Spencer: Analytical

Essay

Daniel: Struggling

Learner

Sarah: Voice

Problems

Vanessa: Willing but Uninspired

MaryBeth: College

Essay

5 Portraits:Real Student Writers

Barry Gilmorewww.barrygilmore.net@barry_gilmore

Spencer: Analytical

Essay

Spencer (10th grade) Considered one of William Shakespeare’s greatest plays, A Midsummer Night’s Dream reads like a fantastical, imaginative tale: however, its poetic lines contain a message of love, reality, and chance that are not usually present in works of such kind. All characters in the play are playful, careless and thoughtless, and Puck: one of the central characters in the play: is significant to the plot, tone, and meaning of A Midsummer Night’s Dream, thus becoming a representative of the above-mentioned themes. In the last stanza of the play, he shows that he is a catalyst for almost every single one of these themes.

Puck:If we shadows have offended, Think but this and all is mended,That you have but slumber'd hereWhile these visions did appear.And this weak and idle theme,No more yielding but a dream,Gentles, do not reprehend:If you pardon, we will mend.And, as I am an honest Puck,If we have unearned luckNow to 'scape the serpent's tongue,We will make amends ere long;Else the Puck a liar call:So, good night unto you all.Give me your hands, if we be friends,And Robin shall restore amends.

(A Midsummer Night’s Dream V.i.)

Puck:If we shadows have offended, Think but this and all is mended,That you have but slumber'd hereWhile these visions did appear.And this weak and idle theme,No more yielding but a dream,Gentles, do not reprehend:If you pardon, we will mend.And, as I am an honest Puck,If we have unearned luckNow to 'scape the serpent's tongue,We will make amends ere long;Else the Puck a liar call:So, good night unto you all.Give me your hands, if we be friends,And Robin shall restore amends.

(A Midsummer Night’s Dream V.i.)

Puck:If we shadows have offended, Think but this and all is mended,That you have but slumber'd hereWhile these visions did appear.And this weak and idle theme,No more yielding but a dream,Gentles, do not reprehend:If you pardon, we will mend.And, as I am an honest Puck,If we have unearned luckNow to 'scape the serpent's tongue,We will make amends ere long;Else the Puck a liar call:So, good night unto you all.Give me your hands, if we be friends,And Robin shall restore amends.

(A Midsummer Night’s Dream V.i.)

Sample student-generated questions (prompts)

• Does the play suggest it is okay to lie?• Why is it called a “dream?”• Why do both Theseus and Puck use the word “shadow”?• Why are some people “pardoned” in the play?• Why do only Puck and Bottom break the fourth wall?• Is Puck ultimately benevolent or malicious?

From question to prompt

• Create topics• Go back to the text—find examples• Discuss in pairs or groups• Write a thesis• Share and discuss (PINE)• Write an essay

Spencer’s Revision

When Puck asks us to “pardon” him at the end of A Midsummer Night’s Dream, he points out the deep irony of the play: there is no justice in Shakespeare’s comedy, poetic, legal, or otherwise. We have no more power over Puck than the humans have over the fairies, their own fates, or love itself. Shakespeare’s world seems to include justice, but it can be seen that events in MSND are decided by power, not right and wrong.

Daniel: Struggling

Learner

Robert Frost poem talk about two roads that meet in a forest. The poem mostly says he is standing there thinking. He don’t know which road to take. Frost poem at last makes a choice. He take the road less travelled. Then he is happy with his choice.

1. Demonstrate command of the conventions of standard English grammar and usage when writing or speaking.

a. Explain the function of verbals (gerunds, participles, infinitives) in general and their function in particular sentences.

b. Form and use verbs in the active and passive voice.

c. Form and use verbs in the indicative, imperative, interrogative, conditional, and subjunctive mood.

d. Recognize and correct inappropriate shifts in verb voice and mood.

(L.8.1)

Write arguments to support claims in an analysis of substantive topics or texts, using valid reasoning and relevant and sufficient evidence.(W.1)

Cite the textual evidence that most stronglysupports an analysis of what the text says explicitly as well as inferences drawn from the text. (R.8.1)

Determine a theme or central idea of a text andanalyze its development over the course of the text, including its relationship to the characters, setting, and plot; provide an objective summary of the text. (R.8.2)

By the end of the year, read and comprehendliterature, including stories, dramas, and poems, at the high end of grades 6–8 text complexity band independently and proficiently. (R.8.10)

In MDSN Lysander quote “The course of true love never did run smooth” is based on real life situation. There are many ways such as: confusing, hurt, and happiness. Those are the things people that love go through. Lysander quote also applies to Midsummer night because even though it has a happy ending and deals with magical things, they still went through things to get what they wanted.

Determine a theme or central idea of a text andanalyze its development over the course of the text, including its relationship to the characters, setting, and plot; provide an objective summary of the text. (R.8.2)

In MDSN Lysander quote “The course of true love never did run smooth” is based on real life situation. There are many ways such as: confusing, hurt, and happiness. Those are the things people that love go through. Lysander quote also applies to Midsummer night because even though it has a happy ending and deals with magical things, they still went through things to get what they wanted.

In A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Lysander’s quote “The course of true love never did run smooth” is based on a real life situation. There are many problems for Lysander, such as: he is confused, he is hurt, and he has no happiness. Those are the difficulties people that love go through. Lysander’s quote also applies to the play because even though the play has a happy ending and deals with magical things, it shows that love is not easy to find.

Autonomy

Daniel in 10th Grade

Inquiry Technology Use Group Presentation

RelevanceAudience, Purpose,

Context

Dear Mom,We are reading the book No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency. One thing I like is how the detective character Mma Ramotswe lies because she has to throughout the story. When she tell her friend Mr. J.L.B. the plan to get the truth out of a character named Mr. Gotso there is no if, ands, or buts about it, he’s going to do what she says, even though it involves a lie. The idea of lying comes up again throughout the novel and each time Mma Ramotswe believes her conscience is clear again and that it is okay to lie if lying is for a good cause. I think this is a strong lesson for readers to learn because we always hear about how lying is wrong but telling the truth is not really as easy as we might think.Your son,Daniel

Mrs. Fromm’s Feedback

The “Three Tasks” Rule

Conferencing

Embedded Formative Assessment (Solution Tree, 2011)

Three types of feedback:

1. Giving students a score;2. Giving students constructive feedback – specific comments on errors, suggestions on how to improve, and at least one positive remark;3. Giving students constructive feedback and a score.

Students in the second group learned twice as fast as students in the first. But students in the third group (comments and a score) made no progress. Those with the highest scores felt no need to read the comments and those with the lowest scores didn't want to read the comments. The score was all they remembered.

Mrs. Fromm’s Feedback

The “Three Tasks” Rule

Conferencing

Sentences, not rules

Sentence Combining

Separate Simulate Integrate

Embedded Instruction

The Olympic games, which were founded in ancient Greece, were reinstated in the modern era as a means of uniting multiple nations and peoples.

The Olympic games were founded in ancient Greece.

The games were reinstated in the modern era.

The games are meant to unite multiple nations and peoples.

Sentence Combining

Separate Simulate Integrate

Embedded Instruction

Separate: Explicit

teaching of a rule

Use a semi-colon between

two independent

clauses

Simulate: Write a short

passage

Write a paragraph in

which you use a semi-colon

Integrate: Ongoing use of the rule

Use a semi-colon in writing

two weeks later

What does integrated grammar instruction look like?

Introduce a necessary rule

Find the rule in anchor texts

Discuss and construct anchor charts

Immediate practice

Focus on the rule in revision of real writing

Mrs. Fromm’s Feedback

The “Three Tasks” Rule

Conferencing

Sentences, not rules

Provide an audience

Audience, Purpose, Context

The Photo AudienceRevising with PurposeThe Letter

Dear Mom,I recently enjoyed reading the book No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency. One thing I like about this book is how the detective character, Mma Ramotswe, lies when it is necessary throughout the story. For instance, when she tells her friend Mr. J.L.B. what the plan is to get the truth out of a character named Mr. Gotso, there are no if, ands, or buts about it, he is going to do what she says, even though it involves a lie. The idea of lying comes up again throughout the novel and each time, Mma Ramotswe believes her conscience is clear again and that it is okay to lie if lying is for a good cause. I think this is a strong lesson for readers to learn because we always hear about how lying is wrong but telling the truth is not really as easy as we might think.Your son,Daniel

Daniel,Thank you for sharing your ideas about this book with me. It sounds very interesting and I will try to read it as well. I look forward to discussing the truth and lies in the book with you to see whether or not I agree with you. You are a wonderful thinker and you make me proud.Your mother

Vanessa: Willing but Uninspired

“I hate writing,” Vanessa, a 10th-grade student, told us. “I don’t like reading, but I really hate writing.” Pressed further, she added this reflection to her comment: “It’s like I know what I need to say, but I can’t get it to be the way my teachers want. It always sounds fine to me when I read it, and then I fail.”

Essays are concepts that try to explore the mind and it tries to get a student to gain more knowledge in their writing than they would not have understood. It is required to choose books and think of a common theme that would allow us to see a relationship between books. All types of books have some relation to one another, which can enhance the thought of others considering each one has a different view on most things. For this research essay, I have chosen the selec tion of books which are based upon the common theme of containing characters who resist authority in various ways.

Mr. Hall’s Assignment:

The House Plan

Dear Mr. Hall,So look, once I was at Barbara’s house. Well, I go there a lot. Anyways, we were outside sitting on her porch looking at this tree in her yard, right? So we’re sitting outside, and we’re talking about the tree, then the conversation lags and we just sit there. But what’s that we hear? We both turn around to each other and stare at each other with inten sity and our mouths are just totally open. And so then Ashley goes, “Is that the ice cream truck . . . ?” And Then I’m like “OH MY GOSH. IT IS. RUN RUN RUN!!” So Barbara runs into her room and I start to follow her then I’m like NO, and I go throw open the front door and run down the street to the ice cream man and I’m running after him like “WAIT!!” And then he waits, and we get Spongebob popsicles. It was pretty grand.

Even though my uncle was young during the Viet Nam war, his life was still affected by it and he still remembers important moments to this day. Viet Nam was a life changing not only to America itself, but also the citizens and families within it. When I zeroed in on a person who was directly affected by the war instead of just reading about what happened it made me realize that no matter how young or old you are, if you are involved in an event like Viet Nam it will shape who you are in that moment and make you who you the person you turn out to be.

“It didn’t get an A,” Vanessa said of the assignment. “But it did get a B. I made some errors, even in the final draft. But I worked pretty hard on that paper—I really did the research in the library and online, unlike most of my friends. Partly that was because I knew my uncle would see it and partly because I wanted Mr. Hall to like it.”

Sarah: Voice

Problems

Names are a very important part of one’s personality. The name Sarah, for instance, comes from the Bible. This shows that names have a long tradition for many people. Tradition helps to determine the adult one becomes.

My name is Sarah. It’s a name from the Bible, but that’s not why I like it. I love my name because it rolls on your tongue, because my mother gave it to me as a gift, and because it ends with the sound you make when you see a beautiful mountain or sunrise. I like to think of my mother holding me after I was born, looking down at me wrapped up like a present and saying my name: Sarah.

I don’t know what the grown-up Sarah looks like yet, just like I don’t know what grown-up Sarah does for a job, where she lives, or whether she has a family of her own. When she looks back, I don’t know what she’ll remember about me. But we’ll have one thing in common: a name.

Several drafts later….

The correct way to pronounce my name is “a’-kee-eh”. Each sylable pronounced distinctly and sharply without blending into the next sylable. Unfortunately, when people try to pronounce it “in the right way,” they actually mispronounce it by creating a whole different word, sound, and meaning: a’-ki-ya. Which means an “empty house” in the Japanese language. In my opinion, being “a key” is better than being an “empty house,” because akie is from the word aki. Which in Japanese language means autumn the best season of the year! Even though the pronunciation of autumn aki is different from the English word “a key” I am willing to be “a key”. I could lock door of an empty house.

-Akie Maekawa

MaryBeth: College Essay

In regards to the object I would bring to college with me, I

have chosen the cork bulletin board that hangs on the wall above

my bed. This object may seem to be just a bunch of simple words

and pieces of paper to the casual observer, but due to a large

number of years during which the bulletin board has been collecting

scraps and mementos of my life, it has become a meaningful

repository of memories that I treasure. There are a pictures,

concert tickets, and even immature love letters, all of which are like

a puzzle that together forms the pieces of my life. Knowing its with

me, college will be easier to take and I won’t feel homesick, but

instead I will look forward to the new tacks, nametags and bumper-

stickers I can fill it with depending on my future.

Re-examining vision:topic, approach, voice, point of view,

direction

Revisiting organization:structure, order, argument

Editing for style:reconsidering syntax,

imagery, clarity

Proofreading:grammar

The Revision Cone

It was the playbill that won the first tack in the cork board;

“The Phantom of the Opera” inspired me not only to seek out the

ones refused compassion from the world, but also to learn the ways

of the theatre, to desire to create the next Don Juan who would

bring the ghosts of people’s hearts up from the basements to the

center stage. Then, rolling across the board, a time-stream of

pictures: friends, family, boys, better times. The one my eyes

always find amidst the multitude is of a young girl and a handsome

boy, his arms wrapped around her with a smile and glowing face,

the same tack pinning down a ticket to a concert, a first date, a first

kiss.

The simple words, the simple pieces of paper, the simple incidents that make a person; how can someone put into words the colorfulness of the mind and soul without showing the cork board, filled with not only thousands of tacks, but empty holes, from papers taken out and never replaced? Try reading between the lines of immature love letters, asking what happened at the birthday parties, concerts and movies after reading the invitations and tickets, studying the expressions of faces in the dozens of pictures, attending the various conventions commemorated by nametags, laughing at all the cheap bumper-stickers with mind-provoking sayings, or crying on the drawings from appreciative camp children. Here before me, staring me in the face at every break and eve, is all the inspiration I need to fit together the puzzle of my life: just a smaller piece of the puzzle I will find myself connected to when my new cork-board is being filled on the first day of college.

• Mark and share in pairs• Mark and share—raising hands• Mark and share—choral reading• Dividing up sentences• Color marking• Limited focus• Shorten the word count• Audience, purpose, task• Metacognition

Modeling Revision

Katy: Kindergarten Writer