPS College Tour StudentsVictor Jacobo

I, Too, Am UC ParticipantsKyle Trujillo

[email protected]

STAFF

ARTISTSKyle Trujillo, Co Editor-in-Chief

Paola Perez, former Co Editor-in-Chief

Brianna Bradley

The Collective Voice is a student-run, student-initi-ated publication of UCSD’s SPACES, the Student Pro-moted Access Center for Education and Service.

The mission of the Student Promoted Access Cen-ter for Education and Service (SPACES) is to act as an empowering dynamic on campus where UCSD students collaborate to achieve greater educational equity. This encompasses equal access to higher education, under-graduate retention and graduation, and matriculation to graduate and professional schools. SPACES values the power of student-initiated action and organizing by pro-viding an environment for student growth and develop-ment and thus is a foundation to create leadership and unity through community engagement.

In line with SPACES’ mission of valuing “the power of student-initiated action,” “proving an environment for student growth and development,” and creating “unity through community engagement,” The Collective Voice is UCSD’s progressive newspaper that promotes social unity, justice and awareness across the many commu-nities that exist on the UCSD campus. The Collective Voice will help create a sense of safe space and com-

munity for students who may otherwise feel unwelcome at UCSD’s challenging campus climate thereby con-tributing to existing retention efforts of campus. This newspaper deeply values students’ voices by providing an outlet for open dialogue and discussion surrounding issues and developments affecting their communities.

Additionally, The Collective Voice allows UCSD’s progressive community to outreach, collaborate and communicate to the greater San Diego communities outside of our campus. Most importantly, The Col-lective Voice, provides marginalized students and un-der-resourced students the empowering opportunity to protect the representation of their identities and beliefs, and report alternative news that is not otherwise covered by mainstream media. The Collective Voice, in partner-ship with SPACES, allows for the creation of “an em-powering dynamic where UCSD students collaborate to achieve greater educational equity.” It is through this mission that the collective of diverse voices in one newspaper will actively demonstrate an empowering progressive community on the UCSD campus.

PHOTOGRAPHERSBrianna Bradley

Fabian TorresUCSD Community

Disorientation is a festival thrown by the Student Sustainability Collective,the co-ops, and other student orgs for new and returning students to build and celebrate strong communities on campus. The event begins 2 P.M. on Monday, October 20 =at the Original Student Center and continues Wednesday and Friday of the same week, at 3 P.M. at the Che Café Collective both days. Disorientation will featureworkshops, music, performances, food, and prizes. Come hang out and get disoriented!!!!

I have seen the boxes of books and unopened letters have been stuffed haphazardly into a closet next to the Veteran’s Resource Center in the original Student Center. It made me very angry. Over the course of the year, working together with other student orgs, maybe we can get the UC administration to renew the space. It’s going to take numbers of pissed-off students we don’t have right now. Just as the once-coroful walls of Mandeville Hall were painted over, it’s clear that the eviction was timed to minimize any student response, and it worked. I’m not sure how Books for Prisoners at UCSD will operate out a postage stamp of space, while the University Centers does exactly what they’ve done with the Craft’s Center: they’ve fenced it off and left it to rot. People like University Centers director Sharon Von Brug-gen clearly don’t mind if San Diego’s many prisoners do the same.But I do know that they will be forced to get up from their desks and sit down at the negotiating table for the first time, and I hope to be at that table to ask what exactly University Centers is doing with the space that is so much more important than providing prisoners with a small reminder that they are not forgotten or alone, that there are people who see them as human beings out there, and that these students want the state to fund rehabilitation and education, not prison expansion and profiteering off recidivism and mass incarcera-tion (Students Against Mass Incarceration - SAMI). What is so much more important than that, and yet the windows of the space must be covered in paper to conceal it? Is it not ready yet? Is it anything at all?If you’re curious like me, go ahead and email Sharon Van Bruggen: [email protected]. If she doesn’t have an answer for you, here’sChancellor Pradeep Khosla: [email protected] or (858) 534-3135,or his secretary’s line: (858) 534-5335

UCSD Books for Prisoners Will Not Be Forgotten - Kyle Trujillo

Calling all journalists, poets, writers, cartoonists, illustrators, and doodlers, freedom fighters, storytellers, collectivists, pissed-of protestors, burnt-out activists, and uncompromising social justice nerds!

You have something to say that this campus needs to hear. You have our attention.JOIN US at our first meeting: Monday, October 13th at 1:00 PM at SPACES

in the Isang Mahal Workroom on the 2nd floor of Price Center(snacks will be provided) You can also email us at [email protected] • twitter: @TCV_SPACES


Documents

Spring 14 in Fall Issue FINAL